The Said and the Unsaid

Cogniţie, Creier, Comportament / Cognition, Brain, Behavior Copyright © 2007 Romanian Association for Cognitive Science.All rights reserved. ISSN: 1224-8398 Volume XI, No. 2 (June), 229-247 THE SAID AND THE UNSAID: APPROACHES TO NARRATIVE ANALYSIS Irina TODOROVA* Health Psychology Research Center, Sofia, Bulgaria & Boston, USA ABSTRACT Creating stories about events and lives is seen as a fundamental human ability, and the key way of constructing lives and selves, of personality and identities. Within health psychology, the focus of narratives is as a way of making sense of illness, of finding order and meaning in lives and selves destabilized by embodied suffering. As this interest in narratives has expanded, so has the variety of approaches to studying them. One concept that has been key in defining and analyzing narratives is that of coherence. The discontinuities and incoherence of narratives, in other words the narratives that do not fit into the expected order can be seen as a way of resisting and destabilizing dominant discourses that can be oppressive. Since the discontinuities in narratives are less often discussed, this paper illustrates one method of narrative analysis, Interpretative Poetics (Rogers et al., 1999), which acknowledges that the narrative is an attempt to create a coherent understanding of events and experiences, but also employs readings, which examine the places where coherence apparently breaks down through silences, gaps and negativity. Following four layers of analysis, this interpretative method unglues multiple voices of the said and the unsaid. As an example of this method, we present an interview with Nadya, in which we study the ways in which she comes to terms with childlessness. Her story contains what can be seen as examples of very subtle, implicit and most likely unconscious resistance to the existing dominant cultural discourses of childlessness. KEYWORDS: Narrative analysis, Interpretative Poetics, childlessness. Pieces and Spaces When starting a collage, each piece of paper is detached and shapeless, its boundaries clearly visible, yet carrying traces of its past history as part of a larger * Corresponding author: Email: [email protected] Behavior 11 (2007) 229-247 . The dissected fibers are carried and washed by the water. 1983). “I know that after you read me it is hard to reproduce my music by ear. each with a different history and a different message. The hand dissolves into the water. yet pieces of the fibers stick out. from photographs. Cognition. The fibers tear in unpredictable ways. After achieving the desired consistency. paint is brushed with a wide brush over many pieces to blend the edges into each other. but also with a new common one. or sometimes cut in a rigid form. Todorova sheet of paper. The hand-made paper is combined with other pieces taken from others’ work. it’s not possible to sing it without having it memorized. The tunes that are sung by the spaces between are frequently “notes not heard” or “forms not tolerated” (Eliot. 1963). the play between the ragged edges. We fill some of the missing pieces and spaces.230 I. the pulp is poured into the frame that defines its shape. The frame. however. The work of others finds its place. where the fibers play. Brain. dissolves boundaries between artist and material. never completely molds the shape of the wet sheet. and it is not cut with scissors. including the multiple voices within. The final product can be a collage. Memories of this dance are carried into the future work. it is rarely used as is. to make them unified. These pieces with their creative and dynamic ragged edges are repositioned in a new context. are as much a part of the tune as the pieces themselves. “It is the copying that originates”. There are multiple voices in each life narrative. melted wax is poured onto the surface and it trickles and sets into the empty spaces. So do the cracks between them. Tearing the sheet transforms it into separate and unique pieces with the shape that each one acquires being beyond the artist’s control. but preserves the memory of water in what is the most moving characteristic of handmade paper – its rough edges. from reproductions – shapelessly torn. the process of turning them into pulp that is malleable into paper sheets is deeply embodied. layers of tissue paper are pasted over them so as to cover several at the same time and create connectivity among them. infuses the artist’s nonverbal voice into the still shapeless mass and helps her hear the grass fibers. a life narrative or a work of research. And how do you memorize a thing that has no story?” (Lispector. requiring the full concentration of bodily attention. but torn. The spaces between the pieces. Narrative researchers pay attention mainly to the words but sometimes also to the spaces between them. The final product is shaped by many pieces and layers. and they flow from the edges of the piece. Originality hides in the touching and reshaping of each piece to make it part of the new whole. and can thus shape stories that become selves and lives through their telling. Having made a sheet. yet ensure that all are still visible. physically intensive period of hammering the fibers into pulp. A long. Each piece is set into the others. the pulp diffuses into the hand and the body knows the texture of the material. Hand-made paper is an absolutely central element of these collages – starting out as fibers of dry plants. filling some. yet creating new ones. but as Geertz (1986) points out. they are layered next to and over each other and acquire new meaning. The view of narrative as performance assumes a multiple self. Narrative analysis identifies the way stories are shaped. In narrative approaches to qualitative research. of personality and identities (McAdams. is always to identify stories within the text and to preserve the flow of this story in the process of analysis. 2006). as illustrated by Mishler.I. Sarbin. the focus of narratives is as a way of making sense of illness. Some approaches foreground “what” is being told. psychotherapy (Freedman & Combs. 2006). 1995). This analytical process can certainly be repeated for several cases and more general conclusions can be made. and in health psychology in particular. but nonetheless the focus is always on the order (and disorder) within the flow of the particular stories (Mishler. 1997. 2003). White & Epston. The main feature that distinguishes narrative analysis from most other forms of qualitative research is this interest in longer segments of interview or natural conversation text and the temporal ordering of events in the telling of the story. but are created between people – femininity and masculinity. While many qualitative methods use some form of thematic categorization of interview segments. or emplotted . while others prefer to understand the “how” of the telling (Smith & Sparkes. The goal. content and function of stories in people’s lives and culture. Smith & Sparkes. which is positioned differently depending on the relational context. 1990) and organizational development (Gergen & Gergen. and the identification of these categories across several cases. 1996. 1986). 2006. 2000b. 2006). however. situation and interaction. 2006). 1999. which are zoomed in on stories have a realist assumption. 2000a. Mishler. Within health psychology. 1995. different methods are used to understand the structure. presenting a “preferred identity” at the particular time. such as medicine (Charon. 2006b). Creating stories about events and lives is seen as a fundamental human ability. Narrative approaches have also expanded to different areas of practice. so has the variety of approaches to studying them (Crossley. has expanded. Murray. 2002). and the key way of constructing lives and selves. which aim. as well as the way they are embedded in exiting cultural narratives and the social functions that they serve (Murray. Other lenses have a social constructionist theoretical orientation. 1999). 2001. Todorova 231 Narrative Analysis Interest in narratives in psychology has blossomed in the last 15 years (Bamberg. of finding order and meaning in lives and selves destabilized by embodied suffering. narrative analysis on the other hand identifies stories within a single interview and applies different interpretative lenses to them (Mishler. The idea is that identities are not inside people. to identify the correspondence between the “told and the telling” – in other words. Behavior 11 (2007) 229-247 . Crossley. Some of the interpretative lenses. how the narrative (the telling) maps onto the actual events (the told) as they happened (Mishler. 2003. 2006a. Cognition. Brain. Riessman discusses in greater detail the performative view of narrative (Riessman. As this interest in narratives in psychology in general. 1995). in Mishler’s words. the personal myth that is more coherent is better than the one that is less coherent. Current psychoanalytic approaches to narrative interpretation are based on a “partial constructionism” (Wetherell. he also somewhat dethrones coherence by stating that stories that are too coherent do not ring true. Brain. Murray (2003). however. Cognition. however.232 I. 127). and others. for other authors. She states: “Informants do not reveal an essential self. 2006). she also stresses that they are fluid. 4) differentiation. in other words – they are contextual and can vary locally and historically. for example defines narratives through this concept: “The most distinctive feature of a narrative is that it provides a coherent causal account of an event that has occurred or is expected to occur. the life story inherently has a level of coherence. 2003). All other things being equal. Some indicators of coherence are characters and motivations that make sense. are relationally accomplished. 701). The concept of coherence is also central to the ideas about life stories developed by Linde (1993). She presents ways in which adequate coherence is created and underlines that the criteria for this adequacy are individual and social. events that follow in a causal manner. When discussing social positioning. Behavior 11 (2007) 229-247 . 98). Wetherell (2003) underscores that the social constructionist approach. the achievement of narrative coherence is a process (Smith & Sparkes. which will use the text as its subject matter. A key concept that is often invoked when studying narratives is that of narrative coherence. He states: “Over the course of adolescence through middle adulthood. selected from the multiplicity of selves and personas that individuals switch among as they go about their lives” (p. 3) credibility. as much as they perform a preferred one. In contrast to discourse analysis as applied to narratives. Todorova for example. temporal depth. While for McAdams and others (Baerger & McAdams. specifically the discursive approach to narrative analysis is interested in the “cultural resources through which intelligible selves are constructed” (p. a psychoanalytic approach will be interested to a greater extent in the psychological processes that are implied “beyond the text”. absence of contradictions. our personal myths should ideally develop in the direction of increasing 1) coherence. the narrating of the Life Story is a process of “creation of coherence”. 5) reconciliation and 6) generative integration. 110-111). From such a perspective. the narrative is seen as allowing access to the individual’s psychic reality. 1993).” (p. Later in the book. 1999). 106). defenses and desires. The two basic criteria for coherence in Linde’s account are causality and continuity (p. non-contradictory accounts (Linde. as well as to the ways in which people both express and avoid knowing their psychic worlds through what they say and cannot say. 1993). 2) openness. which is correlated with health and wellbeing.” (p. as well as richness of account. McAdams identifies coherence as the first criterion for a ‘good’ narrative (McAdams. and that narrators ‘choose” how to position themselves. The prototype of the ‘good story’ in human identity is one that receives high marks on these six narrative standards. positing the existence of a reality but also the understanding that access to reality is mediated through one’s unconscious models. Brain. and states that “coherence is an essentially and intractably ambiguous concept.. Capture this something else of which I truly speak […]. Since the discontinuities in narratives are less often discussed. so as to be heard more clearly. What I speak is never what I speak but something else. this interpretative method unglues multiple voices of the said and the unsaid. which examine the places where coherence apparently breaks down through silences. He goes on to illustrate how the “apparent orderliness” of craftartists’ narratives does exist and is created in the interview interaction. that defies any effort for formal and precise definition” (p. Forthcoming). gaps and negativity.. 110). Murray (2003) also “challenges” the idea of singular narrative coherence. but cannot have a single definition that is relevant to all of the narratives and through which they can be compared (p. hear my silence. Read the energy that is there in my silence”(Lispector. 1999). The Poetics of Narratives “Hear me. Behavior 11 (2007) 229-247 . 1987). Interpretative Poetics (Rogers et al. as it states that “the unsayable lies just under the surface of conscious knowing. It helps the researcher peek into the silences. Cognition. It is also informed by linguistics and literary theory (Budick & Iser. particularly feminist. Spencer. & Bertsch. 1983). Following four layers of analysis. I use this method to attempt to hear. as well as that which is not explicitly stated. who speak of difficult. Todorova 233 Identifying the demand for or achievement of coherence as a central characteristic of a narrative ignores the multiple aspects and places of discontinuity and disorder in a story. 2003). When I say “overflowing waters”: I am talking about bodily strength within the waters of the world. or into the cracks between the pieces. as well as by the VoiceCentered Method (Gilligan. The overemphasis on coherence and other criteria of “good” stories can introduce a prescriptive element into the analysis and to dichotomizing stories into evaluative categories (Squire. traumatic and abusive experiences. aiming to further understand these experiences. 1999). in this paper I will illustrate one method of narrative analysis. to understand both the content and the plot of the story evident in the text. it is to some extent informed by current. As such. Weinberg. which acknowledges that the narrative is an attempt to create a coherent understanding of events and experiences. This method employs multiple readings through a single interview transcript. but also employs readings.I. though not necessarily name. 84). psychoanalytic approaches to narrative. the many voices in women’s stories of infertility treatment. the narratives that do not fit into the expected order being a way of resisting and destabilizing dominant discourses that can be oppressive. Mishler (1999) destabilizes the taken-for-granted idea of narrative coherence. yet preserves their interconnectedness and overlap. while what is unspeakable exists as a deep and haunting sense of something present that begs for words but is also absolutely forbidden to be spoken” (Rogers et al. The authors of the Interpretative Poetics Method developed it through their work with children. For this analysis. such as the relationship that Nadya had with her father. Her story contains what can be seen as examples of very subtle. these layers of Interpretative Poetics inform each other throughout the process of analysis. I also identified several instances of topics that were mentioned. I became aware of how the sensitivity of the topic of infertility kept us.. Brain. implicit and most likely unconscious resistance to the existing dominant cultural discourses of childlessness. The second layer of the interpretative poetics reads for the relational dynamics between interviewer and interviewee. During the first reading. asking what could be their significance. Though rather separate. rather than direct expressions of protest or disagreement through statements or acts (Riessman. disconnection and reconnection. particular to the specific interview context and are co-constructed by both interviewer and interviewee. 1999). informed by the subsequent ones. I looked for examples of figurative thought expressed through metaphors. within these contrasts. connecting them into a profile. which is too painful or too dangerous to be spoken hides. smokescreen and the language of silence by the authors of the method (Rogers et al. revision. then returning again to previous dimensions. to incomplete sentences. Behavior 11 (2007) 229-247 . The third layer was very important in revealing the theme of the current paper. in which many things cannot be spoken. asking about the limits and edges of what the researcher and the participant can know together. I have used all four dimensions of the Interpretative Poetics Method. to silences and spaces. I paid attention to negative statements. from entering too quickly into sensitive topics of conversation. 1999). but that we avoided bringing out. where the text elicits a ‘doubling of meaning” . I looked for language contrasts – contrasts in meaning or in the type of language used. 2000). but confusing play at the edges. Later. Cognition. to sudden changes in the story.234 I. since it asks: are there instances of the languages of the unsayable and what might be their meaning? I searched for these languages – identified as languages of negation. This reading acknowledges that narratives are interpersonal phenomena. and especially me as an interviewer. reading through the interview text once for each dimension. In the fourth layer of reading the interview. yet struggles to be voiced.. I chose passages that reflect one particular story based on an interpretative question. It values those parts of the stories in which that. metonymies and irony. At the same time. Todorova offering a guide through the maze of the fascinating. it takes seriously the ethical dilemmas and responsibilities of research. I will present an interview with Nadya. in which I study the ways in which she comes to terms with childlessness. which imposes meanings and interpretations to that which has not been explicitly stated (Rogers et al. This reading led to additional clarification of the themes that had been identified through the initial three readings. It is precisely in cases like this for which the method of Interpretative Poetics is most valuable – cases in which the unsaid is layered within the said. Through this reading I identified instances of recognition. They have no children after having been married for 12 years and this is a major source of sadness for her. Nadya was one of the 15 participants in the study on Living With Infertility in Bulgaria. She has some income from private lessons and part-time contract work with computer companies. as is her husband. Nadya’s husband. Generally. most likely. she is accepting the fact that having children is unlikely and the ways in which she finds reasons. Soon after. however. logic. her tears also began flowing along with her words and were an almost constant presence in our conversation. She interrupted her story several times to ask me when I would pose my pre-formulated questions. Although at times throughout the interview she does envision what it would be like if a child came into her life. which I conducted in Sofia. the overwhelming sense is that she is trying to accept that. identified through the Voice Centered Method (Gilligan et al.I. due to layoffs in schools and basically in all state-funded sectors of the economy. Behavior 11 (2007) 229-247 1 . but was somehow never carried through. Brain. but could she tell me her story. there won’t be one. Adoption has been considered. Nadya (p. who is 16 years older than her. with which they barely make ends meet. She is from Sofia. This. an interesting and energetic 39 year-old woman with dark hair and glasses. I interrupted our dialogue several times to ask her if she would prefer to stop the interview.. which incorporates elements of the understanding that I have gained at each layer about how Nadya comes to term with childlessness in relation to the process of negotiating responsibility and control. Bulgaria. I have written a story about Nadya’s story. and the use of assisted reproductive technology as a means of conception is currently out of the question for financial reasons. 14)1 Nadya arrived at the office in Sofia in which I was conducting interviews with women undergoing infertility treatment at the appointed time and almost immediately started telling her story of a struggle with unsuccessful treatments for childlessness. Nadya is a math teacher in middle school. and comfort in This is an “I poem” from Nadya’s interview. has two children from previous marriages. I don’t know I don’t think I simply don’t like I think that I like to be different. along with the fact that she has been medically diagnosed as having “underdeveloped ovaries” has led to the construction of an explanation for the childlessness of the couple as being almost solely her responsibility. She said no. Thus. I said I didn’t really have any. Todorova 235 After having conducted the analysis through all four dimensions of the Interpretative Poetics. Nadya has come to the conclusion that there is little hope for her to become pregnant in the future. 2003) Cognition. but is currently unemployed. the theme that emerged historically is that “reproductive processes are the responsibility of individual agents. but also ways in which the condition has shaped her life. Such behaviors are delaying childbirth. contraceptive use. and respectively culpable for failure to have children. and more generally – the way in which she attempts to make it meaningful. ways in which she sees it as changing her. and consequently as located in the moral domain. Behavior 11 (2007) 229-247 . (Talbot. sexually transmitted diseases and others – leading to an image of infertility as a matter of choice. even the most subtle drawing on “a counter narrative consisting of claims as to what they did and who they are. A major sub-process in coming to terms with childlessness for Nadya is locating control through the crafting of multiple. As these authors state for the case of pregnancy. Bibace. I will understand “voices of resistance” in a broad sense to mean any. and giving birth was a sacred duty to family and country. Brain. The complex issue of locating and constructing control and responsibility is a sub-theme of the process of making sense of childlessness for the women that I interviewed. though sometimes seemingly contradictory. abortions. In Bulgarian culture. Similarly to the case of “at-risk” pregnancies. mainly those of women. Sandelowski (1990) follows the construction of infertility as a “failure of volition” through history. that are voluntary and under the control of the will. for the inability to conceive is attributed mainly to women.236 I. Bokhour. 1996). explanations for infertility and for still remaining childless. warranting blame. that resist and even challenge components of the dominant discourse” (Talbot et al. and thus the blame. These include explanations of the causes of childlessness (how did it happen?). Much has been written about the fact that responsibility. who are capable of making key decisions that influence the well-being of the fetus and mother-to-be”. coexistent. The Context The multiple ways of affirming and questioning the conceptions of womanhood that are available in Bulgarian society are the focus of my analysis. thus at least to some extent. One of the ways in which Nadya makes sense of childlessness is through the construction of multiple explanations. described by Talbot et al. demonstrating how it has been linked with behaviors. or contributing in some way to her growth (‘why did it happen?’). & Bamberg. Todorova this knowledge. 1996) of the woman as the sole agent of Cognition. 2003).. the ability or inability to conceive historically has taken on the quality of a moral discourse. both through societal discourses and through the social science and medical literature on the topic – an attribution that seems to exist in different forms across many national and cultural boundaries. The stigmatization of infertile women as both deprived of meaningful lives and as socially unproductive citizens is subtly or directly evident in the medical and broader social discourses (Todorova & Kotzeva. women have been considered more responsible for reproduction. when he did the tests. the couple. look At that time. No. as well as throughout the interview in different contexts. but. Cognition. it was.. he has children from two marriages and he simply explained. even though he has. I: So then they did [testing]. Right. I think that for every man this is extremely unpleasant and. and she has the difficult job of convincing her husband that there is some problem with the mobility of his sperm. which probably has to do with age. is labeled as “sterile”. Though he very much wants to have a little girl. rather than herself. childless couples paid an additional income tax. which can include stories about acts. do convince her. Yes. incredibly unpleasant. Brain.. “the problem is not the same for me as it is for my husband.I. but to convince him of something like that. however. those were some of the most difficult things that I had to convince him of. then. even though he is an intelligent man. The Cause is in My Body Nadya begins her story – even before we have had a chance to clarify some of the more mundane details about the goals of the interview or of her condition – with a statement underlining the fact that her husband has two sons from two different marriages. by offering unquestionable proof of his fertility. simply the doctor told me.. not at the same time […]. and along the edges of these “forms not tolerated” we can begin to gain an understanding of the complexity and multiplicity of the play of accommodation and questioning or countering the cultural expectations.. And he. reflective statements. I told him.right.2 As a result. The doctors. who already has two sons…. yes a spermogram... through the voice of caring (Gilligan. Todorova 237 responsibility and control in the case of inability to conceive. look doctor. simply at different times. This confidence. it seem that this are this way – he can have a son the previous year and two months later he can be sterile and so on.” The phrase “he has two sons” is repeated several times within this initial paragraph.. I think the spermogram and what else. he said. on the one hand as part of the diagnostic procedures and on the other hand as a bureaucratic necessity in order to apply for tax waiver as a childless couple.. under the logic that they have fewer expenses. or even silences. Behavior 11 (2007) 229-247 2 . The idea was that what was taken from them was redistributed as supplements to the salary of families with children.. Resistance to compulsory expectations about the body can take on multiple forms (Riessman. This tax was waived for people that showed proof of medical reasons for childlessness. so as to relieve him of the burden of the stigma of male infertility. N.. 1982). Thus.. Nadya is actively trying to distract attention from her husband. however.I had to convince him that we buy this apartment. incomplete hints. I: All at the same time? N. even though he has two sons. and both of them have a hard time accepting this label.] In spite of the fact that he has two sons. is somewhat shaken when they have to get detailed testing done for both of them. in our life. 2000). N: [. we did the testing. Nadya does introduce the possibility that the medical causes of the couple’s infertility are at least partially located in her husband’s physiology or psyche in spite of the visible proof of his fertility. have to do with the functioning of her own body. Because we went [to doctors] and our couple [was defined] as sterile. that there are enough active sperm. she quickly brings the responsibility back into her own body. then. obviously. first of all I don’t like. they would want to have children and the fact that I can’t have a child. for me all other men are too young. N: I understand perfectly well that this is the best husband I could possibly have. Brain. obviously the psychology is also of great importance. they will seem like my students… Obviously it’s a question of temperament… All these men. I thought it was quite funny because I am his third wife. and despite that. because we did. her husband’s fertility (and by extension. if they didn’t have children. of our marriage where it says that they officially absolve us from paying taxes. yes. This is a gesture on Nadya’s part to protect her husband’s reputation. I even accidentally remembered.. all sorts of things. which she sees as possibly being helped only through the intervention of complicated artificial technological procedures. but obviously the psychological state plays a role. All of the other medical explanations that Nadya offers. it seem that this are this way -. um. I mean the following. the doctor used this expression: “Oh. Nadya continues to remind me of her husband’s two sons throughout the interview and ends the interview on the following note: N: I have thought about that. exactly that. this is a man for three women”. Thus. that he was practically willing. which they gave us at the beginning. when we went to the clinic for those. and though it is a function of her relationship with me as an interviewer. the fertilization process also depends on the psyche. right. his tests… Even so. my husband is. Right. how so.he can have a son the previous year and two months later he can be sterile and so on. I specifically explained to him what the doctor had said and so on. however. right. that if I had married. if I had an egg cell. Behavior 11 (2007) 229-247 . In order to further shelter him. right. N: Obviously the spermogram shows. Cognition. look doctor. he has children from two marriages and he simply explained. but.238 I. I told him. obviously…only the in vitro method could possibly help me. his reputation) is restored. I would suspect that it is a common expression of caring and would also be apparent in other contexts. and any questions about the fertilizing capacity of his sperm are seen as temporary and resolvable instabilities due to psychological mood. obviously the cause is in me. It doesn’t matter that he has two sons. I even think. well not quite the beginning. a large portion of them. I brought this special document. In this passage. including in that sense. I: Oh. Todorova here. simply the doctor told me. when he did the tests. very unpleasant. Todorova 239 Thus. there they can see the exact condition of things and after that then they issued. I think for about a year. I obviously have small. right. in practice. I think they did. I was an inpatient at Endocrinology and they did some sorts of tests and it was determined. I think that when … when I was in the Endocrinology. Behavior 11 (2007) 229-247 . their tubes are blocked. underdeveloped ovaries. right. um. that I wanted to say. Right. they did some sort of contrast photo. Obviously everything is due to me. so that they can do a laparoscopy. they don’t. N: Yes. or maybe in the OB-GYN they did these tests. irreversibly clear. I was a patient at the Endocrinology department. that I will not have…. they open up and observe the organs. that in essence something that is. In my case all the tubes. in essence. that document. of the ovaries. This definitive localization of the medical cause in her body is present at many points throughout the interview: N: Yes. Obviously I simply can’t get pregnant. right. but it is also connected with health and one must. especially women. since I was a college student and maybe soon after I got married. they see the localization of the organs and generally. then they explained that it is on the basis of stress and so on. underdeveloped. all that is fine. 9) N: Obviously in my case… Generally speaking the ovaries are functioning weakly. Simply once there is a pregnancy if it is a reversed uterus you can’t have a miscarriage. I had such problems. 2 or 3 abortions. I regret. and… And I also think I have a reversed uterus. Cognition. with some kind of light. underdeveloped ovaries. And then way after that. that I am healthy. that things are due to me. While I think that the laparoscopy is the method used at the final stage. and that is precisely one of the things. a psychological problem. maybe a little after that…In general ovulation can sometimes happen. small. I was a patient at the OB-GYN. testing and medications. while at the Endocrinology .I. maybe 2-3 years later. many women have this problem. if they doubt themselves. (p. right. everything is caused by these underdeveloped ovaries (p. Again in this paragraph. that I will have no hope. And then it became clear. and she told me and she comforted me with that. in the sense. if one has any doubts. but simply the ovaries aren’t. she told me “Dear Nadya. generally I had irregular periods since I don’t know when. 10) N: No. 18). right. my father didn’t attend the wedding… N: For about a year. And maybe. (p. But my mother has told me that she also had a reversed uterus. sometimes doesn’t. I think. and that. Then. right. for example. with this reversed uterus I have two daughters and I don’t know how many. Brain. the statement that “obviously the cause is in me” directly precedes the description of how the couple is medically identified as infertile. I don’t know how long I had no period. that things are due to me”. the fact that the mentioned document identifies the couple as “sterile” is unattended to and Nadya underlines that “it became irreversibly clear. that the topic of adoption might not be so unproblematic for the family. no. including herself. of the presence of a fetus…”.240 I. Brain. you decided right away… N: Yes. This. it was simply in the first year of our marriage. we had discussed it a little before we got married with my husband and we had agreed that if I can’t have children we will adopt. … And then other problems come to the 3 The year of the change in the political system in Bulgaria and Eastern Europe. and at the same time shows her care for him and her insistence to protect his reputation. Todorova I have presented many. Somehow Everything Fell Through In addition to constructing explanations based on medical causes. almost repetitive. not that they had. which at this point seems completely unproblematic. with one major absence. other clues can be identified that show that both adoption and all the other different solutions. since I had these problems. and generally. Later on. Nadya does introduce the counter-narrative of her husband’s medical problems as a possible reason for the infertility of the couple. “I develop all symptoms of pregnancy. is done in a way that makes this cause suspect. Cognition. we had discussed it. in complete compliance with dominant explanations for the causes of childlessness. however. which have been discussed. that at one point the body responds with what she describes as a fantasy of a pregnancy. As Nadya points out. At the end of this paragraph we see what seems to be the first hint. since it is seen as not quite the same as “having” a child. once more through focusing on the languages of negation and revisions. yes. […] And as a coincidence our friends had…I think. but their daughter was adopted. woven throughout the interview is Nadya’s story of the decisions that they have made about adoption. when one doesn’t push things [adoption procedures] and when one somehow has other problems. introduced through revision. with the exception. Behavior 11 (2007) 229-247 . In the first instance in which Nadya mentions adoption. time passed and I think the doctor died [who was helping them with the adoption] and then came the great 19893. N: …and then again some problem arose. this was somewhere in the first… No. right. are somehow problematic. I understand that the subject has been discussed quite early in their marriage and that they have come to a conclusion. examples precisely to illustrate the frequency and the force with which Nadya comes back to this statement. She develops all the symptoms that accompany it. The causation for infertility is so frequently and definitively located in Nadya’s body by everyone around her. I: This was in the very beginning [of the marriage]. since it turns out. N: In spite of all this. dead end and ever since then I regret immensely. As soon as we started the interview. who see it as a symbol of failed masculinity. but the diagnosis… Yes. my mother not that she was against. it fell through. And when the doctor died. I knew that. a child and… Right. including we had partially decided.4 is a friend of ours. since she jumps from her husband to other men in a way which leaves the logic and the point of her statement unclear. especially by men. some of his. it turns out. Cognition. how can I know. they will take care of a … 241 This passage is saturated with negations. Behavior 11 (2007) 229-247 . I don’t mean that. they wouldn’t take care of a bastard and would not at all… But it is simply a little child. Another smokescreen immediately follows the previous one. Nadya stated that she has a message of advice for other women going through infertility treatment. right when we had decided. in a passage that became central to my way of understanding Nadya’s experience of infertility. who. but… She said. right during the time. some… thoughts in me… So for example. though wouldn’t. that I didn’t quickly… Right. 4 A famous Bulgarian poet. so. even though the probability there was also very small. for example many men would not. my husband is intelligent… In many cases. maybe. N: No. Well. contrasts and finally what is probably a smokescreen. I had explicitly talked with my husband and he had agreed with this in vitro method. I won’t marry such a man. he has these friends. that’s how they express it. right. things stopped moving. it should be completely clear. because I think. I don’t mean. We had decided that in the end we will adopt. These are just. this too [in vitro] with time. we simply discussed it. Todorova forefront. nothing is perfect. He values him as a person.I. not that he doesn’t value poetry. but I knew. wait…. we both were clear about that. it was right. that in practice this method. would not adopt children.K. N: They should adopt a child as early as possible. They were in a dead. I think. but… So maybe. It exemplifies the fear of the possible stigma that in some cases is attached to adoption in Bulgaria. I’ve said. but since I value it very much… But for example. it is not a question of intelligence. coincidentally A. some. Simply to try it. as an individual. that it was some sort of illusion that one can have one’s own children. Brain. it’s not clear. Naturally. yet it turns out I have married. She came back to that message at the end of the interview. that we both agree. that simply… For example. he’s read some of his poems. I don’t mean that I know that I can’t have children. I’m not at all suggesting that… For example I would never get married to a man who wouldn’t want to adopt a child. he values. that things are like that. that I have married a person. I went around searching the pharmacies for half a day. But then. that from lessons we can make ends meet […] so we had enough for food. I. or who doesn’t want to adopt a child. from taking into consideration. considering that they had only money left over for food. but she… There have been times when I go to visit my mother. for what price. and smoke-screens attention away from the unsaid – her husband’s attitude toward adoption. discontinuous language and lengthy sentences through which she describes their decisions to adopt or to undergo treatment. Behavior 11 (2007) 229-247 . It is telling that buying medications is a priority. These are in a language that is full of negations. N: … I would have convinced him. no. I don’t know if all children. It was maybe January when I stocked up on my hormones for a year. I’m sad about something.242 I. On the one hand. The following passage was spoken through incessant tears. since her primary meaning-making processes are directed toward accepting the fact of her childlessness. N: Specifically my niece. we see short. that my husband. especially in the way in which she talks about her love for her niece. This sense of hopelessness is difficult to grasp in this short quote. and the statements with which she only hints that others might also have some contribution. If it was just the two of us. I Cognition. it becomes absolutely impossible to pinpoint whether Nadya means that she married a man who doesn’t like poetry. simply our financial insecurity. She is “my child”. Additionally. Additionally. as was illustrated in the previous section. there is an important language contrast between the forceful way in which she states that the cause for the couple’s childlessness is “obviously” in her. will I be able to buy medications till the end of the year… somehow will I be able to buy life until the end of the year? The intensity of this metaphor of the hope for children as life is deeply moving. revisions and smokescreens. the inexpressible anguish of living with the unfulfilled dream of loving and being loved by her own child. Other relevant metaphors and passages in the text also represent the theme of children as having a very high value for Nadya. For food and medications. in this instance. For Nadya. Brain. I am certain. when I was looking for them. the hope for children is equivalent to life. as is Nadya’s story of struggle with financial insecurity and the thenpresent problems of finding imported medications in Bulgarian pharmacies. yet I feel it can be extrapolated from the interview as a whole. tight sentences of the type: "Obviously everything is due to me" and the much more unclear. if they are so affectionate. I know I have a limited amount. This paragraph attempts to focus attention on her husband’s attitude toward poetry. I was so stressed – will I find them in this pharmacy. he knows very well. which are another way of representing the unsayable. The little girl “fills an emptiness inside me”. I have a sense that the importance of sustaining the hope for conception by buying medications with her last resources carries an element of futility to it. I remember. Todorova Looking in detail into the above paragraph. a “holiday” and “a sweet duty”. she knows it. This became slightly clearer when I realized that statements referring to regret for procrastination are combined with statements of the type: “If only I had insisted more”. who has invoked the argument against it because of the high probability of birth defects at an older age. And she loves me with the same. never taking on in vitro. My husband would never do it. There have been times when I’m sad and she sees. 243 In contrasting the importance that children have in Nadya’s life with the fact that "everything fell through". but it is even more striking in what it excludes – the "obviousness" of the inability of her body to become pregnant. In the summer there is no day care. and while the fact that medical testing has shown decreased sperm activity for her husband is mentioned. my parents take care of her.I. even though I believe that it is more relevant to another important theme – stigma. I don’t know… He doesn’t feel it. through what is said: "I would have convinced my husband". I might have had a child”. they feel it. she blames herself for not insisting more intensively on having a biological child with her husband. I reach the edges of my understanding of Nadya's explanations. is again tied into the theme of locating responsibility and control. From another perspective. then it becomes difficult to understand why she frequently comes back to the theme of “if only I hadn’t procrastinated. I Should Have Insisted More Even though Nadya is adamant that it is definitely impossible for her to conceive due to physiological problems that have been present since an early age and are talked about as unsolvable. Behavior 11 (2007) 229-247 . it’s mutual (crying). though now she’s been going to school for a year. The definitive location of the medical causes in Nadya’s narrative is in her body. Thus. Through what is not said: the unfinished sentences and the way in which she abruptly Cognition. for him. she frequently comes back to regrets and selfblame for postponing treatment due to indecision or to the requirements of her profession as a teacher. This contrast between the medical causes of infertility as irresolvable and her regret at not doing more to resolve them. this contrast is so pervasive throughout the interview that it warrants attention. The explanation is complicated: it includes age. you do know that I love you very much. however. she responds. financial insecurity. Brain. Yana. if we accept the definitive. since they. she sees that I’ll start crying and she comes. it has little impact on the way in which she constructs her explanations. as well as her husband's low sperm count. she is taking on responsibility for not insisting enough. because you’re crying or just because… She really loves me very much. For example. or "we didn't push things". not wanting to be an object of gossip in school after adoption – are in themselves unconscious forms of resistance to the stigma of infertility. for men. Todorova go there and Yana is there. she feels it even if I haven’t told her. It is quite possible that these acts – in the sense of allowing the adoption procedure to fall through. irreversible dysfunction of Nadya’s ovaries as the unquestionable reason for infertility. In the interest of space my analysis so far has remained focused on the concepts of control and responsibility. when someone is crying. but this child. Rarely does anyone else directly figure in these explanations. now. because now he is saying. I am always surprised. broadly speaking. it would still have been her responsibility to relax after that and conceive biologically. At the same time. this was the psychological problem… with the adoption. I don’t think he looks 55 and generally. I even think there is a Latin name for it – pregnancy after adoption or something like that. I am certain. I am certain. it is a difficult thing to say. if we had been well-off financially. Right.244 I. Behavior 11 (2007) 229-247 . he looks younger. Although others contributed to not making a definitive decision to adopt. It might be unsayable for Nadya in this particular relationship with me as an interviewer. N: And this was exactly. if I had the security. through the explicit language she takes on sole responsibility. Todorova switches from one idea to another. yet in a way that strives not to assign blame. Her regret for procrastinating or not insisting refers mainly to the adoption procedures. if I had adopted a child. at his age… To me he is still. even if adoption had worked. simply because of our insecure economic situation. not that. I know perfectly well. When Nadya talks about adoption. Conclusion Nadya has given multiple explanations of infertility. In the sense that there is a medical term. if we had agreed about it early on. that my husband. Even when describing the testing done on her husband and the insistence of the doctors that the spermogram shows decreased fertilizing capacity. if I had been more persistent… As early as possible. so. that would have. right. from that perspective. his virility is preserved through the voice of caring and frequent reminders that he already has two sons. it would have release my psyche. N: Right. Brain. or in her particular family context – there could be a connection here with another topic Cognition. for example. rather than to medical treatments. she still sees it as her responsibility to have been more active and to have put more pressure on them to make the decision. maybe he looks. Although the idea that the partner might hold part or all of the explanation for childlessness is not completely unsayable in Bulgarian culture (and many of the women I spoke to stated it explicitly). she formulates her call for him to share that responsibility with her. while through the languages of the unsayable she introduces the contributions that others might have made in putting it off. If we. in which her body or her psyche is the only “cause” or in which she has procrastinated making decisions about treatments and adoption. I would have convinced my husband. which have to do with his reluctance. I keep thinking. […] I would have convinced him. There are many cases like that and children are born. I am sure. R. The self-telling body. 69-96. In addition to the fact that Nadya can only indirectly state in the interview that her husband was included in their decisions not to go along with adoption. (2006b). Charon. W. & Iser. (1987). S. Narrative Inquiry. Behavior 11 (2007) 229-247 . 9(1).). 16(1). R. Nadya’s narrative seems incoherent. (1999). saturated with ambivalence and confusion. Cognition. She knows that in a place where responsibility and blame for infertility are so obviously placed on the woman.. & McAdams. Through the languages of the unsayable we can identify hints that her husband and her mother might have also had something to do with the unending postponement of adoption and with the fact that with time. Nadya oscillates between the cultural discourse of locating responsibility solely within the woman and infertility as a woman’s disease. Budick & W. D. Narrative Inquiry. Bamberg. 5 Annie Rogers.. Narrative medicine: Honoring the stories of illness. 1-2. The tension between internalized responsibility and rejecting the blame is painful and exhausting. (2006). New York: Oxford University Press.. Charon. personal communication. Life story coherence and its relation to well-being. R. and subtle suggestions that others might be involved. “it simply fell through”. Constructing an explanation of childlessness that includes others would in a symbolic way weaken her potential to intervene through exercising agency and thus will limit her chances of having a child. Introductory remarks. she might also be reluctant to relinquish control by including others in the explanation. She states her knowledge then seems to undo it. Stanford. Brain. almost as difficult as living without the fulfillment of a dream for a child. Iser (Eds. There is an absence of a language through which explanations of infertility can be constructed around “relational appreciation” rather than through the attribution of blame. (2006a). D. Budick. CA: Stanford University Press. any solution would also have to be initiated and carried out by herself. Introduction. 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