The Guildsman #3Gamers’ Guild University of California, Riverside Winter 1991 Cover: Valentine’s Dragon Calligraphy Leslie Claussen Paul Johnson A Word from the Bard Gamers’ Guild Constitution Jim Vassilakos 1 1 Jim Vassilakos Jack De Winter 4 9 Fact Probabilities Space Travel List v1.2 Fiction Navero’s 11-19 Charlie’s Magic Christmas Life, Death, Paper and Dice We’re all Bozos on this Bus Harrison’s 5 & 6 When Computers Dream The Greyhawk Campaign The Sunrise Prophesy Fragile Butterfly Daniel Parsons Garry James Kirks Aaron Miaullis Kay Shapero Jim Vassilakos Josh Finney Ed Zeamba Mary K. Kuhner Todd Groner 22 48 52 54 59 69 74 80 81 FRP Magic Items The Sword Dancer Miscellaneous Monsters Sonoric & His Spells House Rules Punching & Martial Arts Thirty-Six Plots Empire of the Isles GURPStuff Prestero, Miaullis, Sandman, Neuromancer Vassilakos, Zeamba Bradley S. Hall Tim Prestero Prestero, Paquette, Vassilakos Bradley S. Hall Loren J. Miller Aaron Sher Neuromancer, Seaton, Tron 82 85 88 94 102 109 111 113 116 Glenn Thain 118 119 123 Funnies Protocols of the Elders of Zion Famous Last Words Bits & Pieces Wailings from the Cryer 130 A Word from the Bard Jim Vassilakos <ambunctious Gamers’ Guild Constitution tidings gentle reader. . . and welcome to our latest expedition into the enigmatic heart of gaming aloft that chaotic and daring creature whose melodramatic meanderings find an audience despite all the rational dictates of our sensibility: The Guildsman; ‘tis a consumation deviously to a be pondered with conscience askew and battered bearings a-blasted, because the third time’s the charm! Now, there’s the rub, baby! Okay, okay. . . so I just saw Hamlet; bear with me. Thanx for this issue goes to all the contributors for making it happen, to Jason Bishop, our resident techie, for helping out with bitmaps & postscript, to Wayne Wallace for his usual rounds of spell-checking, to Tim Prestero whose barrage of email kept the project more or less on schedule, and to you, the reader, for putting up with our cooperative insanity. . . The Guildsman was formatted using A the LTEX document preparation system. Subscription, back-issue and contributor information is available by writing: Preamble W e, the Gamers’ Guild of UCR, under contempt of the Regents with purple mushrooms majesty and looneytoons and fornication for all. . . blah blah blah. . . do hereby unite for the purpose of promoting gaming and consequentially having lots of fun. yea! . . . and there was much rejoicing. . . The Honorable Offices We hereby create five (i.e. one less than six but not less than four) honorable, pompously-ignoramus and highlynoble offices, invincible before all save the dreaded rustmonster, most lordly and enviously powerful of powers, known and revered throughout the land of UCR. The means of management are therein bestowed. The first and foremost of these offices is to be known as the One to Rule them All. . . the chief executive deputy marshal directorship of “FlakeSpanking.” yea! The FlakeSpanker’s duties art as followeth: • to spank flakes (i.e. to institute progressive disciplinary measures by which the other four officers and their administrative cohorts can be encouraged to perform at a greater capacity through the use of whips, chains, barbed wire, and left-over tofu), The Gamers’ Guild Commons, Main Desk University of California Riverside, CA 92521 • to form overall policy on club direction (hopefully with the consent of the top management team) and to be suspended by toe nails over a bottomless pit of warm marshmellow cream when suspected of leading the club in circles, Now on with the show before I bore you into an apathetic stupor. • to interpret this constitution and bend it where appropriate with the consent of the other officers for the purpose of expediting Guild projects, • to call for the ousting and replacement of officers should that need ever arise, —
[email protected] ucsd!ucrmath!jimv • to pompously & jismatically preside over club meetings, and • to keep a paranoid eye on the receipt and expenditure of club funds over which the Miser is responsible for accounting. 1 Quorum The second office is that of the Gamesmaster who’s responsibility it is to coordinate games and to keep upto-date records on existing campaigns and gaming groups within the club membership. The membership is herein accorded the right to split this office into numerous genre as is deemed appropriate and is further accorded privilege to review and modify this functional division on a quarterly basis. The third office is that of the Miser (known also as the office of “Missing” which is likely to happen to club funds). The Miser’s duties are the following: Ten (i.e. eleven less one, being the tenth number or that cardinal number following the ninth) guild members constitute a quorum given that the meeting time and place was made adequately public in the judgement of the majority (three-fifths) of the management team. Elections Elections for each of the five offices are to be held at the final general meeting of each quarter. The chosen representatives of those elections may not assume office until the beginning of the following quarter. If they should try to assume office before that universally defined date, they shall be dunked repeatedly in rancid orc-drool until they cease and desist from all leaderly activities. Individuals may only serve a maximum of four-quarters in a given office. If they should attempt to serve more, the membership may make up a sufficiently silly punishment to expel such ideas in the future. • to keep all club financial records up to date, • to modify the club’s system of accounting as is believed warranted with the consent of the FlakeSpanker, • to personally hold club funds and signature authority for all club expenditures except in cases where individual is illiterate in Common, • to hold all receipts pertinent to club expenditures, • to propose club dues when deemed appropriate, • to present a financial report to the general membership at the end-of-quarter meeting, Order of Offices • to keep membership records particularly with regard to dues collected and receivable, and The offices will be elected in the following order: Flake Spanker, Gamesmaster, Miser, Cryer, & Bard (i.e. this, of course, being the preferred and holy order. . . amen). • to approve all asset outflows keeping careful watch for outbreaks of the hershey-squirts. The fourth office is that of Crying. The Cryer is responsible for the promotion of club activities including flyer’s design and approval, news advertisements (including but not limited to Highlander notices), mass-mailings, and t-shirt design. The fifth and last of the honorable offices is that of the Bard who’s responsibilities include the following: Order of Election For any given office, the following order shall be maintained. First, candidacies may be declared either in writing or in person. Candidates must nominate themselves for office in order to be considered eligible. Candidates which feel too shy to nominate themselves must be stripped of all personal belongings and photographed repeatedly until such feelings are properly extinguished. Second, individuals running for office who are present may be allowed a short period of time to summarize their intent in holding office. For the office of Flake-Spankers, “may” becomes “must” (i.e. Flake-Spanking candidates must not only present their position in words but must also present a written statement outlining their objectives of office, and these statement are to be held by the Bard for end-of-term evaluation). At this stage, a short, moderated discussion may ensue consisting of much fervor and bloodletting if anyone has anything to add for or against the candidacy of the individual in question. The Flake-Spanker is expected but not required to evaluate the performance of candidates seeking re-election on the basis of pre-established criteria. Third, the election (by simple counting of hands) may commence with two appointed individuals keeping separate tallies, after the candidates have left the room. If there is no room to leave, the candidates may simply stick their heads in the sand in preparation for public office. In the case where more than two candidates are running for • to design and produce club–sponsored publications, • to appoint a selection committee (with the confirmation of the Flake Spanker) which will aid this office in the selection and editing of publication submissions, • to record the outcome of all votes at club meetings, • to record all bends & amendments to this constitution, and • to hold the FlakeSpanker’s statement of objectives throughout the the quarter and evaluate this officer’s performance at the end-of-quarter elections. • to call for the ousting of the FlakeSpanker should that need arise. . . . and so endth the fifth, last, and final of the glorious, malodorous, most-high offices. . . 2 • to attend all gaming sessions to which the gamester finds him or herself committed, lest that individual be pummeled into unconsciousness by boiled leaks, and an office and no single candidate holds a clear majority of the quorum, two rounds of voting are held for that office. The first eliminates all but the two most popular candidates, and the second decides between those two. • to pay all club dues promptly and with zeal. Voting Interpretation of the Constitution Candidates may not vote in the election governing their intended office unless, of course, they are truly pompous, and even then they must be duly punished with a multitude of silliness until they declare themselves reborn and promptly stick their heads in the sand. Flake Spankers, whether running for re-election or not, may not vote in the election governing the office of Flake-Spanking, lest their mighty and wrathful opinions be considered either mighty or wrathful. Abstentions and no-votes are not counted as part of the voting-bloc lest the guild be ruled by indecision. The FlakeSpanker is charged with the overall interpretation of the constitution for purposes of expediency, however, on points of contention, these interpretations must be rendered to the Bard in writing and may be contested at any meeting being overturned by a simple majority of the quorum and reinterpreted as thought appropriate by the voting membership. The FlakeSpanker may also take luxury in a varying degree of Constitutional Bending whereby both substantive and procedural points of the constitution may be dispensed with for the greater efficacy of Guild operations. Such bending, however, must be done with the concurrence of the entirety of the top management (i.e. the five officers), and may be again shot down at any meeting by a simple majority of the quorum. All such bendings must be made known to the general membership, and all must be recorded in writing with the Bard. In this way, constitutional amendments may be tried out before being permanently instated. Ousting & Succession of Officers The FlakeSpanker may call for the ousting of other club officers or appointees at any general meeting. A two– thirds majority of the quorum may strip an officer of all invested titles and authority. The Bard is responsible for calling for the ousting of the FlakeSpanker should such a need ever arise. Special meetings may also be called specifically for ousting purposes, but if the meeting is not general, then is must be advertised in the Highlander at least three-days in advance of the event with the word “Yuchy-Foo” contained within the ad to signify the nature of the meeting to the membership. If an officer voluntarily retires or is replaced before the term of service has been fulfilled, the FlakeSpanker is responsible for finding a replacement and must conduct the duties of that office until such time as a replacement has been found. Such replacements may be appointed without the formalities of an election. If the FlakeSpanker should retire or be removed mid–term, then the Gamemasterelect is responsible for assuming this office. If it is the case that the Gamemaster has previously been replaced, the appointed Gamemaster may not assume the duties of FlakeSpanking, and so these responsibilities pass to the Miser and so forth by the Order of Offices. Amendment This constitution may be amended at any general meeting in which a quorum is judged present. This constitution is amended on a two-thirds majority. Dissolution The Gamers’ Guild may be dissolved by a three-fourths majority of the quorum at any publicly announced general meeting. In the case of dissolution, creditors of the Guild are given first dibs on the Guild coffers. Any remaining monies must then be refunded to the general student body of the university through ASUCR. Expectations of the Member Guild members, known henceforth as gamesters, are accorded a variety of rights and privileges, and concordant with these are the following responsibilities: • to attend general meetings, lest the gamester be accused of sloth. Members so accused shall be mercilessly flatulated upon until such time as the lazy slug gets up off that sedentary, posterior portion of precious anatomy, thus facilitating the retaliatory flutterblasts so rudely expected, 3 A Method for the Derivation of Constrained Number Probabilities c 1990 Jim Vassilakos
[email protected] It is often amusing and occasionally indicting to see Act II — Jim’s Rectangle just how high (or low) on the scales of fortune a character’s prime statistics stack-up against the unassailable laws of probability. This article provides a method by which evidence of “luck” or what-have-you might be gathered. Now that we’re done with pascal’s triangle (yawn. . . boring), it’s time to introduce jim’s parallelogram! Hazzah! Hazzah! Jim’s what????! Well, it began as a parallelogram, then it devolved into a rectangle because Jim was (and still is) such a messy dude that he couldn’t keep his diagonal lines straight. The General Problem But as they say in the Conan ‘flics, that’s a “whole Given that we roll n number of s-sided dice (notated ’nother story.” Anyhow, suffice it to say that Act as nds), what is the probability distribution of y such Two makes Act One look like a lame teaser. O’course, if I went into half the other probs pascal’s triangle sets that y is the total value of nds. the stage for solving, Act One would be a full-length creature-feature in and of itself with pop corn and a Act I — Pascal’s Triangle free diet soft-drink and plenty of blood and gore and dead teenagers to boot. Pascal. . . what a dude. We start by making fun of Pascal’s infamous 4 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 5 7 8 3 6 10 20 35 56 1 4 10 15 21 28 1 3 4 6 1 2 5 15 35 70 Well, it looks something like that anyway. The numbers along the left-hand side indicate the rank of the row (i.e. row #3 contains the values 1, 3, 3, and 1). The value of n (the number of dice we are rolling) indicates the row number of pascal’s triangle we are concerned with. Suppose we are interested in finding the probability distribution of 3d6. We will need to consider the values 1, 3, 3, and 1. Once we have these values, we need to let every 2nd value in the series become its own opposite. Thus, we are now considering the values 1, -3, 3, and -1. 1 1 6 21 56 1 7 28 1 8 1 Anyways, where were we? Oh, I ‘member, Jim’s rectangle. Okay, here we go. . . Jim’s rectangle (abbreviated as “Monster” for short) is the method by which we arrive at the top-half of what I’ll call the events-distribution for nds. The horizontal axis is n+1 cells long. The vertical axis is k-n+1 cells long and is rounded down to the nearest where k = n(s+1) 2 whole number. 4 So for our example of 3d6, n=3 and s=6. Neato burrito! Now it’s time for the hot sauce. You take each empty cell in the matrix and let its value equal the sum of the value in the cell above and the value of the cell to the right. In other words: (round down) k = 3(6+1) 2 = 10.5 (round down) = 10 So far, so awful. Here’s what our lovable monster looks like just in terms of where the cells are placed. ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ Now we just fill in the numbers... 1 3 6 10 15 21 25 27 ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 1 ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 1 ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 1 2 3 4 5 6 4 2 1 1 1 1 1 1 –2 –2 1 0 0 0 0 0 –3 0 And that’s how we get jim’s rectangle (aka: the monster). Now we’ve got to make the axes, one along the top and one along the right-hand side. Note, these axes are a part of the actual monster. The horizontal axis is composed of the cells of the top-most row. The vertical axis is composed of the cells of the right-most column. We let all the cells of the horizontal axis carry the value 1. Next, we let all the cells of the vertical axis carry the value 0. Certain cells of the vertical axis are then modified (every sth cell starting from the top-right corner to be precise). Isn’t this fun? Now you know why I call it the monster. Every sth cell (6th cell for 3d6 purposes), gets to carry one of those values from Act One. See? Pascal wasn’t foolin’ when he said his triangle would be important! Our nth (3rd) row values (every 2nd reversed) turned out to be 1, –3, 3, and –1. We deposit value #1 into cell #1 of the vertical axis. What do you know? It just “happenstanced” to be a one. That fits nicely with the horizontal axis. We then stuff value #2 (in this case a -3) into the cell s (6) places down. That would make cell #7 go from 0 to –3. And so the story goes on and on until you’re either out of values or you run out of places to stuff them. The latter case will invariably proceed the former. Thus, if you followed half of that, we get a monster looking like this. . . 1 ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ - a v r v=a+r h.a. (horizontal axis) = 3+1 = 4 v.a. (vertical axis) = 10-3+1 = 8 Act III — Pulling Probabilities Okay, now the easy part. The values in the lefthand column represent the first half of our eventsdistribution (Actually, this is incorrect. They actually represent the number of constrained, ordered partitions, but this is too much of a mouthful, so to translate everyone’s conflicting jargonese, they represent the number of times you’d get a particular total y, if you rolled nds sn times such that you got each possible combination once.) Here they are, just for fun. . . 1, 3, 6, 10, 15, 21, 25, 27. I’ll illustrate the “brute force” method using 2d6 just to show you the value of the monster. With 2d6, there are 36 (62 ) possible combinations. One representation of those combinations might be as follows: Die #2 1 0 0 0 0 0 –3 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Die #1 3 4 4 5 5 6 6 7 7 8 8 9 9 10 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 This, then is the events-distribution map. From here we can see how many times we get a particular total or event. 5 Total 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 Events 1 2 3 4 5 6 5 4 3 2 1 Total 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 So there’s only a 21 216 Events 1 3 6 10 15 21 25 27 27 25 21 15 10 6 3 1 chance of getting an 8 on 3d6. What’s the chance of getting an 8? 5 events Of course, it’s always a good idea to check your 5 , or to restate it events-distribution, and one easy way to do that is to out of 36 possible combinations = 36 5 p(y=8|y=yield(2d6)) = 36 . total the number of events. If they do not equal sn (in this case 63 = 216), then you know you’ve got a loser. This is not to say that this check will knock With 3d6, you’ve got to extend the number out all losers, but its a good check anyway. of possible combos into a 3rd dimension. . . kind of hard to show you right now. Instead of having 62 = The Programs 36 possibilities, we have 63 = 216 possibilities; the bigger your n, the yuchier it gets. What follows are two programs written in GW-Basic for the IBM-PC. The first runs a simulation of nds and the second runs monster’s analysis. As a footAs it turns out (especially with high n’s), maknote, the fix command is used to round numbers ing the monster and pulling the values off his left arm down. Most int commands will do this, but not all so is much easier than the brute force technique. We’ve watch out if you decide to substitute. In reality (at already made monster. Now I’ll show you how to pull least as far as I perceive it), fix rounds all numbers tothe values out. ward zero (negatives includes). Since these programs should never provide fix with negative numbers, the First of all, we’ve got to figure out what the point is moot. . . but happy nevertheless. As another smallest and largest value totals can be, and that’s note, many versions of basic will stick an exclamation pretty easy. Our smallest possible total is n, the point at the end of large (or is it long?) numbers in largest in n × s. For 3d6 that equates to a range the expressions (for example, lines 725 in both programs, the number 1000000 becomes 1000000!. Don’t between 3 and 18. be too alarmed if your basic does this. Apparently for some odd reason, it’s normal. Anyway, here we We can start at either extreme and just move go. . . toward the midsection. Once we get half the distribution done, we just make the other half a mir- The Simulation Program ror reflection of what we’ve done, starting from the other extreme and moving in. As a sidebar, there are Using all the versions of basic, fortran, and pascal I’ve times when we won’t need to copy the lower left-hand ever had the conspicuous pleasure of trying out, it is value and other times when we will. It all depends on just plain impossible (well. . . at least not very easy) whether the number of possible totals is odd or even. to write a dice-simulation program which covers the Here’s what our 3d6 events distribution looks like. general case nds because n determines the number of 6 nested loops necessary to conduct the simulation, and all these languages don’t allow for this number to be variable. In other words, you can’t say, ”Hey youze guyz... I want fifty nested loops, now do it.” Y’see, the computers got together and formed a union and decided they didn’t have to take that sort of cr∗p. So, here’s what we’ve got; we’ve got a simulator which only does its job for n≤10. Bummer! 580 NEXT A3 590 NEXT A2 600 NEXT A1 700 REM TOTALS 702 PRINT 705 PRINT"SUM EVENTS 710 FOR B=N TO N*S 720 P(B)=C(B)/(S^N) 725 P(B)=INT(P(B)*1000000)/10000 750 PRINT B;" ";C(B);" 770 NEXT B 5 DIM C(100) 800 REM P(Y=>X) 6 DIM P(100) 10 PRINT"DICEY.SIM: THE DICE SIMULATOR BY JPV"810 FOR B=X TO N*X Z=Z+P(B) 30 PRINT"WHAT’S P(Y=>X: Y=YIELD(NDS), N=\# OF 820 DICE, S=SIDEDNESS)?" 830 NEXT B 70 INPUT"ENTER N,S,X:";N,S,X 840 PRINT 100 REM ROLL ’EM! 860 PRINT"P(Y=>";X;") =";Z;"%" 110 FOR A1=1 TO S 870 PRINT 115 IF N=1 GOTO 300 1000 END 120 FOR A2=1 TO S 125 130 135 140 145 150 155 160 165 170 175 180 185 190 195 200 300 310 320 410 420 430 440 450 460 470 480 490 510 520 530 540 550 560 570 IF N=2 GOTO 300 FOR A3=1 TO S IF N=3 GOTO 300 FOR A4=1 TO S IF N=4 GOTO 300 FOR A5=1 TO S IF N=5 GOTO 300 FOR A6=1 TO S IF N=6 GOTO 300 FOR A7=1 TO S IF N=7 GOTO 300 FOR A8=1 TO S IF N=8 GOTO 300 FOR A9=1 TO S IF N=9 GOTO 300 FOR A10=1 TO S REM D=A1+A2+A3+A4+A5+A6+A7+A8+A9+A10 C(D)=C(D)+1 IF N=1 GOTO 600 IF N=2 GOTO 590 IF N=3 GOTO 580 IF N=4 GOTO 570 IF N=5 GOTO 560 IF N=6 GOTO 550 IF N=7 GOTO 540 IF N=8 GOTO 530 IF N=9 GOTO 520 NEXT A10 NEXT A9 NEXT A8 NEXT A7 NEXT A6 NEXT A5 NEXT A4 PROBABILITY" ";P(B);"%" The Monster Program 5 DIM T(20,20) 6 DIM C(50,50) 7 DIM E(100):DIM P(100) 10 PRINT"MONSTER: DICE PROBABILITY ANALYZER BY JPV" 20 PRINT"WHAT’S P(Y=>X: Y=YIELD(NDS), N=\# OF DICE, S=S 30 INPUT"ENTER N,S,X:";N,S,X 100 REM CONSTRUCT PASCAL’S TRIANGLE 110 T(0,1)=1 120 FOR A=1 TO N 130 FOR B=1 TO A+1 140 T(A,B)=T(A-1,B-1)+T(A-1,B) 160 NEXT B 170 NEXT A 180 FOR A=1 TO N+1 190 IF A/2=FIX(A/2) THEN T(N,A)=T(N,A)*(-1) 210 NEXT A 300 REM CONSTRUCT AXES OF MONSTER 310 FOR A=1 TO N 320 C(A,1)=1 330 NEXT A 340 D=FIX(N*(S+1)/2)+1-N 350 FOR B=1 TO D 360 C(0,B)=0 370 IF (B-1)/S=FIX((B-1)/S) THEN C(0,B)=T(N,((B-1)/S)+1 380 NEXT B 400 REM NOW THE HOT SAUCE 410 FOR A=2 TO D 420 FOR B=1 TO N 430 C(B,A)=C(B-1,A)+C(B,A-1) 440 NEXT B 450 NEXT A 7 490 GOTO 600 wrote, or rather that’s all he wrote, it being the case 500 REM SHOW MONSTER that it is. So long. . . 510 FOR A=1 TO D 515 FOR B=N TO 0 STEP -1 End of Chapter Questions: 520 PRINT C(B,A); (hee. . . hee. . . hee. . . ) 530 NEXT B 1. Does it work? 535 PRINT 540 NEXT A 2. Why or why not? 600 REM CONSTRUCT EVENT & PROBABILITY DATA 610 FOR A=1 TO D 3. Is there an easier method than monster? 620 E(A+N-1)=C(N,A) 4. Has this ever been shown before, and if so, 630 P(A+N-1)=E(A+N-1)/(S^N) where? 640 E(N*(S+1)-A-N+1)=E(A+N-1) 650 P(N*(S+1)-A-N+1)=P(A+N-1) 660 NEXT A 700 REM GO PERCENT WITH THE PROBS 710 FOR A=N TO N*S 725 P(A)=INT(P(A)*1000000)/10000 730 NEXT A 799 GOTO 900 800 REM PRINT PROB CHART 801 PRINT 805 PRINT"SUM EVENTS PROBABILITY":PRINT 810 FOR A=N TO N*S 820 PRINT A;" ";E(A);" ";P(A);"%" 830 NEXT A 900 REM P(Y=>X) 910 FOR A=X TO N*S 920 Z=Z+P(A) 930 NEXT A 940 PRINT:PRINT"P(Y=>";X;") =";Z;"%" 950 PRINT 1000 END “Sometimes I think I learn more when I stay home from school.” Just some additional notes on the programs. . . Unlike our three-act solution which finds the — Dave Nadler probability of totaling a specific value on nds, these
[email protected] programs go an extra step and find the probability University of Kentucky of totaling a particular value or getting above that value. Sounds a lot like the p-value in Statistics, come to think of it. The reason the programs were designed to do this relates more to my specific application than to any idle theory (yes. . . I’m doing all this for a reason). If you want to see the full process as per the three-act solution, just delete lines 490 and 799 from monster, and it’ll show you the whole speel of how it’s getting what its getting. If “out of range” errors start cropping up, you may have to extend the variable dimensions, but other than that, the progs should work just fine. As a final sidenote, beware that for high n’s the simulation program will get real slow. Just a little warning there. For the time it took to get an answer, it really didn’t make sense to extend the n ≤ 10 constraint. Anyways, that’s all she 8 Interstellar, Intrastellar, and Space Travel List (How To Get There From Here) Version 1.2 c 1991 Jack De Winter Jack a.k.a. Wildside
[email protected] [email protected] University of Waterloo, Canada This is version 1.2 of Jack’s list of forms of space Thanks travel from fantasy and science fiction literature, movies and television, and, of course, RPG’s. This Thanks to the following people who have contributed list is neither an acceptance, nor a denial, of the idea to the list. They are listed in alphabetical order to that the forms of travel listed herein may, in fact, be avoid hurt feelings. possible. If the reader has any corrections or additions, he is encouraged to contact Jack by writing to: 3040
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[email protected] N2L 2X2
[email protected] [email protected] [email protected] Compilation History
[email protected] Version Version Date Comments
[email protected] 1.0 Mid-Nov, 1990 Original
[email protected] 1.1 Dec 12, 1990 New Section: Gates
[email protected] 1.1.1 Jan 10, 1990 Corrections & Additions
[email protected] 1.2 Jan 31, 1991 Cross-Referencing
[email protected] [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] ∗ Copyright 1990, 1991 Jack De Winter. All Rights
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[email protected] [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] [email protected] YOURAA@morekypr Adams, Douglas. Almost Life, The Universe, and Everything. identical except that it uses waiters in an Italian restaurant instead of a cup of tea. Anderson, Poul. The Avatar. A system of artifacts, set up by an alien race, establish artificial jump points in the universe. Anderson, Poul. “Flandry” series. Similar to the drive from the game 2300 AD. The quirk with this drive is that beam weapons between two ships only work if the two ships have the same skip rate. (q.v. FTL-Games: 2300 AD.) Anthony, Piers. Macroscope. Uses the idea that space is actually folded. Therefore the warp drive links two points in space that touch at the fold and travel is seen to be instantaneous. A large gravity well is needed for such transitions, so the ships ususally carried around large asteroids. Also, do to the high-pressure conditions of transport, the human tissue had to be liquefied, then vaporized before transit, and restored after the transit had been completed. Asimov, Isaac. “Foundation” Series. type of drive as I, Robot. Uses same Asimov, Isaac. I, Robot. Operates by form of a controlled nuclear explosion. The people were legally dead, while in transit, but lived through the experience. A problem was encountered due to the Three Robotic Laws where the interpretation of ‘harm’ seemed to include temporary nonexistence while ‘in transit’. There was also a problem because the drives were to complicated for humans to build, so super brain robots did Faster Than Light Drives instead. Their positronic brains, of course, froze when they discovered that the passengers would Books: be dead at one point (regardless of their final state!) so a special super-brain was made that (Unknown). Perry Rhodan. This comic series uses could deal with temporary deadness. The two a gravity well attached to the front of the ship passengers, as i recall, had terrible nightmares using a magnetic container. When going Faster while in transit (scenes from hell, etc. . . ) this Than Light, the field is intensified until a black was the work of the super-brain, who had dehole is created by which the ship can enter hyveloped a sense of humor in order to deal with perspace. The acceleration range is usually bethe temporary deaths. Entering transit from too tween 500 and 800 km/s2 , and ship seem to fall deep within a gravity well causes really ugly side into suns if they are in planetary systems. effects. Adams, Douglas. Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. The idea is Asimov, Issac. “Robot Detective” Series. Jump that the infinite improbability drive places you drives are used, but they under control of spacers, humans who do not live on Earth, but out at every point in the universe at the same time. in space. The drive has the side effect of making Has really weird side effects. Uses a cup of tea people who use it feel sick. somewhere in the design process. 10 Asimov, Isaac. Nemesis. The superluminal drive negates the effect of inertia allowing many multiples of the speed of light. Computer controlled and the vessel remains in real space. However, the speed of light is treated as Ground Zero. Above the speed of light gravity repels objects rather than attracting them. Asimov, Isaac. Thiotimoline To The Stars. Uses Azimov’s famous substance thiotimoline as a drive. Uses logical inconsistencies from the previous books (like the fact that it goes into the water before the water hits it). Bertin. A drug reminiscent of LSD is used to unleash the full power of the human brain and teleportation across interstellar distances becomes possible. Empires of Flux & Anchor, Masters of Flux & Anchor, Birth of Flux & Anchor, Children of Flux & Anchor. Travel is accomplished by punching a hole in the universe to a layer of raw energy (called ‘Flux’) that surrounds the universe. There, the speed of light is millions of times greater than that of our universe, and when something is shot into the boundary, it will eventually return to our universe due to a weaker boundary between the Flux and the universe. Later in the books, gates are established in space and on planets where ships can be sent through. The location of exit points in our universe are generally not known as they are far away. (q.v. Gates-Books: Chalker, Jack: “Soul Rider” Series.) seBlish, James. “Flying Cities” Series. Travel was Cook, Glen. “Darkwar” Warlock, Ceremony. Space ries: Doomstalker, performed using a ‘spindizzy’ drive which optravel is performed using witchcraft which uses erated on a little known law of physics. The ‘Ghosts’ to move the ships. There is also a runspeed obtained is proportional to the mass (i.e. in with a technological civilization that uses an larger mass, larger speed). Cities and planets unspecified hyperdrive system. were hooked up to this drive. Startide Rising, Foster, Alan Dean. “Humanx Brin, David. Earthclan, Commonwealth” Series. The ‘KK Drive’ uses The Uplift War. One of the species uses a drive a gravity field which is projected in front of the that suppresses reality, hence no lightspeed barship. The ship moves, then the field moves, etc. rier. Really dangerous concept though. Other Takes advantage of the fact that as you approach species used drives that could only be used at the speed of light, gravitational acceleration is particular points near stars. The humans and constant. their uplifted children utilize a quasi-jump drive augmented with a stasis field to slow down time Gemmell, David. “Sipstrassi Tales” series: for the occupants of the ship. Wolf in Shadow/The Jerusalem Man, Bujold, Lois McMaster. “Miles Vorkosigan” seGhost King, Last Sword of Power, ries and associated books: Shards of Honor, The Last Guardian. The power of the magical The Warrior’s Apprentice, Ethan of Athos, Sipstrassi Stones is used to open gates between Falling Free, Borders of Infinity, different places and times. The gates are direct Brothers In Arms, The Vor Game. This method connections, everything passes through in both of travel utilizes wormholes in the universe. Speways including light and gravity. cial jump pilots are given direct mind-computer links in order to navigate the wormholes. While Haldeman, Joe. The Forever War. A drive that used black holes was used in this novel, but not a jump will take hours for a pilot and will be much of the inner workings were explained. very draining, the rest of the crew do not notice the voyage. Harrison, Harry. Bill the Galactic Hero. A ‘Bloater Drive’ is used which acts like a rubber Chalker, Jack. “Wells of Souls” series. In this seband. You stretch the size of the ship until it ries, the universe is a giant computer running stretches to your destination and then let go of a simulation. Therefore, if you change the bits the tension from the starting point. that represent your location, you change two. Seeing as this can involve a hyperspace approach, AnHeinlein, Robert. Methuselah’s Children. it seems like Faster Than Light. drew Jackson Libby discovers a way to propel Chalker, Jack. the ship through space at barely sublight speeds “Soul Rider” series: Spirits of Flux & Anchor, and the explanation is detailed in the reference 11 in the Sublight section. When the ship travoccur in the space-time continuum. The ship els to the planet of the ‘Gods’ of the Jockaccelerates to a speed near the speed of light aira, the ‘Gods’ use another type of faster than and enters the congruency. If the congruency is light drive in order to transport them to another entered with the right velocity vector, the ship planet, somewhat like Eden. Observing the trip, jumps to a destination point. These congruenLibby talked to the dominant species there and cies are fixed and a fair amount of effort is put came up an analagous faster than light drive. into charting new ones. They then use this drive to return to the Solar System. This drive is also used in Hein- Heinlein, Robert. Time Enough For Love. This drive, the Libby drive, transports the ship to an lein’s books Time Enough For Love, with posalternate dimension when the ship is in flight. sibly some new improvements being made to The ship is totally cut of from the space-time the drive. (q.v. FTL-Books: Heinlein, Robert: continuum and has a side effect of having a poTime Enough For Love, Sublight Books: Heintential to be as many years off target as there lein, Robert: Methuselah’s Children.) are light years in the jump.This is possibly an improved version from the one that is used in Heinlein, Robert A. Number of the Beast, Methuselah’s Children. (q.v. FTL-Books: HeinThe Cat Who Walks Through Walls, lein, Robert: Methuselah’s Children.) To Sail The Sunset. Based in a 6-dimensional space, you can instantaneously travel to where Herbert, Frank. Dune, Dune Messiah. The travel you want to go provided you know the proper used in the book stems from the work of one vectors. Upon arrival, you can be anywhere, anyperson: Holtzmann. In order to travel, it was when, with any speed below that of the speed necessary to use the three-dimensional version of of light. The drive is computer controlled and the ‘Holtzmann Effect’, also called the ‘Suspenuses virtually no power. It can also be as small sor Nullification Effect’. This effect moved the or as possible as the user desires. A good exship into ‘hyperspace’, where the travel speed ample of this is the first test of the drive on a was quicker. Navigators, people who hve muspaceplane, where the drive was disguised as a tated due to overexposure to the spice melange, sewing machine. The mechanics of the drive are we responsible for seeing that the ship got to its like that of a simple gyroscope. If you push a destination quickly and safely. They did this by gyroscope, it moves with a result vector that is searching the possible futures and then bring the ninety degrees from the vector of the push. Exship around that time line. The Navigators were trapolate this into a push from three orthogoimportant as computers didn’t exist in that uninal directions simultaneously. Then assume that verse, due to the work of the Butlerian Jihad. space-time is composed of three space axis and Before him, computers were used to transport three time axis with all of them being orthogthe ships. More about the effects discovered by onal. When that gyroscope is pushed, it will Holtzmann appear in the same heading in the appear from our point of view. However, from section on Ansibles And Other Communication the gyroscopes point of view, one or more of the Devices. (q.v. Ansibles-Books: Herbert, Frank: normal four space-time axis have been rotated Dune, Dune Messiah.) out and replaced with the other two. With six 6 axis there are 66 possible combinations, 666 be- Hogan, James Patrick. Giant’s Star. The coning the number of the beast. With the normal cept used for this drive is the passage of the ship space-time axis plus two more axis, it is possible through and artificially generated toroid-shaped to rotate into another dimension, time, or poblack hole. By controlling the parameters such sition with a result velocity vector in the space as size, rotation speed, attitude, and others, a dimensions being in existance. The device itself hyperspace tunnel was created to a destination is a very simple gyroscope spinning in a vacuum, that could be light years away where a correwith the only energy needed for the drive being sponding black hole was formed and was used to that to keep the gyroscopre spinning. exit hyperspace. If the ships did not gain at least a light days distance from any planets, the black Heinlein, Robert A. Starman Jones. The starhole would disrupt the orbit of the planet. More ship in question accelerated to the speed of light than a light years distance was needed if the ship where it jumped elsewhere through the use of was not designed for this mode of travel. ‘congruencies’. The ‘conguencies’ are a form of space warp that is dependent on the folds that King, Stephen. Tommyknockers. This drive is run 12 off of the minds of the slaves that are kept on board of the ship. The effects on the slaves are not very nice. is the pain that is caused by the Upsilon field and usually only Metapsychics who can use a mitigator to dull the pain can go very fast. As the pain experienced is proportional to speed, passenger ships go nice and slow. Kube-McDowell, Michael P. “Trigon Disunity” series: Emprise, Enigma, and Empry. The AVLO drive creates an artificial gravity field in McCaffery, Anne. “Dragonriders of Pern” series. In this series, all of the creatures descended from front of the ship, causing the ship to “fall” into dragons have the ability to go “between”. There it. Because the field’s distance to the starship is one book in which they actually travel to anis fixed, the field “falls” at the same rate as the other planet by this method in order to try and ship, producing forward acceleration. The accelkill alien spores. As the dragons go to a cold, eration is constant right up to lightspeed, and bedark void, and then out of their destination, it yond, into the “craze” of FTL speeds. The ship could be argued that they are going through is cut off from the outside universe during the jump space at the time. craze, and significant time dialation occurs. A small percentage of people undergoing the craze McCollum, Michael. “Antares” Series. The indevelop psychological problems due to being unstantaneous transport scheme used here is based able to tell if the universe is still there outside upon the heavy gravity wells of stars. In these the ship. wells exist folds that are half of a pair of folds. It is then possible to travel from one fold to its Uses L’Engel, Madelaine. A Wrinkle in Time. partner fold. The heavier the star, the more the idea that space and time can be folded so fold points are contained within its gravity well. that any two points touch. A “tesserect” is used The existence of the folds themselves are actufor travel and the three ladies, Mrs. Who, Mrs. ally functions of the mass of the star and of the What, and Mrs. Which use mental power in ortarget star. If a star goes supernova, all fold der to travel through the “tesseract” to their despoints leading to that star are either destroyed tination. or severely distorted instantaneously. As well as Longyear, Barry B. SHAWNA, Ltd.. This short the fold points near the star being changed, all story uses a device called the SHAWNA (Suof “foldspace” was altered, some effects being inperluminal Hegelian Absolutized World Neospastantaneous and some effects spreading outwards tial Amplifier) which allows philosophers to sit at the speed of light. around and to think the ship from one place to Niven, Larry. “Known another. Space” Series/Universe. Technology purchased Martin, George. “WildCard” Sefrom aliens where there is a fixed speed-limit of ries. Dr. Tachyon’s ship, ‘Baby’, uses a tachyon x light years per hour. This rate of transport depropulsion system where the ship and its occupends which hyperspace is entered as there are pants are transformed or considered to behave five levels ranging from, ‘I want to be there now’ like a single particle, in this case a tachyon. A to ‘Next month is okay too’. Weird psychological weapon is also used that follows these principles. effects on people travelling through this hyperThe Takisian names for the drive and weapon space, as the hyperspace is treated as a big blind are ‘ghostdrive’ and ‘ghostlance’. The reason for spot by the optic nerves. While it is possible to Faster Than Light travel is the property of the go outside of the ship in hyperdrive, it is quite emulated particle, in this case the tachyon which possible that you will forget what sight is until can theoretically travel faster than the speed of you look back at the ship. Therefore, while it light. is possible to have your eyes open and your face towards the viewport, it is impossible to look out May, Julian. “Exiles” Series. Ships pass into a of the viewport. There is also a strange disapplace called ‘the grey limbo’ in order to travel. pearance that occurs if the jump passes too close An ‘Upsilon field’ is created for the ship to enter to a gravity well. and exit hyperspace, and if the spacial lattices of the ship are not adjusted properly to the new Niven, Larry and Pournelle. surroundings after emergence, then ‘the rubber The Mote In God’s Eye. Takes place in the fuband effect’ sends the ship back to its original ture of the CoDominium universe (q.v. Pourpoint. The problem with this mode of transport nelle, Jerry) about 1000 years and uses Pour13 nelle’s Alderson drive.. (q.v. FTL-Books: Pournelle,Jerry: “CoDominium Series”.) than light systems are mentioned, but are not described in detail. Niven, Larry. One Face. The ship travels into an Scott, Melissa. Five-Twelfths of Heaven, Silence in Solitude, ‘Overspace’ which has two possible subspaces: The Empress of Earth. Alchemy is used in order c=0 or c=infinity. Interesting consequences if to get the ship into hyperspace where medieval the wrong one is entered. Apparently, this type symbology used in the drive can take effect. of drive is the ancestor of the drives used in the Known Space universe. Shaw, Bob. Night Walk. The faster than light travel is accomplished with a hyperspace that Niven, Larry. One-Way Street. In this short story, is very warped with respect to our space. In the a really novel approach is used. The crew is beginning, it was very hard to predict where you placed in suspended animation for a sublight would end up, so drones were send out to hopevoyage to the destination, followed by a time fully find useful routes, and once found, they travel backwards to the starting date of the jourwere jealously guarded. However, the hero of ney. Depending on the method used to travel the story discovers that the hyperspace maps to backwards, this could be considered Faster Than some previously abstract mathematical space. Light. Pohl, Frederick. “Heechee” Series. By removing Simmons, Dan. Hyperion, The Fall of Hyperion. The ‘Hawking Effect Drive’ is a faster than light all of the mass from the ship, the limitation drive that experiences the problem of the objecabout accelerating masses to luminal velocities tive time, that is the time experienced by the would disappear. traveller, is less than the subjective time, that Pournelle, Jerry. “CoDominium” Series, is the time experienced by people that are not A Step Father Out. Transportation was possimoving. The ships are then able to set up ‘sinble using the drive along lines of equal nucleargularity spheres’ which are used for interstelmagnetic flux between stars. This only works for lar distance teleporters called ‘farcasters’, and is certains points in space. There were a series of further described in the entry under the Gates these points around most stars, some within the section. An ansible is used and is described photospheres of some of these stars. (A friend under the Ansibles sections. (q.v. Ansibleof his, Dan Alderson, wrote a six page proof on Books, Gates-Books: Simmons, Dan: Hyperion, how this couldn’t work, and Pournelle named the The Fall of Hyperion.) drive after him for pointing this fact out.) Thus of a ship would jump at star one and would jump Smith, Cordwainer. “Instrumentality Mankind” Series: to star two. This drive is called the Alderson The Colonel Came Back From Nothing-At-All, Drive and produces a slight amount of discomThe Game of Rat and Dragon, fort after use. One theory is that the drive sends The Burning of the Brain. Uses two kinds of the vessel to an alternate universe where gravity drives, the Space-2 and Space-3 drives. While wells are inverted and thusly, the ship would slide most of the details are left out, the Space-2 drive down one gravity gradient and glide up another involves going two dimensional. These drives are gradient before instantaneously appearing in the put onto ‘planoforming’ ships which have defense target solar system. This drive is explained in crews which consist of teams of feline and huvery good detail in the book A Step Farther Out man ‘pinlighters’ who ward of the energy-beast which is edited by Pournelle. ‘dragons’ who live there. After jumps using the Sagan, Carl. Contact. The drive used in this book Space-3 drive (which was instantaneous), a ‘Gouses wormholes for travel. Captain’ would consult star charts to figure out how far off course they were. In the last story, an Schmitz, James H. The Witches of Karres. The indication is made that a drive could be hooked residents of the planet Karres have developed up to a mansion so that people could have a a form of magic. One of its more useful manpleasant afternoon at a cocktail party, end up ifestations is the “Sheewash Drive”, which is a at their destination in a leisurely fashion. mentally powered drive that can propel spaceships (and, with enough people, planets) at very Smith, E.E. “Doc”. “Lensman” Series. Drive renders ship inertialess. Speeds of greater than 100 high speeds exceeding that of light. Other faster 14 parsecs per hour. People uncomfortable due to Zahn, Timothy. Cascade Point, A total loss of inertia. Collisions with inert objects Evidence of Things Not Seen (novellas). “Colloton field” is generated around a stationcause ship to stop and ‘tractors’ pull the vesary ship. While in this field, small real rotasels together. Speed limit is that of the friction tions of the ship produce huge displacements of of interstellar gas against the shields of the vesthe ship’s position in “real” space, measured in sel versus the thrust of the main drive (which lightyears. There are only certain locations at is reactionless). Much better at intergalactic which this works correctly; they are called “casspace then intragalactic space due to density cade points.” The ships must use a sublight drive changes. Also, a hyperspatial tube, a mind conto travel from one point to the next. In the stotrolled ‘Gunther Drive’, and a hyperspace drive ries, the Colloton drive is used commercially, but are used. not fully understood. Ships are known to simSmith, E.E. “Doc”. Spacehounds of the IPC. A ply disappear. A poorly-understood side-effect cosmic intake is used in order to allow the ship of the drive is that while the Colloton field is ento move at slower than light speeds. gaged, images of the crew and passengers appear that are apparently alternate-universe versions Spinrad, Norman. ‘Subjectivity’ from of them. They are unsettling to most people; for The Last Hurrah of the Gloden Horde. A starthat reason, everyone but the pilot of the ship is ship crew is drugged out on Omnidrene, a new drugged during cascade rotations. hallucinogen, and move their ship by instantaneously concentrating together. While techni- Zahn, Timothy. Warhorse. “Space Horses” were cally not a drive, a drive is developed by sciendiscovered, a life-form that lives in space, and tists observing what had happened. feeds on elements found in small asteroids. They have the ability to jump instantaneously from Spinrad, Norman. The Void Captain’s Tale. Apstar-system to star-system. They are nonparantly a faster than light drive is used here sapient, but can be tamed. A ship tethered to a which is sex-powered. horse goes with it when it jumps. Why the horses can do what they do is not understood, but that Vance, Jack. The Killing Machine. The drive used doesn’t stop intelligent beings from making use here is often referred to as Vance’s standard of them. faster than light drive. Movies and Television: Vance, Jack. The Palace Of Love. An ‘intersplit’ drive is used to make the ship go faster Battlestar Galactica. The ships are able to move than light. A substance called ‘space-foam’ is at superluminal velocities by using a Maron “whorled into a spindle; the pointed ends crack drive. This drive creates a field around the ship and split the foam, which has no inertia; the which allows for great velocities inside of the ship inside the whorl is insulated from the effiled. A chemical fuel, tylium, is used in order fects of the universe; the slightest force propels to generate the enormous power needed to make it at an unthinkable rate. Light curls through the the field work. whorl, we have the illusion of seeing the passing universe.” Therefore, if someone were to carry a Blake’s 7. A time-distort system is used that distorts space-time where a plasma drive is utilized small unit like this on his person, they would befor the travel itself. The result is that the bubcome invisible and a single breath would be capable goes faster than light with the ship encase ble of drifting a million miles in a single breath. within. Vance, Jack. Rialto the Marvelous. The castle, through the use of magic, is able to obtain faster Doctor Who. The TARDIS, a vessel that is transdimensional, is able to travel through the use than light speeds. of the vortex. The vessel itself only exists as Wren, M.K. “The an inner dimension, and an outer appearance is Phoenix Rebellion” series: Sword of the Lamb, normally maintained when the ship is not going Shadow of the Swan, House of the Wolf. A hythrough the time-vortex. As the outside of the perdrive is used powered by matter/anti-matter ship does not technically exist, it is easy for the annihilation. Later this is replaced by matter vessel to move quickly throughout the universe transmission. as it does not have to observe the rules regarding 15 the speed of light. This requires a massive power source, like that gained by arresting a black hole. if the fold-jump drive is actually repititions of the first drive, or if the ship goes into a hyperspace where there are time-dilation effects. Dune. Unlike the book, in the movies, humans who have been genetically altered for a higher psy- Star Trek, The Original Series. By placing a chic capability using the spice Melange are able ship inside of a ‘warp bubble’, that is a field to change the physical location of an object by where the ship can break certain laws of physics simply wishing it to go somewhere else. (q.v. as we know them, the ship can break the speed of FTL-Books; Herbert, Frank; Dune) light barrier. Warp speed is Warp Factor cubed times the speed of light. Explorers. In this movies, the kids dream up and create a generator that causes an inertialess bub- Star Trek, the Next Generation. Like the origble to be created. The kids then build the ship inal Star Trek, but faster. Due to technologifrom scrap parts. cal advances, the ship can be placed in alternating warp fields to gain a theoretical maximum of 100,000 times the speed of light. Warp speed is figured at the Warp Factor quintupled times the speed of light, that is to say that theoretically, Warp 10 is the fastest speed possible. Last Starfighter. The StarDrive that is used here allows the vessel to cover great distances in really short amounts of time. Doppler red shift is included. Planet of the Apes. The ship that is used in the movies seems to be capable of faster than light Star Wars Trilogy: Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi. travel, or sublight travel with a time warp effect. Uses the idea of a hyperspace where some of the It is used in order to get to the future planet laws of the universe are reversed, in particular, Earth, and the two intelligent chimpanzees use ships cannot travel slower than the speed of light. the drive to get back to the past in order to try Therefore, all hyperspace-capable starcraft have and stop the holocaust. a device called a ’hyperspace motivator’ which Robotech. There are three types of drives that are shifts the ship into hyperspace. Objects that exused. The first two are part of the same drive. ist in real space have an analogue in hyperspace, The ‘SpaceFold’ system uses the drive as a one except for a realspace object that is currently shot jump, and the superluminal drive uses the in hyperspace. This makes navigation incredibly reaction on a continuous basis. The ‘protoculcomplex and navigational computers (nav’puters ture’ that is used to power the drive is mixed )are used to calculate the pathways before a hywith magnetic monopole ore, the result being the perspace jump. creation of a fold in space. The ship then jumps across the fold and arrives at the new point. The Games: spores from a plant called the ‘Flower of Life’, can also be placed in a sealed container at a given 2300 AD. An follow up to the game, Twilight 2000, the drive used called the ‘stutterwarp’ creates pressure. As a result, cell division is arrested and little jumps within spacetime. These jumps are the resulting heat is transferred into electrical enusually 100-200m quantum jumps which gives ergy. The side effect is that the machines that the ship the illusion of flickering or stuttering utilize this energy gain a form of semi-sentience forward. The tunneling or jumping that is perin the form of reflexes. The third type of drive formed is repeated millions of time per second. uses a mutant strain of the Flower of Life called Unfortunately, within a gravity field greater than the ‘Ur’ flower. The two setbacks of this drive 1/10000th of a gee, the efficiency of the drive are that people age while the drive is operating, drops to 0.01%. Therefore, a ship trying to jump and that only the beings from the planet that from Earth (Terra), would have to be 2.4 Astrothe Ur flowers come from can activate the flower nomical Units from the Sun, not allowing for the and hence the drive. The beings must touch the possibilities of planets close to the ship. This is flower before it is put into the engine, as opposed apparently one of the only superluminal drives to the Flower of Life where anyone with a matrix based on existing physical concept. Similar drive can make protoculture from the Flower of Life. (but without the gravity problem) can be found The first drive can also be called a hyperjaunt in the “Flandry” series, by Poul Anderson. (q.v. drive, the second is a fold-jump system, with the FTL-Books: Anderson, Poul: “Flandry” series.) third definitely being superluminal. It is unclear 16 Battletech. Here, the Kearney-Fuchida Jump drive and travels at an angle perpendicular to the noris used. The drive coil rips the fabric of space mal space. There seems to be a limit if one open allowing the ship to travel to the target month in T-space before fatal problems arise. star. Most jump points are at the zenith or nadir Included for (the north and south poles of a star) and the Spelljammer. Spelljammer Helm. completeness, this drive is magical in nature, jump distance is limited to approximately nine and allows the ship in question to travel through parsecs. space. All laws suspended here. Expendables, Stellar Games. In this game, the 1 most modern form of hyperdrive was sold Star Frontiers. The ship accelerates to 6 speed of light where an effect that is natural in the uniuniquely by a group called The Company, who verse causes the ship to go into a hyperspace that also regulated the fuel used for the drive. The lasts for a few seconds. The ship then exits at the fact that the drive itself was a container for a other side and must begin braking maneuvers. bizarre alien creature that lived around the event horizon of black holes, and developed an ability Star Wars. See the entry under the Star Wars Trilto warp between two points in space as a natuogy. (q.v. FTL-Movies and Television; Star ral ability. The larger the creature, the larger the Wars Trilogy) ship that it could transport. Also need was hardware to translate the computer co-ordinates into Traveller, MegaTraveller. Jump Drives. The signals that the creature could understand and ship goes into another dimension where it goes to thereby guide the creature to where they wanted a corresponding point that represents its position to go. The creatures had to be continually fed in the normal universe. The transition is made with a fuel only made at the event horizon of using high energies (achieved by fusing enormous a black hole, with a larger amount being fed to amounts of hydrogen very fast) and using that the creature at jump time. The shipowners were energy to tear a hole in the fabric of the unitotally unaware of the nature of their drive. verse into Jumpspace. While in Jumpspace, an internal Grid creates a containment field that GURPS Space. Hyperdrives. Class of drives where allows normal physical laws to be retained as the ship travels for finite durations through a Jumpspace has other laws. These laws are so space that is not ‘real space’. Ships can usually varied that closeness to the protective field will navigate and maneuver in ‘hyperspace’, but they result in insanity or death. Some species are toare unable to perceive or otherwise effect anytally unable to exist, even in a protective field, thing in ‘real space’. The transit time through with Jumpspace. The maximum jump distance this dimension may be different from the time has been built into the drives and is Jump6. Evmeasured in the home dimension. ery jump takes approximately 160 hours, with the amount of fuel used for the jump being proGURPS Space. Jump Drives. Instantaneous portional to the mass of the vessel and the distransmission of the object through great distance to be jumped. The one important concept tances. This automatically precludes any mais that a ship should not enter Jumpspace near neuvering while going faster than light as the gravity wells. Any violation of this usually leads amount of time at that speed is not perceivable. to misjumps which will place the ship at a wrong Depending on the campaign setting, the starting destination, damage to the ship and/or the crew, point and the destination point may be limited. effect the time needed for a jump, or destroy the ship totally. If a ship is not only within a gravGURPS Space. Warp Drives. Any drive that cirity well, but also very close to a gravity source, cumvents the speed of light on travel through the ship will be attracted to that source, usu‘real space’. This type of a ship is able to perally emerging within 100 diameters of the mass. ceive and effect the ‘real’ universe even though it Once a ship has entered jump space, the only is going at faster than light speeds. The ship is way to abort the jump is the destruction of the also able to maneuver and navigate in the ‘real ship. space’. Renegade Legion. A tachyon drive is used where Universe. Each ‘jump ship’ contains a psionic navigation officer and the jump grid which is a grid the ship is accelerated to a speed just short of of magnetic monopoles. The navigation officer that of light, and then activating the tachyon pictures the destination and imposes this on the drive. The ship is then transferred to T-space 17 grid. As the grid changes, the ship jumps. This DeChancie, John. “Starrigger” books. The gateis really bad if done in a gravity well and the navways used in this series of books are in the form igator stands a chance of getting psionic backof an interstellar highway built by an unknown lash. power. Roads across the planets lead to giant, rotating, levitating cylinders which bracket the Warhammer 40,000. Like other methods, this one road. Vehicles travelling in the right speed range uses a warp space. The main difference is that are instantly teleported to a similar pair of such the warp space used is like a fluid. Thus, in orcylinders on another planet. The process is not der to go from point A to point B, you need to reversible, so people are reluctant to map unexcatch a current and ride that current. A point plored areas for fear that they will not be able of interest is that there are physical landmarks to get home. in this version of warp space. As there are no landmarks, psychic Navigators are used in order Feist, Raymond. Magician Apprentice, Magician Master, Darkness At Sethanon. An to locate psychic beacons that have been set up. interdimensional rift exists between the worlds. The problem with this is that only people from the Navigator families that have the Navigator Harrison, Harry. One Step From Earth. This gene are able to do this. In order to keep the psybook is a collection of stories using a “matter chic beacons activating, thousands of lives each transmitter” that forms a gateway between one day must be sacrificed in order to keep them place and the other. going. If this was not complicated enough, a species called ‘Warp Demons’ lives in the warp Herbert, Frank. The Dosadi Experiment, space and want to take over the normal universe. Whipping Star. These novels use gates that are controlled by sentient stars that have a four-dimensional consciousness. Also used were psionicists for the purpose of communication. (q.v. Ansible-Books: Herbert, Frank. The Dosadi Experiment, Whipping Star.) Gates & Teleportation (Unknown). The Stars My Destination. People in society use trainable psychic power in order to Langford, David. “The Space Eater”. Anomalous teleport to their destination. They have to be Physics gates. AP devices vary fundamental conable to visualize the destination, otherwise you stants to get their effect. Imagine E = mc2 as c would ’blue jaunt’ and teleport into a wall and approaches infinity. The first AP gate was about explode. Unique in the fact that to prevent bur10 feet across; it eventually blew up (taking half glary to houses, mazes were built behind the of North America) and causing ∼10% of the stars doors so that the theives wouldn’t ever get into in the Galaxy to simultaneously nova. A safer the house and therefore be able to teleport in version exists, but is only 1.95 centimetres across and out at will. — they chop you into little bits and push you through. Good book! Chalker, Jack. “Soul Rider” series: Spirits of Flux & Anchor, Niven, Larry. “The Theory and Practice of TeleEmpires of Flux & Anchor, portation” (Speculative Essay). This form of Masters of Flux & Anchor, travel is definitely unique. Niven supposes a ship Birth of Flux & Anchor, that has a teleport sender at one end, and a reChildren of Flux & Anchor. The gates are ceiver at the other end. In order to move, the maintained by large computers that are capaship repetitively teleports itself in front of itself. ble of digitizing large amounts of mass and then blasting them through the ‘Flux’ and the hav- O’Donnell Jr., Kevin. “The Journeys of McGill Feighan” series: Caverns, Reefs, Lava, Cliffs. In ing them reconstructed on the other side by an this series, there exists ‘Flingers’, people charged equally powerful computer. A description of the with the duty of teleporting people from star to ‘Flux’ is given in the Faster Than Light section. star. There are many interesting twists such as a (q.v. FTL-Books: Chalker, Jack: “Soul Rider” precise mass cutoff while ‘flinging’, a strict maxSeries.) imum on the number of ‘flings’ per day, as well Clarke, Arthur C. 2001, 2010. A cosmic gateway as the fact that a ‘flinger’ must have visited a was used. place in order to Fling someone else to it. The 18 ‘Flinger’ must go with cargo and or passengers and the limit for extra weight is exactly 918 kilograms. the other person, the message is instantaneously transmitted, no matter how far the distance is, and the large objects that are in the way end up emitting the radio waves themselves. The two-dimensional version of the effect, called the ‘Holtzmann Shield’ is used quite often in the book. The three-dimensional effect is described in detail under the same heading in the Book section of the Faster Than Light drive section. (q.v. FTL-Books: Herbert, Frank: Dune, Dune Messiah.) Simmons, Dan. Hyperion, The Fall of Hyperion. Gates were established by using ‘singularity spheres’ set up by ships travelling at faster than light speeds. These spheres enabled the use of ‘farcasters’, interstellar distance teleport devices that allow for the instantaneous transfer of matter by simply stepping through a gate that is created by the device. The system of these ‘farcasters’ is known as the Web, and the gen- Herbert, Frank. The Dosadi Experiment, eral impression is that each planet has an exWhipping Star. These novels use psionicists as pensive piece of hardware in orbit that powers communication devices. The psionicists who are the gates on the planet below. (q.v. Ansiblecapable of telepathy are used to communicate Books, FTL-Books: Simmons, Dan: Hyperion, across interstellar distances. All known telepaths The Fall of Hyperion.) are in the employ of the communications company. (q.v. FTL-Books: Herbert, Frank. Van Vogt, A.E. The Dosadi Experiment, Whipping Star.) The Arsenals of Isher, The Weaponsmiths. Instantaneous matter transmission is used within LeGuin, Ursula K. the solar system by the arsenals. A superluminal Rocannon’s World, The Left Hand of Darkness, drive is also created later by someone working inThe Dispossessed. The author coined the term dependently, but now details are given. ‘ansible’. The techincal definition of an ansible is a communication device, one end of which is Zelazny, Roger. Creatures of Light and Darkness. mobile, and the other end which must be firmly In this book, a gate is used for travelling. rooted within a gravity well. It violates relativity by allowing instantaneous communication across Zelazny, Roger. “Amber” series. In this series, vast distances. travel between the different worlds is accomplished by use of ‘Shadow’. Sheffield, Charles. Between the Strokes of Night. Zelazny, Roger. Changeling, Madwand, As in the entry under sub-light drives and methRoadmarks. In these books, the concept of havods of communication, the concept of S-space ing a road that you can travel that goes between is used with respect to communication. As the worlds is used. metabolic rates are slowed down, the messages seems to take days, not months and years, to get from the sender to the receiver. Ansibles and Other Communications Devices Card, Orson Scott. Ender’s Game, Speaker For The Dead. Used an ansible which was able to transport communications almost instantaneously. (q.v. Sublight-Books: Card, Orson Scott, Ender’s Game, Speaker for the Dead, The Worthing Saga.) Simmons, Dan. Hyperion, The Fall of Hyperion. The ‘fatline’ communication system that is used is a tachyon based system that is independent of the Web. (q.v. FTL-Books,Gates-Books: Simmons, Dan: Hyperion, The Fall of Hyperion.) Standard Spaceflight Herbert, Frank. Dune, Dune Messiah. The com- Anderson, Poul. Tau Zero. Slower than light munication is based on the work of Holtzmann. travel is achieved including a time dilation facThe one-dimensional effect, called ‘Holtzmann tor. Waves’, creates catastrophic folds in the spacetime continuum which produce long radio waves Burroughs, Edgar Rice. “Mars” series. Rays that controlled gravity were used nad were hept whenever they impact significant amounts of in tanks. matter. Therefore, you point your radio at 19 Card, Orson Scott. Ender’s Game, Heinlein, Robert A. Time for the Stars. Sublight Speaker for the Dead, The Worthing Saga. The travel is achieved with time dilation being taken use of slower than light, relativistic travel is into effect communication is achieved by the use shown here, complete with the time-dilation efof ESP. fects. The drive itself allows the ship to go to speeds near that of that of light and then back, Lindsay, David. A Voyage To Arcturus. This drive relies on ‘back rays’, which are similar making trips subjectively take weeks. Due to to light rays that get attracted to the star that this, Ender Wiggins of the first two books, and they originated from. If you fill a container with Jason Worthing of the last book have lived long them, then the container, and the vessel attached as they have spent a lot of time in transit. They to it, will move towards the star in question. also use an ansible, but not much about it is ever known. (q.v. Ansible-Books: Card, Orson Scott: Niven, Larry and Pournelle, Jerry. Ender’s Game, Speaker for the Dead.) Footfall. Uses ORIONs to push the ship along. (q.v. Miscellaneous: ORIONs.) Chandler, Bertram A. (Unknown). Uses a Mannschenn drive. Rackham, John. The Proxima Project. The ship Clarke, Arthur C. Imperial Earth. Uses the ‘Asymptotic Drive’ which keeps a charged quantum black hole in the drive chamber using magnetic fields. Gas pumped into the chamber is sucked into the black hole which in turn emits photons which excite the remaining gas. The gas molecules fly out the drive outlet making a very efficient reaction drive. Obsolete due to Hawking’s work on black hole evaporation. is propelled by the overbalancing of inertia. A massive piston moves down very slowly and up very quickly... thousands of times per second. The result is the ship that houses the piston begins to rise. Think of being in a canoe. It is possible to move the canoe by leaning back very slowly and then move forward with a big jerk. This drive, while feasible for atmospheric travel, does not work in space due to the fact that in order for the above to work, an appropriate frictional surface or medium is needed. It can further be argued that most of the generated energy in a medium would go to heating the vessel. This Dick, Philip K. The Unteleported Man. story is based on a colony planet where you can teleport to the planet, but are unable to teleport back. The title character sets off to the colony Sheffield, Charles. Between the Strokes of Night. by way of a sublight ship. After experimenters in sleep research discover a stable metabolic rate which is 2000 times slower Forward, Robert. Rocheworld. A solar sail is used than normal for humans. Physicists also discover with the sun’s light being concentrated by a laser a hyperspace called S-Space where the speed of and a detachable part is used as a brake when light is 2000 times slower due to the space itthe destination is reached. self. Therefore, people lower there metabolic rates and go into to S-Space, travel at 0.1 times Heinlein, Robert. Future History. In one of the the speed of light, and get to the next solar sysLazarus Long stories an inertialess drive is used tem in only a month instead of 100-200 years. to go just under the speed of light. As well, since everything is slowed down, only Heinlein, Robert. Methuselah’s Children. The supplies for a month are necessary. The problem type of sublight used here was one that made the is that only the metabolic rates of the people in ship inertialess and allowed the Howards to esthe ship are changed, the laws of the surroundcape the solar system. This operated on the prining universe are not. While, from the traveller’s ciple that when the ship lost all inertia, the light viewpoint, the ship seems to be going faster than pressure of the Sun would kick it away at just light, sub-light speeds are used with a form of under the speed of light. This was made possisuspended animation. The “immortals” in the ble by Andrew Jackson Libby. (q.v. FTL-Books; book also use suspended animation to make the Heinlein, Robert: Methuselah’s Children.) transit time appear to be nothing. Heinlein, Robert. Rocketship Galileo. This drive Sheffield, Charles. “MacAndrew” stories: The MacAndrew Chronicles. In this series, uses a type of drive that is called a Nerva system. Instead of using a fission plant to turn a turbine, a sub-light drive is used that uses quantum methe superheated fluid is used as a propulsive jet. chanical vacuum energy, thus getting something 20 from nothing. Of equal interest is the feature Sleeper Ships. The ship in question travels at norused to compensate for inertia at high acceleramal velocities with all of the people on board in tions. The thrusters are mounted on a huge disk suspended animation. of condensed matter with the living quarters on a column behind this disk. The distance from the living quarters to the disk is adjustable so that gravitational attraction of the disk matches the inertial force due to acceleration. Vinge, Vernor. Marooned in Realtime. The “bobbles” are perfect spherical time stasis fields. They have numerous applications; one of them is to encase a ship in one, then explode a series of atom-bombs next to it, like Orion. The passengers are completly insulated from the effects, including the massive acceleration, due to the stasis field. The time stasis results in a vastly reduced perception of travel time, so it is suitable for long interstellar trips. Miscellaneous Bussard Ramjets. These are drives that scoop up ambient atoms in the surrounding area, and use them in order to make the ship move. Generation ships. These are usually ships with sublight drives that travel great distances. In order to survive until the destination is reached, the ships is made with the purpose of generations of people being able to live on the ship itself. Hyperspace. A common feature of hyperspace is that, as the mapping between it and real space is usually quite random, a small error in hyperspace means a big error in real space. Stories are written about ships that got lost doing a jump. Light Sails. These are sails made of special materials that capture the waves of photons going through the universe. It has the same effect that a wind sail has on an ocean. ORIONs. Coming from the original form, Project ORION. Project ORION made use of nuclear weapons dropped one at a time behind the ship, which has a larger ‘pusher plate’ affixed to the rear. The resultant shockwave from each explosion pushes the ship forward. Messy when used for launching from Earth. Use on Earth and in space is now forbidden by international law, due to the Limited Test Ban Treaty of 1983. (q.v. Sublight-Books: Niven, Larry and Pournelle, Jerry: Footfall.) 21 “Invisible, to telescopic eyes. . . . . . Infinity, the star that would not die.” — Rush: Cygnus — Navero — Of the Correct and Unalterable Way Chapters XI, XII, and the ‘teens c 1990 Daniel Parsons Harvey Mudd College, Claremont, CA Navero, of the Correct & Unalterable Way, made his Arlor: “Um. . . climb a smooth wall over boiling debut on the Internet during the 89-90 school year lava?” and has been the Roleplayer’s favorite alterboy ever since. Chapters eleven thru nineteen appear below Rourk: “Whatever is on the other side is sure to be very interesting. Else, there would not be any with the author’s consent. lava. Surely you do not believe it could have occurred naturally in these regions! Or perhaps you do. But that does not matter; I will not allow a dwarvish coward to keep me from glory and renown.” — XI — When last we saw our heroes. . . (and heroine) Kortul: “Too risky. Fumes could kill us. Go other way.” • Navero, male human cleric, 2nd level Navero: “I don’t want Arlor to go. We should go the other way. It smells very bad.” • Dania, female 1/2-elf MU, 2nd level • Rourk Ravensbane, male drow cavalier, 2nd level • Kortul, male human fighter, 2nd level Dania: “Right. Come on.” Rourk: “I see. As I am outvoted, I shall go along with it. Don’t say I am insensitive my companions’ fears.” • Razuli, male human fighter, 1st level • Arlor, male dwarf thief, 1st level . . . they were in the large cavern just beyond the staked barrier in the Orc caverns. There were entrances in the north and east, with the entrance they came in the west. The cave was dry, dead, and uninteresting. We decided to continue; there was an immediate disagreement about which way to go, but it was eventually decided to go north. We trekked up there, and discovered another cave, only there was no floor. Instead, there was a pit filled with bubbling molten lava. The heat was quite intense, and the sulfurous gasses produced almost unbearable. Another entrance was visible, about 20 feet to the left, but we elected not to try for it. At least, most of us. Arlor: “You want me to what?” Razuli: “Why don’t you go in, Rourk? Maybe it’s just an illusion and if you try, you can walk right across.” Rourk: “Superior vision is well known in my family. I would not be fooled by some craven spell.” Dania: “Riiiiight.” So we went back to the entrance cave and went to the east. This passage was quite narrower, and so we decided it would be best to go single file. Again, the problem of marching order was resurrected. Rourk: “I do not believe such a large blade would be of much use in a small passage. This requires a delicacy and agility you lack. Besides, if you guard the rear of the group, there is less likelihood the enemy will smell us coming.” Razuli: “C’mon! It’s simple! We just tie a rope around you, and you climb the wall over the lava until you reach that exit! Then, we follow you Razuli: “Kids, kids! We’ve been over and over this over on the rope.” before. Can’t you just go in?” 22 Kortul: “Elf incompetent. Already shown that.” We quickly deduced that we could dip something in the sticky fluid, and it would cling; coating an entire Rourk: “Incompetent? You have managed to im- torch easily produced an illumination that equaled press me; that had 4 syllables in it, and I had the lantern. Now having a better light source, we thought such to be beyond you. But then, you put out the lantern and continued on to the east. would be familiar with a word used so often by those around you.” We went walking east; the passage was wide enough for two at this point, and so there was little argument Kortul: “Yes. Been around you a month, now.” abut marching order. We went down the dark passage, which curved gradually northwards and became Dania: “Oh, Jesus Christ. Will somebody get the very dirty as it did so. We were going up a slight infuck in there?” cline, when all of a sudden, the dirt beneath our feet burst open, and something leaped out and attacked! Razuli: “Get my fuck into where?” Rourk: “Cleric! Keep the light up!” (Cuts, hits the Rourk: “I shall lead.” (Strides off) main body.) (Pause.) Navero: “I got dirt in my eyes!” Dania: “Do you think we should follow him?” Dania: “FuckingshitgoddamnbastardwhatISit” (Casts magic missile) Navero: “Well, he might meet something that might try to kill him. And we should be there.” Kortul: (Chops. Hits. Crunch.) Razuli: “A tunneler worm! I saw one in a farmer’s field!” Razuli: “Yeah. Then we can all sit and laugh at him.” Navero: (Shoves glow-torch between it’s mandibles.) Kortul: (Grumbles) “Come on.” Razuli: “Keep out of it’s way!” (Shoves Navero into We all went down the eastern passage. After a short wall.) time, we saw a glow up ahead. This was coming from a pool of luminous liquid in the middle of a small Navero: “OOF!” cave. On the ceiling above this, there was a cluster of Thing: (Sprays acid, torch dissolves.) luminous fungi; every so often, a drop of the glowing, gummy liquid would drip off and plop into the pool. Rourk: “GLORY AND DEATH! GLORY AND DEATH!” (Cuts into a leg.) There were exits in the east and south. Rourk: “There you are! Humbled by my example?” Dania: “WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP?!” Thing: (Dives back into the ground.) Kortul: “You make good scout.” Kortul: “Shit. Not dead.” Rourk: “I am the advance guard. Come here and see this discovery of mine. These mushrooms are obviously magical; what do you know of them, Mage?” Razuli: “Quiet!” Rourk: “I refuse. . . ” Razuli: “We can hear when it comes back!” Dania: “Nothing. Why should I study fungi?” We waited, still and listening, but it did not come Navero: “Actually, they look more like slime mold back. We never did find out what it was, and had to go back for another glow-torch. Further up the tunthan mushrooms.” nel, we discovered a large quantity of animal bones, Game Master: What’s a slime mold? How many crocodile and boar and such. Nothing here was very interesting, so we continued on. The passage was runhit dice? ning almost straight north at this point, and began to Navero: “Uh. . . I was a gardener at the monastery. narrow. Kortul, in a rare moment of quickness, took They’re harmless fungi. Please don’t kill them.” the lead, and was the first to notice the spider-webs. 23 Kortul: “Big spider.” Arlor: “Um, nope. Nope.” Rourk: “You are afraid of insects? Very well then; Navero: “Perhaps we should leave them? They’re not hurting anything.” stand aside.” Rourk: “I agree. There is little honor in slaying bugs, particularly if they have nothing of value. Let us return, and go another way.” Razuli: “Navero, light a torch.” Dania: “We don’t need more light, Nav.” Razuli: “That’s what you do with spiders. Roast Dania: “Aye.” ’em. To a nice crackly crunch.” Razuli: “I what?” Dania: “It would be better if we kept, uh, open flame to an absolute minimum, you know? I Dania: “Shut up.” mean, we might hit a gas pocket, or catch some- We all returned to the glowing fungus cave, prepared body’s clothes on fire, or something.” another couple of glow-torches, and set off to the Razuli: “What are you so bitchy about? Too young south. for PMS.” “Why can’t we run into something simple, like another Dragon?” Dania: “Fuck you. It’s too dangerous.” Razuli: “It’s too dangerous to fuck you? Well, I. . . ” — Dan Parsons Navero: “Please stop saying things like that.” — XII — Razuli: “What was that?” Navero: “Please stop saying things like that to Da- Our heroes (and heroine) went south from the glow fungus cave, down a wide passage. Dania, Navero, nia.” and Razuli held lights, glow torches obtained from Razuli: “Well, excuse me!” the pool. Navero kept the map (I showed the DM that he really was carrying pen, ink, and paper; also Dania: “You’re excused. Bye.” fireplace tongs, a folding chair, 11 herbs and spices, Rourk: “Will you all stop this annoying bickering. and about a gallon of Holy water. “The Lords smile You try my patience as it is. Priest! Light a upon those who are prepared.”) torch.” The passage winded southward until it gradually Navero: “Dania thinks we shouldn’t.” widened into a small cave with a dry stream bed going through. The floor was sandy, especially in Kortul: “Get torch lit.” the stream bed. From the entrance, we could see no Dania: “But fires are dangerous! Fuck the torch. . . ” hostile entities, and so we went in and examined the room. One of the first things we saw was a giant caraRazuli: “You’re the only one here who can do that, pace half-buried in the stream bed; it seemed to have Wizzerd.” belonged to some giant crayfish or lobster. Other bits of cracked exoskeleton lay about, but not much was Dania: “Say that again and I’ll blast your face off.” left. There were entrances in the east and west, the ends of the dry stream, and in the south. We decided Navero: “Uh. . . ” to go west. Arlor: (Appears from tunnel ahead of us.) “Um. . . ” The westward entrance was in the stream bed, yet Rourk: (Jumps a bit, recovers.) “What is it?” was high and wide enough for us to walk down. At Arlor: “There are big spiders in there, yup. Big as the end was a small kidney-shaped chamber, with a large hole in the floor. Also inside the room were 4 me.” very large ants - each about 2 foot at the shoulder. Dania: “Oh, that’s no problem, then.” Rourk: “I am becoming disappointed. I am not here Kortul: “See anything else? Money?” to exterminate insects.” 24 Navero: “Are they dangerous?” We all went up to look at the slime. It was a bright greenish, and clung to the floor and walls, but not to Dania: “Hope not. Here they come.” the ceiling. The air was very damp around it, and the floor muddy. It lay quite still, very wet-looking, The ants came over and ran their feelers over us. One and rather odorous. took hold of Kortul’s boot in it’s mandibles, but he kicked it, and it left him alone. They apparently Navero: “It looks like pond scum, or algae.” didn’t think much of us, as they left us alone after Razuli: “Probably green slime. Burn it.” that and we were able to explore the room in peace. Nothing interesting turned up, and so we left, went Dania: “It’s too wet to burn. You can’t burn everyback to the crayfish room, and headed east. thing, stupid.” Razuli: “Who are you calling stupid? Say, whatever happened to your horse, anyway? Did you misplace it? Loose it?” Eastwards, the passage narrowed considerably; Rourk took the lead by virtue of his speed of movement, and after some breastbeating and shouting, we continued on. Navero: “Uh. . . ” Dania: “Shut up, Nav. Look here, mister: you have done more plain idiotic things since this started then the rest of us combined.” The passage continued, sloping gently upwards, until it branched to the east and north. The stream bed seemed to be continuing in the eastward branch, so Razuli: “Name one!” we took the northern one. It sloped sharply upwards, Arlor: “Can I say something?” into a very wide passage with many small stalactites; Dania & Rourk: “WHAT DO YOU WANT?!” it continued on north, barren and uninteresting. Dania: “Jesus. Can’t you guys just take turns?” Arlor: “Umm. . . Forget it.” Dania: “Fuck this. This place is boring.” Razuli: “Look, kids: why don’t we just burn out the slime, get the treasure, and go. Okay? Okay!” Razuli: “Fuck this? You’d have to break off one of the stalactites first, unless you’re..” Dania: “It won’t burn, you idiot! And fire is danRourk: “Shut up. I am rather upset with this engerous!” tire expedition. I came here to gain glory and renown, and all I have found is dirt and cavern Kortul: (Sticks torch in slime. It comes out undamaged.) insects. I suggest that we waste no more time here.” Navero: (Examines slimed torch) “Uh. . . ” Kortul: “Why is floor slimy up there?” Dania: “What?” Arlor: “Huh?” Navero: “This is just some kind of algae, growing in a pool.” Navero: “Oh, ick! It looks like a slug, only bigger!” Rourk: “Congratulations, o ye great unwashed. You have discovered slime. There is not a foe worthy of me in this entire place.” Dania: “But there’s no light down here for it to grow.” Navero: “Well, it’s just algae. Something else must be feeding it.” Kortul: (Has moved ahead) “Gold on other side.” Kortul: (Walks across, through algae. Does not collapse screaming. Reaches pile of gold.) “Looks real.” (Prods with blade.) “Must be cache.” Razuli: “Okay! How we gonna kill it?” Rourk: “You may fight the slime, if you wish. Al- Razuli: “See how easy that was, kids? Just leave it though why you would kill your own relatives, I to the humans to figure it out, eh Rourk?” cannot comprehend.” Rourk: “Quiet.” (Marches through puddle.) “Let Dania: “Let’s not try burning it, okay?” me see that.” 25 Dania: “Okay! Is it the Orc’s stuff?” Party: We spread out, Kortul and Rourk move forward. Razuli loads his crossbow, Navero starts a Chant. Kortul: “Not labeled.” Navero: “If it is, we should return it to the people of the keep.” Game Master: The Orc Chief releases the leashes, and the two creatures start bounding across the room towards you, hungrily. They make for Kortul and Rourk. (Pause.) Razuli: “Nav, we aren’t working for them anymore, remember? After the way they treated us?” Kortul: Could you describe these things please? Game Master: Certainly! They are about 4 feet at the shoulder, and weigh about 200 lbs. each. They are rust-colored, and have long antennaelike things on either side of their mouths. They also have long tails, with the end resembling a Navero: “But we already received a reward. And propeller. this should go back to the people it was stolen from. The villagers are very nice people.” (Pause.) Rourk: “Indeed. This would go only a little way towards repaying the injuries and insults they have given us.” Dania: “I’m sure they are, Nav. But that reward Rourk: Jeff, are these things Rust Monsters? was pretty small, you’ve got to admit. And not Game Master: Why yes, they do look rather like what we were promised.” them. Kortul: “Gold won, not given. Besides, is it Orc’s (Longer pause.) ?” Navero: “But they allowed us into their midst, us Kortul & Rourk: “AAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!” strangers. They are good at heart, just suspiAnd so, the biggest, buffest dudes in the party all fled cious. I mean. . . ” in a blind panic back through the entrance. Razuli: “Look, let’s stow it away for now. When we get back, we can ask them if they’re missing any Kortul fled to the ant cave, where he shucked his armoney. If they are, we can give it back. Okay?” mor (tore the straps, didn’t care) and dropped his sword. He picked up a piece of rock, and prepared Navero: “Well. . . alright. But don’t forget to ask himself as the Rust Monster charged greedily after everyone.” him. His first strike was, naturally, a critical fumble. He tripped over the Monster and landed on his face Razuli: “Trust me.” beyond it. The monster ran past him and over to There was no more in there, so we trekked back to the pile where his armor was. Kortul struck again; the Dead Crayfish cave and went south. The pas- another fumble. He threw his rock across the room. sage almost immediately opened into a large cavern, The monster was eating his banded mail; it was all about 80 feet across. Our torches glowed feebly in disintegrating! In a fit of true desperation, Kortul the vastness. We heard a noise from the other side, tried to lift the monster away and shove it down onto across the cavern; a huge Orc came out of another a stalagmite. Would you believe another critical fumpassage. The orc had a cunning gleam in his eye, ble? He herniated himself, and the monster ate all his easily visible from across the room. He was wearing armor. Full, it wandered away with a rather bored boiled leather, and had a big spiked wooden club; he look on its face, leaving the sword. (I have never held two strange creatures on leashes. He entered rolled that badly with Kortul, before or since. The the room, serene and confident; another humanoid, DM took pity on me and let me keep my sword.) about 11 feet tall and with a frightening amount of Rourk fled to the glowing fungus cave and dived in muscle, came in behind him. the pool. The Rust Monster following him apparently Rourk: “It is their chief. I recognize his stench. didn’t like the stuff (lucky for him) and would not Why he is so much more poorly armed now, enter the pool. So there was Rourk, standing up to I cannot understand. His own foolishness, no his armpits in glowing goop, with a hungry armordoubt.” (Draws swords) eater at the edge of the pool. Razuli also fled, to 26 the slime cave, but there wasn’t a monster to follow Razuli: “ME?! Oh, no no no, I really couldn’t. I him. Of course, you realize that this left Dania, Arlor, insist.” and Navero to deal with the Orc chief and his Ogre Arlor: (Throws second dagger. Critical, double friend. . . damage.) “Yeah!” Dania: “Oh, shit.” Chief: “Grrrr. . . .” Navero: “Uh. . . What should we do?” Dania: “YOU’RE ALL A BUNCH OF GUTLESS ASSHOLES!!” (casts Magic Missile) Chief: “I give you the option of surrender.” (Heh, heh.) Chief: “You’ll all die!” (Swings at Razuli, hits.) Arlor: “One of the true people would never surrenNavero: (Comes up behind chief. Hits, does 3 hit der!” (gulp.) points.) Chief: “What will you do, then?” Razuli: “Oh, fucking shit. . . ” (Swings, hits) Dania: “FuckingShitGodamnBastardsKILL!!” Arlor: “Can I strike him from behind?” (Casts Sleep on Ogre. Ogre drops.) Navero: “Hudsdg!” (Command - stop in Orcish.) Game Master: No, Navero’s in the way. Chief: “Amusing.” (Throws javelin, misses.) Arlor: “Okay, I go over and kill the Ogre.” Razuli: (Looks in) “Are they gone?” Game Master: Okay. You slit it’s throat, no problem. Dania: “Yes, o my knight in shining armor.” Chief: (Swings, hits Razuli again.) Arlor: “Um, what do we do?” Razuli: “Kids, I hate to be a nag, but could you Razuli: “Ah ha! I’ll engage him frontally. . . No, help me kill this thing?” maybe Dania better do that, seeing how she’s got more front to engage.” (Shoots crossbow at Dania: “Oh, so NOW were all supposed to pitch in, HUH?” chief, string breaks.) Navero: “He’s trying to wake up the Ogre.” Navero: (Misses.) Dania: “Fuckyou!” (casts Magic Missile.) Dania: (Hits it with her staff. Chief starts wobbling.) Chief: “Ow! You sting, rottin’ elf!” (Throws javelin, Dania is pierced.) Razuli: “All right!” (Strikes, Chief falls.) “Damn, I’m good.” Navero: “NO! You, you, you. . . ” (Cure Light Wounds on Dania.) Dania: “Shut up. Just shut the fuck up. SHUT YOUR FACE! Ow. . . ” Razuli: “Oh, I’ll bet he’s scared now.” (Fixes crossbow, loads again.) We found Kortul sitting on his Rust Monster, beating Navero: (Charges across room, swinging mace.) “YAAAAAAAHHHH!!” Razuli: “Nav, move so I can get a clear shot.” Navero: (Fumble. Trips and falls down.) Razuli: “Thanks, Nav.” (Shoots chief.) Chief: (Laughs, throws javelin at Rizudo. Misses) Arlor: (Throws dagger at chief. Misses) Dania: (Wakes up.) “Owww. . . . Whasgoinon? Oh! Razuli, go get him!” it’s head in with a rock. It squeaked pitifully, then expired. After much sound and fury, we killed the other Rust Monster, and got Rourk out of the glowing pool. However, the sticky glowing fluid seemed to adhere to the metal of his armor as tightly as glue; we couldn’t wash it off or scrape it off, and with it on, he looked like a giant tinker bell. Rourk: “I cannot walk about looking like this. It’s indecorous.” Kortul: “Yes. Should get rest of you, so you match.” Rourk: “Oh, really?” 27 Razuli: “Looks like you’ll have to go without armor.” (chuckles.) Arlor: “I run up and backstab.” Rourk: “Coward.” (Swings twice, hits twice, does damage.) Dania: “Don’t worry. It’s not so bad.” Rourk: “It’s undignified. I should look like a pau- (Generic fight sounds. Rourk is cut up, as they have per.” big claws, but is not too seriously hurt. Other party members recover slowly.) Arlor: “You’d rather look like a big fairy?” Rourk: “Barbarian, I would have thought you were Razuli: (Laughs.) “No problem, he already is!” better at tolerating strong odors, seeing how you constantly acclimate yourself to them. But your “Rust Monsters work really well. I’m gonna own weakness is merely a product of your infehave to remember to use them more often.” rior background, and I do not begrudge you your — Dan Parsons lapses.” Navero: “I grab the bodies and run them into the room with the lava. There, I dump them in, so they won’t smell anymore.” — XIII — When last we heard from the party, they had just engaged the Orc Chief, an Ogre, and 2 rust monsters. In the battle, Dania was seriously hurt, Razuli less seriously hurt, Kortul got his armor destroyed, and Rourk was liberally coated with brightly glowing fungus juice. (Whatever possessed him to jump in the pool is beyond me, but the DM was kind to us mere mortals.) Navero and Arlor were unhurt. If anyone asks for it, I shall try to put a map in the next posting, as this dungeon crawl may be hard to keep track of without it. We were badly enough off that we decided to just take the Chief’s head and go back to Swamp Keep to rest, and maybe fix Rourk so he didn’t look like a 5-foot, spiky tinker bell. Kortul also expressed an interest in some new armor. So we went back north, through the Dead Crayfish room, north to the Glowing Fungus room, and west to the entrance hall. We went in calmly, expecting no trouble: mistake #1. Game Master: All of a sudden, this incredible stench surrounds you. Will everyone please make a saving throw vs. Poison? Party: Rourk and Arlor make it. Dania, Kortul, Navero, and Razuli fail, and immediately loose their respective breakfasts. They all collapse to the ground and are helpless with nausea. Game Master: You do it alone? Anyone go with him? Party: If he just runs off, he is alone. Game Master: Navero, are you alone? Navero: I guess I am. I didn’t think to take anyone with me. (Mistake #2, by the way.) Game Master: “Well, the other one who was hiding in the entrance attacks as you approach. I assume you make a panicked cry for help.” Navero: Uh, yes. “eeep!” Game Master: “It attacks you, and. . . Oh my.” Navero: What happened? Game Master: (rolls more dice.) “Oh, dear.” Navero: May I intrude? I have some interest in the outcome of this. Game Master: (rolls still more dice.) “Oh my. Sorry, you’re dead. Critical strike to the brain, skull penetrated, instant death.” Dania: Oh, fuck. Sorry, Dan. Navero: (Thud.) (The player, not the character.) Game Master: You see two vaguely cat-like crea- Game Master: Well, the rest of the party hears this tures come out from behind the rock formations shriek from out in the hall. . . and attack the party. (Witherstench, I believe.) Razuli: “Hey, where’s that stupid priest?” Rourk: “I engage both. I shall soon deal with these rotten things.” Rourk: “I believe he went to dispose of the bodies.” 28 Party: We all go running up there. Official: “Well. . . that is a bit out of my field, but I shall see what I can do. Give me the Chief’s (More generic fight. Witherstench bodies eventually head — thank you, keep it in the box, and don’t disposed of in lava, by Arlor and Kortul. Party gathdrip on the desk — to show to his lordship, and ers around Navero.) then. . . ah, let me see. . . .” Razuli: “Well, this is just great! What do we do with him?” Razuli: “If it’s too much trouble, we can get another priest.” Dania: “Maybe we can get him resurrected.” Dania: “Oh, please! trees.” Razuli: “That costs some serious bucks, magicuser. . . .” Dania: “Maybe we can get a discount because he’s a priest.” It’s not like they grow on Rourk: “Your attitude disgusts me, mercenary. Truly, you are beneath any sort of contempt.” Kortul: “May get a competent one, this time.” Razuli: “Right. Step right up to The Late J.C.’s Body and Fender shop! Special discounts to pure Official: “Hmm. Truly, he had noble comrades. But take this (hands Dania a token) to Brother Guilpeople.” ern at the temple of Kiliy. Ask of him.” We all got out of the caves with no further incident. Navero was placed over his horse, and we rode back Dania: “Thank you very much, for all your help. You have been most kind.” to the keep. The ride back was rather quieter than is usual; the characters seemed somehow preoccupied, Guilern, as it turns out, was the high priest of the although Razuli did try to liven things up. main temple in the keep. The token got the party in Razuli: “C’mon! Why the long faces? We got the to see him, and he remembered having spoken with chief, so maybe we can get them to resurrect Nav Navero, whom he recalled as a well-spoken, if thickas our payment. I don’t think we’ll get any more skulled youth. money out of them, anyway.” Guilern: (Examining body.) “Well, perhaps not so Arlor: “That’d be nice. Great. Yup, I guess.” thick-skulled. . . ” Dania: “Razuli, shut up. I’m not in the mood.” Rourk: “Indeed. Do us all a great favor.” Razuli: “Kortul?” Kortul: “What now?” Razuli: “Okay, okay! Jeez. . . ” Rourk: “Can you do it, o mighty holy one?” Guilern: “I must consult the goddess in this. He is not of our faith. And naturally, the price for the ritual, both in physical and monetary terms, is very high. By the way, gentle knight; how did you come to be painted with Shimmer Fungus?” Rourk: “An unfortunate accident. Would you, most We arrived back at the keep gate. It was late evening; wise Cleric, know of any way in which the, uh, the sun was setting behind Swamp Keep like blood Shimmer Fungus might be cleansed from my arsplashing into the dirt. Rourk and Kortul gave the mor?” guards one look, and they opened the gate without a word. We went to see the official we had been seeing Guilern: “It is extremely tenacious in it’s adherearlier; he had been preparing to go home, but took ence, but alcohol should prove quite sufficient the time to see us. in it’s removal.” Official: “You killed the chief, but one of your num- Razuli: “I think it looks great as it is.” ber died. I see. Oh, it was that young priest? Truly, this is a tragic loss. He will be honored, Rourk: “Do be quiet. And thank you, noble Priest.” of course, in the way of his faith.” Arlor: “Go get soused, I guess. Yup.” (chuckles.) Dania: “Actually, we were thinking of trying for a resurrection.” Rourk: (Irritatedly leaves.) 29 Navero did not quite reach his eternal reward; he was halted by a gentle tug. This gentle tug became a gentle wind, unfamiliar but not unfriendly, pushing his drifting soul back to where it once had been. A strange and stoical voice said, “You are called. Go.” And with that, Navero opened his eyes, groggily sat up on the bed, looked about him in bewilderment, and threw up. Razuli: “Good boy. Now lie still, and don’t let any more of your brain fall out. You need what you’ve got.” Dania: “Razuli, can I talk to you outside a minute?” Razuli: “Sure. You think she’s hot for me, kid?” Navero: “Uh. . . ” It is interesting to note that when Rizudo died, (They leave, go out into hall.) nobody even mentioned resurrection; but then, we didn’t have the body or the money. (The resurrec- Dania: “If you ever talk to Navero like that again, I will fry your face off.” tion did cost a GREAT deal, by the way; most of the money we had.) Razuli: “Hey, whatsa matter? Just a joke.” “Navero, don’t ever do anything that stupid again, hear?” Dania: “You’re a joke, human. here.” — Dan Parsons Let’s get out of Razuli: (mutters) “Boy, she is a witch today, isn’t she?” — XIV — Navero was safely resurrected, but still needed time to recover, so the rest of the party decided to take a break and heal for a while. This was not to be a leisurely break, as most of our money was gone. (The money for new armor for Kortul did not come out of the party fund; we did not have a party fund except in the special case of Navero. Everyone paid for their own stuff, so Kortul had to borrow from the other players. Only Razuli wanted to charge interest.) Rourk and Razuli spent many of their nights in the tavern, Razuli enriching the place with his meager funds, and Rourk letting him. The little Cavalier was not beyond good ale, but he never had any in the common room, as he would have to take off his helmet to do so; instead, he and Razuli sat and insulted each other for nights on end. (I would never call them friendly; to tell the truth, if there had been any intraparty fighting, I think it would have been with these two.) Rourk did stop by the temple to ask about the Shimmer Mold. Rourk: “Greetings! You have the honor of addressing Rourk Ravensbane, of the clan KuirtyhiasAs poor as we were, giving the villagers back their dall. I wish to partake of your knowledge, conmoney, as Navero still wished to do, was out of the cerning a certain substance I have encountered question. Fortunately, the others were able to conwhich may be potentially useful.” vince Navero that they still planned to do that, but had spent all the money on him, and so would have Generic Cleric: “Oh? How may I help you?” to go out and get some more. Rourk: “What do you know of Shimmer Mold?” Razuli: “Sure, we’ll give them back all their money. We were going to, but you had to wandering off Generic Cleric: “I know something of it. It is rare, but not so rare as to be of great value to anyone. and get yourself killed.” It’s light will coat nearly anything except flesh, Navero: “I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have spent so living or dead, and cling tightly. It also serves as much on me.” a heat insulator, but not so effectively as it does a light source.” Dania: “Forget it. No problem.” Rourk: “Ah. I had felt that my armor was unusually Razuli: “It was your own stupid mistake that got warm that day. Thank you for your services, us into this mess. Now, kiddy, promise me you gentle Priest, I am eternally grateful.” won’t ever do that again for as long as you live.” Generic Cleric: “20 gp for Sage advice. Payable Navero: “I promise, upon St. Glajmir.” now.” 30 Kortul proved quite asocial - he would often spend Dania: “Right! Bye! I’m going now! Chop, chop!” whole days and nights prowling about the marshes, (scampers out.) hunting and foraging and living off the land. Apparently, he felt that the keep smelled bad, his compan- Master: “Apprentice?” (sounds slightly peeved.) ions only slightly less so, and the marshes slightly less Dania: “Huh? Oh yeah, right.” (Comes back, gets than that. box, scampers out.) While in town, Dania went back to her master, so as to keep up with her studies. She didn’t really like the man (who would?) but he did have a great library, and if you didn’t mind the sorts of stains you had to get out of the carpets, and the things encrusted on the glassware, it wasn’t bad. Usually, she avoided him if at all possible. Dania was washing the dishes after a supper with a guest whom she had been very careful to avoid (the one who wanted seven forks and twelve knives again), when space and time screamed. She found herself in her master’s workroom. Where, o where, can one find a loose brain lying around? Perhaps some calves brains from the butcher? No, Master would never go for that. Ummm. . . This town doesn’t have a morgue, does it? Dania went wandering down the sunny streets, the utter possibility of her errand high in her mind, when whom should she meet, but Razuli. Master: “I have work for you.” Dania: “You drunk already? Jesus. What’s the occasion?” Dania: “Sure!” (*Big grin*) Dania: “Raz! Fancy meeting you here!” Razuli: “*Hic!*” Razuli: “Schtoopid K-nigut flied to outdink me. Me, the Mashter!” Master: (A faint smile. It disappears) “I want you to go out and collect some brains.” Dania: “Out-dink you? Trust me, no one could do that. Where’s Rourk?” Dania: “Brains?” Master: “Yes. Hominid will do, for now. You Razuli: “In dere. *I WON ALL HIS MONEY!!* Ha haaa ha hee hee hee. . . ” (Lands splot in a horse should be able to find some appropriate specitrough.) mens nearby.” (Dania goes in, finds Rourk in his room, passed out.) Dania: “Brains?” Master: “Yes. Three, from individuals with some Dania: “Ummm. . . No, maybe I’d better not.” variation between them. And no diseased speci(Leaves) mens. Place them in this box, and they shall be And so she continued down the city streets, wonderteleported here.” ing where she could find a likely candidate. They Dania: “Brains?” abounded — beggars and orphans and expendable people of all shapes and sizes; but how, exactly, did Master: “You have ears, I perceive. Have you used one broach the subject? “Hi there, I’d like to get them recently, or are they filled with dish-soap?” to know you better. Trust me, I’m only interested in your mind.” Things were beginning to look grim, Dania: “You mean, living brains?” when a leper was run down by a merchant’s wagon Master: “By the time you get them into the box, I in the street right in front of her. should be quite surprised if they were alive. But they should be reasonably fresh. Now: hop to it, Merchant: “What is that? Get rid of before my apprentice.” family is infected.” Dania: “Sure! No problem! (Drags body away.) Dania: “Uh. . . go out, and, uh. . . procure, uh. . . brains. Cerebral matter. The grey-and-white stuff?” Have a nice day!” (Finds empty alley, hides behind some barrels, takes Master: (pauses.) “If you insist upon not using it, out knife.) as you seem to be doing, there is always your own.” Dania: “Sorry about this, guy.” 31 Later that night, she got a wino who collapsed in the street and hit his head on a paving stone. Unfortunately, she got both of them back later, with a short, terse note. “Quality matters, apprentice. These are unacceptable.” He walked up to the cave with the boiling lava, and flicked a drop into the lava. A small portion of the lava solidified, and sank. With a flourish, Rourk emptied the sack into the pit, and formed a narrow, rough bridge across the lava to the other entrance. Dania: “Shit. We were going back to the orc caves tomorrow.” Rourk: “Now do you understand, my fellows? I realized this from the moment I was coated with it. And now, we may go across.” And so we did. We rode through the marsh, walked into to the cave, went through the great hall, over Razuli: “About how strong is the bridge, Rourk? Wanna walk out and test it?” the barrier, into the entrance hall, past the Shimmer cave, over the meadows, and through the woods, to grandmother’s house we. . . ahem. Past the Crayfish Arlor: (Toddles out onto bridge.) Cave, and into the Orc Chief’s ambush cave. There Rourk: “I will not have you. . . ” (Plants armored were two entrances, one in the south and one in the foot on bridge, breaks through.) “. . . attempt to west. The Ogre’s body had vanished. fight anything you might find on the other side of that entrance, dwarf. Scout ahead and come Navero: “What’s that box on top of your pack, Daback quickly.” (Examines foot; it is not too badly nia?” burned.) Dania: “Never mind, Navero.” Arlor: “Um. . . okay.” (Walks to other entrance. He is gone for a short time when cracks start to apNavero: “I don’t like it; it seems. . . wrong.” pear in the bridge.) Dania: “Nav, trust me, okay?” Navero: “Please hurry, the. . . ” Navero: “Well. . . okay.” Arlor: (Appears, staggering) The western entrance, led to a long, narrow passage, “Duh. . . duh. . . duhhh. . . . Yeeek!!” terminating in an exit to the surface. It was reasonably hidden with brush and quite unnoticeable unless Razuli: “Arlor, get your ass over here.” you knew where to look. The southern entrance (the one the Orc Chief had come from) led to a pair of Arlor: “Droi. . . drou. . . droggy. . . DRAGON!! BIG!! RED!! SMOKY!!” caves; one had a pile of matted vegetation, several large clubs, and a box (opened, empty), and the other Dania: “Oh, fuck. Get back here!” a couple of cages, made out of wood. Some rusty bits of iron were in a sack in the room with the cages. A The party retreated over the barrier. long search turned up nothing of any value. We returned, and got as far as the Shimmer Mold Kortul: “Tell what you saw.” cave when Rourk stopped us. Arlor: (Quivering slightly.) “Dragon. Big. Bigger Rourk: “Gather some is this fungus extract will than other. Red.” you? I have a plan.” Rourk: “Was it asleep?” Razuli: “Hoo boy. Here we go.” Arlor: “I think not. It looked at me.” Rourk: “Silence in the presence of your betters, mercenary. My mind moves in higher planes Rourk: “Ah. Perhaps we had better leave, then.” than you can understand.” Kortul: “Yes.” Dania: “Want to be painted again?” Dania: “Yes!” Navero: “Here, I got some in this sack. What is Rourk: “We can come back later and kill it.” your plan?” Rourk: “Follow me, and see for yourselves.” Party: “ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR TINY MIND?” 32 — XV — Rourk: “We have a means of reaching it. And a heat insulator that will render it’s feared breath useless. And when it has gone to sleep, what A dragon! A Red Dragon! Not some panty-waist possible threat could it represent?” Wyvern or a baby Black, but what seemed to be, from all indications, a real live adult red dragon! And “I think he’s been getting too much sun.” that stupid Cavalier insisted that we go in and kill — Dan Parsons the thing! Dania: “Are you out of your fucking mind?” Rourk: “Your insinuations are insulting to one of my stature. One need only think of the glory that could be won from the defeat of such a beast to realize our only course of action.” Dania: “YOUR only course of action! Hell, I’M not going in there!” Razuli: “Arlor, are you sure it saw you?” Arlor: “Did my best not to let it. Might have.” Kortul: “Came here for reputation. Get it, or die in attempt. But we should have plan.” Rourk: “Exactly, barbarian. You have a keen grasp of the obvious and proven facts. Dragons as large as this sleep hard, and are easily surprised in their lairs.” Razuli: “Oh, my! Are you suggesting that we actually sneak up on it? Don’t give it a fair, fighting chance?” Rourk: “I propose only the time-honored strategy. One so uneducated as yourself would naturally see this in an incorrect manner. As I realize your obvious limitations, you can be forgiven, for now.” Razuli: “Rourk, you’ve come to your senses. Sooner or later, I knew you’d see I’m always right. It just took time, that’s all. The thickest *ahem!* helmets are always the hardest.” Dania: “You are all forgetting something. We can’t do it.” Razuli: “Think of all the treasure it will have.” Dania: “Well. . . we can’t do it. It’ll slaughter us.” Navero: “If it isn’t killed, what will it do?” Rourk: “That is plain and obvious. The Orcs constructed the barrier, and maintained the poison on the stakes, so it obviously has some means of getting across the lava pit.” 33 Dania: “Like, maybe, swimming the backstroke. How much money do Reds usually have, anyway?” were soft enough to be quiet. Then, we went to the Shimmer Mold cave, and coated our armor and equipment, first liberally with the glowing liquid, then with soot to kill the shining. Everyone wore scarves over Razuli: “Enough to keep us going for, oh, say, sev- their faces, so they wouldn’t be exposed to the heat. eral years?” All of this was done in complete silence; no arguments broke out, no one even spoke. Even the use of silentDania: “I could buy a castle. A small one, wouldn’t speech was minimal. For the first time, the party have to be much. . . ” acted with unity; it would have been depressing, if Navero: “Red Dragons are greedy and evil, aren’t everyone weren’t so scared. they?” We practically emptied the pool of Shimmer Mold Kortul: “The worst.” juice into waterproof sacks, and carried it to the lava pit. There, Arlor and Dania, the quietest and lightNavero: “Then it will probably come out and rav- est people, carefully made up a strong bridge to the age the countryside, and do incalculable harm. other entrance, wide enough and thick enough to hold There is only one moral thing to do, and that up all of us together, but not enough (hopefully) to is to at least try to stop it, before it does these support a Dragon’s bulk. Then, the rest of us joined things.” them, and we all went in. Razuli: “Right! For morality’s sake!” Arlor spotted a thin wire stretched across the enWe returned to town, and borrowed money at the trance; it led to a precariously balanced pile of old armoneychangers. The sum was not great, although mor, tucked into a hidden alcove. This trap was taken the ’changer charged some hefty interest, and we all care of, once spotted. The floor, we saw, had been went out and got our training to go up a level, as coated with some slippery goo. We carefully covered appropriate. The time we spent would hopefully give it over with more of the soot we had brought, careful the Dragon a chance to go back to sleep, assuming not to raise a choking cloud of the stuff. Navero cast Resist Fire on everyone. that it did not see Arlor. (Fortunately, this was 1st edition AD&D, before the Dragons got nasty. We wouldn’t even CONSIDER doing this now. Not with a party like this. The 2nd edition has improved some things.) There was about 20 feet of very wide passage, and then a cave about 80 feet across. The rock formations were more numerous, but many seemed ground down, roughened. Far away, at the western end, was a pile of more coinage than most of us had ever seen in one place. Gems and jewels, and more valuable things, glinted in the faint light the lava made. And, most importantly, there was the focus of all our thoughts. It was not a deep red at all, as I would have imagined, but a bright scarlet; and somehow seemed small in the quiet immensity of the cave. It was larger than it’s pile of treasure, though; and that made all the difference. We trained hard. Practiced all our skills. Insisted that Rourk teach everyone basic Drow Silent-Speech. Bought fire-resistant backpacks. The works. Dania’s master was not pleased with her sudden interest in fire resistance spells, seeing that she had not completed the task he had given her. However, he was willing to wait it out, on her promise that in just a little while, she would be able to satisfy him with something even better than expected. In light of later events, it seems that he did not take the opportunity Its eyes were closed. to read her thoughts, as he had done earlier. Perhaps Its breathing was so very slow; maybe once a minute. it was because he liked surprises. Finally, the day arrived when we felt that more preparation wouldn’t do us the slightest bit of good. We rode out to the cave at dawn, tethered our horses, and walked quietly into the first hall. We ran rags and threads and bits of leather strapping through all our armor, so it would not make as much noise. We tied soft soles to Rourk’s metal boots; everyone else’s Its great wings lay flat, rustling with it’s breath. It looked deadly, even in apparent repose. A thick dagger of a body, long sword neck, adze-shaped head angling to thin jaws that could crush any one of us instantly. It’s claws were straight, not curved sickles, tapering to small graceful points so sharp they 34 seemed impossible in something so large. Its essence drew his blade and moved forward. Navero resumed was glory and destruction, sheer power as an end to the Chant. Dania cast Cause Blindness; the Dragon itself. shrugged it off. The Dragon reared up and lifted the web, gold showering from it. It tore completely away from its scales, and then it threw the sticky mass over It reeked of the death it held inside itself. Kortul. A killing machine, in a way we could never approach. Rourk charged up the pile of treasure, but never The columns of living rock outlined the gold alter on reached the Dragon itself. One wing swung out, which it lay. battering him away and almost throwing him into Razuli. The great tail swung out and knocked the We came forward for the ceremony in silence. struggling Kortul down, and then the Dragon ripped into him with its claws until he lay still. Razuli ran It opened its eyes. up beside it, and threw his entire weight behind his longsword, stabbing into its leg; blood hissed out and the blade snapped. Arlor threw a dagger, which skittered across the scales of it’s neck. Dania moved from the rock to a column which was closer to the action, For a moment, everything paused. We stared into its while Navero continued his entreaties to his gods. — Navero XVI — gold-flecked eyes like they were the only thing in the world. Then, as agreed, we scattered. Kortul and Arlor ran to the right, Kortul to the fore, aiming his longbow, and Arlor about 15 feet to the rear. Rourk and Razuli went left, Rourk forward with weapons drawn and Razuli loading his crossbow. The Dragon all too quickly shook off its sleep and stood, and moved its claw in a curious way. Navero and Dania hid behind the rocks, Navero starting a Chant which would encourage his friends, and Dania fired off 2 magic missiles. The missiles streaked over across the room, and fizzed out on an invisible barrier; a Shield spell. So far, except for spellcasting, not a sound had been made. The Dragon roared. The earsplitting noise echoed enormously in the cave’s confines; we quickly realized it had been chosen partially for it’s great acoustics. The noise was so loud that Navero was shocked out of his chant, and Arlor and Rourk were stunned. Then it breathed, a mighty gout of flame, in the direction of Rourk and Razuli, at an angle guaranteed to get both. Razuli ducked behind a lump of stone, but Rourk, stunned as he was, could not possibly get out of the way. The flames blazed around them both; a great blast of steamy residue flew off as the Shimmer mold which had coated them was seared into ash, but they were alive. Kortul fired two arrows; one bounced off the invisible shield, the other from the creature’s metallic hide. Dania swore and cast a Web spell about the Dragons feet. The Dragon paused, as if considering, and then breathed again. This time, the fire arced across the room, and enveloped Dania and her column. Hair shriveled, and Shimmer mold boiled away. Rourk got up and swung both swords into one forelimb; he drew blood, but not nearly enough. Razuli drew his dagger, laughed at his own foolishness, and looked in the treasure pile for a weapon. Arlor tried to run around and get behind it. Dania dropped without a sound. Navero ran forward to Dania, and quickly used his last spell point to Cure Light Wounds. Kortul got up; he wasn’t quite dead after all, and was able to rip away the tattered web in one motion. Rourk stabbed into the body, one blade merely scratching the steely scales, and the other not penetrating nearly as far as it should have. Arlor threw his other dagger; the Dragon merely moved out of its way. Razuli saw a naked sword in the pile, gleaming in the red light of the lava, with a blackened and bony hand still around the hilt. He took it without thinking. Dania was still unconscious, and Navero began to hear something from the lava pit; a crackling sound, unfamiliar. Rourk swung again. Both blades grated across the scales. Kortul swung his great blade, and felt its weight come to a satisfyingly sudden halt in the Dragon’s neck. Arlor finally reached it’s hindquarters, and tried to pick a spot to plant his short sword. He chose the tendons of the leg. Razuli stabbed Kortul and Rourk charged; Arlor approached more it beneath the tail, where he thought there might cautiously. Razuli lifted his crossbow, but discov- be SOMETHING vital; the blade sank in almost ered that the string had been burnt through, so he greedily, and the Dragon actually screamed. (Crit35 ical strike, genitals.) Dania was jarred awake at this, and cast another Web spell, but this time into the Dragon’s open mouth. The cracking sound was getting louder. The Dragon’s eyes blazed, possibly with pain but more likely with rage, and kicked back with both legs; Razuli was torn from crotch to throat, and hurled back into a wall. The Dragon grabbed Kortul, and threw him into Rourk; both dropped. With it’s other claw, it tore away most of the web in its mouth. Arlor cut at it’s leg, but it was like trying to cut through stone or steel. Rourk got back up; Kortul did not. He had been thrown onto one of Rourk’s swords. Razuli lay there and bled. Dania and Navero looked on in helplessness. Arlor ran to Razuli, and grabbed the shining, bloody blade from his hand. Rourk swung twice, cutting across the deep wound Kortul had made in the Dragon’s neck. A good amount of blood rewarded him. The Dragon looked down at him, and its left claw came streaking in out of nowhere, followed closely by the right; both hit, but the bite miraculously just grazed him, ripping his chest plate to tatters. Rourk was hurled away to the floor. Dania cast Magic Missile; it somehow snuck past the Shield and made a slight wound in the Dragon’s side. Navero threw a rock, but it fell far too short. from the floor; Rourk and Dania got it in their eyes. It kicked back with it’s good leg, and tore Arlor’s legs out from under him. He dropped with two broken legs (Critical strike) and fainted from the pain. Rourk struck blind. He hurled himself onto the Dragon’s sagging neck and stabbed and stabbed and stabbed. Blood hit him in the face and burned; he ignored it. Dania cleared the dirt from her eyes, and started limping away from the column back towards the entrance. The Dragon snarled weakly and shoved Rourk away, slamming him to the ground and holding him underneath one claw. It looked into his eyes, and Rourk felt it trying to take hold of his mind and Charm him, but he was one of the Dark Ones, and not to be so manipulated. The Dragon’s last desperate maneuver had failed. Rourk stabbed up into the golden eye. The Dragon seemed almost indignant. Then, slowly, with a great clash like steel on stone, it fell back onto its pile, and it’s last breath left it. The thing was dead. The Dragon looked out across the room, to where Dania and Navero were huddled behind the stone. It seemed to be at the same time insulted, and horribly triumphant. Its breath roared out again. Navero grabbed Dania and threw his mold-laden cloak about them both as the flames surrounded them. The fires seemed to last minutes. When it was over, Navero almost gently dropped to the floor; Dania had been shielded by Navero’s body, and was nearly unhurt. Rourk hacked at the Dragon again; it seemed to finally be slowing down, although he did no significant damage. Arlor ran up behind it and chopped at it’s leg again. The sword was almost as long as he was, and very unwieldy, but the slash cut nearly to the bone. The Dragon slipped down the pile, it’s leg no longer supporting it. Rourk smashed it over the head, striking for the eyes; he missed them, but the Dragon seemed jarred by the impact, indicating it was weakening. Arlor swung, but the heavy blade was too much for him and he missed. Dania cast her last Magic Missile; they sputtered against the Shield. The Dragon swung with its great wings, blowing dirt up 36 — Navero XVII — The Dragon was dead. . . (Note: chp = current hit points) • Navero, male human cleric, 3rd level, chp = –4 • Dania, female 1/2-elf MU, 3rd level, chp = 2 • Rourk Ravensbane, male drow cavalier, 3rd level, chp = 1 Dania: “Can I have the head? It’s for my studies.” Rourk: “Hmm. . . It is a bit too damaged for display. I suppose that it could fall into your share of the booty.” Dania: “Great. Thanks.” (Gets head, starts cutting out brain.) Rourk: “What are you doing there?” Dania: “Dragon parts are valuable. Scales, organs, all kinds of stuff.” • Kortul, male human fighter, 2nd level, chp = –3 Rourk: “Indeed. But I shall not be one to dissect my dead foe. It is enough that my deeds be recognized.” • Razuli, male human fighter, 2nd level, chp = –6 Dania: “Uh-huh.” • Arlor, male dwarf thief, 2nd level, chp = –1 Rourk: “I shall see about the treasure. I am a Dragonslayer; my new status demands an improvement in my monetary position.” (Our group plays that you must reach -10 to die; Dania: “Right.” otherwise you are unconscious and bleeding at 1 hp/round.) The treasure pile was quite impressive up close. Most of the coinage was silver and electrum, but gold was Dania: (stares numbly at dead Dragon) present in significant quantity. There were also several interesting items; swords and rings and necklaces, Rourk: (stares numbly at dead Dragon) a staff and a book, and an odd crystal or glass ball, Dania: (stares numbly at dead Dragon) that seemed to have three glowing shapes moving within it. Rourk: (stares numbly at dead Dragon) Rourk: (stares numbly at dead Dragon) Rourk: (Inspecting sword Razuli used.) “Mage, come here and look at these things. I wish your opinion.” Dania: “Are you alive?” Dania: (extracts brain) “Just a minute.” Rourk: “What? Oh. . . yes, I believe so.” Rourk: “Patience is a virtue of mine. Finish your task.” Dania: “Rourk?” Dania: “Is anyone else down there?” (Starts limping forward) Rourk: “I shall see. Are you injured, mage?” Dania: “Yes. Ow. Nav was carrying the bandages, wasn’t he?” Rourk: “I believe so. Check him, he looks hurt.” Dania: “Everybody does. Ow. . . ” Dania: “Yes, Rourk. I’ve always admired your restraint.” Rourk: “Of course you have. Many do.” (picks up glass ball) Dania: (Stuffs brain into box.) “Alright, now. . . what is that thing?” Wounds were cleaned and bandaged as quickly as Rourk: “I have no idea. It seems to have some things imprisoned within it.” could be managed, splints made for Arlor’s broken legs, and Razuli’s shredded torso tightly bound. Dania: “Let me see.” Rourk tried to wake Navero for his healing spells, but Navero was beyond that. Then Dania and Rourk Rourk: “Hold. I have not completed my own examwent to inspect the Dragon and the hoard. ination.” 37 Dania: “Rourk, give it to me. shouldn’t mess with it.” It’s magic, you Paladin 1: “Here now! Don’t confuse him! It’s impolitic!” Rourk: “You think me incapable of understanding? Paladin 2: “Look, everyone! A lady in distress!” Where I come from. . . ” Paladin 3: “WHERE?! I want the experience!” Dania: “I don’t wanna know about where you come (Draws Chainsword. BUZZZZ!!) from. Just give it here.” Paladin 1: “A lady in distress?! Here now, can’t Rourk: “No. I expect an apology from you.” (walks have that!” off) Paladin 2: “She’s the one over there who looks disDania: “Rourk, you asshole, that thing might be tressed.” dangerous! Give it!” Paladin 1: “How can she be in distress? Her captor is dead and her rescuer stands right there!” Rourk: “Why? Do you think it might be especially valuable? You have given me great insult, magic user, and I refuse to speak to you until you have apologized for yourself.” Dania: “Hey!” Dania: (snarl. . . ) “Alright, I apologize! Now hand the fucking thing over!” Paladin 3: (Still whirling about, looking. Careless swipe of chainsword takes out a rock column.) Rourk: “You seem *somewhat* insincere.” Rourk: “I’m afraid there has been an error.” Dania: “JESUS CHRIST, Rourk! What the fuck do you ¡censored¿ want? Alright! I apologize, I’m sorry I ever crossed you! I’m ¡censored¿ sorry I ever even MET you! Now give me the ¡censored¿ glow-ball or I’ll sock you!” Paladin 1: “We are The Three! We are the ultimate embodiment of all that is essential to Paladinhood! We do not make errors, boy! Only the evil and the ignorant insult us so! Do you detect evil on him?!” Rourk: “Oh, very well, then. Catch!” (Tosses glow Paladin 2: “No.” ball.) Paladin 1: “Pity.” Dania: “NO, YOU IDIOT. . . ” (Ball slips out of her Paladin 3: (Still looking. Cuts Dragon in two and bloody hands, hits floor.) looks inside.) The hollow glass ball almost exploded into many many fragments, each of which faded into a cloud of Paladin 2: “She’s over there.” smoke. The wisps silently collected into three blobs, and slowly solidified into three warriors, each in full Paladin 3: “Oh? Ah!” (Grabs Dania and charges for the exit.) plate covered with exquisite carving, and with great swords at their sides. They looked majestic, aweDania: “Put me the fuck down, you ¡several derogasome, enough to take your breath away. tory terms.¿” Paladin 1: (Looks about) “Right! Well, then. Paladin 1: “Here now! She’s already been rescued!” Thanks for killing the Dragon, and all that. *Harumph!* Terribly sorry, but we must be go- Paladin 3: “Damn! Hey, look at all those people on ing now.” the floor, with negative hit points. . . ” Rourk: “Hail, great warriors! I am Rourk Ravens- Paladin 2: “Sorry. bane. You are. . . ?” times.” Paladin 2: “We are The Three Who Do! Our mission is to rid the whole wide world of everything evil!” Dania: “Who Do what?” Paladin 3: “Uhrr. . . ” 38 He gets carried away some- Dania: (snarls) Paladin 1: “Right! Well, then. . . Since you were good enough to let us out and all that, old chap, perhaps there’s something we can do for you, by way of returning the favor, dontcha know.” Rourk: “If you would be so kind. Some of my companions have been injured in the recent battle with the beast you see.” Paladin 2: “What, all these people?” Rourk: “Yes. Do you possess any healing arts?” Paladin 1: “All of these men for one Dragon?” Paladin 3: “With that? That’s just +1, +4 vs. Reptiles. Why would you want such a wimpy little sword? No wonder you guys got thrashed; how long have you been playing, anyway?” Razuli: “Plus WHAT? Playing? What are you talking about?” Rourk: “Well, yes.” Paladin 1: “Your sword’s special purpose is the slaying of reptilian horrors.” Paladin 2: “But it’s such a little Dragon.” Razuli: “Oh, neat.” Paladin 3: “Aw, these guys are wimps! Heck, I once Paladin 1: “*Harumph!* Well, we must go to prepare for the upcoming battle! Good luck to you, had a character that killed 23 Bahamuts!” brave souls!” Paladin 1: “Nothing to brag about, old sport.” (*POOF!* They vanish.) Paladin 3: “Well, that was before I got my Nuclear Chainsword +50.” Dania: “Good riddance.” Dania: “Uh, MIGHTY warriors, I am most dis- Rourk: “Indeed. From the looks of all of you, their tressed that my brave rescuers are lying in pudhealing truly was the least they could do.” dles on the floor.” (Bats eyelashes.) Navero: “Who were they?” Paladin 3: “Do we wanna spend spell points on Dania: “The Three morons. Now let’s. . . ” them? I mean, they’re not even in our party.” Paladin 1: “Tut! Least we can do.” (*POOF!*) (Flash! All unconscious characters now have 1 hit Paladin 1: “Yes, what is it?” point.) Dania: “Huh?” Razuli: “Owwwwww. . . ..” Paladin 2: “The Three appear whenever The Three are called! Do not call us again unless we are Kortul: “Is it dead?” needed!” (They look displeased.) Rourk: “Yes, and may I introduce you to The Three Paladin 3: “Neat, huh? The DM said we could do Who Do?” that when we hit 50th level.” Paladins: (Stand upright and look majestic.) (*POOF!*) Navero: “I got soot in my eyes.” Dania: “They aren’t very healed.” Razuli: “Those looked like some very powerful idiots.” Paladin 1: “Here, now! We must conserve our energies for the upcoming battle with our great Rourk: “I’m afraid I find myself agreeing with you. This is truly a dark day.” nemesis!” Razuli: “Of course you agree with me! I mean, it’s the only sensible thing to do. How much money Paladin 3: “Alive, but we’ll do something about did we get?” that!” We counted the loot; it came to a very large amount. Paladin 2: “He imprisoned us within the globe!” In addition, we found three necklaces (none magical), Paladin 3: “We never even got the experience for four rings (one magical), two swords (Razuli’s and a two-handed sword, both magical), the staff and book, killing Asmodeus that last time!” and a lot of non-magical gems. Right then it was Razuli: “It’s dead! Yippee! I killed it!” (Brandishes early afternoon; with luck we could make it back to new sword.) the keep by nightfall. Placing the most valuable items Rourk: “Who is. . . ?” 39 in our pockets, we filled our packs with as much gold Kortul: “Stupid. Priest! Get rope, iron spikes for and electrum as we could carry, and left. Or at least, Arlor.” we tried. What we did do was discover the source of Arlor: “Umm.. I still don’t wanna. . . ” that cracking heard during the Dragon battle — it was the bridge over the lava pit breaking up. Kortul: “Yes, you do.” Kortul: “Shit.” Arlor: “Umm. . . ” Rourk: “This is highly annoying.” Rourk: “You do. Now go to it!” Dania: “Ok, guys, what do we do?” Arlor: “Why do *I* gotta climb across! It’s dangerous!” Razuli: “Simple! We take the lightest person in the Dania: “Because. . . ” group, and throw her across with a rope around Razuli: “Hey, where’s Navero?” her waist, then. . . ” Dania: “Shut up, Raz.” Dania: “Oh, no.” Navero: “I suppose we’ll have to climb over. Unless They all ran to the lava pit. Sure enough, there was Navero, about halfway across, sliding along the wall there’s some way out from in here.” on the little bit of crumbly ledge which was left from the bridge. Kortul: “Doubt it.” Arlor: “Umm. . . Can we look? At least?” Kortul: “Doing pretty good.” Dania: “Fine. Let’s look.” Rourk: “I hope he doesn’t get himself killed again.” Razuli: “Watch out for that next step, Nav!” (Prolonged search. Prolonged mainly by Arlor. No Dania: “Keep going!” entrances found.) Razuli: “I wonder how the Dragon got any food in Navero: (Reaches entrance.) here?” Razuli: (Throws rope to Navero. He misses it, it falls in the lava.) “It’s Okay, we got more.” Dania: “Who knows. Well, Arlor, hop to it.” (Navero catches second rope.) Arlor: “Um. . . Did you look on the roof? Bet it’s The treasure, and the party, was ferried over on ropes there, yup.” until all were on the safe side. Once there, we got the horses (which were still waiting there) and rode back to town with as much speed as our ruptured Rourk: “I would expect this cowardice from a bodies could take, arriving just after sunset. Navero went to the temple, and everyone else went to the one dwarf.” tavern, where, for the most part, they all had a long, Arlor: “Then YOU go! I don’t wanna!” uninterrupted sleep. Dania: “We can’t fly. Now get going.” Razuli: “Arlor! If you do it, you can have first choice of magic items.” “I hope I never see another Dragon again as long as I live.” — Dan Parsons Dania: “No! He’ll take the staff, and I should have that!” — XVIII — Arlor: “I can’t use it, ya know.” Dania: “You’ll sell it. It’s the most valuable thing. Very few mornings have been more painful than the You know how greedy these little hairballs are.” next to which greeted our heroes. Actually, it wasn’t Rourk: “I am inclined to agree. But the sword is even morning at all anymore, despite the early hour at which they had felt compelled to turn in. But, obviously worth far more.” being awake, now was obviously the time to go out Arlor: “I don’t like that either. . . ” and exploit their new-found wealth. 40 Razuli: (Calls downstairs) “Room service! Break- Tavern Master: “Sure. That’ll be 10 gold.” fast!” Rourk: “Despite the obvious fact that we are the only ones here?” (Short wait. Door opens.) Tavern Master: “You not like it, sir?” Maid: “Ya called for breakfast. Can ya pay?” Razuli: “Yeah.” (Flips her an electrum) “Anything Rourk: “Please, go right ahead. You may feel free to bilk my inebriated servant out of whatever you else you think you can do for me this morning?” wish.” (Looks her up and down, grins broadly.) Razuli: “SERVENT?! I’ll hav yu k-no I am a DRAGULSLIPPER!” Maid: “I don’t think so, sir. Breakfast in a few minutes.” Rourk: “Mercenary, do not breathe on me again.” (Another short wait. Razuli inspects and cleans his crossbow.) Razuli: “I castraded a dragon! Whoopee!” Maid: (Opens door. Has tray with steak, fruit juice, Rourk: “Rather difficult to do with a female eggs.) dragon.” Razuli: (Points crossbow.) “Big, isn’t it? Wanna feel it?” Razuli: “Oh. Gess it yelled for ’nother reason. Ha ha HA ha hA!!” Maid: (Leaves tray at door and leaves very quickly.) Tavern Master: “Care to have a drink on it sir? 15 gold.” First things first: we paid off the moneychanger, and went to the temple. Not being believers, and having Razuli: “I CANN BEET UP-PTHH ANYBLOODY IN THISH BARR!!” already used their services so recently, we could only wrangle a Cure Serious Wounds for each of us. We then asked Dania to identify some of the magic items; Tavern Master: “Should I put him to bed, Sir?” this she readily agreed to, as she was very curious Rourk: “No, good fellow. His antics are amusing.” about the staff. Razuli: “I CUN BEET UP U!” • Ring of Protection, +1 Rourk: “I’ll wager that stag head is shaking in it’s • Longsword, +1, +4 vs. reptiles mountings.” • Two-handed Sword, +1 Razuli: “Bedder be. I’m a DRAGOHMSTIFFER! Tink i’ll drink to dat.” • Staff of Thunder and Lightning Tavern Master: “Here you go. That’ll be 25 gold.” • Spellbook with 17 spells, 1st - 5th level Razuli: “Shanks. Yur a good fella. Do u k-no what Razuli quickly claimed the Lizard sword, as he had I did?” been the one to risk picking it up. Kortul got the two-hander, and Dania the staff and book. Arlor got Rourk: “Yes. Soiled your armor.” the ring, over Dania’s objection that she had the least Razuli: “Beside that. I. . . . am a DRAGIMprotection and so should get it as well. SPLAYER! I’m a buff dude!” Then we each went our seperate ways, agreeing to Tavern Master: “Yeah, great. You sound like you meet again at the tavern to discuss plans for the fucould use a drink.” ture. The more sensible among us spent the time resting and recuperating - there were quite a few hit Razuli: “No phanks, I’m walking! Hee hee heh he points lost. Some, however, felt it necessary to do HEE HeE hEE hEe heE” (THUD) otherwise. Rourk: “I suppose you may put him up now. And Razuli: “*Hic!* I’m RICH! Everbodee ges a drink also, remember those who do the title Dragononme.” slayer it’s proper office.” 41 Tavern Master: “I’ll try, Sir. Good night.” Master: “No. You simply went up and beat on it, didn’t you, with swords and things? Yes, I see. And liberated Them through sheer clumsiness!” Dania returned to her master’s house after her own rest, with the idea of some more studying (We were all pretty sure we had gotten enough experience to go Dania: “Them? You mean those idiots?” up a level from killing the Dragon.) She went into the Master: “Yes. Those idiots. Observe, prestidigitahouse, and was taken to his workroom, where she saw tor.” the brain suspended in some bubbling golden fluid, with wires attached to it. A basalt slab which had been on one wall cleared, and Dania saw The Three standing outside the house. Master: “Welcome, apprentice. You have done well.” Paladin 1: “Right! Here we go, now!” Dania: “Thanks. I thought you might like it.” Paladin 3: “I’m gonna kill him! Dibs!” Master: “Did you, now? You presume to know my mind?” Three swords rose up, and three swords came down, smashing the outside wall to splinters of foul-looking wood. The Three entered, and arrogantly walked Dania: “No! No, never, Master! It’s just that these down the hall outside the first floor library, and into a aren’t, uh. . . common.” hall Dania had been told never to enter. After about Master: “Hmph. Ah, well. It was good you found 10 feet or so, a pit opened beneath their feet, and one within range. Was it living out in the they fell into a pool of acid. They quickly dissolved, and the liquid was siphoned off and poured into a swamps?” Sphere of Annihilation, gone forever. Dania: “Yes, it was.” Dania: “Well, that took care of it.” Master: “Getting one this recently dead is a rare thing. Although your excision shows you have Master: “Wait. . . ” little skill in handling a knife. In the future, you The swords had not dissolved, but instead sank to are to concentrate on improving that.” the bottom. As they watched, they rose up into the air, and The Three re-formed out of shining mist. Dania: “No problem.” Master: “You may go now. Clean the laboratory on Dania: “Shit!” the first floor. And have care to get under the Paladin 2: “Say, why don’t we try a different aptables.” proach?” Dania: “Yes. Bye!” (Scampers off.) Paladin 3: “Yeah, I’m sick of traps. They’re boring.” Things went on in this vein until the next day, when, with a shriek like that made by a tachyon being vi- Paladin 1: “Right, then. Let’s go back, and get the olated by a meson, Dania was suddenly drawn into heavy artillery.” the Master’s workroom. The brain still floated in it’s tank, everything seemed normal, but with a glance Paladin 3: “YEAH! He’ll never know what hit him!” (Cackles in a most un-Paladinish fashion.) she could tell Master was angry — VERY angry, but about what she didn’t know. Master: (*Sigh*) “Do you have any IDEA how much trouble it was to get them into the globe Master: “You, and your friends: where exactly did in the first place?” you get this?” Dania: “Lots?” Dania: “Uh. . . from a Dragon. In the swamp. In a cave.” Master: “Apprentice, there is one thing you can do.” Master: “Was it, by any SMALL chance, a Red Dragon named Lentic?” Dania: “What is it, Master?” Dania: “Uh, we weren’t, uh. . . introduced.” Master: “Say, ‘oops.’” 42 Dania: “Oops?” (Navero and Rourk look up the street, and see an M1 tank rolling towards them, blasting out buildings. Master: “Yes, very good. Wonderful last words.” They run.) (Makes an arcane gesture. . . ) VADABLAM ! Game Master: The whole house shakes. Your Master, who never got a chance to complete his spell, is sprawled on the floor. You have been thrown conveniently near an exit. Somehow, after a good deal of running around and screaming, the party managed to assemble itself outside the tavern. We all went inside, and saw a very familiar looking town official and about 15 town guardsmen. They were talking to the tavern master, and didn’t seem to notice us, so we decided not to disturb them, just go upstairs and get the money and stuff we left up in our rooms. . . Dania: (Runs.) Official: “*!)¿ YOU!!! ¡(!*” Dania dived out of a window and landed in the street. Everywhere, there were explosions and concussions Party: “us?” and flying bits of building. She got up to run, when Official: “GET. OVER. HERE. AND. HAVE. A. she ran into one of the paladins. SEAT. IF. YOU. PLEASE.” Paladin 2: “Hold, vile. . . wait a moment! You look slightly familiar.” The guardsmen all looked rather peeved, and didn’t seem to like us. We sat. Dania: “Uh, it’s me! The damsel in distress, remember?” Official: “Would any of you just HAPPEN to know anything about THREE PALADINS who are wandering our streets committing mayhem?” Paladin 2: “Oh, a damsel in distress! You must be a maiden princess held captive by that ne- Dania: “Us? Oh, no no no.” farious sorcerer! Oh, how romantic! Fear not, gentle dove! I shall save you, and bring justice Razuli: “What a silly question! What have you been smoking?” to your cruel oppressors! AVENGE your honor! Return you to your pining family who even now search for you everywhere! GOD, THIS IS THE Navero: “Uh, *ow!*” (Dania drives her staff into his foot.) LIFE!!” Dania: “Uh, right. What’s THAT thing?” Guard 1: “Why won’ yu le’ ’im speak, yur li’l wizzerdship?” Paladin 2: “This? But a Surface-to-Air Missile Official: “Never mind. I think you do know. But launcher. But hold! My companions call to me! I realize that it probably isn’t your fault they The evil magician is gone, having fled his chamare here. I have heard of The Three; they are bers of power, to power to other chambers, no as powerful as they are stupid, and not to be doubt! We must pursue him wherever he goes, swayed by any mortal’s wishes. Nothing stops for that is our destiny!” them, not even common sense. Probably just an acquaintance, brief and fleeting, as I doubt (The streets light up as a missile tears open a hole in you have much to do with such cosmic beings. a nearby house.) As such, there is very little we can legally do to you.” Paladin 2: “Oops! Oh, well. It is nothing next to the banishing of evil.” Guard 2: “How about, ‘illegally’, your Lordship?” Dania: “Uh, thank you for rescuing me, kind sir, Official: “We do not do such things. Is any of what I believe I’ll go someplace and hide right now, I have said true?” bye!” (Flees) Razuli: “Well. . . ” (Passes Rourk and Navero, who are coming to see Dania: “Yes, it is. We met them in the Dragon’s what is going on.) cave, and we parted company immediately afDania: “JUST RUN, YOU IDIOTS!!” terwards.” 43 Rourk: “We have, easily, as low an opinion of them as you yourself seem to.” (Navero makes it out the door, Guards right behind him. Rest of party rides around, Dania Sleeps more Guards. Rourk jumps onto his horse. Navero climbs Official: “Good.” (Brings out some papers.) “So, onto his horse. Guardsmen on horses arrive and start you are the closest living thing to a Friend chasing the group.) they have, and so can be considered next-of-kin, which of course makes you liable for any damages Horseman: “Halt, in the name of law and order!” they do.” Navero: “Faster, Kumquat!” Dania: “WHAT?!?” Arlor: “You named your horse Kumquat?” Official: “Naturally, we have already confiscated those goods of yours we found on the premises, Navero: “Well. . . he’s the right color.” and you will be expected to remain here and do community service work until the debt is paid, Dania: “That’s a mare, Nav.” in full, with interest as applies. Guards?” Navero: “A what?” The conversation degenerated after that. Kortul kicked the official in the groin and threw the table into the guards; Dania cast a Sleep spell into the main mass and dived out the window. Arlor dived out after her. Razuli decided that would be a good idea, too. Kortul went to keep them company. . . . And so, our heroes rode off into the sunset, pursued by the local law enforcement authorities. Eventually, as the sounds of distant explosions became only a fading memory, we bravely set forth to see what the next town would be like. Dania: “WILL YOU ALL GET *OFF* OF ME!!” “I’ve never been chased by the police before! Gee, this is kind of exciting!” — Dan Parsons Arlor: “Sorry.” (Thump!) Kortul: (Runs for stables.) Razuli: “Arlor! Get a good look up her robe?” — Navero XIX — Dania: “Fuck off, Razuli.” We continued to ride for a long time. This was not due to the guardsmen - they left us after the first couple of days, and rode back to Swamp Keep. Rather, Dania: “AAHHH!!!” (Tries to kill Arlor with her we wished to put as much distance as possible bestaff.) tween ourselves and the Paladins. The Three were obviously far beyond our capacity to survive; and if Kortul: (Brings out horses.) ”Let’s GO!” they considered Dania’s master an enemy worthy of “heavy artillery,” we didn’t want to run into him eiDania: (snarls) “When I get my hands on you. . . ” ther. He had seemed just a trifle annoyed at us for killing his dragon and letting them loose. We rode Razuli: “You’ll what, show him some more?” on, to the north and west. On the journey, we all saw to it that Dania explained just what was going (Meanwhile, back inside. . . ) on with them. Arlor: “Actually, I did. . . ” Navero: (Hiding under a table.) Dania: “. . . and so anyway, I was apprenticed to the guy. . . ” Rourk: “Ha! If you think that I would surrender to” *CLANG!* (Chair comes down on his helmet.) Rourk: “You would associate with such an individ”. . . right. Priest! Let’s be off!” ual as THAT? I wonder that he didn’t send you about town, digging up graves or such ghoulish Navero: “Uh, I’m sorry, but I think we must be goactivities. What was it that you were doing with ing. Your request is unjust and unreasonable.” the brain, little mage? Your capacity for greedy Official: “*stop them!*” immorality astounds me.” 44 Razuli: “Actually, Captain Whitebread Sir, I hope Rourk: “When did you have permission to give oryou aren’t forgetting all those women and childers? Please stand downwind of me when you dren you guys killed.” open your mouth. This, mercenary, is a typical example of humanity: filthy, unsophisticated, inRourk: “They were Orcs and deserved no less. They capable of even the simplest of tasks. . . ” are like a cancer, and must be cut away.” Kortul: (grrr. . . .) Dania: “Listen! Then, when the idiots showed up and attacked, the bastard tried to kill me, so I Rourk: “. . . having no regard for others, probably ran.” even mistreats members of his own family! Disrespectful of his betters. . . ” Navero: “I would expect no less, if this individual is as you describe him. On those occasions when Kortul: (GRRRR. . . ..) evil wears its own face, you should be able to Rourk: “. . . uncouth, uneducated, insensitive and recognize and avoid it.” impatient. . . ” Dania: “Yeah, Nav. It was stupid, but he was the only wizard in town. Except for a bunch of lu- Navero: “STOP IT!! Why are you DOING this?!” natics.” Razuli: “Oh, jeez, not again. . . ” Razuli: “You mean the Purple Polka-Dot Magicians? We had them in my home town. At least Navero: “Will you please stop this? Why do you all hate each other so much? I don’t see how you ’til we burned ’em all at the stake. That was can hate each other so much, you haven’t done fun.” anything BUT hate each other! WHY!?” Dania: “Oh, please. Why does everyone burn Rourk: “Priest, we can hardly be said to hate one mages?” another. These others simply amuse themselves Rourk: “Because warriors can defend themselves. with childish name-calling. Think nothing of it, Mages, being so vulnerable, are constantly exfor it is of no consequence.” posed to the viciousness of the rabble. In this regard, it is notable that all true nobility is com- Kortul: “Childish, yes.” prised solely of warriors. No others possess sufRourk: “Did you intend some insult with that, o ficient strength, fortitude and grace to rule.” great slab of underdone Orc fodder? Perhaps Razuli: “Strange attitude for a darkie. I thought the you even meant I?” women were tops in your place, Rourk? Women Kortul: “Meant EVERYONE. Either shut up or WIZZERDS and PRIESTESSES?” split up.” Rourk: “There are, of course, exceptions.” Dania: “Nav, forget about it. We’re all just stressed Razuli: “Maybe the darkie women were ugly enough from having to run out of town so fast, okay? to scare you away, and traumatized you.” Don’t worry. It’ll blow over. And we are not splitting up.” Rourk: “Bite your tongue, Human! Their grace and beauty could never be matched by your pitiful Navero: “Well. . . It just seems like. . . this is like evspecies.” ery other time we’re together, only worse. Everybody seems so angry. Maybe it would be better Razuli: “Then why are you up here?” if we seperated, if being together makes everyone so mad.” Rourk: “I refuse to speak on that. Silence.” Razuli: “Admit it! You came up here looking for a Razuli: “Dania’s just mad ’cause Arlor looked up her robe.” good fuck, didncha?” Dania: (Swings at Razuli, misses) Dania: “Raz, shut up. You’re annoying the hell out of me.” Razuli: “Ha! And Rourk’s mad ’cause he had to run from. . . ” Kortul: “And everyone else. Quiet, all of you.” 45 Rourk: “THAT will be QUITE enough, mercenary! Kortul: “Shut up and swing.” From here, we shall travel in silence. Unless othRourk: “You presume to. . . ah!” (Watches his ers voice objections. . . ?” swords bounce off the boar. Boar almost seems Arlor: “I wanna go home.” to laugh and tears him with a tusk.) Dania: “I’m not going with him. I’m not crawling Dania: “Incoming!” into some smelly hole. . . ” Navero: (Starts chanting.) Razuli: “I don’t like smelly holes either. You should bathe more, Wizzerd. Especially after riding Kortul: “Ha!” (Slices boar.) horses.” Arlor: (Hides under a blanket.) Dania: “Oh, fuck off, asshole.” Kortul: (Is criticalled upon by boar. Drops like a rock.) Razuli: “Wrong hole. (Sings) She’s back in the saddle, again. . . ” Razuli: (Stabs Kortul’s boar, does damage.) “Oink, Kortul: (Bashes Razuli over the head with his you little bastard!” sheathed two-hander.) “Enough. You annoy Boar #2: “Fooolis huuman.” (swings tusks, misses) even me. Shut up.” Razuli: “Owww. . . ” Razuli: “How now, what how? Talking piggies!” The remainder of the day was mostly spent in glum silence. No one spoke much, although some angry glances were exchanged. Nothing of note occurred that day, except for a curious incident which had no direct affect on us. We heard a scream or keening from the sky, and looked up to see some sort of flying unicorn, far, far above us. (The DM later identified it as a Ki-rin.) It was flying eastwards very rapidly, when a bolt of blackishness shot out of the western skies and hit it, and it disappeared. About 15 minutes later a shimmer of golden particles wafted gently down, and vanished in sweet-smelling vellities when they touched the earth. We decided to alter our course northwards. (Two boars charge in, one as large as the first two, the other smaller.) Dania: “Shit! Wereboars! Use magic weapons!” (Magic Missiles Wereboar #3) Wereboar #1: (Misses Rourk) Wereboar #2: (Misses Razuli) Wereboar #3: (Hits Navero, who stops chanting and falls down.) Boar: (Tramples Arlor.) Rourk: (Hacking at Wereboar #1 with normal weapons) “Die, insult to nature!” We set up camp early that evening; we all carried out our duties alone, as we found one another’s pro- Razuli: (stabs Wereboar #2, kills it.) “Yee-ha! Two little piggies!” longed presence intolerable. Navero and Arlor stayed together, but did not speak much. Dinner was trav- Dania: (Magic missiles Wereboar #3.) “Rourk, get eling rations and carefully strained and boiled water a magic weapon!” from a stale pool. Rourk was on the first watch, when we were attacked. Navero: (Thumps Wereboar #3 with non-magic mace.) “Go away! You smell!” First, a wild boar charged into the camp, with no warning and little sound, and battered into Rourk. Arlor: (Crawls out from under blanket, stabs Boar.) Borne down by 300 pounds of angry pork, he was Razuli: (Kills Wereboar #3) “And the score, ladies lucky to get out a warning shout sufficient to wake and gentlemen, is: Amazing Studs, 3; Pork, 0!” the rest, as another boar and a sow charged in. Razuli stabbed the sow, and luckily killed it with one stroke. Dania: (Grabs Kortul’s enchanted two-hander, looks comical trying to carry a sword larger than Kortul took to the second boar, while Rourk shoved she is. Ends up dragging it through the dirt.) his boar away. “Rourk, you idiot!” Rourk: “Slaughtering pigs. My mood is poor enough as it is.” Rourk: (Continues hacking and slicing.) 46 Navero: (Bashes at Boar with mace, hits Arlor.) Guard 2: “New policy, madam. Only instituted “oops. . . ” about 12 years ago. I see that you do not visit often.” Arlor: (Stabs, kills Boar.) “It’s okay. Yup, only my Dania: “No. What are chits?” head hurts. . . ” Wereboar #1: (Misses Rourk, runs off into forest.) Guard 1: (sigh!) “A chit is a token which shows that you have passed into the city through one of the gates after proper processing, and so canDania: “Oh, great! Rourk, that was a magic beast! not be arrested for an illegal entry. It is a most You couldn’t kill it anyway!” convenient thing to have.” Rourk: “Oh, hush, little mage. I was belaboring quite well. I refuse to lay hands on that clumsy Razuli: “Yeah. C’mon, let’s go! I wanna see what your women are like!” carving knife, especially when it has so recently been in the possession of the odorous barbarian. (We follow Guard 2 into a small room. A very bored How is he, anyway?” looking official receives us, with all due pomp.) Kortul, and everyone else, was healed back to health by Navero. The Wereboar did not come back, and we saw no sign of it again. The rest of the night actually proved quite restful. We rode on, still not talking much, but no arguments arose. Late in the afternoon, we rode over a hill and saw before us a city of great size; we asked a friendly roadside peasant, who revealed to us that it was the local capital of the Empire. Official: “Hullo. Any valuables to declare?” Razuli: “You can see all we got. Any problems with that?” Guard 2: “A more respectful tone, if you please.” Official: “Right. Ten percent tax on liquid assets transported across city boundaries. Cash?” Razuli: “Fresh out.” (There are a string of capitals across the empire, each governing the surrounding territories, and answerable Official: “Sorry, we do not allow beggars to walk the street. Good day!” to the Grand Poobah far to the east. This capital (I forget the name. Call it Propyla) was third to the Rourk: “Sir, do you insinuate that I am a pauper? last on the line. The next one to the west was experiYou insult me. I demand an apology, or a reencing trouble with local insurrections, we had heard; sponse!” the westernmost was little more than a town, out in the true wilderness, and very little news had come Official: (Looks even more bored, if possible.) “Yes, sir. Good day!” from it for some time.) Navero: “Well, we do have some money. We won’t Having nothing better to do, we entered the city. beg if it’s illegal.” We immediately encountered problems with the gate guards. Official: “How much? And would you mind wearing this ring?” Rourk: “Hail! We wish to enter your fair city in Navero: (Puts on ring.) “I have 120 gold crowns, peace and friendship.” and some silver.” Guard 1: (snif!) “You come, all armed, into our midst, and speak of peaceful intentions, o MOST Razuli: “Nav, you idiot! Why’d you have to tell them that?” noble knight?” Official: “And you others?” Guard 2: “Come now. One must be understanding of these provincials.” Navero: “They have only pocket change, Mr. Official. I am party treasurer.” Guard 1: “Ah, yes. Well, gentlemen and lady, if you would care to follow this man, you can be Official: “You trust all your money with one?” processed and given your chits.” Dania: “Oh, absolutely! We all trust ol’ Nav! He Dania: “Chits?” holds the party fund, until we distribute it.” 47 Arlor: “Yup! We spent all our money. None here.” Navero: “Well, I thought. . . ” Official: “Oh, very well. (Takes ring back.) Twelve Razuli: “Don’t do that. It’s not your strong suit. Do you want to have all of us put away, just gold as entrance tax, 6 silver chit tax, please wear ’cause you wanted to show off how clever you the chit where it can be seen, you’ll be arrested were? That’s incredibly selfish, Nav.” without it. Good day!” (The Ring of Truth did not indicate any lies from Navero, mainly because he was not lying. The other characters did have only pocket change; the remainder of the Dragon money, amounting to nearly 15,000 gp. And Navero was party treasurer; it was a position he elected himself to at that moment, and it’s sole purpose was tax evasion. The morality of his activities is, of course, open to question, but no one raised much of a fuss.) Navero: “I’m sorry. . . ” Razuli: “Let’s just go, Nav. Tell you what: pay them later, in secret, okay? And then go confess to another priest or whatever.” Navero: “Well. . . ” Razuli: “Great. C’mon, let’s go!” And so, we entered the great city of Propyla. . . (Afterwards, within the city proper) “Was that just stealing that I did?” — Dan Parsons Dania: “Hey, Nav! Good going!” Navero: “Uh, thank you. I guess.” Razuli: “Good goin’, kid! You’re starting to think like me, now!” Rourk: “Perish the thought. His brain would fall out.” Razuli: “Actually, it already did that once.” Navero: “Uh, yes. . . ” Dania: “Let’s go! Maybe they have a magic shop!” Razuli: “Maybe they have a red light district!” Navero: “Uh, Dania? Was that the right thing to do?” Dania: “Huh? Sure. No prob.” Navero: “Well. . . I know the law can’t always apply. . . at least I think it can’t. . . but wouldn’t society collapse if we all just casually broke laws whenever we felt like it?” Dania: “I don’t see anything collapsing. Do you see anything collapsing?” Rourk: “Not I. It was no more than those churlish miscreants deserved.” Navero: “Maybe we should go back.” Razuli: “Are you sure they closed all the holes in your head? Kid, they’d just arrest us and torture us all for days. You wouldn’t do that to your friends, would you?” 48 Charlie’s Magic Christmas c 1990 Garry James Kirks
[email protected] Cheddah Melt Creamy Ranch Dressing Productions The following is the exact transcript of a pair of cassette tapes found in a shallow ice cave at the extreme northern latitudes surrounding the pole. The tapes were discovered, remarkably well-preserved, by the prominent arctic archaeologist, J. Stanislaw Slope. Due to the highly sensitive nature of the discovery, the tapes have been transcribed with a minimum of editorial input. If you desire further knowledge of the situation, please send email to the address listed above. All correspondence will be forwarded to Dr. Slope. My name is, er. . . was. . . Charlie. Charlie Higgins. Or Hogan. Or maybe Simpson, I don’t know. Maybe it wasn’t even Charlie, but for the sake of getting it onto this tape machine, let’s just say I’m him, Charlie. Okay? Everything that’s happened is so out of focus, like it’s foggy out. I can’t remember where I was, but it seems like it must have been a a small town. I don’t know about it’s name or anything; like I said my memory ain’t so good, it could have been anything. It could have been anywhere. I’ve got it, I’ll call it Anytown. Ha, ha. The stuff in my head is all patchy. When I can get it to work, I get this kind of weird feeling, like I wasn’t to happy to be alive. There’s this creepy movie in my head of my feet moving back and forth, like I’m watching them while I walk. Not like I was expecting hidden treasures to pop up — bottle caps with prizes and stuff like that — but more like I was wondering how I kept my balance. Somehow I didn’t figure I belonged upright. My father — I don’t know if I called him Dad or Pop — worked in the oil fields. I remember ‘cause he was always gone for a long time, then home again for about as long. His hands were all black and grimy all the time. I try to remember what he looked like, but all I can picture is the hands. The way they looked, some, but mostly the way they felt coming down on the top of my head. My face would get all purple and bruised and I’d have to make excuses at school. He was always mad about something and I guess I made a pretty good target. He didn’t hit on my brother and sister too much. She was a girl, of course; somehow it’s different for them. They don’t get beat as much. Or at least they didn’t at my house. My brother spent most of his time in reform school, so he wasn’t likely to be gotten to. It’s weird, the more I talk into this thing, the more it all comes back. I guess that means I should keep going. It seems like my mother was usually nice to me, at least when she wasn’t so drunk she would puke all over the kitchen table. My sister would go, “Oooh, gross,” and high-tail it on out of there. Of course, that left me to clean it. I really didn’t mind so much, some of the colors were pretty neat, and I was always fascinated by the clumps of half-used-up stuff that came out. She would sometimes pass out with her face in the middle of it and I would have to clean around her. My sister was right about that part; it was pretty gross. She, my sister — I’ll call her Millicent, that’s pretty, ain’t it? — was one big pain in the butt. She was so in love with herself. She thought she was God’s gift to every pimple-headed boy with a boner in school. (Maybe I shouldn’t have said that, is boner a bad word?) She would spend hours sometimes staring into this little lighted mirror thing. A vanity is what she called it; one of those things with all the bulbs going around it in a circle. She would sit there and put on make-up by the truckload, flutter her eyelashes, brush her hair, and talk back and forth to herself like it was her and one of those weirdo guys in the music videos and they were out on a date. “Oh, Millicent, baby,” she would say, “you look so fine tonight. Your eyes are like the stars, your skin like satin. . . ” You know that kind of stuff. Yucheee. One time I was watching her through the halfopen door to her room and she heard me giggle at some cock-eyed thing she’d said. She turned and screamed and threw this gigantic wooden brush at 48 me. It put a big ol’ gash on top of my head. It hurt real bad and I think. . . wait a sec’, I’ll see. . . Yep, it’s still there; a thick scar right up over my eyebrow. They must have forgot about that. They must have forgot a lot, ‘cause I’m starting to remember. I don’t think I’m supposed to. See, now that I think about it, her name really was Millicent. I guess it ain’t so pretty after all. And, boy, Mom sure was mad at her for hitting me with that hairbrush. I guess, now that I’m remembering all of this, I ought to start telling about how I got to be where I am and why I’m taping this. It all started when my brother — I’ll call him Johnny, ‘cause all the good bad guys are called Johnny — was let out of reform school right before Christmas one year. Mom wanted to make it a special one, seeing as how everyone would be together and home and all. Johnny didn’t care, he was only staying ‘cause they told him if he didn’t, or if he got in trouble again, he’d have to go to a real jail with all the murderers and stuff. He wasn’t much of a brother, he usually just sat around in front of the TV and stayed quiet and played with his little pearlhandled switchblade with the bullfight guy carved on it. Sometimes he would leave and stay gone all night. He knew Mom wouldn’t turn him in. It would just get her upset and she’d get drunk and throw-up on something. We went to the mall one day, Mom, Millicent and me. We were supposed to be looking for a present to give to Johnny. He always was her favorite, even though he practically lived at reform school. I guess it was ‘cause he was the oldest. She never seemed to catch on that he was a complete and total bozo-head. She took me to see the Santa Claus that was there. She wanted me to ask him for some presents. I didn’t want to at first ‘cause I knew I would never get anything I asked for. But then I got this idea. Boy, it sure was one idea I could’ve done without. After waiting in line for an hour with all the screaming baby kids, I finally got my turn. I climbed up onto his lap and tugged at his beard to see if it was real. It didn’t come off, so I figured he was alright. “Didn’t expect it to come off, did you lad?,” he said, but I don’t think he really wanted an answer. “What can I do for you this fine December day? I’ll bet you want a nice new bicycle. Or maybe a robot. Or a cowboy gun. Go ahead, you can tell me, what would you like?” “I’m not sure I can tell you,” I said, “not what I really want, anyway.” I still wasn’t sure of this idea. And he kinda smelled like beer. 49 “Well, I am Santa Claus, you know. And if you can’t trust me, well, there just isn’t much of anyone you can trust, now is there?” He put a finger to his mouth like he was shushing me. “I won’t tell a soul, I promise.” I still wasn’t too sure I could go through with it, so I stalled. “Are you the real Santa Claus,” I asked, “I mean the one that lives at the North Pole and all. You’re not just some guy in a red suit?” “No, son, I’m real. I’m always around when someone special *really* needs me.” He smiled kind of strange like and his eyes went all screwy. “What is it you want, boy? What is it really? You can tell me, I’m jolly old Saint Nick, remember?” So I went for it. “What I really want for Christmas this year is a new family,” I said, “the one I have I don’t much like.” “Can you do that?,” I asked. “Well,” he said, this time with what I guess you would call a jolly Ho ho ho, “I suppose I can see what can be done. I have to ask you, though, to be certain, is it what you really want? You would have to be absolutely sure.” “I’m sure,” I said, “I’m real sure.” And I was to, as sure as I could be without knowing what would come next. He winked and I knew, I just knew, it was real. I got down from his big, fat lap and took the red reindeer lollipop the girl in the elf-suit handed me. It was old and kind of melted, so I just threw it away. Mom told me I should be more grateful, then took a swig off the bottle she carried in her coat pocket. We ended up getting Johnny an ugly blue and yellow sweater that I knew he would never wear. Mom said it would match his eyes. I guess. We went home and I waited for Christmas day to come. I daydreamed the whole time about what my new family would be like. I saw my new mother in a white apron, with blonde hair in a bun on top, taking some chocolate chip cookies from the oven. She was pretty and didn’t drink. Not even on holidays. My new Dad was tall and strong, with a nice smile and a tie and he would talk to me even when I wasn’t in trouble and he wouldn’t hit me and he would be home all the time. I didn’t think about brothers and sisters. My new parents would only have enough love for me and no one else. They would hug me and take me places that weren’t stores or places with waiting rooms. I liked that, if only. . . I could hardly get to sleep on Christmas Eve, though Mom didn’t seem to have any trouble, what with all the egg-nog she drank. She passed out on the couch right after Johnny opened his present. He had just dropped it on the floor and asked what was for dinner, then he left. Dad had only come in that morning. He was real tired from being at work for two weeks, so he went straight to bed saying not to wake him up until the next morning, which was Christmas. Millicent was off on a date with a guy from the football team. Most likely the whole football team. I’m sorry, that was mean. I figured it wouldn’t matter if they ruined just one more Christmas. I was getting my new family anyway, so I wouldn’t ever have to see them again. I figured when I woke up I’d be in a cottage in the country with my new Mom and Dad and a whole bunch of presents under the tree. Boy, was I wrong. I was kind of disappointed when I woke up, ‘cause I was still in the old house. I could smell Mom’s perfume somewhere, so I knew it had gone wrong. Santa was a scam after all. It was kind of cold so I put some slippers on and headed into the living room to turn up the heat. That’s when I found Mom. She was lying on the couch where she had passed out, still holding her cup. The egg-nog had spilled all over the floor. She was dead. It looked to me like she had choked on her own throw-up. It was even grosser than the kitchen table. I ran to their room to wake up Dad and tell him what had happened. He was still in bed where he had laid down the morning before. There was this big lump of red and purple mashed-potato-looking stuff where his head was supposed to be. I don’t know yet what did that, but it sure must have been strong. Millicent was in her room at the vanity thing. The mirror was smashed down over her head. The light bulbs were blinking on and off like an electric kind of necklace. Her face was smeared with even more make-up than she would have used. She was dead too. I think maybe she was electrocuted, ‘cause her hair was all frizzy and black-like. Johnny I found in the kitchen lying in a pool of his own blood. It was dry and brown colored. His stomach, legs, and face had been slashed up something fierce. That pearl-handled, bullfight guy switchblade was poking into one of his eyeballs. I walked over and pointed the handle and it fell out on the floor. The eyeball was still on it; it was looking at me. I started feeling sick. I grabbed the knife and shook the eyeball off. It made this nasty splatting sound when it hit the floor. I was feeling pretty scared and the knife didn’t really help. I heard these weird giggly kind of sounds coming from the living room. I went in there to find out what it was. I didn’t figure that whatever did what it did to my family would be giggling, so I wasn’t too afraid. What gave me the heebie-jeebies was that the living room was where Mom was. I stayed close to the other wall. The noises were coming from behind the tree, so I moved over there. I tippy-toed slowly so they couldn’t hear me. “Who’s there,” I said. giggle “Who’s there,” I said, again. giggle, giggle “I know how to dial 911,” I said, “and believe me, I will.” I heard a jingly noise and these three little short guys stepped out from behind the tree. They were dressed kind of like the lady at the mall was; all green and red. They had little bells on their hats and shoes, but they weren’t very cute. On that, the mall-elf was way off. Their faces were kind of mashed in and flat. The ears were pointed, like I remember from books, but they didn’t stand up like they were supposed to; they just fell over underneath the funny hat. They were about my size, the biggest a couple of inches taller. They looked old. One had gray hair. They giggled some more and one of them, the tall one, threw some gold sprinkly dust in my face. That’s when I stopped remembering. When I woke up I was here, wherever that is. It’s real cold and it snows a lot. I guess it’s the North Pole, though it’s not much like the storybooks said. The reindeer aren’t very friendly and I haven’t seen them play one reindeer game. Oh, and the elves. They don’t make the toys ‘cause they want to. We don’t like it much, but there really isn’t much we can do. At least I hope i’m not the only one. It reminds me of this picture I saw once when I was working in the book shop. The book was called Oliver Twist. The picture had all these little boys lined up in a dark and ugly building. They looked hungry and scared. They call me Jangles. I live with what I guess was a another kid. His name is Jimin, like the cricket. He doesn’t remember anything, he’s been here a long time. It’s all so strange and hard to understand. The only clothes I have are these red and green tights, an ugly floppy hat, and some curly-toed shoes. I don’t have any bells yet; they say that will come later. I’m not too sure I’m looking forward to it. 50 I stole this little tape recorder from the electronics shop. That’s where I work now. We’ve made so many now, I don’t think one will be missed. It’s supposed to go to a little girl in Lima, Peru. That’s somewhere in South America. She’ll live without it, I hope. I’m going to finish now. They’re calling. I’ll have to hide the tape real good. Hopefully, someday, someone will find it. Someone other than Uncle Nick. I don’t think he would like me remembering, or my making this tape. I don’t think he would like that at all. day nice a “No, the Christian Church is good; they wouldn’t just dream up any old excuse to burn us as heretics so they could get our lands and wealth.” have — Unknown victim of the inquisition 51 Life, Death, Paper and Dice c 1990 Aaron Miaullis Remember, boys and girls. . . characters are people truding from the still thrashing creature, and flipped too, and here’s a story that brings it home via a cheat- over to see the jagged granite floor come up to meet ing DM and one Negard fit for slaughter. him. “Damn! That was my favorite character!” Negard felt no pain. He felt rather odd floating Negard the Outcast pulled himself laboriously along the jagged edge of the granite ridge, a trail of blood above five the five human children below him dressed flowing freely from the gaping sword wound in his ab- in bright clothing with odd designs. One was hiding domen. His throat felt hoarse from the granite dust behind a small paper screen and the other four rolled in the air. Some sixty to seventy feet below him a dice of perfect shape and of fantastic colors. One battle was still in progress as the rest of his party (an child who had a red shirt with the letters A-D-I-D-Ielven ranger/cleric named Settler, a mage known as A-S on it had stood up and was looking at a piece of the Silent One and Eric the paladin) fought valiantly paper he had written a complex formula on. “Hey Fred, how about cutting me a little slack against the hordes of dark elves that surrounded them on all sides. Negard could see the tiny arrows of his for a heroic death?” the kid dressed in red pleaded. The kid behind the screen rolled some dice abcousins being deflected by the Silent One’s invisible shield and Eric in melee with eight swordswomen. sently as he looked into the air. Negard knew his friends were in no trouble; they had “Well, I will let Settler throw his flask of super survived worse odds. He was more concerned for him- healing at Negard if Joe wants to risk it. Rememself, the wound had the feeling of a slow poison to it. ber I’m only being nice because of the glorious death It was as if the life was being drained away from him. precedent. Remember that Edger.” Even his dark skin was taking on a pale luster, and The child in red named Edger looked over at his elven vision showed there was a loss of heat in the Joe person. Joe crossed out a scribble on the this fingertips. Still, Negard crawled slowly up the paper in front of him. Then the Joe person put down ridge of the cavern entrance. Every time he stopped his odd stylus, grabbed some dice and nodded his he could hear the booming voice like the pronuncia- head. tion of doom, but none of his friends could hear over “Alright! Come on Joe, get that 20! My charthe sound of the brawl. Negard reached the apex of acter needs it!” Edger shouted. the subterranean gate and looked over his shoulder Joe flipped an odd looking die onto the table. at the trail of blood that extended all the way down The gem-like die rolled the length of the table to come to the cavern floor like some ugly snake. Negard the to an eventual stop at the edge of the table. The Outcast steeled himself, marshaling the last of his en- number was 19. Everyone looked over at Fred. ergy and drew both his longsword Assslicer and the “Is it enough?” asked Edger? short sword he “borrowed” from Eric. With his ear “OK, I’ll be generous this time. Negard bets to the rock he could hear footsteps of the creature hit with the potion and gains....” that approached the gate, behind his friends. Another couple of dice were rolled behind the With a shout the creature emerged from the screen. Negard saw four six sided dice roll. The numentrance. It stood fifty feet tall with blood red skin, bers were one, one, one and two. eight arms (each with a flaming curved sword twenty “Okay! I rolled really good this time, Negard feet long), clawed feet and a gaping mouth of foot gets twenty one hit points back!” Fred said. long teeth with a forked tongue that dripped acid on Negard felt pulled down into the piece of paper the cavern floor. It was facing the stunned party, in front of Edger just as Fred said the number twenty with it’s back to Negard. one. With a leap Negard left his perch and fell down Negard, splattered with a liquid, landed on the onto the back of the creature, his swords both going ground and rolled in to a crack in the side of the wall. in between its shoulder blades - bisecting the vertebra The party was finishing off the dying creature. After and slicing into its lungs. Negard fell, his swords pro- the creature was dead they walked over to Negard. 52 “Well,” asked Settler, “did you go to Valhalla there for a minute? Good thing I was able to hit you with that flask of healthy waters before you hit the ground.” “Yes good thie... I mean entrepreneur, did you have one of those out-of-body experiences we all hear about?” Eric had politely handed Negard his longsword and was holding his own short sword as if to stress a point. “Yes... we’re all made out of ink marks and paper. There were a group of children arguing over our fate and rolling dice all the time.” Negard shook his head to clear the horrible vision. “They even cheat on the dice, can you believe that?” Eric leaned over and put a comforting mailed hand on Negard’s head. “Obviously you hit head first. Let’s go off and find a pub on the surface for a drink. I think you need one.” Negard shook his head again. “Well, maybe I do. Lots.” As they left the cavern Eric’s laughter could be heard, “Pieces of paper, really Negard you have some imagination! You make it seem like some game!” “So Bill, tell us about holographic food.” — Steven King Software Archaeologist
[email protected] 53 We’re all Bozos on this Bus c 1990 Kay Shapero
[email protected] What happens on an exploratory mission in outer- one from his cabin locker instead. We hadn’t gotten space is heavily dependent on with whom you go ex- to that one, since the lock on his cabin had thus far ploring. proven impossible for me to pick. Anyway, the emergency in question involved the presence of four other ships, one large, and the Well, it happened like this. . . We were all sitting around the briefing room rest small. Upon contacting them, we found that conversing and generally wondering what the fates they were Hegemonic, a liner and three scatterships and the high command were going to send us this respectively, crewed largely by Altani. The positions time for a captain, seeing as how our last one had of two of the scatterships as they approached our genreportedly vanished, screaming into the night, when eral area would have made things perfect for a slalom run, but the captain, the spoilsport, wouldn’t let me the door opened to admit a tall individual. A very tall individual. A fourteen-foot tall in- try it. How am I supposed to maintain my reputadividual. A fourteen-foot tall Bjoran individual with tion as a hot pilot if I never get to try anything ina vaguely sour look on his face. Lirarl, the bio- teresting? Oh, well, I suppose the Altani might have chemist, leaned over and whispered to me. “D’you decided to be obnoxious about it — they do get upset at the strangest things. suppose that’s him?” I suppose I’d better introduce the rest of us. I whispered back. “If he is, I sure hope you The commander, you already know about, and the brought enough dye. . . ” biochemist. I’m Yealurowluro, the pilot (and partSure enough, he introduced himself as Gregor time communications officer), and the others on this Gohkra, our new commander and proceeded to extrip were as follows: plain the details of our next mission, namely taking a look at the planets, if any, of a couple of stars and Srilurow: Power systems engineer checking them for anything of interest. I must say that there is one thing for which I occasionally envy Lawaro: Geologist those overserious vulpine hotheads the Altani, and that is their telepathy, as it would have been inter- Aryialo: Electrical engineer esting to see how much, if any, of the annoyance our Rawlaow: Astrogator new captain was trying to hide was due to something about the mission itself, and how much was due to Ailurowlurr: Geologist and medical expert being picked to command a ship crewed entirely by Sawalaro: Weapons expert H’Reli. I wondered what he did to deserve us. The ship went into Jump with no problems Wailuro: Survival expert past the usual accompaniment of urping crewmembers. Including the captain — entertaining, that, The ship itself was designated with some long considering the legendary cast-iron stomaches pos- string of numbers and letters that I’m not going sessed by the Bjora. But then, nobody ever quite to bore you with, but we always called it “The gets used to Jump nausea. Once the ship was safely Boomerang” because, as Lirarl put it “No matter how underway, there were a few days before anything of many times you throw it away, it always comes back interest happened, thus giving Lirarl and me plenty and hits you in the back of the head. . . ” which, judgof time to coat part of the back inside section of the ing by the assignments we’ve drawn is probably the captain’s spacesuit with a colorless substance guar- opinion of the High Command. Some people have no anteed to dye that portion of his fur brilliant yellow. sense of humor. All for naught, alas, for when we did encounter someSeveral days later, about thirteen silvery thing and he ordered everyone into suits, he wore the ovoids, each somewhat smaller than our ship, turned 54 up and arranged themselves about the Jump drive pylons. I slowed down a bit for a closer look at which point one of them moved forward and nudged the hull (I nudged the whateveritwas back, eliciting an annoyed look from the captain), then dropped back when we sped up. So I tried to contact it and it replied with something that overloaded the communications gear and blew out part of the board (eliciting another annoyed look from the captain). We finally guessed that they were a small variety of space whale (space dolphins?) who merely wanted to ride our shock wave for a while. Eventually, they left, too fast for me to try longer range communications which was to the relief of Aryialo, who had just finished fixing the gear. * * * Lirarl and I had a conference. He: “Figured out the lock on the captain’s cabin yet?” Me: “Nope. Looks like we can’t get at his spacesuits, sigh.” He: “What’ll we do, then?” Me: “Lessee. . . What does he have, or where does he go that he can’t lock up or guard?” In unison: “The Head!” Few crews can have watched their captain’s every move quite as much as we did for the next few hours. But at last, he was observed entering the aforementioned facility, we waited 10 seconds, and I hit the gravity switch. Immediately, the 5 second warning sounded, followed by the loss of all gravity. And I waited another 10 seconds, then switched it on again, figuring that while the gravity on/off warning usually gives people time to brace themselves, in this case. . . Well, while none of us ever found out precisely what happened in there, he did take rather a long time to come out again. Onward to the first system we ventured, with the captain, who of course had no idea exactly who had pulled the deck out from under him and who was somewhat annoyed with all of us. Naturally, this gave all those who weren’t in on the gag plenty of incentive to come up with their own. Prime candidate for most interesting object in the system of the first star was a planet located in the habitable range, complete with plants, animals, water and so forth. Mapping from polar orbit showed a big magnetic anomaly which turned out to be nine miles of very wrecked spaceship, so we went down to look at it, landing about five miles away in a forest clearing, due to the usual captainly paranoia. Speaking of captainly paranoia, it soon became obvious that, since I was the only decent pilot on board, I was not going to be allowed to go over to the wreck with any of the exploratory teams. After being stuck inside this undersized flying object for over a week, too! The party that did go included Wailuro, as survival type, and Lirarl on one grav sled, plus Lawaro and Aryialo in another. At least they did carry remote cameras so that the rest of us could see what was going on. The wrecked ship appeared to have been designed for beings considerably taller than the captain, about twenty feet to be precise, a judgement confirmed by the discovery of a humanoid skeleton in the remains of a rubberish outfit. While all of this was at least mildly amusing, being stuck inside was a considerable annoyance, so I pretended to be off to the head. Instead, I went aft where nobody was likely to spot me, got out a light environmental suit as did Sawalaro who had joined me somehow on route, ducked out the airlock and spent about 15 minutes looking about, keeping well out of view from the bridge. While it was hardly as pleasant as being outside on a planet where we didn’t need suits and could breathe fresh air, it still helped ease the irritance of being stuck inside so long. Apparently fifteen minutes was long enough for the captain to get suspicious, because we returned inside barely in time to respond to a roll-call. I dare say the captain may have found it suspicious that we answered from the place we did, but he could hardly prove anything. Soon, the exploratory team found a still functioning artifact — a twenty-foot tall, operational security robot which took an immediate dislike to them. Deactivating it was an interesting experience, to say the least, but they did manage it and then asked if the captain would please send a couple more grav sleds out so they could bring the thing, and the skeleton, back to the ship. “Captain?” I inquired, hopefully. “No!” And he proceeded to send Sawalaro and Srilurow (the latter in scout grade powered armor) instead. Grrrr. . . While they were headed out, I took advantage of a couple of free minutes and left the bridge, this time for the captain’s cabin. As I hadn’t managed to pick the lock, I poured epoxy into it instead. We’d see if he liked being locked out as little as I did being locked in. They had just loaded up the robot plus the 55 skeleton when another robot turned up, just as pugnacious as the last one. . . This time, the resulting fight munged one grav sled, Lirarl’s left arm (sliced right off), and everyone’s peace of mind. It also left the captain with a problem, namely who to send out with Ailurowlurr, who was the closest thing to a medical officer we had on board. “Look”, I said, “I’ll wear powered armor. I’ll wear marauder armor, for crying out loud. If anything bothers me, I’ll personally sling it into orbit!” “Oh, all right.” So I finally got out to the ship after all. It was marginally more interesting seen close up. And the flight out and back was no trouble at all. * * * Several hours out from the planet, the captain decided to go to his cabin with results that were heard all over the ship. Marvelous stuff, epoxy. I think Ailurowlurr was about to go offer him a firmer to use as a cutting torch, when the captain solved the problem by ripping the door off its hinges. Bjoran muscles are pretty good, too. The next few hours were spent replacing the door at the captain’s orders while he sat in his room so we wouldn’t do anything to the contents. Another conference. Me: “Well, he’s learning.” Aryialo: “Maybe. But while he’s in there, he can’t watch us out here. As long as he’s going to go ripping doors up, let’s make this one as flimsy as possible.” Me: “You do that while I make up about a dozen duplicate keys.” After all, he hadn’t said not to. . . * * * The first planet of the next system was a rather scorched bit of rock entirely too close to the primary for my tastes. We took the usual mess of pictures and departed for planet number three taking three *urp* jumps. Figuring that it was about time to branch out from physical practical jokes, I next acquired a bottle of beer from Srilurow when he wasn’t looking (he was spending most of his free time bugging the captain’s quarters while the latter was on the bridge), wrapped it up nicely, put a tag on it addressed to the captain, and left it on his acceleration couch, where in due course he found and unwrapped it with such caution that I was almost sorry I hadn’t used contact paper. Eyeing the enclosed bottle as though he expected it to explode momentarily, he thanked us all, patted Aryialo on the head, and removed the beer carefully to his cabin. I hoped he would have great fun trying to figure out what was wrong with it since, unless Srilurow was booby-trapping his private stock, nothing was. Mind games, anyone? The planet looked like something one might actually care to live on. Certainly someone had, for a temperature anomaly we noted from orbit proved to be a ruined city which was especially good at soaking up the sun’s heat and reradiating it at night. We landed five miles away, as usual. I glanced at the captain, hopefully. “Forget it.” Sigh. The exploration team consisted of two grav sleds, one containing Wailuro and Ailurowlurr, the other, Sawalaro and a lot of equipment. All three were in scout armor (the lightest form of powered armor), while Srilurow, who wasn’t even going along, was ordered to stand by in marauder armor (two more steps along the scale between suit and ship) at the ship in case of trouble. Once again, they carried cameras so we could see what was going on. There was little to see but buildings and indecipherable street signs (all duly recorded), until Wailuro spotted a car parked on one of the streets. He investigated, pulling at the door which promptly and enthusiastically came off in his hand. I glanced over at Rowlaow. “Think the captain’s been giving lessons?” I was universally ignored as Wailuro reported a life form inside which closely resembled a twelve legged tarantula, and attempted to catch it in a specimen container. Skitter, skitter, skitter, whap, skitter, skitter, skitter, whap. . . it took him three tries to catch the thing by which time most of us were betting on the spider. * * * A couple of hours later, they reached the center of the city, to find a building in somewhat better shape than those they’d seen earlier. It was about twenty or thirty feet tall, with huge double doors which showed no interest in opening until someone poured penetrating oil on the frozen hinges. Inside, the building appeared more like three hundred feet tall, leading us eventually to the conclusion that power sufficient to operate holographic projectors was still on. Next morning, the exploration team went back out to the building, suited as before (with poor Sril- 56 urow still standing by in marauder armor, back at the ship) and investigated, finding a central dais with a head-setted chair in which Ailurowlurr had to be prevented from sitting. General poking around located a shaft beneath the dais leading down into a lot a gadgetry associated with a power plant as well as a lot of little thingies closely resembling robotic versions of that spider (not that there’s much difference, at that). So they closed it up and continued looking around. Something of a lull having come up, I decided that this was a good time to slip the hygroscopic stuff Lirarl had given me (stuff starts as a powder, but absorbs enough from the air to get really slimy in a few hours) into the captain’s bed. Unfortunately, the captain proved to be on it when I opened the door with my copy of the key. Oops. . . “Hi there”, I observed brightly. “You seem to have left your key in the hall and I thought I’d bring it back to you.” He silently fished out his key and showed it to me. “Well, I found this one in the corridor. . . ” This met with a notable lack of belief, and the captain promptly confiscated the key and started in on a rather comprehensive lecture on the subject of my perfidious doings. I stood there admiring his oratory for a while, then handed him a dagger and exposed my throat. He broke off in mid-harangue with the most beautiful double-take I’d seen in a long time, paused a second, then took the dagger, grinned, said something about that not being necessary and held up one hand. His claws, unlike the dagger, were not made of rubber; I thoughtfully went elsewhere. The captain turned up on the bridge shortly after I did and insisted on being given all of the duplicate keys. I think he got most of them, at that, but it was at this point that we were distracted by what was going on out at the exploration site. Since the captain had carefully ordered that no one was to disturb, or especially to sit in the chair on the dais, Sawalaro, her curiosity finally getting the upper hand, had sat on it. . . and quickly sprang back off of it again, with a glazed expression. Seems that not only did the thing increase the psionic capabilities of anyone using it for as long as they did so, it also increased them exponentially for every second of operation. With all the new data being piled on her each second, she’d been lucky to keep her sanity. At least the effect did not seem to last once she got off again. Predictably, the captain ordered everyone out of the building. Elsewhere, the explorers found a skeleton, sort of. . . well, a couple of bones. Fortunately, they also found what appeared to be a library with five paint- ings of the locals who resembled six-foot teddy bears (mini-Bjora?), and lots of books. 760 of the latter were removed very carefully so as not to let them fall apart, and brought back to the ship. After debriefing, Sawalaro went straight to the brig. The captain ordered the rest of us not to smuggle anything in to her, which is probably why Ailurowlurr, having already sneaked her a handful of keys to the brig (don’t ask me where she got them. . . snicker) promptly retired to the food facilities out of sight of the captain and concocted an entire plate full of fancy hors d’oerves and then brought them down to the brig. She was about to hand them to Sawalaro when the captain, who’d been watching the whole thing from the brig surveillance remote, hit a switch, causing the door to the next cell to swing open. Ailurowlurr took the hint, gave half of the hors d’oerves to Sawalaro, and proceeded into the next cell with the rest of them. I hope she didn’t mind Sawalaro’s flute practice. We finished mapping the planet and departed, only to spot something about eighteen feet long and missilish, with a stylized bird figure painted on it, falling into the system on a hyperbolic curve. Tracing its path backwards, we figured it might have come from the first system we looked at. At any rate, while we didn’t know for sure what it was, it did give off rather more radiation than the background, so we settled for nudging it into a stable orbit with the tractors and left it. Let someone else try to figure it out if Fleet was really that curious. Shortly thereafter, it became apparent that Srilurow wasn’t the only one who’d bugged the captain’s quarters, for the captain returned to his cabin to find a large sample of Bjoran pornographic art on one wall of the corridor, speakers inside his room broadcasting bawdy Bjoran music, plus a small but active device squirting Bjoran pheremones into the air. The captain may or may not have been amused, but he did promptly give his cabin a thorough going over, removing all of the bugs, speakers, cameras, etcetera, etc. . . Sigh. . . We didn’t see much of interest on the way back with the exception of six small ships we didn’t recognize — we left them alone, they left us alone; plus an Altani armored scout with whom we exchanged howdies. It can be fun to see the expression on an Altani’s face when s/he realizes there’s a H’Reli on the other end of the conversation. A few hours from our destination, the captain decided to hold suit drill, presumably with malice aforethought, for the suits smelled even worse than usual. Of course, none of us said anything, with the exception of Srilurow, who promptly asked “Captain, 57 have you been putting air freshener in the suits? Mine smells much better than that marauder armor did.” When drill was over, it soon became obvious that the smell was going to linger in our fur for quite a while, even for Aryialo who’d noticed the stench and switched quickly into the suit in his cabin locker. So we all took to hanging around the captain until he got sufficiently annoyed to order us to go wash up. This we did and noticed that, thanks to the suits, everyone but Aryialo, Lirarl (in sick bay), and the two in the brig now had tails brightly colored in various shades of photographic dye (mine was cyan). This gave me an idea, so I got hold of various dyes and, rather than try and dye my tail to match the rest of me, patterned the rest of my fur. This caught on beautifully, and the good ship Boomerang soon had the most Technicolor crew in space. The rest of the trip was rather hectic, what with various members of the crew trying to pull something equally interesting on the captain, who wasn’t venturing out of his cabin without his suit, but soon we were sufficiently busy with approach that nobody had time for anything sneaky. I did have hopes for the frictionless goop I spread on the captain’s acceleration couch, but when he came out for final approach he wasn’t wearing his suit for a change and managed to notice it before he sat down. Oh well, it did cause him to go back to his cabin for the landing; so after we touched down, Aryialo and I sloshed the rest of the frictionless lubricant down the hall outside of his door. I hear it took him an hour just to get out. . . And that, my friend, is how this fad got started. Now, would you prefer your ears pink or international orange? Some people say virtue is its own reward, But when the surf comes, I’m gonna get my board. I’ve my own ideas about the righteous kick, You keep the reward; I’d just as soon stay sick. — Nathaniel Pryce
[email protected] Dept. of Computing, Imperial College, London, UK 58 The Harrison Chapters 5 & 6 c 1990 Jim Vassilakos
[email protected] Here’s the next installation of Michael Harrison’s voyage into ambiguous obscurity, which I suppose is an improvement of obscure ambiguity as opposed to the obambigscurity in which we were previously immersed. . . To wit. . . If this story bears any resemblance to a Traveller campaign, your imagination is more ambobscurguous than mine! Five The nose of the kayak climbed quickly over the tall wave, slicing the crest in half before plunging back down to meet the next. Its occupant paddled furiously against the wind, straining frantically to beat the next rise before the sea engulfed her vessel. Her long slender arms gleamed in the morning sunlight, their dark, Draconian tones accented by a rich, brazen glow. A sudden gust of air almost capsized the boat spraying a salty white foam against her long, black windswept hair. She breathed deeply in exhilaration and struggled to keep the kayak upright. Out in the open sea, several kilometers from any land, she was beginning to lose her personal battle of wills against the elements. She noticed the brilliant silver frame of the hydrofoil from the corner of her eye as it approached. The craft sped over the water in front of her, only its three skinny legs touching the water. They barely seemed to connect at all. Agyris poked his dark, smiling face out the window as the pilot crossed her path. “Had enough yet?!!” he shouted. She turned her watch transmitter back on, knowing her weak voice wouldn’t carry as far as his. “Almost, give me another cent.” Her aide’s voice broke over the transmitter, “Old Johnny’s on the Coral. It looks like a situation has developed. It’s urgent.” She cursed under her breath. “Okay. Bring the Coral in to get me.” The next wave nearly rolled her over, and she turned the kayak around so that she wouldn’t have to fight the wind or tide. Agyris’ hand flapped out the window as the hydrofoil sped away. She heard his voice over the transmitter, “Ambassador Uhambra is ready now. Coral steer fifteen degrees starboard and proceed at fifty knots. Pick-up at six-hundred and forty approximate. Over.” She leaned back letting the kayak drift with the tide while avoiding the brunt of the cold wind at her back. The sky was a pale blue without a cloud anywhere in sight. On the eastern horizon, Tizar’s brilliant tangerine sun seemed to shimmer through the wide expanse of atmosphere. She saw purplebrown dots when she blinked and decided to refocus elsewhere. “Ahoy there!” The 1st mate was waving from the deck. He wore a striped blue and white shirt with a sunny face. He tossed a hook, and smiled down at her as if expecting some reward. She hooked her kayak and climbed aboard, as he manually wheeled in the small craft. “Where’s mister problem?” she absentmindedly inquired, reaching for a towel. The first mate smiled through the pained and exhausted look he liked so much to wear in the company of superiors. She guessed it was his idea of looking busy. “O’er there, ambassador.” He nodded his head toward the cabin as he wrestled with the wheel. “Don’t strain yourself.” She wrapped the white towel around her tall slender frame. It was a sharp contrast to her black swimsuit and dark, suntanned skin. John Clay opened the cabin door and walked out onto the deck. Bags drooped under his usually alert, crystal-blue eyes. He wore a white business suit. She remembered he had a number of them along with a collection of expensive ties. It was considered ancient custom with the corporation; but on Tizar, it was contemporary fashion. She stared at him silently with her dark brown eyes. She would let him confess incompetence and beg for another chance before patting him unforgivingly on the head and sending him home. As usual, he waited for the first mate to leave the deck before beginning his report. “Ambassador, it is good to see you vibrant and alive and as young as ever.” She sensed the vague tone 59 of disrespect, the way he said young. Was he envious? “I’m older than you, Johnny.” “Yes, the miracle of anagathics. It never ceases to amaze me. So lucky it was for you that you became a diplomat and not a sleeper.” She bit her lip in aggravation. “Not luck. What brings you here this time?” “I have bad news to report.” “Again?” “The Solomon residence was broken into early this morning by that reporter. We captured him, but his accomplice escaped with the Siri. Together, they have enough evidence to support. . . ” “Let me guess. . . a police investigation.” “Or worse still, a full divisional security review. And that’s far more likely.” Clay’s hands were wrung together, his knuckles white from lack of circulation. He continued, “This could all have been avoided if we had simply killed Harrison and his Psyche as I advised. . . ” “How did they learn of your whereabouts?” She ignored Clay’s complaint. They both knew it had holes. “We’re checking into that now.” “Did you redirect all your people to new controls?” He nodded, “Yes, but. . . ” “Well, that’s all that really matters then. After you leave, they can investigate all they want, it won’t do them a bit of good. Do you have a list of your redirections?” He handed her the envelope. “What was you’re method of communication?” “Non-electronic, of course.” “That leaves quite a lot of room.” “Sealed paper envelope. Like this one but with coded orders.” “In person?” He hesitated, “Yes. It was safer and fairly quick. And I used private transport.” “Where?” “Where what?” She bit her lip again, “Where was contact made?” “A few at their residences. They spread the word, and the rest came to receive orders at Solomon’s. . . ” “Right in the middle of Snowcountry?” “It’s fairly out of the way.” “What about the security disk for that day?” “It was destroyed by Harrison. He had to protect his accomplice.” “You’re sure? We can’t have that thing floating around.” “Would you like to see its remains?” “Not particularly.” She wondered if he was trying to be funny. “When you leave tonight, take Solomon with you.” “Of course.” She smiled for the first time since seeing him. “Is that all then?” “Not quite. I’d like to know what we’re supposed to do with Harrison.” “Have you interrogated him?” “Not yet.” “Wake him and do it. Report back if he has anything interesting on him mind.” “If not, can I kill him?” She laughed, “Would it give you great pleasure?” “On the contrary. I’d like to keep him alive for torture. He’s only ruined everything.” “Alright. You can do with him whatever your little heart desires. I emphasize little heart, because I know you very well. That’s if and only if he refuses to cooperate. However, if he has something interesting to offer, see if there’s a way to avoid murder. He’s quite possibly the top gatherer on Tizar, maybe even in the entire sector. There will be a storm in the press if he just disappears. See if there isn’t a way we can use him to our advantage. He must have some sort of connections. And find out how much he knows. It’ll give us a good idea where we stand.” Clay nodded, trying consciously to make a mental note of every order. He knew he wouldn’t try hard to make Harrison talk. It would be fun getting rid of him. • • • Mike awakened slowly, his body stretched like a slab of meat along a tightly strewn grav-field, its invisible coils suspending his horizontally, tugging his arms and legs in separate directions. He glanced about the large, dimly lit room, its sharp, jutting contours and lack of furnishing serving a dull reminder of his helpless position. A large window along the far wall overlooked a blue-green seascape, gaeyave and shallowfish swimming slowly past the plastic brace, while another creature with long clear tentacles attached itself to the smooth surface. Mike peered between its suctioning arms wondering if he was dreaming. He could barely make out the blurry lights of Aquapolis in the far distance. Robin leaned with her back against the glass and watched Mike while the drugs slowly lost their grip. As his eyes focused on her dark outline they seemed to close on the neat puncture wound in the center of her forehead. His legs began kicking in a 60 pathetic sort of dance as he tried to physically squirm out of the gravity cell. “We had to put you in there. You kept on hurting yourself.” She approached him cautiously. “You didn’t have to dope me up. How long has it been?” “Not long.” Mike stopped fighting the field. He tried to relax and think of a way out, but he was out of ideas. He looked her over. Robin wore a pair of blue overalls. A headband hung limply from her front pocket. “Sorry about shooting you.” He tried to make it sound genuine. “Quite all right Mr. Harrison. I understand your motives.” He wondered how much an android could understand. “Besides,” she continued, “it was about the best place you could have aimed.” “No brains, huh.” She patted her chest. “Well, it doesn’t look good.” She seemed to laugh inwardly as Mr. Clay glibly strolled in, “No, but it will heal.” He looked very self-assured, even a little cocky. “Robin is very hard-headed Michael. May I call you Michael? The bullet you fired simply bounced off. The skin which was torn is constructed with a biochemical agent not unlike that found in mendwear. Bed off.” The grav-field slowly rotated Mike into a standing position. He looked at Robin. She smiled as if on display. “Why are you telling me this?” Mike tried not to sound too irritated. Clay pondered the question for a moment, his thin, white brows furrowed in self-restraint. “Because I like you. . . ” he managed with a sarcastic twist to his voice. Mike let a smile creep across him face before plunging, arms outstretched. He felt his body sheathed in fire, burning alive even as brushed by the old man and hit the floor, his inflamed arms crackling and spitting like dry driftwood over an open barbecue. “What you are now experiencing Michael. . . is our cooperation inducing system. It consists of a series of electrical implants in your brain. . . which are capable of constructing a wide array of phantom sensations. . . when properly instructed.” His booming voice slowly slipped to its usual volume as the flaring pain evaporated. Mike felt his head, naked flesh and electrodes. “You bastard.” 61 Clay smiled at the remark. “Why the hell are you doing this?” “I’d like to get to know you. . . get to know your work?” “Why should I tell you jack-sh. . . ” Mike hit the floor as the electricity scathed through his mind, his head throbbing in illusory explosion. “I believe you will find our methods quite convincing.” Mike tried to talk, but the pain forced his mouth shut, his neck curling backward in agony. Gasping for breath, he refocused his eyes. Robin stood over him, her foot resting softly on his chest. “I don’t know. . . you want. . . ” “Now we’re getting somewhere aren’t we. . . ” Robin blurred into the ceiling, its dark surface pressing on him, pushing him deeper into the floor. “We want to know. . . how we can help. . . do we?” “Ye. . . . . . ” “What’s that Michael?” “Yes. . . ” The pain faded slowly, the pressure falling away like storm clouds over the coast, raining then leaving in gentle succession. Clay regarded the young man with antipathy, the body tangled in grotesque torment, and without a single scratch. He much preferred real torture, the sort that you could see and have respect for; but that could wait for later. Robin picked Mike’s head off the floor and let it drop. “He’s unconscious. Automatic depressants registering in the forward cranium.” “That’s no fun. . . let us wake him.” “Are you sure?” “Do it.” Dark brown eyes burst open as the chemicals neutralized in wave after wave of mind splitting torment. Clay’s smiling face loomed above like a bobbing floater. “Tizar to Michael. . . are you still with us? I hope that was as good for you as it was for me, Michael. Because, to be absolutely honest, it doesn’t get much better; but we will try, won’t we.” He winked toward the silhouette sitting quietly against the window. “Go ahead. . . ” “What’s that Michael? Are you actually cognizant? Have you a thought to share?” Mike felt Clay’s glaring eyes upon his face even as he closed his own. “. . . before it dies of loneliness? Go ahead. . . what?” “Kill me. . . ” A long silence passed before Mike opened his eyes. Clay looked astonished and insulted. “Kill you??? Why in heaven’s name should I do a nasty thing like that? I want to be your friend. We are friends. . . aren’t we Michael?” “What the hell do you want from me?” “You mustn’t be difficult Michael. . . it’s a naughty thing.” Burning sensations tore through Mike’s body for a fraction of a second as he turned to look again at Robin. “She controls it Michael. . . she could kill you on a whim. . . except, of course, for the obvious fact that androids don’t have whims. Lucky for you. . . isn’t it?” Mike griped bare floor as the pain coursed through his veins. He twisted about, vulnerably, clawing toward her with floundering motions. “But since you’ve been such a good sport, we’re going to keep you company for a while longer. Are you feeling cooperative yet?” “Tell me what you want.” Clay acquiesced, “Very well, let us start at the common ground, just to see what we both know. Tell me who killed our esteemed friend, Mr. John Doe number seventeen.” Mike stopped and thought as the pain released its hold. “Who. . . Fork? You want to know who killed Fork?” “I believe I have made myself abundantly lucid, Michael. You were aware of them. We know you visited the pit.” Clay first heard a chuckle, then a snort, then a laugh, then a sound he couldn’t place in any interrogation he had ever participated in or heard of. He looked down at the billowing figure in amazement and then back toward Robin. “What are you doing?” She nodded her head, nothing. “Michael, either we’ve pushed you completely over the edge, or. . . ” “Fork isn’t dead.” Mike tumbled himself into a sitting position, holding his side with one hand and wiping away tears with the other. “You are insane.” Mike beamed up, the laughter leaving him as the memory of pain crept back into his mind. “You don’t believe me, Clay. . . flush me out the torpedo tubes.” The old man smiled at the suggestion. Clay wasn’t convinced, “If he’s alive, then where is he?” 62 Mike rubbed the metal connections on his head. “Where is he!?!” The dim flicker of pain approached his senses and veered away as he steadied his gaze on the dark outline against the wall. “I’ll do it, Michael.” The moment hung open like a sputtering ocean swell refusing to die. “In transit to Calanna.” “And how do you know this to be true?” “A little birdie told me. Look Mr. Clay, I’m a gatherer. I’ve got ways of finding things out.” “Connections?” Clay seemed intrigued; whether out of playfulness of genuine belief, Mike couldn’t tell. “That, investigation, and sometimes just a little intuitive reasoning.” “What did your little break-in this morning constitute. Investigation or intuitive reasoning?” Robin told the truth; he hadn’t been out very long. Mike wondered how far it was to the surface. “Mr. Harrison,” Clay skipped to the surname as if he were beginning a long lecture, “It seems as if we have fallen into a double-checkmate. Do you play chess?” “On occasion.” “Double-checkmate is the game’s one fault; it is shall we say, the impossible outcome. Yet, in reality, it is all too common. Rarely instead of there being a winner and a loser, both parties lose.” “There’s always stalemate. . . ” Mike involuntarily slid backward an inch as Clay glared at the interruption. “Not the same, Mr. Harrison. One is more a tie than the other.” “I see.” “We have forced each other into unacceptable losses, and foolishly. We are not enemies. If anything, we both want to see this Mr. Fork as you call him returned to Tizar, alive and well.” “Then why did you kidnap Niki?” “You were interfering with my work. You were investigating me. And furthermore, you were drawing attention to Mr. Fork. I am convinced that if he were not the subject of your obtuse scrutinies, Imperial attentions would never have been attracted.” “ISIS.” Clay smiled and folded his hands over his belt. “What part in this do you play, Mr. Clay.” The old man’s skin tightened involuntarily, “Again you probe me, Michael.” Mike looked at Robin. Her outline seemed to shimmer against the dim, blue light of the seascape. “Fine. I’ll forget you. I’ll forget I ever met you. But just what are you proposing?” “That you go to Calanna in search of this Mr. Fork. I would like you to find him and bring him back here to Tizar.” “And what will you do? Linden already knows that you planted those bugs.” “What I will do is unimportant.” Mike smiled in disbelief, “I know Chuck. He doesn’t take security lightly. I really doubt that he’d just put this to rest.” “He has no choice. You have no choice. Or would you rather be fed to the fish?” “Look, I’m just saying. . . ” “Mr. Harrison, you are not in a position to debate me. Will you do as I bid? A simple yes or no will suffice.” Mike considered it, even though he knew Clay was right. He had no choice. They had no choice. That was the beauty of double-checkmate, or mutual assured destruction as most folks called it. It was a lesson history had invariably taught every culture. And in each culture it had a different name. “Okay. I guess you’ve got me. I’ll convince Chuck to stay cool, and I’ll go to Calanna.” He didn’t mention that the latter was already decided. “And you’ll take Robin.” “And I’ll. . . now hold it just a minute.” Mike raised his hands in protest. “And you’ll take Robin.” Clay held all the cards, and he knew it. Mike realized it was pointless to debate. “Fine. I’ll take her.” Six Mike leaned against the wall and squinted into the cool, scented spray as it stung his face and shoulders and dissolved into a fine, white mist, pools gathering in clusters and slipping down his aching body to the hexagonal tiles below. He vaguely wondered what he would tell Linden, trying to rehearse the words in his mind. “Oh, remember that guy with the android who kidnapped Niki and bugged your offices and home? Yeah, he’s really an okay guy. I was just talking to him this morning. He decided not to jettison me out his torpedo tubes. Isn’t that the nicest thing?” Robin was in the next room prying about, trying to glean information about him from every facet of his life. Boss’s orders, she explained, but she approached the assignment with a curiosity beyond mere orders. He hardly knew her and she was already getting on his nerves. “Okay. Dry now.” The spray shut off and short blasts of warm air jetted from the sides of the stall. A clear bowl-shaped device lowered itself from the ceiling until it surrounded his head. He shut his eyes as hot air jets whipped around his ears. In a few moments Mike stepped out of the stall and looked for the threads. Robin had laid a black three piece suit out for him. He hated formal wear, but he knew the occasion warranted it. Quickly dressing, he grabbed a comb and then set it back down as it scratched bare flesh. He found a formal hat beside the imager. Robin, dressed in a long white evening dress, sat on the couch bent over the Niko camera system with its various parts sprawled across the living room floor. She had been sifting through pictures in storage and apparently one had caught her fancy. “What’re you up to?” Mike approached cautiously remembering the last night’s incident and the pain she could inflict. “I didn’t know you had another Siri. Who’s this one?” Mike glanced at the picture on the screen. A young Siri woman, perhaps five years older than Niki, stood facing a large triangular lake finished in polished black stone centered around three fountains outlined by the dim amber light of Calanna’s dying red sun. Her eyes, dark and bitter, seemed to cast a shadow across the black stone tiles upon which naked symbols were etched like tortured spirits, bonded to the stone for all eternity. Mike remembered the sacrificial alter for all its beauty and pain; and as if by reflex, he reached to the monitor and the screen went black. Robin looked up startled, “I was just looking.” “She was an old friend. You wanna go?” “There’s still another hour. What’s your hurry?” She stood up and walked into the bedroom. “Nothin’. What’s your’s?” Mike packed the camera into its case and continued to ponder what he would tell Chuck. He walked to the bedroom, pausing before the door, reflecting what Robin might be doing. He tried to take into account the fact that she was an android, but with everything that happened, it still seemed impossible. “I always did like a girl who was straightforward.” He smiled at the poor taste of his comment. “Excuse me?” Mike entered the room to see Robin hooked up to the computer system via a thin clear cord leading into the comm-socket from her ear. Suddenly he found it not so hard to think of her as an android. 63 “What are you doing to Cindy?” “Talking,” she smiled. “You have everything locked up real tight. No access to private files.” Mike felt relieved. For a moment he debated inwardly between snapping her cord or just yanking it out of her ear. The thought made him grin. “Cindy, give Robin all the information you have on the Nissithiu.” “It is done, Michael.” Robin unplugged and the thin cord automatically retracted into her head. Mike felt generous, as if he had a choice in the matter. Robin stared at him for a moment before speaking. “What makes you so sure?” Mike shrugged, “The facts fit. C’mon, let’s go see Linden.” • • • The subway to Greenflower was slower than most since it traveled above the surface for much of the ride. Mike imagined that its architect preferred monorails with their visual entertainment of clearings, cropland, and rolling hills speeding quickly by the windows to the functional subways which moved a person tens of kilometers in a matter of a few minutes without anything to look at except bare earth along the way. True, the subway to Greenflower was more pleasant than most, but it wasn’t really a subway. Robin didn’t seem particularly impressed, however. She kept studying Mike and the other passengers, and when she caught Mike watching she even faked a yawn. It didn’t bother Mike, but he didn’t like it either. If she was going to fake a human characteristic, better that she should fake being delighted to see the trees dashing by or the rushing sound the wind made whenever the tracks would turn. That was what he liked so much about Niki. She was always so happy just to experience and be alive. That was what he envied most about her ever since the day he met her at the Psi Institute on Tizar after his last return from Calanna. He liked her so much he didn’t even bother checking out the full range of her talents, and when he had found out how limited they were, Mike still decided to keep her on. Niki was not nearly as talented as her predecessor in the picture, but she was happier all the same, though even that could become irritating sometimes. Robin on the other hand was either dead or cruel. Mike smiled at the thought, because he knew he was being too judgmental, but it seemed true all the same. Robin had her excuse, however; she was an android. Her makers wouldn’t program her so she could have a good time. Anything as state of the art as herself would have some purpose. Mike, on the other hand, was human. He wondered what his excuse might be. The train pulled into the Greenflower station. The Lion’s Den was only on the neighboring hillside looking down over a bluff onto the inland town. It was perhaps a twenty minute walk, fifteen if they hurried, two or three if they took a taxi. Mike felt like walking but realized he wouldn’t have a choice as two men in green uniforms entered the compartment. “Galactican security,” one drily announced, “Please come with us.” • • • Every MegaCorporation was like a nation state; they all had their own private police, whether the company specialized in cargo transport, starship construction, agricultural production, or news gathering and dissemination. The Galactican was no exception, and on every world under its scope it recruited from the ranks of the planetary ground command. The people they invariably got were low quality mercenaries who couldn’t cut it in an interstellar outfit. That knowledge kept the ground cop humble in comparison with his starlaw counterpart. It was a quality Mike appreciated. The two security officers led Mike and Robin to a grav-car outside the subway. The cool evening air enveloped them as the taller of the men fiddled with the electronic keypad-lock. The other rested his hand on his holster, his rough fingers lightly touching the handle of his automatic, while his eyes stared at the back of Robin’s neck. The gun looked like army ordinance. Mike guessed that the short clip contained armor piercing bullets. Once inside the car, they sped up the hillside toward the Lion’s Den. With variable altitude control, the ride was non- stop; and cars on cross-aisles sped above or below at intersections. Within two minutes they had settled outside the banquet hall, the tall statue pillars of the building suggested a certain elegance of manner which Mike knew would be lacking within. The tall officer motioned for Mike to follow as he withdrew from the car toward the white stone building. Mike looked over his shoulder as the shorter guard stood blocking the door, “What about her?” “She stays here,” the tall one answered. Mike followed the security officer into the building, noticing familiar faces smiling and nodding in every direction. Linden sat at the front table flanked by the departmental heads. Mike approached cautiously, catching Linden’s eye as he walked toward the table. 64 “Mike!” It was Niki. Bill stood behind her, his long dark hair combed back and knotted. Several heads turned suddenly from the crowd. “We thought you might not. . . ” “I know,” He cut her short. “What did you tell Chuck?” “Everything,” Bill responded first. “When you didn’t come back. . . what happened?” Mike scowled, “Things are screwed up. I’ve gotta see Chuck.” Mike cut through the crowd toward the editor. Linden wore a blue suit and a confident smile. He stood up as Mike reached the table, and several of the department heads followed the editor’s example, offering their hands to Mike as the guard took an unobtrusive position in the background. “Gentlemen, you know Mr. Harrison.” “Good to see you again young man, you’re doing a great job for the paper.” “I hear you will be speaking tonight, Mr. Harrison.” “That was a brilliant piece on Telmar.” Mike shook their hands and exchanged pleasantries before pulling Linden aside. “Chuck, we have to talk” Linden kept smiling, “You bet.” “Now.” Once they were outside, Linden dropped his show smile, “Okay, what happened.” Mike let out a long breath, taking his hat off as an opener. Linden blinked with astonishment at the shaven head and short metal barbs. “What the. . . you okay?” “For starters, I’ve got to wear these until I get away from our psychotic, android friend. Clay wants me to take Robin to Calanna to find Fork, and I don’t think he’s an Imp.” “He’s not,” Linden stopped staring when the hat went back on. “We checked over that disk you stole from the Solomon estate. The one you planted on Niki for us to find.” Mike nodded, “Anything juicy?” “It seems a lot of people were visiting Mr. Solomon that day. Many are listed as tourists. Other’s as diplomats. We think they may be spies.” “Azazi?” “Draconian Corporation. You stumbled onto something very big.” Mike tried to puzzle everything together in his head, but none of the pieces matched. “Have you informed the government.” Linden shook his head, “And blow the story? No way.” Mike gulped down wondering how long he could go to prison for concealing information about Draconian spies. He finally looked up, “What do I do?” “Take her to Calanna. Get into her programming over there.” “We can do that better over here.” “No,” Linden stared into the reporter’s eyes. “Mike, we’ve already agreed that somebody had to get into my office and home to plant those bugs, and that somebody was probably in security. If they have and agent in security, they could just as easily have ten in technical. Get the job done on Calanna. It’ll be more quiet that way.” Mike looked down to the grassy turf below his feet, “Okay. Get me a ship and I’m off.” • • • “Thank you, Mr. Chairman, for that more than generous introduction. It is certainly a pleasure to be here, and to speak to such a distinguished assemblage of colleagues, employers, and guests.” There was a titter from the audience as Michael Harrison surveyed the banquet hall. There were easily over a hundred people present and none who knew what he was about to say, himself included. Mike tried to concentrate on what they wanted to hear, but his head was still dizzy from the events of the day, and he felt a cold sweat beneath the hat as the metal implants began to itch. “As Mr. Jaden pointed out, I’ve been working for the Galactican for a very short time, and my work experience often borders on the fantastic, so whatever advice I have to share with my colleagues, whatever incriminations I have to send to my employers, and whatever insights I have to give to our guests tonight, should all be taken with a granule of sodium-chloride. “Investigative gathering is a very individualistic effort; everybody in the business has their own style and way of tackling a case, so be forewarned that what works fine for me will probably fail miserably for you.” This time there was laughter from the audience. Mike began to relax and let the words flow. His trick was just to keep speaking and never really think about what he was saying. As long as his mouth kept moving, shoveling out the meaningless phrases stuck together with the pointless glue that was public speaking, he’d be though his obligation in no time. But underneath the cool exterior his mind began to wander away from the speech. Being an engaged speaker was what they taught in oral communications. He remembered the class well enough. He remembered two of his instructor’s pet phrases: “Reach out to your audience;” “speak with them, not at them.” Mike inwardly smiled remembering how he 65 had passed the class: by being disengaged. Speaking was frightening enough, let alone engaged speaking. Mike always had an alternate method, for almost everything. He liked to experiment until he found out for himself what worked best. The same was true with investigative reporting. Some guys would read the morning updates until they found something interesting, and then they’d go and research a spin-off. Others would carry a team of news-hounds, usually young people just entering the workforce who were looking for a few extra credits. Mike decided to rent-a-psyche. He could have found John Doe #17 any of the other ways, but the fact was that Niki found him the day she visited the med-center for a psi-rating test. She had contacted the institute on Tizar and they referred her to Dr. Albertus. After the test she was still keyed-up and open to psi-emissions as they were called. That was the day they brought Fork into Dward. “D” was for Disaster. He had been apprehended in a cafeteria at the starport with a bloody fork in his hand. It was the real kind, not like the grav-utensils which couldn’t hurt a flee. He must have been from off-world. There was no record of him anywhere in the planetary directory. And to top it off, he had no identification what-so-ever. Niki just happened to sense his total confusion while walking by the two nurses who were transporting a whacko to solitary, bound in a straight-jacket and tied to a stretcher. It had been in the updates, any nurse news- hound could have called somebody on the floor, but as it happened, Niki spotted the opportunity and took it. That’s the way the dice fell, and Mike couldn’t say he was any happier for it. Fork was messed up, that anyone could tell, but what nobody had known was that the damage had been the result of a mind- scanner. It took a trained “psyche” to know that. Even sophisticated medical equipment could miss it. It was that little bit of knowledge which everyone else had carelessly avoided that gave Mike a story. To each, his own. The mind-scanner was an expensive piece of technology far more advanced than the sensitizer Mike had so recently experienced. It attempted to do what any well-trained Siri could do, read the mind of its victim. Victim was the word to use, because mental damage was often associated with over-zealous use of the equipment. If someone was well trained at hiding a secret inside their mind, all that there was to do was kill a few brain cells until such training departed. And then, sometimes, the scanner wasn’t used to get secrets. On rare occasions, it was used to maim. Mike believed that Fork’s was such a case; and he believed 66 that the Imps were the responsible party. But how did the Draconians enter into it? That was the piece of the puzzle Mike couldn’t place. It hinted at something much larger in scope, something which dwarfed both Mike and Fork and all of Tizar. It was the real itch that he couldn’t yet scratch, until he got to Calanna. “Being a reporter for an interstellar news syndicate also has certain fringe benefits, not entirely immaterial. For starters, nobody wants to piss you off.” Mike looked around. Everywhere he saw people laughing. He hoped they were laughing with him and not at his obvious lies. “Another, and this one is just as critical as it sounds, is that often if there is an important public figure you need to interview, that person will generally take time out of their busy schedule to get some good press, whereas if you were working for some twobit firm out of Arcadia. . . ” he stopped for a wide if sheepish grin, “I hope there’s nobody here from Arcadia tonight. . . ” The audience was loving it. Except for one person. She sat in a corner near the back. Her dark features were not so stern as they were indifferent, but her eyes were as sharp and cold as steel. She seemed vaguely unimpressed, and Mike felt his heart skip a beat as she stared directly through him. “The last fringe benefit I can bring to mind, tonight, is that after the story is written and published and read by the masses, the reporter gets to speak to a distinguished assemblage of his colleagues, employers, and guests. That’s always a lot of fun.” The entire audience tilted on the edges of their seats, hands poised in clapping-position. “And with that I’d like to return control of this honors banquet to one of my most esteemed employers, your friend and mine, Mr. Ray Jaden. Mr. Chairman.” Mike hurried away from the lectern amidst raucous applause from a mostly standing audience, and took his seat next to Niki and Bill. They both congratulated him with pats on the back, and Mike guessed that the speech went okay, though he still hadn’t the faintest inkling to know what is was that he said. “Nice speech buddy.” “Thanks Bill.” “. . . ‘cept, next time I’d leave out that part about taking a dump outside the Cubbyhole.” Mike turned around, “What?” “You ’member. When we came back from Telmar and got. . . ” “I didn’t.” Mike felt his mouth drop open. Bill’s face broke into a grin, “Just kidding, Mike.” Mike sighed with relief as Walker laughed, “You have to admit, I had you goin’.” Bill Walker was one of the few people who really knew how Mike worked. Mike tried to teach him everything, and in the end he’d taught Bill too much. Now he’d do his best just to hide things from the younger gatherer. Mike looked over his shoulder and saw the woman in the corner. She was still focused on him. He turned around but could feel her stare boring into the back of his skull. Her face was familiar, but he couldn’t place it. Some foreign official, he decided. “Bill, who’s the woman in that corner in the white dress, nothing over the shoulders. She keeps looking over here.” Bill took a half turn using the full extent of his peripheral vision, which was far better than most people’s. Mike figured that he had lots of practice. “She’s turned around.” “Well, she was. . . ” “Wait. It’s Draconian Ambassador Kato. Don’t you read the paper? Oh, of course. Look who I’m talking to. Forget I asked.” “Don’t let it happen again,” Mike used his best Draconian accent. It sounded absurdly frustrated, and Bill laughed. “I think she likes you.” “Shut-up.” Natasia Uhambra Kato was the permanent Draconian envoy to Tizar. It was uncommon for her to attend social gatherings unless she was required to do so by her office. Mike figured that drastic circumstances had called for drastic measures. But what did she hope to accomplish? “Here comes the booty, mate.” Bill looked pleased with himself as Jaden placed a tray of wall plaques on the table beside the lectern. He had a list of “winners” in his left hand and a glass of water in his right. “This could take awhile.” Bill smiled back, “Should we pick up the yawn patrol.” “But that would be rude,” Mike countered as he began his first glorious yawn of the evening. Bill attended with volumous seconds. “Our first award goes to one of our speakers tonight, a gatherer who has done a splendid job for the Galactican, and a close personal friend of mine.” “I wish he hadn’t said that,” Bill slowly began to struggle up from his seat. Mike placed a hand on his shoulder, “Sit down.” “This gentleman has preserved the sacred trust our paper holds with the public, that of reporting the truth as it is, without reservation and without dramatization.” “At least we know it can’t be you.” “Shusshhh. . . ” “He headed the best-selling issue of the Galactican this year with his front page article headlined, ‘Telmar Prepares For Civil War’ which I might add, was quite accurate if we are to have any faith in the current news. “His articles and essays are insightful and are a fine example of the very best in journalism. With that, it gives me great pleasure and pride to award this plaque to Michael J. Harrison, for his contributions to the Galactican.” As Mike accepted the award there were resounding cries for another speech, all of which died down as he resumed his seat. It took an act of will to not sneak a glance toward the corner of the hall. There was something different about her. “I hope you’re not reading me.” Niki turned, startled, “Somethin’ the matter?” “I’ll tell you about it later.” The plaque wasn’t especially impressive. Mike wondered if they imported the silver ore from Telmar. Jaden continued to hand out various other plaques to various other people for various other accomplishments while company photographers stood around snapping images. “I wish I had one,” Bill interrupted Mike’s thoughts with his most sullen voice. He looked like a four-year-old who lost his lollipop. Mike stuffed the plaque in Bill’s jacket pocket. “Hey. . . ” “You can change the name.” Bill laughed, “Hey, thanks dude.” “Anytime.” As the tray grew empty, Mike noticed that he and Bill weren’t the only one’s yawning. However, nobody had the guts to make for the door. Mike knew that the first person to break open the doors and leave would cause a tidal wave of people to follow, but nobody dared start the congestion. Finally, Jaden congratulated the readership, everyone who came, and everyone who didn’t get an award but thought they deserved one all the same. With the final laugh, he declared the ceremony complete and adjourned the congregation. The rabble, anticipating the clap of the gavel, were already on their feet with more raucous applause, but this time with constipated steps as they tried to squirm outside and perform their relative duties to nature. Mike laughed remembering the Cubbyhole. 67 “Are we having fun yet?” Mike gave Niki a hug, “We’re about to.” “Michael. . . ” Linden approached from behind Niki, “I got that ship.” Mike looked over her shoulder, “How soon?” “It’s at the starport in pre-flight. Hanger 183.” “Accommodations?” “Four.” “Okay, thanks Chuck.” Niki tugged Mike’s arm, “What’s goin’ on?” “Get your stuff packed, you too Bill, we’re going to Calanna.” “Now?” “Yeah.” Bill headed toward the doors muttering something about his mother. Niki followed, and then suddenly turned. “What about you?” “I’ve got everything I need.” She turned and ran out after Bill. “Mike,” Linden turned back to face the reporter. The multitudes were still bumping their way outside amidst the congestion at the Hall’s entrance. “What is it, Chuck?” The editor’s hands were wrung into a knot as he tried to lean casually against the lectern. He smiled his real smile for the first time in the night. “Nothing. . . Good luck.” Mike nodded, “Thanks.” Outside the air was cold, not at all like the balmy summer nights on most of Calanna. Mike saw the dark figures recede into the distance, climbing into their chauffeured limousines, a sign of their decadent elegance. The security officer stood beside the company gravcar. He was looking for Mike amidst the approaching crowd. Mike guessed that Robin was still tucked away inside. It would have been a long wait for a human. “Mr. Harrison.” “Mike swung around abruptly, barely catching his head in time to keep the hat from falling off.” The Ambassador smiled and tried unsuccessfully to stifle a giggle, “I’m sorry if I surprised you. My name is Natasia.” “I know.” He reached out his hand to shake hers. He wondered if there was some other sort of protocol. “But my friends call me Nuke. Don’t worry,” she withdrew her hand abruptly, “you don’t have to kiss it or anything. I’m not Imperial royalty.” Her long dark hair shined in the moonlight. She was a tall as him, but very slim. She suppressed another giggle rather poorly and her face glittered with amusement, but her eyes told a different story. “Can I help you Ambassador?” “No.” She waited for her reply to sink as she smiled seductively, “I wanted to commend you on a brilliant speech.” Mike wondered if she was being sarcastic or giddy. “Thank you.” “You are welcome.” Her eyes glimmered with icy bemusement as the reply sank deeper into his mind. Something within them toyed about an idea, as if she were sifting though his memories for an occasional. . . stolen disk. “What do you want? You want to know something.” She studied him for a moment, “I already have what I want. You’ve told me everything.” Mike clenched his fist, knowing he’d given away his thoughts. She put her hands on his shoulders and rubbed her thumbs into the fabric of his collar while staring into his eyes with a message of sympathy. “Yes, you have. Now I want you to have a safe and happy trip. And be sure to find Mr. Fork. He’s very, very important.” 68 “Journalism is organized gossip.” — E. Eggleston When Computers Dream c 1991 Josh Finney Josh originally worked up this story as a plot for his gothrock music. Silver’s voice was purely businesscyberpunk campaign. Since many of the events are like. based on PC-interaction, his cast and crew deserve “I’ve got a run, it seems pretty big. I want you acknowledgement. and our usual associates to accompany me on the run. Tell them if they’re interested to meet me at Cardoza’s Gourmet tomorrow night at eight o’ clock. I’ll Cast talk about terms of payment if they want to come Characters Players along. Make sure they know that a large sum of Bloodlust Josh Burman money will be involved. I’ll mail you the address Silver Tim Riley right now. I’ll give everyone further details on what Whizzard Kevin Wilson it’s all about at the restaurant.” Overdrive Matt Zeilenga “No problem, see you there.” The screen Arther sat alone in the dark bedroom of his apart- clicked off. Below the screen, an LCD screen which ment. The slow, smooth, tranquil, but depressing was displaying the call-time cleared itself. Then the sound of gothrock flowed from the speakers of his words: mail being received appeared. “Okay, bring the mail to visual.” The address stereo. He sat staring out the window through the miniblinds, staring at the headlights of the aerocars of the restaurant appeared on the large screen that as they passed by the window of his dwelling on the just previously was displaying Silver. “Print current 84th floor. There was a slight drizzle of rain and small mail in memory three times.” Then a printer below drops of water streaked down the window. The room the screen printed out the address three times on sephad white walls, but appeared to be gray with the re- arate pieces of fan-fold paper. He left the printouts stricted amount of light coming through the opening hanging from the printer. Arther set the house comin the door. He sat in a swivel chair in front of a com- puter to wake him up at 10:00 pm and then went to puter which was bolted to a gray metal desk. Next to sleep. It would give him two hours of rest before hitthe computer were three laser disc drives and a hard ting the night clubs to hang out and get the latest disk. On the right was a large window that stretched info about the illegal operations of the megacorpofrom one wall to another. The room itself was about rations. This was important to Arther, for he was the size of a normal master bedroom. Arther had a runner. When a megacorporation wanted someblack hair that was uncombed and the bangs hung thing illegal done, such as data theft and sabotage, in his face. He was wearing a plain white shirt with but didn’t want to risk anything getting traced back to them, they hired runners. With the shadowy wars some sweat pants. The visiphone rang. “Voice mode on,” he of the corporate states always raging, runners were said and the visiphone automatically answered itself. in high demand. Arther’s occupation as a runner Arther turned the stereo’s volume down with the re- was a decker. He would interface his mind directly mote control. He turned the swivel chair left and into computer systems through a device called a cydirected his attention towards the phone in the wall. berdeck. “Hello,” he said faintly. On a thirty centimeter A cyberdeck looked like a normal computer screen a man’s face appeared. He had tanned skin keyboard, except that it was slightly larger. The and bright blond hair cut into somewhat of a flat deck had hook-ups for two thin fiber optic cords. One top. His eyes were blue, and from what could be seen cord was a normal phone cord which connected with of his upper torso he was wearing a white business a phone jack for the deck’s internal modem. The secsuit. ond cord was for connecting to a neural interface jack “Hello Neuro, this is Silver,” the man said. He implanted into the skull of a decker, in this instance was calling Arther by his street name. Arther. A neural interface input jack was exposed “Hi Silver. . . what’s up?” he asked. Arther’s on the left or right temple. Arther’s jack was on voice had a dead tone, it matched the sound of the his right temple. The input jack connected to sev69 eral thin (about the a micron thin) fiber optic wires spliced into the sight, hearing, touch, and motor centers of the brain. When a decker would plug into the deck and enter the WC Net (World Communications Network), it would simulate the net as an actual place. It allowed the decker to interact with computers as if the computers were individual realms. The deck would essentially lie to the senses of the brain, telling it false information. The decker would percept it all as if it were real. The connections to the motor centers let the decker control the deck by pure thought. One could move place to place in the net by just walking there. This let all interactions with the net and computer become physical. It was dubbed cyberspace. Cyberdecks originally were created to increase the productivity of computers to their maximum potential. The concept was developed by a group effort of NASA, IBM, Fujitsu, Toshiba, and Hitachi. It worked incredibly well, and then the military decided they wanted to take advantage of it. They created “attack programs” which did things such as crash computer systems or release deadly computer viruses into them. Though the military developed “cyberspace combat”, they never actually used it. Corrupt megacorporations used it. . . on each other. Especially AT&T and MCI, they were the first. Once the public knew of cyberspace combat, it wasn’t too long before hackers were creating their own attack programs. A new type of hacker was born, the decker. Within weeks after the public learned of cyberspace combat, deckers were purposely breaking into corporate data bases looking for attack programs to copy. Once hackers knew how attack programs were written, they could write their own. Even though home made attack programs weren’t too effective, the stolen corporate ones were. Attack programs were a very hot item on the black market. Then ICE was created. ICE is an acronym for Intrusion Countermeasure Electronics. These were very complex programs to keep deckers and rival company computer experts out of corporation computers. Most ICE programs would dump unwanted users from the system, or at least deny them access. But as always, there were ways to counteract the ICE. Then the megacorporation NEC created Killer ICE. Killer ICE worked similar to normal ICE programs, but instead of just denying access or dumping a decker from the system, it would start sending high voltage surges back through the phone line and into the decker’s head. This would often kill deckers by either causing sever brain damage or a cardiac arrest. Arther woke to the digital beeping sound com- ing from the speakers on the visiphone. It wasn’t a ring from someone calling him, it was the wake up alarm he had set. The house computer worked through the phone so the phone speakers were used for this. When he opened his eyes the computer’s digital voice was automatically activated. “Good evening, the time is exactly 10:00:32 PM,” the voice was feminine, the sound was blunt and monotone. “Today is Wednesday, January 3, 2052. Reminders: Tomorrow you will be twenty four years of age and. . . ” it was interrupted. “I am well aware of that. . . Skip it!” he ordered the computer. Even though Arther knew the computer was not capable of thought and he was hearing a set recording, he still responded to it as if it could understand him. The computer continued, “You received two phone calls and no mail while you were asleep. Your rent is late by four days now,” it ended it’s message. Arther considered reprogramming the ‘wake-up informant’ program to only go off once a day when he first woke up instead of every time he woke up. The basic idea behind it was to inform you of anything you might of forgotten while sleeping, but it was getting really annoying. He got out of bed and turned on the stereo. Out came the sounds of more gothrock. It was time for Arther to join the night life. Arther put on some black slacks and a white button-up shirt. He then went into the bathroom and put his hair in its usual style,a ‘Smith’, where the hair was done in hundreds of little spikes going in several directions. It got its name from a gothrock musician who was around in the 80’s and 90’s who created the hair style. After Arther finished with his hair, he put on his black trench coat, loaded his pistol, grabbed his cyberdeck, and headed for the door. He tore the three printouts from the phone, folded them up and placed them in his pocket. Then he rode the elevator to the 100th story of the building, where the aerocar parking area was located. The building he lived in had a roof car park for aero cars and underground parking for ground cars. He had to drive the car up three levels of the parking area until it came to the roof. Then the aerocar slowly lifted itself up. The hover engines emitted a faint roar similar to a 747 leaving the runway, just not as loud. It rose about twenty meters up and then the rear minijets kicked in. The car sped quickly around the looming buildings. They were huge dark masses with the conflicting color of white and yellow light leaking from the windows. Small clouds streamed past as the vehicle moved though them. The sky lacked stars or a moon, it was cloaked by large, dark, gray, rain clouds. It had been raining 70 on and off since December. After ten minutes of driving, the aerocar reached it’s destination, descending into Hollywood. Arther landed the car by the side of the road in a residential area that was two blocks away from Melrose Avenue. He hid his cyberdeck under the seat of the car. After setting the electronic lock, he headed up the street. When he reached Melrose Avenue, the amount of light around him increased greatly. All the shops and clothing stores on the street had bright lights emitting from the display windows. Large amounts of people were walking up and down the street, a large crowd was gathered around the out door seating of a contempo pop-music restaurant. This was a place where many people just came to hang out. The entire street was composed of pop-culture shops, clothing stores, night clubs, and restaurants. As for the people on Melrose Avenue, many were wearing clothes of the latest style or fashion trend, and others were making a new fashion statement of their own. The only way to actually stand out on Melrose was to dress ordinary. Arther was here to go to a night club, it was next to a Revlon Five-Hour Cosmetic Surgery Clinic. They were small clinics that promised “beauty in only five hours” through means of modern medical technology. Arther never really saw the point in having a surgeon screw with your face just because you wanted to look like something you weren’t, though he did have cosmetic surgery done to remove scars from surgery involving the implantation of his neural interface jack. But Arther knew that the Revlon clinic here made lots money by selling and implanting illegal cyberwear, things such as retractable claws and thought-activated pistols inside the arm and hand. A few of the surgeons at the clinic had some underworld contacts and did the operations behind the management’s back. He never bought illegal cyberwear; he didn’t want it. Most of it was used for killing, and that was not his occupation. Further, it had to be implanted by surgeons who would do it illegally, and that meant taking a risk. The street slang for a surgeon who installed cyberwear illegally was butcher, and most were. Many worked out of private, bodyenhancement clinics and other small private medical clinics usually located in the bad parts of town. But the Revlon clinic on Melrows was well know for safe implantation of illegal cyberwear. After all, it was bad business to maim one’s customers. Arther entered the night club, which was called Post Modern. It was a new wave club and a lot of new wave types were hanging out there. Most of the people had hair styles that were mildly spiked and some were even dyed in abnormally bright or unnat71 ural colors. Almost everybody’s clothing was bright and they all seemed in a festive mood. New wave music boomed inside the club and the dance floor was crowded. Arther walked to a table where a young man with bright, spiked, orange/blond hair and a blonde woman were sitting. They seem to be enjoying themselves. The young man looked somewhat muscular and was wearing a white shirt that said: ExPlodInG HeDz my fist, your face It was the name of a current punk band. He also had black jeans on. Next to him sat a young woman with long blonde hair and blue eyes. She wore a black miniskirt and an open, fluorescent-green, button-up shirt. Underneath the button-up was a black, low-cut shirt that was tucked in. Neuro sat at the table. “Hello Overdrive, hello Diane,” he said. “Heya Neuro, what’s up?” Overdrive said contentedly, taking a sip of beer. “Hi Neuro,” Diane said greeting him. “Not much,” he replied, “I spent most of the day working on this cyberspace chess program that has some really hi-res graphics. That’s about all.” “Yeah, well I went to Music+Plus the other day and got up the new ROM cartridge of the Ultra Violets, it’s pretty good,” Overdrive said. “Did you hear that they’re having a concert at the Palladium?” asked Arther. Diane broke in,“Actually, John already bought tickets for us already, should be a pretty good show.” Diane was a big fan of techno-pop. “Yeah, I got the tickets last week,” Overdrive said. Overdrive’s real name was John, but Arther was so used to calling him Overdrive he never called him by his actual name. “So Neuro, are you just hanging out tonight?” Overdrive said leaning back in his chair. “Well sorta, I’m also here for other reasons.” “Like what?” “Business.” “Business as in running, right? Verdad?” Overdrive had used the Spanish word verdad even though he was in no way Latin. The word verdad had become a very popular word used in street slang. “Yeah, verdad.” “Well what’s the news?” “Well I’ve got some good news and some bad news,” Neuro told them. His voice was no longer a dead tone, it was more of a going with-the-flow type attitude he held right now. “Okay,” Overdrive said. Diane nodded to acknowledge her noticing. “The good news is that I found out about a run we can do, it could mean a large monetary gain for all of us.” He continued, “The bad news is Silver is the one who wants to hire us. He needs some runners to assist him.” “Shit, why Silver? Well how much are we being paid for the run?” questioned Overdrive. Neither Overdrive or Diane seemed too happy to hear the name ‘Silver’. “Dunno. . . Silver didn’t tell me.” Diane broke into the conversation, “Figures. Well who exactly is coming on this operation?” “So far it’s Silver, hopefully you and Overdrive, and me. I’m going down to The Razor’s Edge to look for Bloodlust later tonight. He’ll definitely want to come.” “And he gave no details at all on what we’ll be doing?” Diane’s voice was very business like. She was the one who would usually work out payment and financial details with whomever was hiring them. She knew the ways of the corporations well, as her former job was as a secretary in the marketing and sales division at Hitachi. Diane was very good at dealing with pushy businessmen. She took up ‘running’ after she got laid off and could not get another job. It was all because of some virus that had entered several corporate mainframes and caused them to crash. Many people in lower level positions had to be let go. This had happened about two years ago, but Diane decided to stay in her current occupation instead of looking for another secretarial job. “We are to meet him at a restaurant called Cardoza’s Gourmet tomorrow night at 7:00.” Neuro pulled one of the printouts of the mail out of his pocket, “Here’s the address.” Diane took the printout, “I’ll be there. We gotta get some things straight with Silver if he wants our assistance on this run.” “The guy’s a stiff. He thinks he can run everything,” complained Overdrive. “Okay. . . well I’m going to The Razor’s Edge, see if I can find Bloodlust. We’ll more than likely need the walking arsenal to come with us. So like see you later.” “We’ll see you tomorrow night, Neuro.” “Yeah, see ya Neuro,” said Overdrive as he drank the last of his beer. As Arther left, Overdrive directed his attention towards Diane saying, “So are you ready for a fourth round of drinks?” The Razor’s Edge was a heavy metal bar located in the far north-eastern sector of Los Angeles; it was in one of the newer slums which came into ex- istence around 2013. The area had been built as a new residential area during the reconstruction of Los Angeles after the 7.9 earthquake of 2011. It was composed of new buildings, unlike East LA, but it was still a crude, run-down mesh of the normal high-tech and cheaply built housing, stores, etc. To the west and south-west the ultra-rise buildings of central LA could be seen clearly though the thin layers of smog. Arther set his car to ground mode after landing it and drove it into a parking lot behind the bar. After parking the car he opened the glove compartment pulling out a gleaming silverish auto-pistol, a Colt Asp .40 clip pistol to be more precise. He carefully slipped it into his right, trench coat pocket. It was for protection when in the bad parts of the city. Actually, he had never fired it at a living being and didn’t plan to do so. Personally Arther felt he could never really use it; he couldn’t kill. He even refused to carry programs which did lethal damage to other users in cyberspace. Arther entered the Razor’s Edge just as it started to rain. Inside the bar, loud heavy metal music was pumping from the speakers at an unbelievable volume. Most of the people looked like a cross between marines and heavy metalers. Most had long hair, black shirts (usually displaying their favorite band’s name), camouflage pants, and a leather or camouflage jacket. It was a style formed from the music called Militaristic Metal (also called War Metal and Battle Rock). War Metal had a sound that was quite unique. It was very intense heavy metal music mixed with lyrics about war, in the background, sounds of gun fire and explosions were played as sort of a tempo. The walls were covered with spray paint, and there were at least a dozen bullet holes on each one. Arther put his hands in the pockets of his trench coat, his right hand clenching the pistol. He didn’t feel safe here, mainly ‘cause people around here didn’t take well to people who didn’t fit in. Arther didn’t fit in. He noticed there was a small brawl in the back of the bar. It was his friend Bloodlust duking it out with three other men. They seemed to be fighting over a slight disagreement about who was going to pick-up the tab for their drinks. Bloodlust seemed to be enjoying himself. Arther just sat at one of the dilapidated wood tables in the bar. Bloodlust had long black hair that was all combed straight back. Just by looking at him you could tell he worked out; he purposely wore muscle shirts to show it off. At the moment he was wearing a muscle shirt, camouflaged pants, and black combat boots. On his right arm he had the tattoo of a snake coiled around a broad sword. 72 Arther felt a hand grab the back of his head and slam his face into the table in front of him. The hand then yanked his head back up from the hair and let go. Arther quickly turned around in the chair. A person he had never seen before in his life was standing behind him. He was wearing a dull-green, military field jacket and ripped-up, black jeans. He had long, blond hair and needed a shave. “What the hell are you doing in here, damn wire-head! You know we don’t want freaks like you coming around here!” Arther looked at him for a few seconds saying nothing, he considered pulling the pistol, but decided not to; he would have to shoot him. In a place like this you couldn’t threaten with a gun. . . you either used it or got blown away before you said a word. Not only that, but this guy was probably carrying a weapon that could rip right through the light kevlar lining inside his trench coat. Finally, he just yelled in a staggered voice, “What’s hell’s your problem!?!” “I’m tired of seeing you faggot deckers in the business, and I don’t want you around here! That’s what the problem is!” “Just leave me alone, okay?” Arther noticed that his shades had been cracked during their recent contact with the table. “No! You’re gonna leave now! But first you’re gonna pull out your credstick and empty all the creds into my stick! Comprendo?” The man screamed and grabbed Neuro by the front of his shirt. Arther fished around in his trench coat pocket, trying to decide whether to pull his credstick out or the pistol. He had 45 creds on the stick. But, at the moment, 45 creds to avoid potentially fatal gunplay seemed worth the money. But before Arther could pull anything out, a huge fist smashed into his assailant’s face. The man hit the floor and laid there face-down without moving. Arther quickly looked up to see who had punched the man. Bloodlust stood there rubbing the knuckles on his right hand “Fucker’s got a damn hard face,” he said. Finally, the man groaned and slowly pushed up onto his hands and knees. Blood was pouring from a huge gash in his mouth. He made a disgusting gurgling sound and then spit out a broken tooth. Bloodlust then kicked the man, planting one of his durasteel-toed combat boot into the man’s ribs. “Listen, asshole, you leave my friend here alone or you’re really gonna piss me off!” Bloodlust thrust his right fist inches from the man’s face. Suddenly three, five-inch, razor-sharp, steel-alloy claws sprung out from the back of his hand. The claw above his index finger grazed the bridge of the man’s nose, eliciting a slight red trickle. “Now get out of here 73 before I rip your face off!” Bloodlust smiled and then turned toward Arther, “So what are you do’n down here?” “Let’s sit down and I’ll tell you,” Arther said in a frustrated voice as he took off his broken sunglasses and set them on the table. A chip fell off one of the plexiglass lenses. “Do you want a drink? This place serves real beer.” Bloodlust retracted his claws back inside his arm. “Nahh,” he took a deep breath and let it out slowly, “I’ll just take a Coke.” “This place doesn’t serve Coke.” “Oh.” “Well, why’d you come here?” “Silver’s got a run for us, and he’ll probably need a grunt for the mission.” “Silver!” Bloodlust shouted in discontent. “Did I say something wrong?” “The guy’s a pussy!” He yelled loudly. A few people in the bar started looking at Bloodlust. “He said there would be a lot of money involved.” “Well why didn’t you say so! Silver. . . I can put with Silver,” Bloodlust said in a happy tone. Bloodlust was a true mercenary, money was his top priority, or as he would say: ‘No fee is too big, no matter what the job!’ Bloodlust’s next question was: “Well how much money?” “He didn’t say. Said it was a lot though. We’re supposed to meet him at some fancy restaurant, and he’ll give us further details.” “I’ll get Stelletto to come along.” Neuro handed Bloodlust one of the printouts of the mail. “Here is the address of the restaurant.” “I can be there. No problem. You wanna go get a Big Mac?” “I’ll pass, chemically flavored tofu doesn’t sound so great right now.” “Just when you thought it was safe to admit you’re a human being. . . ” — Adam Smith
[email protected] Questor Vancouver, BC Canada The Greyhawk Campaign c 1990 Ed Zeamba This is the write-up of an AD&D v2 campaign in which Ed participated. In his own words, “I labored to drag from what can loosely be termed as my ‘memory’ the events of our first session, only to find that ‘good’ storytelling is the ability to dramatically recreate mundane events and to spruce-up the more memorable moments. The following writing style, if it may be honored by dubbing it thus, is not original by any stretch of the word. Many netters, Dan Parsons, Jeff Stehman, and Charles Leone to name a few, have influenced this work, and I hope that it will not discredit them, but rather add another great saga to FRP’ers worldwide. Alas, my first try at the art of storytelling.” Chapter I This is a log of the adventurers who the great god of Dungeon Making (DM) brought together to save the world of Oerth, but first they would have to gain experience in the greatest challenge yet to face mankind (and womenkind): The Great Gygaxian Saga — Temple of Elemental Evil, Scourge of the Slave Lords, Against the Giants, Descent into the Depths of the Earth, Vault of the Drow, and ultimately Queen of the Demonweb Pits. The foolhardy few: Sniff, sniff. . . Yep, I smell PCs. Nightshade Tarreth Ebonshire Luminar Lawman Zardan Zelaznar CY. 580, Coldeven Spring, day 1 As told by Tarreth of Highfolk. . . While each of our own backgrounds have yet remained unspoken, it is amazing (perhaps uncanny) how we came together forming our little band, companions from the beginning, never a harsh word spoken, knowing somehow that our destinies were intertwined. . . so why role-play about it. We traveled north on foot from the town of Safeton. The weather turned cold and cloudy as we approached the small hamlet of Restenford located where the Selintan empties into the Woolly Bay. In the late afternoon we were ambushed by nine orc raiders led by a half-orc wielding a glowing longsword. (This sight would soon become common so this will probably be the last time I mention it. No. I’m not talking about the Orcs, but the magical sword!) Round 1: “Sleep, Color Spray, Command: Freeze.” Round 2: We made quick work of remaining fodder. Party: (exclaims) “Huh? Where is the challenge? The Danger. The Risk. . . ?” Voice from the heavens: “Perhaps all monsters should have max hit points and innate spell abilities, magic resistance. . . ” Party: (quickly) “Whew! That was a close battle. Yea, I guess we just got lucky. . . yea that’s it, we were just lucky.” human witch conjuress elven mage/thief human priest of Pholtus half-elven priest & ranger of Ehlonna We ended our four day journey in Falco’s Tavern. Coldeven Spring, day 5 Year 1, month 1, day 1. No, no, no. Too drab. WhatIt has has gone before. . . been over a millennium since the Great Baklunish-Suloise Wars and the creation of the Sea of Dust by the Invoked Devastation of the Rain of Colorless Fire, nearly eight centuries since the founding of the Kingdom of Aerdy, and five hundred and eighty years since the crowning of first Overking in Rauxes. The next morning Luminar and Zardan are enjoying a late meal. Zardan is one of those rugged types, who happens to have pointed ears. (this is Greyhawk, not the Realms) Yes, he’s a half-elf. He turns out to be a woodsman and a priest of Ehlonna [of the forests]. He seemed pretty gruff for one with elven blood. Must be his human side. It’s too bad he’s unlucky. He’s been missing easy kills too often. What a “great warrior”! 74 Luminar is a very outspoken priest of Pholand ignorant. As for His priestesses, they are untus [of the Blinding Light], always trying to get me wavering in devotion to him. I will show you the to convert. I swear I could be a character witness light!” (Luminar prepared to target a light spell for the human, were he ever to need one. Mostly a right between my hazel eyes; not an uncommon goody-goody, but he seemed very cold-hearted about occurrence.) ridding the world of evil, as if he would feel no remorse for ending the lives of evil creatures. That’s Tarreth: “I know what they are. Lou. (sly smile) I mean no blasphemy. Okay? Lighten-up! No something rarely seen in humans; most of them either really. I’ll enlighten you about the dark women are altruistic fools or creatures with only themselves of your dreams.” (laughs again) in mind. He seems to be an okay fellow, now if he would just shut his vocal organs about Pholtus. . . (Luminar fails save vs. bad pun and his spell Luminar: “Did you see the way the townspeople is disrupted) were staring at Nightshade?” Tarreth: “I am familiar with her type, dark and Zardan: “Yea, she does have nice. . . ” mysterious. I’m sure she’s got secrets to hide, if not already running from someone. Strange Luminar: “No! They look at her as if she were evil. though that she didn’t seem more at home in the I do not think we should remain in town long.” forest, her kind usually are — dancing around boiling cauldrons and such at midnight. . . ” Zardan: “Well u heard them strange sounds from her room last night didn’t ya? It was like she’za Zardan: “You mean she’s one o’dem twitty forest topic of some argument. Strange voices talking hags. and you didn’t tell us? Why if we all to her I heard. . . ” wake-up in a stew-pot one morning, I’ll kill ya, well. . . I mean I’d, I’d. . . Damn Elf. Always so Luminar: “Perhaps we should ask Tarreth, now carefree; It’s foolish!” that he is awake.” (beckons to Tarreth who is busy flirting with some barmaids) Tarreth: “She’s not a ‘twitty forest hag’. She’s a witch though. Wasn’t it obvious? You see her After whispering a private something into the spellweaving? Not like anything I’ve ever seen. wench’s ear, (who abruptly squealed then giggled) I You notice that she don’t need material ingredishot her a last wink and left to seat myself at my ents, or when she does, they are something recompanions table noting the look of disapproval on ally strange? And then there’s the way people Luminar’s face. are looking at her.” I Tarreth Ebonshire, your narrator, am but a simple rogue. All I need is enough sleep for two men, Zardan: “No, no. I noticed that. She’s wine for three, and enough women for four. I travel just. . . (stops)” here and there, most recently amoung my fellow elves in the land of Highfolk, living by a simple rule: AnyZardan’s reply was cut short by a sudden sithing that is not nailed down is mine, and anything lencing of some of the tavern’s patrons who gasped that I can pry loose is not nailed down. and made superstitious wardings with their hands. Down the stairs from the rooms above came a lady Luminar: (hesitating) “Tarreth, what do you know dressed in black with a long flowing dark purple cape. about Nightshade?” Her voluptuous form shifting beneath the ebony garTarreth: (laughs) “Oh, I see you already have an ments moved swiftly and surely between two large eye on our dark-mooded companion. Come on men at the foot of the steps. They may have meant now, I hear the priestesses of Pholtus really light to accost her but one look, one glare from those emerald eyes suddenly turned afire, sent them tripping up their men’s nights.” over their feet to get out of her way. Nightshade has (Zardan grins as Luminar’s solemn expression that effect on some men. No wonder they fear her. She acted as if she had a restless night. is replaced by shock and dismay) Luminar: (in near-rage) “Good Pholtus No! Need I Nightshade: “I am ready to leave.” she said firmly remind you once again that I. . . We of the Blindsitting at our table. (Both Zardan and Luminar ing Light seek only to illuminate the misguided stare at her.) 75 Nightshade: “What’s with you two? Didn’t bed the couple of sluts you were lusting for last night?” Nightshade: performs the “mage guarding the rear” defense. It was good to see Nightshade in her usual Skeleton #5: hacks at Luminar; barely misses. mood, dark scowl and all. She is a Baklunish beauty nearly five and a half feet tall, raven-black hair fram- Zombie #1: claws at Zardan, hits and blood flows freely. ing her coppery-bronze skin. A stark contrast to my elven complexion, five feet of height and light colored Zombie #2: claws at Tarreth who parries the blow hair. and retrieves sword. Zombie #3: claws at Zardan, misses. Coldeven Spring, day 6 Zardan: drops 2-handed sword, draws short sword and hits, drop zombie #1. At noon the following day we investigated some local rumors about a haunted, burnt-down house. After an hour of searching we found a trap door leading down to a series of tunnels, an old escape route no doubt. Luminar: smashes last skeleton with a well aimed blow. Tarreth: slices and dices zombie #2, it falls. Tarreth: “What a horrid place! dwarf’s stinkhouse.” It smells like a Nightshade: watches the battle. Luminar: “That is undead you smell, foul creatures of evil.” Luminar says a prayer to Pholtus and causes his holy symbol to glow. Sure enough, soon six skeletons and three zombies came scuffling to the attack. Zardan: “Back, foul perversions of nature.” (turn fails) Luminar: “Witness the Blinding Light! Turn, abominations of life!” (four skeletons turn) Tarreth: (twin longswords) Hack-hack [blade gets stuck between ribs]. Nightshade: throws a chromatic orb and misses. Skeleton #4: hacks at Tarreth who lets go of sword, misses. Skeleton #5: hack with sword at Luminar, misses. Zombie #1: claws at Zardan who is protecting Nightshade, misses. Zombie #2: tries to squeeze into 10’ corridor to get at Tarreth. The adventurers get the jump on the slow zombie and slice it to ribbons. Zardan healed himself, and the party moved on. Over the next hour we met more undead that we turned, and more, and more, turn-hack-turn-hacketc. We found some magic toys on the remains of adventurers not as fortunate as us. Tired and nearly out of healing magic, we were attacked by a hoard of giant rats. Throughout the combat, Tarreth proved to be the better warrior, although he is a mage/thief. Zardan went down bleeding from many bites and scratches. Tarreth nearly killed himself trying to disarm a poison gas trap. (Save or die at 1st level? Well my die luck saved me, a popular trend.) We cleared the place of giant rats and skeletons and were well rewarded by finding various coinage. Utilizing our newest method of treasure finding, casting “detect magic” and running through the tunnels scanning carnage and dark corners alike, we found a couple of potions, an amulet of save vs. “sleep”, boots of elvenkind, and a brooch of shielding. We would have never known what these items were if a strange wind hadn’t blown in a scroll entitled, “Ed’s Instant Identify”. Of course, I first scribed it into my spellbook. Zombie #3: tries to squeeze into 10’ corridor to get at Zardan. “We knew this was a Gygaxian powergame, we were powergamers, we were happy.” Tarreth: tries to smash skeleton with hilt of sword; Crunch! drop #4. Luminar: draws flail and bashes skeleton, misses. Zardan: tries to pierce zombie with 2 handed sword; misses badly. 76 — Ed Zeamba Chapter II CY. 580, Coldeven Spring, day 6 in the evening As told by Tarreth of Welkwood. . . Nightshade: (to Zardan) “You a Great Warrior? Ha. You sure fooled me.” Luminar’s blank look is slowly replaced by a growing smile that stops just as the dwarf turns to stare at him. Luminar: “By the way, mule — ummm. . . dwarf, what is your name?” Dwarf: (puffing out chest) “I be Sergeant Clink Barrelchest, of the Greyhawk Militia, at now work’in on travel duty with dis. . . female.” Zardan: “Ah. ‘de just got in a lucky blow, u know. Besides, ‘dem was fodder I just used my left hand Elf: “My name is Alliria and furface here is my priu know? Yeaaap, it don’t hurt none.” vate, ah, well. . . pack mule. (tries to hide a smile) No really, he’s good with hammers and axes, you Later that day we retired at The Tavern of the know. . . dwarf stuff.” West Wind. “What kind of elf is she?!?” I remember thinking upon seeing her dark skin and silvery hair Zardan: (smiling) “Sergeant Furface BarrelGut, with blue eyes — a unique but beautiful mix. At huh?” first I thought she might be a drow but her skin was a grey-brown, not ebony black. She was ordering Dwarf: growls “Grrrrrrrr. . . ” around a dwarf carrying supplies twice as high as his head. She was also bitching about the heavy rains, Nightshade: glares at Zardan and turns to comfort the dwarf. “Don’t worry dear; those legends which some of the suspicious town-folk had begun about the great god of treasure-placing, Gygax, to blame on us newcomers, Nightshade especially. I are all true. You’ll find more dwarven artifacts at once determined that this elf would become the than I’ll have wands.” newest member of our party. She was now bitching about the low quality of the tavern. I sat down at The DM glares, wondering how the PCs could her table. possibly know what’s in all TSR modules? Only DMs Tarreth: “I can’t tell if the storm is worse in here, ever buy those things. . . or outside.” Coldeven Spring, day 7 She shot me the most evil scowl I had ever We bought horses the next morning and set seen. Maybe she has some drow in her. (It was the DM’s idea: half high-elf / half drow elf = full elf with off on the road out of town. We were lucky to avoid the occasional gnoll patrol, as they stayed upwind a twist) of the dwarf. Continuing on, we emerged from the Dead Forest hours later, into a rainstorm. Bone Hill Tarreth: “A frown is so unbecoming of an elf.” stood before us, a monument to the “typical-ruinedThe scowl lightened to the ferocity of a cor- tower-on-top-of-hill” setting. The vegetation lessened as we ascended the large knoll. Within 1000 feet of nered lion. the ruins we spotted a lone bugbear guard. He was Tarreth: “Perhaps a drink will loosen your tongue.” easy to see as two arrows sprouted from his skull. It appears that the female elf was an archeress from My charm eventually won over her and within someplace called Beztuv DragunTree. minutes she had agreed to join our party, she and the We entered the ruins through a hole in the dwarf. Oh well, you can’t win them all. southeast corner into a large courtyard. There was a set of double doors to the front, but we walked to the Dwarf: “How duz me know that you ain’t be bring- gatehouse where we were prevented from entering by ing me along as a pack mule?” a rusted iron door. Tarreth: “No really (smirk), anyone who serves an Alliria: “Great! How are we going to get through elf is good enough for us.” this fuckin’ door. We need a place to leave our horses, we’re fuckin wet, bitch, bitch, bitch. . . ” Zardan: (suppressing a grin) “And besides, you wouldn’t fit the harness.” (Tarreth and Zardan Zardan: “Hey! Look there’s another shit-stinkin’ look at each other as if considering it. . . nah.) bugbear. Let’s bag ’um!” 77 Nightshade incants a few harsh syllables and Clink: “Just a lever, stupid mage. A bit of dwarven points at the humanoid. Shouting “Wimbly!”, a thin magic called Engineering.” silken-strand shoots forth from her long pointing finger wrapping itself around the retreating bugbear Nightshade: “What does it mean. . . Engine ’er ’ing?” bringing it down. Clink: (grumbles) “Hell if I know. . . ” Tarreth: (amazed) “Fuck Spiderman!” We gave the poor bugbear a proper burial (i.e. Zardan easily drags the webbed bugbear over we left it outside for the wild wolves). Then we placed to the waiting party (he got a belt from the orc leader our horses into the small gatehouse. There was some that adds +3 STR to its wearer) commotion as Alliria’s warhorse stomped a zombie Tarreth: (speaking in orcish slobbering all over him- into the ground. After calming the horses we found self) “Are there many of you here? Yes? Well, a broken bronze horn. (Oh, well. We didn’t need an evil horn of Valhalla anyways. . . ) you got a key to this door?” After warming up we entered the northeast Bugbear: (in harsh common) “Huh? Ah. . . me only tower via an inner door. There were stairs going up work at here. ” and down. Taking the former, dwarf on point, we ascended to the second level (empty) and then to up Zardan looking disgusted draws dagger and to the highest level, the third. I instantly caught sight slices through the helpless humanoid’s throat like cut- of a glitter of gold embedded in the center of the floor ting through warm butter. and proceeded to pick up all that I could. Bugbear: (nasty, rated “R” follows) “Arrrg! Gur- Tarreth: “Good dwarf. Bring me the pickaxe if you gle, choke, sputter, gag. . . ” (He dies an ignoble please. Gee this adventuring stuff is easy.” (filldeath.) ing his pockets) Alliria: “Hey! You’re a ranger. That is Evil.” (The word reverberates through room.) Dwarf: (grumbles while walking to Tarreth) “Hmm. If I’m not [crunch] mistaken, I detect [crack] unsafe stone. . . [Break!] Whoa! Umph! (jumping Zardan: “Naw, evil humanoids are bad guys, irrevoaside new hole in floor) w. . . o. . . r. . . k. . . !” cably evil. You can waste the puppies as quick as you can find’um without fear of, ahh. . . penalties. Nightshade: (resisting urge to practice dwarfBesides they breed like rabbits.” tossing) “Damn thick-skulled, lead-boned, Barrelgut! Where’s Tarreth?!?” Tarreth: “Wow, that’s good to know. I got dibs on the next one. Hey since when did you get so Dust fills the chamber. Thump. Thump. Thump! wise?” Dwarf: “Hmm. . . Yes. I believe there are four stories Zardan: “I was enlightened by a little bald gnome to this tower.” wearing a red robe. He spoke in strange riddles and I tried to follow him when he walked away, Tarreth: “Wheeeeeee! Hey this ring is Fun.. I’m as light as a feather. (seconds later) Uh. . . You but he disappeared behind a tree.” guys better get down here now!” Clink: (picking up pole from ground) “Hmmm. I get door open. yup. Give me barrel over there.” Party rushes down stairs to see Tarreth standing in a pile of human bones on one wall of a dark Clink quickly assembles a nice Archemedian circular room. lever placing the pole under a crack under the door. “Grrrrunt!” [Crack] the door falls off broken hinges. Luminar: “These were undead skeletons. About twenty I would estimate.” Nightshade: “What in Nine Hells was that?” [Poof!] Clink: “What the grunt? Old dwarven secret: If you grunt loud enough you can do anything. Ole Nightshade: “I sense that we were not supposed to Arnold Stonezenegger proved that one.” destroy them this easy.” Nightshade: “No, I meant that pole and barrel contraption.” Zardan: (looking opposite direction with other PCs) “What makes you think that?” 78 [Scuffle, slide, scuffle] Nightshade: (heading up stairs) “Ask the twenty skeletons that just appeared behind us!” (Readers note: Our DM can be ghoulish at times. Mou-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha) I saw the skeletons too late as I was busy dusting myself off. Alliria the archeress reacted quickly sending a pair of sheaf arrows into the rotley crew before they could close to melee. One rebounded harmlessly while the other splintered a bonejob’s sternum barely slowing it. The first skeletons clawed the backs of the two priests while the dwarf assaulted his pair with twin hand axes. Zardan: (getting clawed) “Ahhh! (tries to parry with holy symbol) goddamnit!” (9 skeletons turn) Hey! How ’bout that. ” Luminar: (spins wildly) “Recoil in the name of Pholtus, He whose Light. . . ” (6 more turn as Luminar rambles on about the glory of Pholtus) Standing atop the mound of rubble and bones I join the archeress in missile fire. Clink drops his skeletons amidst a flurry of dwarven curses. Bone (& sentence) fragments everywhere. Luminar, pleased with the turn of battle, cries a praise to his god and sweeps two skeletons with his new magic flail. Soon we manage to beat the foul magicks of the the remaining bonejobs and rush upstairs to catch our breath. Nightshade: “Took ya guys long enough, leaving me up here all alone. . . ” Zardan: (quite pissed) “Ya, thanks fer your help. . . witch!” (quickly solemns as if realizing the implication of his words) Nightshade: (scowling) “Looks like you got hurt. . . again. (threatening) Why don’t you go to sleep. (evil smile) Alliria: “Enough of this! Now we were caught off guard. Let’s just make sure we are more careful next time. Right Clink!? ” I love it when she takes command, so beautiful when she is angry. Those blazing eyes, high cheekbones, and luscious lips. So beautiful and firm, and those bouncing full. . . (SLAP!!) “Stop looking at me like that!” Tarreth: “Ahh, ju. . . just checking to see if you are alright.” That was lame but oh well. I guess I’ll just have to check her out from behind, not that it’s bad or anything. . . So fast and. . . strong? Ouch! 79 “I hate it when that happens.” — Ed Zeamba The Sunrise Prophesy c 1990 Mary K. Kuhner
[email protected] My Sunrise War game, which lasted for several years playing nearly every week, was loosely based around a prophecy which I wrote and stuck on the front of the rules-revisions packet I gave my players. (“What’s this?” “Your character used to jump rope to it when she was little.”) People looked at it, puzzled a little, then went on with their lives. Then later, a few things started to click, and they thought seriously about what it might mean and what they could do about it. They never got all the pieces put together, though they did fulfill some of the parts (and others were done by NPCs). Usually they realized that the prophecy was relevant only after the events predicted had already occurred. What if the coral ring should break,1 Where would we2 find to run? A shadow’s rest,3 An eagle’s nest,4 A hilltop in the sun.5 And if the Sun rose in the South6 What would you give7 to me? A purple jewel,8 The High King’s fool, An island in the sea. And if the Sea should rise and fill The streets with foam and fear?9 A star will fall, I didn’t have to do much of anything to make this The Phoenix call,10 happen; it was a nice, vague prophecy, and the only The rising moon appear. specific events in it (the death of the Moonchild) were mostly out of PC control. They did in fact bring back Where shall the Moonchild lay his head the Moonchild from the land of the dead, though, When Bloodfire11 stains the land? rather to my surprise. Where shadows lie, Where eagles die, Background: The campaign setting, the world of Where mountains silent stand.12 Kyris, is in the process of being invaded by powers from beyond the Southern Sea, the realm of And in the Land Beyond The Moon the Purple Sun, Amaoiqua, which changes all it Will you still know my name? shines upon. The invaders hope to bring AmaoiI’ll call to you, qua to shine on Kyris, freeing the Kyrisi from I’ll search for you,13 their isolation, darkness and despair. UnfortuI’ll come to you again. nately the Kyrisi don’t see it that way. Amaoiqua awakens spirits of the land, and gives Who shall there be to bring to me the souls of men and beasts into their keeping; My father’s crown to wear? From winter’s field,14 which may or may not be a good thing dependThe Exile’s shield, ing on your point of view, but is certainly very The children of the bear.15 scary. Even brief exposure to the light can corrupt (transform) the weak. And when the Sunrise King16 is crowned The powers of Kyris declared war on the Amaoi Is all then lost or won? invaders. The prophecy appears to describe cerNo mortal knows17 tain events of what has come to be called the Nor gods disclose Sunrise War. Till all our battle’s done. Herein follows the Sunrise Prophesy with an analysis by Lord Shien of Maraket, Advisor to the Emperor. 80 1. The sinking of the coral-rimmed island of Darsul was the first blow struck by the Amaoi in the war. 2. Three different people are referred to here as we. 3. A shadow’s rest refers to Kimkiriador Moonchild, the Emperor’s son, whose mother sent him to Merys-isle to keep him from the danger she foresaw; Merys-isle is one of the last refuges of the Dark Goddesses. 4. An eagle’s nest refers to the Pathactrici nomads, whom a survivor from Darsul rallied for war. 5. A hilltop in the sun refers to myself, another survivor of Darsul; I went to Maraket, to the city of the Sun Emperor, and offered my services to him. 6. Amaoiqua rose in the South, first over ruined Darsul, then much of South Kyris. This stanza and the next refer to the fall of Merys-isle and the near capture of Kimkiriador. 7. give is ironic; the Sunstone and the Harlequin troupes of the invaders fell upon Merys-isle in force to break its opposition and secure the boy, of whom they, too, apparently had prophecies. 8. The purple jewel is the Sunstone carried by the invasion fleet. 9. Merys-isle was destroyed by tsunami, but cultists on the island, realizing Kimkiriador’s importance (the rising moon appear) sent him and his closest companion away on the star-chariot given them by the Lady of Night long ago. 10. Phoenix call refers to the Moonchild’s escape into death described in the next stanza, which was apparently prophesied on Merys-isle; Renate Wildfire, the Phoenix Goddess, represents death, rebirth and the purification of fire. as being the Sun incarnate), summoned the First Dragons, Kyris and Peresthi, powers of the North and of the South; and demanded a compromise, a balance between North and South, to be ruled over by his son. The Dragons agreed, and it was decreed that all of South Kyris and all of North Amaoiqua would become a new realm, the Sunrise Domain, in which Amaoiqua would regularly rise and set. Its people could be freed of the compulsions of Amaoiqua and the isolation of Kyris if they would worship Kimkiriador and accept his blessing. 17. I found later that the Northerners could have prevented this turn of events, though at terrible risk to themselves; but they chose not to, for reasons which they have not explained to me. They returned north of the boundaries of the Sunrise Domain, beyond the Wall of Fire, and set themselves to opposing Amaoiqua’s further spread; all but one, who joined Kimkiriador and became his diplomatic envoy. They were later involved in a plot to destroy the Sunrise compromise, but apparently they failed. For moral ambiguity. I know not whether to be glad or sorry. I am not myself a follower of Kimkiriador, having enough power of my own to protect myself from the light; and I am not sure I like what the Emperor, my master, has done, though I now believe it is beyond all undoing. Fragile Butterfly c 1990 Todd Groner (Foxx) I have chased the fragile butterfly With wings of brilliant hue, But now that I have captured it I know not what to do. 11. The Bloodfire cults of Salu allied with the invaders, and would have captured Kimkiriador had he not been ritually slain, sent to the Land Beyond the Moon to keep him from capture. For near two years I’ve tracked it, Through times of sun and rain, But now that I have captured it, 12. The Land Beyond the Moon is generally described I fear I’ll cause it pain. as a land of barren and terrible mountains, without sun or water. 13. Northerners (the PCs), bearing a staff of Amaoi iron and Kyrisi wood which could bind the powers of Amaoiqua, sought Kimkiriador in the Land beyond the moon and brought him back, though at the price of binding a Phoenix forever to the powers of death, a terrible deed. I know that I may hurt it If I don’t let it go, But now that I have captured it, I’ve grown to love it so. I’ve heard that if you love something Then you should set it free, 14. Another reference to the Northerners, who came But now that I have captured it, from the lands of the exiled Imperial noble Justinian, It means so much to me. and who were allies of Kyris-cult, shapeshifters and beast-worshippers. 15. A Great Bear had apparently sent the Northerners to the struggle. Having rescued Kimkiriador, they took him to his father in Maraket. 16. His father, the Sun Emperor and a remarkable man (not many know that he was a Black Magician as well 81 I love this fragile butterfly. I wonder . . . could it be? Did I truly capture it, Or did it capture me? Magic Items Tim Prestero Aaron Miaullis Sandman Tired of GMing the proverbial encyclopedia in platemail? Here’re some magic items your players won’t know about no matter how well they’ve studied the DMG! Tim, Aaron, Sandman & Neuromancer hope you’ll put them to wicked use, confusing and befuddling the most jaded of gamesters. Enjoy! Neuromancer and abilities bestowed by the ring on the wearer while in animal form. Bat: flight (18”), echolocation Fish: Water breathing, Swim (12”) Monkey: Brachiation, color vision, 9” move Raven: Flight (27”), wide angle color vision Prestero’s Rings Rat: 15” move, wide angle night vision Dog: 15” move, good hearing, scent Rings of Flying: These rings grant the wearer the power of flight, deriving much of their energy Toad: 3” move, good wide angle night vision from the wearer himself, who can remain aloft for as many hours as 12 his CON. Eight hours Ring of Gaseous Form: This neato cursed item turns the wielder gaseous, but since he is unrest restores the flier’s stamina. Movement while able to remove the ring in that form, the poor diving is doubled. There are five types of rings: sap tends to stay gaseous. Roll %ile 01-15 16-35 36-80 81-95 96-00 Maneuverability Class C C B B A Movement Rate 12” 15” 21” 33” 57” Rings of Stamina: These rings are activated by a command word, with the command taking effect the round after it is uttered. These rings have 20-50 charges (d4+1), with charges acting as a hit point reserve for the wielder. When the ring is “on”, it absorbs damage up to its maximum capacity. Upon reaching zero charges, the ring crumbles into dust. When “off”, the ring regenerates one charge every eight hours. Ring of Statues: This is a rather powerful magic item. Upon mental command, the wielder turns into a greyish stone statue, indistinguishable from ordinary stone, except through the use of ESP. Location spells will not work on the character in stone form, and the statue only radiates faint alteration magic. If ESP or psionic disciple of some sort is used, the statue will radiate faint emotions. While stoned, the wearer requires no food, air,or water, and can remain in this form interminably. While in stone form, the wearer “sees” and “hears” through the equivalents of Clairaudience and Clairvoyance spells, centered on the statue. To become flesh again, the wearer merely wills it. (10change back). The transformation to stone takes four segments, while the transformation back to flesh takes a round. While in statue form, the wearers features are blurred and distorted, only recognizable on a successful INT check (at -4). Rings of Animal Form: Upon wearing one of these rings, the wearer is polymorphed into the animal who’s image is graven on the ring. The ring will still be visible on the polymorphed form, Activating rings: In my campaign, rings are actialthough perhaps altered in size, and the wielder vated a number of ways. Turning a ring clockmust contrive some way of removing the ring to wise on the finger activates the ring, c’cw debe able to return to his normal form. While in activates. Others work on spoken command. animal form, the wearer retains his hit points Still others work merely upon contact with flesh. and AC, but gains the movement, breathing, esc. (This type of ring soon gave way to magical earabilities of the form which he assumes. All of rings, toe rings, nose rings, etc). Finally, there the wielders carried items are polymorphed with is always the possibility of mental command. him. Listed below are some examples of rings 82 Aaron‘s Items Impact Armor: This is a set full plate armor of dwarven make and size. The wearer of the arSilver Horse: The magic item is a figure of wonmor takes NO DAMAGE from falling, regarddrous power about four centimeters high and ten less of the height. The dwarven kings had this centimeters long made out of silver with eyes of problem, their warrior kept falling down pits and jade. When the command word (hydrayrum, dying. So they commanded their smiths and latin for mercury) is uttered the figurine enphysicists to design armor that would save their larges, in three minutes, to the size of a full horse. clumsy troops. The smiths started on a design Once the master mounts the horse both the rider for strong armor and the physicists worked out and the horse are completely immaterial. No this equation: spells can be cast from the horse and no attacks can be made. One advantage is that only magiF = ma = P A cal weapons or spells can affect the rider or the horse and only for half or no damage (save vs spell for spells and weapons). The silver horse d(magic) and rider can also pass through objects and walk F + x = ma + dx over any surface. The rider will feel no ill effects from phasing through matter. Like all wondrous It practicality, the character in the armor takes magic items there is a drawback. The horse abno damage from a fall because the force of the sorbs hit points from the rider at a rate of one fall is transferred to another location. This also hit point every three minutes. Let the rider know makes a dramatic effect for those fighters who he is feeling weaker but never inform him about want to jump from the top of a castle or cliff and the hit point loss. That’s why there are stories into the middle of a fray. There is also the added of skeleton riders on ghost-like silver horses runeffect of having an object near the character take ning through certain campaign worlds, the poor all the falling damage. fools never got off. Armor Class: Movement: Hit Dice: # of Attacks: Special Defenses: Magic Resistance: Alignment: Intelligence: 5 30 4 0 Immaterial (see above) 20% None None Goggles of Sight: These goggles give the character ultravision, infravision, and far seeing. Blanket of Pass without Trace: This magic blanket can be used to cover up the trail of a small army. Useful for bandits. Scroll of the Map: A map parchment that gives a map of where the character has been in the last seven days. This just makes it easier on the DM and the players by getting rid of all that mapping Wooden Horse: This figure of wondrous power is business. a small wooden statue of a horse on two curved skies. When the command word (yippee!!) is uttered the horse appears to the owner to grow Silver Sword: Simply a silver/steel alloy sword for attacking werecreatures on low magic camto the size of a full horse with any adaptations paigns. This way the characters don’t have to (color, wings, fiery hooves, armor, etc) the chartry to stone the attacking werewolves with silver acter desires. The character can then mount the pieces (believe me, we did it one time). majestic beast and take-off at any speed he wants (warp nine is fine). The terrain, horse adaptations, speed, creatures racing or fighting against, Gauntlets of Electricity: These copper and silver gauntlets have the following powers: sounds and theme song are all in the character’s mind. The reality of the horse’s magic is much • Lighting bolt, 12d6, once per day. Somatic different, however. When the command word is component is any grand, dramatic gesture uttered the wooden horse grows to the size of the DM or player can think of. a full horse, but is still a rocking horse. Other • Shocking grasp, 2d6, five times per day. Socharacters can have a great time watching the matic component is to just reach out and owner of the horse ride off into his imaginary touch someone. sunset. 83 • Sparking, no damage, unlimited usage. Sparking is just giving off a spark of electricity. It can be used to start a fire but it’s best use is for those ever-so-common situations needing dramatic displays of minor but effective power. The somatic component is snapping your fingers. Headband of Radar: Gives the character 360◦ vision, but in shades of black and white only. Never any colors. Items from Sandman & Neuromancer Ring of Subtitles: By appearance this looks like an ordinary gold ring, but when worn it has some extraordinary features. Whoever is wearing this ring will enjoy the ability to communicate via subtitles to any individuals capable of reading their own native language. The subtitles generally appear one foot away from the wearer’s feet. Headband of Outta-Sync: This item appears as a headband with several chinese symbols written upon it. When worn, it causes the wearer to talk out of sync (his words not matching the movement of his lips) thus making lip-reading upon the wearer an impossible feat. Gloves of Cool Sound Effects: These items appear as normal, black, leather gloves, but then worn they cause sound effects with certain movements. If the wearer jumps, a swoosh sound is emitted. All punches and kicks make shoom and crack sounds, and an audible *Hi-yah* often accompanies crits making the wearer of the gloves sound just like Bruce Lee! Note: Do not mistake these with the Gloves of Batman. “Gosh! You’ve really got some nice toys in here.” — Roy Batty, Bladerunner 84 The Sword Dancer A character class for AD&D by Jim Vassilakos & Ed Zeamba November 1990 This is the Sword Dancer character class, originally conceptualized by Jennifer Roberson in her book, Sword Dancer, interpreted for AD&Dv2 by Ed Zeamba, and heavily bastardized by Jim Vassilakos for inclusion into his Divlantian Rules. Hitpoints: d8 per level w/ Con bonus Proficiencies Weapon: • Double Specialization in Weapon of Choice Stat Prerequisites Levels 1-12 Levels 13+ Str 13 Str 16 Dex 15 Dex 16 Wis 11 Wis 14 • Basic Proficiency in all other Swords • One additional weapon proficiency per two levels of experience • One Combat Point per level after first (q.v. House Rules: Combat System) The Sword Dancer is a subclass of Warrior which spe- NonWeapon: cializes in ritualized sword combat. The class is re• Blind Fighting + two initial proficiencies stricted to leather armor and may not employ shields • One addition nonweapon proficiency per or bucklers or gain proficiencies in weapons other three levels of experience than swords. Level 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 Experience Table Experience Circle Title 0 1st Circle Initiate 2500 5000 10000 2nd Circle Disciple 20000 40000 3rd Circle SwordBearer 80000 150000 300000 4th Circle SwordSinger 500000 750000 1000000 1300000 5th Circle SwordSlayer 1600000 1900000 2200000 2500000 6th Circle SwordMaker 2800000 3100000 3400000 3700000 4000000 7th Circle SwordMaster Mentalist Disciplines Sword Dancers have the ability to sense the psychic impressions left on swords, both with regard to the blade and hilt. Such impressions are accurate 50%+10%/lvl of the time with a substantial negative modification for more detailed sword-scrying. At 4th level they gain a resistance to charm, hypnosis, and suggestions at 15% + 5% per level. At 6th level, Swords dancers gain a 30% resistance to resistance to ESP & telepathy. This rises 10% at 9th, 13th, 17th, and 22nd level. The Five Quests of the Dancer Thulecuivi: The Awakening At 4th level, Dancers fall into a quest for their SoulSword, a very individualistic, secret, and holy ordeal known as the Thulecuivi. During this period, the Dancer must find and spiritually unite with his 85 (or her) weapon before graduating to the 3rd circle at 6th level of experience, that of the SwordBearer. It is said that the Disciple must first meet his weapon in meditation, before embarking on his quest, thus awakening the spirit of the weapon to his intent. At 5th level, once the sword’s spirit has awakened, it will search for its wielder, meeting him in the DreamLands to test his resolve. Only when the weapon is held with the Disciple’s mind will it make its physical location known. Finally, when the Dancer has earned enough experience to progress to 6th level, he must fight within the DreamLands, slaying his own spirit as a sacrifice to the blade. Then, and only then, will the weapon make its truename known to the Dancer. And only with knowledge of its truename will the sword’s spirit accept the wielder’s physical manifestation without killing the Dancer outright. vengeance in a distant age. Within the heart of his individual, he must blood the weapon, allowing it to swallow the spirit before it escapes from the coil of life. The Jivatma (or SlayingBlade) thereby acquires the most terrible attributes of its victim, the magic of the Blooding serving to compliment its songmagic so that the Jivatma is separate from all other blades both in power and purpose, a master of its wielder, untouchable save by the hand that knows its name. Kirumbar: The Calling When the wielder has attained the necessary experience for 17th level, the cutting hand of fate is said to intervene, creating a stirring within the soul, a calling known only as the Kirumbar. With it, comes the realization of the fourth quest, whereby the dancer must, Macilinde: The Singing with the aid of a SwordShaper, forge the blade of his own future imprisonment from SpiritSteel, coiled Upon attaining the experience necessary for 9th level, from skyborn iron. The blade cannot be finished, the Dancer embarks upon his second quest, the Ma- however, until it is baked beneath the breath of a cilinde, the magic of music by which he weaves the Wyrm of Song, the Wyrm’s price for this completion forces of chaos through the spirit of his SoulSword. being the sword itself, that the soul of the dancer may Again an expedition to the DreamLands is required, be captured and put to use upon his mortal demise. but this time the SwordBearer must also bare his physical manifestation to the dangers within the multilayered the Planes of Oniros. There he must seek Echiluve: The Merging the source of his SoulBlade, the ancient and dreaded Wyrms of Song who capture the shattered spirits of Upon attaining experience for 22nd level, the Swordthe Greatest SwordMasters and transform them into Dancer enters his fifth and final quest known always the blades of their forging. Assuming the Bearer is as Echiluve, the final mergence of Sword and Dancer. successful in his journey, he must there learn the an- Again, the Dancer must journey to the DreamLands, cient art of SwordSinging, thus entering the 4th circle this time to the final forge upon which his SoulSword of mastery. The form of his SongMagic is individual- was completed. There, he must find the Wyrm who istic as is his SoulSword, his school of training, and taught him SongMagic and must prove himself worthe nature of the quest he undertakes. thy of the mergence which will wind about him the bind that will merge him with his SoulSword. If the quest is successful, his spirit is made one with the Serkai: The Blooding Sword, the latter no longer commanding the former but both made whole, once and forevermore. When the wielder has attained the necessary expeThereafter, the Dancer is no longer an Ishtoya rience to progress to 13th level, he enters his third (student), but is rather a Kaiden, a SwordMaster in quest, that of Serkai, the Blooding. Before progressthe since that he is both Sword and Master. The suring to the 5th circle, he must undergo this quest on name, Turion, is thereafter indicative of his status in behalf of his SoulSword which awakened for and nurthe Cult of Dancers. tured him that it might in time undergo its own right of passage, from that of the SoulSword to that of the Jivatma. Making a spiritual journey into the star of his Facets of the Dancer sword, the wielder must learn the identity of the Hunted One for which the spirit of the sword descended to the Wyrms of Song that it might take The SwordDance 86 The Dance is a ritualized, often non-lethal exercise used both for training, exhibition, and competition. Thus, there are accordingly many levels of sophistication and seriousness which the Dance itself may take. At the simplest level, the dance begins with a circle, two swords, and two dancers. As the circumstance grows more serious, a judge may be added, opponents may be allowed representatives, and the circle itself may be modified not merely in size but also in its magical nature, the flowing essence of life and death intermixing with the power of song, itself a symbol of the life of a dancer, of his purpose, and of the oaths held sacred. Within such a complex circle, such fights are often to the death, an individual being allowed to yield only by accepting the demand of his opponent, this demand taking the form of a magical geas which can only be broken by the winner’s acquiescence or death. song, a life-song, which the dancer must sing and eventually finish with the settling of his worldly affairs. Such tasks, entangled within the magic of Song, take the form of a sort of holy quest, the dancer gaining a +1 on all to-hit rolls and saving-throws which directly relate to the achievement of this quest, however, if the quest is set aside, the song is said to be unfinished, and all to-hits are at -1. Thus, the song is a commitment or chain of commitments which cannot be undone regardless of circumstance. The Personality of the Dancer The SwordDancer, although as much an individual as anyone, adheres to a code, an ethic to put it bluntly, which is as binding as the Magic of Song, and the main focus of this ethic, to put matters of alignment aside, is within the personality of the Dancer himself. The Dancer is disciplined, honors the Circle, the Sword, and the Dance, is obedient to the Mastery of The Cult of Dancer his SoulSword, to the demands of his Song, and to The many Cults of Sword Dancing collectively form the Voca, and is respectful of all things including his an ancient and highly ritualized religion, whereby the enemy. The extent to which the Dancer adheres to dancer swears a symbolic servitude to his weapon this ethic may determine the extent to which he may in much the same fashion as the original Knights of advance in the ranks of his profession. DM’s discreWurm gave up possession of their souls to their great tion is advised. reptilian steeds. Whatever the case, it is certain that the relationship between Sword and Dancer is both symbiotic yet dominating. Each of the Cults form their basis around a particular style of SwordDancing and SwordSinging which is indicative of their relationship to the Wyrms of Song from which the propagation of the Cults spring. Within each, there is a rigid social order and a system of ranks by which the members are stratified. Each Cult holds a Voca or ruling council of the best ten SwordDancers, often Masters in their own right. This court arbitrates disputes and executes its verdict by the command of its subjects, the authority of their judgments winning recognition not merely by the social hierarchy but also by the weapons which “A long time ago, on a distant planet, I was they wield and the powers of Song each may bring a high priest of an evil cult. Now, as payagainst the others. ment for past sins, what remains of what I was must manifest itself as this exceedingly pointless quote. Perhaps on a different The Song of the Dancer plane of reality, we could have been friends.” Unlike the training of warriors, rangers, and even knights, tasks assumed by the state often merely for the sake of regional defense, SwordDancing is regarded as much more individualistic a career, and a Dancer is trained only having demonstrated a profound need for the skills and powers of the Circle. Having been trained, this need takes the form of a 87 — A tasteless engineer Florida Institute of Technology, Melbourne, FL Miscellaneous Monsters c 1990 Bradley S. Hall Here BLIZZARD are some monsters even the most arduous rules-lawyers never heard of. FREQUENCY # APPEARING ARMOR CLASS MOVE HIT DICE % CHANCE IN LAIR TREASURE TYPE # OF ATTACKS DAMAGE/ATTACK SPECIAL ATTACKS SPECIAL DEFENSE MAGIC RESISTANCE INTELLIGENCE ALIGNMENT SIZE PSIONIC ABILITY X.P. Value CLIFF GIANT FREQUENCY # APPEARING ARMOR CLASS MOVE HIT DICE % IN LAIR TREASURE TYPE NO OF ATTACKS DAMAGE/ATTACK SPECIAL ATTACKS 6-36 hit points. SPECIAL DEFENSES MAGIC RESISTANCE INTELLIGENCE ALIGNMENT SIZE PSIONIC ABILITY X.P. VALUE Uncommon 1-6 3 12” 12 75 E 1 6-36 Hurling Rocks for None Standard Average Chaotic Evil L (11’ tall) None 2850 + 16 per hit point Very Rare 1- 1 2 8” 16 Nil QQQQQ 2 2-16/2-16 Cold: 1D4 See Below 50% SEMIChaotic Neutral 200’ Diameter Nil 7750 + 20 per hit point. The Blizzard is a large creature composed of shifting snow and ice. From a distance, this creature resembles a small version of its namesake. It cannot be distinguished as a living creature until the party is unfortunate enough to get caught in it. The Blizzard radiates a zone of intense cold within its 200’ diamCliff giants are a cross-breed between Hill Giants and eter body. This cold does 1d4 points of damage for Mountain Giants. They typically stand 11’ tall and every round that a creature stays in the area. The live in caves in high cliffs. Cliff Giants are often asso- Blizzard moves at 8” per round and attacks with 2 ciated with giant spiders. Thus, their is a 40% chance giant ice blades which do 2-16 points each. that their lair will be guarded by 1-6 such creatures. The Blizzard was created by an evil mage exThe favorite tactic of these creatures is to hide in perimenting with the mutation of elementals. This the cliffs above steep canyon passes in the mountains. creature is a mutated version of an air elemental When unwary travelers pass, the giants begin casting which lives on heat. As a result of this, fire based down large boulders and tree limbs upon them. Cliff damage heals hit points equivalent to the amount of Giants are quite adept at throwing these projectiles damage that would normally be done. Conversely, over distances up to 300 feet. cold based damage does twice the normal. Being Cliff Giants typically have dark brown skins composed mostly of air, cutting weapons have no afwith hair ranging from a light grey to black. They fect on the Blizzard. Blunt weapons, however, do typically dress in skins gleaned from mountain goats. 1/2 normal damage. Because of their near indestructibility and insatiable thirst for heat, most of these creatures have been banned to the polar regions of the planet in order to keep their power at a minimum. 88 DRAGON FISHER FREQUENCY # APPEARING ARMOR CLASS MOVE HIT DICE % IN LAIR TREASURE TYPE NO OF ATTACKS DAMAGE/ATTACK SPECIAL ATTACKS SPECIAL DEFENSES MAGIC RESISTANCE INTELLIGENCE ALIGNMENT SIZE PSIONIC ABILITY X.P. VALUE Drug Zombies are normal humanoids who have been addicted to a special drug which turns them into mindless slaves. This drug is a derivative of a rare blue mushroom which is only found in very deep cavern complexes. Anyone addicted to this drug can not be taken off the drugs without dying in detox. Their drugged state prevents them from feeling pain. Thus they will fight until death. Note: this means that they must be taken to -10 hit points before they will stop fighting. The strong addiction of this drug generates complete loyalty to the supplier. In addition, the magical nature of this drug prevents its removal from the addicts system with anything other than a full WISH spell or clerical HEAL. Note: any race of creature can be addicted to this drug. However, creatures of low to animal intelligence typically go insane and kill themselves. Common 1-20 2 24” 8 60 E 2 2-12/2-12 Poison/Breath Weapon None Standard Low Neutral (Evil) L (20’ long) None 825 + 10 per hit point Dragon Fishers are distant relatives to wyvern and dragons. They commonly inhabit cliffs overlooking large water bodies. Their normal diet consists of fish, however, they will attack other creatures if they look like easy prey. Their normal attack mode is a diving attack with both claws. They can also make a slow pass and use their tail. The tail attack does 1-8 points and the target must save vs poison or lose strength equivalent to 4d6 minus their constitution for 1d10 turns. If grounded, these creatures attack with their bite for 2-20 points of damage. Their breath weapon is “fish breath”. Target must make save or be sick for 1d6 rounds. Dragon Fishers are dark blue with light blue underbellies. Their eyes are pitch black. ELECTRONITE FREQUENCY # APPEARING ARMOR CLASS MOVE HIT DICE % IN LAIR TREASURE TYPE NO OF ATTACKS DAMAGE/ATTACK SPECIAL ATTACKS SPECIAL DEFENSES MAGIC RESISTANCE INTELLIGENCE ALIGNMENT SIZE PSIONIC ABILITY X.P. VALUE DRUG ZOMBIE FREQUENCY # APPEARING ARMOR CLASS MOVE HIT DICE % IN LAIR TREASURE TYPE NO OF ATTACKS DAMAGE/ATTACK SPECIAL ATTACKS SPECIAL DEFENSES MAGIC RESISTANCE INTELLIGENCE ALIGNMENT SIZE PSIONIC ABILITY X.P. VALUE Uncommon 3-24 6 10” 4 70 OPXYZ 1 1d4 or by weapon None No Nerves Standard Low Neutral Evil M None 60 + 4 per hit point Rare 1-6 0 12” 8 90 PG 2 1-10/1-10 See Below See Below 50% Average Neutral (Chaotic Evil) M None 1175 + 10 per hit point The electronite is a distant cousin of the shocker. They attack by touching an opponent and discharging a large jolt of electricity into the victim. Opponents wearing metal armor are treated as AC10 (minus dexterity bonus) for the purpose of hitting. A electronite can only make 6 successful hits then it must withdraw to recharge. The electronite has a 50% magic resistance, and is immune to electrical attacks, poison, paralyzation, sleep and charm. Water however, will cause the electronite 2-16 points of damage per gallon applied. These creatures are only affected by magical weapons. Electronites look like normal humanoids. They typically live in dark dry places far from water. 89 MEKPURR FREQUENCY # APPEARING ARMOR CLASS MOVE HIT DICE % IN LAIR TREASURE TYPE NO OF ATTACKS DAMAGE/ATTACK SPECIAL ATT. SPECIAL DEF. MAGIC RESIST. INTELLIGENCE ALIGNMENT SIZE PSI. ABILITY X.P. VALUE Standard Common 10-40 4 4 85 + 4 Captain Rare 1-2 1 Knight Lieutenant Rare Rare 1 1-4 -2 1 12” 8 10 6 80 AMN 2 1-4/1-4 By Weapon See Below 30% Average Lawful Neutral Large (7’) None 550+10 1350+14 225 + 6 Seargent Rare 1-8 3 5 130+5 GIANT CYCLOPS Mekpurr are 7’ tall cat-like humanoids that only inhabit the very coldest regions of the planet. Thus, they are rarely encountered by other humanoids. Most Mekpurrs are either privateers or mercenaries. Mekpurrs are highly resistant to cold. Thus, cold based damage is reduced by 20% while all heat damage is increased by 20%. All Mekpurrs have a natural 30% magic resistance. The Mekpurrs have an entire society built around the classic caste system. No distinction is made between male and females, both are considered equal. Mekpurrs can be any standard character class. However, a mekpurr’s character class is determined at birth by the color of its fur. White furred Mekpurr are almost invariably magic users and clerics. Orange is typically a fighters color while black indicates rogues. Class changes are rare within this caste system. FREQUENCY # APPEARING ARMOR CLASS MOVE HIT DICE % IN LAIR TREASURE TYPE NO OF ATTACKS DAMAGE/ATTACK SPECIAL ATTACKS SPECIAL DEFENSES MAGIC RESISTANCE INTELLIGENCE ALIGNMENT SIZE PSIONIC ABILITY X.P. VALUE Rare 1-4 2 16” 14 70 A 2 2-16/2-16 None None Standard Low Neutral L (20’ tall) None 5200 + 18 per hit point For every 5 Mekpurrs encountered, there will be 1 Seargent with the group. For every 10, there will be 1 Lieutenant. For every 20 there will be 1 The giant cyclops is a rare magical crossbreed between the standard cyclops and a titan. They are Captain, and for every 40, there will be 1 Knight. very anti-social and avoid any form of interaction with normal humanoid. However, they consider most humanoids (except gnomes) to be a delicacy. Thus, if forced into an encounter, these creatures are likely to eat their opponents. Giant Cyclops have no special attacks or defenses and typically live in very remote areas. 90 KING TROGLODYTE FREQUENCY # APPEARING ARMOR CLASS MOVE HIT DICE % IN LAIR TREASURE TYPE NO OF ATTACKS DAMAGE/ATTACK SPECIAL ATTACKS SPECIAL DEFENSES MAGIC RESISTANCE INTELLIGENCE ALIGNMENT SIZE PSIONIC ABILITY X.P. VALUE bright red crown. They will generally ignore a party unless they outnumber the party by at least 2 to 1. In this case, they will casually wander over to investigate. The longer they stay near the party, the braver they get. At some point, one of them will start to peck at someone. Once blood is drawn, all of them will flock to the victim and begin tearing him/her apart. Uncommon 3-30 3 12” 5 15 A 3 1-6/1-6/1-8 Repulsive Odor Fond of Heat Standard Average Chaotic Evil L (9’ Tall) None 210 + 5 per hit point SKELETON ELITE FREQUENCY # APPEARING ARMOR CLASS MOVE HIT DICE % IN LAIR TREASURE TYPE NO OF ATTACKS DAMAGE/ATTACK SPECIAL ATTACKS SPECIAL DEFENSES MAGIC RESISTANCE INTELLIGENCE ALIGNMENT SIZE PSIONIC ABILITY X.P. VALUE King Troglodytes are a mutated variety of troglodyte who live deep in the bowels of the earth. They are large (9’+) lizards with bad tempers (Chaotic evil). They avoid regular troglodytes and most humanoids. King Troglodytes have all of the characteristics of their smaller brothers including the repulsive odor. Since they live deep in the earth, King Troglodytes are very fond of heat. Thus, they save at +2 against all heat based attacks. Conversely, they save at -2 against all cold based attacks. These creatures abhor weapons and will fight without them unless forced to do otherwise. Their typical attack involves two claws (1d6) and a bite (1d8). Rare 1-10 4 12” 5 0 None 2 1-8/1-8 See Below See Below Standard Low Chaotic Evil L (9’ Tall) None 205 + 5 per hit point PIRAHNA PENGUINS FREQUENCY # APPEARING ARMOR CLASS MOVE HIT DICE % IN LAIR TREASURE TYPE NO OF ATTACKS DAMAGE/ATTACK SPECIAL ATTACKS SPECIAL DEFENSES MAGIC RESISTANCE INTELLIGENCE ALIGNMENT SIZE PSIONIC ABILITY X.P. VALUE Common 2-20 6 6” 3 90 QQ 1 1-8 Swarming None Standard Animal Neutral S (3 1/2’ Tall) None 50 + 3 per hit point Skeleton Elite are a more powerful version of the standard skeleton. These skeletons only take 1/4 damage from edged weapons. Fire only does 1/2 damage while sleep, charm, hold, and cold-based spells do not affect them. Holy water does 1d10 points of damage. Skeleton Elites turn as Wights. A successful hit by one of these skeletons reduces the opponents strength by 1/2 point. This strength will return at a rate of 1 point per day of rest. Pirahna Penguins are a distant relative to the emperor penguin. They stand 3 1/2’ tall and have a 91 SNOW MOLE FREQUENCY # APPEARING ARMOR CLASS MOVE HIT DICE % IN LAIR TREASURE TYPE NO OF ATTACKS DAMAGE/ATTACK SPECIAL ATTACKS SPECIAL DEFENSES MAGIC RESISTANCE INTELLIGENCE ALIGNMENT SIZE PSIONIC ABILITY X.P. VALUE ability gives it a 90% chance of surprising its prey. It is always hungry and will attack anything that moves. Anyone touched by a snowbird must make a saving throw vs paralyzation or suffer sever frostbite in the touched area. This frostbite does an addition 1d10 damage and the target is at risk of permanently losing the affected area if proper care is not taken immediately. Rare 1-3 1 24” 14 30 C 1 2-20 Swallowing Whole See Below Standard Animal Neutral L (30’ or Longer) None 3000 + 18 per hit point HYPER-SPIDER (a.k.a. Super Spider) The Snow Mole is a distant relative to the purple worm. It is actually an all white worm, 30-60 feet in length, which lives exclusively in the polar regions of the planet. This worm moves rapidly through the upper layers of snow eating anything in its path. This creature is not an aggressive eater. However, if something is unfortunate enough to be in its way, it will be eaten. It will also retaliate if attacked. The Snow Mole will swallow its target whole on a score of 19 or 20. Anyone swallowed will die of frostbite in 1-6 rounds unless freed. Cold Based spells have no affect on a Snow Mole. Fire based spells do normal damage. FREQUENCY # APPEARING ARMOR CLASS MOVE HIT DICE % IN LAIR TREASURE TYPE NO OF ATTACKS DAMAGE/ATTACK 1-8/1-8/1-8/3-18 SPECIAL ATTACKS SPECIAL DEFENSES MAGIC RESISTANCE INTELLIGENCE ALIGNMENT SIZE PSIONIC ABILITY X.P. VALUE Rare 1 0 18” 18 100 A 9 1-8/1-8/1-8/1-8/1-8 Surprise None 30% Animal Neutral L (18’ across) None 6550 + 25 per hit point The Hyper-Spider, a.k.a. Super Spider, is a very dangerous predator which roams thickly forested areas. It is very territorial, and will always be found within SNOWBIRD a few miles of its lair. Hyper-Spiders are not web FREQUENCY Common builders. However, they will spin web-like strands to # APPEARING 5-30 tie up their victims for later eating. These strands are ARMOR CLASS 7 6” in diameter and cannot be broken by any amount MOVE 24” of strength. The strands must be either burned off or HIT DICE 1 carefully cut away. The Hyper-Spider’s large size and % IN LAIR 10 extreme speed make it a ravenous eater. Thus, it is TREASURE TYPE NN always hunting. This creature knows no fear and will NO OF ATTACKS 2 even attack parties of as many as 10 creatures. Its DAMAGE/ATTACK 1-3/1-3 incredible speed and many attacks make this a monSPECIAL ATTACKS Frostbite ster capable of handling even a very advanced group SPECIAL DEFENSES None of adventurers. MAGIC RESISTANCE Standard The Hyper-Spider’s primary mode of attack INTELLIGENCE Animal is to sneak up on a party from above, and drop on ALIGNMENT Neutral stragglers or scouts. This attack mode gives the spiSIZE S der surprise 80% of the time. The legs of the HyperPSIONIC ABILITY None Spider have a razor sharp blade along their back sides. X.P. VALUE 14 + 1 per hit point Each leg does 1-8 point of damage, and the spider’s A Snowbird is a distant cousin to the hawk. It only non-poisonous bite does an additional 3-18 points of lives in very cold climates. Its white color and gliding damage. 92 This creature appears to be an enormous version of a Tarantula Spider. It is generally dark brown or dark grey in color with its entire body covered in coarse fur. The large size of these creatures is reputed to be a result of intensive radiation from a meteor impact. TUMBLEWOLVES FREQUENCY # APPEARING ARMOR CLASS MOVE HIT DICE % IN LAIR TREASURE TYPE NO OF ATTACKS DAMAGE/ATTACK SPECIAL ATTACKS SPECIAL DEFENSES MAGIC RESISTANCE INTELLIGENCE ALIGNMENT SIZE PSIONIC ABILITY X.P. VALUE Rare 1-10 5 18” 6 5% I 3 1-6/1-6/1-10 Surprise None 20% Animal-Low Neutral S (4’ Diameter Ball) None 245 + 5 per hit point To a casual observer, tumblewolves look like standard tumbleweeds. However, they are actually a carnivorous form of mobile plant. They move around by rolling across the ground in the direction they want to go. Tumblewolves attack by biting their prey for 1-10 points, and raking with a pair of thorn covered limbs for 1-6 points each. Tumblewolves are native to a planet in another dimension. However, a few have been brought from this planet and sold as exotic hunting dogs. They are very loyal and train well. As a result they are very highly prized for this purpose. “Homebrew doesn’t kill brain cells, it weeds out the weak ones.” — Bill Hunter
[email protected] Sun Microsystems, Denver, Co. 93 Sonoric & His Spells c 1990 Tim Prestero
[email protected] In need of more than the cut-out mage?
[email protected] Try Sonoric. Sonoric’s Fly on the Wall Your players are sure to have “strong feelings” for (Divination/Necromantic) him. Level: Fourth Sonoric Newt, Head Mage, Spellhounds Range: Special Components: V, S, M AC:2 (Cloak +4, Ring +3, DEX); MV:12; MU13; HP: Duration: 2 rounds/level 36; THACO:16; D:3-12 +2 (Dagger of Tripling, +2); Casting Time: 1 turn S8, D15, C10 I18, W10, Ch6, Co7, P15; Align:LE Area of Effect: Special Saving Throw: None Magic Items: Cloak of Protection +4 (+2 all saves), Dagger of Tripling +2, Ring of Stamina This spell creates a spying device out of an (30 HP), Crystal Ball (with Clairaudience ordinary flying insect. Upon casting the spell upon and Clairvoyance), Figurine (Mercenary: F8; an insect, living or dead, the spell grants the abilities HP:48;), Gem of Seeing (in eyesocket), Ring of of limited clairaudience and clairvoyance centered on Teleportation (set for laboratory) the insect. The mage, while concentrating on the insect, can hear any noise within 15’ of the insect. Sonoric Newt is the bald-pated head of the Clairvoyance through the insect, however, is rather city of Corinth’s magician corps, the militia’s magi- disorientating, and the mage is -2 to hit and AC for cal investigative division, lovingly referred to as the three rounds after breaking concentration. The insect Spellhounds or baldies by the population. Sonoric is has a flying movement rate of 6”, and its movement strikingly ugly, with a stooped posture (which fur- is controlled by the concentrating mage. ther diminishes his 5’6” height), a crooked nose, and If concentration is broken before the duraseveral scars on his head from shaving accidents. He tion expires, the insect (if in flight) will drop to the speaks in a nasal whine that would put even the most ground, and there is a 75% chance that if the mage saintly on edge. resumes concentration, it will be too damaged to fly Sonoric long ago came to the conclusion that again, although the clairaudience and clairvoyance his respectable magical abilities would be best used will still work for the remainder of the duration. If the in a manner that earned him money. Hardly an am- fly takes any damage during the spell, such as being bitious man, he was content to work for the city, and swatted or stepped on, the insect will no longer fly, for half the fee he could command elsewhere, Sonoric but, provided that at least half of the insect remains, know enjoys the fact that he gets paid for being a the clairaudience and clairvoyance will still work. peeping tom, rather than losing respect for it. The material component of the spell is the Of course, his new vocation didn’t do much body of a winged insect, living or dead, which is slain for his social standing in the magical community, but in the casting of the spell. then when did he and his fellow Spellhounds ever have need of that! His spellbook contains mostly spells of a divinatory nature, and he even claims to even have invented a few. The spellbooks of his subordinates reflect his own, as most are copies of the spells he possesses. 94 Sonoric’s Magic Tracker (Divination) should exceed the maximum range (target teleports, etc), the spell is broken. If the caster comes within three feet of the object of the spell, he gets a sharp headache. If the caster actually touches the object of the spell, the spell is broken. The material component of this spell is some item which was in contact with the creature, up to the caster’s level in turns previously. Level: Third Range: Special Components: V, S, M Duration: 1d4 rounds + 1 round/level Casting Time: 3 Area of Effect: 20’ Radius Saving Throw: None With this spell, the caster is able to illuminate the tracks of any creature of which he has a some item that was previously in contact with the creature not longer than a number of turns equal to the caster’s level ago. The item could be anything from a shirt to a scrap of hair or a drop of blood. The tracks are only visible to the caster, and only tracks upon a solid surface within the area of effect (which moves with the caster) are visible. Tracks through air or water are not visible, however, if the caster is able to reach the spot where the trail continues, the caster may resume tracking. It is up to the caster to determine which direction leads to the most recent tracks (i.e. which are coming and which are going), although the spell does illuminate a “footprint” of the being which is being tracked. The spell will allow the caster to track the being if it climbed walls, and even if it tried to obscure its path, by throwing dirt over it. Objects over 3” thick covering the path, however, do obscure it. The material component of the spell is something which had been in contact with the creature to be tracked, up to the caster’s level in turns previously. Once the spell is cast, the caster need not carry the item with him. Kallesin’s Spell Load (Evocation) Level: Sixth Range: Special Components: V, S, M Duration: Special Casting Time: Special Area of Effect: Caster Saving Throw: None With this spell, the caster is able to “store” one spell for every three levels he possesses (i.e. two at fourth, three at seventh, etc). The caster “paints” the spells around himself as runes, in effect, casting them, a process taking one turn per spell. The spells are now “hung” around the caster, and can be released by command, an action taking one segment. If the caster concentrates, glowing runes representing the remaining spells in the load will appear about the caster and visible only to the caster. The caster must specify in the casting of the load what the verbal or somatic commands are to be for the release of each spell. The caster also determines the appearance of each representative rune. Detect magic will reveal the presence of the spell load, and True Sight will allow the caster to see the rune representations of the spells in the load. Sonoric’s Lodestone (Divination) A spell load gets two saves versus a Dispel Magic cast at it. First, it gets the mage’s saving Level: Second throw versus magic, and if that fails, it has a 100% Range: Special chance of being dispelled, minus 5% for each level the Components: V, S, M spell-load caster has greater than that of the dispelDuration: 1d4 rounds + 1 round/level magic caster. Casting Time: 2 Releasing the spells by command takes only Area of Effect: Special one segment for initiative purposes, and the caster Saving Throw: None can release two spells per round, although, if two spells are released, there is a (50 – caster’s level)% Using this spell, the caster is able to deter- chance that the load spell will be broken, and they mine the general direction of a creature within the will all go off. No more than six spells can be set into one mile, per every three levels of the caster. (i.e. a spell load. two mile range at fourth level, three at seventh, etc). Material components are a diamond tipped This direction sense last for the duration of the spell stylus, worth at least 1000 GP, and an amount of regardless of the movement of the caster or the crea- molten gold, with which the runes are painted. The ture. If the distance between the caster and the target gold is consumed in the casting of the spell, but the 95 stylus is still usable. The runes are visible to all during the casting of the spell load, and they flare briefly when the spell they represent is cast. Sonoric’s Illusionary Observer (Divination, Illusion/Phantasm) Level: Fifth Range: 100 yards/level Components: V, S, M Duration: Special Casting Time: One Turn Area of Effect: Special Saving Throw: None Sonoric’s Animal Awareness (Divination, Enchantment/Charm) Level: Fourth Range: Special Components: V, S, M Duration: Special Casting Time: 4 Area of Effect: One Animal Saving Throw: Neg. This spell creates the illusion of a creature, up to Medium in size, through which the caster gains the advantage of a clairaudience and clairvoyance spell. The caster must determine the appearance of the illusionary observer, during the casting of the spell. If it is a creature the caster is not familiar with, observers of the illusion are at +4 to notice it as such. If the caster has an accurate drawing or carving of the illusionary subject, observers are at –4 to spot the illusion. Those successfully noticing the illusion see it merely become translucent. The illusion is incapable of making any sounds, and is completely insubstantial, even if someone touching it is unaware that it is an illusion. The illusion has a movement rate of 30’, and it is capable of passing through solid objects, all save lead, the touch of which cancels the spell. The caster must carefully concentrate on the illusion (i.e. incapable of other action) to use the clairaudience and clairvoyance powers, as well as keeping the appearance realistic. If the caster breaks concentration for some reason, the illusion freezes in whatever position it was in, until the caster resumes concentration or the spell expires. The material components for this spell are a bit of fleece and the eye and ear of a humanoid. With this spell, the caster is able to take control any any small (size Tiny) creature of less than 1+ HD in his line of sight. If the creature is above animal intelligence, it gets a saving throw versus spells, a successful save indicating spell failure. The creature is at –4 to save if the caster has a good grip on it for the duration of the spells casting. Those creatures of a non-magical nature of less then animal intelligence do not get a save. Those of a magical nature get a save at –4. Once the caster has control of the animal (and is concentrating), he can experience sensations through the animal. He can also control the animal’s actions, even special movement, such as flying, swimming and burrowing, although, if the caster attempts to get the creature to attack something not below itself on the food chain, the animal has a (75 – caster’s level)% chance of escaping the grip of the spell. While concentrating on the animal, the caster is incapable of any other action. The caster can maintain control of the animal up to 100 yards away, per level of the caster. Those seeing the controlled animal will notice any strange behavior it may be exhibiting if they make the appropriate perception checks (q.v. House Rules: Gaseous Form (Alteration) Perception). The spell is broken if the caster ceases Level: Third concentration, or if the animal takes more than 4 HP Range: Touch of damage. Otherwise, the spell lasts for a turn per three levels of the caster (i.e. two turns at fourth, Components: V, S three at seventh, etc). Duration: 1d6 rounds + 1 round/level The material component of the spell is a bit Casting Time: 3 of food that the target animal would find appetizing Area of Effect: Creature Touched which is consumed by the caster in the casting of the Saving Throw: Neg. spell. This spell allows the caster to turn the creature touched into a pink cloud of gas, for the duration of the spell. If the creature touched is an unwilling recipient of the spell, he gets a save, with a successful save negating the spell. 96 The spells effects are identical to that of the Potion of gaseous form, with regards to movement rates, and the effects of a Gust of Wind spell, though the caster, if he casts the spell on himself, can turn non-gaseous at any time. Kalessin’s Long Arm (Conjuration) Level: Fifth Range: 20 Feet Components: V, S, M Duration: Special Casting Time: 5 Area of Effect: Special Saving Throw: None tions (save vs. spells at –4 to break spell), and begins mimicking the most recent actions of the target, provided the actions occurred within the area of effect. The spell does not allow the caster to mimic actions of which he is incapable, such as climbing walls, or broad jumping 20’, and the caster merely imitates any spells the target may have cast, and doesn’t actually cast the spell (although observers may recognize the spell he is attempting to cast). If the target did something which would take it outside of the area of effect, such as rapid movement beyond the abilities of the caster or teleportation, the spell is broken. The caster must decide how far back in time he would like to begin mimicking the actions of the target. The actions of the target may take the caster beyond the original area of effect, but there is a 10’ radius sphere over which is determined whether or not the target left the area of effect. The caster has the option of casting such movement spells as fly and feather fall, prior to Trance, to facilitate movement such as climbing, and even flying, and to take the pain out of such actions as falling (if the target was a clutz). The target must be man sized and humanoid. The caster’s trance will be broken by such things as damage, slapping, and other unpleasant stimuli. This spell allows the caster to cast various spells requiring physical contact at range. The caster must have a clear view of the creature to be “touched”, and there can be no obstructions between target and caster. To use this spell, the caster first casts Long Arm, then whatever spell he wants to do at range, in the following round. If the caster is disturbed following the casting of Long Arm, the spell is ruined. Disturbance could be anything from heavy jostling to actually taking damage. If the target moves out of sight before the caster can get off the second spell, the the spell is ruined. The target gets regular saving Mimic (Enchantment/Charm) throws for the second spell. Level: Fourth The material component of this spell is a jade Range: 10 feet/level tipped wand which disappears after casting. Components: V, S, M Sonoric’s Trance Duration: 1 round/level (Divination, Enchantment/Charm) Casting Time: Four Area of Effect: One Creature Level: Third Saving Throw: Neg. Range: Special Components: V, S, M This spell forces some humanoid creature in Duration: 1 round/level the caster’s line of sight to begin mimicking his acCasting Time: 3 tions. The creature’s actions will directly reflect those of the caster, regardless of position or orientation. Area of Effect: 10 foot radius The creature will be frozen momentarily at the onset Saving Throw: None of the spell, but after that segment of inaction, the This spell allows the caster to mimic the ac- creature begins mimicking the caster. This can be potentially harmful for the target, tions of a creature, provided the actions occurred within a number of turns equal to the caster’s level. if say for example, the caster waves his hand in the During the casting of the spell, the caster must touch vicinity of his neck, and the target happens to be some object which the target creature was in contact wielding a sword. with for at least a round, and that contact must not Once the spell is cast, the caster need not be have occurred more than the caster’s level in hours able to see the target for the target to mimic his acpreviously. tions. The target does get a second save if forced Upon casting the spell, the caster goes into to do actions that are obviously lethal, such as the a trance, during which he loses all control of his ac- aforementioned-hand waving. If the target passes 97 outside of the range of the magic, the spell is broken. The material component of the spell is a small ivory figurine which is broken to bits in the casting of the spell. Sonoric’s Spying Minions (Divination/Conjuration/Summoning) Level: Fourth Range: Special Components: V, S, M Duration: 1 hour + 1 turn/level Casting Time: 1 turn Area of Effect: Special Saving Throw: None each individual etherling summoned, and may cast the spell more than once during its duration (allowing him to summon a virtual horde), as the spell requires no concentration after the initial casting. An etherling’s instructions can be facilitated by pictures (as in “Follow this (point to) man. . . the one in the painting... etc. It is up to the DM to decide the chance of the etherling getting confused, and screwing up the task. I suggest that it have a 100% chance of getting the task right, -1% for each word in the description (i.e. 10 words, 90% chance), giving a bonus for things such as pictures, and other helpful examples. If the etherling should encounter any mentally straining problems, such as if its “mark” (he whom it is tailing or spying upon) teleports away, or disguises its features, casts illusions, etc, make an intelligence check for the etherling, modified by the situation. If the etherling fails, it is hopelessly confused, and returns to the Ethereal plane. The caster must take care to give the etherling tasks which it can complete within the duration of the spell, as the etherling returns to the Ethereal Plane at the end of the spell’s duration. Some examples of tasks given to etherlings would be “Go to the chamber at the end of the hall, stay there, and return to me in 20 mins, to tell me what you heard and saw.”, or “Go to this room in the tower of the castle, and bring me back a book that looks like this. . . ” or “Find this man, follow him for half an hour, and return to me, telling me what you witnessed” or “Find this man, and tell him ‘Banquo. The game is thick.’ ” and similar such things. Etherlings are intelligent enough to follow the spirit of the commands, provided they are simple enough. Etherlings have an innate sense of direction, and will not get lost on the Prime Material plane. They have the mentalities of young children. They will only perform service on the material plane. The material components of the spell are small figurines, one for each etherling to be summoned. They must be fairly detailed, and are consumed in the casting of the spell. This spell summons minor etherlings from the Ethereal Plane, to serve the caster’s wishes. Etherlings, being rather stupid and weak, are only suited for simple tasks, such as spying. Upon summoning the creatures, the caster must detail, in simple language, what service he wishes the etherlings to perform. The etherlings, in their stupidity, will be honored by the request for service, and will perform the task to the best of their abilities and comprehension. A minor etherling (AC:2 MV:60 HD:2 #AT:1 D:1-3), is a small, vaguely humanoid appearing creature, formed of the stuff of the plane ethereal. On the prime material plane, it appears as a hazy, humanoidshaped, ghostly apparition, about 3’ tall. It moves by flying, and is unobstructed by walls and solid objects, save lead, the touch of which sends it back to the ethereal plane. It is fairly stupid (INT: 5), although extremely talkative, and puppyish in its affection for the caster. The etherling will do its best to please the caster, to the point of becoming annoying. It does have some special abilities, making it particularly useful, however. It has a photographic memory, and will never forget what it saw and heard during its period of service. It also has the ability to turn small objects (one at a time), weighing less than five pounds, ethereal, allowing it to transport the item. It can also turn itself invisible at will, although those Sonoric’s Superior Minions (Divination/Conjuration/Summoning) able to see onto the ethereal plane will be able to see it clearly. It can push its movement rate up to 120, Level: Fifth for up to a turn at a time. It can only attack things Range: Special on the ethereal plane, and even there not very effecComponents: V, S, M tively. Finally, the fact that it only partially exists Duration: 1 hour + 1 turn/level on the Prime Material plane during the spell means Casting Time: 1 turn that it is only hit by magic weapons and spells. Area of Effect: Special The spell summons one etherling per three levels of the caster, one at first, two at fourth, three at Saving Throw: None seventh, etc. The caster can detail a separate task for 98 This spell summons a major etherling, from the Ethereal Plane, to do the caster’s bidding. Major Etherlings are fairly intelligent, although they still suffer from summoner-awe. The caster summons one etherling per five levels, for example two at sixth, three at eleventh, etc. The summoned etherlings are eager to serve the caster, and they are capable of more complicated tasks than their lesser brethren. Note: If you use common sense in the ruling of these spells, they can be rather useful, even humorous. I would urge DMs to give the etherlings personality; make minor etherlings eager to please, amusing simpletons. Their descriptions of events, though accurate, will be colored by their personalities, much to the chagrin of the caster, who must translate their rantings into useful information. If you are an evil DM, you may want to give each spell a 10% chance of summoning a capricious etherling who will lie like crazy and generally make a mess of things. A major etherling (AC:0 MV:60 HD:4 #AT:2 D: 1-3/1-3 INT:12) is a man-sized, transparent, humanoid-appearing creature, formed of the stuff of the plane ethereal. They have some control over their appearance on the Prime Material plane, although, regardless of form, they have blurry outlines and are partially transparent. They also moves by flight, although they are sophisticated enough to give the illusion of walking. Being mostly on the ethereal plane, they are able to pass through solid objects, save lead, Ahrvar’s Instant Offensiveness (Enchantment/ Charm) the touch of which, if failing a save versus paralyzation, returns them to the Ethereal plane, canceling Level: Second the spell. Major etherlings are fairly intelligent, and Range: 120 yards have a 20% chance of knowing any specific minor lore, Components: V, S although they will answer such a question only once. Duration: 2 rounds/level A major etherling will be stricken with extreme reCasting Time: 1 spect for the summoner, and will attempt to follow Area of Effect: 1 person the spirit of its commands to the best of its ability. Saving Throw: Neg It has the ability to turn small items, of less than ten pounds in weight, ethereal, allowing it to transport This spell effects any single, intelligent creathe item. It may only carry one such item at a time, ture it is cast upon. By intelligent, it is meant any however. It too has a photographic memory. creature with a rudimentary form of spoken language. This includes humans, demi-humans, humanoids, inMajor etherlings are capable of performing telligent monsters, etc. The victim receives a saving complicated tasks, and can grasp abstract concepts. throw vs. spell to avoid the effect, with the appropriOnce given a task, they will remain on the Prime Maate adjustments due to Wisdom. If the victim fails terial plane until the task is complete, or the spell’s his save, the victim’s speech immediately becomes ofduration expires. One advantage the major etherfensive to all who can understand the language the lings possess over their lesser brethren, however, is victim is using. The victim, however, only hears what their ability to move into the Ethereal Plane and rehe thinks he is saying, and may become extremely cuturn to the Prime Material plane, essentially telerious as to why everybody is mad at him. The words porting. They are also capable of completing tasks of the victim become so offensive, in fact, they act on the Ethereal plane, as well as the Prime Material. as a low-power Taunt spell, with those hearing and Again, an intelligence check is required for particucomprehending the victim’s speech making a save vs larly baffling problems encountered, and if the task magic at +4, or else be consumed with a mindless deis rendered somehow incompletable, and the ethersire to bash the victim’s head in. Each person within ling makes an intelligence check, it will return to the hearing of the victim will hear whatever would be caster, and inform him of the problem, before returnconsidered most offensive by them. The caster is the ing to the ethereal plane (for good). only one able to hear what is actually spoken by the victim, and is thereby immune to the taunt effect. Being dual-plane beings, they are only hit by The components of this spell are the command magic weapons and spells. The material components word and a subtle pointing motion by the caster at of this spell are jade figurines, one for each etherling the target. to be summoned. 99 Ahrvar’s Forgery (Alteration) Level: First Range: Touch Components: V, S, M Duration: 1 round/level Casting Time: 1 Area of Effect: Caster Saving Throw: None With this spell, the caster is able to perfectly duplicate any style of handwriting of which he has a sizable sample. The forgery is good enough to fool even the closest scrutinization, although it does radiate faint magic. The caster merely casts the spell and begins writing. His handwriting will perfectly match that of the sample for the length of the spell’s duration. Those watching the caster write will believe that the handwriting on the page is actually that of the caster, unless of course they witness the casting of the spell which may make them rather suspicious. The caster need not be writing the entire duration of the spell; he is free to stop and resume writing any number of times within the duration. Also, the caster only needs the handwriting sample to be copied during the initial casting of the spell. The material component of this spell is a sample of the handwriting to be copied (containing an example of every letter in the alphabet to be used) and a writing instrument. Caligula’s Vitality Drain (Alteration) Level: Eighth Range: Touch Components: V, S, M Duration: Special Casting Time: 7 Area of Effect: Special Saving Throw: None charmed victims a new saving throw. Even if the victim is conscious, however, the draining will continue. The victim must break flesh contact with the mage to break the spell. The caster is able to drain a decade for every four levels he possesses i.e. 20 years at fifth, 30 at ninth, 40 at 13th, etc). Each year takes a segment to drain, a decade drained per round. If the spell is broken during casting, the caster will still have drained a number of years dependent on time of casting (e.g. contact broken after 2 rounds, 20 years drained). Due to the imperfect nature of the spell, however, the caster only reduces in age by a year for every three drained from the victim. Both caster and victim will be affected by the change in age. The victim will only suffer the disadvantages of aging (STR and CON loss), whereas the caster will only experience the benefits (STR and CON gain). After the spell, the victim will have visibly aged, with greying hair and lined, saggy skin. The caster will appear invigorated, with grey disappearing from his hair and the obvious return of muscle tone. The victim must save vs. paralyzation or pass out for d4 turns, if he is drained more than 20 years. The caster will experience a temporary d4 increase in STR (not including that gained from becoming younger), which will fade by 1 point per turn. The caster will also feel as if inebriated, an affect which persists for d6 rounds. This spell is only effective on humans. Long lived races, such as elves and dwarves, as well as humanoid races, are immune to the spell, and the caster must save vs. paralyzation or be knocked unconscious if attempting to drain a member of these races. Finally, there is no known cure for this spell save a Wish. The material component of this spell is a scrap of flesh from a vampire which must be consumed by the caster. Inertia (Alteration) This terrible spell allows the caster to drain the youth from a victim, revitalizing himself at the expense of aging the victim. It is hardly a spell used by good-aligned mages. The caster first prepares the spell by casting the eight-phase portion of it. He then has his level in rounds to make contact with the victim, and begin draining. To drain the youth of the victim, the caster must be in continuous contact with the flesh of the victim during the draining process. The act of being drained is extremely painful to the victim, and is sufficient to awaken sleeping victims and allow Level: Fourth Range: 20 yards/level Components: V, S, M Duration: 1 turn/level Casting Time: 4 Area of Effect: I creature or object Saving Throw: Neg This spell allows the caster to freeze one creature or object up to 100 pounds per level, limit regardless of orientation. Creatures flying through the air would be frozen in place (remaining in the air), immovable until the second command word. The caster 100 is free to cast this spell upon himself. If the subject of the spell is unwilling, a saving throw vs. magic is permitted. The caster must point at the creature or object to be stopped and utter the first command word. If the spell is successful (guaranteed in the case of objects within the caster’s weight limit), the item is frozen in the air, immovable, unless a dispel magic or other such spell is cast or until the caster utters the second command word. Upon saying the second command word, the object or creature resumes its initial motion. For example, casting this spell upon a falling chest, would stop the chest in the air. Upon the second command, the chest would resume falling, even if someone had climbed on top of it. If some poor slob happened to be standing directly beneath the chest at the time of the second command. . . If cast at a knight on a horse, for example, the caster must specify mount or rider. If cast at the mount, the rider would probably continue on his original course, just without his mount. Cast on the rider, he would stay hanging in the air as his mount runs away. Physical force is insufficient to move frozen objects, so they could, for example, be used as anchors for ropes, etc. The caster must be able to see the majority of the object of the spell, so he couldn’t, for example, cast it upon something in somebody’s backpack. The material component of the spell is a silver whistle which is blown prior to shouting the command word. “Patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel.” — Samuel Johnson “With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer, I beg to submit that it is the first.” — Ambrose Bierce 101 House Rules Tim Prestero Trevor Paquette Jim Vassilakos Here are a few house rules which you might find handy. Using Perception Perception The perception stat can be used as a catch-all chance to notice things in general, for example, being folPerception (PER) measures a characters awareness, lowed, or obvious traps. Depending on the difficulty their ability to notice minor details, and generally of noticing whatever the DM is checking for, penalties a measure of how much attention they pay to the and bonuses can be applied to the characters chance. world around them. It can affect a character’s ability The DM rolls a d20 and if the result is equal to or to notice things like pick pockets attempts, hidden or less than the modified stat, the check was successful. concealed objects, and general details about a person This is a great way to inform characters of events transpiring about them, without feeling too obvious. or object. by Tim Prestero PER 01 02 03 04 05 06 07–12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 Thief Find/ Remove Traps –30% –25% –20% –15% –10% –05% norm norm norm norm norm +5% +10% +15% Thief Detect Noise –20% –20% –15% –10% –05% norm norm norm norm +05% +10% +10% +15% +15% Notice Secret Doors∗ 1 in 20 2 in 16 1 in 12 1 in 10 1 in 10 1 in 8 1 in 6 1 in 6 1 in 6 3 in 12 3 in 12 2 in 6 5 in 12 3 in 6 Above 19 is considered beyond the range of humanoid perception. ∗ +1 to notice concealed doors See complicated pick pockets version Bonus to Notice Pick Pockets∗∗ –20% –15% –10% –05% norm norm norm norm norm +05% +10% +15% +20% +25% Amazingly Simple System for Picking Pockets When a thief attempts to pick someone’s pocket, only one roll of the percentile dice is required. First, compare the result to the thief’s percentage chance. If Elves and half elves, being rather sharp-eyed the roll was equal to or less than that number, the races, gain a +1 bonus to their initial perception stat. result was successful. Half Orcs, being rather ignorant and brutish, suffer Now, to see if the victim notices the attempt, a –1 penalty to their initial perception stat. first subtract the victim’s PER, plus the difference in Elves use the perception–related chance to no- levels between thief and target from 100 (for examtice secret and concealed doors, not the PHB version. ple, 5th level fighter with 15 PER is robbed by a 7th level thief. 15+(5–7)=13, 100–13=87). If the thief’s attempted roll for picking pockets is above this num∗∗ 102 ber, even if the attempt was successful, the victim noticed the attempt, and the fun begins. Equal to, or below that number, and the thief is off the hook. Now, this system makes it easier for the thief to pick pockets, but it is fairly simple. For those wanting complication. . . Amazingly Complicated System for Picking Pockets Well, the chance for thief success is the same. As for the victim noticing the attempt, here is how it works. Multiply the victim’s level by three, add the victim’s PER adjustment (see table), and add or subtract the difference in levels between thief and victim. Take this sum, and subtract it from 100. If the thief’s roll was above this number, the excrement doth hit the whirling blades, for the victim notices the attempt, successful or not. Equal to or less than the number, the thief lives to steal again. EXAMPLE: A 10th level fighter with a 16 PER (+10%), is “approached” by a 3rd level thief, with a 55% Pick Pocket. Poor thief rolls 67%. The chance of the fighter catching on is [30 (3×level) + 10 (PER adj) + (10–3) (Level diff)] 47%. Subtracted from 100, this yields 53. The thief, having rolled 67%, not only blew the PP attempt (by not rolling under 55%), but also got caught (by rolling over 53%, and. . . is now being chased by enraged Fighter. Box Scores by Trevor Paquette One thing about AD&D has really bugged our group for sometime now. The notion that players should get extra xp for having high stats is not fair for others. Having high stats makes things easier for that player. You should get bonus experience for having low stats and surviving. This what we do: For each stat of 14 or lower the can add 1 to their ‘box score’. So a player with stats of 17, 17, 16, 9, 13, 15 would have a box score of 2. At the end of the session when the GM is giving out experience, he/she also gives a box score modifier. This number is in the range (usually of 0 to 5). This reflects how hard the session was. No difficulty is a modifier of 0; damn hard and our characters all died would be a 5. The ‘box score’ is then multiplied by the ‘box score modifier’ to give the percentage bonus. So (with the the previous stats mentioned) if the GM assigns a modifier of 3 the bonus would be 6%. A modifier of 5 is a 10% bonus. This evens things out all around for all players. Those with higher stats (i.e. my Paladin) do not get as high a bonus as say the thief. — Trevor Paquette
[email protected] {ubc-cs,utai,alberta}!calgary!paquette ITA Inverse Theory & Applications, Calgary, Alberta In general, give bystanders a chance to notice the attempt as well, by having them make a PER check at 12 PER in both systems. — Tim Prestero
[email protected] [email protected] University of California, Davis “Doubt. Such a gray word. The color of shadows. Now you have me doubting one of my boys. A gray feeling, that. Perhaps in the shadows, the dividing line between good and evil has become difficult to see.” “That which does not kill you makes you stronger.” — Nietzche “That which you kill makes you stronger.” — Gygax — Grimjack #7, Shadows of Doubt 103 Throwing Things Around in Champions 4 Damage Now for the fun part, determining damage. The number of dice rolled for damage is determined by the velocity and strength of the object. (This bizzare Superheros and villains alike are always tossing things formula was derived from an existing one in the rulearound: cars, trees, other heros, etc. Here are the book) # Dice Rolled rules we use for such situations. by Tim Prestero = 1 ∗ Thrown Velocity After the hero or villain selects his appropriate missile, consult the throwing table on p.174 of the 3rd edition rules to find the max range he has with that object. The velocity of the thrown object is max range minus range to target. Velocity on impact = Max range (in ”) - Dist to target (in ”) Example: Titan (STR 100) is throwing a car (1600 kg) at Grond, who is 10 hexes (10”) away. Consulting the strength chart, Titan exceeds the required strength to lift the car by 70 points, giving him a max range (from a standing throw) of 28”. Grond is 10” away, so the car is moving at 18” per segment if and when it reaches him. Strength ∗ 5 + V elocity on Impact ∗ 3 round up This is normal damage, BODY is calculated in the normal manner for a non-killing attack, and the victim subtracts his defenses from the stun and body inflicted. If the damage is decided to be killing damage, such as sharp, spiky objects, divide the number of dice by three, and call it a killing attack, rolling for the stun multiplier. Example: Crash! The car hits poor Grond. The car was moving at 18” ( 18 3 = 6 dice), and had a strength of 17 ( 17 ' 6 dice), yielding a total of 3 12 dice. Had it been a huge spike of the same weight and strength, it would would have been a 4d6 killing attack ( 12 3 = 4). 5 Closing Notes Remember to check the range modifiers on p.174 to determine how the shape of the object affects how far 2 Falling Velocity it can be thrown. The thrown object takes half of the BODY it A falling object striking our hero works on the same inflicts, after subtracting for DEF. Therefore, an obconcept. After determining how far the object has ject cannot inflict more than twice its own BODY (it fallen, consult the chart on p.175 to find its velocity would be destroyed — see above). on impact. 6 3 Fastball Specials Item Strength Human projectiles, thrown by willing teammates. Another tactic loved by heros and villains. To find The next thing to do is determine the “strength” of the velocity of the thrown person, check the throwing the object, which gives a measure of how much damtable om p.174 (willing heros can be considered aeroage it is capable of inflicting. The strength of the obdynamic, –2), calculate how much velocity remains ject is defense (DEF), plus its BODY. An item can after striking the target, and figure damage using the never inflict more body than twice it’s own body. Move By or Move Through rules (pgs 154–155) Example: The car being thrown by Titan has 3 DEF, and 14 BODY. This results in a strength 7 Throwing the Unwilling of 17. The car could never inflict more than 28 BODY (2 × its BODY) on Grond, or anyone for The thrower must complete a successful Grab. Held characters are at 21 DCV. The thrower decides where that matter. 104 he wants to throw the victim, figures the victims velocity on impact, and rolls to hit vs. half the victim’s DCV. A failed roll means the victim was dropped for no damage, on a randomly determined hex-side. Damaged incurred in a successful throw is reduced in a manner similar to Knockback, as far as breakfall, impacting on horizontal surfaces, etc. Someone thrown from a height has gravity aiding their descent, though gravity alone will not push their velocity above 30”. ∗ In my game, the spellcaster class consists of illusionists, clerics/priests, druids/naturalists, and a ton of other magic-using character-types. In terms of normal combat, the whole lot is considered a basket of wimps. An individual also is allotted a number of attribute-based combat points (ACPs) based on strength and dexterity. Score 3 4 5 6 7 16 17 18 18/01-50 18/51-99 18/00 19 20 Example: Thrown downwards with, 8” thrust, from 75” = 8” + [25” (from gravity)] = 30” max. 38” thrust from 200” = 38” + [30” (g)] = 38” max. As one can see from the example, you use the full velocity at time of throwing to determine velocity at impact, as the object does NOT slow down as it approaches the ground (the horizontal component of velocity is not diminished in horizontally thrown objects, but I use a reduced velocity as a convention to keep damage “realistic”, or at least non-game unbalancing). Also, the added velocity is variable, as is hopefully illustrated by the examples. For reference, 1”/segment is approximately 4.5 mph. Combat Points Str Dex –3 –3 –2 –2 –2 –1 –1 0 –1 0 0 +1 +1 +2 +1 +2 +1 +2 +3 +3 +3 +3 +3 Note: Strength ACPs are neither given (or taken) with respect to device-driven missile weapons (bows, crossbows, slings, blowguns, etc. . . ) nor with respect to small-sized hurled weapons (thrown daggers or darts, etc. . . ) unless such weapons are specifically designed with the wielder’s strength in mind. Of course, such “special” weapons are few and far between. Yet Another Screwy Combat System by Jim Vassilakos Here’s a customized AD$Dv1/v2 hybrid combat system with less noise in some places and more in others. Feel free to slash and flame as you see fit. Weaponed Combat Combat Points A character’s ACPs may be reduced by the wearing of heavy armor (or carrying of a heavy load). What constitutes heavy is determined in turn by the wielder’s strength (we play encumbrance very loosely, using this rule regarding armor as compensation). If a character does not meet the minimum strength requirement for his armor, he sustains a penalty to his ACP. An individual earns a number of basic combat proficiencies (BCPs) based on his level and class as follows: Fighters/Warriors: One BCP for every level after first Thiefs/Scouts: One BCP for every two levels after first SpellCasters∗ : One BCP for every three levels after first. 105 Armor Leather Studded Leather Ring Chain Banded Scale Plate Field Plate Full Plate ACP Penalty for Low –1 –2 –3 3–4 — — 3–5 — — 4–6 3 — 5–7 3–4 — 6–8 3–5 — 8–10 5–7 3–4 10–12 7–9 4–6 12–14 9–11 6–8 13–15 10–12 7–9 Str –4 — — — — — — 3 3–5 3–6 An individual also is allotted a number of Comments from the playtesters: The introducweapon-based combat points to be determined by his tion of floating combat points leads to more delevel of specialization and the magical-bonus, if any, cision making during hack & slash but can have of his weapon (WCPs). a tendency to slow down combat if not handled properly. It has been argued that the CP system tends to de-power dexterity and increase the WCP importance of strength in combat. By extreme Specialization 1 placement of their total combat points, characDouble-Spec 3 ters can attain lower thac0s & ACs than otherwise possible. The CP system has been tested The individual’s number of combat points are for less than one year; thus, the reader is advised then computed per weapon: to apply it with caution. CP = ACP + BCP + W CP Pummeling Combat These are then divided equally between fixed (XCP) and floating (FCP) combat points (the roundoff going to floating). With the fixed combat points, the character may subtract points from either his Armor Class or Thac0, but must decide once and once only where the points are to be allotted. The floating combat points, however, may be allotted on a round by round basis, the indicating the degree to which the character wishes to be offensive or defensive in combat. An individual may pummel his opponent by using a blunt weapon, such as a club or iron bar or by using the flat end of an edged weapon. The pummeling attack does damage as follows: Club Iron Bar Flat end of edged weapon d6 damage d8 damage 50% normal damage Strength bonuses to damage are of course taken into consideration, however half of such pummeling damage is temporary, healing at one point per Example: Shriner is a 10th level hunter (treat as hour of rest. warrior) with a 16 dexterity wielding a +3 Parrying two-handed sword which boosts his strength to 18/51. He is double-specialized in the weapon. By sacrificing an attack, a defender may reduce his effective armor class by half his level. Fighters may reduce their armor class an additional two ACP = 3 CP = 18 points. Any object may be used to parry attacks, BCP = 9 XCP = 9 but unsuited object may suffer a penalty. WCP = 6 FCP = 9 Disarming Training offensively with the weapon, he splits An individual may attempt a disarm of any his nine fixed (XCP) combat points between ar- single-handed weapon which is of a size equivalent mor class and thac0, one point going to armor or lesser than his own weapon by stating his desire class and eight going to thac0. to forego a normal attack for a disarm attack, and making his to-hit, discounting his opponent’s armor, Natural Armor Class (bareskinned): 10 at –4. If his attack is successful and his opponent Base AC (Studded Leather): 7 fails a save vs petrification, the weapon is considered XCP going to AC: 1 disarmed and is removed from its wielder by d10 feet in a random direction. The opponent must either XCP Adjusted AC: 6 use the next round recovering his dropped weapon, drawing another, or engaging in weaponless combat. Natural Thac0: 20 Double-Weaponed Combat XCP going to Thac0: 8 Any character may fight with two weapons XCP Adjusted Thac0: 12 provided they are both single-handed and that one Now he has nine floating (FCP) combat points is significantly smaller than the other. The character to play around with. Depending on his mood in suffers a penalty of –4 to-hit with each weapon, and battle, he can bring his AC as low as –3 or his the smaller weapon can only provide one additional Thac0 as low as 3. attack per round regardless of proficiency. 106 Weaponless Combat Knock-out: Knock-outs are considered as stuns for d10 segments. Characters who “go-under” on hitpoints are also KOed. 1. Character declares punch or wrestle. 2. Roll to-hit. Attack modifiers for wearing armor (in addition to strength/armor penalties): Studded Leather Chain, Ring, Scale Banded, Splint, Plate Field Plate Full Plate –1 –2 –5 –8 –10 Holds: If a hold is established, it may held indefinitely until broken. The attacker may roll an attack for the next round and either take the results (thus voluntarily breaking the hold) or leave them and maintain the hold. If the defender rolls a gouge or throw/flip (15) or any critical (20) the hold is automatically broken. Holds do a point of damage per segment per segment. Knock-Downs: If a character is knocked down, he loses the next attack getting back up. During 3. If attack hits, use same roll to find result. Inthat time, standing opponents attack at +3 todividuals with high dexterity (16+), may modhit, get double damage on punch attacks, and ify their to-hit rolls downward by a number of double chance to hold on wrestle attacks. points equal to their dexterity-based ACP bonus plus their level of brawling proficiency. Roll d20 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 Punch Fumble Sushi Fist Woosie Cut Wild Swing Side Swipe Glancing Blow RibCleave Rabbit Punch Sidekick Belly Smack Kidney Punch Jab Hook Uppercut Gouge Combo Groin Chrusher Skull Cracker Dazed & Confused Critical Ouchy Dmg 0 0 0 0 0 1 1 1 1 2 2 2 2 2 3 4 5 6 8 10 %KO 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 5 10 20 30 40 Wrestle Fumble Flounder ShitStain Mnvr Failed Grapple Touch & Go Push Power Push Freefall LegTackle Undive Trip Turnabout Arm Lock Head Lock Throw/Flip BodySlam Lemon Squeeze Bear Hug Come to Mama Smushy Foo Dmg 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 0 0 1 0 0 0 0 2 4 6 6 6 8 %KO 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 10 20 20 30 40 %Hld 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 5 10 10 0 0 30 50 0 0 50 50 70 90 %Dwn 0 0 0 0 0 20 40 90 60 60 70 0 10 20 50 90 30 30 40 50 Notes General Rule: Rolls of 2–5 are considered null attacks with respect to damage, knock-out, hold, etc. . . Brawling Proficiency: Adds +1 to both free combat points and damage rolls per level of proficiency. Special Attacks Strength: Str damage bonus is added to damage of attacks which normally do damage. Bend bars The freefall attack requires that the attacker bonus is added to hold, KO, and down percentgo down (whether or not a knock-down of the deages. fender is achieved), however, the defender, if taken Damage: 12 of damage suffered is temporary (heals down by the attack, must make a dex check to regain at 1pt/hour). Metal gauntlets or hard boots do footing for the next segment whereas the attackers an additional d3 for punching/kick attacks. footing is assured. 107 The turnabout attack is a defensive maneuver which causes the attacker to be inflicted by his own attack, going so far as to reverse long-standing holds so as to give the defender the attacker’s previous advantage (read with a grain of realism). Tackling & Pinning In lieu of punching & wrestling, the attack may simply attempt to tackle and pin an opponent. All that is required is a successful to-hit roll for the tackle, and another for the pin. This roll is modified four points for every level of size difference between opponents (I,T,S,M,L,H,G). This roll is further modified –2 for every defender’s leg above two (making it awfully hard to tackle a giant spider). Only up to three individuals (+/– one per level of size difference) may attempt such an attack against a single defender during any round, each attacker rolling at +1 for every additional attacker. Arbitrary Scale of Sizes Itty-bitty less than six inches Tiny Tim two feet to six inches Smallish 2–4 feet Medium 4–8 feet Largish 8–15 feet Humongous 15–30 feet Gargantuan more than thirty feet Smushing: An attacker of three sizes greater than a defender may attempt to smush the defender via a simple to hit roll at –4. On a successful smush, the defender must make a dex check to get out of the way or be reduced to a smelly, protoplasmic carpet-stain. Grappling with a weapon-holder: By grappling with a weapon-holder, the attacker gives the weapon-holder a +4 bonus to both to-hit and damage. “Fortune favors the bold.” — Terence 108 Punching & Martial Arts A Good Idea, but Poorly Implemented c 1990 Bradley S. Hall AD&Dv2 has generated a great deal of controversy Case 2: 7th Level Fighter (AC 3) vs 10th Level since its introduction and has likewise amassed a Gladiator (AC -3) wealth of critics, an undue share many die-hard loyGistor, a 7th level fighter, made the mistake of alists will contest. Nevertheless, Brad takes a punch being drunk one evening in the local Tavern, and a snap-kick at the new rules and introduces a few and challenging Torbar Skullbreaker, the local of his own as well-reasoned alternatives. gladiator (10th level), to a fight. The following morning, Gistor, being too proud to back down, The 2nd Edition Players Handbook and The Comagreed to go ahead with the fight. plete Fighters Handbook offer a new and updated Before the fight begins, both contestants agree method for resolving hand to hand and martial arts to use martial arts since neither one wants to type combats. This system is a definite improvement die over this fight. As the fight begins, Gistor over the 1st Edition system in its simplicity. Howtakes the initiative and makes the first attack. ever, the way in which the system was simplified leads He needs a minimum of a 17 to hit the Gladiator. to some rather blatant logic flaws. By far the worst On his first attack, he rolls an 18. Thus, he just problem with this new method involves the amount barely hit the Gladiator. According to the chart, of damage and %KO at low levels. Statistically, low he scores a Vitals-Kick, does 2 points of damage, level characters have a better chance at a KO than and has an 8% chance at a KO. Incredible for just do higher (more experienced) characters. This would barely hitting the target. The worst Gistor can seem to be taking beginners luck a little too far! In do is 2 points of damage and a 5% KO. Torbar, addition, standard player logic says that the higher on the other hand, could get anything from 0 the number rolled to hit, the better that hit was. points of damage and a 1% chance at a KO up to The new combat method often works contrary to that 3 points of damage with a 15% chance at a KO. logic. The following three case studies will make it This fight is obviously not properly balanced. painfully clear that these problems do exist and are too blatant to ignore. Case 1: 2nd level Fighter (AC 4) vs an Orc (AC 7) Case 3: 2nd Level Fighter (AC 2) vs 10th level Fighter (AC 2). Kygell, a 2nd level fighter, is waiting to ambush an Orc which has been following him through the woods for the last several miles. When the Orc comes down the path, Kygell jumps out of a tree and surprises him. Wanting to keep the Orc alive for questioning, he will try to knock out the Orc by punching. He needs a 12 to hit. On his first punch, he rolls a 13. In most cases, one would say that he barely hit the Orc. However, according to the chart, a 13 means that he scored with a hook, does 2 points of damage (maximum) and has a 9% chance at a KO. On his second attack, he rolls a 19. In most players minds, this is a very good hit. However, according to the chart, a 19 means that he scored with a wild swing, does no damage and only has a 1% chance at a KO. 109 Several days after his encounter with the Orc, Kygell (See Case 1) gets stopped by a highway bandit (10th level Fighter) who asks him for all his gold. Kygell, not realizing he is outclassed, attacks the bandit with his fists. In most players’ minds, this is a complete missmatch. Kygell needs a 17 to hit the Bandit while the bandit only needs a 9 to hit Kygell. Statistically Kygell will hit the bandit 20% of the time while Bandit can hit him 55% of the time. Let’s assume both opponents are using martial arts. If we average out the %KO for each opponent, it would appear that the bandit has an average of a 4 1/2% chance at a KO when he hits, while Kygell has an average of a 9 1/2% chance at a KO if he hits. This simple comparison indicates that as a fighter increases in level (i.e. experi- ence), they get worse in their ability to use Martial Arts. This is the opposite of what should be happening. On his second swing, the fighter connected with a punch 7 higher than needed to hit the opponent. According to the alternative method, he scores with a Jab, does 2 points of damage and has a 7% chance at a KO. This is much better than the 0 points of damage with a 1% chance at a KO from the original method. It should be obvious by now that this “new and improved” combat system doesn’t work properly. However, this doesn’t mean you should go back to the cumbersome system from 1st edition. The following alternative method is similar to the method above in Case 2: In this case, Gistor only scores 1 higher than that it is based on a single die-roll system. However, he needs to hit the gladiator. Therefore, by the that is where the similarities end. This alternative alternative system, he grazed the Gladiator, does method is used as follows. Simply roll as usual to no damage and has a 1% chance at a KO. In the determine if a hit was successful. (All appropriate original system, his opponent would have been modifiers from the old system are still applicable.) If reeling from a blow doing 2 points of damage the hit is successful, subtract from the to-hit roll the and having a 7% chance at a KO. minimum number needed to hit the target. Then use this difference on appropriate chart below. This will Case 3: give the type of blow which was landed, the damIn this case, Kygell, can, at best, only score 4 age done, and the %KO corresponding to that blow. higher than he needs to hit the bandit. Thus, Strength and skill bonuses to damage are unchanged. the best he can get is a low kick, doing 1 point of damage and having a 2% chance at a KO. The Alternative Punching Chart bandit, on the other hand, can score as much as Diff. Punch Type Damage %KO 11 higher than he needs to hit. This gives him 17+ Haymaker 2 25 a Vitals-Kick, doing 2 points of damage with a 15-16 Uppercut 2 25 15% chance at a KO. 13-14 Hook 2 12 If we again look at the averages for this com11-12 Combination 2 10 bat, we see that Kygell has an average of a 1.4% 9-10 Cross 2 9 chance at a KO if he hits. The bandit, on the 7-8 Jab 2 7 other hand, has an average of a 5.8% chance at 5-6 Kidney Punch 1 5 a KO if he hits. This is a much more reasonable 3-4 Rabbit Punch 1 3 situation considering the large disparity in their 0-2 Wild Swing 0 2 levels. Alternative Martial Arts Chart Diff. 15+ 13-14 11-12 9-10 7-8 5-6 3-4 0-2 Punch Type Head Punch High Kick Vitals-Kick Vitals-Punch Side Kick Body Punch Low Kick Graze Damage 3 2 2 2 1 1 1 0 It has been shown that the “new and improved” combat system for punching and martial arts as presented in the 2nd Edition Players Handbook and The Complete Fighter are seriously flawed with respect to maintaining a proper fighting balance between experience levels. The concept of a single die roll system is outstanding. However, the implementation of this concept needs help. An alternative method like that presented here can make this concept more realistic and more fun to use. %KO 30 20 15 12 8 4 2 1 Let’s now reexamine the three cases discussed earlier. Case 1: On his first swing, the fighter in this case only scored 1 higher than he needed to hit. Therefore, according to the alternative method, he hit with a wild swing, does no damage, and has a 2% chance at a KO. Much more reasonable than 2 points of damage and a 9% chance at a KO. 110 “Imagine if there were no hypothetical situations. . . ” — Bill Hunter
[email protected] Sun Microsystems, Denver, Co. Thirty-Six Plots c 1990 Loren J. Miller
[email protected] To plot or not to plot. The controversy over the GM’s role in role-playing rages on. Loren reminds the astute reader of thirty-six arguments in favor of the plotted campaign. 1. Supplication: Persecutor, Suppliant, a Power in Authority Some 4. Vengeance by Family upon Family: Avenging Kinsman, Guilty Kinsman, Relative folx have been complaining about plotted games, and I have come to speak out in defense of plot, to show that plotted games aren’t that bad, and to share some nice tools to help you plot stories. Assuming a RPG is like a story, what are the different structural parts of the story and how do they work in the RPG? • Plot. basic form of the story, includes major incidents and encounters. decided by the GM. subplots can be partially or totally the work of players. • Theme and strategy. how do the PCs go about solving their problems? • Character. the GM provides lots of characterization, players still provide the bulk of all characterizations. • Dialogue. jointly the job of players and GM, though mostly the players’ job. 2. Deliverance: Unfortunates, Threatener, Rescuer 3. Revenge: Avenger, Criminal 5. Pursuit: Fugitive from Punishment, Pursuer 6. Victim of Cruelty or Misfortune: Unfortunates, Master or Unlucky Person 7. Disaster: Vanquished Power, Victorious Power or Messenger 8. Revolt: Tyrant, Conspirator(s) 9. Daring Enterprise: Bold Leader, Goal, Adversary 10. Abduction: Abductor, Abducted, Guardian 11. Enigma : Interrogator, Seeker, Problem 12. Obtaining: Two or more Opposing Parties, Object, maybe an Arbitrator 13. Familial Hatred: Two Family Members who hate each other 14. Familial Rivalry: Preferred Kinsman, Rejected Kinsman, Object 15. Murderous Adultery: Two Adulterers, the Betrayed 16. Madness: Madman, Victim • Setting. the GM’s job. Those who argue against storytelling within RPGs seem to say that the GM’s only jobs are setting and character (and maybe dialogue) and that plot isn’t important, much like slice of life writers argue with more traditional writers over the proper structure of short stories. I don’t agree, though I can’t give a short reason why. Instead, I’ll look at how to construct a plot for a story and how it would be done in an RPG. First, the thirty-six dramatic plots as interpreted from Georges Polti’s work, The 36 Basic Plots. Each short plot description starts with the title of the plot pattern. After a colon the main characters to be found in the plot are given, separated by commas. 17. Fatal Imprudence: Imprudent person, Victim or lost object 18. Involuntary Crimes of Love: Lover, Beloved, Revealer 19. Kinsman Kills Unrecognized Kinsman: Killer, Unrecognized Victim, Revealer 20. Self Sacrifice for an Ideal: Hero, Ideal, Person or Thing Sacrificed 21. Self Sacrifice for Kindred: Hero, Kinsman, Person or Thing Sacrificed 22. All Sacrificed for Passion: Lover, Object of Passion, Person or Thing Sacrificed 23. Sacrifice of Loved Ones: Hero, Beloved Victim, Need for Sacrifice 24. Rivalry Between Superior and Inferior: Superior, Inferior, Object 25. Adultery: Deceived Spouse, Two Adulterers 111 26. Crimes of Love: Lover, Beloved, theme of Dissolution 27. Discovery of Dishonor of a Loved One: Discoverer, Guilty One 28. Obstacles to Love: Two Lovers, Obstacle 29. An Enemy Loved: Beloved Enemy, Lover, Hater 30. Ambition: An Ambitious Person, Coveted Thing, Adversary 31. Conflict with a God: Mortal, Immortal 32. Mistaken Jealousy: Jealous One, Object of Jealousy, Supposed Accomplice, Author of Mistake 33. Faulty Judgement: Mistaken One, Victim of Mistake, Author of Mistake, Guilty Person 34. Remorse: Culprit, Victim, Interrogator 35. Recovery of a Lost One: Seeker, One Found 36. Loss of Loved Ones: Kinsman Slain, Kinsman Witness, Executioner RPG scenarios too often tend to be Daring Enterprises: The PCs bravely go on a quest to bring back some priceless relic and enough gold to give a hundred horses hernias. I like to use other plots though, they make me think up better, more original, gaming scenarios. To use these things, sometime in your planning, pick one of the 36 plots to use for your adventure. Then choose the main characters who are necessary for that plot. Say you choose Ambition as the basic plot (how Shakespearean) and decide that the players are going to be the ambitious person(s) (not a far stretch for most PCs). The Adversary is to be the main opposition to the PCs, so make it a wealthy, traveled businessman with his own bodyguards and quite a bit of fighting skill himself, so the PCs won’t kill him out of hand to solve their problem. Also give him good features, something that will make the players sympathize with him. Maybe he’s the father of a boy or girl who is in love with one of the PCs. The coveted thing is pretty easy to figure, find something that one of the PCs wants enough to start laying plans to gain it. Also give the ambitious PC a friend who supports her ambition and keeps tempting her further into the messy situation. That’s a skeletal plot, right there, but it’s enough to guide the rest of the adventure. The acts in the plot almost write themselves: • The Enigma discovers that candidates must turn in petitions with 1000 names in order to register for the election, and he blew it off so long that he needs to get them all tonight (where do you get 1000 valid signatures at this time of the night?) to be turned in at 8am tomorrow morning. • The primaries, mostly complicated by tedium although this is a good time for enemies to show up with embarrassing photos in hand. • Election season, complicated by reporters who circle, vulture-like, over the troubled campaign HQ, and by a televised public debate between the candidates. • The election and its aftermath — did the PC win? what will happen to the party now? what if the press finds out about the vampires the party staked a few years ago in the abandoned buildings in the ghetto? what about the crook who recognizes Enigma’s voice and threatens to publicize his secret identity? Complications can be created by the GM from various PCs’ friends and enemies, and several very interesting ethical dilemmas can be emphasized in the game, making this type of scenario wonderful ground for roleplaying, and a natural for fisticuffs and other conflict (though it would cause big problems with the press and voters if the candidate hurt or killed someone, or were even suspected of it). Example: Most campaigns have a player who loves to play politics, involve her in this. Assume for the sake of argument that the goal is the office of district attorney. Enigma has ambitions to be the DA, the chief force for justice in Gotham. He is opposed by Buck Stevens, son of the founder of Stevens Brick Co., which is the second largest employer in Gotham. Darla Stevens is in love with the Enigma’s alter ego, Bing Strawberry, and keeps telling him he ought to get in politics and make sure her slimy brother doesn’t achieve political office . . . etc etc etc . . . you get the idea. 112 “If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.” — Rush Empire of the Isles Aaron Sher ars3
[email protected] Phrixus, Lvl 1, Room 15, S3 Here’s a campaign setting to render your players Politics: The titles of the Empire are: stupified by your genius and hard-work. Emperor: There is only one Emperor. He is in Lan and is addressed as “Your Majesty”. Lorien, Oleand, and Matibar, and the group of smaller islands known collectively as the Torman Isles, compose the Empire. Lorien: Its capital city, Lan, is also the capital of the Empire. It is by far the largest of the islands, being more than twice as large as Oleand and Matibar combined. Its climate ranges from temperate (New Jerseyish) to almost subtropical (Cuba). It has large expanses of forest, and is for the most part fairly flat. Oleand: Its capital city, Olan, is one of the busiest ports in the Empire. It is only slightly larger than Matibar, and has fewer people (population roughly 100,000). Its climate ranges from subtropical to tropical, and it is primarily rainforest and jungle. One of Oleand’s primary exports is wood, to Matibar. Regis: Roughly equivalent to King. Rules a registan, which is a large area roughly the size of Matibar or Oleand. Matibar and Oleand each have 1 registan, while Lorien has five. Regises are addressed as “Your Highness”. Cont: Roughly Duke, conts rule contans. Contans are large; there are only seven in Matibar. Conts are addressed as “Your Grace”. Morl: Roughly Baron, morlans are small. Each contan contains on the order of thirty or forty morlans. Generally, every town and village is a morlan. Morls are addressed as “My Lord”. Titles can be combined; for example, Arnith is Regis of Matibar, Cont of Mati (called First Cont of Matibar), as well as Morl of Mati. There is also a Council of Advisors, who rule the city of Mati so that Regis Arnith can rule the rest of the island. Matibar: The third in the primary triangle of islands which make up the archipelago. It is roughly 800 miles North-South, and about 700 miles (at the widest point) East-West. It’s not Geography: Matibar is divided into two large sections: North and South Matibar. The divider rectangular, or even oval, so these are maxis a large mountain range, called the Swords of imums. Matibar has a population of almost Delvor-Neb. The North, primarily a desert, is 150,000 people. Its capital city is Mati, and called the Endless Waste. The South, primarits climate ranges from temperate (Virginia) to ily plains, is called the Great Plains of Matibar. desert (Sahara). Its terrain is almost entirely There is one large body of fresh water, in the desert, mountains, or plains; wood is in short South, called the Lake of Sorrows. There is only supply. one good pass through the Swords, called Brin Torman Isles: The Torman Isles were not colonized Pass. Brin Pass is guarded by Brin Keep. from Lorien like the great islands; they were already populated when they were contacted by the Empire. The Tormani are famous for their merchants and their mercenaries. 113 History: To the southeast, there is a mainland. This is called Ilishtha by the citizens of the Empire. Here is a general timeline for the Empire and Matibar in particular: -20 -10 0 283 294 312 427 428 455 473 742 761 Atyan the Tyrant usurps the throne of Ilishtha Lorien the Explorer discovers the (now) island of Lorien The Five Families flee Ilishtha and Atyan’s government, colonize Lorien, establish Lan Oleand discovered Oleand colonized, Olan established Torman Isles discovered; trade introduced Matibar discovered Matibar colonized, Mati established Delvor-Neb wars begin (see Delvor-Neb, below) Delvor-Neb wars end, DelvorNeb beaten and driven back into Swords Regis Arnith comes to power Current time fulfill these purposes (particularly the second), it needed to be as strong as possible. It was built by Regian workmen, assisted by Amish-Tor (a legendary archmage) and the dwarves of Mishar-Neth (or so goes the legend). It has magical strengths and defenses; nevertheless, it has been taken by Delvor-Neb twice. Both times, the Regian armies marched from Mati and retook it within two months (unbelievably fast for a citadel as strong as Brin Keep). Nobody seems to know how this was done, however. . . Mish-ar-Neth: The legends tell of a dwarven city near the mountains hundreds of years ago. Delvor-Neb found this irresistible; they attacked in force. The dwarves slew thousands of orcs, but finally they realized there was no hope of driving Delvor-Neb away. Therefore, they retreated underground, to a secret outpost which they enlarged into a giant citadel: Mish-ar-Neth. Mishar-Neth is at least half legendary, but given the legend’s recent genesis, there must be at least a grain of truth to it. Nobody really knows the location or level of civilization of Mish-ar-Neth, and no dwarf claims to have seen it. Racial distribution: In Matibar, about 70% are human and 20% half-orc. Half-orcs are generally despised (Delvor-Neb accounts for this, and also for their frequency). Another approximately Time: Time in Matibar is counted from the corona8.5% are dwarves, gnomes, and halflings; halftion of the latest Regis; the current date would elves make up another 1.25%, and elves are the be called Arnith 17 or the 17th year of Arnith’s remaining 0.25% of the population. Elves are rule. very rare as there are no large forests on Matibar. Delvor-Neb: When the colonists arrived from Lorien, they began to spread out over the island. Eventually, some of them tried to cross the Religion: Matibarians worship the Norse pantheon of gods. Each god’s clerics have their own unique mountains, and they discovered that the island powers and limitations. was already inhabited by Delvor-Neb. DelvorNeb is an orc tribe, or possibly a large collection of orc tribes. They number in the hundreds of thousands, at least, but they stay mostly in the mountains (called the Swords of Delvor-Neb). The first meeting of colonist and orc triggered the only large war Matibar has ever seen; the Delvor-Neb wars. The Delvor-Neb wars lasted “A history degree may not get you a for eighteen years, and in the course they killed job, but it’s a great GM’s resource. . . ” thousands of men and tens of thousands of orcs. — Gwen Johnson Mati was only attacked once, and the attack was
[email protected] repelled (though not without loss). Dominor West was taken and razed. Since then, there has been constant skirmishing, particularly at Brin Keep. Brin Keep was built for two reasons; first, to guard Brin Pass, and second, to provide a target for Delvor-Neb’s attacks. To 115 GURPStuff Neuromancer Nyles Seaton Here’s some stuff for GURPS. sharp and is capable of cutting through solid steel. Damage is cutting/swing+1d6. If the whip misses it’s target, the user must roll skill a second time to avoid hitting himself. Panther Moderns Sprawl Gang Retractable Fangs: ($1000 — 5 points) These are retractable fangs placed in the mouth. They do +1 biting damage. This gives a -2 reaction to certain social classes. This is very popular with some heavy metal fans. Leader: Lupis Yonderboy Membership: 57 Demographics: 100% Male, 14–24 yrs. HeadQuarters: Boston-Atlanta Metropolitan Axis Activities: Goal oriented terrorism. Techno fetish. General Attitude: Anarchist Common Equipment: Chameleon cameras, 2-way radios, etc. . . Tron suit, video Comments: The Panther Moderns are a youth cult characterized by a penchant for microsoft implantations and garments of mimetic polycarbon which can render individuals nearly invisible. Though often associated with goal oriented terrorism, this subculture is more properly linked to media manipulation and commercial nihilism. It is difficult to estimate their influence upon the fluid culture of the North American sprawl, but they are considered important for their awareness of the extent to which the media originates sociopolitical views. Hydraulic Ram Fist: ($15000 — 15 points) This is a hydraulic ram placed on the forearm area of a cyberarm. The hydraulic ram can be forced out at very high speeds. When this is incorporated with a punch, the damage is massive. This adds 6d+6 to normal punching damage. The ram can be extended twelve inches. Unfortunately, this also gives a –2 DX to hand and arm movements. Sasquatch by Nyles Seaton Stats: ST:55; DX:13; IQ:9; Speed/Dodge:12/9; PD:0; DR:12 HT:15/30; Weight: 1500 lbs. Size: 4 hexes Reach: C,2 Attack: 8d+1 punch Cyberwear Description: This creature if myth is a very formidable foe. Its strength alone gives it a swing of 8d+1 and a thrust of 6 dice, and its damage Wrist Blade: ($1600 — 15 points) This is a fiveresistance is excellent. Further, anyone trying inch, super-fine, double-edged knife that is imto track this creature gets a –10 to their roll. planted underneath the wrist. it can be retracted The Sasquatch is able to scale trees at inhuman or fully extended. The knife does cutting/swing speed. Finally, any creature above animal intelor impaling/thrust+1 damage. ligence must make a fright check at –2 when initially viewing this nine foot tall, wooly, humanMonowire Finger Whip: ($1600 — 15 points) A like creature. mono-molecular wire whip is placed inside the tip of the index finger. It can be pulled out manually and rolled back up into the finger automatically by thought. The whip is incredibly by Neuromancer 116 Phase Snake Jinx by Nyles Seaton by Neuromancer Stats: ST:6; DX:14; IQ:8; Speed/Dodge:5/7; PD:3; DR:20 HT:14/30; Stats: ST:10; DX:15; IQ:12; Speed/Dodge:8/8; PD:7; DR:2 Weight: 30/70 Weight: 100 lbs. Size: 2 Size: 1 hex Reach: C,1 Reach: C Attack: 2d+1 constriction Attack: 1d–3 head noogy HT:15; Description: These greenish brown snakes inhabit Description: Jinx is a wood-sprite who disguises plains, flatlands, and dungeons. They attack by himself as a court jester and loves to cause misconstricting around their foe. Their high damage chief. Jinx will never purposely harm people, resistance is acutely due to their natural inborn but will rather play cruel jokes on them. Other ability to phase out into the ethereal plane for than having millions of pranks to play on una short timespan (three minutes), thus allowing suspecting player-characters, he has the ability only the most powerful attack to do damage. to transform objects. Whenever Jinx touches magic wands, rods, or staves, they lose their poTraits: Phase Snakes have young only once during tency but gain the ability to create flowers, caustheir lives, making them a very rare species. ing numerous, long-stemmed flora to spring forth They usually eat large livestock, but have been (preferably with petals) from the tip of the magic known to attack people. item. When Jinx touches melee weapons, they become dull and cutting/impaling damage becomes crushing damage. Bows will become weak Elemental Dragon and break when they are next used. Spell books by Neuromancer & Tron and scrolls will lose their magic and be replaced with extremely bad jokes. Stats: ST:80; DX:14; IQ:17; HT:75; Speed:8, 25 flying; PD:5; DR:5 Weight: 1750 lbs. Size: 17 hexes Attack: Fire: 4d bite; 4d+1 fire breath Water: 4d bite; 4d+1 icy breath Air: 4d bite; 3d lightning breath Earth: 4d bite; 3d–1 stone missile breath Description: Elemental Dragons have four heads, each a different color (red, blue, white, brown) and each capable of casting all the elemental spells under its domain (fire, water, air, earth). Elemental Dragons are completely immune to all elemental-based attacks. Traits: Elemental Dragons are completely neutral and care only about protecting the world around them. 117 “Welcome to hell — here’s your accordion.” — Bruce W. Onder
[email protected] Protocols of the Elders of Zion Glenn Thain ATTENTION! ATTENTION! ATTENTION! ATTENTION! ATTENTION! # 291393 – D: Role-Playing Fantasy Games Whereas our plan put forth in Protocol #212943-R (To Increase Fascination with the Occult) has succeeded beyond all expectation, and the Elders being aware that the youth of America are now callow, questing, and overly imaginative; that their ability to distinguish between reality and fantasy has been blurred by the means of fairy tales, Saturday morning cartoons, movies, comic books, bedtime stories; and that they are fond of games and pursuits where the use of jargon, cants, and specialized vocabulary is calculated to confuse and exclude adults; therefore the Elders decree that: 1. A fantasy game shall be devised wherein young people are forced to take on the personas of characters utterly without morals, and are constrained to act the role of such characters in the context of the game; violence shall be the key to the survival of the players’ personas; greed for wealth and occult power shall be the goals of the game; and the players’ personae may rise in rank, power, and wealth via prowess in the game, thus promoting continual play. 2. This game shall involve sorcerers, witches, elves, gnomes, trolls, demons, demigods, monsters, dragons and fabulous beasts and other persons and creatures associated with the occult, with a view towards predisposing the game’s young players to believe in the occult and thus become ensnared in the traps of Satan our Master. 3. The rules of this game shall be written as if such mythical and occult persons and creatures are real; and actual Satanic spells and prayers shall be included in the rules, up to and including spells of the 29th Level and all rituals suitable for First Circle Initiates of the Left Hand Path. 4. This game shall be promoted as the in thing among young people and an aura of intellectuality shall surround it. The game shall be presented to parents as a teaching aid suitable for use in classes for gifted children, and it shall be claimed that playing the game enhances the child’s imagination and creativity. 5. For the purpose of causing young minds to dwell on the power of the occult and to lure them into our 118 ranks, actual signs and passwords known to the servants of Satan shall be incorporated in the rules; further, our Agents and Provocateurs shall frequent the vicinity of schoolyards, game rooms, and playgrounds to signal children by means of these signs and passwords in order to initiate them further into the Black Arts. 6. The game shall have trappings of other games familiar to children (dice, rule books, figurines, playingboard, etc.) Further, as the players advance to higher levels of play the figurines should become stranger, the rules more complex and bizarre, and the handbooks more costly and seductive. It is recommended that occult lore be scattered through a series of rule books for advanced play, so that players shall be forced to contribute unwillingly to our General Fund for the Corruption of Society as they fall deeper into our clutches. 7. Our Agents and Provocateurs shall spread across the land promoting this game on local and national media (See Protocol #182968-N: Use of Advertising) and steps will be taken to sabotage the sale of conventional games so that stores will rely more and more on our product (See Protocol #19-N: Dirty Tricks) 8. As acceptance of this game grows and the original generation of corrupted players begins to age, our Agents and Provocateurs shall initiate steps to keep the acceptance of these converts by translating this game into other forms of media (See Protocol #277666-X: Use of Subliminal Messages); especially visual media, movies and television, so that a general level of acceptance of the Dark Powers are assured. 9. Selected portions of this Protocol shall be leaked to the Fundamentalist Christian media, whose capacity for promotion of it’s own paranoia will serve the double function of bringing ridicule upon Christianity, while giving publicity to our game (See Protocol #261362-C: Any Publicity is Good Publicity). The backlash effect of this media blitz upon atheist game-enthusiasts who turn to our game as a means of thumbing their noses at Christianity (or even for mere secular diversion) will be salubrious to our ends. Famous Last Words
[email protected] · tkuster · Shawn Long · Hills The Elder Dan · Lydia Leong · Charles Anthony Leone presto · arrvid · Shelby · Spiten · Meggan · Ray · Mike · Ed · Scott · Lenz · Buck · Joel Lovell Here are the famous last words of a few folks who crossed that narrow line between heroic and. . . well. . . not-so-heroic (to put things mildly). However ignoble their collective demise, at least these characters got in the last word; and isn’t that what it’s all about? Without further ado, the famous last words: Jay • “Yeah, I know it’s dangerous, but think of the experience points.” • “I cast a stoneskin.” • “I stand right underneath the Fire Giant and point my wand straight up.” • “What piiiitttttt????” (Thud) • “Oops. . . ” • “Don’t worry. I’ve got a plan.” • “I never get to have any fun!” • “They can’t see me. I’m invisible!” • “You mean they get to use the critical hit chart too?” • “I wonder what’s in here?” • “He wouldn’t try that trick again!” • “Hey, I know a dragon when I see one.” • “Trust me, guys.” • “What do you mean the whole room we’re in detects as a trap?” • “Just because you’re a dragon doesn’t mean you can push me around.” • “Hey you! Frost Giant! How’s the weather up there?” • “They don’t look so tough.” • “Just watch, I bet I get the one item that’s cursed.” • “I’m sure there are no traps.” • “I actively disbelieve!” • “What do you mean trolls regenerate!?!” • “I’m invincible!” • “Here kitty, kitty, kitty. . . ” • “Don’t worry. I know what I’m doing!” • “I’ll open it.” • “Stop!” • “It seems easy enough. . . ” • “A sign labeled ‘pit’ ? I walk up to it.” • “I think he can be trusted.” • “No problem. That’s easy!” • “Those noises are probably nothing.” • “Hey, I found it. I’m keeping it.” • “I’ll pull the lever.” • “I think we’ll have to reason with him.” • “Money!” • “Hah! I’m not dead yet. I still have five hit points.” • “Oh, no. We’re being rescued. How embarrassing!” 119 • “Magic is for wimps.” • “Oh. He’ll miss. Just look at my AC.” • “Oh no! Let’s go help them!” • “Run away!” Sathar Player 2: “Hey, my last ship’s surrounded. I can get 5 of ’em if I blow up. I initiate self destruct.” • “I want to kill something. . . ” • “All clear, guys.” • “Gummy werebears? They should be cake to kill once they turn human.” • “Waitaminute. . . didn’t the old man say something about a curse?” • “I stand on the big ×.” Sathar Player 3: “My fighters are gone, and my carrier is too damaged. It will never make it back to base. I initiate selfdestruct.” UPF player 2: “If they blow themselves up we get no points. My scouts congregate here and initiate self destruct.” UPF Player 3: “My ships will never get away in time. I surround the light cruiser and initiate self destruct too.” • “Hey, where’d all the big spiders come from?” • “Okay, Ed, your underwear explodes. . . ” UPF Player 4: “Well if you’re gonna do it. . . ” • “Bob, you have any grenades left? Throw me one. . . ” Sathar Player 4: “Hell, why not? Me too. . . ” • “No, Friend Computer! I’m happy! Really, really HAPPY!” • “This is a push-over dungeon.” • “Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.” • “I’ll use my taunt skill.” • “Um, Ed, your underwear explodes again. . . ” • “Your mother was a Gully Dwarf.” “AGAIN!?!?!” • “My God will protect me.” • “He shot out my eye? Okay, I tear out my other eye and throw it at him as a gesture of defiance.” • “I need to speak with your Team Leader. Where is he?” “Welp, lessee now. That puddle of ooze is his fourth clone. The pile of ashes there was his third. Don’t know what happened to his second one. And his first clone is someplace down near R&D with both his eyes missing.” • “Ed, your underwear explodes again. . . ” “But I requisitioned asbestos lining this time, remember?” “Aaaaah, yes, of course. Okay, you only take Column 6 damage this time.” • “I pull the metal ring out of the sphere.” (Recognize a Holy Hand Grenade, folks?) • From Star Frontiers: Knight Hawks, • “You wouldn’t dare!” • “Hey, we’re out! We’re safe!” • “Let me get this straight. . . our ship is attached to a larger starship, which has a nuclear device wired to the power plant and is on collision course with a populated starport. Our maneuver drives don’t work, because this whole ship is a piece of Sh*t and the only way to deflect the starship from blowing up the starport is to hotwire the jump-drives to boost us *Almost* to jump and thus throw us and the other starship in a random direction away from the planet. All this with jump-drives which only work half the time and a power plant held together with chewing gum and prayers, while we are next to a larger mass object than the ship and within 10 radii of the planet. You really want to do this?? “Just Do It!” “Okay. . . ” UPF Player 1: “With my crippled battleship next to the Sathar flagship, I initiate self destruct.” • “I’ll try it on.” Sathar Player 1: “I initiate self destruct so I can blow him up first, and get his assault scouts too.” • “You don’t look like a mage. . . ” 120 • “C’mon! We’re a team!” • “It’d be stupid to trap this!” • “I’ll kick the door in!” • “You’d have to be a god to smile after that hit!” “Yes, how observant of you.” • “It could be dangerous. . . ” • “A creature with two baboon heads on a scaly reptilian body? With tentacles for arms? Hunh. Must be some stupid wizard’s magical construct. Let’s kill it.” • “Yes, it’s true I humiliated the DM in front of the debating team Wednesday, but he’s much too broad-minded to take it out on my character.” • “Here, hold this rope while I go down.” • “I thought you brought the food!” • “OK, O Mighty Odin, as long as you’re not gonna answer my prayers, I’m gonna tell ya what I really think of ya!” • “Well, if you didn’t belch, who did?” • “Torch flames aren’t supposed to turn blue.” • “I drop through and expose myself to the archmage as a gesture of comtempt.” • “Uh guys? Hello? Anyone?” • “Dragons give you a lot of Exp.” • “Nonsense. This is an AD&D game, so that can’t be Cthulhu.” • “Try me sh*t breath!” • “Oops, sorry. . . didn’t mean to disturb you Mr. Dragon.” • “Come on, we haven’t found any traps so far.” • “Whistling sounds? grenade launcher!” Naw, they can’t have a • “Don’t be silly. If this was really the ship’s SelfDestruct Button, do you think they’d leave it lying around where anyone could press it?” • “I drink from the vial marked ‘POISON’ on the off chance that someone put a potion of extra healing in by accident.” • “Well, guys, I’m sorry my activities in the last town got us all tarred and feathered, but you’re not going to hold that against me, are you?” • “No, I’m sure there’s some stipulation that says a disintegrate spell won’t work if the spellcaster casts it on himself. Here, I’ll prove it.” • “Oops, I spilled flaming oil on my beard. I’d better wash it off after we kill this fire lizard.” • “Well, we know he’s lawful–evil, so he should keep his word when he promised not to betray us.” • “Hmmm. . . the sign on the door says, ‘AIRLOCK’. I wonder what’s inside.” • “So I’m safely across the pit? Whew! For a minute there I was worried that you might remember my encumbrance penalties.” • “You’re all a bunch of wimps!! I’ll prove to you myself that an entire orc stronghold is no match for your average barbarian.” • “Well, as long as I’ve stumbled into Princess Savitra’s bedroom, I might as well try to seduce her.” • “All right, we’re in an unexplored dungeon in total darkness with no light sources or infravision. . . Hey, I know!! Let’s yell and scream a lot so we can locate each other by sound!!” • “Thank God!! A hobgoblin camp up ahead! Maybe they can help heal our wounded!” • “I’m going to kill our captives anyway, and I don’t give a damn whether the other goody-good PC’s like it or not.” • “Y’know, since our druid’s been so obnoxious, it would probably serve him right if we set his precious forest on fire.” • “A clever bluff, Agent N42, but not clever enough. You see, right away I recognized your ‘pistol’ as a cleverly disguised cigarette lighter.” 121 • “Don’t worry! The chances of me blowing a climb walls roll twice, at my level, are infinitesimal.” • “All right, I jump. . . Now on the way down, I activate my ring of feather fall. . . no, wait, didn’t I lend it to Jim?” • “So you’re Tiamat, huh? Are you evil? Yes? Would you like to convert?” • “I cast a ‘gate’ spell and gate in the Iraqi Air Force.” • “Well, I trust our party thief, and if he says this door isn’t trapped, that’s good enough for me.” • “Well, I didn’t much like this character, anyway. . . Here goes nothing. . . ” • “OK, so the kobolds all pull out laser technology and destroy the ninth level party immediately. You guys are dead. . . again. (Chuckle, chuckle) Roll up new first level characters, and. . . Jack, don’t be silly. Put that knife down at once.” • “I cast a lightning bolt at the ochre jelly.” • “Lightning bolts don’t ricochet off stone walls, do they?” • “The inscription says ‘Asmodeus was here.’ Asmodeus. . . I haven’t heard that name before. Hey, magic-user, do you know who Asmodeus is?” • “What? Me die? That’s the last damn thing I’ll ever do.” • “OK! I moon the Balrog!” • “Where’d that thief go now?” • “Trap? What trap?” • “Who’s the bitch with the spiders?” (ahhh. . . the infamous Lloth) • “I sit on the pale lady with the funny teeth.” (Ahhh. . . the infamous vampire) • “Stand back you wimps. I’ll kill it.” (ahhh. . . the infamous rust monster) • “I cast a fireball.” (ahhh... the infamous 100 × 100 × 100 room) • “Don’t worry, wyverns don’t attack unless they’re provoked.” • “I’ll take off my armor so I’m silent and slip past the dragon.” • “Don’t worry, he is probably just first level.” • “I’ll just close my eyes and walk up to the dracolisk holding up my mirror.” • “Can I eat this green slime?” • “I’ll just walk up to the dragon invisibly.” • “Why is this man speaking in sign language?” • “This type of undead can’t drain levels.” • “We are in luck! The dragon is sleeping!” “Death? . . . Yikes. . . ” • “That’s only a statue.” • “Mysterious shadows in the room? scared — you can’t spook me!” Ha. . . I scoff at I’m not — T HWACK — • “There’s a smell of gas, huh? Well, my lantern is hooded. It ought to be safe.” • “Take off my armor and try to swim? Forget it — I worked hard to get this +3 plate mail. Besides, the DM never lets anyone die — he wouldn’t let me drown, would he?” 122 death! Bits & Pieces (revisited) After rave reviews, we doth revisit the Bits and it fer me?” And Fred sayeth unto Rollo whom he loved like a brother “I’ll give you all this land. I’ve got plenty of land, I’ll make you the first Duke of Normandy.” And Rollo found this pleasing unto him “The story you are about to read is true. We and his words fell like little winged birds unto the didn’t even change the characters’ names, royal ears. Quoth Rollo “I’ll do it.” And so saying, although at first we thought we really Rollo bent, seized the king of France by the ankles, should. . . to protect the innocent and all. up-ended him, kissed his regal feet and returned him But then it occurred to me ‘Screw the inunto the ground that was now the possession of Rollo, nocent. They never did anything for me, called Robert, first Duke of Normandy. did they?’ It’s a harsh world, chum, and inAnd this, oh most glorious reader, is the nearly nocence doesn’t make for much of a defense true story of the Treaty of St. Clair-sur-Epte. in my book. My name’s Friday. . . I carry a — The Troll grudge.”
[email protected] — Stig’s Inferno #6 by Ty Templeton Pieces. “Let us not go gently to the endless winter night” — Rush: Red Tide The Kissing of a Tootsie: Lo and it came to pass that in the year 911A.D. that a nasty Viking king named Fred the Nasty met with the king of France in the part of France that was to become Normandy but was still France at the time. With me so far, o most faithful? And these two kings met and they spake unto one another of such things as I know not what and shall not know until I am a great king. Then Fred sayeth unto the king of France “How ‘bout givin’ me Normandy?” and the king of France was sore afeard for Fred had a reputation far and wide for being one nasty s.o.b. Nathless, the king had his honor and name to uphold and so he commenced unto fearsome haggling over boundaries, tributes, and conditions of the treaty. And know you also, he-whose-nameshall-not-be-spelled-even-in-semaphore, that one of the conditions set by the king of France was that Fred must kiss his kingly feet to seal the bargain. And know you also that this made the Vikings most exceedingly wroth because the two sovereigns were so close unto one another in prestige and power that neither wisht to appear as like a servant unto the other, or even as like, say, a younger brother. Unto his faithful retainer Rollo spake Fred the Nasty, saying “Rollo, dude, I can’t kiss this guy’s feet. It’ll make me look bad. You do it, okay?” And Rollo, being a true and valued retainer sayeth unto the merciful Fred (hallowed be his name) “Wot’s in Other High-Level Committees: At a Council of Five Nations a few years ago, I was involved in an adventure the central goal of which was to locate a missing Ranger Lord. We had just figured out that the Ranger had been polymorphed into a rabbit, and were discussing going out to search for said rabbit, when the half-orc in the party (a charming gent by the name of Vlad the Impaler) interjected this into the discussion: “So, what you’re proposing to me is that we track an invisible rabbit who also happens to be a Ranger Lord through his own woods at night during a storm!? I’ll be here when you get back.” — Benjamin R Pierce
[email protected] University at Buffalo The Dungeon Beautification Committee was one of those things that got out of hand and ended up as a permanent part of the world. You see, I was trying to stock a dungeon and found “Pech” in the Monster Manual II. Hey, neat. These little guys live to shape and carve stone. The PCs will go nuts trying to figure out the meaning of all these carvings all over the dungeon! And so they did. They finally found the room where the Pechs were currently working. 123 “What are you guys, anyhow?!” his ass. The same thief ran up to his worthy oppo“Oh, we’re the Dungeon Beautification Com- nent and they struggled long and hard (the kid conmittee. . . ” And thus was a legend born. sistently threw 19s and 20s for his struggles, blessed be the innocent), and eventually the thief gave up. — Steven P. King (Software Archaeologist) Meanwhile, the wizard blew her coveted potion of
[email protected] healing on the kid she dropped. Macro Computer Solutions, Inc. Another fun thing I like to do is include smurfs Wheeling, IL when a random encounter calls for something trivial. “You see (roll die) five tiny blue figures wearing dia“You can pick your nose, you can pick pers and humming, ‘Tra, la, la la, la, la, . . . ’ Ah, they your friends, but you can’t pick your friends see you and are whispering amongst themselves.” The nose.” vivacity with which the adventurers attack is quite I’m about to start a campaign, and what I plan on shocking. One worthy elven archer planted his entire doing is this: When I let my players make up char- quiver into one of the smurfs (breaking a +2 arrow acters, I’ll tell them to come up with a group that in the process). The wizard shouted frothing curses already knows each other and has some rationale for at his chosen foe. Hilarious. adventuring together. This makes it more reasonable that they should be loyal to each other, and cut out the phony meeting role playing. — Ag
[email protected] (Silver) Rutgers Univ., New Brunswick, N.J. DM: “You walk into a bar, you see two mean looking half-orcs at a table in the corner, armed to the teeth, and wearing armor. What do your Mage and Cleric do?” “When you said you wanted to live in sin with me, I didn’t realize you meant sloth.” — Andrew Bell, Players: “We walk over, sit down, buy them a drink
[email protected] and become friends for life, willing to defend each other to the death, unless of course, we’re not The professional way to clean out dungeons: expecting any more player characters to join us, in which case we attack them!” A number of years ago I joined a new gaming group. They were a bunch of hack and slashers, and they — Keith (The Lazy DM) Hearn (aka Bug Hunter) were going to be going through a standard dungeon.
[email protected] Sigh. . . One of the items they had was a Helm of BrilAmdahl Corporation, Sunnyvale CA liance. They had a bunch of other impressive magic as well. The game could have been lots of dead mon“Don’t think of them as pedestrians, think sters; however, I convinced the party to try attacking of them as semi-mobile speed bumps.” the dungeon my way. . . — Lord Teka One of the encounters that I like to include along a major highway is one where a couple of brats toss a dozen eggs (most of which are rotten) at passersby. I usually rule that the kids are so used to pulling this particular trick that they get almost automatic hits, and give a character the chance to avoid by application of a skill (D&Ders, dex check or save vs paralyzation). You’d be absolutely astonished at the results. I last pulled this stunt on a group of 2nd-level adventurers. The wizard panicked and wasted one of the kids with a magic missile. The thief made one of his saves with a natural 20, so he threw the egg back at the kid as hard as he could — threw well enough on this riposte that the brat actually took a point of damage (hit him in the face) and got knocked on We encounter a gang-o-monsters. Booming voice: For we are the terribly powerful, yet merciful. Put your equipment and treasure in the center of the room and stand with your faces against the far wall. If you fight us. . . (special magical effect) . . . you will all die horrible deaths. . . (special magical effect) . . . If you follow our instructions you will be allowed to live. . . (special magical effect) . . . choose your fate! (special magical effect) Cleaned out the whole dungeon without having to unsheath our weapons! Weirded out the old players. The DM had fun, I had fun, I think most of the other players had fun. We also got through the dungeon much faster than the DM had planned. 124 — Matthew Goldman
[email protected] 4. There is always a way. 5. The easy way is always mined. “Wands don’t kill people, people kill people.” 6. Try to look unimportant, they might be low on ammo. And back to massacres. . . About 1984 or so, I was involved in a AD&D– Rolemaster Hybrid where my Ranger, Rikarus (old Ranger Rik) picked up an umbrella which absorbed spells when open and recast such a spell when reopen. It was a lifo (last-in first-out) stack and could handle up to 25 levels at once. . . Well, we encountered a room which made a duplicate of each person in terms of level when a trap was triggered. Well about 4 of us, 20-25 levels total or so, triggered the trap at once. Can you say 25th level Magical Energy Being?! Well the MEB started pulverizing us til old Rik decided to open the Umbrella and stick it in the beast. Slurppp! One MEB gone and one glowing bright umbrella which permanently scarred his hand. It left trails of sparks as we walked so full of energy it was. So what did Rik do with this. Well we retreated to the top level of this Evil Nasty Temple to rest the night. In the morning someone noticed that a tribe (i.e. 320 or so) of Goblins moved into the courtyard of the ENT overnight. . . blocking our way out! Solution: Rik opens the door a crack and opens the umbrella! Kaaa-Booooom! 180 of 320 Goblins killed in one searing blast and the others hightailing it for the hills. Rik didn’t have the heart to start calling himself GoblinSlayer. — Andrew C. Durston
[email protected] att!hotld!acd AT&T Bell Laboratories “There’s no honorable way to kill, no gentle way to destroy. There is nothing good in war. Except its ending.” — Abraham Lincoln, “The Savage Curtain” stardate 5906.5 7. Professionals are predictable, it’s the amateurs that are dangerous. 8. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: • When you’re ready for them. • When you’re not ready for them. 9. Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at. 10. If you can’t remember, the claymore is pointed at you. 11. The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack. 12. A sucking chest wound is Nature’s way of telling you to slow down. 13. If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush. 14. Never draw fire. It irritates everyone around you. 15. Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing. 16. Make it tough for the enemy to get in and you won’t be able to get out. 17. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself. 18. If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in a combat zone. 19. When you have secured an area, don’t forget to tell the enemy. 20. Never forget that your weapons are made by the lowest bidder. — Remo, The Destroyer Remo Williams, Master of Sinanju (Richard Pieri) UA
[email protected] [email protected] Murphy’s Laws of Combat 1. If the enemy is in range, so are you. “Please excuse us while we rotate the Universe 90 degrees. Thank You.” — Remo 2. Incoming fire has the right of way. 3. Don’t look conspicuous, it draws fire. 125 A yuletide tune: “Nothing is waste that makes a memory.” Well, now that our outgoing news service has been fixed, a D&D holiday song (to a familiar tune): — Ned Rorem We’re off to see the Dragon. . . Hack ‘n’ Slash, Hack ‘n’ Slash XP’s all the way Oh what fun it is to maim and loot and pillage and slay. . . oh! Reward A Kingly Sum Brave Adventurers Needed to Kill the Dragon of Eastmark, Kingdom of Arcadia. Apply at the Royal Palace. Hack ‘n’ Slash, Hack ‘n’ Slash XP’s all the way, Oh what fun it is to kill monsters ev’ry day! Hacking through the orcs, I went to kill some gnolls, Then I practiced on Goblins and kobolds! I’ve got my +10 Sword So I don’t fear the wight. What fun it to hack and sing a slaying song tonight, oh! Hack ’n’ Slash, Hack ’n’ Slash XP’s all the way! Oh what fun it is to nuke Zeus and Asmode — us! Hack ‘n’ Slash, Hack ‘n’ Slash XP’s all the way! Oh what fun it is to gain a level ev’ry day! Day or two ago, Thought I’d look around. Met a storm giant, and killed him in two rounds! On to the Dragon’s lair, It should be a cinch. I’ve got my Neutron Hand GrenadeT M if I get in a pinch. . . oh! Hack ‘n’ Slash, Hack ‘n’ Slash XP’s all the way! Oh what fun it is to maim and loot and pillage and slay. . . oh! What made that adventure interesting (aside from the nearly 1000 mile overland journey, differing cultures, side-adventures, et al) was the fact that the “Dragon of Eastmark” was a golden dragon, and the party was mostly Good characters. The Gold had become insane when humans had attacked and slain his mate, and spent his time laying waste to the local kingdom, which finally began posting notes (after the first three expeditions failed) to hire outsiders to come in and try to destroy the geniusintelligence, magic-using and physically awe-inspiring dragon. Since the tattered posting does not mention that the Dragon is a Gold, the party had already traveled the very long way, and then had a lot of discussion before finally deciding that grief did not excuse the dragon’s excesses, and that he must be destroyed. Finally nailed that damned Cube of Force with that adventure; a couple of breaths, a Delayed Blast Fireball, various other mayhem. When the party finally got close enough for combat, the dragon had exhausted all of its spells, scroll spells, breaths, and incidental gee-gaws. Half of the survivors died before the dragon (too angry to run and fight another day) finally fell. 7th to 9th level party of nine or ten members. I recommend this sort of thing, because even if they get there and don’t want to do it, you get to drag them all over the known and unknown world. — Richard L. Butler
[email protected] Free Software Foundation Hack ‘n’ Slash, Hack ‘n’ Slash XP’s all the way! Oh what fun it is to kill — you want me to role play???? “Well, whenever anyone makes the ludicrous claim that gaming and devil-worship are connected, I just cut out their heart with my silvered letter-opener and offer it as a sacrifice to the Dark Lord. That’ll teach ‘em to leap to false conclusions.” — James Heath
[email protected] U. Texas, Astronomy, Austin, TX — The Elder Dan 126 How’s this for a trap? Balin the Dwarf says “Maybe he wants some gold. . . ” The head says “Stuff it fuzz face!” Sleek the Eleven thief says “Maybe it wants a kiss, Balin!” The head says “Get out of my hallway, right now!” Balin thinks a moment, then says “Wait a minute guys, why are we listening to this head.” Balin turns to the head and roars, “Heads can have accidents too, you know!” This cracked me up. I had the head disappear and let the party march on right into the pit trap! The party enters a room. In the center of the room is a table which contains a small chest. After checking for traps and finding none, they cautiously open the chest. Inside they find a scroll, some blank parchment, quills, ink, and several solid polyhedra with a different number of markings on each face. One of them reads the scroll and a powerful enchanment takes over. They realize the scroll contains the rules for a game which they start to play. Soon they lose all track of time. They continue to play: day becomes night, night becomes day. The — John W. Marvin enchantment is so powerful they can’t break away;
[email protected] their careers suffer, their families never see them Oracle Corporation, Belmont, CA again. No rest, no sleep, no food, there’s only the Game, the Game, the Game. . . until eventually they Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean perish. they aren’t really out to get you! If you have a soft heart, you might allow them to get food delivered. Although providing energy, this food should has questionable nutritional value. Citizens responsible for previous message, please report to the Crematorium for reeducation. The Com— Hal Chambers puter orders all people to hum “Helter Skelter” from hal@pur-phy 12:01 to 1:12. All persecuters will be violated unless Purdue Univ. Physics Dept., W. Lafayette, IN proof of insanity is procured. In that event, report to experimental labs for therapy. Message of the day: “Imagination is more important than knowlAnswer this yes or no question: have you stopped edge.” — Albert Einstein beating your dog? Answers expected by day’s end unless previous orders countermand it. I was reffing an AD&D game, and everyone showed Low level citizens are required to fill out forms up! I always invite lots, as many of my players don’t X32-56 through Z90-90 in the research labs, and to show every game. Well, I’m looking at 14 players, and follow all instructions given to them. All vent workers at my notes. The game starts to drag, I can’t respond are commanded to ignore any strange activity, and in quick enough. My head is swimming with too much the event slimy creatures from hell eat a few, to throw to drink. I’m not having fun, and my players are themselves at them in service of the Computer. getting bored. Time for action! I keep my map, but close my dungeon de— William Henry Timmins (Lord Teka) sign notebook, and start making things up. Secret
[email protected] doors appear. Silly things happen. PC’s loose their Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA breaches. My players are laughing now. Ah, I’m even “This above all: to thine own self be true, enjoying myself! And it must follow, as the night the day, They set off down a passage with something in Thou canst not then be false to any man.” it. My map key says a baited trap (later I looked it up, a bottle of elven wine on a pit trap). I tell them — Hamlet [I,iii,79-81] “You see a large, bald, blue head with pointy ears sticks his head up through the floor ahead of you. He The PC’s ship was boarded by some people wearglares at you with red eyes and says ‘Go back!’” ing impressive uniforms, and carrying impressive ID Muckhead the High Priest of the Holy Finhead cards and FGMP’s. The leader claimed to be from (CN) says “Oh great head, would you like some food the local navy, and was checking their ship over to or drink?” make sure it complied with safety regulations. The The head says “Shut your festering gob, you boarders then proceeded to do their checks, failing twit! Go back!” the ship on a whole lot of counts such as the wrong 127 sort of paint in the cargo hold, a minor scratch in the paintwork of a fuel line, and the ship’s hull being made of the wrong alloy. (It wasn’t; at least, the PC’s didn’t know it was, nor did the boarders, and nor did the referee.) After the safety inspectors had succeeded in annoying the PC’s, one of the PC’s started to seem to be leading towards threatening remarks, at which point the leading inspector warned the PC’s not to try anything, there was a muon gun on the planet targeted on this ship. (“What’s a muon gun?” “Like a meson gun, but better.”) The leading boarder eventually revealed that there was nothing wrong with the ship, as far as he knew. Mind you, he didn’t know a lot, because the PC’s were the victim of a local holovision practical joke show (a bit like Candid Camera). The FGMP’s were models made from kits, with the cameras fitted inside them. There was indeed no such thing as a muon gun. And by way of compensation, the PC’s were given a free lunch by the holonet company. Actually, it was quite a good lunch. “Yeah, see, that’s the problem. The computer’s gotten kind of antisocial; it keeps spacing its crews. We can’t get to it to disconnect it, either. You see the problem?” “Indeed I do. (chuckle) Fortunately I have a robopsychologist with me. . . ” —
[email protected] “We make Idols of our concepts, but wisdom is born of wonder.” — St. Gregory the Illuminator I heard about one campaign, a swashbuckling pirates type campaign where they used no rules. There criteria was “If this was a Hollywood movie, would this action have succeeded?” and if there was any doubt, the players voted on it. Sounds like fun! — Adrian Hurt JANET:
[email protected] ARPA:
[email protected] UUCP: ukc!cs.hw.ac.uk!adrian — Gwen Johnson
[email protected] “If there is anyone here that I have not offended, I deeply apologize.” — J. Brahms New uses for those funny thirty-sided dice: • Whenever your party goes through AD&D module S1, stick two of them over your eyes for chilling effect. That is not dead which can eternal lie But with strange eons, Even death may die. . . — HPL As for utterly automated ships, this gives rise to all sorts of fascinating scenaria, most of which I think would work better in a game like Space Opera than in MT, but that’s a personal bias. . . “What about that Denoba-class over there in the back?” “Oh! Uh, well, uh, um, I guess it’s for sale, but frankly I don’t think you gentlebeings would be very interested in it. . . ” “Not interested?! The Denoba’s one of the best rimrunners ever to upship! Why the hell wouldn’t we be interested?” “Er, yes, the Denoba as a class are excellent craft, and that one back there would fetch a high price, assuming. . . ” “Assuming what?” “Assuming that the people who bought it could average more than three hops before they got killed.” “Huh?” 128 • When going through the Giant Series in AD&D, pop them into your mouth and spit them at your players to simulate giants throwing boulders. • Whenever going up against a god, pull out the old 30-sider (making sure the players see you do it), role it a couple times, and whistle loudly. (Whew! 164 points of damage against Jharl the milquetoast Ranger! Somebody get out the pooper-scooper!) • Give it to your loved one on a special occasion, and claim its yellow Amethyst. (Oh dear, its wonderful. . . but why is there a number on each facet?) — Chris Quinn Lewis & Clark College, Portland OR “Was that the time I was in dragon form or the time I turned him into proto-plasmic slime?” — Damaan Glenn Dice wreak havoc with DM’s buzz-kill adin/barbarians with glasses and backpacks. I was fighting eight stone giants with my party, and we were getting the stuffing beat out of us, so I decided to quaff one of my potions of giant strength. Then, after a moment, I decided to quaff my invisibility potion as well. Suddenly, My DM cackles evilly, grins, and goes to open up the Dungeon Master’s Guide. In a moment of revelation, I realized that I had forgotten to consider potion miscibility. Upon reaching the page, and laughing at my attempts to take back what I had said, he grinned with such malicious intent that Asmodeus would have been impressed. He rolled the die, and it came up a 0, I started to break down, and he grinned again, saying, “Get the old dice ready to roll up a new character, Yer gonna die.” he rolled the die again and much to my relief, it came up 0. With a stunned look on his face, my DM said, “I can’t believe it, I just can’t believe it.” I smiled and asked what that meant. He said “Well, You just got one of those potions as a permanent power. I am going to roll another d10, and 1-5 you get giant strength (Fire Giant = 22), and 6-10, you get invisibility, permanent. I hope you die.” He rolled a 3, and now my character is incredible. Needless to say, he has done several amazing things since then. My DM has been trying to circumvent the affects legally, but he hasn’t found a way yet. All in all, not a bad deal. — Gilgamesh
[email protected] Moravian College, Bethlehem, PA “I apologize for calling your wife a bloated warthog. Heh-heh-heh.” — Connor Macleod One of the problems I think females may have with gaming is that the games resemble pulp male fantasy (aka Thieves World) and they don’t want to be the fantasy focus of 2-8 typically hormonally imbalanced, student-types who are stereotyped as social incompetents. Then again, they might. One thing for sure I have noticed is that the women in FRP games are usually treated as princesses and most of us males (yes, myself included) nearly beat each other up to do things for the lady. Women gamers are a definite way to make sure a game will fill up quickly. All you have to do is say that she is playing and we males (yep, me again) will flock to the game in sets of twenty. Yes, there are women in FRP games, and we can all be thankful they can accept us — the pal- — Cyborg, the socially inept Paraphrased from a MegaTraveller campaign: Party Member: “Here’s the next plant for your collection, Turin. It’s a Pharosian Bitching Cactus. Where do you want it?” Pharosian Bitching Cactus: “. . . My needles are too dry . . . My potting soil isn’t sandy enough. . . This pot is too small; I’m getting root-bound. . . It’s too dark in here. . . ” Turin: “...put it in the airlock.” — Mark F. Cook
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[email protected] Corvallis, Oregon “Lovecraft created a universe that sane men cannot comprehend. Call of Cthulhu’s choice of runequest mechanics was a good choice.” — Robert Plamondon The novice monk came to the garden to see the grand master Gaxx. “Master,” he began, “I have been pondering level advancement in AD&D. A first level character is well within the scope of the game, and yet a one trillionth level character is most certainly not. Tell me, O Master, where the game’s scope does lie?” The Master studied the novice and said, “I have been pondering the sky. At noon, it is certainly daytime, and yet at midnight it is most certainly not. Tell me, at what time does day end and night begin?” At this point, the Master struck the novice over the head with a Fiend Folio manual. The novice was enlightened. 129 — Timothy D. Cain
[email protected] (ARPA) Department of Information and Computer Science UC Irvine “Dreams are the touchstones of our characters.” — Henry David Thoreau Wailings from the Cryer or Free Ads ‘cause nobody would pay us The Cryer doth tearfully wail: The Abyss wants you! Orcus? Demogorgon?? Want me??? gulp. . . No silly. . . Abyss magazine wants you! Abyss is a progressive gaming magazine which goes out to about 1000 readers around the US and quite a few more in other parts of the world. In print since 1979, Abyss is currently getting ready for its 48th issue! We are a full-size magazine with limited space devoted to advertising, lots of good art, and articles on every aspect of gaming imaginable. Abyss does not restrict itself to any particular games or company lines and has published material on everything from AD&D to Arduin to SpaceQuest to Cyberpunk. We also publish a large number of articles on the general theory and practice of gaming without reference to any particular game system. The magazine’s target market is college-age and older gamers, the same sort of people who are likely to be reading the Guildsman or RGF. We are always looking for new writers, especially for games which we’d like to cover more. We’re also actively looking for game reviewers. As far as feature articles, we are interested in game variants, game background articles, general discussions of gaming trends, game news, GameMaster hints, suggestions for players, world background summaries, editorials and just about anything else. We like to cover both popular and unusual games, and all our submissions are evaluated promptly and fairly. As for reviews, we publish fifteen per issue on the average, the most of any magazine in gaming, and we can’t write them all in-house. Ideally we like reviewers to send in thoughts on games they have picked up and played fairly recently. If you want to get into reviewing for Abyss, send in a review of the newest product you have that catches your fancy, and if we like it, and your interests as far as what you want to review match what we’re getting in from publishers, we’ll see what we can do about getting you review copies of new items in the future. We generally prefer to get submissions electronically, either through public networks like the Internet or through our BBS at 512/472-6905. We also take hard copy, but the speed of the net is hard to beat. Reviews should run from 800 to 1200 words in length. Articles, depending on their nature, should usually be 1000 to 4000 words long. We actually pay our writers. . . not much, but as much as we can afford given our relatively small size. . . payment ranges from about one to three cents a word depending on what you’re writing and how wealthy we feel. It’s not going to make you a fortune, but you’ll get your name in print and probably be able to go out and buy a decent meal. From what we’ve seen on RGF and in publications such as the Guildsman, there’s a lot of talent out here which could find a very good outlet in Abyss. To contact Abyss, email Dave Nalle (editor) at
[email protected] or write: Abyss c/o Dave Nalle P.O. Box 140333 Austin, TX 78714 For those interested in seeing Abyss, subscriptions are $7 for six quarterly issues or $13 for twelve. So let us hear from you. We’re open to submissions, ideas, questions, what-have-you. Quanta wants you too! Boy. . . are you ever popular. . . Quanta (ISSN 1053-8496) is the electronically distributed journal of Science Fiction and Fantasy. As such, each issue contains fiction by amateur authors as well as articles, reviews etc. . . The last issue (December 1990) marks the seventh issue thus-far published and the final issue of Volume II. Quanta is now in its third year of publication. Quanta has proved to be fantastically successful both at home and abroad and we’d like to keep it that 130 way through another year. In order to do this, however, we need submissions! We’re soliciting you, the readers of news-net and the Guildsman, to send us your best fiction. If you don’t think it’s any good, send it along anyway. You may be right, but if you are, we’ll give you our thoughts and ideas as to how you can make it better. We’re looking primarily for short fiction, although Article, Review, and Poetry submissions are also welcome. If you can submit in LATEXformat, please do so, but it is by no means required that you do. We want to keep producing as quality a magazine as possible and to do that we need your submissions. Quanta is published in two formats, Ascii and PostScript. Submissions should be sent to
[email protected]. Requests to be added to the distribution list should be sent to one of the following depending on which version of the magazine you’d like to receive.
[email protected] [email protected] or
[email protected] [email protected] Send email only — no interactive messages or files please. Note that if you subscribe with a letter sent over BITNET, you will have the magazine sent to you as a file over BITNET, whereas if you subscribe with a letter sent over the Internet, the magazine will be sent to you by email. Quanta is not yet available via US mail, but non-netlanders may send submissions to: Quanta c/o Daniel Appelquist 5440 Fifth Avenue #60 Pittsburgh, PA 15232 Host: lth.se IP: 130.235.16.3 Directory: /Documents/Quanta/Postscript /Documents/Quanta/Ascii and Quanta now reaches an international audience of over 1200 subscribers. It is produced bi-monthly by Daniel K. Appelquist (
[email protected] &
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[email protected]). Discounts for UCR Gamers Alpha-Omega Games 15965 Piuma Ave Cerritos, CA 90701 (213) 809-6849 Mon Tues – Thurs Fri – Sat Sun 7pm – 10pm Noon – 9pm Noon – 10pm Noon – 5pm Check out our new location in Cerritos. From Riverside, take the 91 to the 605N, take a left off the Alondra exit and a left on Piuma. UCR Gamers command a 25% discount∗ . Also accepting entries for the 1991 US Golden Demon Award through April 19th. Comics + 8151 Arlington Riverside, CA 92503 (714) 785-4818 Mon – Sat Sun 9am – 10pm 10am – 8pm Check out our all-new collection of games and gaming accessories at our new location on Arlington. UCR Gamers command a 20% discount∗ . Please include your return address with all submissions sent in this way. If we print your work, we’ll send you a courtesy copy of the magazine. Quanta is also available via anonymous ftp in both compressed ascii and compressed postscript formats. The main site is located in the US and is the site I recommend for all non-european transfers: Daylight Hobbies 10220 Hole Avenue Riverside, CA 92503 (714) 688-6013 Sat – Sun Mon – Fri 10am – 6pm 10am – 8pm Gaming is our specialty, and we have a complete stock of RPGs and accessories including the latest material. UCR Gamers command a 10% discount∗ . Host: export.acs.cmu.edu IP: 128.2.35.66 ∗ Directory: /pub/quanta The second host is located in Sweden and is recommended only for european subscribers. Please don’t make use of this site if you’re located in the US. Discounts apply only to games and do not apply to items purchased on credit or to items already marked down. Discounts will only be honored to current members of the UCR Gamers’ Guild. 131