Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations muhammadI bn AdamAl-kawthari_text.pdf

Islamic Guide To Sexual Relations Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari H U M A PRESS © I « lopyi Ighi i |Mfl/«ooH Muhammad Ibn Adam al-Kawthari Ptibllithed by .ii.kI. Publishing, 70 Mid liain Hoad Tooling London hwi \\\ I 7 01*19 MiiIi.im 1111.it I ibn Adam Adam al-Kauthari '('iii'ial hatha Editor Valiva i Ediloi Language and index Muhammad Ansa British Library Cataloguing in Publication Dara ibn al-kawiliari, Islamic; Tiile.i Muhammad to Adam CONTENTS FOREWORD PREFACE IX Guide Sexual Relations ISBN 978-0-9547380-8-8 XIII 1 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in any INTRODUCTION 1 retrieval systetn, or transmitted in wise, without written permission anyform or by any means, electronic or other- of the copyright owner. INTENTIONS AND SEXUAL RELATIONS Sex is 7 Huma a Form of Charity (mdaqa) Press is an imprint of Turath Publishing 2 SEX AS A RIGHT OF BOTH SPOUSES 12 Printed by: Megaprinters, Istanbul, Turkey. email: ahmet@meg».eom,tr "K The Husband's Right to Sexual Relations The Wife's Right to Sexual Relations 3 Distributors for I and Europe : SEXUAL RELATIONS: HOW OFTEN? 2g Preferred Times A/liar Academy Little 1 1 54-56 ford Lane 4 SELECTING A TIME FOR SEXUAL RELATIONS 26 Disliked Manor Park London fi 12 5CM. +44-308-893 '979 Times academv.com www.azharacadcmy.com email: sales&a/hai Dislributors for South Africa : Sex during Pregnancy and the Period of Breastfeeding Sexual Relations during Menstruation (haydh) and Posi-Natal Bleeding (nifas) Darul - Ihsan research and education centre www.darulihsan.com email: [email protected]. com PREPARING FOR SEXUAL RELATIONS 35 Preparation of the Wife Cleanliness 031 577 7868-FAX; (+27) 031 577601a Distributors for America and Canada 4-27} : and Personal Hygiene Whhelhread email: Press Adornment and Beautihcalion Feminine Behaviour Preparation of the www.whitethreadpress.coni ar@whi tedircadpress.com Husband -ri-(Ho5) 9684666 Cleanliness and Personal Hygiene Good Treatment and Seduction Dua The Man-on-top Position The Rear-entry Position The Side-by-side Position Light-hearted Discussion Sexual Relations Evil Suspicions The Standing Position The Sitting Position The Woman-on-top Position Fantasising 12 CONCLUSION 121 I BIBLIOGRAPHY INDEX 12C) 2$ Orgasm and Sexual Climax ABOUT THE AUTHOR 1 33 Dua when Ejaculating .6 FOREPLAY 56 Importance of Fo replay Kissing 8 OTHER "FORMS" OF SEX 94 Anal Sex Oral vSex Massaging and Caressing Phone Sex with One's Spouse 9 Body Contact Other Contemporary Forms of Foreplav Using Sex-Aids and Toys AFTER PLAY IOO Being Affectionate Cleanliness and Purification Bondage and Flogging Showering with One's Spouse Sexually Provocative Dancing Urinating Ritual Bath (ghusl) Sleeping in a State of Major Ritual Impurity (janaba) Successive Sessions of Sexual Intercourse Secrets of Sexual Relations Watching Pornography Gross-Dressing and Transvestism Urolagnia 7 10 SUMMARY OF RULINGS AND ETIQUETTES OF SEXUAL RELATIONS 1 1 ACTUAL PLAY 76 Privacy § Recommended Acts Covering up the Quran 11 Prohibited and Disliked Acts Reciting the Supplication (duii) ETIQUETTES AND FIQH OF THE FIRST NIGHT OF Avoiding Facing the Qihla Talking During Sex Sexual Positions MARRIAGE 1 l6 Greeting with Salam and Reciting the Offering Prayers . All praise is for Allah Mosl High. and upon his entire family. and the significance of the issue for married couples.often referring to the notes taken of the questions posed to me . his ones who follow in their footsteps Companions and the righteous until the Day ofJudgment In answering questions from the public over the past five years or so. Mosl worlds. I have come across many individuals who desire to know the Islamic on matters of sexual intimacy between spouses. began preparing a detailed and comprehensive work .FOREWORD Compassionate. The prevalence and variety of these questions led me to keep records of them. This book approaches the issue of sexual relations head on to apprise married couples of the teachings of Allah Most High and His beloved Messenger j§& on this subject. Most Merciful. questioners have opened up and began to pose frank questions courageously without being shy and without the fear of being humiliated. Owing to this great need. And may peace and blessings be upon His beloved Messenger Muhammad. Al-hamdidillah. I realised that there is real need for a comprehensive work on the subject if Muslims are to live their lives in conformity with the teachings of the Qur'an and Sunna. a Mercy to the Ik the NAME of allah. Many ruling desire to live their conjugal lives in harmony with Islamic teachings and have a genuine inclination to learn. allowing them to enjoy their union while receiving divine reward in doing so. and it quickly became evident that many Muslims are unaware of the Islamic laws and etiquettes pertaining to sexual relations. Lord of the worlds. Aided by the relative anonymity of email as a medium of communication. What are the correct intentions to behind sexual relations? What are couples allowed IX do and what must .the result I of which is in your hands. but are prevented by the embarrassment of asking a scholar directly. and His reward surpasses any gratitude that I may offer: "Indeed. without their love. that Allah forgive me and overlook and make this work purely for His sake. And the last of our prayers is. Leicester. notes explaining key terms thank Allah Most High for giving me the ability and strength to prepare this work. oral sex and phone sex will be discussed exhaustively they avoid? FOREWORD readers to pray. 7. spared time to review the entire manuscript. hand and my approach and concepts have been included wherever necessary. although they had no hand in any of the actual stages of producing this work. references for all the quotes have been provided. Their reward is with Allah. citing volume. I am also indebted to brother Yahya at Turath Publications. give him Baraka in world and the next. Ameen. To further the benefit of the book. I am grateful to my parents. 2008 GE / Muharram uk 1429 ah contemporary scholars. his time. Similarly. and other works of classical and in light Darul Iftaa. Lord of the Worlds. The absence of their names here in no way undermines their contribution. and ask the to I 1 if only you were x XI . January 14. How my shortcomings. I am grateful to Shaykh Mufti Zubair Bayat (may Allah preserve him) ol Durban. all corrections and suggestions. and provided important friends." (Qur'an 16:95) I have tried my utmost best to clarify and systematically explain matters concerning the sexual relationship of a husband and wife. In addition. know. cross-dressing. pray. it is from Allah Most High. family and I of whom. whose constant encouragement and resolve kept me on my toes. May Allah accept his efforts in his desire and pursuit to produce high quality Islamic works. despite his extremely busy schedule. teachers. Sunna. I also extend my appreciation to anyone else who may have helped me in any way. what. many modern issues such as bondage. Ameen. then it is from me and the whisperings of Satan. page or hacllth numbers. is with Allah is better for bless and him in this you. It begins with an introduction outlining the importance of the subject to it. If I have done some good. at Thereafter. who. May Allah reward him. using sex aids. sex itself and the moments after sex? What is the ideal way of spending the first night of marriage? These are just a few of (he questions answered in this book. The book ends with a conclusion." Muhammad w ibn Adam al-Kawtharl of the teachings of the Qur'an. watching pornography. South Africa. "Praise be to Allah. I am doubtful whether I would be able to compile this workMay Allah reward them accordingly. the book is divided into various chapters that take an aspect of sexual behaviour and explore it in some depth.ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS docs one prepare for sexual relations? What are the rules and etiquettes of foreplay. reference works from the four Sunni Schools of Islamic law. a detailed bibliography and an index of terminologies used and personalities quoted. support and prayers for me. Ameen. and if I have erred. for this excellent work on a rather sensitive but much required subject. May the Almighty crown his efforts with success and acceptance and mav he continue to serve the Ummah with his scholastic abilities. has put I conducting meticulous research in preparation of this book. Mufti Zubair Bayat Director: Darul lhsan Centre Durban. Al-hamdulillah. South Africa XIII . MuffT Muhammad ibn Adam (hafizahullah). including current sexual practices. and indeed any couple. prepared a detailed work on the subject. Mufti Muhammad i suggestions. to study this book. which is well annotated with references and footnotes. It covers many contemporary issues. has in a very lucid and clear manner. I have found this work to be beneficial and highly informative. a young. tremendous effort into I a Etiquettes of sexual relations". and the Islamic rulings on hem. dynamic and promising Islamic scholar. The author. having noticed a need for good. <> n the subject in the English language. strongly and recommend any prospective couple. authentic material penned a consise work titled. Some years ago. which has gone through dozens of prints to date. and to offer Now.PREFACE BY MUFTI ZUBAIR BAYAT congratulate the author. which the author graciously accepted. I have had the opportunity to review this work. inheritance iu on trade. Surely he is an open enemy for you. social ethics (akhldq). from purity and prayer. penal law. There is little place for the i: COMPLETENESS of islam is separation of religion from the slate. marriage and inheritance laws. to financial transactions {wu'amalat). the other ( three are dedicated to laws dietary laws. Acursory study of the Shaffa reveals that a great portion of Islamic law exists to address these very questions. and other issues.from the fundamental laith isaqaid) and devotional worship ('ibadat). enter into Islam completely. divorce." (Qur'an 2:208) It is a common fallacy that Islam is restricted to particular forms of devotional worship. '" 'O vou who believe. politics. Hanafi fiqh Manual. The same pattern is found many hadlth collections where the majority of the work consists of matters other than the pure devotional worship. Al~ >l the four volumes of the renowned classical llidaya. . to trade emulations. Islam insists on adherence articles of to the full spectrum of its teachings . economics and so on. Compilations of Prophetic narrations and manuals of Islamic law (fiqh) have substantial chapters dedicated to these subjects. and do not follow the footsteps of Satan. only the first explains the rules of devotional worship. marriage. divorce. marriage. rather. and has nothing to say about social issues. and communal etiquettes {mitashara) and moral Allah Most High says: i ' ' ' ' .INTRODUCTION In ii i displayed in die guidance provides for every aspect of life. but no less i^^t^i^^^ ^^ ^'^^ ^^^^ 1 1 1 shameful and sordid acts. a spouse activity. Imam Muslim (may Allah have mercy on him) relates in his $ahlh from the Companion Salman al-Farisi that some polytheists approached him saying: und wife." He replied: bedroom often leading to 11 L:. 1 teach you ashamed even the basics from me J.. The beloved Messenger 0$ is a light that shows the way to that which is of benefit in both worlds. "Indeed! He when excreting or urinating. It is therefore of key importance for married couples to understand the teachings of engage form of sexual Islam regarding sexual behaviour. otherwise it is crucial to present the Islamic stance will on this Verily. and. Abu Hurayra d^ relates that the Messenger of Allah important. the wording is of Abu Daioud) Sayyiduna said: it is possible to have a healthy sexual and avoid onflict. and from cleaning ourselves with less than three stones. Imam Abu Hamid al-Ghazali's Ihya'Ulum alDhh Al-Tibb al-Nabavft by Imam Ibn al-Qayyim al-Jawziyya. Imam Ibn Oudama's Al-Mughni. mistakenly believing it to be unlawful. the 1 Ghunya al-Tdlibin by Shaykh 'Abd al ^ ). and must not clean himself with his right hand.1 manner. It is common to find scholars dedicating whole chapters to this delicate. with growing numbers becoming addicted to pornography and other unlawful means of sexual gratification. Accordingly. at times.} V ? of Islamic law (madhhabs) also discuss many aspects of sexual relations and what married couples may and may not do. Among the objectives of marriage is to satisfy one's sexual needs in lawful . The root cause of marital discord is often sexual dissatisfaction. reason for a detailed exposition nf this subject is the modern world's fixation with sexuality. even for the mundane realities of everyday life. Some may consider any discussion on sex to be offensive and a breach of religious propriety (adab) and modesty (hayd). I am to you like a father. Muslims be left to learn about it from un-Islamic resources. < With some basic education life on the marital and from cleaning ourselves with dung or bone. Often.. subject. he must not face the Qibla nor turn his back toward it.e." in learning do not be If any one of you [i. frustration. "™-w Lja^^ji "17 . A healthy sexual relationship is absolutely vital in marriage. unaware that the Messenger of Allah Jk himself explained this subject in considerable Hunan AM Ddwud 8) 2 . and is the exemplar of perfection.idir ai-Jilain and countless other in some detail. Detailed and explicit rulings regarding sexual behaviour can be found in the Qur'an. the sexual relationship between a husband and the fruit of this is a blissful. the increasing pervasiveness of sexual imagery is affecting Muslims. Scholars Loday generally agree that one of the primary reasons for failed marriages is failed sexual lives. Imam NasaTs hhrat al~Ni$d\ Imam Abu 1-Faraj yet important. which could easily sour their relationship. Furthermore. etiquettes of relieving oneself]. subject. namely. where children are taught what some may consider A second. even about excrement i. spirituality and physical health. subject.-. and from cleaning ourselves with our right hand. the temptation to will refuse look elsewhere can in become overwhelming." (Safuh Muslim 262 & Sunan Abt Daioud 7.. The topic has been institutionalised in the school curriculum under the banner of "sex education". Islam does not neglect one of the most private moments an individual'slifc. Ibn al-Jawzfs Sayd al-Khdiir.^. with problems in the 1 'Your Prophet has taught you everything. Muslims are therefore duty bound to learn the full spectrum of Islamic teachings and implement them. works deal with this topic The major reference works in all four Sunni Schools classical %* *> * . peaceful and successful life in this world and the next. goes to relieve himself.e. ^ ^^ has forbidden us from facing the (Hbla (happiness. damaging their character. Sunna and works of classical scholars.ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS INTRODUCTION of 111 The implication of this is that a Muslim who confines his practice Islam to purely devotional worship is omitting a great portion of the teachings of the Qur'an and Surma. even divorce.-: O }'« In this environment. and in a if either spouse is unfulfilled. In fact. penetrating the vagina. the Messenger of Allah j& describes explicitly how a man might have sex with his wife such that it necessitates a ritual bath of purification. how does the son resemble his mother?" (Sahlh al-Bukhari 130) "i'nini men and women the Messenger of Allah J& taught matters relating to sex. let your right hand be in dust [an Arabic expression said light-heartedly to someone whose statement you contradict].e. do not enter women in their anuses. a fundamental element of our religion. he £ relates & SUtfj ljJJlfi « dLficZJfi sjtt <Si> modern world. (See: Sunan al-Tinnidhi 2980) Remarkably. $ahih al-Jhikhan 1 30 and Sunan Jhn Majah 1924). shyness does not prevent them from having a deep understanding of religion. others) asked the Messenger of Allah Js> about the permissibility of penetrating one's wife from behind i. "Yes. Several hadlths describe INTRODUCTION Sulaym J$ came to the Messenger of Allah |§* and said.Allah J£» questions of a sexual nature. Is bath after she has a wet it necessary for a woman to take a ritual dream?" The Messenger of Allah _#» replied. 4 . "Yes. the Messenger of Allah J| did not shy away from answering them. related bv Abu Huravra &» in which the Messenger of Allah Jfe was teaching his Companions j& the rules of having a ritual bath (ghusl).$. learning. the wording of Muslim) has no qualms in asking the Messenger of Allah i Sulaym's statement about something as intimate as a wet dream. "O Messenger of Allah! Does a woman have a discharge?" Me replied. often indecently. even those regarding sexual matters. The Messenger of Allah anal sex. used this phrase himself when he prohibited Here. In the Whatever is discussed in this book is based directly on the Qur'an. why then should we feel ashamed of learning the pure and decent teachings of Islam on this subject? Those who feel that the contents of ibis book are overly explicit should keep in mind the words of Allah Most High. The Companions J$b also did not shy away from asking the Messenger of ." Umm Salama covered her face and asked. women also felt able to ask the Messenger of Allah Jfe questions of a sexual nature without any reluctance or being ashamed of such enquiry. when he said: Imam BukharT and Imam Muslim (may Allah "When a man on Bukharl 287 sits her. Musnad Ahmad It is clear. "How praisefrom Sayyida A'isha worthy are the women of Ansar. There are numerous other examples which illustrate the frankness with which the Prophet J& discussed these matters. a ritual amidst her four parts and then exerts pressure bath becomes obligatory upon him. bin when it comes to religious matters it should not prevent one from Likewise. that there is nothing wrong in discussing this subject him for asking an "offensive" question. many of which will be explored this how over the course of book. shy of [expounding] the truth* (Qur'an 33:53. Allah is not. Allah is not shy of the truth. relates: long as it is done with decency. and not the anus. without doubt. I n a famous inciden t» Savviduna ( &j\» j "Allah is ^jIT not shy of the truth. The Messenger of Allah |k did not rebuke gfc Umar ibn al-Khattab then. "Allah is not shy of the truth" is a clear indication that there is no shyness when it comes to learning about matters of Dm." (Sahih alis & Sahlh Muslim 348. but waited until Allah Most High Himself revealed verses of the Qur'an to answer his question. as ttuhhari 1:60) Umm who said. Rather. if she notices a discharge. saying: . His Messenger J| and the Companions $k. 8c (Sunan ilm Majah 1 924. "O Messenger of Allah. Surely." (Ibid) Modesty is. Salama &. "Surely. questions of sexuality are openly discussed. "Sacred knowledge {'Urn) is not gained by a shy person nor an arrogant one. even though he was shy by nature.ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS detail. it High and the is a mistake to shy away from the teachings of Allah Most Messenger^. have mercy on them) both record a hadtth in their Sa/u/i collections." (Sahth alfor instructional purposes. Imam BukharT relates from Mujahid who said. a woman Umm In this hadlth. In light of the two reasons discussed above. sexual problems between married couples as a cause of marital discord. namely. performing acts that one believes are unlawful.. otherwise. reference works in each of the four Sunm Schools of Islamic law. but are under the false impression that they are prohibitively disliked or forbidden.|oo) As such. the Islamic - 1- some are even unaware that sex during menstruation is categorically forbidden. preventing them from feeling guilty for engaging in it. despite it being perfectly lawful. it an act he believed to be unlawful. the need to guide Muslims to the Islamic teachings regarding sexual matters is clear. and this will inevitablylead to acts that are actually unlawful. in that they should be performed with transformative intentions and objectives {maqdfid) in mind. and the modernday fixation on sex and its powerful influence on Muslims. forming the correct intention for everything that one does is of paramount importance. and how < safeguard them from falling into prohibited acts. In 1 and etiquettes on sexual INTENTIONS AND SEXUAL RELATIONS In ikntion (jiiyya) is the fundamental element that elevates mundane virtue. and to win unto the pleasure of Allah Most High. Clear guidelines. More seriously. " ( $ahih al-Bukhan i Imam known Ibn Nujaym (may Allah have mercy on him) mentions a well- juristic maxim (qa'ida fiqhiyya) which states: "There is no reward without intention. slid Allah." (SiyarA 'lam abNutal& f S. then a great act becomes paltry by its intention. some Muslim couples may be engaging TImar ibn al-Khattab ft say: ^ drawing immense rewards. one must form an intention for Allah. but feel too embarrassed to ask a scholar directly. For one's acts to be consonant with the Sunna of the beloved Messenger of Allah $fe. this book will prove to be an invaluable resource.) ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS Sunna. namely: 1 ) Increasing the nation (umma) of Allah's Messenger c#s and seeking >ious offspring who will serve Islam. 6 . will eventually instil a lax attitude towards Islamic law in the heart. even if they are completely lawful. Sayyiduna relates tiiat he heard the Messenger of Allah are completely permitted. therefore. Even though he had not committed & u uy\ % oGi j^i * * ju& lii a sin. but he did it nevertheless. Sexual relations with one's spouse are not excluded from this principle. People in this situation must be apprised of what is permitted. acts into acts in practices that of great Finally. and one shall only have that which one intends. There are also many who desire to live their lives in harmony with Islamic teachings and are motivated to learn. sayings of the Companions £&. For such individuals. . works of classical scholars. are absolutely necessary to inform Muslims of what is permitted was detrimental to his spirituality to practise "Actions are but by intentions. and authentic works of some learned contemporary scholars. . A third laws reason is that many Muslims simply do not know relations. I once came across an individual who believed that kissing his wife's body was unlawful. it remains but a routine habit." {Al-Ashbahwa 'l-Naza'ir P: 19) and to Imam 'Abdullah ibn al-Mubarak (may Allah have mercy on him) says: "How often a paltry act becomes great by its intention. ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS Allah Most High says: * INTRNTIONS AND SEXUAL RELATIONS *+ r >" "So now have relations with them [your wives] and seek what Allah has ordained for you. and other classical exegetes (mufassirun) such . unable to marry should SaMh al-Bukhan 4779) is fast. from my way (sunna). Ikrirna. as will be discussed in more detail later on.1 Prophetic medicine." as 'Abdullah ibn Abbas. (Tafsir al-(hiran al-Azim 1:300) The great nineteenth century scholar of Qur'anic exegesis and his Prophetic narrations in the Indian Subcontinent. And whoever does not practice my way [out of rejection] is not from me. which would otherwise leave one illness and poor health. Anyone Iinain Ibn KathTr The great exegete (mufassh) of the Quran (may who Allah have mercy their followers on him) quotes from many Companions (mkaba). for it restrains the appetite. of course.uxl understanding of the body may be taken from Greek medicine. as it is the responsibility of each spouse to satisfy the sexual needs of the other. hence their medical opinions ." {'raj'sir-eUlhmanl 1:130) Sayyida 'A'isha >• anyone of you and she captivates his heart. 2) Protection against fornication 1 as masturbation. "You should seek the children ordained for vou in the heavenlv book (Al-lawh al-mahfuz) through sexual intercourse with your women." (Qur'an 2:187) "O group of young men. such pornographic material. As such. |) Removing susceptible to from the body. rather than Note that all medical statements quoted in this . writes in renowned Urdu exegesis of the Qur'an. is fader advised to and some of which might not today be wholly accurate. Al-Tibb al-Nahawi fluids evident from these texts that procreation and seeking of pious offspring are valid objectives of sexual relations with one's spouse. is chastity and to satisfy one's sexual needs lawfully so that One one can refrain from unlawful Fulfilling the right acts." (SaMh Muslim attracts "When a woman $ft relates that the Messenger of Allah J& said: > of the basic objectives of sexual relations with one's spouse. encouraged his followers to many in order to seek what Allah provides through the beautiful union of a man and There 1 the All-Merciful has given to mankind. Mujahid. looking at and other corrupting activities. (Ibn al-Qayyim. Anas." (Sunan Mm Majah 1846) "Marriage is of one's spouse in a lawful manner. The It is f.) Enjoying is Messenger of Allah ji. The keep (his in mind whilst reading the book. there are aspects to Greek medicine which have been. never be dis- gazes at the opposite gender. by the Will ol Allah. medical opinions in this book may differ from the findings and approach of model 1 said to us: n Western medicine. 8 9 . Shaykh ShabbTr Ahmad Uthmani. And marry [and procreate]. therefore.. nothing wrong in intending enjoyment and sexual gratification this great gift that woman. And whilst Prophetic medicine can. Mere satisfaction of lust and sexual desire should not be the aim. for indeed I wall outnumber the other nations by you. anyone [of you] who can afford it should many. for it lowers the eyes and guards the private parts. sexual desire].. some of whom would have had their medical training from Greek-influenced medicine.e. (lalri'un). and casting lustful book are derived from the books classical and contemporary Muslim scholars. for it would repel that what he feels [i. Sayyiduna 'Abdullah ibn Mas'ud $| relates that the Messenger of Allah Jl> proved or denied. Sa'Id ibn Jubayr that the words of Allah Most High "and seek" refers to having Abu Hurayra. then he should go to his wife and have sex with her. Sayyiduna Jiibir ^ relates that he heard the Messenger of Allah j£» say: children. As such.LSI. o j>o JJ v**i^ vS x*U ij^? ^ J^-l ^ **a* V <&X>& psl* AP ^j j*:* . i7- *. one does not Forget one's Lord. thinking about it and desiring it. "O Messenger of Allah! One of us fulfils his sexual desire and he is given a reward for that?" And he said." [The Companions said]. People holding this misconception perform sex reluctantly.liscworthy goals. the merely permissible becomes an act of worship. One should remember the many lofty aims beyond Hcxua] gratification that can be sought through sexual relations with one's spouse. in every Tahmul [i. he would be sinning? Likewise. it as disrespectful SEX The IS A KOHM OF CHARITY (SADAQA) 1 mentioned above elevate sex from an act of physical pleasure into an act of immense reward and a form of charity. \^j ) Z$ X * * J& V^. As such.e. or other . comments on this hadlth "In this hadlth there m is his monumental commentary of §ahlh Muslim: an indication that through correct intentions. A MIC GUIDE TO SKXUAL RELATIONS one's spouse. Sex is INTENTIONS AND SEXUAL RELATIONS her honourably . I-jaIpJJJ is in even' Tasbih [i. or to seek pious offspring. saying Subhan Allah] there is charity. Hex results in producing offspring like unto the calibre of Imam Shafi ! mid Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal (may Allah have mercy on them).is Allah Most High has commanded.e. intentions said: s ' ii" -a [< ^-U> AU^j Jij this nature is superior to one thousand years of [voluntary] worship!" f'alhls Iblls 358 V -. like the need to relieve oneself.e.A£J~4> A>.e. and should be enjoyed as much as possible. Sayyiduna Abu Dharr al-Ghifarl j$s. the great hadlth {faqih).>-j . this beautiful. in every Tahiti of good is charity." (Al-Minhaj Shark Sahify Muslim ibn al-Hajjaj 778) is clear from this that even at the peak of passion. and in the sexual act of each of you there is charity.. keep oneself chaste or one's wife chaste. enjoining saying La Imam Nawawl (may Allah have mercy expert {muhaddith) and Shaft'! jurist on him). 1 006) charity. Sex of ime intends by it when engaging not a dirty act.. They have completely missed die point." (Sahlh Muslim. lawfully enjoying this act does not conflict with modesty or good character in anv wav. saying Al-fiamdulilldh] there ildha illalldh] there is charity. 4#b tji-i J® < *JH J . Lawful sex is an act of worship.*ii c *J>J*& sjst**l\* ^4 *- J> j. [i. " " ( -" A5^tf- - J o^^J>j ^J5j * : t V -' t ' A9J^P *J~Nj J>j •* ] - **<<** c ::. Sex at times is perceived of as unclean..* * ^'^0 ". or to protect both spouses from hmking at the unlawful.t *" l^i aJ jj^T. By these means. gratifying and enjoyable H<"l is elevated into an act of worship and charity. forbidding of evil is charity. in every Takblr [i. but rather something that has been practised by countless Prophets and pious servants of Allah Most High. and as something that should in sexual relations with to fulfil the right of the wife and treat I ii only be practised as a need. sex becomes an act of worship if 10 ii . "Do you not see that were he to act upon it unlawfully.. if he acts upon it lawfully he will be rewarded. relates that the Messenger of Allah correct. Imam Ibn al-JawzT (may Allah have mercy on him) states: "At times. Verily >i\\<v* ?*v. and consider 1 1 any enjoyment derived from or immoral. saying Allahu Akhar] there is charity. Rights should always be understood in light of the following Prophetic guidance: from the other. for just as the wife is lawful for the husband [in terms of deriving sexual pleasure from her]. there is is religiously obliged to fulfil the a slight legal difference between lite husband's and the wife's right to demand sex. The renowned Hanafi jurist Imam Ibn Abidln (may Allah have mercy on him) states: "Among the consequences of marriage is the permissibility of each spouse deriving sexual pleasure and never solves anything. sexual relations are a right of both spouses. and the wife must consent to his demand unless there is a genuine physical excuse or Sharl'a-countenanced impediment. as it is his right to derive sexual pleasure from her. how each party's "demanding"would affect marital relations. he will be obligated to agree and compelled through the courts once [meaning once throughout the marital relationship]. physical. man is entitled to have sex with his wife whenever he is desirous of and it is her religious duty to make herself available to him.. including die difference in the nature of male and female sexual desire. force and argumentation contradicts the spirit of marriage. states: "And both spouses share this ruling of deriving sexual pleasure. It is the right or the husband to demand sex from her whenever he so desires unless there is an impediment. And it is [also] the right of the wife to request sex from him.. between the sexes. Seeking one's rights through demands. The spirit of marriage is different. even though it is religiously obligatory -2- for the her sexual needs. since deriving sexual pleasure from him is her right. (See: Radd al-Muhtar 3:4) All of the above is at the level of law." (Radd al-Muhtar 'aid 'l-Durr al-Muhhiar 3:4) Ala al-Dln al-Kasani (may Allah have mercy on him). The husband can demand sex through a court of law and is generally expected to take (he initiative.. and the consideration 1 and wife. and after that he will be religiously [and not legally] obliged to have sex with her in the context of living together in excellence and fostering the marital relationship. such as menstruation (hayd). When she requests sex from him. RELATIONS A 11. As such. but this distinction exists merelv because of the inherent temperamental. and to satisfy the sexual appetite of one's spouse is a legitimate objective of sexual relations and even of marriage itself.Allah j§& ^ Ha id: £&U & i $i j^ #& ' ** $ 01> Ji *!?' J^) ^ 1 & 12 13 ." (Sunan ul-'Yirmidhl 1 162) I UK HUSBAND'S RIGHT TO SKXUAl. postnatal bleeding (nifas). a woman does not have an explicit legal right to demand sex in ol he same fashion as a man.SEX AS A RIGHT OF BOTH SPOUSES Despite the fact that each spouse sexual needs of the other. zihar [the husband swearing an oath to abstain from sex with his wife]. being in the state of ihram and other impediments. The right to sexual fulfilment belongs to both husband and wife. her husband is lawful for her. Inother words. lie husband being the head (aimr) of the family. and this is emphasised in many hadlths: Sayyiduna Abu Hurayra relates tiiat the Messenger of . This distinction comes about because of various considerations. and the best of you are the best of you to your spouses.. she cannot demand this iluough a court of law after he has had sex with her at least once since husband to fulfil SEX AS A RIGHT OF BOTH SPOUSES Islam protects the sexual rights of both the husband being married. in the case of the wife. Failing 10 do so without a valid excuse is a major sin. and it is a mistake to assume that only the husband has this privilege. a prominent classical Hanafi jurist. and emotional differences I The wife has as much right to expect her sexual needs to be fulfilled as the husband. I lowever." (BadaM al-Sana'i Imam uu j$z& 5j\^ $j\^j iiu- u:#a £Ui ftuju jan "The most perfect of believers are those most perfect of character. however.e. It is a grave sin. she must leave even-thing and respond to his call. The wife is required to obey her husband as long as she does not have to forgo her own rights." (Safnh Muslim 436) calls his wife to his 1 lowed to force himself violently over his wife for sexual gratification. clearly illustrate the The prophetic menstruating or has postnatal bleeding.: ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS bed and she refuses. the husband is required to show her sympathy by understanding that she may be unable to have sex. since the husband may desire to fulfil his sexual needs whilst she is 1 1 often observed that a husband will demand is his wife to fulfil ill Ins sexual needs. is "When a man 1 1 calls his wife for if the fulfilment of his sexual need. with her clothes acting as a barrier]. Allah Most High says: Imam NawawT states Hurayra in his commentary of the hadlth related by it is Abu "On no soul does Allah place a burden greater than it ^ quoted earlier: 'This hadlth indicates that unlawful can bear." (Af-Minhaj Shark Saluh Muslim P: 1084) It was in this context that the Messenger of Allah jt> instructed women to seek permission from their husbands before observing a voluntary fast. she is ill. then she no longer is obligated to comply with her husband's demands for sex. and support their behaviour by quoting the above hadlths! It is important to understand that if the wife is not in a state to engage in mil physically is fasting. the wording is of Muslim) a calls his wife to his SEX AS A RIGHT OF BOTH SPOUSES when man -oil % ^u g^j si>i iji i "A Sayyiduna Abu Hurayra said: *'- $&. simply "not feeling up to it" is not a lowever. relates that the Messenger of Allah J§ is not fast [i. since the husband has a right to enjoy her from above the garment [i." (Sunan she must come. the wife's duty to '. and others. Had this been allowed. a man who bed and she refuses except that Allah becomes angry with her until her husband is pleased with her. even al-Tirmidhi she is ["busy] in 60) narrations above. ill the husband's right to demand sex does not mean that he is "By the One in Whose hands is my life. but the M 1 n . for the wife to refuse her husband. But. As such. in normal circumstances. physically unable to have sex. make herself available applies in normal & no Sharfa-countenaced impediment or when ulie does not have a valid excuse." (Sahih al-Bukhdrl woman must 4896) >-* Two points." (haram) for the wife to refuse her husband sexual relations without a valid reason. the cooking area. if the wife importance of obedience to a husband's request for sexual relations. exhausted. Menstruation (Qur'an 2:286) is not considered a valid reason. emotionally drained or Hexual activity is detrimental to her well-being. I Such is the emphasis on this command thai even if the wife happens to be busy when her husband calls her. Rather. and even more so if her refusal leads to the husband committing an unlawful act. he hadlths mention the husband "sleeping in a state of anger" and being displeased" demonstrating the fact that the husband should restrain himself from forcing himself aggressively over her and hurting her. iiuations when there is 1 he various hadlths are an admonition for ¥ women who use sex as a weapon against I their husbands. surely the Messenger of Allah j§k would have permitted it for the husband." (Sahth al-Bukhdn 3085 8c §ahih Muslim 1436. optional fasts] whilst her husband staving with her except with his permission. Sayyiduna Talq ibn CAD $& relates that the Messenger of Allah said: Secondly. and then he sleeps being angry.e. He ^ said: Kcsual activity and has a genuine and Islamically valid reason. are worth considering here: Firstly. |nslilied reason. the angels curse her until morning. disregarding the fact that she extremely and capable of having sex. there is not. Some threaten their wives with divorce. "Fast three days every month and complete one Qur'an every month." He said. and emotional differences between women and men. by adorning herself. and complete the recitation of the Qur'an in seven days. Medical experts are of the opinion that a woman's sexual desire reaches its peak directly after the completion of her menstrual cycle. she will liukhdn 4765) In 1 another variation of » this same hadlth.and ask her about her husband. l -- ' ' ' j * y y C «y ^r ^ ' - «• „ *" - -* y y 7 s t x ^ A * * f- K- -- ^ - tf J* J* V* S \ I S J* J* :j&< ^i^jSl^W :iJSJ&« Ui 'J*j ££ )£\ : Jfc « itoj. "Every night. the fasting of Dawud (peace be upon him) who used to fast every alternate day." I said. The Messenger of Allah jfk said. The Messenger of Allah J§& said." (Safuli altime. "I have the ability to do more than that." I said. and gazing at him longingly.. "Fast the most superior of fasts. "Every day. The husband is religiously obliged to fulfil the sexual needs of his wife. is when she in the mood.. This is why many jurists hold that it is religiously obligatory for the husband to have sex with his wife every so often. unlike men. will SEX AS A RIGHT OF BOTH SPOUSES husband forces her. 'Abdullah ibn ' " ' ' * Amr elates: -" ! (See: Bada'i al-Sana'% 2:331 fjjj y$\ fji' itl ^ ~ ' 1 ft 4t is 1 : £. It is a sin on his part to deprive his wife of this right without a valid excuse or permission. and not machines that can be switched on and off whenever they desire! Ultimately. "I have the ability to do more than that. "An excellent man! A man who has not slept with us in bed nor removed the veil from us since we came to him!" When that went on for a long Messenger of Allah fi*.« ISLAMIC GUIDK TO SEXUAL RELATIONS be sinful Muslim husbands need to realise that their wives are also human beings. needs." 1 said.5) . father) that to the I he (my mentioned THE WIFE'S RIGHT TO SEXUAL RELATIONS Like men. A perceptive husband realises this and is responsive to her signals." So I went to meet him soon after. "Send him to me. "I have the ability to do more than that. talking to him enticingly. Instead. She would say to him. then he a "My father married me off to a woman of good lineage.i. these matters are best resolved through mutual understanding. However.* y y + y j? p ** y y y \J** . "I low often do you fast?" I said." He said. women have sexual needs." He said. love. "None of you can be a [true] believer until they love for their brother what they love for themselves" ($ahlk Mudirn 4. physical. they have more control over their sexual urges due to the inherent temperamental.^ 16 .e." He said. ** *dj J t $?S\ > l -&> &j~ * % * j> i&x 4 fee >i jr^k' iuA o& ii I * » . Then fast three days every week. gentleness and putting one's spouse before oneself. "How often do you complete the Qur'an?" said. and he used to consult his daughter-in-law . his son's wife . A woman will not normally demand the fulfilment of her sexual employ various means of seducing her husband. regard for one another. and he said.The importance of this concept becomes even greater in a marital relationship. "Fast after ever)' two days.^ / ." He said.j a& iii Ji 41 ^j j j& y * Savyiduna 'Abdullah ibn Amr dk relates: # y* 4* . It is enough for you to fast three days out of every month.1 Imam Abu lamid al-Ghazall holds that it is religiously obligatory for man to have sex with his wife once every four nights." He said. Abu al-Darda' went Co stand in prayer and Salman said to him." 'Umar^ said. "Now get up and they both prayed together.to be moderate in his worship. so give each rightful person their due right. "O Messenger of Allah. Salman. "Do not do it. "How?" He said." But I was austere then and made things hard for myself." (Sahzh al-Bukhcm 1867) Scholars differ over wife to fulfil how regularly a husband must have sex with his her needs. a view supported Abd al-Razzaq relates in his to by the following incident: ilui a I woman came Al-Mmannaf from Qatada and Sha'bi 'Ulnar jS$t and said." He said. "So he ate* In the night. I said. In die instance quoted. "Have 1 not been informed that you fast all day and pray all night?" I said. u Eat. 'Abdullah used to say.il-Mifmlnm! Allah has permitted j 1 him four wives." (Sahih al-Bukhan 1874) In this hadlth. and pray and sleep. "Half the time. and your visitor has a right over you. modesty and bash fulness of the female companions (may Allah be pleased with them all). "You have praised your husband excellently well.Allah ibn al: SFX AS A RIGHT OF BOTH SPOUSES r ** r - r V I j ' I j§< advises "Abdullah ibn Amr As 3jt. "She is actually] complaining. your self has a right over you and your wife has a right over you." Umar ife> said. your eye has a right over you." Abu al-Darda' came and made some food for him [i. "What is the matter with you?" She said. the Messenger of . and on learning that he had not slept with his wife. and tells us how patiently they bore the indifference of their husbands. "She claims In have no share in the marriage from her husband [meaning her in prayer] |: This hacluh also presents a model of chastity. I . Amr . "I wished I had accepted the easier options provided by the Messenger of Allah Jfe. "Yes. Every good action is multiplied by ten." Umar j& said. unless you eat. but do not do more than that. "O Amir l with which the wife of 'Abdullah ibn answered her father-in-law." When he became old. "I will not eat. 2 Abujuhayfa ^ relates: £#! tf jOi j$ < + *$& Jj ** " ^S j (£*j 4* & J^ $ J% " ^ > ^ 1 I "The Messenger of Allah ^joined Salman $fe and Abu al-Darda' j^ together in brotherhood. I feel strong. and one night of every four nights. is an exceptional example of decency and endurance." He said. "Your Lord has a right over you." clearly defining the husband's responsibility to fulfil his wife's sexual and other needs. "I am fasting." Salman said to him. because your body has a right over you. "Your brother Abu al-Darda' has no need of this world [meaning he did not care whether his wife adorned herself for him or not since he was very busy in worshiping Allah Most High]. then you decide between them. Dawud (peace be upon him). "If you understand litis much." (SuyutT. your wife has a right over you. Then he got tip again and Salman said. when he enquired about the treatment of her husband. "Sleep!" When it was the latter part of the night. the politeness u husband does not fulfil her rights]. Tdrikh tifKhulafirP: 161) 18 19 . Salman visited Abu al-Darda' and saw Umm al-Darda' [Abu al-Darda's wife] poorly dressed and said to her. "My husband stands at night *- «- * f and fasts during die day. "Your wife has a right over you.e. the Messenger ofAllah J& said to him.]. O Messenger of Allah. "Sleep!" and so he slept. Fast and break the fast." Ka'b ibn Sawwar said to c Umar. "Salman spoke 1 he truth." He (Ka b) said. Salman said. Salman said. so that is like fasting all the time." Salman said." Abit al-Darda' came to the Messenger of Allah _#>ancl mentioned this to him and the Messenger of Allah -^ said.ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS "The Messenger of Allah J& said to me." He says." I said. "What is the fast of Dawud (peace be upon him)?" He said. "Fast die fast of the Prophet of Allah. So she has one day -I every four days. " * needs once every four nights. iils to fulfil her sexual needs after this period.her menses prohibited sex. The proof for this is the statement of Allah Most High: "But when they are purified. (See: Radd al-Muhtar 3:203 & Jadid Fiqhi Masa M$?m1*j% 2) rarlkk al-Khulafa P: 161-162) Imam Muwaffaq his al-Din Ibn Qudama (may Allah have mercy on him). while on patrol. Mawlana Ashraf All Th&nawT stales that the reason for this Whn hat 'Umar expected an impartial answer from his daughter.ih Radd aUMuhtdr < aid %Durr al-Muhhtar 3:202-2 03. wife's sexual SEX AS A RIGHT OF BOTH SPOUSES fulfil his Imam Ghazalfs view is that a man must thai ( armies must not be kept on service for more than four months. since it was her husband who was asking.enough to maintain her outward and inward chastity such that she does not incline Inwards committing an unlawful act. Imam Ibn Hazrn understood in every interval (tuhr) her." (Al-Muhalla P: 1672) Imam Ibn Hazm derives his opinion from the word of Allah Most High: "Approach them. {Al-Ifadal ai-Ymomiyya vun al-Ifadat al-ihtxomiyya 2:300) h is 1 1 ^ 20 21 ." Imam Ibn Abidin explains this by stating that the husband is rligiously obligated to have sex with his wife every so often." a command indicative of obligation. "Do you intend to do wrong?" She said. and that I am without a companion to be intimate with has made me sleepless. Were it not for the fear of Allah like unto Whom there is none. a prominent Hannah" the jurist.ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS In light of this.. and he must not reach ilic duration of four months without her permission. "It religiously obligatory for a the text literally and ruled is that having sex after one's wife is purified from menstruation 3) obligatory. Then he went to [his daughter] Hafsa and said. 1 low long can a woman remain without her husband?*' She lowered her head and was shv. (A l-Mughni ) I 8:551-552) including at Most jurists {fitx/aha). however. that the established position of the Hanafi School (zahir 1 I 1 1 11 1 with the following narration: id tiiadhhab) In* is that there is no fixed time-limit. "I seek the refuge of Allah!" He said." Umar C$L sent a message to him [to return]. If the husband is loo I I ^ worth noting here that 'Umar ibn al-Khattab cgt did not ask his wife." TJmar $$. as in the case of the husband's right to sexual relations. "Truly Allah is not shy of the truth. hold that it c." He said. lowever. "I c obligated to spend the night with his wife and fulfil her sexual needs every so often. Hence Umar declared Ibn J arir relates. were he to have four. and if he I. many Hanafi to scholars. According even' some scholars. without this being fixed a specific frequency. He then cites Imam I'ahawi from the Hanafi School who holds the view that the husband In obligated to have sex with her once every four nights. Imam Ibn Hazm (may Allah have mercy on him) holds that it is religiously obligatory for a He states: once man to sleep with his wife once every month. the sides of this couch would have been moving. so dispel it for me. rather the husband will was informed by the one whom I trust that TImar ibn al-Khattab jj§&. However. "So restrain yourself. he will be sinful. "It is obligatory upon a man to have sex with his wife at least then there is no fixed timeperiod for having sex with her. As such. especially in seems to be the most our times. for it is onlv a matter of the message being delivered to him. This is also the favoured position of Imam TahawT (may Allah have mercy on him) of the Hanafi School. 1-hr obligation to fulfil the sexual needs of one's wile is conditional on he man's physical ability to have sex with his wife. (See: K. is The prominent llanafl jurist Imam Haskafli states. unless he lis some kind of illness or some other valid excuse. then four months. They substantiate their position to husband to have sex with his wife every so often. If. otherwise he will be sinful. He thought llnil there was a possibility of his wife's answer being biased. "You sent my husband on an expedition some months ago. this last position iciisonable inns) and practical. he abstains without any genuine reason. heard a woman saying [singing poetry]. Most scholars consider this to be a statement that permits sex after menstruation . He said. also concurs with this position in masterpiece of HanbalT and comparative fiqh Al-Mttghnt if He asserts needs due ili. and c if that is not possible. then approach them from where Allah has commanded you. he her states. and so Allah Most High returns permission once she is purified. "What is wrong with you?" She said. the husband engage in sexual relations with his wife every so often . since he is permitted to spend the other three nights with his other wives. If a man consistently refuses his Wile. but ui her his daughter. a man must have sex with his wife once four months or else he is sinful. al-Qasam) According to the author.il husband abstains from fulfilling his wife's sexual illness. "I want to ask you about a matter which concerns me. he is ordered to divorce lo an Islamicallv valid reason such as between menstruations if he is able to do so. and I long for him. he is obliged to have sex within four months. "This night stretches out and is dark.. said." So she gestured with her hand indicating three months. religiously obligator)'' for a husband have sex with his wile every so often. the answer will vary from couple to oiiple. and desist from having sex excessively/' (Qftnun-e- Aim '1-Layth i i WuhdshardtV: 16) Note that I'. since the best course is the middle course. keeping in mind the needs of both spouses. (lomplete celibacy or reducing one's sexual activity to the bare minimum may be unhealthy.iii<l even in sexual matters. aside from the religious obligations and rights of each spouse.ci this It icral advice. However. excessive sex likely to be harmful to one's health. . abstain from walking round bare-fooled. then he is not required to fulfil his wife's sexual needs. Islam is a religion of moderation and its adherents are encouraged to be moderate in all aspects oflife. physique i t and sexual libido of each individual varies considerably. but rather a piece of is advisable in this regard to consult a specialist should advice is one be concerned about one's personal situation. moderation is the ideal approach. that. . ill or weak to engage in -3- SEXUAL RELATIONS: Wk have discussed the HOW OFTEN: ? woman's religious right to sexual relations. ouples should mutually decide what is best suited for them. Moderation permeates every teaching of Islam. "Whoever is desirous of a long healthy life should eat in llic mornings and evenings. An extremist tendency in either direction is at odds Willi the spirit of Islam. as the temperament.ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS any sexual activity or fears that having sex with his wife will result in unbearable weakness. Faqlh al-Samarqand! relates in his Al-Bustan from Sayyiduna All gjt. avoid taking loans. we will now examine in detail the frequency with which a couple should engage in sexual activity through mutual agreement.i The Sharfa does not fix a specific limit or restriction on how often couple may engage in sexual activity. not a Sharfa ruling. There is no general set rule in this matter. Similarly. It is therefore unadvisable for a couple to ikmdon sex altogether given the fact that Allah Most High has blessed iliriii with a means of fulfilling is their sexual needs. As such. and wall not be sinful. 22 23 . Imam Ibn Quclama states: "The meaning of the Messenger of Allah's u J& statement man ghassala wa iglasala is that he has sex with his wife and then takes a bath. because this will aid him in lowering his gaze on the way. [his spouse] to bathe and bathes himself on .And it is said that the meaning of ghassala (bathes another or causes another to bathe) means he has sex with his spouse before leaving for [Friday] prayers.. In conclusion. That way." Imam SuvutT (mav Allah have mercy on him) interprets this statement in his commentary of Sunan al-Nasa\ where he says. ". Having sex too often can be exhausting and unhealthy. sex will be more fulfilling for both spouses. The best way to achieve this is through honest and respectful discussion. then goes out early [for Friday prayers] walks and does not and takes his seat close to the imam and listens attentively." {Al-Mughm 2:201) Accordingly.ISLAMIC GUIDK TO SKXUAL RELATIONS having sex once a week and consider this to fall within the ambit of moderation. ''man which translates literally as "whoever bathes another" or "whoever causes another to bailie. will earn the reward of a year's fasting and praying at night for every step he takes to Friday prayers. one of the meanings of this hadlth is that whoever has sex with his wife on Friday and so takes a bath himself and causes his wife to take a bath. moderation is the golden rule." (Sunan Abl Dawud 349 8c Sunan al-Nasdf 1381.. the Messenger of Allah ghassala' Jf& uses the phrase. will earn the reward of a year's fasting and praying at night for every step he takes." {Sunan al-Nasalbi Sharh al-Suyu{J 3:95) . and does not indulge in futility. that the Messenger of Allah rfesaid: scholars SKXUAL RELATIONS: HOW OFTEN? factory. and puts into practice the other actions mentioned. whilst abandoning sex altogether or reducing it to a bare minimum may also be damaging and unhealthy. Because Friday comes once every week. fnsha* HtH Some recommend \llak 'Whoever causes ride. the wording is of Abfi Dcmnid) In this hadlth. Couples should negotiate what is an achievable goal for them in terms of sexual activity so that they may settle on a level that is mutually 24 25 . these scholars consider that having sex once a week is recommended and in line with the spirit of moderation. . Friday. They base their position on the hadlth related by Aws ibn Aws al-Thaqafi $$. Given this. given that couples differ in their hours ofwork. As such. whether hunger. it is & She ('A'isha jgtf said: impractical to impose specific times for sex.SELECTING A TIME FOR SEXUAL RELATIONS and personal judgment: and this is the context in which the terms "preferred* and "disliked" should be read in the coming sections. but at the same time. "I asked al-Aswad ibn Yazid regarding what Sayyida \Visha j& informed him about the [night] prayer of the Messenger of Allah Furthermore. Statements are transmitted from certain Companions and early Muslims j|k. It is worth noting that these preferences are based on medical reasons. authentically reported that the Messenger of Allah Jt engaged in sexual relations with his wives at various times of the day and night was also the usual practice of the Messenger of Allah §h although he is reported to have slept with his wives at other times as well. when the husband is unoccupied with the pressures of Work. Many of the statements quoted from the Companions and early Muslims in this respect are not authentically established with proper chains of transmission. i.e. Scholars mention. unless there is some other external factor prohibiting sex. did not say. or the wife is menstruating. she. but I know what she meant) If he was not in a state of major ritual impurity. thirst. Married couples may choose any time of the day or night For sex. such as the time for prayer to is scholars consider the latter part of the night to be the best lime for sex because the stomach is full during the earlier part of the night. Tie would stand up") and pour water over himself (by Allah she. These recommendations are based on experience sexual activity. -4" SELECTING A TIME FOR SEXUAL RELATIONS Generally. he would fulfil his desire. Any tension or anxiety. 'A'isha. and then sleep. individual experiences or personal judgments. one need not consider the advice below to be binding or authentically established. This about It is end and one has not yet prayed. 739) «6 27 . It should not be given more importance than it deserves. For some people. Sexual relations between Some couples are best. i. As a result. Sharl a has not legislated a time in which they should engage in sexual relations. Abu Ishaq relates. for instance the poetry transmitted from Sayyiduna AIT $&• on this subject. When the "He would sleep in the early part first call to prayer was made he would jump up (by Allah. There is no sin attached to disregarding them. the shari'a does not for PREFERRED TIMES The optimal time for sex is when one is relaxed and a temperamental balance exists in both spouses. times of resting and sleeping. If he then wished to fulfil his desire with his wife. specify any particular time engaging in or desisting from sexual activity. he would [merely] perform ablution. of the night. and their desire to have sex. sexual activity can only take place if the urge exists and if the couple have the necessary agility and are relaxed. the ablution for prayer and then offer two RaUats [Sunnaof Fajr]" (Sahih Muslim . and do not constitute a legal (shaft) ruling. depression or illness will dampen the passion and may well prove to be unhealthy for the body. the optimal lime is the night. suited alter food has been completely digested.e. certain times that are favourable for from one another ^" 1 - * r *" y and others during which it is disliked. one should not consider what some books mention about preferable times for having sex and times to avoid sex as baseless. and sex on a full stomach is harmful. did not say that he took a bath 'A'isha. whilst others may feel fresh and agile in the morning directly i ) after y) waking up from sleep. however. and wake up in the latter part [to offer prayers]. anger. The Messenger of Allah J& rejected both notions saying that if sex was harmful during iregnancy or during the period of breastfeeding. "I AIi. the stomach will part of the night. ( Ulum. "I practice coitus interruptus [i. "Why do you do that?** He replied." (Kanz at. a difficult to wait for the end of the Sayyiduna Sa' d ibn Waqqas jS relates that: to eat a light In this way. The detestabilky of sexual relations on these nights is related from . withdrawal method or 'azl] with my wife. the fourteenth night].. sex in the earlier r> - * <* < .Ummdl^^o 2. meal in the early part of the evening. and that having sex with her may cause her to conceive again. for that causes the is "One of you should not have sex when there of tumour (nawaszr) . "IF it was harmful. Likewise. and one of you should not have sex when there is a need to urinate." {Sahlh Muslim. the Messenger of Allah Jp forbade sex with a woman tiegnant from another man (Sunan al-Tinnidhl 1131). the chain of transmission for this report is not authenticated) illness A second interpretation is that he feared for the child being breastfed. it would have harmed (he Persians and Byzantines. then it would have harmed the Persians and Byzantines. from which the scholars inferred the permissibility of sex with a woman pregnant from oneself. resulting in twins which could weaken both foetuses. It is said that the devils appear on these nights where sexual relations are taking place between spouses. sex on Friday and the night preceding it is recommended (mustakab) due to the hadlth narrated by Aws ibn Aws al-Thaqafi regarding the reward of one bathing and causing the spouse to bathe on Fridays. and their children were not harmed*." The Messenger of Allah J& said. it is permitted to have sex during the period of breastfeeding. (See: Ilhaj al-Sdddt al-Multaqin bi Shark considered prohibiting sex during the period of breastfeeding (ghayh) but I remembered the Byzantines and Persians practicing . al-Dln 6:175) 1 his.ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS For those who find practical solution is it SELECTING A TIME FOR SEXUAL RELATIONS night. There is also a hadlth reported in this regard. not be full when having. in thai sex may be harmful for the suckling child. Imam Abu Hamid alGhazall states in h is renowned I/iya Ulum al-Dln that according to some scholars. (See: Mirqal al-Mafatih 6:238 JudamabintWahb al-Asadiyya $fr relates that she heard the Messenger I of Allah &sav: j fc 2) Imam a Ghazali states in his Ihya'xhat it is disliked to have sex during three nights of each month: the first. quoted earlier.e. hadlth r"ti "'• a need to defecate. * - > K on Friday and the night preceding Friday is also recommended and some consider this virtuous. "1 fear for her child or her children. Sayyiduna Anas ibn Malik j$> relates that the Messenger of Allah _#. for that causes the illness of piles (baxvash). Mirawiya and Ihya ' Abu Hurayra j&. 1442) SEX DURING PREGNANCY AND THE PERIOD OK BREASTFEEDING There is no difference of opinion between the scholars that it is permitted for a couple to have sex whilst the wife is pregnant.e. whether one needs to urinate or defecate. explains that the man feared for the child in his wife's womb. (See: Ithaj'al-Sadat al-Mullaqln hi Shark Ikya' Ulum al-Dln 6: 75) ' $) Sexual relations c £ : 1 DISLIKED TIMES Having sex when one needs to relieve oneself is both disliked and detrimental to one's health. is reported to have said: 1) Messenger of Allah Jk and said. 28 29 . the great scholar &+1 g*\£ % fa < ^ ^ y+*#\ ft-- 31 1 AZjO |\ - ? > '<?' V f -\ : Kl 1" ' and I Ianafi jurist. the last and the middle night [i. Moreover." The Messenger of Allah j§s said." (Saklh Muslim 1443) "A man came to the Mulla of AIT al-Qari (may Allah have mercy on him). ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS Having said the above, scholars SELECTING A TIME FOR SEXUAL RELATIONS recommend that couples should seek reliable medical advice before having sex during both pregnancy and the period of breastfeeding. If a particular couple are advised by a medical specialist that sex is harmful during pregnancy or the period of breastfeeding, whether P: it ^ "Among when & & * J puts the mother at risk, the suckling child or the foetus, then sexual relations should be avoided {Adalhe-Mubaskaral the Jews, a woman menstruated, they did not eat hadith of the Messenger of Allah 34 understood to apply to normal situations. 35)- The fa in this context, is Furthermore, the husband should ensure he is extremely gentle and careful with his pregnant wife during sexual relations. He should may cause discomfort to her, especially in the final stages of pregnancy when the wife can become tired and exhausted very easily. (Ahmad Kan'an, Ust'd al-Mu'dshara al-Zau>jiyyaP: 79) avoid positions that nor did they live with menstruating women in their houses. So the Companions of the Messenger of Allah fa asked ihe Messenger of Allah J* [regarding this practice], so Allah Most High revealed: "They ask you concerning menstruation. Say: "It is an impurity. So keep away from women during menstruation" said, "Do till the end of the verse. Thus, the Messenger of Allah fa everything except for sex." (Safuh Muslim 302 with her, Sayyiduna SEXUAL RELATIONS DURING MENSTRUATION (HAYP) AND POSTNATAL BLEEDING (NTFAS) Having sex during menstruation is absolutely and emphatically unlawful (hawm) as established by the explicit text of the Qur'an and numerous Prophetic hadlths. There is complete scholarly consensus ijmd) within the Muslim Ummaon this. Allah Most High says: 1) ' Abu Hurayra fa relates from the Messenger of Allah J at he said: - A "The one who has sex with a menstruating woman, or with a woman in her anus, or who goes to a fortune-teller, has disbelieved (kufr) in that which was revealed to Muhammad fa* (Sunan al-Tirmidki --* * - s*> ? r ' + ':-55) a i&d&ffi o^yy^oj^ 4* 'They ask you concerning menstruation. Say: "It is an impurity. So keep away from women during menstruation; and do not approach them until they are cleansed. But when they are cleansed, then approach them from where Allah has commanded you. Surely Allah loves those who are most repenting, and loves those who keep themselves pure." (Qur'an 2:222 The "kufr" mentioned in this hadith is to indicate the severity (taghliz) oft hese actions, in thai sex during menstruation, anal sex and accepting us rue what a fortune-teller says are acts that are close to disbelief. them to ( )i hers hold that if these acts are carried out whilst considering be lawful (istihlalan) one would leave the fold of Islam without doubt. 1 , Sayyiduna Anas ^ Shark Jam? al-Tinnidln 1 1440) Imam NawawT states, "Having actual sex with one's spouse [during menstruation] is unlawful by the consensus of the Muslims due to the explicit texts of the Qur'an and Sunna. Our scholars state that a Muslim (See: Tuhfat al-Ahwadhl bt relates: * & ? j * who considers having actual vaginal sex with a menstruating woman .is lawful has become a disbeliever (kafir) and an apostate {muriad). Someone who indulges in this without considering it to be lawful, and does it forgetfully (nisymr), or without knowing that the woman was menstruating, or is ignorant of its prohibition, or was compelled, then in sin was committed and he is not required to expiate for it. However, 1 i ~4t\ $& i x»j aS iii j-i Aii iij *& &\ Ji -F £ *A\ 4 t^>l>G*5> 3° 3 ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS he has sex with her deliberately, knowing that she is menstruating, knowing of its prohibition and with a free choice, then he has certainly committed a major sin (kalnra). Imam Shafi'I (may Allah have mercy on him) has stressed that it is a major sin, and sincere repentance is if SELECTING A TIME FOR SEXUAL RELATIONS husband is not touching any area that is in between her navel and knees. Shaykh Abu Hamid al-lsfira !nl and many others relate a complete scholarly consensus on this. (Al-Minhaj Shark $akik Muslim since the c P: 367) Sayyida VVisha 3Jl relates: S necessary." (Al-Minhaj Shark $ahlh Muslim. P: 366) Sex during menstruation is also harmful from a medical point of view. Research has discovered that menstrual flow contains certain toxic substances that can be detrimental if they enter into the male 4 5 - > body or are prevented a clear passage of How from the female body. This can occur WJ-i^Lo when having sex while the woman is menstruating. Hence, sex during menstruation has resulted in an increase in both men and women being inflicted with various types of painful and often fatal blood-borne diseases. {African Journal of Reproductive Health Vol. 8,No. a, Aug. 2004 pp. 55-58) As such, the spouses must completely avoid sex during the period of menstruation. If they ever engage in ask Allah Most in it, "When anyone amongst us [i.e. the wives of the Messenger of Allah 3^] menstruated, the Messenger of Allah j& would order her to wear an tzar [i.e. covering between the navel and knee], and then approach her." (Sahtk Muslim 293 I they must sincerely repent and Iaram ibn Hakim 0, relates from his paternal uncle that: High for forgiveness. They should also give something charity as a form of expiation. Sayyidima 'Abdullah ibn Abbas j& relates from the Messenger of ^ Allah $> regarding a struating that: man who has sex with his wife while she is men*- s 1' - * ** --- 'Tie should give a half din&rm charity." (Sunan al-lrrmidh)"136) Tie asked the Messenger of Allah Jk, "What is permitted for me to do with my wife when she is menstruating?" He said, "Whatever is above the covering (Izar)" {Sunan Abl Ddwud 2 1 4) It is "It is The majority of the classical scholars, including Imam Abu Hanifa, (may Allah have mercy on them all), consider giving something in charity to be optional, and not a requirement for the acceptance of one's repentance (tawba). As such, seeking forgiveness from .Allah Most High is sufficient. However, Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal (may Allah have mercy on him) and some others hold that giving something in charity is necessary along with sincere repentance. Shafi'I Imam Malik and Imam stated in the Hanafi Fiqh reference work Al-Fataioa al-Hindiyya, permitted to kiss one's menstruating wife, sleep with her and enjoy her entire body, except for that which is in between the navel and knees according to Imam Abu Hanifa and Imam Abu Ytisuf..." (AlI'alaioa al-Hindiyya 1:39) (See: Al-Minhaj Shark Sahih 2) All the Muslim P: 366-367) Ibn 'Abidln states in his Radd al-Mufitdn "It is permitted to enjoy the navel and everything above it, and the knee and everything below it, even without a barrier." (Radd al-Muhlar'ald %Durr al-Mukhidr Imam Sunni Schools of Islamic law (madhhahs) are in agreement that it. is permitted for the husband to derive sexual pleasure from his wife through direct skin-to-skin contact of the area above her navel and below her knees. As such, kissing, hugging, embracing is all permitted. 1:292) The husband may touch any area of the wife's body from above the navel and below the knees with his hands, his penis or any other part of his body. It is also permitted for the wife to masturbate her husband, As for the area between the navel and knees, the majority of the scholars, including Imam Abu Hanifa, Imam Malik and Imam Shafi'I, hold that direct skin-to-skin contact of that area is not permitted, irrespective of the presence or absence of sexual desire (shahtoa). lowever, indirect contact, such as stimulation through a barrier [like clothing] is permissible. Therefore, it is permitted for the husband to ;{) I 32 33 ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS rub his private parts against his wife's private parts if there is some sort of clothing in between that prevents the transfer of body-heat. This position is based on the hadlths in which there is mention of wearing the covering (Izdr). c of the Hanafi School, states, "It is also permitted to enjoy that which is in between the navel and knees but with a barrier [such as clothing], without actual sex, even if blood spreads all over." (Radd al-Muhidr * aid 7-Dwn* al-Mukhtdr 1 1292) However, Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal, Imam Muhammad ibn al-Hasan, Imam Nawawi and some other scholars hold that it is permitted for the husband to touch the area between the navel and knees of his wife's body, even without a barrier, as long as the actual vagina and anus are avoided. They base their position on the statement of the Messenger of Allah $& where he said, "Do everything except for sex." (For further details on the various positions of the Imams, see: Fath al-Bari 1 ^25 8c Al-Minhaj Shark Sahih Muslim P: g67)ww , Imam Ibn AbidIn o PREPARING FOR SEXUAL RELATIONS In maintain A healthy sexual relationship, it is vital to prepare psychologically is and physically for sexual relations. Preparing for sex 4) Finally, according to Imam Shafi% Imam Malik, Imam Ahmad and the restriction the majority of early (salaj) and late (khalaf) scholars, on sexual relations remains even after menstruation takes the obligator)' ritual bath (ghusl) or, ends until the wife in the absence of water, a dry is important as sex itself. Both spouses should take care to prepare themselves for sex to enjoy their union to the full extent. Being remiss in this could have detrimental consequences. It was a habit of the Messenger of Allah $* to clean his mouth and leeth with the tooth-stick (siwa/t) when entering the house to visit his as wives. Shurayh ibn Hani' relates: ablution {tayammum). (Al-Minhaj P: 367) According to the Hanafi School, however, there some detail menstruation ends after the ten-day maximum duration, then sex is permitted, even without a ritual bath, though having a bath is recommended. When menstruation ends before the ten-day maximum duration, and it is after the completion of her normal menstrual habit ( c ada), then sex is permitted only after having a bath or the passing of one whole prayer-time. If it ends before the completion of her normal menstrual habit, it remains prohibited and sinful to have sex, even after she bathes, until she completes her normal habit. (See: Radd al-Muhtdr 1:294 and Imddd al-Fatlah Shark NUr al-Iddh regarding this. If iilplj : cJ\3 asked A'isha j&, "What did the Messenger of Allah _f* do first when he entered his house?" She replied, "Use the SiwalC (Sahih "I Muslim 253) returning from a long journey, the Messenger of Allah $& and his Companions .$& would not enter their homes at night unexpectedly, rather, they would give prior notice to allow their wives to prepare When P: 141-142) It themselves for their returning husbands. Sayyidunajabir should be noted that the rules pertaining to menstruation also apply to postnatal bleeding (nijas). As far as abnormal uterine bleeding (istihdda) is concerned, there are no sexual restrictions and it is permitted for the couple to have sex in this period even if blood spreads all over, though the wife should wash and remove traces of blood before sexual relations. (Radd al-Muhtar 1 1294) ^ relates: rf ' 1 c Suilt *>Lh' 3 tx^\ )a^l $*\£» £ 5ti >ji .> \^ J& : "We were with the Messenger of Allah jfe on an expedition. When we came back to Madina, we intended to enter our houses. So he =& said, "Wait until we enter in the latter part of the evening 35 34 and the dishevelled woman can comb her hair. * > "i jb#*il t**« &G31 "Surely Allah loves those t-** ^ ol "Whoever eats garlic or onion should keep away from us." Or he said. she should clean herself as soon as she has finished her work." ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS SO that a a PREPARING FOR SEXUAL RELATIONS hair. i. It is unbecoming for her to linger around in an unkempt state for long periods after completing her work. If she is in an unclean state due to household chores. the key to prayer - the ' Purity brings about the love says: '. and Personal Hygiene and personal hygiene have been is Purity (tahara).. anything that causes distaste or is offensive should be completely avoided.p\< r 8«31ij* yj»< ." (Sahlh al-Buhhari 4948 and Sahlh Muslim 1928. The Messenger of Allah $k even forbade people from enicring the Mosque if they had a bad mouth odour. woman with dishevelled hair can comb her and has been absent can shave her pubic hair. the wording is of Nhislim) woman whose husband As such." {SaMh al-Bukharl 817) Sayyiduna jabir ibn 'Abdullah $& also relates from the Messenger of Allah who are most repenting.and once he said. Sayyiduna Jabir ibn Abdullah J& relates that the Messenger of Allah c # said: f . yet when they . Others make great efforts to beautify themselves remaining clean home before marriage.e. Allah Most High 6 ?. ' --. r ** f of Allah Most High towards oneself.." (Sahlh aMiuhhari 4949 and §at0i Muslim 1 928.ind adorn themselves. Purity principal act of worship in a Muslim's life. "He should keep away from our Mosque and remain in his house. The wife should ensure that she does not have bad breath or any other body odours as this can be a major "turn off". but once they find their soul mate they neglect this important factor. t i> ** s - j\#l >-i *" jjM "He who ate ate of this plant. cleanliness (nazafa) given great importance in Islam. and is rewarded for doing To beautify oneself in order to attract the attention of non-Mahram (non-family men members) is absolutely unlawful and a great sin. Imam Abu '1-Faraj ibn al-Jawzi states in his $zyd al-Khatir that couples should fix a particular time of day or night for sexual relations so that both are prepared physically and psychologically." (Sahlh Muslim 223) onion and garlic . a Muslim must remain pure and clean at all times. A wife must first foremost adorn herself for her husband. ^ "Purity half of faith. garlic" 36 37 . This not only enhances their pleasure. and get married.. "He who and leek . For a healthy sexual relationship. to remain clean at home in front of her husband. Muslim) This . but will also eliminate the possibility of either of them being unprepared. [but wait] until the woman whose husband has been absent can shave her pubic hair. (Sayd alKliatir P: 280) PREPARATION OF THE WIFE 1) Cleanliness She should try her utmost best. whether mentally or physically. and even more so when It it comes at to marriage. 'When one of you comes [back from a journey] at night. is regrettable that some women do not in front see the importance of Sayyiduna Jabir d^ also relates that the Messenger of Allah $k said: of their husbands. and loves those who keep themselves pure and clean/' (Qur'an 2:222) & that — he said: Sayyiduna Abu Malik al-Ash'ari Allah & said: is ^ relates that the Messenger of 1 Ji ^ * -* * & J 'J jillJ^:SyJ&j -.should not approach our Mosque.11 lend public gatherings or visit friends they ensure that they clean . he should not go to his family as a night visitor.uid so... is actually contrary to the teachings of Islam. the wording is of. meaning with Henna" (Sunan Afn Dawud 4163) : they attend public gatherings such as the Jumica and e ld prayers. Sayyida A'isha . should endeavour to beautify' herself for her husband. and bad odour of the mouth and body. one should resort to medical treatment. The teeth and mouth should be brushed as frequently as necessary in order that her spouse is not harmed when filth encouraged. This is far from the truth. and by extension a healthy marriage.>t:ja -- •" 38 39 . but where the problem persists despite all efforts to treat it. "If you were a woman. "O Prophet of Allah! Accept my allegiance (bay'a)" He : replied: £* "I \& U^b u\l6 i£p& JL*' c\*X>) i eyed virgins". Unfortunately. by saying: * + not accept your allegiance until you change the palms of your hands.' ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATION'S for the angels are PREPARING FOR SEXUAL RELATIONS Muslim woman to adorn herself in a captivating manner for lur husband. the importance of a woman adorning herself in preparation for sexual relations with her husband cannot be overstated. ' jti-jiVj oyUi 5#£" *v«> "™i Sunan Abi Dawud 4 62 1 'They will look like rubies and corals. then this is considerably more important where spouses are concerned. If Muslims should appear pleasant in front of their fellows. but aiher she is rewarded for doing so. you would have made changes to your nails. £§l relates: they kiss each other. for they look like the paws of a beast of prey!" shall ( > ' 11. a woman. it may be worth getting a medical opinion. also relates: -j j This indicates that adornment is a means of attracting the attention of one's spouse. Not only is it permissible for a woman to use the various means of beautification for her husband. A medical diagnosis is not usually accessary for bad odour. clean in front 2) manner **»* -* *f >\y\ Jj : cJ'6 S$]A ^ J J^-3 $ &s\ U . She should bathe and change her clothes regularly. . This is why Islam encourages its adherents to adorn themselves whenever "A woman made a gesture from behind a curtain to indicate that she had a letter for the Messenger of Allah §fa The Messenger of Allah j§& withdrew his hand and said.• f S : Jfii -J aii^^l^c^^c^j :Jk Adornment and Beautification is A key part of preparing for sexual relations to ensure that the wife beautifies herself for her husband. A woman who is desirous of a healthy sexual relationship. There are many simple and effective treatments for this condition. Part of being a pious and practising Muslim is to live a life of chastity. provided it is not specifically prohibited by Shaii'a. If one has a genuine medical problem with body odour. "But rather. In this way. She should always aspire to present herself in a of her husband. Human beings are highly visual creatures that enjoy seeing and experiencing things that are beautiful." (Satuh Muslim-5643 The above hadith demonstrates that bad smells offend both humans and angels. To avoid offending one's spouse is even more important for obvious reasons. and anything that is a means to this is >ractising 1 harmed by the same things as the children of Adam. Allah Most High describes the maidens of paradise known as hural-ayn" or "wideil Sayyida A'isha $t relates that Hind bint 'Utba said to the Messenger of Allah J^. As such. "I do not know if this is a man's or a woman's hand. the husband will also be saved from casting lustful glances at other women. so the wife should ensure that she avoids dirt." She said. some Muslims consider that it is inappropriate for a '-'^ ^ 'X J^tlii. The Messenger of Allah _H> also encouraged women to adorn ihemselves and maintain a good appearance for their husbands." He said." (Qur'an 55:58) Sayyida 'A'isha gu -A. iking a shower.ts i. which is not permitted according to the Prophetic hadlth. she cannot expose other parts of her body before non-Muslim women. and it is part of the natural } 1 A lisposi (ion (Jltra) to take pleasure in del icate scents. such as waxing. relations. It is recommended for them to remove such facial hair. and said: "Adorn yourself with this. look it hy means of a stick or one of his fingers. using cream. In considered "shaving of the pubic hair" as part of a wile's preparation for her returning husband." {Al-Minhaj Shark Sahlh Muslim P: 602) Removing unwanted body hair is permitted through the various means available. she will be rewarded. should be noted. it is not permitted for a woman expose the area in between the navel and knees for hair-removal. Imam NawawT. rather it is recommended according to us [. my dear daughter. if the intention is to keep herself and her husband chaste. A Muslim woman's nakedness {atom) in front of other Muslim women is from her navel The beloved Messenger of encouraged it. Removing body hair is completely permissible. a condition is stipulated that her nakedness [mw&) is not exposed. relieving oneself. Sayyiduna Abii j§& said: Ayyub ^ relates that the Messenger of Allah jrS&j irpij >i *ti : ^>i ii £ j£ "hour things are from the ways of the Prophets: modesty. whilst commentating on the hadlth in which is The only exception M-xual relations with one's spouse. daughter of Abu al-'As and daughter of his daughter Zaynab. ideally. therefore. I the Messenger of Allah states: Jfe forbade women from removing facial hair] is < facial hair. rather it is recommended and rewarded if the $*> Messenger of Allah mentioned earlier. She should only dress up in the types of clothing described above in the presence of her nisband and. and nakedness (from navel to knees) even when alone. underarm. as 1 1 view in the Ilanaft school sind is that it is necessary (wajib) for both men intention is to please the husband. seductive and revealing clothing. changing one's clothes or having to cover their essential women of shaping the eyebrows. then called Umama. even before other Muslim women. restricted to the bedroom setting. This is why applying all mi I fume was the practice of the Prophets of Allah. should her husband want her to do so. legs. that the stronger and more precautionary ['net. The hadlth recorded in Sahlh al-Bukhari and Sahlh Muslim has already been quoted wherein the such as luxurious lingerie and alluring underwear. a Muslim woman's atom 111 front of non-Muslim women is the whole body with the exception of (he face and hands. Therefore." {Sunan Aln Dawud 423: up to PREPARING FOR SEXUAL RELATIONS and including her knees. (Al-Hiddya 4:461 8c Radd al-Muhiar m The wife's beautification. applying perfume." {Sunan al1 'irmidhi 1 080) Allah |p also loved relates that: However. As such. with special emphasis to the pubic. They contained a gold ring with an Abyssinian stone. There also seems to be no Sharfa impediment from permanently removing body hair. The prohibition [in the hadlth J is of shaping the eyebrows. provided it is only for the husband and that there is no third person with the couple. The exception to this is when there is a need. a) and is a key element of the physical preparation for sexual things in this regard are as follows: by dressing up in appealing. 1 'This action [of women removing pleasant scent can have a significant impact on others. Some women may experience excessive growth of hair on their cheeks and other parts of the face. received some jewels presented by Negus {najashl) as a gift to him. perfume. (Radd al-Muhiar ^404) 1 As such.ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS 'The Messenger of Allah Js. and Sayyiduna Anas Jjjft 40 41 . powder and a razor. It is also permitted to bleach the hair instead. and the of her body. not permitted unless a woman grows a beard or a moustache.. The Messenger of Allah jl>. Beautiful lr. in which case it is not unlawful to remove it. remove unwanted hair from her arms. turning his attention away from it. Similarly. In sha" Allah." She says. as this will prevent them from resembling men. whether temporarily or permanently.. using a tooth-stick {siwak) and marriage. the wife should ensure that she covers the area between her navel and knee properly when she is alone at home. A woman may rest facial hair. even in front of Muslim women. such .igrances please die sense of smell. however. contributes to a healthy sexual I > > A woman may adorn w herself for sexual relations with her husband It is relationship.]. to not Some of the important against religious propriety (adab) and modest)' (haya) wear clothing The wife should ensure that she removes unwanted hair from her body. since the aim is to remove unwanted hair. After all. I would not refuse perfume. as he Messenger of Allah Jk firmly forbade it in rigorously authenticated {Saluh) hadlths. However. woman's adornment for her husband is also keeping fit. from other than grapes. perfume when attending public gatherings. 42 43 . and also to avoid the genuine difference of opinion of those who regard synthetic alcohol to be impure. such as Ethyl alcohol." (SaMh Muslim 2253] It is it. relates from the Messenger of it is c^^tf-Lj&'k^'J^l 'The Messenger of Allah (§ah3h al-Bukhan Js. Sayyiduna Abu MQsa jgt. she passed by a group [of men j. A pleasant smell arouses sexual instinct and increases pleasure and performance. wearing tattoos. "He "Anyone offered Rayhan (basil perfume) sliould not refuse light in weight and fragrant in scent. As such. perfume has a major role to play in the sexual activity. She should also adorn her hair by regularly combing. It can be seen from the above that Islam generally does not lay too many restrictions when it comes to a woman adorning herself for her I lowever. It is superior for her to apply henna to the hands and feet. and applying make-up to the face 1 1) and applying lipstick. and must ensure that she washes it away before going out. particularly for Friday and 'Id prayers. As part of her psychological preparation for sexual relations. two points are worth considering here: permitted to use mainstream perfumes. This allows a Muslim to benefit others by his pleasant fragrance. arranging and taking care of it. (See: TahmilaFalh al-Mulhmi hi Shark Salfih Muslim 3:342-343) Certain perfumes do contain alcohol that is derived from grapes and dates. The wife should look after her body-figure and maintain its beauty as much as possible. Dyeing the hair is also permitted provided the ingredients used in the dye are halal The explanation given above on mainstream perfumes and deodorants will also apply to hair-dyes. and such and such. it is adornment is a means of both the husband and wife maintaining their chastity and staying away from the unlawful.ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS Secondly. is not impure is them cosmetic surgery for the purpose of beaudfication. Not only will this be a means uf her husband being attracted to her body. and kohl to the eyes if she so desires. In many products. Naturally. As such. and wearing hair extensions and wags made out of human hair. in shape and healthy. because of everything negative that the fashion and cosmetic industries represent. because the alcohol contained in Firstly. used stern words. PREPARING FOR SEXUAL RELATIONS not permitted for women to go out wearing perfume. according to the falwa position in the tfanafi School.. silver and other types of jewellery.) Feminine Behaviour Other names given to Ethyl Alcohol are: Ethanol and Methylated Spirits." (Sunan AtftB&vMd 4170) It is As such. synthetic alcohol formulated from chemical substances is used which.h. and it is in this context thai applying perfume is considered an act of charity. (najis). She should choose a perfume that is best suited for her and likely to please her husband. deodorants and creams even if they contain alcohol. . as authentically established from many Prophetic narrations. certain so-called means of adornment that distort one's image are prohibited.\s more precautionary. however. the wife should only wear perfume when she is inside of her home. dates and barley." The narrator says. it will also help her remain Part of a healthy. a woman must realise that what attracts her husband towards her is her softness. the wife should endeavour to apply perfume as part of her adornment for sexual relations with her husband. for recommended men to use Adornment and beaudfication can also entail the wife wearing gold. It will also help remove any bad odour she may have on her body or clothes. to avoid using such perfumes. M Allah & that he said: 1 5585 *** ^> S* 13£ Sayyiduna said: 13^ ^0 ]£*$ is f > J* cj3 *$ o^JJi \i Abu Hurayra £& relates thai Che Messenger get of Allah "If a woman wore perfume and cjjk they smelt her perfume. thus making the perfume unlawful to use. piercing the body other than the ears and nose. shaping eyebrows. Products containing these ingredients are therefore prohibited. since they have been specifically permitted through the Stoma. ihese things c) must be avoided. These include: husband. even if done for the husband. the scene will be set for a passionate and enjoyable session of husband-wife union. in his commentary of the hadith in which the Messenger of Allah 0s. provocative and flirt)' way is a means of falling into something unlawful. talk and behave amorously in order to arouse her husband's sexual interest. avoiding anything that may be distasteful or a "turn off". The Messenger of Allah j§* mentioned 45 ten matters from the pure. giving off bad odours from his mouth and body.' 1 Allah Most High has created a natural attraction that is and charm a capable of sexually arousing a man. adorn yourselves and remain clean. stressing that the voice of an individual plays a great role in arousing sexual desires." (Qur'an 33:32) The above verse commands women not to speak too softly with nonrnahram men. So do not be too soft in your speech. As such. She may flirt. Abdullah ibn Abbas <j& says. lest someone having A husband disease in his heart should be moved with desire. In order to set the mood and an atmosphere of romance. 1 44 . the wife should use various ways and means of seducing her husband. Sunan al-Aqwal wa'i-Af cd 1 7 1 75 Kurthermore. with the obvious exception of those matters that were directed exclusively to the wife. and when talking to them. for Allah Most High says: This is the reason why Allah Most High commanded the wives of the Messenger of Allah jfk in particular. take care of your hair." (Kanz al. to abstain from conversing with non-mahram men in a soft and sweet tone. This is because conversing with a member of the opposite sex in a soft. As such. (' Umdat al-Qari Sharh Safilh al-Bukhan 5:85) 4 The renowned Hadith master : (hah'z) . At times. the husband must ensure lhat he takes the means to keep himself clean and hygienic. While the guidance mentioned above is applicable for all times." (Qur'an 2:228) *J5 i ^jil J^iJl t yJa>^ Ve 'J^il\ j[ *LU1 A* J&-V jLU ^Jl *lli t hJ» ^y j^j j*y "O wives of the Prophet! You are not like other women. In this way.ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS gentleness and generally her feminine behaviour. A woman is a sentient creature with feelings and sensitivities even more delicate than that of a man.IJmrnal /. hence their women committed adultery. The Messenger of Allah j^ was the purest of the people. "I love to adorn myself lor my wife as much as I wish her to adorn herself for me. if need ined from the point of view of the husband Nevertheless. The blame and curse in the hadith is onlv when it is intentional. and as such. and women who assume the traits of men (Saiiih al-Buhh an 5547) explains that assuming the traits of the opposite gender is done intcntionallv and unintentionally. For the Children of Israel would not do this. certain specific issues ) to be addressed and exam- also: you are Goda 1 Cleanliness and Personal Hygiene is fearing. even if he is in a dirty. it is even more essential when the couple intend to engage in sexual relations." (Sayd alKhatir P: 142) and Hanafi jurist Imam Badr al-Din alAyuT. cursed men who assume the trails of women. the husband will be significantly drawn towards his wife through her softness and feminine behaviour. This is a reality regard to a wife's psychological and physical preparation also applies to the husband. In sha* Allah. the means itself has also been prohibited.Allah il Most High iulfl-S says: And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them. Sayyiduna v\ll ibn AbT Talib j|fc relates lhat the Messenger of Allah seriously mistaken if * said: y "Wash your clothes. the husband should also take note of the general guidance outlined above. unkempt state. in which cannot be denied. . she may only be prevented by bash fulness from making her feelings known to her husband. He warned husbands of the detrimental consequences of not remaining clean. both the content and manner of conversation must be appropriate and free of anything inciting. Many psychologists also agree. and that roughness PREPARING FOR SEXUAL RELATIONS PREPARATION OK THE HUSBAND What has been mentioned above in and masculine woman's voice traits are normally a "turn off for men. and all Muslim women in general. As such. use the siwak. he thinks that his wife will be sexual Iv attracted to him at all costs. Mouth rinsing (madhmadha) is one of the ten matters of natural disposition (filra). prolonged silence. for I Jfe am too shy to them The Messenger of Allah after used to do that. The Messenger of Allah J& is reported to have said.. ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS primordial and natural disposition of a man known as fifra." (Sunan al'Thnudfu 19) The hands should be washed thoroughly preferably using soap until all one relieves oneself. A mouthwash may be used provided it contains no haram. There are many natural scents that can be used. Sayyida 'A'islia j^ relates that the Messenger of Allah The husband should make is sure that he avoids anything that causes & said: -* f > should take special care that lie does not have bad breath or body odour. Surely. particularly Sayyiduna PREPARING FOR SEXUAL RELATIONS removed. but may have been rinsing the mouth. The mouth should be washed in order to remove all traces of food that stick to the teeth and damage them." {Safuh Muslim 2252) One may also use mainstream deodorants and bodydistaste or a "turn off* for his wife. The Messenger of Allah 0* included istinja amongst the ten matters of upright natural disposition (/Urn). slates that using (he shook to brush the mouth and teeth is recommended at all times. it is wrong lor the husband to kiss his wife passionately without having washed his mouth and brushed his teeth properly. said: commentary of Safuh Muslim. (Al-Minhaj Shark Safuh in his Imam Nawawi. in remove bad odours from the mouth. the husband should have regular baths. which are from the ways of all the Prophets of Allah. In order to remove bad body odour. ingredients. and sound human nature is naturally inclined towards them. Ambarand Oud. 1 . Muslim?: 334) Ensuring that the mouth is clean and fresh is extremely important when the couple intend on having sexual relations. Using the shvdk was also mentioned as one of the ten matters offitra. Sunan al-Nasa 9 2 86 and Sunan Ihn Majah 293) it. Applying perfume ('itr) is a Surma of the beloved Messenger of Allah f% and it should not be neglected. After relieving himself. he would clean his mouth rigorously with the smudC Safuh Muslim 255) he remains clean bv avoiding dirt. using the tooth-stick. the husband should keep the following points in mind: As such. as mentioned earlier." The narrator said. washing the joints. consuming something that has an offensive smell 10 it. "Musk is the most pleasant of scents.. including abstaining from eating and drinking. filth and bad odour. addressing Muslim women. sprays." (Safuh Muslim 26 Sunan A In Dawud 5 3 Sunan al-Tirmidhl 2757. &\i£ib< ''Whenever the Messenger of Allah J& got up [for prayers] at night. "I have forgotten the tenth. he should clean his genital area properly with water (islinja). their private parts with water. cutting the nails. as k traces of ritual impurity (najasa) are can kill the passion and desire of the spouse- 46 -17 . After urinating. 1. He states that bad odour of the mouth has many causes. and talking too much. plucking the hair under the armpits. in order to A •* '.. shaving the pubic hair and cleaning one'sprivate parts with water (islinja). especially when intending to have sexual relations with his wife. He "Ten matters are from upright natural disposition (ftpra): Trimming the moustache. rinsing the nose. Smokers and anyone who habitually consumes distasteful things should take extra precautions. provided they are halaL terms of personal hygiene. but especially so when one has a bad odour of the mouth. "Tell your husbands tell to wash so. a man is required to ensure that drops of 9 urine are completely removed from his urine passage (istihra ). such as Musk. the husband should brush his mouth and teeth thoroughly. b) Ibrahim (peace be upon him). Sayyiduna Hudhayfa j^t relates: Likewise. a) The husband should ensure that Sayyida A'isha : 3|. letting the beard grow. ) saw another man wearing clothes and said. The husband should oil and comb his hair. f' " - „ _ 1 ' jo Ul Jlii oyJ^ o'J& j3 \L*J> V^j ijVi {X^j aIU 1 aMI . but it will result in her losing interest in him. and his shoes to be nice." (Sunan AblDaxoud^o^ 8c Musnad Ahmad 4:1 8o) fj> *1 O^o 4 "He who has hair should take care of 4160) Siiyyiduna Jabir ibn ''Abdullah d^ relates: . > : " I. Allah does not like roughness and rough manners. In remaining clean and pure. II lie looks good in clean clothes. ^ > > > i >„ and neat is also important. kept neat. uti til you appear distinct among people as a beauty mark [onabeaulifulfacej. Sayyiduna Anas ibn Malik relates: * 1 ^1 ^ J* 48 49 .'' I* * j * * . he Hhould have it trimmed or shaved. people will look down upon him and not give him any importance. in his Sunan as part of a long hadtth. Sayyiduna Abu Hurayra J|fc relates that the Messenger of . . If he is the opposite. . Some husbands fail to give due importance to this and engage in sexual relations with their wives even in their work-clothes! Not only is this a "turn off for the wife.. and oiled if possible. clothes regularly Sayyidunajabir ibn 'Abdullah <$* relates: ". she too may dislike something of him. it. He Jk said. came to us. the wife will be drawn towards her husband.iiid just as a husband may dislike something of her. whether it is the hair of die head or the beard. ^SsJlj^J^Ap art Mid: J>0& <uj$Oi jJSi%j^\^^i^\^t ^i c/ IAA "You are on vour way to meet vour brothers. So he said.> . Sayyiduna Abu al-Darda' recorded by Imam Abu Dawud ". If he is unable to maintain the hair of his head properly." (Sunan Aln Dawud .' ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS c) PREPARING FOR SEXUAL RELATIONS As such. for Allah Most High is beautiful and likes beaut)'. wearing neat clothing and smelling good. Allah is beautiful and loves beauty. not ugly and unsightly.J-*? 4i\ _ Jj—j tt' Sayyiduna "Abdullah ibn Allah $k said: Masud ^k relates that the Messenger of The Messenger of Allah * Jfe. "Could this man not find something to garments with?" (Sunan Aln Dawud 40 $g) wash his il) 1 Keeping the hair. "I Ibn al-Hanzaliyya $$$..* '.And dirty he (the Messenger of Allah J&. whose hair was disordered. A man should dress neatly. She may feel uncomfortable discussing it with her husband. It is surely wrong for the husband to walk around in filthy and unwashed clothes. * " * i '. (Sayd al-Khdfir P: 141 & 142) i The husband should also pay attention to his attire and external appearance by dressing neatly and wearing clean and ironed clothes. This is even more important where a husband-wife relationship is concerned." (Sahlh Muslimg his heart the weight of a i ^ [he Messenger of Allah h& would also look after the hair of his head >iid beard.. He should change his and keep them neat and tidy. . so fix your saddles and 1 idy your dresses. he will be pleasant to look at and people will enjoy his presence.Allah lean S^b \yp^l 1>- -^-^U \jp*L&\j ^$\3U-j \y>X^\? I. the Sunna is to remain clean. "Could this man not find something to arrange his hair with?" (Sunan Ain /Mttw/4059) "He who has in mustard seed of pride shall not enter Paradise. and saw a dishevelled man * ." A man asked. The beard should be combed. heard the Messenger of Allah j& say: said to Sahl '''f > . even with friends and relatives. [Tell usj a word which benefits us and does not harm you/' He said. Women are but sisters (or the other half) of men (shaqd'iq). it also reflects selfishness on the part of the husband. "A person may like his dress to be nice.. "Verily. 1 lis attire should be clean and elegant. Imam Ibn al-Jawzi states in his Sayd al-Khalir that staying filthy is a iiuse of the wife disliking her husband. Pride is to reject the truth Lout of arrogance] and have contempt for the people. Abstain from using black dye. f 1 ibn Khadlj. and to keep the moustache long to the point that it covers the top of the upper lip is blameworthy. Abu Usayd al-Sa TdT. for a beard is that which grows on the jawbone. rather the Sunna to shorten the lip. "The best dye to change [one's] old age (grey hair). or is it It is also permissible. rather recommended. Sayyiduna Abu Dhar $£& relates that the Messenger of Allah of his head said: ' the moustache"." (Sunan al-rirmidhi 2761 and Musnad Ahmad. l>n al-Qayyim. when couples kiss one another. provided the ingredients used in the hair-dye are haldl The best form of hair dye to be applied to the head or beard is henna. (Radd al-Muhtdr 6: 407 and Al-Fatdzva The hair which grows al-Hindiyya. Zad aUMa'dd 1 73) Regardless of this minor difference of opinion between the various jurists (fuqahd). After agreeing that a man must shorten his moustache. even for the purpose of adorning oneself for one's wife. As such.'' (ShamdMl al-Tirmidhi 33) 1 PREPARING FOR SEXUAL RELATIONS have disagreed about the extent to which the moustache should be trimmed.. what is clear is that all the jurists are unanimous on ihe impermissibility of keeping one's moustache long to the point that n covers one's upper lip. Imam Abu Ja'far al-Tahawl explains in his Sharh Ma dni al-Alhdr that it is recommended {muslahab) to shave the moustache completely. and this is better than shortening it. scholars a rigorously authenticated hadlth) 5° . is henna (a red plant dye) and katm (a type of grass) . for a man to dye the hair enough to shorten the moustache such that it no longer covers the top of the upper lip? This difference of opinion stems from the fact that he hadlths of the Messenger of Allah jfe mention two things.5:358) The husband should also ensure that he shaves or at least trims his moustache. moustache such that it does not cover the top of the upper (MuwaUa' Malik 2:507) Imam NawawT of the Shafi'i School states that the Sunna is to trim the ". Anas ibn Malik. This moustache from above the upper lip. {Al-Majmu' Sharh al-Muhadhdhab 1:159) In the HanbalT School. Jabir ibn Abdillah. a man can choose between shaving his moustache completely and trimming it without shaving. (Radd al-Muhtdr and Al-Majmit) The Messenger of Allah $£ said. both shaving the moustache completely and shortening it are from the Sunna. comb his beard and frequently use Qina [a cloth placed on the head to wipe off and absorb oil]. "trimming the moustache" was also included. affirming that this was the position of Imam Abu Hanlla and both his main c students." (Sunan al-Tirmidhi 1 753 ihn Rafi ( Umar. to say the least. and others & others) However. I He also reports.. Imam Tirmidhi said that this is becomes more important for a husband. j^t. V\ f 1 'In -» I- ' ' * From the Hanaft School. shortening the moustache is an agreed upon Sunna. including 'Abdullah . Is it better to completely remove one's moustache. Sharh Ma f ani al-Athdr 4:230-23 1 Imam Bukhari reports that 'Abdullah ibn 'Umar Jt used to trim his moustache so short that the whiteness of his skin could be seen. it is permitted for a man to remove hair from the cheeks by shaving or trimming it." (§ahlh Muslim 2 1 02 on the cheeks or throat of a man is not considered to be part of his beard. without shaving the moustache ompletely.j^\2 £ "Whosoever does not take from his moustache is not one of us. This is so because Zayd ibn Arqam relates hat the Messenger of Allah j§& said: 1 ( I : 1 ^ j+ 1 1 b jJk ^jLi j. (Sahih td-Bukhfm 5:2208) According to Imam Malik. since a long moustache may prove to be uncomfortable. using pure black hair-dye is not permitted or at the least disliked according to mostHanait and Shah I jurists {Juqaha). Abu Sa'Td al-Khudrl. In the hadlth quoted earlier regarding the ten matters ol Fitra. hat this was the practice ol great Companions. so much so that his cloth was similar to the cloth of an oil-seller. As such. with his authentic chains of transmission. 1 it is is detested to shave the moustache ompletely. Some mention "Shortening the moustache" whilst others mention "Removing I and beard.) ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS "The Messenger of Allah jg* would often oil his hair. It is considered to be unhygienic because food and other undesirable things are likely to get stuck in such a moustache. As such. Abu Hurayra. However. sexual relations. (Al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya. Many examples of the Messenger of Allah's j§s treatment of his wives can be found in the The Messenger of Allah jl.e. He was affectionate. humorous and considerate towards them. playfulness To set the scene." (Qur'an 4:19) The Messenger (lie : of Allah J& emphasised. As such. are considered part of the moustache. Sayyiduna Abu Hurayra make sure that he removes his pubic and underarm hair regularly. i*« % ' v- . it also helps maintain one's beaut)' and elegance. Not only is shortening the moustache the way of the Prophets. and Allah brings it. 5:358) 1+ s IHJEPARING FOR SEXUAL RELATIONS r" * * * » •*. It is not disliked to delay this to two weeks.1 *"• * /. and sinful beyond forty days. It is recommended to remove the pubic and armpit hair weekly. Clipping the nails is also from the matters of fitra. clipping the nails. There is also nothing wrong in leaving this hair untrimmed. (Al-Fatawa hair al-Hindiyya 5:35^-558) Removing underarm "The most perfect of believers in belief is the best of them in character. How a couple treat one another outside the bedroom will have a direct impact on their is A bedroom behaviour. Il is wrong to leave the moustaches long and thick. expressing his love for her with words that will seduce her. It's a set preceding sexual relations with good treatment. as dirt and sweat may gather there. treating one's wife kindly is a general ruling of Islam. i. it is blameworthy beyond that. e) The husband should also relates that the Messenger of Allah ^ said: and shaving pubic hair are both included in the ten matters offilm. about through a great deal of good. Sayyiduna "Abdullah ibn Abbas Allah #. husband should be gentle and affectionate. (Ibid) Sayyidtma Anas ibn Malik £& relates: clip his nails In a similar manner. If you take a them it may be thai you dislike a thing." (Stman al-Tirmidhl 162 with a rigorously authenticated 1 chain of transmission and not let them grow too long. As such. Islam generally commands tine let r As such.ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS Those who have a habit of keeping long moustaches must take heed from this. since the warning in the Prophetic hadith is quite stern. both verbally and in action. and treated them in an amicable manner. the extended parts of the moustache. the hair between the moustache and the beard. and sinful beyond forty days. that it should not be left for more than forty nights. * ~ -»*u ' "1 ^Mi" ~ '-"- * "Live with dislike to them on a footing of kindness and equity. And the best among you to my family. He was extremely gentle and kind toward his wives.i« . • . ideally on a Friday. And the best of you are those who are the best to their women. He should remember that women get "turned on" by what is said and the meaning behind the words. given that dirt is easily gathered under the nails. importance of treating one's wife kindly. Untrimmed hair in the pubic area and armpits is a cause of bad body odour. kind words. hooks of Prophetic narrations. Finally. the and in husband to treat his wife honourably at all limes. it is disliked to leave hair on these areas to the point that the hair becomes long. and thus it is permitted to remove them." {Sunan Ibn Majah 1977) I arn Good Treatment and Seduction very important aspect of a husband's psychological preparation affection. plucking armpit hair and shaving the pubic hair.'" (Sahih Muslim 258) 2) f* -- j&&%&&& "The best among you is the one who is best to his family. alone w hen the couple intend on engaging says. il is blameworthy to leave the nails uncut beyond two weeks. It is all about how his words make her feel. and is essential when one intends to have sexual relations. said: ^ relates that the Messenger of ^ dfU "A time-limit was prescribed for us [by the Messenger of Allah $§s] for shortening the moustache. Allah Most High 52 . the husband should was a living example of how a husband should treat his wife. outside to treat their women with warmth and affection. but do some good act for yourselves beforehand.One of you beats his wife as he would beat a slave. the wife fxii emely receptive to his sexual advances. and fear Allah. his wife. The husband should use the appropriate means to seduce through his words and actions. when it comes to sex. how can a husband treat his wife harshly and aggressively and then expect her to be responsive to his sexual advances? "How can one of you beat his wife like a stallion Muslim husbands of the bedroom. will 1 PREPARING FOR SEXUAL RELATIONS nmpassionate. This is whv in another narration he .. and then he may have sex with her in the evening!" (SaM/i al-Bukhari 4658 and Sahih MktsBm&Bfbft.& . and every small thing the husband does matters." (Qur'an 2:223) excgetes of the Qur'an say that the phrase "but do somegood act for yourselves beforehand" refers to die importance of things thai come before sex itself. 5695) In other words. *1*1 J>Jtll \->j*a &\y\ *>j&-\ ^j^i f. such as having a correct intention.ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS of actions. Not only is this tu'luallv means to the husband. it is husband to treat his wife cruelly A said: He ". selfish.. reciting the appropriate Du'd. In this way. is beaten and then sleep with her?" ($ahlh al-Bukhari. fail but really must take heed of this. tne wording is of Bukhari The Messenger of Allah Jl. it also shows what the wife There is a subtle indication of High says: 411 this in the Qur'an also. and help contribute to a healthy sexual encounter. will also be Your wives are tillage for you to cultivate. said: } j |*> l^uU. they become caring and D 54 55 . (Tafur AM alSdud 1:223 ancl Tafsir al-Kasshdf 1:294) In a hadlth. Allah Most The Sunna is to precede sexual relations with tenderness and n flection. Some men. all of a sudden. and foreplay in increasing interest and making the matter easier. the Messenger of Allah for a "\/ Some & describes how disgraceful and then have sex with her. So approach your tillage from where you wish. is displaying astonishment at a man who mistreats his wife and then has the audacity to engage in sexual 5 relations with her. " He said. Women generally take longer to become is fully sexually aroused. Sayyi"I have sisters. The Messenger of Allah J& himself" married many non-virgin women. "Did you marry?" I answered. "Well .Every Cf IMPORTANCE OF FOREPLAY Engaging in foreplay is immensely important and a vital constituent of a happy marriage. unprepared. the wording is of Tirmidhi) a game more pleasurable union. for they are from praiseworthy acts.. training one's horse and playing with one's wife. "What is the messenger O Prophet of Allah? He replied. This will result in is detrimental to the marriage. in the narration of Sahib Muslim (715). Ghazali in his lhya 'Ulum al-Dln and Imam Daylami in his Musnad al-ftrdaws both record a narration on the authority of Sayyiduna Imam y Although foreplay is important for both spouses. whereupon he jfc and good. In this hadiih. so 1 was afraid that duna Jabir j& said to the Messenger of Allah ^ & spouses. "Why not a virgin so that you may play with h her and she may play with you?. "A virgin or a non-virgin?" I said. the union should begin with foreplay. and desirous of him. but rather iliere should be between them a messenger. " a ( Hhafal-Sadat al-Muttaqin U Sharh Ikya Ulum al-Dln 6:175. Tirmidhi reports with his own chain of transmission Messenger of Allah 0. however. As such. that he said: Imam to the the COUPLE are psychologically and physically prepared and mood for sex. Foreplay a \fi\i <Aj>\ «Cp^3 4— j tyfoj *— y» ^j M *Wi J-lil J^-j^ *j jm ^ J5 comprises all the sexual activity that precedes actual penetration. her wealth her beauty.iiid woman] might come between me and them. "None of you should come onto his wife like an animal. So you should choose one with religion. Both spouses should take the means to arouse one another.. It was said. The Messenger of Allah Jk said [to me].FOREPLAY i • i i > -6- FOREPLAY Once in a battle. but much older than loo. A woman is married for her religion." He said.. "A non-virgin. Verbal expressions of love and desire that the couple exchange between each other are included in this. " {Sunan al-Tmnidhl 1637. witn ' : weak chain of transmission) The husband should take his time in arousing his wife. "[Foreplay oil kissing and words." (Sahlfi al-Bukhcm 1 99 1 ) "I was in the company of the Messenger of Allah j§& in . This is why. this section will only examine the physical aspects of foreplay. It is egotism on the husband's part to fulfil Tills hadith own sexual need and leave his Husbands like this do not truly love about their own gratification. as it will result in a Muslim plays is futile (bd0I) except for archery. His beloved him first wife Sayyida Khadija j& was not only a non-virgin. Only when does not in any way conclude that one should not many non-virgins. Sunan Ibn Majah 2811 and Musnad Ahmad 17433. and as a consequence. If the husband has sex with her when she need. "Yes. but are only concerned women and The Messenger of Allah jfe also encouraged foreplay between the was addressing the widows. he may fulfil his the wife becoming frustrated and Anas ibn Malik jgt that the Messenger of Allah Jk is reported to have said. it is of greater importance for the husband to sexually arouse his wife before having sex. may your hands cleave to uusl. prepared. the Messenger of Allah issue from another angle. it should never be disregarded."> he sees that she is ready. if that is so. his wife unsatisfied their wives. and discontented. Sayyiduna Jabir ibn Abdillah 3^ relates: she [a non-virgin said.. . there is nothing wrong whatsoever Islamically in marrying non-virgin . 3i ". 56 57 . but not hers. should he engage in having sex. so that would kiss ing. (Mardqt alfast. some general guidelines are presented here: 1) not hurt or l>) harmed by it. sucking on the tongue is not connected to fast11 is possible to interpret it. however. FOREPLAY "The Messenger of Allah j| kissed one of his wives and then left for prayer without performing ablution. it is piety to abstain from these activities. The sucking on the tongue was very re- As far as this hadith is concerned. 1 95 and Khalll Ahmad Saharanpuri. and there is nothing wrong if saliva is exchanged. Path al-Ban 4." (AlMughni%\\$§) The above few narrations express the importance of foreplay between the spouses. For them. or whether someone had called! Passionate kissing (or French kissing) is also Imam sex - Ibn al-Qayyim states that foreplay with the wife should precede a Sunnaaf the Messenger and sucking on her tongue. One may also kiss other parts of the body such as the cheeks. the Messenger of Allah would ensure not to swallow her saliva. "1 asked A'isha. since each couple is different. provided the spouse is In this way. as of the narrations mentioned later. kiss her passionately and suck on her tongue (but not necessarily whilst Badhl (See: Ibn I. As such. This was the Sunna of die beloved Messenger of Allah $& and it is inappropriate for a man to leave his Not only did the Messenger of Allah jl. (ALTibb al-Nabawi P: 180) Imam Munawi states. not restricted to the lips and month. The prohibited acts. pure and God-fearing than the Messenger of Allah J&? Yet not only did he encourage foreplay. it but he engaged In it with his wives. must be avoided. Abstinence from such activities is not a sign of piety. One may also suck the lower or upper lip of one's spouse. regard practices associated with foreplay to be inappropriate and contrary to religious propriety. the meaning of the hadith is that the Messenger of Allah jffc would Sayyida A'isha j& whilst he was fasting.ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS Irnam Ibn al-Qayyim al-Jawziyya mentions that. but a Surma of the beloved of Allah jl>.Iajar al-Asqalam.- mu'ahkada) and . and it demonstrates the importance of kissing one's wife whenever one enters or leaves the house. firstly. mentions a narration in which the Messenger of Allah j§& is reported to have said.0 the ftanafi Afefi3£P. necessitating both a make-up (q&4$) fast and Note that according 1. and normally when he kissed her. Islam is a practical religion which allows its followers to fulfil their sexual needs in a lawful manner. but he engaged in it with his wives." (Al-Tibb al-Nabawi P: 181. tip of the nose. as there is no monasticism (rahbdniyya) in Islam." (Sunan al-Tirmidln 86. scholars explain that. for the Messenger of Allah $k would engage in foreplay with his wife and kiss foreplay through kissing of Allah #i.667) Kissing a) Kissing one's spouse is an essential pan of foreplay and j§t relates that: A" a Sunna of which the Messenger of Allah J4 kissed his w ifc passionately whilst fasting. Sayyida 'A'isha * ^ ^ v was exchanged and swallowed." Urwa [the narrator from 'A'isha] says. Nevertheless.#> would kiss her whilst he was fasting." (Sunan Abl Dawud 2378)° both spouses should kiss each other passionately during Ibreplay. with a weak chain of transmission) Imam Ibn Qudama. kissing one's spouse passionately to the point thai it results in the exchange of saliva invalidates one's expiation (kaffara). and it is best left to the couple to discover what stimulates them. Secondly. and he would suck on her tongue. strained and not to the point where saliva td-Majhud fihdl Abl Dawud 1 1:20:2-203) 58 59 . Sunan Atn ( Datvud 181 and Sunan al-Nam^l 170) This hadith indicates that kissing one's spouse is recommended. "Do not begin intercourse until she has experienced desire like the desire you experience. Sayyiduna Jabir ibn 'Abdillah £§t is reported to have said. the renowned Hanball jurist. Foreplay can take many forms." (Fayd al-Qadrr Shark al-jamf alrSaghlr^:} 15) 'The Messenger of Allah . encourage foreplay. will become evident from some house without greeting his wife affectionately with kisses or to return home questioning first whether the food is ready. Biting softly on the lip is also allowed. it is disliked (makruh) to do otherwise. forehead. Sayyida A*isha c j& relates that: her. but this is Some completely erroneous. for who can possibly be more pious. "The Messenger of Allah j§* forbade from engaging in sex before foreplay. "It must have been you?" [Upon hearing this] 'A'isha smiled. in „& the Messenger of Allah Jl. lest you fulfil your desires before she does. Kissing is r> and most other jurists. Licking or sucking each other's tongues is not only allowed. "Foreplay and passionate kissing before sex is an emphatic Sunna {sunna. he fasting). for modesty 24) is from faith iman). "Q 'A'isha! Who is this?" I replied. " ( to make use of without a real need to do so Radd al-Muhtar 3:211) Islamic perspective. However. then the husband should avoid to hem. since consuming and generally fondling the wife's breasts most effective ways of sexually is not only permitted. one must ensure that no mouth. sucking 1. it is necessary to 1 spit out straight away. ) 60 61 . and prohibits acts that could lead to immorality. thighs and the leg. neck. if milk does enter the mouth. stomach. according to the Hanafi School. Whilst sucking. proper care must be taken to cover it until the mark show off that their spouse left a mark on their II is contrary to Islam to hodv. the husband should not neglect this. He said. However. if the wife has milk in her breasts and it is feared that sucking on milk will enter the mouth. do so intentionally. which it "Leave him. anything that hints at a sexual encounter is From an of a This indicates that deriving benefit in any mariner from a part human being without a genuine need is unlawful. chest FORKPI-AY the u." He said. Likewise. "My your brother. Islam emphasises modesty and dignity. becoming a foster-mother. navel." (Sahth al-Bukhdrl the wording is 2504 & Sahlh Muslim 1455. based on textual permission. frowned upon. depending on the individual. The baby's drinking due of the mother's milk is an exception. shower one's spouse with kisses all over. for suckling is only valid if it takes place in the suckling period. wrist. unlawful to drink one's wife's It is important to note that while it. leaving a foster-brother is. waist. In otherwords. then he reveals her secret. one's marriage is not affected by it. ringers. Consequently. and it is Kissing. forearm. As for the area close to the genitalia. As such. if a love bite is left on a part of the body that is normally covered. spine. milk nullifies the marals mistakenly believe that drinking the wife's would entail the woman riage. so the Messenger of Allah Unsaid: c the real need (darura) to do so. or love bites. it is is unlawful behaviour. mark on an exposed area so that people can conclude what of Bukharl. is Some individumilk intentionally. the period designated for it. This <1) and it is breast. but is one of the arousing her. Sayyiduna 'Abdullah ibn Umar relates that the Messenger of Allah Js passed by a man of the Ansdr who was reprimanding his brother regarding shyness (haya). *£ <y Allah on the Day of Judgment is the man who has sex with his wife and she has sex with him. permitted to behind the knees. "O A'isha! Be careful in determining who ( Based on this..ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS behind the ear or suck on the earlobe. The rulings of suckling (radtia). This will be explained in more detail in the section pertaining to "oral sex" In sha Allah. It is best to avoid getting too close to the genital area with the mouth. These bruises are the result of burst blood vessels beneath the skin and last between 4 to 5 days. c) Biting or sucking hard human being and mil awfu 1. and are of no significance relates: Sawida AMsha * in A M %* #1 01 MP**jA»y L^ J J * J i A^Uill m i* 3 A$y^ -dll j^P ^Ul jjfr] y ** -a j 4. licking." {$ahih al-Bukhdrl Sayyiduna Abu Sa id al-Khudrl j& relates that the Messenger of Allah said. If a mark is left on disappears. back of the neck. apply only to children who are breastfed after this. Just as kissing permitted. Imam Haskaft it states. such as the stomach or back. then this is permitted. these body parts is likewise allowed to lick them. "It (milk) is a part of a is on one's spouse's body can leave marks." {Sahth Muslim 1437) "The most evil of people in the sight of "Once the Messenger of Allah J| entered my house whilst a man fosterwas with me. a man is not permitted to drink his wife's milk.ok place between the spouses is not permitted. the eyelid. particularly on the neck. impurity comes into contact with the impurities is explicitly forbidden. palm of the hand. contrary to some other sinful Schools. public display of affection is not permitted. It is particularly encouraged for the husband to practise this on his wife. as this will result in a It is more profound sexual response. suckling and milk given to establish anything. Allah Most High looks at them with mercy. There is no doubt that this practice is contrary to Islamic e) The question of Areas of heightened sensitivity include the ears. areas of heightened sexual sensitivity in the body. He states quoting Ml raj al-Dimya. The same has been recorded by Imam Khatib work. including placing it on the body especially close to places that may be impure. b) There is nothing wrong in touching. The location of these areas varies with the individual and can include any part of the body. not eating whilst resting against something and so on. is contrary to Islamic teachings. there are many etiquettes and Sunnas related to eating that cannot be fulfilled. rather I am confident that one will be rewarded for doing so. and likewise the wife to use her J^l b$ < ^j <$a U*JI J& M j& r * a1\ C$aj 4\' r \ Jl % ty J^\ f * * j>1 hands to masturbate her husband. eating behind the knees. The renowned Han ah" Imam glances at his wife and she glances at him [with love and affection]. and nipples. One should avoid this practice altogether. One should gently massage and stroke these areas to sexually arouse one's spouse. shoulders. it is important to stimulate the woman's clitoris. while the husband may fondle her vagina. One may stroke and sensually massage all areas of the body. their sins fall from the gaps between their lingers. Swmi schools of Islamic law agree that an adult is of no significance and does not (Al-Mughm 9:201-202) Finally. including the hands. disrespecting food in any way.ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS Based on this hadith. stomach. "I asked Imam Abu llanifa regarding a man who strokes his wife's vagina and she strokes his penis in order that he get an erection. that al-Shirbml of the Shan 4 ! School in his Mughni al-Muhtaj 3:181) < ) Moreover. the wife may also kiss and suck on her husband's chest and nipples." (Kanz al-Urnmalfi Sunan al-Aqiual zva'l-Afal 44437 with a weak chain of transmission) masturbate with the hand of one's wife. in sha Allah. Massaging and Caressing a) As part of foreplay. thanking Allah when finished. toes and obviously the male and female genital areas.Ummfd. the nape. In the former 62 63 . the breasts etiquettes. In fact. and play with each other's private parts. the buttocks. do you see any wrong in that?" He replied. Ibn 'Abidln. eating with one's right genitals of one's spouse. back. Food is a blessing (nfma) from Allah Most High. stroking and fondling the it is what is directly in front of one. legs and the feet. a small sensitive and erectile part of the female genitals at the front of the vagina. to stroke encouraged hand.-. "And it is permitted to jurist. thighs. since women take longer to reach an orgasm. It is an effective means of preparing one's spouse for sexual intercourse. but rather one should use one's hand. but (here are common erogenous zones that exist in most people. it is lingers to * * V S f make permissible for the husband to use his hands and his wife reach orgasm. which is clearly forbidden. the Messenger of Allah Jfe is reported to have said: Imam Abu Yusuf said. In a hadith recorded by Shaykh 'All al-Muttaql al-Hindl in his Kara al. When "When a man he holds her hand [with love and affection]. a renowned Hanafi Fiqh reference sexual desires. consumed morality and religious propriety. since this is an effective wav of arousing 2) stated in Al-Falmva al-Hindiyya. As such. eating or licking food off the spouse's body is often asked. as part of foreplay. The penis in men and the clitoris in women are both sensitive erogenous /ones. such as uttering the name of Allah when starting. The wife may stroke her husband's penis." (Alh'atdwa al-Hindiyya 5:328. "No. and the SharTa prescribes many etiquettes when eating. all four FORE PLAY Both spouses should explore each other's "erogenous zones". Be mindful that giving pleasure to one's spouse is an act of virtue. the inside of the thighs. This may be done with a lubricant such as oil or talc. both spouses should gently massage. since there are many other ways of enjoying foreplay that are in accordance with the etiquettes and noble manners of Islam. In addition. In this regard. for which one will be rewarded. the soles of the feet. There is no Sharfa restriction in this regard. caress and stroke each other's bodies. clearly states the permissibility of mutual masturbation between the spouses in his Radd al-Muhlar." {Radd al-Muhtar aid ' 'l-Durr al-Mukhtar 2:399) Imam Ibn 'Abidln details the difference between this and masturbating with one's own hand. Food should not be directly with the mouth. explains his wife to stroke his penis that dislike here means "slightly disliked [karaha tanzih)" without it "Uthman ibn Maz'un ffc camc to tne Messenger of . "I said. "Why should that be when Allah has made you a garment for them and them a garment for you. He mentions that this ruling is based on the hadlth in which the Messenger of ." (Mughni al-Muhlaj 3:181) The Malik! and Hanbali schools also agree with the HanalT and Shafi'I position on the permissibility of looking at the private parts of 65 H ." is (Al-Fatawa glance at any part of each other's bodies. a wall or any other object. "Looking at private parts may result in blindness" is deemed weak (cla If) or fabricated (mawdu) by the scholars of hadlth.. by and large. (See: hkaf al-Saddt al-Muila<jln bi Shark Ihya ' Imam permitted for him to look at her whole body. permitted in all Schools. . "If a man allows and he ejaculates. it can be concluded that the reverse is also permissible." (Al-Mumnmqf 6:85 and Al-Mu'jam al-Kabh 9 :37 being sinful. one faction from. J\ \ 4)1 i£K J& ±>j «& : « 451 ji 4)1 S^j 0&> Cf. it is superior for each of the spouses to avoid looking at the other's private parts." (Recorded by Ibn Majah in his Sunan 1922. "O Messenger of Allah! I feel shy that my wife sees my nakedness (awa)* The Messenger of Allah -#> said.. whereas in the latter case. and then refers to what he discussed earlier in the chapter of fasting that it is permitted to masturbate with the hand of one's wife. with and without desire (shahwa). which includes the private Imam 'Ayni states that this report See: not authentically 'l-Durr established from Ibn Umar. j£* J * notes that the prohibition of masturbating with one's own hand likewise applies to masturbating with one's own thighs. Imam Ibn AbidTn.fe l^U fi Ail *&»- % }: fj & $* $ jj « r »..U In the chapter pertaining to legal punishments (kitab al~hudud). ( Radd a LMuhlar 4:27) Based on this reasoning and the Imam Burhan his explicit text mentioned above work it is al-Dln al-Marghinani of the Hanafi School states in Al-IIidaya that a man may look at the private parts of his wife concerning the permissibility of a man masturbating with his wife's hand. so that al-Hindiyya 5:328. \jj\ Jl>-jj ^ ^l ckj'j* ]oA^\ Khatib al-Shirbini of the Shafi'I School also mentions the permissibility ol looking at the spouse's private parts but mentions that Sayyida A'isha j& ii is disliked to do so without need. He then quotes who said. al-Dm 6:179) even more worthy of being permitted.Allah and said. it is disliked but there is nothing on him.. this A l-Hidaya 4:46 1 It is is also.cx~s. who said. such as Imam Ibn Hibbari and Imam Ibn alc Imam Abd c al-Razzaq al-San c ani in his Tabaranii in his Al-Mv cjam al-Kablrboth ibn Mas'ud al-Kindl who says: ^ Al-Mvmnnaf and Imam record a hadith related by Sa d c Jawzi. GhazalT ol the ShafrT School also permits the husband being masturbated with his wife's hands. He A .. and of O 6:367) which must we be careful?" The Messenger of Allah Js * said: - a . is ( d) As for the spouses looking at each other's private parts." Commenting on this. he says. namely the wife masturbating with the husband's hand.: full gratification. Messenger of Allah! Which of our nakedness is allowed to be exposed." (Sunan al-Tirmidhi'2769 and Sunan Ibn Majah i&soj Imam Ahmad in his Musnad and others) He further states that the hadlth. helps in achieving .H U.Allah j§» said. "I never saw the private parts of the Messenger of Allah Jfe and he never saw mine.) ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS case. Radd al-Muhtar' aid al-Mukhtar Sayyiduna Bahz ibn Hakim Jk says that my father related to me from my grandfather [Muawiya ibn Hayda]. parts. * '$ J-. Imam "Guard your nakedn ess ( mora) except from your wi te or your slavewoman. hence merely looking since l IRum. though superior to avoid. Shan Through husband and wife to would stated in Al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya that 'Abdullah ibn 'Urnar j& say. However. . the author of the original work AWurt ut-MukkMr states. "Lower your gaze except from vour slave-woman and wife" and also on the fact that touching the wife's private parts and sex are both permitted. FOREPLAY satis- one is satisfying oneself with that which is permissible lo gain namely a part of one's spouse. and one is entitled to seek sexual satisfaction from her entire body. (Ibid) is not. a permits both the the union of marriage. "It is better for the husband to look at his wife's private parts it during sex.. because is wasted. if one does become naked.]" (P: 64) stated in Al-Fataxva al-Hindtyya quoting IJanafi Scholars that it is allowed for the couple to be naked during sex if they are within their encouraged. then it is should not be completely naked like the nakedness of two wild asses [mating in public]. OTHER CONTEMPORARY FORMS OF FOREPLAY We have discussed the general Islamic guidelines concerning foreplay. "The command of covering in this hadlth is one of recommendation (istihbdb). Aquestion arises here about the permissibility of the husband rubbing his penis against his wife's thighs. and likewise. Cases of need include the wife being on menstruation or postnatal bleeding and the husband has a need to fulfil his sexual desire. for this is better for It is have full-length. that the couple should place a cover fi-e. but rather somewhat disliked (makruh lanzih). it is permitted for either spouse to rub their private parts against the body of the other I still permitted but] slightly disliked. however. is : permitted. clear that this act is it room able to see them]." mercy on him) states that this hadlth 's chain of transmission (isndd) is weak and unreliable (ddlf). one is showing respect to Allah Most High and the angels. This includes nigging. However. cuddling. it is not unlawful. Shaykh Mufti Muhammad Shaft' Uthmani. there are new methods of foreplay and sexual stimulation. Rather.e. (See: Ilhdf al-Sdddt al-Muttaqln bi Shark Ihya' Ulum al-Dtn 6: 1 75) Another hadlth scholar Imam Munawl states. taking one's spouse into one's arms. let him cover himself.Imam Ibn AbidIn in his Radd al-Muhtdr explains that rubbing the penis against the wife's thighs (tqfkhldh) or against her stomach (tabUn) to ejaculate are both due to die hadlth recorded by Imam Ibn Majah his Sunan from Utba ibn Abd al-Sulaini d^ who relates that the Messenger of This . 1) 66 6 . Imam Ghazall states. states: "If one ejaculates by rubbing against the hands and other parts of the wife due to need.1:308) In conclusion. it is superior to avoid this if there is no need for it. although permitted. Using Sex Aids and Toys A sex aid is an object used to trigger or enhance sexual arousal or orgasm that a couple can use in masturbation or other sexual activity. and not self-stimulation.Iraqi c (may Allah have (Imdad al-Muftin 2:585) This returns us to the principle that the union of marriage allows each spouse to derive pleasure from the other." (Sunan Ibn Majah 192 One The great hadlth master (hdfiz) Zayn al-Dln al. (Al-Fatawa al-Hindlma 5:328) Scholars mention. with his wife whilst they are both wearing clothes. rubbing one's body against one's spouse and lying completely on top of one's spouse. This is permitted and Part of foreplay 1 to I them [. there would be nothing wrong whatsoever. (Radd al-Muhtdr 2:399 and 4:27) semen Allah jfe said: of the Indian Subcontinent.1 ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS one's spouse. writes in his book Al-Mu'dshra al-Zawjiyya.. '' FORE PLAY and Hdshiya 3) {AhMwghM 7:458 for the Hanbali School. their clothes. with or without clothes. although slightly disliked (kardha lanzihiyya) . rolling around. If this is done without need. it is somewhat disliked. As such. then this is The renowned jurist "When any of you has sex with the spouse.. i. One must also remember that the means of stimulation must be one's spouse's body. is no one is or sheet over their naked bodies. Shaykh Muhammad Kan'an. for a couple to be completely naked even without covering themselves with a sheet. However. However. However. "It is inappropriate for a husband to have sex it is e) Finally. a contemporary scholar." (See: Ithaf al-Sdddt air Multaqin In Shark Ikya"'Ulum aWln 6: 1 74) c permitted for both spouses. and it is important to understand the Islamic viewpoint concerning them. body-to-body contact. if they were to cover themselves with a sheet. amorous caressing. otherwise it will he considered unlawful masturbation. to hold he body of one's spouse full-length against oneself. permitted without even being disliked. the permissibility of the wife stroking her vagina against a part of her husband's body to reach an orgasm. since by covering. In light of the previous discussion on mutual masturbation. "The husband should place a sheet over himself and his wife. even if they were to remove all of 1 10 reach an orgasm. Body Contact is al-Damtqi ala'l-Sharh al-Kahlr 2:341 for the Malikl School permitted for both spouses to be completely naked. (Fdyd al-Qadir Shark al-Jamr alV^te. it is better for both spouses to be naked before sex even if completely. stomach and other parts of the body to ejaculate. The Sharfa does not permit one to harm oneself. but does not permit them to masturbate in front of each other using another object. but Islamically. as picture-making c) unlawful. form of animate (lasioir) is life. dancing. Likewise. To use such aids alone as a means of alleviating one's loneliness is sinful. lotions. The Sharfa allows the couple to derive benefit from any part of each other's bodies. it is best to avoid using sex aids altogether. dislike. and then he may have sex with her in the Hukhan 4658 and Saluh Muslim 2855) Moreover. vaginal balls and various creams and lotions. her clitoris. if a sex aid harms either of the two spouses. is Using lubricants. ala slave. as explained earlier. It can be a way of defining active and passive sexual roles. It is akin to a woman holding an object for her husband to masturbate with until he ejaculates. flogging is the act of whipping. b) Certain aids are figures in the on one's partner for sexual arousal. It is necessaiy that the aid not cause any harm whatsoever to either spouse. is unlawful and sinful if accompanied by music. it is not permitted to use it. ropes. spanking and generally inflicting pain /) Some of the most common are dildos. even if he is accompanied by his wife. and creams provided they cause no harm.including the fulfilment of their sexual needs . As such. because the spouses are allowed to look at each other's naked bodies. as discussed earlier. belts. It is established that the Messenger of Allah ^ e) Inserting a vibrator or a dildo into the inner-private parts of the wife for her to have an orgasm is not permitted. As such. The proviso here is that it must be used by one's spouse and not by the person themselves. Showering with One's Spouse to bathe and have a shower It is permitted for a husband and wife logether as part of their intimacy and foreplay. it is used to take a bath from a single pot of water. •in a good way" {bVl-m. then they must be avoided. if it is feared that using aids with one's spouse would lead one into using them when alone. Listening to mainstream music is (58 69 . Clearly. extension condoms. Restraints used include handcuffs. wife. The man can become lazy. {Al-Tdtiq alMumajjad ala Muwatla Muhammad 1 42-24 4 School) all relate the ' ' 1 : l) Sexually Provocative Dancing As a general rule.druf) as Allah Most High tells us Each spouse strives to give the other their lights . it and agreement of the scholars on the permissibility of a man bathing together with his wife from a single pot. the basis of marital relations is that they are to be lived in the Quran. sexually provocative or otherwise. The forbade men from being cruel to their wives Mercy to both worlds and hurting them saying. clitoral stimulators. let alone inflict pain on her. without d) Using an aid such as a vibrator to stimulate any part of the body except the private parts.but within the boundaries of what Islamically. whether the intention is to spice up one's relations or even to use it as a last resort. or to stimulate the outer private parts of the be avoided as they go against sound human disposition (film). it may prevent husband-wife bonding that it uses on her. gels permitted. and would be considered a form of masturbation. Such aids are not permitted to use. Among Muslim couples. As such. Using sex aids can have adverse effects on the relationship." (Safuh al-Bukhari 258) The Messenger of Allah _4 and I is also reported to have bathed with The Messenger of Allah Maymuna and Umm Salama t$~ Imam Tahawl (of the Hanafi School). is also permitted. chains. blindfolds and collars. "One of you beats his wife as he would beat evening!" (Salult. certain things need to be considered. vibrators. even if the husband Sayyida "A'ishaJ^ relates: not permitted for the husband to use aids such as masturbators and realistic vaginas to ejaculate. the use of sex aids is an increasingly common method a) of enhancing sexual performance. Imam Qurtubl (of the Maliki School) and Imam Nawawl (of the Shafii ^ natural sexual relations provide. including can be considered to be 3) "in a good way". these acts arc to & \ . can cause the wife to consider her husband incapable of satisfying her naturally and lose respect for him. this is not permitted. and our hands used to go in the pot after each other in turn. shackles. bathed with his wives.) ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS FOREPLAY Bondage and Flogging Bondage is a sexual practice in which "pleasure" is gained by means of one partner being physically restrained or tied up. Islam instructs the husband to be extremely gentle and tender towards his wife. "All of this is explicit and compelling textual evidence that musical instruments of all types are unlawful. violin. silk. approximately forty. and Allah Most High says. it is unlawful. (Bada'i al-Sana'i 6:269. Allah Most High says: and scholars. the Imam of the Shafi'i school (may Allah have mercy on him). but he must avert his gaze immediately. 8c prohibited. is without douhl unlawful. this is allowed provided it is innocent and decent dancing (even if sensual or provocative). jurists (fuqahd) others have sex. who will hold fornication. and permitted without music. 1 G ]~J~ iil ji al-Muhtaj 4:429 and Al-Mughni ^ ^') s>. it is is All-Aware of what they do. a plain tambourine the form of motion picture films. lute. 0P>^ '• J» 2:59) Sayyiduna Abu Malik al-Ash'ari $$. and not associated with the corrupt and immoral such as lap-dancing. whether mandolin. As for dancing in front of one's spouse in private without music.Allah There are numerous hadlths about the prohibition of music. and Al-Faiawa al-hadUhiyyaV: 298) Imam NawawT. in his excellent work KaJJ al-Ra-a ^crn Muharramal al-Lahiv wa'l-Sama.J" (Qur'an 24:30-31) must lower their gazes and more decent for them. gathered all these hadlths. Pornography. in that if it is accompanied by music. one would be required to In these verses. "Say to the believing men that they must lower their gazes and guard their private parts.1 "I asked the Messenger of Allah J§& about an accidental glance. (See: al-Muhtaj 4:573. all and emphatic "no"." (Sahih alBukhari 5268) guard their private parts.. and which are capable of captivating the listener. flute.. pole-dancing and belly-dancing. This has generally been unanimously agreed upon since the era of the Companions (sahaba). he will be sinful due to this hadlth. relates that he heard the of Allah jfe say: Messenger >"' k UrTJJ' j*"*^ &&** 0° Jr^^H^^J^ J^J 03*^-* - " • • '- -r . ** * .. their followers (tahiun). such as the drum. guitar. but if he continues looking. Sayyiduna Jarir ibn 'Abdullah ^i relates: <- a* p* * . novels. Even if one's gaze were to fall unintentionally on the nakedness of another. provided one avoids imitating the lewdness of those corrupt and ruling The ^ immoral." (Sahih MusBm 21gg Sunan al-Tirmidhi 2776. and then said. the wording is of Tinnidhi) dancing for her husband's pleasure in the privacy of their own room.4 "Say to the believing *& men that they £ \ * \ "There will appear people in my Umma. then there is no sin on him. movies." (Al-Minhaj Shark Sahih MmHmV: 1618) relates that the Moreover. Sayyiduna Abu Sa'Td al-Khudn Messenger of Allah jS* said: Mughm Radd al-Muhlar 4:259-260 on the husband and wife dancing together is the same. And say to the believing women that they must lower their gazes and guard their private parts [. harmonium and piano. unintentionally in his commentary of die above is hadlth. ills. There no sin on him for the first glance. pictures or photographs. Ibn Hajar al-Haytaml. Watching Pornography and results in many personal and societal Musical instruments designed exclusively for entertainment and permitted for a couple to watch pornographic material to stimulate sexual arousal before sex? The answer to this question is an absolute Is it dancing." (2:270) As such. says. If he averts his gaze immediately. Islam clearly forbids looking at nudity or watching in without jingles attached to it. voice./:#„ i ijki^j ?*j^>) <y *>***. Surely . are prohibited to use and listen to. since the Messenger of Allah j§* commanded the Companion to avert his gaze. even when unaccompanied by the human fiddle. alcohol and musical instruments to be lawful. A believer must avoid acts diat are distinguishably those of the corrupt. "The meaning of an "accidental glance" falls that a person's glance is upon a non-mahram woman. plays. look away instantaneously. This prohibition remains. 70 7 1 . eliS /! ^// . even if she is and he commanded me to avert my gaze.' ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS decisively prohibited according to all FOREPLAY 5) four Sunni schools of Islamic law. since listening to music is both men and women are ordered to lower their gazes to avoid seeing the nakedness of others. immoral and shameless.. Mughnl. The only exception is the duff. shameful and sinful. it is sinful for a wife to dance in any way to "music". manner of speech and body movements." He llbn and and "The Messenger of Allah & expelled so and said. cursed the have a prosperous martial 6) Cross-Dressing and the woman who wears women's wears men's clothes. the motivation behind transvestism is a form of fetishistic attraction to the clothing and accoutrements of the opposite sex. then he is not to be blamed. clothing but rather women are distinguished with their liijaband outer cloak [as such. Watching nudity makes men and women incapable of being stimulated from one another naturally. it is called "transvestism". As such. (Fath al-Ban Shark Sahlh al-Bukhan 10:409) then he is There is no place for cross-dressing or transvestism in Islam. they must at if once stop perverted and immodest habit. despite trying. passed by cursed those men who imitate women 'The Messenger of Allah and those women who imitate men/' (Sahih al-Bukhan 5546) % him whilst his thigh was exposed. a husband who wears his wife's clothes or underwear. not help a couple's sex life. A transvestite derives sexual pleasure from dressing or masquerading in the clothing of the opposite sex." (Sunan Abt man who Dawud 4095) Ibn Hajar aVAsqalani states in his commentary of SaMh alBukhan that it is unlawful for men to imitate women in their dress. adornment. life. The Messenger of Allah * d -* J^ said: r r r Abdullah ibn Abbas j$» also relates: °J ^i\ /y \J\i iij^S i*P "Cover your thigh. under-clothing and sometimes make-up associated with the opposite sex. but he is expected 10 gradually change his behaviour. so. If crossdressing is Imam for sexual reasons. Umar expelled so and Abu so.#.. If he fails to try and change himself." (Safnh al-Bukhan 5547) They find it difficult to be aroused by their spouses. Pornography is a highly addictive disease that leads invariably to the vice of sell-abuse and masturbation. eventually lead to problems in their sex this disgraceful.ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS FORK PLAY fy\&M)£%&\&j\&P&i "A man must not look at the nakedness of another man. whilst someone who was created in such a manner is not to be blamed. In most cases. he states. As such. 72 . and a woman must not look at the nakedness of another woman.. and wearing the clothes of the opposite gender is severely frowned upon and cursed. symbolised by their clothes. & cursed effeminate men and masculine "Throw them out of your houses. they "The Messenger of Allah women. lives. only someone who does this deliberately is to be blamed." (Sunan al-Tirmidhl 2793) Jarhad al-Aslami $fc relates that * > K Sayyiduna 'Abdullah ibn Abbas ?$* relates: the Messenger of Allah fi. or a wife who dresses up in her husband's clothing or underwear is known as a transvestite. rather. wearing such unisex clothing would be permitted] As far as the manner of speech and body movements are concerned. especially if he is content with such behaviour. city. be blamed. lor the thigh is from the nakedness [which must be concealed]*** {Sunan al-Tirmidhz 2798) Pornographic films do destroy it. this depends on the customs of one's and Transvestism Cross-dressing basically means dressing in the clothing. Yes. whilst they are easily aroused by pornography. Muslim couples accustomed to pornography must realize that habitually watching porn will Sayviduua Iluravra £& relates: : ji)l U3 1$ si>lj $1 *~3 jJ* '£}\ X. Playing to the role. Some cultures may not distinguish between men and women's .j *& &l j!i 411 J^j # . they are to 'The Messenger of Allah clothes. Abbas] c said. This is why pornography is the most common cause for psychological impotence in the world. and vice versa. but il may also have to do with an attraction to the gender role of the opposite sex. if he is unable to change himself. assuming the character-traits. As Far as dress is concerned. "Their i& clear it. yf>\ ^1 . If men become effeminate and women masculinised." underwear." {Sunan al-Daraquhu 1 1 28) : A sound. Not avoiding splashes of urine is a cause of punishment in the grave. Purity is half of one's faith and the key to prayer. It is a sick and perverted is fetish that can with of Islamic law. normal human being cannot even imagine anyone deriving pleasure from urine and (takara). Some even go to the extent of drinking sexual fetish in their partner's urine! "Avoid [the splashes of] urine. and is a rebellion against the natural ordering of things. during sexual relations and foreplay. the natural order is reversed and will disintegrate. ++ s * * M *ii : Jte p Jj> l Js> U^L> ±>-\j jT jjf> Z cp~>\* *yj>i UWj bjp Jte 74 70 . such as cleaning the filtb after relieving oneself. urinating over one's spouse as part of sexual foreplay is.) * ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS from the above that is sinful to intentionally dress like the opposite gender or to assume the character traits of the opposite gender. The role of a man should be a a man. The Messenger of Allah I J§s> punishment may decrease (Sahih al-Bukhafi 1312 until these two pieces become dry. [they are being punished for a great sin]. 'Then he fi. Abu Hurayra & relates that the Messenger of Allah ic* own Reversing the roles during sexual foreplay is not only sinful and degrading. while the other never saved himself from the splashes of urine. "Yes. it is sinful for a husband to act the role of the wife by dressing in her clothes or It is FOREPLAY once passed by two graves and said.xp ^ip jp j_^i j* tj*y— which participants derive Urolagnia is an abnormal sexual pleasure from urine and urination. Tahara is the first issue that is addressed in almost every hadlth mid fiqh work." Ibn Abbas says. relationship outside of the y) Urolagnia bedroom. (Hanafi: Tahtawi ald Maraqi al-Falah P: 152 and Al-Falawa ai-IIindlyya l pages dedicated to the rules of avoiding filth. used as a means of foreplay. filth. and each gender has its distinctive characteristics. for indeed the punishment of the grave is generally due to it. 5k relates: Sawiduna "Abdullah ibn Abbas v**r ? c jf&&^^j$*% ^\ S& S£ J* : fi-*-> *^* ^ J^^r jtfJ *£ . took a wet green leaf and split it into two pieces. A believer must remain pure and love Hashiya al-DasuqV aid 'l-Sharh al-Kablr 1:11 o. and the woman must remain man and woman and play the play her Sayyiduna said. it is obligator)' to avoid filth except when there is a need. since it is decisively filthy and impure. for one of them used to go about with calumnies. without doubt. As such. and avoid and dislike impure and filth. "They [in the grave] are being punished not for a great thing to avoid" Then he added. then placed one piece on each of the two graves and said. which involves one partner urinating "golden shower" over the other partner. This is even more important in the case of urine. ShafTl: Mughnl ul~Muhtaj 1:127 ancl Uanbali: Al-Mughm 1:141 1 :go. One must avoid According to the jurists of the various schools never be allowed in Islam. The basis of Islam cleanliness and purity The collections of hadith and books of fiqh are filled smearing oneself with filth in general and with urine in particular. Malik!: pure things. It is a "sexual" act. but it will have a direct influence on the couple's role. Therefore. impermissible and sinful. The evil of such behaviour affects both the individual and society at large. and vice versa. There are men and there are women. It is is due an important obligation of two reasons: Firstly. but also the law of one's country and presenting oneself to disgrace and possible arrest for indecent absolutely unlawful and sinful to exposure. Islam completely rejects and practices of sexual gratification. both the husband and wife must avoid making any noise during sex that may be heard by others. so not only would one be breaking the law of Allah. even by mistake. with a weak chain of transmission. such as in gardens. Secondly.lraql states reported by Khallb al-Baghdad! from Umm Salama hi 1 . lower his voice al-Din: "The Messenger of Allah b) The couple have to be careful to ^ and say to his wife. / ACTUAL PLAY Oncf.. Ibn mentions in his Al-Madkhal that 'Abdullah ibn Umar $^ would even eject a small breast-feeding child from his room when intending to have sex with his wife. Sex in public is also against the law in most countries. ". (See: Radd al-Muktar relations. said in a hadlth quoted (Al-Hidaya 4:461) The Messenger of Allah earlier." Hafiz Zayn al-Din al.ACTUAL PLAY have sex in public places where there parks. despite trying. a couple spend and feel they are ready. is that this hadlth : "Remain calm. even if inadvertently. Some couples do not care if their family members or neighbours hear them having sex. Some people derive pleasure from displaying their bodies or front of others. or to have sex with one wife in the presence of the other. sexual relations are to be kept private between the two people involved. including small children. This is a shameful and sinful act that can never be allowed. are unable to control the noises they should avoid making love when others are close by. public beaches and patios or balconies outside of apartment buildings. especially when having sex. The awra of a woman in front of other Muslim women is from her navel up to and including her knees. The windows should be shin with the curtains drawn properly. so that neighbours are In this regard.. This is unlawful for a man who apartment complex or on a densely populated street. They should take to hear them. (See: Ithaf al-Sddat aJrMullaqln Shark Ihya Ulum al-Din 6: 74) i ) Privacy importance that the spouses are alone when engaging in sexual relations. they are away from the gazes ol others. they may engage in actual sex and penetration. Sharfa. There are many rules and etiquettes that need to be understood in this regard. without distinguishing between a co-wife and another woman. it is their sexual acts in another woman" {Sunan al-Tirmidhi 2793). Couples failing to give due importance to this will give others an opportunity to see them engaging in sexual relations. in the next room. Imam Ghazali records a hadlth in his ihya" Ulum would cover his head. It is part of the etiquettes of sexual relations that the couple abstain from talking excessively and making loud noises. but it also shows a lack of dignity. as he is to a place where no one is able make during sex. 0. sufficient time in fbreplay conceal their act of sex so that others do not hear it. This is more important in a multi- has two wives to have sex with both of ihem simultaneously as a threesome. it is impermissible for a woman to look at the awra of another woman even if she is her co-wife. Islam prohibits the husband and wife from discussing 77 condemns such perverted 76 . even if they both give their consent to it. is a possibility of being seen. care must be taken to close unable storey to see in. This becomes even more important when there may be others.and a woman should not look at the nakedness (antra) of to ^ clear that there is no place for exhibitionism or voyeurism in Islam. The jurists state that it is unlawful to have sex even in the presence of a blind able to hear them having sex. This is necessary not only during actual intercourse but even during foreplay. Couples who. Not only is this sinful. The couple must take means to ensure that a) It is of extreme As such. {Usui al-MiC asfmra alrZaxvjiyya P: 67) 3:208 and Al-Mughni8:\$<i) c) It is and lock the doors. cars. Some scholars state that it is disliked to have even a cat in the room when intending to engage in sexual al-Hajj al-Maliki means of going person. As such. as concealing one's nakedness in front of others. so thai no one is able to enter upon the couple. such as parents. 1 In addition. Imam Ibn Kathlr states." (Al-Adab al-Mufiwlof Imam IVukhan children. He went in and 1 followed him. then it is prohibitively disliked and sinful for the couple to have sex in his presence (Radd al-Muhtar 3:208) Some Muslim couples are very careless in this regard and display their sexual acts openly in front of their young children and other from Sayyiduna 'Abdullah ibn Umar &$." (Al-MughruH-.i^. He turned and pushed me in the chest so that I fell on mv bottom. and do A3 y c^\ >» 1 he same things with other children. It prohibits the display of intimacy and other sexual acts such as kissing. their affairs. These are your three times of privacy/' (Quran 24:58) husband demands that she has sex with him fin the other's presence]. In fact. A hadith in this regard was quoted earlier in which the Messenger of Allah j§& said: 'The most evil of people in the sight of Allah on the Day ofJudgment is the man who hay sex with his wife and she has sex with him. that when his child would reach the age of discernment. no person should enter the house of another without seeking permission. "Servants and children are commanded not to intrude upon the adults of the household at these times of privacy. Islam is very clear when it 1058) Mftsa ibn Talha says. As such. The destructive consequences of his are clear. he would have him removed horn his room]. if the child has reached an age of discernment (tamyiz). However. not permitted] to have sex with one wife in the presence of the other. it is not allowed. Allah 1 same chapter 1 the man may be having sex with his wife or involved in other acts of to of the Hanbali School states in his Al-Mughm. They are wrong in thinking that these are merely young children without the capability of understanding such matters. This is why it is stated in the Hanafi Fiqh reference work. and after prayer.e. Children are created with this natural instinct to imitate their parents in [hat they all &* iii \Jz i {A§ &$ Z Qj**a* tjf>-j v>*ill £jLi«? 4. even though playfully. for this act is immoral. Tf the two wives agree that the husband have sex with one of them while the other watches. Al-Fatawa al-Hhid$yya> Tt is prohibitively disliked [i." (Al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya 1 1341 not Most High laid down he rule that. the slaves owned by you." (Sahlh Muslim 1437) Revealing the details of one's sexual behaviour could not be more direct than actually having sex in front of another person. If this the case. As such. Then he said. so it is possible may try to imitate their parents. it is not. and by refusing she considered a rebellious wife. See also: MughnJ al-Muhtaj 3:334 and Shark al-Khurshl aid Mukhtasar al-KhaMl 4 :6) Ibn ' Imam Qudama sexual intimacy. hugging and caressing before others. must seek permission [before they come in your presence] on three occasions: before 78 decency. ) ) ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS the details of their sexual behaviour with others. and so have permission to enter the houses without specific permission. Allah Most High says: iois Muslim parents who display sexual acts in front of their children must realise they are making a grave mistake. even if only partially. (hem from engaging atmosphere. doing such things openly its is contrary to modesty-' and "O you who believe. "I tried entering my mother's room with my father. for fear that In verse 27 of the (sura). So much so that if the the Isha' c and when you take off your clothes at noon. and the [children] among you who have not reached puberty. is she does not have to make herself available. hence he would not be allowed to enter except with relates I comes to public display of affection. in any action that and prohibits would lead to an immoral 79 . Islam teaches followers to be dignified. "Are you entering without permission?" (Al-Adab al-Mufrad 1 06 his 1 permission. This verse exempts children and slaves living in he same house from this rule. absurd and doing away with the sense of honour (muru'a). this practice is unlawful and sinful." (TafsJr al-Qitr'an al-Aztm 3:404) It is worth noting here that Shart'a instructs children seek permission before entering lest they see something of that which takes is place between the spouses. and so has the sense to comprehend what is taking place in front of him. ACTUAL PLAY Fajr prayer. then how dishonourable in front would 1 it be to do such things openly and deliberately ' of hem? Nafi 1 d) As for having sex in front of small children. then he reveals her secret. there are three times of privacy in which they too are required to seek permission. this has an extremely negative effect on their children's upbringing. permitted even with their consent. including young family members.. ' however." {§ahih Muslim during sexual relations. even if all precautions are taken. This is disregarding the fact that scholars hold photography to be impermissible. and even then. for not doing so. wording is of Muslin/) 80 81 . As for sexual relations in a room where a small baby is sleeping. Imam because that it is generally difficult to avoid. aid 'l-Dttrr superior to cover up the Qur'an. Ibn it is Abidm states. In conclusion. If the child has reached an age of discernment.4 2 3 \]) Recently a question was posed to the author about the permissibility of a couple taking intimate pictures of each other or recording themselves having sex. we recognised it from his face. and even though the position taken by many scholars is that photographs fall under the rubric of picture-making (tamnr) of living creatures and humans. the possibility still at the away from themselves and their potential offspring. a **• + *** « one says. Haskaf! states in his Al-Dwr al-Mukhtdr. "There is nothing wrong with having sex in a room in which there is a copy of the Qur'an." l animal was present. caressing and fondling one another in the presence of young children. In addition. Savyichma Abu z ^ was a practical example of'modesty and Sa'id $ making it possible for a third al-Khudn < « * j$» relates: S ? > . less than two years of age. (Radd al-Muhtar ul-MiikiUar 6 . The sexual images could be misplaced or lost and come into the hands of a stranger. Sayyiduna 'Abdullah ibn Abbas 0? relates that the Messenger of Allah ^said: ******* ? ^ y * . verses of the Qur'an hanging on the wall and other Islamic literature such as hadith collections and hooks consisting c of invocations (dw f and adhkar). By taking such pornographic images. it is important that the couple supplicate 10 Allah Most High before commencing sex. it is not allowed for the couple to take nude images of naked bodies because of the need for it ihemselves for viewing later on. 2) many 2320 As such. and when he disliked something. it is superior lor them to avoid doing so. e) disliked to engage in sexual In his commentary of the above text. then this is sinful. if possible. it is somewhat relations in their presence. Preventing an evil before it actually happens is a well-established principle of Islamic jurisprudence. * person to get hold of the images. pictures of one's spouse or recording sexual relations and then looking images cannot be considered permissible at all The reason for this is clear. such practices contradict the modesty that Islam commands. this too should be avoided wherever possible.<r f ** *. asking Him to keep Satan on photography. The couple are only permitted to look at each other's - "The Messenger of Allah . but not unlawful (haram) per se. however. if remains that someone may see them.#> was more bashful than the virgin behind her curtain [or in her private quarters].e. As such. There is no sin.34. O Allah! Protect us from Satan and protect what you grant us [i. one nakedness. Satan will never be able to harm it. As such.' ) ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS ACTUAL PLAY Some unusual occurrence can transpire The Messenger of Allah bashfulness. "In the name of Allah. which taking nude is explicitly forbidden in over 20 authenticated hadiths. the "When approaching one's spouse. the coming offspringj from Satan" then if it is destined that they have a child from that intercourse. hugging. and is potentially giving others the opportunity to see one's this is impermissible. and then looking at the photos or watching the video." ($aiuk al-Bukhari 141 & Sahlh Muslim 14. without undue hardship. or an * * * Covering up the Qur'an One of the etiquettes of sexual relations is to cover up or put away copies of the Qur'an. Reciting the Supplication (du'd) One Regardless of the difference of opinion amongst contemporary scholars about the ruling of the objectives of sexual relations is to produce pious and righteous offspring. It was mentioned earlier that the predecessors (salaf) would avoid sexual relations in a room where a small child of the age of breast-feeding. couples must avoid having sex or displaying their intimate and sexual acts such as kissing. Imagine the reaction if the images or videos found their way into the hands of the couple's children! Even if the images are secured and hidden. Allah Most High says: also see: Radd al-Muhlar 1 1:34 1 and Ithaf al-Sddat al-Mutlaqm bi Sharif Ihya ' c Ilium al-Din 6: 4 82 83 . "One should not face the Qibla Amr ibn Hazm and <Ata' both disliked it".7 ) . as will be discussed later. longing and desire for one another. provided there is nothing specifically wrong or sinful in the nature of their conversation and provided others are not able to hear them. ar-mhman ar-rahim b) The Messenger of Allah j§» commanded for proper is manners to Translation: In the name of Allah. When it comes to selecting sex. Islam giants the couple a general permission to choose whatever position they mutually agree upon. Most Merciful. It not only permitted. is recommended that both spouses exchange aW JLj Transliteration: Bismillah Translation: In the name of Allah Or kind words that express their love. whilst another couple may feel at ease with a different position altogether.which is clearly forbidden. there is nothing wrong with that. recite the following supplication: is similar to to Makruh due bathroom where talking one's nakedness being exposed. (Al-Mughni 8:136. whilst excessive talking maimers. (fmdad al-MufilnP: 1032) Having 6) Sexual Positions (ways in which spouses physically position themselves for sex) Allah $>> the evils {duo). satisfaction and enjoyment. As far as the couple talking with each other. but rather encouraged. renowned Hanafi jurist of recent times in the Subcontinent. it is left to the couple to decide on the position most suited to them. because one's nakedness School. for during Imam Ibn Qudama states. Shaykh Mufti Muhammad Shafi' (may Allah have mercy on him) states that talking during sex is disliked when it is with others. Imam Ibn 'Abidln of the Hanafi of the tfanbali School all the Shafii School and Imam Ibn Qudama face the Qibla mention that it is somewhat disliked (viakmh lanzlh) to whilst having sex [although not sinful] to avoid facing the direction is normally exposed in such a suitable position for sex. As for talking during actual sexual penetration. As such. Most Compassionate. (See: Radd al~Muhtar when one is in the toilet or 6:418 Transliteration: . and. it is from the guidance given to us by from and secondly. inking into account physical comfort. the llakumma jan ni!mash-skaylan> wa janmhish-shayma ma razaqtana Translation: O Allah! It is Protect us from Satan and protect what you grant us from Satan. There is nothing wrong even if both spouses use sexually arousing language during foreplay.4 & Al-Mughni 8:1 36) said the above. A couple may find a particular method of having sex to be more comfortable and pleasurable. be observed during sex. provided it is vaginal sex and not anal sex . because: ^S)\&\ rtMM) Transliteration: Bismillah a Sexual relations are based on concealment. first ACTUAL PLAY 5) Talking During Sex Talking during foreplay recommended pronounce the name of Allah Most High it Is prior to penetration for both spouses to saying: is as outlined previously. c) It is contrary to proper Thereafter. Imam Ghazafl oi a state. classical scholars generally state that it is disliked (mahruk) to do so excessively. ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS Thus. important to recite the above-mentioned supplication the Messenger of since firstly. as discussed earlier. 4) Avoiding Facing the Qfbla One of fee etiquettes of sexual relations is of the Qibla. one's potential offspring may not be saved of Satan if the Du'a is disregarded. " (Surum alTirmdM 2980 and Nasa'i in his Ishrat al-Ntsa* g4) tillage for you to cultivate. and mention its circumstance of revelation (sabab al-nuiut). since this the only way for the seeds to be cultivated and for her to conceive. "We were only approached on one side [i. So approach your tillage from where you wish. "If a to man were approach his wife "* ^ IJVs ' . The analogy between women and tillage it is is indicates that only permissible to have sex with one's wife in her Sayyiduna Abdullah ibn Abbas 0$. 'Umar and said. Some are presented here: 3^. This tribe of the (hitriysh. what the this vagina] .1 -' 1 »- fi Tirmidhl 2978. but do some good beforehand. lived company of the Jews who were the people of the Book. "What is it that has doomed you?" He said." (Safiih al-BukhdrJ 4254. from the back and laying them on their backs. lying on their backs] because .1435 &: Sunan alJews used to say.ij4^ * j^ a to o^jci^jsjwiS - They [the Ansar] accepted their [i. So approach your act for yourselves where you wish. Allah tillage Most I ligh uses the expression harih which means or place of cultivation. "O Messenger of Allah! I have been doomed. and so followed most of their actions. whether from the front. the back or her prostrating and facing the ground (Al-Minhaj Shark §ahih Muslim P: 1084). one of them married a woman of the Ansar." So he said. the child [that she conceives] would be born cross-eyed.Allah jfe> was the most concealing position for the woman. any position or side can be adopted.e." The Messenger of Allah . "I changed my saddle last night [referring to having sex with his wife from behind but in the j$x came the Messenger of .e. ^ ". : relates: vagina. and fear Allah*" (Qur'an 2:223) In this verse. He wanted to do the same kind of things with her [i. -Jll 1-11 • ' l>- *' l-""l>* ' '' 1' -^' .. and seek pleasure with them from the front.>\j£\'f±j£f." This matter of theirs 85 84 . the wording is of Muslim) Sayyiduna 'Abdullah ibn Abbas u. i&^^^^ji^^j^^ j^^i£>jir ^S- P U- iE^." He said. However. So the clan of the Ansar adopted this practice from them. there are many reports found in hadith literature that explain this verse.. so do that otherwise stay away from me.ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS "Your wives arc ullage from tillage for ACTUAL PLAY you to cultivate. "Approach her from the front or back. but she objected and said.This clan of the Ansar.e the Jews] superiority over themselves in respect to knowledge. relates: in the who were idolaters [before Islam]. relates: ! Sayyiduna Jabir ibn Abdillah ^ **" cJy* t J^t jljjl j » l/ ^J^a* 1}* J 1 ^ -* w £** The from behind [but] in her vagina. the Jews] used to approach their women on one side alone [i. Moreover. used to uncover their women completely. [however]. in order to reach that place. So approach your tillage from where you wish.e. The people of the Book [i. laying on the back]. Sahlh Muslim. but avoid the anus and [the period of] menstruation. so the verse was revealed: "Your wives are tillage for you to cultivate.e. When the Muhajirun (the immigrants) came to Al-Madina.#> did not say anything until jl>: this verse was revealed unto the Messenger of Allah "Your wives are Quraysh were accustomed to]. yV Jp v ^ y )i&&*yf$£> ^&&j&&^&\^^&\$fi& 2* ?* ^'}>&j'. [saying] child.1. they ascribe partners to Him in what He Umm Salama & relates # Indeed Allah (Qur'an 7: 1 much higher than what they associate with Him. covering her the Noble Qur'an and the explanatory hadiths clearly indicate that the couple are permitted to have sex in any position they wish. however. their Lord. on her back with her legs drawn up toward her chest and her knees raised high. ACTUAL PLAY "It is He Who created you from a single soul." (Sunan al-Tinnidin 2979) This verse refers to the creation of Sayyiduna Adam and Savyida Hawa' (peace be upon them). hands a) "When a man sits amidst her [i." 8g-i go) "It means one opening only [i. while the husband lies flat over her in a manner that he covers her body with his. and others said it means the legs and the edge of the pubic area. Thereafter. since this can be uncomfortable for her. while others have said that it refers to the legs and thighs. one of the interpretations of the "four parts" is the woman's legs and thighs. while the husband enters In a similar position. child." So burden and when she grows "If heavy. as this is absolutely unlawful. The examples of sexual positions cited in these hadiths indicate diversity and not limitation. so that her thighs and calves form the "four parts". books written on sexual etiquettes mention the following: her in almost a sitting or squatting posture. folds her knees and the husband enters her in almost a sitting posture. So approach your ullage from where you wish. and out of him created his wife.. you bless us with a perfect blessed Dawud 2157) regarding from the Messenger of Allah the verse: "Your wives are ullage for you to cultivate. any other position the couple choose is perfectly fine. they ask Allah to bless them with a sound and perfect child.Allah Most High revealed: "Your wives are tillage for you to cultivate. But this verse meant the place of the delivery of the child [i. He may support some or all of his weight on his elbows. they both the vagina] . vaginal and not anal sex. a ritual bath (ghusl) becomes obligatory upon him. This position has been implicitly mentioned in the following hacllth: Sayyiduna Abu Hurayra >$£. when he carries it covers her with himself. (See: The Meanings of Qur'an 1 :g 1 5) The expression in the verse ''When he covers her with himself* indicates the position of the husband lying over his wife. However. without restriction. So approach your ullage from where you wish" that: we shall be is But when We bless them with a perfect. the condition is that it is The verse of the completely with his body. in order that he may find comfort in her. and reached the Messenger of Allah J*. In this position. Allah Most High says: meaning of the "lour parts (sht/ab al-arba')'\ Some said that il means the arms and the legs." (SunanAbt pray to Allah. As such. but when the child is born. the wife lies As far as specific positions are concerned.e.e. the husband should take care of not forcine ail of his weight on his wife. in that when one of them has sex with his wife by covering her completely and she conceives a child." (Al-Minhaj Shark Sahih Muslim P: 400) As such. them with. One form of this is when the wife lies on her back with her legs spread. So ." Meaning from the front. the vagina]. relates that the Messenger of Allah said: ^ The Man-on-top Position The man being on top is the most common and natural sexual position." 1 {Sahih MusUm^^S) t mam NawawT slates. from behind or laying on the back. grateful.ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS spread widely. they ascribe it to their invented deities. she bears a light about.e. Qadi lyacl chose the meaning of the four areas surrounding the . the wife] four parts and then exerts pressure on her. "The scholars have disagreed abou the in tended or knees. This seems to refer to the position in which the wife. while on her back. vagina [.. Scholars state that a subtle indication of this position can be found in the Qur'an. It also discloses the mindset of the infidels from their progeny. 8b s? . It The Sitting Position in sexual relations with one's Engaging tillage I) also perfectly allowed in spouse in a sitting position is light of the Qur'anic verse: "So approach your from where you wish. in response to a question about the permissibility of Showering while standing up. (Al-Tibb d) The Standing Position al-NabawlY: 183) Once again. diversity and versatility in sexual positions does not Finally. during one sexual encounter. when sex with one's spouse is permitted in a standing position. as discussed earlier. the husband's sperm can be on their sides facing each other. There is no doubt in the permissibility of this position. or they lie on their sides and the husband enters the vagina from behind. sciatica. there contradict religious propriety. the wife's fluids to which may harm him. (Al-Tibb al-NabawiP: 182) b) ACTUAL PLAY sex regularly in a standing position. As such. that the rear-entry position is not anal sex. This includes the husband lying on his back whilst the wife sits on top of him or she lies with her whole also permitted bodv over his. for it is lighter than having sex. Imam is The Side-by-side Position al-Nabawi that when the wife Ibn al-Qayyim explains in his Al-Tibb on top. This position was explicitly allowed in some of the hadlths cited earlier. whilst in anal sex the husband enters her anus. {Imdad al-Falawa 1:18) It is permitted to have sex in a standing position. This is only from a medical point of view. Lin other words. whether both spotises stand or just one of them. even if many times. Mawlana Ashraf c Al7 ThanawT. It also allows a great deal of body contact. vaginal and rectal prolapse. states that the Qur'anic exegetes have generalised the implication of the Qur'anic verse "So approach your tillage from where you wish" to include the sitting and standing positions. the spouses lie impeded from fully exiting." The Woman-on-top Position where the wife is Islamically. decorum and decency. The Rear-entry Position e) This is when the husband enters the wife when she has her back to him.ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS There are many other forms of the man-on-top position. and medical opinions can change over time. Both spouses may face each other or the wife can have her back towards her husband with him entering from behind into the vagina. as is stated earlier. As far as the Islamic ruling is concerned. for Allah Most High Himself has permitted legally married couples to engage in various sexual positions without restriction. The wife may also get on her hands and knees whilst her husband kneels behind her. c) due to the general purport of the Qur'anic verse quoted more than once in this book. this is all from a medical point of view. which is completely forbidden in Islam. As such. the standing position is permitted. however. and the spouses are able to kiss and embrace each other at the same time. but theoretically. It is also possible for enter the husband's sexual organ resulting in him illnesses. Scholars and experts alike mention that the manon-top position is the most effective in terms of the wife conceiving. it would be worthwhile for couples intending to have sex in such positions to take sound medical being inflicted with The of recent times in the Indian Subcontinent. In the rear-entry position the husband enters the vagina when the wife lias her back to him. the sexual position is on top of her husband should be remembered. This position is also unquestionably permitted. or uneasy in this regard. In one narration the expression used to describe the wife is u mujabbaf which basically means she is facing down in a posture of prostration. and convenient during later stages of pregnancy to accommodate the woman's belly. scholars and experts is stale that the woman-on-top position unhealthy and harmful. both scholars and experts caution against having 7) Fantasising way during sexual relations with one's own spouse is unlawful (haram) and sinful. is nothing wrong with the couple changing their positions. Although there not enough medical evidence to prove this. However. In this position. So to take a shower standing up is even more worthy of being permitted. as it may be harmful medically. furthermore. Allah Most High says: Fantasising of another person in a sexual 88 89 . mostly with minor differences. then great jurist (faqZk) advice and act accordingly. Ii is a form of fornication (zina) of the heart and mind to deliberately fantasise about sexual relationships with other than one's spouse. there is a risk of increased back pain. Having said that. couples need not feel guilty taking a shower in such a slate would without doubt be permitted]. It is wrong to assume that such behaviour is a sign of lack of modesty. in the commentary of this hadlth." (Qur'an 17:36: a fantasy involving dressing up as specific characters. he achieves climax before her.-«um. Couples should be happy and content with their partners for who they are and what they are. earlier." [. boss and secretary. and only fulfils himself after she has achieved fulfilment. If a fantasy role is acted out without someone specific in then this too is not permitted. 8) Orgasm and Sexual Climax Among the obligatory righ tsof marriage is that each spouse'ssexual needs are fulfilled through the other. unlawful conversation with a non-related person of the opposite gender or fornicating with the heart and mind. and the sexual organs then either testify this or deny it.]. and failing to give this due importance can result in the wife becoming frustrated and in having animosity in her heart for her husband. listening to unlawful things. since it could easily lead into thinking that one's spouse is someone else. for one will be fantasising about having specific in mind. believing it is wine. This is absolutely essential for the well-being of one's marriage.ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS r*> ACTUAL PLAY Then I saw the author of Tabyin al-Mafumm from our 6:372) [Hanafi] scholars ^j}J^ "Surely the hearing. Imam Ibn Abidm states in his Radd air Muhtar.. then it is disliked (makruh) for him to withdraw before she and is therefore similar to the example of drinking water. Sayyiduna Abu Hurayra said: ^ relates that the Messenger of Allah **p doctor.vsatr.each one of them As far as role-playing is concerned.] If he was to climax before her. such as pretending that one's husband is a doctor. he should notwithdrawuntil she has an orgasm and achieves sexual climax. Imam Ibn Qudama states: "It is recommended (muslahah) for in the husband to engage in foreplay with his wife before actual sex order that her sexual desire is aroused so that she experiences the same pleasure from sex that he experiences [. . whilst others are involved in metaphorical fornication (zina' majaziyya). Our scholars [the Malikis] hold that for someone to take a glass of water and drink from it. pupil. that people are involved in actual fornication (zina' haqlqiyya) their sexual organs meet.The fornication (zina) of the eyes is the lustful look not completely unlawful." (§ahth al-Bukhari 5889 and §ahik Muslim 2657. If fully The jurists also explicitly prohibit fantasising v about someone else during sex with one's spouse. Ibn al-Hajj al-Malik! said. in some his own cases. jt: 'jyi u*t-. the sight shall «*ip jtfelliy ilyMj j*&\j p***l o! Jp quoting Ibn al-Hajj al-Malikl and agreeing with him.. JL_ )JL unquestionably unlawful as stated mind. In this regard. It can lead to disputes and argumentation between the spouses and. touching the hand and body or kissing a non-related person of the opposite gender. because of what Anas ibn Malik j& related that 9° 91 .... Dressing up to become someone they are not can be a very dangerous game and is ultimately detrimental to the marital relationship. the Hanafi School] would also indicate its impermissibility. achieves sexual climax. the wording is of Muslim) ".e. If the thought is that one's spouse has taken the role of that character. nurse. even to divorce. "It is unlawful. then sex with a stranger who is a doctor or a nurse. patient. then this is also best avoided although and the fornication of the ears is to listen [to unlawful things] and the fornication of the tongue is to talk [about unlawful things] and the fornication of the hand is to touch [unlawful things] and the fornication of the feet is to walk [to the place of sin] and the heart yearns and desires." (Radd alMuhtar and the heart . if this is done with someone 1 fa . A husband who is solely concerned about satisfaction is selfish and must change his ways and give consideration to his wife's needs. while thinking about a strange woman to the point that he thinks he is having sex with her [. because thinking about a strange woman during sex is to actively think about sinning. then that water will become unlawful for him to drink. given that Imam Nawawi states.. and it is so on. walking to a place of fornication. (See: Al-Minhaj Shark SaMh Musli?nP: 1880) some by making women generally take longer reaching an satisfied orgasm. during which a couple act out be enquired into. by casting unlawful gazes.. a teacher. "If one has sex with one's wife. is The husband should hold back from ejaculating until his wife and achieves sexual fulfilment.. fUH^ uc-. it is of utmost importance that the husband discharges this right of his wife when having sex with her. because it is a form of fornication.] And the principles of our school [i. resulting in fornication of the heart and mind. kissing her. as this is detrimental and harmful for her. He should try his best to avoid ejaculating before she has an orgasm. It is Du'awhen Ejaculating It is recommended for both spouses 9) : 10 recite the following supplication (dud) in their hearts at the time of ejaculation. prepared.ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS the Messenger of Allah Jfe said. during foreplay. what was a sensual act has been turned into an act of worship. and if he was to ejaculate this is the Satan a share in what [children] You bless us with (Related by Imam Ibn Abi Shayba in his Al-Musamiaf O fi Allah! Do not grant 'lAhadMh roa 'l-Athar 3:402). For the husband to withdraw from her in such a state will harm her and may be a cause for her to hate him.e. and that climaxing together is the most pleasurable and satisfying for her. Thus. ACTUAL PLAY a) should strive to satisfy her. not hurry [in withdrawing] "When a man has Then when he fulfils until sex with his wife. because excessive movement will result in him ejaculating early. when he sees that her has changed and her eves have become red lout of desire for him]. (See: Ithaf al-Sadat al-Mitttaqln In Shark Ihya"Uliim rare. climaxing together not problematic for the wife to reach orgasm before her husband. In order to delay his ejaculation. Of course. Alldhumma la Translation: tafal It ash-shay lam Jtmct razaqtand naslhan not possible. because in this way she will not be shy from having an orgasm. only then lie feels that she is ready. the supplication before commencing sex and the supplication at the time of ejaculating]. there is harm upon her and preventing her from fulfilling her sexual need/' ( A l-Mughm 8:1 §6) Imam GhazalT in his /hya >c Ulum al-Dln and the commentator of his lhyd\ 'Allama Ylurtada' al-Xabldl in his commentary Hhdf al-Sdddt alMuttaqin both explain that after achieving sexual climax. He should sexually for husband achieving sexual climax before the wife causes hatred and dislike in her heart. A problem faced by some men is premature ejaculation which is to climax too early. (See: Usui al-Mu'dshara alrZaztyiyya P: 7 1-72) f d) 'Allama Murtacla* that the most beneficial ejaculation is al-Zabidl states in his remedy for commentary of the Ihyd someone affected by premature to avoid having sex before foreplay. since her husband is state that the him to wait. Then." ( Radiant Prayers P: 65) 92 93 . divert his attention to something himself. Avoid having less his sexual he should The b) contact it made organ stroked or caressed during foreplay. They further arouse his wife by playing around with her. before her due to not being able to control himself. embracing her and the like. and him. then the husband should wait and allow his wife to have an orgasm before he ejaculates himself." [Recorded by Abu Ya'Ia al-Mawsili in his Mnsnad 4201] And also because in it [withdrawing prematurely]. since sometimes she may be delayed in having an orgasm. but it will be easy for her to exercise patience (sab)) with this. as the most that will occur in this situation is that she will be fatigued and feel the weight of her husband over her. contrary to when the husband withdraws before she has an orgasm. then there is no need she fulfils the easier will be for him When having sex. and desirous of should he initiate sexual intercourse. to control himself. then he should not withdraw until she achieves sexual satisfaction. since they would love to prolong their session of intimacy before achieving climax. as was the practice of Savyiduna Abdullah ibn Mas'iid gt: ^ s* ** * al-Dln Q:\jG) Transliteration: it can be said that it is best for the spouses to try and achieve sexual climax together. between his sexual organ and the wife's body. helps c) him control Both spouses should avoid excessive movement during the actual act of sex. it can be deduced that exactly at the time when one an act even the is busy gratifying one's carnal desires and engaged in mention of which is considered a matter of shame. one has been taught to keep one's relationship with Allah Most High foremost in the mind. Some husbands ejaculate as soon as they enter their wives. so that it her need. stroking her colour breasts. the husband should do the following: Shaykh Mufti TaqT Uthmani after recording this supplication: states in his book RadiaM Prayers "From these two prayers [i. and some even before that. the husband should wait for his wife to also achieve climax. else. as that is most satisfying for both. he his need. (See: llhaj al-Sdddt al-Midtaqm bi ' also occupied with his is own . This can be troublesome and problematic for both spouses. However. if he knows that she has had an orgasm. and not to hesitate supplicating before Him. Shark lhya 'Ulurn al-Dln 6: 1 76) sexual climax. If In light of this. and give glad tidings to the believers. So approach your tillage from where you wish. {Al-Tibb al-NabawiP: 187) The Messenger of Allah #> also emphatically prohibited anal sex hadlths." {Sunan AblDdxoud 2155 and others) 94 95 . it also violates the right of the wife. But when they are cleansed. Moreover. but must be vaginal sex. It is an unnatural and repulsive act that simply has no place in a Muslim's sex life. and loves those who keep themselves pure. since it is a place of filth and impurity. There cleansed from the impurity of blood. and fear . being menstrual blood. from privacy up to ejaculation. and know that you are to meet Him.Allah.OTHER FORMS OF SEX "They ask you concerning menstruation. and not the anus. Allah Most High gives impurity as the reason for is prohibiting sex during menstruation.j ] "Cursed is he. Say: "It is an impurity. Not only is anal sex sinful and harmful. In the last few pages. it is categorically forbidden in Islam and is a major sin by consensus because of the explicit texts clearly establishing this. prohibited during menstruation because of temporary filth. the term hank (tillage) indicates that it is only permissible to have sex with one's wife in the vagina." (Qur'an 2: -8- 222-223) OTHER FORMS OF SEX In the above verses. who enters a woman in her anus." (Sunan al-Tirmidhi 165) 1 J. as this is the only route through which the seeds are cultivated. so it is important to understand the Islamic viewpoint on them. Your wives are tillage for you to cultivate. There are also grave spiritual and established physical and psychological harms in anal sex. in many Allah Sayyiduna 'Abdullah ibn Abbas j$ relates that the Messenger of j|> said: "Allah shall not [even] look [with kindness] at any man who enters another man or a woman in the anus. Surely Allah loves those who are most repenting. Allah Most High permits haying sex with her but "from where Allah has commanded you" meaning in the vagina. matters relating to actual play have been discussed in considerable detail. but do some good act for yourselves beforehand. then anal sex is undoubtedly unlawful since the anus is always polluted with filth. Allah Most High says: subject to that it one condition. As far as anal sex is concerned. i) It further elucidated in the term "harllf used in the second verse. As is vaginal sex Anal Sex was discussed earlier in the section on sexual positions that it is permitted for the couple to choose any position they like for sex. So keep away from women during menstruation. 4» Sayyiduna Abii Iluravra 0L relates that the Messenger of Allah > . then approach them from where Allah has commanded you. and do not approach them until they are cleansed.* >' l&\'&$\Zs\^&fei$* 1$ said: ^f~ d!r*j* j~>. This is Once a woman now remains certain other forms of sex. It is a practice of those whose nature has been distorted to prefer that which is filthy to thai which is pure. who is entitled to having offspring through vaginal sex with her spouse. as long as there is no penetration and as long as that area is not soiled with nidi. then this is sinful. to touch the surrounding and outside area of the anus. in their anuses. such. of the Shafi I even by nibbing his penis in between her buttocks or groin. As such.ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS one is distant from Divine Mercy.And He (Allah Most High) makes unlawful for . contrary to the It is unlawful and sinful for the husband to penetrate in his wife's anus. fluid that exits either before or after urinating. is only permitted if he is certain of avoiding penetration. Oral stimulation of the male organ is called fellatio. under normal circumstances. evidences are clear in the prohibition of anal sex even with one's own wife. then it is also impermissible. pre-ejaculatory fluid. The term oral sex covers a wide range of activities. Musnad Ahmad and others) These. for example if the couple are only gently kissing each other's genitalia without any fear or likelihood of consuming sexual fluids. As depend on what exactly is entailed by this Ahmad others' Sawiduna Abu Huravra &. from that area altogether r ' al-Muhtaj 3:181." (M-Mapiu Shark c al- ZazojiyyaV: 82) Oral Sex The spread of pornography has increased the prevalence of oral sex.»-* sex entails inserting the penis into the wife's month to the extent that she swallows or takes impure or filthy substances such as semen (many) or pre-ejaculatory fluid (madhy) into the mouth. The Messenger of Allah H& cursed certain matters so that we take heed and avoid them. cloudy. This. (See: Mughm them Muhadhdhab 2:397) b) If oral sex is filthy things (khabaith) IQtir'an 7:157].. for example the Shafiis. although disliked and practiced and all improper. Musnad such. from simply kissing the genitalia to the actual taking in not ashamed of the truth [saying this thrice]. a thick white. In order to ensure that one's sex life is in harmony with Islamic teachings. or the a) If oral $ . while others 2) precautions are taken to prevent sexual fluids from entering the mouth." man who enters his wife husband placing his mouth onto the wife's vagina to the point that he lakes her discharge in his mouth. Hanafts. said: relates that the Messenger of Allah ' . The meaning of "being cursed (vialunY that. If there is fear of this. This includes all male and female genital excretions and sexual fluids such as urine. a source of many diseases widespread promiscuous it is unlawful to intentionally swallow filthy and impure substances or to introduce them into the mouth. whilst oral stimulation of the female genitalia is known as cunnilingus. and swallowing of sexual fluids. ?• Uj£ J 4%A Z!£ ^j J\ J>-j y> -JH ^ 2 "Allah shall not look [with kindness] at a in the anus. similar to kissing other parts of the body and so permitted. Hashiya al-Dasuqt ala 'l-Sharh al-Kabir 2:342 and U$ul al-Micashara alis necessary. it is important to discuss the Islamic perspective on oral sex in detail.i tlft*&\A Do not person's genitals. but disliked. It may be considered as a form of foreplay.0 J "Allah is iUdl \yi - o$ i8B - . otherwise abstaining Imam NawawT school states in his AlMajmu": "The correct well-known opinion is that it is forbidden to consume semen because it is filthy (muslakhbath) (even though not impure]. however. the Islamic ruling will term. Unfortunately." enter women 8c (Sunan Ibn Majah 1924. Allah & said: A< i" "51 Oral sex is the use of the mouth or the tongue to stimulate another tf. Sayyiduna Khuzayma ibn Thabit J|t relates that the Messenger of is OTHER FORMS OF SEX regard any discussion of it to be offensive. they nevertheless hold its oral intake to be prohibited. and it is now commonly practiced by many couples. and an object of Divine Dislike. some people shy away from discussing this matter altogether. Allah Most High says: ". and this fear is at the level of likelihood. (Sunan Ibn Majah 1923. then it is permitted. The husband is permitted to touch and caress any part of his wife's body which includes the area outside of the anus. swallowing or consuming £ all forms of sexual fluids As of the wife or husband is forbidden. Muslims are frequently asking about the Islamic viewpoint on oral sex. as placing one's mouth on one's spouse's genitalia is against religious propriety. and anal sex causes to today's many other. it is permitted for him. 96 97 . is This is in addition to the fact that undue pain and society. Even though semen is not considered impure according to some scholars. However. semen and wady. Both these approaches are incorrect.. who allow it and those who consider it disliked. provided the objective was not to masturbate or have is The famous states: that it Fiqh reference work. those stipulate that earlier. Because of this. il has been said is disliked (makruh). then. Masturbation is prohibited and causes many personal and societal ills. even if the transfer of sexual fluids is avoided. this is difficult to avoid. if it. it is not permitted for either spouse to masturbate and play with themselves a) If the objective to during the course of a telephone conversation. then this also does not seem to fall within the of unlawfulness. Jfe {$alawdt) . 98 99 . is but rather the spouses are merely intimate. Al-Falaxoa al-Hindiyya. the objective is not to masturbate. provided one does not fear masturbation or any other unlawful act. it is generally considered contrary to the proper conduct of a Muslim. most contemporary scholars hold this practice to be disliked. It should be remembered that both. enough 3) to maintain her Phone Sex with One's Spouse Phone sex consists of sexual conversations between two people over the telephone. then this permitted. and others hold that it is not disliked. The mouth is a noble part of one's body and mentioned and because means of reciting the Quran. and unlawful enters the it is mouth. b) If during a phone conversation. The point of phone sex is to help the partner in achieving an orgasm through masturbation. with the objective of arousing each other." (Alfcfenafi Valawa al-Hindiyya 5:37a) This clear passage in one of the major Hanafi Fiqli reference works indicates that there is a scholarly difference about the permissibility of a man inserting his penis into his wife's mouth. "If a man inserts his penis into his wife's mouth. According to some scholars it is disliked. an orgasm. and as such. It cannot be called mutual masturbation. remembrance of Allah (dhih) and sending salutations on the blessed is the Messenger of Allah Finally. there are is two situations: arouse one's spouse and help them masturbate to the point of having an orgasm. in As for the Islamic ruling concerning married couples indulging phone sex. "Phone sex" is frequently put in quotation marks because sex is usually associated with at least touching each other. whilst others permit it. that if filth it is offensive to use it to stimulate the spouse's genitalia. one's spouse demands oral sex. The wife is only obliged to make herself whilst die husband is required to have sex with her chastity. It follows. since this only occurs when satisfaction is gained through a part of one's spouse's body. but one experiences an orgasm by simply ambit with one's spouse. If masturbation talking intimately is avoided.ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS OTHER FORMS OF SKX There nothing wrong in such intimate conversation taking place between the spouses whether they are together or apart. then this is not allowed. mouth. not obligatory to consent to even if precautions are taken to avoid sexual fluids coming into contact with the available for sex. no sexual fluids enter the spouse's mouth as Normally. otherwise* one's prayer will be invalid. The time after having sex. "It is recommended (muslahab) for the wife to keep a piece of cloth with her that her husband and of power [then] He [Allah] Created [him] and made [himj perfect. Imam NawawT states that the whole Muslim Umma are in unanimous agreement that Madhy is impure. and is more prevalent in women than men. After her husband has sex with her. A husband who is insensitive and unresponsive after sex will appear to his wife as though his interest in her is only in sexual gratification. ignoring the fact that their bedCleanliness after sex semen semen be pure. It is strongly encouraged of clothing specifically for sex. Allah Most High ${*£$£ A & j4J&> j& "Does St ^ £• and Purification After having sex. Otherwise a separate cloth may be used. Al-Majmu' Shark al-Muhadhdhab . which recommended." With respect to women. As such. that may be used in cleaning themselves. regard. However. If unchecked? Was he not an ejaculated drop of semen {many)? Then he became a clot of man think that he will be left they had placed a sheet or cloth below is blood. even after having sex. Islam teaches couples to be considerate and compassionate to one another at all times. which could be termed as "after play". Has He no to give life to the dead?" (Quran 75:3(5-40) can use after having sex and wipe himself with it." (Al-MughrtT 8: i $6) more authentic to position related from Imam Ahmadl consider of utmost importance. Many is the fluid with which says: * Allah Most High Creates human beings. which can be put in the washing afterwards* If sexual fluids have come into contact with one's clothes or body parts. male and female. is as important as foreplay and sex itself. Some Muslim couples are extremely negligent in this regard. so that he may wipe himself and she ^ There is a difference of opinion between classical scholars in regards to whether semen is impure or not. both spouses should clean their genital areas with clean pieces of cloth or tissue. they must be purified with water before praying. Imam Ibn Qudama states in his Al-Mughni. There are many important rulings and etiquettes that need to kept in mind in this to sexual relations Islamic teachings with regard Couples need to remember that pre-ejaculatory fluid {madhy) is impure according to all the classical scholars. positions for a while before separating from 2) Cleanliness is the thin and vellow eiaculatorv fluid. the Shafil School and also the Hanbali School [according to the may wipe is herself with it. It can often be released without one being aware of it. 1 Being Affectionate After achieving sexual climax. then them before having sex. him He made two sexes. 101 100 . if sexual fluids have come into contact with "9- AFTER PLAY do not end at the termination of intercourse between the spouses. and not only whilst having sex. it : one another. Madhy is "A thin white fluid that exits without force from a man or woman when sexually aroused but is not accompanied by an ejaculation". it is defined with respect to men as "A thick white fluid that gushes out with force from the penis causing it to slacken and reduce in size. all the Schools agree that the emission of necessitates a ritual bath {gfmsl) for both the man and the woman. Madhy only necessitates a ritual ablution (wudft) but is legally considered impure (najis) and so has to be washed if one's body or clothing is affected by it. Conversely. (See: Hashiya al-Taldawi 'aid Maraqt al-Falah P: 100.) AFTER PLAY sheet and clothes may have become impure. they go much beyond that. The Ilanafi and Malik! schools consider it impure and require it to be cleansed from one's body and clothes. she should give it to him. The bedding should to lay a separate sheet also be changed after having sex it. both spouses should remain in their 2:395 8c Al-Mughni 1 162) As far as semen {many) is concerned. he should ensure that there are kind and affectionate exchanges. as Sayyida 'A'isha said: "An astute woman should keep a piece of cloth with her. Once the head of the penis enters the vagina. a bath becomes necessary. the Hanafi School. entering a Mosque. Messenger of Allah j§L said: well [by taking a bath]. reciting or touching the Qur'an.As such. Al-Mafm. the following Prophetic narration reported: Sayyiduna All d& relates: 103 . and the jJuS\ \yL\j yJ^\ \JuJ>'& < 3«U>- C^- top part of the penis ( hidden. This allows the & "When him. RKI. necessitating a ritual bath." a ob man sits amidst four parts [of the her. from his grandfather $4. with or without ejaculation." (§aluh al-Bukharl Muslim 348." "Beneath every hair is an impurity (jandba).ATIONS laktdnn^ala Mardqi al-Faldli P: AFTER PLAY 2-3 4 for the 1 96 and Radd al-Mufytar 1 ' 1 13 1 In terms of sex without ejaculation being a cause of Jandba. there if a 4) Ritual Bath (ghusf) a) It was mentioned earlier that four Sunni Schools of Islamic law agree that the emission of semen (many) with sexual desire from a man. but then a consensus (ijtna ) was reached on what we just stated. 28) exerts pressure on woman] and then bath becomes obligatory upon is And in the hadlth reported by the narrator Matar.ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SKXUAI. since this can be harmful (See: Ihyd"Ulum al-Din with its sex. when the head of the penis becomes hidden into the vagina. "Even 287 and Saliih he does not ejaculate. JlS CJrj "When the two organs [of the is 1 % Siil &$& oi&\ J$>\ Bi man and woman] ritual meet. one is in a state of major ritual impurity {jandba) and is termed a Junuk AJunubls prevented from praying. a ritual bath is necessary on the man and woman. and ejaculatory fluid upon orgasm from a woman necessitates a ritual bath (gkusl). ." (Quran £$&. If you are in a state of major impurity {jandba) cleanse yourself . the wording is of Muslim) Sayyida ^A'isha^ relates that the Messenger of Allah J& said: + X ** \\X\:XX\\^^\ jj "When High says: / beyond the [woman's] organ.Messenger of Allah Jjk al-Dastufi *al& 'l-Shark al-Kafnr 192 for the Malik! School) 3) Urinating It. Some of the Companions and those after them disagreed. relates that the ." (Al-Minhaj Shark 1 Sakih Muslim P: 400) is In regards to the emission of semen without sex being a cause of Jandba. or sexual intercourse takes place without ejaculation. Al-Mugkni 1:197 & 12785 1 ^395-396 for the Shall ! or ' ne S^kali School. There is no difference of opinion on this today.it Shark al-Muhadkdkab School. a ritual bath is necessary. dn<^ Adab-e-MubashralY'. but rather." (Sunan al-Tirmidhi 109 and Musnad Ahmad) the [man's] organ goes IjjJWfc ". One should avoid using exceedingly cold water when washing the private parts. 5:6) Sayyiduna Abii Hurayra said: relates that the Messenger of Allah Jl.>> »j Amr that the ibn Shuayb relates from his father. and other forms of worship until one purifies oneself Allah Most all further addition. . and Haskiya £ following Prophetic narrations are reported: Sayyiduna said: Abn Ilurayra $&. 102 by Muslim: "The meaning of the hadlth is that the necessity to bathe is not restricted to the ejaculation of semen. emission of semen and sex are both independent causes of major ritual impurity and both necessitate the ritual bath. (Sunan al-Tirmidhi 106 8c Sunan Sunan Ibn Mdjah 6 1 and Musannaflbn Abi Shayba 1:112) his Imam NawawT states in commentary of the [first] hadlth recorded A IniDdwud 252) Apart from the emission of semen. In other words. a ritual commentary Ithdf al-Sadat al-Mattaqin 6:184. but with sexual desire. is recommended from a medical point of view to urinate after having remaining drops of semen to come out of one's system. major ritual impurity also comes about through penetration. a ritual bath becomes necessary. after having sex. a ritual bath is necessary in both situations. hence wash the hair [of the body] and clean the skin. If semen is discharged without sex. 4 u^ |*» . and so it is necessary for her to repeat the bath. Sunan Ibn Majah 504 & others) during sleep. Radd al-Muhlar In light of all of this. Is after she has a "Yes. requires another bath. This is (he position of the generality of the jurists. they are valid because they were performed in a state of purity. according to the Hanafi school. In sha Allah. "0 Messenger of Allah.ATIONS is* . ensuring that water reaches parts of the body that are not washed easily. a ritual bath is obligatory. necessary for a came to the Messenger of is given that the bath was invalidated after the prayer. sleeping or excessive walking. whether during foreplay or sleep. (See: Al-H/daya 59-1 6 1 and Mughnl al-Muhtaj 1:117-11 8) 1:31. but it does invalidate her ablution. regardless of the initial cause. even According to the Shaft ! school. In this regard. Islamic guidelines in this regard. if she notices a discharge. the discharge of semen remaining in the passageway after completing a ritual bath. because what is exiting Imam QudSma states. This is the position of the Hanafi school. as it releases one from the restrictions of 5) Sleeping in a State of ritual impurity. and not due to lifting a heavy object etc. they must learn the : problems later' on. If. If the couple is unaware of how to take a ritual bath properly. As such. she is in doubt. According to the Shafi'I school. is "Umm Sulaym. they must also take a ritual bath. it is after this not attributed to the initial gratification and is considered to have exited without sexual climax. whenever semen exits. she too is required to have a ritual bath." (Al-Mughm 1:197) Thus. semen coming out from the man after he has taken a Major Ritual Impurity {janaba) a) It is recommended for the couple to hasten in having a ritual bath after sexual relations. even if there is no ejaculation.e. One should endeavour to end one's state of Janaba as soon as possible. and not those of the wet dream?" The Messenger of Allah jfk replied. so he said. if she achieved orgasm during sex with her husband. [through someone else] regarding pre-ejaeulatory fluid (madky). If either of them achieves sexual climax and ejaculates. Simon If al-Tinnidlu 1 14. both spouses must ensure that they take an obligators' ritual bath after having sex. whether awake or asleep. desire necessitates a ritual "The emission of semen with force and bath for men and women [i. However. it is best for both spouses to make a habit of urinating before taking the obligatory ritual baih. Allah to woman not shy take a ritual bath she is confident that these are her own fluids. This is because her "achieving an orgasm" is a strong indication that it is her own sexual fluid. If a woman sees fluid exiting from her after taking a ritual bath. however. the mother of the believers $&* relates: - y i S ' * *> not necessary to repeat the bath. "Upon the emission of pre-ejaculatoiy fluid. b) As regards to ritual bath. provided the initial cause was sexual climax. as Tirmidhi said. surely. she does not need to repeat her bath or any prayers that she may have performed. However. from the truth. care must from her is her husband's semen and not her own fluid. The condition of the initial cause being sexual climax is specific to the Hanafi school. the wife of Abu Talha. the following Prophetic narration is reported: a woman ejaculates. then if Allah J| and said. if she did not achieve an orgasm. orgasm]. a ritual ablution is obliged. the ruling mentioned above applies. AFTER PLAY and the position of other forceful emission (dafq) of parts are r schools. sexual gratification {shahwa) and semen at the time of it exiting the private asked the Messenger of Allah J&. she does not need to repeat her bath. This will help avoid 1 : 1 be taken that one's whole body is washed properly. Given this. as these movements are considered to have cleaned the passageway and halted the dripping of all semen. Mien taking a bath. since something has come out of the private parts. a new ablution (zoudu) is necessary. by having an orgasm or achieving sexual climax. if semen is discharged after 1 Umm Sal am a." {§ahih al-Bukhdn 278) Ibn man." "1 not conditions for the obligation of a ritual bath. a ritual bath is obliged. it. and we are not aware of any disagreement on this. As for the prayers.ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RKI. However. according to the stronger position within the Hanafi school 104 10 . and upon the emission of semen (many). any semen discharged urinating. it is obligatory for her to repeat her bath. relates that. there is al-Itnriidhi. otherwise It is sexual relations. a dog. he permitted for njunub to would not touch water at all to sleep in in such a it state]. Had order to indicate permissibility [of going the Messenger of .junub to go to sleep before having a bath and before performing an states: "In this ablution. tf Ghudavfibn al-Harith relates: * if one performs ablution.] The meaning [of the hadlth in which it is mentioned that the Messenger of Allah would sleep without touching water] is that on a few occasions.1 ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS Sayyiduna AIi : AFTER PLAY said: $&. The Messenger of Allah 0t. noi obligatory to have a bath directly after permitted." Sahih al-Bukhdn 286 and Sahih Muslim 306) said. he would wash his private parts and perform ablution like that for the prayer." (Al-Minhaj Shark Sahth Muslim P: 37 2 "373) used water. at the I beginning of is "Perform ablution and wash your private parts. is of major would have been presumed that using water is necessary. ** --* ** "jr a J * s ' asked A'isha. the general body of scholars (jumhur) hold that performing ablution before going to 10' . "Allah Most Great." (SahTh al-Bukharl SaMh Muslim 306 and Sunan Sayyiduna 20." (SaMh al-Bukharl 284 and §ahlh Muslim sjgjv. sleep is that it is "The angels do not enter a house in which there is a picture. such as Dawud al-Zahirl and Ibn al-Hablb al-Malikl. Tuhfat al- & He proof that it is permitted for 2. "Have you seen the Messenger of Allah J& having a bath ofjanaba at the beginning of the night or at the end?" She "I "Sometimes he would have a bath the night and sometimes at the end. then go to sleep... the wording is of Bukhari Sayyiduna Umar ibn al-Khatt&b j& asked the Messenger of Allah "Can any one of us sleep while in a state of major ritual impurity?" replied: (** The author of AhwadM.Allah J& continuously referring to ritual an individual who unnecessarily remains impurity for a considerable length of time to the extent that the obligatory (j'ard) prayers are delayed. one can sleep while 283.'" (Sunan al-Tmnidhl 118." (Sunan Abl Dawud 228 and others) 106 With the exception of the isolated position of a handful of scholars. the wording jj$. is of Buhhdn) Umar ibn al-Khattab at /r *- . Savyida A'isha !$& ^"K - relates: 'The Messenger of Allah J<* would sleep while he was in a state of major ritual impurity without touching water. Sunan Abl Dawud 2g0 and Sunan Ibn Mdjah 58 "Whenever the Messenger of Allah j& intended to sleep in a state of major ritual impurity. the commentary of Sunan hadlth. drink." (Tuhfat al-Ahwadhl bl Shark JamV al-l'imiidhi 1:397 "Yes. In such a case. All Praise be to Allah Who put ease in the matter. b) If one wishes to sleep without having a bath. even though having a bath is superior. and Allah knows best.t j* t* ** t* r Allah $& that he said to him: becomes junub mentioned to the Messenger of night. al-TirmidhJ G 1 in a slate of major ritual impurity. without dislike. one is encouraged to one sinful." And so replied. the Messenger of Allah J§» Imam Nawawi states. to go to sleep in a state it is perform a ritual ablution (wudu).. This is something that is agreed upon by all the scholars [. Savyida 'A'isha j& relates: of Janaba.. or a person in a slate of major ritual impurity [ajunub]" Sunan Abl Danmd 229) This hadlth in a state is and have sex before having a bath. 'The conclusion of these hadiths eat. It is improper to try and force rewarded for performing ablution but not sinful for omitting it. O Messenger of Allah. (Al-Tibb al-NabawiY: 181) As such. there is no sin for not washing one's private parts. fjb 2S*j *^>- *All ^U» J^Jl j "The Messenger of Allah J* used 1 to engage in sexual relations [somewhat] disliked to sleep.. if that is not possible. the wording is of Abu Dawud) c) As far as performing a ritual ablution in between two successive is sessions of sexual intercourse. This is supported by the narration recorded by Imam Ibn Khuzayma and Imam Ibn Hibban in their respective Sahlh collections that 'Umar ibn al-Khattab $&. the hadlth of Sayyida A'isha ^ quoted earlier that "the Mes- complete agreement of the scholars that it is not necessary to have a ritual bath in between two successive sessions of sexual intercourse. Both spouses should be extremely mindful and respectful of their partner's physical condition in this regard. whether with the The meaning of this hadlth is that the recorded by Imam Bukharl This is the last stages. However. and these hadlth s would indicate that. Why do you not just have one bath?" He replied. was to have a separate bath each time.. this necessary. lest one b) is forced into something one is is not ready for. and wash one's al-Khattab private parts. in one should at least clean the hadlth of 'Umar ibn of the three Messenger ol Allah $* would engage in sexual relations with more than one of his wives and then have one bath at the end. one would be something. "1 said. Sunan Abl Dawud 220 and others) . Sunan Ibn Mdjah 590 and Musnad Ahmad. sleeping. as mentioned . in this case also. However. is not necessary. eating.1 Our scholars have clearly stated Sayviduna Anas 1 ^ relates that: 1. He (Abu Rafr) says.e. This is clear proof (hat having a bath in between two successive sessions of sexual intercourse. since it is reported that the Messenger of . "This is cleaner and better and purer. Imam Ibn alQayyim al-Jawziyya mentions in his Al-Tibb al-Nabawl that one should only have sex when sexual desire is at its peak and the man has a full naturally gained erection which is not dependent on thinking about a) Islam permits the couple to "The Messenger of Allah J& engaged in sexual relations with his [various] wives one day. otherwise it may be better for them to wait until they are fully revitalised. However. there are three stages here: The optimum is to perform the ritual bath and then sleep. "It is recommended to perform ablution and wash one's private parts before these matters [i. and perform ablution (Sahlh Ibn Khuzayma 211) "Yes. In other words. "Can any one of us sleep while in a state of major ritual impurity?" He replied: ***** upon oneself." (Safilh Muslim 309. However. eat. if none of the above three actions are performed.1 ISLAMIC GUIDK TO SEXUAL RELATIONS sleep is AFTER PLAY something or looking sexual desire (shahwa) at recommended. asked the Messenger of Allah J§&. if he so wishes. In conclusion. The preferred habit of the Messenger of Allah Js. may do so. he may sleep." (Al-Minhaj Shark Sahlh Muslim P: 372) that it is with his [various] wives with a single bath. and had a [separate] bath by this one and a that one. the couple if there is a genuine desire to re-engage in sexual relations. Sunan al-Tinnid/u 40.. drink and have sex before performing ablution.. (3) Successive Sessions of Sexual Intercourse have sex more than once in one given period of the day or night. one should at least wash one's private parts." Likewise. drinking and the like] [. Imam Nawawl states.Allah jfe retired to bed "without touching water". Sayviduna Abu Rafi' / / ^ commiuing a sin. and if that is not possible. There senger of Allah Js would sleep while in a state of major ritual impurity without touching water" is a proof that performing an ablution is not obligatory. provided no harm is feared. a ritual ablution should be performed. but he is also reported to have engaged in successive sessions of intercourse having one bath only at the end. it is superior and recommended to have a separate bath relates that: for each sexual encounter." (Sunan Abl Dawud 221. not obligatory." jj>-\j \Lm «6lli ^Js' <j>)a>. one will still not be guilty of same wife or a different wife. but also not 108 09 . 1 strongly encouraged. c) If one is unable jjt to perform a ritual ablution. there is no difference of opinion according to us that this performing of ablution is not obligatory (wajib) This is the opinion of Imam Malik and the majority of scholars. it is not fit to cover one's nakedness. for He Most High ^ Jlii >LU1 j JU-jSI X* j *i* -M J** *M Jj-*j jap \£ says: j ^U pj fi ^13 j» j^U Jl &)\ "It is f UH *U fi y\ made lawful for you. then re-engage without performing ablution [. In a similar manner. and if they fail to conceal each other's secrets. "May a man be talking [with others] about what goes on between him and his Wife. Shark Ma'ani al-AUiar*]*]^) includes women loo. as men and women." {§alfik Mm KJiuzayma 221) Moreover.. Imam Nawawl mentions that if one intends to have sex with a different wife..It is categorically forbidden (hardm) for the husband and wife to reveal their sexual secrets to others. It is a shameful and sinful practice that has been emphatically condemned by the Messenger of Allah §fr. Sayyiduna Abu Sa'Td al-IOiuekijffc relates that the Messenger of Allah said: body of scholars {jumhur) which includes the four schools.Allah #& used to have c "The most evil of people in the sight of Allah on the Day of Judgment is the man who has sex with his wife and she has sex with him. Concealing secrets is more important when it comes to intimate issues. It also a means of harming one's spouse. on trust and secrecy.. were sitting in the company of the Messenger ofAllah Jfe. Marital relationships are based as such. not an obligation. potentially leading to fornication of the heart.jl ** £ Saluhlbn Kliuzay ma with the following addition. Sayyida Asma bint Yazid $& relates: : of Sexual Relations Allah Most High has made the husband and wife garments for one 7) Secrets y'j another." (Salnh Muslim 1437 sexual relations." women.<W ^ c^ ..O s %y. and v ?* >J*i. then washing the private parts is greatly emphasised. Sunan al-Tirmidhl 141 and Sunan Abi Dawud 222. They are your garments and you are (Qur'an 2:187) garment is not long. in the nigh ts of fasts. and not free of holes and tears. as he or she would not want details of their sexual behaviour revealed to others. to Sayyida c Imam Tahawi relates with his own chain of transmission A'isha £§. who says: "The Messenger of . The same hadlth is recorded in to the general According 2 A\ ^Jztaj 4\y\ J\ ^Jak JpjjW ^Uitt Iji Sji 411 x* tfWl JJ& J. complete or loose-fitting. the wording is of Muslim) each spouse is duty-bound to conceal matters that are revealed to them by their spouse under this trust. the spouses are garments for one another.ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS Sayyiduna Abu Said al-KJiudri jgjb relates that the Messenger of Allah said: * AFTER PLAY their duties. It is unlawful to discuss with others what takes place not able to perform ablution. then he reveals her secret. "because it [performingablution] gives him more energy for the second time. has sex with his wife and then intends he should perform ablution [in between the two acts]/' (SakTh Muslim 308. and may a woman be talking [with others] about what she no 111 .]" The warning but rather it against revealing sexual secrets is not only for men. The Messenger of Allah j§& said. s\ ii "When anyone amongst you to re-engage. Sexual matters are private and must way. they will not be fulfilling It is known that if a "We. the command to perform ablution in this hadlth is a recommendation. to have sex with your their garments. {Al-Minkaj Shark SaMh Muslim P: 372) is d) If one remain that bedroom. one should at least wash one's private parts before having sex for the second lime. Sharing them brings such thoughts to the minds of in the is others. by Allah. The above hadlths should suffice in deterring such people. Some men boast about their performance in bed and what their wives do with them." He said. the following is a summary of acts that are Islamically recommended (muslahah). and having sex with her whilst people are watching. "Do not do that. and must completely shun such shameless behaviour. because doing that is like a male devil (shaytan) meeting a female middle of a road. and the women do that too. in sexual relations with correct intentions and objectives 2) Approaching sexual Engaging in relations with moderation." {Al-Ma\jam al-Kahlr of TabaranI 24: 162-1 6g. such as when seeking religious guidance or counselling. 6) The The wife adorning herself for her husband. This prohibition of revealing intimate secrets pertains to normal -10- A SUMMARY OF RULINGS AND ETIQUETTES OF SEXUAL RELATIONS As an overview of the issues thai have been discussed in this book. 9) Foreplay between the spouses before having sex. graphic details that do not need to be mentioned must not be disclosed. They should realise that they are answerable to Allah Most High on the Day ofJudgement. then the prohibition is suspended. 112 US .ISLAMIC GUI OK TO SEXUAL RELATIONS docs with her husband?" The people remained quiet and did not answer. 7) 8) The husband exhibiting affection towards his wife and preceding sex with kind words. So I said. in this case loo. A similar report is recorded in Sunan A in Daiuud and devil (shaytdna) in the Musnad Ahmad) tendency exists in some people to relate graphic details of their sexual encounters to friends. Ensuring cleanliness and personal hygiene. whilst some women enjoy boasting about their sexual relationship with their husbands. io) Covering up copies of the Qur'an and other Islamic literature during sexual relations. 4) Preparing for sexual relations both psychologically 5) and physically. RECOMMENDED ACTS 1) in Engaging mind. if there is a genuine need to discuss one's marital affairs. "Yes. However. O Messenger of Allah! The men do that. disliked (makmh) and prohibited (haram): However. wife exhibiting feminine trails in front of her husband. (See: AlMinhaj Shark Sahlh Muslim. or when one is a victim of injustice and is complaining to those in authority. commentary on hadlth 1437) situations. 3) sex in a state of relaxation and temperamental balance. 4) The husband intentionally drinking his wife's milk [according to the Hanaft School]. when sexual fluids do not enter the mouth. 9) Watching pornographic material for stimulation. 10) Cross-dressing. 5) Using food during foreplay [disliked]. 1 2) The husband wailing for the wife to achieve sexual climax. 16) Oral sex [disliked 14) Cleanliness after sexual relations.ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS 1 SUMMARY OF RULINGS AND ETIQUETTES 13) 1) Reciting the various supplications. sexual relations. 1 3) Being affectionate and considerate towards one's spouse after sex. 1 1 ) Deriving sexual pleasure from urine and filth. 114 U5 . 2) The husband depriving his wife of her right of sex without a valid reason. or at the least washing one's private parts before sleeping. 15) Anal sex. and sex in front of others. 3) Sex during menstruation and post-natal bleeding. in some cases prohibited]. 7) Bondage and flogging. 1 PROHIBITED AND DISLIKED ACTS 1) The wife refusing to make herself sexually available for her husband without a valid reason. 8) Sexually provocative dancing accompanied by music. Having a ritual bath. 8) Revealing secrets of sexual relations to others. Couples taking intimate pictures of each other. but. eating or re-engaging in 1 5) 17) Self-masturbation via phone-sex with one's spouse. or performing a ritual ablution. and prohibited when it involves sexual fluids entering the mouth]. 14) Fantasising about another person during sex. 6) Using sex aids during foreplay [disliked. 12) Public display of affection. is addressed to the man.-V 4* Transliteration: Allahumma innl as'aluka khayraha wa khayra via jaballaha a<udhu Irika min shctrriha wa sharri majahallaha 'alayh. each other with extreme gentleness. 11 and have a propensity for evil. and and the evil with which you have created him. to get to know one another and start their marital both will almost be strangers to each other. but rather. As such. 'alayhi wa -11Translation: ETIQUETTES AND FIQH OF THE FIRST NIGHT OF MARRIAGE The first NIGHT of marriage {laylat al-zufaj) good of her and the good with which you have created her. At the same time.F. in this supplication {du'd) also. It certainly does not mean that one's spouse is evil. c it implicitly includes the woman Any Du a which refers to women a specific way can also be inverted to refer to men. and I seek refuge with you from the evil in her and the evil with which you have created her. The wife will naturally be more nervous.TTIQUETTES AND FIQH OF THE FIRST NIGHT OF MARRIAGE . He should be kind and extremely gentle with her by engaging in light-hearted conversation. the husband should place his hand on his wife's forelock (front part of the head) and recite the following ' the exception of the Prophets (peace be the whisperings of the Devil upon them). compassion and tenderness. fearful." Mufti Taqi good of him and the good with which seek refuge with you from the evil in him (See: Radiant Prayers by Uthmani P: 64) this supplication is Greeting with Saldm and Reciting the DuS When the newly married couple enter the bedroom. they will be nervous. bashlulness and a feeling of strangeness is to be expected. ethics and etiquettes in this night can have a long-lasting negative impact on one's spouse. Both spouses will be starting a completely new chapter in their lives. be that the husband or wife. are prone to supplication: couple are encouraged to protection from each other's evil. as follows: and eager bliss. As such. In such circumstances.. apprehensive and anxious. Transliteration: Allahumma d"udhu bika. with another with the traditional Islamic greeting "Assaldynu Alaykum Wa Rahmatulldh Wa Baraftaluh" (may the peace of Allah descend upon you and His Mercy and Blessings). this supplication refers to the possibility of evil in one's spouse. They should treat. . Naturally. it is extremely important for both the husband and wife to try their utmost to make matters easy for one another. bashful and even with In an ideal situation. Sunan Ibn Mdjah 1918 and others. having had no intimate contact previously. and so the pray for the good in each other and seek 116 ." (Sunan Abt Dawud 2153. He should ensure that she feels at ease by creating a friendly and courteous atmosphere. Translation: "O Allah! 1 ask from you the I you have created him. the wife may also recite the supplication when she sees her husband for the first time. the wording of the Ih/d is from Sunan Abi Daioud) "O Allah! I ask horn you the important nightofacouple's marital life. since the first impression is often a lasting impression. mm min as'aluha khayraha sharrihi xoa sharri wa khayra via jabaltahu ''alayhi wa ma jabaltahu 'alayh hence the husband has added responsibilities to play his role of a husband on the first night. after greeting one 1 ) The reason behind thai all human beings. not knowing what the future holds for them. but the wording will be slightly changed to accommodate the male gender. they will be excited life probably the most Failing to observe correct moral is Although. falling. with combined intentions of night vigil prayer (tahajjud). thanks-giving prayer (s/mkr) and prayer of need (hdja). and separate us. The newly married couple have It is important to note that menstrual flow. preferably in congregation. "When you bring her to you.. (Usfd alMit'ashara al-Zaivjiyya P: 69) High and send blessings on His Messenger Jl. to the the fold of tissue that partly covers the entrance 4) Sexual Relations vagina of a virgin. The wife. they must first perform the ritual ablution. Remember. in the Hanali School. out of neediness. even if it takes a few days. They should ask . and to stain her honour for a first 118 119 .. should not play "hard-to-get" but respond to his tenderness with love and compassion of her own. and the husband must keep this in mind. sharing each other's outlook on life and how their marital life should be lived in accordance with Islamic teachings. and it may even take a few days. Allah Most High Says: r x$\^:$\v\'g\^\\^\^\ "0 you who believe! Abstain from much suspicion. Unite us with good. but rather he should approach the matter with extreme calmness. A virgin for me. and you do. however. mutual love and the birth of pious offspring. Likewise. with recognition Allah Most of one's standing as a slave of Allah. This is because virginity is something of great social weight in Islamic society.ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS 2) ETTIQUKTTES AND F1QH OF THE FIRST NIGHT OF MARRIAGE should be spent in getting to know one another. offer two Rakats of prayer [and in another variation he said. but I fear discord [between us] He replied. that. a woman is considered an "effective virgin" if people consider her a virgin. "When you enter upon her. If the couple is in need of renewing their ablution. if they so wish. the couple should try to get to husband should not expect his wife to respond fully to his sexual advances on the first night. and the wife should respond to him in each step that he takes. die (Ibid) know 5) Evil Suspicions each other more closely and assess each other's feelings by a light-hearted discussion.. Scholars mention that a husband's inability to penetrate on the first night is not a sign of his weakness or sexual impotency. Much of the time during the and certain sporting activities. begin to be intimate with Offering Prayers Abu Wall relates that a man once came to Sawiduna Abdullah ibn Masud >#±. the couple should first perform two Rakats of prayer. to offer two Rakats behind you] and then bless if say. Baseless suspicions forbidden in and evil thoughts about others are categorically Islam and a major sin. It is initiating One engage themselves in some religious talk such as discussing the aims and objectives of marriage in Islam." (Tabaran! in his Al-Mu'jam al-KaMr for family. prolonged riding. They may even read some Islamic literature together. and said. and treat her with love. ask her . in turn. If if they feel comfortable. they should praise undergoes considerable anxiety and pain during sex. prosperity. The husband should take one step at a time. horse- engaging in sexual relations on the first night is not necessary. eventually leading to full sexual relations." (Qur'an: 49:12) A woman's hymen. many ways. can be broken in illness. helping one another in making matters as easy as possible. After the prayer. cycling jumping all their lives before them for sexual relations. In fact. The husband should regard this moment as an opportunity to show his consideration for his wife's tender feelings. recommended they first extremely important point of caution for the husband is never to doubt his wife or have evil suspicions if it appears that she is not a virgin. since it is natural for men to be bashful or anxious on the first night. and thank Allah for blessing them with this great gift of marriage.Allah to bless their union with goodness. "O Allah! Bless my family intimacy does lead to sexual relations and actual sex. then the husband needs to be extremely gentle during penetration. Some suspicions are sins. The husband should not hasten in talking his wife's virginity. me my O Allah! c 9:204. The couple may try on another occasion. affection and warmth. with good. one another. affecting their sexual potency. A woman is more bashful than a man and will naturally be reserved in her response. and there is no need night to make haste in this regard. even though she may have had sex in the past without this being presently known about her. They may. including heavy excessively. "I married a woman. and Abd al-Razzaq in his AfrMusannaf6:^) In this way. Both spouses will need to approach this delicate issue with forbearance and tolerance. the best of supplications are those that are made from the heart. 3) Light-hearted Discussion After praying and making Dit'd. They should make a firm resolution of living their lives in accordance with Islamic teachings and always to obey Allah Most High and His beloved Messenger J*. from which the woman in has presumably repented. "Sacred knowledge is not gained by a shy or an arrogant person". Allah is not shy of [expounding] the truth" and keeping in mind the statement of the Tabi% Mujahid. upon seeing many of our classical and contemporary issues scholars not only discussing these issues but explaining the finer details of it too. Amm I hope I Yd Rahb al-Alamm. "Surely. In sha' Allah. (Radd al-Muhtdr) If the first night is spent will serve as a perfect start accordance with the above guidelines. I embarked on this journey keeping in mind the statement of Allah Most High. it to a blissful and happy life of marriage. given the nature of the topic and given the natural bashfulness of a human being. would be wrong. and that He forgive me for any mistakes that may have been committed. However. -12- CONCLUSION In the preceding pages. It has not been easy to discuss such a delicate topic in an open and frank manner. 1 20 121 . I pray this work is a source of much benefit for married couples. have gone some way towards achieving what I had set out to do. and that they do not shy away from certain aspects of it because of cultural taboos or constraints.ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS past sin. an attempt was made to shed light on concerning the sexual relationship of a husband and wife in light of the Qur'an. Prophetic statements and texts of both classical and contemporary scholars. I ask Allah Most High to make it purely for His sake. In sha Allah. I felt it was of paramount importance that Muslims seek Islamic knowledge relating to all areas of their lives. Shams al-Dln Muhammad Ahmad. al-Dhahabi. Editing supervised by Shu'ayb al-Arna'ut. 25 Mu'assasa al-Risala. Shihab al-Dln ibn Hajar. AH ibn 'Umar. 1422/2002. 4 vols. 142 1/2000. Badr al-Dln Mahmud ibn Abroad. Siyar Atom al- Nubala. 141 vols. and Shams al-Haq A?ImaMdl Al-Suna/n IDaraqutni's Al-Sunan with Azlmabadi's footnotes Al-Tdtiq al-Mughni 'aid 'l-Daraqutm printed below it]. Hashiya al-Dasuqi 'aid Malik!] 'l-Sharh and Ahmad ibn Muhammad al-Dardlr. c al-Aynl. 1414/1993. At-jami' al-Sahih]. Beirut: Dar al-Fikr. 4 vols. c Cairo: Maktaba wa Matba a Mustafa al-Babi al-Halabi wa Awladuhu. Edited by Mustafa Dib al-Bugha. Ahmad ibn 'All ibn 's Hajar. Falh al-Bari Shark Sahih al-Bukhafi [a commentary on Bukhari Pu*id Abd al-Baqi. . Muhammad Arafa. al-Dasftql. C 1417/1997. Beirut: Dai al-Fikr. Ahmad 1409/1989. al-Bukhaii Muhammad ibn Isma'il. Beirut: Dar Ihya al-Turath alArabi. Edited by Muhammad Fu'ad 'Abd al-Baqi Beirut: Dar al-Basha'ir al-Islamiyya. ibn Mukhtasar. Edited by Muhammad Riyad: Dar al-Salam. Al-Fatdwa alrHadithiyya. 7 vols. . Bukhdri [a commentary on Bukhari Al-Jamt al-Safuh) 1 6 vols. Al-Adah al-Mufrad. Damascus and Beirut: Dar Ibn Kathir and Al-Yamama. Saiilh al-Bukhan . 1413/1993. al-Haytami. al-Daraqutnl. *% Umdal al-Qdn Shark Sahih air . super-commentary by DasuqT with footnotes by Wish . 13 vols. al-Kabir [Dardlr's commentary on KhahTs 1423/2002.BIBLIOGRAPHY al-'Asqalani. Beirut: 0/1990. 123 . Ibn Abi Sliayba. Muhammad Abd : Abd al-Rahman Talbis al-Bar. Isma'Tl ibn Kathlr al-Dimashql. 4 vols. 1414/1994. Beirut: Dar al-Fikr. Beirut: Dar al-Kutub al-Nmiyya. Zayn al-Din ibn Ibrahim. Muhammad 141 2/1997. al-Muftin. AI-Mughni [Printed with Ibn Qudama al-Maqdisfs Al-Skark it]. and Shams al-DTn Qudama. Amman: Bayt al-Afkar al-Duwaliyya. [Muslim's Al-Safuh with Nawawi's commentary Al-Minhdj In Shark SaMk Muslim ibn al-Hajjaj printed below it]. Al-Tibb al-Nabaxvl n. al-Jawziyya.Mukhtasar Sayyidi KJialU [Khurshfs commentary 011 KhallFs Muhhlasar with 'All al-Adawi's super-commentary]. Muhammad 'Abd alHavv al-Lakhnawi. Muhammad. 2 vols. vols. 14 18/1 998. Shafi Imddd Dar al-Isha'at ? Muhammad Edited by Sayyid Ibrahim. 6 vols.d. Karachi: vols. Edited by al-Mubarakfuri. Ibn ibn a)--AsqalanT's work on its hadiths Ahddlth Al-Hiddya]. n. 1422/2001. Beirut: Dar al-Kitab al-Arabi. c 'Abd al-Rahman. Cairo: Makiaba wa Matba'a Mustafa al-Babi al-Halabi wa Awladuhu. 1423/2002. 'Puhfat al-Ahxoadhl bi commentary on Tirmidhl's Al-Jdmt al-Sunan). AbtVl-Faraj al-Sf/ud]. Riyadh: Dar al-Yaqin and Dar al-Qiblatayn. Ibn AbidTn . 1423/2002. 1417/1997. l Mawlana Nizam.d. Muhammad : ibn All al-HaskafT. Quetta. Beirut: Dar al-Basha'ir al-Islamiyya. 8 vols. Dar Hazm. an interlineal exegesis of Tumurtashi's Adawi. Munlakhab Takhnj Multan. Edited by Hassan cAbd Mannan. Beirut: Al-Maktab al-Islami. 1406/1986. Cairo: Dar al-hadlth. 6 vols. Radd al-Muhldr' aid c AbidIn 's commentary on Muhammad ibn 'Abdillah. Saluh Muslim Zad al-Maad fi Hady Kkayr al-lbdd. Edited Mustafa al-Azaml. Muhammad ibn Abi Bakr ibn al-Qayyim. Bombay: Dar al-Sunna wa 1-Sira. Beirut: al-Thiqafi. Damascus: Maktaba Daral-Fayha. Badd'i al-Sana'ifi Tariib al- Shard'l 7 vols. Al-Ashbak wal-Naza 'ir' aldMadhkab Al)i Hantfa al-Nu'man. Al-Saluh. Karachi: H. and Ibn Hajar . and All ibn Ahmad al-Sa'Idi al- Haskafi's Al-Durr al-Mukhtar. Cairo: Al-Maktab Mi'wad and Adil Ahmad. Abu al-Sa ud Muhammad ibn Muhammad. and annotated by Sa Id al-Lahham. "Ala al-Din 1419/1999. 4 n. al-Jawzi. Usui al-Mit dskara al-Zawjiyya. and Muhammad ibn Abdillah al-Tumurtashl. Edited by Iblis. Ibn al- Al-TdUq alMumajjad 'aid MuwaUa* Muhammad Tthe text of Muhammad ibn al-Hasan's narration of Malik's Muwatta' with Lakhnawfs commentary below it]. al-Kasanl. 12 vols. 9 vols. 10 1421/2000. Al-Faldwa al-Hindiyya/ al-Alamghlriyya [printed with Falawa Qadlhhdn and Fatdwa liazzdiiyya]. Tafctr al-Qur'an al-Azlm. 2 vols. 'Abd al-Hayy. vols.d. Burhan al-Din 'All ibn Abi Bakr. Al-IJiddya [Marghinani's Al-Hiddya with I. Dar Ihya al-Turath Edited by Ridwan Jami' Ridwan. 124 >25 . n. c . Dar al-Gharb al-lslami. *4* 3/1993' . c Abu Bakr ibn Mas ud. Hashiya 'l-Durr al. Al-MuwaUa\ Edited by Bashshar Beirut: Awwad Ma'ruf.akhnawi's marginalia. Muwaffaq al-Din Abdullah ibn Ahmad. and Muhammad ibn al-Hasan al-Shaybani. by 4 Malik ibn Anas. Said Company. Muslim ibn al-Hajjaj. Edited al-Fikr. Maktaba Rashidiyya. Shark Jam? al-Tirmidhl [a al-Rahman. 1403/1983. Muhammad ibn Ishaq al-Naysaburi. ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS an Muharramat al-Lahw wa l-Sama [printed with IlaytamPs Af-Zaxvajir an Iqtiraf al-Kaba'ir. Pakistan: al-KhurshT. 3 vols. 1414/1994. - KIIU. 141 1/1991. al-Risala. Edited by TaqT al-Din al-NaclwT. 'All ibn Ahmad. Muhammad Amin. 8 vols. Abdullah ibn wa'l-Athar. Al-Musannaf fi %AhadUk c al-Lakhnawi. Al-Muhalla. Irshdd al-Aql al-Salim ila Beirut: Mazdya al-Qur'dn al-Kanm [aka Tafsir Aln Dar Ihya' al-Turalh al-Arabi. Beirut: Tanwir al-Absar] 8 . 4 2/ 1 99 1 ( 1 1 Ibn Kathlr. 2 vols. 1398/1978. Edited and annotated by Shu'ayb al-Arna'ut and 'Abd al-Qadir al-Arna*ut. 1413/1993. 1403/1983. Pakistan: Maktaba Majdiyya. and Al-Vlam bi Qawaii* allslam]. and Damascus: Dar al-Qalam.M. and Ahmad ibn Ali ibn Hajar al-'AsqalanT.. al-Kabir below al-'ImadT. Beirut: . Pakistan: Maktaba Shirka Ilmiyya.Mukhldr Shark Tanwir al-Absar [Ibn vols.IOGRAPHY Kan'an. and Yahya ibn Sharaf al-Nawawl. Kajj al-Raa l > > Muhammad Ahmad. al-Marghinani.: Ibn Nujaym. 'All Muhammad al-Arabi. Al-KhurshJ 'aid. Quetta. titled Al-Ditaya fi Qudama.d. Beirut: Dar Ibn Hazm. Ibn Khuzayma. 1410/1990. and a committee of scholars from the Indian Subcontinent under the supervision of the Moghul Emperor Aurangzeb. Edited by Muhammad Fu'ad 4 Mu'assasa Abd al-Baql. Sayd al-Kkdtir . 1 /| al-Islamiyya. n. Shark Mdam al-Athdr. Multan: Al-Maktaba al-Makkiya. Abu al-ShunmbulalT. and Yahya ibn Sharaf al-NawawT.Iamdi Abd al-MajTd aUSalafi. Jmdad al-Fatdwa. 1422/2001. Khalid Sayfullah. 'Ala al-DTn 'All ibn BIBLIOGRAPHY al-ShaybanT. ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS al-Mutraq7. Sulayman ibn Ahmad. Makka: Abd al-Rahman ibn Abi Bakr. Jalal c al-ShirbmT. Aftab Ahmad. 1423. and Ahmad ibn Muhammad al-TahtawI. al-Qazwinlj Muhammad ibn YazTd ibn Majah. al-Asriyya . al-Khatib. a .Ummalfi al-DTn al-Suyuti. Hasan ibn . Al-Musannaf. 25 vols. Beirut: Dar al-Kutub al-llmiyya. AlMu'jam al-Kabir.d. Beirut: Dar Ihya al-Turath al-Arabi. Edited by Muhammad Muhyiddm 'Abd al-HamTd. Beirut: Dar al-Basha'ir al-Islamiyya. 1 1 S\bd al-Razzaq ibn Humam. al-AzTz al-KhalidT.d Ahmad ibn Shu'ayb. Maktaba Dar al-'Ulum. Cairo: Dar al-Rayyan li 'I-Turath. al-Saidi. al-I 2 1 /200 1 al-Saivani. Beirut: Dar Ihya' al-Turath al-Arabi. Al-Sunan. Iskrat al-Nisa\ Edited and annotated by Muhammad l AlT Qutub. 1390/1970. fa s AIrSail0fy\ c Dar Ibn Ilazm. '993- and Taqi al-Din al-Subki. al-Sijistanl. Shark Saklh Muslim ibn al-Hajjdj Beirut: [a commentary on Muslim al-QarT. 4 Alam al-Kutub. Ahmad ibn HanbaL Al-Mumad. Edited by Muhammad Awwama. Beirut: Sayyidjad al-Haqq. al-Tirmidhl. Kanz al. Amman Imdad al-Fattah Shark Nur al-Jdah Beirut: Al-Maktaba al-Asriyya. 1 Muhammad ibn 1 1 1 Beirut: Dar al-Ma'rifa. 1424/2003. Maktaba Imdadiyya. al-SaharanfurT.123/2 003 Rahmani. n. Al-Sunan. Al-Minhdj bi . Damascus: Published by the Editor. . Amman: Bayt al-Afkar al- Sunan al-Aqwai wa'l-Afal and Abu '1-IIasan al-Sindl. Al-Majnifr Shark al-Muhadhdhab [Shirazl's Al-Muhadhdhab printed with NawawT's commentary. Hasan ibn Ammar. JoMdFiqhl Masa'il 2 vols. Beirut: Dar Ihya al-Turath al-Arabi. Edited and annotated by Bashshar Bakri Arabi. Mirqal al-Mafdfih Shark Mishkal al-Masdbih Abu Dawud Sulayman ibn al-Ash'ath. Edited by Abd al-Fattah Abu Ghudda. 4 4/ 993al-Nasa'T. 1423/2002. Second Edition. hal Aln Ddwiid [SaharanfurT's commentary on Abu DawCuTs Al-Sunan with footnotes bv Muhammad Zakariyya alKhandahlawT]. Damascus: Bayt Al-Haydt al-Zawjiyya min Minzar al-Shart likma. and annotated by Muhammad Zahri al-Najjar and Muhammad Abu J a' far vols. wa Najat al-Arwah [the author's commentary on his own . Edited vols. 1414/1 994. Muhammad Shari'. al-TahawT. 1419/ 1998.shaq al-ShirazT. Wall al-Rahman. al-Shurunbulall. Muhammad Sharif. 11 vols. 1404/1984 al-Sawvvaf. I. Ahmad. (5 Karachi: . 23 vols. Beirut: Dar Ihya al-Turath al-Arabi. Multan: IdaraTa'lifate Ashrafi\ya. Kitab al-Sunan.d. with Muhammad ibn Isa ibn Sawra. g r al-Sunan. Karachi: Kutub Khan a Mazhari. Lahore: Progress al-Tabararn. [NasaTs Al-Sunan with SuyutT and Sindi's commentaries]. 20 vols. 1418/1997. Beirut: Al-Maktaba al-Suyuti. 126 1 27 . 1423/2002. Husam al-Din al-Hindl. Shah. Edited by N'azir vols. Beirut: Mu'assasat al-Rayyan. Yahya ibn Sharaf. Al-lfdddtal-Yawmiyyavvinal-lfddalalQaiom^ Edited by Mahmud AshrafUsmanL 30 vols.Vur al-Idah wa Najat al-Arwah printed below it]. Ashraf 'All. Jalal al-Din commentary on Tabrezi's Mishkat al-Masabih]. Afa ibn Sultan.4 vols. which is completed by SubkT's supplement Takmila al-Majmu Edited by Muhammad Najlb al-MutTi. 1408/1988. 5 vols. Duwalivva. Adab-e-Mubasharat. Tdrlkk aLKhulafa'. Edited by l. 1. Q<mun-e-MubashamL Delhi: Jasiyam Book Depot. Edited by Muhammad Abd 1418/1997. al-Nawawi. Badhl al-Majkud ft. KhalTl awT. n.. 1 Edited Ahmad ibn Muhammad. Al-jdmi: commentary by Ahmad Muhammad Shakir. and Muhammad Thanawl. c ~\. 1421/2000. Books. Mughni alMuhtdj ila Marifa Mdani alfaz al-Minhdj [NawawT's Minhaj alTaliinn with KhatTb al-ShirbmT's commentary printed below ill. g vols. Nasir.d. Edited by Zakariyya al-Khandahlvols. Haskiya al-Taklaxvl ''aid Maraqi al-Falak Shark Nur al-Idah LShurunbuhllT's interlineal exegesis on his own Nur al-Idah xoa Najat al-Am>ak printed with -Tahtawfs commentary below it. Beirut: Dar Ihya' al-Turath al-Arabi. Second [revised] Edition. andjeddah: Daral-Qibla. n. prohibition of shaping. ShamaMl al-Islami. 1999. Karachi: Idarat al-Ma'arif. Imam. 41 of. 63 importance of.ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS . 2 vols. Ahmad Al-KasiishafanHaqariqal-Tanziliua ibn Hanbal. 5*3-58 kissing charity giving as expiation for sex during menstruation. 93. al-Zabidi. 89-91 Abel al-Razzaq al-Mahdi. for wife. Mahmud ibn Umar. 73 exhibitionism. 69-70 devotional worship. 52 al-'Asqalam. 45 'Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-'As. 4-3 cross-dressing. 34 51. Beirut: Dar Ihya' al-Turath al-Arabi. . Ibn Hajar. removing. 94-96 Uyun al-Aqaxrilfi wujuh fi 43 of. 96-98 French genitals kissing. 61-62 children. 67 bondage. dii a 1 Usmani. Ithaj al-Sddat al-MuUaqln 65 abnormal uterine bleeding. 62-63 body contact. 40 facial hair. 1421/2001. 43-44 food. Edited bv Mahir Yasin Fahl. 36-38. Edited by Muhammad Wali Razi. 61-62 foreplay caressing. Muhammad ibn Muhammad In "Abdullah ibn al-Murtada. eating off spouse's body. feminine behaviour. of one's spouse. Beirut: Dar al-Kutub al-Ihniyya. 32 sex as form for sex. Radiant Prayers. 43. 16-18 restricted to. stimulating. 63 after play. 69 bondage. as good intention looking at the private parts of one's spouse. Edited and annotated by bathing with one's spouse. 6 vols. metaphorical. Takmila Path al-Mulhim U Shark Salilh alImam Muslim [a commentary on Muslim's Al-§aMh\. Umar. 116-17 duff tambourine. al-Nabi. prohibition 76 printed with Nasir al-Din al-Iskandari's marginalia titled Kiiab al-Intisaf ma Tadammannh ai-Kasfishaf min al-Vlizaf\. seeking. 2006. premature. 10-11 and fondling breasts. Abu Ilamid al- Ghazall. Karachi: Dar al-lsha'at. 40 fantasising. 7-8 cleanliness. 1993. as good intention for sex. 73 ejaculation. kissing eyebrows. al-Ta'wil [Zamakhshari's exegesis of the Qur'an armpit. prohibition of. Abu al-Darda\ 19 Abu Yfisuf. 1 00-101 dyeing hair. 2 vols. 59 dancing. importance of of. 45-47 clothing.m al-Din [GhazalT's !hya"Ulum al-Din with Zabidi's commentary printed below itj. Karachi: Maktaba Ma'arif al-Qur*an. 11 vols. /. 8-9 72 cunnilingus. 65 sex aids and toys. Beirut: Dar al- Gharb 2000. during sexual relations. frankness of when discussing sexual matters. prohibition of. permissibility of. 92-93 al-Zamakhshari. 62 and fondling. The Meanings of the Noble ihir'dn [translation of the Qur'an with explanatory notes by the translator]. 1422/2002. sex during period 28-30 breasts. 90 protection against. 63 128 1 29 . 69 genitals of one's spouse. 70 Shark lkya 'lM. 69 breastfeeding. Shabbir Ahmad. 34 erogenous exercise. Islam not fondling. fondling. 50 effeminate behaviour. Damascus: Dar al-Qalam. Usmani. with translation of the Qur'an by Mahmud al-Hasan]. 81-82.ones. 67-68 fornication Companions. 4 vols. Tafeire INDEX 'Abdullah ibn Abbas. 63 anal sex. lingerie. and . removing hair from. Vthmani [a commentary on the Qur'an. 1427/2006. Muhammad Taqi. clipping. 47 cleanliness. men. 81 on fantasising during sex. 89 henna. 58-60 40 \ 1 on metaphorical fornication. 3 fulfilling rights of spouse as good intention for sex. MunawT. 47 engaging in sex. 50 moustache. Imam. 63. 90 foreplay. in>77 avoiding facing the Qibla. Shaykh 1. 19-20 Ibn Kaihlr. 49 removing. 40 Ka'b ibn Sawwar. protection against. 7-10 of. 63-64 frequency of prescribed in the Shan' ah. 76-77 Pro p h e t M u h am in ad frankness of when discussing sexual matters. 96-98 48-49 orgasm. 89 sexual relations after play. 43. 30-32 premature ejaculation. 52 al-Qieirl. as Imam "Ala al-DTn. 82 Qur'an. Imam Sharaf al-Din on lowering the gaze. rear-entry sexual position. should not prevent from asking about sexual matters. unlawfulness of disclosing semen definition of. reasons for engaging in sexual relations. Imam. avoiding facing when of. 3 fantasising during. 69 al-SamarqandT. 34 sadomasochism. 86-88 1 1 Imam. 45-47 good treatment of wife. 53 practice when returning from a journey.1 1 1 ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS looking al-Ghazali. 47 nifcis. 4 1 on prohibition of sex during menstruation. 1 cause of discord. covering copies role playing. 1 18-19 menstruation. 102-10 52 Abu '1-Layth. Malik. 97 sex aids and toys. 31-32 sexual positions. 33 islam. 20 Ibn al-Jawzi. 88 sitting.1 2 janaba. 92-93 privacy when engaging in sex. 52 Han an* schooLon the frequency of sexual relations. as good 89-9 foreplay. 35 routine of at night. 91 modesty as from faith. 59 avoiding being heard engaging body odours. Shaykh Muhammad. 71 secrets. 30-32 4 13* moderation in. 90 underarm. 70 mutual masturbation. standing. 101 mutual. trimming. prohibition 78-80 inientions behind. paying attention moustache completely. al-Haylhami. on sexual during obligation of the ghusl after end menstruation. 61. 23 dyeing. 51 man-on-lop sexual position. importance of.47 phone sex. on sexual acts permitted during menstruation. 33-34 Ibn al-Ha[j. 72 78. 92 gkusl after menstruation. 10. 80-81 pornography prohibition of. removing. on 58 Qudama. 101 recommended. prohibition of intention for sex. 10-1 disliked times for. prohibition of. use o(. 41-43. 90 on mutual masturbation. 60 on sex on Fridays as recommended. 50-52 keeping clean. 108-10 hair Shaykh Abu Hamid. 91 81 obligation of. 98-99 pictures of one's spouse. 28 on obligation of a man to have sex with his wife.op. 7-10 moustache. madhy (pre-cjaculalory 'All al-Muttaqi. 62-63 masturbation protection against. 56-58 on covering copies of the Qur'an. 68 fluid). 34 impotence. as 28 hygiene. on prohibition of consuming semen. 34 on the sixoak. 67-68 lingerie. 28-30 on rubbing penis thighs. 36-38 Ibn Abidln masochism. 60-6 lubricants. INDKX sexual acis permitted during. 100-1001 husband appearance. 90 of>34 prohibition of sex during. 40. 19-21. Imam Abu Hamid 49. 88-89 62 to. on shaving the woman-on-top. 41 legs. 29 Qibla. 63-64 on permissibility of sex for pleasure. 23 130 . 1-2 al-Tsira'InT. prohibition of during. 101 on sex as a form of worship. against wife's right to sexual fulfilment. 1 2 nakedness. sex during. 1 16-20 perfume. 66 musical instruments. Imam. 49 right to sexual fulfilment. first 9 3-16 night. 30-32 pre-ejaculatory fluid. shaving. 67 acts permitted Sec also husband menstruation 16. 102-5 successive sessions of sex. 1 1 on disliked limes for sex. kohl. hayd. 23-25 in front of children. kindness to wives. 8-9 good postnatal bleeding. 12 intention for sex. rear-en try. intention. 88 istihdda. Ibn 54 metaphorical fornication. on marriage night. 83-86 man-on-t. 50-52 mouthwash. definition of. trimming. as 71-72 cause of marital discord. 19 Kan'an. Ibn Hajar. 32- 64 Ibn Qazm. importance of. permissibility of. shaving. 69 massaging. 8 Ibn al-Qayyim. removing. 91-93 passionate kissing. 4 50 al-MindT. completeness of. 82 as charity. 66 al-Kasani.81 -70 Sec menstruation love bites. 21 Haskafi. failed. 40-41 Nawawl. 27 pubic hair. lipstick. 28 on wailing for wife to climax. kissing. pornography as a cause of. 4-5 Mulla All. 13- pregnancy. 52-55 keeping hair clean. 8-9 sex during. at. 63-64 nails. 97 prohibition of consuming. 86-S8 marriage failed sexual relationships as Sec postnatal bleeding oral sex. removing. of. using before sex. 53 successive sessions of. 61 hygiene. prohibition 1 of. 93. 51 talking during sex. on having sex on 24 maintaining figure. 27-28 in. Iftaa). prohibition Mufti Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari is a traditionally trained scholar who studied in different parts of the world. various books including the six major books of hadith. RELATIONS nakedness during.83 Uthmani. he started learning about Islam from a very young age and memorized the Quran at the age of nine.com) and Sunnipath (www. Suyuti. 64-65 where he studied under one of the greatest living scholars. Thanawl. 43 preparing for sexual intimacy. great al-Razzaq al-Halabi. under many Shaykhs the guidance of his illustrious father. both with Arabic. 89 His other works include: The Issue of Shares.com) websites. urinating after intercourse. 108-10 supplications before. 93 02 ABOUT THE AUTHOR : scholars thai treated subject of. importance of. 16-22 secrets of. 38-43 caressing. 72 umrna. Simplified Rules of Zakal and Birth Control siw&k as recommended. 44 93 tooth-stick. 43 nakedness of. use of. 81-82. sexual. UK. 35 sleeping while ritually impure. al-Shirbinl. Shavkh (ijazas) in whilst pregnant or breastfeeding. as for sex. he travelled to Karachi. He initially studied the Arabic Language and various other traditional Islamic Sciences at Darul Uloom. as part of foreplav. Shaykh Shabbir Ahmad. After graduating from the Darul Uloom. 13-16 12-13. sunnipath. 8 vibrators. 16-22 to. Justice (Rtd. 4-5 sitting sexual position. Fridays. Imam Muhammad. 4 1 40 of. 3(5-38 shyness looking at private parts of. akShaybani. where he increased in experience and knowledge by studying under the from faith. appeal of. 62- Mawlana Adam. 32 43-44 fondling breasts. 105-7 standing sexual position. as ol'. 35 al-Zabldl. and received authorizations 28-30 with two wives simultaneously. 81-82 taking pictures of. 34 Imam Khatlb. UK and raised under 19 voyeurism. of. He presently resides in Leicester. of. Shaykh notably. Mufti Taqi. Born in Leicester. 36-44 right to sexual fulfilment. Mawlana Ashraf 88 voice of. urolagnia. ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS 67-68 transvestism. 77-78 Imam. 76 80-81 talking during. unlawfulness of Uthmani. Abd al-Latif Farfur al-Hasani and others. 7-8 good intention preferred times privacy right of the for. _ seducing one's wife. when engaging husband 76-77 underarm hair. UK. 63 recommended. 88-89 suggestive clothing. 91-93 positions (See sexual positions) toys. 74-75 Uthuiaui. 40-41 supplications. critical analysis and footnotes women legs. 16-17 Imam. 12-13.) Mufti Muhammad Taqi Usmani and others. where he is He is also widely known for his detailed a teacher of various traditional Islamic sciences atjamiah Uloom al-Qur'an. 'Allama MurtackV. importance prohibition ShafVl. 32 133 . Pakistan. 47 & Abortion in Islam. disclosing 110-12 67. 3 secrets of. disclosing 110-12 Zakariyya Kandhlawi's Wujub Vfa al-lihya (The obligation of growing a beard) using fingers to stimulate orgasm. unlawfulness of Ulama there. Muhammad Yusuf Motala. Abiija'far.daruliftaa. increasing. wife 83 beautification for husband. 63 woman-on-top sexual position. 16 and helps people with Jurisprudence (Darul their queries and problems at the Institute of Islamic al-lahawi. and received ijata from Shaykh Abd Shaykh Dr. feminine behaviour. 66 orgasm. Syria. 52 1 right of the wife to. 89 Shavkh Khalil Ahmad Saharanpiiri's M<z^ in the beliefs of Ike Ahl al-Sunna).1 ISLAMIC GUIDK TO SKXUA1. Bury. Later. 12-13. permissibility of. about sexual matters. he travelled to Damascus. 60 should not prevent from asking as maintaining figure. peak of sexual desire 16-22 Ali. definition and well-researched fiqh related articles on Darul Iftaa (www. 68 virginity. shaving. He has also published Shaykh Muhammad and in using before sex. Shaykh Muhammad Shafi' . 83 right to sexual fulfilment. D ANCE-COM ' ' ' • : \ echoes ."^ iii fc* : 'amic etiquettes and practises pertaining to newlyweds on their "I have found this n work to be beneficial and highly all informative. sexual boundaries are being further and further. DURBAN. 4 kikr. and strongly recommend the study of this book to all prospective couples. W W W. SOUTH AFRICA B^BBB » "I highly *i ' r recommend this excellent thorough booh by Mufti Muhammad ibn Adam on an important and sensitive topic that many— if not most-Muslim couples are woefully unaware of! I SHAYKH FARAZ RABBANI. doctors and other practitioners ofpsychosexual health care as well as couples to conjugal relations in the and answers thoroughly many scenarios pertinent modern day. to couples. Modern psychosexual medicine has been a relatively young contained in this book. Shariah. SEEKERS GUIDANCE. pushed and often. This a thorough and essential guide for scholars. there is a need to identify which sexual activities are permissible in Islamic Guide to Sexual Relations is a serious endeavour to tackle these sensitive matters respectful in a clear and meticulous manner.com 9 780954 738082 . It spouse. GENERAL PRACTITIONER KHAI. member of the field of medicine and much of the Islamic view - Muslims will no doubt be surprised by some of the legal rulings regarding intimate relationships between the married couple which has in essence removed is many cultural concretions that have distorted the original concepts. However. CONSULTANT SURGEON DR ZAHID GHUFOOR. and indeed.numapress. and thus. nis guide essentially aimed at Muslims reveals a surprisingly liberal view on sexuality considering many of the rules and etiquettes for matrimonial relationship were established 1400 years ago. He records.ISLAMIC GUIDE TO SEXUAL RELATIONS AD IBN ADAM AL-KAWTHARI marital relationship. DIRECTOR: DARUL IHSAN CE.SEEKERSGU •. the guidance Islam provides regarding sexual encounters with one's a wide range of issues. the author does not shy away from discussing in sensitive issues. answers sexual intimacy. While being and dignified in the language he employs. The book covers many frequently asked questions on the topic of concludes with a short chapter addressing first night." I ZUBAIR BAYAT. thorough detail. ISBN 978-0-9547380-8-2 PRESS www. in todays society.ID GHUFOOR. sexual deviance is openly practised. In such circumstances. 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