Drood Script

THE SOLVE-IT-YOURSELF BROADWAY MUSICAL BOOK, MUSIC, AND LYRICS BY RUPERT HOLMES2 The Mystery of Edwin Drood is forever dedicated to the lovely memory of WENDY ISOBEL HOLMES (1976-1986) Time: 1892 3 THE MUSIC HALL ROYALE Programme for this evening: Opening comments by Your Chairman, Mr. William Cartwright immediately followed by: The Music Hall Royale’s Premiere Presentation of THE MYSTERY OF EDWIN DROOD Scenes: ACT I: PROLOGUE THE SITUATION Scene 1 The home of John Jasper at Minor Canon Corner in the cathedral city of Cloisterham. A morning in late December. The conservatory at The Nun’s House, a seminary for young women in the Cloisterham High Street. Later that morning. The lair of the Princess Puffer in the East End of London. Dawn, the next day. Cloisterham High Street. The following afternoon. The graveyard of Cloisterham Cathedral. Early Christmas Eve. In front of curtain. The home of John Jasper. A short time later. Minor Canon Corner. Christmas Day. Stage of the Music Hall Royale. Scene 2 Scene 3 Scene 4 Scene 5 Scene 6 Scene 7 ACT II ENTR’ACTE THE SLEUTHS Scene 1 Scene 2 Cloisterham Station. Six months later. Minor Canon Corner Stage of The Music Hall Royale 4 Dawn. near the Cathedral.THE VOTING Stage of the Music Hall Royale immediately followed by: THE SOLUTION Cloisterham High Street. 5 . Montague Pruitt Mr.Cast (in order of appearance) for The Music Hall Royale: Mr. Nicholas Michael Mr. Thomas Purcell. Montague Pruitt Miss Gwendolen Pynn Mr. Harry Sayle Mr. Alan Eliot Mr. Clive Paget Miss Alice Nutting Miss Deirdre Peregrine Miss Isobel Yearsley Miss Florence Gill Miss Janet Conover Mr. Alan Eliot Miss Florence Gill Mr. James Hitchens Mr. maestro of The Music Hall Royale Orchestra Mr. Nick Cricker Master Nick Cricker Miss Florence Gill Mr. CRISPARKLE THE PRINCESS PUFFER MAYOR THOMAS SAPSEA DURDLES DEPUTY FLO SHADE OF DROOD (dancer) SHADE OF JASPER (dancer) CLIENTS OF PUFFER (dancers) SUCCUBAE (dancers) Mr. Chairman Mr. Medford Moss Mr. Christopher Lyon Mr. Phillip Bax ???????? Miss Violet Balfour Mr. Nicolas Michael Mr. William Cartwright. Christopher Lyon Miss Gwendolen Pynn Miss Sarah Cook Miss Florence Gill Miss Isabel Yearsley Master Nick Cricker Mr. Stage Manager and Barkeep _________________________________________________________________ JOHN JASPER EDWIN DROOD ROSA BUD WENDY (non-speaking) BEATRICE (non-speaking) HELENA LANDLESS NEVILLE LANDLESS THE REVEREND MR. Victor Grinstead Mr. Cedric Moncrieffe Miss Angela Prysock Mr. Phillip Bax Miss Violet Balfour Miss Gwendolen Pynn Mr. Harry Sayle Mr. James Throttle Miss Isabel Yearsley SATYR (dancer) WAITER MAIDS (non-speaking) HORACE BAZZARD DICK DATCHERY CITIZENS OF CLOISTERHAM 6 . Philip Bax Miss Sarah Cook Mr. James Throttle. 3. Crisparkle. “ENGLAND REIGNS” — Chairman with Ensemble — [optional number] “A PRIVATE INVESTIGATION” — Datchery & Puffer with Ensemble “THE NAME OF LOVE & MOONFALL” [Reprise] — Rosa & Jasper. 13. Neville. or Crisparkle or Rosa 7 . Rosa. “THERE YOU ARE” — Chairman & Company “TWO KINSMEN” — Drood & Jasper “MOONFALL” — Rosa “THE WAGES OF SIN” — Puffer “JASPER’S VISION” — Ballet “A BRITISH SUBJECT” — Helena. with Company ACT II 12. with Ensemble “BOTH SIDES OF THE COIN” — Jasper & Chairman with Ensemble “PERFECT STRANGERS” — Drood and Rosa “NO GOOD CAN COME FROM BAD” — Neville. 4. or Neville. 7. 15. 11. Jasper & Bazzard “NEVER THE LUCK” — Bazzard with Ensemble “OFF TO THE RACES” — Chairman. Durdles & Deputy. 2. 18. 16. Crisparkle. 6. Drood. with Company “DON’T QUIT WHILE YOU’RE AHEAD” — Puffer & Company “THE GARDEN PATH” — Puffer “PUFFER’S REVELATION” — Puffer “OUT ON A LIMERICK” — Helena. 9.THE MYSTERY OF EDWIN DROOD Musical Synopsis: ACT I 1. 10. Helena. 5. or Bazzard. 14. 17. 8. Drood. Rosa. or Rosa. 8 1-P-1 . or Puffer with Bazzard. or Helena. with Company BOWS — “DON’T QUIT WHILE YOU’RE AHEAD” — Company EXIT — Orchestra 22. or Crisparkle. 24.Musical Synopsis 19. or Puffer. 21. with Company “THE WRITING ON THE WALL” — Drood. or Neville. or Jasper. “JASPER’S CONFESSION” — Jasper “MURDERER’S CONFESSION” — Helena. or Durdles “PERFECT STRANGERS” [Duet — Reprise] — Rosa. 23. or Deputy. or Durdles. or Sapsea. or Crisparkle.-2. or Bazzard. 20. or Neville. THE TIME IS THE PRESENT: 1892. “THERE YOU ARE” CHAIRMAN WHAT’S A KING WITHOUT HIS CROWN? TAKE AWAY HIS THRONE AND GOWN. CHAIRMAN of The Music Hall Royale. The COMPANY members direct the audience’s attention to the stage.) 1. the members of the COMPANY mingle with them in the aisles.ACT I — PROLOGUE (LONDON. raises his arms. welcoming them to The Music Hall Royale and explaining how the voting for tonight’s performance will take place. HE COULD BE THE RABBLE OR THE RUSSIAN CZAR. where we discover WILLIAM CARTWRIGHT.. As the audience take their seats. WELL THERE YOU ARE! AND IT MATTERS NOT TO ME WHAT PART OF TOWN YOU’VE COME FROM. JUDGE EACH CREATURE OF OUR RACE BY EACH FEATURE IN HIS FACE. then assaults the air as the orchestra gives a fanfare and commences a musical vamp. LOOK AT HIM — (I REST MY CASE). AND CHAIRMAN & COMPANY (From theatre aisles) THERE YOU ARE! HOW VERY GLAD WE ARE THAT THERE YOU ARE! IT ISN’T WHO YOU ARE BUT CHAIRMAN CHAIRMAN & COMPANY CHAIRMAN 9 . in the company of several dancers. THOMAS PURCELL.. WE BUT CHEER YOU’VE MADE IT HERE AT ALL! HERE WITHIN THIS GARISH PARISH CALLED THE MUSIC HALL. poised like a tightrope artist. conductor. raising their voices until the theatre is quite ababble. AND THERE YOU ARE.WHERE YOU ARE. Bill! CHAIRMAN Ah. AND GRATEFUL ARE WE TO SEE HOW FINE AND FAIR YOU ARE! THERE YOU ARE! 1-P-2 CHAIRMAN & COMPANY CHAIRMAN CHAIRMAN & COMPANY CHAIRMAN Angela! Angela. there you are! And who’s that with you then? PRYSOCK I HAVE NOTICED A TALL GENT WHO SEEMS SIGULARLY BENT UPON FINDING ENOUGH ROOM TO PLACE HIS KNEES! Alice! CHAIRMAN NUTTING (From another part of the theatre) I’M CONSIDERING A CHAP WHO JUST WOKE UP FROM A NAP FOR WHICH SIN I FEEL HE MUST DESERVE A TEASE! Clive! CHAIRMAN PAGET (From the stalls) I’VE A LADY DOWN IN FRONT WHOSE FACE IS QUITE FAMILIAR… (I COULD USE A RIDE BACK HOME TONIGHT.) Victor! CHAIRMAN GRINSTEAD AND THESE LOVELY PEOPLE WILL BRAVO ME MORE OR LESS! Deirdre! 10 CHAIRMAN . are you out there? PRYSOCK [If from Box:] I’m up here in the Royale Box. Bill! PRYSOCK [If from aisle:] I’m finally walking down the aisle. my dear. which he can take in several of the long stretches that do not require his presence: the ballet. etc.] 11 1-P-4 . the Chairman is present on stage for the entire show.. THERE YOU ARE! THAT THANKFUL WE ALL SHOULD BE FOR WELL-AWARE WE ARE. (THROTTLE raps his gavel) The Mystery. (Two sharp raps of same) *[Theoretically. AND NOT A JOT WE CARE HOW YOU GOT IN: WE BUT CARE THAT THERE YOU ARE! (Shouted!) DAMNED IF THERE YOU ARE! (The CHAIRMAN goes immediately into his introductory remarks. thank you so very much! Good evening and welcome.. His reappearance as narrator from some unexpected part of the stage or theatre can be most dramatic. WE WANT YOU AND NOT A LOT WE CARE FOR WHERE YOU’VE BEEN. JUST SLIGHTLY WEST OF LEICESTER SQUARE YOU ARE YES.. a very warm welcome to all of you on this most thrilling of evenings here at The Music Hall Royale. he will probably need a break.. ACT I — THE SITUATION Ladies and Gentlemen.1-P-3 PEREGRINE (From the other aisle) AND THIS GENTLEMAN’S BEEN FLIRTING WITH THE LADY ON HIS RIGHT! CHAIRMAN & COMPANY THERE YOU ARE! HOW DISTINGUE AND DEBONAIR YOU ARE.. watching the proceedings with interest and amusement. Practically... SO LIGHTENING QUICK LET’S ALL KICK UP A FUSS! WE CAN BUT PRAY YOUR TRUST IS BLIND IN US. (All members of the COMPANY join the CHAIRMAN on stage) SO TAKE YOUR FILL AND JUST UNWIND IN US! A WARMLY WICKED FRAME OF MIND IN US YOU’LL FIND IN US. the graveyard scene through the end of the dinner scene.. and leading the audience’s applause (except during the voting or his own numbers).. tonight we have the privilege of presenting for your approval the premiere performances of. HE is instantly and indisputably in charge of both the moment and the evening)* CHAIRMAN Thank you. ladies and gentlemen.Of Edwin Droooood! (A final rap) CHAIRMAN & COMPANY CHAIRMAN This being a Musicale with Dramatic Interludes. looking down front at an audience member) Not that much. madam. however. (Orchestra begins a stately theme) Tonight. loosen your corsets…and enjoy yourselves! (The COMPANY heartily endorses his suggestion. Our company will then make its most earnest effort to meet this supreme challenge: to contrive An Ending in Accordance with Your Specifications. Now. (PURCELL cuts off orchestra) So come on. Charles Dickens was full halfway through the creation of The Greatest Mystery Novel Of Our Time. 12 CHAIRMAN 1-P-5 . I shall be asking you to Vote upon key questions regarding the outcome of our plot. leaving behind not the slightest hint as to the outcome he had intended for his bizarre and uncompleted puzzle: The Mystery Of Edwin Drood. our own Mr. when together we reach that point in our story beyond which Charles Dickens wrote No More. as you are no doubt aware. when he committed the one ungenerous deed of his noble career: He Died. Then. everyone! Kick off your boots. .. moldering cathedral city of Cloisterham! Not a particularly encouraging setting for the Christmas season now upon us... A wintry shudder goes through the giant elms as they shed a gush of tears. (Gavel once) The Mystery. 13 . (Gavel twice) CHAIRMAN & COMPANY Of Edwin Drood!! (A final rap and orchestra Gothic fanfare as the COMPANY exists) CHAIRMAN Cloisterham! The ancient.So let us proceed with this evening’s bill of fare: for the first time ever. the completed musical rendition of. dear ladies and gentlemen. With total disregard of the character HE is portraying. As the orchestra strikes a resounding chord. The curtains part to reveal the home of JOHN JASPER. there’s the lad now! (DROOD appears. your very own MR. framed in the doorway) DROOD My dear uncle! (THEY embrace.) Insert: “A Man Could Go Quite Mad” (CHAIRMAN continues boldly) CHAIRMAN Who. robe and cassock) Choirmaster.1-1-6 ACT I Scene 1 (MINOR CANON CORNER in the cathedral city of Cloisterham. and the title character of our evening’s diversion. organist. A morning in late December. more suited to assay the role of John Jasper than that gifted vocalist himself. and vocal instructor. John Jasper. within which rests a portrait of ROSA BUD) CHAIRMAN And here we are in the home of Mr. John Jasper is blessed with a voice the angels themselves might envy. PAGET/JASPER is obviously the principle male for The Theatre Royale. PAGET acknowledges the ensuing applause with a rakish smile. Brassy fanfare and huzzahs from the shills. Enter JASPER in scarf. (Music segues to a hymn. displaying several sets of teeth. composer. PAGET instantly steps back into character) CHAIRMAN John Jasper eagerly awaits the arrival of his beloved nephew. choirmaster of Cloisterham Cathedral. CLIVE PAGET! (Gavel bang. Tableau) 14 1-1-7 . (Ecclesiastical music stops. young Edwin Drood! (Off) DROOD Hallo uncle! JASPER Why. CHAIRMAN (Stepping forward) Yes, ladies and gentlemen, your eyes do not deceive you. A warm round of applause if you will for tonight’s guest artiste and London’s leading actress! Tonight she hides her distinctive form beneath the garb of young Edwin Drood. Ladies and gentlemen: Miss Alice Nutting! (Fanfare as CHAIRMAN leads applause, then retires as DROOD/NUTTING breaks her embrace with JASPER, bows winsomely. She wears cap and trousers, to charming effect. We are smitten) Any dinner, Uncle? DROOD JASPER (Pouring glasses of sherry) You forgot, Ned, that “Uncle” and “Nephew” are words prohibited here by express agreement. DROOD (Accepting sherry from JASPER) Of course you’re right, John. After all, we do have only a half dozen years or so between our ages. (JASPER starts to sip) Hallo, Jack! Don’t drink yet! I must propose a toast. A toast to what, Ned? JASPER DROOD He asks to what! (Turns to portrait) To Rosa. (Faintly) JASPER Rosa. DROOD To the fair Miss Rosa Bud. Surely you’ve not forgotten that Rosa and I are soon to be wed? JASPER It has not quite slipped my mind. DROOD Yes, a tedious ceremony in your creaking cathedral, John, then off with my wonderfully pretty child-bride to dusty Egypt, where I intend to shake things up a bit! 15 1-1-8 JASPER It is certain, then? Egypt seems a desperate great distance. DROOD Indeed it is, John. (Noticing portrait of ROSA) This portrait of Rosa is not one of my better efforts, Jack, yet you choose to hang it here. In heavens name, why? JASPER Because it reminds me of... you, Ned. And of the happiness I wish you and Rosa. DROOD (Moodily) Oh, I’m sure we’ll be quite happy...though our courtship suffers from an unavoidable flatness, owing to the fact that my dead and gone father and her dead and gone father had as good as married us at birth. Why the devil couldn’t they have left us alone? Tut, tut, dear boy — JASPER DROOD Tut, tut? Yes, it’s all very well for you, Jack. You have the freedom to love whomsoever you choose. (DROOD stops himself, alarmed by something HE sees in JASPER’s face) JASPER Don’t stop, dear fellow, do go on. DROOD Have I hurt your feelings, John? JASPER How could you have hurt my feelings? (HE immediately staggers back against whatever furniture will support him) DROOD Good heavens, Jack, you look frightfully ill! There’s a strange film come over your eyes! JASPER (Forcing a smile and straightening himself) I — I have been taking — medicine for a pain — an agony that overcomes me. I’ve been forced of late to seek — treatment in London. Fear not, the effects will soon be gone. My dear Uncle! DROOD 16 JASPER Then take it as a warning! And Ned...Edwin...this is a confidence between us. DROOD It shall be sacredly preserved, John. JASPER I have confided in you because — DROOD Because we are fast friends, and because you love and trust me as I love and trust you! Both hands, Jack! (THEY clasp crossed hands) 2. “TWO KINSMEN” MY DEAREST UNCLE JACK! MY DEAREST NEPHEW NED! DROOD JASPER 1-1-9 BOTH A LIFE WITHOUT YOUR FRIENDSHIP WOULD BE LIFE AS GOOD AS DEAD! JASPER THE WINDS ABOUT MAY BLOW, BUT AS YOU WELL MAY KNOW, I’LL HEED YOUR CALL, NO NEED TOO SMALL, AND FACE THE FIRE BELOW FOR YOU! FOR YOU! FOR YOU! FOR YOU! DROOD JASPER DROOD BOTH TWO KINSMEN, MORE THAN BROTHERS! WE KNOW NO NEXT OF KIN AND YET WE KNOW NO OTHERS CLOSER ‘NEATH THE SKIN. THE BLOOD THAT FLOWS BETWEEN US, THE BONDS THAT TIE US TWAIN; TWO KINSMEN WHEN ALL OTHERS FLEE THEN WE REMAIN! 17 ‘TIS TRUE! ‘TIS TRUE! FOR YOU! FOR YOU! JASPER DROOD JASPER BOTH TWO KINSMEN.1-1-10 MY DEAREST NEPHEW NED! JASPER DROOD MY DEAREST UNCLE JACK! IF MEN SAY WORDS AGAINST YOU. THE BONDS THAT TIE US TWAIN. I WOULD MAKE THEM TAKE THEM BACK! A LOYAL LAD AM I WHO’D BE BUT GLAD TO DIE. then exit together as the curtain closes. thank you indeed for that splendid duo! (The two acknowledge audience and CHAIRMAN’s applause. THE BLOOD THAT FLOWS BETWEEN US. TWO KINSMEN WHEN ALL OTHERS FLEE THEN WE REMAIN! ‘TIS TRUE! ‘TIS TRUE! FOR YOU! FOR YOU! TRUE KINSMEN ARE WE TWO! DROOD JASPER DROOD JASPER BOTH CHAIRMAN Miss Alice Nutting and Mr. ladies and gentlemen! Thank you. IF BY MY DEATH ONE EXTRA BREATH OF LIFE FOR YOU I’D BUY. Clive Paget. 18 . MORE THAN BROTHERS! WE KNOW NO NEXT OF KIN AND YET WE KNOW NO OTHERS CLOSER ‘NEATH THE SKIN. two voices at the same time seems almost an embarrassment of riches…although looking at some of you down here. the fair Miss Rosa Bud.1-1-11 CHAIRMAN (continued) At these prices. But to continue our story: (Music: underscoring starts) Young Edwin Drood is visiting Cloisterham to offer his regards to his bride-to-be. I doubt that you’d be embarrassed by much. “The Nun’s House. is an orphan.” 19 . who. Rosa resides at Cloisterham’s most respectable seminary for young ladies. aptly if not correctly named. like Drood. with whom SHE giggles on cue for no apparent reason. PEREGRINE/ROSA rushes out of the set and towards us. your own nephew Edwin and I will be departing for Egypt once we are married. your voice will no longer be as subject to the fluctuations of adolescence. Rosa. JASPER enters briskly. my dear? 20 . Jasper? ROSA JASPER Yes. Later than morning. SHE curtsies and returns to the other GIRLS. Curtain opens to reveal the conservatory of The Nun’s House. the happiest of birthdays to you! I only pray I may be able to say these words on each of your birthdays. beyond which are trellises and a hint of foliage) CHAIRMAN Ladies and gentleman. And in what condition is your voice today. as you know. Eagerness. (JASPER glares at the other GIRLS who runs from the room) How lovely you look! I have awaited your birthday with eagerness. Mr.1-2-12 ACT I Scene 2 (A seminary for young women in Cloisterham High Street. that blossoming bud. JASPER It was only a wish. ROSA I fear — I fear that is not likely. a charming room with a piano to one side near French windows. that most delicate of English roses. since. music manuscript in hand) JASPER Rosa. in the part of Rosa Bud this evening. WENDY & BEATRICE. (Music out) the unspeakably lovely Deirdre Peregrine! (Music: fanfare. Shall I sing the Mozart? No. almost fear in her voice. that should be my decision. SO THAT SOON I ONLY SEE BUT YOU. MOONFALL THAT POURS FROM YOU. ALL SOUND IS FROZEN STILL. on the occasion of your birthday. AND IN THE MOONFALL. THE ONLY SIGHT I’VE SEEN IS LUST’ROUS MOONFALL AS IT BLINDS MY VIEW. Jasper. JASPER As your music master. BEFORE THE CLOAK OF NIGHT REVEALS THE MORN. please. LET NOTHING INTERVENE. I — ROSA (SHE reads the music) Mr. my Life’s Blood is the most I can afford to offer. Sir. (SHE commences. I’LL LAY. I’LL BATHE IN MOONFALL. A choirmaster’s pay being what it is. JASPER (Handing her a manuscript) I have composed a song especially for you. YET WARM AGAINST ME.1-2-13 ROSA As my tutor. where SHE is near-hysterical from her emotional ordeal) 21 . AND DRESS MYSELF IN DEW. Jasper. AND IN THE MOONFALL. as SHE watches JASPER watching her) 3. I FEEL ITS FINGERS. perhaps that question should best be answered by you. BETWEEN OUR EYES. Mr. whatever do you mean? JASPER ROSA I do not — I am not worthy of it. TIME HOLDS ITS BREATH WHILE IT CONCEALS THE DAWN. YOUR BODY WARMS THE CHILL OF MOONFALL. “MOONFALL” BETWEEN THE VERY DEAD OF NIGHT AND DAY. I’LL GIVE MYSELF TO YOU. LIGHT MADE FROM STARS THAT ALL-TO-SOON FALL. It would not appear proper. LINGERS THE VEIL OF NIGHTSHADE. and there is tremendous tension. (ROSA returns to the piano. From the beginning. Why. BETWIXT OUR HEARTS. WITHIN A STEELY WASH OF LIGHT. I cannot sing these words. my loveliest subject. JASPER ROSA JASPER But “lovely” will not do. Besides. Don’t speak to her for a minute. (As HE plays the introduction again. No wonder. a deeply tanned young man. and she’ll be well.. UPON A STEELY SHEET. HELENA eases ROSA into a chair. you must make me feel you mean them! Once again. sir. HELENA and NEVILLE LANDLESS and CRISPARKLE enter and listen with the interest as ROSA struggles to sing) ROSA (Quavering with fear) “BETWEEN THE VERY DEAD OF NIGHT AND DAY. HELENA impulsively reaches for her and holds her consolingly. When you sing the words. (Chord) 22 . NEVILLE. keeps his distance but is obviously fascinated by ROSA and puzzled by JASPER. Miss Landless? (Chord) HELENA (Significantly) Not under any circumstances. CRISPARKLE She’s not used to an audience.. wouldn’t you. if you please.” I can’t bear this! I’m frightened! Take me away! (SHE collapses.1-2-14 That was lovely. Jasper. you are such a conscientious master that I believe you make her afraid of you.. Mr. who is virtually frozen at the piano. Thank you. No wonder. Rosa. advising the others in an unplaceable Eastern accent ripe with curry and chutney:) HELENA It’s nothing.. HELENA CRISPARKLE (Trying to make a joke) You’d be afraid of him under similar circumstances. It’s all over. SHE crosses to center stage and gives a Balinese bow to the audience as the other actors join the audience in applauding her. and speaks to him laboriously. Mr.. 23 JASPER ....1-2-15 CHAIRMAN (Aside to audience) Ladies and gentlemen. our own fiery spirit. Neville has been entrusted to my care. Reverend Crisparkle. (More of the same) . have both arrived from Ceylon.when they were quite Young. Landless. He and his twin sister. as if to the deaf... Jasper. JASPER (Still as if to a child) You and your sister (Scans with eyes) Lost your parents (Pulls out and taps his pocket watch) Recently. finally stamps foot emphatically) .. and falling in with JASPER’s “indicating”) Their. using hand gestures to convey his meaning) Welcome to Cloisterham... where they no longer have any family. and to help him make a new beginning here in Cloisterham. JASPER assumes that NEVILLE has little mastery if English. Landless? CRISPARKLE (Answering for NEVILLE. Mr. (Rocking a baby) Mother Died.Step-father has crossed over the well. I’m most sorry. good afternoon.. JASPER (Adopting his most amenable face. Mr. CRISPARKLE I’m afraid young Master Neville has been given over to me to calm his rather hot-tempered nature. (Searches mind. and may I introduce young Neville Landless.. and Helena will be living here at The Nun’s House. Now their.. Helena. the unpredictable Miss Janet Conover! (Hindu fanfare. SHE then leads ROSA up to the French windows for air) JASPER Good afternoon.. CRISPARKLE Oh. I have had. unspeakably shock me. I trust so. your kindness and goodwill have deeply moved me. Victor Grinstead! (Fanfare. from my earliest remembrances. But to no avail. Jasper. NEVILLE (Regarding ROSA) Your pupil. Mr. CRISPARKLE There’s the lad! He’ll soon blend in. Jasper: she sings beautifully. Mr. sir? CRISPARKLE You shock me. Mr. sir. even disguising herself as a boy. it was well my stepfather died when he did. to subdue a deadly and bitter hatred.1-2-16 NEVILLE There is no need for you bright gentlemen to console me. In desperation. Mr. I pledge to change my ill-tempered ways. and break new ground for myself. Landless. Thank you. As it happens. Mr. JASPER . Helena tried on more than one occasion to flee his cruel and misery hand. My stepfather was a brute. preening in the applause) NEVILLE (To CRISPARKLE) I surprise you. (Music: revengeful sting) I say! CRISPARKLE NEVILLE (To CRISPARKLE) However. which has made me secret and revengeful. or I might have killed him. NEVILLE You never saw him beat my sister. ladies and gentlemen. JASPER NEVILLE Your efforts have not been without success. (Ominous chord) CHAIRMAN The newest member of our company. As for myself. GRINSTEAD bows. Jasper. much. (Indicating trilling from the orchestra as HE watches JASPER exit RIGHT.. Steady. then.. You will be my friend. Jasper. Orchestra quietly reprises “MOONFALL”) HELENA You are feeling better now. lad.. CRISPARKLE Steady. won’t you? ROSA I will be as good a friend as I can be. JASPER (Regarding NEVILLE with caution) No pardon is necessary. Choir practice. However. Mr. NEVILLE I beg your pardon. or perhaps suspiciously. which may seem very secure to you. ROSA HELENA These surroundings. thank you. Neville! Miss Bud is betrothed to young Edwin Drood. I fear... I wish you well in your new life. and see what sort of a man is worthy of the affection of Miss Bud. no.. aren’t you? Oh. turning to CRISPARKLE:) And I should like to meet this. Mr. CRISPARKLE looks in the direction of JASPER’s departing with suspicion. thank you indeed. (Meaningfully) I trust we shall meet again. Jasper. Drood. Mr. are new and unsettling to me. Landless. Mr. JASPER You’d do well to cast your eyes and interests in other directions. Jasper’s nephew. I must be off.24 1-2-17 NEVILLE And may I inquire if your relationship extends beyond that of pupil and master? CRISPARKLE Heavens. (As THEY exit. NEVILLE Thank you. sir. 25 . ) CHAIRMAN (To audience) Oh. to the wickedest corner of the wickedest hole in the fabric of the City of London.. HE peruses the song.forced me to keep silent without his uttering a single threat. don’t you think? (Music fades out) But we now step from the chaste sanctity of The Nun’s House and travel. I feel I am never safe from him.. for reasons which will soon become clear..master. lies the dark kingdom of the Princess Puffer! 26 27 . Below the street.1-2-18 Who is Mr. Jasper? HELENA ROSA (Turning away) My Edwin’s uncle. You are tearing Mr. Jasper’s composition. You know that he loves you? HELENA ROSA (Fearfully) Oh don’t! Don’t! He terrifies me. SHE unconsciously tears the manuscript of “MOONFALL” that Jasper has given her) HELENA Careful. He has made a slave of me with his looks. and beneath contempt. ROSA It is of no matter: I do not intend to sing it again. (As SHE speaks. (The two exit as the curtain closes. ROSA handing the CHAIRMAN the music as SHE does so. and my music. I’m sure we’ll have at least one reprise of this before we’re finished.. NOTE: Following number is played to. Sinister oriental fanfare as we see a chamber of smoke. IF IT DID. Dawn.) CHAIRMAN Here the lowest. greeting them with outstretched arms and a triumphantly inspired howl of joy.28 ACT I Scene 3 1-3-19 (The lair of the PRINCESS PUFFER in the East End of London. TO COP SOME SLEEP. BASH A FACE FOR BLEEDING TUPPENCE… PURE DISGRACE TO WORK SO CHEAP. with a cheap iron bed (or beds) and discarded furniture and shipping crates. DOORS YOU SHUT. silhouetted in a stylized pose with her back to the audience. And reigning supreme over this blemish on England’s fair complexion is the Princess Puffer. and the den of the Princess Puffer is the sort of establishment even most of the residents of the East End avoid. PRYSHOCK/PUFFER whirls on audience. and preferably within audience. Comatose bodies lie about. WOULD I BE HERE? MIXIN’ CURES. WOT THEN I SELLS ‘EM FOR MY STORES OF ROTTEN BEER THROATS YOU CUT TO POCKET THRUPPENCE. who ministers to her clients’ needs and who hears more than she tells… portrayed this evening by the Grand Dame of the Music Hall Royale… that good woman of ill-repute…your very own and beloved: Miss Angela Pryshock! (As fanfare sounds. Suffice it to say that the East End is a dark home to depravity. most desperate and degenerate element of London’s East End seek escape from a reality so sordid I would never dream of offending your gentle ears with the details. curtain or lighting change should be used to “remove” background from audience’s view until end of number) 4 “THE WAGES OF SIN” PRINCESS PUFFER “CRIME DON’T PAY!” THAT’S WOT I TELLS ‘EM. the next day. illuminated by a ghastly light that reflects off the Thames and seeps through barred windows located in the high ceiling. . In front of all this. scrim. is the Princess Puffer. SPENDS HIS NIGHTS AMONGST THIS SH— CHAIRMAN (Interrupting. SELL ME SOUL? ‘COR LOVE. where was I? S’WHY I SAY. DO THINGS RIGHT. I’D PACK IT IN. (IF I DID. AUDIENCE AND COMPANY) .27 PRINCESS PUFFER (continued) SO I SAY. BUT SELDOM OFFERS. OVER THERE. IN THE WAGES OF SIN! (Break in music. “COR. DON’T BE A SINNER FOR THE PRICE OF LONDON GIN YOU CAN’T PAY FOR ONE SQUARE DINNER WITH THE WAGES OF SIN. I do beg your pardon! Sorry. suddenly) –Madam! PUFFER Oh. THERE’S GREATER TREASURES THAN THE WAGES OF SIN. You can do better than that! Get off your bums and give us the notes: WITH THE WAGES OF SIN! ALL (PUFFER. Now. cut. I GET THREATS. SLEEPS A BLEEDIN’ HYPOCRITE. IN THE WAGES OF SIN. COME OFF IT! WHO WOULD BUY THIS SACK OF SKIN? ON THE WHOLE THERE AIN’T MUCH PROFIT IN THE WAGES OF SIN. AND DIG RIGHT IN! IN THIS WORLD.) 1-3-20 Could be used for ad lib chat with audience. I didn’t mean to – it won’t happen again. bloody ‘ell. EYES CAST TO ‘EAVEN. or I’VE SEEN GIRLS FROM GUTTER FAM’LIES TRAP RICH MEN WITH FLUTT’RY WAYS AND THEY COO. ALL (PUFFER AND AUDIENCE) PUFFER Oh. SPENDS HIS DAYS. IN BED ELEVEN. I promise. PASS THE JAM PLEASE” OVER NUPTIAL BREAKFAST TRAYS.) YOU CAN’T FILL TOO MANY COFFERS WITH THE WAGES OF SIN – (She calls to the back rows:) Give your old love some help with the last line then: WITH THE WAGES OF SIN. DON’T TAKE HALF-MEASURES. Music continues eerily. and your medicine is less potent than usual. JASPER Yes. CHAIRMAN The meanest room in London! And as the light of day steals into the room. is:) Mr. in Bed Eleven. What? Who? PUFFER (An apparition of DROOD appears. yes. John Jasper! (Hissing from available cast members) JASPER Woman! I need laudanum wine. and quickly…My task is only half finished. his eyes quite wild. Yes. would not the parishioners of Cloisterham be astounded to discover. the goodly choirmaster of Cloisterham Cathedral – (Shooting bolt upright from beneath the blanket of the bed nearest the audience.) . there’s no one there. PUFFER (Gets up to prepare laudanum) Laudanum! I’ll fix it for you now. (A dramatic proclamation from the orchestra.) Him! Him! PUFFER God spare you. Before I can get to the changes of color and the great landscapes. Now be still and have yourself a pleasant journey.28 1-3-21 PUFFER God love you! God bless you all! (She blows kisses to ALL and returns from the footlights to the background scene which is re-revealed either by curtain or lighting. of course. I must be rid of him. Eerie music starts softly.) JASPER (He drinks wine offered by PUFFER.) And there I am! PUFFER Yes. JASPER There he is! (An apparition of JASPER appears. as if each end of the same snake were trying to choke the other. that needy… (He pays her) And the railway station? However.Rosa. (He exits. I thank you. so that when the MUSIC stops.) Who are you then? PUFFER And what are you? JASPER .) JASPER …quickly. more laudanum or she will fade.. spill out onto the floor and dance with the DENIZENS of PUFFER’s lair and of JASPER’S hallucinating mind. and JASPER collapses on the bed. PUFFER Five and thruppence you owes me. mumbling) Rosa…Rosa Bud! (PUFFER starts visibly) PUFFER What did you say? Did you say Rosa Bud? (Music cut off) JASPER (Completely changed) I can’t seem to recall what I said. As the MUSIC builds to a peak. sinuous struggle to the death... JASPER watches in fascination as the SHADE OF JASPER strangles the SHADE OF DROOD.. Could you please direct me to the railway station? I seem to be lost.1-3-22 5 “JASPER’S VISION” – BALLET 29 (PUFFER resumes her seat as the two SHADES begin a languid. all music and dance cease. if you are PUFFER The nearest is in Aldgate.. JASPER That seems a large sum for a small courtesy. we are back to the reality of PUFFER’s lair..) Incredible. PUFFER looks after him.Rosa. the SHADES and DENIZENS return from whence they came.Rosa Bud! (As he cries out her name. Then additional SHADES. (He looks around. ten minutes of a walk away from the river. 30 1-3-23 (She turns to exit, as do several of the DENIZENS of her lair, who drop character as they leave, their “turn” done. Spotlight his CHAIRMAN, who appears from side of stage.) CHAIRMAN (To audience) I wonder how many of you noticed that meaningful statement. That sounded suspiciously like a clue to me. Might we have it again, my dear? (Pryshock, almost off stage, looks back enquiringly at CHAIRMAN.) Yes, once more, please. (She gladly rushes back to her earlier mark, and DENIZENS, seeing this, fling themselves back to their earlier rigidly comatose positions as well.) PUFFER (Exactly as before) Who are you then? And what are you? (PUFFER exits again as curtain closes.) CHAIRMAN What indeed! But it is now the following day and as we return to less sordid surroundings, we meet Cloisterham’s leading citizen, MAYOR THOMAS SAPSEA. 31 ACT I Scene 4 1-4-24 (Downstage of curtain set to disclose Cloisterham High Street on cue. The following afternoon. HIGH STREET fanfare as CRISPARKLE & TOWNSPEOPLE enter, fanfare concludes) CRISPARKLE Good afternoon, Mayor Sapsea! (THEY extend their arms towards the wings where SAPSEA is supposed to enter. HE doesn’t. An awkward moment. THROTTLE, the stage manager, appears from behind the curtain, prompt book in hand, and has a hurried word in CHAIRMAN’s ear. As he does so, “townspeople” drop character and view following proceedings as the interested and eventually annoyed Victorian actors they currently are) CHAIRMAN (Complains to THROTTLE) ...really? With a sack of what? Well, it’s unacceptable, isn’t it? But you’ll notice once again who gets saddled with the— (To audience) Ladies and gentlemen, your kind indulgence for a short announcement: The part of Mayor Sapsea will not, I repeat, will not, be portrayed tonight by Mr. James Hitchens, as is stated in your programme. It will come to no surprise to our regular patrons that Mr. Hitchens is once again massively indisposed, due to injuries he received while fighting for a lady’s honor. (Aside) Apparently the lady wished to keep it. (Back to formal tone) And so his part will be portrayed this evening by your own humble chairman and obedient servant. I refer of course, ladies and gentlemen, to myself, Mr. William Cartwright. I hope this last-minute substitution meets with your approval? (He begs for applause, which is led by on-stage actors, who are thrilled that a pro like Cartwright is taking over the role. THEY exit as CHAIRMAN continues:) And I might add, it’s more your luck than mine. (HIGH STREET fanfare again as HELENA and NEVILLE enter and CHARIMAN/SAPSEA exits.) 32 1-4-25 CRISPARKLE (Hailing) Good afternoon, Mayor Sapsea! (THROTTLE prompts SAPSEA’s re-entering)* SAPSEA Good afternoon, Mr. Crisparkle, and — eh— CRISPARKLE These are my new charges from Ceylon, Mayor Sapsea; I’m taking them to meet— (Enter DROOD and ROSA as SAPSEA/CHAIRMAN exits, relieved to be relieved of his responsibilities in the scene) ah, and in fact here he comes now! Helena! Neville! Allow me to introduce young Edwin Drood. Sir! DROOD NEVILLE Sir! I congratulate you on your good fortune, Mr. Drood. Good fortune, sir? Your betrothal, sir. (Realizing) DROOD NEVILLE DROOD Oh yes, Rosa. CRISPARKLE Our young Ned is soon to depart himself for your segment of the globe, Neville. Ceylon, Mr. Drood? NEVILLE DROOD No, but much the same: Egypt. * [ IT is suggested that CHAIRMAN be given a hat (perhaps handed to him by THROTTLE), which he wears whenever he is acting as SAPSEA and doffs whenever he is acting as CHAIRMAN, simply to aid the audience in understanding which is which. Needless to say, CHAIRMAN should also alter his voice and manner somewhat as SAPSEA, who is essentially a pompous and perhaps dithering city official.] 33 charming English markethall street with picturesque shop-fronts. DROOD HELENA One wonders where one will obtain. Drood! Yes. I meant no offense. the paving stones? From the pyramids! No! DROOD NEVILLE DROOD Yes.eh. NEVILLE A monumental task. and I plan to pull off a miracle. Landless! A thoroughfare for commerce and coach travel across the desert to Alexandria.. to make your future. to insure that Egypt has one. DROOD 34 . NEVILLE This is English blasphemy! Is it not enough that you take our delicate brew of tea leaves and likewise improve it by pouring cow’s milk into— (HELENA reacts with nausea and alarm) CRISPARKLE Neville. much Tudor and thatching in evidence. please— let’s not raise our voices here in. sir? DROOD No. Mr. what miracle? NEVILLE DROOD The Cairo Transverse.. for example. (The curtain opens on a typical. I shall shortly be taking over my family’s engineering concern there. Mr. HE checks scenery) Cloisterham High Street. Pray.1-4-26 NEVILLE Oh... my studies show there is enough rock in the top half of the Great Pyramid alone. sir. or to ruffle your splendid feathers. 6. 35 . I hope you have left them both behind you. WHAT SHALL I SHOW THEM— THE FULL EFFECT? WHAT DO I OWE THEM— WHAT THEY EXPECT? HELENA NEVILLE NEVILLE & HELENA A BRITISH SUBJECT ON DISPLAY IN FROM CEYLON TODAY. (Sinuous tango vamp music begins) DROOD My uncle has already given me some account of your hot-blooded temperament and past. Master Edwin. Landless only feels passionately about his part of the world. DROOD As long as he keeps his passions in check.1-4-27 NEVILLE And I did not mean my awkward ways to arouse such emotion. Miss Bud. curious about the hostilities that are building up) NEVILLE (Confiding to audience) MY REPUTATION PRECEDES ME HERE (A SITUATION I NEEDS MUST FEAR). “A BRITISH SUBJECT” (TOWNSPEOPLE drift in during song. ROSA I’m sure Mr.. sir. NEVILLE & HELENA WHAT HOPE HAVE I OF BLENDING IN WHEN “DIFF’RENT” IS A SIN? NEVILLE I THOUGHT I’D CLEANED MY SLATE AT LAST BUT THEY ANTICIPATE MY PAST. NEVILLE I fear I have not yet adapted myself to your restrained climate.. Edwin.Miss Bud. AH. ROSA... DROOD NEVILLE & HELENA A BRITISH SUBJECT... WHAT’S ALL THE FUSS? ALL TERRA FIRMA BELONGS TO US. THEY’LL TRY TO GUESS: CRISPARKLE CAPETOWN OR BURMA. AND ENGLISH ARE THEY AND BRITISH AM I. CRISPARKLE. AND DROOD. DROOD CRISPARKLE ROSA AND YET I FEAR YOU SOON WILL BE THE SUBJECT OF SCRUTINY. DROOD BRITISH ARE THEY AND ENGLISH AM I THERE ARE TWO SUBJECTS WE DON’T DISCUSS: ONE IS OUR MONARCH THE OTHER’S US. BRED AND BORN. NONETHELESS! HELENA FROM WHERE AND WHY. NEVILLE & HELENA OUR EMIGRATION TO THIS LOCATION HAS BROUGHT OUR STATION DOWN A MILE! THIS DISTANT NATION DIVIDES CREATION IN RANK AND FILE. AND ENGLISH ARE THEY AND BRITISH AM I. NEVILLE A BRITISH SUBJECT.1—4-28 NEVILLE & HELENA (continued) OUR EMIGRATION TO THIS LOCATION HAS BROUGHT OUR STATION DOWN A MILE! THIS DISTANT NATION DIVIDES CREATION IN RANK AND FILE. 36 . CRISPARKLE YOUR MIGRATION TO THIS DESTINATION— LEADS US TO SPECULATION. AND SUBJECT NOT TO SCORN. OH! THE INSULTATION OF OUR POPULATION IS THE EXPLANATION. ROSA. NEVILLE glances after them with seething emotions. CRISPARKLE and TOWNSPEOPLE exit with the others. JASPER and SAPSEA. a tribesman Landless. OH! THE INSULTATION OF OUR POPULATION— NEVILLE & HELENA TOWNSPEOPLE YOU.1-4-29 NEVILLE & HELENA OUR EMIGRATION TO THIS LOCATION HAS BROUGHT OUR STATION DOWN A MILE! THIS DISTANT NATION DIVIDES CREATION IN RANK AND FILE. ALL TIL WE DIE!!!! (Shouted in rhythm) TIL— WE— DIE! (DROOD storms off with ROSA. half-caste who would kill as easily as he sleek hair! SAPSEA Come now.and I fear his hot-blooded Eastern temperament. step forward) JASPER You see.. CRISP.. YOU ARE TWO WHO INTRUDE UPON THIS TOWN AND EDWIN DROOD! ON THIS ISLE. AND ENGLISH ARE THEY AND BRITISH AM I! DROOD. would comb his 37 . Jasper. Mr... ALL OTHERS THIS IS THE WAY WE’LL STAY.. Mayor Sapsea? It’s just as I’ve been saying— there is an instinctive rivalry between my own dear boy and this Landless fellow .. Mr. Jasper. who have entered towards the end of the number. a half-bred. NATIVES SMILE! NEVILLE THIS IS THE WAY WE’LL STAY. this is quite extraordinary— one side. JASPER I will go mad! Do you not realize there is more than face to all things in nature? (Towards a frenzy) Beneath Neville’s tainted English accent and adopted there is a heathen Landless. I think you exaggerate the matter. HELENA is alarmed by her brother’s behavior and pulls him away. one English manners. half-blooded. YOUR MIGRATION TO THIS DESTINATION— LEADS US TO SPECULATION. SAPSEA Oh. ROSA. sir! (Catching himself) I myself suffer from this sort of duality on occasion.indeed like our two-sided Neville Landless... SAPSEA 38 . (Musical vamp begins) SAPSEA (To audience as CHAIRMAN) And what about me.) JASPER I AM NOT MYSELF THESE DAYS. half-expect to meet myself rounding a corner I’ve already turned.. they likewise encourage hand-clapping during second and third refrains. and in going back to fetch them. JASPER AND IF I TAKE OPPOSING SIDES WITHIN MYSELF. I find that. OR IS IT ME? JASPER SAPSEA AND IF I’M HIM AND IF I’M HE EACH ONE OF US MIGHT NOT AGREE ON WHAT TO DO. as MUSIC HALL COMPANY MEMBERS.1-4-30 JASPER (Berserk) To the contrary. FOR ALL I KNOW. THEN WHO DIVIDES UP WHAT IS RIGHT OR WRONG? I’LL GO ALONG WITH YOU. Sometimes I will... WHAT’S MORE. “BOTH SIDES OF THE COIN” (Ensemble. I MIGHT BE YOU. WE TWO. I MEAN). 7. (WE FOUR. ARE IN A BIND! FOR IS IT I. THERE’S MORE THAN ROOM ENOUGH FOR TWO INSIDE MY MIND! SAPSEA I AM LIKEWISE IN A HAZE OF WHO I AM FROM SCENE TO SCENE... creep in during song to lead a round of applause after JASPER and SAPSEA successfully finish tongue-twister first refrain.. THEY exit as they applaud the end of the number.forget things... having to be your chairman and play this Mayor Sapsea bloke at the same time? It’s damned confusing! JASPER . nothing could be more ordinary. TWELVE TO A SHILLING. OR BLACK OR WHITE. OR DAY! SAPSEA JASPER SAPSEA JASPER SAPSEA JASPER SAPSEA BOTH SAPSEA NATURE SELDOM EVER FAILS TO MOST OBLIGINGLY PROVIDE AN UNDISCLOSED OPPOSING SIDE TO ONE’S DISMAY. OR NIGHT. HEADS OR TAILS. JASPER THERE’S SHADOWS IN THIS SHINING MORN. TWICE THAT TO A FLORIN. BOTH SAPSEA BUT LUCK’S DIVISION IS PERVERSE. ONE PENNY. TUPENNY. JASPER YOU’RE GOOD AS DEAD AS SOON AS BORN. AND WOULD YOU NOT FANCY THE CURRENCY FOREIGN TO FIND THE SAME FACE ON BOTH SIDES OF THE COIN? BOB IS YOUR UNCLE FROM PENNIES TO GUINEAS. SAPSEA IF THERE’S A ROSE IT BEARS A THORN. 39 .1-4-31 BOTH HA’PENNY. THE TWO-SIDED MINT IS THE RULE NOT EXCEPTION. OR LEFT OR RIGHT. IT’S UP OR DOWN. AND WOULD YOU NOT FEEL QUITE THE FOOL OF DECEPTION TO FIND THE SAME FACE ON BOTH SIDES OF THE COIN? ODDS OR EVENS. IT’S HIGH OR LOW. THRUPENNY. AND YET WE SMILE. TWELVE TO A SHILLING. AND WOULD YOU NOT FANCY THE CURRENCY FOREIGN TO FIND THE SAME FACE ON BOTH SIDES OF THE COIN? BOB IS YOUR UNCLE FROM PENNIES TO GUINEAS. AND WOULD YOU NOT FANCY THE CURRENCY FOREIGN TO FIND THE SAME FACE ON BOTH SIDES OF THE COIN? BOB IS YOUR UNCLE FROM PENNIES TO GUINEAS. ONE PENNY. TWELVE TO A SHILLING.. Mayor Sapsea! But now I must— CHANGE. TWICE THAT TO A FLORIN. sir! 40 SAPSEA AH— (Counterpoint vocalize thru refrain) AH— (Sustain thru refrain) . tupenny. AND WOULD YOU NOT FEEL QUITE THE FOOL OF DECEPTION TO FIND THE SAME FACE ON BOTH SIDES OF THE COIN? JASPER.1-4-32 JASPER IT SEEMS TO WORK MORE IN REVERSE: SAPSEA IF THINGS ARE BETTER THEY’LL BE WORSE IN JUST A WHILE. TWICE THAT TO A FLORIN. AND WOULD YOU NOT FEEL QUITE THE FOOL OF DECEPTION TO FIND THE SAME FACE ON BOTH SIDES OF THE COIN? JASPER HA’PENNY. TWELVE TO A SHILLING. THE TWO-SIDED MINT IS THE RULE NOT EXCEPTION. (Then. TUPENNY. ONE PENNY. I shall certainly keep my eyes fixed upon this Neville Landless! JASPER A brilliant and original idea. THRUPENNY. TUPENNY. exiting:) Good day.. BOTH HA’PENNY. one penny. to JASPER) You’ve convinced me. THE TWO-SIDED MINT IS THE RULE NOT EXCEPTION. THRUPENNY. THRUPENNY. ONE PENNY. THE TWO-SIDED MINT IS THE RULE NOT EXCEPTION. (SAPSEA reacts with terror: JASPER. AND WOULD YOU NOT FEEL QUITE THE FOOL OF DECEPTION TO FIND THE SAME FACE ON BOTH SIDES OF THE COIN? JASPER & SAPSEA ENSEMBLE ENSEMBLE HA’PENNY. as SAPSEA. SAPSEA & ENSEMBLE BOTH SIDES OF THE COIN! HEY! (ALL but SAPSEA and JASPER exit) SAPSEA (After applause ends. Mr. to audience as CHAIRMAN:) All together now! Ha’penny. TUPENNY. TWICE THAT TO A FLORIN. AND WOULD YOU NOT FANCY THE CURRENCY FOREIGN TO FIND THE SAME FACE ON BOTH SIDES OF THE COIN? BOB IS YOUR UNCLE FROM PENNIES TO GUINEAS. Jasper. Bill? CHAIRMAN I said. “a round behind” — DURDLES (Playing to audience) And so have you! (Vaudeville drum comments after each joke) CHAIRMAN I didn’t come here to be insulted! DURDLES Why.an important meeting (Vamp begins again) with Mayor Sapsea.1-4-33 Bye-bye! SAPSEA (As CHAIRMAN) We now step out from Cloisterham High Street and fall in step with a relic known only to the residents of Cloisterham as “Durdles”. who lives just around behind— (Vamp stops) What’s that you say.. Bill? DURDLES CHAIRMAN (walking right into it) I said. no you don’t. you know! Oh. where do you usually go? (Drums) CHAIRMAN I’m not a complete fool.Oh. which bit is missing? (Drums) You’re next to an idiot! DURDLES CHAIRMAN 41 . (A vamp begins) A gentleman whose knowledge of the Cathedral tombs is exceeded only by his capacity for wine and spirits... (Enter DURDLES with DEPUTY in tow) He is wending his way towards an important assignation— (Vamp stops) DURDLES (Interrupting) What’s that you say.. by my own lad.. young Nick Cricker the Second — CHAIRMAN Yes. though it’s not been at all damp. SAPSEA DURDLES No sir. Durdles. Thomas Sapsea as just that. dear friends. the door is all ready for my inscribing. not mine. I’ve been working on your dead wife’s grave.1-4-34 DURDLES (Shaking hands with CHAIRMAN) Pleased to meet you! (Drums) CHAIRMAN Ladies and gentlemen. you mean Rheumatism. Thomas Sapsea. sir! Good afternoon. I give (and I don’t want him back) — Mr. No. the cough. She’ll be much happier when we’ve moved her from her temporary grave.your friend.. That is how I like to refer to her. Durdles. 42 . SAPSEA Please refer to the late Mrs. that is how I like to think of her.. a warm round of applause for Nick Cricker and Son! (NICK CRICKER fanfare.. (Aside) Indeed. CHAIRMAN puts SAPSEA hat on) DURDLES Afternoon. guv’nor. Mayor Sapsea. It’s a touch of Tombatism. (To Durdles) But is my wife’s tomb ready? DURDLES Yes. essaying the role of Durdles. SAPSEA DURDLES (Coughing badly) I’m begging your pardon.. your lordship. sir. and the moles won’t have been able to get to her for ages. the late Mrs. the clown prince of the Music Hall Royale.. Nick Cricker— DURDLES — assisted. as CHAIRMAN to audience. pointedly) You might like to add that line to your list of suspicious statements! CRICKER/DURDLES Steady on. they’ve already made a meal of Mrs. almost overpowering the CHAIRMAN’s admonishments) 43 . Sapsea no matter— SAPSEA That’s quite enough. SAPSEA (Lightening change. Jasper asked if I’d take him down into the crypt to see it. we don’t want these people leaping to conclusions without all the facts at hand! Otherwise. this boy? DURDLES My “protégé”*. randomly dancing. they’ll all be running: OFF TO THE RACES!! (A song cue if ever there was one. I have the key right here. There’s room enough for all the royal family to have afternoon tea. yes— SAPSEA DURDLES That crypt is a national treasure.. clapping hands..1-4-35 DURDLES (continued) (Much distaste upon SAPSEA’s face as DURDLES continues oblivious) . singing. squire? Name of Deputy. Mr. if I may make so bold. DURDLES That’s right. (Regards DEPUTY) And who is this— this thing.though there’s nothing much you can do about the worms. Yes. (*sic— rhymes w/”siege”) DEPUTY I put the lock on your wife’s crypt myself. your grace. your lordship... (Displays a ring of keys) And it’ll be my pleasure to unlock that door and slide your old woman right in there tomorrow. more than ready to go into the number. Durdles. prancing. just a while ago. a vamp commences) FLO (Entering) Right! Let’s have a chorus of “Off to the Races”! (Members of the ENSEMBLE enter in disorganized but enthusiastic fashion. Bill. I mean. The Graveyard of Cloisterham Cathedral! 44 . For now— FLO (One last try as SHE exits) Off To The Races! CHAIRMAN Oh. We mustn’t stop the dramatic momentum we’re building here. stop. as disgruntled ENSEMBLE exits:) That’s scheduled for later in the programme..as we follow Durdles and Deputy to....1-4-36 CHAIRMAN Stop. (Underscore starts) in hopes of shedding new light upon our curious story. stop! (Vamp breaks off and... shut up!! For now we must descend into the darkness. Jasper. No matter how it reads in cold print. of course. SAPSEA’s mausoleum slowly opens with horrific portent. Prominent is the tomb of MRS. the door to MRS. hearing the fourth step. With the classic creak and ominous rasp of marble drawn against granite. but is distracted and alarmed to hear. from off-stage:) Durdles? DEPUTY Durdles! Durdles! Hello? Who’s there? Mr. this scene was played for comic effect by having JASPER mime the described action to the accompaniment of what the audience quickly realizes is a pre-recorded SFX tape. calls out “Durdles?”. With a musical shiver. JASPER takes emphatic steps which match the sound of the footsteps in gravel. PAGET/JASPER. The door to the tomb is “molto Inner Sanctum”. bottle in hand. JASPER emerges from the mausoleum. (Stepping from the shadows. as the vault seals shut. With a forceful display of inner strength. JASPER seizes DEPUTY violently) 45 . against which..) (PRODUCTION NOTE: On Broadway. then takes three more steps and freezes — except that the pre-recorded clearly sounds four steps.. quickly stamps a fourth step to “cover” his mistake. listens with satisfaction to the repeated reverberations it creates. HE closes the door to the mausoleum and. it’s an almost certifiable laugh) JASPER (In a near-whisper) (JASPER attempts to return DURDLES’ key ring near the stone mason’s dormant form. THOMAS SAPSEA.1-5-37 ACT I Scene 5 (Early Christmas Eve. a lantern in hand. DURDLES is irrevocably lost in a drunken stupor. revealed is the cemetery just beyond Cloisterham Cathedral. and I’ll stone yer eyes out next time. JASPER stands over him. that will serve you. have you been watching me.. you young wretch!! JASPER (Gasping for breath) Why do you assault me this way. and HE easily dominates the boy. Jasper! (HE rushes off) Peculiar lad. who has been faking. lands a blow to JASPER’s stomach. you cunning devil? I’ll have the blood of you. DEPUTY.) DEPUTY There. deeply concerned. goes limp as if dead.1-5-38 JASPER What. Music stops. Deputy? DEPUTY You’re ripe for the asylum. Mr. his ear to DEPUTY’s chest) and help me revive the dear boy. I only pray that— oh! (The “dear boy”. (JASPER bends over the boy. held by the throat. so help me! DURDLES (Cuffing DEPUTY) Quiet. and falls to the ground. you devil. JASPER 46 . breathing heavily) There. You murdered him! DURDLES JASPER (JASPER’s voice and demeanor and suddenly and completely changed) What? What do you say? Murder! Murder! DURDLES JASPER Stop talking such lunacy. (JASPER’s wild rage endows him with almost inhuman strength.. Durdles. and DROOD knows all) No.. that was excellent wine you gave me. Rosa..Mr. But ooh. Eddie dearest. well. counting them) .. (DURDLES nods ominously and exits. DURDLES Oh. own betrothed? (ROSA turns away. He gave me strict instructions that the keys were. I seem to have gotten. (Looks closely at keys. Transitional music— the moon comes out from behind a cloud— as DROOD and ROSA enter) DROOD Yes. my. we’ve spent many a bright and chatting afternoon here among these silent tombs. eh. I was lost myself in a fitful dream.. Sapsea’s tomb is missing.. let us change to brother and sister from this day forth. What do you think.Well.lost. Jarsper? JASPER (Patting his coat pocket) I think that I have guests due at any moment for Christmas dinner. I imagined someone touched me and took something from me— (HE sees his key ring on the floor) and here’s what it was! Mayor Sapsea wouldn’t like me leaving the mausoleum keys lying about in front of his wife’s crypt.1-5-39 DURDLES Blame it on his infectuous youth...we are not legally bound to marriage. (Exits) DURDLES And God rest ye merry. DROOD Never to be husband and wife? 47 . Did you get to look inside Mrs. (Laughs) A happy Christmas to you. John Jarsper.. Mister Jarsper... and a poor host I’d be no to offer them all the comfort and joy of the season.and now the key to Mrs... sir. (Steps on keys) . Mister Jarsper.. ROSA Then. Mr. Sapsea’s crypt while I was asleep? JASPER (Setting down the ring of keys while DURDLES’ back is turned) No. Durdles... More potent than I’m accustomed.. THE FOREST FROM THE TREES.. ROSA TOO MUCH WE’VE BEEN TOGETHER.perhaps then we would know how we truly feel towards each other. dear one. AND I ASSUMED THE FUTURE— DROOD ROSA DROOD AND I PRESUMED THAT YOU WERE THERE. DROOD . HOW PERFECT LIFE COULD BE! DROOD I’D KNOW IF I ADORE YOU— YOU’D KNOW IF YOU LOVE ME. ROSA I know. (Music: vamp begins) poor boy....1-5-40 Never... “PERFECT STRANGERS” ROSA IF WE WERE PERFECT STRANGERS. TOO MUCH WE’VE SEEN TOGETHER TO JUDGE THE VIEW. I’D SEE THE PATH BEFORE ME.AND YET I WONDERED WHERE WE MET.oh. 8. I am sorry.? DROOD IF WE WERE PERFECT STRANGERS. Rosa.. You have not been truly happy with our engagement. Rosa.. DROOD & ROSA AH— AH— 48 . I’D FIND MY WAY WITH EASE. ROSA DROOD I am honor-bound to confess that this thought does not originate from you alone. Nor have I. DROOD ROSA And I for you. if only our marriage had not been assured since birth. ... Sister... ROSA DROOD ROSA (ROSA produces a large light-reflective clasp.1-5-41 DROOD COULD LIFE BE REAL WITHOUT YOU? YOU’RE ALWAYS THERE.TOO NEAR TO TOUCH YOU. . HOW DO I FEEL ABOUT YOU? I CARE.. God bless you. DROOD ROSA DROOD ROSA 49 . HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME.. THEY speak. HOW MUCH YOU’VE BEEN TO ME.. (HE accepts it) God bless you.. HOW DO I FEEL ABOUT YOU? I CARE. THEY move forward and curtain closes behind them) Brother....as a vow of my eternal friendship.. (As music continues..left to me by my mother. . ROSA DROOD ROSA DROOD MY DEAR BUT ARE WE LOVERS? HOW WOULD WE KNOW IT? HOW WOULD WE FEEL IT? HOW WOULD WE SHOW IT? ROSA MY DEAREST NED.. dear..TOO NEAR TO TOUCH YOU. which SHE must display prominently for the audience’s benefit) I— I pray you will take this clasp. .. HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME. AH— DROOD MY DEAR BUT ARE WE LOVERS? HOW WOULD WE KNOW IT? HOW WOULD WE FEEL IT? HOW WOULD WE SHOW IT? DROOD (A kind of laugh) All this will come as a terrible blow to my uncle! (ROSA turns away in fear) Why. whatever is the matter? ROSA Could we keep our change of plans from Mr. Eddie? DROOD Yes. DROOD and ROSA hurry off as.. DROOD & ROSA IF WE’D BEEN PERFECT STRANGERS. of course you’re right. Jasper for a while.. (Indeed there is. I MIGHT HAVE LOVED YOU PERFECTLY. for we hear a thunderbolt.. HOW MUCH YOU’VE BEEN TO ME.. Why give him such sad news on Christmas Eve? But now we must be off.. He’s expecting us for dinner and I fear there’s a storm brewing..1-5-42 ROSA MY DEAREST NED.) 50 . Neville. (ALL freeze.. (Music out abruptly— CRISPARKLE catches himself) But enough! Let us follow Mr. at a seaside party celebrating her second anniversary.1-6-43 ACT I Scene 6 (A short time later. JASPER admits DROOD & ROSA. Not GODS. The curtain rises. lights and mysterious music as HE reflects) And then. HELENA What a storm for Christmas Eve! CRISPARKLE Yes. Jasper’s lead and forgot our grievances with life and with each other over a sturdy Christmas dinner. portrayed by PHILLIP BAX. yes. HELENA Neville tells me you were once engaged to Rosa’s mother. and MAIDS have brought on the chair and dinner table.only a few months after Rosa was born. first snow. CRISPARKLE Yes. (Thunder. all! Sorry we’re late but we fought the storm all the— 51 . and now this threatening storm! The Gods must be angry. CRISPARKLE GOD must be angry. a bit too Angular for her taste.. ‘twas like this the night that Rosa’s mother died. We use the singular in England. Crisparkle. the wind howling as THEY enter) DROOD Hallo. but I fear I was a bit too Anglican.. JASPER I pray you will forgive the meager merits of my humble table. and we are now back in the home of JOHN JASPER. and drowned in the embrace of the ungrateful waves. Mr... ) NEVILLE What a bizarre climate you have here in Cloisterham. More thunder. WAITER.she apparently slipped while walking unobserved along the cliffs.. ROSA Edwin! Mr. Let me take your things. No fear of that. sir! (Thunder) NEVILLE JASPER Gentlemen! This is Christmas Eve and I will tolerate no further such behavior between you. Very good. you remind me of the flowering hibiscus! DROOD And how is it you remind me of an inconsistent baker. Jack. NEVILLE Miss Bud. any port in a storm. DROOD (Hands NEVILLE his coat) I had no idea you had taken on domestic staff. JASPER Now let us drink deep. Landless will take you seriously. thanks.None for me.. for while your metaphors seem quite stale. Now. uncle. 52 . your manners are uncommonly fresh. DROOD Well. (Ominous chord as they drink) DROOD This wine is more potent than usual. Edwin. very good. you’ve no idea what it means to Have you In My Chambers. how is it that in a season of holly. any port in a storm for me. Uncle! CRISPARKLE (Laughs) Yes.1-6-44 NEVILLE Miss Bud. it is wondrous to see you again. NEVILLE JASPER Now lads! Rosa.. Neville. You go too far. I prepared it specially for you from a recipe I obtained on a recent trip to London. (JASPER offers him a glass) . this mulled wine is very good stuff indeed. Edwin! ROSA DROOD There is no longer any cause for rivalry between us. AH BUT A WAISTCOAT WORN CAN SOON BE TORN. AND BIGOTS. NEVILLE Then a Merry Christmas to you. YOU WEAR A FINER CUT THAN MINE.1-6-45 JASPER Well.. ladies. I’m sure Rosa and I could use someone to carry our bags— What? NEVILLE DROOD Someone better acquainted with a foreign tongue than he is with minding his own. and again.if you wish it. please be seated! 9. THAT SUPERCIL’OUS SNEER YOU WEAR! CLEAR. ominous thunder as WAITER enters) WAITER (Voice of Doom) The Goose Is Cooked! NEVILLE Miss Bud. Edwin. Landless! Perhaps you should accompany us to Cairo. You have my friendship. I thought you lads would like it. Now let’s have no more ill will between you! Please. “NO GOOD CAN COME FROM BAD” NEVILLE SIR. JASPER Gentlemen.. I DON’T MUCH LIKE YOUR TONE. ‘TILL MAGGOTS FEED ON YOU! ROSA (Turns to audience. DROOD My God. aside) SOMETHING IN THIS SPEECH SEEMS OMINOUS TO ME! 53 . I think your next Christmas dinner will be in Egypt. TOO. Neville. (They shake hands. CRISP. JAS.. as HE refills their glasses) MY DEAREST NEPHEW NED.. I’M SURE.) NO GOOD CAN COME FROM BAD! JASPER (Rising. sings to tune of “TWO KINSMEN”. DROOD retorts to LANDLESS) DROOD LANDLESS (AS YOU ARE AND KNOWN). THAN WE.. YOUR CRUDENESS THUS EXPLAINS. HEL. DON’T OVER-REACH. DROOD. FOR THIS WE SHOULD BE GLAD! WON’T YOU TRY SOME WINE? JASPER ALL SIX (NEV. I WISH TO WISH YOU WELL! THE WORLD IS YOURS BEFORE YOU JUST LIKE— WAITER/BAZZARD (Bellows in rhythm) Oysters on the shell! (HE brings in a tray of oysters. PRAY PROMISE THIS TO ME! CRISPARKLE (Standing to offer grace) PRAISE TO HIM DIVINE. YOUR BLOOD IS HOT BUT LESS THAN PURE! LESS. ROSA SOMETHING SENDS A CHILL LIKE FEET UPON MY GRAVE! HELENA CAN MY STRENGTH AND WILL COMPLETELY NEVILLE SAVE? CRISPARKLE COULD THESE WORDS THEY SAY BRING HARM UPON THE LAD? NIGHT MUST FOLLOW DAY! JASPER 54 . ROSA.1-6-46 HELENA TWIN. YOUR HISTORY WOULD INDICATE A PAST OF LOWER CLASS WITH YOU REMAINS. EVERY EPITHET! HELENA CRISPARKLE IN YOUNGER DAYS. WE ARE FRIENDS. both angered with drink. AND YET. 55 . THREE CHEERS— WAITER/BAZZARD (Bellows in rhythm) And ‘ere’s the roast! (HE wheels in the goose on a carving cart. I FEAR IT.) NEVILLE & DROOD GLANCES CUT LIKE BLADE THROUGH BONE. THY WILL BE DONE— JASPER (Inquiring of NEVILLE & DROOD. spoken in rhythm) Which one of you will carve? (Thunder crashes as DROOD & NEVILLE both reach for the carving knife and fork. CRISPARKLE admires the repast:) CRISPARKLE HOW VERY BLESSED ARE WE. and THEY face-off across the bird. THEY’LL NOT SOON FORGET HEARING NEVILLE’S THREAT. THERE AT YOU WHO DARE PRESUME TO STARE AT WHOM I’D MAKE MY WIFE AND SHARE MY LIFE— I’D SEE YOU DEAD BEFORE SWEET ROSA WED. NOW DUST IS ALL I’M WORTH. JASPER taps side of water glass to announce a toast) JASPER MY DEAREST.1-6-47 ALL SIX NO GOOD CAN COME FROM BAD! (Thunder crashes. FATE WAITS NEAR! I FEEL IT. DEEPEST FRIENDS! MAY I PROPOSE A TOAST: TO ROSA BUD AND EDWIN DROOD. WHEN OH SO MANY STARVE! THY KINGDOM COME. SHE LEFT THIS EARTH. I HUNGERED FOR ANOTHER: ROSA’S MOTHER! AFTER ROSA’S BIRTH. WITH DAGGERS DRAWN I GLARE AT YOU. THIS NOISE SHE LEFT THIS EARTH. JASPER (W/OTHERS in sextet. ALL I’M WORTH. music bar 59 thru 64) AND AS I STAND BY. HELENA & ROSA 56 . AND SHARE MY LIFE— THEY’LL NOT SOON FORGET I’D SEE YOU DEAD HEARING NEVILLE’S THREAT. THIS NOISE MORE FRIGHT’NING THAN THEY MIGHT CONCEIVE. THEY’VE THOUGHT THAT I’M I HUNGERED FOR ANOTHER: A DRESDEN DOLL. TAKE NOTE: YOUR THROAT SOUNDS QUITE DRY. THEY’VE THOUGHT THAT I’M A DRESDEN DOLL. BEFORE SWEET ROSA WED. FATE WAITS NEAR! WITH DAGGERS DRAWN I GLARE AT YOU. I’D MAKE MY WIFE AND YET. ALL SIX WITH THESE NEW ADDITIONS. IN YOUNGER DAYS. THIS WINE SHOULD SATISFY. I CURSE! FULL WARNING YOU HAVE HAD! BAD MUST LEAD TO WORSE. THERE AT YOU WHO DARE PRESUME I FEAR IT. EVERY EPITHET! ROSA CRISPARKLE (W/OTHERS in sextet. NEVILLE & DROOD FIE ON YOU. QUITE NAIVE. music bar 59 thru 64) SO LONG A TIME. I FEEL IT.1-6-48 ROSA SO LONG A TIME. ROSA’S QUITE NAIVE. music bar 59 thru 64) GLANCES CUT LIKE BLADE THROUGH BONE. THERE MAY BE REVEALED MURDEROUS ADMISSIONS OTHERWISE CONCEALED. NEVILLE & DROOD HELENA (W/OTHERS in sextet. THESE BOYS. BUT I PERCEIVE THESE BOYS. MOTHER! BUT I PERCEIVE AFTER ROSA’S BIRTH. MORE FRIGHT’NING THAN NOW DUST IS THEY MIGHT CONCEIVE. TO STARE AT WHOM WE ARE FRIENDS. your Destiny calls! 57 . (Thunder as ROSA. HELENA Be careful how you tread. CRISPARKLE Well.execute. Edwin.Good night.1-6-49 ALL SIX NO GOOD CAN COME FROM BAD! NO GOOD— NO GOOD CAN COME FROM BAD! (Music continues under as thunderstorm builds outside) DROOD What a storm for Christmas Eve! I must stroll down to the River Weir to see this fit of nature unchecked! Will you excuse me. Edwin. JASPER NEVILLE I will join you on your walk. I have plans I must.. My dear... (Thunder) ROSA And we must retire to The Nun’s House before the storm. But I will not let you go in that flimsy coat— you shall wear my own humble but serviceable caped coat! (Sinister and significant musical sting. uncle? Of course.. Edwin. Rosa.. Neville. JASPER helps DROOD on with coat as NEVILLE calls from doorway:) NEVILLE Come. I shall see the ladies safely home. DROOD ROSA (Quick glance at NEVILLE) JASPER Everyone. CRISPARKLE exit) Will you join us. HELENA.. Uncle? DROOD JASPER No. but in its wake.. there is to be found no trace of young.. (HE exits into the wings) 58 . to be sure. and HE is gone.. The storm is over.1-6-50 DROOD Then goodbye Uncle! Goodbye All!! (The sky erupts around DROOD framed in the door.Edwin. Music recedes) CHAIRMAN (Resuming his authority) When shall these three meet again? When.DROOD....if ever? It is now late the next day. Christmas Day. The walls of JASPER’s home part to reveal Minor Canon Corner. Quite the showman is our Bazzard. You have heard. here he is now! (Enter BAZZARD. Reverend. Bazzard. Bazzard has written a play.1-7-51 ACT I Scene 7 (Christmas Day. let us wait until my assistant Bazzard reports. Misplaced? ROSA CRISPARKLE Yes. 59 . he carries with him a Secret. Now. Rosa: what do you think Mr. [NOTE: In night scenes. I know something terrible has happened to Edwin! CRISPARKLE Oh. CRISPARKLE (With forced cheer) There. you see? I don’t believe you’ve met my assistant. A tragedy. Crisparkle! (On) Oh.] From either side of the stage enter ROSA & CRISPARKLE) ROSA (Off) Mr. though tragically misplaced. Ah. the sentiment voiced that no news is most certainly good news. I’m sure. a street of highwindowed houses leading to Cloisterham Cathedral. which can clearly be seen. His chief occupation is in guiding excursion-parties around our church. doom-laden) Bazzard! What news? (Despondent) BAZZARD No news. Bazzard has done? ROSA Oh dear! Nothing dreadful I hope? CRISPARKLE Mr. these windows are illuminated. ROSA BAZZARD I love the theatrical world. I. But I hope to see Mr.. too...nor met her death two years later at that pleasure party by the sea..had her mother not married another. But there are many stages beyond the proscenium. Bazzard. The steeple bell begins to toll the evening service) 60 .1-7-52 “The Thorn of Anxiety”! BAZZARD ROSA When will it be performed. Bazzard. Mr.. Bazzard? (Proudly) BAZZARD Never! CRISPARKLE Sometimes I think Mr. BAZZARD (Over-acting his little line) That assignment I eagerly accept! (HE hurries off with orchestra horn call) ROSA Oh my dear hopeless Edwin! (Music: underscore vamp begins) CRISPARKLE (Aside) How like her mother she looks! Had the Lord seen fit to smile on me. Mr. Bazzard’s work performed some day. I Long to Play a Larger Part! CRISPARKLE Then. Bazzard has more pride in its lack of support.I might have been Rosa’s— Father! ROSA (Music cuts off) I need your prayers! (SHE kneels before him and holds his hand against her face.. like a citizen of Greece who prefers the Parthenon in ruin. use your enviable creativity to find some accounting for young Ned. Enter JASPER & SPASEA. Simultaneously. sir! JASPER SAPSEA I shall instruct a few strong fellows to bring him here. preferably up the aisles.) JASPER And is it not significant. HORACE. that Neville Landless was last seen fleeing the district? SAPSEA/CHAIRMAN You’ve convinced me. DEPUTY With any luck. sir! (Exit SAPSEA and JASPER. The cathedral bell summons us. running on right is BAZZARD. we’ll have a hanging for Christmas! HORACE Fetch the dogs! (A Keystone Kops exit in all directions.1-7-53 CRISPARKLE Rise. ROSA & CRISPARKLE walk off to church together. My thoughts exactly. neither of whom sees ROSA. using whatever force is necessary. my child. so that we may question him. Jasper! A secret murderer could indeed be hiding in Cloisterham. Mayor Sapsea. we’ll educate the murderous swine! Right. and TOWNSMEN. his arm steadying her. simultaneously enter DEPUTY.) 61 . Mr. JASPER You do that. Yes. Music: DOG HUNT underscore) TOWNSPERSON 1 We’ll find Neville Landless right enough now! HORACE And when we find him. And all signs do point to young Neville Landless. over-acting as usual. (The stage is aglow in the full bloom of sunset. I take this oath before you. John Jasper! (Music cadence and out with MAJOR LIGHT CHANGE to hardlit “reality” of the theatre. Bazzard! Record it in your memory: that I shall fasten the crime of murder upon the murderer. Cartwright. in “Julius Caesar” you played the part of. Bill. there’s his blood on it! Where did you find this? BAZZARD Under a rock by the River Weir. Mr. BAX/BAZZARD CHAIRMAN Well. CHAIRMAN Let’s see. it hardly seems worth your coming down from Knutsford each night. Mr.. leaving BAZZARD and CHAIRMAN at the footlights. sustained only by a mission) BAZZARD (For the benefit of the third balcony) I shall remember your words. the one I gave to Edwin last night! It’s been torn to ribbons.and. and that I devote myself to his destruction! (HE exits. I mean. blood. JASPER (Without hope) My dear boy is murdered. Phillip. . oh God. the set still standing but. does it? (BAZZARD/BAX nods) You— you seem to specialize in these Narrow parts of late.. Jasper.) BAX/BAZZARD Not by choice.. That’s right. Mr. it’s my coat.1-7-54 BAZZARD Oh. unlit. in effect. Jasper! (Jasper re-enters) Look what I’ve discovered! (HE shows something in his hands and JASPER grabs it) JASPER Why...) CHAIRMAN And I believe that’s it for you this evening.. (HE hands BAX his payment for the evening’s work. Mr. an unscheduled diversion in our journey this evening: the debut of an unpublished and perhaps rightfully unheard composition: Mr. Is there. CHAIRMAN Ladies and gentlemen. Phillip— (A moment of immense kindness) We’re almost done with this act and our Second Act is considerably shorter in length that the First. Mr. Cartwright. of course. Mr. blue mood) 63 . Mr. Well. Paget claims never to have missed a performance in his entire career. Mr. as a matter of happenstance.. BAX/BAZZARD That’s been my solace in the role..? (Asking the audience) Shall we? Yes. “Never The Luck”. would you have a song ready at hand. come! Its title. Surely one of these days— BAX/BAZZARD In actuality.. Cartwright. CHAIRMAN Yes. if you think of it.. why not indeed? (Dream of dreams! Bazzard is barely able to contain his trembling emotions) BAX/BAZZARD Well. Mr. Paget as John Jasper. Phillip Bax singing his own “NEVER THE LUCK”! (LIGHTS change to a gentler. I note. So at least you were in for the kill. Bax. (Ponders) You know. I’m sure. CHAIRMAN Ah. Still you do understudy Mr.1-7-55 A senator. it’s rather odd that Charles Dickens created your character at all. BAZZARD CHAIRMAN Ah. in common with my role this evening. I do have. aspirations as an author and have composed a— a brief song which I venture to say underscores the dilemma I share with the character of Bazzard I portray. uh.unless. Cartwright. I hesitate to — CHAIRMAN Come. BAX/BAZZARD What? Oh. he had a more promising future in mind for you. The chairman steals towards the wings and catches the attention of nearby cast members.EACH PRECIOUS PART SEEMS OVER AND DONE BEFORE I’VE BEGUN TO SPEAK. AND EVER I PLOT. “NEVER THE LUCK” BAX/BAZZARD NEVER THE LUCK. “WHY. NEVILLE is holding more than his own: only the intervention of the REVEREND CRISPARKLE ends the struggle) 64 . I CAST OUT MY LINE AND KEEP MY HAND IN. NEVILLE LANDLESS is hurled on stage by TOWNSPERSONS 1 & 2. SOME STARLESS NIGHT. I WAIT FOR MY STAR BY FATE TO BE STRUCK— BUT NEVER THE LUCK HAVE I.” THEY SAY. But though clearly outnumbered. The ladies lead BAX into a waltz and the CAST watches with gentle empathy) THO’ EVER I PLAN. AND EVERYONE’S CUE WE MUST LET HIM DO THE PART!” I’LL LEAP CENTER STAGE. HE KNOWS EACH LINE.. a lovely thing happens.. BUT I’LL NOT STAND IN THIS WEEK. I’LL WALTZ MY WAY INTO YOUR HEART! (And as HE sings. IN TIME WE ALL TASTE THE LIME IN THE LIGHT. THEY WILL CRY. and other ragged citizens. AND NEVER THE LEAD. COMPANY EVER THE HOPE AND EVER THE SCHEME. STILL. WITH EVER THE PLUCK TO TRY. who kick at him and hurl abuse. HORACE.1-7-56 10.. AND “NEVER YOU MIND. COMPANY BAX/BAZZARD AND EVER THE DREAM! BUT EVER THE DREAM HAVE I! (On applause.. AND I’LL HAVE MY NIGHT SOMEDAY. THE MUSIC WILL PLAY. THEY’LL CALL TOWARDS THE WINGS: “WHO HERE DANCES AND SINGS?” THAT’S WHEN YOURS TRULY SPRINGS AND SEEING ME THEN. HORACE Neville Landless.. DEPUTY races in with SAPSEA in tow) There’s your murderer. I’m certain of that. as acting constable for the district. SAPSEA What are these blood stains upon your shirt-front..) NEVILLE Where is.. who is now wearing a black armband... Mr. just now. followed by ROSA) 65 .when these men of yours dragged me forcibly back from the countryside where I had been walking. sir! DEPUTY NEVILLE Reverend Crisparkle.. Landless? NEVILLE I acquired these bloodstains. As the fight breaks up.and upon your walking stick. views the proceedings. and he is nowhere to be found! HORACE Mayor Sapsea. sir. do you wish to question him? SAPSEA (Prodded by JASPER) Ehm— You left for the river with Edwin Drood at what time? NEVILLE I — in all honesty I cannot recall anything of what transpired once Edwin and I had reached the river.Why do you ask me that way? JASPER Because you were the last person in his company. I place you under arrest. I’m sure there is some— HORACE Landless!! Where is Edwin Drood? (JASPER. What have I done? CRISPARKLE Nothing.1-7-57 CRISPARKLE Master Neville! And you fellows! Enough! Enough now! (CRISPARKLE shows a surprisingly physical side as HE separates LANDLESS and his assailants. (HELENA enters breathless. lad. . Without Edwin’s body.. a corpse. Jasper. SAPSEA 66 . for days now you have been warning all of Cloisterham of impending violence between your nephew and my brother. Helena! CRISPARKLE ROSA CRISPARKLE She’s right you know.. you laughable man. hear. (HELENA rushes to NEVILLE’s side) SAPSEA I would remind you and your brother that there is the issue of MURDER at hand— (ROSA gasps. SHE notices his injuries) How many of them did it take to mar you in this way? Eight! NEVILLE HELENA (Whirling on Sapsea) You have an interesting way with the law here in Cloisterham. very well. CRISPARKLE Mayor Sapsea. perhaps you will be good enough to supply a body.1-7-58 Neville! HELENA (Horrified. a timorous uncle.. CRISPARKLE holds her steady) HELENA Before you utter that word again. a victim. HELENA And you shall volunteer nothing further. you cannot possibly arrest young Master Neville.what do you know of all this? JASPER Only that my nephew is dead. Oh. Neville. Mr. release him. Sapsea. Mr. And you. and a ludicrous city official who has no backing for his charges other than pure pomp and sheer circumstance.. Hear.. Sapsea.something more tangible than an errant nephew. Mr.I warrant that young Neville has no knowledge of Master Drood beyond that which he has freely volunteered. Well said. wavers as if to faint... Crisparkle..... she kisses him on the cheek. Crisparkle! (Impulsively.) I am overpaid.the mysteriously motivated mistress of misadventures. (Music fades out) 67 .. thanks to Helena Landless’ steady resolve and the support of the kindly. shall we? (ALL drop character and advance slightly. Music: underscoring begins) So here is where matters now lie: Edwin Drood has vanished and may likely be— Clive? PAGET Dead.1-7-59 HELENA Oh. bless you Mr.. CONOVER . who was once engaged to... PEREGRINE Rosa’s deceased mother. MONCRIEFFE Reverend Mr. CRISPARKLE HELENA (Gradually more to audience and more as CONOVER) I only wish I could express my gratitude without this strange.but the charges against Neville have been rescinded. quite personable. HE stares in wonderment... Meanwhile. Princess Puffer. let’s all pause for a moment. John Jasper has sworn vengeance upon his nephew’s murderer... well.. not to mention.. PRYSOCK (Who has entered during this recitation) . it’s difficult to know what Deputy. GRINSTEAD Whom most of this populace expect to be Neville Landless. somewhat geographically untraceable accent! CHAIRMAN Yes. WE SELDOM SEEM TO KNOW. “OFF TO THE RACES”!! 11. OTHERWISE. “OFF TO THE RACES” CHAIRMAN QUICK CONCLUSIONS OFTEN LEAD THE BEST OF US ASTRAY. you may find yourself carried.. DURDLES & DEPUTY A FAIR AND FAVORED FACE. DURDLES & DEPUTY ALL OFF TO THE RACES. CHAIRMAN.Off To The Races! FLO Yes.1-7-60 CHAIRMAN Statements to consider during this interval with one admonition: should you leap to conclusions without all the facts at hand.. which brings us. WHEN FLIRTING FACES CALL! 68 .. DURDLES MEN WITH BROKEN HEARTS HAVE VOWED TO NEVER MORE PURSUE A MEMBER OF THE SOFT AND SAVORED RACE. to a song: for what evening at The Music Hall Royale would be complete without a rendition of its trademark anthem. THEN: OFF TO THE RACES. SAVORED RACE! CHAIRMAN DURDLES FIRMLY ANCHORED TO THE GROUND.. THE WISEST MOVE IN LIFE IS JUST TO WAIT. Bill. Music vamp begins) CHAIRMAN A spontaneous request. THEY SUDDENLY WILL VIEW CHAIRMAN. OFF TO THE RACES. OFF TO THE RACES. OFF TO THE RACE WE GO. let’s have a chorus of “Off To The Races” (General clamoring from the cast. OUR GALLOPING EMOTIONS RUN AWAY LIKE HORSES AT THE GATE. BUT WHERE THE CHASE IS AND WHAT THE PACE IS. rather adroitly I think. LIKE A NAG RUNNING BLIND. SO TAKE YOUR BLOODY TIME… POUR ON THE SPIRITS! THE END IS NEAR. ALL (CHAIRMAN. NOT THE FOOL-HARDY FOOLS THAT WE BE. MIND THE TRACK. NOT ME! SO WE CALL UPON YOU ALL TO HOLD YOUR HORSE’S REINS BEFORE YOU SOLVE THIS DICKENS OF A CRIME. DANCE ALL AND THE RACE IS WON BY THE TARDY. DON’T UNLACE YOUR MADCAP ABANDON. TRY LAGGING BEHIND: YOU’LL FIND YOU’LL WIN. DEPUTY & ENSEMBLE) DON’T FALL BACK ON YOUR ASSUMPTIONS. SOMETIMES HAVING PATIENCE IS AS GOOD AS HAVING BRAINS. TO THE RACES! OFF TO THE RACE WE GO… (Shout:) TALLY HO! CURTAIN END ACT ONE . DO AND YOU’LL LAND UNDONE. IT’S ONLY A LENGTH OR SO! DON’T BEGIN TO BEAT YOUR TAR OFF FOR THE FINISH ISN’T FAR OFF.1-7-61 CHAIRMAN & DEPUTY HIS SAVING GRACE IS A GAME REPLACES THE NEED FOR LOVE AND ALL. DURDLES. HASTY PRESUMPTIONS MIGHT DO YOU IN. 69 ACT II . and attempt to tie them together. when the Music Hall Royale shall premiere its latest and most ingenious work: HAMLET . may feel free to converse with audience and orchestra members.. on stage in front of curtain as interval ends.ENTR’ACTE 2-E-1 (ENSEMBLE. PURCELL bows magnificently. I heartily recommend you return to this venue next week. By the by. let us. perform juggling feats or whatever silly bit of business might lighten the atmosphere. as a matter of fact. dear friends— Don’t worry about being the last. CHAIRMAN steps from behind the curtain. CHAIRMAN may look down at a straggler in the first few rows:) Pray take your time in resuming your seats. On last chord.. Orchestra sounds a very brief reprise of “THERE YOU ARE”. if you’re enjoying our modest efforts tonight.PART TWO!! (OPTIONAL: CUT FROM HERE TO AFTER . under the cryptic baton of Mr. unite in a chorus of that sturdy hymn to our enduring and beloved land : “ENGLAND REIGNS” (MUSIC: introduction starts) 70 .) (OPTIONAL:) (As applause subsides. a warm round of applause if you please for our Fully-Trained orchestra. Thomas Purcell! (Orchestra rises.“ENGLAND REIGNS”) Now before we take the tangled threads of plot left dangling before the interval. there are none in the district. (END OPTIONAL SPEECH) Incidentally. (as has always been our custom here at The Music Hall Royale). I trust you all managed to locate our Lavatorial Facilities. which are second to none in the district.) CHAIRMAN Ladies and gentlemen. madame— it only means that we’re all looking at you. restored. . relaxed. OVER HEATH AND HILL. THEN I’LL KNOW ENGLAND RAINS ENGLAND REIGNS EACH DAY EACH YEAR...2-E-2 12. shortly to be counted... ENGLAND REINS CHAIRMAN AND IT SEEMS LIKE IT RAINS EVERY DAY. (Gavel once) The Mystery. COMPANY CHAIRMAN AND IT WILL IF I HAVE MY SAY. (Gavel twice) 71 ..UP THE MAINS CHAIRMAN WOMEN MEN WOMEN AH-AH-OO. AND I PRAY I DIE ‘NEATH A GREY ENGLISH SKY. renewed and more than ready to conclude what is certainly that most ambitious endeavor to date of your own Music Hall Royale: that of solving. ENGLAND REINS. MEN BRITISH SUNS NEVER SET AND THEY BURN EVEN YET THOUGH THEY OFTEN FORGET TO SHINE. CHAIRMAN AND IF SIGNS OF A CLEARING APPEAR. “ENGLAND REIGNS” CHAIRMAN & COMPANY OVER ALL DOMAINS.AH- ALL TIL THE DRAINS FEED THE SERPENTINE.AH- ALL IF ONE CLOUD REMAINS. ON THIS LAND AND ITS LANES DOWN THE STRAND. rested.. EVERMORE MAY IT SPILL.. COMPANY AH. (OPTIONAL: CUT ENDS HERE) -------------------------------------------------------------------CHAIRMAN (Rubbing hands in anticipation) Right! We are.. I trust. by your vote. 2-E-3 COMPANY Of Edwin Drooood! (Orchestral flourish and underscore. Lights dim) 72 . Dick Datchery and the Princess Puffer are just now arriving at: CLOISTERHAM STATION! (Music cue and CURTAIN. (Enter DATCHERY as described. DATCHERY CHAIRMAN DATCHERY CHAIRMAN These apparent strangers approach with grand intentions and great expectations (which I might add we shall be presenting in Brighton next season) and like ourselves. a fulsome beard. yes. and all of Cloisterham is agog with rumor and suspicion. Music out) Eh? I said. Two enquiring sleuths are about to appear already met.. six months later) CHAIRMAN Six months have passed! AN English summer is in progress. there’s John Jasper back from another treatment in London. Cloisterham station itself is a typical Victorian iron-shed affair with the platform in front occupying the stage. Train comes to a halt. Crates.) CHARIMAN An. and JASPER steps out from behind the engine. revealing the near-blinding headlamp of a British steam engine as a train which is pulling into the station moves slowly towards audience. and the name of Dick Datchery..the other being a detective. 73 2-1-5 .. He looks crazed and wears a black armband. DICK DATCHERY. (Enter PUFFER who waves cheerily at audience) ..2-1-4 THE SLEUTHS ACT II Scene 1 (Cloisterham Station. a man of mystery who wears a bulky coat. Still there is to be found no trace of young Edwin Drood. Right. trunks and barrels to be loaded stand about the stage. But there are further developments. as if exiting from the train. INSPECT THE PERSONNEL. “A PRIVATE INVESTIGATION” PUFFER I’M ON THE TRACK OF A MAN IN BLACK: HE DISAPPEARED BEFORE THE (cough) SMOKE CLEARED. I’M ON THE SCENT OF A RESIDENT: I’LL CHECK THEM WELL. PUFFER 74 2-1-6 . PUFFER steps from train.(Hisses from ENSEMBLE who appear as TOWNSPEOPLE arriving of departing Cloisterham... I DREW A BEAD UPON A CLUE I NEED. none are more intently curious than these two Sleuths! 13.as does DICK DATCHERY: PUFFER and DATCHERY do not acknowledge each other) CHAIRMAN (Continuing. note that among the many curious souls of Cloisterham. referring to PUFFER and DATCHERY:) And in his wake. following JASPER and sizing up her surroundings. DATCHERY I’M LED UPON A DOUBTFUL CHASE! PUFFER WHO’S DEAD OR GONE WITHOUT A TRACE? PUFFER & DATCHERY THIS IS A PRIVATE INVESTIGATION: JUST WHEN DID DROOD DEPART AND WHEREFORE ART HIS DESTINATION? IT’S A PRIVATE INVESTIGATION! HE’S VANISHED INTO AIR-DATCHERY OR BANISHED WHERE IN ALL CREATION? WHILE ON THE TRAIL OF A SMALL DETAIL. I’LL NAVIGATE AS ME OWN FIRST MATE: INCOGNITO. INTO THE FOG WE GO! DATCHERY I’M NOT A MAN.OF ANY MEANS! PUFFER I’LL SEARCH AND SCAN BEHIND THE SCENES! PUFFER & DATCHERY THIS IS A PRIVATE INVESTIGATION: JUST WHEN DID DROOD DEPART AND WHEREFORE ART HIS DESTINATION? IT’S A PRIVATE INVESTIGATION: I’LL TURN THIS PRIVATE CLUB INTO A PUBLIC SITUATION! IT’S A PRIVATE (Bellowing) IT’S A PRIVATE! SHH! ENSEMBLE PUFFER & DATCHERY ENSEMBLE (Whisper soft) IT’S A PRIVATE! PUFFER & DATCHERY JUST WHEN DID DROOD DEPART. AND ALL WHEREFORE ART HIS DESTINATION? IT’S A PRIVATE IT’S A PRIVATE! INVESTIGATION! A VERY PRIVATE! 75 PUFFER & DATCHERY ENSEMBLE PUFFER & DATCHERY ENSEMBLE 2-1-7 . A mysterious vamp continuous as we “dissolve” to Minor Canon Corner) ENSEMBLE IT’S A PRIVATE SITUATION.PRI .PUFFER & DATCHERY JUST WHO’D WITH DROOD ABSCOND? PUFFER & DATCHERY ‘TIS NOT BEYOND MY ESTIMATION PUFFER I’LL PEER AND PRY AND SCRUTINIZE! DATCHERY I’M STEERING BY. (Train off. PURSUIN’ LIES! PUFFER AND DATCHERY I CLEARLY SPY WITH MY .VATE EYES.SLY. 76 2-2-8 . Dick Datchery. PUFFER. Datchery. Reverend. CRISPARKLE appears (from the same side from which we saw DATCHERY exit). My name is Durdles. Enter DURDLES and DEPUTY. CRISPARKLE goes out as PUFFER speaks to SAPSEA.. sir. Captain.Inconvenient? DURDLES Oh. THEY listen) Oh. DATCHERY My name is Datchery. don’t you think? CRISPARKLE Yes. through which heaven’s light can be seen. we have any number of inconvenient lodgings here in Cloisterham. could see such a night as this! (ALL note this and whisper. 77 2-2-9 .ACT II Scene 2 (Minor Canon Corner. and I was wondering if lodgings could be found in these parts? (ALL silent. as if the stars were mere punctures in the ceiling of earth. boy! Here’s a face we’ve not seen before! (DURDLES speaks to DATCHERY) Welcome to fair Cloisterham. TOWNSPEOPLE around and about. putting on his frock coat. SAPSEA (Music pause) there you are! All things bright and beautiful tonight. Mr. no doubt. DURDLES DATCHERY Something architectural and out of the way. Or something along those lines. SAPSEA enters opposite) Ah. I am in the way of being Official Greeter to all visitors who might have the price of a bottle of wine on them. DATCHERY) DURDLES Hold on there. Music cadence and pause. and a moment later. (Music: wood block) who is away on business.. (To audience) I only wish my assistant Bazzard. Why is that. Edwin Drood? (PUFFER’s ears pick up at this and SHE calls DEPUTY over) PUFFER Wait on. John Jasper. DATCHERY I find that most interesting.DATCHERY Close to the Cathedral as well? SAPSEA Excuse me. John Jasper— (PUFFER sees ROSA and. I shall enjoy watching the comings and goings of this town. instantly turns away) Oh. enters with HELENA. doubled up with astonishment. PUFFER. (HE exits with a nautical gait) SAPSEA That man should speak to his tailor. boy! This much afflicted fellow. and you won’t catch me goin’ near him again. calls to ROSA:) PUFFER Excuse me. sir. can you tell me where Mr. stepping away from her chat with DURDLES & DEPUTY. ROSA. is that the fellow who has been much afflicted by the loss of his nephew. are you ill? ROSA 78 2-2-10 . He’s a great admirer of my own— DATCHERY Ah. The only such accommodation that I know of along those lines is a single lodging just above the rooms of Mr. John Jasper. I couldn’t help overhearing. boy? DATCHERY DEPUTY ‘Cos I ain’t going to be lifted off my legs and choked again. Miss. is he always dressed in mourning these days? DEPUTY That’s the man. (Music: tag and out. PUFFER (Hiding her face) No. JASPER Am I being politely told that you have abandoned your studies altogether? ROSA The politeness is yours. I hid my— our secret loyalty. sir. twisting it between her body and his. At least I have that in my power. Even when my dear boy was engaged to you. entering. When shall we resume? ROSA (Immense courage) Never. Miss. You know the truth that you made me afraid to open his kind eyes to the truth.. HE may even wave a friendly wave to SAPSEA) JASPER I do not forget how many eyes command a view of us. But you shall hear me. JASPER. espies her and moves like a cobra towards its selected victim) JASPER (Suavely) Rosa! We have both been guilty of neglecting your music lessons. Dearest Rosa.. even against your wishes.. PUFFER steps away. (Additional unseen pressure. SHE suppresses a cry of pain) Charming Rosa. did I not? ROSA You were as false to him. (HELENA steps toward NEVILLE. daily and hourly. I loved you madly. bad man! 79 2-2-11 . as you are now. I always look this way.that you are a bad. (JASPER smiles and takes her arm. so that his actions can’t be seen by those nearby. Rosa.and ROSA finds herself front and center and alone. sir. I beg not to be questioned— I will not answer any more.. I-JASPER ROSA I do not wish to hear you. not mine. sir. who has joined other TOWNSPEOPLE. I CALL IT RUDE I CALL IT SHAM! I CALL IT LEWD I CALL IT CRUEL. NEVER HAS THERE BEEN SO QUITE EXHAUSTED SUCH A TERM. NOT ABUSED BY EVERY TONGUE. You’re mad! ROSA JASPER I mean to show you how mad my love is— ROSA (Bitterly) Love!!! You dare to use that word! (Music begins as Rosa breaks past him. RARELY HAS A WORD BEEN EVER TAKEN SO IN VAIN. but HE snaps her back) I warn you. you must stay or do more harm than can be undone. WHAT LITTLE MEANING MIGHT REMAIN IS QUICKLY BLURRED. YOUR SIGHS AND SYLLABLES CONFIRM HOW DRAINED THIS WORD..give me yourself and your hatred. I THINK IT VILE. “THE NAME OF LOVE” & “MOONFALL” LOVE IS BUT A WORD THAT WANDERED HERE FROM PASTURES GREEN WHERE IT WAS RARELY EVER SEEN AND SELDOM SUNG. rare charmer. YOU CALL IT RUDE. YOU THINK I AM A BIT TOO CRUDE. ROSA YOU CALL IT LOVE. that pretty rage. I CANNOT BEAR TO CALL IT LOVE! I THINK IT FOUL. ‘TIS YOU I’LL BREAK! I’VE NO DENIAL MY WORDS ARE MAD: I SPEAK THEM IN THE NAME OF LOVE! 80 2-2-12 .. (SHE starts to pull away. YOU SEE ME SMILE.JASPER How beautiful you are! You are more beautiful in anger than repose! I don’t ask for your love. JASPER (Reprise) !4. that enchanting scorn! It will be enough for me.) Yes. INNOCENT ENOUGH IT WAS INTENDED TO BE USED ON RARE OCCASIONS. AND I THE FOOL. sweet witch. YET STILL I DARE TO CALL IT LOVE! I SEE YOU SCOWL. NO MORE I’LL TAKE OF CUNNING GUILE! YOU’RE WORSE THAN BAD: YOU GIVE TO SIN THE NAME OF LOVE! JASPER I CALL IT LOVE. I’LL NOT PERMIT YOU TO DESECRATE THE NAME OF LOVE! THE THE THE THE NAME NAME NAME NAME OF OF OF OF JASPER YOU KNOW MY WANTS. LA-LA-LA-LOVE. TO FEEL YOUR TOUCH! A DREADFUL TASK TO EVEN SPEAK THE NAME OF LOVE! I WILL NOT FEAR MY TRAGIC PLIGHT. A GIRL. LA-LA-LA-LOVE.ROSA ROSA BUD THE DAINTY LITTLE FACE WHOSE EVERY CURL CONFIRMS THAT SHE’S A CHILD. I HAVE A CHOICE: I’LL TAKE TO FLIGHT. TO SEE YOU CLUTCH. YOU WILL SUBMIT AND GIVE YOUR FATE THE NAME OF THE NAME OF LOVE LOVE THE NAME OF LOVE LOVE THE NAME OF LOVE LOVE THE NAME OF LOVE LOVE THE NAME OF LOVE (As THEY segue into “Moonfall. TO HEAR YOUR VOICE. YOU HAVE NO CHOICE. DID YOU THINK YOUR STARE WOULD STOP ME SEEING? EVERY FIBRE OF MY BEING TOLD ME SINCE I WAS BETROTHED THAT YOUR MOST UNNATURAL ATTENTION CONJURES WORDS I DARE NOT MENTION YOU MUST KNOW HOW MUCH I LOATHED ROSA TO KNOW YOUR WANTS.” ROSA tries to break away from JASPER’s hypnotic hold but is repeatedly drawn back in fascinated terror) LA-LA-LA-LOVE. A NEOPHYTE: ROSA IS THE ONLY SOUL IN CLOISTERHAM. WHO SENSES JUST THE SORT OF DREAMS YOU DREAM AT NIGHT. 81 2-2-13 . IS IT SO MUCH FOR ME TO ASK? I ONLY SEEK THE NAME OF LOVE! I LOVE TO HEAR THE ANGRY BITE OF YOUR FAIR VOICE! ONE BLAZING NIGHT. I NEED NOT CLUTCH. IT SEEMS. LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA LA-LA-LA-LOVE. ROSA JASPER AND IN THE AND IN THE MOONFALL. DURDLES Then you’re leaving Cloisterham already? 82 2-2-14 .. YOU CALL IT LOVE! ME ALL. ME LIKE STONE. and JASPER. AND YET HE AND LET THESE SEEMS DREAMS SO IN PAIN! REMAIN.. comments as CAST exists) PUFFER Well. ONE. PUFFER entering. HIS SLAVE. -LOVE-- ROSA & JASPER BENEATH THESE SKIES ONE NIGHT UNKNOWN WOULD HE/SHE DARE? BETWEEN OUR EYES ONE SIGHT ALONE WE SHARE AH-ENSEMBLE ROSA & JASPER THE SIGHT OF MOONFALL AS IT COMES INTO VIEW. pursues her. YOU SO ENSLAVE? SAVE ME.. after a moment.. YOU MAKE AWAKE.I’ve just overheard something! Yes. ROSA SO THAT SOON I ONLY SEE BUT YOU! SEE BUT YOU! YOU! JASPER SO I PROMISE THAT YOU SHALL BE SOON A GOLDEN IDOL WHOM I OWN AND LOVE AND LEAD INTO A SEA OF LIGHT! ‘TIS BUT THE FALLING MOON! FALLING MOON! AH-AH-ENSEMBLE YOU! SEE BUT (ROSA runs off in terror.. THE NAME OF LOVE YOUR NAME IS LOVE IS CHILLING TO ME! AND THRILLING TO ME! ENSEMBLE FALL OF THE NIGHT AH-ALL OF THE LIGHT! GLEAMING LIKE THE RAIN AT DAYLIGHTS BREAK SEE! TRANSFIXED WITH ONE. MY LOVE. and now I have one of the very bits of information I came here for. MOONFALL. SAVE ME. CAN YOU NOT CAN YOU NOT SEE THIS VICTIM FREE THIS VICTIM AND LO.. JOHN. MIXED WITH THE THUNDER OF HIS LOVE. MY OWN. OF THIS LOVE. TRANSFIXED WITH TRANSFIXED WITH WONDER. THEN. “CALL IT DONE!” “HOW SAD. EH.. to audience) I didn’t come this far only to turn away with but one piece of puzzle in my hand.DON’T QUIT WHILE YOU’RE AHEAD. HOPEFULLY. I’ve never understood those in life who ease up— just when they should push on. (Easy musical vamp begins) I’ve never in my wretched life been this close to getting anything I set about after... NEVER REST. FRIENDS SAID.. WE START THE SAME AS WHEN WE’RE DONE: IF YOU LOSE. ONLY JUST THREE WINKS AWAY FROM ME. PUFFER continues. “SO THAT’S YOUR WILDEST DREAM. “DON’T QUIT WHILE YOU’RE AHEAD” (PRINCIPALS and ENSEMBLE enter during the number as directed to positions as choreographed for a final “kickline” for ALL) PUFFER ONCE I BET MY LAST TEN PENCE— AND WON. USE THE HEART THAT BEATS WITHIN YOUR BREAST. JUST PRESS YOUR BLESSED LUCK INSTEAD! DATHCERY DON’T TRY TO THINK WHAT MOVE MIGHT BE THE BEST. SING OUT: DATCHERY & PUFFER “THERE’S MORE IN STORE FOR ME” BAZZARD & DURDLES I SEE MY DREAM SHIP FIN’LY COMIN’ IN LIKE A STEAMSHIP ANCH’RIN IN TO WIN PUFFER & DATCHERY LIFT YOUR CHIN! REMEMBER WHAT I SAID. LET GO! ROSA & HELENA I KNOW THERE MUST BE LOVE THAT’S YET TO BE...PUFFER Not bloody likely! (DURDLES nods and exits. 83 2-2-15 . TWENTY PENCE INSTEAD OF TEN? DOUBLE UP MY BET AGAIN! IN LIFE.” I SAID. YOU’RE JUST WHERE YOU’VE BEGUN-IF YOU’VE WON. DON’T QUIT WHILE YOU’RE AHEAD. just when I’m winning. DON’T QUIT WHILE YOU’RE AHEAD.. more the fool I’d be to pull back.. TWICE AS RICH THEN. 15. DURDLES DON’T QUIT WHILE YOU’RE AHEAD TO STAY! ALL (PRINCIPALS & ENSEMBLE) TA-RAY-TA-RAH! BOOM! BANG IT. “I’M OFF TO BED. DURDLES DON’T QUIT WHILE YOU’RE AHEAD. HELENA NO VICTOR EVER FLED! PUFFER. FAREWELL” PAGET/JASPER FULL WELL I KNOW! DON’T LET THE MOMENT GO TO WASTE NOT WITH VIC-T’RY CLOSE ENOUGH TO TASTE CHAIRMAN & JASPER HEED THE CALL WITH ALL DUE HASTE! FOR GOD’S OWN SAKE! SO RAISE THE STAKE! YOU NEVER BREAK THROUGH ANY THE REFRAIN “DON’T QUIT AS EAS-LY DONE AS SAID. QUITE RIPE UPON THE VINE. HOO-RAY-HA-RAH! BOOM! CLANG IT. BAZZARD.PUFFER. SING OUT. DATCHERY. BASH IT. DON’T WORRY HOW YOU TREAD. OO-LAH-DEE-DAH! DON’T QUIT WHILE YOU’RE AHEAD. 84 2-2-16 . BASH IT. DON’T RESIGN! ROSA & HELENA NEVILLE. DON’T SAY. ROSA. LUCKY CHAIN. CLASH IT. ONE PIPE-DREAM THAT IS MINE. OO-LAH-DEE-DEE! DON’T QUIT WHILE YOU’RE AHEAD.) AH-AH-- TA-RAY-TA-REE! BOOM! BANG IT. WHILE YOU’RE AHEAD” YOU’LL SEE: WOMEN (ENS. GLORY BE! BOOM! CLANG IT. “THERE’S MORE IN STORE FOR ME” THERE’S MUCH MORE FOR ME. BAZZARD. CRISPARKLE. A ROMANCE. OO. DATCHERY. WHO CARES? NEVILLE & CRISPARKLE AND THERE’S A CHANCE. CLASH IT. THERE’S MUCH MORE FOR ME. ALL (PRINCIPALS & ENSEMBLE) STRUCK A LUCKY VEIN. .the play collapses) CHAIRMAN (At last. CHAIRMAN calls to PURCELL) Encore.. over audience applause. resolve. THE TRUTH IS THIS: WE FIND THAT WHAT BE-(Their voices and the music abruptly cease. my dear friends.. and with great sadness) Ladies and gentlemen. WE SEE THE SLIGHTEST GLIMM’RING OF LIGHT QUITE SHIMM’RING IN THE DIM. PUFFER & DATCHERY look around anxiously. at least within the confines of this humble theatre. we shall together solve. Tonight. we hear the orchestra members frantically thumbing through their music looking for the next page of score. it was at this point in our story that Mr. DULL OF NIGHT. The audience may get the uncomfortable feeling that someone has forgotten a line. JASPER/PAGET steps out of character and peers in the direction of the CHAIRMAN as if to ask what is going on.(End of “DON’T QUIT WHILE YOU’RE AHEAD”. that something has gone wrong. Charles Dickens laid down his pen forever.. Maestro s’il vous plait! CHAIRMAN ALL (Singing in a stage whisper) AND NOW AT LAST. The curtain closes) 85 2-V-17 . however. And so. and conclude: (Gavel once) The Mystery. BUT FIN’LLY WE UNWIND THE PLOT. this is all we shall ever know for sure about the mystery of Edwin Drood. (Gavel twice) ALL Of Edwin Droooood! (Final gavel. far from it. The Flight of Edwin Drood. no. Charles Dickens experimented with many different titles for our story. Oh.. our questions shall be answered primarily by you. most literary experts agree that our enquiring detective.. Mr. now in their VICTORIAN PERSONAE mode except when they re-enact lines from the play) CHAIRMAN One minor mystery we can resolve immediately. in abbreviated costume and tights. (COMPANY cheers this news) 86 2-V-18 . Which brings us to our first key question: Is Edwin Drood dead.THE VOTING (Stage of The Music Hall Royale with bright. though it has little to do with the plot at hand. NUTTING/DROOD CONOVER/HELENA GRINSTEAD/LANDLESS The Disappearance of Edwin Drood CHAIRMAN But nowhere The Death of Edwin Drood. beard and wig to reveal. is actually someone we have already met. ALL actors from the previous scene remain present. if you catch my drift. warm lights.. DATCHERY twirls off “his” coat. But in a daring and perhaps dangerously democratic move. many would say that a mystery without a murder is no mystery at all. the part of Datchery has been taken thus far this evening by that master and mistress of male impersonation: Miss Alice Nutting! (With a flourish. is that she was contracted to appear in two acts of this play. Tonight. The reason for Miss Nutting’s portrayal of Dick Datchery this evening is.. ladies and gentlemen. You see.as many of you have no doubt already guessed. And. a fetching and feminine MISS ALICE NUTTING) But this does not mean that Edwin Drood is Datchery. Dick Datchery.. in front of the curtain. for example: (In their “own” voices:) The Loss of Edwin Drood. The Music Hall Royale has decided to grant our company themselves the right to vote upon one issue each night. On the other hand. a character from Act One who is roaming Cloisterham disguised as Datchery so as to better investigate the disappearance of Edwin Drood.well..or alive? Mr.ACT II . and our management believes in an honest week’s work for an honest day’s pay. ) 87 2-V-19 . (NUTTING. since our cast has voted him dead for the remainder of the evening-NUTTING (Finally exploding at CAST and CHAIRMAN) Dead? Ha and Bloody Ha Ha! You absolute. I fear.. jealous cast bitterly resents the attention I’ve received in the local press! Goodbye. vote DROOD dead. we can now safely eliminate Edwin Drood from that consideration. Miss Nutting.. glee.. that I am Datchery. etc. all! (NUTTING storms off toward her dressing room. but without exception. ladies. and it’s even more transparent that this petty. By a massive majority. smugness. (NUTTING burns and fumes as CHAIRMAN continues:) And our next key Question.Mr. (CAST MEMBERS vote with varying degrees of anxiety. certain of the outcome. envious little peons! It’s obvious to everyone here that DROOD.) CHAIRMAN I’m sorry.. this evening your question will be.. hesitation. if you please.CHAIRMAN (continued) And so..as your whim takes you this evening. my fellow acolytes of the thespianic persuasion. Throttle? STAGE MANAGER IS EDWIN DROOD DEAD— OR ALIVE? Miss Nutting. Throttle? STAGE MANAGER “WHO IS THE DETECTIVE. (NUTTING does so) Gentlemen.) Thank you. but you’ve snuffed it. back to the cast and audience. turns to face audience and CHAIRMAN. please raise your hands. do the same now. Mr. DICK DATCHERY?” CHAIRMAN Well. who has a vested interest in the outcome. All those who believe Edwin Drood is dead. (NUTTING.. will kindly turn her back to the cast. And all those who believe Edwin Drood is alive. is the lone but confident hand raised) Thank you. ” CHAIRMAN Who more likely to don such a melodramatic garb and seek the spotlight? Why otherwise does he appear in our story at all? NEVILLE (Stepping forward) “From my earliest remembrances.I must apologize. for this bit of unpleasantry in what.or misdirection? Wouldn’t Helena Landless be fearful of pursuing John Jasper. has been an otherwise flawless evening. I— really. I’m sure you’ll agree. a palpable hit! But is it a meaningful thrust. under the given circumstances? HELENA (Stepping forward) “Not under any circumstances!” (HELENA & NEVILLE step back) CHAIRMAN But the candidates hardly end there. I offer you: Helena Landless! About her. many literary experts disagree with Miss Nutting’s contention that Edwin Drood and Dick Datchery are one and the same person. Helena tried on more than one occasion to flee our stepfather’s cruel and miserly hand. ladies and gentlemen. But in all fairness to our cast and to our story.” CHAIRMAN A hit.. Miss Nutting.” CHAIRMAN Who more likely to investigate the disappearance of Drood than he who is most suspected of foul play? Or did someone else wish to clear Neville’s name? 88 2-V-20 . What say you of— Bazzard? BAZZARD (Stepping forward) “I love the theatrical world. (SHE is gone. I told her she was splitting hairs. CHAIRMAN appeals to audience:) You have no idea the week we’ve had with her. please yourselves.. even disguising herself as a boy. First.well. I long to play a larger part..CHAIRMAN Well. Neville revealed in Act One: NEVILLE (Stepping forward) “In desperation. I’m sure that. there are several prime candidates for the face behind Datchery’s beard! For instance. her dressing room was too small. I’ve been secret and revengeful.... Indeed. then her mustache was too long. I must strenuously point out that many. But there are other stages beyond the proscenium.. the Princess Puffer. that of Datchery. Throttle.” (NEVILLE steps back) CHAIRMAN The Reverend Mr. And then there is the puzzling and intriguing possibility of. or even Mayor Sapsea.. Deputy. bats her eyes innocently as the men nod and laugh leeringly with each other) CHAIRMAN This much I do know for certain: Datchery is not John Jasper. we have larger decisions still to come. they all appear in scenes with him.. And do remember. Dicken’s novel. Soon we shall be asking you to decide who is the murderer of Edwin Drood... And so we are left with the following candidates for the role of The Detective. if you please. (STAGE MANAGER holds handkerchief over appropriate head.. pray applaud for your own favorite in the part of Datchery. identifying candidates.Rosa! Could it be that we have underestimated the resourcefulness of this woman-child? Did she take it upon herself to investigate the disappearance of Edwin Drood? (CHAIRMAN nods to himself and regards ROSA) Looks can be deceiving. not necessarily in the following order:) 89 2-V-21 . Crisparkle..they are observed to be in his company. Durdles.. Mr. flustered. whose passions and energy lay hidden beneath his clerical garb.for in our play and in Mr.perhaps he has adopted yet another uniform. So don’t merely vote for whichever cast member is a distant cousin of yours for Heaven’s sake. (Knowingly) MALE ENSEMBLE I’ll say!! (ROSA. to save the lad who has been his charge and responsibility..CRISPARKLE (Stepping forward) “Neville has been entrusted to my care. Dick Datchery: (Candidates step forward to form a line) And may I suggest that we vote the way it is done in amateur theatrical contests? As the handkerchief is held above the head of each candidate. to a much more serious matter. NUTTING enters.. across the stage and out the center aisle. ladies and gentlemen.STAGE MANAGER The tempestuous Miss Helena Landless! All the way from Ceylon.. Father steals. This brings us. Mr. late. the murderer of the dear. NUTTING storms out. never looking back. as in all great mystery stories. turn back on audience in disbelief) You mean you didn’t like that? Well. invites boos. optionally leading a lap dog on a leash.a killer.If they occur. A culprit. (character’s name) is our Datchery tonight! (To newly-elected DATCHERY) You’d best make a quick change of costume. Neville Landless! The lovely Miss Rosa Bud! The underrated Mr. now dressed in Victorian street clothes and carrying a small vanity bag. we must find ourselves. Edwin Droooood! (Orchestra members shiver. I can see several members of the audience more than ready to assist you in the process. Reverend Crisparkle (The field is narrowed until the outcome is clearly determined to the satisfaction of all) CHAIRMAN Very good.) Miss Nutting! Really! Well! (HE allows audience to applaud her as SHE exits) Ladies and gentlemen. In short. A fiend. CHAIRMAN rebukes them:) Oh shut up! One more like that and I’ll send you all back to The Salvation Army. (Pause) Mother irons. For now. (NEW DATCHERY nods and exits) And now to a much more-(CHAIRMAN is interrupted by a commotion. vanquished. Bazzard! That ecstatic ecclesiastic. departed. 90 2-V-22 . vanished. (Regards audience. lamented title character of our play... please! Such appalling behavior is due entirely to Upbringing! Her parents were in the Iron and Steel business. in which he preens— but in any case:) Oh.who shall be our Murderer tonight? First for your consideration. Hasn’t it? Where then the mystery? Where indeed? So how stand you? For the obvious answer— or for a more perplexing solution? (The cast members wholeheartedly endorse this possibility and enter the house to prepare for the voting. in which PAGET exults) Come. I give you the most obvious candidate for the part: Mr. come now. Big Mouths. Clive Paget as John Jasper! (PAGET/JASPER who is busy kissing on of the company’s “vivacious ingenues. I ask you: could this be all there is to the Mystery of Edwin Drood? That John Jasper.. no. THROTTLE distributes numbered cards to SUSPECTS as they line up) 91 2-V-23 .CHAIRMAN (continued) Who killed Edwin Drood. Edwin Drood. one more chance: I give you the most obvious candidate for the part of Villain this evening: Mr. come.. the obvious villain of the piece. we’ll have to so the whole thing over again. Well. Where Then The Mystery? (Pause) That’s taken the wind out of your sails. let’s do be serious! I ask you: is this the face of a murderer? (HE regards PAGET/JASPER’s matinee smile) Yes. well. ladies and gentlemen. it’s too late for that now. did indeed kill his nephew. More appropriately. Perhaps he is booed and hissed roundly by the audience. this time hopefully to sufficient boos from the audience. ladies and gentlemen. in a hopeless attempt to win the love of the fair Miss Rosa Bud. Clive Paget as John Jasper! (Again PAGET steps forward. ladies and gentlemen! Do you not know that here at The Music Hall we Boo and Hiss the Villain? (The audience endeavors to oblige.” steps forward. to which attempt CHAIRMAN admonishes:) No. (HE dispatches PAGET back to his previous mark) Now we’re going to do this until we get it right! Here we go. I have stood in the cold shade of suspicion since our story began. (Each character steps forward.. that we vote by a show of hands? So let’s bring up the houselights. intended for comic relief.. in trying to save my brother. (Lights come up and CHAIRMAN looks at the assembled audience) --good lord! Is this what I’ve been dealing with tonight? No matter. Someone stop me before I sing again! ROSA Rosa Bud. let’s proceed posthaste to the voting.and we’ll begin.. 92 2-V-24 ... and never figure very intimately in the lives of the other characters. Have I in some way confused my mission here on earth? JASPER (Vote takers “hiss” from audience) Thank you very much. In all honesty I cannot recall anything of what transpired once Edwin and I reached the river. as HE/SHE speaks. NEVILLE LANDLESS Neville Landless.CHAIRMAN (continued) Now certain cast members can be safely eliminated from the bidding: Young DEPUTY and my own MAYOR SAPSEA role were. Why on earth would someone as innocent and pure as myself murder my own true Ned? DURDLES Durdles. ALL step back into line after they speak) HELENA Helena Landless. My need for attention has made me quite mad.. CHAIRMAN Time. John Jasper.. not necessarily in this order. bring harm to Edwin Drood? (Dragon Lady snort or snarl) BAZZARD Bazzard.. Members of our company are even now circulating among you to count vital votes. ladies and gentlemen. without question.which leaves us with these remaining candidates for the role of Murderer. Who am I? And what am I? CRISPARKLE The Reverend Crisparkle. I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than give Drood a frontal lobotomy.but he was an odious little twit and he deserved what he got! PRINCESS PUFFER Princess Puffer. Did I. time at last to decide! And may I suggest for the sake of accuracy. you may all open your eyes. we have determined the murderer in our midst! I shall now offer a sip of port to your chosen fiend that he— or she— will know your verdict. ideally using an audience member to assist in counting the hands or to hold up numbered cards to that section who is being voted for.. so that the final denouement may come as a complete surprise. taking their vote totals into the wings. for the next few moments I strenuously request that you close your eyes. HERE’S THE NEWS: YOUR JUDGEMENT HAS BEEN PASSED. And ladies and gentlemen. the STAGE MANAGER crosses to the CHAIRMAN with a glass of port) VOTING: “A BRITISH SUBJECT” [Reprise] .. The orchestra plays an underscore. our murderer is drinking it.Orchestra Underscore “DON’T QUIT WHILE YOU’RE AHEAD” [Reprise} CHAIRMAN & SUSPECTS YOU’VE WATCHED US FROWN. YOU’VE SETTLED UP THE SCORE AT LAST! CHAIRMAN Ladies and gentlemen. SETTLE DOWN! YOUR VERDICT WILL BE CLEAR. YOUR MURD’RER PICKED IS HERE IN SIGHT! TONIGHT YOU CHOOSE FROM CANDIDATES GALORE. the company begins heading back to the stage. tightly.. LEER.. When all the vote-takers have returned. and as the suspects begin to sing.right. PEER AT EVERY SOUL IN THE TOWN. WIN OR LOSE. YOU’RE GRAND INQUISITOR.. The overall effect should be cacophony so that it is impossible to tell who is winning overall.. WE’RE FIT TO FILL THE ROLE.(Each vote-taker begins to poll their section of the audience. Pray close your eyes then now! FLO (Screaming at the cheaters in the audience) Close your eyes! CHAIRMAN (HE makes no move but continues to speak) I am offering the port. (ALL suspects wipe their lips) 93 2-V-25 . CHAIRMAN (continued) You see... The conclusion.the finale of.... ladies and gentlemen.. friends of the Music Hall Royale. I only caution you to prepare for a few unexpected twists and turns. (Gavel once) The Mystery (Gavel twice) COMPANY Of Edwin Drooooooooooooood!! ... By your own determination. you cannot trust anyone here tonight! And so.... as we serpentine towards the conclusion that you have chosen for us tonight! (Houselights slowly dim to drum roll) And so. as our cast departs backstage where at this very moment your votes are being counted.. For the first time.and at long last. ” (Music fades out) Perhaps not coincidentally. I fear. Rosa. At long last. But can you remember your nanny. and see your Nan instead? 95 2-S-27 . Rosa. PUFFER is standing in a corner of the Cathedral.THE SOLUTION (Fanfare as the curtain rises on High Street near the Cathedral.” So. (CHAIRMAN exits. yes. It is a bewitching cobalt dawn) CHAIRMAN The first chapter of Mr. PUFFER ROSA How on earth could you know my name? PUFFER Know? I’ve only known since the day you were born. some twelve years ago? Will you look at me now. bag in hand) PUFFER Ooh. Don’t look at me.. (ROSA stops but is still obviously in a hurry) What— what is it? ROSA PUFFER Can you spare three and six for a Christian soul in distress? ROSA We’re both Christian souls in distress. Only bathed you and fed you. I don’t want you to see me this way. Missy. it’s bloody freezin’ again. And now I must-Rosa. ‘Ere. let us begin our last chapter amid the cold grey tendrils of a dim English dawn. PUFFER Running away from something? ROSA Yes. the last chapter he wrote was called “The Dawn Again. dressed for travel. yes.. and I have little more than three and six to get me to London. is ROSA. my own darling girl. Rushing by.ACT II . Dickens’ novel was entitled: “The Dawn. . MARRIAGE IN ME ‘EAD WHAT I GOT INSTEAD RUINATION AND DESPAIR TO SIN MY FATE WAS LED I GAVE MY GENT MY EVERY CENT. PRICE IS FIVE AND TWO. God love you. HE’S WHERE MY END BEGAN.ROSA Nan. HERE’S A TOT FOR YOU. SIR. I fear. EMBRACED MY FALL THIS WORLD I’M TRAPPED WITHIN MY VIRTUE LOST.. THEY’LL TEAR YOU ALL ABOUT. AS THEY TICKLE YOU. HE KNEW HIS WAY SO WELL LED ME DOWN THE GARDEN PATH TO HELL.. (Music starts) but a common one. SOLD MY SOUL TO SIN SO I TURNED TO GIN ABANDONED ALL. PUFFER 96 2-S-28 .. AND HE GAVE ME FAREWELL LEAVING ME TO WEED THE PATH TO HELL. BUT CONFUSING WHEN YOU FIND THERE’S NO WAY OUT.I was six and then you weren’t there anymore. SURVIVAL’S COST: DARK VICES I MUST SELL.. Rosa.. TOO. did you? I was the closest thing to that for you. “THE GARDEN PATH” I WAS ONCE YOUR NAN THEN I MET A MAN TALL AND ALL WITH GOLDEN HAIR. LIFE’S A MAZE OF HEDGES THAT PRICKLE YOU. But why did you leave me? ROSA PUFFER It’s a sad story. LET HIM HAVE HIS WAY WITH ME. STROLLING THROUGH THE MAZE IS AMUSING. you never really know your mother. PUFFER You do remember. SIR.somewhere. 16. . BUT HOW COMES THIS MAN TO CRY OUT “ROSA BUD”! WELL. AND AS HE DRANK HIS CUP OF SATAN’S BLOOD. MY CHILD. I CAN’T SEE TO CLEAR BUT I FOLLOWED HIM HERE. SHE exits to change into DATCHERY costume) ONE ICY EVENING. HE MADE THE GREAT MISTAKE OF CRYING “ROSA BUD!” NOW IT’S ONE THING FOR THEM LIKE ME TO MIX AND MINGLE WITH THE LIKES OF HE.. Go to page 2-S-32) 97 2-S-29 . FINDING OUT WHO WAS WHO. “PUFFER’S REVELATION” ROSA. A CLIENT OF MINE BEGAN TO RAVE AND CRAVE SOME LAUDANUM WINE. (If Rosa is DATCHERY. I KNOW THE PATH SO WELL TO HELL… TO HELL. I’VE COME BACK A TIME OR TWO..PUFFER (continued) CAN’T YOU SEE THE GARDEN? IT’S SUCH A LOVELY GARDEN. DICK DATCHERY IS BAZZARD! (PUFFER and ROSA exit when they see DATCHERY. AND YET DESPITE MY DRE’FUL FALL FROM GRACE. MY OWN. I FOLLOW HIS TRACKS TO HIS LODGINGS IN THE BACKS THO’ I HATE TO CONFESS. WAS THIS MISTER DATCHERY SO. I NEVER ONCE FORGOT YOUR NAME OR FACE. THE LAST NIGHT. TRACKING ME. 17. I WATCHED THIS MAN UNDRESS AND I SAW SUDDENWISE HIM WITHOUT HIS BOLD DISGUISE (DATCHERY enters) (If DATCHERY is BAZZARD:) AND THE JOB TOOK THEATRICS AND NO FEAR OF HAZARD... WE ARE BOTH MADE FROM GOD’S MOST LOWLY CLAY AND MUD. I’LL TAKE YOU THERE.. WELL. Go to page 2-S-30) (If DATCHERY is REVEREND CRISPARKLE:) TOOK A QUICK CHANGE OF ROBES AND A MIND EVEN QUICKER. DICK DATCHERY IS THE VICAR! (PUFFER and ROSA exit when they see DATCHERY. I’M DEEP ASHAMED YOU WENT THROUGH LIFE ALONE. ..(If DATCHERY is HELENA LANDLESS:) TOOK A BRAVE STRENGTH OF WILL AND MUCH WIT TO HAVE PLANNED THIS... MY EYESIGHT IS LEVEL. Go to page 2-S-34) (If DATCHERY IS NEVILLE LANDLESS:) THO’ MY MORALS ARE TILTED.DICK DATCHERY IS MISS LANDLESS! (PUFFER and ROSA exit when they see DATCHERY. Go to page 2-S-38) 98 2-S-30 . Go to page 2-S-36) (If DATCHERY IS ROSA:) UNDERNEATH ALL THAT HAIR WAS A FAIR WHITE MIMOSA. DICK DATCHERY WAS ROSA! (PUFFER exits when SHE sees DATCHERY... DICK DATHCERY IS NEVILLE! (PUFFER and ROSA exit when they see DATCHERY. MY MOTIVE IN TAKING THIS PART WAS TO HONE EVEN FURTHER MY ART. JUST A SHRED OF A SECOND OF FAME! AS A PLAYWRIGHT A PLOT TO UNRAVEL SHOULD NOT POSE A PROBLEM MUCH HARDER TO TAME. DRESSED IN THIS WIG. STAGING THE SCENE OF THE CRIME. SO I CREPT IN THE LODGINGS OF JASPER. A THEATRICAL BENT AND A COSTUME THAT’S LENT LET ME STRIVE FOR WHAT’S DEAR TO MY HEART: THE CHANCE FOR SOME PUBLIC ACCLAIM. AND AS DATCHERY I DID MY BIT SO TO CLEAR NEVILLE’S NAME. AND WHEN PUFFER CAME HERE ‘TWAS IMMEDIATELY CLEAR MY SUSPICIONS WERE QUITE APROPOS. which HE displays prominently for audience’s benefit) THERE I FOUND ROSA BUD’S CLASP. (I CONFESS TO MY SHAME. IT IS I— I GLADLY REVEAL! MY JOY IN TELLING ALL I CANNOT CONCEAL. THIS WAS MY GREATEST AUDITION-TWO DECENT ROLES AT ONE TIME! FINALLY SOME RECOGNITION. JASPER TOOK IT FORM NED AFTER HURLING HIM DEAD TO THE WEIR RIVERBED. OUT ON A LIMERICK AIR! I FOUND A THEATRICAL KIT. HER MOTHER’S SHE GAVE DROOD THAT NIGHT. “OUT ON A LIMERICK” (If BAZZARD is DATCHERY. ‘TWAS FOR VANITY. I SUPPOSE. laughing. WHAT A SIGHT! (BAZZARD produces ROSA’s clasp from Act I. HE pulls off his false beard and wig) BAZZARD YES. I ADMIT). TOO. AUTHOR AM I AT LEAST OF THIS PAGE. JOYFULLY NOW I TAKE CENTER-STAGE. TELL HIM THAT DATCHERY KNOWS! 99 2-S-31 .18. FOUND THE DENS HE DESCENDS TO BELOW. GOING OUT ON A LIMERICK. OUT ON A LIMERICK. I FOLLOWED JOHN JASPER HIGH-LOW. LET US BRING JASPER HERE TO BE TRIED AND THE TIED UP AND STRUNG! AND FROM THIS LIMERICK.AND THE PROOF IS QUITE CLEAR. TOWNSPEOPLE and PRINCIPALS enter) (Go to page 2-S-40) 100 2-S-32 . LET HIM BE HUNG! (JASPER is hurled from his home by HORACE and OTHERS towards the audience. I FOLLOWED JOHN JASPER HIGH-LOW. and removes his own collar defiantly) THERE ONCE WAS A MAN WHO WAS DRESSED IN A CLERICAL COLLAR AND VEST. THOU. laughing. AND AS DATCHERY I DID MY BIT SO TO CLEAR NEVILLE’S NAME. I SUPPOSE. FOUND THE DENS HE DESCENDS TO BELOW. WE CAN DISPENSE WITH LAST RITES FOR HIM. blesses it. IT WAS A BOLD REVOLUTION. JASPER TOOK IT FORM NED AFTER HURLING HIM DEAD TO THE WEIR RIVERBED. TOO. HER MOTHER’S SHE GAVE DROOD THAT NIGHT. OUT ON A LIMERICK AIR! I FOUND A THEATRICAL KIT. ‘TWAS FOR HELENA. “SURELY YOU JEST”! PARISHIONERS TAKE GREAT OFFENSE AT ALL PRIESTS WHO WOULD LIKE TO BE GENTS. “OUT ON A LIMERICK” (If CRISPARKLE is DATCHERY. SPEAK OF “THEE. AND IF ANYONE KNEW HE HAD FEELINGS LIKE YOU. WE CAN CONSECRATE WINE.18. TURNING MY COLLAR AROUND! SEEKING THIS PUZZLES SOLUTION. (Lays down DATCHERY clothing. DRESSED IN THIS GARB. OR THINE. REVEREND DATCHERY KNOWS! 101 2-S-33 . AND WHEN PUFFER CAME HERE ‘TWAS IMMEDIATELY CLEAR MY SUSPICIONS WERE QUITE APROPOS. THEY’D REPLY TO HIM. OUT ON A LIMERICK. I ADMIT). FINDING WHAT WAS TO BE FOUND! I WAS OUT ON A LIMERICK.” BUT WE MUSTN’T TAKE HOLD OF EVENTS. WHAT A SIGHT! (CRISPARKLE produces ROSA’s clasp from Act I. which HE displays prominently for audience’s benefit) THERE I FOUND ROSA BUD’S CLASP. HE pulls of the false beard and wig) CRISPARKLE YES. IT IS I— MY CONSCIENCE IS CLEARED! I’VE DONNED A FROCK BEFORE BUT NEVER A BEARD DEAD NOW IS DATCH’RY BORN ON A WHIM. (I CONFESS TO MY SHAME. SO I CREPT IN THE LODGINGS OF JASPER. TOWNSPEOPLE and PRINCIPALS enter) (Go to page 2-S-40) . LET US BRING JASPER HERE TO BE TRIED AND THE TIED UP AND STRUNG! AND FROM THIS LIMERICK. LET HIM BE HUNG! (JASPER is hurled from his home by HORACE and OTHERS towards the audience.AND THE PROOF IS QUITE CLEAR. I FOLLOWED JOHN JASPER HIGH-LOW. MY EXPLANATION I NOW EMOTE: MY MOTIVE IN TAKING THIS ROLE OF A WIGGED AND WHITE-WHISKERED SOUL WAS TO ABLY DISGUISE MY MOST FEMININE SIZE WHEN I’D TAKE AN ENQUIRING STROLL. I ADMIT). I SUPPOSE. FOUND THE DENS HE DESCENDS TO BELOW. HER MOTHER’S SHE GAVE DROOD THAT NIGHT. PLAYING THE PART OF A MAN! REALLY THERE’S NOTHING MUCH TO IT-MOST ANY ANIMAL CAN! CLIMBING OUT ON A LIMERICK.18. “OUT ON A LIMERICK” (If HELENA is DATCHERY. SO THIS DISGUISE SAW ME THROUGH IT. FOR STRANGERS WHO’LL CHAT WITH A CHAP. SO I CREPT IN THE LODGINGS OF JASPER. AND AS DATCHERY I DID MY BIT SO TO CLEAR NEVILLE’S NAME. laughing vibrantly. which SHE displays prominently for audience’s benefit) THERE I FOUND ROSA BUD’S CLASP. ARE REMARKABLY LEERY OF WOMEN WHO QUERY TOO MUCH. “HELENA DATCHERY” KNOWS! 103 2-S-35 . WHAT A SIGHT! (HELENA produces ROSA’s clasp from Act I. (I CONFESS TO MY SHAME. ‘TWAS FOR VENGEANCE AS WELL. IT’S A GREAT HANDICAP. GLADLY I SHED THIS TENT OF A COAT. DRESSED IN THIS GARB. AND WHEN PUFFER CAME HERE ‘TWAS IMMEDIATELY CLEAR MY SUSPICIONS WERE QUITE APROPOS. AND REVEAL THIS AND THAT IN A SNAP. JASPER TOOK IT FORM NED AFTER HURLING HIM DEAD TO THE WEIR RIVERBED. SHE pulls the false beard and wig from her face) HELENA THANK GOD FOR THAT! THE SHEEP HAS BEEN SHEARED! I DON’T KNOW HOW MEN LIVE THROUGH HEAT WITH A BEARD. OUT ON A LIMERICK AIR! I FOUND A THEATRICAL KIT. OUT ON A LIMERICK. TOWNSPEOPLE and PRINCIPALS enter) (Go to page 2-S-40) 104 2-S-36 .AND THE PROOF IS QUITE CLEAR. LET US BRING JASPER HERE TO BE TRIED AND THE TIED UP AND STRUNG! AND FROM THIS LIMERICK. LET HIM BE HUNG! (JASPER is hurled from his home by HORACE and OTHERS towards the audience. OUT OF A LIMERICK. (‘TWAS FOR HELENA. FOUND THE DENS HE DESCENDS TO BELOW. I HAD ALSO INTENDED TO FIND JUST WHAT JASPER HAD ON HIS MIND. I ADMIT). AND WITH THEIR ANGER SO VISCOUS. HER MOTHER’S SHE GAVE DROOD THAT NIGHT. I SUPPOSE. laughing. ARE THEY BLIND! ALL OF THESE PEOPLE SUSPICIOUS THAT I HAD KILLED EDWIN DROOD. I FOLLOWED JOHN JASPER HIGH-LOW.18. DRESSED IN THIS GARB. BORN ON A WHIM. “OUT ON A LIMERICK” (If NEVILLE is DATCHERY. WE CAN DISPENSE OF LAST RITES FOR HIM. FROM THE BLEMISH OF BLAME. MY MOTIVE IN TAKING THIS ROLL OF A WIGGED AND WHITE-WHISKERED SOUL WAS TO GET MYSELF BACK TO THIS CITY AND TRACK DOWN THE CULPRIT.. AND AS DATCHERY I DID MY BIT SO TO CLEAR MY GOOD NAME. STEPPING OUT ON A LIMERICK. TELL HIM THAT DATCHERY KNOWS! 105 2-S-37 . I WORE THIS COSTUME SO CRUDE. JASPER TOOK IT FORM NED AFTER HURLING HIM DEAD TO THE WEIR RIVERBED. HE pulls the wig and beard from his face) NEVILLE THANK GOD FOR THAT— I GLADLY UNMASK! TO WEAR THIS COAT IN JUNE IS REALLY A TASK. OUT ON A LIMERICK AIR! I FOUND A THEATRICAL KIT.WITH THAT AS MY GOAL.. WHAT A SIGHT! (NEVILLE produces ROSA’s clasp from Act I. AND WHEN PUFFER CAME HERE ‘TWAS IMMEDIATELY CLEAR MY SUSPICIONS WERE QUITE APROPOS. which HE displays prominently for audience’s benefit) THERE I FOUND ROSA BUD’S CLASP. SO I CREPT IN THE LODGINGS OF JASPER. MUCH TO EAGER IS HE THAT ALL CLOISTERHAM SEE ME THE MURDERER--GOD. THERE LIES DICK DATCHERY. TOO. LET HIM BE HUNG! (JASPER is hurled from his home by HORACE and OTHERS towards the audience. TOWNSPEOPLE and PRINCIPALS enter) (Go to page 2-S-40) 106 2-S-38 . LET US BRING JASPER HERE TO BE TRIED AND THE TIED UP AND STRUNG! AND FROM THIS LIMERICK.AND THE PROOF IS QUITE CLEAR. “ROSA BUD DATCHERY” KNOWS! 107 2-S-39 . AND REVEAL THIS AND THAT IN A SNAP. SHE pulls the false beard and wig from her face) ROSA THANK GOD FOR THAT! THE SHEEP HAS BEEN SHEARED! I DON’T KNOW HOW MEN LIVE THROUGH HEAT WITH A BEARD. MY EXPLANATION I NOW EMOTE: MY MOTIVE IN TAKING THIS ROLE OF A WIGGED AND WHITE-WHISKERED SOUL WAS TO ABLY DISGUISE MY MOST FEMININE SIZE WHEN I’D TAKE AN ENQUIRING STROLL. JASPER TOOK IT FORM NED AFTER HURLING HIM DEAD TO THE WEIR RIVERBED. OUT ON A LIMERICK AIR! I FOUND A THEATRICAL KIT. “OUT ON A LIMERICK” (If ROSA is DATCHERY. I ADMIT). ‘TWAS FOR VENGEANCE AS WELL. which SHE displays prominently for audience’s benefit) THERE I FOUND MY MOTHER’S CLASP. FOR STRANGERS WHO’LL CHAT WITH A CHAP. WHAT A SIGHT! (ROSA produces HER clasp from Act I. PLAYING THE PART OF A MAN! REALLY THERE’S NOTHING MUCH TO IT-MOST ANY ANIMAL CAN! CLIMBING OUT ON A LIMERICK. AND AS DATCHERY I DID MY BIT SO TO CLEAR NEVILLE’S NAME. THE ONE I GAVE EDWIN THAT NIGHT. GLADLY I SHED THIS TENT OF A COAT. OUT ON A LIMERICK. FOUND THE DENS HE DESCENDS TO BELOW. I FOLLOWED JOHN JASPER HIGH-LOW. laughing vibrantly. ARE REMARKABLY LEERY OF WOMEN WHO QUERY TOO MUCH. SO THIS DISGUISE SAW ME THROUGH IT. SO I CREPT IN THE LODGINGS OF JASPER. (I CONFESS TO MY SHAME. DRESSED IN THIS GARB. IT’S A GREAT HANDICAP.18. I SUPPOSE. AND WHEN PUFFER CAME HERE ‘TWAS IMMEDIATELY CLEAR MY SUSPICIONS WERE QUITE APROPOS. TOWNSPEOPLE and PRINCIPALS enter) (Go to “JASPER’S CONFESSION”) 108 2-S-40 .AND THE PROOF IS QUITE CLEAR. LET HIM BE HUNG! (JASPER is hurled from his home by HORACE and OTHERS towards the audience. LET US BRING JASPER HERE TO BE TRIED AND THE TIED UP AND STRUNG! AND FROM THIS LIMERICK. I DRANK SOME.. cringe with horrified screams. AND CUNNING BRIGHT IS HE WHO HIDES HIMSELF. and cries ecstatically:) JASPER I WILL NOT LIE I WISHED NED TO DIE! (Reflectively) TWICE DEAD AM I. “JASPER’S CONFESSION” (Angry TOWNSPEOPLE drag JASPER on stage. AND IN THE MOONFALL. AND THEN TO TOAST MY NED AND NEVILLE. CRISPARKLE emerges from the crowd and boldly produces a large cross from his costume.. now fearful. I’M FREE. TOUCHING MY SLEEVE HE FELL SO LIGHTLY! MOONFALL THEN FELL ON ME. HE’S FREE. JASPER writhes in its glint like Dracula pinioned by a shaft of daylight. 109 2-S-41 . from which the TOWNSPEOPLE. RESIDES HIMSELF WHERE I’VE NO EYES TO SEE. A MAN COULD SPLIT IN TWAIN.. I’M ME ONCE MORE! (Totally evil now) HOW MANY TIMES I’VE KILLED THAT DROOD UPON MY FLIGHTS! MY FLIGHTS THAT BURST THE SMUG PRESUMPTION OF HIS RIGHTS-HIS RIGHTS AS HEIR. YET TO ALL EYES REMAIN A SOUL GENTEEL WHO CAN CONCEAL THE VENOM IN HIS BRAIN. HIS RIGHTS TO SHARE MY ROSA’S BED-IT TOOK NO STRETCH FOR ME TO PICTURE EDWIN DEAD! THAT NIGHT I POURED THEM BOTH DEEP CUPS OF LAUDANUM. HIS face goes from terror of being caught to the joy of demonical rage.19.. BUT NOW I THINK I’M AT THE BRINK OF BREAKING THROUGH THE DOOR-I’M IN. HE’S OUT. I’M OUT. THAT’S WHEN MY GREATEST FLIGHT OF FANCY DID TAKE PLACE: I WATCHED MY HANDS OUTSTRETCHED TOWARDS EDWIN’S PALE WHITE FACE. I SAW MY FINGERS CLUTCHING HIS NECK SO TIGHTLY. AND IF HE DRAWS UPON THE PAUSE IN MADNESS LAUDANUM WINE SUPPLIES-WHY THIS GREAT SURPRISE? THERE ARE TWO MEN IN ME. Jasper. squire. sir. as you’ll remember. and I’d sought shelter near Mr. Jasper’s door. squire. You’re a bad one. I can’t let it happen! (To JASPER as SAPSEA enter) Yes. as CRICKER:) That was quite a long speech. It was a wild night that Christmas Eve.. That’s when I saw one amongst you throttle Edwin Drood. your Lordship.BUT. who has been loitering about and observing things from a distance. as you’ll remember. bellowing:) [NOTE: Company Stage Manager must tell the Conductor which candidate has been selected as the MURDERER for this performance so musicians can prepare “confession” music] DURDLES No. and I fear that I couldn’t raise a hand to help as John Jasper throttles his poor nephew. Edwin Drooooooooooooood! (In either case. and in a convenient flash of lightening I saw who it was! *(If DURDLES is the murderer. your Lordship. I’d been taking in more of the Christmas spirits than even I’m accustomed to. NOW I’VE CONFESSED! NOW WE BOTH CAN REST! (DURDLES.let me understand— are you saying that John Jasper did not kill his nephew? DURDLES (See * below) Exactly.. Think I could have a quick nip of port? Durdles!! SAPSEA 110 2-S-42 . THE DEED WAS MUCH TOO EAS’LY DONE: AS MUCH AS OVER ONCE IT HAD BEGUN! SUCH TRAGEDY TO FINALLY MAKE THE KILL AND NOT TO AWAKE TO TASTE THE THRILL. he says the following instead of the above paragraph) Exactly. It was a wild night that Christmas Eve. you placed the coat that young DROOD wore that night down at the River Weir to throw suspicion on Neville Landless. sir. Bill. bursts forth. Jasper’s door. and I’d sought shelter near Mr. GOD. when the evil one is inside of you! But you’re not a murderer! You didn’t kill Edwin Drood! SAPSEA Durdles. who did it? DURDLES (Savoring the moment.It was (If DURDLES isn’t the murderer) (Next line according to the audiences vote) (Go (Go (Go (Go (Go (Go to to to to to to page page page page page page 2-S-43) 2-S-44) 2-S-46) 2-S-47) 2-S-48) 2-S-49) Bazzard! The Reverend Crisparkle! Helena Landless! Neville Landless! The Princess Puffer! Miss Rosa Bud! 111 2-S-43 . Jarsper stagger out of his own home under the influence of potent medicine. and suddenly he collapses. What? SAPSEA DURDLES Yes.. depositing the body-(HE suppresses a laugh) --right in Mrs.I killed Edwin Drood.. (Go to page 2-S-45) . HE regards the candidates) Lord love me. and he carries him into the cathedral and the down into the crypt. (If DURDLES is the murderer) .DURDLES Right! Suddenly I see Mr.. I told you there was plenty of room in there-SAPSEA But now you must tell us Durdles.. And then he gets up and he picks up young Drood.. Sapsea’s tomb.. Still. THEIR SHARE OF FAME. I NOW SHOW ALL. AND I KNOW ALL.20. and his joy in at last being the object of everyone’s attention would be almost charmingly touching. SO I INSURED THE CRIME BY KILLING DROOD MYSELF! DETECTIVES IN COMMAND MUST HAVE A CASE IN HAND. HE has become quite mad. THE PUBLIC DOES DEMAND A CONTROVERSIAL CRIME PERVERSE. AND EDWIN DOUBLY RUDE. were it not for the minor fact that HE has murdered DROOD to achieve his lifelong ambition. “MURDERER’S CONFESSION” (BAZZARD) (With his desperate need for one moment in the spotlight. FOR ALL IN TOWN THOUGHT NEVILLE MIGHT DO VIOLENT CRIME. AT LAST I’M CENTER STAGE! AND I TIED THE KNOT AROUND HIS NECK AND HIS HEAD WAS STRUCK NEARBY! I THOUGHT AS HE FELL DOWN INTO THE MUCK-THAT FIN-LLY THE LUCK HAVE I! THAT FIN-LLY THE LUCK HAVE I! (Play continues on page 2-S-51) 112 2-S-44 . TO SOLVE A MYST-RY WOULD PLUCK ME FROM OFF MY SHELF. SO I SET OUT TO BRING ABOUT THE DEATH OF EDWIN DROOD! AND IT TURNED OUT TO BE THIS REGION’S HOTLY-ARGUED RAGE. SHALL I GO ON TO TELL YOU MORE? SINCE I HAVE THE FLOOR: YOUNG NEVILLE HAD BEEN CRUDE. TO GAIN ACCLAIM. His confession is lightly comedic. it is hard not to feel happy for him) BAZZARD I SAW THE CHANCE TO BE A LEGEND IN MY TIME. Bless you all! (CRISPARKLE is seized as HE attempts to exit. the woman you loved. AND THEN I BORE HIM FROM THE GLOOM AND SANCTIFIED THE TOMB. THUS DUST TO DUST. CRISPARKLE Oh. then! I couldn't let anyone. I must be off. really? Really? Well. isn't it? Well. has been dead some dozen years! Drood was no threat to you. Rosa's mother.. Reverend Crisparkle. marry Rosa's mother. "MURDERER'S CONFESSION" (CRISPARKLE) CRISPARKLE COULD ROSA'S MOTHER LOVE ANOTHER? KNOW YOU WELL: IF MAN SHOULD LAND A HAND ON HER. HIS NECK I TRUSSED! CAPSIZED TO ASHED. BUT LIVING AM I AND VANQUISHED IS DROOD! SATAN MUST DIE AND VANQUISHED IS DROOD! (Proud of a job well-done. HE'D GO TO HELL! I'M FREE FROM BLASPHEMY BUT AS SOME SEE ME CRUDE: THROUGH C.STILL I CONFESS: I MURDERED DROOD! I SAW ANOTHER IN ROSA'S FACE: FAIR ROSA'S MOTHER STOOD IN HER PLACE! AND COULD I LET THIS EDWIN DROOD HAVE HER I'D LOVED AND WOOED? THIS LOVE OF MINE MUST NEVER WED! ONE SHOVE OF MINE AND DROOD WAS DEAD! BAPTISED WITH BASHES. HE CEASED TO SHIVER! HE CEASED TO QUIVER! I DID DELIVER HIM TO GOD! (Gestures towards ROSA) AND SHE IS MINE NOW.20. OF E. not even Drood. HE is amiably chirpy) Well that's that. eh John? JASPER (Still stunned by all that has transpired) You're a warped man. the joke's on me then. Music: dissonant tremolo and out) (Play continues on page 2-S-51) 113 2-S-45 . A LOVE DIVINE NOW -SOME FIND ME ODD.. could I. MY MIND DID HEAR IT AS A DIFFERENT KIND OF SPIRIT. TO DROOD I DRANK A TOAST..20. SMASHED HIM.. IN MY DRUNKEN HEAD (Declaims) I THOUGHT DROOD WAS A GHOST! THEN. (To the tune of the "OFF TO THE RACES" sung in a slow ad lib tempo) AFTER JASPER LAID HIS NEPHEW IN THE CRYPT.! MUCH THANKS. HE FLED! WITH QUARTS OF PORT.. WHEN I HEARD HIM MOANING. "MURDERER'S CONFESSION" (DURDLES) DURDLES WHAT REASON COULD I HAVE TO EVER WANT DROOD DEAD? WHY WOULD I WANT TO HARM A HAIR UPON HIS HEAD? (To audience) BUT I'M THE CANDIDATE YOU ROWDY LOT HAVE CHOSE-(To all) AND SO MY MOTIVES NOW I FEAR I MUST DISCLOSE. THE MURDERER AM I.. (Sung in tempo) HE STARTED SCREAMIN' JUST LIKE A DEMON-IT WAS A DREADFUL CRY! DRUNKEN STIFF. GROANING. GOOD-BYE! (Play continues on page 2-S-51) 114 2-S-46 . SO I BASHED HIM. Neville.. HALF-DAZED WITH WINE..SHAMELESSLY! And. Rosa! Forgive me for taking your lovely boy away from you. I HAD TO DO DROOD IN! I MEANT NO VIOLENCE. I MEANT TO GAG HIM.Mr.. BUT I DID SNAG HIM. AND LOST MY MIND! MY VEIL DID SAIL OFF. Crisparkle. I only meant to save my brother.. "MURDER'S CONFESSION" (HELENA) HELENA THE WORDS SO RUDE OF DROOD HAD CAUSED ME GREAT ALARM: THAT DEVIL MIGHT CAUSE NEVILLE TO CAUSE HIM SOME HARM! SISTER AND MOTHER TO MY BROTHER I HAVE BEEN-AND SO TO SMOTHER DROOD.Rosa.20. THIS "EDDY" DROOD HAD RAISED MY SPINE! I TOOK MY VEIL OFF... SO I DID DRAG HIM OFF TO HELL! I'D KILL ANOTHER. IT WOUND AND BOUND HIS CAPED COAT AND DRAPED AROUND HIS THROAT... THE SKY IT WEPT. TO SAVE MY BROTHER-I DID IT WELL! AND GUILTY AM I AND BLAMLESS IS HE-GUILTY AM I.. I CRY.. THAT CHRISTMAS MORN: I MEANT TO SILENCE THIS EDWIN'S SCORN. NO VIEW OF LIGHT AS I CREPT INTO THE NIGHT! UNSTEADY DROOD. I need someone's forgiveness! (Collapses weeping. I TOSSED IT BLIND. rises snarling) Damn you all! (Music: dissonant tremolo and out) (Play continues on page 2-S-51) 115 2-S-47 . 20 "MURDERER'S CONFESSION" (NEVILLE) NEVILLE I WAS THE LIKELIEST OF SUSPECTS YOU COULD FIND-SO QUALIFIED, YOU RULED ME OUT OF SIGHT AND MIND. OF COURSE I KILLED OUR "MASTER NED"! COULD I FOREGO THE CHANCE TO GAIN MY PRIDE AND ROSA WITH ONE BLOW? I CAME TO THIS PLACE WITH BUT ONE PLAN: THAT YOU VIEW THIS FACE AND ENGLISHMAN! BUT ALL YOU SAW WAS MY HOT BLOOD AND I...SAW ROSA BUD! EDWIN, TWAS SAID, WAS HER GRAND ROMANCE. WITH EDWIN DEAD, I'D STAND A CHANCE! THAT COLD DECEMBER, MY BLOOD WAS WARM. WE STROLLED TOGETHER AGAINST THE STORM. THE BEST OF CHUMS, WE LAUGHED AND TALKED, AS HOME TO REST, DROOD WALKED. MY MOOD WAS BLACK THEN! THUNDER DID CRACK THEN! HE TURNED HIS BACK, THEN I DID HIS NECK I KNOTTED, HIS THROAT HE TOOK THE PLUNGE AND ENGLISH I SENT HIM TO HIS GOOD ENGLISH LUNGE! GARROTTED, HE STOOD AND ENGLISH HE FELL! HELL! (Play continues on page 2-S-51) 116 2-S-48 20. "MURDERER'S CONFESSION" (PUFFER) (As Puffer reveals, her only motive was to protect ROSA from the evil side of JOHN JASPER, (PUFFER'S best client), in the only way a woman of the streets and of crime would know. But she has our sympathy, perhaps even our laughter) PUFFER MAY GOD HAVE MERCY, YOUR FORGIVENESS DO I NEED. MY STRING OF SINS ENDS HERE WITH THIS MOST DREADFUL DEED. I ONLY MEANT TO SAVE MY ROSA BUD, IT’S TRUE YOU DEVIL JASPER! DAMN, I MEANT TO MURDER YOU! (She steps forward, pleading her case directly to us) COULD I SEE MY ROSEBUD THREATENED BY THIS MAN OF MASSIVE SIN? HE’D REVEALED HIS VILE INTENTIONS, SO I HAD TO DO HIM IN. TO MY ENDLESS RUINATION, I INDULGED IN ME OWN BREW; IN MY SWEET INTOXICATION, I SAW DROOD… (to JASPER) …AND THOUGHT HIM YOU! SO I SAY TO ALL WHO’LL HEAR ME, YOU MUST PLAN A MURDER WELL. YOU MUST VIEW YOUR VICTIM CLEARLY AS YOU SEND HIM OFF TO HELL. WHEN I KILLED, ‘TWAS WELL-INTENDED! DRINK AND SMOKE’S WHAT DID ME IN. FOR MY DEEDS, I’M APPREHENDED! THEM’S THE WAGES OF SIN! (Shouts) Everyone now! (Sings with COMPANY and AUDIENCE) THEM’S THE WAGES OF SIN – (Cajoles) Oh, bloody hell. Don’t you know they hang women these days? undoubtedly me last chorus…c’mon now, everyone! (Sings with COMPANY and AUDIENCE) THEM’S THE WAGES OF SIN! (Blowing kisses to one and all) Bless you, bless you, and ta-rah! (Play continues on page 2-S-51) This is 117 2-S-49 20. “MURDERER’S CONFESSION” (ROSA) (SHE laughs hysterically, the laugh of one who is at last able to share a wonderful secret. In her manner and voice, there is both Ophelia’s madness and an extreme sense of release) ROSA WERE YOU SO BLIND YOU COULD NOT SEE I KILLED HIM? YES! AND IT WAS WONDERFUL TO DO, I DO CONFESS. TO HAVE IT DONE, TO DO HIM IN, TO SEE IT THROUGH... (Whirling on JASPER) YOU SURELY KNOW BY NOW I MEANT TO MURDER YOU! THOUGHT YOU I WAS SO BLIND AS NOT TO KNOW YOUR MIND, OF WHAT INTENT EACH COMPLIMENT YOU CLAIMED YOU MEANT AS KIND? TO FEEL MYSELF UNROBED AND PROBED WITH EVERY MOVEMENT OF YOUR EYES? AH, BUT REALIZE: A CHILD CAN GO QUITE MAD AND NOT KNOW GOOD FROM BAD AND CALMLY PLAN TO KILL A MAN AND FEEL BUT ONLY GLAD! TO RID HERSELF – TO BID HERSELF A MURDEROUS GOOD-BYE! TO EDWIN WHO I SOUGHT, BUT YOU, I MEANT FOR YOU TO DIE! BUT THE NIGHT WAS FAR FROM BRIGHT, THICK WITH WET AND THUNDER. THATCHING FELL DISPATCHED FROM HELL! IS IT YET A WONDER. COULD NOT SEE THE ARMS OF ME STRECHED OUT WITH SCARF IN HAND. SAW YOUR COAT AND TIED NED’S THROAT JUST LIKE A DEADLY WEDDING BAND! SO LONG A TIME THEY’VE THOUGHT THAT I’M A DRESDEN DOLL, QUITE NAÏVE. BUT I BELIEVE THIS PAIN, MY BRAIN MORE TORTURED THAN THEY MIGHT CONCEIVE. WITH THESE LATE ADDITIONS, I HAVGE NOW REVEALED MURDEROUS ADMISSIONS HITHERTO CONCEALED. 118 2-S-50 I killed him when I meant to kill you..because he was wearing that ludicrous. (SHE collapses. I SAY! YOU LET HIM DRIVE ME MAD! MADNESS LED TO THIS. as SHE weeps hopelessly:) I killed my good. NO GOOD CAN COME FROM BAD. Jasper. laughable coat of yours.ROSA (continued) DAMN YOU ALL. Music: dissonant tremolo and out) (Play continues on next page) 119 2-S-51 . Jasper! Jasper! Damn your existence and your fraudulent love! Damn Cloisterham that looked the other way when you looked at me In your way! (Sweetly) Damn you all. true Ned. whom I never stopped loving in the very best of senses... you pathetic imitation of manhood! All this because. sobbing quietly to herself.. NO GOOD – NO GOOD CAN COME FROM BAD!! (SHE collapses center-stage. and the audience votes by volume of applause) Fine. NO MATTER WHO THE SELECTED MURDERER IS. The naughty PRINCESS PUFFER.(IN ALL CASES. well that’s your decision.. by applause) Right.. (As PURCELL begins his opening introduction. The tempestuous HELENA LANDLESS or.. and we’re stuck with it. Mr.a love song.) 126 2-S-58 .on the distaff side... THE PLAY NOW CONTINUES: The words “Bless you all” or “Damn you all” are the CHAIRMAN’S cue to speak up:) CHAIRMAN There is your murderer for tonight! (HE & COMPANY applaud chosen fiend as TOWNSMEN seize MURDERER and escort HIM or HER to side of stage) But surely we are entitled to a happy ending? We all have need in our lives for love. So it remains for you to resolve one final question: Which two in our story will find that commodity we all seek? Who shall be our lovers tonight? Let us see.or any facsimile thereof.. and we have a field of well-heeled bachelors available – (HE omits MURDERER) NEVILLE LANDLESS BAZZARD THE REVEREND MR. right. I fear. Purcell... the selected LOVERS speak their lines) SHE: My darling! Our attraction is unavoidable! HE: MY dearest! At last we can admit our feeling for one another! (ad lib suited to characters involved) (Skip pages 2-S-52 to 2-S-57. (He names them again. CRISPARKLE THIS SPECIMEN CALLED DURDLES JOHN JASPER DEPUTY (The audience votes again...romance. we are left with: (CHAIRMAN omits MURDERER) The lovely MISS ROSA BUD or... a gentle reprise if you will? It seems we are about to have.. Which of these ladies would you like to see united in love with one of our remaining male leads? Pray indicate by your applause.. . YET NOW I LOVE YOU PERFECTLY. From its doorway emerges a cheery EDWIN DROOD!) 22. wonderfully. aided by a similar rumbling from the orchestra. AND WHILE ALL ABOVE ME SHOWED THEIR GRIEF.what would he say? (There is an ominous rumbling beneath the ground. NOT STRICKEN (OUT PLOT DOTH THICKEN) FOR JASPER FLEW ME OFF MY FEET 127 TO THE CRYPT... “PERFECT STRANGERS” (Reprise) SHE ONCE WE WERE PERFECT STRANGERS. SHE LET’S NOT RESIST THIS ENDING. HE SHE IT SEEMS I. SAPSEA rises from the earth below. THIS TOMB BEHIND ME IS WHERE I FACED MY CLOSEST SHAVE! WHEN I STRUCK MY HEAD AGAINST THE STREET. “THE WRITING ON THE WALL” DROOD (Triumphantly) I’m alive!! Hallo all! (Cheers from ALL. breaking through the floor of the stage as it pushes stone and dusty earth aside. I AWOKE IN DARK BEYOND BELIEF.! AH – CHAIRMAN But what of Edwin Drood? Ah. HOW STRANGELY MET ARE WE! I FIND I NOW ADORE YOU – OUR BEST IS YET TO BE.. I WAS STUNNED. THIS STRANGENESS MAKES ME THRILL! SHE & HE & ALL ONCE WE WERE PERFECT STRANGERS.. PRETENDING TAKES NO SHILL. the crypt of MRS.21. SHE AH – AH – 2-S-59 .VE LONGED TO HOLD YOU – FATE RULED IT SO! HE YOU LOVE ME. Spoken introduction) I AM LAZ’RUS RISEN FROM THE GRAVE! QUITE ALIVE YOU FIND ME. HE ONCE WE HAVE KISSED. Suddenly. SO THEY’VE TOLD YOU. if only he could speak to us from beyond the grave! What could he tell us.. THEN YOU WIN! SCRATCH AND CLAW FOR EVERY DAY YOU'RE WORTH! MAKE THEM DRAG YOU SCREAMING FROM LIFE. DROOD AND ONE AND ALL! I HAVE MET MY MAKER AND RETURNED! WHAT ADVICE I'M GIVING TO ALL THOSE LIVING IS JUST TO LEARN WHAT I HAVE LEARNED: LIFE IS DEAR. KEEP DREAMING YOU'LL LIVE FOREVER HERE ON EARTH. MORE THAN WHAT SOLUTION FITS THIS CRIME. YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE SUDDEN STRENGTH THAT YOU FEEL WITHIN YOU. BEAT A FAST RETREAT TO THE NEAREST SHELTER AND DIG IN! WHEN YOU LIVE. I DID NOT RETURN HERE.I WAS SCREAMING FOR MY VERY BREATH. WHEN FATE STANDS SMILING AT ARMS-LENGTH. AND IT'S CLEARLY SPELLED OUT FOR THOSE WHO'VE HELD OUT THAT HOLDING ON TO LIFE IS ALL. IF OUR-NUMBERED. WHAT I'VE LEARNED IS THAT LIFE IS BITS OF TIME. AND THE GREATEST MYST'RY IS NOT THE HIST'RY OF JASPER. I ESCAPED! FROM CLOISTERHAM I FLED. THE STEEL AND SINEW. ONLY MOMENTS FROM DEATH. 128 2-S-60 . 'TIL I COULD LEARN HERE JUST WHO ON EARTH WOULD WISH ME DEAD. BUT MORE THAN THAT. I HAVE READ THE WRITING ON THE WALL. AND YOU FIGHT FOR EVERY TINY SPECK WHEN YOU'RE HELD BY THE NECK: I HAVE READ THE WRITING ON THE WALL. THERE CAN BE NO VICT'RY IN DEFEAT. YOU'LL NEED THE WHEREWITHAL! CAN'T YOU HEED THE LIGHTNING AS I PLEAD. COMPANY steps forward and sings:) TA-RAH-TA-REE! BOOM! BANG IT. BOWS – “DON’T QUIT WHILE YOU’RE AHEAD” (After individual bows. THEN YOU'RE ALIVE. “THERE’S MORE IN STORE FOR ME!” 24.CLASH IT. OO. WHAT A BLOODY MARVEL WE SURVIVE. . CRASH IT.IS IT CLEAR? IF YOU HEAR MY VOICE. OO-PAU-DEE-DEE! DON’T QUIT WHILE YOU’RE AHEAD SING OUT. WHEN YOU THINK OF EVERY RISK WE FACE IN OUR MAD HUMAN RACE! I HAVE READ THE WRITING ON THE WALL! TRY TO LIVE FOREVER AND GIVE UP NEVER THE FIGHT . GLORY BE! BOOM! CLANG IT. EXIT MUSIC THE END. INCITING YOU TO READ THE WRITING ON THE WALL! 23.