Crazy For You Libretto

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------Crazy For You Music: George Gershwin Lyrics: Ira Gershwin Book: Ken Ludwig Premiere: Wednesday, February19, 1992 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------CAST OF CHARACTERS BOBBY CHILD New York, young man in love with musical theater BELA ZANGLER New York, an established producer LANK HAWKINS Nevada, saloon proprietor EVERETT BAKER Polly's father POLLY BAKER Deadrock, Nevada postmistress, "All American Girl" IRENE ROTH New York Society debutant EUGENE FODOR An English tourist PATRICIA FODOR Eugene's sister MOTHER (Mrs. Lottie Child) Bobby's business-oriented and controlling parent PERKINS Mother's business assistant CHAUFFEUR :for Mother's limousine CAST OF CHARACTERS (continued) 10 FOLLIES GIRLS - CHORUS TESS Dance director, Zangler's favorite PATSY Showgirl with high speaking voice MITZI A principal dancer ELAINE LOUISE SUSIE BETSY MARGIE SHEILA VERA 10 COWBOYS - CHORUS HARRY (Bartender) PETE CUSTUS JIMMY Cowboy Trio: MOOSE MINGO SAM Card Players: BILLY WYATT JUNIOR NEW YORK THEATRE STAGE MANAGER STAGE HANDS 4 SHOW GIRLS 2 LACKEYS FOR ZANGLER 3 MOTHER'S DIRECTORS NEW YORK PASSING STREET CROWDS NEVADA PASSING STREET CROWDS MUSICAL NUMBERS ACT ONE A. B. 1. 2. 2. (cont'd) 2a. 3. 3a. 4. 4a. 5. 5 (cont'd) 5a. 6. 7. 8. s 9. 10. 11. 12. 12-I 12-II ACT TWO 13. Chorus 13 (cont'd) 14. 14a. 15. & Mingo) OVERTURE - Orchestra INCIDENTAL: Before Opening - Orchestra K-RA-ZY for You - Bobby I Can't Be Bothered Now - Bobby & Girls PLAYOFF: Bothered - Orchestra SCENE CHANGE: After Bothered - Orchestra Bidin' My Time - Cowboy Trio (Mingo, Moose, Sam) & Men INCIDENTAL: Bobby Staggers In - Orchestra Things Are Looking Up - Bobby INCIDENTAL: After Things - Piano Solo Could You Use Me? - Bobby & Polly Shall We Dance? - Bobby & Polly SCENE CHANGE: Shall We Dance? - Music Box Girls Enter Nevada [Bronco Busters] - Chorus Someone to Watch Over Me - Polly INCIDENTAL: Rehearsal - Slap That Bass - Piano with ad lib. Drum Slap That Bass - Bobby (as Zangler) & Company Embraceable You - Polly & Bobby (as Zangler) Tonight's the Night - Chorus I Got Rhythm - Polly & Company Dance Part One: I Got Rhythm - Polly & Company Dance Part two: I Got Rhythm - Company Entr'acte: The Real American Folk Song Is a Rag - Cowboy Trio & INCIDENTAL: American Rag What Causes That - Bobby & SCENE CHANGE - Bobby Wakes Naughty Baby - Irene, Lank Piano solo Zangler Up - Orchestra & male Quartet (Harry, Junior, Wyatt 15a. INCIDENTAL: Crazy for You - Music box [There is no musical number 16] 17. Stiff Upper Lip - Eugene, Patricia, Bobby, Polly & Company 18. They Can't Take That Away From Me - Bobby 19. But Not For Me - Polly 19 (cont'd) Reprise: But Not for Me - Polly 19a. SCENE CHANGE: New Promenade - Orchestra 20. Nice Work If You Can Get It - Bobby & Girls 21. Bidin' My Time (French Reprise) - Cowboy Trio 22. Reprise: Things are Looking Up - Everett 23. Finale - Company 24. Curtain Calls - Full Company 25. EXIT MUSIC - Orchestra A. Overture ACT ONE B. INCIDENTAL: Before Opening (Optional) Scene One Wings and Stage of Zangler's Broadway Theater, the wings in the foreground, and the stage in the background. Onstage, a show is in progress. In the wings, STA GEHANDS are working the lights, STAGE MANAGER calling cues, etc. As the curtain rises, TESS, the Dance Director, is drilling four SHOW GIRLS in a short routine . 1. Opening: K-RA-ZY For You TESS (over the music) Shoulders back! Heads high! One last time1 (As soon as the SHOW GIRLS leave the wings and parade onto the stage, TESS looks around to see if Bobby has arrived. She looks at her watch with concern, then calls to PATSY, a very dumb SHOW GIRL with a high, squeaky voice.) TESS Patsy! Where's Bobby?! He should have been here two hours ago! PATSY I know! I saw him yesterday, and he was all excited about the audition for Mr. Zangler. TESS (looking off) Wait! There he is! (BOBBY CHILD, dressed as a banker, hurries on, into the wings, pulling off his o vercoat.) PATSY Bobby! BOBBY Oh, my god! Did I make it?! Is Zangler still here?! PATSY Yeah, ya still got five minutes. BOBBY Great TESS beard and Hu ngarian accent. could I see you a min ZANGLER I must talk now to dance director about very important professional matter! BOBBY Right.) ZANGLER Ladies and gentlemen. and ZANGLER pulls TESS aside.) ZANGLER (Business-like) Tessie. TESS Yes.our final performance of the season. and BELA ZANGLER enters the wings. But I've got my tap shoes on! This time Zangler 's going to be dazzled. what happened?! BOBBY They kept me late at the bank. My name is Bela Zangler. Zangler? (ZANGLER makes sure they're not overheard. Zangler. TESS Bela -! ZANGLER Vhat do you say ve have intimate supper? TESS . (Applause. This great impresario is an imposing dapper man with a moustache.Bobby. Mr. Vell vell vell. and the "applause" dies down. As soon as ZANGLER gets to the wings. the STAGE MANAGER takes ZANGLER'S cigar. a nd I hope you vill all be here in just eight veeks for vonderful new show! (Wild applause as ZANGLER leaves the stage and the company bows begin. the number "onstage" is over. BOBBY sees him -) BOBBY Mr. He's going to hire me on the spot! (At this point. ZANGLER raises his arms. A trumpet fanf are. BOBBY tries again. I love you. Zangler! (:but TESS and PATSY stop BOBBY from bothering ZANGLER just yet.) ZANGLER Tessie! BOBBY Mr.) Thank you for coming to Zangler Follies . then says with passion: ZANGLER Tessie. (Bobby moves away. and ZANGLER sweeps onstage to make his curtain speech. BOBBY Would you wait a second! ZANGLER Mr. ZANGLER Not you again. Goodnight. Mr. I give them a raise. Goodnight. Mr. ZANGLER Not now! (ZANGLER starts to leave. Zangler. she is in excellent health. (TESS walks away. Child. Zangler! You don't understand. When I go to your office. they throw me out . BOBBY I'm here to audition. Mr.) ZANGLER Good.) BOBBY Mr.) ZANGLER Tessie! (By this time the FOLLIES GIRLS are leaving the stage in a line. past ZANGLER. Vhy are you vesting my time?! BOBBY (indicating the theater around him:) Because this is my life! It's all I care about! .I'm not hungry. Mr. BOBBY and ZANGLER are alone onstage. Zangler? ZANGLER I am sorry to say. (Music fades out. Zangler. By this time. (And at the end of the line is BOBBY. Zangler. please! You make me crazy! TESS And how is Mrs.) MITZI Vacation! FOLLIES GIRLS Goodnight.) BOBBY Hi. ZANGLER Tessie. Zangler. When it comes to a show down I'm k-ra-zy for you. And so though love may not inspire my lingo Still it's making my heart go Let me give you the low down I'm k-ra-zy for (Music out. I'm holding. (BOBBY takes a breath . Just .) I'm k-ra-zy for you. Orchestra short chord at finish of BOBBY's routine. then music o ut. Okay? ZANGLER :Okay.(BOBBY'S conviction makes even ZANGLER pause. dancing as he sings:) 1.then launches into his audition. BOBBY finishes the routine with a slam.okay. BOBBY Would you hold this? Thanks.) Now look. (He hands ZANGLER his coat and hat. Opening: K-RA-ZY For You BOBBY Let me give you the low down: (Orchestra accompaniment picks up again under vocal.just . (BOBBY does an elaborate tap routine.) BOBBY Now what do you say to that?! ZANGLER Foot BOBBY Huh? ZANGLER Foot:You are standing on my foot! BOBBY Oh. I promise. ZANGLER pointedly loo ks at his watch.) Hold on for the big finish! ZANGLER (bored and annoyed:) I'm holding. literally nose-to-nose with ZANGLER. sorry: ZANGLER You are a moron! . Halfway through it. you're going to love this.) Here goes. here in New York. Bobby. recognizing the steely voice:) Irene. BOBBY Now wait a second . You could be unknown all over America! (ZANGLER strides off. Bobby. But I hav e potential! ZANGLER Ya. God night. Also on the street is IRENE ROTH. As the lights come up.(He starts to exit. waiting for BOBBY . I-I-I realize I'm an unknown. 'Night. BOBBY (Without turning.) (And the GIRLS are gone. Bobby.) Scene Two Street in front of the Zangler Theater. TESS We've gotta go anyway. (etc. Zangler! : Look. Just forget about him. music picks up ag ain for scene change as the set changes. Scene change music fades out as GIRLS enter. five minutes later. THE GIRLS Good-night. and BOBBY runs after him. dressed in fur. it is time you gave up all this dancing nonsense and settled down! BOBBY Nonsense -?! .! PATSY We'll see ya later. TESS Hey.) IRENE Bobby. BOBBY Who knew he had big feet! IRENE Hello. Bobby. BOBBY and some of the FOLLIES GIRLS are leaving the stage door in their stre et clothes. As they exit. PATSY Cheer up! He's not worth it. Bobby.) BOBBY Mr. Hi: IRENE Say good-night to the ladies. IRENE Of course we are. (At this moment. you look well. IRENE Don't be ridiculous. Sim ultaneously. so am I! . BOBBY But I don't want to work in the bank! That's my mother's idea! I mean that's t he trouble. IRENE Lottie.) IRENE Now I want you to promise me: from the day we're married. The limousine pulls up. and ZANGLER exits down the street. ZANGLER exits from the stage door with two of his lackeys. dear. BOBBY Oh no we're not. her assistant. I am talking to Bobby.IRENE We have been engaged for five years. BOBBY and IRENE don't see them. I have the wedding all planned. and BOBBY'S MOTHER gets out. MOTHER Well. the CHAUFFEUR opens the back door. you know what I'd say to her? Huh?! I'd say: "MOTHER!!" MOTHER Yes. Zangler! I'm sorry about your foot -! (ZANGLER turns to BOBBY . a limousine starts to enter. Bobby? BOBBY My God.) ZANGLER Ve start next veek BOBBY Mr.and almost gets run down by the limousine. you will work in the b ank. That coat is just MOTHER I knew I'd find you here. BOBBY Great. Big crowd. Now when are we getting married?! BOBBY We're not. followed by PERKINS.) ZANGLER Moron! (IRENE pulls OBBY away. The guest list is up to n ine hundred. You won't even miss me. Nobody in the theater takes me seriously! Well if my mother was he re right now. BOBBY But who cares?! I want to dance. IRENE When he's married to me.IRENE Then get in line! MOTHER Bobby. in the ten years since you left Harvard. Mother. BOBBY Fine! Do you have a pen? MOTHER Not by you. don't even listen to her. first thing tomorrow morning! Now I don't want to hear any IRENE Darling. he'll need a psychiatrist. Nevada.) Deadrock. PERKINS We'd like it signed. I'm sorry: IRENE He will go to Nevada over my dead body! MOTHER That sounds like an excellent route. PERKINS catches her. (To Bobby:) Now this is a deed of property. BOBBY Nevada?! PERKINS It will save the bank quite a sum in foreclosure costs.) BOBBY I'm sorry. MOTHER (to BOBBY) You have accomplished less than nothing. Now the Board of Directors and I have decided to give you one last chance. :Bobby. you have accomplished nothing. It's all the . he won't need an allowance. I want you to go there immediately and get him to sign it. IRENE He got engaged to me. MOTHER No. I've got the wedding all planned. I don't care about money. you idiot! By some other idiot who lives in: (Consulting the document. I will cut off your allowance. If you fail the bank this time. (MOTHER gasps and clutches her heart. You'll wear a morning coat and I'll go strapless. get in the car! MOTHER I will cut off your allowance if you do not go to Nevada. their voices fad e away. they ad lib. you will find yourself without an allowance IRENE I have gone out of my way To give your feelings every Possible consideration - (In his dream fantasy. THE GIRLS He's not upset (Telephone rings. When I m dancing I don't care if this old world stops turning. and BOBBY sings:) 2.) BOBBY I'm up among the stars. Just now I shan't Because you see I'm dancing and I can't be bothered now! (Dance break. Or if my bank is burning. My bonds and shares May fall downstairs Who cares. Then the rest of the FOLLIES GIRLS emerge from the car. I refuse to fret. and IRENE follows them.) MOTHER If you do not listen to me. BOBBY raises the hood of the car and a FOLLIES GIRL jumps out. On earthly things I frown I'm throwing off the bars That held me down.nonsense about it -! rage - (During the argument PERKINS and CHAUFFEUR cross upstage and unobtrusively make their exit. who cares? I'm dancing and I can't be bothered now! (MOTHER pulls BOBBY into the car. I Can't Be Bothered Now BOBBY Bad news go 'way! Call 'round some day In March or May I can't be bothered now. Bobby. "Hi. Starts..) . BOBBY rises out of the car and ends up dancing on the roo f.) BOBBY Music is the magic that makes everything sunshiny Dancing makes my troubles all seem tiny." etc. Or even if Rumania Wants to fight Albania! I'm not upset. H e dances with her. BOBBY tunes the argument out. young man. as t hey enter dancing and singing. music intro. I'll pay the piper When times are riper. he shan't Just now.) Because you see I'm dancing..) Because you see I'm dancing.) ONE GIRL (to BOBBY:) It's for you! BOBBY Take a message! THE GIRLS Bad news go Call 'round In March or He can't be 'way! some day May bothered now. go away Call 'round someday In March or May Who cares about his shares That fall downstairs Who cares. Just now.) THE GIRLS He's dancing watch him shine. He'll pay the piper Just now. who cares? He can't be bothered Won't be bothered Shan't be bothered . who cares? Who cares. You'll have to hold the Iine (Dance break. no! THE GIRLS And he'll refuse to fret. When times are riper.. THE GIRLS (Chanted:) Bad news. (Telephone rings.. Hello! BOBBY That's for me?! (GIRLS babble.. (Telephone rings. he shan't GIRLS B He'll pay the piper When times are riper..) GIRLS A He'll pay the piper When times are riper. he shan't - BOBBY Because you see I'm dancing.. BOBBY (shouted:) I can't be bothered now! (Dance break.BOBBY Oh. Bidin' My Time .Orchestra (As the number ends.) Now! Goodbye!! (Music segues on applause. then back at IRENE. Hotel and Restaurant. now gone to seed. (Tap break. he snatches the deed of property from MOTHER and runs down the stre et. As the lights fade.) BOBBY (undecided:) Oh boy: (Frustrated. there are two adjoining buildings of particular inter est.) Grand Central Station!! 2a.) 2. (cont'd) PLAYOFF: Bothered . Post Office.and she chases it down the street. IRENE scowls and exits. Above the entrance is a sign that says: "Gaiety Theater" . once quite grand.." The other building is a former theater. The sign on one says: "Saloon. morning. At the end of th e street. PERKINS & CHAUFFEUR re-enter and wait beside the car.but there's another sign below it that say s "U. Then B OBY. Along the street.Can't be bothered now Not now! Not now! He can't be bothered. PERKINS & CHAUFFEUR get into the car.Orchestra (MOTHER smiles. SCENE CHANGE: After Bothered .. Deadrock. MOTHER and IRENE immediately emerge from the car. we see the desert stretching into the distance.) BOBBY TAXI!! (Music starts. A sleepy little Western town in the middle of n owhere. 3. and the limo drives off . The GIRLS dance back into the car.) Scene Three Main Street.S. Bobby? Me or Deadrock? (BOBBY looks at MOTHER." Across the street is the General Store.without MOTHER . and BOBBY sinks back in through the roof. I want you to go to Nevada at once and forget all This marriage nonsense! IRENE She's completely insane! I've got the colors picked out for the wedding and they're blue and white! IRENE So which is it.) MOTHER Bobby. ) Next I'll This I'll POLLY Mail call! MINGO. for my dad. MINGO. During the following the dead snake. just keep on nappin' . befuddle d man in his 60s. a gentle. Polly. Sam. I never get any mail. MOOSE AND SAM And bidin' my time. POLLY Oh. it runs over a rattlesnake. POLLY Hey! Look at this! There's a letter here. you got a letter just last month. While other folks grow dizzy I keep busy Bidin' my time (OTHER MEN join singing. 'Cause that's the kinda guy I'm. rattle s its tail. PETE No kiddin'! What'd it say? SAM I don't know." As the truck enters De adrock. from New York City! PETE Hey Everett! JIMMY Ya got a letter! BILLY From New York City! EVERETT year. on melody.1930's style .) Sitting on the porch of the theater is EVERETT BAKER. next year. I didn't have the energy to read it. Also onstage are several other COWBOYS sitting around doing nothing (as u sual.and POLL Y BAKER enter on the back of an old pickup truck singing the laziest song imagin able. There's no regrettin' When I'm settin' Bidin' my time. 'Cause that's the kinda guy I'm. this year. reading a yellowing copy of "Variety.As the set falls into place around them. with the trio. crosses himself and mourns the loss of his favorite pet. as they enter. MOOSE AND SAM I'm bidin' my time. THREE COWBOYS . POLLY (interrupting the last note of men's vocal:) Hey! Mail call! Come and get it! SAM Heck. just keep on nappin' year. Number two! POLLY (Reading the letter. Well. N ame of : Bobby Child! If I ever meet up with that skunk.) Hey. EVERETT Oh. si nging her heart out to a house-full of drunken gold miners. I wish you could have seen your mother on that stage. I didn't know you had a stamp collection. POLLY This time they want to take our theater! EVERETT (to the BOYS:) I'm afraid we're a little behind on the mortgage. if we don't pay 'em a ton of money by the end of this month. they' re gonna own it. boy. stock and barrel! (The BOYS groan. INCIDENTAL: Bobby Staggers In . MOOSE(Showing Everett proudly. (He potters sadly away.) BILLY I never seen her that mad before. dear. EVERETT She was never more radiant than when she stood there behind those footlights. Moose. having already taken the letter out.) WYATT Poor old guy. 3a. MOOSE Can I have the stamp. lock. Polly. POLLY (Scanning the letter:) Just look at this! They're sendin' some banker out here to put the knife in. Dad.Orchestra . Now isn't that exciting.Oh. I don't kno w what I'll do! But it's gonna be ugly!! (She exits angrily into the theater. I'll : Oh.) Oh. JUNIOR Talk about an excitin' day.) EVERETT Oh. Polly? For my collection? POLLY (She tears off the stamp and hands it to Moose. POLLY I bet she was really somethin'.) It's from that stinkin' bank again. POLLY It says here. into the saloon. LANK I don't want you to "let me have it. LANK is an intense. This could be a big town again! Shops and cafes! Sidewa . dizzy from the sun and can b arely walk.when BOBBY staggers into view from the desert . they start to lope away . if you'll recall. flee ing from LANK HAWKINS. which. I'll make it simple. to EVERETT:) Look. LANK Good. standing there behin d the footlights : LANK Would you stop blathering.) BOBBY Water : water : (He makes it part way down the street and drops to the ground in a dead faint. there has been one re surrection. you pig-headed fool! (POLLY instantly appears on the balcony. Now being a man of vision. blessed with a vision that no one else quite shares.as EVERETT emerges from the saloon. CUSTUS (to BOBBY:) It's only an hour's walk from the junction! (They shake their heads and lope away . I can't let you have the theater.(Lazily. it's not going to happen! In two thousand years. Lank.) JIMMY I guess the train arrived. I would like to expand the saloon in the direc tion of your theater.) POLLY Lank Hawkins! Don't you dare talk to my father that way! LANK (to POLLY:) Okay! Okay: (He throws her a kiss and she exits. Everett. I : own : the saloon. EVERETT How I'd love to see a show I that theater again: LANK Everett. and it wasn't a theater!! (LANK calms himself:) Think of it." I want to buy it! EVERETT Oh I wish you could have seen Polly's mother on that stage.) EVERETT No no no no. was turned into a post office twe nty years ago. EVERETT I know that. The COWBOYS look at him. He's pouring with sweat. carrying his suitcases. usually manic fellow. Music out. LANK I have asked you to marry me fifteen times. You're the only woman within fifty miles! POLLY And he ain't gonna sell ya his theater if he don't want to! . the bank is going to take it anyway! POLLY He is my father and it is time you showed him a little respect! (They freeze. BOBBY'S head goes up. But no more will I be the mourner.) We have a town full of singing cadavers! (Kicking BOBBY with his toe.lks! We could have another:. He's transfixed. LANK Polly.) We have bodies lying in the street! (Poking EVERETT in the chest. He can't take his eyes off her. Oh things are looking up Since love looked up at me. you know how I feel about you! (Freeze. Lank Hawkins! If you ever yell at my father again. For I've certainly turned the corner.) BOBBY Bitter was my cup. LANK There is no one else. he sings:) 4. Again. POLLY So ask somebody else. BOBBY is in his own world. The moment she appears.Cleveland on our hands! EVERETT But it's such a nice town as it is: LANK Would you look around. for God's sake! Come here! Look! (Taking EVERETT on a tour of the street.) POLLY You listen to me. I'm gonna skin you alive. you hear me -!! LANK If he doesn't sell it to me. Staring at POLLY in a cloud of adoration.) We are the armpit of the American West!! (POLLY storms out of the front of the theater. Oh things are looking up Since love looked up at me. Things Are Looking Up BOBBY Things are looking up! I've been looking the landscape over And it's covered with four leaf clover. ) BOBBY "Polly.(POLLY turns to him.are at the table playing poker." "Polly!" (Like Cortez first seeing the Pacific Ocean:) My God. I've got to wash up. As the COWBOYS carry BOBBY into the saloon. where there are doors to two guest rooms and a door to the corridor . Love's in session And my depression Is unmistakably through. TWO CARD PLAYERS .) BOBBY Thank you. the set is changing. and the COWBOYS pick him up and carry him into the saloon. (POLLY and EVERETT exit into the theater. BOBBY Things are looking up! It's a great little world we live in! Oh I'm happy as a pup Since love looked up Oh I'm happy as a pup Since love looked up at me!! (NOTE: Last word of song is an elision with first note of next musical number.) EVERETT (seeing what's coming:) Polly: (POLLY kicks LANK in the shin. It includes a reception desk. and LANK is coming do wn the stairs. LANK limps away into the saloon. BOB BY has been watching Polly's every movement.) Scene Four Inside Lank's Saloon. Dad. 4a. murderously.) POLLY Come on. (As the song continues. . BOBBY gets dizzy again. Meanwhile. a player-piano (appa rently being played by JUNIOR).) See the sunbeams! Every one beams Just because of you. A flight of stairs leads up t o a balcony. the piano is playing. INCIDENTAL: After Things (Piano solo) LANK Would you turn that thing off! (JUNIOR kicks the piano and it stops playing. and a card table. a bar. that's a wonderful name!! BOBBY (The music swells. He screams.WYATT and BILLY . BOBBY But they could have hurt each other.) Aw. leaving the from the shards of its house. He shoots BILLY in the stomach. JUNIOR It's Lank's idea. mister.BLAM! ll explodes. his mout h open. to bring in the tourists. a nd argument starts up between the two CARD PLAYERS. Complete rubbish. BLAM! BILLY falls dead on the floor.A cuckoo clock above the reception desk sounds off . then LANK walks s out his hand. BOBBY (confused:) What's going on? BILLY Famous Gunfights of the Old West.) WYATT Hold it right there. hitting a pair of antlers. then continues off e leaves. BOBBY watches all this in shock. LANK bird dangling on a wire pair. then standing up. WYATT Are you kiddin'.) WYATT (Surrendering his gun to Lank. BLAM! turns the gun toward the wall and lets fly another . Lank. kicking his chair away. I saw ya take that ace from your sleeve. LANK No wonder this country is in a depression. BILLY I'm afraid you need some glasses. (BILLY stands up. which hits the piano ing. LANK utters a cry of des through a door behind the reception desk. which instantly explodes. BILLY (From the floor. Hey. A beat. (LANK walks away. JUNIOR kicks it and it stops. then:) LANK Rubbish. I thought it was pretty good that time.and WYATT shoots straight at his chest.) POLLY goes.which starts play up to WYATT and put . the Cuckoo Clock sounds off again: "CU-CKOO! CU shoots the clock. Lank! (LANK turns . ya dumb cuss. As he -CKOO!" Startled. lank.complete with a bird that c omes out of a little door in the front: "CU-CKOO! CU-CKOO!" At this moment. The moment h BLAM! Then WYATT and a jug on the wa .) Sorry. mister? These her is blanks. PETE That there was Wyatt Earp meets Billy the Kid. A beat. POLLY enters. come on. and they square off for a gunfight. T hey draw like lightning. but WYATT is faster. ) POLLY What the hell'd ya do that for?!! BOBBY I don't know.) BOBBY (Tough guy.) :Who the hell is he? JUNIOR He sorta crawled into town this afternoon.and as they make a turn. and POLLY catches it easily. This way. I'll do it! (She puts BOBBY'S arm around her neck and starts to walk him around the saloon. Get under him! (JUNIOR tries. don't do it again. Now you're getting' it.then she pushes him roughly away. Imitating her. to HARRY:) Make that two. POLLY (Seeing BOBBY for the first time. POLLY :Well. The bottle s . BOBBY Right.Where's Lank? JUNIOR He's out back. His legs are like jelly. Western-style .and promptly falls to the ground.) (She walks him some more . ad lib. (She stares at him for a beat. (HARRY slides a bottle to BOBBY. he kisses her on the lips. POLLY Well. Without warning.) POLLY Come on. For a moment sh e's stunned . Sunshine. Harry. walk him around. BOBBY is impr essed. then heads for the bar. slides a bottle down the length of the bar.) Oh. who puts out his hand and misses. the bartender. BOBBY How do you do? (BOBBY stands up to introduce himself . get me a drink so I can clean my lips! (HARRY. She takes a slug and moseys away. BOBBY finds his face only in ches from POLLY's. he walks to the bar.) JUNIOR He's still kinda shaky. Just keep them feet movi ng' : (etc.) POLLY Hey. here. still showing off.a squeak:) :That's a little strong: POLLY Strong? We got thirty-year-old cows who pass water stronger'n this stuff. (As HARRY slams a bottle onto the bar. Show a little sympathy. and Mrs. Could You Use Me? BOBBY Have some pity on an Easterner. I'll tie your shoes-ies And chase your blues-ies. it's been real nice talking' to ya. BOBBY Don't go! POLLY Maybe I'll see ya again some time.One for the road. (Same routine. BOBBY jumps on the bar and grabs it. he doesn't react. (POLLY is suddenly conscious of her arms and puts them behind her back. Us. you're beautiful.lides off the end of the bar and crashes. You're like the Venus de Milo! :Except for your arms. In a rocket ship or somethin'. BOBBY misses again and the bottle crashes. Before you file it on the shelf Let me tell you of myself: (By this time. BOBBY My God. he's got her to the table.) POLLY You ain't from around here. Then he stares at the bottle in shock. There's a job that I'm applying for Let me put it to you thus: It's a partnership I'm dying for Mr.) BOBBY :I'll have another.) BOBBY :. I'm the chappie To make you happy.) Oh. you have arms: POLLY : Mister. . No one possibly could be sterner Than you have been with me. 5.) BOBBY (Hardly able to speak . slides off the bar and drinks from the bottle. For a second.) I-I-I mean. are ya? (BOBBY. ) Scene Five Main Street & Desert. You'd better dance. could you use me? POLLY No night Iife for you. little man! Dance whenever you can! (At first.and dance .then the desert . The cows won't know you. tell me. But soon she starts enjoying herself. To ask me. Don't you be an also-ran. POLL Y falls deeply in love with him. Nevada. lady would you Oh. and BOBBY and POLLY begin whirling through the str eet . The song is continuous. Shall we Shall we Shall we Or shall dance. we're growing older. A horse would throw you. then out into the street. Go back to flappers And high-balI lappers. Put on your dancing shoes Stop wasting time! Put on your dancing shoes Watch your spirits climb. The birds would bore you. During the son g . You silly man. In the course of the number.evening falls. Deadrock. she just won't dance with him. little lady! Dance. 5 (cont'd). Shall We Dance? BOBBY Drop that long face! Come on. POLLY Your ties are freakish. Though you can use me I most certainly can't use you! (BOBBY pursues POLLY around the saloon. and walk on air? give into despair we dance with never a care? Life is short. have your fling! Why keep nursing the blues? If you want this old world on a string. Last word of song is an elision with first note of next musical number.like Fred and Ginger. POLLY's a reluctant partner. Towards the end of the number BOBBY kisses a n . "Can you use me?" BOBBY Do you realize what a good man You're getting in me? I'm no Elk or Mason or Woodman Who gets home at three. Your knees are weakish. or keep on moping? dance. you.Oh. The lights. where are you?!! (Suddenly. BOBBY'S VOICE Polly? :Polly?! :.) Scene Six Stage of the Gaiety Theater. we hear BOBBY's voice. Then the mines ran out a nd most people just kinda got up and left.) BOBBY Oh. POLLY is at the side of the stage. then says quietly:) BOBBY . continuous. What's it doing in Deadrock? POLLY This here was a pretty big town about fifty years ago. covered with dust and in a woeful state of disrepair. O ut of the void. On the stage are a few old props and flats and a trunk of costumes.ow-willing POLLY. having just t urned the lights on. the music: BOBBY I've never seen anything like it. the lights come up. and we go to blackout.) 5a.) BOBBY :WOW!! (The dance ends.Music Box (Music fades out under opening dialogue of next scene. BOBBY suddenly has a revelation He looks around the theater. The scene begins in total darkness. I-I-I couldn't help overhearing on the street. huh? BOBBY It's incredible! POLLY When I was a little thing. BOBBY looks aroun d. dumbfounded. just look at this place! POLLY (proudly:) It's somethin'. my God! You can't let the bank take this place! POLLY How do you know about it? BOBBY Well. and we see the theater for the first time. OW! (He's bumped into something. SCENE CHANGE: Shall We Dance? . It's a masterpi ece of Victoriana.) Polly. I'd watch all the big shows. BOBBY (finding parts of costumes in the trunk) Look at this stuff! Oh. and : (Pause. my God. That'll raise all the money you need to pay off the mortgage! POLLY : Just put on a show? BOBBY Right. Are you kidding? We're like. bring dancers.. disappointed. (POLLY turns away. POLLY In here? BOBBY Right! POLLY Is everybody this stupid back East.) I know what to do! POLLY What the hell are you talkin' about?! BOBBY It's simple! All we have to do to save this place is just : put on a show.) But we don't need him! I can do it. I heard them! And-and-and I could from Zangler's Follies! They're my friends! They'd come in a s on vacation! POLLY (suddenly excited:) : Ya mean Bela Zangler?! BOBBY Yeah. then pulling them apart) this. I promise! . POLLY Dad's talked about him! Do you know him?! BOBBY Do I know him. if ya asked him?! BOBBY (Nodding his head yes) :No. why not?! time! : Look. I've got an idea! POLLY About what?! BOBBY (pulling on a costume jacket and grabbing a fedora. econd! They're Don't you ever go to the movies? Mickey Rooney does it all the The guys in the bar can sing.Wait a second. or are you just special? BOBBY Well. Her e in the theater. POLLY D'ya think he'd come out here and put on a show?! I mean. (Putting the index fingers of his hands together. (BOBBY shouts with joy. It sure is nice of you to help like this.) POLLY What? BOBBY Bobby Child. And this theater. sending him reeling backward. giving it a whole new life! POLLY :I guess we can try it. (A beat. we hardly know each other.the same one he did for Zangler . then POLLY suddenly goes pale.) BOBBY I'll call the girls first thing in the morning! Hey! Watch this! (He does a tap flourish . just imagine. Well. ain't ya? This is a trick! BOBBY . POLLY From New York City? BOBBY Right. I could accomplish something. Let me try it. I mean. I can explain that POLLY You're here to take our theater.and ends up with a s lam literally nose-to-nose with Polly. (Extending her hand. (SLAP! POLLY slaps BOBBY across the face. BOBBY I'm sorry! Darn! POLLY That's okay.(No answer. please. BOBBY I'm bobby Child.) Polly.) I'm Polly Baker.) BOBBY What did I do? POLLY You're from that bank! BOBBY Yeah.) POLLY (in pain:) :You're standin' on my foot. followed by the sound of a train gaining speed. Deadrock. then the vamping beat of the GIRLS' arrival in Deadrock.No. He has an idea. Girls Enter Nevada (Bronco Busters) THE FOLLIES GIRLS It's wonderful to breeze around. turns and says quietly:) And don't you ever let me catch you talkin' to me again. it's not! POLLY How could ya do this to me?! BOBBY Polly. vell. By the end of the n umber.) "Vell. vell. Nevada. his dreams shattered.! (She's gone. BOBBY wanders across the stage. ya?! (Blackout. (She hurries off. a sad strain of "Things Are Lo oking Up. as THE COWBOYS come out to see what's happening . THE FOLLIES GIRLS enter from the desert (in silhouette) to the hot. He says to himself:) "You and your singing and your dancing and your:" (Music for next number begins with an underscore." Windows and doors fly open. Could it really work?) BOBBY (to himself:) : Bela Zangler.) Scene Seven Main street. As the dawn is breaking.and join in the number. three days later. And of the open spaces there's no doubt No doubt! No doubt! This is the life that Riley told about. They seem to have real trees around. morning. you're wrong POLLY You and your singin' and your dancin' and your : Bela Zanglers! BOBBY I can save this theater! POLLY (deeply hurt. BOBBY looks up. all the COWBOYS are on the street. 6.) BOBBY Polly . (He looks around the theater :) Bela Zangler!! (Using Zangler's accent and striking a pos with a cane. jazzy rhythm of "I'll Build a Stairway to Paradise. . Girls! It is time ve pay visit to Deadrock." Suddenly. her eyes full of tears:) Just GO AWAY!! POLLY (She hurries to the wings. POLLY and LANK have also entered. Where men are men! We don't care if we don't go east again. he confers hurriedly with TES S and PATSY to make sure that he looks all right.masq uerading as BELA ZANGLER . please.In town we used to fret away Until we made our getaway Out here where there's no doubt that men are men. (Dance break . By the end of the number. Dis is Deadrock. girls. moustache. beard. for a Miss Polly Baker.) ALL OO-OO-OO-OO-OO-OO-OO-OO AH! BOBBY Good morning.makes his entrance. and during the number. Where men are men! They don't care if they Don't go east again. and accent. good morning. he' s ready to start . what are you doin' he . We haven't missed old Broadway or the white lights When the moon at night lights That's the best of bright lights. Nevada. He doesn't have t he same confidence. Let's show 'em how we do it. ya? THE COWBOYS YA! BOBBY Excellent. He has Zangler's clothes.") THE BOYS In town they used to fret away Until they made their getaway Out here where there's no Doubt that men are men.to "K-ra-zy For You." as BOBBY . TESS All right. My name is Bela Zangler. THE FOLLIES GIRLS In-townwe-didfretaway In town we used to fret away Until we made our getaway We don't care if we don't go east again (The music segues back into "I'll Build a Stairway to Paradise. good morning. I am looking.and climbs to the top of a stairway made of the GIRLS' suitca ses. He carries a cane ad smokes a cigar. POLLY I'm Polly Baker! What's goin' on?! BOBBY Permit me to introduce myself. POLLY (IN SHOCK) : Get outta here! re? BOBBY I am saving theater! LANK What?! Are you really :Bela Zangler? I mean. though. ya? THE COWBOYS YA! LANK I don't believe one word of this. he is a vonderful boy. : Zangler? BOBBY You know me :? EVERETT I've seen your picture in Variety a hundred times! What are you doing here?! POLLY He came to help. Vhen do ve start? Ve have a show to put on." A t this moment. my goodness! (Going up to him. so we can pay the bank. He sees BO BBY and stops dead.BOBBY I am getting a call three days ago from very good friend of mine. then pulls them apart. (Confidentially:) By the vay. So. (Everyone looks at MOOSE. then nods his head "yes. EVERETT comes out of the theater. POLLY He did say you were friends. EVERETT This is miraculous! LANK This is ridiculous! . suspecting nothing. who checks his underarms.) this! POLLY That's just what he said! BOBBY I'm not surprised. Bobby Child. You should get to know him. BOBBY Vhich vord is that? LANK Something smells fishy to me.) Mr. BOBBY Friends? Ve are like (Puts his index fingers together.) EVERETT Oh. JIMMY I think it's Moose. Mr.) BOBBY (cutting them off abruptly:) YOP! : Okay. Meanwhile.) THE GIRLS Yes. an d pushes it under his nose.) Do you vant me to put on show or not? I am busy man! EVERYONE Of course we do! Don't listen to him! You must do it! (etc. (BOBBY looks at the gun. EVERYONE That's wonderful! This is thrilling! (etc. Do you see this gun? BOBBY Ya? LANK It tends to have a mind of its own.) .) BOBBY (cutting them off abruptly:) YOP! : Girls! To vork! (He points to the theater and THE GIRLS head inside.POLLY Lank! BOBBY I am insulted! (A gasp from the crowd.) You're doin' a wonderful job! You're so life-like! (BOBBY rolls his eyes. Of course. LANK That isn't funny! POLLY Lank! LANK Mister.) BOBBY Vun out of two ain't bad. I want you out of this town in twenty-four hours! EVERETT (to BOBBY:) (He exits. walks up to BOBBY. Zangler. PATSY (aloud to BOBBY as she passes him:) Bobby! (He tries to shush her. Mr.) LANK Mister. I do it. Zangler. then at LANK. LANK pulls out his gun. Standing there beh ind the footlights: POLLY Mr. where is the shepherd for this lost lamb. I'll let ya know.) To be in show.) EVERETT Now that's the kind of man you should marry. COWBOYS (erupting immediately:) Yes sir! O-kay! Now you're talkin'! (THE COWBOYS race into the theater. I:well. She looks around. There's a somebody I'm longing to see I hope that he turns out to be Someone who'll watch over me. whooping and hollering. Haven't found him yet. European style. EVERETT hangs back for a word with POLLY. It's quiet now. then turns to the boys. I'd like to add his initials to my monogram. (She shakes his hand. Zangler? If you really can save this place. Looking everywhere. BOBBY exits with th em. (EVERETT exits into the theater." So I'm going to seek A certain lad I've had in mind. EVERETT By that time. Who vould like to audition? (No response. (No response. I guess I'm gonna be mi ghty grateful. ya? (BOBBY kisses the back of her hand. POLLY Dad.) :to vork with girls.) BOBBY So. and suddenly feels lonely. POLLY is alone on the street. He's the big affair I cannot forget.How I wish you could have seen Polly's mother on that stage. Tell me. "Seek and ye shall find.) BOBBY :Let's hope so. you'll have to contact me through a medium. would ya cut it out! :When I'm ready to get married. . Someone to Watch Over Me POLLY There's a saying old Says that love is blind Still we're often told. Only man I ever think of with regret.) 7. To one side . the COWBOY TRIO is rehearsing with PATSY. TESS I'll go help Zangler with the rehearsal. TRIO step. step. zoom. Some of the GIRLS stay in the lobby and start dusting and painting. "NO----!" Music and dancing stop TESS look s at the "rehearsal. (The music seques to the next number. There is a general refurbishment goi ng on. step. Although he may not be the man some Girls think of as handsome To my heart he carries the key. exasperated.I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood. various GI RLS and COWBOYS carry a bass fiddle into the theater. 8. now used for the post office. Step. and double doors at the back leading into the auditorium.ific. still amazed at the BOYS' clumsiness. & THE zoom. step.)] PATSY Step. who's teaching them a dance step. in which case the act ion moves continuously from the end of this scene into the beginning of what is designated as Scene Nine. (TESS exits into the theater. step.) TESS Well. It isn't go ing too well. and MOOSE is dancing with PATSY.) .) Scene Eight Lobby of the Gaiety Theater. PATSY Right. two weeks later.Slap That Bass Meanwhile. PATSY Thanks. There's a door to th e street. mid-morning." It's unbearably awful. zoom. TESS Maybe you'd better work on the Act One finale. INCIDENTAL: Rehearsal . MINGO is dancing with SAM. step - (PATSY. Step. finally yells. Someone to watch over me. Won't you tell him please to put on some speed -? Follow my lead Oh! How I need Someone to watch over me. As the set moves into place and the lights come up. there's a ticket counter. Behind it is a teleph one switchboard. I know I could always be good To one who'll watch over me. that looks terr:. [NOTE: This scene can be played at the top of Scene Nine. Otherwise.and is about to start again. The busy bee is hard at work. you are wasting your time! The show is doomed. Your chest! THE BOYS Right. POLLY Lank.) PETE 'Mornin'. then it's about an hour's walk.Hello? : . hands together. LANK Polly.S. hands together. fellas. Polly. well. rehearsal in ten minutes! MINGO Another rehearsal? Heck. this here's a theater and a post office. Hands out. (The COWBOYS put their hands on PATSY's chest. Just get off at the junction. Do you honestly think th at anyone is going to pay good money to see a bunch of singing numbskulls? (He opens the doors to the auditorium. when POLLY ente rs from the street. Hands out.) Gaiety Theater and U. Polly. Right.Hello?! (LANK enters. hands on head:" As he closes the door. hands on head. The show opens tomorrow night at eight o'c lock.) POLLY (plugging into a phone line at the switchboard. go back to your saloon. well. hands together. putting up a poster. PETE ent ers from the street.) PATSY Not my chest. hands on hips. Smile! (They turn on big smiles. hands on chest. :.PATSY Okay. PATSY calls out her instructions:) Now: Hands out. and we hear the awful rehearsal continuin g: "Hands out. I've been ready for a whole week! (PATSY and THE BOYS exit to the theater. as POLLY disconnects and goes to work. Simultaneously the phone starts ringing. POLLY Don't forget. Let's try it again! One more time! PATSY One more time: (She takes a giant step backwards .) LANK Well. hands together. You can buy a ticket or a stamp. Post office. .) THE BOYS 'Morning'. sir. climbing ladders. ain't she? (A beat. the lobby opens out into the stage of the theater. Lank. LANK "Heck. et . LANK Polly. LANK (putting his arm around PETE) Perhaps you would tell us. and LANK is engulfed by waltzing COWBOYS.) POLLY 'Bye. your views of the contemporary American stage. then:) O' course. PETE :Heck. hanging lights. (A beat. heads for the street. who escapes into the theater. then:) Kind reminds me of that gal in King Lear: (LANK makes a lunge for PETE. Pete. PETE I s'pose you could say that : Eugene O'Neill is just beginnin' to explore the sy mbolism o Greek tragedy.repainting the proscenium.! :. get back here . LANK Now what does this man know about the theater? Hmm? POLLY Lay off him. I dunno.POLLY 'Mornin'. pleased with herself. The FOLLIES GIRLS are busy refurbishi ng the theater . I don't know. Lank.) LANK (pulling out his gun) I'll stop this show if it's the last thing I ever do! (At which point." I'd say that's fairly trenchant. the realism of Anton Chekhov is still a pretty important influence. then:) And then there's Stanislavsky LANK (putting his hand over Pete's mouth) Thank you! (POLLY.) PETE Headstrong. (A beat.POLLY!! (She's gone.) Scene Nine Stage of the Gaiety Theater. continuous. Like this. down.) BOBBY Vait. What's the good news? BOBBY You vill not be dancing in this number. zoom. BOBBY (as ZANGLER) is teaching the COWBOYS a dance routine. vait! (He looks around and spots a bass fiddle. is a truly terrible dancer. in particular. hands it to MOOSE and walks away. zoom. I got idea. step. step. .) BOBBY Vould you stop already! STOP!! (Silence. up.) BOBBY No no no! (He takes the bass.Slap That Bass Step. step. up. vait. big fella. MOOSE Oh yeah? What's the bad news? BOBBY You vill not be dancing in this number. Moose. and none of them is exactly Fred Astai re.) Here. MOOSE (Down-hearted:) Okay. up. And one two three four five six (The COWBOYS are dancing with each other. BOBBY Okay. step. I got good news and bad news. and the noise of the repairs gets worse and worse. down. 8. MOOSE. INCIDENTAL: Rehearsal .) Hold your horse. down. As the rehearsal deterio rates. down.) I never seen such a mess! (To MOOSE:) You Nijinski. down. step. up. up. up. Come over here. zoom. You vatch me. down. Step. MOOSE Oh. BOBBY can't take it an y longer. (He takes the bass. MOOSE (Going to BOBBY) The name is Moose. which MITZI is polishing. step. Step. Meanwhile. You play with this. MOOSE puts the bass on hi s knee and strums it like a guitar and starts singing "Bidin' My Time" with some of the other cowboys. (EVERYONE moans for MOOSE. Come here.c. You're gonna be Jascha Heifetz of the Old Vest. we see her watching BOBBY/ZANGLER with admiration.(He plucks out a rhythm. the BOYS progress from sheer klut ziness to a surprising level of accomplishment and enthusiasm .You got to go.zoom. WYATT & JIMMY Use it like a tonic.zoom. getting better and better. With politics and taxes And people grinding axes.all thanks to BO BBY. and hands it back to Moose. He has an idea. He then looks at TESS and PATSY. Slap That Bass (BOBBY walks away:and MOOSE starts to play. BOBBY teaches the BOYS a number ."Slap That Bass." During the number. BOBBY Slap that bass TESS Keep the rhythm busy. There's no happiness Zoom . Rhythm lead your ace! The future doesn't fret me If I can only get me Someone to slap that bass PETE Happiness is not a riddle When I'm listening to that big bass fiddle. soon ably plucking out the same jazzy rhythm that BOBBY just played.) Now you try it. zoom. zoom. TESS & PATSY Zoom. The GIRLS join in. who have the s ame idea. carrying a costume t hat needs sewing. then watches the rest of it from a perch on a ladder. zoom Misery .zoom. BOBBY Slap that bass TESS. Based on the rhythm being plucked by MOOSE. During the number. BOBBY Slap that bass PATSY Slap it till it's dizzy. POLLY wanders through the number. BOBBY looks at him with surprise. Zoom. zoom And the milk and honey will flow! . zoom . The world is in a mess. PATSY. BOBBY Slap that bass THE COMPANY Keep your Philharmonic.) BOBBY (as ZANGLER) Zoom .zoom. 9. zoom . BOOM BOOM . Zoom. Zoom. (Bass & Alto . Slap away your trouble.) BOYS (Bass) Boom. Zoom.Repeat) BOYS (Bass) Zoom. BOOM BOOM . Zoom! PETE Today you can see that the happiest of men GIRLS Oh! THE COMPANY All got rhythm. Zoom. Zoom. Add:) GIRLS (Alto) Zoom. (Tenor. Zoom. Zoom. Boom.Repeat. Soprano & Alto .Repeat. Zoom. Zoom. (Bass. Zoom! (Dance Break) BOYS BOYS BOOM . Tenor & Alto . zoom. THE COMPANY Learn to zoom. If you want to bubble BOBBY Slap that bass. Add:) GIRLS (Soprano) Boomity Bangity Zing. TESS & PATSY In which case. Zoom. (Bass .12 bars a cappella. Boom. Boom. zoom Slap that bass! (Vocal scat section .SAM & MINGO Dictators would be better off If they zoom-zoomed now and then. Zoom. Zoom. Zoom. Zoom. Zoom. Boom. Add:) BOYS (Tenor) Zoodledy Doodledy Boom. FULL COMPANY Zoom.BOOM. GIRLS Zoom.BOOM. BOOM BOOM . Zoom. Zoom.Repeat. Boom. Boom. Zoom. Zoom. . Zoom. Boom Boom. Boom.BOOM.BOOM. Zoom. Zing. Hands out. Hands out.and panics. carrying a suitcase.at which point. doesn't see her enter. CUSTUS & hands on hands on hands on PETE) head. kiddo! (TESS exits . lunch. the BOYS and GIRLS hoot with triumph. chest. in his own voice:) Irene. lunch! (The COMPANY disperses. WYATT. looking the other way. I-I-I-I-I I'm putting on a show. Hands out. (The COMPANY groans. COMPANY Dictators would be better off If they zoom-zoomed now and then Today you can see that the happiest men All got rhythm All got rhythm In which case. I'm Bela Zangler. BOBBY. hands together.) TESS (To BOBBY:) Not too shabby. She's obviousl y just arrived in town. BILLY. Hi: IRENE What the hell are you doing?! BOBBY Well. (BOBBY turns and sees her . They've really a ccomplished something.(JIMMY.) BOBBY (Trying to get away. voce more from the top. covering his face with a towel. Maybe you should try Vyoming.) IRENE Excuse me. hands together.) BOBBY Okay.) That vas joke! Lunch. I'm looking for someone named Bobby Child. hands together. SAM. If you want to bubble Slap that bass Slap away your trouble Learn to zoom zoom zoom Slap that bass!! (When the number's over.) I have not seen him lately. IRENE : BOBBY!! BOBBY (Dropping the towel. . hips. IRENE enters. BOBBY Irene .) BOBBY Thank you : POLLY I'll be back in a minute. Excuse me. flushed with excitement. BOBBY Hey. :Why in God's name would you dress up like some idiot in the middle of Nevada -?! (At which point. with adoration) I just gotta tell ya. BOBBY Irene IRENE You're doing this for her! BOBBY Well. I mean. Come on! You wouldn't do that! IRENE We are leaving here tomorrow morning. (To BOBBY. I gotta get these flyers off to Sky bluff! (She hurries off into the wings. Zangler? (To IRENE) Hi. not exactly IRENE Bobby! I saw that revolting look in your eyes.) BOBBY (Calling to her:) Take your time! IRENE :I should have known. it's like a miracle! (She kisses him. what you're doing' here. POLLY runs in with some flyers and hurries up to BOBBY.! IRENE And I'm sure she'd love to hear all about the real you.) POLLY Mr. Like a cow who needs milking.IRENE You look like Karl Marx. BOBBY Just one sec IRENE . I never had a comin'-out party.) LANK Excuse me. He struggles in vain.) POLLY Mr.:Oh. Zangl . not having any leather fringe on it. POLLY Oh.) Bobby. she sure moves good for her age. Zangler? May I speak with you for a moment? BOBBY :. (By which time. POLLY Well.Ya? . BOBBY I just knew you two vould be good friends. Your hair kinda makes up for it. I never even knew what the word meant till I saw that dress of yours. IRENE My age? I suppose you just had your coming-out party. LANK has entered. IRENE Would you like to borrow it? POLLY Well. you are talking to a frustrated woman! BOBBY I can se that (She kisses him on the lips. as POLLY hurries in. Mr. BOBBY Polly.(Grabbing him by the lapels. (To IRENE:) Polly is only voman living in Deadrock. this is a very old friend of min. BOBBY (To IRENE:) She vas making a joke: IRENE I suppose it must look rather odd to you. not till I'm buried. BOBBY (Disengaging himself from IRENE) Polly:Polly:Polly: Ve have a visitor. IRENE I guess that's why she looks so tired. POLLY That's okay. Sorry. LANK I'm warning you. (He reaches into his breast pocket and pulls out a piece of paper.) Read that. .) LANK Listen. Zangler . Now leave my theater. BOBBY :It's a vedding license.) Ow! LANK Maybe you'd better take a look at something. LANK You are close to an idiot! (BOBBY looks at him : then takes a giant step away. And I don't like you hanging around my woman all day! BOBBY You vould prefer all night? (LANK shakes him hard. As a matter of fact.) LANK That isn't funny. LANK Have I made my intentions clear enough for you? BOBBY I guess so. You don't by chance have a hotel in this town? LANK (Sensing a rich customer) Well.(LANK grabs BOBBY roughly by the shirt-front.! BOBBY Get out of here! Now! I am busy man!! LANK You haven't seen the end of me! BOBBY If it's like the front. but: I just don't vant to marry you. I don't vant to see it! IRENE(to LANK) Excuse me. you! I want you out of here on the next train! BOBBY You don't like show? LANK No I don't like show. right next door. BOBBY Fine. I own that beautiful hotel. he is a vonderful boy. Handsome. I can't help that. do ya? 10. but you'll have to take your own bath. Brave. POLLY Oh. Can you give a room and a bath? LANK (Offended) Madam. he is : crazy for you. Which is lucky for him! BOBBY Polly. I can give you a room. What's up? BOBBY I vant to speak to you about Bobby Child.IRENE Good. BOBBY Polly. ya? POLLY Sure. I don't like him! He is totally wrong for you . him.) I tell you. ve have important talk now. (LANK exits. POLLY I ain't even seen him for days. Talented. anyway. ya? (Music starts under for next number. POLLY Well. IRENE gives BOBBY a look and exits with her suitcase.! POLLY It isn't Lank! BOBBY : Moose? POLLY (Sighs) You just don't understand anything. BOBBY It is that : Lank person. In my heart. he has told me. Embraceable you POLLY Dozens of men would storm up I had to lock my door Somehow I couldn't warm up To one before .) BOBBY Polly. BOBBY : You are?! POLLY Yeah. I'm already spoken for. listen to the rhythm of my heartbeat. BOBBY That's because I am Hungarian - .BOBBY Pete : Sam? POLLY What was it that controlled me? What kept my love-life lean? BOBBY (Counting off the men on his fingers) Lank. My sweet embraceable you.my heart grew tipsy in me. BOBBY Uh oh. Sam. BOBBY Polly. My irreplaceable you BOBBY This is not vhat I vas planning POLLY Just one look at you -.) BOBBY No no no no no no no no!! POLLY You and you alone bring out the gypsy in me.. Moose.! POLLY Embrace me.) Mister. POLLY My intuition told me You'd come on the scene BOBBY :Me?! POLLY (Putting his hand on her heart. BOBBY I think ve gotta talk about this POLLY Embrace me.. POLLY And you'll know just what I mean. (She strokes the side of his head. Pete. and he screams for fear of his wig moving. you are making big mistake here . (As the refrain plays in the orchestra. he comes to her.POLLY (Getting very hot now:) I love all the many charms about you.) Scene Ten Backstage of the Gaiety Theater. she takes him in her arms and begins to dance with him around the stage. Music segues on applause. I don't think so: (They continue to dance. and the next scene erupts around them. BOBBY You are making big joke now. It's not a joke: POLLY Don't be a naughty baby Come to Polly -. as the lights change. let's glorify love! Ding dang it! You'll shout "Encore!" if I love. POLLY You dance even better than he does. the GIRLS and the .. dear.) Polly and Bobby My sweet embraceable. (As they kiss.come to Polly -. They kiss passionately.do! My sweet embraceable you.. Come to Polly -.one for the GIRLS and one for the BOYS . BOBBY No. the music swells. Don't be a naughty baby. ya -? POLLY Above all I want my arms about you! BOBBY Okay. Saturday night. He's fighting his impulse to give in to her.come to Polly -. I'm afraid it isn't quite respectable.separated by a corridor down the middle. dear.) BOBBY Now just imagine if I vas Bobby.do! (Finally. In and around the dressing rooms. But hang it -Come on.) POLLY In your arms I find love so delectable. about 7 o'clock. We see two dr essing rooms in cutaway . hands together. This is where I fall off The family tree.) BOBBY You kissed him. BOBBY . There an opening night atmosphere of excitement and anticipation. then goes down again. didn't you?! (This stops her.) CUSTUS Opening night! Gal-darn. Hands out. hands on hips. this is fun! I ain't seen so much excitement around h ere since my horse foaled. would you listen to me?! It's about Zangler! POLLY Of all the times for you to show up -! (They get to the corridor. Hands out. hands on chest. For now on I'm free. 11. pulling on costumes. BOBBY (as BOBBY) is pursuing her. hands together.) POLLY :Have you been spyin' on us?! BOBBY Of course not! He : he-he-he told me! POLLY Ya know. THE COMPANY I've just got a feeling Tonight's the night! Let's tear down the ceiling -Tonight's the night! Take the chain and ball off. hands on head. handing out programs.BOYS are getting ready for the show .) BOBBY Polly. it serves me right. Tonight's the Night BOYS Hands out. There's no fun in being an angel child -I hear the call of the wild If the worst should happen.putting on makeup. as POLLY hurries through the BOYS' dr essing room. I'm not surprised that you are jealous of him. Tonight's the night. e tc. hands together. (The music continues as an underscore. PATSY Wow! It must be hard to fold a horse! (The music comes up. causing screams. LANK Don't be stupid! Who would come to Nevada to gamble?! (EVERETT exits through the GIRLS' Dressing Room.) THE BOYS (Covering themselves. leaving BOBBY in the corridor. . would you listen to me! EVERETT I'm not interested. At this moment. four hundred! EVERETT Invest in something.) IRENE Have you seen "Zangler"?! He's been avoiding me all day! LANK Madam.casino. then snapping it shut.) BOBBY Why am I so much better as Zangler?! (BOBBY exits through the GIRLS' Dressing Room . LANK (Opening the case to give EVERETT a look. The music comes up and then goes down again. Lank. Bobby. lady! What are ya doin?! Would you get outta here! (IRENE enters the corridor and sees LANK. leaving LANK i n the corridor. then goes down again. Start a --. pursued by LANK.evoking screams of protest. LANK (Pulling out even more money.) BOBBY Polly.?! POLLY The man is a do-er. you are falling in love with the wrong man!! (POLLY exits into the GIRLS' Dressing Room. He has accomplished things. The music comes up. He is just so full of e nergy and vision -! (She starts to go. catching some of the BOYS with their p ants down. EVERETT heads through the BOYS' Dressing Room. They reach the corridor:) LANK Everett.Jealous .) Three hundred dollars if you call off the show EVERETT Keep your money.) All right. LANK is carrying a suitcase full of m oney. At this moment. embarrassed:) Hey. that is your problem. IREN E storms through the BOYS' Dressing Room. the dressing rooms slide off and the scene changes. immediately following. followed by POLLY and EVERET T. runs into the GIRLS' Dress ing Room and shouts over "train" vamp:) JIMMY Hold it everybody! I spotted some people comin'. you could lose Polly and I could lose Bobby! LANK Who's Bobby? IRENE Zangler! LANK "Bobby Zangler?" IRENE His name is "Child!" LANK "Child Zangler?" IRENE No. it serves me right Tonight's the night! (As they sing. The music comes up. IRENE and LANK are coming out of the theater. then the rest of the cast. IRENE You are so stupid!! LANK I'm stupid . . straight from the station! (The BOYS run out through the GIRLS' Dressing Room.) Scene Eleven Main Street. holding binoculars. as the GIRLS finish the song .IRENE It's both our problems! If the show succeeds. A large banner over the theater reads: "ZANGLER F OLLIES". you idiot! Zangler is Child! LANK Well.) THE GIRLS If the worst should happen. I hear the call of the wild. As the song fades away. Deadrock. as JIMMY. he certainly acts grown up. still arguing.) ALL There's no fun in being an angel child.?!! (They exit arguing. (Music goes down again. IRENE For God's sake, do something! LANK Would you stop nagging! I am not your husband! IRENE If you were my husband, I'd kill myself. LANK Quick! Find a minister! IRENE I did not come here to be insulted! LANK Oh? Where do you usually go?! (LANK and IRENE exit into the saloon.) POLLY Oh, Dad. Where's Bela?! He should be here for this! (Calling into the saloon.) Bela! (BOBBY hurries out as ZANGLER, still pulling his coat on.) BOBBY I vas just upstairs, talking to Bobby POLLY Not now! BOBBY He is just so full of energy and vision! He is a do-er, Polly! He has accompli shed things -! (POLLY gives BOBBY a kiss.) POLLY That's for luck. (At this moment, JIMMY calls down from the roof of the theater.) JIMMY Here they come!! They're roundin' the bend! (A cheer from the cast. IRENE and LANK come out of the saloon to watch. A beat , then for a moment, no one appears. Then, from the desert, EUGENE and PATRICIA - a chirpy English couple in their mid-30's - stride into view. They seasoned travelers, and the walk from the station hasn't tired them a bit. THEY see the assembled COMPANY and smile affably.) EUGENE Hallo. PATRICIA Good evening. EUGENE Is this Deadrock, Nevada? WYATT It sure is. EUGENE Jolly good. POLLY Where's everybody else? PATRICIA Everyone else? POLLY From the train! PATRICIA I didn't see anyone else on the train, did you, dear? EUGENE Oh, now wait. There was that rather older gentleman. We left the poor chap som ewhere in the desert. PATRICIA Frankly, I'm not sure he'll make it. (They laugh at this.) TESS You mean there's just the two of you? EUGENE I'm afraid so. Is that a problem. (Stunned silence. Everyone just looks at each other.) POLLY (Bravely:) :No. No, that's okay. I guess you want to buy your tickets now. EUGENE Tickets? POLLY To see the show! (She points at the COMPANY and they strike a pose.) THE COMPANY Ta da! PATRICIA Oh, dear. EUGENE I'm afraid we're not here to see a stage show. POLLY You're not? EUGENE Oh, no no no. You see, we're writing a sort of guide book to the American West. PATRICIA We hope to do a series of them. EUGENE (Extending his hand.) The name is Fodor. I'm Eugene. This is Patricia. PATRICIA (Consulting her notes.) Now let's see. We're here to review the ... "Lank Hawkins Saloon bar, Hotel and Restaurant." (A beat, then LANK comes forward.) LANK Well, well, well! How do you do. Lank Hawkins. Proprietor of the said establi shment. PATRICIA Oh, lucky us! EUGENE Are we still in time for dinner, Mr. Hawkins? LANK Absolument. Bien soor. (He leads them to the saloon.) Entrez. (The FODORS exit.) LANK (to BOBBY:) The clouds part, and justice reigneth supreme. (LANK laughs with delight and exits into the saloon. IRENE follows him in. For a moment, there's dead silence. The entire COMPANY has hit rock bottom. POLLY is ready to cry.) CUSTUS : I can't believe it. After all the rehearsin'. PETE Maybe some people are comin' by car. EVERETT No. No. I wouldn't count on it. (Long pause.) BOBBY (Quietly:) I believe I owe you all : a very big apology, ya? EVERETT (Heartbroken:) :. No. No. It's not your fault. BOBBY But it is, I'm afraid. I put on show, raise your hopes, and do not sell for you look at all you've given us. and carin' about things and feelin' alive! 12. Why shouldn't we sing along? I'm chipper all the day. How did I get that way? Look at what I've got. I mean. (Pause. I got my man -Who could ask for anything more? Old man trouble. it's a pretty good indication. I got my man -Who could ask for anything more? I got daisies In green pastures. I Got Rhythm POLLY Days can be sunny. I got rhythm. stricken. I got music. We've been workin' together. I got my man -Who could ask for anything more -Who could ask for anything more?! JUNIOR I got rhythm . not out here it ain't. with never a sigh. we were nothin' but a bunch of:lazy drifters. Don't need what money can buy. heads slowly for the saloon. I don't mind him -You won't find him 'Round my door I got starlight. I got my man -Who could ask for anything more? I got daisies In green pastures. Just look ar ound! Before you came along. POLLY Well. Happy with my lot.) POLLY Now wait a second! So what if we didn't sell any tickets? That doesn't mean we 're a failure. We didn't do anything! Then you showed up and : somethin' magical happened.a single ticket. (BOBBY. I got sweet dreams. Birds in the tree sing their dayful of song. BOBBY In the theater business. to POLLY:) I am truly sorry. I don't mind him -You won't find him Hangin' 'round my front or back door. CUSTUS... I don't mind him You won't find him 'Round my door THE COMPANY I got rhythm. . PETE AND WYATT Who could ask for anything more? POLLY Old man trouble..CUSTUS I got music.) 12-I Dance Part One: I Got Rhythm .Polly & Company THE COMPANY Old man trouble. Oh. I got music. POLLY I got my man -JUNIOR AND CUSTUS Who could ask for anything more? PETE I got daisies WYATT In green pastures POLLY I got my man -JUNIOR. EVERETT I got starlight WYATT I got sweet dreams POLLY I got my man -Who could ask for anything more? THE BOYS Who could ask for anything more?! (Dance break. I got my man -Who could ask for anything more? I got daisies In green pastures I got my man -COMPANY OoohOoooh - Polly POLLY Oh.. carrying a suitcase. . And then. MOOSE AND SAM The real American folk song is a rag. invigorates you. MOOSE.Vater:. The COMPANY is having a party. MINGO. Obbligato to Orch.when out of the desert.Who could ask for anything more? (Dance break) 12-II Dance Part two: I Got Rhythm . Is a rag. The real American folk song.Company (A pause before the final lines . or hears him above the music. ACT TWO Scene One Entr'acte: The Real American Folk Song Is a Rag Inside LANK's saloon. LANK is beaming. (TRIO sings a Scat. Falsetto. dan cing and drinking. 16 Bars. Sweeter than a classic strain Boy! You can't remain Still and quiet For it's a riot! The real American folk song Is like a fountain of youth. BELA ZANGLER enters Deadrock. (No one sees him. finishing dinner. Refrain. The Real American Folk Song Is a Rag MINGO. and he collapses to the ground i n a dead faint. SAM and POLLY are entertaining with a song: 13. fifteen minutes later. and it elates you. A mental jag A rhythmic tonic for the chronic blues The critics called it a joke song But now they've changed their tune And they like it somehow For it's inoculated With a syncopated sort of meter. EUGENE and PATRICIA are at a table. exhausted and limping.) ZANGLER Vater:. Master stroke song.) THE COMPANY The real American folk song Is like the fountain of youth. You taste. as the COMPANY sings the final lines at the top of their lungs:) Who could ask for anything more?! Who could ask for anything more?! End of Act One 13. invigorates you. please. LANK :Five a. THE COMPANY & THE TRIO The real American folk song -MINGO.Piano solo LANK (Still applauding after the others have stopped.m. PATRICIA And we'd like a wake-up call.You taste. this is a nice place! EUGENE We have a bit of laundry for you. to the Fodors:) Just marvelous! Wasn't that wonderful? My God.m. at five a. He spots her at the bar. Will that be all right? LANK Laundry? No problem. music out as BOBBY (as BOBBY) hurries out of his room and down the stairs looking for POLLY. Enchante. all! EUGENE Night-night! LANK Good night! Sleep well:and quickly! (As the FODORS exit up the stairs. What a rag!! 13 (cont'd) INCIDENTAL: American Rag . PATRICIA Good night. And then. and LANK exits to the back room. MOOSE AND SAM Hoodle-lee hoo-day-ee hoodle-ee-hoo-day-ee-oh! THE COMPANY The real American folk song Is a rag. LANK :Right.?? EUGENE We just love seeing the dawn breaking out here in the West. ) BOBBY Polly! . MOOSE AND SAM Yippie Yi-Yoh Ki-Yay Ki-Yoh! THE COMPANY & THE TRIO The real American folk song -MINGO. and it elates you. be a cowpoke.I'll. it could be my last chance and : Poll y.) This is important. sorta : down in my basement. (He leads her away from the bar. I feel somethin' strange. BOBBY Polly POLLY Out there on the street just now.POLLY I'm havin' a drink. and raise the money -! POLLY You can't do that.I'll. then heads for the door. BOBBY Of course I can! Are you kidding? I'll. (She gives him a quick kiss on the cheek. I'll learn to poke cows.and almost kneels. out here. it was like a celebration of what our show wou ld have been like. and :well. I'm in love with Bela. BOBBY I've got to talk to you. POLLY What's up? BOBBY Polly: (He takes a breath . Bobby.) I've really thought about this. I want you to marry me. The fact is. I-I-I realize the show didn't work POLLY It's not that BOBBY But I'll get a job.) I'm sorry. (Pause.) BOBBY :Polly! . POLLY Bobby BOBBY Look. thanks to him BOBBY Polly POLLY I just can't help it! Whenever I'm with him. POLLY Bobby. (Pause. and-and-and she brought the clothes and the beard and : that's who you fell in love with. Me. I'll do the accent.) POLLY Bobby. that first day. (The explanation pours out of him. so I called up Tess. ya?" POLLY (overlapping) This is so sad BOBBY "First ve practice a little tap-dancing -" POLLY Bobby. POLLY What? BOBBY : You're not going to believe this. you've got to believe me! I'm Zangler! .) You see. POLLY : Huh? BOBBY I'm Zangler. when you got so mad at me. ) BOBBY : I've got to tell you something. BOBBY But it's true! POLLY How can ya stand there and just lie like this -? BOBBY Look. okay? "Vell vell vell. I'm him. Pause. this is pathetic. I-I-I realized there was onl y one way I could help. it is so nice to see you today -" POLLY (overlapping) You are makin' such a fool of yourself BOBBY "Ve have rehearsal now. POLLY What?! BOBBY I'm Bela Zangler.(She turns. stop it! I just hate this -! BOBBY Polly. She kisses ZANGLER aga in. my God: (BOBBY heads up the stairs.) BOBBY I'll show you the clothes and-and the beard and makeup! They're upstairs! I'll prove it to you! POLLY Hi. He looks at ZANGLER . (Back to POLLY:) Polly.) . Bobby! Are you all right?! POLLY (To ZANGLER:) Hi. Bobby.) BOBBY Oh. I wouldn't lie to you! I'd never:: (He stops cold. BOBBY groans louder and grabs a bottle of liquor f rom CUSTUS. As the kiss continues. ZANGLER staggers in from the street. Bela. Nice try. parched and barely able to stand up. Bobby! (POLLY exits. ZANGLER is staring at the door where POLLY exited. Bela! BOBBY (Glancing over his shoulder.then drops to the ground. At last. POLLY (Sexy:) 'Night. POLLY rubs her hand down ZANGLER's leg. with increasing passion.) ZANGLER Thank you.(At this moment. A group from t he bar gathers 'round him in concern. (She heads for ZANGLER. Bela. ZANGLER How do you do. BOBBY sees it and groans.) ZANGLER Vater:vater: (He grabs a bottle of whiskey from the reception desk and starts to drink.) Hi. BOBBY groans and exits into his room. TESS hurries up to ZANGLER. (She kisses him on the mouth. (Matter-of-factly. drinking from the bottle.) POLLY 'Night. POLLY breaks the kiss. calling up the stairs:) 'Night.) PATSY Hey. ) IRENE Mr. (TESS drags ZANGLER to a corner of the room and they continue to talk. then get a hold of herself. ZANGLER She is running around vith some stinking louse! TESS I guess she couldn't break the habit. but I'm coming back. I'm bo red when I'm with you. (She's momentarily turned on. Would you .Oooooh. stop it. each from a different r oom. Zangler? ZANGLER She left me. and I don't find you even remotely attractive. TESS : I think I have an idea. ZANGLER You see? Ve could be married already. TESS And how is Mrs. TESS You're kidding.) : Anything? ZANGLER Vithin reason. Meanwhil e. Hawkins! .TESS Bela! What are you doing here?! ZANGLER I don't know. IRENE and LANK enter at the balcony at the same time.) Bela.) TESS Stop it. TESS You could ruin everything! ZANGLER Tessie! I have come three thousand miles just to be vith you! (He starts kissing her arm and works his way to her neck. ZANGLER Tessie! Vhy do you say such things?! You know I vould do anything for you! TESS (A sudden thought. how many times do I have to tell you?! I don't enjoy your company. ZANGLER Tessie TESS These are nice. and the cu tlery was filthy.) LANK : GOD! (He's gone. (At this moment. healthy people.) In case you're wondering. please! It vouldn't vork! This is town of morons! TESS That is so typical. I can show you the wide open spaces! IRENE I have no desire to look inside your head! (THE BOYS laugh. the food was inedible. how 'bout a drink? . the coffee was cold. but ZANGLER follows her. ZANGLER This is middle of no place! TESS Well advertise! Get the word out! You could do it! ZANGLER It is impossible! TESS (A beat. normal.) WYATT Hey. then:) Fine. as IRENE exits back into her room and LANK heads down the stair s and exits to the back room.LANK What?! IRENE (Thrusting her room-service tray at LANK. we refocus on ZANGLER and TESS.) ZANGLER Tessie. (She walks away. if you don't like it here. WYATT comes up to TESS and takes her arm. At which point. LANK Madam.) ZANGLER I do not do shows in desert! TESS We have the show! We need an audience. sugar. Don't ever kiss this neck again. Then ZANGLER pours himself a drink. who falls from the balcony ont o the bar. The battle ends with JIMMY shooting BILLY. JIMMY crashes in through the bar doors and starts shooting. then onto the floor. ZANGLER stares after them in amazement. then BOBBY . CUSTUS Which one was that? WYATT The Dalton Boys meet the Clanton Gang! PATSY You were so brave! WYATT Thank ya.TESS You got it. th e GIRLS are screaming.) ZANGLER Nice. not anymore.) BILLY It's gettin' better. buster.including TESS . retracing BILLY's fall with his finger. Insta ntly.in his ZANGLER costume . A beat. ZANGLER Tessie! BILLY Hey! Wait a second! That's my woman! WYATT (Laughing:) Well. then BILLY rolls over for a last time. his hand shaking. Meanwhile. (The BOYS and GIRLS . some of the other BOYS join the battle. BILLY I SAID LET HER GO!! WYATT I SAID NO!! (The two BOYS start fighting: a right to the jaw. Silence. The BOYS are dying right and left. By this time. He walks to the bar for another bottle. everyone's gone. Gunfire is exchanged.) ZANGLER (Calling out:) Tessie! (No answer. normal. a left to the stomach. He's alone in t he saloon. and he's extremely drunk.appears at the top of the stairs. falling-down drunk. carrying an empty whiskey bottle.) .) Tessie: (A beat. ma'am. healthy people: (The dead men rise and dust themselves off. rolling over and over as he dies. his bottle is empty.drift out to the street. looking straigh t at each other. Then they each take another bite and chew some more. A mirror image. then weaves his way to the bar. In other words. ZANGLER hits his chest and says:) ZANGLER Excuse me.) Bela. and he takes it.which he uses throughout the rest of the scene:) Polly! Look! It's me:! Do you see? It's me! : (But she's gone. but BOBBY holds out his glass for a toast. ZANGLER is about to drink. On the bar are two plates. ZANGLER Vomen. we see the two ZANGLERS. Then they bend towards each other . They're about to drink. Tessie. They put down their drinks. They just chew.and they both wipe their mouths to remove so me mustard. and weaves toward the table.and then gargle. along with one of the p lates.take off their glasses for a better look . Bela. takes it. for a moment. They pause. then they suddenly become bitter. Polly. pour a drink into their s hot glasses.BOBBY (With his ZANGLER accent ." and drink their drinks.) Polly. cross their legs and drink . loses his footing and careens down the steps. ZANGLER stands up again with an other full bottle.just as BOBBY stands up.pull their eyes open and see how awful they both look. They assume it's a mirror and therefore don't react. they both take a bite of their hot dogs and chew. each with a hot dog in a bun on a napkin. they still haven't seen each other. then shrug and say "E h. sees BOBBY's empty. BOBBY heads down the stairs. ZA NGLER notices this and clinks glasses. BOBBY puts do wn his empty bottle and hits the bar three times.) BOBBY :Vomen. when they both r ealize that this wouldn't happen in a mirror. He takes the other plate and follows BOBBY to the table. Th ey both sit at the table (at the same time) still oblivious to each other. As he goes. Faci ng each other. moan. almost killing himself.) BOTH She doesn't vant me! (Pause.) BOBBY (Like a baseball umpire:) Safe! (BOBBY manages to walk down the final step. (A beat. puts hi s full bottle on the bar. and ducks behind the bar again . ZANGLER stands up. BOBBY now sees the full bottle. but on the third hit. and pour themselves another d rink. . Polly: ZANGLER Tessie. to call the bartender. he falls to the floor -at which point. Bela: (They look at each other . Tessie: (ZANGLER walks behind the bar for another bottle stumbles and falls out of sight with a crash. BOBBY I'm so upset. They simultaneously uncork their bottles. BOBBY belches loudly. ZANGLER I am beside myself. does she amaze me. BOTH It never was meant to be. BOBBY I'm sorry you brought that up. Once I thought I'd search around For the little church around The corner. then they look at each other. Life is bitter as chicory. . BOTH Oy Oy Oy Oy Oy ZANGLER You ought to know by now what causes that! BOBBY I got pretty good idea. but now I see. (A beat. BOBBY You ought to know by now what causes that! When she keeps on brushing you aside Oh gosh. What Causes That ZANGLER She's so full of trickery. BOTH Tell me what causes that?! BOBBY When I'm away from her I start despairing. ZANGLER I'm growing balder from the hair I'm tearing. ZANGLER Once she used to praise me. BOTH Sheeeeeee:. Bitterness fills my cup. BOBBY Why is she so high hat? ZANGLER Boy. you're all at sea! You go contemplating suicide -It's much too much for me! You're not so dumb that you don't know the answer.) 14. BOBBY Vait.Is what causes that! (They weave their way back to the ey stumble underneath the table n the last note of the song. music 14a.Is what causes that! .. you could hurt yourself. Blackout.... If I should get a gun and bump this chump off.Is what causes that! ..Bobby Wakes up .) I'm very blue of late and there's a reason: Loving her is what causes that! . out cold. table. O faint.Loving her is what causes that! (They get their hands tangled in the backs of their chairs.. ZANGLER Point that thing the other vay! Oh. There's a cannon and rope around. try to grab their glasses and miss. they r. ZANGLER That's the idea.and clink. I suppose you'd ask what causes that? ZANGLER I'm depressed. Th reach up and get their glasses .) ZANGLER (Climbing a chair.) If I should climb the Brooklyn Bridge and jump off.. I suppose you'd ask what causes that? BOTH Really you don't have to mope around And burn up as you do. BOBBY Loving her... BOBBY You're depressed? I'm not myself today.. their heads next to each othe segues to:) SCENE CHANGE . There's lots of poison too! I'm very blue of late and there's a reason: ZANGLER Loving her. On applause. BOTH Is what causes that! (They dance. BOBBY Oh. I'd rather sell the place to Lank than let that ban k have it. After a beat. don't we? We still got two weeks left on that mortgage. JUNIOR and HARRY are cleaning up from the night before. we got a company meetin' in twenty minutes over at the theater . PETE Big deal.out cold.) POLLY Now don't forget. under the table.so of course. CUSTUS (Offering POLLY a mug of tea. Sun is streaming in from the doorway. He also has no idea that he's dressed as Zangler . BOBY!!! YOU UP THERE?!! HEY!!! (No answer. CUSTUS I don't see what that'll prove.(Music fades out under opening dialogue of next Scene.) Scene Two LANK's Saloon. (She takes a sip of teas as she flips through the mail. and none of them has noti ced the two men under the table. about 10 o'clock. He has a hangover and a splitting headache.) POLLY HEY. JUNIOR It's too late now. CUSTUS is also there. They're all depressed. POLLY Well we gotta do somethin'. he uses his own voice. the next morning. POLLY Mail call! (The BOYS just look at her .) BOBBY!! YA GOT A TELEGRAM!! (BOBBY gets to his knees. HARRY Two weeks. BOBBY and ZANGLER are just where we left them . looking ide ntical. POLLY sighs.) . POLLY Well we gotta decide what to do.and go back to what they were doing. PETE. she sees something for B OBBY and hollers up the stairs. It's the same old thing.) Tea? POLLY Thanks. POLLY enters with her mail bag a nd a few letters. my back! Oh. their mouths agape. (He pulls off his wig. Will stop allowance if you stop. my legs! My stomach! My throat: (He touches his cheek and can't find his nose. Bela. : Well.) BOBBY (He takes the telegram out of her hand.) Uh-oh. I got music. This is y our final notice. Stop. Stop. Throughout the following speech." Yep. he looks around. huh? Are you ready for this? (He peels off his beard and moustache.) Ta-da! ZANGLER Do you also do James Cagney? BOBBY .) My nose?! (He finds his nose and sighs with relief. and stare at him dum bfounded.) :Is that my telegram? (POLLY and the BOYS hear BOBBY'S voice from ZANGLER's body. ZANGLER wakes up. I guess you believe me now." (A beat.) Ohhhh: (BOBBY sees ZANGLER. "Stop this nonsense.) I'll be it's from Mother again. then:) I wish she'd write letters. (A beat. Stop. (As he puts the telegram away. Stop. then:) P. "Get back here on next train. That's just what I need right. Stop. Oh.Morning." Sounds like an electric bill. moans and gets to his feet. without movi ng. Stop. I got such a headache! Ohhhh.S. It's Mom. Polly. Stop.) ZANGLER (Also hungover.) BOBBY Hi.. he starts to realize that something's not right. POLLY :Bobby? BOBBY Hi. he touches his beard. (He tears the telegram open and reads it:) "Dear Fat-head.) What's the matter? :Polly? :Hello:? POLLY (Almost a whisper) :Is that you? (At this point. they continue to stare. Don't stop.BOBBY (Singing:) I got rhythm. You r loving mother.) This is the best part. Your uncle stopped by. (:and then it hits him. nobody moves. A beat.) BOBBY What was that for?! You're in love with me.(Singing.) . a cappella) "Embrace me. my sweet embraceable you.! (WHAP!!! She slaps him again. ZANGLER Then who am I? POLLY That's what I want to know! ZANGLER : I'm not so sure. POLLY Oh. sending him reeling. then he falls to his knees.) Me. I'm : Zangler. my God : ZANGLER She kissed you too? She slaps him across the face." Remember that? "Embrace me. moans and ho lds the sides of his head in pain. POLLY I don't even know who I kissed last night!! BOBBY & ZANGLER (Both raise their hands. you irrepl aceable (WHAP!!! BOBBY Polly . You admitted it! POLLY That was Zangler! ZANGLER Me? POLLY Not you! ZANGLER There is third Zangler? POLLY The one I cared about! The real Zangler! BOBBY That's what I'm telling you! That was me! ZANGLER You mean you are real Zangler? BOBBY I'm not the real Zangler. BOBBY Of course she kissed me! ZANGLER Had you met her before? BOBBY I fell in love with her! ZANGLER That must have been some kiss. will ya? . POLLY (To BOBBY) You made a jackass outta me. BOBBY & POLLY Would you stay out of this! (POLLY groans with embarrassment and heads angrily for the door.) You sound like my mother.) CUSTUS (To BOBBY) I guess you won't be at that meetin' now.) BOBBY Polly . BOBBY I did not! ZANGLER Maybe I did. POLLY Would ya stop this! ZANGLER Stop? POLLY Stop! BOBBY (Pulling out the telegram. BOBBY No.! POLLY (Stopping at the door. I didn't.) I have never been so humiliated in my whole life. POLLY Of course ya did. Pause. (She exits. Are you ready to go now? BOBBY I can't now! I'm in a hurry! IRENE I've been waiting in this stinking town for three days! BOBBY Irene. BOBBY She can't do that! You've got to stop her! THE BOYS Oh. (ZANGLER exits. as BOBBY hurries up the rest of the stairs . Then I can go as me.) BOBBY What time's the meeting? MINGO In about ten minutes. Don't start the meeting without me! (By this time. Fat chance. ZANGLER That's good. make some time! I am your fiancee. .) I've got to change.) IRENE There you are.) ZANGLER Excuse me. BOBBY Yeah? ZANGLER Are you going as me or you? BOBBY Me. yeah. (etc. please! I don't have time! IRENE Well.BOBBY : What meeting? JUNIOR Down at the theater. who comes out of her room. We're decidin' what to do.and runs straight i nto IRENE. ZANGLER is on the balcony. about to enter his room. BOBBY (Heading up the stairs. CUSTUS She's thinkin' of sellin' the place to Lank. Toot sweet. past I RENE and down the stairs. I'm sorry. Mr.) PATRICIA Oh.) LANK You haven't seen me! (At which point. That won't be too much trouble. LANK runs in from the corridor. dear? LANK Croissants? No no no no no.) Damn! Damn! Damn! (At this moment. will it. PATRICIA And we do hate to bother you again. clutching dirty laundry. PATRICIA and EUGENE enter from the corridor.) EUGENE You won't be long with that laundry. (The FODORS exit.) LANK (To himself) I suppose if they were found dead tomorrow morning there might be questions: . (He kisses her cheek. looking madly around for a place to hide. (He exits into his room. WYATT and MINGO e nter from the street. It's really over.) IRENE Bobby. I'm in love with Polly. you're not! IRENE Bobby -! BOBBY Irene. Hawkins! (LANK freezes. PATRICIA Isn't he silly. but we'd like some croissants with our coffe e. come back here! Open up!! (He's gone. will you? LANK (The Frenchman) No no no no no.) You're a pal.! BOBBY Wish me luck. IRENE Bobby .BOBBY No. my God. grunting and swearing. taking their bottles with them. I am not that kind of girl. One who'll never set you in a whirl.) IRENE Oh. roughest man I ever met! (Without warning. It says "hotel. I see! It's Dr. . the rudest. without a doubt. She breaks it and reels backward. she grabs him and kisses him full on the lips. it does. Then she shoves him into a chair and pulls the chair to the table. Naughty Baby IRENE If you want a girl who's sentimental. One who will be always sweet and gentle." LANK Does it? Oh. Freud now. Well. LANK : Excuse me? IRENE The sign. he breaks it over his head.) 15. is it?! Well." you know. aren't you? LANK Oh. Anything else you'd like to complain about? IRENE You're a very frustrated man. then ma uls it into little pieces and jumps on it.IRENE It does say "hotel. During LANK's business. (The BOYS scatter in fear. shall we? (He walks to the sign : then suddenly yanks it from the reception desk and start s banging it on the desk. we'll just take care of that. Venting his rage. But if you prefer a rather swift one.) IRENE (To the BOYS at the table) Move. the rage ends. hitting the wall. If you think you'd like to run around With a bright one I am just the right one. what I really hate are st upid women from New York who have their brains in their backsides -! IRENE You are. Doctor. most uncouth. CUSTUS & PETE exit through door beh ind reception desk. Just as sudde nly.) LANK Well. my God: (She kisses him again. On the sign. HARRY. IRENE At Bryn Mawr. If you're wanting a beginner I shan't do I can make a saint a sinner When I want to. dear. WYATT JUNIOR AND MINGO (Looking in through the door.) IRENE If you find the simple kind are rather slow. LANK has freed himself. I can show the way And know the way To please you. WYATT. Who will tease you. JUNIOR AND MINGO Please don't go. Then you ought to try A naughty one You know. WYATT. JUNIOR AND MINGO Naughty baby we love you. Naughty baby. If you find The simple kind Are rather slow. and he throws the four BOYS. dear. you know. JUNIOR AND MINGO Though you may be bad it's true IRENE All the boys were underneath. then dances w ith four of the BOYS to make LANK jealous..) Naughty baby. Then you ought to try a naughty one. IRENE ties LANK's ankles and wrists with her scarf. For though we've been warned about you You must know That we want you so! (By this time. dear. naughty baby.. IRENE .. naughty baby..) Naughty baby. out the door of the saloon. But you'll never meet another who will be A naughty baby. IRENE seduces LANK.. HARRY..) HARRY. WYATT. I was at the top of my class.(During the song. one by one. LANK Naughty baby. dear. But you'll never meet another who will be A naught baby. naughty baby just like me. HARRY. (Dance break. I tap danced for ten years. would you turn that thing . It's filled with the entire COMPANY (except BOBBY. would you turn that thing off! EVERETT What? PATSY Would you turn that thing off! The meeting is starting! EVERETT I can't hear you with the machine on! TESS I said. the place looks glorious. That's how I got started. LAN K and IRENE). 15a. (He takes the vacuum cleaner off stage. There's an aisle down the middle of the chairs . ten minutes later. (Pause. just behind the curtain. dear. Upstage center are double doors leading to the lobby.) Ever since you kids fixed this place up. cherubs gleaming. I could just look at it all day. Repainted and renewed. vacuuming the stage. TESS and PATSY enter. His spirits are low. EVERETT Oh. sighs and pulls the plug. sitting on chairs.) PATSY We have to decide about the show.) I wish you could have seen Polly's mother on that stage.) Scene Three Stage of the theatre. After a moment.) EVERETT It's just the way I remember it.Just like me. I just love seeing you kids perform.: (She realizes how dumb she's being. TESS (Shouting over the noise) Everett! : Everett. INCIDENTAL: Crazy for You (Music Box) (We now see the AUDITORIUM. It's now or never! EVERETT You know. EVERETT is al one with his vacuum cleaner (which makes a very loud buzz). (Blackout. ZANGLER.) The meeting is starting. and at the end of the aisle (downstage) is a table for conducting the business of the meeting. PATSY Wow! I get tired after ten minutes! EVERETT (Pulling a rope and raising the curtain. . (Music out.) Standing there behind the footlights THE COMPANY (Unable to contain themselves) Forget the old lady! Shut up! Enough already! TESS Would you all just shut up!!! (They quiet down - as BOBBY rushes in.) BOBBY Am I late? Have you started? CUSTUS Ya just made it. (BOBBY sits. There's an awkward pause. Then TESS gets up to try to help.) TESS All right. Now I think that Polly should be in charge of the meeting. (General agreement.) POLLY I'd rather not, if ya don't mind. I'm just not in the mood right now. BOBBY But it's your theater! (General agreement.) POLLY Kindly tell Mr. Child that he ain't involved in this without his beard and funny moustache. TESS Hey. Fellas : BOBBY Will somebody tell Miss Baker, please, that she happened to fall in love with th at moustache. POLLY Like hell I did! BOBBY You know you did. POLLY I did not! TESS : Well, this is off to a good start. POLLY I ain't havin' this meetin' with him here! BOBBY Well, you'll have to, because I'm not leaving. (They both sit. A beat, then PATSY raises her hand.) TESS Patsy. PATSY (Urgently) Can I go to the bathroom? TESS Yes. (PATSY exits in a hurry through the double doors - and runs into ZANGLER, who is just entering. ZANGLER takes a seat at the back. TESS sits; and BOBBY stands up.) BOBBY Look. The question is simple. We have two weeks left. Now do we try the show again or don't we? I say we do. (A beat, then:) Everett. What do you think? EVERETT Oh, dear. Well. You all did so much work, making this place so beautiful again : I'd really rather that we all made that decision together. Polly? POLLY : Well. I guess that, under the circumstances, we have not choice but to give i t up. (General agreement.) BOBBY (To POLLY) How can you say that?! POLLY I wasn't talkin' to you! BOBBY For God's sake -! POLLY Well, how do ya think I feel?! Huh? But we tried it once and it didn't work! BOBBY We can try it again! Polly. Just look around! It's a theater! We can still b ring it back to life! (The doors at the back open, and PATSY returns. She sighs with great relief and takes her seat.) JUNIOR To tell ya the truth, I don't think I got the energy for it. MITZI It was kind of depressing, with only two people showing up. JIMMY And they didn't even come for the show! CUSTUS I think it's kind of a losin' cause, if ya ask me. THE COMPANY Me, too. That's what I think. We tried it once. (etc.) (BOBBY sighs. He can't believe it. Amidst the chatter, EUGENE and PATRICIA com e forward.) PATRICIA Excuse me. Maybe we say something? EUGENE Patricia and I can see that you're all rather down in the dumps about this show of yours. But in our part of the world, we have a few sayings about this sort o f thing. Stiff upper lip. PATRICIA Carry on. EUGENE & PATRICIA Chin up! BOBBY Stiff upper lip. POLLY Carry on. EUGENE & PATRICIA Chin up! 17. Stiff Upper Lip BOBBY Stiff upper lip! EUGENE Stout fella! BOBBY Carry on EUGENE Old stuff! BOBBY Chin up! EUGENE & PATRICIA Keep muddling though! POLLY Stiff upper lip! PATRICIA Stout fella! fight! . fight! THE COMPANY Stiff upper lip! Stout fella! When you're in a stew! Sober or blotto.POLLY When the going's rough! POLLY & BOBBY Pip-pip to old man trouble And a toodle-oo. fight. They try to get to the same chair.) POLLY AND BOBBY Fight. Each t ime they go for the table. MOOSE AND SAM (During dance break. fight.) I'm bidin' my time Cause that's the kind of guy I'm There's no regrettin' When I'm settin' Bidin' my time. fight.) MINGO. THE COMPANY Chin up! Keep muddling through! Chin up! Fight. EUGENE & PATRICIA Fight. This is your motto: BOBBY. fight. EUGENE AND PATRICIA Keep muddling through! (Dance break. fight. different members of the COMPANY beat them to it and start to dance. POLLY Carry on through Thick and thin If you feel you're In the right Let the fighting Spirit win! THE COMPANY Stiff upper lip! Stout fella! When you're in a stew! Sober or blotto. fight. too! EUGENE & PATRICIA Carry on though thick and thin If you feel you're in the right Let the fighting spirit win! POLLY & BOBBY. BOBBY and POLLY start competing with each other . fight. POLLY. then they try to get on the table. fight. fight! THE COMPANY Stiff upper lip! Stout fella! When you're in a stew! (Dance break. fight. During the dance. BOBBY and POLLY ar e at the top and a huge red flag is being waved at the back. TESS & EVERETT raise their hands. MITZI We tried it once. POLLY We sure did.This is our motto: (Dance break.) CUSTUS All in favor of forgettin' about it? EVERYONE ELSE AYE! BOBBY I can't believe this! CUSTUS Well. This. the number turns into an anthem. the chairs and table have been made into a barricade. (Everybody wanders off. POLLY. You know it won't work. . Pa use. By th e end. leaving BOBBY and POLLY alone at the top of the barricade. of course.) BOBBY Okay! So how do we vote?! All in favor of trying the show again. i s meant to be reminiscent of Les Miserables. TESS & EVERETT Aye! (A beat.) BOBBY.) BOBBY Well.) (Everyone's gone. say aye! (BOBBY.) BOBBY Hey. JUNIOR I just don't have the energy. POLLY. Wait a second.) Keep right on muddling through! Chin up! (As the enthusiasm of the COMPANY build. then BOBBY and POLLY look at each other. Bobby. heck. At least we tried. BOBBY Sorry. MOOSE Why bother if nobody comes. What happened to stiff upper lip? Patsy? (ad lib. POLLY It ain't your fault : Entirely. A few broken teeth. BOBBY extends his hand and they shake. is there? (Pause. (Pause. Music starts under for next number. So-long. The way you sip your tea.) BOBBY Thanks. you sing off key. The memory of all that -No. (They climb down. POLLY What for? BOBBY A lot of fun. POLLY (Shocked) : You're leavin'? BOBBY Well. The way you changed my life -- . The way we danced 'til three. POLLY : Where are ya goin'? BOBBY Back to New York. 18. Still I'll always.) POLLY : I guess not. you haunt my dreams -They can't take that away from me! We can never. way way way no! your smile just beams. there's nothing to keep me her now.) BOBBY Well. always keep The memory of -The way you hold your knife. never meet again On the bumpy road to love. They Can't Take That Away From Me BOBBY The way you wear your hat. no! They can't take that away from me! The The The No. BOBBY I guess not. I've found more skies of gray Than any Russian play Could guarantee.) ZANGLER This is incredible! Tessie. for all of the following. no! They can't take that away from me! No! They can't take that away from me! (BOBBY exits. and she's ready to cry. She knows for certain now that she loves him. for me: star's above. but she doesn't react to it. With love to lead the way. POLLY remains on stage. meeting every train! . vhy didn't you tell me?! TESS You wouldn't listen! ZANGLER These men are vonderful! They dance! They sing! They got rhythm! TESS I told you that! ZANGLER Okay. trailed by TESS and some of the BOYS. for me... starts writing checks and tearing them off. as if nothing's wrong. CUSTUS A thousand dollars?! ZANGLER Use picture of pretty girl.) I want busses at junction. As he writes each check. Instead. ve start on show this minute! (He pulls out a check fold. Music continues to fade. Heigh ho! Alas! And also lackaday! Although I can't dismiss The memory of his kiss. he hands it to one of the BOYS. But Not For Me POLLY They're But not A lucky But not writing songs of love. (Another check. Music f ades out.No. she matter-of-factly starts straightening the chairs. and the music continues. POLLY is stunned.) 19. at the side. It alvays vorks. (ZANGLER suddenly enter. I was a fool to fail! And get that way. She' s too bereft.) ZANGLER New posters. That's vhat vorries me. It looks like French Revolution.) TESS So I was right about these guys. WYATT In every paper? ZANGLER In this state.) Ve advertise in papers.) Young lady. POLLY Huh? .) TESS No kidding. (Pause.) You got it! ZANGLER (Another check. ZANGLER is about to follow. whe n he sees POLLY. (A beat. I do this for you. ZANGLER I know. then) This isn't like you. how many could that be? : Now I vant everybody on stage for rehea rsal in ten minutes! THE BOYS Okay! You got it! ZANGLER And somebody clean up this mess. huh? ZANGLER The cowboys? They're okay. then exits. TESS "Okay?!" ZANGLER Tessie. all over state. and walks up to her.) ZANGLER Young lady.) You got it! MOOSE (Grabbing the check from BILLY. (TESS thinks about this for a beat. (The BOYS grab the chairs and table and exit. (She's in her own world.BILLY (Grabbing check. ZANGLER By the vay.ZANGLER You are very good dancer. Ve find somebody else.) ZANGLER Are you all right? POLLY I'm fine. POLLY He's gone. POLLY I don't think so : (Music starts under for next number. ZANGLER Good. ZANGLER You are also good kisser.) 19 (cont'd) Reprise: But Not for Me It started of so swell. ZANGLER : You are sure of this?! (She nods her head yes. But he is talented moron. POLLY Thanks. He left town. you could be sta r of show. (No response. I thought he vas moron.) Frankly.) Okay. That's show business : You know. . I got big news for your boyfriend. (No response. (He exits. ZANGLER Vhere did you learn this? POLLY : From a : friend. ZANGLER : Excuse me? POLLY He's gone. I make him star of show. POLLY Thanks.) Vell : he is moron. BOBBY Addendum A. trying to lighten things up. BOBBY .) 19a. BOBBY "Event of Default is hereby defined as a breach of any affirmative or negative c ovenants contained in Article 5 hereof -" MOTHER (Interrupting him) We need Addendum A. Should be the marriage knot.) I think it's about here. six weeks later. New Yorkers are passing to and fro. But what an end! The climax of a plot. BOBBY Addendum B. But there's no knot for me. (He hands it to her. BOBBY Addendum C. (The lights fade to black.) Scene Four Street in front f the Zangler Theater. BOBBY is wearing a banker's suit and is carrying a stack of unruly documents." It all began so well. (He hands it to her.This "let's pretend. you have been back here for six weeks and you haven't learned anything. As they enter. (He hands it to her. MOTHER Bobby.) MOTHER Addendum C. about 6 o'clock in the e vening. along with THREE MEMBERS of MOTHER'S BOARD OF DIRECTORS. SCENE CHANGE . he's reading from the top document.) MOTHER Addendum B. Then MOTHER and BOBBY enter.) MOTHER Now where's the Appendix? BOBBY (Pointing to his stomach.New Promenade (Music continues for change of scene and fades out under opening dialogue of nex t scene. ) I have a little surprise for you. not enthused. BOBBY It's the same one. MOTHER .I know. What property? MOTHER (Indicating the Zangler Theatre. whoever you marry requires my prio r approval.) MOTHER Aren't you going to ask me what property? BOBBY Okay. then at MOTHER.) BOBBY You're kidding. then) Now come over here. BOBBY Great. We foreclosed on another property. BOBBY looks at the theater. (He starts to pocket the lease. (Long pause.) A "Deed of Trust. There's this girl : MOTHER Not again. MOTHER sighs with frustration. then back at the theat er. What's it thinking? BOBBY Well. (A beat. I don't know what to : (He scans the document. Thanks. MOTHER Well. (She holds up a document. forget about her! :And remember. Bobby. (She hands it to him. MOTHER Where's your head?! BOBBY Deadrock.) This one. BOBBY Gee.) Happy Birthday." Wow: MOTHER It means you own the property. MOTHER I didn't ask what's in it. then climbs up the rain spout to the roof of the building. Now you have a stage to dance on.) BOBBY Oh. BOBBY Like it?! This is (Then suddenly he stops cold. this will keep you here in New York. His heart is racing.) Wait a second.) The whole theater! Every single uncomfortable seat! MOTHER I thought you'd like it. MOTHER I don't know her name! BOBBY (Suddenly feeling awful) Oh. Apparently he's wasting all his money on that si lly theater in Nevada. It's like a dream. my God : MOTHER You always wanted to dance on stage. you're wonderful! (He takes off his overcoat and hat. a though strikes him.) . : Hopefully. BOBBY is stunned.(Pleased with herself) The Zangler Theater. What happened to Zangler? MOTHER He couldn't meet the payments. He touches the side of the bui lding. my god : MOTHER Shall we look around? (No response. I understand he's doing it for some woman. BOBBY (To himself) He's doing it for Tess. BOBBY : I own the theater? MOTHER It's all yours. It's yo ur toy.) MOTHER Be careful. BOBBY Mother. BOBBY (Calling out to New York and everybody in it) It's mine!! (He laughs like a mad scientist. (Pause. dear. . THE GIRLS And you can get it -. BOBBY Oh nice work if you can get it. That's the best work of all -. THE GIRLS And you can get it -. Strolling with the one girl Sighing sigh after sigh.if you can get it.) BOBBY (Longingly:) Polly: 20..if you try. The GIRLS are his conscience. LOUISE AND SUSIE (echo) Waiting at the cottage door THE GIRLS Where two hearts become one. And then taking that vow.if you try.you won't regret it. Just imagine someone Waiting at the cottage door..) THE GIRLS The man who only live for making money Lives a life that isn't necessarily sunny.Bobby? BOBBY : I'll be right there. ELAINE. THE GIRLS AND BOBBY Who could ask for anything more? THE GIRLS Loving one who loves you. Fall in love -. BOBBY is having another of his fantasies... Holding hands at midnight 'Neath a starry sky. .. Nice Work If You Can Get It (At which point.. (MOTHER exits into the theater through the stage door with her DIRECTORS. five of our FOLLIES GIRLS appear from nowhere and start singing . BOBBY Oh that is nice work if you can get it. Likewise the man who works for fame -There's no guarantee that time won't erase his name The fact is The only work that really brings enjoyment Is the kind that is for girl and boy meant.. Then she surprises him by showing him the sign over the cafe. Strolling with the one girl Sighing sigh after sigh. the COWBOY TRIO..) Bobby. Music segues on applause. her hands over his eyes. (The GIRLS disappear. then half again.) MOTHER Well.) BOBBY Holding hands at midnight 'Neath a starry sky. MOTHER and her DIRECTORS come out of the theater. They embrace lovingly.) Scene Five Main Street. The opening cancan music of next number serves as the scene change music then continues for voc al. with tables and umbrellas. As it is. Nice work if you can get it And you can get it -.then realizes that BOBBY hasn't moved. but everyth ing about it is brighter and more prosperous. It's the Deadrock we know. Nice work if you can get it And you can get it -. A brightly colored sign over the saloon says "CHEZ L ANK. Various COWBOYS and FOLLIES GIRLS are present in the str eet and as cafe customers. try. with an apron on over his newly-pressed suit. During the dance.THE GIRLS AND BOBBY Nice work if you can get it. He pulls out the Deed of Trust : makes his decision : and rips it in half. three days later. As BOBBY does a leap. BOBBY realizes that even this theater can't re place POLLY. Over the street is a banner that re ads "THE ZANGLER FOLLIES". IRENE i s with him. come on! (MOTHER and the DIRECTORS exit. try. having dinner. There are fairy lights around all the buildings. and the area in front of the saloon is now an outdoor cafe. During the dance.. we'll just ma ke the meeting. try. LAN K looks quite spiffy now.if you try. Deadrock.if you try Who could ask for anything more? (BOBBY dances." EUGENE and PATRICIA are sitting at one of the tables.. you missed the tour and there's no more time now. As the lights come up. Dance break. dressed as F . then half again : and throws the pieces away. (She heads off down the street . the DIRECTORS catch him in mid-a ir.. As he e xits with determination: Blackout. THE GIRLS And if you get it -BOBBY Won't you tell me how? THE And And And And GIRLS you can you can you can you can get get get get it it it it ----if if if if you you you you try. singing: 21. A true crisis. Music out. Il se passe quelque chose Maintenant.) ZANGLER Miss Baker! POLLY I ain't goin' on! ZANGLER But you are star of sow! People are vaiting inside to see you! POLLY Well. ZANGLER This is your fault! You raise prima donna! (ZANGLER exits into the theater. enter carrying trays of champagne and glasses. POLLY hurries out of the theater toward the General Store. EVERETT You miss him that much? POLLY I do. then) I want to go to New York and find Bobby. mais Moi. MOOSE AND SAM Je suis bidin' mon temps Parce que c'est mon genre Et les autres s'enervent. I just can't do it! I WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE! EVERETT Bela POLLY Custus! EVERETT Let me talk to he. I'm sure I can take care of this. je me repose. with ZANGLER pursuing her. POLLY is wearing a traveling dress and carries a suitcas e . l'annee prochaine.) EVERETT Polly. L'annee prochaine. What happened? (He takes her hand. Accordion music continues under dialogue. dear. EVERETT en ters from the theater. maintenant Moi.and she's extremely upset. NOW! . Bidin' My Time (French Reprise) MINGO.) POLLY (She takes a breath. During the following. je vais continuer Bidin' mon temps.rench waiters. (At this moment. Zangler? I think they're getting' restless! They're throwin' fruit at the curtain! ZANGLER Betsy! Go inside! Do Polly's number! The train's at eight-o-five! We'll just . ZANGLER But ve got full house!!! (PATSY. It's now or never. (CUSTUS is passing. A beat.) PATSY Mr. it's taken me six weeks to get my courage up. I'll call ya when I get there! (They're gone. dear. Can ya u nderstand that? EVERETT I think so. TESS Where is she?! EVERETT She left for New York. But : ain't you supposed to be onstage :? POLLY I don't have time to argue about it! make it! CUSTUS Okay. She took the pick-up. MARGIE and BETSY run on from the theater.) ZANGLER Vell? EVERETT Oh. Custus! I need a ride to the station! CUSTUS Sure. and POLLY calls to him. then ZANGLER and TESS enter from the theater.EVERETT Polly POLLY Dad.) POLLY Hey. POLLY (As she runs out) Dad. POLLY (Kissing him) Thanks. Bobby. BOBBY rushes into town. With all eyes on Zangler.BETSY Yes. and the CHAUFFEUR. Bobby.) ZANGLER Vell. and steam is co ming out of the hood. BOBBY sees the banne r and the rest of the town. grabs ZANGLER by the lapels. EVERYONE Hi. get back in it and go to station! (We now see that the car is being pushed down the street by MOTHER.) LANK Listen.! EVERETT Hi. sir! (BETSY hurries into the theater. nobody sees him for a moment. (A beat. then) EVERYONE :BOBBY!!! BOBBY Where's Polly?! I've got to talk to her! TESS Bobby! How did you get here?! BOBBY I came in the car. my cafe goes down the sewer! ZANGLER I am not magician! (During the following.) ZANGLER (Losing it completely) I put on show in three veeks! I spend all my own money! I lose my theater in N ew York . (The limousine starts to enter. LANK. Zangler! Without your show. The car has overheated.) MOTHER I am never buying another foreign car as long as I live! (EVERYONE sees the state of the car and groans.) BOBBY Holy cow! What happened around here? ZANGLER The Zangler Follies! . who is weari ng motoring goggles. who has overhead all this. Meanwhile. BOBBY (A beat. then pulling off his coat and striding for the car. :. It worked! I accomplished something!!! MOTHER Bobby. IRENE enters and sees MOTHER. stand aside! I'll fix it! (He lifts the hood and starts tinkering with the engine.) IRENE Lottie! MOTHER Irene! What are you doing here?! IRENE I live here. she isn't here!! (He stops. excited) : You mean you paid off the mortgage? EVERETT (Nodding. At which point. you could have caught her. my God. With my husband.) We've had full houses for two weeks.) TESS She went to New York to find you! ZANGLER (Bitterly) If stupid machine vas vorking.BOBBY (Stunned. it would have been better than some cow-girl!!! MOTHER You had every opportunity to bag him. MOTHER This is so typical! You had every chance in the world to get Bobby -! IRENE But you were against it! MOTHER Well. The problem is Pol BOBBY Oh.) TESS Bobby. show me this woman so I can go home! BOBBY I'll be right back! (He heads for the theater.) All right. and all you IRENE No wonder poor Bobby wanted to leave New York! I'm surprised . As she and IRENE freeze.! he didn't move to Alaska -! (EVERETT has been staring at MOTHER in adoration. she looks him over and lies what she sees.did was whine about the cut of your dress . Things Are Looking Up (Reprise) EVERETT Things are looking up! It's a great little world we live in! Oh I'm happy as a pup Since love looked up at me!! Can I help you.) EVERETT Eight-o-five. madam? MOTHER Well. EVERYONE just stares at them. Impossible. CUSTUS enters from the side of the General Store. and the CHAUFFEUR drives the car off. EVER ETT sings:) 22. As music cadences and stops) :Oh. followed by P OLLY. sir! (BOBBY exits into the saloon. someone better -! (She sees EVERETT and stops abruptly. (A beat then:) BOBBY All right.) PATSY Are those two ever gonna get together? (At this moment. never mind! I'll catch the next train! (To the CHAUFFEUR:) Get the car on the road! I'll go wash up.) POLLY I cannot believe this!! . CHAUFFEUR Yes. to EVERETT) Vill he make it?! EUGENE What time is it?! (EVERETT pulls out his watch. open-mouthed. How very kind of you: BOBBY Wish me luck! ZANGLER VAIT A SECOND!! (Silence. except CUSTUS.CUSTUS Would ya stop yellin'! POLLY How the hell could ya run outta gas?!! CUSTUS Well. He hands it off to EVERETT. Buzz. Then BOBBY enters from the saloon. come to me! (EVERYONE goes into a huddle so TESS can tell them her idea: buzz. all leaving the stage. A beat. buzz. buzz.) TESS Back in the circle! Get back in the circle! (EVERYONE goes back into the huddle.) PATSY :.) EVERETT That's the one! (EVERETT hurries with the dress into the General Store.) BOBBY : Hello? :Where is everybody?! . I'm sorry! I didn't plan it that way! POLLY Well. Then BOBBY's head appears over the doors to the saloon. now what do I do?! What do I do now?!! (POLLY exits into the General Store. we see CUSTUS hurry from behind the theater with a follies dress. I don't get it! (They all sigh. buzz. slamming the door behind her. who runs into the theater. The second t hey're gone. He sees that the street is empty and stops abruptly. Then they split up and start to head off. buzz. buzz. all talking at once.) TESS WAIT A SECOND! : I have an idea! Come to me. then :) EVERYONE :POLLY!!! (EVERYONE rushes to the General Store to get POLLY. ) BOBBY Mother! I'll be right there! (The huddle freezes:) TESS Go! (EVERYONE scatters in different directions. THE FODORS. below. have your fling. Still it's making my heart go GIRLS Oooo . Finale TESS Drop that long face. Bobby? BOBBY Who could ask for anything more? (They embrace and kiss . MINGO. THE COMPANY Who could ask for anything more?! (Applause and the music segues:) CURTAIN 23. I'm throwing off the bars That held me down.then start to dance. who is facing the other way. She taps BOBBY on the shoulder.(At which point. When it comes to show down -I'm k-ra-zy for you. Come on. At this point. He turns. POLLY is wearing her follies dress. MOOSE & SAM) Let me give you the low down: I'm k-ra-zy for you. On earthly things I frown. in twos and threes and fours.Wah! Oooo .) POLLY You wanna dance.Wah! I'm throwing off the bars That held me down. CURTAIN CALLS The Boys (except MINGO. though love may not inspire my lingo. . Stairways appear and elaborately d ressed Follies Girls climb into position for a final tableau. r ising up into a night sky filled with stars. And so. the entire stage t urns into a lavish Follies number. EVERETT has brought POLLY out from behind the General Store. EVERETT. She sings the firs t line.) 23. TESS appears on the balcony of the theater. ZANGLER AND TESS If you want this old world on a string. more members of the COMPANY appear and take additional lines. ADD LANK. see her.) THE BOYS I'm up among the stars. WYATT AND BILLY Why keep nursing the blues? ADD PATSY. with POLLY and BOBBY dancing in the center. and is pushing her toward BOBBY. IRENE AND MOTHER Put on your dancing shoes -Stop wasting time! Put on your dancing shoes -THE COMPANY Watch your spirits climb! (By this time. Then. ) I got starlight I got sweet dreams. all PRINCIPALS enter . EXIT MUSIC . I got my man/gal -Who could ask for anything more? Who could ask for anything more?! Who could ask for anything more?!! End of Act Two 24.BOBBY & POLLY last.the FOLLIES GIRLS enter.) THE COMPANY Embrace me. POLLY Come to Polly -BOBBY Come to Bobby -POLLY AND BOBBY Do! THE COMPANY My sweet embraceable you. Embrace me You irreplaceable you Don't be a naughty baby. .) THE COMPANY Old man trouble I don't mind him -You won't find him (Tap break. My sweet embraceable you.Bango! Bingo! (Bows. (Dance break.