Naughty Horoscopes: Whats your Sign? Im a Leo ... only the best ...Aries (March 21- June-5) LIVES for head massages. ANY part of their head: Lips, Eyelids, Eyes, Tongue, you name it! Aries also likes to fuck in public places during business hours. You need to be open minded with an Aries...If you don't feel like being duct taped to a wall and beaten with live ferrets: Tell Them. Be warned! IF you don't want to be kinky, don't be with an Aries. If you say 'No' too often to them you may lose them as a lover forever. Aries Idea of Heaven Is: Participating in live sex shows for money. Having their favorite human toy win first place in a pony boy/girl race. Fucking as an art form on display in a gallery. They secretly crave to be strippers or Annie Sprinkle. Aries LIVES to be jealous...they also like to coordinate other people fucking. Secretly desire to be fluffers. Aries owned a Violet Wand before it was popular. They are also Sadists. The best gift to give an Aries is designer colored nylon rope in their favorite color. They live to tease and torture...HEY...Somebody's gotta do it, right? They like hair pulling. Beware of their 'toy' collections. Don't tease them...they will rape you. They love pony boys and girls...I cannot emphasize this enough! They like it doggie style especially if they are steering. Give an Aries 100 feet of rope and a 250 dollar flogger, they will follow. As long as they get to be the one holding the handle. WHAT ARE YOU? LEO (July 23 - Aug. 22)-If you fuck up just once with a Leo...That's IT. Don't be expecting them to take you back. They are not willing victims, after all, they CHOSE you...you screwed up? They can UN-Choose you just the same. They live for Menage a Trois...or Qua...or Cinco....anything in a group is okay as long as they are in the middle. Leos also like bubble baths. Once you start with a Leo...do not think you can just turn their emotions on or off like a switch...they demand satisfaction. NOW. All the stress in the world ends up in the Leo neck...They need neckrubs...they feel like they have the entire weight of the world on their head. If its kinky, a Leo has probably done it..You know Madonna's a LEO, right? She masters the Madonna/Whore/Goddess thing pretty well, huh? I wonder why? Could it be cause shes a fuckin' LEO? yep. Valmont was probably a Leo. They probably have the movie at home. Get out your furry gloves and faux mink whips for this kitten. they love soft floggers and there is a specific spot on their back right above their They are perfect for Aries who want to punish SOMEBODY. though. they will buy someone or something that will.. They LIVE for boudoir photography.even if they act prude about it. If you have ever seen the Carnival Rape scene in 'Henry & June' this is a Virgo wet dream. If a Leo has chosen YOU as a mate. They will do naughty things to be caught so they can be punished. You had better be vocal in bed with them. them rubbing you.... Be prepared for anything. Even so.. I dare ya. As long as they know they are secretly safe. What they ..whatever! Some Virgos WANT to be punished. They have no problem tying you down.. If they can afford a nude or semi nude photo of them. That's it.do it now.them rubbing against your fox fur coat.. The best sex partner is a Scorpio leos love them.. They do not believe in moderation. Virgos want to make their partner happy. USUALLY.interesting to say the least.but because of hygenic reasons..you will always have the best sex ever with a leo Virgo This is the MOST confused sign on the planet.. They have to arrange time in their busy scheduals to have sex. Leos are born and bred to be porn stars. It will only piss them off. They LIVE to masturbate.You had better be there on time. the gypsy king and Cleopatra all rolled into one.... If you say that you are horny: Prepare to be fucked. As long as it feels good.... they will TRY to get YOU to cum. This sign is pretty realistic: No Frills. Every Virgo I have ever met has issues.But when a reservation is made.. They will fuck until they are sore...what's up with that? Sherlock Holmes was probably a Virgo.they want to hear how well they are doing. Leo likes doing doggystyle that's a given.always going back to hygiene. You will always get a freaky Virgo. Taurus (April 20 . Also all Virgos like to see Camel Toes. if not a little early. the pirate captain. All forms of indulgence: Sex-drugs-wine-food.. Taurus likes to have sex just for the sake of having sex... They LOVE to be photographed..they have thought about it.. They ARE the naughty school teacher.. Taureans are realists. but leos also like missionary if they are in love with there lover that is the most intimate position as you two look in each other eyes. if they are wearing any.tailbone that is heaven to them where if touched right will actually make them purr. Love to have their hair brushed and played with.. Anybody! Pretend rape scenes also turn on Virgos. And Clean. And if they can't make you cum. Rubies jewels usually are their love.whatever their vice may be: they simply cannot get enough. Just accept it and enjoy the ride.er.... Yes you read that right.whether its you rubbing them..you think I'm bullshitting you? Try it.they are big into sanitary issues. With flowers..or a repressed Gemini..May 20) --Don't tease them. Taureans are heavy indulgers. They love to fuck in showers not because it's kinky. Their underware is always.. .. Aries Idea of Heaven Is: Participating in live sex shows for money.. They are always changing. Beware of their 'toy' collections. Probably because they are in a constant state of flux. don't be with an Aries. Aries owned a Violet Wand before it was popular. If you say 'No' too often to them you may lose them as a lover forever. Okay. They also have a BIG wet thing for scent. they make up for in stamina and endurance..they also like to coordinate other people fucking. Aries LIVES to be jealous.. They are also Sadists..June-5) LIVES for head massages. alcohol.... They have had sex.so they may not be into bondage.. Don't tease them. They love pony boys and girls. Or you may find them shaggin in a garden or a greenhouse. flesh and candy???Bring it on! Caution: They are looking for a relationship so be kind to them.whichever comes first... chocolate. okay? But they WILL lick you until you have at least three orgasms or until you pass out..always looking for the new high....they will rape you. The biggest turn on for a Gemini is: LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION.. A lot of sex..and I mean that.June 21) -Ever heard the saying "Been there.they are the eternal Chameleon. You need to be open minded with an Aries. They love to lick people in whipped cream.I cannot emphasize this enough! They like it doggie style especially if they are steering. Be warned! IF you don't want to be kinky. Secretly desire to be fluffers... they are Earth signs. Tongue. they will follow. Eyes. Sometimes they don't want a lover to bathe before sex.lack in originality. Fucking as an art form on display in a gallery. Gemini (May 21 . The best gift to give an Aries is designer colored nylon rope in their favorite color. Aries (March 21.Somebody's gotta do it. As long as they get to be the one holding the handle.HEY..to smell the dirt: After all. They live to tease and torture. ANY part of their head: Lips. You never who you are fucking that day. They secretly crave to be strippers or Annie Sprinkle.If you don't feel like being duct taped to a wall and beaten with live ferrets: Tell Them.. . Give an Aries 100 feet of rope and a 250 dollar flogger.. Eyelids. right? They like hair pulling. Having their favorite human toy win first place in a pony boy/girl race. you name it! Aries also likes to fuck in public places during business hours. Done that?" chances are it came from a Gemini.. Taurus uses their tongue for EVERYthing. Libra (Sept... In the center of a race track just as the flag was going up... 23)-- . They live off their charm.oh sure the foreplay may have had you bent over a barstool.. If it's shiny... Their goal is to fuck in the front row of the OSCARS when the cameras pans on them so that they can wave. too. Also nipples are a BIG thing for Crabs. They are also Voyeurs but always willing to lend a hand . Maybe its because they are ruled by the Moon.. They live for Oral. Karma Sutra honey dust is a good start. Go figure. be ready for a long night.come to think of it.. They like to play with ice cubes. If they are depressed.fruit... They may believe that they were born in the wrong period or century. On various Gym equipment at numerous health spas... too.. They are constantly dumped on by previous past fucktard ex lovers that think they own them. Be warned: They like 'em YOUNG...they will want it.. Public Parks.. A Balcony railing at Mardis Gras in the French Quarter.Medieval.... They are wonderful people. Vip Areas of Theatres.Here is just a smattering of places that I know Geminis have fucked: In the elevator of the moseleum of Forest Lawn Cemetary DURING A FUNERAL.. Highly Exhibitionistic. They WILL take the initiative.Victorian. But when you get started. or any other part of anatomy. beds. 23 .. They DWELL in the past. They want to be swept off of their feet.. Masturbation is where they get their bonus points at.Roman. fluffy pillows.they all secretly wish to get their nipples pierced.that 'Romancing The Stone' Frikkin 'Wuthering Heights' kind of love. They are big on DRAMA so be prepared for them to set the mood for sex no matter WHERE you might end up. that always seems to cheer them up. Wine cellars in nightclubs. They really do deserve it.69 This is the sign that needs to be cuddled.but when you get home they want comfy couches.Oct. They love water sports (jacuzzis/pools/showers/saunas/bathouses.mints..they fuck better at night anyway. anything soft and fuzzy that is not a pet. Sometimes Cancers pick the wrong guy/girl and get beat up or emotionally hurt.) They want to be comfortable while fucking.so you better be ready to dress up like an Animation school boy/girl with a whip to keep 'em.... A football stadium during the SuperBowl.ice cream.just to name a few....You name it.... suck on their fingers..anything with sugar.as long as it tastes good.I mean REAL TRUE DEEP LOVE. They usually will only fuck at night... Why? They think its what they deserve. This is a sign that is looking for TRUE love. They probably cry at the end of any Jane Austen flick. Cancer (June 22 .July 22) -....Don't rush them they smolder. If they are male and gay they will still be the greatest fuck your female friend has ever had.. Cancerians also have a horrible tendency to misplace their clothing. The 18th Hole of a private golf course.. Can be submissive highly. Which is bullshit.. Do not touch a Libra's head during oral sex.Let the games begin! Libra will try anything once. But they HATE vulgarity.now they are biding their time to see how long until they throw YOU away.but not slutty and yet accident prone. But don't feel like they get enough. If you are going to fuck a Libra: Get mirrors. emotionally. then.. They KNOW how to get you to do what THEY want.its because they are under the goddess Aphrodite. sitting in a pie COULD be fun. so don't worry that much leos) Scorpios KNOW how to seduce. but Scorps ARE the leaders in the Kink O Rama factor (Leos are in second place.that may work with an Aries. They love to role play and play dress up. too!) Who are they really? It depends on what day of the week it is.. Which is why they are rarely clingy. They have more vanity issues than a Gemini.with nothing. . porn writers who knows? SCORPIO (Oct... They will buy toys to make YOU use it on THEM. but not here.. They are sex therapists.. expect long luxurious nights talking and playing Strip Tarot or Naked Chess..which is rare because they have done almost EVERYTHING. there is a good reason. And they are making room for modifications. To them. They KNOW how to fuck. except in rare circumstances when they have been led on. That won't last long. They are highly manipulative. They have already figured out HOW to destroy you. underware... They despise feeling like they are on a waiting list to get your attention. Amazing how THAT works! They like to cross dress.too bad. mentally or have a fantastic sense of humor.. They are never just ONE sex. condoms. They have no problem sploshing. They are the eternal Courtesan or Concubine..they also accidentally end up in bed with people. So if you are being shagged by a Libra..worse yet. Libras are mental creatures that believe in living and fulfilling fantasies that they haven't done in real life. actually.. Porn? Bring it on! Sex. there is always a reason for a Libra to be fucking you. Nothing is TOO kinky for them. They believe that life is too short to date ugly people in more ways than one.. they lose bras. Libras LOVE giving oral .Nov...They LOVE getting it . 21) -HOLEE SHIT! here comes the masters and mistresses of FUCKing Sorry Leo.. and Female Libras are mistaken for men every now and again too. They like to dress like hookers or Queen Elizabeth (This is the men. They KNOW what is kinky. Both sexes do this quite well. But. Twice to make sure they liked it. feeling like they are your groupie. They can always feel what the opposite sex feels. then watch the manipulative side of the scales swing. too. Three times to be absolutely sure. They are the Graceful Slut. because they sure as hell are getting enough of everything else. 24 . Male Librans are mistaken for women all the time. They are accident prone. Whether you are attractive physically. if you get past all that.. Lots of them.. video AND food? ALRIGHT! They are heavily exhibitionistic by accident. EVERYWHERE. Fuck and Fuck some more! Male Sags have more fetishes than a female Sag. just to get you going. They are also very cunning and secretive.. 21) -Right out the chute I am going to tell you. Sleep... They'll dress kinky and skip the panties under a short skirt if you're going out on the town.. They are constantly moving.or three. Sex on the beach. Talk. Anne Rice (During her 'Beauty' phase) wants to be a Scorpio... And they LOVE to travel.All they have to do is walk into a room and look at you. Why fuck in a tent when you can be surrounded by Sequoias under a moonlit night and have sex? Sags will Fuck Everywhere! Most Sags flash body parts and are closet nudists. Talk.. They always have carpet burns on their knees and back.. Don't dare TRY to make a Scorpio jealous. that's their idea of a typical normal Thursday night.Licking and sucking..why fight it when you can fuck it? A perfect night for them is to : Talk.. Most Scorpios have mastered the Binaca Blowjob for heightened and elongated pleasure. They have a fetish for riding crops and bridles...THEY LOVE TO BE SHAVED. but beware their sting! Sagittarius (Nov.. They are also bleeding heart causefighters..or your sister/brother. they have a TON of provocative clothing at home.or five.hell. They don't know why its against the law to drive naked in a convertable especially.or Mother.... Favorite Song: Master and Servant. Fuck... They are always packing and going somewhere.. body oils and bondage... Fuck.get them drunk enough they will kiss a girl.. hell behind the local laundrymat! Kinky? they Love Kinky.Pick some flowers.or two.. but they like to be naked. and you WILL be on your back assuming the position. Don't get me wrong.. Fuck....but if the emotions are not there then that's a different story. They believe in doing it and doing it often! fucking before the movie . They will be the first to register for nude volleyball at the nudist resort..Dec. Fuck. they'll be on their knees in a heartbeat.Lingerie. Have a drink. It just doesn't seem right. whatever it takes to keep the party going! .Talk.they will duct tape you to a chair and make you watch them fuck your boss. They believe that sex is a biological function amongst friends. Fuck. Sagittarius love is being shaved by someone they love. They love to use gag balls. Dinner.otherwise gods help ya. Wear that pirate getup for these girls.. Laugh. and I do mean going~ these girls want it all night long! Whipped cream.Female Sags are nature lovers: Do it in the bushes. in the ocean. Most female Scorpios have a horrible tendency of being Alcohol Lesbians.this is from their constant rutting like a wild weasel in heat. Downright Anti-American to them. Leos and Scorpios make for a fabulous tryst. Go out and look at sea otters.. 22 . Foot fetishes. They are the outdoorsy type. True love is being shaved... I hope you can go the distance and can make them come..they are the BEST in bed together. kinky or slow teasing. This is a misunderstood sign. if they are in the mood..yep.Cars. they like sex a lot as a favorite past time. Sag females love sexing up your whole body! Give them a chance. They are strong and responsible and have dignity. You can turn on a Cappie just by breathing on them.... They are built for lot and lots of sex in any way shape or form....on other peoples beds. Its nothing for a Cappie to fuck seven or eight times during commercial breaks in an hour long T. They have no idea the fates smile on them from time to time.. They live for tongue massages.Jan.... As long as it is with people they love. 22 .... But when they warm up? There is no stopping them.. They like to play games. 20.on other peoples furniture.. this is because their thighs are a hot spot... there won't be a body part they haven't sucked licked or fucked!You can touch them anywhere and they got hott cause they're freaky like that! They love leg rubs and jacuzzis... my Capricorn friend proceeds to call me. Aquarius (Jan. Sagittarians are the way to go! None of the other signs love Sex as Much as a Sag! Capricorn (Dec.V. They are natural screamers and leave bite marks. They like to do it in the shower.starts..on the furniture.. Show..it could be at the Presiden't inaugeration.they just accept it an move on...whoever is in the room better have protection... 19) -Just as I was writing this one.get ready for some nookie! They love to bite. They might seem at first sight of them rather cold and insensitive... They like to have the back of their knees licked.. And watch out when they are horny. fucking at the theatre during the previews and maybe a quick blowjob on the way home.boats.who thought THAT up? But they will watch it to see if they are missing anything..as long as they are in charge. Give them dim lighting..Tents.you might as well reconcile yourself to the fact that you better leave the phones off for the entire weekend and order food in.Capricorns are psychic by accident....They'll be the ones holding you up fucking in the closet at your friends housewarming party at two in the morning.. Usually durinig commercial breaks is perfect.they can be very kinky. fast and hard or slow and easy~ if you want to get your freak on. 18) -- . But they are too easy to turn on sometimes. a roaring fireplace and a nice bottle of wine.. They think porno is just SILLY.Feb.. They are open minded to the point that anything shiny will derail their train of thought. Don't derail from your personal pleasure course.. Male Aquarians like to tease and live life in a fantasy world.. They enjoy being fucked in groups of three.. which can be stimulating just as well too......Whatever. did that. Go figure.Jump rope. Female Aquarians can't masturbate enough. Pisces can be turned on by the wierdest things.here come da fishies! They are the LEADERS in foot fetish.Stilletto heels . Pisces men break furniture when they fuck. They love back massages. Water bearers look at sex like it is a form of recess. 20) -Get out the boots ..MY favorite sluts are Aquarius.chances are they are in heavy thought. These babes are . Their ultimate adventure is the "But we might get caught" game.Mar.foot creams and panty hose. They are the Rain Man of the Zodiac...just to say "YEP. If they are silent but you are in the room with them.. They are the sirens calling you to the beach where you will end up on your back on a towel with water all over you and not wanting it to stop. Pisces (Feb... They like kinky....Trains.... huh? They will get under your skin though. Toe masturbation. They need you to make the first move...Water fountains. To them. Fucking while standing or leaning is a plus here. otherwise you will be just talking to them all night. Or at least considered how strong the ceiling beams are on their house to put one in. It's easy to be hurt by an Aquarius because they don't want you to know what they are thinking.Males never get the chance to masturbate because everybody wants a piece of them.. They are easy going. But don't worry.and fifteen other things. it's a learning experience.. Pisces have probably done it in a sex swing. Not to be dominated. so beware. Masturbation in shoes? Okay. They can turn you on by simply walking in the room.. you won't be disappointed.things get flung everywhere. They will fuck wherever they run the risk of being seen or found by another lover. They give too much of themselves to others that don't give a shit. however.bring it on! They love using their feet. Sounds easy..it's just not in their DNA. Fuck with their mind and they will follow you anywhere. They get lost in the clouds a lot. They like their ankles nibbled.. Why? Because if you don't expect anything in return. Don't expect faithfulness from these creatures.then get shy to those that care about them. Beware! They are the flirts and teases from HELL! Never take one on a trip to a Home Depot when you are both horny." SAM from sex and the city should be a Pisces. 19.. I have heard it said that its the pisces that will cross the darker kinky side at least once.. chances are they are thinking about you. But to bring them back to earth now and again for a little physical funtime. This can lead to nasty things. Think being Jack Nicholson in bed with the three Witches of Eastwick? This is a Aquarian dream... Not that great" OR "What do you MEAN you never. Suck on a Pisceans toes and SEE what happens! Fucking in the water and see them squirm. they strive for perfection in everything they do.. your erection is SUPERB!" and she walked off never to see him again.. And look good .it's all in th details for them.in fact. but I guarantee that it will be SUPERB! SECRET: Pisces women fall for a man that can wear a high heel and garter. she walked right up to him and put her hand on his cock for a moment .its inbred in them) A middle aged man in his early 50's or so came up to her and immediately saw her body and BABING! got a hard on! Not feeling shocked in any way..perfectionists.so will they. looked him RIGHT in the eye and said "DAHLING. shape or form. EVERYTHING MUST MATCH! I have one Pisces friend that has nipple tassles that match for every pair of underware and whip that she owns! NO SHIT! You might think they are shy! HA! They are just planning something.. All of their fetish jewlery will match a specific whip or dress or shoes.. then with her same hand took her sunglasses off . You never can tell what the hell a Pisces will do... There will not be ONE hair out of place with a Pisces. You will have a perfect orgasm with them. I had a Pisces Friend (Same Pisces friend with the matching tassles by the way) who was at a nudist beach in Brazil (You will always find a Pisces at a beach.