Interpersonal Attraction & Close Relationships

Interpersonal Attraction & Close RelationshipsNeed to Affiliate  It is a basic human motive to seek and maintain interpersonal relationships  Our affiliation with others serves various functions: o Positive stimulation o Social support o Attention o Social comparison  In general, those with a network of close social ties tend to be happier, healthier, and more satisfied with life than those who are more isolated  Sometimes our affiliation needs are not met, because of… o Ostracism  When an individual is ignored by others or excluded from a social group o Shyness  This will lead to a feeling that we don’t belong (ostracism) or a feeling of deprivation about social relations (shyness)  May lead to loneliness (dispositional/existential vs situational) o Existential/ dispositional loneliness is just a feeling of loneliness despite having rich social life  It is a state of mind that an individual has and tends to be more permanent  The individual feel as though they lack real connections with other o Situational loneliness is due to factors in a situation that reduces the number of close relationships that you may have  Ex you are moving away to a new town/school o If you are shy the it can manifest into existential loneliness  This is temporary feeling.  Social exclusion leads to increased sensitivity to interpersonal information, in less effective cognitive functioning, and to low self-esteem over time (Baumeister, Twenge & Nuss, 2002) o Very sensitive to many social cues  Anything said in a social setting is seen as though it is them that others are referring to. o Are excluded and so they feel like everyone is against them o Tends to lead into a never ending negative circle  Few friends  low self-esteem neglects current friendshiploses friends low self esteem Interpersonal Attraction  There are two basic and necessary factors in the attraction process: o Proximity o Exposure  These two are called propinquity o Effect that occurs when chances of meeting another person increases because of nearness in the physical space o Smaller the distance the higher the probability that people will meet and meet more frequently  Festinger’ study  Chartered friendships in apartment complex determined by physical and functional proximity o People who lived closer to the stairs/doors/entrance will know more people in the building  Why does proximity lead to liking? o Repeated exposure leads to feeling of familiarity o Evolution – Familiar things, including others, more likely to be “safe”  Physical attractiveness and Stereotypes o Based on the “What is beautiful is good” stereotype  The belief that physically attractive people also have other socially desirable characteristics  Beautiful people are liked more by adults, children and infants o Clifford & Hatfield (1973)  Gave teachers identical information about a boy and a girl, but varied attractiveness  DV – rated intelligence and success  They rated the more attractive kid was more intelligent and more likely succeed o Roszell & al. (1990)  1-5 scale of attractiveness  For each point, people tented to earn an extra $2000 o Is the stereotype accurate?  It is both accurate and not accurate  the accuracy could come from the fact that a self-fulfilling prophecy  more attractive someone is the nicer people are to them and the more support they get meaning they gain self-confidence and tend to succeed in the things that they put their minds to o Why does the stereotype persist?  Many research topics on interpersonal attraction have focused on physical attractiveness; however, other factors, like intelligence, have also been studies. o Men and women differ in this criterion for sexual partners, but not for long-term partners  Kenrick & al. (1993) o Students in these series of studies were asked:  What is the minimum percentile of intelligence you would accept in considering someone for:  A DATE  A SEXUAL PARTNER  A ONE NIGHT STAND  A STEADY DATING PARTNER  A MARRIAGE PARTNER o See slides 7-12 Close Relationships  Often involve three basic components: o Feelings of attachment, affection, and love. o The fulfillment of psychological needs. o Interdependence between partners, where a change in behaviour of one results in a change in behaviour of partner.  Partners gatts be in sync  According to Aron & al. (1991), the movement from casual to close relationships had to involve the development of interdependence. o Close relationships are only possible with the inclusion of the other in one’s self concept  Referring to you and your partner as “we”  Unable to define who you are without including them. o Closeness = degree to which cognitive representations of the self-overlap with the partner  The first close relationships develop in the family o These set the stage for the relationships that we will form throughout our lives  Attachment Styles (Shaver & Brennan, 1992) o Our first experience of attachment occurs with mum/dad and fam members  How this attachment style is affects they types of attachment styles an individual will develop later in life o Our earliest developmental experiences allow us to form two “working models”  Working model of the self  Reflects our basic feelings of self-worth or self-esteem  Working model of others  Reflects our basic beliefs involving interpersonal trust o The two working models define different attachment styles that influence most of our close relationships  Secure attachment style  Characterized by high self-esteem and interpersonal trust  Most successful and desirable attachment style  Fearful-avoidant attachment style  Negative working model of self and others  Tends to mistrust others  Most insecure and least adaptive attachment style  Preoccupied attachment style  High interpersonal trust and low self esteem  Tend to be conflicted and is an insecure attachment style  They desire a close relationship but they feel unworthy of their partner and are vulnerable to rejection  Want people to like them but they are not about themselves.  They trust others but do not view themselves positively o They want others to like them but they do not like themselves  Dismissing attachment style  High self-esteem but you don’t trust other people  Is a conflicted and insecure attachment style  Feel as though they deserve a close relationship but are frustrated b/c of mistrust of potential partners  results in a tendency to reject the other person at some point in the relationship to avoid being the one that is rejected o best combo is secure + secure  these are more successful o secure + other  can also be successful if the securely attached one is able to help the other person change-but this tends to be a of of work because they dot really know where the mistrust/low self-esteem comes from o secure + high self-esteem & mistrustful  this could work if the secure one shows them that they can be trusted o combinations of other attachment styles(minus secure)  they don’t usually work  attachment styles are on a continuum o so the severity of your class varies  Attachment Styles o Slide 15 Close Relationships  Another determinant of the nature and quality of our relationships is whether we have a communal orientation or an exchange orientation o Exchange Relationships:  Participants expect and desire strict reciprocity in their interactions (equity concerns)  Want to be repaid immediately for favours  Tend to be exploited when favour aren’t reciprocated  Take note of what each I bringing to the relationship  Doing something for your partner has no effect on your mood.  I do something for you, you do something for me  This relationship only works when both partners are strong exchange relationship thinkers. o Communal Relationships:  Participants expect and desire mutual responsiveness to each other’s needs  Do not really reciprocate favours  Do not feel exploited when favours are not repaid  Do not keep track of what each is contributing to the relationship  Helping their partner puts them in a good mood.  When both partners have this approach tend to have happier partnerships  What is love? o Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of love (1986)  This researcher believes that the numerous ways to define love (i.e., caring, loyalty, attraction, etc.<-- the Behr study) earlier could be reduced to three essential components:  PASSION o Linked to motivation o The sexual motives and the sexual excitement that a person experience o Based on romance, physical and sexual attraction o Tend to peak early in a relationship and tends to diminish gradually  INTIMACY o Linked to emotions o The closeness felt by two people; the strength of the bond that holds them together  Concerned with each other’s welfare and happiness  Value, like and count on one another o This steadily increases as the relationship progresses  COMMITMENT o Linked to cognition o The cognitive processes involved in the decision that you love the other person and are committed to maintaining the relationship o Making a conscious decision that you love that person and want to be with them. o This makes a sudden apparition and then remains stable and high overtime.  Different combination of these three components help define eight different types of love  Each with positive and negative aspects  #8=absence of love o Absence of all 3 components  The components of Sternberg’s model tend to change in level over time, which accounts for the changing nature of love in most long-term relationships  Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love  The 8 th outcome o Absence of all 3 components=absence of love  Consummate love o Intimacy + passion + commitment o should be strived for in a relationship  Companionate love o Intimacy + commitment o marriage where the passion has faded(happen over time)  Fatuous love o Passion + commitment o Otherwise known as Hollywood love. o A commitment based on passion but not enough time is given for the development of intimacy  It is a shallow relationship doesn’t really allow for intimacy to develop as they tend to break up before that.  Romantic love o Intimacy + passion o Involves Physical + emotional attraction o Ex summer fling  Intimacy alone o “liking” o True friendship without passion or long term commitment o You and your friends don’t really make an effort to make some sort of commitment; y’all are just chilling  Commitment alone o “Empty love” o Make a decision to be with one another without any intimacy or passion o Ex an arranged marriage  Passion o “Infatuation” o Usually obsessive love/attraction o Kind of like love at first sight