Instituto de Expansión de la Consciencia HumanaF: (09) 22 22 451 Correo Electrónico: [email protected] Página Web: www.transformacion.cl The Dazzling Dark A Near-Death Experience Opens the Door to a PERMANENT TRANSFORMATION John Wren-Lewis In our last feature of this issue of What is Enlightenment?, we are pleased to present the vivid and thoughtful account of a former spiritual cynic’s experience of being suddenly and unexpectedly catapulted into an altered state of consciousness. Fascinating as a unique expression of transcendent realization, John Wren-Lewis’ description of his powerful spiritual experience is deeply moving and profoundly inspiring. His perspective is unique, he claims, not only because his awakening was thrust upon him without him seeking for it, but also because, for that very reason, he questions many commonly held beliefs about the nature of spiritual awakening. While his experience is undoubtedly genuine, as his description of it makes very clear, many of his conclusions about the nature and meaning of the whole event of spiritual transformation express the familiar view that beyond the ultimate fact of being itself, it is dangerous to draw conclusions about the meaning of being itself. We look forward to future dialogue with him to question some of his conclusions in the hope of bringing light to this most challenging area of religious thought, i.e., is there meaning and significance to life itself and to consciousness being aware of itself, or is the fact of life and consciousness meaningless beyond the fact that it simply is? John Wren-Lewis is a man whose fearless and refreshingly irreverent stance makes him willing to question many ideas that for too long many would not dare to question. Andrew Cohen first heard of John Wren-Lewis when he received a letter from him in 1991 describing his experience and asking advice. In response, Andrew called him and they had a lively exchange. In March 1995 when Andrew Cohen was visiting Sydney, Australia, where John Wren-Lewis lives, they had several public and private meetings together. John Wren-Lewis is an awakened man who is unusual because, in spite of having many strong opinions based on a lifetime of intelligent exploration, he remains open-minded and ever-curious. Before his experience occurred, John Wren-Lewis, mathematical physicist and humanist psychologist, was a primary exponent of the “Death of God” movement of the 1960s. He has published extensively and held several professorial appointments in this world or any other.” which. And although I’d lost all fear of death when eventually resuscitated.(3) As I lay in a hospital bed in Thailand. due to failure of nerve in the creative struggle. no review of my life. On the contrary. my sixtieth year. I wouldn’t have called myself an atheist or materialist. but I saw mysticism as a neurotic escape into fantasy. it has everything to do with a dimension of aliveness here and now which makes the notion of separate survival a very secondary matter. I even believed it possible that the creative human personality might eventually discover technologies for transcending mortality. there were some hours when the medical staff thought I’d gone beyond recall. I used to consider a psychological impossibility. until it happened. no passage down a dark tunnel to a heavenly light or landscape. In particular.(2) What happened in 1983 could be classified technically as a near-death experience (NDE). in fact I’d published extensively on the need for a religious world view appropriate to a humanity that has “come of age” in the scientific and technological area. are born with God consciousness. this had (and has) nothing to do with believing I have an immortal soul that will survive death. when the last thing I could remember was feeling drowsy on the bus in the early morning and settling down for a comfortable snooze on what was scheduled to be a seven- . In fact it makes each present instant so utterly satisfying that even the success or failure of creative activity becomes relatively unimportant. if we believe what they tell us. focused on the human potential for creative change.” I didn’t even notice the change straightaway. with a policeman sitting at the foot of the bed. precisely because time consciousness isn’t overshadowed by “anxious thought for the morrow. and this has understandably given me a somewhat unusual perspective on the whole matter. In other words. I was a Freud-style skeptic about all things mystical. a book that further elaborates on the subject of this article. Before I had my experience. for ten years now this liberation has made the conduct of practical life more rather than less efficient. desiring it. And to my continual astonishment. But I had no out-of-body vision of what was going on. without working for it. I’ve been liberated from what William Blake called obsession with “futurity. after eating a poisoned candy given me by a would-be thief on a longdistance bus. though it lacked any of the dramatic visionary features that tend to dominate both journalistic and scholarly NDE accounts. Some struggle to achieve it by strenuous spiritual practice. I had God consciousness thrust upon me in 1983. My mind was too busy catching up on why I was in a hospital at night. He is currently hard at work finishing The 9:15 to Nirvana.2 in the United States and the United Kingdom. Some. though by all accounts the success rate isn’t (and never has been) encouraging. which I believed could become as effective in the social realm as it has been in the physical realm. and no encounter with celestial beings or deceased relatives telling me to go back because my work on earth was not yet done.(1) But I emphasized that such a faith would have to be essentially positivistic. I wonder if discipline isn’t altogether counterproductive in this context and the idea of spiritual growth totally mistaken. or even believing in it. and even the traumatized condition . (Ann’s heroic rescue. now! and now! and now! That’s no mere metaphor for a vague sensation. Yet it wasn’t in the least a feeling of being damaged.)(5) The fact that I’d undergone a radical consciousness shift began to become apparent only after everyone had settled down for the night and I was left awake. but not the point here. “Of course! That’s absolutely right!” and applauding every single thing with tears of gratitude -not just the now sleeping Ann and the small jar of flowers the nurse had placed by the bedside. when I started turning blue and the bus driver insisted I was just drunk. In fact the sense of a “stop in time” was so absolute that I’m now convinced I really did die. the far from hygienic smell of the toilet. There was absolutely no sense of personal continuity. I’d suspected nothing. baby dear? Out of Everywhere into here. feeling as if I’d had enough sleep to last a lifetime. My impression is that my personal consciousness was actually “snuffed out” (the root meaning. right behind my eyes -or more accurately. With hindsight. if only for a few seconds or fractions of a second. I felt like exclaiming. the coughs and groans of other patients. of the word “nirvana”) and then recreated by a kind of focusing-down from the infinite eternity of that radiant dark pure consciousness. I guess he decided that retreat was the order of the day when he saw that my partner. letting me experience the world and myself properly for the first time -for that lovely dark radiance seemed to reveal the essence of everything as holy. according to some scholars. An old nursery rhyme conveys it better than any high philosophy: Where did you come from.3 hour journey across the jungle-covered mountains. it was more like having had a cataract taken off my brain.continually recreating my whole personal body-mind consciousness afresh. Moreover that wonderful “eternal life of everywhere” was still there. instant by instant.had left the bus some miles back. at the back of my head. it hadn’t been from a state of ordinary unconsciousness at all. it was so palpably real that I put my hand up to probe the back of my skull. It was as if I’d emerged freshly made (complete with all the memories that constitute my personal identity) from a vast blackness that was somehow radiant. And if my conviction is correct. Ann Faraday. and was literally “resurrected” by the medical team. dream psychologist Dr. is quite a story in its own right.(4) wasn’t eating the candy he’d given her. but also the ominous stains on the bed sheets. and therefore no space or time. it actually counts against rather than for the claim so often made by near-death researchers that personal consciousness can exist apart from the brain. half wondering if the doctors had sawn part of it away to open my head to infinity. because the donor of the candy -a charming and well-dressed young man who’d been very helpful with our luggage. By stages I became aware that when I’d awakened a few hours earlier. though there were no brain-wave monitors to provide objective confirmation. the ancient paint peeling off the walls. a kind of infinitely concentrated aliveness or “pure consciousness” that had no separation within it. of all people. becomes simply an interesting sensation. (6) The main point I want to make here. Because my skeptical bias had been recreated along with the rest of my memories. when I was taking for granted that this had to be a jumbo-sized “mystical experience” visited on me. which loves all the productions of time regardless. weeks. any ordinary kind of drug explanation was obviously ruled out. It is as if the Dark has withdrawn its game of “John Wren-Lewising” to a nonactive level where the satisfaction of simply being is totally unrelated to doing. Now all the judgments of goodness or badness which the human mind necessarily has to make in its activities along the line of time were contextualized in the perspective of that other dimension I can only call eternity. from which I must quite soon “return to normal. notably Ann. In the past I’d treated these words as mere romantic poetry.” I envisaged making public recantation of my antimystical views and joining the formerly despised ranks of spiritual seekers. my erstwhile spectacular dream life has been replaced. while my first fifty-nine years of so-called “normal” consciousness. From the recesses of my memory emerged that statement at the beginning of the book of Genesis about God observing everything “he” had made and finding it very good. another of nature’s wonders. which the doctors had diagnosed as probably being a heavy dose of morphine laced with cocaine. But with eternity consciousness. The Buddha’s distinction between pain and suffering. Moreover my bewilderment was intensified as I discovered how all kinds of “negative” human experiences became marvels of creation when experienced by the Dazzling Dark. I toyed with the possibility that I might simply be suffering some aftereffect of the poison. on most nights. months. . Later. I didn’t really believe this. when the eternity consciousness continued into the following days. is that perhaps the most extraordinary feature of eternity consciousness is that it doesn’t feel extraordinary at all. because there was no trace of the “trippy” feeling that was always present when I took part in a long series of officially sponsored experiments with high-dosage psychedelics back in the late 1960s. once heeded (irrespective of whether a physical remedy is available). It was mind-blowing even then. pain becomes simply a warning signal which. in ignorance of that Ground.” where I’m fully asleep yet distantly aware of lying in bed. however. as a kind of cosmic joke. It must suffice here to illustrate two features that have most impressed me and others who know me. referring only to conventionally grand things like sunsets and conveniently ignoring what ordinary human consciousness calls illness or ugliness. To convey even a fraction of what life is like with eternity consciousness would take a whole book and I’m currently in the last stages of writing one. It feels quintessentially natural that personal consciousness should be aware of its own Ground.4 of my body. and years. is now a common experience for me. And second. First. I would be sure of a place there. however. if there were a section in the Guinness Book of Records for cowardice about physical pain. now seem like a kind of waking dream. by a state which I can only call “conscious sleep. which I used to think was equivocation. the more convinced I become that iconoclastic mystics like Blake and Jiddu Krishnamurti(9) were right in asserting that the very idea of a spiritual path is necessarily self-defeating. there have been plenty of problems in adjusting to awakened life. Yet this is a very pertinent question. either in person or through books. rewarded at best with what T. I’ve begun to realize that my former skepticism wasn’t all bad. because ancient traditions and modern movements alike take for granted that the kind of eternity consciousness I’m living in is the preserve of spiritual Olympians. the mystical equivalent of Nobel laureates. however. It came as a real disappointment to find that no one I consulted. encountering and overcoming obstacle after obstacle along the way. the assumption that God consciousness is a high and special state seems like the perfect defense mechanism for not asking whether spiritual paths are really leading there at all. My intensive investigations in this area over the past decade have left me in no doubt that proponents of the so-called Perennial Philosophy are correct in identifying a common “deep structure” of experience underlying the widely different cultural expressions of mystics in all traditions. I think now that I was like the ignorant peasant boy in Hans Christian Andersen’s famous story who simply wouldn’t go along with the courtiers’ wishful thinking about the .ending nocturnal drama of moving towards the desired goal. Nonetheless I find no evidence whatever for the often-made claim that these traditions contain disciplines for attaining God consciousness that have been empirically tested and verified. to wet a thirsty throat or relieve the bladder) by creating a never.(8) On the contrary. Indeed the more I investigate. In other words. whereas I see that state as the natural human birthright. including “sinful” time-bound knowing. when in fact it is already the ground of all knowing.” Paths and disciplines make gnosis a goal. Fortunately the mystical state seems to have a growth pattern of its own which is gradually enabling me to deal with the adjustment problems—and a fascinating process it is. but never actually arriving. had a clue. since many mystics whose utterances most clearly resonate as coming from life in the eternity-state have asserted that their awakening was “an act of grace” (or words to that effect) rather than a reward for effort on their part. To me now. systems of spirituality seem like analogues of those dreams which prevent waking up (for example. Even so. because it does the one thing that has to be undone if there is to be awakening to eternity: it concentrates attention firmly on “futurity. because the rest of the world is still taking the separation state for granted. and my own “resurrected” mind still contains programs based on the assumptions of that state. So in the early days I made every effort to assume the role of spiritual seeker in the hope of finding help. Eliot called “hints and guesses”(7) of the eternity-conscious state. satisfaction and significance.of hopeful traveling.S. I’m very concerned that all the seekers I come across accept as a law of the spiritual universe that they have to be content with years -perhaps many reincarnational lifetimes.5 It was as if I’d been entranced from birth into a collective nightmare of separate individuals struggling in an alien universe for survival. In the meantime. growing or withering. which I believe are the great modern idols. This is the exploration to which my life is now dedicated. First. when astronomers have shown that the kind of planetary destruction that was once imagined as a possible divine judgment could in fact be brought about at any time by the perfectly natural wanderings of a stray asteroid. because the very fact of being interested means that somewhere at the back of your head you are already as aware of the Ground of consciousness as I am. I decided that heavenly grapes must be delusory when I could see that none of the ladders people were climbing in pursuit of them ever reached the goal. and tears of this petty pace. is in my view a very healthy sign that we are beginning to be disillusioned with time-entrapment. Or to switch to an even older fable. evolving towards some noetic Omega or fading out. sweat. Mystical gnosis is knowing the instant-byinstant delight of Infinite Aliveness in all manifestation. For example. so often deplored by spiritual pundits as a twentiethcentury sin. are subordinate to the divine satisfaction that is always present in each eternal instant. My mistake was to put down the impulse that causes spiritual seekers to want a greater glory than ordinary life affords and makes them hope it’s there in the great traditions. But I can also see that the very impulse to seek the joy of eternity is a Catch-22. the manifestation is creative or destructive. a paradigm of lila.6 emperor’s glory in his new clothes. beware of philosophies that put spiritual concerns into a framework of growth or evolution. which is why they at best yield only occasional glimpses of the eternal Ground of consciousness in Being. So what to do? One thing I learned in my former profession of science was that the right kind of lateral thinking can often bring liberation from Catch-22 situations. Both are important phenomena of eternity’s time theater. We should know better today. So rather than take up my little remaining space with any of my own tentative conclusions. from the purely human standpoint. great or small. when we use the term “self” with a small “s” to describe individual personhood. It’s a research project in which anyone who’s interested can join. My second warning is to mind your language. and “Self” with a capital “S” for the . divine play for its own sake. The “I want it now” attitude. for the words we use are often hooks that catch us into time entrapment. but I know from firsthand experience that the “joy beyond joy” is greater than the wildest imaginations of a consciousness bogged down in time. toil. Now I not only understand the urge to find something altogether beyond the shallow satisfactions and the blood. where any purposes along the line of time. Even disciplines designed to prize attention away from doing are simply another form of doing. irrespective of whether. provided the Catch-22 is faced in its full starkness. I’ll end with a couple of cautionary hints. hangovers from the age of empire-building and the work ethic. which is precisely what drives eternity out of awareness. because seeking itself implies a preoccupation with time. A truly mystical paradigm has to be postevolutionary. without evasions in the form of metaphysical speculations beyond experience. even when they have no experiential evidence of it. but as paradigms they’re old hat. by contrast. sharing experience is integral to its fullness.A. Psychoanalysis Observed (Baltimore. 1987). There is now also a Journal of Near-Death Studies published quarterly by the Human Sciences Press in New York.: Penguin. since novelty is apparently the name of the time game. Otherworld Journeys: The Near-Death Experience in Mediaeval and Modern Times (New York: Oxford University Press. Md. ed. Honest to God (London: SCM Press.”(10) Finite life is a continual instant-by-instant voyaging out from the “eternal Home” into the time process to discover new “productions of time” for eternity to love as they arise and pass away.7 fullness of God consciousness.” your hints and guesses. though not too many of his followers have ever taken that part of his teaching seriously..S. See for example my book What Shall We Tell the Children? (London: Constable. 1963). Against this background.” NOTES 1. when the word “home” is used to describe eternity. there is an almost irresistible temptation to think of life as a journey of return. the foundation work of the “Death of God” movement in the mid-1960s. the main positive advice I would give to spiritual seekers is to experiment with any practice or idea that seems interesting -which is what the Buddha urged a long time ago. Yet because we’re all in this together. Whatever experiments you make. Here too T. See especially my article “Love’s Coming-of-Age” in C. Mystical liberation. 1976/1990). The best overview of this subject is still C. 4. . Eliot has the word for it: “Home is where one starts from. I suspect gnosis comes as “grace” because there are as many different forms of it as there are people. See Ann Faraday. Rycroft. whereas mystical awakening for me has been like Dorothy’s in The Wizard of Oz: the realization that I never really left home and never could. 1973) and The Dream Game (New York: Harper & Row. Again. Ancient traditions and modern movements alike may be very valuable as databases for new adventures. 3. Robinson. 1971) and the quotations from my earlier writings in J. the notion of the one gradually expanding into the other becomes almost inescapable. but to treat them as authorities to be obeyed is not only “unscientific” -it seems actually to go against the grain of the divine lila itself. is the sudden discovery that even the meanest self is already a focus of the Infinite Aliveness that is beyond any kind of selfhood. again concentrating attention along the time line. share your “failures. with warts-and-all honesty. and your awakening too if it happens.T. 1968). Dream Power (New York: Berkeley. because “everything that lives is holy. Zaleski. 2. vol.S.: Quest Books. pp. A fuller version of the story is told in my article “The Darkness of God: A Personal Report on Consciousness Transformation through Close Encounter with Death” in the Journal of Humanistic Psychology. “East Coker. pp. Eliot. For notes on Krishnamurti in this respect. pp. 7. in Four Quartets. 105-121. The Perennial Philosophy (New York: Harper & Row. with particular reference to recent reports of his alleged affair with a married woman disciple. see my article “Death Knell of the Guru System?: Perfectionism vs.” 5. “The Dry Salvages. Nº 2 (1994). Nº 2 (1988). 10. Eliot.” in Lucidity Letter. vol. 1944) and Ken Wilber. 9. T.” 8. in Four Quartets (London: Faber & Faber.8 5. we were on holiday from fieldwork in the Malaysian jungle which led to exposure of the “Senoi Dream Tribe” legend as a fraud.” 5. 1980). See T. “The Selling of the Senoi. . 46-61. pp. Nº 1. vol. Nº 2. 34. The Asian Journal of Thomas Merton (London: Sheldon Press. 1974) relates Merton’s discussion with a very high Tibetan meditation master in which they both admitted to each other that breakthrough into “direct realization” still eluded them after thirty years of assiduous practice. See for example Aldous Huxley. 1944/1959). 3. 4.S. (1986). see my article “Dream Lucidity and Near-Death Experience: A Personal Report” in Lucidity Letter. vol. A high Tibetan lama once told me he expected to spend many more reincarnations before reaching a state of continuing “eternity consciousness. (1984). 6. For further details. At the time of this incident. Enlightenment” in the Journal of Humanistic Psychology. See Ann Faraday and John Wren-Lewis. 28. 1-2. The Atman Project (Wheaton. As an example. Ill. and in my forthcoming book The 9:15 to Nirvana. 4-12.