The Art of Self Spanking

The Art of Self SpankingJessica Burns With John Summers The Art of Self Spanking © Sensual Planet Limited 2012 This publication is released under the Creative Commons Attribution, Non Commercial, Share Alike License, Version 4.0 or any later version: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/ by-nc-sa/4.0/. Please note that much of this publication is based on personal experience and anecdotal evidence. Although the author and publisher have made every reasonable attempt to achieve accuracy of the contents, they assume no responsibility for errors or omissions. You should use the information contained herein according to your discretion and at your own risk. This work is released with the express understanding that the publisher and the author are not engaged in providing professional counselling, psychological, psychiatric, or medical advice. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for every situation. Should assistance in those areas be required, the advice of a competent professional person should be sought. Readers should be aware that websites listed in this work may have changed or disappeared between when this work was written and when it is read. The publisher and the author specifically disclaim all warranties, including without limitation warranties of fitness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be extended by sales or promotional material. To the support that was silent and strong: THANK YOU. To the love that was loud and proud: THANK YOU. John & Jessica i Contents Introduction I 1 What Is Self Spanking and Why Do We Do It? 5 1 Introducing Self Spanking 6 2 Pain As Pleasure 13 3 Finding the source of the spanking demon 18 II 23 Self Spanking In Practice 4 Safety 24 5 Self spanking techniques 32 6 Implements 38 7 Enhancing the experience 47 III 56 Life As a Spankophile 8 Living in the universe as a self spanker 57 9 Stepping back from the spanking world 65 A Possible Fantasy Scenarios 71 ii Introduction “There’s no sore ass like your own sore ass.” —Irish Proverb1 We spank ourselves. Actually, that’s not quite right and we certainly don’t want to mislead you with our first few words. This is a co-inspired book. So, when I say we spank ourselves, what we mean is that I (Jessica) spank myself and John spanks himself. We have neither seen nor touched each other’s bottoms, and quite frankly we suppose we never will. The story of how we came together to work together on a project of such an inherently private nature is one that we will not relate in detail. We could of course try to convince you that we stumbled across each other whilst frantically bashing our own butts. Perhaps we were both in corner hotel rooms, with big glass windows overlooking the other’s room. With the curtains kept open—for added punishment—each saw the other lying across pillows in the centre of the bed, raising their respective implement and bringing it swiftly down on their unprotected bottom. Astonished by this discovery of mutual pleasure, we talked for hours, had a session of extremely wild sex, then gave each other the thrashing of our lives. Alas, as is often the case, the truth is much more mundane and, inevitably, involved the internet as our key tool of communication. So, why did we decide to write this book? Well, we could see that self spanking was increasingly prevalent on the internet, yet it did not appear to be featured in the sex guide literature. We wanted to fill that gap. Between us we had decades of self spanking experiences. On top of that I had a love of writing and (I 1 See http://www.gaelicmatters.com/funny-irish-sayings.html. 1 assumed) the academic background to enable me to research the topic from all angles. Oh, and did we mention that self spanking gets us off, tickles our boats, and frolics our fancies? John thinks that I made that last phrase up and he is quite right. Oh dear, I suppose I shall have to give myself a few extra strokes tonight. Self spanking is not for everyone. However, we feel self spanking offers a unique and fulfilling experience that is free, accessible, fully consensual, and mobile (it can be done just about anywhere). We’re not saying it is better than sex, or that it is a replacement for relationships. In fact both of us have had caring and successful relationships, and John still treads that path. We have also both spanked and been spanked by others, yet we have never lost the thrill of self spanking. It remains, at least in our view, a wonderful way of achieving heightened self-pleasure. It is about pain, yes, but it is also about desire, a high, a mental buzz; it is about imagination and being able to respond to one’s innermost fantasies. We can’t lay this all on a platter for you, but we hope to share our passion for self spanking and help you to achieve that sexy red bottom feeling. Who is this book for? We think it will most appeal to those who, like ourselves, have long harboured a sexual interest in spanking. It is a prejudice on our part, but we have always found spankophiles (spankos) to be—in general—intelligent, open and fair minded. There are spankos of every race, every sex, every physical characteristic and every sexuality. However, we don’t believe that the world is split between those who “get” spanking and those who don’t, and others may also like to try the experience. That said, an open mind is called for. If you tend to think that spanking is perverted and unnatural, you’re probably not the kind of person who is going to respond well to this book. We should make it clear that this book is for consenting adults only. We were all teens once and—surprise, surprise— had strange sexual thoughts then too, but self spanking is an activity for those over 18 years and for those with the maturity and sense to be able to appreciate and engage with the practice on a safe and pleasurable level. We should also be clear that we do not support the physical chastisement of children or non-consensual violence in any form. In fact there are many reasons why hitting another person as a real-world punishment is not appropriate. However, after you 2 have read this book, we hope you will agree that spanking, especially on the buttocks, is an activity so interlaced with a person’s sexuality that it is not a desirable method of child-rearing. The sexual practice of spanking, whether undertaken by you or given by or received from others, is primarily about fantasy. If you can’t distinguish between adult sexual fantasies and real-life abuse, you’re probably not ready for the remainder of this book. For the rest of us, it is time to move on. . . . We’ve split the book into three distinct parts. Part I is about discovery: it is the “why” section of the book. We explore why we self spank, and, indeed, why spanking turns us on at all. This was the easiest section for both of us to complete, primarily because the other parts induced so many fantasies that our blood boiled with lust whilst we sought to concentrate on writing. Part II is the “how to” section of the book. These chapters include important safety advice as well as key pointers on self spanking techniques, and comprehensive advice on implements for the task. We also suggest how you can add more than a little extra spice to your spanking sessions. Part III is the “self-help” section of the book. That term is potentially patronising, we know, yet the words are forged from decades of handling our spanking demons. These chapters focus primarily on how to survive as a self spanker in this complex, image obsessed, and disingenuously “open” world of ours. We have, sadly but determinedly, also included a chapter to offer advice in the event that you wish to step back from the world of spanking. For our own pleasure, and hopefully for yours, we’ve wrapped up the book by adding an appendix of “scenarios” that you might like to think about. This was by far our favourite section to write! Finally, as we loathe people just uplifting other people’s hard work—a not uncommon scenario on the internet—we have naturally ended with a list of references to acknowledge key sources. A quick word here about the use of the phrase “self spanking” in this book. “Self” as a prefix is almost always hyphenated (e.g. as “self-help” earlier). However, we have rarely seen “self spanking” hyphenated, and the convention appears to be to treat this as two distinct words. Although the hyphen is arguably 3 dropped most times out of sheer erotic mania, we have followed this tradition and not joined the two words with a hyphen. (Note from John: if you find this aggravating, you’ll have to spank Jessica, as she is the de-hyphenator here.) We do hope you enjoy reading this book and, as importantly, that you also end up with a nice red stinging bottom that makes you feel alive and wondrous. 4 Part I What Is Self Spanking and Why Do We Do It? 5 Chapter 1 Introducing Self Spanking What is self spanking? It is, quite simply, a practice whereby a person spanks themselves on the buttocks to induce sensation. We won’t say pain at this stage as that isn’t always correct. We’re not going to include a dictionary definition of spanking here. If you’re anything like us, then by your early teenage years you had already looked up “spanking”, “chastisement”, “walloping”, “thrashing”, “caning”, “whipping”—or any similar terms—in countless dictionaries. Suffice to say we take a fairly broad definition of self spanking that effectively means the striking of one’s buttocks or upper thighs with pretty much anything to hand, including the, err, hand. We recognise that some people are into hitting other areas of the body. It would be a little hypocritical, as well as hugely condescending, for us to adopt an overly critical stance on those practices. That said, we should make it clear that we don’t condone or support the hitting of the genital areas. In fact, we like our genitals very much indeed and the thought of damaging them does not fit well with us. (For full disclosure I will admit to some very gentle pussy slapping, but John appears to treat his personal member like a very valuable and fragile item from antiquity.) As you will see in subsequent chapters, we don’t have the same anxious feelings at all about our bottoms. We wanted to help us (and you) to understand why we under6 take this practice of baring and bruising our own bottoms. John in particular has no tolerance for illness, disease or “real life” pain in any shape or form. Although I am not quite as extreme in my desire for uninterrupted pure health and well-being, I share John’s distaste for my body “playing up”. So why would we voluntarily try to spank ourselves? This is a practice supposedly related to pain and punishment? We should begin by assuring ourselves that we are asking the “why” question for the right reasons. Review any pornographic website and you will see people getting off on spreading semen over a girlfriend’s face as she lies kneeling before her man; you will see scratching and biting; you will see costume sex, anal sex, oral sex, foot play and so on. (We really could go on and on here.) These are all features of non-procreative sex play. Why should we be so questioning of our spanking desires, when the world is a heterogeneous feast of rampant sexualities? As the American sex therapist, Dr Margaret Nichols, suggests (regarding why people undertake spanking practices in general), “the question itself is a subtle way of pathologizing behavior”.1 We don’t want to encourage a view that self spanking is a practice that needs clinical justification. Be that as it may, we have found over the years that intelligent people are inquisitive, often self-reflective in their nature, and wish to understand themselves that little bit better each day. We cannot promise true enlightenment, but we can help to document some of the factors at play. Before we delve deeper, let’s dispel some potential misconceptions. Self-flagellation Self spanking is not a form of self-flagellation. Flagellation is the whipping of the skin, typically on the back and often drawing blood, as a bodily penance to show remorse for sin. There are accounts of medieval women who would flagellate themselves in an effort to become saintly. Rudolph Bell’s Holy Anorexia describes a 16 year old Catherine Benincasa who would whip 1 Margaret Nichols, “Couples and Kinky Sexuality: The Need for a New Therapeutic Approach”, in A. Lev and J. Malpas, eds., At the Edge: Exploring Gender and Sexuality in Couples and Families (Washington, DC : American Family Therapy Academy), pp. 25–33. 7 herself three times a day with an iron chain until blood covered her from shoulders to feet.2 Any readers familiar with other aspects of Catherine’s life will hardly consider this to have been— at least on the face of it—a sexual activity. Nonetheless, we would argue that some “self flaggelants” have been engaged in a practice more akin to self spanking. Indeed, in the early eighteenth century a doctor of theology at the Sorbonne in Paris voiced his concerns about the pagan origins of flogging, its lack of precedent in the bible, and especially its ability to stimulate unchaste feelings in the body.3 That is by no means to say that such practices were, or continue to be, predominantly of a sexual nature but the suspicion of eroticism was clearly evident. It has been acknowledged for some time that “libido sexualis” can “be induced by stimulation (castigation, whipping, flagellation) of the gluteal region”.4 We will return to the tantalising connection between pain and sexual pleasure in the next chapter. In the meantime, we are aware that some reported self spankers give themselves a bottom beating purely for “punishment” purposes, with no (reported) sexual context whatsoever. The spanking may be due to that person not studying hard enough, or because they have eaten too many fatty foods, etc. Now, both John and I talk a lot about chastisements. We may pretend that we’ve done something wrong and need a good spanking, but the punishment is always eroticised. The one thing that we are both quite good at—which may explain our friendship—is that we are always honest to ourselves. We get off on the spanking. If you’re an adult and spanking doesn’t turn you on, why do it? If it does, admit it, at least to yourself. Enjoy it. We don’t recommend anyone using self spanking as a serious form of punishment for their sins, be they real or imagined. If you need to have a pretext for spanking yourself, then use whatever you like. However, it’s rarely helpful to set up as a deterrent device something that your inner sexuality is crying out for. If you want to lose weight, or study more, just do it. Work as 2 Rudolph Bell, Holy Anorexia (Chicago: The University of Chicago Press, 1985). 3 Niklaus Largier, In Praise of the Whip: A Cultural History of Arousal, tr. by Graham Harman (New York: Zone Books, 2007). 4 Richard von Krafft-Ebbing, Psychopathia Sexualis, 12th edition, tr. by F. J. Rebman (New York: Rebman Company, 1900). 8 hard as you can. . . and then reward yourself with some sexual playtime. Is self spanking a form of self-harm? One (allied) worry that we had when writing this book was whether self spanking is a form of self-harm, a more sexualised version of cutting oneself or of similar activities. Non-suicidal self injury (as the current terminology describes self-harm) is seen as a harmful behaviour that may decrease unpleasant thoughts, generate desired feelings, and facilitate help-seeking. Well, we believe that self spanking can help to relieve stress, and it certainly generates those “desired feelings”. However, research has also shown that very few self-harmers are sexually aroused by the act of injuring themselves.5 This is explicitly contrary to our conception of self spanking as primarily a sexual activity. We also do not use self spanking to facilitate help seeking; as with masturbation it is primarily a deeply personal activity and is not a cry for attention. (Just for the record, some self-harmers also disagree that they are seeking attention.)6 Let us explore this further. An alternative definition of selfharm (self injury) is “intentional, self-effected, low lethality bodily harm of a socially unacceptable nature, performed to reduce and/or communicate psychological distress”.7 Low lethality bodily harm sounds more than a little familiar to our buttocks. We suppose some aspects of self injury (bruising, potential for bleeding, etc.) could be identified with self spanking, yet neither John nor I use spanking to communicate distress. We have both said that we tend not to be in the mood for self spanking if we are feeling stressed by work, though that is often mostly to do with time constraints. Additionally, with respect to the other element of the definition, is self spanking socially unacceptable? We may be embarrassed by revealing that we self spank, but would the 5 Armando R. Favazza, Bodies under Siege: Self-mutilation, Non-suicidal Selfinjury, and Body Modification in Culture and Psychiatry (Maryland: John Hopkins University Press, 1996). 6 E.g., see http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2002/may/26/ mentalhealth.letters or many internet forums on the subject. 7 Barent Walsh, Treating Self Injury: A Practical Guide, 2d edition (New York: Guildford, 2012). 9 general reaction of others be the same if we were to reveal that we cut and scarred our arms or legs with a piece of glass? Our view would be that most people would regard the former as a sexual “kink”, requiring little more than raised eyebrows or eyes glistening with comprehension, whereas the latter would suggest some psychological distress. The film Secretary (2002) portrays a woman’s journey away from a life where she needs to cut herself to one where she is spanked by her boss/partner. This is presented as a positive development for her, albeit within the context of moving to a symbiotic relationship with the man in question. We are not saying that that is the correct stance. We don’t understand self-harm sufficiently to take such an approach. However, the self-harm literature that we reviewed does not focus on self spanking as a pathology. We cannot deny, though, that a psychological need for self-harm may manifest itself through severe self spanking. In fact, extreme behaviour as a result of psychological disturbances can be seen in most sexual practices, be that simple addiction to the act of sex or to a whole myriad of other practices. If you are in any way engaging in self spanking as a “scream without sound”,8 then we do recommend that you seek some additional therapeutic support. Self spanking as solo spanking What exactly is the relationship between spanking and self spanking? Is self spanking to spanking as masturbation is to sex? We have looked at a wide range of comments from reported self spankers in various internet forums (too varied and, often, too transitory, to mention in detail here). We don’t profess this to be a strictly academic work, so we will not go into the detailed numbers. However, a number of people suggested that they spanked themselves in the absence of a partner to undertake their disciplining. Some found the practice unsatisfying because they could not achieve sufficient force, or their primary buzz had come from a feeling of helplessness at the hands of their partner. Overall, we do feel reasonably comfortable in suggesting that 8 Dawn Collins, “Attacks on the body: How can we understand self-harm?” Psychodynamic Counseling 2 (1996), pp. 463–75. 10 self spanking is analogous to masturbation. Indeed, the two practices can be indulged more or less concurrently, be that in anticipation of chastisement to come, as heightened pleasure during the session, or as a climactic release following a deeply arousing experience. Nevertheless, we don’t agree that self spanking is just something you do when no one else is around to do it for you, although that can be a powerful reason. Self spanking offers an opportunity to explore your own feelings and sexuality without having to share that journey, or have it diluted in some way by a partner. Both John and I agree that we like sex, but that we have also had very powerful, and deeply personal, sexual experiences through masturbation. We don’t like to say one experience is “better” than another; both shared and selfinduced sexual experiences offer us an opportunity to explore our fantasies and achieve great pleasure. Are self spankers masochistic? If self spanking is just a form of spanking without a partner, are self spankers masochistic? They are the ones being beaten and subjugated after all. On a social-psychological level, masochistic practices are viewed as an escape from self, with masochists absolving themselves from responsibility for their own behaviour whilst acting on the demands of the dominant partner.9 Within this definition it could be considered absurd to suggest that self spankers are masochistic. They are taking ultimate responsibility for their own actions by deciding on an action and carrying it out themselves. Actually, we think the situation is much more complex. For a start, self spankers will often abrogate decision making over a punishment to a random element (e.g., to the roll of a dice) or occasionally to another person. Although I mostly fantasise about receiving punishments, John is also massively turned on by giving spankings. For both of us, self spanking offers both elements of sadism (giving pain, albeit to ourselves) and masochism (receiving pain). Unless you’ve been in the midst of a heavy session of self spanking, it is difficult to explain how 9 D. Richard Laws and William T. O’Donohue, Sexual Deviance: Theory, Assessment, and Treatment, 2d edition (New York: The Guildford Press, 2008). 11 this dual element works. It is like having two personalities at work throughout the process, though these are ill defined and won’t necessarily have distinct voices. John believes that his dominant side comes out more during his sessions, whilst I feel I am more submissive. A self spanking personality is therefore highly individualistic and need not necessarily be a “top” or “bottom”. (We use these terms here to help denote dominant and submissive characters, though neither of us can bear these expressions.) There is no right or wrong answer and, like us, you will probably also flirt between these two aspects of spanking sexuality. What we do know for sure is that there is, somehow, a link in our souls between pain and pleasure, and it is to this connection that we now turn. 12 Chapter 2 Pain As Pleasure If you are anything like us, and we suspect other spankos are like us, at least in this respect, your ears will prick up whenever a spanking term is heard in the mainstream media. You may therefore recall hearing of a Russian scientific study that suggested taking a beating on the buttocks with a cane helped as a cure for depression by releasing endorphins into the blood stream.1 Endorphins are neurochemicals produced in the brain in reaction to high levels of pain. This response can lead to feelings of euphoria. In fact, these neurochemicals have a similar effect on pain as drugs such as morphine and codeine. Now, neuroscience is by no means our speciality, and the complexity of the research in this regard is bewildering. However, experienced self spankers will know already about that feeling of a (neurochemically induced) high during an especially rewarding session. Quite obviously, the fun of self spanking is not all about the neurochemical response to pain though. After all, we’ve had painful injections, stubbed toes and other traumas. (John is thinking here of an accidental testicular blow he sustained a while back.) Surely we should get the same type of euphoric feeling? Is pain to the buttocks somehow special? Well, let’s consider this. The bottom is a “naughty” area. From an early age, it is treated like the penis, vagina, or breasts. It is kept hidden from view. It is part of our sexual being. Anatomically, 1 See www.theage.com.au/news/World/A-good-caning-takes-some-\ beating/2005/03/30/1111862460598.html for a news description of the study. 13 the buttocks are essentially just muscle masses superimposed by a layer of fat. However, several important nerves either supply or cross the gluteal (buttock) region.2 We won’t get into a debate about whether the buttocks should be considered an erogenous zone, but suffice to say the bottom has nerve connections with the genitalia. We know too that a person’s pain threshold increases as they become sexually aroused.3 Your perception of the pain you are experiencing will be dependent on the overall circumstances in which the discomfort is being realised. Try self spanking yourself when you have a common cold or a fever. It hurts, and not in a good way. Of course, there are many other factors that influence each individual’s pain response. For example, women tend to have a lower pain threshold than men (though, interestingly, research also suggests we tend to experience more pain in our lives).4 This fits in with our own experiences, as John can take a much harder beating than I can. Although pain is the primary symptom associated with spanking, other physical responses do occur. Receiving a beating involves a flow of blood to the assaulted buttock area, with that feeling of warm-to-the-touch skin that is so familiar to the well spanked individual. The punished person may also start to sweat and their heart may race (reactions associated with excitement). Their knees may buckle as their equilibrium become unbalanced with a particularly nasty stroke, and they may shake. The individual’s level of arousal may increase as they respond sexually to what is happening to them. In emotional situations, they may begin to cry. We mustn’t overlook the oft-forgotten aural context to spanking. Many implements make a satisfying “thwack”, “crack”, “slap”, or “whoosh” as they make contact with the elastic skin of the buttocks. The punished person may grunt, give an unintelligible “ooh” sound, cry out, or even scream. I tend to give a rather strange “aaawwwwww” sound that is difficult to express in writing, whilst John tells me his utterances are more akin to a “mpfh” 2 A technical description of the gluteal region can be found at http://www. dartmouth.edu/~humananatomy/part_3/chapter_14.html. 3 Robert C. Scaer, The Body Bears the Burden: Trauma, Dissociation, and Disease, 2d edition (Binghamton: Haworth Medical Press, 2007). 4 R. B. Fillingham, “Individual differences in pain responses”, Current Rheumatology Reports 7 (2005), pp. 342–7. 14 after particularly strong contact is made with his bottom. There is of course a significant visual component to the spanking. The chastised area of the bottom will start to redden, and welts or bruises may appear. No matter the skin tone, the red always shines through. It is, and always has been, a significant turn-on for both of us to contemplate the sight of our reddened, well-punished posteriors. You might think from reading all of this that errant pupils in Victorian times would have rushed to their headmasters in droves for the thrill of a caning. This clearly was not the case, though we cannot discount the possibility that some may have sought out punishment for that reason. Indeed, we know from The Confessions of the great philosopher Jean Jacques Rousseau, that his own tastes for spanking developed from an early chastisement.5 Who could have supposed that this childish punishment. . . would determine my tastes and desires, my passions, my very self for the rest of my life, and that in a sense diametrically opposed to the one in which they should normally have developed. It is no surprise from our review thus far that corporal punishment is increasingly perceived in western societies as having a sexual meaning.6 Nonetheless, the question here is whether we are overstating the joys of receiving physical blows to the buttocks. We can’t get away from the fact that it has traditionally been a significant punishment in previous societies and the practice still exists in some countries. In fact, as of this writing, only 33 countries have completely banned the use of physical chastisement in all settings.7 We should bear in mind that corporal punishment has traditionally involved other areas of the body in addition to the bottom (e.g., “the holding back of tears as he lashed out across the back of the knees or the open hands”),8 without an obvious sexual 5 Jean-Jacques Rousseau, The Confessions, tr. by J. M. Cohen (London: Penguin, 1953). 6 Trevor Butt and Jeff Hearn, “The Sexualization of Corporal Punishment: The Construction of Sexual Meaning”, Sexualities 1 (1998), pp. 203–27. 7 For current statistics, see http://endcorporalpunishment.org/, the website of the Global Initiative to End All Corporal Punishment of Children. 8 A. Holbrooka, “Rewards and punishments in New South Wales classrooms in the early twentieth century”, Melbourne Studies in Education 38 (1997), pp. 1–30. 15 linkage. Some corporal punishments were also extremely severe and could certainly not be countenanced in sexual terms. For example, records from 1860 relay details of a fifteen year old schoolboy’s encounter with a “punishment” from his headmaster that led to injuries that were ultimately fatal.9 To the contrary, one possible explanation about our enjoyment of spanking games in the developed world may be that it is a way of experiencing pain and “suffering” whilst having the benefit of knowing that we will not come to any harm. Activities such as chili eating or riding on a roller-coaster are, for example, known as “constrained risks”, with the enjoyment of the irritation stemming from an appreciation that the sensation and the body’s defensive reaction to it are harmless.10 An element of this rings true for both of us. Those times when we have been frightened of having done real damage from a spanking were not at all exciting or pleasurable. The sheer physicality of spanking is not the only factor in our enjoyment. Speak to anyone who likes spanking and they will invariably tell you that it is about more than the physical response to punishment. In fact, the anticipation and the background history can be more satisfying than the pain. As a case in point, the best spanking stories can drive both of us close to orgasm even before the actual punishment has been described. Clearly, the psychological context is critical. Over the years we have seen many visualisations of the spanking desire, through personal interactions, movies, videos, stories, blogs, chat-rooms, and forums. We are certain that spanking encapsulates extremely strong feelings of control, submission and shame. You will see many of these in the scenarios appendix. However, those three characteristics are by no means unique to spanking. Preferring to be on top during intercourse may represent an attempt to be in control of a sexual situation. A girl kneeling down and giving oral sex to her boyfriend and allowing him to ejaculate over her breasts is arguably an act of submission. Exhibitionism could be interpreted as a person trying to feel humiliated at the thought of another seeing them naked. In fact, each of those encounters (and many more besides) could be interpreted in a number of 9 D. P. Leinster Mackay, “Regina v Hopley: Some Historical Reflections on Corporal Punishment”. Journal of Educational Administration and History 9 (1977): pp. 1–6. 10 Paul Rozin and Deborah Schiller, “The nature and acquisition of a preference for chili pepper by humans”, Motivation and Emotion 4 (1980), pp. 77–101. 16 ways. The temptation here is for us to simply say that all sexual acts are in some way related to power interactions. That may or may not be true, but it doesn’t help to answer the specific question of why spanking above all else turns us on. Where does our terrible lust for spanking come from? Let’s try and find out. 17 Chapter 3 Finding the source of the spanking demon Let’s face it, many of us will have encountered “spanking” type thoughts long before we had first beaten ourselves with a bath brush in front of the mirror. During our early wandering thoughts we knew nothing of endorphins or blood spreading across our buttocks. Indeed, John recalls his initial stirrings as having nothing to do with spanking. He finds the memory difficult to date but estimates that he was about ten years old. For some reason the idea of an attractive girl at his school being made to run extra laps (around the school athletics track) made him feel very strange and excited. These ideas evolved into fantasies about her being forced to place a fork up her bottom. Even at that age these fantasies were subsequently considered absurd by John and were unsatisfying in as much as they were unreal. At some point—John has no idea when—the focus turned to fantasising about spanking girls’ bottoms. This was somehow more vivid and tangible. For John, spanking is a manifestation of some sadistic demon that has driven him from an early age. However, I want to point out here that he is a kind and gentle man, and I have no doubt that he has always behaved impeccably towards women (in my view treating them far too much like angels in some cases). Indeed, both John and I agree that spankos are often the least aggressive or contentious people we meet. Again, there is no scientific basis to this, but we have conjectured that 18 sexual spanking acts as a conduit for our aggressive thoughts and any violence is filtered out into a safe and consensual channel. John’s first self spanking experience was in the bathroom, with a bath brush, with a terrified ear listening for sounds of family members returning home. For John, self spanking was an attempt to develop the punishment fantasy beyond masturbatory imaginings of the mind alone. He wanted real physical sensations. At that age he would never have spoken to girls, or anyone else, about his spanking interests. There was no question of him achieving the sensations of giving or receiving spankings through any other source. Thus it was the bath brush, the ruler, and then almost any instrument to hand, that bluntly thwacked into his teenage bottom. John recalls his deep disappointment when, many years later, he first received a spanking from a girlfriend. The girl, certainly not a spanko as such, had been very anxious about hitting too hard. To buttocks that had sustained the assaults of everything from a tree branch to a telephone cord, a hand spanking from a petite twenty-something made very little impression. My own feelings are hazier, and certainly it is difficult to pinpoint the origins of my spanking interests. Outwardly, I was an active, confident girl and was often surrounded by boys whom I rarely felt attracted to. They would, as teenage boys tend to, profess undying love. However, I didn’t have a truly satisfying connection with any one boy at school. I recall having distinctly “weird” feelings when reading Jane Eyre (at one point she is punished in the novel). The most vivid memory, though, relates to a television show or movie where I witnessed a male giving a much younger girl a punishment caning. Even now, trying to recall this, a shiver goes through my loins as I hear the cracks on flesh and the cries of anguish. Alas, I have never been able to find the caning scene since, despite extensive searching. I did wonder whether this was one of the punishment scenes from the Happy Valley (1987) movie (YouTube usually has these clips), but I am convinced that it was not. Perhaps it is better that I do not see the scene again. In any case, it was not long after watching that scene that I first tried to spank myself. I had long hair and I had a hairbrush in my room, so—and I am sorry to be a cliché—I furtively pulled down my pyjamas and gave myself several cracks with the brush. I can 19 still recall the excitement as my deathly pale white bottom turned red. I only wish I had known then (as I know now) how to really get myself off, as the orgasmic potential from that moment would have been truly quite exhilarating. What we both have in common is that we were non-rebellious children of above average intelligence in stable, loving, nonabusive homes. Neither of us recall ever being spanked, though our parents say they gave us light slaps when we were children. My formative years were wealthier than John’s, for sure, and he can’t discount that some of the early humiliations associated with a lack of money may have contributed in some way to his psyche. Maybe my comfortable existence had the reverse effect and I wished to seek out degradation. Who can say for sure? What we do know is that we both lost our virginity at roughly the same time—the first year of college. We suppose the appeal of “ordinary” sex was not there for us in our early teenage years. No, that’s probably not quite true. It’s just that we were not chasing sex, or particularly anxious to experience “lovemaking” in its traditional format. What we really wanted was to spank and be spanked. That consumed our formative years to the extent that other sexual activities were simply pushed out to the periphery. Both John and I suspect that our own attempts to define the origins of our interest in spanking are almost certainly false. Clearly, with John’s recollections listed earlier, something existed within him before that point. What was that? Psychologists have variously sought to explain the interest in spanking and other sadomasochistic activities as related to sexual abuse, as a deviance, and as a result of childhood experiences.1 Although there is some evidence that participants in sadomasochistic activities are more likely to have been abused as a child,2 the overwhelming majority of participants were not abused. Other research has indicated that sadomasochism is not a pathological symptom of past abuse or of difficulty with “normal” sex.3 1 Alan Soble, ed., Sex from Plato to Paglia: A Philosophical Encyclopaedia, Volume 2 (Westport: Greenwood Press, 2006). 2 See e.g. Niklas Nordlinga, N. Kenneth Sandnabbab, and Pekka Santtilac Nordinling, “The Prevalence and Effects of Self-Reported Childhood Sexual Abuse among Sadomasochistically Oriented Males and Females”, Journal of Child Sexual Abuse 9 (2000), pp. 53–63. 3 J. Richters, et al., “Demographic and psychosocial features of participants in bondage and discipline, ‘Sadomasochism’ or dominance and submission (BDSM): Data from a national survey”, Journal of Sexual Medicine 5 (2008), pp. 1660– 20 We have a number of issues with the traditional academic interpretations of sadomasochism. One of the most important concerns is that there is often a focus on BDSM “subcultures”. With all due respect to those individual societies or gatherings, we are not convinced that they necessarily represent the mainstream of spanking “culture”. Thus the research tends to miss the hidden spankos—millions in our assessment—for whom spanking is a private, occasionally repressed affair, their true sexuality carefully concealed from those around them. It is doubtful that those spankos would reveal themselves even within anonymous postal sex studies. Thus we have reviewed a considerable range of literature, yet in truth we have not found a solid analysis of the desire that speaks to who we truly are. For what it is worth, our own view is this. By our early teen years, we have undergone millions, possibly billions, of individual experiences (moments of life, glances, utterances, sounds heard and so on). In effect, by the age of 15, a teenager will have lived for 7,884,000 minutes. Some of those have been very long minutes indeed; some have seemed much shorter. It seems plausible that some experiences within those minutes will have had such profundity as to mark the whole of our lives, yet we prefer to think that we are the sum total of all of those encounters. We cannot recall or document the majority of those encounters and therefore we cannot interpret them effectively. At some point it seems likely that, for us, there arose a connection between an ill-defined concept of “punishment” and our early sexualised thoughts. We won’t have understood it at the time and certainly would have been unable to verbalise it. Indeed, it may be that this feeling existed initially only at a purely emotional, instinctual level. In any case this link marked our initial masturbatory fantasies and thus simply became self-reinforcing over our impressionable teenage years and into adulthood. In the circumstances self spanking was simply a natural extension of the development of our sexuality. The, frankly inadequate, conclusion to this chapter is that we simply don’t know why we love spanking. Perhaps that is not a bad thing. Clearly, whatever the explanation, our sexuality is at the core of our complexity as human beings. This makes us who we are as much, if not more, than our politics or our preferences 1668. 21 for art, music, or literature. We would hope that this can never be fully explained away—and thus diminished—by an equation of experiences or acts. At this point the reckoning from both authors is that we’ve spent enough time on our attempts at self-analysis. Isn’t it about time we moved into some self spanking? We thought you’d agree. 22 Part II Self Spanking In Practice 23 Chapter 4 Safety Is spanking dangerous? Before we arm ourselves with multiple studies of childhood development, let us again be clear that we are not debating the merits of the physical chastisement of children. As we made clear before, that is a different topic altogether and, frankly, you’re still reading the wrong book. We are only seeking to help potential adult self spankers consider the risks associated with the practice. Apologies if that all sounded somewhat churlish. Unfortunately, tolerance and reasonableness are rarely virtues associated with the manner in which this topic is debated. Spend some time reading on this subject and you’ll either think that spanking is the safest practice the earth has ever seen or that it will certainly kill you (or at least permanently disable you). Both standpoints are misleading. Firstly, it would be extremely foolish to suggest that any form of spanking is entirely risk free. Experienced practitioners know this and act accordingly. If you want empty reassurance, this isn’t the place for you. We’ve struggled to fully explain the risks here, partly due to the apparent rarity of documented incidents of long term injury amongst the BDSM community and partly because most serious injuries described following corporal punishment have involved young children. However, for the record these included spinal injury,1 hypovolemic shock2 (serious condition of a 1 M. Renard, et al., “Three unusual cases of spinal cord injury in childhood”, Paraplegia 16 (1978), pp. 130-134. 2 Scott Eichelberer, Douglas W. Beal, and Ronald B. May, “Hypovolemic Shock in a Child as a Consequence of Corporal Punishment”, Paediatrics 87 (1991), pp. 24 reduction in the volume of blood in the body) and rhabdomyolysis3 (which causes kidney damage). Spanking and paddling have also been associated with sciatic nerve damage, central nervous system haemorrhage, muscular and skeletal damage as well as other injuries.4 If you’re as risk averse as we are, you’ll likely be made quite anxious by the idea that spanking could cause grave complications. However, let’s consider the potential risks of some other activities. Baseball players may wish to know that they run the risk of death,5 severe head injuries, cervical injuries, commotio cordis (disruption of the heart rhythm as a result of a blow to the area), a collapsed trachea and facial fractures.6 A little more worrying to the authors—we are presently quite comfortable on a sofa with a laptop writing this chapter—is the clear association between increased mortality rates and the length of time we sit down.7 It’s a facile point but an important one. There are risks in everything we do. Be aware of them, minimise them, but ultimately only you can decide if the risk is worth it. That’s the case for spanking, as it is for playing baseball or for getting in a car or a plane. The Impact When you strike your bottom, the painful stimulus is detected by tissue sensors called nociceptors. There are hundreds of billions of nociceptors on your buttocks. Indeed, the body is saturated with pain sensors ready to leap into action to deliver signals to your central nervous system. Please bear in mind though that it 570–557. 3 See http://edition.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/1208/03/acd.01.html for details of the sad death of the child involved. 4 Edward F. Zigler, Matia Finn-Stevenson, and Nancy W. Hall, The First Three Years and Beyond: Brain Development and Social Policy (New Haven: Yale University Press, 2004). 5 R. van Amerongen, et al., “Ventricular fibrillation following blunt chest trauma from a baseball”, Paediatric Emergency Care 13 (1997), pp. 107–110. 6 Barry P. Boden, Robin Tacchetti, and Fred O. Mueller, “Catastrophic Injuries in High School and College Baseball Players”, American Journal of Sports Medicine 32 (2004), pp. 1189–1196. 7 P. T. Katzmarzyk, et al., “Sitting Time and Mortality from All Causes, Cardiovascular Disease, and Cancer”, Medicine and Science in Sports and Exercise 41 (2009), pp. 998–1005. 25 is possible for the threshold for the activation of the nociceptors to move up and down.8 Don’t assume the same spanking will deliver the same amount of pain. As the spanking continues, blood flows to the area and this is what causes the all-too-familiar reddening of the skin. A bruise is made when tiny blood vessels under the skin are damaged. The blood has nowhere to go, so it forms a purple/red mark on the skin.9 This changes in colour over time, though the age of a bruise cannot be easily distinguished by its colour.10 In his useful explanation of blunt force trauma, the pathologist Dr Nicholas Batalis explains that the impact of an injury is dependent on a number of factors, including the kinetic energy displaced by the object in motion.11 Kinetic energy just means the energy a body (e.g., a paddle or hairbrush) has by virtue of being in motion. The general idea is that a lighter object travelling at a fast speed will do more damage than a heavier object travelling at low speed. A spanking with a heavy oak paddle connecting slowly with the buttocks does less damage than a small hairbrush flying at speed towards your rear end. Dr Batalis notes that impacts involving a large surface area— relating either to the implement or the tissues being impacted— will result in a greater dispersion of energy over a larger area and less injury to the impacted tissues. This would mean that a thin cane striking the buttocks would be expected to inflict greater localised injuries than a paddle stroke of similar mass and velocity. Those who have taken a good caning will have experienced the science already. Likewise, an impact on a small area of a curved surface will cause greater damage than would be caused were that same impact to occur on a flat surface. Dr Batalis also points out that the composition of the tissues also affects the level of injury. Deeper, more solid tissues such as ribs and internal organs may experience injuries such as fractures and lacerations. Spanking must never involve such areas of the 8 Jay B. Forrest, Conquering Pain, Chicago: BC Decker, 1994. http://nhsdirect.nhs.uk/jointpainandswellingselfcare/ bumpsknocksandbruises. 10 N. E. I. Langlois and G. A Gresham, “The ageing of bruises: a review and study of the color changes with time”, Forensic Science International 50 (1991), pp. 227–38. 11 Nicholas Batalis, “Forensic Autopsy of Blunt Force Trauma”, http:// emedicine.medscape.com/article/1680107-overview. 9 See 26 body. Another factor affecting the severity of injuries is the amount of time the body and the impacting object are in contact. A longer period of contact allows kinetic energy to be dissipated over a prolonged period, resulting in less damage to the tissues than an equally forceful impact with dispersion of energy over a brief period. This could explain why “snap” strokes that are pulled back or snap back after impact tend to hurt more than “follow through” strokes. Practical safety tips So what does all of this mean in practice? As we said before, there is no “safe” way to self spank. However, here are ten useful tips to help minimise the risk of injury and ensure you have a more enjoyable time. 1. Should you be self spanking at all? We can’t offer you medical advice. However, if you are pregnant or have any underlying health problems—such as bruising or blood clotting disorders, kidney trouble, back problems, etc.—then we recommend that you consider refraining from self spanking altogether or seek specialist clinical advice. After all, it stands to reason that any condition that causes problems with the body’s healing systems, exacerbates bruising, or reduces the ability to fight infection, may be incompatible with self spanking. 2. Give yourself the time to self spank safely. We know that’s easier said than done in this busy, high pressure world. However, if you act in haste, you are more likely to injure yourself. Also, the anticipation and the slow build up— the time taken to dream up and calculate the punishment due—can be half the fun of a good self spanking session. 3. Be clean and use clean implements at all times. Whenever we use implements, we consider that there could potentially be a break in the skin, even if choosing a seemingly safe item. To give you the general idea, belts can have metal screws and wire hangers can have sharp edges. You won’t always see the problem until it has nicked you. Additionally, 27 many items can pierce the skin of an already damaged bottom. We therefore clean the item and use a form of disinfectant on our buttocks and on our implements. John rubs cheap aftershave all over a paddle or belt and covers his buttocks and upper thighs with pre-shave alcohol. He then uses antiseptic cream afterwards. Any microbiologists amongst our readers will know that that will not eliminate the risk completely. Nevertheless, as John has no intention of breaking the skin during his sessions, his preparations are probably proportionate to the accidental risk of a skin break. If you’re using birches, especially if prepared from natural twigs, use a proper disinfectant. In all cases, make sure you are not using an implement or other material that you are likely to be allergic to. 4. Aim for the lower, soft, fleshy part of the bottom. Avoid the coccyx (tailbone). You can injure your coccyx if you suffer a hard impact to the base of your spine.12 Self-evidently, you should steer clear of the kidneys (located in the back of the abdomen so you should be aiming nowhere near them), or any other sensitive areas. Additionally, don’t spank the side of the bum (hip area). Think about what we have said about blunt force trauma. 5. Don’t purposefully break the skin and don’t spank skin that has broken, or is bleeding. That’s a no-no. Sometimes this happens accidentally (as above). Common sense, though, tells any sane, clear-thinking person that something sharp impacting at high speed against your bum can break the skin and is thus a bad thing. Or, so you would think. Let me clarify this. One of my favourite implements is the hairbrush. I was going through an unusually (for me) severe phase and really loved getting a hard, firm spanking. The hairbrush addicts amongst you may know that the sensation can lose its effect after several sessions. With a deliciously anxious feeling of impending severe punishment, I re-directed the blows using the bristle end of the brush onto my delicate female bottom. I won’t say that it wasn’t a nice feeling. However, after giving myself only a relatively small number 12 See aspx. e.g. http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/coccydinia/Pages/Causes. 28 of firm strokes, the hairbrush was red and my bottom was, quite literally, covered with blood. Clearly, the individual bristles had broken the skin in a number of areas. Not only did this instantly kill the mood and end the session, I managed to get through half a tube of antiseptic cream within the following sixty seconds and spent the next few days convinced I would somehow suffer a critical episode of septicaemia (blood infection). How would I explain this to sceptical emergency medical staff, not to mention friends and family? Fortunately, no such infection developed, but I never again used the reverse side of the brush. 6. Avoid the genitals. For quite obvious and less protruding reasons, the ladies have the easier time here. Men should take great care to tuck their treasured assets well away from harm’s reach. John has plenty of agonising examples of how he aimed to bring a heavy belt down onto his buttocks, only to catch his testicles in the process. Don’t use less controllable implements (e.g., belts) standing up, or in any other position where you cannot fully protect your genitals. John takes great care now in lying over a pillow and ensuring his genitals are up front against the pillow and not near the bottom region. 7. Stand up or lie face down (back straight). Don’t bend with your back, and try to avoid sudden jolts. You’re after a stinging red bottom, not the agony of a slipped disc. If a position is uncomfortable or it seems to place a strain on your back, it more than likely won’t do you any good, and you are unlikely to have an enjoyable session. 8. Stay aware of what you are doing to yourself. Some people dismiss self spanking as a waste of time because they can’t actually hurt themselves. Quite simply, it is utter nonsense to suggest that you will be unable to harm yourself because you are the one inflicting the pain. For us, we feel the most dangerous time is when we have entered the “zone” towards the end of the session. It really is very easy to let loose on your bottom with all those neurochemicals swimming around your entire being. Both John and I have been shocked more than once at the appearance of our 29 buttocks after getting caught up during particularly fiery sessions. 9. Use appropriate after care. Don’t heat the area as this can cause further inflammation. Our own practice is to use a form of antiseptic cream, or aftershave, even if we cannot see any skin breaks. Medical websites recommended placing ice on a bruise (use a cloth so as not to injure the skin) to help it heal faster and to reduce swelling.13 Do this for no longer than 15 minutes every hour. 10. Give yourself time to heal, physically and emotionally. Firstly, your buttocks need time to heal. Love your bottom and make sure that it has the chance to return to its normal soft and flawless state. Just as importantly, you need to ensure that self spanking is not becoming addictive for you. As we said earlier, the pain of self spanking can induce a strong sense of euphoria. There is a potential for a person to require ever higher levels of pain to achieve the desired buzz. Of course, some development in this regard is almost inevitable as you get used to different sensations and pain levels. However, be wary of escalating your sessions. Treat self spanking as an indulgence. Just like chocolate or alcohol, self spanking is lovely as a treat but it should not be a key ingredient of our everyday diet. Speaking of diet, we do recommend that you treat your stomach far better than your bottom. For example, bruises are helped in the healing process by important minerals such as Vitamin C, by bioflavonoids (naturally occurring plant substances in brightly coloured vegetables and fruits) and by essential fatty acids that are necessary for tissue repair.14 Good sources of Vitamin C include peppers (red is better than green), oranges, grapefruits, kiwi fruits, strawberries and Brussels sprouts.15 Good sources of essential fatty acids include oily fish (e.g., salmon and mackerel), nuts (e.g., walnuts) and seeds (e.g., flaxseed). So you’ll be eating 13 See http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/007213.htm. F. Balch, Mark Stengler, and Robin Young Balch, Prescription for Natural Cures (New Jersey: Wiley and Sons, 2011). 15 Information sourced from the Office of Dietary Supplement for the National Institute of Health. Factsheets can be found at http://www.ods.od.nih.gov/. 14 James 30 fish with a hearty green side salad and snacking on almonds and pumpkin seeds. One final but extremely important point. Please do not be afraid of seeking medical advice if anything unusual does occur with your body after a self spanking session. A (non-exhaustive) list of possible warning signs includes redness spreading from a break in the skin (not just a red bottom), an unusual level of pain at that site, pus coming out of the area, discolouration of urine, or an unexplained fever. It is invariably better to treat a problem sooner rather than later. Most (at least, urban) Emergency Department doctors have heard and seen it all. Make up a story of experimentation with a new partner if that will help (we don’t think it’s possible to tell the difference between self spanked and partner-delivered bruises). A bit of embarrassment really is very little in the scheme of things. 31 Chapter 5 Self spanking techniques Firstly, an apology. We both recognise that it can be irritating when a self-appointed “instructor” tells you that there is no right way of performing a particular task. If they haven’t quite worked it out for themselves, why are they teaching it? Yet, we’re not talking about refining a tennis backhand shot, or loading a gun. For us, self spanking is not about delivering a sound whacking as effectively and efficiently as possible (although we are envious of those of you in decades to come who may well have robotic assistance with the task). As pretentious as we know this may sound, there is a difference between eating and dining. We can all perfect the task of eating, but we may have very different ideas about what constitutes an enjoyable meal experience. A few words about you You may be short or tall. You may have heavy muscles or no upper body strength at all. You may have a thin bottom or a lovely big bottom destined to be spanked. Your skin tone may be white, black, light brown, dark brown, freckled, or clear. You may have a big bosom or small breasts. You may be slender or shapely. Above all, you are an individual, and you will need to find the right technique and position for you. 32 We want you to feel comfortable and savour self spanking, so think of the following as less of an instruction manual and more as a series of hints and tricks to help you along and deliver what you need for yourself. Overcoming self-preservation instincts Although our genes and neural programming help us to survive and propagate the species, they do prove rather burdensome for self spankers. We don’t want our internal software to protect ourselves from a danger (a rod beating down on a defenceless bottom); we want to raise the bottom towards it. Some spankos can’t self spank simply because they feel unable to inflict any sort of pain upon themselves. So, how to overcome this? Let us say here that, if you’re not into spanking at all, you’re probably not going to be able to wallop your own buttocks for any length of time. However, if you are a spanko, it’s all about creating compartments within your thinking: the devil within the brain giving the punishment and the angel within the brain receiving (or the roles reversed if you prefer). This is explicitly connected with the scenario: the more powerful the fantasy for you, the easier it will be. For example, you need to become both the college professor and the hapless failing student. As you raise the strap above your bottom, focus only on the thoughts of the punisher (e.g., the professor), then on impact you are the student again. (That’s the easier shift in thinking due to your anguished rear end.) You can verbalise the two roles if you wish, or even record the punisher’s role in advance and play it back during the punishment. The trick is to bring the implement onto the bottom from a sufficient distance to generate a speedy stroke, either from above, assisted by gravitational forces, or from behind. Some people try to self spank with the implement just a few inches from their buttocks. This is usually unsatisfactory. If someone is punishing you, they don’t necessarily need a big back lift, but you’re unlikely to generate the desired force that way. Undoubtedly, some discipline (i.e., willpower) can be required initially. However, this becomes easier as the spanking progresses, particularly as the neurochemicals start swirling around. In fact, you may find that, over time, the issue becomes not so 33 much one of how to inflict any pain on your bottom; it is about how you can fine tune your technique to deliver the maximum pain. That is why we have stressed the importance of safety throughout this book. Before you are in position Your mood and physical well-being are the two most important factors in achieving a good session. If you are feeling unwell, don’t bother playing at all. Aside from other medical considerations, your response to pain is likely to be altered, and you are not going to enjoy the session. However, if you are feeling a bit down or sad, then a good self spanking might be just what you need, with a couple of important provisos. We recommend firstly that you only undertake a session in a state of mind where you can engage sexually with the spanking. That doesn’t mean you have to achieve a sexual release; it just means that there has to be a sense of arousal lurking within you at the thought of the punishment to come. Not only does this help to minimise the pain response, it is (at least in our view) the very essence of self spanking. Indeed, we never punish ourselves after sexual release has occurred, as the fundamental premise for the act has gone. The second consideration is that you should be able to fully engage mentally with the session. When we are self spanking, there are only three thoughts on our mind: the state of our bottom, the arousal we are feeling, and the potential for discovery. If your boss’s furious assessment of your work earlier in the day is still on your mind, give the session a miss. That is not to say that self spanking cannot be a form of escapism and aid relaxation. It is just that some stresses are so overwhelming that we struggle to clear our thoughts. The last thing you want to be doing is smacking down hard objects onto your body when you are not in a clear state of mind. So, always get yourself nice and relaxed and prepared for the session. Your only inner trembling should be at the thought of what is going to happen to your bottom. Make sure the room is warm and comfortable. Take some relaxing deep breaths. Play some music and maybe sip a nice cup of tea. . . . 34 Positioning and techniques We use two basic positions. The first of these is to stand up or kneel whilst we reach behind to spank, either using the palm of our hands, or by grasping an implement with our stronger hand and smacking this onto the lower fatty part of our buttocks. This position is particularly well suited to shorter implements, such as the hairbrush. We don’t recommend this at all for the belt, or any whip like implements. Those items are very difficult to control in this position and also have a tendency to wrap around and hit the genitals. An alternative technique here is the “reverse hand” stroke whereby the knuckles of the stronger hand face forward at the front and side of the buttocks. An implement (a wire hanger or short cane, for example) is then cracked onto the bottom using a flick of the wrist. An advantage of the standing position for both men and women is that you can use one hand to masturbate whilst you are punishing yourself with the other hand. The second key position is where we lie down whilst we use our strongest hand to reach behind and whip an instrument down on our buttocks. Imagine lying on a bed (face down) and rolling slightly away from your stronger arm, so that your body is at a slight angle and you are leaning more on your other side. For example, I am right handed, so I lie down and then lift my right side up slightly by balancing on the other side. This is so that I have easier access to turn round and see where the implement is striking. This is a better position for whip like implements, as we can ensure our genitals are tucked up front against a pillow (don’t open your legs). Gravity also helps to deliver the spanking as the implement is coming down from on high. It is not as easy to masturbate during the lying position. (Though it is a “punishment” after all folks!) However, girls can strategically position the pillows and (not so surreptitiously) rub themselves against the material whilst the spanking is ongoing. Boys are going to struggle. If you wish to have some genital stimulation as you wallop yourself, best to uncover the foreskin (if you have one), place this against the pillow and rock during the punishment. 35 As we mentioned earlier, we don’t “bend over” as such as that places a lot of strain on the back. It’s fine to lie across the table with the legs protruding down, as long as the back is straight. I occasionally use a technique where I sit back and expose my bottom so I can attack this from the front. I can give myself a few swats, then play with my pussy and then return to the spanking. I learnt this position from a couple of spanking movies where the person being punished (usually a girl) had to hold their feet up and fully expose themselves. However, John hates this position as he can’t get his testicles out of the way. Of course, there is no limit to where these positions can be situated: lie down on a bed, the sofa, or even a kitchen table. Stand up on a naughty chair in the centre of the room, or stand with your back to a mirror in the bathroom. Timing of individual strokes A common problem for self spankers is getting the timing of strokes just right. Indeed, we suspect that many who dismiss self spanking as delivering inadequate sensation are rushing their technique. This is especially likely in self spankers who have been used to receiving punishment from other people. Self spanking requires more patience and offers a slower build up to achieve maximum sensation. The sort of caning that one person can deliver to another in a few strokes is obviously going to be more severe than a self spanker can inflict upon themselves in the same time period. The trick is to know your implement (see the next chapter). For example, don’t try and use the cable, cane or a large paddle to deliver rapid-fire strokes. Leave a long pause, allow for the psychological build up; use the time to adjust your aim and steel yourself to bring the implement down smartly on your backside. Hairbrushes and wire hangers, on the other hand, are ill-suited to slow, heavy strokes. The goal is to deliver lots of quick, rapid blows, leaving only a momentary gap for the bottom to recover. As the punishment reaches a crescendo, increase the speed of the strokes to the maximum you can achieve. This should only be done towards the end of a spanking, though, as the bottom will likely be too numb to achieve much sensation after that escalation period. 36 Whichever technique you use, we recommend building in natural pauses within the spanking. So, if you want to give yourself 50 strokes, do this in two sessions of 25. This has a number of benefits. It gives time for the bottom to cool down and recover sensation. Additionally, this allows you to go and examine your buttocks in a mirror. Not only can it be extremely erotic to see your reddening bottom, knowing that it will become yet more so, it also gives you the opportunity to inspect for any damage that may have occurred. Such signs often go unnoticed in the heat of the bottom battle. You should now have an understanding of the basic techniques. In the next two chapters we’ll list the key instruments of doom for your bottom and give you some other unsavoury ideas too. 37 Chapter 6 Implements We have listed the key items alphabetically. Of course, this list is not definitive and in fact it could not possibly be so. It can be quite exciting to search the home or the local shops to find a new implement. No one will know that you don’t ever intend to chop onions on that new wooden kitchen board that you’ve just purchased. Yes, this experimentation can be disappointing on occasions, and you can hardly give yourself an experimental swat with the new leather belt in the store. We find, though, that the anticipation of innovation with new implements is worth the odd unsatisfying experience. Unfortunately, the world is becoming ubiquitously plastic and finding decent wooden or leather items outside of a mail order setting is getting increasingly difficult. A few words about pain levels. Defining pain in terms of subjective personal experience is as useful as. . . telling a blind man that everyone knows what the colour red is.1 We’ve all seen “serious” movies where a lady receives a few gentle smacks with the hand on petticoat covered buttocks, and yet her face contorts with pain such as you’ve never seen before. Quite understandably, spankos regard such scenes with ill-disguised contempt. We may also have viewed—with equal suspicion—those 1 Fernando Cervero, Understanding Pain (Cambridge: MIT Press, 2012). 38 film scenes where a naked man or woman laughs through an apparently brutal whipping. Clearly, those extremes are caricatures of reality. Nonetheless, we do know people have significantly different responses and tolerances to pain. We will try to give an overall sense of the average pain and sensation that an implement and technique can deliver. The scale will be from 0 (no pain) to 10 (maximum pain and sensation). However, we appreciate that everyone will have their own views on this, and we of course welcome feedback about your own spanking experiences. The bath brush Similar to a hair brush, though usually larger and occasionally plastic. This seems to be a common implement for “virgin” self spankers, no doubt partly due to the availability of this heavy implement in most bathrooms and its proximity to our naked bottoms when undressing for showering and bathing. Pros: Ease of use (its length and weight seem to be made for self spanking). Usually heavy and swift enough to provide a decent paddling, too. Cons: Like many implements of this type, the sensation can become numb and unsatisfactory after a relatively small number of strokes. Good for first attempts, but not for longer sessions. Pain rating: 6/10 The belt/strap/tawse At risk of causing offence to purists who may regard each of these as unique implements in their own right, we have unceremoniously lumped them all together. After all, in all cases we’re talking about striking the bottom with a thinnish strip of leather material. In our view having a couple of tails on the end of the leather doesn’t make a whole host of difference. That is not to say that the choice of implement is not important: in fact, it is crucial for self spankers. First of all, ditch the cheap plastic belts. Plastic belts make noise; good quality thick leather delivers sensation. (When we say thick, we don’t mean width of the strip; we mean the depth of the leather.) Unfortunately, good quality thick leather belts are neither cheap, nor that easy to get hold of unless you are ordering 39 via the internet. Cheaper thin belts are difficult to manipulate and cause more injury to your arm than your buttocks. However, we think we have developed a decent solution that works with most leather belts. The trick is to use an old belt and cut off/remove the metal buckle, keeping the thicker area of the belt that supports the buckle (be sure to remove any screws or similar left there). Lie face down and reach behind to raise the belt high above your bottom. Swing the belt down, so that the thicker buckle area connects with your bottom. Not only does this heavier part of the belt help with your aim, its thicker mass—combined with the laws of gravity—can help to deliver a nicely stinging sensation. Of course, if you already have a good thick belt to hand, this may not be as important. The belt/strap is an implement where length is important and there is no right answer here either. We don’t like to “double up” the belt. We either use a shorter strap, or use the long belt carefully (holding it 50–70cm from the end for better control), so that the tip meets nicely with the bum from up high. Indeed, although short/mid length straps can be easier, there is something about the unpredictability of a longer strip of leather bearing down on to your arse from up high that adds an extra level of excitement. However, you do need to be very careful with this, as you can end up hitting parts of the body that you would much rather keep away from the strap. Pros: Nice stinging sensation, with the lovely traditional feel of leather against the bare bottom. Can connect with both buttocks at the same time. Cons: Takes a lot of physical and mental effort to get it right. May need to experiment with individual belts and techniques to get the best out of the experience. Poorly controlled swings can cause unintended damage. Pain rating: 7/10 The birch A bundle of leafless twigs bound together. One of the punishment classics. Buy one or use your own collection of twigs/branches (suitably disinfected of course). Needs to be longer than a standard birch if you are using the lying down position, but that can 40 cause stability problems with the spanking end of the instrument. Pros: There are few sensations to match a good birch connecting with your rear end. Cons: Dulls quite quickly in our view (for self spanking). Expensive or time consuming to prepare. Outcome is very variable. Pain rating: 5/10 The cable What we mean here is the kind of cable that connects video players to televisions, although you can experiment with any type of cord as long as you don’t expect it to deliver top class audio-visual playback the following day. This is one of the few implements where we recommend “doubling up”. This means holding both (usually metal/plastic) connecting ends in one hand and bringing the other “U shaped” plastic cord down on to your bottom. Pros: The most fearsome implement we have yet used in self spanking. Bring one of these down smartly on your bottom and you’ll know about it. Unlike some other implements, sensation does not reduce to an unsatisfying numbness within a few strokes. Cons: Be careful with your aim as this can be difficult to control. Not for those with a low pain threshold. Even we have struggled to whip it down on occasions and would not award ourselves more than a few dozen. Pain rating: 9/10 The cane Traditional instrument of chastisement, but can be unsatisfactory and frustrating for self spankers. The choice of cane is important, with a thinner, whippy, stick cane (i.e., no handle) probably best for self spanking. Consider wearing a glove on the hand that will wield the cane, as the backlash can be uncomfortable over time. Not suitable for the standing position. Lie down, raise it above your bottom, and give it your best. Pros: Really nice bite if you get the stroke right. Does not numb whole buttock area, 41 Cons: One of the more difficult instruments. If the cane’s not right, you’ll end up with aching arm muscles, sore thighs (having missed your bum so much) and a generally fed up countenance. Welts can take more time to fade away. Pain rating: 8/10 (but usually falls below potential) The hairbrush We’re not talking cheap plastic here; we’re talking sturdy and solid wooden brushes. A decent sized handle will give you extra reach but is not essential. Use the hairbrush to deliver some good hard spanks, particularly on a nice fleshy bottom. Pros: Easy to use and easy to aim. Decent sensation. Very good option for the ladies, as they can keep it on the dresser for a (wink, wink) dual purpose. Cons: Bottom can feel numb quite quickly with a reduction in feeling. Delivers a more solid thud and a less intense sensation than some other implements. Men tend not to have the required type of hairbrush and may feel they have to buy one and hide it away. Pain rating: 6/10 The hand The spanking instrument you carry everywhere and a traditional punishment tool for centuries. Pros: Safe, easy. A good option for those with a very low pain threshold. Cons: It feels as if you are doing more damage to your hands than your bottom. We’ve tried gloves but still without much real sensation for us. Makes quite a loud noise. Pain rating: 1/10 The paddle A traditional school punishment implement in the US, the paddle’s size and design are often ill suited to self spanking in our view. Lighter ones are ineffective, whilst heavier ones are only worth a shot for body-building self spankers. If you have one to hand, don’t just take our word for it and by all means give it a 42 try. However, to avoid disappointment, we wouldn’t recommend purchasing one for the purposes of self spanking. Pros: Solid hit and warmth spreading across a wide area if you get it right. Cons: Spreading that warmth may require multiple sessions to the gym and steroid use to develop your arm muscles sufficiently. Area can quickly become quite numb. Paddles can also make quite a loud sound against your bottom. Pain rating: 6/10 The ruler Again, we don’t recommend plastic rulers (lots of noise, no sensation) or metal rulers (lots of damage, no sensation). So it’s back to wood again. . . . Ah, trees, you are the lifeblood of our spanking enthusiasm. Pros: A good heavy thick (in depth), medium sized (30–50cm length) ruler gives a welcome sharp shock. Cons: Rulers longer than 50cm will be very difficult to control effectively. Alas, the stationery world seems to have embraced plastic with a vengeance and solid wooden rulers can be difficult to find on the average shopping run. Pain rating: 8/10 The whip Whether using a single cord, or a multi-tailed whip, we feel these are best kept for games with multiple players. Our thoughts on this are similar to what we have said about the paddle. If you have one, give it a go, but if you don’t, it’s probably not worth the money to get one. Our apologies to sex shops everywhere. Pros: Shorter whips may deliver a nice, low grade stinging sensation to those with a low pain threshold. Thicker, more solid leather whips can also be a nice tool. Tend to be a bit quieter than some other implements. Cons: There’s lots of “party” whips out there that are so ineffective you start to think seriously of upgrading to a hand spanking. More serious, longer whips, can be extremely difficult to deliver on target and can cause significant injury (even to the 43 face if you’re not careful and certainly to the genitals). Don’t even try bull-whips, or anything of that length. Pain Rating: 6/10 The wire coat hanger Simply take a wire coat hanger, stretch it out until it is one long piece of metal, then curl up one end to form a handle. Lightly hold it with the handle to the side of your bottom, then flick it back. Pros: Cheap, light weight and whippy. It is easy to stand up and deliver a large number of strokes with one hand whilst pleasuring yourself with the other. The cumulative effect of the strokes can deliver a smarting sensation. The wire hanger is also very quiet and can be a good option if you worry about strokes being overheard. Cons: Wire can bend back and need re-shaping, especially if attempting harder single strokes. Impact for individual strokes limited. Pain rating: 6/10 The wooden spoon Every kitchen has one; it’s the implement of instant punishment when there’s nothing else to hand. Capable of a few good swats. Pros: Ease of access and use. Cons: They’re often not strong enough for serious spanking and can be ineffectual and barely felt after the first few hits. Pain rating: 3/10 Other implements Book: Thin, heavy hardback books are an option if there really is nothing else around. The sensation fades quite quickly, though and, let’s face it, books are for reading. It goes without saying that we do not recommend self spanking with a Kindle. . . . Carpet-beater: Looks like a wooden tennis racket with big holes. We have seen decent spankings given with them, but gener- 44 ally impractical for self spanking and can be difficult to get hold of. Headphone Wire: Gave me a little bit of a sting when I was bored one day, but mostly gave me a rash afterwards. John considers this highly amusing. Ping Pong bat: Maybe the more expensive ones are a bit sturdier, but we could whack our butts all day with the cheap ones and barely notice. Saucepan: More likely to cause damage than sensation. Totally unsatisfying. Slipper/Pump: This is one that disappointed John, primarily because he had had several salacious fantasies about a good slippering. Alas, he found a number of sports shoes, slippers and formal shoes, to be all quite ineffective. He is still searching for the right sole that will give his bottom what it needs. Tennis Racket: Has the right delivery mechanism, but simply bounces off your buttocks with little if any impact. Wet Towel: An admission from both of us here. We have seen descriptions of wet towels being used in spanking punishment scenarios, but we’re still not at all clear how this is done. We’ve tried it a few times, yet remain flummoxed as to how one is actually supposed to do this. Wood (other): Almost any wooden instrument can be looked on as a potential self spanking implement. The key is in the shape and quality of the wood. A clothes brush can deliver a good crack, but is almost impossible to handle effectively. A cheap wooden spatula can be handled well, yet delivers very little sensation. A final word on. . . the spanking machine Historically, spanking machines were more imagined in cartoons than seen in real life. That has changed slightly in recent years and there are several spanking websites that show videos of poor 45 bottoms being beaten by a rather odd looking mechanical contraption. There are even vendors that will sell you one. These are typically both exorbitantly expensive and severely lacking in portability. We haven’t tried any spanking machines, so we are reluctant to comment too harshly. However, we are sceptical that the devices we have seen would offer a sufficiently desirable experience to justify the expense, or for that matter, the inevitable loss of storage space in your home. After all, a spanking machine is not like a hairbrush that you can quickly pop into your underwear drawer when your uncle comes to visit. As you will have guessed, the choice of implement is not the only method of heightening the experience. We will therefore now turn to some of the less, mmm, solid ways of enhancing your self spanking exploits. 46 Chapter 7 Enhancing the experience There are a number of ways to enrich the self spanking experience. Here are some ideas. The background scenario We suppose there are occasions when we just pull up our skirt (or down our trousers) and give ourselves a quick red bottom with a hairbrush. However, we rarely find these self spanking “quickies” to be enlivening of the spirit, or indeed of the genitals. No, we need to have a scenario lodged firmly in the mind and usually a specific number of strokes, though there’s nothing to stop the punisher deciding we haven’t been taking the chastisement seriously and adding many more strokes. You’ll likely already have your fantasy scenario in mind. This will consist of who will be punishing you, as well as how, why, and where they will be doing so. The only limits to this are your own imagination. However, we all get bored of ourselves from time to time so we’ve added in a few scenarios for you to consider in the Appendix. 47 Deciding on the severity and number of strokes The self spanking can be anything from a few slaps with your hand to a multi-implement fantasy session lasting several hours. It will take time for you to judge what works well for you. However, bear in mind what we have said about safety, and also remember this should be about pleasure and sensation. We’ve adopted scenarios where we are due to get a couple of hundred strokes of the belt or cane, but end up bored and giving half-hearted semi strokes just to get the numbers out of the way. We partly blame some spanking fiction for this, as it can describe some truly ridiculous punishments. A lower number of strokes that deliver good sensation to your bum are better than a high number of ineffectual strokes. Inevitably, someone will suggest a “warm up” spanking here. Effectively this is a practice whereby a person gives themselves (or is given) lower impact strokes initially (e.g., a hand spanking), so that the buttocks are already partially numbed to the pain and more intensive strokes can then be delivered. We suppose the benefit is that longer, more severe spankings can be given. However, if the aim is to deliver sensation (as opposed to damage), we’re not convinced that there is much to gain from a warmup spanking. To the contrary, numbness is a self spanker’s enemy, as this is less easy to overcome than for those delivering punishments to the bottoms of others. Clothing and body Is there any way to self spank other than on the bare bottom? We don’t think so. However, we won’t completely discount the possibility that some may prefer to spank a silk underwear covered rear, so it’s your preference. In truth, deciding on the level of undressing required can be part of the excitement. Will you have to be naked for this one, or will it suffice for you to just remove your pants? Get into the right scenario and the correct mood and you can still feel a sense of humiliation as you bare yourself for the punishment. After all, even for those with spanking partners, the sense of occasion associated with undressing has often 48 diminished with the daily routine. You may wish to dress up in a uniform or a specific set of clothes. (Okay, I admit it: I have spanked myself in a cheerleader’s outfit.) Whatever works with the scenario; just do what you can to help get yourself into your fantasy role. You obviously can’t tie up your hands, as how then would you spank yourself? However, you might consider tying your legs together, or maybe using one hand to spank yourself and have the other tied to the edge of the bed. Another option is to wet the bottom, either prior to or during the spanking. This can stop the buttocks becoming numb and increases the level of sensation. John swears by this, though he thinks that cool refrigerated water works better than tap water. Place a water spray dispenser in the fridge so it’s ready. An interesting water-based sensation is to spank yourself whilst you are wearing soaking wet cold panties or shorts. For me, this takes a lot of preparation and is a bit messy but it can be worth it. Some spankos advocate the use of oils on the bottom to enhance the sting of the spanking. Neither of us are huge proponents, as the sensation (for us) is typically either too little or too much. You can buy readymade spanking oils (just do a web search) or make your own. You would be advised to take great care in mixing your own concoctions though. Also be aware of handling irritant items and then touching sensitive areas of the body. John reliably informs me that hot chili being inadvertently transferred to the top of the penis is not a pleasant sensation. Also, chili (which really does burn the tissue) doesn’t seem to come off with simple hand washing, so the best thing to do is jump in the shower, make sure the substance is off your hands first and then give everywhere a strong soapy rubdown. For men, a hairy bottom can spoil the effects of a good spanking. Rarely, this problem can also affect women too. Using waxing or laser hair removal on the buttocks is a good choice. Men can shave their bottoms, but John tells me that this can be very itchy a few days down the line. Fortunately I’ve never needed hair removal from the buttocks so I can’t attest to this. Nonetheless, I’m not sure that shaving is such a good choice for women, as that might enhance the problem. To get deep into a scenario, I have shaved my pussy a few times. That can feel very decadent, though I did once cut myself slightly through 49 impatience—fortunately not at a particularly sensitive point. You can increase the sense of ritual in other ways. You could draw target “X”s or a round circle on your bottom, indicating the area to be spanked. Perhaps you might write “slut” or “bad boy” on your buttocks in red pen and then cover this up with the redness of the bottom from a spanking. That is, of course, if you are able to write legibly on your own bottom whilst in erotic contemplation of a jolly fine whacking. Capturing the emotion It is not all about sex, pain and fantasy. For some, the emotion of a spanking is extremely important and even a good cry may be desirable. If you’re looking for this, then plan your self spanking session carefully so you are relaxed, prepared, and fully engaged with the scenario. Imagination is everything here; let yourself go into the part. After you’ve roasted your bottom, why not give a big hug to a teddy bear, a cat, or a dog? Alternatively, put on some loud music and get swept away by the emotions. A recurring theme in the self spanking discourse is the requirement for a sense of helplessness as part of the session. In truth you may find this emotion difficult to create on a full blown “I’m at your mercy” level, though randomising the punishment (see further below) can give a sense of your not being fully in control of events. Some non-spanking sensations such as the use of chili, or nettles (see the extra spice section at the end of the chapter) can give a feeling of helplessness as their potency cannot easily be diminished once started. These can be extremely dangerous, though, particularly if you do not take great care, or have an allergy to the substances involved. Location, location You need to have a safe, secure place to self spank, as distractions can easily spoil the mood. Not everyone has the luxury of an apartment or house to themselves, so you may have to steal those precious times when everyone else is out. We have both tried to self spank with others present in a house. This wasn’t always satisfying as we spent more time listening for creaking stairs 50 than we did spanking. If noise is the biggest problem for you (the beating of flesh can make quite a racket) then have some loud music to hand (not too loud or you’ll get visitors due to the noise!), or use a quieter implement such as a wire coat hanger. If you are lucky enough to be able to self spank in other areas, why not stand expectantly for your punishment in the living room, hall, or kitchen? You may like to stand in front of a big mirror in the bathroom, so you can watch your buns turning nice and red. If you are very, very lucky, you may have access to other areas, perhaps an isolated barn where you can bend over some hay and give yourself some much needed licks. Indeed! More likely, you will have to make do with what you have and use your imagination. Drat, more work for the poor brain. The experience can be heightened for some people by a fear of discovery, be that real or imagined. This truly is my “thing”, though John would rather self spank in darkness in a sound proof room than risk discovery. I can understand that and I don’t exactly run down the street naked as I flay my poor backside. I wouldn’t want to be discovered in flagrante either, and I suppose I don’t run any real risks. I do though sometimes like to just open the window blinds enough to put that fear inside of me. Also, I find that net curtains offer the anticipation that I can be seen, without much fear of actually being viewed. This is particularly the case at night (assuming you don’t turn the light on). When I was much younger, I used to have access to a rooftop area, and I did give myself more than a few spanks on the bare bottom (in perpetual terror of discovery). There is quite something, though, about prostrating yourself in the open air whilst you scorch your naked buttocks with a hairbrush. What you shouldn’t do is deliberately court discovery, especially in a public area. That’s likely to lead to lots of questions and, more likely than not, some sort of court appearance. In particular, never ever risk exposing or revealing yourself to anyone who is not an adult, as that could take you down a very dark and difficult path. This is the case for self spanking, as it is for any other sexual practice. 51 Before and after Perhaps you will be forced to stand naked with your hands on your head whilst you think about your impending punishment. Or maybe you will just lie down on the bed, hairbrush perched on your bottom, whilst you write down why you are due to receive a good thrashing. Of course, if the hairbrush were to fall off, that would mean extra strokes. . . . You get our drift, of course. Every good dining experience should have an aperitif. When you have some privacy it is possible to absorb yourself completely in the role and create a deeply erotic prelude to your spanking. Dining is of course incomplete without a dessert, and you should try to prepare the ending to your playtime before your bottom starts to redden. For many the dessert will be a sexual release. For others, that spoils the essence of the punishment scenario. In either case, some form of “corner time” is always worthwhile. We won’t have to explain this term to spankos, but for any non-spankos reading, this just means spending some time in contemplation of the spanking you have received. You don’t necessarily have to have a corner; we know those oval shaped rooms can be troublesome. You may wish to add some additional, perhaps painful, features to your corner time. Perhaps you will force yourself to kneel down on some hard peas with your hands behind your back, or sit on a tray containing (clean, not sharp) pebbles. Sometimes, just sitting down on a hard chair, hands above head, can bring spicy discomfort to a well bruised bottom. Some people prefer to perform after-care before their corner time. John finds it a considerable turn-on to look at his antiseptic cream covered bottom. He thinks it is the way the white stickiness intersperses with the reddened, bruised buttocks. On the other hand, I like to stand on my chair with my hands on my head, bottom burning in disgrace, until a timer on my mobile phone releases me. Then I clean up, do the necessary, and carry on with my life. Recording the experience You may wish to have a log of your punishments. Neither John nor I do this, so we don’t know whether it is helpful. However, 52 some people like to do this. If you are going to, we wouldn’t recommend making this record paper based. We would probably go for a password protected word processor file. John wants me to add “in an encrypted location” here but I think that might be overkill. If you’re as cautious as John, do a Google search on encrypted storage and lots of options will present themselves. One thing that turns some people on is to record their self spanking session and place this on any number of adult websites. Usually, only the bottom (or the body up to the shoulders) is shown. Now, I have considered this on a number of occasions. Several aspects of this worry me. Who is watching? I can’t imagine an ex-boyfriend would be able to spot my bottom from the thousand others online. It would though be just typical for my friends to recognise one of my beautifully patterned rugs. The other point is: how anonymous is your submission? Could your IP address (i.e., the number of your computer connecting to the internet) be logged and the video somehow referred back to you? Of course, if you’re massively turned on by the thought of thousands of people watching you blister your own bottom, then you may not be too fussed about the small risk of detection. Indeed, just typing this, I have decided that I may just be able to cover up my rugs with a large white sheet. . . . Randomising the experience One of the exciting features of self spanking is randomising your punishment. You can randomise implements, strokes, locations, and even your attire. You can also randomise using dice or an online random number generator. Another option that we’ve tried is to write implements and numbers down on a piece of paper, then pull them out of a hat or a tin. However, in all of these manual cases, be careful to throw all the paper bits away unless you want other home dwellers or visitors to wonder why there are small pieces of paper with “cane” or “naked across bed” written on them. 53 Adding extra spice There are countless ways to add a little extra to the self spanking ritual. These will largely depend on your own sexuality. We have included a few ideas below. However, by no means are we experts in these practices and you will find superior and better informed “how to” guides on the web. Anal play: There are those who think it is folly to spank the bottom and ignore the anus. You can push something up there and spank yourself, with the sensation of the slapping complementing the stretching, tight anal feeling. Be sure to ensure the device does not go too far in, as a trip to the emergency department may be required to get it back out. Bondage: Perhaps give yourself a good spanking and get yourself nicely restrained. Neither of us have done this, so we can’t comment on whether it’s worth the fuss. Figging: This practice involves inserting a ginger root into the anus, making sure that it cannot get lost up the rectum by carving a “stop” section at the back. The idea is that the ginger provides a deep burning sensation within the bottom. It is reportedly a very nice complement to spanking. I’ve done it a couple of times, but with disappointing results each time. Yes, there was some mild sensation but I had been expecting to have a fire inside my bottom that would make my knees buckle. Oh well. My ginger was an odd shape and perhaps I didn’t do it quite right. You may have better luck. Nettles: Applying these onto the skin will sting and cause a rash. They seem to be more prevalent in the BDSM community these days, possibly due to the sense of helplessness that we mentioned earlier. However, allergic reactions to nettles can occur and have even been fatal.1 Vibrator play: Sometimes I will place a vibrator in my pussy and keep it there whilst I lie down for my spanking. Larger vibrators give a sense of being full during the spanking, yet 1 Graham D. Hammond, et al., “Urtica ferox neuropathy”, Nerve and Muscle 35 (2007), pp. 804–807. 54 I prefer the way my clitoris rubs against the pillow. (it is ultimately better when the vagina is empty in my view.) Hopefully we’ve reached the point where you’ve earned yourself a jolly good thrashing (and can carry this out effectively). In many respects, though, this is the easiest part of self spanking. Surviving as a spanko in today’s society requires a little more thought, and this is where we now head. 55 Part III Life As a Spankophile 56 Chapter 8 Living in the universe as a self spanker Privacy We do not reveal ourselves as spanking enthusiasts over polite dinner conversation. In fact BDSM practices are typically secret practices. The reasons for this are not fully understood, though research has suggested that this may be due to feelings that the practices may be regarded as immoral, or that BDSM protagonists may have a desire to be part of a secret subculture.1 We think that for most serious spankos the first explanation is correct. Let’s consider the morality issue further. Consensual spanking is not immoral. We have no real desire to provide a detailed self-justification of this here. We live in a world of war, terrorism, famine, disease, murder, child abuse, dignity depriving poverty, corruption, rape, drug dependency, bigotry, racism, homophobia, homelessness, deprivation of liberties, and oppression. If you genuinely think that consensual spanking is one of the big moral issues of our time, then we are confident that our own limited debating skills are not going to shift you from that viewpoint. Both John and I worry about decisions that we have made in our lives and how those choices might have affected other people. We do not lie awake at night fretting about 1 Beverly L. Stiles and Robert E. Clarke, “BDSM: A subcultural analysis of sacrifices and delights”, Deviant Behavior 32 (2011), pp. 158–189. 57 the morality of spanking, though neither are we so smug that we are blind to the negative aspects of our “fetish”. (We hate this word.) So, if we are so confident that we spankos are not evil, why don’t we “come out” to our friends and families? We could simply say that our sexuality is nobody’s business but our own. That’s neither a morally, nor a legally, defensible position in of itself; we could use that argument to defend paedophilia, for example. We might argue that our spanking sexuality is inherently private and does not impact upon others. We’re not sure that’s strictly true either, as a vast amount of pornographic material is generated to satisfy our sexuality. Indeed, many of us will also have exchanged stories and other comments in a public arena, albeit often under the cloak of anonymity. Our argument for privacy is along these lines: Spanking is still perceived as a sexuality that has somehow misfired. In those respects it is similar to how homosexuality was considered many years ago (and, regrettably, as it still is in many countries), yet we believe that being a spanko is different from being gay. Being gay, lesbian, bisexual, or straight, is at the core of a person’s identity. It would be difficult to live amongst friends and family without sharing that core identity. However, in our view at least, being a spanko relates to some of our innermost sexual desires. A man might openly say he is straight or gay, but he wouldn’t necessarily say that he is into oral sex, or that he is turned on by bare feet. Your friends and families likely wouldn’t share those intimate details with you, so why should you share with them that you like having your bottom beaten? Unfortunately, even though it is pretty much guaranteed that everyone has what others might consider an oddball preference during their sexual activities, society is largely scornful of erotic details, and cheap jokes abound aplenty. We realise that some people see BDSM as a lifestyle choice. We’re absolutely happy if people want to be fully open about their core desires and act out their fantasies as an integral part of their lives. That’s the case for spanking as it is for all of our innermost sexual fantasies. Hey, we might all be better off if we were that open all the time about our sexy secrets. It would certainly make it easier to find fellow spankos. Alas, for most of us, our innermost sexuality remains hidden. We’re not 58 saying that that’s right, but that you should feel no great need to “unburden” yourself by revealing your spanking tastes to those around you. In fact, there is no guilty secret here at all, and there is no need for the world to know your detailed sexual preferences. If you feel the need to mention spanking at all to friends, humour is likely the best approach. I once spoke to a friend about my spanking interests. It was no more than a late night admission over a bottle of wine that I liked a man to give me a red bottom. I was feeling warm and confident and joked that many kids are desperate to avoid what I am desperate to receive. She, in turn, confided that her boyfriend was asking her to do some anal sex play, but she wasn’t yet sure that she wanted to go down that path. It was a sexy, secret-swapping, late night conversation many years ago, and we haven’t discussed it since. We had known each other for years and had that sort of open, mutually supportive relationship. However, that was a rare red bottom divulgence, and there is simply no need for other people to know or care what gets me off in bed. Mmm. That’s not entirely true, is it? Someone sharing that same bed might, in fact probably would, disagree. So the bigger question is, of course, what should you tell your sexual partners? Self spanking in a relationship If your partner is a fellow spanko, chances are that you’ll spank each other, so you won’t discuss self spanking that often if at all. As we discussed earlier, self spanking is predominantly a manifestation of our particular sadomasochistic interests. It is a little like a person saying, “I masturbate”. Yes, we know. Almost everyone masturbates and it isn’t that interesting to talk about in polite company. However, if you have a long distance relationship with a spanko, you can use self spanking techniques via video chat, or via a simple telephone call. It can be particularly hot to undress in front of a webcam, knowing that you’re going to beat yourself at your partner’s command. Laptops or tablet PCs are best for this, as you can carry them round with you so your partner gets a nicely intimate view, whatever position you take up. If you haven’t talked about spanking with your partner, then we recommend trying to broach the subject at some point. Be 59 wary of the impression (easily gained from spanking fiction) that your sexual partner will fortuitously turn out to be a stringent spanko just dying to bare their bottom and either cane you, or be caned by you. In fact it is difficult to calculate the odds of this being the case. Research into this area must be treated with some scepticism and is rarely definitive. However, the prevalence of some level of BDSM engagement (spanking alone is rarely separated out) amongst individuals has been identified to be from a little under two percent to just over ten percent2 of the general population. That could mean anything from a one in fifty chance that your partner is a fellow spanko to a one in ten chance (not high, yet this could still mean up to 600 million spankos on the planet). That said, partners do not always have identical sexual preferences and, even if they did, there is no guarantee that sparks would fly. Although the odds look poor, there is a much higher chance that you will find a loving partner who will be tolerant of your spanking desires, even if he or she does not fully share them. That said, real life does not match Hollywood, and things don’t always work out. If you are in a fairly new relationship and haven’t yet discussed spanking, you might consider holding off until you get to know each other better and there’s an established trust. That’s not always the best way, though, as your sex lives can enter a particular pattern, and you may find it difficult to break out of that. Quite a lot of this depends on your personality. John and I are cases in point. I won’t ask someone to spank me until I feel totally trusting of them (always good advice for women). John, on the other hand, feels more inhibited with people he knows well and is more likely to be bolder with someone who is effectively still a stranger. Part of that, he supposes, is that there is more to lose with someone you have an established relationship with. This is particularly so if you have strong feelings towards that person. However, perhaps there is no more to it than I think men 2 See T. Bezreh, T. Weinberg, and T. Edgar, “BDSM Disclosure and Stigma Management: Identifying Opportunities for Sex Education”, American Journal of Sexuality Education 7 (2012), pp. 37–61; Albert Kinsey, et al., Sexual Behavior in the Human Female (Philadelphia: Saunders, 1953); Anne A. Lawrence and Jennifer Love-Crowell, “Psychotherapists’ Experience with Clients Who Engage in Consensual Sadomasochism: A Qualitative Study”, Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy 34 (2007), pp. 67–85; and J. Richeters, et al., Demographic and Psychosocial Features. . . ”, op. cit. 60 respond well to “kinky” women, whereas John thinks women may be suspicious of men into spanking. The idea of beating, or being beaten, by someone in a relationship has perilous—albeit utterly misplaced—associations with domestic violence. So how do you tell someone you know well that you’re “in to” spanking? With courage, with care, and with tolerance. Quite often, the easiest way to tackle a potentially difficult or awkward conversation is head on. For partners, the best way is obviously not in the car at the end of a hard day’s work; it is when you are both feeling warm and intimate, possibly already in the midst of some erotic play. I just say to a partner, “You know, I would love it if you gave me a spanking”. Okay, some men give you a few playful slaps and want to move on to other areas. Some are more attentive and simply require a few “harder, harder” cries from me to get it working. If they’re not into it, just carry on with your erotic play and then ask, perhaps in a playful way in the exhausted aftermath, “So you didn’t want to spank me then?” Perhaps they will explain; perhaps not. It may be the case that it is a turn off for them; there could even be underlying fears or frightening memories. Many years ago John gave a few playful spanks to a girlfriend during some bedroom play and was taken aback at how upset the girl became. It turned out she had been punished by her stepfather in this way. She was open to all sorts of sex acts, but completely closed to spanking. Maybe asking her to spank him may have been an answer—placing the girl in the position of power as the punisher might have been a turn on for her—but I doubt it. The simple fact is that incompatibility between different sexualities does exist. Do your best to communicate, but be prepared to either move on or compromise on your sexual desires. You should also bear in mind that the level of a person’s sexual experience will play a role here. By and large, a forty year old with a history of multiple partners is likely to be more receptive to different sexualities than an eighteen year old with his or her first partner. If you can’t broach the idea of spanking with your partner, the chances are that you’re not going to talk about self spanking either. The options are, therefore, to repress your spanking preferences, or to engage covertly with self spanking and other forms of spanking erotica during the relationship. We suppose 61 you could always seek a spanking from someone outside of the relationship, but that is arguably a much greater betrayal and brings a deeper burden of guilt and long term risks of discovery. So, it comes down to either withdrawing from spanking, or indulging in the shadows. Let’s consider the first of these options. Whether you can enjoy a purely non-spanking relationship (we won’t use the term “vanilla”, simply because we abhor it) is partly dependent on how much of a part spanking plays in your sexual identity. If you simply don’t get turned on, or can’t get an erection at all, from non-spanking activities, there’s little point in pursuing a sexual relationship with a non-spanko (but please see the next chapter). If giving up spanking is a price worth paying for the man or woman you love, then that’s a perfectly reasonable thing to do. However, spanking desires can be so deeply wired that they are very hard to let go. Just don’t get married and then cry twenty years later because you’ve had a deeply unsatisfying sex life. That’s not doing any favours to you, and it may not be doing much for your prospective husband or wife either. The second option is to have a secret self spanking side life. In fact both John and I have had “conventional” relationships where we have satisfied our spanking needs via self spanking. Neither of us was living with our partners at the time, which of course made avoiding discovery a lot easier. For me, there were always periods of at least two days where I would not see my boyfriend. I have rarely given myself a beating where the marks are still recognisable three or four days after the session. In fact, most of my punishments with the hairbrush will clear up by the following day. However, John is a much harder self spanker and tends to use deeper biting instruments, such as the cane. Those marks are very difficult to hide in all but long distance relationships, where meetings are infrequent. If you want to conceal your activities from your partner, you may therefore need to moderate your spanking enthusiasm. Strangely, we don’t consider concealment the biggest challenge of having ongoing bottom-beating interests in a non-spanking relationship. We think the biggest challenge is in maintaining your desire for conventional sex with your partner. Let’s be honest. If you’re reading this book, there is a good possibility that spanking takes you to unparalleled levels of erotic excitement. 62 Self spanking is a way you can go deeper into some of your most pussy-dripping or cock-exploding fantasies. It is naturally very tempting to retreat into that world and seek less direct sexual contact with your partner. This can become a major problem indeed and ultimately lead to the destruction of your relationship. However, this can be addressed by self-discipline (no, we don’t mean that kind). For example, you may restrict yourself to engaging in spanking play at certain times, perhaps only when your partner is away, or maybe as a special treat once a month or bi-monthly. Nevertheless, it is not difficult to become addicted to something that makes you feel so good. If that is the case, and you feel your future lies with your non-spanking partner, perhaps you should consider withdrawing from the spanking scene. Self spanking as an individual For those without a partner, the issues are often broadly similar to those within a relationship: discovery and maintaining a sexual balance. Concealing a self spanking lifestyle is obviously easier, particularly within your own home. Undressing in public situations (e.g., at gyms or for swimming) might pose a challenge, but you can always face your bottom away to hide any bruising or marks. Unless you’re going to be naked in a sauna, or getting a full body massage, you won’t exactly be baring your buttocks for more than a few seconds anyhow. In general, this is a bigger problem for women, as we tend to wear underwear, bikinis, and swimming costumes that reveal more of the lower bottom and thighs. Men’s shorts usually cover most of the buttocks and a portion of the upper thighs, often the lower thighs too. In any case, as long as you retain some vestige of modesty, it shouldn’t be too much of a problem. Indeed, when we see someone covering up on a sizzling afternoon at the beach, we do sometimes wonder whether their conservative dress is actually because they gave themselves a darn good thrashing earlier in the day. Concealment strategies do of course extend beyond the visible signs on the body. If privacy is important, you should consider where you store implements and any other play items. A hairbrush can be left in plain sight, but how many people these days use a cane? Internet histories and cookies can be routinely deleted and documents password protected. Even if you are fully 63 open about being a spanko to those in your personal life, you might want to keep an eye on social networking sites if you have both work and personal “friends” looking at your updates. As we mentioned in the relationships section, maintaining a strong sense of balance in your sexuality is challenging, and this can be very difficult if you are single and left to your own erotic devices. This is especially so if your conventional sexual encounters with others are few and far between. The temptation may be to seek more and more pain and sensation and delve ever deeper into the spanking world. Some may seek increasingly severe levels of pornography and more brutal punishments. This may be the way you want to live. We certainly don’t set ourselves up as judges of the “right” lifestyle. We just ask that you don’t harm anyone else in the process. If this book is about anything at all, it is about taking responsibility for yourself and the risks associated with your lifestyle. However, be aware that the complete immersion into the spanking world, to the detriment of everything else, may not ultimately be satisfying for you in the long term. Moreover, it can be difficult to step back down if you find a non-spanko partner with whom you wish to share the rest of your years. Strategies to help with stepping away from the spanking world can be found in the next chapter. We have tried in this chapter to guide you through some of the pitfalls that we’ve either encountered, or that we’ve seen happen in others. Like many other things in life that give pleasure, self spanking can cause embarrassment, and it can get out of control. Those with a taste for alcohol will understand this perfectly. That said, if your practice is safe and if the power of desire is respected, and if you don’t impose yourself on others, you can have a wonderful world of sensation. In fact, if you are on your own, self spanking offers an extra layer to self pleasure that is simply unavailable to non-spankos. Above all, we say this: we don’t know how we entered the spanking highway of this world, but we’re going to enjoy the ride all the same. 64 Chapter 9 Stepping back from the spanking world Important: If you are feeling suicidal, extremely depressed, or out-of-control, you should seek specialist help. There are some problems we cannot defeat on our own, and it is neither shameful nor stupid to seek support. We can only offer our general thoughts on the problem here. We cannot offer specialist psychiatric advice. We weren’t quite sure whether to write this chapter. Would you think we were somehow suggesting that spanking is a dysfunction that needs to be overcome? We hope that, at this point, you appreciate that that is not our view at all. However, some people do need to withdraw from a world of sadomasochism to foster a different life, or because spanking is becoming addictive and dangerous for them. If you do wish to step out of the spanking world, we recommend asking yourself why before you take any further steps. In our experience, “giving up” spanking for a period of time is much easier if there is a specific benefit, or a positive alternative direction that you wish to take. You might feel that your spanking desires are harming your relationship with a girlfriend for whom you care deeply. Alternatively, you may decide that you are addicted to pain in a negative way and want to stop to prevent yourself from becoming seriously injured. We can all understand in such circumstances why that person may wish to change some 65 of their sexual habits. However, some people can feel shameful at having spanking desires and simply want to be “normal”. We’re not sure that that is enough. In those circumstances you may be better off trying to come to terms with your own guilt, be that through counselling, or understanding through books such as these that you are not alone in the world as some crazy deviant. Overall, without a clear and unqualified motivation, you may be wasting your time in trying to effect any significant long-term change. With all of that said, let’s look at a couple of the ways in which you can step back from spanking. “Cold Turkey” total withdrawal John has tried this in the past (for relationship purposes) with mixed success. You simply say to yourself that, from a certain time and date, you will not engage in any self spanking, any thoughts about spanking, or access any spanking pornography. This is of course much easier to do if you’re off somewhere screwing the girl of your dreams. Alas, just as alcoholics have to pass bars, spankos have to come across spanking images and suggestions on mainstream media. Imagine the scene: You’ve had a great week and haven’t thought about bottoms at all. You relax with a nice movie, and suddenly there’s Jessica Alba getting whipped (in Sin City). The twitch (or the wetness) will come, and there’s not a whole lot you can do about it. The situation deteriorates quickly. Yes, abstinence is great, but that temptation moment will come for you. It will not come when you are lying on a sunny beach next to a beautiful man or woman, with a delicate breeze gently cooling you. No, it will happen after you’ve had a dreadful day at work. It will happen when you’ve had an argument with a friend or partner. It will happen when you’re feeling ugly or inadequate. In short, it will happen when you are vulnerable. Of course, if you’re strong, you won’t succumb to temptation. However, as we’ve said, it won’t happen when you’re strong. And you will just start to rub and play, or get your cock out and start to stroke it. Just a little. And then you will take a quick look at a spanking story website. And then you will see how many new and brilliant stories there are. And what new tantalising 66 spanking videos there are. And the masturbation will suddenly become more urgent, furious even. And you will fit in a paroxysm of pleasure, or spurt your cum to the ceiling. And you will feel so good at that moment that you must do it just once more. And that will be the beginning, but not the end. After all, there is no desire quite like a desire that has been left to rage internally, unfulfilled, for weeks, months, or even years. We think you will get our point here. Abstinence can be a wonderful thing, yet is incomparable to the magnificence of succumbing to temptation. This is not to say that going “cold turkey” won’t work for you. Given a low stress environment and distracting interests in other areas, this could be a way of withdrawing from the spanking scene. However, the battle will be a lifelong one, just as with a drug addict. Any engagement with spanking could lead to you going “off the wagon” at any moment. Fantasy re-direction Our own recommendation for moderating spanking interests is to use fantasy re-direction based on masturbatory reconditioning. Now, let us be clear, this is a much debated subject and is typically used in more extreme settings.1 However, this has been very helpful for John in particular (for a non-spanking relationship), and we feel some could benefit from the technique. This idea is this: get yourself comfortable and begin a session of masturbation by fantasising about spanking. Also, try to find images, videos or stories of non-spanking, conventional sex themes with men or women that you find attractive and engaging. When you reach the point close to orgasm (when you are highly aroused) switch to watching the non-spanking pornography. Focus only on those themes and continue to orgasm. If you start 1 See Anthony R. Beech and Leigh Harkins, “DSM-IV paraphilia: Descriptions, demographics and treatment interventions”, Aggression and Violent Behavior 17 (2012), pp 527–539; Nadine Campell-Fuller and Leam A. Craig, “The use of olfactory aversion and directed masturbation in modifying deviant sexual interest: A case study”, Journal of Sexual Aggression 15 (2009), pp. 179–191; D. R. Laws and W. L. Marshall, “Masturbatory reconditioning with sexual deviates: An evaluative review”, Advances in Behaviour Research and Therapy 13 (1991), pp. 13–25; and Anthony R. Beech, Leam A. Craig, and Kevin D. Browne, eds., Assessment and Treatment of Sex Offenders: A Handbook (Chichester: John Wiley and Sons, 2009). 67 to become less aroused, and won’t achieve an orgasm, then return to the spanking themes and start over again. This process should be continued at each masturbation session, reducing the time spent on spanking themes on each subsequent occasion (though there is no need to stand there with a stopwatch). Try then to have whole masturbation sessions with the non-spanking imagery. You can probably work out the basics of the approach: the idea that sexual pleasure and climax become associated with nonspanking themes. We don’t advocate the negative reinforcement of spanking as “bad” (e.g., by associating foul smells with spanking images), simply because we don’t think spanking is bad. It is one thing to help to increase your pleasure in non-spanking erotica; it is quite something else to suggest that spanking is somehow inappropriately deviant. There is a suggestion that such an approach may work less well in some cases, particularly for women. This is because sexual activity prior to orgasm is reinforcing and also because not all ladies will experience orgasms on a reliable basis.2 This is why we feel it is important to reduce the length of the spanking fantasies on each occasion, so the significant body of the masturbation session is focused on non-sadomasochistic themes. We chose those last two words carefully. John reports that an early temptation of his was to avoid spanking themes, yes, but to visit pornography associated with exhibitionism, hard and painful anal sex, humiliation or non-consensual themes. He recognises that he was effectively looking for some of his spanking fetishes (punishment spanking without consent, pain, forced stripping, embarrassment from the experience) without actually engaging in spanking pornography. It is best to avoid these altogether in favour of “softer” sexual experiences. As we said before, sexuality is complex and multi-faceted. Find an aspect of your sexuality that is enjoyable outside of spanking and use that as a beginning. For John, he began to enjoy viewing “amateur” oral sex videos (the saucy devil). Several of those videos concluded with conventional sex within the scenario, which he also masturbated to. He began to enjoy the non-spanking masturbation sessions as 2 J. Paul Fedoroff, “Treatment of Paraphilic Sexual Disorders”, in D. L. Rowland and L. Incrocci, eds., Handbook of Sexual and Gender Identity Disorders (New Jersey: John Wiley and Sons, 2012), pp. 563–574. 68 much as the sadomasochistic ones, more in some cases because so much of the material was new for him. John presently has a fulfilling non-spanking sex life. He still enjoys spanking as much as before, and does indulge in self spanking from time to time. However, he rarely allows himself to climax to a sadomasochistic scenario. That has proven to be the answer for him. I, on the other hand, am more than happy with my spanking desires. They’re controlled, and they don’t stop me from enjoying my life or taking pleasure in other sexual avocations. I neither feel the wish nor the need to change who I am. That said, John has visited darker and more intense spanking places than I have, so I can understand why he has on occasions wished to take a step back. Whether this is the case for you, only you (and your bottom) can know for sure. The End of Our Journey How are you feeling now? Are you looking through the mirror at your freshly spanked buttocks, still glowing hot with the chastisement that you have inflicted upon them? Are you sitting on a hard chair as your newly fashioned bruises press against the hard wood? Perhaps you are smearing antiseptic cream on harsh cane marks? During the writing of this book we have both been thinking a lot about pain. We have lain awake at night worrying whether we will be bringing yet more of this into the world. Should a book promote people beating themselves? We can’t anticipate the reaction to our words. We’re confident that most spanking enthusiasts will appreciate that we’ve attempted through the chapters to promote heightened pleasure and desire, as well as increased self-knowledge and awareness. As for the less spanking-oriented, we can only hope we have offered you a better insight into our world and that you leave feeling perhaps a little more interested in your own sexuality. To all readers we hope that you have found this book enjoyable and informative. Please continue to enjoy your interesting sexuality in a safe and responsible way. We will leave you now to go and think about our own bottoms. This isn’t quite the end, though, so flick through our Appendix to 69 see if there are any interesting scenarios that you can immerse yourself in. For now, both John and I wish you the happiest of spanking times. 70 Appendix A Possible Fantasy Scenarios We’ve included a few unusual scenarios below to help your imagination along. We have mostly not allocated either the number of strokes or the implement, as you can select these for yourself (or use a randomising tool). You can turn any of the scenarios into soft or harder punishments depending on your pain tolerances or just on how you feel at the time. We have indicated whether the punisher is primarily a man or woman and whether the receiver is male or female, although these again can be changed. In particular, you don’t have to imagine during your self spanking session that the person punishing you is the same sex as you! None of the characters involved (e.g., girlfriend) have to be real (it is fantasy). Some of the scenarios are based on the premise that you are spanking yourself. We have also added a few “play tips” suggestions for each on how you might enhance your experience. Bad boyfriend Punisher: Female Receiver: Male Your girlfriend is extremely upset at your unacceptable attitude during last night’s party. You ignored her throughout the evening and even flirted with other girls. Today you are going to 71 pay for it with a spanking. She’s thought about it all night and has made her mind up. Yes, she did say a spanking and a darn severe one at that. She doesn’t care what you think of the idea. If you want to stay with her, you are going to have to take a good thrashing. You embarrassed her in front of her friends and now she’s going to humiliate you. So get those trousers down, right now! Play tips: Dress casually, use everyday spanking implements. Touching yourself during the punishment gets your girlfriend even angrier and increases the severity of the spanking. “Bad” girlfriend Punisher: Male Receiver: Female What do you have to do to get that man to spank you? Last night in bed you wanted a good hiding and he gave you two playful taps on your rear before plunging his penis into you. Okay, that bit was fun, but you needed so much more. Typical man. Okay, you will just have to spell it out for him. He isn’t listening (perhaps he needs a spanking), so you will write down exactly what you need. He’s gone to watch the game this afternoon. When he comes back, he will see the note with your instructions. You will, of course, be waiting in your bedroom, bottom bared and awaiting his chastisement. Just bear in mind, though, that men are not keen on reading instruction manuals. He may just decide to take a DIY approach to your spanking. . . . Play tips: Write the note! Barista mind-control Punisher: Self Receiver: Self You go to the coffee shop on the corner every day, without fail. Hey, you like coffee! Okay, so there is that one cute barista that gives you a lovely smile every time you go here. That really makes your day. No, it’s more than that. There is a deep look too. It feels as if there is a real connection. 72 You were running late this morning and didn’t get your daily coffee shop fix. You’ve had a bad day at work and you regretfully pass the closed coffee shop on your way home. Suddenly you stop. The shop light is on and your barista is there! Perhaps they’ve changed the opening times? In any case a hot coffee would go a long way to relieving your mood. You enter the store and you become aware that there is only you and the barista in the shop. The barista stares at you intently whilst handing you your coffee. Your mind goes strangely blank. Calmly, the barista walks to the store door, turns the “open” sign over to “closed” and switches off the lights. You take a sip of your warm coffee and choose a comfortable chair. It does not seem odd to you that the store is in near darkness. Nor does it seem odd when the barista comes and stands next to you and you begin to remove your own clothes. What! Suddenly you are standing there in your underwear. A sense of deep humiliation comes over you, yet you have no idea why you have taken off your clothes. Suddenly, your embarrassment deepens. You are removing your own underwear! The barista is unconcerned at your nakedness and simply hands you an implement. Now you are spanking yourself with this, your bottom glowing the same colour as the cheeks on your face. The barista smiles and watches intently. After many minutes of spanking there is shouting outside. The barista is startled and it seems a connection is broken. You start to regain your senses and quickly get dressed. Shocked, you leave the store. The barista moves away, unworried. You will be back for more coffee. Play tips: Make sure you enjoy the coffee beforehand. Beached bum Punisher: Any Receiver: Any Your boat was caught up in a powerful storm and you were adrift for many days in a small lifeboat. Fortunately you washed up upon a warm and lovely island, with plentiful food and a stream from which to drink. You are all alone and, as days turns to weeks, you settle into a gentle routine. You have only the clothes that you were wearing at the time of the storm, so 73 you do not bother to hide your modesty. However, it turns out that this island is neither uninhabited nor bereft of social conformities. Upon their discovery of you, the islanders are furious that you have soiled their paradise with your decadent ways. You are captured and pushed down onto the rough sand of the beach. Leaves are placed over every part of your body except your buttocks. The islanders then takes turns to ensure that you are soundly thrashed for your immodesty. Now rescue cannot come soon enough. Play tips: Great if you have a big sand pit, but most will have to make do with some tropical sounds. Big brother is watching you Punisher: Self Receiver: Self After a great financial crash, society descended into chaos and democracy collapsed. Your country is now subject to a harsh dictatorship intent on restoring public order at any cost. All laws are initiated by an imposing leader whose primary policy to date has been the re-introduction of corporal punishment for all citizens. However, as the state does not have the resources to punish most minor infractions, all citizens have to undertake their own chastisement. Failure to comply means immediate transfer to a cold and unforgiving penal colony. You have broken the law and you must now punish yourself. You will establish a live video link with the “protectors” (whose job it is to oversee punishments). You will strip naked before them and you will spank yourself as ordered. If you do not beat yourself hard enough, you will be allocated more spankings. Be warned: if your buttocks are not sufficiently red, the protectors will call on you. Play tips: Spank yourself in front of a webcam. Record the session and play it back later for more fun. Fesser = to spank Punisher: Female Receiver: Any 74 Your boss has instructed you to learn French for an important Paris based client. You are hopeless at foreign languages and can barely manage more than a few sentences without breaking down. Your boss therefore sends you to an expensive private tutor with an outstanding reputation for achieving amazing results. The course is paid for in full by your company, with your job being dependent on its successful completion. Your tutor is a petite spectacled French lady who is as strict as she is charming. If your efforts displease her, Madame simply takes you over her knee and spanks your bare bottom mercilessly. This shocked you deeply at first. However, your skills in French have shown tremendous improvement and, after the initial embarrassment, you have learned to respect the chastisements. You arrive for your fifth session to find that Madame has broken her arm. You are of course sorry for her, yet you are relieved that your buttocks will be spared further pain. Unfortunately, you make many mistakes during the session and Madame decides that she will need some assistance with your spanking: from you! She hands you the hairbrush and instructs you to spank your own bottom. This is difficult at first. However, under Madame’s severe guidance, you begin. “Un, deux, trois, quatre. . . .” Play tips: Count out loud in French as you spank yourself. After you know them by heart, try using other words to represent the count. Before you know it your bottom will be speaking another language. . . . Future imperfect Punisher: Any Receiver: Any All technology has failed and advanced civilisation has been destroyed. Only a remnant of survivors remains, living in small farming communities. Everyone must work to survive. Sloppiness and laziness are punished swiftly and effectively. Unfortunately, you failed to close the chicken pen last night and the local foxes have taken several of the chickens. The leader takes you to the barn where you are stripped, tied up and thoroughly spanked for your carelessness. 75 Play tips: Secure your legs. Use simple instruments that might be available in a low technology setting. Landlady’s three strikes Punisher: Female Receiver: Any You’ve managed to find a great place to stay, with unbelievable rent, and it’s convenient for everything you want to do. The only set back is that your apartment is across the hall from your stuffy landlady, who has rules about everything. In fact she’s been on at you twice already about your music. Hey, so you like some loud sounds? What’s the problem? The problem is that your tall, domineering landlady does not. She also does not like to repeat herself for a third time. You either leave her apartment right now or you take a good spanking for your selfish behaviour. You can’t believe your ears and are simply stunned into silence. You have never been punished with a spanking. Frankly you are embarrassed and a little scared at the prospect, but on the other hand you don’t want to leave. Perhaps if you look contrite enough and charm the old bag, she’ll back down. Unfortunately for you, your landlady takes this pause for contemplation as tacit agreement of her plan. She roughly turns you around and starts to undo your belt. Before you can react, she has bared your bottom. She pushes you down on the sofa and you hear her take something out of her handbag. You are totally mesmerised by her and just lie there, half naked, half open-mouthed too, yet not uttering a sound. That will change soon enough. Play tips: Put some loud music on before the spanking. Neanderthal life Punisher: Male Receiver: Any A Neanderthal man has returned from a disappointing hunt to find that you have not prepared his meal. He roars with rage and takes up a stick to express his anger on your pre-historic bottom, stripping off your minimal garments and pushing you 76 over a cold rock. Perhaps historically inaccurate, but good fun nonetheless. Play tips: Have dark, minimal light at home to simulate a cave. Perhaps use a flickering candle. Dress in minimal (fake!) furs. Servant’s inn-capacity Punisher: Any Receiver: Any It is the eighteenth century. You are a servant to a powerful and much-feared gentleman, who has a well-deserved reputation for brutality. You have heard many stories of spankings and know that you could not bear these yourself, so you decide to return to your family in the northern country. You leave the gentleman’s mansion before dawn and begin your escape. Many miles into your journey you stumble across an inn. You give the owner some precious coins so that you may have a meal and a threadbare room for the night. You are sipping some cold cabbage soup as the inn door is flung open. Your master enters with the head servant and the keeper of the stables. They see you at once and the master proclaims loudly, “What have we here? This wretched scoundrel dares to run away! You will need to be taught a lesson, and there is indeed no time like the present.” Everyone in the inn shouts in agreement, for they dare not oppose the gentleman. You are forcefully stripped and held by the head servant and keeper whilst the master rolls up his sleeves. There are jeers and whistles as you are exposed and spanked. Alas, for you, the master has you in his sights, and this is likely to be only the beginning of his cruelty. . . . Play tips: Why not put on a servant’s uniform and use a video site to find some jeering to play in the background? Also works just as well with a strict lady of the manor. Swimming pool rules Punisher: Any Receiver: Any 77 You could not resist that final leap into the pool, even after the whistle had blown for the end of the swimming session. Most regrettably, you are faced with a lifeguard who is enraged by your actions. You are dragged out of the pool and immediately given a spanking over your swimwear. However, the lifeguard is now dragging you to the locker rooms and you fear that your ordeal in not yet over. Play tips: Put the swimwear on and make yourself nice and wet (mmm) for this particular pool punishment. Tribal whipping Punisher: Any Receiver: Any You are due to undergo a “Wp’sha” ceremony that qualifies you to marry and give orders to those that have not undertaken this rite. As part of the ritual you must disrobe and submit to a flogging. You are not to show pain at any point, as this would indicate that you have not yet learned the courage necessary to become a leader. You will rejoice at each of the blows! Play tips: Dress up as a warrior and play some tribal sounds in the background! 78