JUST YOUR TYPE: INFJEstimated to be between 2 and 3 per cent of the American population The two words that best describe most INFJs are integrity and originality. Their Lead Intuition provides them with vision and creativity, and using both in the service of others gives them great satisfaction. They are usually excellent listeners, as they are naturally patient and insightful. Extremely perceptive and empathetic, they are especially gifted at thinking up new and better ways to help people satisfy their needs and are usually eager to provide whatever support is necessary. Typically gentle and reserved, INFJs do not like to call attention to themselves and often are content to work behind the scenes. As thoughtful, caring, and sensitive people, INFJs will usually go the extra mile to maintain harmonious relationships. However, they can also be fiercely independent—willing to subject themselves to scepticism or criticism in order to make their vision, driven by their strong values, a reality. They are earnest and exude an unshakable faith in their beliefs that engenders trust and respect in others. For this reason, they often make inspiring leaders. Because their Least function is Sensing, INFJs may fail to take into account the everyday realities that might prevent their ideas from working on a practical level. Preferring to focus on the big picture, they sometimes miss or choose to ignore important everyday details. Because they believe so deeply in the correctness of their positions, they can be somewhat judgmental or dismissive of competing views. INFJs’ single-mindedness can become a liability if they are not flexible enough to modify their plans once they have embarked on a course of action—much like a person driving down the highway and making great time but, unfortunately, going in the wrong direction. INFJs’ perfectionism also can result in a tendency to be stubborn and unyielding, especially on issues of morality. They usually find that sharing their vision with someone they trust helps them see the flaws and gain a more realistic perspective. INFJs are decisive and organised, and they like living according to their plans. With their ability to focus and their strong determination, they are often extremely productive. They like to set goals and work tirelessly to achieve them. However, sometimes in their haste to conclude, they miss experiencing and enjoying the process, and they can become so preoccupied with making their vision a reality that they lack the ability to act spontaneously. Since INFJs are motivated by their values and deeply held convictions, they tend to take things personally or become offended when no hurt was intended. Unfortunately, their sensitivity can cause them to become defensive, to cut people off, or to reject ideas that do not meet their high standards. They may need a gentle reminder to take themselves less seriously so that they can enjoy some of life’s lighter moments and laugh at their own foibles. LOOKING DOWN THE ROAD: HOW INFJS CHANGE OVER TIME Up until about the age of 30, INFJs are run by their Lead Intuition, supported by their Feeling. However, as INFJs reach their thirties and forties, they may start to let their Thinking influence their decisions. As a result, they usually develop the ability to be more critical and objective about everything, especially themselves and their ideas. Although they still trust their own personal values above all else, they often have an easier time being critiqued and factoring in outside suggestions. In their late forties and fifties, INFJs may begin to use their Least function, Sensing. Typically, this is their greatest weakness and where they are most vulnerable. By consciously working at it, they may become more aware of the realities that affect their ideas. They also may gain a new appreciation of their bodies and of nature. INFJS AS PARTNERS INFJs can be supportive and insightful partners, encouraging their mates to have dreams and to work hard to make them come true. In addition, because they are so creative, they frequently have a wealth of good suggestions to help their partners reach their goals. INFJs like and need harmony so much that they are driven to resolve conflicts quickly—but on terms that don’t violate their ethics. Because they are so ruled by their vision and sense of integrity, they may feel their view is the morally correct one and it would be unjust to yield or compromise. Being natural leaders. This can result in INFJs feeling pressured and rushed and ENTJs chafing at the bit to get moving. like to make and keep plans. Although they may not always agree. they usually have little trouble understanding each other. Naturally organised. ENTJs tend to be powerful people who inspire confidence and respect. and mutual respect are aspects of relationships that all types value highly. such as acknowledging special occasions. In contrast. To be sure. thoughtfulness. ENTJs want to be out of their homes meeting and working with a large number of people. can become a continual source of conflict for these couples. while INFJs prefer a more thoughtful and deliberate pace. trust their inspiration. here are the aspects that INFJs report are most and least important to them. they can also be critical and condescending. Although ENTJs are very honest and direct. INFJs are able to help ENTJs become more sensitive. selfassurance. INFJs often have emotional reactions that their partners find overblown and illogical. Typically. THE FRUSTRATIONS One of the common frustrations between ENTJs and INFJs is their very different needs for social activity. focus on the big picture. These couples are especially productive. often without even realising it. ENTJs and INFJs like their homes to be neat and tidy and seldom struggle over household chores. they are often the ones who are left to initiate gatherings with friends and take care of the social niceties. Their bluntness can unintentionally hurt their partners’ feelings. They are also alike in that they think about the future. RELATIONSHIP SATISFIERS Trust. INFJs are less social. INFJs are often attracted to ENTJs’ competence. ENTJs can be dismissive of reactions or feelings they do not share. and introspective. not only are they good at dreaming up projects. and respect their values. good communication. . and responding to invitations. and high energy level. It is also vitally important that their partners be open and emotionally available to them and that their mates be willing to share themselves completely. but. ironically. but they also are driven to complete them! In addition to their similarities. thoughtful. sending gifts. They tend to be decisive. especially when there are children involved. This difference. and easily see how events are related. and find comfort in structure and order. who are usually very career-driven and are more likely to be workaholics. ENTJs and INFJs are often initially attracted to each other because of their differences. so they are interested in possibilities and stimulated by new ideas. The difference that causes the most painful frustration for ENTJs and INFJs is how they come to conclusions and make decisions. For their part. and integrity. ENTJs are often drawn to INFJs’ quiet intensity. Another big difference between these types is that ENTJs usually run at or close to top speed. Most Important Aspects Mutual support Mutual commitment Being listened to Fidelity Intimacy Companionship Shared values Least Important Aspects Shared religious beliefs Shared interests Sexual compatibility Spiritual connection Similar parenting styles ENTJ WITH INFJ THE JOYS ENTJs and INFJs share two of the four type preferences. ENTJs are often able to help INFJs become bolder and more comfortable taking risks. Because of their differences. However. Many INFJs say that their partners help them receive constructive criticism better and avoid getting their feelings hurt so easily. creativity. INFJs also are much more home. They admire their partners’ warmth and fierce compassion for the people and things about whom they care. ENTJs and INFJs are able to help each other grow and develop in important ways.INFJs feel most appreciated and loved when their partners admire and encourage their creativity. allowing them to express more fully their appreciation of others.and family-cantered than ENTJs. . Never criticise or question your partner’s competence in public. and they can find themselves at a painful impasse. appreciate. ENTJs are typically sure their positions are more logical and intellectually sound. fix the problem. Both types want to resolve issues quickly. Try to lighten up and not insist on a deep emotional connection all the time. or come up with a solution. Express your appreciation of all the nurturing things your partner does to deepen and cultivate your relationship. Resist the urge to bring the conversation back to you. “I love you” a lot! HOW TO REACH YOUR ENTJ PARTNER Support. then edit them for diplomacy. Listen patiently and attentively. However. As ENTJs become more frustrated.and INFJs are prone to take everything very seriously and rarely let even small offenses go. Recognise how important your partner’s career aspirations are and support them whenever you can. A careful balance of honesty and gentleness is important for them to restore equilibrium to their relationships. Prioritise issues and focus on those that are critical. Recognise that he or she does not like confrontation. Think things through. so avoid angry outbursts. So both partners sometimes become intractable. they may exhibit angry outbursts. Recognise that your partner’s vision and values are very important and cannot easily be compromised. they often retreat to reflect on their feelings privately. ENTJs generally want to deal with them head-on by logically analysing and debating the issue and coming quickly to a reasonable resolution. and they withdraw even more. and compliment your partner on his or her accomplishments and achievements. Strive to be more flexible on the little things. Say. Meanwhile. Fight the urge to respond or especially to criticise your partner immediately. When conflicts arise. This threatens and overwhelms INFJs. Do not ask your partner to bend on those things. but they go about it in very different ways. INFJs are convinced they are right based on their strongly held personal and moral beliefs. Express your feelings. Give your partner time to think and process his or her feelings. because INFJs seek harmony and need to think about things before acting on them. HOW TO REACH YOUR INFJ PART NER Be sensitive to your partner’s feelings.