Chinese Girl Confessions

Chinese Girl Confessions: Sex and Love, Asian Style by Angelina Zhang © 2014 Angelina Zhang Chinese beauty standards What Chinese people want.Table of Contents Chinese girls don’t have sex. and how to please a Chinese girl in bed About chinese hookers Are Chinese Men Really Wife-Beating Abusers? Do Chinese guys really have small ones? How to attract a Chinese girlfriend Final words . China style "Bride price": the dowry is alive and well Round the bases All your man is belong to us Sex. or do we? What makes a Chinese girl Chinese? Chinese girls. China style. and how you can take advantage of it My first boyfriend Dating. . and depending how you define it. but each one of us individually pretends that she’s the chaste one. And we put on a good show of being sexless. demure.Chinese girls don’t have sex. Maybe it’s because you’re curious. Or maybe it’s because you’re dating or want to date a Chinese girl. in our dorm rooms. Not many people know about my sex life -. You can use this book that to learn about how Chinese and Asian girls really are. wherever. at the airport. but you shouldn’t take that at face value. subservient. or do we? Chinese girls are hot. We can be and maybe still are quiet. everything that Chinese girls don’t even tell one another. Have you wondered? What we look for in a man? What we like in bed? If we even get in bed? When you’ve seen cute Chinese girls on TV. We all assume one another to have sex lives. Why? To help you. But like many aspects of Chinese society and culture. I’ll talk not just about myself and my sex life. It stays hidden. That’s not true.in fact. to get rid of a lack of understanding out there in the . nobody who wasn’t there when I was doing it would know about it. but talk about Chinese girls in general. and it’s her friends that are rolling around Shanghai hotel room bed threesomes with wellendowed foreign guys. There’s nothing wrong with that. Even among us Chinese girls. reality isn’t exactly like surface appearance. I’m here to tell you the private things. Well. and sexless. we don’t talk about this stuff. and you want to know more about us. demure. have you ever thought about their private lives? What the truth is. my friends tell me. at Starbucks. in ways that can help you. tea gatherings. on campus. I don’t talk about it casually. in the United States or in Europe or even in China. We know when to act subservient. maybe even vibrant ones. Hot like hot. Or maybe you wonder why your husband is so intrigued with that Chinese girl in his office. and also hot like popular. somewhere between prim and proper studious good girls and hyper-sexualized-geisha-style? Chinese girls are often portrayed as quiet. the dirty details. Everyone is curious about us. We certainly have our attractions. and seduce a Chinese girl. of course. you innocent Chinese girls. If I just wanted to confess. For every dollar spent or minute of effort expended. So what will you get from this book? It won’t help you scrub your sink or cure your back pain. but also so at least my experiences and my retelling of them can benefit my readers. we want to know what we’ll get in return. if I’m not even Asian? What should I expect from dating. Boys. The answer is. and yes.” And I want to say “I know full well enough. I’m writing a book rather than a private diary not only to satisfy my slight exhibitionist desire. I might as well write it in a private diary. I confess to everything. marrying. and also to satisfy my thus far in life stunted desire to talk about Chinese girls’ sex lives! Too often. attract. and give me a look of “you probably don’t even know what that is. So here’s what you can get from this book. bedding Chinese girls? What makes many men so attracted to Chinese girls? Can other girls learn anything from this? Are our vaginas really slanted? I can answer the last one right away. which I do admit I have. but it does have a lot to teach you. I guess we Chinese people always think of practical benefits. quizzical. as we Chinese girls do.” And instead I just give a clueless. you haven’t lived until you’ve experienced a . but I get enough of the real thing. YES! Our pussies are slanted into the ever-seductive horizontal position. and the questions it can answer: What happens in Chinese and Asian girls’ private sex lives? How can I meet. a white coworker might mention vibrators. It drives men wild. and very very innocent look. I’ve bitten my tongue when people talk about Chinese girls and sex in front of me.world. In a lunch conversation. I do intend for this book to be educational. . everything I tell you is true. If you’re wondering “How to shave topiary gardens into my pubic hair?” then this is probably not your book. I hope I can demystify and illustrate some of the unique dynamics of Asian girls. If you want to know “How can I keep my husband from leaving me for a Chinese girlfriend?” then also this is your book. If you wonder “How can I get with a guy who wants a Chinese girlfriend?” this is your book. And when it’s not. If you’re wondering “How can I get a Chinese girlfriend?” this is your book.which includes both men and women. even if not about the fifth.slanted China vagina. especially about the first four topics. Of course. I hope that you’re smart enough to know it. especially Chinese girls. for all interested parties -. But maybe you can write your own. ” I mean that I’m an American who was born in. (“People’s Republic” of) China. More about that later. Or that I’m from Singapore or Malaysia or some other Asian country that’s only partially Chinese. born in Shanghai. likes. body types. 1985. But especially for Chinese women. opinions. Nope. But actually. which is of course constrained by my tastes in choosing them and meeting them and so on. You’d be crazy if you expected all 700 million of us to be exactly the same. I think that has more to do with the particular values of Chinese Americans than it does with girls in China itself. Having met women from many countries in the world. a white American guy. With there being 700 million women and girls in China.) That is something that always strikes me when hanging out with my non-Chinese girl friends here in the U. I’ve lived in America since then. in terms of interests. I would say that women in China resemble one another more than women in any other country I can think of. say. Or maybe you suspect that by “Chinese girl.S. clothing styles. there is going to be variation. Chinese girls are thought of as being very studious.. to attend business school. That means that it makes much more sense to try to understand Chinese girls as a whole. but whose great great grandparents came from China to build the railroads. (Do I sound pretty academic here? I know that in the U. New Mexico. with such a dirty mouth. even life goals -. I came to the United States in 2008. and also to follow my then-boyfriend.: even in my circle of friends. there is much. much less variation among Chinese people's mentalities than a Westerner might expect. (That’s true for Chinese men too. as a valid subject in itself. there is so much variety. Obviously. than it would to try to understand American girls as a subject.S.What makes a Chinese girl Chinese? Maybe you think I can’t really be a Chinese girl.) .a lot more variation than I can ever imagine in a group of girls in China. I’m the realest of the real Chinese girl. but in China.and she is shocked. that knowledge is what we called in business school “highly generalizable”: know one of us well. that's just a funny archetype. from any country. and this is a point I’ll talk about more later -. and that’s what he liked. or those who have studied abroad. except the youngest and best educated people.that homogeneity or the lack of homogeneity among many Westerners is what trips up some Chinese girls who just start dating white Western (say. American) men.one who didn’t grow up with many non-Chinese people -.predictably to you. In fact. that it makes a lot of sense to just learn what we Chinese girls are all about. if you're an American whose ancestors came from anywhere but Europe: introduce yourself as an American to a . That's also why almost everyone in China. And of course she gets tickets for a Daft Punk concert as a wonderful surprise for the new white guy she’s dating. and everyone lives in a suburban house with two cars and a golden retriever. She starts dating a white guy. because of that one time she met a white guy before. So she assumes that all white guys are the same way . know a lot about us all. people are so homogenous that they believe other societies are equally homogenous. everyone is Christian. but shockingly enough for the typical Chinese girl -“I hate Daft Punk! They suck! I like [Johnny Cash / Neutral Milk Hotel / The Village People / whatever]” -. And that white guy tells her .There is so much remarkable similarity when you compare any two Chinese girls.to have sometimes ridiculous ideas of what you must like. believe that in the United States. all Chinese girls of the same generation are so similar that it would be unusual for them to have differing musical tastes. because. Here's a fun experiment.because really. She may have heard that her cousin is dating a white guy and that her cousin’s white guy loves to listen to Daft Punk. more or less. truthfully. because doesn’t her cousin’s boyfriend like Daft Punk? Did her cousin lie to her? How can it be that this white guy didn’t like what the other white guy liked? Be prepared for any Chinese girl you meet -. well. everyone is white. To Americans. Chinese person. I know a lot of ethnically Chinese girls in the United States whose parents or grandparents emigrated from China. the farther you are in terms of the girls being all the same. I guess it's "racist" to some extent. they share some traits of Chinese culture. But you should appreciate and use the positive (for you) side of this: know one well. What about girls not from China? I think that it’s true that the farther you are from China geographically. yes. But if you’re interested in Chinese girls who were born in the 1990s or later. unfortunately. Well. They shop at the same stores. Maybe. will be remarkably. You might think that makes Chinese girls boring. Chinese society was pretty homogenous. and watch them either think it's a joke or you're a liar. They are. and have the same opinions. listen to the same music. As a footnote.but when I was growing up in the 1990s and early 2000s. those . or what socioeconomic stratum she’s from. this homogeneity is becoming less true in China now as the society becomes more polarized and unequal. And that "foreigners" don't all have the same opinion or even the same language. and they are definitely not all the same. between rich and poor and urban and rural -. There will be some variation based on what region from China she’s from. although one who has stepped outside the norm a little bit. I've met many Asian Americans who have traveled to China and decided that Chinese people are "racist. but the variation is so small. know them all well. from China (as opposed to ethnically Chinese girls from other countries). but really it's just failing to recognize that not all countries are as homogenous as China. Or just be completely confounded. remarkably similar to one another. I’ve talked to both Chinese and foreign guys who say that they want to date non-Chinese girls because Chinese girls are all so identical to one another. but they’re not uniform in the way that Chinese girls from China are. pretty much interchangeable in terms of outward traits! And I say that as a Chinese girl. especially when dealing with their families. Chinese girls of the same generation. Well." because they refuse to believe that those people are Americans. .socioeconomic distinctions to start to come into play more. My nipples are pink. I have long.” That doesn’t mean what you might think it means. and I don’t have too many birthmarks. in Chinese . “paper white” is one of the beauty standard terms common in China. and have big eyes. And one of the greatest compliments you can pay a Chinese girl is “you’re so white!” Which again doesn’t mean what Westerners might think it means. dumpy-looking. importantly. The Chinese women that are considered hot in the West are usually considered ugly. except for having white skin. Chinese beauty standards I’m lucky by Chinese standards. Those are all Chinese standards of beauty.because despite her flaws (by the way. almost paper white (in fact. And they don’t place the importance that Chinese men do on vertical belly buttons and pink nipples.Chinese girls. In my high school there was one very overweight. I’m about 5’6” tall (167 cm). Sometimes you might see a couple in China: the guy is very desirable. she also had bad breath). and. or even scary-looking. shrill-voiced. By these traits. boring and unremarkable girl whom several popular guys were very interested in -. which is quite tall for Chinese. It simply means that they’re fair skinned. but the girl much less so. And yet someone who doesn’t know about the obsession for white skin would never understand why this girl was so in demand. It’s the trump card of Chinese beauty. fair-skinned. dark skin. But Chinese beauty standards are not the same as others’ beauty standards. Girls from China like to sometimes describe themselves proudly as “white girls. my belly button is vertical-shaped. One of those standards stands out above all others: fair (white) skin. especially when describing models and advertising beauty products). I am hot stuff in just about any Chinese community. her skin was paper white! She was the envy of us all. slim legs. Caucasians who like Chinese women often like a different look: shorter stature. small (“slanty”) eyes. take a look at the Chinese women who are with desirable Chinese men. There's no big gender imbalance in China. Her small slanty eyes and weird. and she lacks the fair skin that is pretty much mandatory for being a celebrity in the Chinese world.societies. To Chinese tastes. she is monstrous-looking. That creates a bit of an imbalance. because that’s equally (un)true. If you travel to a country such as China or Taiwan. I think it's just an explanation people like to fish up. but I doubt whether it really makes a difference in dating or marriage lives. (What makes a man desirable in a Chinese culture? We’ll discuss that soon. right? And don't let the gossip and media reports about gender ratios fool you. angular face are a turnoff to Chinese people. Chinese people are constantly in wonderment at how she can be considered a beautiful actress in the US. but that is utterly ridiculous. The other favorite example is American actress Lucy Liu. or whether it has anything to do with Chinese guys needing to buy iphones for attractive girls. but is it really leftovers when darker skin and slanty eyes are what white men want in the first place? Why don’t they say that Chinese men are getting the leftovers that white men don’t want. Chinese people’s favorite example of this in the celebrity world is actress Bai Ling. it's tough being a single girl in China.) You will see a big difference! Chinese people do like to disparagingly talk about white men dating the “leftovers” that Chinese men don’t want. Chinese beauty standards are demanding and . No serious authority has ever placed the gender imbalance at more than 96 girls for every 100 boys. So what I’m saying is that the tastes are different. and then take a look at the Chinese women who are with desirable white men. But that’s all for the best. maybe because it explains womens' growing power in Chinese society. That creates a situation where each team thinks the other team is getting the leftovers. But you don’t need to look at celebrities. and would rate as below-average in looks. Some people say that in China it's now something like 2 girls for every 3 boys. But even with this slight gender imbalance. playing into the Chinese stereotype of foreigners being crazy -. the usual type that “Westerners are supposed to like. Think you'll use makeup? Every other Chinese girl does it too. in this case. Knowing Chinese men’s beauty standards. And others picked Asian girls who were shorter. if your goal is to impress your Chinese friends or colleagues or clients with your date. Some of them picked “busty blondes” over me. Think you'll get plastic surgery? Yeah. It's competitive out there. I really am considered very beautiful by Chinese standards. You'll need heavy makeup and eye-enlarging contact lenses just to keep up with every other girl. you should realize that bringing a 150 cm tall dark-skinned farm girl will not impress them.but don’t relatives always think that their girl is the world’s most beautiful? Well. every other Chinese girl has gotten it too. and also knowing your own beauty standards. darker skinned. so you need it just to keep up with them.” rather than me. you will have quite a lot of opportunity with women you consider attractive that Chinese men don’t consider attractive. but not really for foreigners’ standards. is going to be a crucial tool that you can potentially use to your advantage. Had I stayed . but I’ve been unlucky enough to fail to garner significant interest from a few white guys I’ve been into here in the US. who miraculously appreciated my looks (usually guys who have spent enough time in Asia to acquire similar standards of beauty to Asian guys’ standards). What's a "type" that you find attractive but Chinese guys aren't into? If your beauty standards are quite different from the Chinese ones. I’ve had some white boyfriends.unyielding. On the other hand. My relatives in China would say these guys are completely insane -. no matter how many good qualities you can see in her! And remember how I said I’m lucky by Chinese standards? Lucky in one sphere can mean unlucky in the other sphere. Maybe that's the typical experience of life in China: trying to run hard just to keep up with everyone else! And it's true in the world of dating and beauty standards just as in the workplace and many other spheres. I would’ve had it easy as far as guys. . The guy-world was being handed to me on a platter in China.living in China. I started out as an awkward teenager with no contact with boys. but by the time I was finishing high school. But coming to America was a wake-up call that I would no longer be the most beautiful girl in the room. I was already being “prospected” by rich older guys. and how you can take advantage of it Are you one of those Western guys who want to go to China because all the white American girls care about is money? Well. I haven’t met the latter… or maybe I have. that used to be rich. you don’t know much about Chinese girls. Just like they don't understand when Asian girls talk about them in their Asian native languages. women in Asia don’t care about money!" But the truth is exactly the opposite of this. if you go into rural China. I would say that the average girl in China cares about money about as much as the world’s most money-hungry absolutely gold-digger white American girl. (No. So a white guy who was always rejected back in the US because of his lack of money is popular with women in Asia. one of my coworkers in New York. HA! Because if you think white American girls care about money. but kind of rich in rural Asia! In China. And many girls in Asia assume that all white guys are rich. topic for another book!) The only reason many white guys think that Asian girls don’t care about money is that those white guys don't see it overtly. let me define that a little more specifically. and thinks "oh. I think the best you can do. a poor white guy is either assumed to be rich because of his skin color. such as job prospects and socioeconomic standing) much. The reason he is popular in Asia is exactly the same reason he wasn’t popular in his home country: money! It’s just that in Asia. and in many Asian countries. I have an answer for you: ha ha ha. but now you'd have to go pretty far into the hinterlands for that to be considered rich in any sense. is rich by the local standards. Ok. Chinese girls care about money (or its closely related alloys. or while he's not rich by US standards. much more than even the most insane gold-digger white girl. They're less attuned to it. the white guys do tend to be richer than the local Asian guys. .000 a month or so -. There are always stories of retirees going to live in the Philippines or Thailand or Cambodia on their pensions of $2.What Chinese people want.definitely not rich in the first world. But in the US your status would be "below average. which of course it isn’t. or any kind of dating-oriented profile. and even project how much that salary will rise. And it might talk about things like his excellent singing voice and his capacity to make friends laugh and how great his golf swing is. Or an education that can easily produce money. you'd be doing better in China than in the US.000 a month is "kind of above average. There will often be a summary of the man’s investment portfolio." so still. they want you to have a nice house or car. many countrymen. That is really what's most important.000 is good money to them! Am I saying that Chinese girls care a lot about money? Yes. not bubble milk tea. so what! A Chinese man’s dating profile is about one thing: his money and social and economic status. (And for now. not mahjong. What men present in those profiles is what they think is relevant for women to know about them. To a Chinese female reader. and how he likes to spend his free time -. perhaps nurtured by centuries of Chinese people struggling to just get by and grab any advantage on their many. Yes. in the US as compared to China. the answer is. If you don't have actual cash in your pocket." It is not unusual to list a salary in very specific terms. as I said. whatever. we’ll just pretend the US is one homogenous culture. in .you'd be wrong." Or "I'm a rich guy who drinks champagne. it’s very instructive to look at men’s online dating profiles. And it's a practical view.he collects stamps. just that $2. "I'm a rich guy who plays golf.) A US dating profile might talk about a man’s hobbies and interests." So you won't have much status. you might conclude that "Chinese girls don't care about money" -. Yes. If there are mentions of his hobbies. he watches horror movies. it is only to demonstrate his money and his social status.with $2. They care about money and all the things that come along with it. he restores old cars. all in an online dating ad. I am. Or connections that can easily produce money (important in China). Or anything like that. To explore what girls want. because they care a lot about money. And then. That’s how it goes. average salaries are still markedly lower than in the US. $1 million a year. can we have a meal sometime?” Yes.” At the dinner date. you can forget about competing on the money scale for the most desirable big-city girls unless you are really doing well in terms of money. but because intelligence and education bring social standing and money. or is good with dogs. What if you don’t make $100. and now you're talking. or can run a marathon? Who cares. However.a personals ad! And of course there will be reassurances of his intelligence and education -.000 a year. I know that these days in Shanghai. He makes nice origami. it is common for a guy to give a girl he doesn’t know well an Iphone 5 (well. a guy will throw a $1. and I mean let’s say $100. passionate night of… masturbating and wondering whether he’ll be good enough to have a second date with her. I mean. and what kinds of girls you’re after. manipulative. shameful.000/year absolute minimum income. I’m interested in you. there’s no mystery about “what do women want?” -. a woman being interested primarily in the man’s money is considered crass. and whatever else.that is a ridiculous question in the Chinese context. a Chinese woman would say “of course I’m looking at the man’s money -what else do you expect me to look for?!” So does that make things easy or difficult for you in China? Of course it depends where you sit on the totem pole. or don’t want to spend . mostly men. even in China. making money in huge amounts. he’ll have a hot. maybe an LV handbag. And that guarantees him that after dinner. with incomes in large multiples of the average. And while in first-world white American society. steamy. says Chinese society! So things are pretty simple to figure out in the Chinese dating world. Even that won't get you that far. of course he’s expected to bring her another gift. Despite all the economic growth in China. Speaking for China and only China.000 gift at a girl just to say “I am worthy of a dinner date with you. nowadays I guess Iphone 6) just to say “hey. there is a huge contingent of people.not because that’s cool. And I’m not sure whether these are the girls foreigners would most be interested in anyway. she would say. just for the chance of a green card? Those girls jumping on any available white cock aren’t the same girls I’ve talked about. because he drives a Ferrari!” Meaning: China’s urban elite pretty much assume foreigners living in China are penniless English teachers.no one in China cares about what she learned there). She’s very white-skinned (you know how great that is in China!) and she attended a university in the UK (which just gives her a badge of status -. and she was a virgin until marriage (this is important for Chinese guys!). a mutual fund manager who lives in Shanghai. since foreigners’ criteria tend to be different from Chinese guys’ criteria. And when she told her friends and relatives. soon after she graduated from university. and they don’t have much use for foreigners anyway. She ended up marrying a white American guy. They're definitely not the girls you'd meet on English-language dating sites or in foreigner-oriented social venues. because the girls are too busy managing their pool of Chinese boyfriends. Foreigners usually don’t interact with those girls. that she’s marrying a white guy. who knew that she was the highest of the high-value girls. the 95% of regular girls who are not in that desirable 5%. That is maybe 5-10% of the women in China. I have a cousin who is one of those in-demand Shanghai 5% girls. The white-man-desperate “undesirable” girls. Actually. It is absolutely not true that a Chinese woman who goes out with a penniless . “he’s a foreigner who lives here in Shanghai… but don't worry.that money just to get a dinner date with some woman you don’t know? Don’t stop reading or throw down this book in frustration! I’ve only described one segment of girls: big-city girls who are considered highly desirable by Chinese society. but this one is different. So how to reconcile that disdain for foreign English teachers with the stories you must’ve heard about Chinese girls eager to jump on any white cock. are interested in money and its correlates just as much as those more desirable girls are. even a poor one. with big eyes (sometimes Chinese girls have special contact lenses to simulate this). especially girls. To a typical Chinese guy or girl. single mother. these girls are indeed complete trash.English teacher is not interested in money. any taller is too tall). and they take what they can get. long. graduate school is kind of pushing it)." Here are some specific traits that will make a Chinese girl pretty much “worthless” or "unmarriageable" to Chinese guys: divorced. but she knows what her limits are. they want a whiteskinned girl. That brings us to the next. works/worked in . gangster ex-boyfriends. who will willingly run off with most any foreigner. past kids or pregnancies or marriages. Remember my discussion of Chinese beauty standards? This is pretty much the same list. from a "respectable" family. These are the girls that you hear about who are so eager to meet foreign men. extensive sexual history. Are these girls really so terrible? I really don’t think so. slim legs. are culturally so remarkably homogenous and similar to one another? What Chinese guys want in a girl is really also so similar. Approximately speaking. She’s interested in money. so their options are more limited. or below-average girls (in Chinese desirability terms) know that they usually have no chance with rich Chinese guys. But remember that my mentality is not typical Chinese. Let’s talk about the other end of the spectrum: the “bottom end” girls. only expanded to social traits that pretty much add up to "marriageability. Remember how I said Chinese people. didn’t finish high school. and what kinds of girls are available only to guys who are willing to give an Iphone 6 as an introductory gift. especially white foreign men. Regular girls. over thirty years old. tall-ish (5'6"-5'7". of course no tattoos. We’ve talked about the top 5% of girls. either a virgin or "almost" a virgin. We talked about what girls want. a bit of education but not too much education (college degree is good. important point. at least if you don’t share Chinese society’s particular hangups. Now let's talk about what Chinese guys want. and maybe not even with middle class Chinese guys. and so on. many girls can check every box on that list). But whenever he tried to do anything physical. and not fit to marry any desirable guy. To my US readers. or having any kind of visible congenital disease or disability. who most likely doesn’t care about most of those traits. who don’t care about psoriasis. and feel lucky to be dating a hot 10/10 Chinese girl. a congenital skin condition that gives her red peeling skin on her back and arms sometimes. Any of those (although in China those traits usually appear in groups. pretty. Add to that the physical no-nos. I have one good friend in China who considers herself “unfit to marry a Chinese guy. etc). She only learned this because she met a foreign guy (living in China) online. but is it any more cruel than Western guys who only want girls with big natural breasts?! I don’t know! I’ve lived outside of China long enough to think those are pretty ridiculous standards. has a tattoo. it would be “hot girl with psoriasis. big-eyed. And maybe I’m not exactly the most typical Chinese girl. under 160 cm in height. or maybe no Chinese guy at all. has had an extensive sexual history before marriage (say sex with more than 2 men… not necessarily at once!).prostitution or a profession associated with prostitution (massage. tall. karaoke. They had many coffee dates and movies and so on. and the best a girl can do is maybe a very low-status guy who has even less money than she has. Yes. A girl with those traits is going to pretty much jump at any foreign guy she can find. But I’m telling you what they are. college-educated. I’m not defending Chinese guys’ standards. has a relative in prison. such as being dark-skinned. parents are destitute. He thought she's inexperienced or sexually conservative or a prude or not . they create a cruel world. hostess bar. not one at a time. she swatted him away. I know. even holding hands in a dark movie theatre. she’s considered defective. Or a foreign guy. but… she was born with psoriasis. I had my doubts about those standards. and they really hit it off." She is white-skinned. who cares about the psoriasis!” but in China. So she dates foreigners. because even when I lived in China. attracted to him or some such. The truth is just that she didn't want to lose him. She thought that once the clothes come off and he saw her psoriasis outbreaks, he'd drop her, as every Chinese guy had done to her. And she enjoyed his company so much that she didn't want to lose him. One day she finally told him why she didn't want to get physical. She said she has a big secret to tell him that is the reason why she doesn't want to get physical with him. He, as an American, guessed only one thing -- she must be really a man! He was horrified that he'd been pining after a transsexual all this time. After all, if an American woman tells you "before I take my clothes off, there's something you have to know," there's quite likely to be a six-inch surprise popping out of "her" pants. But in this case, all my friend wanted to tell him is that she has a skin rash sometimes. "That's IT?!" he asked her? He thought that maybe she really did have some other more sinister secret, and made up the skin rash story just to provide a cover. That really was it, her whole secret. She was taken aback when he said he doesn't mind her skin rash. He doesn't consider her defective. They had amazing sex and a great relationship. He ended up going back to the United States and parting ways with her, but she knew from then on that she'd have a much easier time with foreign guys than Chinese guys. There's a strain in American culture that believes that all people are inherently equal, and physical disabilities are minor genetic mishaps that should be accommodated. That's not Chinese culture at all. Have you ever heard about how in a nest of baby birds, if one baby bird is weak, the mother kicks it out of the nest and onto the ground? That's how Chinese society is. Any physical "imperfection," and you're branded a "cripple," and more or less no one wants you, not for dating, not for marriage, not for education, not even for friendship. In China, a wheelchair-bound person enjoying an evening out with family and friends is unthinkable; their family would be ashamed of being seen with a "cripple," and they would be unlikely to have any friends, perhaps other than other "cripples." It's a cruel world out there. And that cruelty extends not only to people in wheelchairs, but people with any kind of minor physical anomaly, such as, say psoriasis or a missing toe or some such thing. The weak bird gets kicked out of the nest. Have you heard about China's respect for age and older people? There's a little bit of truth to that, but it mostly applies to respecting one's own parents and one's work superiors or political superiors -- that is, people you are respecting because of their position, not strictly for their age. As for dating, a woman over thirty, or outside the big cities even over twenty-five, is "too old." Remember these standards were set when humans were used to reproducing in their early twenties. And to this kind of survival mentality, a thirty-year-old prospective wife is too old to make healthy offspring. Chinese guys would be ashamed to be seen with a girl over thirty. Even if they're over thirty themselves! I know a few Chinese guys in their forties who are a loose-knit association of family, business, and university friends, some divorced, some single, and some married but still looking for more girlfriends -- and none of them would ever have anything to do with a woman over thirty. Some of them would only grudgingly speak to a girl who's 25. The prime age for them is maybe 2225. And a thirty-year-old, which is about fifteen years younger than them, is old, too old. Even though in this group of guys, the minimum age is 42 and the maximum age is 49. On the other hand, I had a chance to meet one foreign (Canadian) guy in China who has a secret. Well, we know these guys in the US as "cougar hunters" or "milf hunters." I guess I've said enough right there and you know what this guy is into. He's just an English teacher, by no means a rich guy. But he's always got a lot of hot girlfriends on his arm. His secret? He's 31. He seeks out women over thirty, sometimes even in their early forties. And they go wild at the chance to be with him. No Chinese guy under maybe sixty or seventy would ever want such an "undesirable" Chinese woman -- whose only "undesirable" trait is her age being 35 or so. So that’s exactly the dynamic that I’m talking about here: the most natural match between a Chinese girl and a foreign guy is a girl who is considered “defective” by Chinese standards, but not by foreigners’ standards. Foreigners get what they like but the local Chinese guys don’t like. It’s like value investing, finding a stock that you think is good that others don’t like. (I told you I have an MBA, right?) . As I told you. say. he’d never noticed me. We were both 15. Does this sound like typical teenage high school stuff. darkest fantasies about Hong involved was us living in a nice condo in Shanghai and raising a baby boy together. I wasn’t that kind of girl! What my deepest. I had never even touched a boy’s hand.My first boyfriend I’m going to tell you about my first boyfriend. His name was Hong. thinking that in order to get past the marriage and wedding bit. and are you thinking that Chinese dating isn’t so different from. the important thing here is how very typical my story is. And I’m not an unusually shy girl. I’d never talked to him. because babymaking of any sort did not figure into my fantasies. and as far as I knew. Chinese girls’ lives and backgrounds are remarkably similar. a big step.” even though I’d never talked with him. American dating? Sounds similar. That's usually how it happens. there will actually be penetration of our vaginas. But here’s the key difference: the first time I actually talked to him was two years later! For two years. with his spiky hair. and huge open eyes. but whether or not you care about my personal travails. nor into the fantasies of any of my classmates. Just talking to a boy is a big deal. I just thought he looked cute. Or it's even a little bit scary. I don’t think I even really . How did we get that baby boy? Immaculate conception. But in China. boys and girls are so strongly separated in schools and in social groups. Maybe you care about my love life or maybe you don’t. biggish nose. probably. I first noticed him when we were lining up for the morning attendance check in high school. And my story here is the typical “girl meets boy” of China. And what did I dream about when I thought Hong was mine? Never once did I think about kissing or touching him. in my mind he was “mine. We see men as providers and fathers and husbands. We don't really explicitly imagine sex. The first time you touch your girlfriend. Female masturbation isn't talked about much. But remember -. Chinese boys masturbate like all teenage boys. nor commonly talked about. ever touched herself in that way. 18! And so were my classmates! There was no sex ed. and all her sensitive spots." literally "hitting the airplane.” And boys were off-limits and yucky and squirmy in their physicality. There are some slang terms like "going fishing" or "using a fish hook" to describe a woman fingering herself. A usual American girl has had either boyfriends or masturbatory self-education about sexual touch by the time she's in her late teens. even if a woman doesn't have experience . The Chinese slang term for male masturbation is "da fei ji. Here's the shocker: Chinese girls don't masturbate. That means that a Chinese girl who hasn't had a boyfriend isn't accustomed to sexual feelings or sexual touch of any sort. There might be some awkward mentions and giggles and tacit acknowledgement on the subject of male masturbation. 17. if anything at all about those parts of our bodies. We're taught. It's very uncommon for a girl who's sexually inexperienced to masturbate.knew that a boy had a cock. but maybe worthwhile for raising babies (immaculately conceived) and living together in Shanghai condo bliss. other than the implicit “don’t even think about getting close to a boy." because it's like shooting an anti-aircraft gun. she might not be so used to someone arousing her nipples. but the whole subject was yucky and squirmy. And we're certainly not supposed to be giving ourselves pleasure through them. but not so for Chinese girls. but it's still considered dirty and shameful. Or maybe I knew that he had something down there. say. just that they're dirty and not supposed to be touched.I was 16. but it's not commonly used. In the Western world. That also has something to do with her not being used to foreplay. And your average twentysomething Chinese girl has never. That would sound normal for. You don't find Chinese high school boys talking in the lunchroom about the great wank they had. preteen girls in the Western world. her neck. there’s some." but keep in mind. but full of dangerous passions rising up to the surface -. and prefer for all contacts -. Chinese culture is completely the opposite.and then going back to your same-sex friends to embarrassedly giggle (yes. There is. he was also afraid to talk to me! In Chinese society -. And "colorful" meaning not full of beauty. even in China. that’s out there. In fact. In Western culture. boys do this too. until the age of 16 or 17 or 18 or so. I was afraid to talk to Hong for those two years when I "liked him. and boys and girls do look at each other. who goes to talk to girls is not a stud or a popular guy. or your "colors" deep inside and never showing them (or better yet. but this still remains true -.with a man touching her clit or tweaking her nipples.a teenage boy. So is there no courting or eyeing in those teenage years? Sure. people pride themselves on treating all others equally.as opposed to the ideal behavioral standard of keeping your passions. Why a colorful wolf? A wolf is considered an especially sexual animal in Chinese culture.including marrying off the children -.a little bit more so ten years ago than now. a hotbed of courting and eyeing all through the teenage years and right into the twenties and sometimes thirties -. but that’s not how parents usually search for spouses (not mates or partners -. Back now to my story. Chinese people have a strong distrust of strangers.spouses) for their children. but a deviant and a pervert. even hated. Hormones are hormones. that is one key cultural perspective that you need to become familiar with to understand Chinese girls and Chinese society. and on being friendly to strangers. but it’s rarely more than looking -. not only girls). she's done it for herself enough." meaning a colorful (se) wolf (long).not among young people. Ever heard of “stranger . but among their parents! You might have seen in movies or TV an official “marriage market” or “matchmaker” -. Strangers are distrusted. not even having them in the first place). The usual Chinese slang term for such a person is "selong. however.to be with friends and relatives. Not so in China. kind of like a "horny goat" or a "horny dog" in American culture.well. but usually with iphones full of photographs of their children -. It’s all part of the culture. Won’t you marry your beautiful cousin? And as for friends. his foreign travels.as it would condemn them as the parent of a very naughty girl! And so we Chinese people are sometimes called “irrational” in Western culture. well. relatives who are deemed to be distant enough to make things non-incestuous are often prodded to match their offspring with one’s own offspring. most any social gathering of Chinese adults over 30 consists mostly of attempting to pair off one another’s children! Or if over 50. how could they not. and who has the whitest skin. who has the best car. who has the most prestigious educational background. but I don’t think anyone would make such a request even as a joke -. blah blah. his workplace. his apartment. who has the most earning prospects. you definitely don’t trust an unknown stranger to date or marry your offspring! So existing family and friendship and workplace connections are the hunting grounds for making romantic matches for one’s kids and nieces and nephews. Does a pair matched because of her white skin and his Mercedes like each other? Well. bragging about how well you’ve married off your offspring. photographs of his car. compared with how heartless they are to strangers. you know. We look at who has the most money. who has the shapeliest legs.and in the case of a boy’s parents. I’ve sometimes dreamed of persuading an auntie to ask such a relative touting those photos to show a photo of his. Such parental matchmaking takes place without the children’s presence. And yes. But our mate selection process is of the most rational kind. in Chinese parents’ eyes! What .danger” taught to US schoolkids? Well “stranger danger” is how all of Chinese society operates! This also explains the common observation from foreigners that it’s amazing how warm and friendly Chinese people are to their close friends and family. There’s no notion of romance or chemistry. It’s all quantifiable. And since in China you wouldn’t trust a stranger with asking the time of day (lest they use the opportunity to gain some advantage against you). which is all that would've mattered to my mom anyway. not through people independently finding each other. or at the very least by relatives’ friends or colleagues. and the discussion's fate with my mother as well. that is likely to really be the end of the . and I think the feelings I got from that were the same feelings that a girl of similar age in the US might get from her boyfriend hungrily licking her clit! Just the feel of Hong’s pants sometimes brushing up against my legs when we were sitting on the same sofa was electrifying. And that's it. and I shouldn't think about boys until I'm at least 20. For most Chinese girls.more could you want from a partner? Maybe the guy wishes for a girl with skin a little bit whiter.his parents weren't bigshots. Usually couples in China are guided toward one another by relatives. It’s like matchmaking anywhere in the world. She told me not to think about boys and never to bring up Hong again. but the parents tried and did their best. the difference being that in China most dating comes about through matchmaking. I confessed to my mother that there’s a boy I like. Oh. One night in my final year of high school. and that pretty much sealed Hong's fate with my mother. My mother acted as if I’d just confessed to having invited the Harlem Globetrotters over to my bedroom for a gangbang. So I said I don't know what his parents do. At that time. And sometimes his shirtsleeve would brush against mine and it was electrifying and terrifying all at once. I knew something vague and unremarkable -. because our parents didn’t know each other at all. the “farthest I’ve gone with him” was sometimes studying together at a table. and this was the best they could find! So back to Hong. and I don't think it's anything special. And to forget about the topic. and maybe the girl wishes for a guy with a Bentley instead of a Mercedes. and "what kind of family they are. she did ask me what Hong's parents do for a living. before she actually said to forget about the topic. Hong and I were somewhat unusual as a “couple” in China (if you can even call it that)." I said they didn't know. And what did my mom do? She more or less told me I'm a dirty slut. Maybe this is where my story is not typical. I . to my own romantic advantage. The good news is that Hong accepted. Like any teenage girl. (Hey.this is the part that took monumental bravery on my part -. One day. Well. I approached him. (Don't laugh. right? Well. Chinese people don't drink coffee). it was strictly typical. the teacher said Dong this.discussion. in Chinese teenagers' mindsets. And that I have heard of some coffeeshops in the Pudong area where foreigners like to hang out. all foreigners are fluent English speakers!) And -. of course. strictly for the purpose of meeting foreigners and improving our English? This is really. really forward behavior for a Chinese girl! Maybe it would even be forward behavior for an American girl.would he like to maybe go to those coffeeshops with me on Sunday. I hatched a plan. all I could think about until that Sunday was my "date" (ha ha) with Hong. I approached him and casually explained to him that I'd like to improve my learning of English and I'm tired of Dong getting all the acclaim in our class. Hong and I were in the same English class. We'd both bring enough of our lunch money to be able to buy some coffee or tea or whatever other exotic drinks were on offer to foreigners (traditionally. when Hong and I happened to be the only students in a hallway.) In every class. up to and including my mom's prohibition. We were both among the best students in that class. And my mom's refusal to accept my very real interest in Hong made me want him all the more. I wanted to use that situation. Dong is a common Chinese first name. although not the absolute best. One-on-one. But I was always kind of rebellious. and Hong's natural pride. Crazy. How great Dong was at English. Up to this point. not the usual Chinese style of approaching through friends and relatives. That pride of place belonged to a guy named Dong. I even went on a three-day crash diet to make myself slimmer and therefore more beautiful. Dong that. We agreed to meet at a bus stop close to the area of these coffeeshops. this is where we stumbled. all were male. Actually. we only speak English! We would speak English even to the ladies taking our order and to the cashiers. All were white. We just sat there with our iced teas. so who knows if any of these "uncles" were in actuality twentysomethings! At that point. And here's where I came up with an even more brilliant idea. But not actually interacted with. We ordered our drinks and sat down. because after all. more importantly than the foreigners. neither one of us had actually ever met or talked to a real foreigner. But we definitely had our notebooks and pens with us.was a teenager! Understand me! That fateful Sunday. naturally gave us the start of something like a relationship. And we both even had our notebooks and pens with us. I don't know to what degree either of us really believed it to be a study meeting or saw it all as pretextual and plausible deniability. all appeared to be about three times our age. And there were some. I concurred. And we went off in search of a coffeeshop. sure. As nervous as he was. we met at the bus stop. Seen walking by on the street. We don't need foreigners to speak English. that was already exotic enough. this was a study meeting. Not that we could tell foreigners' ages.we considered all of them to be around "uncle" age. Not only was I on a "date. So the next step: let's approach some foreigners! Oh. Which. We found one." but there were foreigners within eyeballing distance of me! And Hong and I were sharing the moment together. but that he was too nervous to actually talk to any of the foreigners. trying to sneak peeks at foreigners out of the corners of our eyes. I was probably nervous-er. and even if we bumped into our Chinese friends . Let's practice English with each other! And we made a rule: whenever we're in these coffee shops. really -. there is no way I was going to talk to any of these foreigners sitting there. Because as brave as I had been in approaching Hong in the school hallway. in their forties or fifties. Hong commented to me how this was a great idea. I was indeed a pretty brave girl. His face said "I hope this is what I hope this is. English practice meeting. But we did have a plan that if somehow our classmates saw us. They would have considered us a couple of wanton perverts for going on a boy-and-girl date meeting.M. and it filled me with dread and fear. I even paid (I had been the one preparing for this whole adventure) in advance at the front desk (by the way. Its name translated as "Lantern. but it was clean and acceptable. It was on. I didn't really know what "it" was. but I knew it was on. white-skinned legs. More importantly." The hotel was mostly used by mid-level office workers on business trips. after two months of weekly "English practice" meetings with Hong. Once I had worn jean shorts to our meeting. And I started having thoughts about what would happen if Hong and I tried to do whatever it is that boys and girls do. credit cards still . I told my parents I was "going studying. any risk of ridicule was still not enough to dissuade me from the adventure. I casually strolled with Hong toward that hotel. I casually asked Hong if he wanted to end our usual two-hour session after one hour and go somewhere else for a bit. Really. Anyway. At the time. and their reactions shouldn't be too bad. I had started realizing that there's something that men and women or boys and girls do together in private. it worked to give me an innocent activity to do with Hong. And by that time. and I caught him staring at my long." and took my pens and pencils and notebook. I wasn't completely oblivious to sex. When I went to meet him." It turned out being that. but pretty close to it. He did the same. And we didn't tell our classmates anything. It wasn't a fancy place. It did improve our English to some extent. And probably my teenage ass. As we were starting that Sunday's 11 A. I'm sure Hong was thinking the same. it was going to be all in English! Crazy. And at the one-hour mark. Crazy. Crazy. though. I planned for the day well in advance. I had found a small hotel just behind the coffee shop. we would just say that we were practicing English.there. But it worked. but I don't think it is. I knew it. near naked. and not on subsequent meetings. Hong came early. grabbing and feeling every part of my body as he tugged my clothes off. by far! He hadn't even touched a girl then. He took off his shoes. we did develop a Sunday routine of "Lanterning. And his erection was obvious. like "we both know it. returned our room key (could it have been any more obvious to the desk staff what we'd been doing?). I. But we had more meetings at the "Lantern." We called these meetings "Lantern. standing in front of him. pants." And while we did still go to coffeeshops. While still groping me. back to our respective waiting parents. and rushed back to the bus stop. Hong looked even more bewildered than before. white-skinned. In the elevator up. as we both looked with shock at the gooey stuff spread all over my thighs. He sighed and moaned as his hands reached for my butt. socks. and slipped into my bra. Of course I had to help him undo the bra strap. Way early.aren't in common use in China. He looked at my naked body in front of him. we awkwardly rushed downstairs. A slim. It was heaven for him. Were you hoping for cuddles after the act? Unfortunately not. Please excuse and forgive him. obviously playing out what he'd wanted to do for a long time. and definitely not so when I was a teenager about ten years ago). I gave him a big smile. And I felt something hot and wet suddenly squirt all over my thighs. and underwear. We had our room key. ran over my thighs. Hong started grabbing at me. he pushed me down on the bed and he lay on top of me. of course. When we were just getting our clothes off." Although the first time we . relatively tall. I screamed and thought Hong had peed on me. but it's rare for a high school virgin boy of any nationality to do that! So after we toweled ourselves off. Not that day. Not only is it rare for Chinese guys to do that. didn't have any chance of an orgasm. It was his first time." Once we got into the room. Yes. he looked ecstatic and bewildered. I can't say it was romantic. virgin high school girl. and continued to undress me. But no one found out.went there. because every Chinese person knows the routine of having to slip someone a bribe in order not to be reported to the police -. but it felt like funny tongue-wriggling to us. I was a naughty girl. Well. And Lanterning. well concerned of our privacy. too many eyebrows would have been raised by two teenagers checking into a hotel room together on Sundays. I would've been kicked out of school. we made sure no one would suspect anything. He was acting mature beyond his years. but sometimes. And so it went on until the end of high school. I was overwhelmed by the excitement of the moment and didn't think about things like pregnancy. Yes. I made him promise to always finish outside. .slightly familiar but not too much so. Every Sunday. I would wriggle my body under him just a bit more while he was inside me. sliding under him skin-onskin. in China. or even in Beijing. we mostly explored each other's bodies.the only slightly unusual thing about this bit of bribe-paying is that we were teenagers. because I think only in Shanghai would this Lanterning have gone unnoticed. so we treated each other as we'd always done -. or at least were. Somehow condoms hadn't crossed either of our minds -there is no safe sex education in China. just for play. and I knew it would make him come unexpectedly. In a smaller town in China. not to mention ostracized by our peers and our families. We even studied kissing by watching foreign movies. He mostly managed to control himself. right? Had anyone found out. maybe it helped that Hong "made friends with" (paid small bribes to) the hotel desk employees. I didn't like the idea of Hong finishing inside me. and tried to imitate it. It was just us at the coffee shop. We might not even be accepted to university. In school. and until we were about to ship off to university. that's how repressive these things are. we were lucky to have been from Shanghai. And definitely not anything like "boyfriend and girlfriend" in the American definition! At the hotel. Actually. on subsequent times. I went to study in Beijing and Hong went to Sanya (Hainan Island). rather than confront us about it directly. Had this been an American movie.As the school term ended. if they found out such a thing. We half-heartedly communicated with each other by phone text messages (SMS) when we were university students. both of our respective families had plans for us before our respective university educations began. but we were both growing into our respective separate university lives. So our families really didn't know. I don't even remember the last time Hong and I saw each other in person. As for university. maybe you could think that the families had been talking behind the scenes. and with physical force. and plotting to surreptitiously split us up. No way. . Any Chinese parent would confront their child very directly. and they really just wanted us to spend the summers with our grandparents and relatives outside of Shanghai before the university term began. . neither one of them will know that they're being set up by their friends. That would be too explicit and direct. similar to phone numbers. Do you see how much handholding is involved here? Doesn't it remind you of parents setting playdates for toddlers back in the west? Yes. to a large extent. they will be expected to. Almost all dinner parties are held at restaurants. So please don't be offended when you're never invited to your Chinese friends' homes for dinner!) At that first-meeting dinner party. by a group of friends of colleagues.whether for dating or asking street directions or anything else. most "dates" in China are initiated by friends and relatives of the couple-to-be. And most often. but it won't be a complete shock. Almost always. It is exceedingly rare for strangers to approach one another in China -. exchange QQ numbers and maybe phone numbers. (Do you know what QQ is? QQ is an instant messaging system where the user id's are numbers.Dating. it is a group dinner party. aside from those who are very Westernized or those who have opulent homes with servants. Maybe you seat them next to each other. Stranger danger! That's at the top of all Chinese people's minds. say. and making sure to invite both parties of the couple-to-be. sometimes with the help of their friends. China style As I've mentioned. you usually place some pretext for the couple-to-be to have some interaction. And then maybe everyone agrees to start a conversation about. For most . the "first date" is not set up as a one-on-one meeting between the two. If the couple-to-be hits it off. a common interest that both of the parties have. Most often. usually held at a restaurant. so that they have some chance to talk with each other directly. Or across from each other. (By the way. dinner parties held in someone's home are very rare among Chinese people in China. as it's pretty expected that many dinner parties are held with the purpose of setting someone up. Chinese people expect a lot of handholding and supervision when first venturing into dating. while a phone number is pretty much disposable. And give it to her and tell her that it's really nothing (to emphasize how prosperous he is) and it's just a small gift for her (even though he just spent his whole monthly salary on it. I'm not joking. of course. he has to bring to this expensive dinner an expensive gift. Really. their QQ number is a central part of their communication identity. And.. because your family line is part of what you're offering your prospective marriage partner.Chinese people.not because they love their parents. (And that would mean you run a restaurant / are a . He will sometimes have pictures of real estate he owns or iphone screens of his stock portfolio to show on first dates. The goal is always going to be marriage. it brands you as defective merchandise. often). and not because their parents are necessarily so great. and investment portfolio. not even in 2014. The man will detail his job prospects. What is being in touch on their own? The man contacting the woman to ask for a date. but because the "quality" of the parents is a big part of the "quality" of the package deal of the spouse you're marrying." and not boyfriend/girlfriend? How did I get from there to here? The answer is that there's really no dating for dating's sake in China. The woman will detail her virginity and innocence and desire to be a good wife. in China. I'm not joking. Both will speak in hagiographic tones of their parents -. Maybe a phone or a handbag or something. So while saying that your mom/dad/uncle/grandma is a jerk might be ok casual date conversation in the first world. Saying that you want to date but don't plan on getting married is like saying that you. And so what happens other than the gift-giving and the dinnereating? There's conversation that is usually centered on those wonderfully practical things.. as I've already told you. are cooking a meal but don't plan to eat it. Almost always an expensive dinner -for him to show her his ability to be a provider. salary history. Did you notice that I just said "marriage partner.) They'll be expected to be in touch on their own. 000 USD per month is more usual. USD. saying that you're not interested in marriage will be even more of a death knell for you than it would be for a Chinese man. these days. that's pretty much the assumption. Yes. and yes. So if a Chinese woman is going to be seriously dating a Western man and be seen with him.000 USD per month (yes. though a figure around $5. there are common stories of Chinese women being dumped by their Western boyfriends and completely changing cities and even circles of friends. just to erase their past "secret sin" of having dated a foreigner -. In fact.and therefore regain their chances with Chinese men. or even better than. Marriage is of course the most common one. it's assumed that any Chinese woman who has dated a foreign man has had sex with him. or at the very least. the internet knows all. and perhaps also his dad. she had better be sure there is marriage coming. very limited sexual experience for their brides-to-be? Well. If you are a foreign man.000 . is almost as good. and perhaps also his roommates. even if it's not exactly marriage. Well. Remember how Chinese men value virginity. per month) for a mistress. That. to some women. But another common arrangement is "paid dating" or being a mistress. Men in China are known to pay $100. . having that man as a husband. but these women do try.$10. right?) There's always an end goal in mind.prostitute. because it pretty much kills her chances with Chinese men. "Bride price": the dowry is alive and well Did you think dowries were something that only happened in Victorian novels or in Bollywood movies? Well. is explicitly negotiated between the groom and the bride's family. about $1. forget it! I don't think even the poorest of the poor would except "only" that much! I think an average dowry in China nowadays is around 100. and does it ever. and no other man will marry her. if the symbolism were not already too blatant for you. while the parents remind him how desirable their daughter is. So the dowry is something like good-faith money or insurance that the man gives to show his true commitment. put differently: have you ever heard the story of .000 yuan. I know a pretty good dowry was 10. And dowries in the millions of USD are certainly not unheard of. Ten years ago. I really have an MBA). it is a common sight in China to see a groom begging a bride's parents to allow him to get away with paying only a certain dowry he can afford.000 USD. she is pretty much used-up goods." or dowry. How much is a typical dowry? These days Chinese society is so stratified that it's hard to talk about a middle range.with the bride's family ritualistically complaining that (no matter how much is offered) it's very small and not enough money. when I was graduating from high school. the groom and his party are expected to approach the bride's family's house and slip money through the front door. This sounds downright medieval to you. and that he must pay a much higher price. It's often the bulk of the groom's life savings.500 USD. China has them still. A "bride price. because once a woman has been married. Or. and how many rich men would empty their bank accounts for her. There's some sense of economic rationality here (see. about $15. These days.000 yuan. negotating an amount to open the door -. While Westerners would be shocked at being so up-front about it. right? In fact. on the morning of the wedding. how a car loses X percent of its value the moment you drive it off the dealership's lot? Well. what that usually means is that the dowry is settled between the two sets of parents in private. This is usually true if she's divorced (see above!) or has been a prostitute or for some other reason is "worthless" in terms of Chinese dowry calculations. a woman loses about 80% of her value the moment she's been married! So the dowry is compensation for that. very very rarely (and I mean very) rarely. a couple may show how modern and international and Westernized they are by refusing the ritual of a dowry -although as far as I've heard. When is there no dowry? Sometimes a woman is considered so undesirable that there's no talk of a dowry. in Chinese society. without the couple's involvement. Also. . And you can be sure that most typically. Chinese people have also seen it in American movies and tv shows.sexual intercourse You can see how little foreplay there is.Round the bases Americans know the baseball analogy about sex.kissing Third base . .groping with clothes on Home plate . and the man more or less forcing himself on her. and Chinese people (especially online) have developed their own version.holding hands Second base . First base . Is it a "rape culture"? Maybe. Don't kill the messenger. each "base" is accompanied by the woman whining and crying that she doesn't want to do that because she's a good girl. That's how it's been for likely thousands of years. so greedy. Chinese culture would say that you'd be crazy to speak your mind and expose your true feelings to anyone you're trying to convince of anything. Think about history. Aside from a brief spurt of Maoist gender-equality rhetoric -.All your man is belong to us How do we Chinese girls get men? Foreign men or Chinese men? Why do most married foreign men who come to China end up divorcing their non-Chinese wives? Is it some kind of natural allure Chinese women have? I dont think it's any kind of natural allure at all. and even that empress got to where she was only by luring a man. I think it's just being more calculative and shameless in how we go about this business. In all of China's history. 624-705 CE).and not being sneaky or devious. .. and not being two-faced. so feminine. Western culture emphasizes being your true self. not put into practice -. as Western culture would have it. It is expected that a woman (and also a man) would put on her best "game face" right up until the moment of marriage and some kind of big financial benefit from a man. Even relatively recent history. That's just the right way to live -. don't you learn to use it really well? We Chinese women have been honing that tool for all four thousand or so years of Han Chinese civlization. A Chinese man would say.according to Chinese culture -. so inconsiderate. so sensitive to their needs.which was really just rhetoric.China has had four thousand years of women not being able to get ahead by any way other than by luring a man. That's why foreign men always think Chinese women are so demure. they are considered so selfish. so selfless. "well of course! she can be herself now that she's got you on the hook!" but a Western man would be surprised at what he considers to be duplicity. so loving. and so on. So when all you've got is one tool at your disposal.. speaking your mind. and then after those Chinese women marry them. it has been ruled by a woman for only one brief and historically questionable period (Empress Wu Ze Tian. A Chinese girl knows exactly what to say to a man. I don't think I've ever met a Chinese woman in a gym in China who would be going there for any reason otherthan making her body more attractive to men! That is why almost all Chinese exercises for women are meant for specific goals of physical proportions and appearance -. Western women would most often be disgusted by the idea.and not more Western goals such as increasing muscle tone or lowering blood pressure. Chinese men know that this is an act. while other girls don't care to form an opinion. That even includes always telling Western men that she only likes Western men and Chinese men are no good (and likely telling Chinese men the reverse). . of course! Some girls really do have opinions but know to hide them. What's her opinion on an issue? Whatever your opinion is.such as having leaner legs -. This also comes down to personal appearance. Western women go to the gym for reasons of personal health and fitness and looking good and fitting into their newest dress. while Western men have no idea that it's all a game. But few Western women would ever admit that their only (or even primary) reason to go to the gym is to attract men. because there's no practical advantage to having one. And it also comes down to daily interactions. but they enjoy it. What are some examples? Most Chinese women are studied at making their voices a few octaves higher when they are in the dating stage and trying to attract men! They also try to act "cute" or like innocent little girls. when all the practical advantage is in pretending to have the same opinion as the man she's pursuing.Chinese women are great at sensing what men want and shaping their behavior to it. you can wow your Chinese girlfriend in bed -. A Chinese guy has to spend at least a few weeks. and how to please a Chinese girl in bed What’s it like inside the bedroom in China when we actually do have sex? Do we have some kind of ancient kung-fu positions? Or is it all prim-and-proper missionary position? I think one big difference is how long it takes from initial meeting to actual sex. courting a girl before he can even feel her up.if she lets you do that horrid dirty thing in the first place. And some girls. Chinese guys. China style. and how coy girls will be about admitting that they actually want to get fucked. If you’re an expert pussy-eater. No.not because they have a religious or moral belief. on the same level as ass-eating. But I think the main difference between Chinese and American sex. sometimes a few months. thanks to Sex and the City and similar outposts of Western culture. we're not living in storybook China where premarital sex is a myth. tongueboy. don’t eat pussy. and you’re booking the next flight to China? Well. Those are more differences in the lead-up to sex than in the actual sex. But premarital sex is still frowned upon. not so fast.Sex. They don’t want to pollute their virgin mouths with the taste of a girl’s vagina. Because not only do Chinese guys . is oral. Think this is good news. but usually because they know that being a virgin can be a very attractive thing to a guy. and many girls. most Chinese girls know that Western women expect cunnilingus to start any sex session. those who are supremely confident of their ability to keep a guy reeled in without providing him too much in the physical department. and once you teach her to enjoy it! Actually. They think it’s disgusting and dirty. these days. once we’re actually down and doing it. the same Chinese guys who will buy an Iphone for a girl just to ask her out. prefer to be virgins until marriage -. will abstain from sexual intercourse until marriage. even well-educated urban girls. but Chinese girls don’t suck cock. One disturbing aspect of Chinese sexual culture is that rape is considered "the man being strong" and is not really condemned if it's done by a boyfriend or husband." That's outside the bounds of regular everyday sexual behavior for most first-worlders. Vaginal sex is not the main attraction there. There are always vicious rumors circulating in China about whatever girl happens to be hot stuff with guys at the moment that the way she preserves her "virginity" is by only having anal sex with all her boyfriends. that is traditional sex in China. officially called “barber shops. I don't think anal sex has any acceptance in Chinese society. and then the man sticking his penis in the woman’s vagina and pumping until he orgasms. . in China. She's unlikely to orgasm. Yes. Anal sex? Unheard of. don't be surprised if a Chinese girlfriend tells you "I want you to rape me. In fact. because anyone having anal sex would be very much castigated by society. there are specific brothels. Sorry. but not so much as to actually stop him. including foreplay. not a stranger. because most Chinese wives don’t like to suck johnson. born after 1990) and those with more exposure and acceptance of foreign ways have some different ideas. anything other than vaginal intercourse. but I just don't imagine it happening. and the woman protesting. I can't guarantee that no Chinese girl will ever be into it. "she wanted it" or "look at how she's dressed" or "she looks like a slut. Sorry. in general is not a big thing for Chinese men. missionary style. In fact. It’s considered whorish. and that’s about it for sensuous foreplay. so she deserved it" is still current in China. meant to defame. Chinese sex is just vaginal intercourse. The man might grab the woman’s breasts a bit or feel her butt. But those are vicious rumors. nor women. younger people (say. “Having sex” usually means the man pulling the woman’s clothes off. Of course. but in China. but blowjobs are. And on the flip side. because married men can get that from their wives.not eat pussy. Traditionally.” that married men go to for blowjobs. and what you would find for most Chinese people. Meaning that.rape is just a man asserting himself and being strong and masculine. And because their vaginas are unlikely to have their boyfriends' close oral inspection. and a woman might like some kind of "rape" sex play. Don't kill the messenger. Some foreign guy has likely persuaded her to shave that mess. or at leasts bushes. the public hair might grow quite a bit. Sorry. So you know that once they're in bed -. most Chinese girls have forests. especially for rural girls. even if I'm Chinese. I'm telling you how it is. ever shave or trim their pubic hair. Yes. He is very. it's unlikely that a Chinese girl would ever shave her snatch. Shaving is rare. And same likelihood of acceptance.Chinese men for the most part don't do much foreplay and like to just "stick it in" like a horny American eighth-grader. but still. That's considered disgusting and dirty. because just as with everything else in this book. And. the only girls who shave or trim their pubic hair are girls who have had (or maybe who want to have) foreign boyfriends. But without that foreign guy's persuasion. And I know rape is morally wrong. Same kind of reaction. "down there.and after they've done perhaps weeks or months or even years of buying the girl everything she wants and holding her handbag in the shopping mall -.and in reality. That means that a Chinese man doesn't place much attention on the woman's vagina. and Chinese girls almost never. but it's uncommon. there's going to be leg hair and underarm hair. Nowadays. My guess (although I've never inspected myself) is that even prostitutes don't shave their pubic hair. I'm not defending it. very unlikely to eat her out. shaved pubic hair was the mark of a prostitute. I can't change the culture. Put it like this: asking a Chinese guy to eat your vagina is like asking a white guy to eat your ass. there are some guys who are into it. In traditional Chinese culture." We Chinese aren't as hairy as Westerners. Traditionally . Chinese girls don't pay much attention to keeping their vaginas clean and beautiful. because even a hooker doesn't want to look like a hooker! So there's the bushy pubic hair. it's considered the mark of a very sexually active or "naughty" girl -. My guess is that if you gently get her to like oral sex. or refuses to remove some part of clothing. That's maybe slightly unusual. we Chinese people are all about calculating the benefits. so it will help if your cock is pristinely clean and smells good and all that stuff. Chinese girls tend to have smaller breasts and therefore more sensitive breasts and nipples than white girls -. she might also get to trim her vagina for you.in fact." She might be scared to let you lick her vagina. she might keep that part of her body covered up as much as she can. And maybe you can get her to like sucking your cock too. I suggest you start by kissing her breasts and nipples. she told me how she can orgasm just from her boyfriend sucking and licking her breasts. so she might be culturally more accustomed to it than she would be to cunnilingus. No vaginal stimulation required." Any girl will be mortally embarrassed about a bit of flab she has somewhere. so you're expected to be a bit different. or anything like that -. You can show her something new. if you can connect the two. or a surgical scar. I'm just telling you what the usual script is. See. Remember how unforgiving Chinese culture is to any "defects. But more importantly. I know I like it. (Oops. even during the sex act. Make sure you comment positively on all aspects of her body. or a birthmark.Chinese girls don't shave their legs and their underarms.start slowly and don't tongue her clit right away. Chinese guys do do that. Remember that all oral sex is considered "dirty" in Chinese culture. You can teach her to learn to like you eating her out -. You're a foreign guy. . that's probably what's going on. and you'll be ok. If the girl is indeed covering up a part of her body like that.so you might open her up to a world of intense pleasure by pleasuring her breasts. but it still gives you a good tip on what to do. well to the extent that they do foreplay at all. to make her not associate it with "dirty. am I revealing too much?) In an atypically frank conversation with a fellow Chinese girl who emigrated to the US. Don't take this to mean that you have to follow the Chinese script when having sex with a Chinese girl. If you're into bareback sex and creaming inside your girlfriend. the girl might be offended. you're going to be in for a bit of a surprise. though HIV is rare. Abortion is plentifully available in China. condoms are rarely used by Chinese couples. You see. the actual vaginal penetration happens. Almost all Chinese couples go bareback. Gonorrhea and herpes are absolutely rampant. So be careful out there. I'm only telling you what the culture is." As I said.kisses and touches that she might not be so used to from Chinese guys. Once you've warmed her up by slowly kissing and appreciating her body. who are not so into foreplay. including that part she's embarrassed about (more like ashamed of) is beautiful and perfect in her eyes. China is the right place for you. And don't think STDs are unknown in China. not defending it. They think it's "just a rash" or something. And gently kiss and touch her body -. They are associated with protecting yourself from disease when you're with a hooker. so that's the usual mode of "birth control. or maybe for a one-night stand.You have to gently reassure her that her whole body. If you take out a condom. because they're rampant. And people don't really know what herpes is. But just be careful. . And for whatever reason. In fact. Dongguan is one such city. performing a shameful act. Unfortunately. And the ones who don't do it are considered deviant. In America. there are cities in China that are primarily known for their prostitution. there's an idea that visiting prostitutes is something done by a lone pervert wearing a trenchcoat and sneaking around alleys. a bigger fraction of the Chinese guys regularly see prostitutes. It's maybe even more acceptable in Chinese culture than visiting strip clubs is acceptable in American culture. If something is a "popular" or "common" behavior in China. And that partly goes back to my point about Chinese people being pretty homogenous. in American culture. many of the Chinese women who come to the US do become prostitutes. In China. a fun social activity. not something shameful or secretive or deviant. Recent immigrants do go into prostitution. if a single man checks into any hotel that's not a high-security five-star hotel. if not unheard of. It's pretty similar to. that is rare. than the fraction of the white American guys who go to strip clubs. it's more like 95%. I would guess that if you talk to middle-aged male office workers. many people associate Chinese women with prostitution. to visit some prostitutes. he will soon receive many phone calls and business cards offering him prostitutes. So what's the deal with Chinese culture and hookers? First off: visiting prostitutes is. in the Western first world.prostitution is more common in China than in the West. Well. and groups of male tourists go there exclusively to visit prostitutes. in the US. for Chinese men. it's usually not 50% or 60% of people (in this case. in Chinese culture.About chinese hookers I thought I'd give this section an obvious title. groups of guys going to a strip club or Las Vegas or something like that. And more than that -. there's some truth to that. Outside mainland . men) who do it. Well. prostitution is almost the only viable industry there. it's more like groups of guys going out to have a good time. One popular form is sex141. those photos can be "lost" if the prostitute pays the proper "fee").other than playing shooting games -. while Chinese culture doesn't? Well.China. and prostitutes! That's how normal "going for hookers" is. Usually law enforcement activity in the Chinese world is focused on exposing the "evil" prostitutes.that's why the Chinese police love to take photos of prostitutes during busts. but the most popular activity for most Chinese men online -. but would never.is discussing and reviewing prostitutes. addicted to drugs. and not at all on the men who visit them. it's the opposite. And you know how it's said in America that most of the internet is for porn? There's a lot of porn on the Chinese internet. Remember how American culture stigmatizes going to see prostitutes. which you can browse to see what I'm talking about. I'm not telling you that because I want to lecture you about Chinese culture or make dinner-party conversation. Chinese men visit prostitutes. There is something of an undercurrent of condemnation. Prostitutes are seen as the worst kind of bad girls. ever.com. Most Americans see prostitutes as women who are in bad situations. there's something of a reversal for the prostitutes themselves. So. many travel agents in China that target Chinese people (not the ones for foreigners) sell "all inclusive" travel packages -including airfare. and trying to get by. and then send them to newspapers (of course. One of the stereotypes of foreign men among Chinese people is that they would go on dates with . And here's the key difference. and you can find many. and so on. abused by pimps. Well -. In fact.in China. selling prostitution is a lot more shamed and stigmatized in Chinese culture than in American culture. I'm telling you that for a very real reason: foreign men tend to have a lot of contact with Chinese prostitutes. hotel. White American men would. but I think it's not that strong. Every Chinese prostitute most fears being recognized and publicly shamed as a prostitute -. Hong Kong and Macau draw mainlander men who want "higher class" prostitutes. ever knowingly date or marry prostitutes. many others. In fact. that's a big no-no." And of course there's that movie "Pretty Woman. you must be prepared to always be looked down upon and shunned by Chinese society. is another big tipoff.hookers. and marry and have kids with hookers." All of these Western cultural tropes would be seen as utterly incomprehensible in Chinese culture." And what I'm telling you is that if your Chinese girlfriend or wife has ever been involved in prostitution. I know. very good at identifying prostitutes or ex-prostitutes. Chinese people will never. What are the tip-offs Chinese people use to identify prostitutes or ex-prostitutes? A tattoo is a big one. you can marry a hooker and be happy with it. take hookers home to them. are very. If your wife or girlfriend is a prostitute. ever stop snickering at you and considering you ridiculous and very foolish. and being tricked by her. I'm only telling you about them. Smoking cigarettes. but don't bring the cow home with you. And I'll tell you why right away: it's because everyone knows you brought a hooker to their gathering. There's just no exception to this rule." There's the idea of "saving her. Sure. especially for a woman from a rural background. There's a Chinese saying about this: "You can drink milk. much the same way your wife or girlfriend herself is. I know it's hypocritical. unlike foreigners. and then after that gathering or function noticing that their Chinese friends or colleagues don't invite them to any more gatherings. And Chinese people. As I said before. I don't make the rules. There's the American idea of "everyone is equal. there are many stories in China of foreigners bringing their "girlfriend" to a dinner gathering or business function. Any Chinese woman with a tattoo is or has been a prostitute. bring hookers to meet their family. and some people are just down on their luck. Just don't expect Chinese society to be ok with it. As far as I'm concerned. I'm not telling you what to do. (Somehow city girls are more likely to take up smoking even if . and in Chinese culture. The foreigners wonder why. The same society that encourages men to visit prostitutes condemns the women selling the service. they're not prostitutes. In China." Don't do that in China! You might get slapped!) The . just checking in to your hotel as a single man sends enough of a signal that you are a ripe customer for hookers. but a good many do. because normally. not all Chinese-run/owned karaoke and massage shops have prostitution. Most condom use in China is between customers and prostitutes. as there's almost no sex education in school.. (Outside of mainland China. there's girls like me who always liked to watch American movies. that doesn't happen outside of paid sex in China.you have to ask yourself where she learned that.) And remember how I said Chinese girls usually don't give or receive oral sex? Well. That literally means "girl" (well. But if you visit China. we'd never be casually using them around our boyfriends. and condom use is very rare outside the world of prostitution.. For country girls. as I said before. If you want to ask for a hooker. The other funny thing is that if a Chinese girl knows a lot about safe sex. Now suppose you're reading all this and waiting for me to get to the good part. if you go into the bedroom with a Chinese girl you just met. but in mainland China. it means "younger big sister"). but even if we know those words. it's normal to address any woman as "xiaojie.) Living in China and knowing and casually using colloquial English terms for sex acts ("blowjob" or "tits" or "dick") might be another tipoff. Now what if you came to this part of the book wanting information on how to actually get some Chinese prostitutes? The answer is the same in the US as in China: visit a Chinese karaoke or massage sauna shop. I've rambled enough about Chinese culture and stigmatization of prostitutes and so on. it is likely she's been involved with prostitution. that's unlikely. (Well. In the US. you can ask for "xiaojie" in Chinese. the word is only used for prostitutes. You will get many offers right in your hotel room. and she starts off by sucking your cock -. almost all karaoke and massage shops involve prostitution. Chinese girls just don't learn about safe sex normally. most literally. "ji" is the term Chinese people will snidely use to make fun of your girlfriend or wife if they suspect of her being a prostitute or ex-prostitute." (just like in English. but it's the word guys might use when talking about prostitutes (just like in English. maybe most importantly.").word is pretty neutral. ." It would be pretty rude to call an actual prostitute "ji. The more vulgar term is "ji. guys might say "I got a whore last night. although any word referring to prostitutes is already necessarily kind of negatively loaded in Chinese culture. And." literally meaning "chicken. you wouldn't tell a prostitute "I would like a whore"). . how do we reconcile all that with Chinese men giving an iphone 6 to a woman just to get a lunch date with her? (I’m sorry for repeatedly bringing up that example. why shouldn’t it be so? Once a woman is already married or otherwise committed to you (lost her virginity. more accurately: mostly no. Now. There’s a famous Chinese saying about women’s experience of men: “Before you marry him. There’s a few things at work here. etc). Is this true? Yes and no. and white men are Chinese women’s saviors. from the men’s perspective.” And rationally speaking. but also because white men are more accepting of a woman “with a past” than Chinese men are. “You’re ugly. Or. The first is that often the Chinese women that seek out white men are the ones who have had bad experiences with Chinese men. every man is a general. There’s also the fact that Chinese women that are most interested in white men tend to be the ones who are less desirable in Chinese culture -. after you marry him. so put up with abuse. in that way. bore children. but it’s really true.” I know that’s shocking to Western sensibilities. Yes. That’s not only because they want something different.Are Chinese Men Really Wife-Beating Abusers? Listen to any white man who has or wants to have a Chinese girlfriend or wife.remember this lecture that we already had? They are less desirable. Chinese men are so willing to put in so much effort for so little . for Chinese culture. and put up with crappier men. but it is pretty much in line with “correct” Chinese thinking. and you’ll hear one refrain: Chinese men are abusive wife-beaters. but again. Westerners would call that being “two faced” as if it were a bad thing. and it really correctly encapsulates so much about the Chinese dating world!) Well. but with a big dash of yes. every man is a mouse. Chinese culture is quite unrelenting and merciless. one thing is the very Chinese distinction of maintaining the proper face for the proper situation. that is proper behavior. why should you continue groveling? That is also why in the initial stages. so they are expected to put up with more crap from men. reward -.” is seen as an excuse for physical violence. So a Chinese guy who wants to “get in good” with a girl will indubitably get her iphones and handbags and all that stuff. Sri Lankan. Along with that. So what about the specific allegation of physical abuse? I do think that a man beating up his wife is less shocking in China than in the US. meekly following behind his girlfriend. Canadian. even among the urban. the payoffs will be all theirs. is the normal way to raise children in China. but not the utter shock and reprehension you'd find in first-world Western countries. and not an aggravating factor. It’s groveling. Cameroonian. after marriage. is just because physical violence in everyday life is more acceptable in China than in the US. carrying her handbag (Chinese guys always carry their girlfriends’ handbags). And physical "discipline. in the US that suddenly becomes an unplanned MMA match. Things are changing. but it more or less stops. and New Caledonian guys? Chinese guys have all of you beat. most romantic guys I have ever encountered. "Well. and to some degree reverses direction. And being drunk. Do you hear that. but maybe is excused for by Chinese society -for sometimes “scolding” and physically striking his wife or girlfriend. but there’s still a difference. When is the last time you have heard of a high-level corporate board of directors meeting. .if they get to the later stages. kind of. with dissenters being pinned to the ground under furniture? Or how often in the US do you punch someone square in the face because they cut in line in front of you? Fairly common in China. however. and taking out gobs of cash (always cash in China!) for whatever trinkets she might point to. In the dating stage." and beating kids until they sustain injuries. educated classes. Much of that. It’s pretty common to see a Chinese guy in a shopping mall in China.not completely expected to. by about a thousand miles. a man is -. three-piece suits and all. American. as Chinese men often are after “work meetings. There is condemnation in Chinese society. And Chinese guys in dating mode are the sweetest. it’s just seen as being practical and cool-headed to consider his everyday ability to provide for the family. Maybe it’s our practical bent. akin to houses. a woman who says “but he’s usually good” about a physically abusive husband is seen as deluded or suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. A transgression is a transgression. are so unaccustomed to "romantic" gestures such as buying flowers or “romance” as we might know it in American culture. There are Chinese men who buy flowers for their wives. rather than on symbolic gestures such as flowers and chocolates. rather than focus on his occasional abusive outbursts. (An exception here is jewelry and high-end handbags. once their women are married or otherwise committed to them. and it’s perhaps more about showing how worldly they are than about anything specifically to do with their wives. But the way a Chinese woman evaluates her husband is more like a long-term average that doesn’t care about the extremes. but really will not care much about flowers or chocolates or romantic gestures. so what can you expect? He's a man!" -. and job titles. A Chinese wife will be very proud and happy of her husband having a bigger car or a bigger paycheck or a more prestigious title. I know that in Western society. and he was drunk. because those are seen as symbols of long-term wealth. cars.) . Do their women stay with them? For the most part." But in Chinese society. but it would be a pretty typical reaction in China. That long-term average is also why Chinese men.that sounds ridiculous to Americans. but they do so as an explicit nod to exotic Western culture.she argued with him. even if at all other times he's "a good husband. yes. And it’s mostly because they are so focused on the long-term averages of the relationship. . He’s a cool guy. by talking with female friends. He has a math PhD. terminal case of a disease only known as smallcox? Yes and no. and. especially Asian men from Asia. And I’ve researched penis size differences between races: in books. I’m surprised that more people don’t realize this. He’s about 5’4” and . yes. why are you so concerned about penis size anyway? Unless you dream about one sliding up your own rear entrance (“not that there’s anything wrong with that”). so why wouldn’t they have bigger cocks? So Asian men. forget about who’s bigger. Let’s call him Tiny. tend to have small penises only as much as those men are on average overall smaller than white men. especially Chinese girls. a 6’4” bigbuilt Chinese guy will have a penis every bit as big as that of a 6’4” bigbuilt white or black guy. and one of the smartest people I know. But look. Let me tell you a story. Because we Chinese girls tend to be small. Because girls. In fact. The only difference is. A scrawny 5’4” white or black guy will have a penis just as small as that of a scrawny 5’4” Chinese guy. I have a Chinese-American friend in New York. the bigger the penis.and both girth and length can be painful. And similarly. you’re not surprised by that admission. there are (as a percentage) many more scrawny 5’4” Chinese guys than there are scrawny 5'4" white or black guys. bigger eyes. don’t really prefer big cocks. And he’s tiny. by personal experience. bigger livers even. our vaginas also tend to be small -. Or at least not when it comes to taking that cock into our most intimate regions. What all my oh-so-scientific findings point to is this: a penis is just like any other part of the body. is it true that Asian guys suffer from an incurable. and the bigger your overall body. And so. Bigger men have bigger hands. I hope that by this point in the book. Not at all. well.Do Chinese guys really have small ones? I’m pretty interested in penises. and not just looking at it in awe. hair salons where Chinese wives of non-Chinese men gather on the weekends to catch up on Chinese gossip. But he’s told me that he’s tiny. And as the husband gets used to the tight feeling of his “tight” wife. You know. comes in. And so that’s where Tiny. But it’s the sex that gets them addicted. gives them a preflight briefing on circumference and length and volume or something. in every way (wink wink) than the average white guy married to a non-Chinese girl. I haven’t run the statistics on this. the Chinese girls are at first thrilled by the gargantuan cock. the wife becomes more and more uncomfortable with the sex. But then it becomes a chore and a pain. his Mandarin and Cantonese are good enough. For whatever reason. It’s like. or whether it’s a comfortable afterthought. He can offer them language: besides his native English. look at the big snake I just found. so they probably know that Tiny is going to feel different from their Long Dong Silver husbands. And when it’s time for sex. Down there. and yes. with his math PhD. And Tiny works his magic. bakeries. the weekend at a Chinese market is usually when the woman can be found without her husband. but I would guess that the average white guy who is married to a Chinese girl is physically bigger. I don’t think Chinese girls are so stupid. Is this story getting interesting yet? So here’s how Tiny operates. It’s a novelty. um. more than that. Sure. and the cultural knowledge that either an Asian guy or someone who has read this book would have. especially the grocery stores. . But. he’s tiny. Proudly. Maybe Tiny. He specifically targets Chinese women with non-Chinese husbands. I don’t know whether the women know it before inviting him for a nooner. The physical size is part of the exotic attraction of the white men. In every way. And of course. He hangs around places in New York where Chinese people gather. How do I know? I’ve never seen it. he can offer women the cultural familiarity of being with a Chinese guy.probably weighs no more than a hundred pounds. These huge men are the opposite of Tiny. Chinese women who date white guys tend to be attracted to physically big white guys. or Chinese girls’ reality. But when these 6’4” 250 pound white guys are marrying these 5’0” 90 pound Chinese girls. well. Imagine all the white husbands who . And that’s when Tiny attacks. welcome to reality.a man with a small penis who can please her. His penis is a better fit for their vaginas than their husbands’ bigger penises. 3. I’ve always thought that the big-cock talk between men was kind of homoerotic. I’m not a tiny girl. A big Chinese guy will have a big cock just like a big white guy. she might seek out -. especially if they’re not too small themselves. So you’ve heard stories about a guy who is too small to satisfy his girlfriend? Well. Chinese guys tend to have smaller cocks than white guys. she might not be as thrilled about your massive equipment as you might expect her to be. Isn’t that the opposite of every porn movie plot? Well. the point is. Chinese girls will love it. but it’s only because their whole bodies are generally smaller. Let’s make a list: 1. but because he’s small. It’s like they’re one step away from feeling each others’ cocks to verify the size. women. But if you’ve got King Cobra and your girlfriend is a pixie. after however many months or years with their elephantine husbands. Just when you think you should be secure is when you’re actually the least secure. there’s just going to be a gross genital mismatch. Anyway. and only if they themselves can accommodate them. Up to a certain size.Sex with Tiny. Not because he’s big. only like big cocks up to a point. so the big cocks are good for me. And it’s a novelty for a while. actual women and not men bragging in a locker room. those white guys in question are too big to satisfy their girlfriends. Most guys are so caught up in the big-penis competition between men that they don’t really care about what women actually. There are a few lessons you can learn here. 2. but when it’s become painful (all the while the husband is so excited about how tight she is). Don’t feel so secure and great about yourself because of your big cock. is just amazing for the Chinese girls in question. And what they think is their strength is actually their vulnerability. Hey am I getting too Art of War on you here? Anyway this is a useful lesson for dating Chinese girls. for dating any girls. “Ha ha.might see their wives talking with Tiny.” they might think. she’d never be attracted to that pencil dick. and even for life in general. . . a Chinese girl from China knows she's apart from mainstream American culture. A Chinese American girl considers herself American. and is offended by the idea that you consider "her culture" to be something in a faraway land in Asia. And if you sit at Starbucks in Manhattan with your Chinese textbook. being seen as a man who will not make a serious investment in being a husband and provider to a woman. If on your college campus. . and welcomes something she sees as reaching out to bridge the gap. Of course. there's only one thing that's very much a negative -." That makes you a creepy fetishist and puts you on any Asian American girl's to-avoid list. that's not without reasons. it's totally the opposite! "I love Chinese culture" and similar statements are the most appealing thing you can say to them. but Chinese girls fresh from China will love that you're interested in their culture. and rightly so. Think of all the behaviors that would make you a "creepy Asian fetishist" in Asian American girls' eyes.being seen as a "playboy. and knows she's Chinese! Well of course she's Chinese! And whereas a Chinese American girl considers herself part of mainstream American culture. or recently from China." Or basically. knows that she's different. That's more or less how to get in good with Chinese girls in China or fresh from China! While being into Asian culture is definitely not a negative. and bristles at the suggestion that she's not.How to attract a Chinese girlfriend Any white guy who chases after Chinese American or Asian American girls in the US knows one basic cardinal rule: don't ever say anything to her along the lines of "I love Chinese culture" or "I admire ancient China" or "I want to study Chinese language. But if you're interested in Chinese girls who are in China (or maybe who recently arrived from China). But a Chinese girl in China. Asian American girls might laugh at you as a loser with yellow fever. or that you consider her to be different enough to comment on her ethnicity. It's important to all Chinese people. and you might not even know it.you're known as the guy who takes Chinese language and decorates his dorm room with Chinese art. a great way to meet more Chinese girls is to get in with the Chinese community wherever you live -. meetings. or even acquaintances." at least if they think you have potential to be good husband and provider material. try making . If you're in the US. and the whole thing was just a pretext for us to get to know each other? Well that's how language exchange meetings work in China. although the prime target is usually women in their twenties who are looking to get married to a Westerner. try joining a Chinese church. in China. and websites -. in the Western world. That is just as true in China as in Chinese communities in the US. If you're a Christian. who are usually totally different and separate. There's one sure-fire way to meet a Chinese girl. they will be very eager to introduce you to Chinese girls they know. Remember how Hong and I went to "practice English" with foreigners. except of course it's a pretext for Chinese girls to get to know Western guys. And by "girls" I mean anywhere from high-school age to grandma age. if you are a single guy and your Chinese friends and colleagues have never proposed their nieces or sisters for you to date. But if you go to China. But if you're known as the guy who pumps-and-dumps lots of Chinese girls (or even a few Chinese girls). there are people genuinely interested in language exchange just for languages. that might very well mean that they don't think very highly of you. perhaps also with the pretext of "learning English.and that would be the community of Chinese immigrants. That's the idea of reputation. or online: language exchange. In fact. If you have any Chinese friends. you get blacklisted.and it is very well known that the entire purpose of these things is for Chinese women to meet Western men. In the US. Once you have a bad reputation. not the Chinese Americans. that's fine. you will find a multitude of language exchange programs. that's definitely not fine. If you eat at a Chinese restaurant. speaking of language practice. Or untrustworthy.no one. or she will use you only for language practice (if she did have a genuine interest in learning English) but not consider dating you. correctly thinking and acting people. In the Chinese world. "good" people. or you don't have any money. they will know some hot Chinese women. long-term benefits to any situation. they will send them your way. And English is the language people want to learn. and once you provide yourself as a decent guy. If you think otherwise. So even if your English isn't that great. Go out and talk to people. is naturally destined to be a husband and father and provider. Don't want to get married? Don't tell a Chinese girl or her relatives or matchmakers that. It's much better. she will either outright reject you (if she was only interested in finding a good husband). Even if the people you meet aren't hot single Chinese women. or you already have a girlfriend or wife. Anyone doing any differently is called a "flower heart. she'll think you're a freak. Bubble tea or milk tea shops are a famous meeting place for both Chinese from China and Chinese Americans. By the way. well enough to teach it to Chinese people. contact the opposite gender only with the goal of meeting a lifelong marriage partner." a derogatory term for someone who just plays around for pleasure (imagine that!). will know or suspect. in their eyes. So if you announce to a woman that you want to be her language exchange partner. Or maybe gay. If you're in a college town. (Unless it's Korean for . and more acceptable. but you are not interested in marriage. That's how everything in Chinese society works. Remember how homogenous I said Chinese girls are? It would be an unusual girl interested in some language other than English. other than those who studied abroad or are highly educated. it's assumed in China that all foreigners speak English.friends with the employees. put up signs offering cheap or free English teaching or language exchange. to approach things through existing social connections rather than by "cold calling" to strangers. We Chinese people are always thinking of the practical. don't worry -. Every guy. not because Chinese girls intrinsically enjoy those things. Of course. if she used a man's sexual ability as part of her marriage or dating criteria. and girls will eat it up. It's rare. There's a well-known Chinese phrase applied to desirable men that's "zuguo de tien" and is often translated as "rich. or to girls from China. with long pants and long sleeves and shiny shoes." You meant to be seen as "zuguo de tien." That also means that your bedroom skills don't really matter. Your clothes and grooming are a part of that. and a dealership that was acting correctly by rejecting a customer who didn't conform to the norm. Having "refined" interests such as golf or wine or sailing is good -. I know that in my story about my Lanterning with Hong. It's a funny story because it's so rare.her K-dramas. But don't expect other Chinese . How else can you draw in the Chinese girls? Remember that in Chinese culture. if you want to present yourself as a capable provider and husband. or French because wine is now a hot thing in China. But that's not usually how things work. I took the initiative.just present yourself as the expert in English. that would be a story about a very weird and very rude and perhaps very crazy guy. Americans enjoy the story about the guy who walked into the Rolls Royce dealership in flip-flops and was scorned but ended up spending $300K USD on a car. to Chinese people." but what it really means is "has enough money. So in China. you have to be clean-cut and nicely dressed. Remember how practically minded we are. Chinese women can enjoy sexual pleasure. but because it's a signal to them that you are a capable and financially viable potential provider. her sexual skills aren't really useful to her plans of economic well-being. outward appearances (what Chinese people sometimes incorrectly translate to English as "outlooks") are the reality.) Even if you're from Romania or Argentina or Switzerland -. Unless she plans to pimp you out on the street. and a self-destructive and crazy one at that. And you will have to take the initiative as far as getting anything sexual to happen. But a woman would be considered a pervert. Really. but with promises of a solid. And you have to combine that. but for a Chinese girl. I'm just telling you what to expect. And Chinese girls. unlike perhaps American girls. you have to provide something like "growing together" -. practically beneficial relationship to her. That is the standard you have to fulfill.girls to resemble me in that regard. I'm only living in a one-bedroom apartment!" Want to tell her about the great orgasms you've given her. Any Chinese girl will expect a good deal of initiative-taking and probably even physical initiative-taking from you in order to get to sex. And to keep her interested and staying in the relationship. You have to show her that her life is materially becoming better. because I don't believe in it. I'd think she was a slut." as that song goes. by her staying with you. Honestly. I know it's hypocritical. "I'm gonna make you come so many times baby" might work with some Western girls. but a Chinese guy who's interested in a girl would likely physically force himself on her at some point. verbally. "that don't impress me much. It won't be out of bounds for her to say "Had I married that other guy.but not in the psychological or self-fulfillment/self-actualization sense of Western pop psychology. or the fun times you've had together? Well. long-term. but also better than being with other guys available to her. not with promises of pleasure. month by month and year by year. if I heard of a Chinese girl behaving as I behaved. Better than what? Not just better than being alone. reliable. I'd be living in a four-bedroom villa by now. but in very real material terms. it really has to be "We're gonna have so much money together and raise a powerful son." or some such thing. won't be shy to tell you so. I am not going to advocate that you force yourself on anybody. . but with you. and it's useful for you to know the specifics. . even if I know the culture well . Maybe I've succeeded in answering your questions. I can only help they can be useful to you. or as an active participant.Final words That's the final story and confession from this Chinese girl. but things are definitely different in Chinese culture as compared to Western culture. things are not as obvious as they might seem. Thanks for reading my confessions. Of course. as this book teaches you. I only know what I know. whether it's only as a student of Chinese sex and love. I've told you what I think is all there is to know about our take on love and sex. We're neither virgins nor sex maniacs. and in dispelling some of the myths of Chinese girls. As you can see.I hope you will make your own explorations and conclusions. I know I enjoyed writing them.