CFC Singles for ChristUNIT HEADS MANUAL UNIT HEADS MANUAL Manual v.2014 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ SFC PFO. March 10, 2014. 29 pages Page 1 of 29 CFC Singles for Christ UNIT HEADS MANUAL HOUSEHOLD HEADS MANUAL Table of Contents Chapter 1: The Unit A. B. C. D. E. F. G. H. Definition Purpose Composition The Unit Head Potential Unit Heads Tenure of Unit Heads Role of the Unit Head Qualifications of a Unit Head Attitudes of a Unit Head Duties and Responsibilities Relationships of a Unit Head Pastoral Care Visitation of Households Teaching Program in SFC Chapter 2: Annex A. Workshops Mentoring Loving Responses 3 3 3 3 4 4 4 4 5 5-6 6-7 7-9 10 10-12 13-14 15 16-22 23-29 _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ SFC PFO. March 10, 2014. 29 pages Page 2 of 29 CFC Singles for Christ UNIT HEADS MANUAL THE UNIT A. Introduction 1. Definition a. A unit in Singles for Christ (SFC) is a grouping of several households located within a certain geographical area. The unit is led by a Unit Head with household heads serving under him/her. b. A unit is set up by the Chapter leaders as the need arises, usually due to an increase of membership in SFC. 2. Purpose The unit is established for the purpose of providing pastoral and administrative support to household heads. This is done so that they can exercise more effective leadership and care over the members of their households. As such, a unit: a. provides for the pastoral care not ordinarily available from household heads as given by the Unit Head; b. gives SFC a way of effectively supervising and encouraging household heads in their service; c. provides an environment for greater interaction among SFC members and for intra-household relationship building (e.g. joint Lord's Day celebration); d. enables the elders to spot, monitor and develop potential leaders in a systematic and continuing way; e. serves as a channel for information dissemination and feedback. 3. Composition A unit is ideally composed of three (3) to five (5) households with a total membership ranging from twenty (20) to thirty-five (35) members. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ SFC PFO. March 10, 2014. 29 pages Page 3 of 29 CFC Singles for Christ UNIT HEADS MANUAL B. The Unit Head A unit is headed by a Unit Head, who is recommended by the Chapter leaders. 1. Possible Candidates to become Unit Heads a. Team Leaders of upcoming CLPs – household heads who were tapped to be Team Leaders in an upcoming CLP are potential Unit Heads at the end of the CLP. b. Prospective Household heads – household heads who were tapped to replace existing Unit Heads or to take on the unit head position in a newly-formed unit. 2. Tenure of Unit Heads a. 2-3 years upon installation b. After which, they can become any of the following: o o o o o Mission Volunteers Chapter Leaders Core Group members They may also be transferred to another unit to serve as its Unit Head They may also serve in whatever level, position or capacity depending on the needed form of service within or outside their current area 3. The Roles of the Unit Head a. He/she is the pastor of the members who make up the unit. It is he/she, not the household heads, who exercises overall pastoral care for unit members, either directly or as delegated to the household heads. b. He/she supervises the service of household heads in his/her unit. He/she follows up and gives feedback to household heads in the exercise of their responsibilities. He/she makes sure that the household heads know and implement the Household Heads Manual. c. He/she fosters greater love and unity among unit members by thinking up and implementing various activities which promote interaction. d. He/she draws out and encourages potential leaders. e. He/she implements and takes responsibility for all directives, programs, instructions, etc., coming from the SFC Chapter Leaders _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ SFC PFO. March 10, 2014. 29 pages Page 4 of 29 CFC Singles for Christ UNIT HEADS MANUAL 4. Qualifications of a Unit Head The Unit Head is selected based on the following criteria: a. Availability Must have the time to take on the added pastoral responsibility of handling the unit. Able to attend Unit Heads' meetings. Able to make a regular visitation of households. b. Formation A stable and committed prayer life Family life generally is in good order Has grasped the vision of SFC Living out the covenant of SFC Priorities in life worked out and in good order Has completed the SFC Stage 1 Formation c. Personal characteristics Has loyalty and commitment to CFC Has a servant's heart Has love for the brethren and a desire to see them grow in the Lord Able to accept direction and correction Has zeal for the Lord Has a good reputation d. Experience Household head of Singles for Christ for at least one year 5. Attitudes of a Unit Head In order to properly function in a way that would truly be helpful to members of the unit, the Unit Head needs to have some basic attitudes: a. He/she must have the mind and heart of a servant. Just like the Lord Jesus, he/she must come to serve rather than be served. His/her service should only be an expression of his/her love for the Lord. He/she should be humble in his/her _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ SFC PFO. March 10, 2014. 29 pages Page 5 of 29 CFC Singles for Christ UNIT HEADS MANUAL service and put the interest of his/her members first. He/she should be obedient to the Lord and to those whom the Lord has put in charge of his/her service. b. He/she must take on a shepherd's heart. With Jesus as his/her model, he/she is to care for the members in his/her unit. While he/she may not have to do this himself/herself directly, he/she directly supervises the household leaders under his/her authority. He/she is the "father" (or mother) of the family which is his/her unit. c. He/she is to be a model of what a SFC leader should be like in his/her personal, family and professional life. d. He/she must learn to serve by and in the power of the Holy Spirit. He/she must pray for and be open to the gifts of the Holy Spirit, allowing most of all for the Holy Spirit to fill him/her with the gift of agape-love. 6. Duties and Responsibilities a. Ensures proper functioning of the unit. Makes pastoral visits to different household meetings to ensure that things are going well and households are being handled properly. Sees to the full integration of members to Singles for Christ. Sees to it that members' lives are in good order. Promotes faithfulness and monitors attendance at household meetings, prayer meetings and other SFC activities. Keeps membership list active, current and updated in the SFC Infosystem. b. Meets with the household heads within his/her unit once a month for a service meeting. c. Monitors and ensures that household heads and unit members attend formation courses required for them. d. Promotes, follows through and monitors the practice of person-to-person, strategic evangelization by members. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ SFC PFO. March 10, 2014. 29 pages Page 6 of 29 CFC Singles for Christ UNIT HEADS MANUAL e. Fosters brotherhood or sisterhood among unit members by organizing some activities for that purpose, such as a joint Lord's Day celebration. f. Handles pastoral problems as referred to him/her by the household heads; refers more serious problems to the Chapter leaders. g. Keeps an eye out for members who can perform vital services for the body, such as giving talks, being discussion group or household heads, serving in our other family ministries, or those who have other service, administrative, worship or musical gifts. h. Encourages members to support the work of CFC financially; follows up on and gives input to household heads regarding their members' tithes. i. Takes every opportunity to get to know unit members personally and well. j. Recommends members who may be in need of any assistance (e.g work, financial, etc.) to the Chapter leaders. k. With clearance from the Chapter leaders, may initiate transfers of members from one household to another. l. Refers to, consults with, and works out with the Chapter leaders the possible membership status of a SFC member due to absences or other reasons. m. Reports to the Chapter leaders regularly regarding the status of the unit and of unit members, if necessary even outside of the regular service meetings. n. Attends all meetings of SFC leaders. C. Relationships of a Unit Head 1. With Household Heads under his/her a. If the unit is compared to a family, the household head is an older brother/sister while the Unit Head is the father/mother to the unit members. Thus the household head cares for his/her household members but under the direct supervision of the Unit Head, who has overall responsibility for the life of unit members. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ SFC PFO. March 10, 2014. 29 pages Page 7 of 29 CFC Singles for Christ UNIT HEADS MANUAL b. As pastor, the Unit Head has the authority coming from the Chapter leaders to back him/her up. He/she is to act decisively in guiding, directing and/or correcting the household heads in his/her unit. c. The household head focuses on facilitating discussion and developing brotherhood and sisterhood in the household group. He/she is expected to exercise pastoral leadership over his/her group. However, whenever he/she encounters certain pastoral challenges, he/she should refer this to his/her Unit Head. Some such areas are: Severe or advanced relationship problems between members. Issues which pastorally affect the unit or across units. E.g., financial borrowing without proper consultation and clearance. Unfaithfulness of members to meetings, requiring a decision to change member’s status in the SFC Infosystem. Slander or gossip which erodes relationships within the unit or across units. Serious wrongdoing (e.g. pre-marital sex, living in, active homosexuality, substance abuse, etc). Moral and theological questions, such as taxes, bribery vs. extortion, penance, the sacraments, the Rosary, etc. Proselytizing and ecumenical relationships. Vices like gambling, drinking and smoking. The Unit Head, based on reports during the monthly service meetings, decides on what pastoral issues need his/her personal attention. This does not mean that he/she handles it himself/herself (he/she may instruct the household head to handle it and just guide him/her) but that he/she is on top of the situation. d. The Unit Head meets with his/her household leaders once a month for a service meeting. The meeting shall dwell on any or all of the following: Reporting in general on how the different households are doing. Provision of pastoral guidance and direction in handling of members and of household meetings. Discussion and resolution of problems or issues brought up by the household heads. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ SFC PFO. March 10, 2014. 29 pages Page 8 of 29 CFC Singles for Christ UNIT HEADS MANUAL A check on faithfulness in attendance to household meetings, prayer meetings and other activities. A check on members' tithing for SFC. Identification and discussion of training exposure for potential leaders. Administrative matters. 2. With the Unit Members a. The Unit Head is directly responsible for the full integration of his/her unit members into SFC and for their continuing growth in the Lord. b. As such, the Unit Head must take every opportunity and exercise his/her best effort to get to know unit members individually. The various ways open to him/her are: Report of the household heads (he/she should keep notes on individual members). Visitation of households. Household activities, such as Lord's Day celebrations. Unit activities, such as outings, unit Lord's Day celebration, teaching nights, etc. During SFC activities (he/she should seek them out). Inviting individually a member for a meal or some other activity outside of SFC. 3. With the Chapter Head a. The Unit Head is under the direct supervision and authority of the Chapter Leaders, who are the overall pastor and governor of the chapter. b. In order for the Unit Head to receive pastoral guidance and also as a way for the SFC Sector/Provincial Couple Coordinator to "feel the pulse" of SFC, the Unit Head needs to be in constant communication and coordination with the Chapter Leaders. Such might require at least a monthly service meeting. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ SFC PFO. March 10, 2014. 29 pages Page 9 of 29 CFC Singles for Christ UNIT HEADS MANUAL D. Pastoral Care The Unit Head is the pastor of the members in his/her unit. While he/she does not necessarily have direct weekly contact with the unit members, he/she keeps on top of the situation through the household heads. Thus occasional feedback and the regular monthly service meeting are essential. Following are areas of pastoral concern: 1. Household. a. b. c. d. e. Are the members relating to one another well? Are they free to share with one another? Do they worship freely together? Do they ever do anything together outside of the household meeting? How is their general attitude towards SFC? 2. Individual members. a. b. c. d. e. How are they growing in Christ? Daily prayer? Bible reading? Relationship with authority? To the household head, to you, to SFC as a whole? Growth in financial stewardship. Problems if any. 3. Time and service of household heads. a. Do they have enough time for themselves, family, job and service? b. How are they experiencing their service? c. Are they growing in confidence? Do they need more help? E. Visitation of Households 1. Definition To conduct a visitation is to attend a household meeting of one of the households within the unit. 2. Frequency The Unit Head should make a visitation of a household at least once a month. It could be more often as the situa tion requires and as his/her time and commitments permit. The monthly visitation means that the Unit Head goes out once a month, _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ SFC PFO. March 10, 2014. 29 pages Page 10 of 29 CFC Singles for Christ UNIT HEADS MANUAL visiting the different households turn by turn. It does not mean that each household will be visited monthly. 3. Purpose The visitation enables the Unit Head to: a. Get to know all the members personally, including glimpses of their spiritual, personal and social life. b. Feel the pulse of the unit in general. c. Whenever appropriate, allow some time for household members to ask questions and to dialogue with him/her. d. Support the household head both in his/her personal development as a servant and in his/her position of authority over the household. e. Appreciate much more the reports given to him/her by the household heads, thus enabling him/her to give better pastoral inputs. f. Be the focal point of unity in the body, thus averting the isolation of households from the rest of SFC. g. Spot potential leaders. 4. Things to observe a. Worship time Are all the elements present, i.e., singing, praising, thanksgiving, petition, spiritual gifts? Do all the members participate actively? Is there good order? Opening of hearts to the Lord. b. SFC culture Start and end on time? Household head exercising active leadership? What is the tone of the meeting o Builds brotherhood/sisterhood. o Promotes friendship and unity. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ SFC PFO. March 10, 2014. 29 pages Page 11 of 29 CFC Singles for Christ UNIT HEADS MANUAL o Note extremes: too serious/too social. Respect for and acceptance of household head. Decency and modesty in clothes. Honor and respect for one another. Proper speech. c. Discussion Content of sharing/discussion. Openness of members. Healthy interaction. Good order. d. Fellowship Simplicity of snacks. Closeness to and affection for each other. 5. Your posture a. You are an observer and are not supposed to take over the conduct of the meeting. It is supposed to be a regular meeting, the only difference being your presence. b. In your words and actions, convey to the household head that you are there to support him/her, to help him/her improve in his/her service and to care for the members of the unit, not to be a fault finder or critic. c. Whenever appropriate, especially during the fellowship, interact as much as possible with the household members. Get to know them as brothers and sisters. d. Give feedback to the household head privately, either during the time for fellowship, or after the meeting (stay behind a little while), or some time soon after the household meeting day. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ SFC PFO. March 10, 2014. 29 pages Page 12 of 29 CFC Singles for Christ UNIT HEADS MANUAL F. Teaching Program in SFC As Unit Head, one of your tasks is to see to it that all unit members take the required teachings in SFC. You have the responsibility for scheduling and monitoring their attendance in these activities. The teaching program in SFC consists of the following: a. Formation Program for all members b. Leadership Training for all leaders 1. The Formation Program is designed to help members grow as Christians in their personal, family and corporate lives. It consists of the following: First year Covenant Orientation Weekend Men and Women’s Weekend I o Knight’s Tales o Princess Diaries Christian Character Weekend Second year Christ Pursuit Weekend Men and Women’s Weekend II: Intimacy Weekend Christian Personal Relationships Weekend Crossroads Weekend I Third Year Ablaze Weekend Men’s Weekend III Women’s Weekend III Crossroads Weekend II 2. SFC offers many other teachings, which are optional. Members are encouraged to avail of these as well. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ SFC PFO. March 10, 2014. 29 pages Page 13 of 29 CFC Singles for Christ UNIT HEADS MANUAL 3. Leadership Training is designed to equip members for serv ice in SFC. For unit members, it is composed of: a. CLP Training Given to those tapped to serve in CLPs. A half-day session with three (3) talks. Handled by the chapter. b. Household Heads Training (HHT) New household heads go through a one day (or 2 half days) Household Heads Orientation (HHO) program composed of four (4) talks and (3) workshops. It is immediately followed by the Household Head Teaching Series (HHTS) which is composed of six (6) talks given as a teaching series. The HHO, composed of four (4) talks and three (3) workshops, is given before the new household heads assume their position. The six (6) sessions of the HHTS on the other hand are conducted once or twice a month over the course of six (6) months after the HHO. These six (6) sessions may be given by any of the Chapter Leaders, the Unit Heads, and/or any of the current Household Heads. c. Unit Heads Training (UHT) Unit heads go through a one day Unit Heads Orientation (UHO) program composed of four (4) talks and two (2) workshops. It is immediately followed by a Unit Head Teaching Series (UHTS) which is composed of 9 talks given as a teaching series. The nine (9) sessions of the UHTS are conducted once or twice a month over the course of six (6) months after the UHO. These nine (9) sessions may be given by any of the Cluster Couple Coordinators, the Chapter Leaders, and/or any of the current Unit Heads. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ SFC PFO. March 10, 2014. 29 pages Page 14 of 29 CFC Singles for Christ UNIT HEADS MANUAL ANNEX _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ SFC PFO. March 10, 2014. 29 pages Page 15 of 29 CFC Singles for Christ UNIT HEADS MANUAL WORKSHOP 1: MENTORING Objectives: To introduce the basic concept of mentoring. To give emphasis on the importance of mentoring in our work of evangelization. To encourage every SFC leader to carry out the concept of mentoring in their areas. Introduction The work of evangelization in our community, most especially in our ministry is fast moving. It becomes all the more rapid and massive as we strive to fulfill and live out the SFC vision of making every single man and woman experience Christ. With that in mind, there arises an urgency to raise more leaders who can be the forerunners in this work. The concept of MENTORING simply means shepherding the flock that is under our care as a response to the pressing need of molding more leaders to work in Christ’s vineyard. What is mentoring? It is a relational experience through which one person empowers another. It is a positive dynamic that enables people to develop their potential. It is a brain to pick, a shoulder to cry on and a kick in the seat of pants. Importance of mentoring We watched Jesus relate with His twelve disciples, we saw that mentoring was His method to raise up “laborers” (Matthew 9:37–10:8). He spent time investing in this small cluster of men much more than He did in public ministry to the masses. The surest way to secure your impact on people is to enter into an accountable relationship with a conscious objective to produce measurable growth. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ SFC PFO. March 10, 2014. 29 pages Page 16 of 29 CFC Singles for Christ UNIT HEADS MANUAL How do I approach a potential mentoring relationship? COME AND SEE: Initiate in showing your interest in the situation of your potential mentee by giving some time talking and introducing your deeper self to him. Do the first move to somehow penetrate in the life of your prospective mentee. COME AND FOLLOW: At this stage, mentees prove themselves to be faithful to the little tasks and assignments given by the mentor. The mentees will be given small tasks to do in order for the mentor to know the level of commitment and to measure the capabilities of the mentee as to up to how he/she can manage responsibilities. COME AND SURRENDER: In this stage the mentee performs some of the routines of the mentor. The task given is bigger than the small assignments before. The mentor monitors how the task is being done and suggests how to improve more and also the most crucial part is affirming the mentee of what he/she is doing. The greatest form of correction is affirming the person then giving some inputs to improve. COME AND MULTIPLY: Given the chance of being mentored at this stage the mentee role-plays being the mentor. The ending stage of mentoring is when the mentee is being transformed to be a mentor himself/herself. This will mark the start of the cycle of mentoring again. Who should be your mentor? Mentors should be your IMMEDIATE household heads. Note that mentors should be of the same gender (brother to brother and sister to sister). Definition of a mentor Mentors are NOT: perfect people leaders who try to make you like them workers who want to use you to help accomplish their goals people who give you time out of duty and obligation people who will give you a “free ride” to fame and fortune _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ SFC PFO. March 10, 2014. 29 pages Page 17 of 29 CFC Singles for Christ UNIT HEADS MANUAL Instead, mentors are: (according to Bob Biehl) More like caring aunts and uncles than like another mother and father. Those with whom we share the lows and celebrate the highs of life together. Those rare individuals in life who Love us deeply. See our greatest potentials. Cheer us on. Correct us when needed. Teach us selflessly about life. Become our lifelong friends. At whose funerals we weep shamelessly. With no regard whatsoever for the clock. Proverbs 20:5 - “Counsel in another’s heart is like deep water, but a discerning man will draw it up.” Proverbs 24:26 - “A straightforward answer is as good as a kiss of friendship.” Proverbs 27:17 - “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens the wit of another.” Who is my mentee? Your mentees are your members in your lower household. Indicators of a good mentor-to-mentee relationship Responsiveness. A responsive, receiving spirit on the part of the mentee and attentiveness on the part of the mentor directly speed up and enhance the empowerment. Accountability. Mutual responsibility for one another in the mentoring process ensures progress and closure. Sharing expectations and a periodic review and evaluation will give strength to application and facilitate empowerment. The mentor should take responsibility for initiating and maintaining accountability with the mentee. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ SFC PFO. March 10, 2014. 29 pages Page 18 of 29 CFC Singles for Christ UNIT HEADS MANUAL The basic essentials of a mentor G – GODLINESS. They must demonstrate godly characteristics and conduct that is worth imitating. They should remind the mentee of Jesus. O – OBJECTIVITY. They must be able to see strengths and weaknesses clearly, and be willing to communicate those honestly. A – AUTHENTICITY. They must be real. They must be able to see their humanity; they should be genuine, transparent and open with their mentee. L – LOYALTY. They must be people who are loyal to others. When friendships (or mentoring relationships) are formed, they are committed to them. S – SERVANTHOOD. They must be willing to give generously of their time, resources and wisdom. They see their mentee as a big part of their ministry. What can I do to be a successful mentor? “Success without a successor is a failure.” Knowing your personal style and gifts will enable you to better decide what kind of mentor you need for yourself right now and what role you will successfully fulfill in a mentee’s life. The different kinds of mentors are as follows: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. DISCIPLER – helps with the basics of following Christ. SPIRITUAL GUIDE – requires accountability in giving direction/insight for maturation. COACH – provides motivation and skills needed to meet a task/challenge. COUNSELOR – gives timely advice, perspective on self, others, ministry. TEACHER – has knowledge, understanding on a specific subject. SPONSOR – marked by career guidance, protection and network with contacts. MODEL – a living personal example for life, ministry, career. It is important for us to examine these seven roles for two reasons: 1. To determine which kind of mentor we need the most in our own life. 2. To determine which kind we are best suited to be for someone else. The bottom line is: we all need different kind of mentors at different stages of life. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ SFC PFO. March 10, 2014. 29 pages Page 19 of 29 CFC Singles for Christ UNIT HEADS MANUAL How to spot a toxic mentor? In the same way that we all hold incredible potential for developing people successfully, we all hold the risk of damaging them as well. Authority can be abused. Ignorance can prevent us from doing what we ought. Lack of discernment may cause us to say something hurtful or mistaken. AVOIDER – have no training from childhood in how to deal with emotions and feelings. Feelings are like a foreign language they don’t speak. Avoiders deny their feelings of vulnerability and longing for connection. DUMPER – a person who leaves a person/relationship for no reason at all. CRITICIZER – a person who gives harsh judgements and is used to finding faults USER – someone who is there when he needs someone/something from the other person. BLACK HALO – a person who is a bad influence. QUEEN BEE – holding positions of social status and power, they can be charismatic yet manipulative. Conclusion The vision of making Christ known to the ends of the earth is possible. And we will start here in our units. Let us develop the potential in each and every SFC member in our areas. Let us practice the concept of mentoring and develop more leaders to work in the Lord’s vineyard. ACTIVITY: DRAWING UP A PASTORAL PLAN After knowing how to mentor, now is the time to practice it by making a pastoral plan. Mentoring is a way to empower our members and to push them to the limits of their leadership capabilities. This is possible by drawing a pastoral plan solely fitted for your mentee. This strategy aims to mold and monitor how a mentee is growing. The pastoral plan is a way to shape up members we have in our area. The pastoral plan also is a way to deepen the relationship of our mentee to the Lord. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ SFC PFO. March 10, 2014. 29 pages Page 20 of 29 CFC Singles for Christ UNIT HEADS MANUAL What is a pastoral plan? A Pastoral Plan is a guide for shepherding an individual in his/her life with the Lord. Purpose of the pastoral plan 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. To identify the person’s vision for his/her life with the Lord. To identify specific actions needed to accomplish the vision. To specify the timetable for the actions desired. To identify parameters of success in accomplishing the vision. To note highlights of actions taken on the pastoral plan. Elements of the pastoral plan: 1. Background: Name Family School Personality Peer Group Spirituality 2. Needs Assessment: What he already has? What he wishes to have? How he wishes to acquire what he wants to have? How he wants to be helped? Whose help does he need? 3. Action Plan: (for 3 months) See Table 1 below. 4. Evaluation: Quality of Prayer Quality of Relationships Quality of Insights Quality of Work Quality of Leadership 5. Success/Conversion Stories: _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ SFC PFO. March 10, 2014. 29 pages Page 21 of 29 CFC Singles for Christ UNIT HEADS MANUAL Table 1: ACTION PLAN Activities Objectives Desired Effect/Result Month 1 Week 1 Week 2 Week 3 Week 4 Month 2 Week 1 Week 2 Week 3 Week 4 Month 3 Week 1 Week 2 Week 3 Week 4 Call on volunteers to share about their accomplished pastoral plans. Have a processing session afterwards. * * * ** _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ SFC PFO. March 10, 2014. 29 pages Page 22 of 29 CFC Singles for Christ UNIT HEADS MANUAL WORKSHOP 2: LOVING RESPONSES Introduction: As leaders, we are faced with real life situations that call for us to exercise wisdom and discernment in our responses. Singles for Christ is a loving community. We seek to always respond in love. Loving Responses is not about defining the rules and regulations of our community. This workshop tackles common issues that single individuals experience or go through. It seeks to allow us to respond in common love and understanding towards those situations. Facilitator’s Profile: A Sector Couple Coordinator, a Cluster Couple Coordinator or any of the Chapter Leaders who can give pastorally sound judgment and advice. Someone who is articulate in explaining sensitive issues while remaining calm and objective in facilitating potentially deba table circumstances. He/she must also be firm in his/her beliefs according to the culture of our ministry. Dynamics: 1. Participants are divided into 8 different groups. 2. Each group will be given particular situations which they will act out or role-play. 3. After every each short presentation, the facilitator will solicit answers from the participants according to what they would do in that certain situation. 4. The Facilitator then reveals the correct answer either affirming those who answered correctly as well as explaining those whose answers were incorrect. 5. The facilitator handles the question and answer portion so the questions can be filtered and screened. 6. NOTE: Someone must be assigned to take down the minutes of this workshop especially any questions raised regarding the issues that were discussed. Situationers: See list of Loving Responses issues. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ SFC PFO. March 10, 2014. 29 pages Page 23 of 29 CFC Singles for Christ UNIT HEADS MANUAL SFC LOVE RESPONSE #1: Pregnancy among Leaders Do we take out leaders from their service if they fall pregnant out of marriage? YES Our response is always a response of love and openness to life. We do not take them out of service as a punishment or condemnation but ultimately to respond in loving through the following intentions: To protect the sister from any malicious and unnecessary gossip. For the reason that she is in a situation and position where she has to take care of herself and focus on her new role of mother to be. To transition her to a group/household where her needs will be supported by people with the same concern as hers such as Couples for Christ or Handmaids of the Lord. To avoid conflict in conveying our programs and teachings to the members. Although pre-marital sex is a sin, the gift of life is a blessing. In community, we always say hate the sin and not the sinner. And we always welcome and celebrate life. The same reasons also hold for brothers who have gotten their girlfriends pregnant SFC LOVE RESPONSE #2: Homosexuality and Leadership Can a member who was previously engaged in homosexual lifestyle be a household head/ leader? YES Romans 5:1-2 says that “Now that we have been put right with God through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ; He has brought us by faith into this experience of God’s grace, in which we now live. And so we boast of the hope we have of sharing God’s glory.” The key word here is “was”. Leadership is assigned to anyone who is willing to profess God’s love most especially through the change that having a relationship with God has brought to him/her. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ SFC PFO. March 10, 2014. 29 pages Page 24 of 29 CFC Singles for Christ UNIT HEADS MANUAL However, it is important to note that, SFC does not encourage outrageous gay expressions like cross-dressing, vulgar gay language, flirting and/or engaging in homosexual activities. This is a non- negotiable. If a person exhibits these, then it is still a sign of a struggle from within, and it is important to first address this before he/she takes on a leadership position. God has created men and women perfect and anything that is to suggest otherwise is not only a sign of ingratitude but is also a sign of disrespect/non-acceptance of that great gift of identity. Questions on homosexuality, i.e., gay speech and actions and/or gay lifestyle and sex must first be addressed. While we respect them, we will continue to encourage them to change and live out their roles according to their gender. Being gay is not sinful, but gay sex is (this is also true even for straight sex outside marriage). Likewise, SFC members are expected to treat gays with respect. The elders of this brother or sister should also ensure that he/she is properly supported pastorally so that if temptations arise he/she is equipped to overcome them and seek help when needed. SFC LOVE RESPONSE #3: Undefined Relationships / MU Is it acceptable if a brother or a sister show mutual respect/admiration to each other through shows of affection but are not officially in an exclusive boyfriend-girlfriend relationship? NO We have been taught that God is very particular about keeping one's word. In fact, in the Bible, there are so many references on how He, Himself, kept His word to His people. And that His word was not just an utterance but a promise. The promise which was the "Word became flesh and dwelt among us" is Jesus Christ. Since we are followers of the Lord, we also ought to be able to keep our word as much we are able to speak it. We therefore ought to say what we mean, and mean what we say. In a situation where a man wishes to have a relationship with a woman, he cannot allow himself to get into an assumed relationship with her. He has to openly declare his intentions. And the woman must likewise declare her acceptance or non-acceptance of her suitor when she has decided so. To speak is to be committed to what you say. Saying nothing means no commitment. We therefore don’t tolerate mutual understanding. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ SFC PFO. March 10, 2014. 29 pages Page 25 of 29 CFC Singles for Christ UNIT HEADS MANUAL We realize that people are brought up in different ways. Some were taught to be expressive. Others grew up in an environment where it is preferred to be at an arm's -length away from someone they care for. However, in community, we believe that there are gestures which are exclusively for those who are in a special relationship. Examples would be: kissing on the lips, hugging, holding hands, and sitting snugly with each other when there is other space available. Some would object to these guidelines because they argue that there is no malice in their gestures. We pass no judgment on their motives. However, we cannot account for what the other person is feeling at that point in time. This is especially true with men who react instantly and quickly to such gestures and who can be aroused by sight alone. The other argument against this is actually the question, what would differentiate your "friendly" relationships at present which has a lot of these intimate gestures, to a real special relationship where the expectation is to have such intimate moments more than the usual. SFC LOVE RESPONSE #4: Older SFCs Should you continue to assign major responsibilities to overly mature / older SFCs? NO Leadership is a privilege. It is a service where we are called to grow in loving God and others. Therefore, service is also dynamic. No one must stay in a group or position for a long time. Jesus has called us to bear much fruit (John 15:16), therefore all of us must always be in a position where we can contribute the best of ourselves. When a person has monopoly of services and/or responsibilities, we are actually being unfair to him/her because we are stopping the growth of the person and of the ministry. To further address the concerns and personal needs of older SFCs, we must transition them to either Handmaids of the Lord or Servants of the Lord and ultimately encourage them to a vocation. Empowerment is the key. As Coordinators, we must give a chance to other y ounger SFC members to carry out leadership positions so that their concerns will be addressed and to better serve the ministry. We work with faith that God equips all of those whom He has called and who have lovingly responded to Him. God equips those who are willing. SFC LOVE RESPONSE #5: Long Distance relationships and Engagements Are long distance relationships and engagements encouraged? NO _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ SFC PFO. March 10, 2014. 29 pages Page 26 of 29 CFC Singles for Christ UNIT HEADS MANUAL If there is anything constant in this world, it is change. People change, and they do all the time. The only way people are able to keep abreast with the changes that are happening with each other is when they communicate. The more often they communicate, the greater the chances of being able to bridge the gap being created by change. This is why even in CFC, a couple is asked to have one-to-ones even if they live under one roof. Though they may be living together, the pressures that impinge and catalyze a person's character are so numerous that if two people don't talk to each other in a deep way, they will end up as strangers in due time. If it is difficult for two people who live together to remain intimate with each other without communication, it is much more difficult with a special relationship between a man and a woman who will be able to see each other only in a couple of years. Even with today’s technology, it can be very expensive and cumbersome. Furthermore, being far apart does not allow a couple to know each other deeply, for instance, to see how each one would react or respond to crisis situations, how is each one like when angry, frustrated, disappointed, etc., and other situations which a couple not separated by distance are able to cope with together. What we advocate therefore is for the couple to formally break off from each other, releasing the other person of his/her commitment to be loyal to the partner. So that if the other person, for example, meets someone else in the country or province where he/she is at, and with whom he/she gets interested in, it won't be an act of betrayal to do so. After the two years or so have gone by, the couple who formally parted with each other may ask themselves if they still love each other and would like to re-commit, then they can get back together again. The same condition applies for engagement. There is no point in getting engaged if you are going to prolong the process of marriage preparation of which the engagement period is for. Note: Engagement should be consummated within 1 year as defined by our SER. SFC LOVE RESPONSE #6: Single Parent Participants Do you turn down single parent participants who are not married in church in CLPs? NO The Christian Life Program (CLP) is an integrated course intended to lead the program participants into a renewed understanding of and response to God's call to them as Christians. Our goal in conducting CLPs is to bring people to repentance and a renewed faith in Jesus, empowerment through an active Christian life in the Spirit, provide support and on-going formation through the different family ministries. The Christian Life Program then, is an open _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ SFC PFO. March 10, 2014. 29 pages Page 27 of 29 CFC Singles for Christ UNIT HEADS MANUAL entry point to the CFC Community. We do not turn down people because it is a venue for them to experience Christ. SFC LOVE RESPONSE #7: “LIVE IN” or Cohabitation Do you welcome singles participants who have live-in partners in CLPs? YES "The conjugal covenant of marriage opens the spouses to a lasting communion of love and life, and it is brought to completion in a full and specific way with the procreation of children. The communion of spouses gives rise to the community of the family." - Letter to Families, Pope John Paul II, 7 When we listen to cohabiting couples themselves, they offer a wide variety of reasons for living together. These range from just wanting to be together more, sexual accessibility, economic necessity, wanting to “take the next step” in commitment, testing for compatibility and trying to reduce the possibility of divorce. We Catholics believe that marriage is a sacrament—a primary way of showing God’s faithful, creative love to the world. We believe that, when we make love, we are offering each other not just an action or a moment, but our entire lives, in imitation of the way Jesus offered His whole life for us. Our community CFC-SFC is particularly concerned about “Live In” because the practice is so common today and, in the long run, it is causing great unhappiness for families in the society. This is true, above all, because — even though society may approve of the practice —“Live In” simply cannot be squared with God's plan for marriage. This may be why most couples who live in together before marriage finds married life difficult to sustain for very long. The Bible does not invent words. It passes on and interprets what God has revealed through the ages. No one in all the Christian community has the right to change what Jesus has taught. To do so would be to deprive people of saving truths that were meant for all time. Our Christian faith teaches that a sexual relationship belongs only in marriage. Sex outside of marriage shows disrespect for the sacrament of marriage, the sacredness of sex, and human dignity. Relationships don’t just involve two people. It also involves God as well. Go and involve God and let your relationship be a blessing to your lives as well as to others. Catholic teaching in this matter brings rich blessings to those couples who willingly accept it. 1. By appreciating your spouse as a person, not as an object. 2. By living in a stable, secure, permanent, and faithful relationship. 3. By expressing true, committed love rather than simply satisfying a physical urge. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ SFC PFO. March 10, 2014. 29 pages Page 28 of 29 CFC Singles for Christ UNIT HEADS MANUAL Married life has a special place in God's plan. Like everything good, it requires sacrifices. But they're small compared to the rewards. Seek first the Kingdom of God; everything else you desire will be given to you - and more! "A wedding is for a day, but a marriage is for a lifetime." That can be a long and happy time, but only with good preparation. The best way to get ready for marriage is to practice our faith. We pray that as you seek God and his way more deeply, you will be rewarded with an abundance of His grace. May your love for each other always be strong and life-giving. SFC LOVE RESPONSE #8: Lifestyle Is it acceptable for an SFC member to be into the habit of smoking and drunkenness? NO SFC is a community that promotes living a healthy lifestyle and healthy lives. Thus, SFC says no to substance abuse, including smoking and illegal drugs. These two things can lead to addiction, and addiction is a bondage that hinders us from being one with God. Illegal drugs and smoking not only lead to an unhealthy lifestyle but also to sin. We stand to our conviction to take care of our own bodies and our lives. Knowing the fact that addiction leads us to turn away from God, we also say no to gambling. In most cases, gambling can lead to problematic behavior, causing a lot of troubles financially, physically, and spiritually, thus leading to sin. SFC believes that drinking alcohol is not a sin in itself. But, we also believe in practici ng selfcontrol and good, clean fun. We stand by the fact that we do not have to drink alcoholic beverages and get drunk in order to experience fun. As Christians, we are vessels of the Holy Spirit. The fruits of the Holy Spirit are: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. If drinking alcohol leads us to lose any of these then it would be better to not drink at all. At the end of it all, our relationship with the Lord is the most important. If committing to the Lord to be zero percent alcohol draws us closer to the Lord then let’s do it! * * * ** Note: This Workshop is still a work in progress for there are still numerous issues that are still in the process of deliberation. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________ SFC PFO. March 10, 2014. 29 pages Page 29 of 29