An Unsuitable Boy - Karan Johar.pdf

ANUNSUITABLE BOY a di In se ou io H at m ul do n irc an rc R fo uin ot g N Pen @ ht rig py Co karan johar.indd 2 10/10/16 3:19 pm An Unsuitable Boy.indd 1 12/5/2016 11:21:47 AM An Unsuitable Boy.indd 2 Co py rig ht @ N Pen ot g fo uin rc R irc an ul do at m io H n ou se In di a 12/5/2016 11:21:47 AM karan AN UNSUITABLE BOY ou se io H at m a di In ul do n irc an rc R fo uin KARAN JOHAR ot g N Pen @ WITH POONAM SAXENA ht rig py Co karan johar.indd 1 18/11/16 2:31 pm An Unsuitable Boy.indd 3 12/5/2016 11:21:47 AM ShobhAa Dé Books USA | Canada | UK | Ireland | Australia New Zealand | India | South Africa | China Shobhaa Dé Books is part of the Penguin Random House group of companies whose addresses can be found at global.penguinrandomhouse.com Published by Penguin Random House India Pvt. Ltd 7th Floor, Infinity Tower C, DLF Cyber City, Gurgaon 122 002, Haryana, India a First published in Shobhaa Dé Books by Penguin Random House India 2017 di In Copyright © Karan Johar 2017 se ou All rights reserved io H at m 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 ul do n irc an The views and opinions expressed in this book are the authors’ own and the facts are as reported by them which have been verified to the extent possible, rc R and the publishers are not in any way liable for the same. fo uin ot g ISBN 9780670087532 N Pen Typeset in Adobe Garamond Pro by Manipal Digital Systems, Manipal @ Printed at Thomson Press India Ltd, New Delhi ht rig py Co This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser. www.penguin.co.in An Unsuitable Boy.indd 4 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM The Karma at Dharma 136 py Co 10. Love and Sex 169 13. Bollywood Today 199 Epilogue211 v An Unsuitable Boy. The Death of My Father 86 N Pen 7. School and College 15 io H at m 3. Koffee and a Roast 181 14. Shah Rukh Khan 147 11.indd 5 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM . Childhood1 se ou 2. Taking Over Dharma 98 @ 8. Friends and Fallouts 157 12. Early Film-making Years 70 fo uin ot g 6. Midlife Angst 193 15. Contents Prologuevii a di In 1. First Break: Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge 36 ul do n 4. Consolidating Dharma 114 ht rig 9. Kuch Kuch Hota Hai 56 irc an rc R 5. An Unsuitable Boy.indd 6 Co py rig ht @ N Pen ot g fo uin rc R irc an ul do at m io H n ou se In di a 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM . depending on what I wish. running constantly. It’s worse than a toothache. morality or reality. I’m on the treadmill py of life. One in my twenties and one in my thirties where I’d loved and not received that love back. new people. the levers Co are in my hand. and I remember how hurtful that was. Actually it is a personal story. It’s worse than having a wisdom tooth extracted. When I’m ready. someone who has to conform to any at m ul do n kind of societal rules. Prologue a di In T oday I finally feel liberated. and for some reason I felt the need to tell the truth. some call it breathlessness. I feel like I can take on anyone se ou or anything. I’ve had two unrequited love situations in my life. The only time I’m tight-lipped is when I’m asked irc an about my sexuality because it’s my personal business and I don’t want rc R fo uin to talk about it. The second time it happened to me I was much older and I had to visit a psychologist vii An Unsuitable Boy. I am ht rig so energized to do new things on a non-stop basis. And the gears are in my hand. Your heart hurts. I’m N Pen forty-four and I’m ready for new challenges. ot g It’s the only part of me I feel I’ve caged. I don’t want to be this person who is bound by io H principles. I will. I was asked the other day about my latest film. Some call it anxiety. I can go from one to ten. But otherwise I feel alive. It’s worse than having a tumour in your brain.indd 7 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM . It is the result of all that I’ve been through over the years. I’m ready to @ remove a lot of clutter from my life. Right now I don’t wish to. Ae Dil Hai Mushkil. When I walk into my office. But I haven’t reached this stage overnight. Mere conversation was a not going to help.’ The person I An Unsuitable Boy. se It was the acknowledgement that was important. There was the sense of being at the midpoint of your life with nothing happening in your personal life. I touch base with her. either through therapy or irc an rc R a psychologist. Pyaar mein junoon hai par dosti mein sukoon hai aur main nahin chahti ki hamare beech ka sukoon kabhi chala jaaye. I feel I’ve put out my first personal piece of work. di In then slowly weaned me off it. ht Now I don’t go for the sessions but I’m still in touch with my rig doctor.indd 8 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM . of being vacant. Feels really surreal. There’s a dialogue that goes: ‘Rishtey jab jismani ho jaate hain toh kahin na kahin dosti mit jaati hai. being burdened by the lack of love. We’re WhatsApp py Co buddies. emptiness. this has now io H at m become part and parcel of our lives—depression. yes. saying. I felt like I was going through something that required medication.’ Which she was. It needs to be addressed. but that comes with its own stresses and insecurities. I don’t want to say it’s an autobiography because there’s a lot of fiction in it but there are scenes and conversations that are very true to what happened in my life. We don’t realize that in our times. viii Prologue and be on medication for several months. I call it ul do n ‘medical sadness’. She walked me through the writing of Ae Dil Hai Mushkil when I was feeling the burden of my unrequited love. Sometimes we ou feel it’s just a phase. My doctor felt that the anxiety was a product of that depression which I hadn’t acknowledged. I didn’t feel I needed ot g N Pen somebody to walk me through the beats of my life. and the film is all about him and his broken heart. And there was a general feeling of loneliness. There was professional growth. With Ae Dil Hai Mushkil. My second love situation had really overstayed. My doctor put me on medication. I kept getting these bouts of anxiety. monitored it. I’m totally off it now. not a discussion. I’m pretty much Ranbir Kapoor in the film. ‘Saw the promos. She messaged me the other day. I’m quite self-aware. anxiety. Once every few months. Not that I badger her with messages. and it’s important to know the difference. Or the lack of companionship perhaps—despite being surrounded by people. I feel a part of that. I felt I needed a @ diagnosis. I just knew fo uin that I needed a psychologist. idiotic. The only thing that hurt me was that I was promised so much. There are scenes. you still have it. The second person got married. It’s taken me so many years to get over it. nonsensical). This happened when I was thirty-five. I tried sitting with friends and discussing it (they told me I was being stupid. I wrote about it. I never had sex with either of the two people I was in love with. Because of the third person An Unsuitable Boy. There’s always separation because of a third person. But I was also told. I look at the love I had as a source of fo uin great strength. It hurt ht only because what was said to me at that point was that this would be a rig relationship for ever. you’re my everything. It’s about how sometimes you can be in a situation where you can never translate friendship into love. But I tried everything to get over it. (They gave di In me a feature film too!) There’s a dialogue in the film: ‘Ek tarfa pyaar ki se taaqat hi kuch aur hoti hai. You just lie in that spa of heartbreak for months. To io H at m love someone is such a feeling of power. py Co A third person changed the dynamic. it could be a irc an rc R strength. moved country and now I’m not in touch with that person any more. nobody could come in its way. I don’t regret it.indd 9 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM . But I’m finally over it because I put it out there. The only thing it did to me a was that it made me feel alive. I lived it. The film is based on love and friendship. Love is such an indulgent emotion. Sometimes siblings change because one of them gets married. you’re just not my lover. you’re my family. but I never even got that friendship. you’re the most important person in my life.’ I believe in that very strongly. made me feel alive. But only you know what you go through. I realize that sometimes heartbreak is a luxury. it broke my heart. because even if you don’t get ul do n that love back. I built my company to the optimum fuelled by that ot g N Pen emotion. Sex can change the dynamics. Prologue ix was in love with told me. Aur rishton ki tarah yeh do logon mein nahin ou bant ti. I tried rationalizing it internally. @ but it also gave me power. It could be a weakness. It gave me some kind of energy. That power of love is mine. but somebody did. moments in the film that are completely me. It’s how you look at it. I’m glad we’re not having sex. I executed it. I never regret those years. I shot it. It hurt me. x Prologue who entered the picture. But the first person I was in love with is still very much a part of my life. I I feel a lot more internal today. It’s strange—I used to be the most people’s person, today I feel far more introverted. I don’t feel the need for noise around me any more. I don’t feel like going to a crowded party. I go because I have to; I’ve become less people-friendly. I’d rather a sit on my terrace with a couple of friends and drink a bottle of wine and di In talk about my life and their life. I don’t want to be the life of a party se no more. I feel bored. I’ve done it excessively for the last fifteen years. ou From the age of twenty to the age of forty-four, all I’ve done is surround io H at m myself with people. Now I don’t feel the need to be over-reverential to ul do n seniority or to overly bond with younger people just to make myself irc an rc R feel that I’m relevant. You could call it disdain, detachment or just fo uin liberation. It depends on how you look at life. I’m happy in the confines ot g N Pen of my own professional environment and the work I need to do. @ This devotion to work also happens when you don’t have children, ht a spouse or a love life. I’m constantly asked, ‘Are you having enough rig sex?’ Somehow, people equate being in the entertainment industry with py Co having a lot of sex. But I don’t want that much. Actually I don’t care about it. I’m not one who switches on porn to feel happy before I pass out at night. People think that since I travel so much, I must be having a lot of sex. But it doesn’t happen that way. A boarding pass is not a pass for sex. I’m not in love with anyone any more. I’m love-free, sex-free— completely free. I feel I’m not accountable to anyone and my mother has given me the strength to say that I’m not even accountable to her any more. I now have a child who I have to take care of and that’s my mother. I feel like the patriarch of this company, the man of the house, running it as I want to. I don’t want to please anyone any longer. I say ‘no’ a lot more easily than I ever did. And I say ‘yes’ with a lot more abandon than I ever have. An Unsuitable Boy.indd 10 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM Prologue xi I feel the new emotion I’ve acquired is honesty, something I’ve not had in the last decade because I felt the need not to be honest in personal or professional situations. There was a time when I was very concerned about what other film-makers did. I was so bothered that other film-makers were making better films than I did—it was borderline jealousy, competition. I used to tell myself—acknowledge it, that way you’ll get better. But I was not being honest. I was just doing the politically correct thing. Actually I was jealous. I used to sometimes wish their films wouldn’t do as well as they did. I used to be troubled by Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s brilliance. I used to be affected that a I couldn’t write a film like Raju Hirani. But now I’m not bothered. di In Now I feel happy for them if they make a great film. Today I don’t se care. If I hear a film has done well, great. Good for you. Hope you ou made lots of money. Great three hours of cinema. Bravo! Well done! io H at m Now move on. ul do n I wonder what happened. I analysed it and wondered—is there a irc an rc R mojo that has been reduced? But that’s not true because I’m alive in fo uin my editing room. When I was on the last stages of Ae Dil Hai Mushkil, ot g N Pen my passion had not diminished a bit—but my preferences of life @ have. I don’t care if my film has done 100 crore or 150 crore rupees ht or less or more as long as I feel I’ve made a good film and as long rig as it’s made money for the people involved. I feel accountable to the py Co people who’ve invested in me. I want to ensure that every employee of this company is catered to emotionally, personally and professionally. That’s all-important for me. Other than that, no. I have no interest in accountability to the rest of the world. Do I want to broaden my horizons? Maybe. I’ll see how it pans out. Do I want to attach myself to a studio? I don’t know. Do I want to get into a Web series? For what? I don’t feel I want to give myself a cardiac arrest for no reason. If I feel like it, I’ll do it. If I feel like making a film, I’ll do it. If I don’t, I won’t. Sometimes I’ll go wrong. Too bad. I hope I’ll pay the price for it only so that I don’t do that again. I’ve had a couple of duds recently and many successes. And strangely, my reaction to both situations was not extreme. An Unsuitable Boy.indd 11 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM xii Prologue I’m a lot more detached from my professional zone than I was. This doesn’t mean that I’m disinterested. I love what I do. But I’m detached from the eventuality of a product, the success that I used to give so much importance to. If it flops, it’s fine, something else will work. If it’s a hit, great, move on. Now I feel numb to both success and failure. The only thing that excites me is when I leave my zone and get lost on a trip, check into a hotel, sit in my own space. I a di In So where am I at? As I said, liberated. Happy. And ready for the latter se half of my life. There are some thoughts: Am I going to get married? ou No. Am I ever going to move out of this country? Never. These are io H at m things I already know. I know where I’m going. Am I going to be lonely? ul do n Perhaps. There’s a lot of ambiguity, yet there’s clarity. I’m almost excited irc an rc R because I don’t know what will happen. Will someone waltz into my fo uin life, sweep me off my feet and will I be in love all over again? I don’t ot g N Pen know. It could happen, though I’m very cynical now and don’t think @ so. I find most people very annoying and I don’t think I want to share ht my bedroom with anyone. Even if I’m in a relationship, I feel we’ve got rig to have two separate bedrooms. And I’m not moving in with anyone, py Co they have to move in with me. And do what I want to do. Am I going to be a sugar daddy? I don’t mind. I’m open to that now. If somebody’s going to be dancing to my whims and fancies, I don’t mind. Am I open to loving again? I don’t think I can do that level of intensity again. I’m too old. The drama of love has always excited me but I don’t think I care enough now. I don’t think I can love like that again. I feel you can go through it only twice in your life. I don’t think there’s a third time. The third time you just get married. Everyone has that one love story in their nascent years. Mine was a bit delayed. And then there’s that one love story you have in your later years. If neither of them works out, then you go straight into your third zone—marriage or whatever it is that people do today, maybe move in together. I don’t think my An Unsuitable Boy.indd 12 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM Prologue xiii third dalliance is going to be as passionate as my first two. If something does happen so be it, if it doesn’t I’m fine. If people waltz into my life organically, fine. I can’t constantly keep in touch. I’m becoming a slacker even when it comes to text messages. I used to be so alert. Now I wish I could have a new number. I’ve become a reluctant social person. It used to be in my DNA. But I’m completely slipping. By the time I turn fifty, I might even become a recluse. I might shock myself. I a di In There’s one thing I am sure of though. After making Ae Dil Hai Mushkil, se I do feel like I need to make a film every year. I loved it so much. Film- ou making is my primary and only passion. I love that one can play god io H at m when one’s a film-maker. Giving instructions, being in control—these ul do n are now part of my persona. Even when I’m on someone else’s set I irc an rc R feel like I should take charge! I’m not a control freak but I know that fo uin authority comes very naturally to me. I’ve always felt like I’m somebody ot g N Pen people should listen to. @ I feel like I’m walking into my next phase. There’s a door opening ht and I’m entering. I feel there will be a lot of upheaval, a lot of drama, rig but there will also be a lot of silence which I will enjoy.   py Co An Unsuitable Boy.indd 13 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM An Unsuitable Boy.indd 14 Co py rig ht @ N Pen ot g fo uin rc R irc an ul do at m io H n ou se In di a 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM . I was not that obsessed by any movie star to put up posters in my room. there py Co was nothing special about it. @ Bombay 46. We stayed in a building called Acropolis. Little Gibbs Road. but my parents were very social. We could look out on the whole cityscape of Bombay. Somehow. I never was that person. Malabar Hill. elite neighbourhood in South Bombay. They always had friends over. My mom’s and dad’s room was on the left and a few feet away was my room with a sofa-cum-bed and a desk.indd 1 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM . I had no posters on the wall or anything like that. you always remember your ot g N Pen first address—it was 92 Acropolis. We had a wonderful view of the Queen’s Necklace. We had a two-bedroom house on the ninth floor. which was in a rc R very upmarket. If you ask me the exact address of my new home. It was a tiny flat. 1 Childhood a di In se ou io H I at m ’ve always lived in Bombay. My parents used to have these 1 An Unsuitable Boy. On the extreme left was a tiny kitchen. I was born and brought up in Malabar ul do n irc an Hill. about 1000 square feet. My room was rather simple and basic. there was a narrow passage. As soon as you opened the door. My aunts were around a lot. it won’t ht come to me so easily. And then there was a hall and a little dining area. rig The building was in a compound—it was a regular building. The address fo uin is entrenched in my head. I didn’t feel like the other boys around me or the girls around me. I fell off a swing.indd 2 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM . I had this constant craving to eat. I never got into any fist fights. If there had been anything called therapy then or even somebody to talk to. was much older than my mother. 2 Karan Johar great parties. My father. I was scared of my mother. so I had some kind of an injury. I was an only child and much loved by my parents. I always felt different. He was forty and already bald and grey when he had me. I don’t have any of those ht stories to tell. quiet. a He was almost the same age as I am now. obedient kid. But my mother was always worried about it. But I clammed everything up a hell of a lot. there was a warmth about it that made people stay on. when I was born. both my fo uin parents were very expressive emotionally. Fathers are generally strict. He used to pinch my cheeks and I used to hug and kiss him. I am very susceptible to these energies. I believe very strongly in the energy of spaces. who was convent educated and valued studies. The vibe of the house was especially inviting. An Unsuitable Boy. sheltered life. In fact. I had one fall at the Hanging Garden right opposite our rig house. I don’t mean that I had a sad childhood. I remember being obsessed with my mother. a Punjabi. but I never experienced io H at m that. ot g N Pen I was a good. My mother is Sindhi. the way a grandfather would be ou with his grandchild. My father was always loving and we were very tactile as father and ul do n son. which is a very Punjabi thing to do. maybe because I have chosen it to be. Sometimes a close friend’s house can be uncomfortable and a stranger’s home inviting. A lot of it is a blur. But I was never afraid of my father and I think I was so spoilt by him that I grew into this fat. When I walk into someone’s house. se He was overindulgent towards me. I couldn’t understand it. I couldn’t pinpoint what it was. It was a protected. Very irc an rc R unlike what fathers and sons are supposed to be like. I @ never came back home with cuts or wounds. So my di In relationship with my father was always a bit like he was my grandfather. I immediately know whether I am going to be comfortable or not. round child (my father insisted it was puppy fat). I lived in a py Co bit of a shell—now that I think of it. I might have actually felt better. It’s really all about energy. I think that’s a regret she has because she feels things would’ve been very different for me as a child if I’d had a sibling. fo uin ot g N Pen I @ ht rig I longed for a sibling. She was the go-to sister for all of them. no real brother or sister. She tried. she had to abort the child because the doctor said she wouldn’t be able to handle it and it could be detrimental to her health. well dressed and modern. I had complexes because of my weight. It was a lonely existence for me. And then there was Shobha maasi. My mother has no di In real siblings. Most kids my age had very young fathers. My mother was probably the most ul do n square of the lot. I used to feel very upset when I saw other children’s py Co brothers and sisters. And he was immersed in his work. Those days. were well travelled. They spoke well. and things like cheese. She was one of the first people to cut hair stylishly in the city. They all used to smoke io H at m and they were extremely glamorous. My dad was much older. It really bothered me. though she was the most traditional a of the lot. So was my mother. I have a maasi called Pappu maasi. An Unsuitable Boy 3 I was also much indulged by my aunts. so when she got pregnant again. These cousins were her immediate se family. But she had had a tough pregnancy with me.indd 3 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM . They were all very stylish. Actresses came second to them. I grew up around these aunts and they were big influences in my life. My fascination for the arts and glamour started with my aunts. so we didn’t do the regular things fathers and sons do. But my mother couldn’t have another child. They often came back from their travels with the best irc an rc R bottles of wine. my being effeminate. Then there’s Nalini maasi who cuts hair. whose real name is Jyoti. These are the three maasis who were close to my mum. It bothered me though I couldn’t put my finger on it at that time. When I was eight or nine my father was nearly fifty An Unsuitable Boy. My mother has a series of first cousins and all of them were air hostesses with Air India. being an air hostess was a highly glamorous profession. ou It’s something I’ve never really acknowledged. I remember always asking other people about their irc an rc R lives and their families. Today you can get away by being a single child. io H at m other people’s sibling rivalries. They’d enjoy playing a sport with their dads. It was all getting bottled up. if not more. and my mother would get upset by that. But all that didn’t happen with me. Today you have technology and that can be such a big friend. I used to compare other people’s homes to fo uin mine. I was a good listener. If someone called me pansy. Being an only child you kind of develop se that quality. You don’t hear it much now but it was used a lot in the eighties for anybody who was thought to be effeminate. For some An Unsuitable Boy. I always tell people not to make the mistake of having one child. the whole week used to go bad. 4 Karan Johar years old.indd 4 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM . where all the boys played gully football or cricket. We saw ht some really good times in our house. I wasn’t dissing our ot g N Pen situation but whenever I went to somebody’s home and saw siblings @ running around or a house full of people. But yes. there was a lot of loneliness. you start caring about other people’s lives a lot because you ou don’t have a sense of extended family. I suppose because I wasn’t py Co like the regular kids. But the word I hated the most was pansy. Girls always liked me. But somehow I always felt a bit rig alone. A lot of my influences are from my mother because I spent so much time with her. I think they felt comfortable around me and perhaps I also gave them the sense I was effeminate. I loved what she loved. it used to affect me. my energies weren’t being expended in any way. But those days you had nothing. interest ul do n you tremendously. I remember how that word used to disturb me no end. I was overweight as a child and felt shy because I was so big. It got to me more than it should have. It used to irritate me and I had an aversion to it. I also hated being called fatty. I was never part of the sports groups. It is just not fair. fun times. So I used to hang out with the girls a lot. Everybody else had fathers who were a decade younger. I didn’t play any sport. So other people’s family stories. whatever it may be. a I was always intense as a child. But those days I felt it was very abnormal not to have a brother or a sister. which is why I di In became a good friend to many. She lives in South Mumbai with her husband. bare-chested. It ht is amazing how she gets me.indd 5 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM . Farzana ou had this hold over me because she knew that I was needy. I went mad in my head. with a towel around him. She doesn’t understand irc an rc R the film business. I se used to come back home and often go and play with them. It was not people from the school. She was in and out of my house and I was in and out of hers. She stayed on the seventh floor with her di In sister. She ul do n is my rakhi sister and we have a strong bond. She fo uin moved back after living in Singapore and Hong Kong for a while. Older boys used to say it. I was surrounded by a lot of compassionate kids. Whenever she wanted to leave and go back to her home. I still have an obsession with Parsi food because of her family. An Unsuitable Boy 5 reason it made me feel inferior. she made up for the sibling I didn’t have. a lesser person. She has a kind of spunk in the way py Co she says things. They were like my extended family. she can be rude and nasty to rig me. @ I grew up with Farzana. And she took io H at m advantage of that sometimes. parents and grandmother. I couldn’t perform. She has seen me through every phase. And I realized that it had got to me. My father said a three- minute prayer every morning. We were in the preliminary rounds and I was sitting outside on a bench going through my points when he came up to me and said.’ It shook my confidence. maybe twice a year. But it was different with kids from outside. And I take it because it’s her. I did have friends in my building though. I would start crying. She would bully me. In a way. My debate was weak and we lost. you’re such a pansy. He used to do this ‘combination prayer’ which was really interesting An Unsuitable Boy. Like once we went for an inter-school debate and there was a kid from Campion. She’s very much in my life today too. She ot g N Pen is not a part of my day-to-day life but we still meet. I I am not very religious. I was very close to a Parsi a girl called Farzana Manchangji. Contrary to what people say. I was obsessed with Farzana. ‘God. Even now. though I used to fake it. He didn’t believe in a pooja-path. like me. leave. My mother. He told me that his grandmother always felt he had a bright spark. 6 Karan Johar because he’d start with a Sikh prayer. My nani grew up in a building called Shyam Nivas in Bombay. There was no grandparent around. He didn’t believe in rituals. then go on to some Hindu chants and then it would go into some Dear Jesus kind of thing. And my father was a ul do n modern. se ou Ours was a very cosmopolitan house. he was told to sit at the counter. my grandmother took him aside and said. And I was very intrigued by how it oscillated between all the three religions. called Nanking Sweets. he believed in the practicality of religion. He was one of nine siblings and around the time he was eighteen. which has the city’s most famous gurdwara in it. which he was very depressed about. pretends to be religious but she is not.indd 6 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM . in Delhi. well-travelled man though he was a Punjabi businessman at irc an rc R heart. ‘Run away. His entire family had a sweet mart business. But my father was a more proactive religious man. you’re not going to be happy doing An Unsuitable Boy. He was an Arya Samaji. a film producer. She goes to the gurdwara about once a year. And I think he got that from being self-made. But he always di In recited his little prayer. fo uin ot g N Pen I @ ht rig My father grew up in Shimla and then moved to Delhi (he lived briefly py Co in Lahore too). We all spoke to each other io H at m in English. It oscillated between three religions. There were sisters who were married or about to be married or working. And he was the only one who did so. When he was given this counter duty. and then there was a host of brothers who was running the business along with my grandfather. He was the most modern one among all his siblings. Both my parents had the gurdwara in common. He would do this in front of a little temple we had. My father was given the counter job probably because he was the only one who had been educated up to a point and spoke English well. And they sacked a member of the staff for the robbery! It was all plotted by her. ‘Go to Bombay and make a life for yourself. longest and most loyal association was with ‘Devsaab’. And then one day. selling sweets. His first job in Bombay was as a still photographer with the Times of India. which was his longest tenure. she thought he was cultured and well rig spoken. He worked with Navketan. An Unsuitable Boy. You are made for greater things than sitting in a halwai ki dukan. She said she never wanted anyone to know that she’d given him anything. and by then it was all okay with his father. So he went in and se asked around if any of the divisions were hiring.’ She’d faked a robbery in the house a week before that when she said her jewellery was missing. Subsequently. They understood that he had made a life for himself in Bombay. The first thing he found di In himself staring at was the Times of India building.’ She gave him money and jewellery and said. She took him to her py Co garden. So she allowed him to take pictures of her. a So he took the train and reached Bombay.indd 7 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM . Dev Anand’s and Vijay Anand’s company. for about twelve years. Mr Dubey fell sick. Those days—this was the @ forties—Madhubala would not allow anyone to photograph her but ht somehow she liked my father. So my father reached ot g N Pen the sets to take a photograph of Madhubala. Of course. His photographs of Madhubala were what got him more work in the company. My father would usually just hang fo uin around. who irc an rc R had gone there to take pictures. Then he finally landed a job as a production controller. he got into films and became a production person. His biggest. He was directed to ou one Mr Dubey who was a photographer with the Times of India those io H at m days. That’s ul do n how he made it to the sets of Mughal-e-Azam with Mr Dubey. My father began working with him—for a paltry amount. till she told him the truth. An Unsuitable Boy 7 this. and posed for him. She had it all planned. He worked with almost everybody in the industry. My father didn’t know this initially. She wanted him to just vanish. She said she would handle his grandfather. one year later he went back home. where he had a close friend. You could see the race course from the office. and ht everyone would pull my cheeks. and studied in Nainital. An Unsuitable Boy. Ramesh Bahl (who had a company called Rose Movies). Every time it rained it would irc an rc R get flooded. io H at m After he got married.indd 8 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM . And it was a hit. My father decided to produce a films. In any case. Rashid Abbasi. It was probably a better business opportunity for him but Goldie Bahl’s and Shrishti Arya’s father. However. @ I used to go there a lot as a child and I used to hang around. and started an export firm. who I knew as Rashid uncle. after my college. It didn’t make any sense to keep it since we were doing nothing with it. But it was his only hit. They stayed together in this hotel for about nine years. He even approached Gulzar to direct a film for him but that di In project never happened. She knew Amit uncle (Amitabh Bachchan) from college. Dostana was his first film. in Mahim. He then got in touch with Raj Khosla and that se led to the casting of Mr Bachchan in Dostana. till he moved to South Bombay and shifted into a rented apartment. In 1977. that was our first office. They were a gang of friends. 8 Karan Johar He started off living as a PG. his office was near the race course in Mahalaxmi. I My mother grew up in Kanpur and Lucknow. it was carpeted and had those ot g N Pen old ACs and fax machines. It was a fo uin strange office. It was a rented place and we eventually let go of it and gave it back to the family it belonged to. Later on. encouraged him to get back to films. then he began staying in a hotel called Marina. It was a Salim–Javed ou script. although it was a godown. Amit uncle was at Sherwood and she was at St Mary’s. in the last ten years we’d begun using it as a godown once again. ul do n It was a godown converted into an office. I worked rig there for a year or two. I made py Co my first film Kuch Kuch Hota Hai out of that office. I have vivid memories of that office. he actually gave up movies after being associated with them for over thirty years. but got completely frustrated. But yes. He remained a bachelor. and Hindi movies were not considered to be culturally the most desirable thing. went to Rome and studied Italian. She used to go every Sunday. ‘You’ll have to meet my father. He was a major poet’s son. it was too much for his traditional mindset. My dad was se thirty-nine and best friends with a lot of people in Bombay’s ‘social ou zone’. My mother was about twenty-seven then and di In loved going to the races. pretty much everybody from the film industry was there. py Co They met in February. Initially. My maternal grandparents were very conservative. chased her for @ three days. the a quickest that I know of. An Unsuitable Boy. My grandfather did not allow my mother to become an air hostess. and my mother’s birthday is on 18 March. He was like the Sea Link—he io H at m knew people at this end. in true Hindi film style. My parents met at the race course and fell in love quickly. he proposed to my mother. the one-stop shop for anything you irc an rc R needed. Everyone went to his house. She did all that before she got married. So my father threw this big bash there and since he was the rakhi brother of Waheeda Rahman and Sadhana. she acted very stuck up—he came from the film ht world. That was my father. My father called her and said he wanted to throw a party for her. he was a production controller of movies (he had started working rig with Navketan by then). And in front of everyone. Somehow she agreed. the do-gooder. ‘YOU are going be in Hindi movies?’ She knew his family background. An Unsuitable Boy 9 I remember her telling me how she burst out laughing when Amit uncle told her he was going to be a movie actor. He threw a big party for her at Bhalla House which is in Pali Hill. all the top-notch actresses were there. went off to meet his to-be father-in-law. He also knew all the movie stars. ot g N Pen He saw my mother and. He ul do n was very popular. all you had to do was call Yash Johar and he would do it. She said. So my father. You wanted anything in this world to be fo uin done. and he knew people at the other end.indd 9 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM . who was thirteen years older than my mom. So she worked as Alitalia ground staff. She didn’t know what to say! Finally she said. It was owned by a man called Satish Bhalla who was a very popular man in Pali Hill. In fact. from Dilip Kumar to Dev Anand to Raj Kapoor. There was this green patch on the screen. I am amazed that they don’t go through those beats at all—it’s just all there for them. An Unsuitable Boy. followed by the DVD and LD. Even today. I didn’t grow up in the computer age or the mobile phone era. Their wedding photographs are full of movie stars. a I di In se ou Though my father worked in the movies. For my mother’s side of the family. I hated watching sports but I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen because of that patch of green. For about two years I did this fake py Co act of wanting to be like other kids and then I went back to Hindi film songs.indd 10 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM . It was a full-on filmi wedding. melted immediately. and so on. she would come and watch my movies or other irc an rc R people’s movies only if somebody close to her called her. Almost everyone from the Hindi film industry attended. When I see kids today. CD. my mother never really io H at m watched them. And that’s what crept into my head and made me go ot g N Pen completely cuckoo over Hindi movies and their music! @ I did go through a phase where. I also read a lot in those days. My parents were married on 20 May 1971 in the same Bhalla House. I remember the first time I saw colour on my TV was when I watched Wimbledon. I am from the generation that has seen the advent of the VHS. 10 Karan Johar But he was such a good man that my nana who was very stuck up about certain things. all my love for Hindi movies comes ul do n from her. But ironically. I was obsessed with Enid Blyton. It was such an age of discovery. Leena Daru who was a film costume stylist prepared my mother’s trousseau. George Michael. I listened to ht Madonna. I was born exactly a year later. like all other kids. and I remember being riveted. Listening to music on your rig Walkman was a big deal then. But she loved fo uin Hindi film music. this was a totally different world from what they were used to. Now that I think about it. It was basic Indian food. I still remember coming back from school when I was in the eighth standard and ordering from a An Unsuitable Boy. I was very fat.indd 11 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM . I’d di In wake up in the morning and open his suitcase before he got up. These were the little things that excited us as ul do n a generation. whose mutton was ‘world famous’. I needed to eat for comfort and solace. and emptying your piggy bank—we all had piggy banks those days—and making sure you had 20 rupees to buy them. We had a lot of sae bhaji. An Unsuitable Boy 11 But back then. The food we ate was more inclined to my mother’s side rig of the family. which is Sindhi. we had a really good cook. to see se what he had got for me. It used to bother me a hell of a lot but it never stopped me from eating. And I was obsessed with eating. which are just taken for granted today. bringing it home. irc an rc R fo uin I ot g N Pen @ ht I loved food. Kedar. staring at it for a while. so kids often called me ‘fatty’. the excitement of going to a thelawala and buying Archie comics! The excitement of going to one of those little provision stores that kept foreign chocolates and looking at a Mars bar or a Kit Kat or a Coke bottle with awe. These are my childhood memories— pardon me that they are food related but those foreign chocolates and Coke cans were a very big deal those days. He would have come late at night when I was ou asleep. khichri and py Co mutton made in the Sindhi style. Buying the Coke can. I believed there was no other way—I just had to eat for my own happiness. and placing a plate on it so that it didn’t lose its fizz. that Papa was back and his suitcase io H at m would have things for me. subconsciously or psychologically. And for years. a My father travelled a fair amount on work. my only friend was food. When he came back. That just got me more into my shell. Everyone raved about it. I remember that excitement. I had a relationship with food that helped me tide over all the other issues I had in my head. then opening it with precision and taking little sips. When my mother saw this. I just couldn’t make that knot.’ She said.indd 12 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM . And the happiness I got when the food came in front of me and I ate it alone! Then there was Chinese Room. I was the apple of his eye. All I needed to do was shed a tear and An Unsuitable Boy. She slapped me hard and said. ever. . That fat kid in the film is a little bit of me. sweet and sour chicken (which was my favourite) and chicken sweet corn soup. ‘Aunty. never raised his voice or his hand at me. I would send for chicken fried rice. I do it but it doesn’t come easily to me.) My father. open the box a bit and take out some chocolates. of course. When my mother found out. There was a lady called Azra Buryawala who made chocolates from her home and many a time I used to lie to her and say. it’s my birthday and I want your chocolate cake. one @ of the only two slaps in my entire life. this little restaurant in Kemps Corner. . Even today. which was just down the road. (I put that scene in Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham . I have a problem tying a knot.’ Then I had to confess I couldn’t.’ I would eat that whole one kilo cake on my own. except that it wasn’t di In my birthday at all. ‘Of course. I just couldn’t do it. she asked me. 12 Karan Johar hotel called Shalimar. Tie shoelaces!’ But she didn’t realize that I’d quietly go and make my maid tie my shoelaces. My rig maid always did it for me. I got a slap from her. At fo uin the end of the month there was just one chocolate left but the box was ot g N Pen still sealed. io H at m There was once an incident with a big box of Quality Street ul do n chocolate. It was sealed but I found a little edge where I could just peel irc an rc R off the Sellotape. It cost about 300 rupees and I’d buy it from the money I’d got on ou Diwali and other occasions. py Co ‘Can you not tie your shoelaces on your own?’ I answered. ‘That’s all you are going to do today. I would hide the cake in my room and demolish se it. They made the best chicken makhanwala and naan. The second slap was when she ht realized that I couldn’t tie my shoelaces even though I was twelve. I can. I ordered it many times and the cake would a come with a Happy Birthday Karan written on it. Just waiting for the food to come would make me happy. ‘Show me. watch TV. ou it bothers me. My mother used to listen to music on cassettes and she had this Akai music system. An Unsuitable Boy 13 he would melt. While she py Co was never very excited about watching movies. Even now I get very disturbed. There were two songs that were my favourites—‘Lag Ja Gale’ and ‘Ajeeb Dastan Hai Yeh’. di In I never sulked but my mother loved to. Kishore Kumar and Lata Mangeshkar. come back. I would get very upset se when she did that. though he was a part of the movie industry. In the evenings. That was my school routine. my father. We had a very strong club culture in our area. Sometimes I don’t understand how I have this fascination for cinema. was also not a movie fan. My mother. All my knowledge of Hindi film music knowledge of the 1940s. though I know it started with music. Pick any song An Unsuitable Boy. If the preview was at nine in the night ot g N Pen and I had school the next day. tried to be strict and enforce discipline. do nothing much. but at that io H at m point she’d do it.indd 13 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM . I can’t take it. I We had a club next door called the WIAA and it had a pool. my parents would say no—and those @ were the times I remember bawling. The biggest showdowns I had with her were when fo uin I used to weep to see a movie. When she goes quiet. a table tennis table and a badminton court. Now I have trained her not to. ’50s and ’60s. A lot of my life was spent at that club. I got from my mother. She was the one I was afraid of. throwing a tantrum that I needed ht to see the film! My only access avenue was previews or when my mother rig allowed me to take our domestic help and go to the cinema. My mother was a big Shammi Kapoor fan—she loved ‘Aaja Aaja Main Hun Pyar Tera’ and all those other hit songs of his. I’d go to the club. on the other hand. ul do n The only times I remember crying were when I wanted to go to irc an rc R Hindi film previews. She used to play old LPs of Mohammed Rafi. eat dinner a early and go to bed. So there was the Hollywood influence too. I’d take ou my neighbourhood friends with me and sit at the entrance with my io H at m autograph book. I always lived above my standards (and that continues till today) because I was the only child. I knew too much. Waheeda aunty di In had a house right behind where Salman Khan stays today. and I knew Abhishek and Shweta.indd 14 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM . Hindi films were not a big deal among the younger irc an rc R kids. She fainted! My Punjabi producer father could not handle this happening on their honeymoon! But my mother was one of those fanatical Elvis fans. An Unsuitable Boy. and making up with his export firm. My parents used to have a party at Waheeda aunty’s house on a 18 March. My father was losing money in the movies. She went to an Elvis Presley concert during her honeymoon with my father in Las Vegas and fainted. 14 Karan Johar from the 1950s. Farhan and Zoya. She loved Elvis. she also knew of the Beatles. She has a se bungalow in Bandra even now. I grew up in a neighbourhood that was genuinely not aware ht of Hindi movies. However. It was not like today. which he ran alongside. Me? I was over-aware. We attended birthday parties together. rig But my upbringing was not filmi at all. she loved watching Rock Hudson and Doris Day starrers. But I never grew up with film people. ul do n But those days. But I was from the film ot g N Pen world and I knew it was a big deal. We were a middle-class family. It was a ritual. kids around me were not @ like that. when I can imagine kids oohing and aahing fo uin over a Ranbir Kapoor or a Shah Rukh Khan. Most of my time was spent with rich kids. for many years. My mother was quite a chick in the 1960s. He was like a middle agent for handicrafts that were exported to America and France. and I will know the words. every year. Although not a movie buff. My mother used to hold my hand and dance to Elvis Presley numbers. My father was not in the best place economically. yet I was always made to believe I was richer than I actually was. though my mum was close py Co to Jaya aunty and Amit uncle. A lot of stars would come. But we were not rich. I always felt rich. ’ My next interview was at St Mary’s. But I rc R was somehow so nervous that I messed up that interview. because that ul do n irc an was the pinnacle of affluence when it came to schools. So she gave me a lecture and told me. and I had seen her cut my mother’s hair. They asked me to open my mouth and I didn’t. I said I wanted to be a hair cutter. I just @ kept holding my mother’s hand. I did nothing. My mother shouted at me and said. I refused fo uin to do anything. 2 School and College a di In se ou io H M at m y biggest desire was to get into Cathedral School. I would stare at what my aunts were wearing. ‘You have to speak. I was fascinated by the handbags they carried. Then my mother took me to Campion. 15 An Unsuitable Boy. I had poor social skills. But there again. py Co It was earth-shattering. which is an all-boys school. I don’t know whether my mother realized it or not. which nobody ht would believe of me today! rig I was five or six years old when I was denied admission to Cathedral. Nalini maasi cut hair. I was interested in my mother’s saris. ‘Couldn’t you have said you wanted to be a pilot?’ All the other boys wanted to be pilots. I was like a stone. They asked me to play with blocks ot g N Pen and I refused. I was so influenced by that visual that when they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up.indd 15 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM . but I was always more inclined towards the arts. But I didn’t. It was a coed school. First. I somehow rig liked the idea. Because I thought that was the coolest thing in the world. se Growing up. She was concerned about me being so introverted and ot g N Pen dependent on her. I was py Co eleven then. The principal then was a gentleman called Gulab Ramchandani who was my mother’s uncle. we tried getting into Doon School. I was a funny ou child and used to say funny things. 16 Karan Johar My first thought was to say hair cutter. My mother had been to a boarding school when she was eight and a half years old. At age six for a boy to have that kind of an aspiration was bizarre. My mother always encouraged irc an rc R me to make more friends. because I felt that I needed to reinvent my life. I was just dumb as hell. I was very fat and my stomach di In stuck out. I gave the test. I remember her sitting by the window. Both my parents had a great sense io H at m of humour. I remember the whole process a of getting into my school uniform. I was all for it. because I was so shy. especially in those days. and told her An Unsuitable Boy. because for her education was the most important thing. I went for the exam. I didn’t understand that we had to pick only one of the options. Obviously. so I don’t know how I managed that! My mother got the letter about my results and again I saw her crying. My mother wept. Or maybe. so I got that from them. She was shattered. @ My Nalini maasi had a daughter called Natasha and there was some ht talk about sending me and Natasha to a boarding school. I realized that I had misunderstood the format of the questions. but I was very bad at maths and got a zero in it. So my father said he would ask a friend to put in a word. crying and yelling at my father: ‘How can he not get into a good school?’ There was another top school called Green Lawns. That’s how I got into Green Lawns. I had a few friends in my building. I did not get into any of these schools. The principal wrote a very emotional letter to my mother. Later on. It was a multiple-choice test and you really can’t get zero. Natasha and I were the same age and very close. At the time when the discussion happened. because I used to make friends with great fo uin difficulty. But I never tapped into that ul do n side too much.indd 16 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM . I remember feeling quite disoriented on day irc an rc R one. The school followed the Bahái ou system of education. and it had a motley mix of age groups. I was actually very impressive in my interview. se because I joined in the eighth standard. py Co I said no. ‘Are they divorced?’ I said no. ‘Do they hit you?’ I said no. I a could do it—if I dropped my guard. rig He asked me if my parents were dead. Some kids put me in fo uin the bathroom and locked the door. He said. An Unsuitable Boy 17 that he had tried his level best to get me through.’ But I was disoriented. I realized I just couldn’t do it. He said. The one thing I could do well. Then I got ragged that night which was fine. Or maybe. because of my aunts and my mother. So then everyone said. used to study there. but even he couldn’t justify a zero in a subject to the school board and get me into Doon. in Panchgani. Dimple suggested that Natasha and I could go there. that is. let’s put him in a boarding school closer to Bombay. What was I doing here? I had a sinking feeling. An Unsuitable Boy. But soon they realized I was very ot g N Pen scared and so didn’t treat me too badly. ‘Yeah. it’s a bit different but I’m getting along. There was a school called New Era. di In At New Era. ‘Then why are you here?’ I realized that this school had kids from different backgrounds who were trying to fit in. So off we went. there was an eighteen-year-old and I just ul do n couldn’t understand that. I remember asking Natasha—she was in another section of the school: ‘Are you okay?’ And she said. Dimple’s and Rajesh Khanna’s daughter Tina (Twinkle Khanna). also somebody I knew as a kid because my mother was friends with Dimple. On the second day. @ I met this kid called Ali.indd 17 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM . This was not me. When I io H at m walked into my classroom. So whenever I had to impress anyone. I was put in Kanga House dorm which was for seniors. he was the only one who wanted to take ht care of me. that was the perception I had. was speak English better than most kids my age. He asked. to Dadar.’ I kept saying. But she said again. from there you can catch a train. and very popular in the di In school. An Unsuitable Boy. you head down that slope. I never knew that anything could happen to me if I went ahead with this hare-brained scheme.’ She gave me a big pep talk. fo uin I was not a naughty kid. And I said. I don’t know what made me do it then.’ io H at m She said. And my mother said. ‘There’s a slope down the gate. ‘I want to go back home. do you have your tuck money?’ ou I said. ‘No.’ You were not allowed to make calls home because children had to go through this phase of feeling homesick. I met Tina. She’d already been there two years. @ So I said. se She said. no. I was in a boarding school too. the quiet child. I want to talk to my mother. the one who the teacher never knew existed in her class.’ That night I couldn’t sleep. ‘Trust me. I was dying to go home. I was taken to the principal’s room and was asked why I was crying so loudly. I wouldn’t do it today. and from there catch a cab and go home. But the very next day I realized it was not working. completely in control. I was the good boy. ‘But how can I just run?’ I had never done something so irc an rc R drastic in my life. I remember weeping loudly during assembly so that the principal would take notice. no. I do. ‘Then just run away!’ ul do n I said. Imagine a kid just leaving like that. I wept so much that they allowed me to talk to my mother. ‘Karan. ‘Yeah. that’s the only way. a who was very boisterous. and go to the bus stop. She said. no. you must be strong and brave. that’s the only way. Karan. ‘Trust me. I can’t do it. the ot g N Pen introvert. How much money do you rig have?’ py Co I had around 300 rupees. Buy a train ticket to Bombay. 18 Karan Johar I felt I couldn’t stay there any more. The bus will take you from Panchgani to Mahabaleshwar. ‘You know. Then I thought I should do that.indd 18 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM . But I was too miserable.’ ht She said. ’ rig Natasha and I went with him to this hotel called Hill Palazzo py Co that weekend.’ I kept saying. panting and puffing because I was so overweight. I remember seeing my father in his red car.indd 19 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM . @ please take me home. I had failed in a my attempt. I ul do n wept buckets when I saw the film because it brought back such a flood irc an rc R of memories. asked me if there was any problem in class or in school. you must stay. got out of the Kanga House dorm and went to the gate. I still ou recall the moment. please An Unsuitable Boy. An Unsuitable Boy 19 So I got up in the morning. Mummy has said you must try. I didn’t know it was such a steep slope. which. a second-hand fo uin Toyota Corolla (a car that always reminds me of my father). so I slipped and rolled down. My di In father came down. On Monday. ‘If you try to run. my mother had an angina attack—literally. took care of me. He began cutting them and giving me slices to eat. I had about 101 Fahrenheit fever. That morning. ‘Papa. ‘No. That Sunday night at about seven. I was burning with fever because I had just built it up so much in my head. I had to go back to school. I was caught and brought back to the dorm. There were three watchmen right there at another gate. He told the children. my father came with some mangoes that he had brought from home. put it in my bag. was shot in the same school. My father came in his car to Panchgani. you will get caught. my father wanted to bring me back home as much as I wanted to be home. ‘I beg you. in the assembly. Even my poor father started crying. Actually. She had se to be rushed to hospital. Saturday passed. I hugged him and told him. I was ashamed of myself. I was eating the mangoes and weeping. I was a mess that day. He fed me. took out my money. by the way. But he was scared because my mother had warned him that he should not be weak and that I was too spoilt.’ He made an example of me. just like that scene io H at m in Taare Zameen Par. I opened it and for some reason I started running. Sunday came. the principal actually said that there was this boy from Kanga House who was trying to run away but he’d been brought back. The school called my parents. I ran up ot g N Pen to him. ht He said. I was standing right at the slope. talked to me. Either sing well. . and I promise I won’t eat. crying. went to her room and banged the door shut. but I would always leave it. ‘You’re a mediocre rig student. Do py Co I want to raise a child who never made any difference to the world? Do you want to make a difference to this world or not? You can do anything you want.’ Because I was so fat. I thought if I said I would not eat for one month. or play a sport well. but you have to do one thing well. My mother opened the se door. I fo uin went to my room and just sat down there. For some An Unsuitable Boy. saying. My father knocked on her door. ul do n but she wouldn’t open it. ‘I don’t want to go home. they would be happy. You don’t make friends.’ So Natasha went back to school. She had always been positive. please irc an rc R open the door. I knocked too. ‘Mummy. what could I say? She was right. Which parent would be happy if their child didn’t eat for one month! My father called up my maasi and asked. she would encourage me to try everything. or be a hard-working student who does well in economics. For some stupid reason. You just want to hold on to me. Eventually. I will never ou forget that moment—the shiver of fear that ran through my head. one of the things I said was that I would not eat for one month. 20 Karan Johar take me back home. what are you good at?’ I looked at her . to join a sports camp or an art class. . di In We reached home and rang the doorbell. not at all. I cannot bear that my child is not good at anything. But you don’t do anything well. saw me.indd 20 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM . I want to be with Mummy. I don’t think I can ever obliterate @ that conversation from my memory. I can’t do this. Natasha was much stronger than I was. ‘Should I bring Natasha back. I cannot bear this. You have no interest in sports. ot g N Pen That evening. my spine.’ Her validation meant everything to me. And she herself was ill. ‘Tell me. My father didn’t tell my mother but a he brought me to Bombay the next day. You don’t want to. Her opening line was: ‘Do you ht want to be mediocre all your life?’ Then she said. Natasha said. because I’m bringing Karan back?’ She said.’ ‘What are you good at?’ she kept asking me. Karan. my io H at m heart. I want to be with you. finally she called me. An Unsuitable Boy 21 reason, I was not motivated to do anything. I was so caught up in my own head about being overweight and effeminate that I was resisting any interaction with the outside world. There was a spot in my house that overlooked the Queen’s Necklace. It was a beautiful view. All our big discussions used to happen by this window. That was where my mother was sitting and speaking to me. I was sitting in a chair, crying. I used to cry almost every time my mother opened her mouth. It was not as if she would be screaming or shouting, but I would cry anyway. I cried a hell of a lot as a child. So she just said, ‘Okay, fine, I’ll put you back in the same a school [Green Lawns].’ di In I had left Green Lawns to go to boarding school and my mother se had to really beg the principal to take me back and tear up my leaving ou certificate. Because, technically I had left the school and it would have to io H at m be a fresh admission. But there was a change of principal. Sara D’Mello, ul do n who is now very actively into charity in Mumbai, was being replaced by irc an rc R a lady called Kiran Bajaj. Sarah D’Mello remembered that I was a very fo uin good, shy, quiet, well-behaved child, and she said she would pretend ot g N Pen that Karan never left the school. She tore up the leaving certificate. So @ I came back to Green Lawns. ht On my very first day in the eighth standard, I was a bit of a joke. rig Everybody said, ‘But you had left the school!’ I had been given a farewell py Co party and here I was, back in literally five days! Till the eighth standard when I went to the boarding school I was considered a big snoot in Green Lawns. I carried my own tiffin and I didn’t speak to anybody. I had just one or two friends. I was always in A division (2A, 3A, 4A, 5A). But due to a secretarial error they had put me in 6C, which was where I first met Apoorva, who is today the CEO of my company, Dharma Productions, and my closest friend. For some reason, in Green Lawns—not that it was a class or ethnic divide or something—A and B always had more, how do I say, kids whose parents were professionals, while C was all about new money. They put me into 6C by mistake. I knew the A and B kids. An Unsuitable Boy.indd 21 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM 22 Karan Johar It was a time when I was going through all my own traumas. So when I was displaced to 6C, I was miserable. One of the reasons for my going to boarding was that I was in that division. 6C was full of gregarious kids. All the people I know today, by the way, were from that division. There was this girl called Amisha Javeri and of course, Apoorva Mehta. All the 6C kids used to share their lunch— khandvi and dhokla—while my mother would pack ham and cheese sandwiches. They would ask me what I was eating and I would say, ‘It’s non-veg!’ They were all vegetarians. They used to eat together, whereas I never talked to anybody. So I was doing miserably in class. a My mother met the school principal and said that Karan was very di In unhappy (because I used to get back home and cry). I kept saying I wanted to be in 6A. se ou The 6C kids were a lively lot. They would get together as a group io H at m and visit places like the Elephanta Caves. Actually, they were fun. I ul do n was the one who was not. I was this South Bombay, elite Malabar Hill irc an rc R snooty kid. Nobody talked to me because I was this snob. The truth is, fo uin I had a complex. So to cover that up, my defence was to come across ot g N Pen as a snob. @ I remember the moment when Sara D’Mello came to class and ht said, ‘Karan Johar is new in this class and nobody is his friend. Who rig will be his friend?’ py Co Nobody put up their hand for a while and then Apoorva put up his, and I went and sat next to him. He said, ‘You should share your tiffin with us.’ I agreed. Then he said, ‘But get veg food, okay?’ So my mother started giving me vegetarian sandwiches and rolls, and brownies, and I began sharing them with the other kids. Slowly, I got a little integrated into the class and I became quite close to Apoorva. Then I went to boarding school. When I came back from boarding school—I was about twelve then—Apoorva and I became best friends. An Unsuitable Boy.indd 22 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM An Unsuitable Boy 23 He said, ‘I really missed you, why did you go away? What is your problem?’ He, me and a boy called Sanjeev Binakiya became like a solid group. Sanjeev was the topper in class, Apoorva was also quite bright, and I was getting there. Apoorva always made me laugh. He is really, genuinely funny. Today, we work together on a daily basis, so I take that part of him for granted but he brought joy in my life during those years. I used to look forward to our telephonic chats after school when we would bitch and giggle about the teachers and other students. Literally giggle like schoolgirls on the phone. a di In I ou se io H at m Green Lawns had a club called Interact Club, run by a Miss Doris. It ul do n was all about elocution, debate, drama, for people who were interested irc an rc R in that kind of thing. School used to finish at two and the club would fo uin meet from two to four every Thursday and Monday afternoon. I had ot g N Pen been observing this club for a whole year but felt too shy to be a part of @ it. The first day I rejoined the school was a Monday. I went to the club, ht wanting to go in, but for some reason, just hung around by the glass rig door—you could see right through it. Miss Doris was conducting the py Co class, and she saw me. She pointed to me and said, ‘You!’ I kept staring at the class, there were about thirty kids inside. She repeated, ‘You, why do I always see you lurking in the corridor, why don’t you come in? Either you come in or you go away! Don’t just stand there and stare at what we’re doing. Do you want to join Interact Club?’ I said, ‘I don’t know.’ She said, ‘All right, just sit here in front of me. Today our activity is called Just a Minute.’ She brought out a big bowl which had little chits in it. (There is a scene in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai which is based on this.) Everybody had to An Unsuitable Boy.indd 23 12/5/2016 11:21:48 AM 24 Karan Johar pick out a chit and speak for a minute, extempore. You couldn’t pause. She had an hourglass for the time. I was the last person to speak. Miss Doris said, ‘Just come and do it. Try.’ My chit said ‘Mother’—exactly what happens in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. I was in a very vulnerable place, but I just started speaking. I don’t now remember what I said, but I know that I made everyone clap. Nobody had heard my voice till then. But here I was funny and emotional. And Miss Doris said, ‘Do you want to join the club?’ I said yes. a She said, ‘Okay, but then you have to wear the badge.’ She gave di In me a badge and told everyone that the club had a new member now— Karan Johar. se ou So I joined the Interact Club. And I began loving it. Among the io H at m other children, there was a boy called Tapan Mehta, then Rohan Arthur ul do n and Bernard Paes. All of us were good at debates. irc an rc R About two months later, while I was in class, a peon came and said fo uin the principal wanted to meet me. It was about one-thirty and school ot g N Pen got over at two. The last class was left. I said I had a class, but I was told @ that the principal wanted to meet me urgently. My heart started beating ht fast—I was a nobody; nobody really knew me and now the principal rig wanted to meet me? And this was the new principal. So I went and py Co found Miss Doris sitting there with Mrs Bajaj who said, ‘Karan, Doris has something to ask you.’ She said, ‘Do you know any poem by heart?’ I said, ‘Yes, I know “The Highwayman”.’ She said, ‘Do you know every word by heart? Can you recite it?’ I said yes. She said, ‘Okay, don’t recite it now. Rohan Arthur is sitting outside, call him in.’ I went and called him. Then Miss Doris said, ‘Today is the preliminary round of the inter- school elocution contest. Tapan Mehta has backed out because he has typhoid, so I want Rohan Arthur and you to go.’ An Unsuitable Boy.indd 24 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM which school are you in?’ di In I said. But this was the first time I really interacted with Adi.’ rig Oddly enough. But when the date for the next round came out. So Rohan Arthur and I left. She said okay. @ He said. he sat next to me which was interesting for the py Co way things happened later in life. All the big Bombay schools—Cathedral. ‘I’m reciting “The Great Dictator”. I’m reciting “The Highwayman”. it clashed with his final exams’ and Adi couldn’t take part. I can’t remember if parents were allowed or not. We had a month in which we had to write a speech. Anyway.’ fo uin I had seen him at birthday parties but I had not met him for about ot g N Pen two years. Campion. An Unsuitable Boy 25 I said. ul do n He said.’ ht I said. About thirty of us qualified from various schools. ‘Yes. I’m in a Scottish. all these schools had rejected me)—were there. Both Rohan and I qualified for the final round. It was my mission that I should write a good speech. I called up my mother from school and told her that they wanted me to go for this inter-school contest. ‘Green Lawns. the school car will take you to the YMCA Churchgate.’ I was nervous as hell. ‘Oh. ‘Now?’ She said.’ irc an rc R I said.indd 25 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM . I recited ‘The Highwayman’. Go and recite the poem and we’ll see if you qualify. The topic was on how drugs were deadly for society or something like that. so I wrote it. I loved writing. but my parents An Unsuitable Boy. aren’t you?’ io H at m I said yes.’ se I was trying to place him when he said. The big day came. ‘I’m Yash uncle’s and Pam aunty’s son. Bombay Scottish (incidentally. you’re Adi. ‘Hey. ‘You’re Yash uncle’s and ou Hiroo aunty’s son. ‘Oh. A familiar-looking boy came up to me and said. St Mary’s. including Adi. All the teachers from various schools were there. but this time she came and said that for the first time in the history of the school. and that big cup got into the cab. My mother stared ot g N Pen at me and I blurted out. I thought I had done a good job. ‘From Green Lawns High School. ou We came outside where Rohan’s maid was waiting for us in a io H at m cab. it was always the head boy or a prefect or class head. I a could feel somebody nudging me. for a school-level competition. the school’s inter-house elocution was just two days later. I was not even in the running but I had won an An Unsuitable Boy. second and then the first prize. she never addressed the assembly. I remember the huge cup that was put in my hand. Normally. I got up. and all night I stared at it.’ I still remember sitting in the chair. 26 Karan Johar were not there. neither of them could believe it. Coincidentally. So he. it was a big deal. I walked di In up to the stage. Mrs Bajaj addressed the assembly. It was a big competition. it was that cup. The judges included people like Pearl Padamsee and Shernaz Patel. The standard was very high. I se remember one of the judges hugging me. That night my father put the cup next to my bed. I was all ready to leave. If there was a shift in my destiny and my life. For that time. looking at the ceiling in shock. But everything else was a blur. We all said what we had to. thinking I have won this big cup! The next day. ‘I came first.indd 26 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM . My mother couldn’t get over it. we had won an inter-school elocution competition and this feat had been achieved by a child called Karan Johar. They announced the third prize. She called me on to the stage and I was an instant star. ‘Karan Johar. Rohan and I represented Green Lawns. everybody spoke well. I rang the doorbell and my parents opened irc an rc R the door because I was late and they were getting anxious (those were fo uin the days of no mobiles). We drove from ul do n Churchgate to my house. As they started announcing the results. rig My father took photos and phoned the entire world. ht I had never won anything till then. Actually. I still py Co remember him dialling people and telling them that Karan had come first. me.’ they said. That was the time my eardrums went numb because I thought I heard my name.’ @ She burst out crying. I stood there with this cup. and like a zombie. My whole personality changed. I changed. not only in elocution but also debate and drama. inter-school debates—I was all over the place. It became a given that if Karan Johar was participating.’ From then onwards. I became the most popular kid in my class. I don’t know why. An Unsuitable Boy 27 inter-school competition! My house prefect came up to me and said. in inter-house debates. My confidence level had increased. What I couldn’t do in sport. irc an rc R I had friends coming over. And that io H at m translated into my marks. and winning that ht first cup. At the end of that final speech. se By the time of the tenth standard board exams. What had happened was that the shift in my life had brought about a change in my own energy. I was in every inter-house and inter-school competition. I felt that I had developed a kind of vibration. I was topping subjects (barring maths which ul do n I could never get my head around). rig Then came the final time I would be participating in a school py Co elocution contest.indd 27 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM . ‘You’re speaking the day after. I remember feeling very strongly that I was going to be famous. everyone clapped. I was winning everything. I had become a ou much better student. I was the best speaker in Hindi elocution. I did on the stage. When I got off the stage. I remember the head boy saying that this was the last time we would be hearing Karan Johar speak. And my speeches were always very funny. though I continued to have the old problems a of feeling effeminate and large. I was invited to all the parties. ot g N Pen Looking back. I’m not sure if it was just about my An Unsuitable Boy. I became more friendly. but they became diluted and were di In suppressed by this feeling of elation that I had achieved something. an energy that attracted people to me. he would win. My life fo uin changed. my mother’s lecture. Whenever I walked into a room I felt a lot more looked at. I remember this thought crossing my mind. but I just felt that I had some kind of aura that was transmitting itself. and many more people would come up to me than before. English elocution. I had reached that level of superstardom as a speaker. I’d say the defining moments of my life were coming @ back from the boarding school. in my own sense of self. so I didn’t look too much in his direction.indd 28 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM . That was also my first-ever meeting with Shah Rukh Khan. The moments when I got a gold medal or won the first prize or got those certificates because of my abilities on stage were my biggest highs. 28 Karan Johar success in these elocutions or debates. so I did a computer course. I felt like a movie star. he’ll lose it. saying that Anand would take my audition later. I found him familiar but couldn’t place him. An assistant came and made me go through the lines. I was also shy and awkward. computers io H at m were new. Anand walked out at two and went straight to this person and said. I could completely blank out the audience in front of me and perform. so rig for me it was the other end of the city. but my aura had changed. and awkward about so many things. ‘I’m really sorry . I wanted to tell you that I don’t want to do TV. Anand Mahendroo. ‘Why don’t you do something during your summer ou holidays?’ So I enrolled in a couple of courses. So I reached at ten in the morning and Anand was in the edit room. I was a Malabar Hill child. se My mother said. My mother said she’d send me py Co with the driver. . I realized I enjoyed the spotlight. drinking many cups of coffee and doing a crossword. was making a serial irc an rc R called Indradhanush at that time. I had that ability.’ Anand said. I was just hanging around doing my crossword. ‘You sat here for four hours to tell me you don’t want to do this serial?’ An Unsuitable Boy. a The other high was when I acted in a TV serial after my board di In exams. He called my mom and said. smoking.’ But this person said. I never had stage fright. I waited from ten to two.’ @ He said he needed a fat boy for a role so could I come and audition? ht He was somewhere in Lokhandwala. Shy and introverted as I was.’ ot g N Pen She said. There was a young man sitting opposite me. I had become more confident in my own skin. ‘I believe fo uin you have a really fat son. Those days. but when I went on stage I was very confident. She didn’t know what the serial was about or anything. . ‘Yeah. When I stood up on stage and performed. whether you call it a gift or whatever. it’s puppy fat. ‘No. who is a TV ul do n writer and had made Isi Bahane and Idhar Udhar. I associated it with abnormality. Akshay Anand was better looking than Shah Rukh! a Anyway. Don’t you think he’s better looking? At face value. come along. ‘Oh. Apoorva and I did all five years of college together. College of Commerce and Economics.’ irc an rc R That stuck with me. I don’t want to do it. I was back with my school gang. I got into St Xavier’s. But I se remember one thing that really threw me off.’ He added. rig py Co I And then came college admission time. our gang is there. you’re Hiroo’s son. Then Anand came up to me and said. This guy that I have. When you wear coloured clothes. ‘Look at these guys. John Gardner. Log aapka mazaak udayenge. You know this guy? He’s Shah Rukh Khan. Should I look away? I decided I should. I didn’t want to come across as ot g N Pen effeminate. I enjoyed it.R. he’s not even good-looking. But my mother had a meltdown about how boys didn’t do arts.’ I was seeing all this and didn’t know what to do. There was an actor called ou Lilliput.’ My entire gang from 6C was there in HR. Nobody said ‘gay’ those @ days but effeminate was the insinuation to make at that time. they think no end of themselves. ‘Come to H. He took me aside one day and said. I want to focus on films. I’m renaming him Akshay Anand. My father then managed to get me into HR. what could I say? di In Anand took my audition and I did the serial. Coloured clothes were what made me go through hell at the beginning of college. then I’d go to HR. And I stopped acting. all your body An Unsuitable Boy. After that when I fo uin was offered some TV work I said no. An Unsuitable Boy 29 He said. ‘Yes.indd 29 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM . He’s much better. If I was not going to be able to do arts at Xavier’s. Your hand ul do n gestures are very effeminate. Apoorva told me. ‘You’re a very good actor io H at m but you’re very effeminate. I was ht called ‘pansy’—which is that you’re not like a man. he was in Fauji. he’s going to be in my serial. indd 30 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM . my father produced Agneepath. If you smoked and drank. se I think we were so innocent. everyone looks the same. Drugs. But when you get into coloured clothes and walk into junior college. and participated in many extracurricular activities. We were friendly. we went on picnics. What an innocent io H at m childhood and youth it was! We were a genuinely ‘vegetarian’ ul do n bunch. It was a strange divide in my head. I wanted that experience. Transformation happens. We used to go and eat di In ice cream. College was a lot of fun because of Apoorva and our group of friends. It was a big thing those days. My maternal grandmother had passed away and we had to sell her flat to recover the losses. I was popular in college. on trips irc an rc R to Mahabaleshwar. which although touted as a big hit turned out to be a big flop. there were kids who smoked ht and drank and did drugs. There was no such thing as alcohol or drugs. Today when I hear of kids doing drugs. because in a school uniform. But we always thought they were the bad rig boys. So I went on this ridiculous Atkins diet. you could be different shapes and sizes. He had given about four or five flops and I knew we weren’t going through the best of times financially. and I think my metabolism suffers till today because of that stupid diet. I didn’t drink. Others didn’t but I was very diligent about it. do regular things. to beaches. my father’s film career carried on. from all cultures and subcultures across the city. I never smoked. Apoorva was the first among all of us to learn driving (I tried but failed miserably) and we used to go a for long drives. ou not at all. I had become even more social. and ate strawberries and cream. While I was in college. ot g N Pen or anything decadent or debauched about us. 30 Karan Johar issues get enhanced. We watched fo uin movies. An Unsuitable Boy. I was someone who attended college. I loved the idea that I could meet all kinds of people from all kinds of places. Maybe there should @ have been! I am sure even in our time. By then. They were nowhere on the agenda. went to plays. Simultaneously. that’s when being overweight gets magnified. py Co you were not well brought up. I realized I had to lose weight. I was very popular. though not very well. but basically. What he lost in films he was compensating with his export business. I saw his disappointment with the fraternity. He would ask me to call up the cinemas to check on his seats. Somehow. not giving him the best row at premieres. his seats were not good. though he tried not to show it a to us because he was a strong man and did not want anyone to know di In of his troubles. An Unsuitable Boy 31 So while I was having a good time in college. He said. I thought it ou would help my father’s business because he had a lot of clients in io H at m France. So I would end up going with a friend. I saw people not inviting him to parties and events. He took me aside and told me that my gestures were very feminine. which was in faraway Dadar. I went there twice a week. My mother had made up @ her mind that that was not a zone she wanted me to be in at all. So the ht focus was on my father’s export business. One day I struck up a conversation with him. ‘We can coach you and I can bring a baritone in your voice.’ So I started going to them for voice classes. Clara. but I saw him go through depression. My An Unsuitable Boy. I saw the film industry break away from him a little. used to do voice coaching classes.indd 31 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM . He would not attend because I would tell him that the seats were not good. I was also seeing my father’s morale drop because he was going through a very bad patch professionally. That was because we were having such a hard time in ot g N Pen terms of money and dealing with the losses. An elderly gentleman. I didn’t tell my father or mother about this. I thought that was pretty much my path. se I started learning French at the Alliance Franҫaise. irc an rc R My mother had drilled it into me that movies were the last place she fo uin wanted me to go. He said that he and his wife did a lot of voice coaching. rig I also joined public speaking classes at the Nazareth Public Speaking py Co Academy. that I would join my ul do n father’s business and work in the export firm. For two and a half to three years. Movies were a no-no. I told them I was doing computer classes because I had to pay the fees to the Nazareth academy. I didn’t feel they would understand why I wanted to do these classes. my hands flapped a lot and that my voice was very squeaky. And invariably. a teacher called Andrew D’Souza and his wife. now make sure your hands don’t get out of this box. and today I still speak with a certain baritone. Somehow. I went for the premiere of Chandni because we were invited. the baritone was brought into it by this couple. I was shocked. I hadn’t met them for @ a month. my voice started changing. Mr D’Souza became ht really sad after her death and stopped taking classes. and later by Hum An Unsuitable Boy. in a sense. I was mesmerized by Chandni and Maine Pyar Kiya. They became a big influence on me not just because of this one thing or the music—they would sometimes make me listen to opera—but because they also trained me to be a little more masculine. because it was the summer vacation. I felt that irc an rc R this was my thing and no one would understand what I was doing fo uin and why. only I could py Co see the funny side when my father would tell everybody that I was doing computer classes! I Apoorva and the gang were Hindi film buffs. Subconsciously a though. Yash uncle and my father were very close. ‘Imagine that you’re living in a box. I never told a soul. What started with a forced baritone stuck. it became a little stronger— di In Mr D’Souza told me that otherwise I wouldn’t be able to deal with se the outside world. We’d go and watch every film together. he put this thought into my head. I ou was not the most masculine kind of person but my voice changed. he taught me how to project my voice. But he had done rig his job. It’s not my real voice. Of course. I fell madly in love with Aamir Khan and Juhi Chawla. This was part of a process that I understood but which we never spoke about. In 1989. and slowly.indd 32 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM .’ He would make me gargle every day. I remember in the holidays of 1988 how I went running to watch Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak. my body language changed. I hid this part of my life from almost everyone. 32 Karan Johar teacher would say. io H at m my hand gestures improved. They were a wonderful couple. by helping me immensely. Then ot g N Pen Clara died of a terminal disease. and he gave me the confidence to be ul do n out there. An Unsuitable Boy 33 Aapke Hain Koun . I was not a Shah Rukh Khan fan because I thought he overacted. it would have been Sridevi’s. India about a hundred times. . Now when I meet rig Aamir. because my friend had said ul do n he had a really nice Adam’s apple. He was always in the opposite team. .’ So when I met Shah Rukh later on the sets of Dilwale se Dulhania Le Jayenge and gave him Levi’s jeans to wear. I was Team Aamir and he was Team Shah Rukh. The other war we always had was about Sridevi and Madhuri. nearly fell off the sofa because I said all this with @ a lot of innocence. There were girls who were obsessed with Shah Rukh and there were people like me who were mad about Aamir. but if ever I had. Shah Rukh came in 1991. I was a complete closet dancer. ‘Uhh . And Apoorva used to say: ‘Aamir is so boring. and I wasn’t a fan of his at all. I used to dance in my room to Hindi movie songs. I also told him that she said he had a irc an rc R really nice ass but he didn’t highlight it ever. my god.indd 33 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM . I tell him. ‘Shah Rukh has the cutest ass and an Adam’s di In apple to die for. I had a little mirror and I would stare at myself dancing. They were very passionate fights. I remember. But Apoorva did. Shah Rukh went all red with embarrassment.’ ot g N Pen Adi. . ‘So you should wear tight fo uin jeans. I never put up any posters in my room. Watching movies.’ And he went. I was a retarded fan of hers. I told io H at m him to open the front buttons of his shirt. An Unsuitable Boy. I saw Mr. So this Hindi film mania was a big part of college. I was Team Sridevi and Apoorva was Team Madhuri. Ironically. But ht it’s so strange how everything pans out in your life. ‘You don’t know how crazy I was about Qayamat Se py Co Qayamat Tak!’ And Sridevi. He was shocked. And Chalbaaz about fifty times. I attempted to dance to ‘Hawa Hawai’ many times in my room. I didn’t like him in Deewana. then discussing them at length afterwards. I told him that ou this was what my friend had said about him. Even secretly dancing to the songs. I liked him the least. ! Both Aamir and Salman arrived on the screen in 1989. I had this a Parsi friend who told me. what do you like about him?’ We had these fights about Aamir and Shah Rukh as if they were our relatives and we had to take up cudgels on their behalf. It never crossed my mind that I should make a movie or act in a movie. Shweta and Abhishek to Dubai for ice skating. it di In came as a shock to all my friends. Then fleetingly I went through a phase when I thought I should be a comic actor because I had done plays. and Abhishek used to come charging into us and nearly break our bones. They never saw it coming. He was always like that. Shweta. that they would say things py Co like ‘Tune Kranti dekhi hai kya? Kitni acchi film hai!’ I found this constant talk in Hindi rather downmarket and uncool. An Unsuitable Boy. and Shweta was lovely. I was always closer to the girls. It had to actually do with geography. Shweta and I would sit quietly and bitch about him. they speak only in Hindi! Don’t send me @ to their house. io H at m Shweta and Zoya.’ ht She would say. Zoya was one of those full-on cool chicks. I never liked them. very comforting to talk to. We used to chat a lot. I went with Jaya aunty. And direction? I thought. Despite all this. So I also looked at movies the way they did. And I think Punjabis have dance in their DNA anyway. That was something I couldn’t bear. feminine. I never really got along irc an rc R with them. me? Not at all. as a child. se Yes. especially Abhishek (he ul do n is four years younger than me) and Farhan. When I decided to direct a movie. ‘Mummy. ‘What do you mean they speak only in Hindi?’ rig I said they were very filmi in their talk. ou Abhishek. soft. Zoya and Farhan. She used to hold my hand and make me dance when I was a kid. When I was ten. Shweta and I would hold hands and ice skate. I was in the company of star kids. My friends were not from the movies. I loved Shweta and Zoya because they were cool. I had fun times with Zoya but spent more time with Shweta because we used to go on family holidays together.indd 34 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM . so to say. 34 Karan Johar I already had a sense of rhythm because of my mom. it never crossed my mind that I could have a future in films. But this a was just that—a fleeting thought. The boys were very bratty. I knew I couldn’t act. I didn’t have the physicality for it. And Adi and gang always spoke a lot in fo uin Hindi. fragile. I knew Hrithik. I used to come back to my ot g N Pen mother and tell her. I told my mother that I would not talk to these kids. I looked at him with awe. As a producer. However. despite knowing all of them. and producers were not considered strong forces in those days at all. you had to be extra nice to everybody. If anything.indd 35 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM . I always felt that I was not part of the film world. So it was never a feeling of equality. because he was working with them and had to get his work done. I liked and enjoyed their company. a di In se ou io H at m ul do n irc an rc R fo uin ot g N Pen @ ht rig py Co An Unsuitable Boy. But Jaya aunty was like a mom to me. Because we were producers. My father used to tell my mother to be nice to these people. I always felt a lesser person in front of them. Amit uncle was always this demigod. An Unsuitable Boy 35 For me. But nothing more. I connected with them as people. how am I going to do this. We had had some conversations. I had made a friend called Anil Thadani who’s now a famous distributor. He would catch the train to Juhu and I would catch the one heading home. and Raveena Tandon’s husband. and his father was a distributor. this is not who I am. In the last year of college. Adi and I became really close. fax machines. Anil used to call me for trial shows or previews which was where I started bumping into Adi. appointments. I thought. Adi was in Sydenham. Understanding the technicalities of exports. He was best friends with Aditya Chopra who I had had fleeting encounters with in the past. it was all so @ mundane. 3 First Break: Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge a di In se ou io H I at m was miserable. I didn’t think of movies at that point but I wanted to py Co try drama or advertising. Anil. so there was a film connection. ot g N Pen the typewriters. I was rig all about ideas. It was almost the end of college and I had decided to ul do n irc an  work for one year in my father’s office.indd 36 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM . Anil and I were very friendly because he knew my father was a film producer. meetings. Over a period of time. and we would sometimes meet in the train. I realized that this was the rc R life that my parents wanted for me but I knew I would get bored in fo uin an office environment. 36 An Unsuitable Boy. ht I am not meant to be confined in this box they call an office. something creative because I knew that was what I was. and then it exploded. I rig realize now that at that point of time. but I was more drawn to taking a cab and rushing to Juhu or Bandra at the drop of a hat to meet Adi and Anil. It’s not something that I was consciously doing. you will feel drawn towards them. That happened when I met se Adi. But my whole life was being pulled in that direction. he opened the doors of his heart and home to me. I was actually like him but I had repressed ul do n that part of me. because his life was Hindi cinema. hysterical Hindi film fan hidden inside di In my large body. They An Unsuitable Boy. He is obsessed with making movies and telling stories. My school friends would meet. I got a little distanced from my py Co original gang. He told me how. He has no other life. and talking for hours about those movies. I think my parents had irc an rc R dissuaded me to such an extent that I had pushed it down even more. a But there was a subconscious. She loved Adi and his family. Nobody had done that to me before. even ou today. but she never understood why I was suddenly going off for late-night movie screenings and dinner. fo uin Adi brought it right up to the fore. Suddenly I found myself getting sucked into the world of Hindi movies. I remember ot g N Pen there was a phase when all my South Bombay friends like Apoorva @ felt a little alienated because I was going a lot to Juhu and Bandra ht to meet Adi. An Unsuitable Boy 37 We became a tight unit of three who would watch almost every film and then talk about it over dinner. I had io H at m never met a person like him. it was just happening. he thought everyone in the world made movies. I realize that time. Adi’s passion for Hindi cinema did not just amuse me. just waiting to come out. Now when I look back. when he was a child. something which my mother didn’t like at all. Now when I look back. I was just following the beats of it. And they were overtly expressive about their love and affection for me. I felt very loved. He didn’t think there was any other profession. I thought differently because I was so removed from the film industry.indd 37 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM . Then I tried to combine both my groups of friends. When you are making exciting new friends who love you. and who beg you to come over. Even though Adi is such an introvert. I could tell that I was drawn towards that world much more. it amazed me. I don’t know how to react. after all. Adi was a film-maker’s fo uin son. when someone I admire and respect shows so much affection. I’d think they were rubbish and I’d say so. They were in the film irc an rc R business. I said it would be a big flop. This was around 1992–93. Even now. I saw all the Himmatwalas and all those crass Telugu and Tamil remakes avidly. I was thinking of and talking about films all the time. Adi used to tell me that I had low self-esteem issues. All this a came to me at a much later stage of my life. Now of course. but who is looking at those things? rig Nobody did in those days. io H at m discussing films with Adi and Anil was quite different. all these terms of the film fraternity. when I saw the movies that they used to obsess about. For them. Now suddenly. this distributor. I had lived my life away di In from it. Like a film called Sapne Saajan Ke—it was a Rahul Roy–Karisma Kapoor movie—and I told them it was rubbish. films were not just mere topics of discussion. It was not that I looked down upon mainstream cinema. I am a little in awe of that emotion. hits. And they used to say. Anil was a distributor’s son. An Unsuitable Boy. They ot g N Pen wanted to know whether a film would be a hit or a flop. Soon they started entreating me to tell them what I thought. And then I used to say funny things about py Co what I thought of this actor or that actress. the business part of it. my mother had kept me away.indd 38 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM . But they loved @ my take on things. which is all rubbish! Adi and Anil used to talk about the film business a lot. ou Though I used to go see films with Apoorva and my college gang. But by the time I got to know Adi and Anil. We used to have dinners and discuss movies till three and four in the morning. that distributor. They took it ul do n very seriously. I didn’t know that side of things—flops. Hindi cinema had entered into a new phase with a slightly different sensibility. 38 Karan Johar thought I was a funny guy who had an opinion and was completely crazy about movies. They told me that I didn’t understand and that it was going to be a big hit. he claims I have high self-esteem issues. Often. the sets or the ht art direction. I would react to a costume in a film. so much excitement about me. through these se friends. And it was. They treated it like a business. I had a certain amount of money which I had to live within. and felt a sense of liberation. During this phase of my life. because he was also from the film business. ot g N Pen I didn’t know I had it in me. so I was with it—I had watched everything and I had strong opinions. My group in college was also kind of filmi. I had thought of py Co fashion designing. I was as knowledgeable as they were. I discovered London. I went away for two months to London. All this was during my last year of college. it had not crossed my mind. because he fo uin saw something in me that I myself didn’t see. Neither did my parents. it was a big deal—if I didn’t like a movie. it was more casual. on everything. With Apoorva and gang. I met Manish Malhotra at a film set and became really close to him. I made di In Manish meet Adi and Anil. ul do n But I still hadn’t thought of joining films—not till Adi asked me to. a So there was this sort of film gang that had taken over my life. My mother felt it would be good for me to handle my own life.indd 39 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM . it’s Adi. se He used to come and tell us about heroines because he would be doing ou their clothes. My mother felt I should travel. The whole idea was I would join Papa’s business when I came back. it was part of a general discussion. I swear ht on my life. I realized how much I enjoyed talking to Adi and Anil. and therefore costume designing was in my head somewhere. Adi was the one who told me I was @ a film-maker. But here. never. I rig never thought that I would be a film-maker. I was there for two months and it was great. my career. irc an rc R I will always say that if I’m grateful to anybody. I had to tell them what I didn’t like and why. I After my college exam. An Unsuitable Boy 39 Adi and Anil couldn’t believe that a South Bombay boy who wasn’t in touch with the movie industry had such strong opinions about Hindi movies. I knew all the songs. I walked on the streets. So it was a happy gang of people who were discussing io H at m movies. I stayed An Unsuitable Boy. and why I was not doing anything about it. one on import–export and the other on photography. It was only se in my last year in college that I bumped into Adi and Anil. I said I’d join Papa’s business and see.indd 40 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM . and voice modulation. I travelled to London. My mother thought. ot g N Pen ‘Sit down. ‘Why don’t you go to France? You’ve learnt French. My father said. ‘You’re a management student (because in commerce.’ I said I wanted a little time to think about it. and doing a whole lot of classes. You’ve topped the Maharashtra @ board. and my ou focus started shifting to cinema. ‘Take your time but remember that Bajaj has given you a seat. I said I didn’t want to go to the Bajaj institute. Those two months opened my mind out to the West because I hadn’t travelled much till then. I did import–export. I used to do a lot of courses. Do an additional course in French [I already had my diplôme supérieur]. MBA! There was much discussion. I have some news for you. I liked to pack in my days with lots of things. and I chose fruit and flower arrangement because I wanted to know what that would be like. you py Co could do either accounts or management) and I’m so proud of you. I di In used to do three hours of French a day. She said. 40 Karan Johar with a relative. I was always rushing from one course to another. and attend college. As I walked into the college. and there was elation in the house. and came back in time for my ul do n results. In the midst of all this. I would watch movies and plays. I was not one of those kids who would loiter around. learning French. You could choose a third for free. I remember there were two classes. I was always focused a about wanting to learn. Indu irc an rc R Shahani. I was called by the principal. I was a course junkie. ‘What?’ rig She said. An Unsuitable Boy. io H at m Anyway. who became the sheriff of Mumbai later (she also happens fo uin to be a relative of mine—my mother’s second cousin’s wife).’ ht I said. The Bajaj Institute of Management has offered you a seat. I was so busy doing a hundred things in my college. wow. She said.’ I went back home. Karan. You’re meant for the movies. fleshing it out. I would give my inputs. You were always a big fan of the movies. you’re funny. Adi had begun writing his first film.’ di In My mother said. @ I was now three days away from taking the flight to Paris. why don’t you work there as an intern?’ So it was all set up for me. What ideas are you going to ou give?’ io H at m I said. ‘I hope you don’t ruin this for him. no. ‘Assist you on the film?’ He said. I’ll speak to you tomorrow.indd 41 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM .’ ul do n Adi would come from Juhu to Malabar Hill which is an hour away irc an rc R and we used to sit every day. He said. In the meantime. I can get you in touch with people. The only thing you don’t have is an interval because you have this non-stop mad energy. Why can’t you see it? Why don’t you listen to me? Assist me. ‘No. Stay there for six months.’ I said. ‘You know. gain this experience and make a movie of your own.’ An Unsuitable Boy. Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge.’ I hadn’t thought of this at all. It was so much fun. One ht night Adi called me—we used to chat a lot at night on the phone—and rig said. Assist py Co me on the film. You’ll be a film-maker one day. ‘I think you can help. An Unsuitable Boy 41 And as I have a business there. and just fo uin talk. the whole day. it’s his first se film. I can’t. ‘I want your ideas. So I said. he would take notes. We have an office there. ‘I don’t know. you’re melodramatic. I was doing my paperwork for going to Paris at the time. can I say something? Don’t go to Paris. I don’t want to take advice from an a old film person. He came to me and said he wanted my inputs on the film. for four weeks. ‘Why the hell are you not realizing that you were born to be in the movies? You’re overdramatic.’ I said. ot g N Pen He was writing the film. don’t talk nonsense. ‘My ideas?’ He said. He’s such a big film-maker’s son. Later. he’d put in eight to ten lakh rupees.’ ht Then he said. Bahut saare paise fo uin chale ja sakte hain. It’s not dependable. ‘Papa. I said. it was my mother I was afraid of. At the right time. But after a year if you feel kuch nahin ho raha. I could say anything.’ ‘Who’s going to convince Mummy?’ I asked. ‘Assist Adi? But he himself is making his first film. You’re asking me for one year of your life. 42 Karan Johar Unsettled all night. what if I didn’t go to Paris? How much money have you put in?’ At that time. ‘I don’t want Karan to go. I want to. pull out and come back to the business or do something else. He had made a series of unsuccessful films. don’t linger in this industry. I’m extremely ul do n attached to that film. we told her about my assisting Adi. di In What will you learn from a new film-maker?’ se Those days you were supposed to work with senior guys in order ou to learn film-making. That’s all I want. it wasn’t as if the money meant nothing. I’m also growing old now. If it’ll make you happy. you saw what happened. ‘You leave that to me.indd 42 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM . ‘If you allow me. I kept tossing and turning. I want my son to be around me. and she freaked out. I’ve been part of the writing process. You’re my son. Are you sure you want to do ot g N Pen this?’ @ I said.’ My mother got very emotional. I’ll miss him too much. I don’t want to regret that I didn’t give this a shot. thinking of our conversation. ‘What if I don’t go. It was a lot of money. py Co What is money? Even if it goes. He told my mother. Last time you sent him away. yeh bahut mushkil industry hai. ‘Papa. it’s fine. My father used to wake up very early in the morning. He said. ‘So much of my money has gone on people I didn’t rig even know. At seven- thirty I went and sat with him. and assist Adi instead? a He repeated.’ And my father set up this whole act in the evening. I’m fine. io H at m I said. ‘Karan. An Unsuitable Boy. But don’t linger. To my father.’ irc an rc R He said. I said. ’ Since it was Adi. I was totally irc an rc R sucked into that world. And their level of ou passion. you’re Yashji’s son. into the world of di In Yash Chopra’s house. my first day of shooting on the set. I remember meeting you. ‘Hiroo. and he said. He won’t be able to handle the sets. I had met Shah Rukh once more. All they did and spoke about was movies. he was deciding whether he should do Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge or not. Now on a set if you don’t have a job to do or you don’t know exactly what you’re supposed to do. my mother finally said yes. I was se totally mesmerized by the duniya of Hindi films. For Adi and Uday. @ Then came my meeting with Shah Rukh Khan. ot g N Pen I got into my job as an assistant: schedules. Kuch nahin hone wala hai. Pam aunty io H at m was also entrenched in that zone. give him this one year. I This was how I began my journey in Bollywood. and you have An Unsuitable Boy. it was all about ul do n Hindi movies. It’s like being on a station where everyone’s running around. you feel like you’re in everyone’s way. planning. Yash uncle’s and Pam aunty’s son. Hindi movies and more Hindi movies. An Unsuitable Boy 43 But my father said. he agreed. ‘Oh. All the prep work hadn’t prepared me for what it was going to be like. This time with my rig father at the shooting of Karan Arjun. go to Adi’s place. prepping. as an assistant a director to Adi. He’s not cut out for this industry. py Co Adi took me to him. and she was very comfortable with me. I’d catch a cab. Of course. and we were shooting with Kajol for the song ‘Mere Khwabon Mein Jo Aaye’.indd 43 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM . I had one or two meetings with him and then the big day came. Soon I started losing touch with my college fo uin friends. After that meeting ht in Anand’s office. This was Filmistan Studios. But I was new to being on a set. I was very close to Kajol.’ At that time. Yash uncle was passionate about food and movies. na. ‘No. I told py Co Uday. So he knew what to a do. My father was right. But I was lost. Adi is tired right now. But first thing in the morning. Plus.’ ot g N Pen He said. I didn’t know what a lens was. it’s not me. I thought. we let go of so irc an rc R much money. ou Uday said. He was rather stressed about the scene he was going to shoot. I quit going to Paris. ‘Are you sure?’ In the morning I went to Adi and said I wanted to speak to him about something. ‘It’s just your first day. he’d just been told that that particular day Shah Rukh was coming to give one shot. ‘Why are you stressing me out. se That evening when I was sitting with Uday. My mother was right. I was given the clap and I didn’t know where to stand.’ An Unsuitable Boy. and we were drinking. and I didn’t know how to describe the shot. 44 Karan Johar to know where you’re going. Adi was really stressed about how he should compose the shot. At three in the afternoon. you could be tripped on. I’m going to tell ul do n Adi that this is a big mistake. He was coming for just that shot. ‘Why are you looking so lost?’ io H at m And I said.’ @ I said. Uday was a big help because he had been an AD (assistant director) before on a film called Aaina. I don’t think I can fo uin do this. So I was screamed at by the cinematographer for being in the way. this is not my di In world. rig But because the next day was a really early-morning call. ‘Because I’m not meant to do this. If you don’t. ‘You know.’ ht I had made up my mind. Then I was given the responsibility to write the continuity but I didn’t know which column to write what in because I didn’t know what a camera was. I tried to talk to him again but he said. I had done all the creative work with Adi but the on-set modalities were new to me. his date had come through. It’s a mistake. I can’t do this.’ He said. but this is not where I’m meant to be. I cannot do this. you could be bumped into or you could feel completely disoriented. I’ll tell him. He had to give that waving shot when Kajol imagines him outside her door when she comes home after her Switzerland trip.indd 44 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM . speak to me at the end of the day. It was like I had created a garment. Chandni and Rishi Kapoor! I was a big fan of di In both. breezy. Karan. Don’t tell him. se After lunch. ht Soon Shah Rukh walked in. I found this red-and-white sweater ou which I loved. Shah Rukh’s not happy with the guy doing the clothes.’ But I was ready to just get up and leave. ‘I can’t tell him right now. just go through the day. So now what to do? In the same peti. He’s your friend. there was a blazer with ul do n an emblem on it. I’ll be happy to. And it did. ‘You can’t just leave. ‘Itna achcha sweater badal diya hai. You’ve survived day one.’ Uday said. [He used to wear Wrangler jeans. ‘Listen. I was so ot g N Pen excited. ‘Forget it. py Co He said. He said. But this one had a io H at m big hole. ‘What a cool sweater! Why don’t you only do my clothes. I didn’t like any of the other sweaters.’ At lunchtime Adi called me. ‘Will you do that?’ And I said.] Trust me. ‘You wear very baggy jeans. Go through day two as well. An Unsuitable Boy 45 So at lunchtime I told Uday. looked in the mirror and kind of liked what he saw. ‘Shall I just go?’ He said. So I said. you’ll look nice. Can you go to the costume peti and get something unused? Get a sweater from Chandni’s costumes for Shah Rukh for this shot. which I thought would look nice. fo uin The sweater actually looked kind of cool with the emblem. they’ll give you a better fit. He will be so upset. yaar?’ He told Adi. You should wear tighter Levi’s. accommodating rig self. I made the costume dada remove that emblem and irc an rc R put it on that sweater.’ I had also got two or three jeans which I had gone to the market and bought.’ He wore them. ‘Yeah. I went to the peti.’ An Unsuitable Boy.indd 45 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM . Then I hoped Shah Rukh @ would be okay with it.’ a I was most excited. I told Shah Rukh. being his easy. He said. ‘Why don’t you do my clothes?’ So Adi said. it should be like. Nobody did such things those days. loves your daughter. I’m a liar.’ di In From then onwards I had a mission. This is it! I was so excited about doing Shah Rukh’s clothes.’ That speech. I thought. But I was doing the clothes for the other people in the film. Adi asked.’ Adi liked the idea. ‘From an assistant director. so what if this liar loves your daughter like no one else. But I was so attached to the se film that I had one hand in the creative arena and one hand in costumes. na. liar. but I would spend ht my own money and get better things.  .indd 46 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM . Then came the time when we were doing the climax in the month of April. still a liar. paagal. No one person sat and matched bangles with costumes. @ The production would give me a certain amount. 46 Karan Johar And then I suddenly felt I had a mission. you know.’ He said. ‘This is it. aap theek kehte hain. It should be sarcastic. ou Pam aunty and I would work on the women’s clothes together. I should become a costume designer. Caesar’s an honourable man. An Unsuitable Boy. And then Adi said. The make-up artist used to irc an rc R get the bangles and the people who did the hair would get the other fo uin stuff. I’d also pick up things for the rig supporting cast—Faridaji. ‘What do you think the take of this speech should be?’ I said it should be like the Julius Caesar speech. ‘Babuji. I would io H at m go and buy bangles from the Goregaon market and match them with ul do n bindis. ‘Yes. There was a speech that Shah Rukh had to deliver to the father. you’re going to become a costume designer?’ a And I said. Now I know what I’m doing in this film. And the ot g N Pen second half of Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge was full of Indian costumes. ‘Why just him? Why don’t you take charge of the entire costume department of the film?’ ‘My god!’ I exclaimed to Uday. So what if this deewana. Kajol’s clothes were py Co being done by Manish Malhotra who was a friend. Himani Shivpuri  . I’m still a liar. etc. So what if I’m a deewana. my god! Maybe this is my calling. I’m doing the costumes. ‘I’ll learn.  . ’ se ou I said. irc an rc R He said. funny things. I think something changed ot g N Pen in the way he viewed me. I was very close to him. Then he’d go and act it out for Adi. I liked the people on the set. he said. I was very different from the other ADs. he would run every scene by me. ‘My written Hindi is good.’ pointing to me. He used to find me really funny. After @ that. He would act it out in front of ht me and I would give my opinion. ‘He wrote it. Now Shah Rukh always knew me as this aesthetically sound but very South Bombay person. I used to say these strange. But Adi was so confident in his own skin and had such large-heartedness about him that he did. ‘I can’t believe you’ve written this scene!’ fo uin He did the scene and from then on. He was really like a father to me. in front of everyone. He kept 80 per cent of what I wrote and put in his own 20 per cent. it took An Unsuitable Boy. rig I developed a solid bond with him. And gave it to Shah Rukh. yaar!’ And Adi. a Shah Rukh looked at me and said. I loved Uday. I loved Yash uncle who was always there on the set. I loved Shah Rukh and Kajol. When he came on set. In fact. An Unsuitable Boy 47 He said. ‘Adi.’ io H at m He said. I was a good narrator of stories. He started taking me more seriously. ‘Why don’t you write it?’ So I sat down and wrote it and Adi took it from me and modified it. ‘You wrote this scene?’ ul do n He asked me three times. And I have to say that very few film-makers would give this kind of credit to an assistant in front of everyone. I got his jokes. I loved Adi. I enjoyed the company of the people I was working with. I spoke his language.indd 47 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM . And that one incident changed the way Shah Rukh looked at me. not my spoken Hindi. jaise tu baat karta hai. py Co The moment he accepted me as a possible resource was the moment when Adi told him that I had written that scene. He reminded me of my father. ‘Tune likha hai? Hindi mein di In likha hai?’ Then he said. said. ‘Lekin teri Hindi toh itni kharab hai. what a good scene. It was strange but Yash uncle and I from the very first day struck this wonderful rapport which lasted till the very end. He was very fond of me. As ht a child I had continuously heard that ‘Hindi films are not good for you. a I had seen him create the film in his head. she was guiding me in the right direction because we had burnt our fingers in the movie business. So when I was standing there di In on the set. because he was diagnosed with cancer. I felt like I finally belonged io H at m somewhere. I had other friends I loved and I had had great times in college. And this @ was probably my calling. was just so exciting. I never felt like I missed Mom and Dad. With him and Pam aunty around. He wasn’t a regular movie star who had a regular secretary whom you had to work on and bribe to get his attention. He landed up at our house! He came and hugged me. rig you lose money. nor had my dad. my father’s death didn’t shock me and shake me up as much. She was not saying anything wrong. and she was right.indd 48 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM . I could see the film unfolding in front of my eyes. was coming together. fo uin but somehow I just felt more at home in this atmosphere. I’d been sheltered and protected all my life. a solid profession. I’d seen him wronged by people. it’s not a dependable industry. I was just an AD. But I had not dealt with this younger generation. but with Yash uncle I was just devastated. when I think about him I go into this trance because he was like my one-point contact on a daily basis. The work was great because I had been part of the writing process with Adi. who was kinda cool. I liked the work. I was almost cynical about the movie business. but I never missed home because they made me feel at home. for Hindi films. I had never acknowledged it or addressed it. but I loved the people more. Somehow. I’d seen my father upset. all that empty space was being filled by Hindi cinema and by these irc an rc R people. Even now. se Seeing that oh. What I missed in not having a sibling or the loneliness I had ul do n felt. All my passion ot g N Pen for Hindi film music. and my father was surprised that Shah Rukh had come to his AD’s An Unsuitable Boy. 48 Karan Johar a very long time for me to deal with the fact that he’s gone.’ I’d heard my mother say these things. look how much Papa has py Co lost. I’d seen my father depressed. this scene was like this on paper and now they are ou acting it out like this. I’d seen him hurt. you should have a stable job. the atmosphere. My dad had never dealt with a Shah Rukh Khan. or you should get into business. I would touch his feet every morning. whether he was related or not. Ask any random ten people who have been in the industry for a while about him.’ I didn’t know how to explain to my father that it was cool with this generation.’ I’ve got fed up of hearing ‘Your dad did this for me. Everyone in the industry has a story to tell about him. di In at heart he remained a very simple production man. Aamir. he would pick up the bag out of habit.indd 49 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM . fo uin He would rush and do things like he had to do them. even if it had ot g N Pen nothing to do with him. the first man at @ the funeral. He was rig like that. Shah Rukh. Ask Salman. and they’ll tell you a story about him. irc an rc R and my mother would die of embarrassment. se My mother would go hoarse trying to tell him. he paid?’ I would reply. ‘Shah Rukh ghar pe aaya!’ Shah Rukh and Gauri liked me. I An Unsuitable Boy. He py Co was the most loved and popular man because he was just always doing things for people unconditionally and selflessly. An Unsuitable Boy 49 house for dinner with his wife. he paid.’ He was the quintessential do-gooder and he did it selflessly without wanting any brownie points.’ ‘I was in need of something and he came to my rescue. any old actor or actress. Even after he acquired his huge producer status. He took you out. taking charge of everything. when will ou you act like a producer and not a production manager?’ io H at m But he would just say. ht taking charge of the wedding. because he had been a a production manager. ‘But you should pay.’ My father said. But it was his instinct. Gauri. ‘Tu kal Shah Rukh ke saath gaya? Very good. And my dad would say. But. ‘I was stuck in this place and he helped me. and they’ll have a Yash Johar story to tell. for my father. My father said. ‘Yash. it was different. I always felt my father had this need to look up to somebody. ‘This is who I am.’ ul do n If a star was holding a bag. ‘Yeah. Somehow. your dad did that for me. He was that kind of a man. the first man at the wedding. They used to pick me up and we would go out. we sat with all the scenes of that whole schedule. The first question he asked me on my first day was what time it was. Pooja Ruparel. ‘What’s the ot g N Pen weather? Because I’ll place my shawl accordingly. because it was my first film-making experience. I don’t want to disturb him. I remember what a big decision it was to buy that Harley Davidson jacket. When he came in. ul do n So I told him the time. he said. Then I remember the London schedule. the Switzerland schedule. ‘No. it was a daunting task dealing se with them. Shah Rukh landed late at night.indd 50 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM .’ Then he asked me. There were no mobile phones those days. Every day of that film is entrenched in the recesses of my brain. I remember di In interacting with all the character actors. I @ should ask Adi these questions! Should I even be giving these answers ht myself? I remember sitting with Shah Rukh and reading out the scenes. so it must fo uin be around seven-thirty in the morning. I remember Kajol had just started dating Ajay at that time and she would take me aside and confide in me. something we wouldn’t even think about today! But at that time. I remember so many details. rig I still remember the beginning of the Gurgaon schedule where we py Co shot the song ‘Tujhe Dekha Toh Yeh Jana Sanam’.’ So from three to five in the morning. me combing her a hair on the outdoor set because she didn’t have a hairstylist. so she’d have to go and make her calls. Let’s go through the scenes. ‘Well. oh god. it’s a puja scene. and Kajol doing the make-up herself for the first five days. what time is it in the scene? I have irc an rc R to set my watch accordingly. I remember the jacket I used to wear. An Unsuitable Boy. Kajol’s make-up man not being there. I remember being so afraid of Amrish io H at m Puri. He said. 50 Karan Johar Looking back. I remember buying that leather jacket with Adi for Shah Rukh and contemplating whether we should spend 450 or 300 pounds on it. Adi is sleeping. ‘Listen.’ I thought. I feel I have more memories about Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge than I do of any of my own movies. There was a girl called Chutki in the film. I remember every costume and the thought behind it. He knocked on my door at three in the morning when I was fast asleep. I remember the jacket Adi wore. I ou remember dealing with her mother. ‘I said. We’d be climbing up those snow-capped mountains with costumes in our hands. I was that crazy io H at m about his vision. the premiere was such a big rig deal. I was.’ But I was all set to be a costume designer. so I’d sit with the costume dadas. Does it fit. I thought to be a director you had to work on the set for something like six years. changing things at the last minute if the colour wasn’t working. he thanked irc an rc R Shah Rukh and Kajol. An Unsuitable Boy 51 That time. Adi even told me. I could have died for him. I remember Abhishek sitting next to me with his @ mouth open. Being a director was not on my agenda. Shah Rukh and I were spending a lot of time together. and we all loved Adi. What a journey! I We were on this big outdoor shoot in Switzerland and London. Karan Johar. I was part of the costume division. and it’s still py Co playing in the theatres. And then acting in the movie myself. then it went on to become this legendary blockbuster. does it not? We were a small crew—those days we didn’t have large crews that went abroad. why is he weeping like this? I was ht so proud of Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge. By then. I remember being a mess ot g N Pen sitting in my seat. ‘You know. ul do n of course. di In How can you have any objectivity about a film you are so deeply se involved with? It was Adi’s vision and Adi’s film. Adi was dating a friend of mine who had given me forty cards. it was like a film about love surrounded by love. So when he thanked me at the Filmfare awards. An Unsuitable Boy. without fo uin whom this film wouldn’t have been possible. You should think of doing a film. weeping in my seat. and he said my best friend. and I had to give him one for each day of the outdoor shoot. I was playing Shah Rukh’s a friend which I was forced into doing though I was quite happy about it. probably wondering. He thanked his parents. ou I loved him from my heart.indd 51 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM . he’s growing very fond of you. There was so much romance on the set. di In I developed a really strong bond with Shah Rukh more than with se anyone else. And you’ll be a An Unsuitable Boy. We couldn’t shoot because we were waiting for some equipment to arrive. Karan. I was high on the film. The locals would get most impressed that this boy ot g N Pen from India spoke the language so fluently. about Gauri. ‘You really think so?’ He said. 52 Karan Johar One day. we had gotten really close. You’re a very good writer. Shah Rukh ou had introduced me to her as the coolest. I spoke French and we were in the ul do n French part of Switzerland. ‘You’re a film director. I was like this Bollywood-born boy who spoke rig French. I was cool. I regaled her with my stories. funniest guy he knew. Gauri io H at m and I also got along well together. Shah Rukh was an insomniac. and he said. I kept thinking. we were just sitting around. they gave me the day off just to take Gauri around because she was the star’s wife. then report as an assistant in an hour’s time. One day. you should direct a film. I remember it was very cold.’ Shah Rukh was so excited that Gauri liked somebody in the business! So we were just sitting around that day. it was snowing. And it was the best day ever because I entertained her. By then. ‘The more time I spend with him. You have a very good instinct for writing. the more it’ll nurture me. He’s the only person in the industry I’ve met who is so much fun. Gauri had also come to the outdoor locale. ht For Shah Rukh. Gauri was averse to film people py Co but I was not plain filmi. and I was all about pleasing him because I was so mesmerized by him. I spoke nonsense.’ I said. He was telling me about his parents. so everybody in the unit was impressed that irc an rc R I could speak to people in the local language and even get better deals fo uin on farms to shoot in. I was high on this new phase I found a myself in. ‘You know. Yash uncle would take me @ everywhere for production meetings.’ So I used to be up with him till five in the morning. She came back and said. about his life.indd 52 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM . I was with Shah Rukh. My sleep pattern had gone for a toss but I was high on the work I was doing. ‘I want to get to know this person. and had this sense of humour. you should direct a film. a a director? I’m just an assistant on this movie. ‘Chal. ‘Woh mujhe kal mil raha hai. And that if he does his first film.’ He went for the meeting. The next film we do together will be Karan’s film. because all you need to do for that is to write. ‘What are you talking about?’ He said.’ py Co So he said. We were irc an rc R waiting for Papa to have dinner.’ An Unsuitable Boy. I will act in it. ‘Shah Rukh paagal ho gaya hai. ‘After five to six years. ‘I was telling Karan.indd 53 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM . I’ll act in it. I had been gone for two months. ‘You know. Then he said. I too will do it. And he said that I don’t want to @ do one film with you. Next morning. ‘Yeah. ‘I don’t know. Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge was on the cusp of release. ‘Immediately. I really do not know. I want to do two films. that just like Adi. I have a long way to go. I was still assisting. the strangest thing happened. He wants to sign another film with Dharma.’ Kajol stepped in at that point and asked. my father said to me.’ My father was excited and happy because Shah Rukh Khan was a big star and he was already doing Duplicate. And now he wanted to do one more film! Anyway. that meeting never happened.’ I thought. But the choice of director ht for the next one will be mine. And if you make your first film. Who is he going to suggest?’ rig I said. di In I said.’ Kajol said.’ He said. my father called me and said. and my mother was very ul do n happy to have me back. we’ll do it after Dilwale.’ se ‘No. io H at m I came home from that shooting stint. Two or three months later.’ said Shah Rukh. when I woke up. he too should be a director. he was so excited to fo uin see me. An Unsuitable Boy 53 very good director. because it’s Karan. When he came. ‘Shah Rukh has called me to his house. I had a ot g N Pen meeting with Shah Rukh for Duplicate.’ He was by that time working ou with my father. what are they saying? Me. One day. they’re talking nonsense. Today. ‘Shah Rukh has said you don’t assist any more. What nonsense!’ se I said. ‘Kya bakwaas bol raha hai!’ Then he @ said. ‘This is ridiculous. You have two years to write a fo uin film. ‘Don’t assist any more now. I thought. ‘I don’t know what he’s talking about. Shah Rukh actually wants me to make a movie with him. ‘Me?’ My father said. I can make a Hindi film. Suddenly.’ ot g N Pen I told my father. Kya seekh ke aya hoga ek film se?’ I said. irc an rc R I’m giving you dates in October 1997. ‘Are you stupid? Shah Rukh Khan has agreed to do rig your film. ‘He was very serious. oh my god.’ Then my mother woke up.” Lekin tune to ek hi film ki hai.’ I was overwhelmed. And he says he will start it right after whatever commitments he has. I thought. aur aapka beta direct karega. directing a movie? Now? But you’ve just di In worked on one film till now. Write.’ I wanted to assist on one more film. you write a story.’ io H at m Anyway. An Unsuitable Boy. shoot them. ‘I don’t know.’ ou She said.’ He said. it seemed simple to me. ‘But which film? What film? What am I making?’ He said. ‘Why?’ ‘He told me that you should direct the next film that he does. Shah ul do n Rukh called me up after the premiere and said. It’s not so bad. a She said ‘What? You. A part of me was ready. But in my heart of hearts. and he said. But he said.’ ht Adi told me. It was strange. ‘Don’t assist. 54 Karan Johar I asked. ‘See. “Aapki film mein karunga Dharma Productions ke liye. my film institute. You know what that means?’ py Co I said. bahut serious tha. woh aise hi bol raha hoga. Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge had been my training ground. it didn’t seem that daunting. have cool people to execute things for you.indd 54 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM .’ I said. a part of me pretended to be shocked. Papa. My father told her about it. I think I knew—I can do this. the Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge premiere happened. ‘Nahi. get a director of photography. record the songs. write. it’s October 1995. the magic happened again. Even today. For me. I learnt from se Aditya Chopra and then Yash Chopra because I also spent a lot of time ou with him. Both irc an rc R films released in October. and that was it. fo uin The lives that Adi and I have lived after Dilwale Dulhania Le ot g N Pen Jayenge are simply amazing. I may ht not have matched up. with my film Kuch ul do n Kuch Hota Hai. But yes. These were visits with my dad. I guess I was always inclined towards that aesthetic. I didn’t know much. I never got into that. I’m not very sound technically. Actually. there was a bit of saying ‘hello’ to everyone. 1995 to 1998. I understand the whole magic of taking a beautiful shot. An Unsuitable Boy. io H at m Luckily for me. very close. the same month. it was always about telling a story. I understood grandness. I understood scale. An Unsuitable Boy 55 Everything and anything I knew was from there. Whatever I know di In about how to conduct myself in a music sitting or on a set. It was the Chopras a who inculcated that love. both kind of responsible for the other. but the love is intact. And we are still very.indd 55 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM . my training ground was definitely Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge. but then I went and made a film that was also rig loved. Where we started out and where we are @ now. Within a matter of three years. running two py Co solid production houses. and ignited that passion. I understand the whole beauty of celluloid. Both best friends. It’s a very layered equation. I understood what a cinema experience should be. I had visited a film set all of ten times in my entire life before that. both of us are still actively working. And today. On my way to meeting him. . what if this child gets a chit that says ‘Mother’ but her mother is dead? How would that scene be? By the time I reached Jaipur and met Shah Rukh. py Co It was a British film. in Jaipur. this was the only scene I had. Shah Rukh was shooting for a film called Chahat. . I said to him. it was then that the ‘just a minute’ scene came to my mind.’ 56 An Unsuitable Boy. and he is left with his child whom he doesn’t want initially. ‘I see you as a father. ‘Come ot g N Pen and tell me your idea. and . Nothing happened. He called me and said. I see this child . . He then falls in love with another girl. That was the idea I had. So I thought I would tell him this and buy time. In March–April rc R of that year. which fo uin Mahesh Bhatt was directing. . ht what have I not seen of Shah Rukh? It struck me that I had not seen him rig as a father.indd 56 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM . 4 Kuch Kuch Hota Hai a di In se ou io H I at m was supposed to come up with an idea for my first film and present it ul do n irc an  to Shah Rukh by January 1996. but eventually builds a bond with.’ @ But I had no idea. Sometime back I had seen an English film. what should I do? Then I thought. I was thinking of scenes. where this man loses his wife when she’s delivering their baby. aur phir Shah Rukh has to find another girl who completes the family. Jack and Sarah. aur bachcha aa jaata hai. about the mother and that chit. And I thought. I kept thinking. it’s an emotional film. I liked that space—biwi mar jaati hai. ‘You should make a love ou story. and he said. you’re a young boy. I said. I met Adi. Your mother is your shoulder. My father had managed An Unsuitable Boy. ‘Why are you making a film about a father and a dead mother? Make a young film. October 1997. write that. she’s your strength. but I kept thinking. So I left for London for a long py Co stay.’ I went to London.’ As I narrated it. I think he was thinking of his own mother. I had struck the right chord. narrating the story that I had had no di In idea of until moments ago.indd 57 12/5/2016 11:21:49 AM . An Unsuitable Boy 57 Then I narrated the scene about the chit. ‘I have this other idea too. nothing happened. I had discovered the city earlier and I loved it. ‘Yeah. Betty and Veronica. She said. A tomboy kind of girl. I finally started the process of ht writing. I spoke to Kajol about it. Before I left. But we have me. But a mother is someone we don’t have. this other girl and a guy. I improvised on the scene while I was narrating it. ‘She gets “Maa” and she stumbles. So he said. Tell Kajol. it’s your first film.’ I was very taken up with Archie comics. I told him I had this idea which was about Archie. se ‘I’m doing this movie. ‘Yeah.’ said Shah Rukh. fo uin are they mad? But they were quite serious. Shah Rukh had given me ot g N Pen dates as well. I was trying to write the first half about Archie and the two girls. what happens in the second half? I spent two months in London.’ io H at m I came back to Mumbai. What else could I do? Months passed. a mother is that. I remember sitting on the white marble stairs of Rambagh or a whatever palace it was in Jaipur. Shah Rukh got very teary. and that’s more than enough for the both of us. I lived in a rented apartment. she can’t say anything and then the father comes and starts saying that a mother is this. I’ll do it. What is this father and dead wife and child?’ So I said. she’s your support. @ With the hero and heroine finalized. But by rig the end of the year I had to narrate a story. ul do n whenever you’re ready.’ irc an rc R I started thinking: both Kajol and Shah Rukh have said yes to me. and I myself got moved by the whole narration which I had just thought of while talking to him. I did this at Shah An Unsuitable Boy.indd 58 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM . Finally. all my memories. Then I came up with the idea that there would be these se letters that the mother leaves behind for the child. I was ready to narrate the story to Shah Rukh and Kajol. I started structuring the second half. went into the film. that girl has been engaged to somebody else. I have two stories— one for the first half of the film and the other for the second. I kept walking. writing furiously. All the things I had grown up on. and that would be ou what connects the two halves of the films. a where the wife has to die. all the music that I had heard. You should come back and flesh it out. sitting there on a bench. but it wasn’t working. ot g N Pen I said. with all the elements that I’d grown up watching.’ he said. I just need a flashback. going to Hyde Park. I had the first half in detail in my head. I had these two ideas. When @ the daughter grows up. I was walking past John Lewis on Oxford Street when suddenly there was a eureka moment. I kept putting in the coins fo uin and telling him the story. It took me two months. I went rushing to my apartment and started di In listing points. thinking. she brings his friend back into her father’s life. And the second half is where they’re older. ‘It totally works. thinking. My love for Archie comics. ul do n I collected all the one-pound coins I could. this ht friend who was this tomboy he knew in college.’ By the time I caught my flight back. thinking. What was I going to do? What was I going to narrate to Shah Rukh and Kajol? One day. in the palatial house. this is brilliant. ‘Karan. my fixation with the child finding her mother. After I came back. io H at m I had to tell this to Adi. The flashback is the college part. thinking. My love for Raj Kapoor was in the first line of the film: ‘Mujhse dosti karoge?’ My love for Yash Chopra was in the second half. went to this red booth irc an rc R right below my apartment and called Adi. I was really at my wits’ end. ‘The mother leaves eight letters behind for her daughter. 58 Karan Johar to get it at an affordable price. all this just crystallized in my head and became Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. I have two stories but they are actually one film. I thought. I was alone. while he had opted for rig the hot chick. But by then.’ py Co Adi loved it. it was March 1997. It all just fell into place seamlessly. There’s that one expression she gives . . . Adi and me—and Jugal came up se with the title song’s tune. ‘There’s a girl called Rani Mukerji.’ With the script and the cast almost ready. took three days to ht think it over. What was I going to do? But it’s strange how life is so full of coincidences. But nobody wanted to do that part. An Unsuitable Boy 59 Rukh’s old house in Amrit Apartments. These were the only two people in my team. Adi called me and said. because I used to change the details every time. One day. ou io H at m I ul do n irc an rc R fo uin Kajol and Shah Rukh were a legendary love couple. . Just see that promo. and not for me. I don’t py Co want to do the first half and then not be in the film. and Shah Rukh said. And everybody will remember the film for Kajol and Shah Rukh. and this kid Tarun Mansukhani. and I’ve just seen one shot of her where she says. So the hunt began ot g N Pen to find this other girl. . I approached my friend Tina Khanna who has @ always mesmerized me. who had been my senior in school and had joined me after somebody’s recommendation. that’s what I always do.’ An Unsuitable Boy. ‘I’m still on for October ’97. and then said. ‘There’s a new girl in a promo for a film called Raja Ki Ayegi Baraat. I officially announced my first film. because rig Kajol will . you know. I was very depressed. like. I don’t think I can do this part. ‘I don’t think I should do this part. Both Shah Rukh and Kajol loved it.’ Then I went to every leading lady in the business—Raveena Tandon to Tabu to Aishwarya Rai to Karisma Kapoor to Urmila Matondkar. By now. Manish. and they were both transfixed. I kept improvising a lot of it as I went on. They took notes constantly. A girl called Rani Mukerji. Shah Rukh Khan called me and said. I narrated every single line. She listened to the story. I had taken two assistants with me: Nikhil Advani. who later made Dostana.’ Two hours later. We were a group di In of friends—Jugal Hansraj. “Raja ki ayegi baraat”.indd 59 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM . Adi gave it a the title Kuch Kuch Hota Hai when he heard the story. Adi said to me. She’s got one good film. I don’t want to play this western. ‘Leave that to me. I really like the part. I thought. Rani called me and said.’ rig And I thought. But I wasn’t sure. I narrated the first half of the a film to her. She hadn’t looked so short in the promo. How will you make her look sexy as a college bomb?’ Anyway. He said. ‘You know. commercial. There was a lot of talk like ‘he’s a young Bachchan’ and all that. An Unsuitable Boy. This film may not be great. cool guy.’ So he said no.’ @ Then she said. because I’m not py Co so sold on her? Manish had told me—he had worked with her—that ‘she’s short. anglicized. ‘Can you come and meet ul do n me?’ So I went back. chalo. Now I had to cast the other guy. There had been a little hype around Maachis. I thought.indd 60 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM . I ou started my hunt again. hip. ‘How will you convince an audience that Shah Rukh loves fo uin me over Kajol?’ ot g N Pen I said. io H at m Two days later. but that is an Aamir film. and went all the way to Lokhandwala and beyond to meet Rani Mukerji. this role is of an NRI. Then there was this actor Chandrachur Singh. I also thought she was not right for the film. I want to play an Indian kind of role. that both these guys called me at different hours of the day and suggested her name to me? So I decided to have a look. irc an rc R She said. I would be happy because se she was a little dumpy. He said he’d get back to me in two days. and finally that promo came and I saw her. 60 Karan Johar I thought. even di In she’s going to say no. she’s doing a film called Ghulam with Aamir. But if that were so. we’ll work hard. Why don’t you go and meet her? You don’t have a choice anyway. I want to do ht the film. I waited and waited. I want to be more Indian. So I called him. She said she’d take two days to think over it. I rang the doorbell and it was opened by a five-foot-nothing little girl.’ So I took Nikhil and Tarun again. ‘Listen. what’s with this girl. ‘You know what. she’s saying yes? What should I do. since she’d said yes. Who was going to do that special appearance in the second half? I went to Saif Ali Khan and gave him a big narration. I went back after two a days. Come and narrate it to me tomorrow.’ An Unsuitable Boy. ‘But which one do you live in?’ He said.’ Salman was shooting for a film called Jab Pyar Kisi Se Hota Hai with Tina. lovely. ‘Can you come to my house? I live in 7 Bungalows. but which one do you live in?’ He said. ul do n I said. He said. ‘Paagal hai? Woh kabhi nahi karne wala. ‘Yeah. ‘What happened?’ @ His sister. So I said.’ Now I was a South Bombay boy. ot g N Pen He asked.indd 61 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM . I went to meet him there on the set.’ fo uin Salman Khan was there at that party. An Unsuitable Boy 61 When he called me back. he said. He asked for two days. But he said no. ‘What role is it?’ py Co I began telling him. No hero will want to do this role. no. my sister says you’re a nice guy. ‘It was not good. but who di In was going to do the boy’s role? se One night I went to a party in Chunky Pandey’s house.’ He must’ve thought I was crazy. I thought he lived in seven bungalows. ‘I live in 7 Bungalows. rig Salman said. come here. had told him that Karan was in search of an actor ht to play this other guy’s role—a twelve–fifteen-day part. There’s only one idiot in the industry who’ll do it. Alvira. ‘Why didn’t you do the role that Karan offered you?’ She said. I didn’t know 7 Bungalows was an area in Bombay. I was depressed again. You know.’ I thought.’ I said. and that’s me. Anyway. Everybody was asking me about my film. ‘No. ‘But I have to cast this other boy and I don’t know who I’m irc an rc R going to cast. who knew Chunky’s sister- io H at m in-law. I’d cast the girl. Salman Khan? Now who would have thought of it? My father said. I had ou become friends with him through Gauri. Salman asked Tina. ‘Nobody’s going to do this role. the area is called 7 Bungalows. I reached his place and narrated the story to him. ’ ht I looked at him and said. ‘But I wouldn’t be able to do that. Go home and tell Yash uncle that I’m doing this for him. Adi. ‘He’s coming to me about a role. se he looked at me and said. You pay me what you’re paying Kajol. Salman and a new girl. I know what your film is going to be all about. Everyone said. ‘Yeah. muscle. fo uin He said.’ So I went to his room and started the narration. ‘But I’m doing this film for you and your father. ‘But aapka part toh second half io H at m mein hai. I hope he’s not thinking I’m irc an rc R narrating Shah Rukh’s role to him. After one and a half hours. ‘No. ‘Salman Khan is now doing the part? Do you know the cast you have now? You have Shah Rukh. ‘Picture likhi hai usne. I’ll do it for your father. I gave a very sincere. ‘Mainly for your father. Salman said. ‘You’re doing the movie?’ rig He said. that role is also not good. While I drank. ‘Arre. ‘You want some water?’ a I said.’ Salman said. Yash aur Hiroo ka beta aaya hai. 62 Karan Johar Then Salman said.’ py Co I said. You’ve not heard your part. I used to give very theatrical. This was my first film. everything into it.’ ul do n I got scared. I An Unsuitable Boy. @ because he’s the nicest guy in the movie industry.’ di In He went out.’ I sat with him the whole day. soul.’ And that’s how the cast fell into place. was surprised. ‘Superb narration. Narrate karne aaya hai.’ he said again.indd 62 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM . yaar!’ ou I just choked on that water and said. brought some water and gave it to me. heartfelt narration of the first half.’ So I walked out in a daze and called up Adi. so I put my heart. I started thinking. opulent narrations. who I knew well.’ Then we reached some kind of agreement. ‘Yeah. too. Kajol. But ot g N Pen I’ll do it for you. He took me home. I met his mom. And more than anything. na? You’ll do this?’ irc an rc R I said. If they see you screaming at me. ‘Karan. I know. ‘Come for the mahurat shot. at six-thirty. ‘Yeah. it’s not easy. If you don’t want to do this. ‘Just focus. I turned around and burst out laughing. You need to be rig authoritarian. Kajol @ called me to her van and said. I said. You ou are sure you know where to put the camera?’ io H at m I said. everybody was there doing rehearsals. you scream at me.’ But she said.’ I said okay. But when Kajol smilingly went back to her mirror. ‘You’re fine. You need to be a leader.’ I said.’ Then she held my face and said. I said to her. So I have a great idea. You have to know what you’re doing because it’s se a very big thing to make a big film. I reached the set. ‘How will that help?’ She said. and we were to shoot ot g N Pen the song ‘Koi Mil Gaya’. you need to control the set. everybody’s going to take you seriously. on the first day of shoot.indd 63 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM . An Unsuitable Boy.’ Everybody turned to look. I came out of my room and found my mother sitting in the hall. ‘Even now. I know. Then I screamed at Kajol. ‘Why are you awake so early?’ She said. ‘Yeah. it’s not too late. yeah. And look at the cast you have. ‘Yeah. di In don’t. Mama. na? You know where to put the camera?’ I said. ‘You know what you’re doing.’ fo uin She hugged me and I left. you’re a very soft person. I’m very scared. Kajol! Keep your focus. okay? You have to get the steps. ‘I wanted to get up before you go.’ ul do n She said. you know. Nobody dare scream at me. for the first five minutes you scream at me. yeah. You know how I am.’ She said.’ Papa was getting ready to leave with me. At the set. Whatever you do. When py Co you reach the set. And ht in film-making. Come and sit here. ‘I haven’t slept. ‘Yeah. Farah Khan was choreographing it.’ a She said. An Unsuitable Boy 63 Early in the morning. I am the biggest spitfire. I’m really sorry. ‘Because. I had to crunch it down. I remember the first half was ten minutes too long. The film bombed. that kind of cemented everything. It was not the zone I was in.indd 64 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM . creatively. Finally. The confidence I had developed in school leading a team to a debate or whatever helped. se ou In the midst of all this. I was fine. And it was a big flop. because he had faith in me. I was okay. I don’t have any story of struggle in the a making of that film because it was a smooth experience. All the distributors of Kuch Kuch Hota ul do n Hai pulled out of the film. hold the emotion. But it was not a film fo uin that excited or interested me. He felt that I was making something special because Adi had told him that this film was going to be a hit. When the film An Unsuitable Boy. because I was always a bit of a leader. the actors were cooperative. ‘No. Then I took charge of the second half. The work was good. So it completely defeated the purpose. So my father got immediately compensated because Yash Chopra stepped in at the right time. They thought I hadn’t been able to help irc an rc R my father although I was on the sets of Duplicate. My father was very upset. Adi was a big help when I was editing the film. At that time. But somehow. I was in the most exciting zone of my life. He sat with me through the edit.’ All of us just couldn’t hold our laughter. 64 Karan Johar Shah Rukh said. When the distributors pulled out of py Co the film. I went through a bit of a struggle while editing it because it was a long film. we came down to the adequate length of the film. barring helping out here and there @ whenever Shah Rukh asked me to. Yash Chopra. ot g N Pen I had had nothing to do with it. ‘Have you gone mad? Why did you scream like that?’ Then I said. stepped in and took over a lot of India territories and the overseas. who knew what my film was all about. Duplicate released right before Kuch Kuch io H at m Hota Hai. and Adi came and cut it for me. The shoot di In started when it had to and the film headed towards release at the right time. she told me to. we ht were shooting in Ooty for the summer camp part of Kuch Kuch Hota rig Hai. I felt if this film went wrong. We had a screening for my mum and dad. and my father just broke py Co down. it was an emotional film and I don’t @ think Mom and Dad could believe that what they had just seen was ht made by their son. my mum and dad. and he realized it was a moment where we had to be left alone. Adi quietly stepped out. Then he sat down. He was sixty-five An Unsuitable Boy. even with Duplicate. My father had taken heavy loans. If this went wrong. I’ve never seen my father cry after that. because my father had dealt with so much financial loss.indd 65 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM . The three of us wept for something like forty-five minutes. This was something of a last-ditch attempt. I got up. But I had a a strange kind of confidence in my film. There was one production person alongside. but he was crying so much that he couldn’t even bring himself to say. It was just the four of us—Adi. But I’ve never seen him break down like he did that day. every time he opened his mouth. They were nervous as hell. I’ve seen him upset. she hugged me. he would choke. That io H at m was a lot. Seeing my father cry made my mother even more emotional. irc an rc R After it finished. I’ve seen him depressed. because we had never seen him like this. although I was really afraid di In too. and then my mother and father got up. A lot was riding on it. rig I held my mother’s hand. me. It was a 14-crore-rupee film at that time. And finally when he said those words. and put a ou lot of our equity at stake. A lot of money had been put into the film. weeping like a baby. Adi got fo uin up. ‘I’m so proud of you’. I could see my ot g N Pen mother’s feet and hands trembling. An Unsuitable Boy 65 was ready in its rough-cut stage—before it goes into post-production. my parents couldn’t get up from their seats. he broke down again. which is background music and other things—nobody except Adi had seen it. Especially for a new director. we would not be able to afford making another film. ul do n We were watching the film at a preview theatre called Dimple. I had started feeling the pressure once Duplicate bombed. He just kept crying for forty- five minutes or so and it was an embarrassing sight. we would have to sell property or se take other drastic measures. we gave him some water. everybody was there.’ py Co For some reason. ‘Your son’s wearing a red T-shirt. and I was coming up. He created this world. When I reached. Adi walked in after a while and asked. the cops. . and this movie. As for my mother. they didn’t want the film to be released that Friday. 66 Karan Johar and to see him break down like this was something new for me.’ An Unsuitable Boy. Everything was on track. I’d always seen him as a strong leader. I can see him right now. they don’t want you to release your film this Friday . Adi. I went down to drop her. Shah Rukh. You can’t show your fear.’ He just kept saying. It was a call from Abu Salem. dispatching irc an rc R them through production. we didn’t know why. and my mother was shaking with terror. My mother was alone at home. all of them had gone out. The phone rang. She put the phone down and ran towards the door. and it was a call from the underworld. It was a ou Diwali release. ‘We will protect you but you have to go ahead. a Soon after. ‘It’s the best film in the world. and getting di In the film ready for release. She pressed the lift number. ‘Does this mean you liked it?’ My father replied. You have to have the premiere on Thursday. My son has made the best film in the world. The cops advised us. A film called Bade se Miyan Chote Miyan was also releasing on the same Friday. ‘I cannot believe my son has done this. rig And we’re going to shoot him if you release this film on Friday. My maasi had come to the house to help fo uin us. even the ot g N Pen servants were not there. ‘You have to call the cops. she said.indd 66 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM . This call has come and they said they’re going to shoot you. she just dragged me to the room and said. A man’s ht voice said. a survivor. io H at m My father decided that he was so proud that he wanted to have ul do n a premiere. On Monday. she was going through really tough moments.’ And that was all. we were writing out the cards. we got down to the post-production work. my father. .’ She hugged Adi whom she had always been very fond of.’ That evening. My @ mother picked it up. ‘It’s the best film in the world. ‘I can’t believe my son made this movie!’ She kept saying. As I came up those nine floors. I’m standing right here. they did this. ‘No.’ So I went back.’ ul do n But they had taken me into this room. ou I’m going to see it come true. The industry who’s who came. Shammi Kapoor is going to get out of his io H at m Mercedes car and attend this premiere. Let’s see who shoots you. I told my mother. ‘What does this mean?’ We were a simple family. ‘Nothing’s gonna happen. My mother and father were irc an rc R outside.’ she kept saying. It was a full turnout because my father’s goodwill was so strong—everybody wanted Kuch Kuch Hota Hai to be a hit. he ht has to be cooped up in a room. An Unsuitable Boy. I’m too scared. Throughout the screening. My mother said. they laughed here. We’d never dreamt that something like this could even happen to us. He said.’ rig Shah Rukh said. di In I had always had a dream that Shammi Kapoor would come out of se a car to attend the premiere of my film.’ ‘Oh they did that. She said. I think—that the industry had felt so positive about a film’s a release. they’re not allowing him to come out. my mother was . no. An Unsuitable Boy 67 But my mother said. He’s like my brother. ‘But because of this situation. ‘What nonsense!’ py Co He went inside and dragged me out. My mother was so upset because Shammi Kapoor was going to fo uin come and I would not be around to witness the moment. ‘Oh. We can’t do this. ‘We don’t want all this nonsense. no. We’d never had the underworld calling us to stop the release of a film. I had my moment. ‘Now go back inside. ‘I’m standing here in front of you. . They put me in this small room. for his sake. Nothing can happen to me and nothing will happen to your son.’ So I stood there. my assistants kept coming to tell me. . He had so much love going for him. Nothing’s gonna happen. ‘You know. and Shammi Kapoor came in a Mercedes just like I had imagined. It was the first—and possibly the last time.’ But we did have the premiere at Liberty. to keep me safe.’ ‘Oh. I’m a Pathan. But my mother was very scared.indd 67 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM .’ He told my mother. ot g N Pen ‘My son’s dream was to see Shammi Kapoor get out of a car and @ come for his premiere.’ But I couldn’t go outside because of the threat. It was because of my father.’ I said. It was early in the morning. The film released. Karan. I didn’t see it. ‘What do you mean?’ py Co He said. people were leaving but the security guys weren’t allowing me to meet the industry. ‘How is it doing? What happened on the weekend?’ ht He said.’ An Unsuitable Boy.’ They said. They said. ‘There was euphoria. ‘All of you should leave Mumbai.indd 68 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM . 68 Karan Johar While everybody enjoyed the film. ‘It’s a blockbuster. ‘It’s not?’ He said.’ se ou We took a flight to London. it’s a blockbuster. They stood up and clapped. in a rented apartment in London. ‘If it isn’t a hit. @ I asked. ‘Adi just called. ‘What do you want in this world?’ rig I said. ‘What nonsense are you talking?’ He said. with two security guards outside. ‘Your picture’s not a hit. ‘Karan. Dad and me flew out of the country because the di In cops said. I was sitting alone in that little room. I felt it had reached a point where she was hoping the film fo uin would flop so that it would go off the radar. and they were asking for you. it’s not even a super hit. ‘No. I wanted to know what had happened. People are going crazy. followed by the whole team.’ Literally. I woke up my parents and said. You’ll be safer anywhere else. My mother was so irc an rc R scared.’ And I said. ot g N Pen On the Monday after the release. We went to see the ul do n film in a local theatre. And then Nikhil and Tarun came. ‘a star is born’ moment had happened! a That night. You got a standing ovation. it can’t be a super hit. The film had ended. but it was not the same. Wake up your parents. the entire industry clapped.’ I went barging into my parents’ room. ‘Well. io H at m disconnected. I got a call from Adi. Mum. ‘What do you want to buy?’ I asked. it’s a huge hit. They were asleep.’ I said. We were away. Your advance booking lines for the next week are longer than your first week’s.’ Then he said.’ I said. people wearing cool chains. I don’t know how I felt. That was a gap of eighteen years. buying those ou Shah Rukh T-shirts. my father never had one hit film. but now when I think about it. But a over a period of time. We were in London. ot g N Pen @ ht rig py Co An Unsuitable Boy.indd 69 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM . I feel a sense of elation. so I missed those first four weeks. All these things that I had created were intrinsically io H at m part of my South Bombay aesthetic and sensibility mixed with my love ul do n for Hindi cinema. From 1980 to 1998. their kids. Added to it was my desire to tell an emotional tale. I don’t remember being very happy. He had never heard the word ‘blockbuster’ associated with any of his movies. the euphoria had subsided. not since my father’s first film. An Unsuitable Boy 69 My father woke up and started calling distributors in India. Dostana. I realize the impact Kuch di In Kuch Hota Hai has had on their love lives. We had never given a hit film. when I meet people. All of them had flopped. irc an rc R Kuch Kuch Hota Hai was undoubtedly the most honest projection of fo uin who I was. He had seen eighteen years of failure as a producer. When I came back to Mumbai. in 1980. I saw girls with se the same hairband as Kajol’s. I had missed out on all the excitement of my film’s release fo uin and early run because of the underworld threat. even today. But both of them were low-key and introverts. I realize that it’s a big-brand offshoot. pun not intended. the most uneventful part of my life was ul do n irc an between Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and Kabhi Khushi Kabhie rc R Gham . 5 Early Film-making Years a di In se ou io H W at m  hen I look back. when I look back. . I rig was the only one who was a bit of a speaker. I think py Co people realized I could speak when I gave those acceptance speeches at various award shows. For a film director to be articulate and communicative was a new-age phenomenon. Directors were talked about in the 1950s and ’60s.indd 70 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM . Today. I gave interviews. . I was about twenty-six then. So people took note of the fact that here was an articulate young director. I was so excited about what was happening in my life. There was Aditya Chopra who had come before me and there ht was Sooraj Barjatya. 70 An Unsuitable Boy. I came across like somebody who could make good copy. I think I set a certain precedent for things to come. I brought the director out of the closet. It’s something I’ve never shied away from. So I did a lot of press and built a lot of relationships with the media. I had somehow ot g N Pen become the representative of a small new brigade of young film- @ makers. I was happy to be in the limelight. I started that movement of bringing the director into focus. I had a huge need and desire to be liked by everybody. and I spoke a lot. Now I can’t be pushed out of this @ domain. and was out there giving interviews to newspapers and various TV channels. because when people come from the outside to Bollywood. When you have a sense of low self-esteem. In fact. I like to speak. I kept accumulating awards as the Kuch Kuch ou Hota Hai euphoria continued. and rightfully so. there’s relief more than arrogance. I say this with a huge amount of modesty—it was not intentional. They think that this is me. I wanted to be Mr Popular. I’ve done it. it was just an extension of my personality. They have a certain kind of inbuilt arrogance which I think the fraternity children don’t have because they have seen the ups and downs. and I made sense when I spoke. Bimal Roy and Raj Kapoor. I think I changed that. So it kind of a built up. Earlier. I don’t know why I never developed any arrogance. The one way to keep yourself afloat is to have your own way of being. There’s relief ot g N Pen that this is now my home for life. I feel that rig people from the fraternity realize that I have a lower level of arrogance py Co than people from the outside. I handled irc an rc R success really well. to be nice to members An Unsuitable Boy. And I said things that were interesting. I can linger here for a long time because I’ve done one solid ht film that will be considered a landmark in Hindi cinema. You can be successful one Friday and the next week things could work against you and you could be off the radar. and when fo uin you achieve success. I think it’s my upbringing. She did an Amul show for which she called me. I had this innate need to be Miss Congeniality. When I look ul do n back. se In the meantime. loved by one and all. Then there was a slump about discussions of directors. But I think my personality doesn’t allow io H at m for things to go to my head. It was not something I did di In purposely. They were not really at the forefront of things. it went right up to Subhash Ghai. An Unsuitable Boy 71 There were big names like Guru Dutt. sometimes funny.indd 71 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM . I remember the first-ever show I did was for Sanjana Kapoor. I worked towards it. It just happened. they have no reference to context. candid and irreverent. I’d seen so much failure that I knew that success and failure go hand in hand. I built that equity subconsciously. I hung out. amiable. The clothes changed. I wanted di In to be that accessible. So she was still kind An Unsuitable Boy. It was more exciting than anything else. When you blend in. affable person. social events. Earlier. Also. I attended irc an rc R parties. to be nice to actors. outings. and I got myself a driver. The cars changed. and I sometimes play- se acted the part. which then became a part of who I was. I wanted to be a socialite film-maker.’ And then the actors of my generation—I can hang out with them. the watch on the wrist was a little more expensive. I was very excited—that when I meet Sridevi. what immediately happened was that our economic status changed. to be nice to the fraternity. and I think I ul do n did everything in my capacity to make that happen for me. and that changed. My mum always says I’m middle class in my head. I didn’t want to be this aloof. When I meet superstars of yore. I was completely in the ot g N Pen thick of it all. plan dinners. to fit in. When I look back at that phase @ in my life. I was meeting people as an entity in my own right for the first time. she’ll know who I am. I think arrogance isolates you. which is what a I wanted to be. I made a conscious attempt to get in touch with fo uin people. I didn’t want to have a high-handed attitude.indd 72 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM . you’re a part of the scheme of things. I was so excited to belong. I realize that was the time when I was actually building this ht personality type. io H at m distant film-maker. I think that’s what I wanted to communicate. and I’m a terrible driver. 72 Karan Johar of the media. for very many rig years. he might take that extra minute to talk to me because I’ve done something worthwhile. I didn’t have one during Kuch Kuch Hota Hai—I used to drive to the sets in a Maruti 800. ‘So proud of you. they’ll bless me with. We moved to Bandra and bought a larger apartment. I can’t change that. py Co I After the success of Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. I also created a certain personality type which ou stuck only because I wanted to blend in. we knew your father. When I meet Mr Bachchan. I used to share a driver with my father. and I loved every bit of it. One of the brothers is sent away. At parties. If you don’t blow it. pinch my cheek. Mum. who will?”’ se ou So I just let it be. and introduce me and say to the other person. I’d say that was the first upside that my mom and dad saw. So we definitely leveraged the financial rewards that came by as a result of Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. embarrassingly so. ‘Tune Kuch Kuch Hota Hai dekhi? Kitni bar dekhi? Do bar to dekhi hogi. ‘Toh kya hua? Dev Anand once told me. my father was so proud and excited. like being banished from the house. My parents reacted very strongly to the characters. fo uin ot g N Pen I @ ht rig We were at Adi’s shoot for Mohabbatein in the outskirts of London. I had started writing my next film. “It’s your trumpet. And my mum was very happy buying ul do n her new diamonds. we went on a holiday irc an rc R again after six months. ‘Why are you saying this.indd 73 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM . Dad and I travelled. Meanwhile. As far as the mood and morale go. they loved what I was trying to do with it. An Unsuitable Boy 73 of watching her moves in terms of her expenditure. to my parents. why not make a family film. They loved the idea. My father was an exceptionally simple man. He was seeing that level of success after nearly two io H at m decades. I kept developing An Unsuitable Boy. mammoth family saga. . py Co Mum. he would embarrass me. He was never somebody who wanted material things. My mother and me are the type who enjoy the good life. I wanted to make the Ramayana but in a modern milieu.’ a And I’d say. I was obsessed with the image of having six stars on a poster. I felt. But there was definitely an economic growth. And the younger brother goes and gets his brother and bhabhi back. Like Kabhi Kabhie had an array of stars. I was a huge Yash Chopra fan and I wanted a poster that had a host of stars on it! Leading movie stars all together in a big. . and he deserved to enjoy it. The Lakshman character was actually Hrithik. Papa?’ di In Then he’d say. Dad and I had gone for that outdoor shoot and that’s where I narrated the central idea of Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham . I bumped into him at Manish Malhotra’s store. She was eighteen. this is it. We developed the script in detail.’ I said. Then I wrote it with a friend called Sheena Parekh. this is the correct cast. So I went to my dad and said.indd 74 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM . And Hrithik was a very close friend of Uday’s. . Hrithik was a friend at that point of time. I’ve found my Poo. ‘I want Amitabh Bachchan. that is the cast. and saw @ Kareena Kapoor. ‘Listen. asking. . It became my retreat to get away from Mumbai. Pyaar Hai at that se point. ‘Yes. Hrithik and Kareena. I met Sheena through a common friend. and became Abhishek Bachchan’s heroine in Refugee. Jaya Bachchan. She rig was supposed to do Kaho Naa . I knew him as a child. So I used a to hang around with Hrithik a lot. .’ He said. and to write. And I said to myself. and looked like she was already a ht movie star. But the way she stood in that party. I saw that he was very sincere about di In what he was doing. io H at m And on a whim I said. ‘Have faith. Kareena ki kitni film release hui hain? Take someone more established. I decided I wanted the Bachchans to play the parents. ‘Yes.’ An Unsuitable Boy. He’d come with ou his mother for something. and ul do n play the younger brother of Shah Rukh.’ He asked. ‘All in one movie?’ I said. I decided that Hrithik and Kareena should play the younger lot. 74 Karan Johar it. and that whole gang I had gotten close to. Shah Rukh. so she had a different take on things. I want you to do my next film. Kajol. she was a Harvard MBA and all that. I took off for a month or two to London.’ irc an rc R He then called me. He was training for Kaho Naa . We started writing it together. I will come to you with the script. and Shah Rukh and Kajol to play the older brother and wife. She had that attitude which I wanted for my character Poo. ‘Why Hrithik? He has not even released his first film. ‘Did you mean what you said? fo uin I said. I walked into the Bombay Times party.’ ot g N Pen Two nights later. She had just been signed to play the lead in Refugee. But it was nice to collaborate with her. Pyaar Hai but she walked out of py Co the film. I met him through Adi and Uday. . it was as if she had already released five blockbusters. the Bachchans are on. An Unsuitable Boy. ‘I want to meet you.’ He was completely cooperative and supportive. I called Amit uncle and said.’ I had actually decided that if Kajol said no. it was that interim zone. it’s your film. ‘Listen. and she loved me. I went to meet Kajol at Filmistan and she was all set to say no to me. I can’t not do this. I’d go straight to Aishwarya. She’s a very possessive girl. ‘I know it’s for Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham  . So my father said okay. I had the feeling that Kajol might refuse. She said. ‘Why?’ she asked. In the afternoon. fo uin Shah Rukh called. ‘It sounds great. and she said.  .’ ul do n I didn’t want to approach them as a couple.’ ot g N Pen And he said. An Unsuitable Boy 75 It was just my instinct on Hrithik. He said yes. Then I told her about her role and she said.  . saying that there was no way in hell that she was not going to do this film. I had spoken only to Shah Rukh about the idea. But this was also the time when his show Kaun a Banega Crorepati was on its way up on TV. ‘Okay.’ He was shooting for Mohabbatein at that time. I can’t say no to you. Of course.indd 75 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM . But he was in a zone where di In he was not getting the films he wanted to do. called Jaya aunty again. and she told me she was at Filmistan Studio.’ I had told her about the movie earlier. and said I wanted ou to meet her officially. cool. se I got out of the house. ‘Yeah. I called her and asked her where she was shooting py Co that day.’ I went to his house and told him about the film. ‘Listen. But here she was. I’m on and very excited and happy. I wanted to approach irc an rc R them as two entities. and I told him. great!’ @ The only one I was not sure of was Kajol because she had just ht gotten married to Ajay. whatever you want to do. I offered her the role. There had been a little dip in his career. give io H at m me a day. ‘Cool. I’ll die if you sign another heroine. He had said. and there was a lot of talk that she didn’t want rig to act any more. ‘I can’t believe it!’ My last meeting of the day was with Kareena Kapoor. People had started a comparing him to Shah Rukh. I wish it was as easy today. fo uin The negativity that crept in was not justified or correct. was the easiest thing ever. Pyaar Hai hadn’t released. It’s actually a well-balanced An Unsuitable Boy. There were no problems whatsoever. Shah Rukh was a bit distant at that time rig because of everything that was happening. Everyone has that big scene. But it’s not possible. . Hrithik I had already told. Now he’s become a lot better. He’s not the most people-friendly person. Yes. io H at m When I’d signed him. Everyone has a big introduction..indd 76 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM . If you see Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham . But that was a phase when se one or two of Shah Rukh’s films had gone wrong and the media had ou started projecting Hrithik up there. But ul do n by the time we started shooting in September 2000. It was unfair. py Co So I felt I needed to hold his hand a bit. Kajol was Team Shah Rukh. I called him again and said that we were on. not for anyone. that was done. Kaho Naa . then the other one has an item song. 76 Karan Johar So. There was not a single ego clash. No actor wanted a scene changed. And Hrithik. to sign six movie stars for a film in one day. the Bachchans didn’t ht have that equation with him. . and he was really excited. Shooting Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham  . di In and Shah Rukh was already such a big star. He said. If one has a comic scene. It was a dream. I signed all of them on the same day. Pyaar Hai had released by then and Hrithik was this new star. anyway. nothing. We got close to each other—he was a bit of a lost child in this whole lot.  . . The only problem in the shoot was that Kaho Naa . I felt Hrithik was the only one during the course of the @ shooting who needed a little hand-holding.  . . all six of them. because he was too junior. And we developed a really good friendship. it was already a irc an rc R certified blockbuster after its release in January that year. . there was no insecurity. See. is slightly awkward around people. it’s a star vehicle. Apart from that. it was the most fun I’ve ever had on set. and it was ot g N Pen really sad. . or the ‘Shawa Shawa’ set. Shah Rukh for what he did. You know that Hrithik and Kareena are the youth factor in the film. the helicopter shots. how the hell did I get away with this film? se ou I didn’t have to ‘handle’ anyone. Everybody who rig came on the set said. it’s like py Co a saga! Yeh toh Sholay hai!’ Each set was bigger than the other—whether it was the set of Chandni Chowk. so they come in and sing two big songs in the second half. The budget at that point of time. ‘This movie is going to be it! Oh my god. spent Rs 50 crore on a feature film when the total remuneration of the cast at that time was 6 crore rupees. the Bachchans for a the gravitas that they provided as parents. you don’t realize who’s better than the other. In such a success-ridden industry. The visuals were engaging. And I was so excited. Everything was monumental. @ In the course of the shoot. You remember Hrithik for what he did. ot g N Pen It was after the film released that I got the first knock on my head. you just talk about the movie. the big star cast. was Rs 50 crore. It was humongous. When I look back. The money was all spent on the movie. It was a blessed screenplay that gave everyone equal importance. An Unsuitable Boy 77 screenplay. Then they all have one big song together. It’s as simple as that. Kareena for her Poo. ul do n and they expect you to do your job. when you think of the movie. in the history of film budgets at least. There was no inequality in di In roles. in 2001. Or the song we shot in Egypt. I wonder. or the big homes we shot in. It was an all-time-high budget. oh. I had all the money in the world to play with. Kajol for her gregarious Punjabi girlhood. An Unsuitable Boy. or the ‘Bole Chudiya’ set. there was no problem. Shah Rukh stole the show or Kajol did. It’s everyone’s movie. No one had ever. I had become this spoilt. You’ve made a blockbuster.indd 77 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM . you irc an rc R have to make another. Even now. the music was big. No one says. The film was looking ht great. io H at m everyone automatically places all their faith in you if you’ve had success. overindulged child who just felt like spending all that money. I fo uin thought I was making Mother India. which is why there was no problem. Shah Rukh and Kajol have the two big songs in the first half. which is equivalent to today’s 500 crore. there were no multiplexes. I thought it was going to be a disaster.indd 78 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM . But I had got my first blow when I saw Lagaan. suddenly in that year. I’ll never forget An Unsuitable Boy. A trade analyst wrote about the film and his last line was ‘Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham disappoints. it’ll be unaffordable and you won’t be able to release it. because there’s no way you can recover that kind of investment. My worst fears finally came true. These were the words. But Lagaan banished all the myths di In of Indian cinema. it would make the ‘investors unhappy’. I saw it and I thought. Up till that point I was the cool guy. The film released three days before Eid. for hairstyle. and subsequently Dil Chahta Hai. intrinsically. Then I saw Dil Chahta Hai. Subhash Ghai. And then came my film.’ As it had opened to 50–60 per cent houses. the syntax of cinema had changed. and realized that this is what the io H at m new cool was. Lagaan released in June on the same rig day as Gadar and did the same numbers. But my film was wannabe- irc an rc R cool. my film is not that great. a It had everything wrong. which had released earlier that year. in August. on the heels of 9/11. So the film was made and it released on 14 December 2001. if you make that exact same film with the same cast. in-your-face mainstream family saga that seemed so full of effort. which was on Monday. authentically cool was Farhan fo uin Akhtar’s depiction of urban youth. And Aamir Khan had brought about that change. overly opulent. Two months later. came Dil Chahta Hai and it redefined. what happened py Co there? Lagaan changed the tide of Hindi cinema. the ot g N Pen mannerisms. 78 Karan Johar Today. Eid was on 17 December. an over-the-top. There was a part of me that got a little afraid. shit. because I had ul do n got Polo Sport and DKNY into my films. or created the new cool. I felt. spoke. What was really. I thought. it was just single screens. I wanted to ht make a film that did the numbers. it’s just a commercial ou film. Raj Kapoor. Those days. My sensibilities were mixed up with those of the film- @ makers of yore—Yash Chopra. that film. clothes—all the things that I was known for. When I went to see Lagaan. and will entail heavy losses to all concerned. the way they dressed. se mine is not this kind of cinematic experience. Niranjan Iyengar. An Unsuitable Boy 79 them. He came running to my place and asked. and I’ve ruined it all. Niranjan. Yash Raj was doing the film on ou commission. ‘old wine. took me to a psychic. Like Alia Bhatt. weeping. ‘I think I’ve made a big flop. My parents had gone to show the film to the President of the country at that time. I was alone at home. And we had overseas rights—which was a big part of io H at m the picture—on commission. ‘nowhere close to Lagaan. ‘My picture is going to flop and we’ll be moving back to our old house. I can’t remember the name of the President. ‘nowhere close to the magic of Kuch Kuch Hota Hai’. ‘What happened?’ a I said. I was not used to criticism yet. They resounded in my head. and things like that. who was the celebrity psychic at that time. sitting in the waiting room of a psychic. We had this magazine that came every Saturday—it arrived as scheduled. Sunita Menon. I read it and started weeping. ‘over the top’. We had taken risks irc an rc R ourselves. called me at that time to tell me excitedly that he was at a birthday party where the kids were performing to the ‘You Are My Soniya’ song. ‘What happened to you?’ I said. One day after the release. Now there were reviews rig which said. new bottle’. We were doing a lot of territories on ul do n our own because it was such an expensive film. shattered.indd 79 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM . ‘You’ll be fine. And he heard this meltdown on the phone. ‘over-opulent’. as Rajeev ot g N Pen Masand said. There I was.’ di In My father had fleetingly said that if this film didn’t run. we would se have to go back to our old house. or py Co ‘in your face’. But yes. ‘not as cool as Dil Chahta Hai’. When Sunita Menon saw me. have I just screwed it up for myself? fo uin What have I gone and done? I loved the film. I was feeling deceived. An Unsuitable Boy.’ She asked me to calm down. betrayed. my friend. I had @ been accepted after Kuch Kuch Hota Hai—there had been a flurry of ht compliments. she asked. So I suddenly thought.’ she said. I was not used to such words. Lagaan remains the film of the year’. instead of taking me to a doctor. it was. I met Anil Thadani. if everything goes well. My father’s rakhi sisters. Wait. An Unsuitable Boy. and he said. woh pata nahi abhi picture release hua hai. I have to show you something. we’ll see on Monday.’ I said. screw the reviews. scared. I said to myself. . all out of breath.indd 80 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM . it was not like se today.’ io H at m I asked. traffic toh hil hi nahi raha hai. I asked. my college friend. But it never got the respect at that time.’ ht I then rolled the window down and saw a cop. ‘Ye wali line?’ He said. Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham . Anil mujhe Liberty mein mil raha hai. crowd control ke liye.’ fo uin But I got stuck in traffic. I remember leaving the a house. On Monday morning. ke liye. . ‘Woh advance booking ki line. ‘No.’ I got out of the car and started running towards Liberty. I remember Screen Awards had a Jury Award. And Aditya Chopra. heading towards the office. Adi said. ‘Baba. You have to come irc an rc R to Liberty Cinema. ‘You know what. Itna bada line hai ki police ko bulaya hai.’ Anil said. Your picture is a blockbuster. just wait till Monday. I’ll give up non-vegetarian food. waiting. horn ot g N Pen bajao. ‘Bhaiya. Will you calm down?’ That Sunday was miserable. ‘Kitna traffic hai. It did double the business of Lagaan. which was an industry award. Then Anil called me and said. 80 Karan Johar Then I called Anil Thadani. na. I’ll walk to Siddhivinayak. Idiotic things I vowed in my frustration. it’s before Eid. I’ve made a disaster. the climate was totally different. ‘Have you seen this? This is what you were crying over the weekend for. ‘Why?’ ul do n And he said. I was nervous.’ @ He said. ‘I ou need you to come to town. Then I asked. advance di In booking used to open for the second week on Monday. ‘Just calm down. ‘Haan. ye rig kya hai? Itna traffic kyun hai? Ye jam kyun hai?’ py Co He said. People are clapping in the halls!’ It was as big a hit as Gadar. I need to show you something. Those days. ‘No.’ I just looked at him. I told the driver. and maybe that was the best thing. were on that jury. has been the biggest success for ot g N Pen Dharma Productions. I went to London to get away from it all. I should’ve made a great film. I said screw it. I had done so much. so-and-so reviewer didn’t like it and that I didn’t win any award. I was very depressed. . you see. . . People across the world know this film. and got this message: Lagaan Oscar nominated. It’s true. ou I thought nobody’s going to remember Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham . I went away. I felt ashamed. and I was not nominated in the Best Director category. I had spent so much. remains my biggest hit. I An Unsuitable Boy. It’s got the biggest brand value in Germany. . It has global love. in Ireland. nobody remembers that Kabhi Khushi Kabhie irc an rc R Gham . My father took it to heart. It has given me more money than any other film @ because every two years. I felt I had so many stars in the film. I’m not attending Screen Awards. But that year it broke me. That entire year. I didn’t think of whether the film was good or bad. some rights are negotiated. I was like a sulking child who didn’t get his candy. se I landed there. I just thought that nobody liked it. because had that not happened. Today. Everyone in the ht world knows Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham . Now I’m very proud of it. . py Co in France. An Unsuitable Boy 81 Waheeda aunty and Sadhana aunty. That’s what happened ul do n that year. but I could only think that so-and-so critic didn’t like it. I came crashing down. . maybe I would’ve become some crazy person. but for me it di In was my most depressing time. In some ways. . I a Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham . as the go-to Bollywood rig film of this country. But back then I was not. Now it’s on television every week. I’m leaving the country. .indd 81 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM . . fo uin Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham . . io H at m because Lagaan became the toast of the town. and I am still getting over what I went through that year. People would tell me they had seen the film ten times. it brought me down to earth. came out that same year. which was so stupid when I look back. only I know what I went through. I have that exposure. I didn’t want to go on the set as a director. I might do the same thing again. I gave him the central idea: A man dying. nobody had An Unsuitable Boy. ‘Oh. An angel who comes into people’s lives. So what if Lagaan got nominated to the Oscars. ‘But I hated it. it did better than Lagaan?’ And I would think: Why is he acting shocked? Why is he acting surprised? It did do better than Lagaan. perception is reality. ‘Yeah. I felt the need to say. Also. I wanted to do it in a modern. That’s how I began my journey to write Kal Ho Naa Ho.’ irc an rc R I was going through that. Yes. I was very charged. So I chose Nikhil Advani. Let me write a cool film. because now I was obsessed with New York. who had worked with me on two films. First I wanted him to write it. py Co I kept thinking that if I directed now. but do you know it did double the business of Lagaan?’ People at that time didn’t know so much about a film’s commercial earnings. let me shoot from somebody else’s shoulder. people are ul do n like. Mine did double the business. whatever. and they’d say. but will love Udaan. to direct it. ‘Really. Who likes that di In movie?’ But those films have done the numbers. There is a certain se urban audience you surround yourself with.indd 82 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM . to the point that I thought I had to make fo uin a cool film. 82 Karan Johar attached so much importance to those awards and those critics. Lunchbox is io H at m spectacular. There are so many mainstream a movies about which people will say. I wanted to do voice-overs. I’ve grown up ot g N Pen in South Bombay. In this industry. I had made a trip in between and I felt like New York should be a character in the film. I wanted talking-to-the-camera which is what Kal Ho Naa Ho is like. not London. I decided I would shoot the film in New York. But I wanted to tell it interestingly. which was a new idea. I felt the need to justify the film to everyone. even I’m cool. I thought. But at that time. Udaan is great. I started writing Kal Ho Naa Ho. rig But I was a bit shaken. who may not have seen ou a blockbuster. I’ve got that affluence. How @ can Farhan Akhtar be considered the coolest director? I will write a cool ht film. cool way. But you make some cheesy commercial film. Then came a function. She was a kid. so Karan Johar’s assistant. He had made three or four trips to New York. organized by the police. I believe it’s my best screenplay. stared at people. but with a traditional heart. Preity. I was also grappling with the An Unsuitable Boy. we looked through each other at parties. ot g N Pen I said. how dare she behave like this with me? Anyway. narrated it to everybody. Kunal Kohli. she’s a decade younger than me. In fact. I thought. She didn’t take my call. has made this ou flop. ‘Aditya Chopra’s assistant.’ ul do n The weekend of that film’s (Mujhse Dosti Karoge!) release. ‘Sorry. Kareena and I didn’t speak to py Co each other for almost a year. An Unsuitable Boy 83 yet shot an entire Hindi film in Manhattan. se She said. I offered irc an rc R her Kal Ho Naa Ho. is not to be trusted io H at m either. Shah Rukh and all of us went to New York.’ ht and I called her. and he had gotten really exhausted planning the film because we had to deal with unions—it was basically a new kind of zone we were operating in. My father had already done a lot of prep work. came back to Mumbai. finally Saif. For a year. where I saw Kareena and gave her a semi-smile. Mujhse Dosti Karoge! di In had just released. directed by Kunal Kohli.’ @ I was very hurt. I sat in Central Park. ‘We’re not taking rig her.’ And we signed Preity Zinta instead. Nikhil Advani. wrote the film. I loved the process. I wanted that New York vibe—people rushing about with coffee cups. My first problem was with Kareena. It was very idiotic. She asked for too much money a and we had some kind of a fallout at that time. So I started writing. ‘Leave that negotiation room. And I wanted to do all the formalities and get all the rights properly. hip film in New York. I went to New York and sat there for three months. In fact. selected the cast. and everyone in their New York city clothes. I told my father. I decided I was going to make this cool. and I said. I wrote it with the cast in mind.indd 83 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM . and she asked for the same money that Shah Rukh fo uin was getting. but she looked away and so I looked away too. The film was not mine any more. io H at m I was almost going to call him for a discussion once. stopped my ambitious side. I was just the writer.’ irc an rc R I was advised by close friends to do the film myself. but he would still have been with my company. Today when I write that I’m the director of this film and that film. Now when I look back. I feel I should have never given anybody else the chance to direct this film. or the sensitive side of my py Co personality. Maybe I would ht have upset him. I deeply regret that the film does not have my name on it as director. I know he An Unsuitable Boy.indd 84 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM . There are two people who trained me in camera—Aditya Chopra and Nikhil Advani. It was tough during the making of Kal Ho Naa Ho. It was his. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. it’s completely a my film. When I look back. and I don’t have Kal Ho Naa Ho there. I was letting go. It had to happen because there was an inherent conflict between the writer of the film who was on set and the director who was executing it. But I really have only the fondest memories of him. That’s what invariably happens with me. which you should not. I feel I should have done it. ot g N Pen All these thoughts were there before the shooting of the film. I wanted to say that ‘Nikhil. as I was passionate fo uin about its writing. then we rose above it. things were turbulent. I think I should direct this film. I don’t know why I didn’t. to direct this big feature film. I sometimes place people above the work. but more than anything else. The emotional side. Because in spirit. even though he was my assistant. ou and I felt it was karma. I @ could have done anything and gotten away with it. It was hard. I just feel terrible I didn’t direct it. di In But then I had met Nikhil’s mum once. Now I would never make the mistake of writing a film and giving it to another director. Film is about energy. I don’t know why I gave it away. perhaps in execution. and she was so proud that se her son had been given this big platform. It should have been me all along. rig But I couldn’t do it. 84 Karan Johar fact that I was not a film-maker on this film. because we had a history before that. it bothers me. because it is your work. in heart. Today we are in touch and we’re friendly though we’re not friends. Then I stopped ul do n myself. We all thought it was the stress. An Unsuitable Boy 85 respects me and the company. But it wasn’t. Anyway. He’s been a part of my journey and I can safely say that that journey hasn’t ended. in the middle of the Kal Ho Naa Ho shoot. There’s something there. a di In se ou io H at m ul do n irc an rc R fo uin ot g N Pen @ ht rig py Co An Unsuitable Boy.indd 85 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM . my father began losing a lot of weight. August is going to come. We were in New York. but nothing happened. maybe Shah Rukh would get upset. including the tension between Nikhil and me. who was make-up @ artiste Mickey Contractor’s friend. god. We had already shot outdoors for eight days in rc R Toronto with Preity and Saif. the sun was out and we completed all our work. ot g N Pen I had met a coffee-cup reader. I thought. a lady called Rita. 6 The Death of My Father a di In se ou io H I at m n 2003. And I kept thinking. because you might get some kind of news that might shake up your life. But one thing stuck in my rig head.’ Anyway. She said. but we had to come back earlier because fo uin Shah Rukh was supposed to have a surgery. I was so worried. Beware of the first two py Co days of August. She did my coffee-cup reading and ht said some very accurate things about me. this is the best day of the shoot.indd 86 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM . ‘Beware of the month of August. something’s going to happen. we were going for a big outdoor shoot for Kal Ho Naa Ho ul do n irc an in June and July. On that outdoor shoot. 86 An Unsuitable Boy. Then July ended. maybe Nikhil would erupt. The weather was great. I kept feeling that some explosion would happen. the shoot started on 15 July. Anyway. and my father was very stressed out handling everything. 1 August came. ‘Yes. Papa?’ I asked. He said. ‘Give me two minutes. ‘Do you have cancer?’ se ou He looked at me and said. They discovered a fourth-stage tumour in his oesophagus. Twenty days before my father spoke to me. a He was silent. he had also lost about six kilos. Sam told him that the doctor had said that if Dad didn’t tell a family member. I looked at his face again and said. who. he had gone to a GP. He kept thinking it was merely a case of a sore throat. ‘No.’ When we broke for lunch. my father took me to a little room where it was just him and me. He had done all his tests. ‘Did Sam tell you?’ Sam was the general io H at m manager of the hotel where we were staying. had sent him to an oncologist. None of us could think of anything else. Meanwhile.indd 87 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM . An Unsuitable Boy 87 On 2 August. irc an rc R I said. We put it all down to the shoot. And that this had been happening for two months.’ @ I just sank. I’ve been losing rig weight. it really hurt. we were shooting Saif ’s introduction scene in an office area when my father walked in. and now had to start radiation. I’ve been eating only khichri–dahi.’ py Co My father had told Sam that every time he swallowed. He took me aside and said. It had a glass window and we could see what was happening outside. We’ll take this shot and break for lunch. I looked at him and—I have no idea why these di In words came out of my mouth. ‘You have cancer?’ ot g N Pen He said. ‘If you’ve noticed. ht But he was very strong.’ fo uin Then I asked again. ‘What happened. He was an old friend of ul do n my father. literally sank into a chair in the room. ‘I want to talk to you. I have no explanation—but I looked at him and said. An Unsuitable Boy. My mother thought it was because he was so stressed out about the shoot. they couldn’t go ahead with the treatment.’ I said okay. as a precautionary measure. indd 88 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM . ‘Don’t a tell Mum. and he just wept and wept. and I could feel her hand shivering in mine. very. Farah Khan was there too. But that night. The bank where we were doing business and the hospital where he was going for his tests were next to each other. ‘Then I’ll tell her. When he gave me this information. which is the stage before io H at m chemotherapy. Actually.’ We cried. the epicentre of that unit. ‘We have to be strong and positive for him because he’s rig going to make it. So my father would take the car. ‘No. You have to tell her. get off at the bank. We were a strong unit of three and it was like one-third of it. it was like our whole world had fallen apart. I was sitting in a room. Then I realized the reality of what was happening. you cannot do that.’ di In I said. He broke down. An Unsuitable Boy. You’re starting radiation.’ py Co And she said. I held her hand @ tight.’ se ou The next day he was to start radiation. my ot g N Pen mother hugged me and of course. when I went to Shah Rukh’s room—he was very. and let it all out. walk two blocks. He held his stomach. He hadn’t told any of us for about three weeks. the enormity of the situation didn’t hit us at that moment. He explained the entire situation. he had already been diagnosed with fourth-stage cancer.’ irc an rc R I still remember that day. In a sense. my father said. and then I walked towards them. very close to my father—it really hit me like a ton of bricks. Right after that. ht I said. 88 Karan Johar My father was not planning to tell me at all.. ul do n So he said. and go to the hospital to do all the tests just to make sure that the driver wouldn’t tell anyone that Mr Johar was visiting a hospital every day. I left the shoot and went to Sam who took us to the doctor. in the hall my fo uin father was telling my mother. ‘Yes. because he wept like a baby. I told Shah Rukh. as if from his core. she was in tears. was crumbling. He’s come for treatment. I can’t lose another. you could tell. We were in an outdoor location. my father was very strong. ‘I’ve lost one father.’ He just kept saying that because he used to treat my father like his own. My father was di In very clear that the work had to go on—it could not stop. and my father was diagnosed with cancer in New York . ‘What are you doing in ul do n New York? How come you’re here?’ irc an rc R I said. For the first three days. I couldn’t find the tears. that coffee-cup reader. But I found him a bit quiet three or four days later. in Toronto. ‘You’re serious? This is the story of the film?’ rig My father replied. He used to call him ‘Tom uncle’. My mother was there. I had gone numb. and the whole crew was there to help my father go through the beats of the treatment. ‘Can you fly to New York?’ She said she’d come. I put it aside and said. kuch khaana hai? You hungry?’ An Unsuitable Boy. ‘We’re here making a film. we were shooting a film. se The next day we went to the hospital.’ And I thought. One day I went into his room in the hotel and he was sitting alone staring at the photograph that both he and Mom always carried with them. ‘Papa. .’ fo uin He said. so were my maasi and my mother’s first cousin. io H at m He did some tests on my father and said. a The whole crew. I have the same photo too. had gone into shock. trust my father to have a sense of humour even at such a time. and met the doctor who was ou an American gentleman. An Unsuitable Boy 89 He cried and said. . What was going on? I called up Rita.’ ht The doctor said. because I couldn’t believe it. I said. with affection. There was a support system. I was so shocked at his reaction. ‘Oh really? What is the film about?’ ot g N Pen My father said. It’s one of all three of us—and they’re hugging me. We started the treatment.indd 89 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM . What is happening to me is what the film py Co is about. ‘It’s about a man who comes to New York because @ he’s dying. you know. ‘Yes. ’ I said. se I had seen my father cry only once before this—when he saw Kuch ou Kuch Hota Hai. I said. ‘What happened?’ and he said. you’re going nowhere. I take total control. Then the outdoor shoot finished. @ But in situations like this I don’t break down. there was a lot happening around us. we’re rig doing the radiation. I don’t want to leave you all and go. you’re going to be fine. and I can cry a lot. Unless there’s a miracle. ht I said. he’s not going to make it.’ He said it about di In ten times and then he broke down. There is an innate strength that just fo uin comes out of me. All through the chemo. ul do n I went and closed the door. and done two cycles of chemo. Everything is going to be py Co fine. I don’t want to leave you. ‘I don’t want to leave you and go. and everybody An Unsuitable Boy.’ I said. ‘No. I can’t leave you and go. Why do you say that?’ He said. Karan. and—this happens to me in extreme irc an rc R situations—I became very strong. I went to her room right after this. I asked her. I don’t want to leave you and go. Rita had come to New York by this time. ‘Ten months.’ I meant that from my heart.’ a He kept saying. He said. and he had to keep eating.’ We went through the beats. I’m overly sensitive. It was a unit of eighty people. In my whole life. I don’t want to go anywhere. How can it happen? I have to see you married.indd 90 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM . I don’t think he’s going to make it. you’re not going to go anywhere. ‘No. ‘Papa. It’s my way of ot g N Pen expressing myself and I always feel like it’s soul cleansing when you cry. I would go every day to the set. We’re doing the treatment. ‘Is my father going to make it?’ And she said. ‘Okay. I have to see you grow. By then he had finished radiation. I saw him cry only on these two io H at m occasions. ‘No.’ and then he mumbled something. ‘I don’t want to leave you and go. 90 Karan Johar We had been instructed on the specific foods to give him. and on the chemotherapy days I would take him to the hospital. But his appetite had gone down because of the medication. He was very positive. while my father a continued the treatment in New York.  . Zee. irc an rc R I came back to Mumbai. ‘I heard about Yash uncle. It was August. she had dealt with a Dr Noorie in New York. Don’t worry. August. Meanwhile. rig The film released in November to great feedback. and she said. Mil Gaya released the same day. An Unsuitable Boy.’ ou She got really emotional on the phone. He was also a little weak by then. was treating him. you’re going to be fine. Koi  . make the promos. We had not spoken for nine months. That was the time Kareena di In Kapoor called me. People performed to his songs. he got so much adulation. ‘It’s fine. and got into the thick of getting the film fo uin ready for release. The film was our third hit in a row. and so did the audiences. ‘I love you and io H at m I’m so sorry I haven’t been in touch. We had shot the film in June. se She called and said. Everybody was trying . .’ ul do n We sort of patched up at that time. So I had to head back. It was a hectic time. and there’s a great chance that you’re going to make it. They are always very positive in New York.  . IIFA (International Indian Film Academy). and my father was such a loved man—he started getting all the lifetime achievement awards.indd 91 12/5/2016 11:21:50 AM . My father. He kept saying. all of them honoured him. and so on. It was a time full of tears and pride and applause. Dr Suresh @ Advani. was doing his last couple of cycles of chemo in Mumbai. Screen. So she had already put us through to the doctor. When Pam aunty went through a bout of cancer. His voice would kind of crack every time he spoke. The award season started. so both were touted as films of the year.’ We were releasing Kal Ho Naa Ho in November. July. . caught between the ht chemotherapy and releasing Kal Ho Naa Ho. and in September I had to shoot the songs. my father’s treatment was going on. They called it the hat-trick of Dharma Productions. Filmfare. Critics liked it. py Co who was back by now. It went on to get a lot of love and became a cult film. ot g N Pen We had changed the doctor and now a Sindhi gentleman. An Unsuitable Boy 91 used to come and sit together after pack-up and chat. I remember the speech so well: Fathers and sons.indd 92 12/5/2016 11:21:51 AM . just like your father did. your sister and then your wife? Why? Because you then fo uin become a father. loving like him—I was just being him. you could call it anything. and I wish with all my heart. your innermost thoughts. when I made a speech about fathers and sons. My father is my conscience. that. Ladies and gentlemen. and I’m sure this applies to all of you as well. But what I also realized was that I was subconsciously being the man my father is. I then realized that a father not only gives his son his name. Dad. human relationships. probably one of the most emotionally deep. Communication. if you have a problem with your father. always broadens the gap between the two of them. you could call it py Co a difference of opinion. So much is left unsaid between the two of them. that one day you do too. your tears. I’ve always asked myself and today I address di In this question to all of you sons out there: Why did you stop hugging se your father after a certain age? Why did you stop expressing. I too had issues. my father is my hero. Who is going to break this vicious @ circle? I realized. like rig every other son. I was talking like him. always a gap between a a name and a surname. he also gives him his personality. I don’t say it often enough to you. Probably one of the most intense human equations. or rather a lack of it. simply because there are such few words in this relationship. you actually have a problem with yourself. and then you bottle up. I love you very. very. minor issues with my father. always reserved for rc R your mother. my father is my strength. my father is my support. feeling like him. and ou io H being affectionate to your father after a certain age? Why is there this at m inexplicable awkwardness between a father and son? Why are all your ul do n irc an emotions. Words alone cannot describe what a father and son feel for each other. So somewhere. but what better than this global platform to say. You could call it a generation gap. ht like everybody else. I love you. ot g N Pen and this vicious circle continues. And I wish I could love you as much An Unsuitable Boy. very much. 92 Karan Johar I think my best moment was in Singapore. I’ve had this realization and this opportunity to express myself. during IIFA. There’s always a gap between a father and son. was very strong as well. it would kill him. He passed away twenty-one days later. All Dad worried py Co about was Mom and me. and our response to his cancer. said: ‘Ladies and gentlemen.’ All through this time. whether it was alternative treatments. his son Karan has very ably done. who was there. The doctors said that it had not gone to the liver. ou I didn’t tell my mother. I didn’t even tell him. I actually have no individual irc an rc R recollection of that time. came up with this clutter. I suddenly felt like I had become the man of the house. I derived a lot of strength from her. She was rock solid. it was not ebbing. and there are very few Karans who have fathers like Yash-ji. It was lit up like a Christmas tree. I love you. She would @ ht get teary but I never saw her break down. I think it was because we rig knew that if we all broke down. And then Amit uncle. We were such a close-knit family that the thought of not having him around was not a thought we could bear. my mother stayed very positive. or doing the mrityunjay jaap on the side. I An Unsuitable Boy. But that’s when I knew io H at m that it was not looking good at all. who is a very emotional person. I just remember being very strong through it fo uin all. homoeopathy. I made that speech about fathers and sons in Singapore in June 2004. Somehow I had not accepted it. I was desperate and tried anything and everything. So it had spread. it’s not a good thing. se There were other clusters. It a di In was still centred around the lung but it had spread. There are very few fathers that have sons like Karan. but I don’t think I’m capable of such unconditional love. ot g N Pen My mother. I think whatever needed to be said about Mr Yash Johar. An Unsuitable Boy 93 as you love me. He had developed prostate cancer by now. but the PET scan we did in February or March.indd 93 12/5/2016 11:21:51 AM . ul do n I was very strong those last few months. When it touches the liver. but I was preparing myself for it in my own strange way. You are my world. And yet fighting and trying everything possible. complained of a headache and went to bed. Finally. who is Amit uncle’s doctor too. because he had made some change and he wanted to make sure he had signed on it. He took out his will. the maid came and woke me up. but he wouldn’t tell me. I have twice had this instinct about something. I wanted to drag him out of there. kuch keh nahi paa rahe. ‘Papa bimar ou hain. I didn’t know what. because his lungs were giving way. My mother and I rushed him to Lilavati Hospital. ‘Papa. was in charge of him in Lilavati. and I couldn’t go to the screening. And then he collapsed. he went to see Lakshya. It was an industry screening. Very strangely. fo uin I said ‘Papa!’ and then quickly called up the driver and said.’ I went running to his room. and a lot of other people. It was as if he’d clung on to all his energy just to sign that will. 94 Karan Johar We had come back from Singapore and his treatment was still going on. se At six in the morning. Mom was io H at m asleep. Dr Barve. rig he pushed me away. I had not driven at all in ten years. He went. I just felt like he di In should wait at home. ‘Take ot g N Pen Papa down. what are you ht looking for?’ I asked. I was somewhere else. The first was when I looked at my father and asked. that a night to stay back. There was one particular injection that was an organ reviver. as irc an rc R if searching for something.indd 94 12/5/2016 11:21:51 AM . He said it had a 30 per cent chance of succeeding. and yet he kept looking for something. The doctor didn’t advise us to do any more chemo.’ I wanted to rush him to the hospital because he was @ wheezing. By that time. He gave him that shot. ‘Do you have cancer?’ and the second time was when I told my driver. I have no idea why I did that. He was wheezing and he kept rummaging about. He was a very close friend of my father. Farhan’s new film. but he kept pushing us back. But it didn’t work. I realized that he was looking for a pen. where they had called Javed saheb. Then Anil Ambani came up to me. He was consuming medication orally. For some reason. He always treated him An Unsuitable Boy. Every time I held him. He was ul do n breathing heavily. On 16 July. He came back. He was looking for something. and we were trying to take him to the car. The servant too py Co had come by then. Anwar. and met almost the entire industry. and signed it. They had to immediately put him on the ventilator. it was a blur for me. organizing. Shah Rukh. fo uin But I didn’t have the capacity to do that. irc an rc R It could be anybody’s. It doesn’t look like your father’s going to make it. Anil Ambani took charge of everything. he was the one who did all the arrangements. Clinically. the doctors are afraid to tell you this. He had known people for about four to five decades. Trust me. and I don’t want any fuss. But he did it. he did it all mechanically.indd 95 12/5/2016 11:21:51 AM . ‘We have to just . It was not like they had known each other for very many years. . . I didn’t see anything. I just know that Anil took charge. I don’t remember. but he had built up a kind of rapport with my father in a short period of time. ‘Don’t worry.’ a She said.’ What he’d said was in my head. took me aside. ‘Are you sure?’ I said. we’ll be fine. ‘We should go inside the room. very emotional man and he was very emotional about my father. We sat on the bed and both of us said. who’s a very traditional man. ‘Yes. everybody was. So ht his funeral had to be proper. Yash uncle. so he had already told me: ‘When I go. I want the electric crematorium. My father was an industry figure. all his organs io H at m failed. ul do n My father was a man who used to take charge of every single funeral. Everyone who was going into the room was just breaking down. Amit uncle and Shah Rukh were there. Karan. Adi. He came to Lilavati. Keeping him on the ventilator is delaying the inevitable. she broke down. He passed away on 26 June 2004. He’s a py Co very. An Unsuitable Boy 95 like his own father. and said. and subsequently. . and had had @ a lot of love. It was the most important thing for me. They don’t know how to put it to you but this is the reality. Anil Ambani was like that ot g N Pen angel who took charge. I had to give my father the right send-off. ‘I’ve spoken to the doctors. all my family and friends. and I held her and said. My father was an Arya Samaji. Papa. Amit uncle. You go . asked me. he’s already dead. my father asked for it. allow this. I want to talk to him.’ se ou They took him off the ventilator.’ di In We went in.’ I called my mother in.’ An Unsuitable Boy. . rig He did the planning. No. Putting my father into se that oven. It just fell apart. you have to come back. you can’t go. ul do n That cannot be the end of my father. you just amount to dust. a I will never be able to do an electric cremation of anyone I love. this cannot be.’ That’s what happens when lives go. there is something pious about it. That shield I had worn to protect my mother and myself had just crumbled. ‘No. Then we went to the electric crematorium. genuinely aware. In the end. to a soul space. But everything was a blur. I io H at m kept saying. for centuries. 96 Karan Johar He had wanted it and I wanted to do exactly what he had wanted. I sank to the ground and wept.indd 96 12/5/2016 11:21:51 AM . You have to come back and say you’re more worthy than what just happened. Spiritually. di In because it’s like putting somebody into an oven. you cannot believe it. is this what life is all about? That you live. but that’s not something that was visible to me. the insensitivity of that ritual ou just broke me into a million pieces. Of course. because the entire Johar family has records there. you go into a realm. It cannot be the end of such a irc an rc R life. and I kept ot g N Pen thinking.’ That was what really broke me. The only time I think I was really. Bones and dust. but this electric cremation—I kept saying. was when his body came to the house and there was a fly that was buzzing around. We didn’t take my mother because she couldn’t have borne it. Death is such a finality. ‘He can’t go into an oven and come back out like that. the sliding in and sliding out. I knew that his ashes had to go to Haridwar. People kept saying that women didn’t go to funerals. and I had to deal with it with all the strength that I had built up in those ten months. and you amount to this? This is what happens to py Co you in the end? When you have a funeral pyre. An Unsuitable Boy. you create this equity that is outstandingly powerful and rig earnest and sincere. One of the nicest people in this world cannot just go into a tray fo uin and come out like this. you put so much @ of your heart and soul into your work and other people’s lives and ht relationships. but I just didn’t want my mother to be there. My father was finally dead and gone. sat down and wept. Her zest for life. I really feel that my mother is half of herself today. py Co everything. di In Eventually. each other’s strength. companions. I went inside. It made me realize that it can be so trivial. because for me to repair that. I lost my father’s body and I lost my mother’s spirit. the end. just broke my heart. . I was clutching my stomach tightly. but I just went into my room. I stepped out and went to Mum. I don’t want to meet anybody. and there were people I had to meet. my parents became rig each other’s soulmates. But that generation got it right. She’s always shaking and vulnerable. I just wept and wept. she’s an ou emotional mess. that electric cremation. support. . but you cannot get the death of a spouse out of your ot g N Pen life. She’s never been able to ul do n get over it. An Unsuitable Boy 97 I remember coming back to the house.indd 97 12/5/2016 11:21:51 AM . se It’s been over ten years now. but that ritual. I don’t think I can ever repair that. but I said. the loss of irc an rc R a spouse can be much worse than the loss of a parent. I think it’s the last time I’ve ever cried like that. I just couldn’t believe what had happened. You get over the fo uin death of a parent.’ It was like a shriek. A big part of her spirit died when my father died. but she’s just degenerated. There was a tiny closet there. It can amount to absolutely a nothing. Her health has io H at m taken a turn for the worse in the last decade. closed the door. @ It’s so strange how marriage today has taken such a beating as ht an institution. So I think I lost two parents on that day. I would have to get my father back. An Unsuitable Boy. you know. I always say that when you get a marriage right. ‘Leave me alone. her excitement for things . because she feels she’s lost a part of herself with my father. People were banging on the door outside. please give me twenty minutes. And that is not a possibility. I don’t think his death made me feel like that. And I thought: I have to live up to the @ expectations of my father. It’s ot g N Pen like I was doing it on stage. I remember I kept thinking. I was just the kid who was given money to make movies. I was like this bimbo on the loose.indd 98 12/5/2016 11:21:51 AM . I have to run the company. What am py Co I going to do? I had nobody. and is made to wear a saafa. My father had always treated me like a star on set. staring into nothingness. nothing. . I had no idea about cheques. being responsible. When I came back after the chautha. which was the fourth day after the death. the son ul do n irc an takes over. . I sat there in a chair. income tax. investments. What am I going to do? I don’t have a sibling. paperwork. I never had to worry about a single thing. FDs. chartered accountants . equity funds. I don’t have an rig uncle. I don’t have anyone to help me. this feeling of taking charge. who knew absolutely nothing. When my father passed away I hadn’t even understood the modalities of the business. I was like a prince who had been given a kingdom without any of the responsibility. 7 Taking Over Dharma a di In se ou io H I at m n the chautha observed by Punjabis. I fo uin remember there were about five thousand people in front of me. It was an extremely emotional rc R moment for me. I have to take ht charge. after the father’s death. It was a Sunday. what am I going to do? 98 An Unsuitable Boy. I don’t have a cousin. I went to the office. etc. he was with his wife. I had not even met the ot g N Pen chartered accountant of the company. you know. Apoorva had arrived by then. ‘I’m your irc an rc R chartered accountant. ht He said. ‘Okay.’ rig I said. run this company?’ a He had just bought a house in London. with details of bank accounts and investments. the people I couldn’t.’ He came to my office. That very day. He was handling the finance for their distribution office in the UK. Anil gave me a letter written by my father. He mentioned the names of two people in the office he felt I should sack. just moving overnight to Mumbai? ul do n The next day in office. with lots of details. working for Yash Raj films. It was time for him to put his hand up for me again. An Unsuitable Boy 99 Then I called Apoorva. Can you imagine—a couple who has lived in London for io H at m six years. I called him and said. He had never told me he had given such a letter to Anil Ambani. It was like a Bible for me to follow. It was a very practical letter signed by him. I’ll come to you. the people I could trust. He was the kid who had put his hand up for me in class.’ py Co But he said. a man walked up to me and said. di In married. It wasn’t an emotional letter at all. I’ll come to you. the properties we had. I felt like it was time for that same question to be asked again.indd 99 12/5/2016 11:21:51 AM . ‘So who’ll be Karan Johar’s friend?’ And Apoorva had put his hand up. ‘I have a big favour to ask of you. It was a very practical letter. though we haven’t met. But he came the next day. who was in London at that time. ‘No.’ fo uin That kind of summed up my existence. Apoorva was in London. Can you come back and. ‘I have something to give you. investment consultant. An Unsuitable Boy. It was an entire ou shift of life. and moved to Mumbai bag and baggage. That letter became like a guide that Apoorva and I followed right through. lists of go-to people. I was a bit zonked looking at the letter. I also got a call @ from Anil Ambani. He left everything se overnight. He’d written out the names of the chartered accountant. I went back into that space when my principal had walked into class and asked. and settled. under my father’s banner. Dharma Productions. There was a film called Gumrah which was inspired by a Thai film. He’d been a bit averse to the film because it was not the quintessential Dharma film. It was pretty much like starting from scratch. He was writing a horror film.indd 100 12/5/2016 11:21:51 AM . I had decided to give Soham a break. se A lot of people suggested that we collaborate with some other ou studios or get someone to do a takeover. we’ll run Dharma on our own. and to the industry and its ways. We had already done the prep work on that film while my father was alive. I wanted to make this company one of the largest. especially the older employees. and I don’t get the genre at all. But it really was about starting all over again. and came from that school of cinema. I was the one who had An Unsuitable Boy. 100 Karan Johar Anil was a big support because we had a lot of inquiries about our investments. There was a lot of discussion. There have irc an rc R been big highs. My primary thought was this: I have to build this company the way my father would have liked it. we were like freshers out of college running an entire company about which we knew nothing. and Kal Ho Naa Ho. but at that time it didn’t seem like we would fo uin be where we are today. But he had worked with Ram Gopal Varma before. an action movie. some part of me said. my father had made all kinds of movies. But all those years ago. he knows everything. who was with me on Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham . who had all loved my father dearly. He was someone who’d taken baby steps but I wanted to take bigger. ot g N Pen @ I ht rig py Co There was a film called Kaal which was being directed by one of my assistants. This project had started when my father was alive. Soham. ul do n When I look back I can’t believe how it’s all turned out. no. most di In reputed companies. a quintessential ’70s type of caper potboiler. People in the office were very supportive. Today. io H at m But somehow. Before Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. a stronger leaps. There was Duplicate. . Apoorva was totally new to the company. he’s a veteran. a few lows. . of course. We had somewhat changed gears. about a film. or fo uin the people who were trying to take us for a ride because they thought ot g N Pen that here were these two boys who didn’t know what they were doing. it’s zero. Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham . He was right ul do n about all of them. . We had a ou few bad pennies in the company. We also got Lara Datta and Esha Deol. And unfortunately in the business part of this industry. he was right about everything in that letter. for him black is black. irc an rc R So we sieved out the people who we thought were siphoning money. But my handling of money. we did learn from our mistakes. so Soham cast John Abraham. se As it was being made. their names were io H at m mentioned in the letter my father had written to me. I told Apoorva. But the thing is you can’t write down all the clauses. In fact. Even today. @ There was a sense that Apoorva was all at sea. Apoorva is a very bright guy. etc.indd 101 12/5/2016 11:21:51 AM . And we set out to make Kaal. and Kal Ho Naa Ho. understanding the technicality of investment. we all live in the grey—like any other industry. are zero. controlling costs. He thinks you draw up a contract and people should abide by it. My instinct about people. and generally about the business is very strong. He’s very correct. Apoorva is too py Co much of a Gandhian. And we can learn from whatever mistakes we make. I just didn’t have the sense to manage accounts and money. He gets legalities. it’s about dealing with people. but how to go about raising the funds to buy An Unsuitable Boy. . and oddly enough. ‘You know. I had never run a company on my own. My sense that one should buy XYZ property will be right. I was never ever good at that. An Unsuitable Boy 101 brought in the romance with Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. I may not have had much training in film-making but I had that street- smartness. Ajay Devgn and Vivek a Oberoi. It was a film set in a di In jungle and it was about tiger spotting. I don’t get that space of horror films. white is white. and I—I was in the ht ocean. we need to make a small film that we produce ourselves.’ Apoorva had never worked as a CEO of a film company. After my father passed away. So I thought this was a good idea. He is an MBA but the film industry rig is not about modalities. Apoorva agreed. So Kaal was very much against the grain of what we had created in the last five years. He doesn’t understand grey. I liked him as a person and thought we were going @ to make a film within a certain budget—because he was kind of ht production savvy too. I had gotten weak. ot g N Pen I liked Soham. As Shah ul do n Rukh and I were joined at the hip literally and since this was our first irc an rc R endeavour. You can’t even take a headache tablet. We self-funded Kaal. Some films are self-funded. You have to just lie down when you have jaundice. I got a lot of time to think. You can’t get up. I was py Co down with jaundice. but it was an emotional period for me. I think this was also the time when I really mourned my father. Anyway. yet we are not just another production house. We are in the midst of heading towards a studio but are currently still a production house. There is no medication. We have io H at m also got into co-productions. we collaborated to make the film. which hadn’t found a release so far. UTV. I have a sense of which film to back. rig About nine months after my father passed away. It was a combination of the disease and all the pain and baggage I was carrying. In these ten years. Agneepath. di In Humpty Sharma Ki Dulhania were self-funded. Films like Student of the Year. jaundice saps you of all energy. At that juncture we made Kaal. 102 Karan Johar that property I won’t know. like Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani or 2 States. So those forty-five days of lying An Unsuitable Boy. We churn out an x number of movies. But how to get the money to back that film? That I don’t know. I was at home for a month and a half. When Kaal was being shot. I was ill. I go by my gut about a person. So we have done se a combination of things in the last decade. It was a cathartic one and a half months for me. That’s pretty much how we run the business even today. Unless a studio takes charge of a film. we’ve ou dealt with every studio—Fox. We took a bank loan. as in bank funded. in 2005. both a of which were sold to UTV. in which case they buy your film. I feel we are in a very unique place. It’s not that I cried throughout that month and a half of jaundice. no pill you can pop since your liver is weak. Sony. lying in bed. your movements are restricted. We are not a quintessential studio like UTV was. fo uin Though horror was not my space. Eros International. some are funded by a studio. alone.indd 102 12/5/2016 11:21:51 AM . but at that point a I decided. like a godsend. it’s awful to say this. He may never have allowed me to make a film about infidelity. I was writing a love story set in pre-Partition times. I hate them. I told him I was going to record two songs. But ul do n we made enough money in the beginning for us to stay afloat. We put in an di In item song in the beginning with Shah Rukh and Malaika Arora. trying to be all avant-garde. An Unsuitable Boy 103 in bed gave me perspective. We were making a song-less film at that time. Suddenly it became exciting. I suddenly realized that I could do what I wanted. and it had a Hindu–Muslim angle. I am very scared of horror films. Kaal got ready and I got to see the film. Dharma was my company. We made the ou film really hot with the songs. It was a very strong subject. When my father died. Ajay. after Kaal I went on to develop Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna. Rani and Kajol. That’s irc an rc R when I realized that. it was an emotional downer. But I had professional freedom. When my father was alive. So the jaundice was almost. and where I wanted to take the company. I can market a film. Meanwhile.indd 103 12/5/2016 11:21:51 AM . It was about two homes. And se at the end credits. we put in a song called ‘Tauba Tauba’. It got a io H at m huge opening when it released and then it tanked after five days. It got me to deal with my father’s death and also gave me a lot of time to think about what I wanted to direct next. I wanted to do something bold. And I wanted to be very modern about it because there An Unsuitable Boy. nothing doing. What would I tell Shah Rukh? I called him up and then went and met him. But at the last minute I pulled out of it. But when I saw Kaal. My father had been a very traditional man. we are going to add two songs. I can change the tide of a fo uin film a little bit by doing certain clever things. But the canvas was too large. yes. I wasn’t afraid at all and that got me scared because I realized it was a terrible film. But I wanted to make it. well. I started thinking of making a more intimate film. and would be called Kalank. ot g N Pen @ I ht rig py Co Anyway. It was supposed to have Shah Rukh. it wouldn’t be possible to set it in India. That is a mistake I made. a lot of scenes in the film were. But you cannot be di In frolicking around Mumbai city with your lover if you have a wife or husband at home. I think I py Co messed up that film. I should have chosen just the bold ht part. so was Silsila. ‘If my wife says she liked it. At the time when it released. well. one day. Why did Shah Rukh behave the way he did? Why did Rani have to leave Abhishek? He was such a good husband. I realized my mistake. the big sets. she’d say what did you like about it?’ I think every dining table in the country that week of its release was discussing Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna. I feel very strongly about its narrative and I still think it’s got some of my finest moments as a director. I had tried to stick to the whole Karan Johar ot g N Pen formula. it’s possible.indd 104 12/5/2016 11:21:51 AM . shop or hotel. the largeness. it evoked completely polarized reactions. There were ul do n people who were very angry and there were people who completely irc an rc R related to it. I would say why did you like it? Similarly. in every cafe. Because here. An Unsuitable Boy. But New York is the kind of city you can get lost in. with friends. I experienced it around me. While the core strength of the fo uin film lay in its narrative. the big songs. This is the one film I wish I could direct again and I will. When the io H at m film released. I remember a couple came up to me and said. It was trying to be both things. which the film didn’t @ need. and if you wanted to show them prancing around. I realized. 104 Karan Johar was so much talk about marriage being a crumbling institution and how divorce was the new marriage and infidelity was a part of every home. it would have probably still evoked polarized opinions. if I say I liked it. with family. Yes. If you a want to have an affair in New York. but it rig would have been true to its theme. se ou I wrote Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna with Shivani Bathija. uncomfortable viewing for many couples. That is how insular we are as a society. I wanted to make an urban film about infidelity and I decided to base it in New York again because I realized if a man and a woman in India had an affair. you will bump into a friend or a relative. Arth had always been one of my favourite films. He may have been a great guy but she was not turned on by him. ‘Can’t sexual chemistry be a reason for people to leave? Maybe she wasn’t aroused by him. From loving your parents to leaving your wife. ‘that moment ht is so true’. I would think.’ Subconsciously. and saying. I had people writing emails to me. after my father passed away. It did well in the cities but the small se towns rejected it. everybody was discussing it animatedly. to a Karan Johar film to lighten up her spirit. a cinema in Mumbai.’ And I realized what a An Unsuitable Boy.’ I said. I remember a lady walking up to me at Imax Wadala. and I rig remember thinking: Did I make a good film? Or did I not make a good py Co film?’ I am still confused because even today I get so much feedback on Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna. Actually. I remember leaving the country a month after the film was released. I got very wound up during that time. When my mother saw the film. An Unsuitable Boy 105 I was so angry that I kept trying to tell people. ‘I made a film I wanted to make. there were many people who loved the film and there were many others who didn’t.’ But in this country we are the first ones to judge people. After watching the film she’s been crying all day. but you’ll judge my film. it had created a stir but it hadn’t created ot g N Pen a box office storm. When I went abroad. ma’am. everybody was talking about @ it.’ I was defensive irc an rc R about it. Like I said. while it di In did average business in India. We don’t realize that textbook morality doesn’t work for us. I think I broke through. They were talking about ‘this scene’ and ‘that scene’. ‘I took this person whose husband had left her. she told me. what io H at m kind of a departure is this?’ ul do n And I would say. in your own house this is happening.indd 105 12/5/2016 11:21:51 AM . Now when I look back. She found a crabby. angry man attractive. ‘You were ou the family guy. vociferously. or for our situations at home. crotchety. saying. you fool. I was annoyed and irritated that my film didn’t create the fo uin stir I wanted it to. ‘Your father would never have allowed you to make this film. I think there was a sense of freedom. a Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna did exceptionally well overseas. ‘I’m so sorry. brighten up her day. It’s around you.’ I’d say. he’s never taken more than two takes for anything. but the character does not love @ your character. there is no justification. who are you talking to?’ And he says. I feel the syntax of the film should’ve been more intimate. give me one scene to justify my behaviour. ‘I am just coming. ‘No.’ She would say. And I made Shah Rukh too angry. the person. Rani.’ That’s it. and that’s something a I really hold myself responsible for. understands and doesn’t judge these situations. on my sense of character. And I felt infidelity is a given. Why are we brushing it under the carpet? I would rather face it and put it out there. and Preity Zinta asks. But there was one scene where he’s on the phone. But I am a modern person brought up in a certain society that accepts. ‘Dev. What is this nonsense!’ An Unsuitable Boy. I wanted the couple to be with each other in the end. everyone was ou awkward. ‘Itna achha husband hai. he loves you as Shah Rukh Khan ot g N Pen loves Preity Zinta the friend. ‘Arre. I’d never asked Shah Rukh for more than a second take in my entire career. Apart from this. Preity. She played it too guilty only because of me. se While we were filming Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna. mujh mein kya kharabi hai? Why doesn’t rig he love me?’ py Co Then Rani would say. irc an rc R ‘Why doesn’t he love me?’ fo uin I would say. 106 Karan Johar strong influence he had on my morality.indd 106 12/5/2016 11:21:51 AM . ul do n Preity Zinta was this overambitious character. She kept asking me. I think these were the mistakes I made.’ ht Then she would say. But he couldn’t do that scene. ‘I can’t do this. on my sense of being. And I wish I had directed Rani less di In guilty. The only thing is I feel I directed Rani too sad. He was just so embarrassed. io H at m All the others were walking the path of grey. Main kyun affair karoon?’ Shah Rukh would be awkward. He and I have this synergy. we just get what we want. It is a reality. ‘He loves you. ‘Nahi. He said. barring Abhishek who had this completely white character. Even Mr Bachchan would say.’ He said we could do it like that and it would be more emotional. it will create a storm. ‘Adi. ‘Yeah. with Meryl Streep and Robert Redford. ‘Trust me. trying to be completely above it all. I am so sorry I can’t do this. ‘No. ‘Karan.’ Then he’d laugh and say.’ What Adi was saying was right for the box office. He loved the flamboyance of playing Sexy Sam. I am casting you as a slightly overtly sexual older man. you are not having an affair. ‘Maybe. ‘You know. But the core a characters like Shah Rukh and Rani? I could tell they were awkward di In and uncomfortable.’ He has a great sense of humour and he was loving it. how can they not have sex fo uin with each other?’ ot g N Pen I remember I was shooting a song in New Haven with Shah Rukh. they try to make love but they don’t. what are you making? What is going to happen? What are you doing to me?’ And I’d say. py Co where they go to the hotel room.’ irc an rc R So I said. ‘Shah Rukh. So I said.indd 107 12/5/2016 11:21:51 AM . but I don’t want to do that. at that age of their lives. they have to fuck. I remember Adi calling me when I was in America se and asking.’ Adi told me. ‘You have come to the right person. He loved his clothes. this country is not going to like it. ‘Karan. @ and I told him. ‘Amit uncle. please trust me.’ ht He said. why?’ ul do n He said. An Unsuitable Boy 107 I said. they stop. We haven’t yet shot that scene.’ I said. Adi was saying this. and there is a sad moment where they sit and just hold each other’s hands. Can you not understand this?’ The only person who was cool was Abhishek. ‘Tu soch le. ‘Karan. They cannot be crying in a hotel room. What I was doing was right for my thought process. An Unsuitable Boy. We can shoot rig it like The End of the Affair. But I was in this bohemian headspace. are you sure you want them to sleep with each ou other in the film?’ io H at m I said. The character is having an affair. So they were like a cool. And that this other.’ That’s irc an rc R what he tells her in anger. The thing is. But that part didn’t come through because Rani and Abhishek were too much of an integrated couple. tormented man fulfilled her se desires. But I was not willing to listen. All her energies go ou into her OCD because her life is actually lacking in something. you would’ve believed a that she was slightly older and therefore not getting what she wanted di In out of the relationship. It was so dramatic. I wanted a slightly older woman. fit. a child. There are scenes like the dining table sequences where Amitabh Bachchan realizes that he is not joking. It was a bold thing to do. We even had a ot g N Pen bit of a bout with the censors because they wanted to give it an adult @ certificate. Anyway. Shah Rukh and py Co I have that rishta. If I ever remake Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna.indd 108 12/5/2016 11:21:51 AM . once the film got released. So she felt he was like a bachha. I got a combination of bravo. I had that whole scene in my head. She was to have been about five to six years older. If Kajol had been playing Rani’s role. young pair. But I was so convinced that I could pull it off. fo uin The whole film was too much for this country. I would do it somewhat differently. well done (I remember Rajeev Masand gave me a four-star review. But there was no sex in the film! They said the film was ht thematically adult. I also love the moment when the two women cross the road. That was actually how Maya was written. rig Shah Rukh thought I had gone mad but he did it. lekin sabse zyaada gannd tum hi le aayi ho is ghar mein. and I don’t think he has ever An Unsuitable Boy. Now when I look back I am glad I did it. 108 Karan Johar What he said was bang on target for the mainstream audiences of this country at that point of time. There was a lot of madness in that film. Casting Rani with Abhishek was a great pairing because they had just done Bunty Aur Babli. at first Kajol was signed for Rani’s role. you see. That’s the only film in my career I will direct again and make it better even though I like a lot of it. it was the most tumultuous time for me. That was like opera. So I shot it like that. io H at m That’s why Abhishek tells her that ‘Tum is ghar ko hamesha saaf ul do n karti rahi. it was a chance I had to take. io H at m Now I get irritated when people come and say that ‘Your best film ul do n is Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna. traditions and family values.’ I was all about the pooja. We had Ganesh as a part of our logo. We don’t like to acknowledge infidelity. I’m one of those people who feel that if you want to save your home and marriage. I mean it for both men and women. Those days it was not the way it is today. I was doing the biggest injustice to cinema. ‘What the hell is wrong with Karan? He has gone mad.’ Cynical as that sounds.’ There were people who told me.indd 109 12/5/2016 11:21:51 AM . We hated it then. it was almost like the country had gone up in arms @ about infidelity. ‘How can you endorse infidelity?’ I ht said. There’s a huge latent hypocrisy in our society. I have a simple theory. Sometimes consider it as an error. And it’s quite amusing to me when I hear that the husband An Unsuitable Boy. but today they know that the shit can hit fo uin the fan in a relationship. ‘How can you endorse something that’s already sold out? Infidelity rig is a reality of life. the virtues. In fact. I’m friendly with a lot of couples. And here I was breaking every conceivable norm. where everyone ou knows what a film is about. the family. so I get to hear both sides of the story. The banner was called Dharma Productions. the so-called trade analysts and pundits said. The moral ones. They experience it at home. Especially in a country and culture like ours. brush it under the carpet and move on. Somebody said. But people don’t like to see it on screen. I find more and more women succumbing to it and sometimes I feel so proud. rooted man. Turn your back if you need to. forgive and move on. but we like it now.’ Then irc an rc R people were newly married. it’s part of urban life. Marriages go through ups and downs. don’t consider sexual infidelity as infidelity. Your father was a traditional. Kabhi Alvida di In Naa Kehna was mounted huge. the correctness. Nobody actually knew it was about se infidelity. ‘You’ve lost your father. It was as if by making Shah Rukh Khan cheat on his wife on a celluloid. You find me one marriage that has opportunity and py Co hasn’t succumbed to it. ot g N Pen But at that time. An Unsuitable Boy 109 given me a four-star review) and shocked reviews. you’ve lost your marbles. I io H at m went to a school reunion. There were second ht wives. ‘Just look around us!’ se People often say that I surround myself with couples in unhappy ou marriages and that’s why I hear these stories. I thought. 110 Karan Johar has done his bit on the side and the wife is doing it too. Sometimes you do love your spouse but you’re not necessarily turned on by them after two decades of marriage. I ot g N Pen thought. they were working irc an rc R professionals. unattached. That’s not true. is this the reality of our times? It’s not just the film industry but it’s also outside. not from the ul do n film industry. thank god for my hair and my single status! I was so amused @ at this reunion. I thought. and all the nonsense that goes on in a relationship. Is there a shift in the ethos of our times? Is the level of tolerance reducing? I don’t know. ex-wives . When you’re single. Out of the twenty couples I met. So you listen. so I can say it lightly. strait-laced. It’s really strange. It doesn’t make me sad. committed students were all with py Co second wives or had broken marriages. When you’re single. It certainly amuses me at times. people somehow like to pour their nonsense on you and you too have no choice but to hear it. all you do is hear about other people’s love stories. So they come back with guilt and a present. And I’ve always been a good listener. . and all the men were bald. There were twenty-five of us. At the same party I’ve seen the wife at it and the husband at it. and I’m amazed to see how An Unsuitable Boy. twelve of them were fo uin divorced. They had corporate backgrounds. .indd 110 12/5/2016 11:21:51 AM . but unfortunately I’m one of those people who’ve heard too much. di In She says. Where is that old- school resilience? Or the old-world commitment to the institution? Is it now a thing of the past? I ask myself this all the time when I see so many marriages succumbing to the finality of divorce. I can observe this because I’m single. Every second person was divorced. I think this is interesting! My only advice is: Make sure your spouse doesn’t know. Is divorce the new marriage? I don’t know. traumas. eight of them seemed unhappy. My friend Kajal Anand a (Putlu) and I talk many times about how happy we are being single. problems. and I’m sure married people would not take this as lightly. what’s happening? All the people who had rig been the most earnest. No. I’m not married. I was learning.’ In the running of a shoot abroad. which he felt was irc an rc R more important to him than anything else. When I wrapped up a shoot. We a were combating weather. But why should Apoorva do that? We were equal in age. He felt it was impacting our friendship. @ He kept telling me. They go back home and they’re normal? How do they live this life? But who am I to judge what they’re going through? If they’re happy with their life and pretending that nothing is happening. And I just wanted to block that part because I wanted to direct the film. it is so easy to have a production meltdown. I am losing the friend I have in you. the money. It’s not all good times. He told me. It was too big an outdoor project. I was trying to run away from all the problems he was bringing. nothing could ever override the affection and ot g N Pen friendship that we’d shared up to that point for nearly twenty-five years. I didn’t want to meet him because he would tell me about all the problems and issues. fo uin the status or the power. I have to address these problems.indd 111 12/5/2016 11:21:51 AM . Some requirements are sometimes not met. He was the one coming to me with all py Co the bad news since he was the one in charge. ‘Listen. An Unsuitable Boy 111 widespread it is now. Apoorva was learning. ou There were production issues.’ ht We were close friends but what happened was that he began rig instilling anxiety and fear in me. And we were doing all this se without my father. ‘Karan. I. too. and I was too used to my father taking care of them and not bringing them to me. I Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna was also the toughest shoot in my life. then why am I getting so wound up? I’ve seen so many marriages crumble around me—I hate to say I’m almost used to it. His position. there will be stresses. I didn’t have my father any more but subconsciously I was looking for An Unsuitable Boy. had to shoulder them. io H at m It was at that juncture that Apoorva even questioned his decision to ul do n come back. you know. it was di In Apoorva’s first big film. We were all a bit lost. Everything that could go wrong was going wrong. we only end up talking about work. But then it was his first time. I need you. Every time we meet.’ I said. this equation has ht changed. it was not his fault. Apoorva is there first.’ I had nobody else. he will be there. It’s not what I want. Though he was doing much more than I was in terms ou of day-to-day modalities. So we went through that phase. etc. his wife always brings it up with me and feels really bad that we don’t have that friendship any more. Now I was the one leading the company. But what happened was that we moved from being best friends An Unsuitable Boy. 112 Karan Johar that person who would take charge like my father used to. because I knew the industry better. he is the CEO of our company. like if my mother goes into surgery. We know the same people but we don’t land up meeting each other socially. if anything happens. don’t do this. And he needed me on board. but it has been irc an rc R at the cost of our friendship. We don’t socialize with each other. If there’s anything in my personal life. So he is in every way like my brother. We’ve talked about it. and Apoorva was se working for me. I had to tell him. And he knows it. Now he knows everything. But somewhere. Of course. He has grown in status. rock solid. rig Nothing in the office can move an inch without him. We had a long chat at that time where he felt that ‘nothing is worth losing a friendship. he is there next to me. ul do n We have managed to work together over the years. So that’s why we’ve chosen different paths. ‘You can’t do that. I don’t think we are what we used to fo uin be. Especially when there is a different di In dynamic. He totally runs py Co the show but we’ve lost track. But we ot g N Pen used to laugh together—Apoorva used to make me laugh and he is @ still capable of making me laugh.indd 112 12/5/2016 11:21:51 AM . It’s been the biggest downside of him being here. When I am unwell. which is unfortunate. there was a shift in the dynamics. do this. he didn’t. it is tough to go back to being the a best friends that you know you are. It’s hard to when you are working the whole day. he’ll be in my house.. I’ll go back. I realized that when you work with somebody on a daily basis. We’re very close—Apoorva is like a member of the family. I had io H at m to address that. When the doctor’s there. But Apoorva was also learning on the job. a di In se ou io H at m ul do n irc an rc R fo uin ot g N Pen @ ht rig py Co An Unsuitable Boy. An Unsuitable Boy 113 to this sibling dynamic. But we’ve lost that friendship. but unfortunately there is nothing we can do about it. Because now. he’s taken on the role of an older brother. which is a loss. And the beginning of that was on the sets of Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna. He takes care of all my issues.indd 113 12/5/2016 11:21:51 AM . and I am the indulged younger one. Because of his position. too much time has passed. This is something that bothers him and it bothers me. where we realized that things were not going to be the same ever again. Aarti wanted to assist me.’ That was my first meeting with Ayan. I had finished Kal Ho Naa Ho’s screening and I was standing outside when a young. ‘Really. who had been my rc R first assistant on Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna. so how did you think of this? I have never seen this representation in mainstream cinema. ul do n irc an   Dostana was directed by Tarun Mansukhani.indd 114 12/5/2016 11:21:51 AM . Then I met him in Goa with my friends Pooja and Aarti Shetty.’ He said. So the Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna ot g N Pen crew had a lot of potential directors. Ayan Mukherjee and Puneet fo uin Malhotra also assisted me on that film.’ I said. ‘Well. it’s what it is. they have a mother in common. awkward-looking boy came up to me and said. we moved on to other films.’ I said. Manmohan Shetty’s daughters. lanky. My meeting with Ayan rig Mukherjee was actually rather hysterical. He is Ashutosh Gowariker’s py Co brother-in-law—his wife. Sunita’s. ‘I really liked the representation of homosexuality in the film. and she’s now 114 An Unsuitable Boy. ht I didn’t meet him through them though. 8 Consolidating Dharma a di In se ou io H A at m fter Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna. half-brother. thanks. @ Ayan Mukherjee is Kajol’s first cousin and Rani’s second cousin. ‘Oh. made me chuckle. I can’t remember it now. Ayan can be irreverent and obnoxious in a way that you will always forgive him. io H at m I said. okay. in fact. ‘Yeah.indd 115 12/5/2016 11:21:51 AM . and Tarun built on this story. there is no way in hell I am going to take this weirdo. but you’ll pass them off as pleasantries. and I thought it was a bit weird. An Unsuitable Boy 115 one of my closest friends. Simultaneously. So Aarti told me. and could I just let him message me? I said. It’s no longer on my phone. se But I remember I was blown away by the message. irc an rc R You’ll write. Soon after. An Unsuitable Boy. He kept staring at me. ‘You’re a writer. She knew Ayan. So Ayan came and had breakfast with these girls and me. Tarun made Dostana for us. oh. ‘Meet me tomorrow at two in the afternoon. and then made me emotional. had taken my number. he came on board. whatever else you do. And I thought. It was all about how ou he wanted to assist me. Because that rig message was just outstanding. He’s got that knack. ‘Okay. whatever. It started with Tarun Mansukhani and Rensil D’Silva.’ I thought. Anyway.’ ul do n When I met him. ‘I want to assist you and it’s really one of the things that I ot g N Pen want to do. He will never ever upset you. I started on my journey of giving breaks to these budding directors. He’s got that knack of saying the most irreverent things. an idea of mine that he developed. knowing his py Co trajectory later on in life.’ So he sent a message and I read the message and immediately called him for a meeting. That was how I hired Ayan. It was the most di In beautiful message. He was twenty-three-something and he was a bright kid. Then I got a call from Aarti saying that he really wanted to assist me. this strange person has arrived again. they both knew him well. ‘I think he wants to assist you. I always wanted to make a film on the story of two boys who pretend to be a gay couple to get accommodation. the first thing I told him was. He has a spark about him. I wish I had archived it.’ fo uin He said.’ @ I said. let him message me. I had never read a message that had so moved a me.’ ht I knew immediately there was something about him. I knew there was a director in Tarun. Kal Ho Naa py Co Ho. I had an idea for Kurbaan. We said. it’s also about ot g N Pen how you pitch it to the consumer. And we made that image go viral. Dharma Productions had started opening up and finding wings. Dostana released in 2008. I liked Rensil’s style of writing. ‘platform’ fo uin it. We started understanding ou the game—the distribution and marketing of films. So we marketed him in those yellow trunks. “Tum gay ho. who was an assistant of mine. ht We gave Dostana an interesting promo. Subsequently. I thought the same of Ayan. Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham . I understood that our strength also lay in irc an rc R marketing. There was also a io H at m sea change in the way the industry was operating. I have a good mind about how to project a film. He did a coming-of-age tale.indd 116 12/5/2016 11:21:51 AM . and position it. and Kurbaan didn’t a work.”’ So we made a little fun of it. There was Priyanka looking superhot in her bikini. Wake Up Sid got a 10. It was my story that I gave to Rensil to develop into a screenplay. . 116 Karan Johar I asked Ayan to come up with a script. which he tentatively titled Wake Up Sid. . Then I felt that we needed to present John as sexy. ‘From the makers rig of Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. We positioned the film for the youth. It’s not just about making a product. and we introduced the whole homosexual angle with a lot of fun. He had written Rang De Basanti at that time. the cine-goer. So these three projects started one after the other. That did really well se and we developed a great rapport with UTV. I I remember when Karan Malhotra (who later directed Agneepath) came to me to assist (I eventually took him in as my first assistant on My An Unsuitable Boy. Dostana was one of ul do n our highly marketed movies. Kurbaan didn’t go on to do well but I liked his headspace nonetheless. we had a film called I Hate Luv Storys directed by di In Puneet Malhotra. I felt I had a knack @ for that. comes another kind of a love story.. Dostana did really well. It was an interesting gimmick. indd 117 12/5/2016 11:21:51 AM .’ di In I said. It was a huge leap to take. Actors were excited to work with us. I also maintain a conscious distance from the people I work with unless they are my friends. I thought we would never be able to create the same love in this big space. ot g N Pen But I still feel like we’re finding our feet. but we’re still combating the bumps on the highway. I never thought I would get the job because I thought you hire only good- a looking. even the fact that we’re on email loops with each other is a big py Co movement. Apoorva is the only one in the office who has a strong dress code. It had been a bit like a cottage industry. From 7000 square feet we have gone to 27. I ou started sensing that Dharma was gaining ground as a production io H at m house-cum-studio and that my instinct in spotting talent was mostly ul do n correct. and Apoorva felt the need to make it a little more corporate. An Unsuitable Boy 117 Name Is Khan). and we had fo uin gained a certain stamp of quality.000 square feet. It may sound strange but I am. the ice finally broke and we started interacting more. I believe that’s the only way you can keep objectivity. He observes corporate wear from Monday to Friday. It takes me a very long time to get used to somebody new in my office. used to barging into each other’s rooms. An Unsuitable Boy. Dharma’s brand value was already strong. and work is being delegated to teams. We suddenly ht have divisions and departments. and on Saturdays he’ll wear a T-shirt. well-dressed people. he was very shy and quiet. We have always been an informal. The rest of us all look like ragamuffins. ‘You know. I also take a while to open up to new people around me. After three weeks. and we had begun irc an rc R consolidating it. geographically and otherwise. I am awkward around new people. Karan has a strong and stern kind of personality. He said. I am a bit shy. Karan told me a very amusing thing later. We’re in the driver’s seat for @ sure. But we didn’t have a choice and now we’ve made it our own. I feel that I set the vibe. In the first three weeks of his job. rig For me. ‘What? You actually thought that!’ se When I launched the careers of all these young film-makers. The decision to move to our new office in Andheri was because we were running out of space in our old one in Khar. boutique production house. as it turned out. People just hang out at Dharma. everybody will chat about it and everybody wants to know. they are scared and nervous. I just feel I’m in a spot! But otherwise I love my office. we do gatherings. That was the way I introduced myself to this cabin. And despite the new move. Some of the ADs se are really young. which I decided to absorb and spread further. The An Unsuitable Boy. @ There’s a lot of buddy bonding. was not a good thing because the first thing I did was fall. It really comes from the heart. That’s us. There may be an underlying spirit of competition and one-upmanship. The gossip channel is always on. It’s our motto—good dharma and karma. 118 Karan Johar I’m always all over the place. we make all the directors come and see py Co it. The other thing is that there’s no such thing as keeping a secret here. but soon enough. According to feng shui. a few things Dharma will always be: accessible. But it doesn’t make me feel hot. there’s love for the company. Even though it takes two and a half hours of my day to commute. And everybody comes with the right spirit. by and large. rig When we screen any film. It’s meant to be the hotspot. but. We’re friends first and colleagues later. I don’t take myself seriously. I’m not sitting prissily on top of some kind of food chain at Dharma. so no one di In else does either—in a good way. fo uin Dharma has a great vibe. No one calls me sir. irc an rc R That’s the vibe in the organization. I’d ul do n feel old if they called me sir. I ask them to call me Karan. all the directors of ht Dharma get along with each other. When they ou join. People who work in the company ot g N Pen have been around for years. from the energy that my father created and spread. I start cracking my io H at m stupid jokes with them and they relax. I’m never in my room. Believe it or not. twenty-two years old.indd 118 12/5/2016 11:21:51 AM . I want to stay young. Dharma screenings are full of Dharma love. barely twenty-one. I feel like I created it. my room had to be elevated which. I don’t mean that in a cheesy way. amiable. and that comes from me perhaps! If we find one AD is in love with another AD. It is my sukoon ghar. I hate my room. a affable—the three As. I feel very happy and proud that this is mine. Because of feng shui my room is in the corner of the office and I feel very cut off. Occasionally. I made one family film. I made a film like My Name Is ou Khan that didn’t have those prerequisites. I think that too comes from me! I When I decide what films Dharma will be making.’ No. the way it’s all shot. People say they like the way actors look in our films. good music. No matter what we do. Karan Malhotra wants to make The Immortals of Meluha which is part of Amish Tripathi’s Shiva trilogy. Much as we may try and deconstruct it. ‘You make love stories. there is a tag that comes with Dharma films—they’re associated with gloss. We presented Lunchbox. I don’t. and everybody is interested to know all about it. fo uin good-looking film. you make family films.’ No. 2 States or Humpty Sharma Ki ul do n Dulhania. I made one love story. I think. Ayan is now making a film about a superhero which will be a trilogy. There’s a certain aesthetic ht associated with Dharma films—this can be great but also annoying. rig Sometimes. There’s an expectation of these qualities a when we make a Dharma film. I don’t. I follow my instinct as a film-maker. We’re now trying to upgrade our thought process.indd 119 12/5/2016 11:21:51 AM . Brothers. We presented se Baahubali. they like the @ music and the costumes. Somewhere. you feel like you’ve done so much that’s different. I don’t get credited for anything different I do. a martial arts film. people say. I’ve made a di In violent film like Agneepath. which. It’s the same problem with the company. Yet. An Unsuitable Boy 119 gossip on a film set is very exciting. I An Unsuitable Boy. We’re trying to get into the franchise film space by integrating Indian mythology with computer graphics. a feel-good emotion. there is the Dharma brand that comes ot g N Pen out. will work really well in terms of the scope that cinema offers. ‘Oh. We do try to break it. Baahubali was a step in that direction. Or they say. No matter what I do. but why py Co aren’t you being acknowledged for that? It’s exactly like the problem I face as a film-maker. people associate us with io H at m movies like Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani. even if it’s different. even when we follow a different irc an rc R path. we end up getting more known for the quintessential feel-good. indd 120 12/5/2016 11:21:51 AM . But I had faith in him and belief in the world he rig was creating. and I thought. story-wise. Till I released the film. I felt that if we positioned the film correctly. The first thing I said was that let’s call it ‘India’s largest motion picture’. it got an opening of Rs 5. budget-wise. When Lunchbox came to me. 120 Karan Johar decided to take on Baahubali because I felt it was a film that should be watched by a national audience. it’s not down south but it’s up south. scale- ou wise. I saw it like a member ht of the audience. Rajamouli. told me that Rajamouli was making Baahubali. who is a friend. he was completely on board. I was keen to present it to the whole io H at m country. We added that line because I felt An Unsuitable Boy. He made a five-minute computer presentation ot g N Pen to me about what it looks like. I’ve followed most of a his work—Magadheera. the largest motion picture ever made in India. Luckily. Eega. He is a great man to ul do n work with. I have always been a big fan of the director S. and had just seen images fo uin and certain sequences. I had no clue. Rajamouli is a master storyteller. I think I have a marketing instinct. Why should you want to pay 400 rupees for something unless it entices you in some way? That was what I did with Lunchbox. When Rana Dagubatti. an epic se film. Maryada Ramanna—and they are all di In amazing films. what is the peg that will intrigue anybody beyond the fact that it is an off-mainstream film? The line I gave was ‘Can you fall in love with someone you’ve never met?’ This line was not on any other poster—it was meant just for the Hindi release. all of India should experience the film.5 crore because it had the Dharma branding as well as the fact that we presented the film to the audience in a certain way. technique and storytelling. it was a tiny film. opulence-wise. Why should it be released in South India only? And I believe very strongly that in terms of quality. I didn’t know @ how the film was going to end. When Baahubali was finally released across the country. irc an rc R I didn’t know anything about the story. I landed up at Hyderabad to meet him. I told him I thought his film deserved national viewing. With this kind of scale and opulence. it would py Co work. I knew he was making this big motion picture. this is a festival picture. I said. Lunchbox and Baahubali are good examples. These are bad words in commercial terminology.indd 121 12/5/2016 11:21:51 AM . You have to energize the exhibitor. it won’t do phenomenal numbers. but you have to position the film properly. A lot of work goes into releasing a film. it’ll just get lost. Baahubali could have done really well in the south and nobody from anywhere else would have seen the film. but it’ll do enough to be called An Unsuitable Boy. but it was considered a ‘festival film’. it still is in many ways. its ht promotion. Of course. Otherwise. I saw Lunchbox in Cannes. tiny film. That is the subtext. It’s a wonderful. if they slacken they can actually ruin the product. This happens only due to a studio rig or a producer. but it doesn’t work every time. It’ll do a restricted number but it’ll get liked by the audience. The feeling is that. But it is irc an rc R now the age of the producer or the studio because they are the ones fo uin who are giving the money. It needed to be positioned. You have to nurture a film. ul do n and all business models. it works well for the film. and despite the naysayers. Yes. ‘You are all wrong. It used to be an actor’s industry. I a di In se Our industry is finally emerging as an industry of the producer or the ou studio. And I’m proud of that movement. and it must be seen. must be boring. So Salman Khan will defy all sensibilities. It’s a commercial film. and io H at m superstardom always reigns. An Unsuitable Boy 121 it would make people curious about the film. it was considered art house. I was moved by it. If a studio is efficient at it. the empowerment of @ any film finally comes from the money you put into its projection. There is a thirty-five–fifty-year-old audience that is going to bite this film. oh. The audience just wants to see him. Because. you can’t release the ot g N Pen film. because these were films that could have easily got lost. and the platform it gets. Today. of course. so many films have come to me. the film had great actors. On py Co the contrary. After that. I persisted. If they don’t fund you. many more are excited about good content because there are certain urban multiplexes that react to these kind of films. Ghanti bajni chahiye. I have to believe in it. A studio has to think like a creative producer. It is a sixth sense every se consumer has about the product you are selling. it has to be integrated with the film. Invariably. So you can’t take io H at m a consumer for granted any more. If you chase just the money. The producers have to be creative to push a film. vanish into oblivion. Sometimes. ul do n You can’t do a hard sell by just putting in an item song. or buy your soap or not. The song has been emulated thirty-five times since. to create that big energy and big vibe. I made it for just that reason. You need to balance creativity with commerce. When it’s a little distant from the film. and it did. had a very healthy lifetime. Katrina had never done a song @ like that. Or two. It is almost like they ou can smell a bad film. Any studio that is not creative is going to dissolve into nothing. a Every consumer is born with an instinct. but it rig hasn’t clicked. and everyone made money on it. People are not going to pay up if the content is not strong. for instance. I wanted to make a film based on a social cause because An Unsuitable Boy. You have to take a big-ass movie ot g N Pen star and completely deconstruct her. 122 Karan Johar a success. ‘Badtameez Dil’ in Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani worked with the audience because it was a part of the film. She’s sexy but had never danced to an item song sporting an ht ethnic look. one works. nobody is going to come. The lead actor was doing it. ‘Chikni Chameli’ in fo uin Agneepath worked phenomenally. The audience is always smarter. an item song that’s integrated with the film py Co will work better. Whether they want to see di In your film or not. I With My Name Is Khan. irc an rc R Out of thirty such songs. they’re going to come and see your film only if it’s good. you’re going to fall into a bottomless pit. It ran for three–four weeks.indd 122 12/5/2016 11:21:51 AM . the audience senses it. but if your product is not good. Eventually. And they can sense a great one. You can make a lot of noise in marketing. I tried to win over the critical audiences who thought I couldn’t make a different kind of film. I An Unsuitable Boy. My Name Is Khan did eventually go on a to bring me critical praise. But I also made the film for a selfish reason—I wanted to make a film with a social message.indd 123 12/5/2016 11:21:51 AM . se There was a whole hurricane angle that didn’t work at all. If the child’s death came right at the interval. And I won it. but I thought the intention of the film would tide it io H at m through. it is very disturbing. I myself advised many pregnant friends at that time not to rig see the film. We did debate whether ot g N Pen the child should die or get handicapped—those discussions were @ quite macabre. irc an rc R My Name Is Khan was a heavy film. who are suffering on account of a faulty perception. I don’t have any prejudices. Of course. going into elevation again. It’s always about the state of mind you’re in at that moment. Today. When there’s talk about Islam and terrorism. And that’s why I didn’t make it the interval point. There are millions of people across the world who are Muslim. actually. I got ul do n five-star and four-and-a-half-star reviews. and the association between the two. When Kajol breaks down in that scene. and win critical acclaim for it. We eventually went with the decision to kill ht the child. I feel I went wrong with fifteen minutes of that film. I felt you may not have wanted to go back in. I would not be able to kill off a child in a film. I am one of those people who is very open-minded about religion. I knew it was disturbing. I pulled it ou off really badly. but it wasn’t possible. fo uin something tragic had to happen to the family. and I felt very strongly that I wanted to tell that story. perhaps I would not be able to pull off that same film. You can’t generalize about a religion. Today. I tried very hard to tone down py Co the sadness of that moment. To get the point across. An Unsuitable Boy 123 that is what those kinds of people like. I believed very strongly in it. I wanted to win the Best Director award. I felt I could. I wanted the interval to be elevating and then to absorb the sadness into the second half. di In Looking back. I believe there are larger political reasons for everything. But at that time. ’ As a film-maker. I didn’t care about anyone above twenty-one. The youngsters. I needed to make a young film and decided that if I had ot g N Pen to create the talent. Today. I began feeling the need to take a break from anything heavy. ‘Isne Student of the Year chaar baar dekhi hai. And that’s what it was. There is something young about Mr a Bachchan even at seventy-three. thirteen-. My demographic was eight to twenty-one. and the youth are connected to him. I also started fearing that I was becoming mildly irrelevant to the youth. like a high-school musical. I’m always looking at what people wear. You have to be able to connect with the youth and this is something I would tell any businessman. I knew them. I feel if you need longevity in your career. I love to observe what is happening around. cute and happy. He has made himself se relevant. Amitabh Bachchan is relevant to youngsters because of what he’s done perhaps as a quiz show presenter. io H at m So on my fortieth birthday. I’m not a great person for watching all kinds of global content. I didn’t want to move any movie fo uin mountains. were not aware of me. but irc an rc R it would be fun. py Co I wanted the eleven-. and hearing all kinds of music. I love it when parents come up to me with their kids and say. the teenagers. I didn’t want the mummies and daddies to watch this film. he’s di In interactive. An Unsuitable Boy. twelve-. And after Student of the Year. My sense of observation has always been my biggest strength. ht I wanted to make an energetic young film with sport and music and rig dance. he’s on Twitter. I became immediately relevant to them. That was the template in my head. or by doing a film like Piku. how they speak. Hume bhi dekhni padi. And that’s something I always want to be—relevant to the ou youth. That’s what I was chasing. Student of the Year @ was designed to be a launch pad for three kids. or for his flamboyance. 124 Karan Johar After My Name Is Khan. fourteen-year-olds to see it.indd 124 12/5/2016 11:21:51 AM . you can never afford to be irrelevant to the youth. I would have to direct this film. But I felt I didn’t know the kids any more. they knew me. any entrepreneur or anyone in the creative field. or dress sense. Probably my worst film creatively. He’s on Facebook. They didn’t know me. I made up my mind that I would ul do n release my youngest film yet. But I look a lot at people. what they wear. Varun looks ten times ot g N Pen better on screen. I had auditioned 400 girls by then. I loved that about her. and said. An Unsuitable Boy 125 I don’t do that. I just didn’t want to confirm it to her till An Unsuitable Boy. Sid and Varun. he looks even irc an rc R better. She was cute like Pooja Bhatt. She said. there was a close-up of Shah Rukh and Kajol that he se was lighting. ‘Yeah.’ She said. but her audition! She danced like she was the slimmest girl in the room. He told me that Mahesh Bhatt had a young daughter. I observe how they speak. fo uin You see him on screen and he’s a movie star. I knew it. Off-screen. He put these boys in that light ou and I stared at the monitor. it’s not wannabe. She was not even aware that she was large. You see him in real life and you think what a great-looking guy. I didn’t think Siddharth Malhotra. I fear being a wannabe. it’s young. they are my friends today. all those little things. from school. all three of them. So if you see Student of the Year. but I knew that she was the girl for the film. Two of them. using Varun and Sid for the lighting of Shah Rukh and Kajol. I remember Ravi Chandran. Alia came. Sid is a great- ul do n looking guy but when he comes in front of the camera. who wanted to be in the movies. She was so confident. In fact. ‘They are movie stars. ‘You find me chubby?’ I said. the director of photography (DoP) on the film.’ I got her on to a dietician and to a gym. but maybe she rig was too young. ‘I never thought I was chubby. Varun Dhawan and Alia Bhatt were from another age bracket when I talked to them. You should lose weight. were my ADs on My Name Is Khan.’ In her head she looked great. he would make them stand in the frame. I called her and said. di In At one point.indd 125 12/5/2016 11:21:52 AM . He comes alive on screen.’ Good io H at m looks don’t always translate to the screen. ht seventeen years old. that she wasn’t carrying her weight around as weight. She was not thin. in her uniform. She py Co did an audition. ‘Lose weight and come back in three months. Every time a Ravi had to do the light. I wanted a pretty light. I heard about Alia from my @ friend Niranjan. I observe young kids in my company who’ve been ADs. she was not conventionally beautiful. chubby. Actually. you are. I had this big bash ot g N Pen to celebrate my fortieth which I called ‘my wedding bash’ since I’m @ not getting married. Everybody who saw the film asked me why I was di In being apologetic about it. I resolved I would do this every five years—at forty. My friend Manish Malhotra told me. I believe my forties will be exceptionally important in my career graph eventually. I’m like an uncle on this set. We shot in fun locations. We did a photo shoot with the boys. good-looking kids. Agneepath and Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani. I remember I was the most senior person on the sets of Student of the Year. and I thought.indd 126 12/5/2016 11:21:52 AM . everyone was young. Stars always come late. it’s been a great innings. She came to me after three months and she had lost weight. But it was great. This was my big party. Dharma had two humongous successes after that. It was a black-tie rig event. The actors would come on time. forty-five. so energetic and youthful. That had never happened to me. I called everybody who’d ht been a part of my work life. but the three kids were there. we had fun music. so why not make this like my wedding party because shaadi toh hone wali nahin. and it did well. fifty-five. I have An Unsuitable Boy. Student of the Year hadn’t launched as py Co yet. my DoP was younger than me. It was my instinct that in my fortieth year.m. We actually started the day at 9 a. ul do n I feel as though my personality also kind of changed post Student irc an rc R of the Year. Everything kind of opened up after my fortieth birthday. Happy. The company expanded even further. and we a made a fun film. and my personal life. It was a blast. and I felt very excited. My life literally started changing after forty. things were going to change at least work-wise. all se well dressed. I would celebrate it like that because life is about celebrating with people. fifty.’ He said it was my kind io H at m of film. I had such fun shooting Student of the Year. but ou I prefer Student of the Year to My Name Is Khan. My decision to do Jhalak Dikhhla Jaa happened that fo uin year. 126 Karan Johar she had lost that weight. and they looked great together. Everything got energized. I had a young crew of ADs. I’d been in the movies for fifteen years. and so on. ‘You’ll slap me. and they did. Student of the Year released in my fortieth year. oh god. I thought. and I think. It’s again a sense of observation. And I listen to only Hindi film music. it had such a strong emotional thread. Because. I hear a certain kind of sound.indd 127 12/5/2016 11:21:52 AM . seventies. I loved Agneepath because fo uin it came from a very angsty place. Films about creatures—I can’t relate to them. I can’t make a junk-food thriller. a a comedy. sixties. my iPod and iPad have only Hindi film music. music from the forties. a drama. when I go from one shop to the next. a trilogy like Meluha—I would love di In to make. the human. but I know this only because of my shopping. When io H at m I saw the original. An Unsuitable Boy 127 another six years to go in the decade. I pick up sounds when I travel abroad. I’m on board. I don’t get it. I don’t love animation. I don’t know py Co what’s happening in music in the rest of the world. I go by emotional motivation. But something instinctively tells me that this is going to be a great decade. Personally. I made se a film called Brothers which is about mixed martial arts. I ht can’t do it otherwise. I cried at the end of that ul do n film. and Karan was the right director for ot g N Pen such a film. For me. and I think. @ emotional connect is the most important factor in greenlighting a film. Dharma will be doing all kinds of films. I was moved by it. this is what is doing the rounds these days. I have to feel that tug at my heart. a saga. and I know nothing. Warrior. rig I love music. They pop up on my iTunes chart sometimes. That angst comes through on celluloid. oh all right. I In the future. I don’t get horror. Otherwise. a romance. fifties. I won’t make it. But a taut action thriller. My best times are when I’m travelling abroad and I’m walking around listening to ‘Mera Kuch Samaan’ from Ijaazat on my An Unsuitable Boy. so I won’t make a horror film. what are these songs? I now know what EDM stands for and I know what house music is. but that’s it. You ask me what Britney Spears is singing or what Justin Bieber is jamming to or what the hell Beyoncé is up to. irc an rc R It has to connect with me on a human level. But I won’t make films that I don’t understand. Wherever there is an emotional thread. while I know ou nothing about the sport. When he was writing. ‘Javed saab. I understand melody.’ An Unsuitable Boy. That’s why I go on about my relevance to the youth. you can’t dance to ‘Sajda’. I just love the melody of those times. when you want to dance in a party. so you say. you don’t understand. They are immortal. ‘Why are they singing “where’s the party tonight” when they’re already at a party?’ So I said. You have to update your sense of music. I always give hook-lines first. you let go because the film is due for release. So you have ht to know that this kind of song is nice too. So even the item numbers in my films must have a proper tune. I listen to the songs of Masoom or I listen to ‘Lag Ja Gale’. Sometimes. in terms of the songs that work today.’ He still didn’t get it. You have to understand that rap is di In now liked. rig Also. ‘Where’s the Party Tonight?’ Or ‘It’s the Time to Disco’. Javed saab is so funny. But when you’re fo uin doing a Humpty Sharma Ki Dulhania. he kept saying. You io H at m can’t trash what you don’t understand. But you also need @ a ‘Saturday Saturday’ for the pop culture kids to dance to. this is the order of the day. ‘Where’s the Party Tonight?’. I said. Like I gave the line.’ Aaj ka daur hi kuch alag hai. and it would always get me teary. When Yo Yo Honey Singh came on to the scene. You have to integrate Hindi film music with coolness. ‘Chalo. Then the lyricists work around the lines. I don’t say okay to it. kar lo. But I know that at the se end of the day. You have to integrate what you ul do n don’t understand with what you do. The lyrics have to connect somewhere with the new generation. py Co So you have to have a ‘Balam Pichkari’. There’s beat and rhythm. ‘Javed saab. I’ve bounced about twenty tunes because I was not happy with any of them. I thought. I think it’s crap. If I don’t feel that my feet and heart are connecting to that tune.indd 128 12/5/2016 11:21:52 AM . you can’t do a ‘Sajda’ although ot g N Pen you can have a ‘Samjhawan’ which you understand. a okay. you have to adapt your understanding of music to ou the times. 128 Karan Johar headphones. Sometimes. the word “party” is equivalent to fun. You can ask this question at a party. irc an rc R Songs like ‘Sajda’ and ‘Mitwa’ did very well. I don’t get rap. you can party at a party. It’s my time off. When I’m there. watching random TV. When you are in io H at m the same time zone as Mumbai. I’m thinking. So Javed saab said. I a di In se I go abroad when I have to write my scripts. waking up late. lying down. I walk aimlessly. I can narrate my whole film—say Ae Dil Hai Mushkil—to anyone without a single piece of paper. Even while eating in a restaurant. in London py Co or New York. It’s my favourite city actually. It’s very strange. I’m thinking. walking out.indd 129 12/5/2016 11:21:52 AM . While shopping. when I go to New York. going into a shop sometimes. You have to think like a marketing person when it comes to selling a song. then why are they singing “where’s the party tonight”?’ He was very funny. but in all my years I’ve never put pen to rig paper. @ As far as the creative process is concerned. I like to go out in the winter too. When I go abroad to write. I don’t forget what I create. An Unsuitable Boy 129 Then Loy wrote some rap. put my hands in my pockets and walk. coming back to my hotel. something that will play on the mind. I just address one or two calls. I walk 100 blocks in a day maybe. you are always harassed and harangued. I go away to London to ou just be in a different time zone. sometimes with my coffee in hand. ordering in sometimes. He wrote the song around it then. ul do n When you are in a different time zone. He is the youngest man I know. I’ll wear my jacket. I dictate and somebody else writes. Everyone is asleep ot g N Pen through the day in Mumbai and so I get the day off. I walk a lot. looking around me. it’s even better. It’s as simple as that. that ‘it’s down the road’. irc an rc R In fact. sleeping early. It’s important to give a line that becomes like a catchphrase. ‘If it’s down the road. I keep walking and thinking. ht I don’t write. I’m just thinking. I walk blocks in New York. you are less harassed by people. When I wake up in fo uin the morning there. An Unsuitable Boy. But he gets the youth. meeting a friend for dinner perhaps. with me it’s a bit ad hoc. It’s my time to myself in a country that’s far away. I have ADs whose job it is to put it all down. My Name Is Khan and Kabhi Alvida Naa se Kehna were co-written by me and other people. io H at m So this is my process when I write.indd 130 12/5/2016 11:21:52 AM . Student of the Year was ou written by Rensil D’Silva. But then you do have to write the screenplay and dialogues. everyone’s not dying to meet you. and you are done by 11 a. this is what my characters will be like. you meet at 7. Then I said I had to make it py Co into a screenplay. I did a lot of thinking and suddenly it came to me. I called my friend Aarti ht Shetty. so you land up meeting people only on the weekends. It’s cool. 130 Karan Johar Every year I do it for at least a month. you’ve just narrated the entire screenplay to me. they all have a life of their own. but he said. it’s true. Dubai to New York. This is ot g N Pen how I want it. And there everything is early. Karan. I wrote irc an rc R it in a month. I’ve always done a that. it’s a fo uin long flight.’ And I thought.30–8. First of all. Then I come back and narrate the story and make somebody put it down on paper. yes. these were the scenes. ‘But. There’s also such a strong weekend culture in the West. We spoke for two hours and I told her that this was the film I rig would be making. I don’t meet hundreds of people when I am abroad. Nobody meets you midweek. I directed it. ‘You’ve just told me the whole film! You have called me to New York just to jot down what is already there?’ I thought then. it’s true. I do have it all in my mind. And she said. I remember. Thinking. And it evolved @ into a narrative. I An Unsuitable Boy. You have the whole film in your head. Ae Dil Hai Mushkil has been written by me after Kuch Kuch Hota di In Hai and Kal Ho Naa Ho. I was on the Emirates flight. I love going out of the country and just being. I wrote Ae Dil Hai Mushkil in ul do n September 2014 when I went abroad for my mom’s treatment. One fine day. I love it. I do have the film in my head! I remember I took Niranjan Iyengar for a walk in New York once and I said these were my ideas.m. yes. There was always a fear I would stick out like a sore thumb. I spoke to Rani a and Randeep and Saqib about it. it’ll never seem cheesy’. from inception to shoot. ‘You’re connecting to the song. It always depends on my headspace at that point of time. shot it in February. I thought. He said. though it was not mentioned in the film anywhere. thoda intellectual hona chahiye. It was something that came to me in three days. ‘It’s okay. It’s just a moment when he feels something. you can kiss one on irc an rc R screen. ht There is a scene where ‘Lag Ja Gale’ comes—when I described that rig scene to Randeep. I don’t believe I have completed a film so fast.indd 131 12/5/2016 11:21:52 AM . I enjoyed it. They were se anxious about it. chalo art house bhi bana dete hain. and said. I jotted it down and shot it in six days. Randeep was nervous. But he was your big love and “Lag Ja Gale” is the song that reminds you of him. I think I sometimes tend to surprise myself. it was ready to release in May. It was great fun. Bombay Talkies was out of my comfort zone. An Unsuitable Boy 131 I don’t know what kind of films I would like to make in the next few years. Tarun Mansukhani was my first AD on the film—I needed familiar faces around me—and he came to me huffing and puffing.’ We had one take of that scene and that was it. ‘Karan. When I narrated the film to people. though there di In was much ado about the kiss between Randeep and Saqib. Anurag aur Dibakar aur Zoya ke saath blend ho jaye. I told them ou to trust me—‘the way I’ve designed it.’ That was what I was trying to show emotionally at that point of time. More than Saqib. something that was off the cuff. I thought of it in December. what is this?’ An Unsuitable Boy. and it all came together.’ That was my backstory. you’ve written this script? The funniest story was about the beggar child. ‘Er. thodi slow rakhenge. you were in love with py Co your friend in college and he got married and then you got married. and the innocence of this child is reminding you of your love. ‘In your head.’ And I said. ‘I’ve never ul do n kissed a man in my life. He asked me why I was connecting to this child. I had a lot of people tell me that they suspected their @ husbands were gay after they saw the film. But io H at m Randeep was horrified about shooting the scene. I told him. and I said. they said. It’s a film about fo uin a repressed man and his need to live a lie and how he puts his wife ot g N Pen through all that. terrible for the lead talent. A beggar can’t keep changing her clothes. The other day somebody asked me about my film Baar Baar Dekho.’ I said. The film bombed but I’m the only one who didn’t suffer that weekend because I had expected it. 132 Karan Johar I said. but never questioned me irc an rc R about it. My father was se a garment exporter and he had some connection with clothes. But I have immense faith in his abilities as a commercial film-maker. I was di In buying Harper’s Bazaar and Vogue from the raddiwala. I may not feel proud but I will always acknowledge that it’s my film. ‘So?’ He said. When kids were reading Tintin and Archie. terrible for my co- producers but I didn’t feel terrible for myself. Puneet Malhotra’s last film Gori Tere Pyar Mein was a flop. I’ve known when a film is not going to work. You have to acknowledge success and you must acknowledge failure. ‘What?’ He said. He knows what An Unsuitable Boy. I had ou heard about these magazines and I used to see them at the raddiwala. I’m so sorry. ‘About your costume requirement. And I py Co will never lie to a director of this company. there are some things that just don’t come naturally to me! a I get clothes.indd 132 12/5/2016 11:21:52 AM . He had made I Hate Luv Storys. My mother found it strange that ul do n I was buying these fashion magazines.’ I said. He is really a pop culture kid. io H at m My eyes would literally pop out. I felt terrible for the first-time director.’ It became a big joke in the office that I gave the beggar three costume changes! Much as I would like to project reality. she’s a beggar. I didn’t like it and I had told the people involved in this. ‘Oh. When I see a film I don’t like I will tell them honestly. fo uin ot g N Pen I @ ht rig With Dharma. I will support it. ‘There are three costume changes for the beggar child. well-written script. I pre-empt failure.’ I felt he would be the right person. It’s an instinct I have. So that when I watch it. ‘You direct it. He’s taking a huge Dharma Productions franchise ahead. in our professional zone. That is not a reflection of your talent I knew Ungli wouldn’t work either. I knew it was awful. irc an rc R what a strange title. I think like the audience. I delayed it by a year and a half.indd 133 12/5/2016 11:21:52 AM . I tell the people in my An Unsuitable Boy. I read it and thought what a funny. the better the result. When I saw it. But it’s a gift given to us by the universe. An Unsuitable Boy 133 he’s doing. That’s why I detach myself from the making of a film made by someone else in my production house. I remember Shashank Khaitan came with the script of Humpty io H at m Sharma Ki Dulhania. the right ou films. Your instinct is never wrong. what are you without your instinct? We all have it. but fo uin something compelled me to pick up Humpty. he said he ht was the writer but that he realized that he wouldn’t be able to direct rig it because I didn’t know him from Adam. They’re the ones you call ‘spiritual beings’. I met him three or four times and I told him. I ot g N Pen guess. but we all have to act on it. We don’t act on it sometimes because we underestimate it. Actually. not as a film-maker. because of the title. I think to myself. And he made a wonderful film. I somehow always know. I didn’t know him from anywhere. was I moved? Did I like it? a Was I entertained? I have never ever been surprised by the success or di In failure of any film of Dharma Productions. He’s directing Student of the Year 2 now. The ones who work on their instinct through meditation or inner peace are actually the most evolved souls in this world. I tried to salvage it in the edit. Who’s @ this writer? Subsequently. we’re all born with it. It’s se my only strength—my instinct to choose the right people. That’s what spiritual evolution is—acting on your instinct. The higher the level of acting on your instinct. The script ul do n was lying on my table with that title on the first page. And I thought. We all have an instinct—in our relationships. when Shashank came to see me. He was a Whistling Woods py Co graduate and he had been making the rounds of the studios with this one script in hand. There were four scripts lying in front of me. That’s what I tell him—films go wrong sometimes and I will never hold that against you. ’ Sanjiv is very fond of me. If you ot g N Pen sell your music rights to Sony Music. They have a policy. I went to Apoorva and said that this trailer was not working. fo uin But the problem was that the song was with Sa Re Ga Ma. I. ‘Disco Deewane’. We overestimated the fact that I was launching three kids and people actually knew who they were. for example. he lives in Kolkata. You must know what you have. I’ve never asked you for a favour before this and I will not ask you again. Because we a had put in a lot of money into the film. Something had not created the stir it should have. after four days I realized something was amiss. You have to give me “Disco Deewane”. People have heard of the ou song. ‘I need to get that song. I need that song.”’ I said I needed to ul do n get the new generation to listen to this song. I know Sanjiv Goenka. Sa Re Ga py Co Ma didn’t mind exploiting it for themselves but that wasn’t okay with Sony because they had paid a big sum for the rights of the music. these three kids were fresh. He is a friend of mine. am very fond of him. But you have to help me. But when the trailer released. who runs Sa Re Ga Ma. I said I had come to meet him and that I would have breakfast with him. I know you have a policy that says you can’t do this. people will io H at m say. ‘Never be deluded about your product. An Unsuitable Boy. So one morning—I didn’t tell anyone—I took the six o’clock flight to Kolkata.’ I always get a sense of things. the eighties cult song. really well. It was young. was what I se had in mind. ‘See. too. you can’t put in a @ song that’s with Sa Re Ga Ma. it’s kind of lost in the archives. They don’t want that song to be leveraged. But this is a favour you have to do for me. they don’t allow you ht to put it on the album because you’ve already sold your music rights to rig another company. I needed to bring that irc an rc R song back.indd 134 12/5/2016 11:21:52 AM . I had put out a promo that everyone loved. I have to put it on the Student of the Year album. I said. We needed a song that already di In had a resonance. and called up Sanjiv. I remember what happened in Student of the Year. 134 Karan Johar office. I reached his house and said to him. You can’t pretend that what you’ve released is great. but when it comes. I said we needed a very big hit song to flag this film off or we would be fucked. “Oh shit. we loved this song in the eighties. But promise me. It would break through the clutter. but you’ve come all this way . But I needed that one song that had a recall value. And it did. So I recorded that song with Vishal Shekhar. An Unsuitable Boy 135 He looked at me and said. I a di In se ou io H at m ul do n irc an rc R fo uin ot g N Pen @ ht rig py Co An Unsuitable Boy. . I knew the rest of the music was great. it’s a company policy. ‘Yes.’ I said I wouldn’t. you won’t ask me again.indd 135 12/5/2016 11:21:52 AM . I’ll bend that policy for you. . and that’s when Student of the Year got a buzz around it. ‘Oh my god. I do. frivolity. you’re talking about rich people!’ It’s almost like a curse. You can’t talk about rich people. ‘Oh. they’ll say. and I have opinions. You are making a film about life. then you’re frivolous. I feel terrible with what happens when people have to live in poverty and suffer from lack of education. They don’t mean it as a fo uin compliment. rig bubblegum. NRIs and rich people. You’re sitting in your expensive designer wear. 9 The Karma at Dharma a di In se ou io H Z at m oya Akhtar told me one day. I feel very strongly about how women are treated in our country. ‘People are saying I’m the new Karan ul do n irc an Johar. you frivolous fool. But tomorrow if I offer these opinions.’ rc R I told her. ‘Don’t take it as a compliment.indd 136 12/5/2016 11:21:52 AM . It gets ht forgotten immediately afterwards. But you’re making a film about emotions. I never get credit. if you don’t talk about the middle class and their issues. py Co In the film industry if you don’t make a social comment. I’m sorry I can’t make a film about what happens in the slums of Dahisar and Dombivli not because I don’t empathize with them—of course. I’m still associated with popcorn. who are you to have an opinion?’ 136 An Unsuitable Boy. you shut up.’ @ I feel no matter what kind of films I do. It’s as if rich people can’t have any problems. They mean you’re making films about rich and frivolous ot g N Pen things that don’t matter. I just believe that I’ve made their lives happier.’ The truth is critics and intellectuals are not my only audience. I shall allow it to pass. I understand that you’re meant to An Unsuitable Boy. But I won’t. An Unsuitable Boy 137 I think this is totally wrong. There are more innocent viewers out there who respond to my films because I have actually given them happiness through what I’ve created on screen. You don’t have to love se me or my work. I have people supporting me in what ul do n I’m trying to do. You’ve definitely danced to my ht music in your bloody bedroom or at a wedding or at a party when you rig got drunk and high.’ io H at m Yes. careers I have curated. Once she wrote. I get so angry with certain intellectual voices. When somebody reacts to my film or my music. How dare you say that about me? I’m willing to have an opinion because I have a heart.’ I’ve read her reviews. It’s on my bucket list to slap some of them. I’m supposed to be this frivolous film-maker who makes films about rich people and their issues. I’m apparently not meant to have an opinion about anything that is Third World. There are lives I have created. There are people who say he’s the best and then there irc an rc R are those who say he’s overrated. @ and got some guilty pleasure out of it. I work twenty-hour days to run my company. but fo uin don’t say things like xyz was better than watching a crappy Karan Johar ot g N Pen film because you’ve definitely gone to the cinema hall and watched it. Don’t compare me to ou somebody else. Say all that. Because I don’t want to be angry about some stupid intellectual banter of people who know nothing. I’ve heard everything. but don’t judge me unfairly. I get a lot of love as well. and can’t create anything themselves.indd 137 12/5/2016 11:21:52 AM . What do you know about my life? di In So you don’t like my films. ‘I wanted to run out and watch a Karan Johar film. So how can you judge me? py Co Anupama Chopra says. Am I not allowed to feel because I’m rich? Because I drive a designer car and wear designer clothes. ‘Just shut up! What have you written? What have you done? I work very hard. These intellectual voices do annoy me after a point. I have done all of that out of the a bounds of what is expected of me. I don’t mind that. ‘Give me a Karan Johar film any day. I want to go and tell them. ‘Anu. They io H at m look at us like we are cringeworthy. Raj Kapoor and Yash Chopra. out of the blue I got an email from him. but it doesn’t bother me. I told him I loved his reviews and would write the foreword in a heartbeat. and she doesn’t @ care about anyone. He has not liked a single film of mine except Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna. I read Rangan for academic reasons and irc an rc R Shubhra Gupta of the Indian Express for entertainment reasons. Anupama Chopra called me once—she had seen Ek Main Aur Ekk Tu and she liked it. But I also can’t help getting annoyed or irritated. right from the VHS phase onwards.’ ou I also find this fascination for what’s in the West so annoying. then I watched it again). She doesn’t know anyone. I told her. I like the fact that she’s not attached to ot g N Pen anyone in the film industry. and Anupama wanted to know if that board di In was available in the retail market. The only critic I read and take seriously is Baradwaj Rangan of The Hindu. including mine. An Unsuitable Boy. He is fantastic. Kaagaz Ke Phool I understood probably because it was about the film industry. I hate ul do n that level of condescension. That’s who I am. I’ll find out because se finally there’s something you’ve actually liked in my film. I’ve watched the films of Bimal Roy. Guru Dutt. I took to the old classics first. I didn’t watch a lot of contemporary films. I had heard all the music through my mum. 138 Karan Johar have an opinion in your job. which I did in spite of being all busy. I love that she hates every film. I don’t care. At age ten I was watching Do Bigha Zameen and Pyaasa (which I didn’t understand the first time I saw it. She so fo uin seriously doesn’t like anything. he a organizes his life on it. He still doesn’t like my movies. The irony is that he wanted me to write a foreword for his book. ht When she liked Baahubali. so I wanted to know the films that had those songs in them. I was so excited that she liked a film. I rig wanted to say you liked a film that I am connected to! py Co I I’ve watched a lot of Hindi films. One day. There’s one scene where Imran has this board. I don’t think that is right.indd 138 12/5/2016 11:21:52 AM . Actually. I loved Rishi Kapoor and Neetu Singh. and I happened to know him personally. py Co I loved the ‘angry young man’ movies. I loved Raj Kapoor’s films. He was Amit uncle to me. While I enjoyed the pathos of Guru Dutt and the angst of Bimal Roy. the way tea used to be served in his movies. An Unsuitable Boy 139 I had a bare understanding of it. the grandeur. There’s nothing like a good Hindi- rig film cry. ot g N Pen I feel everything in Hindi cinema is emotional. Khel Khel Mein. There were always flowers in a a vase. I was obsessed by those movies. But it was not my preference to watch Deewar and Trishul. Sometimes. everyone was so well dressed. They were my favourite actors. I loved Yash Chopra for his ‘society’ films. and Amitabh Bachchan was the best actor in the world for me. But that macho phase of cinema was not my favourite. Doosra Aadmi. with every maid and irc an rc R driver of mine! My mother would get really fed up with me.indd 139 12/5/2016 11:21:52 AM . I was really into Khel Khel Mein. I did enjoy Amar Akbar Anthony. I think I’ve se seen Kabhie Kabhie a hundred times. and the women wore exquisite di In chiffon saris. I was most influenced by Raj Kapoor and Yash Chopra for their opulence and urban stories. I felt like they An Unsuitable Boy. ht I’ve wept through so many films. but that angst. Boys my age would not cry at the movies but I used to weep. that whole ‘angry young man’ phase was not my thing. He was someone I had known since I was a kid. ul do n I remember I saw Love Story fourteen times. I was not into that anger. Jhoota Kahin Ka. Pyaasa took me a third viewing to completely comprehend it. I loved the way Raj Kapoor presented his women. I saw Prem Rog many times—I was fascinated by the haveli. Bobby because it was so youth oriented. I was more tilted towards the popcorn cinema of that time. I was very happy watching Rishi Kapoor singing in his lovely sweaters. I felt I was a part of that family and io H at m their lives. Hindi cinema tugs at your heartstrings. fo uin I had to lie to go and see it! She thought I was mad. I watched Mother India and Mughal-e-Azam. I was obsessed with these two film-makers. Every time I had nothing to do ou I would watch Kabhie Kabhie. Amitabh Bachchan was larger than life. Your investments @ in the character are emotional. was actually An Unsuitable Boy. Sooraj Barjatya was there in the theatre. angry. I liked social dramas. and gave me a couple of suggestions.  .’ I would say. Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham . ‘Don’t you dare talk about the film like this!’ I walked out of groups. I was totally absorbed by the film. Yeh Vaada Raha and Kasme Vaade. and that cute pop romcom space. love. They were so happy and cute and glamorous. But he listened to me so diligently.  . emotion (I irc an rc R wept when the bhabhi died). it’s like a mithai ka dabba. I watched everything. I went to his office and told him I wanted to narrate my family film to him. I liked everything that had to do with Hindi a films. One part of me enjoyed this ditziness and the other was watching Guru Dutt. I cried watching Basera. ! You’ve py Co lost the plot. . ‘Are you mad? You liked Hum Aapke Hain Koun . There was a parallel cinema movement in the eighties. But I’m a Gemini and there are two sides to me for sure. as well as Arth and Ardh Satya. ‘Sir. It was my way of judging them as people. ou But Hum Aapke Hain Koun . ot g N Pen I went and held his hand and said. When fo uin I first watched it. . you’ve made the best @ film ever. 140 Karan Johar were my friends. He probably never realized what a great moment it was for me! I think I bored him to tears with my four-hour ramble. I had to see every film. Then I loved the social dramas. whether it was the most idiotic B-grade di In film or whether it was the finest alternative cinema or the vintage se classics that cinema is archived by. high-society entertainers like Yash Chopra’s films. ! was not a good person for me. . He was very helpful and supportive. I was very ditzy about my choices in mainstream films. giving me pointers. . Actually. ! was a turning point for me. I io H at m thought it was like sunshine. and I was also watching Tamas on television. music. High-octane. I thought it had a group of great human ul do n beings. The most memorable moment for me was going and narrating the script of Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham  . making notes. it was about family values. Everyone who bitched about Hum Aapke Hain Koun . It’s like a wedding video. romance.’ ht I don’t even think he remembers that! Cool kids in my college rig would say. . I would take it personally.indd 140 12/5/2016 11:21:52 AM . angsty dramas were not my cup of tea at all. to Sooraj-ji. I don’t know how a serial killer thinks. I would rather sit with Sridevi and Madhuri Dixit. I make a Hindi language film—if it works. I would love to go and stand on that stage py Co and make that speech: ‘This one’s for you. If it happens. and I’ll always make films on them. ! The two big influences of my life came together in that film. The only thing I plan for is commercial success in my terrain. I’m happy to watch them at the Academy Awards or Golden Globes and see what they’re wearing on the red carpet. . very rig good. And I need to fo uin have my favourites. I don’t understand crossover. di In I do watch all the big international films. but I can’t plan for it. Which is why I said that that film is not me. I know human dramas. Anything else has to be an upside on the content created. it’s part of my life and destiny. I might be challenged to direct it. I watch everything se important. it’s a reflection of my love for these two movies. and talk to them about how they wore chiffon saris in the eighties. I’m not interested in going to Hollywood and sitting there for two hours and rubbing shoulders with Hollywood celebrities. then I’m ht not leveraging it here. ! It was that poster of Kabhie Kabhie and the family values of Hum Aapke Hain Koun . . I would like to do a thriller because I like the greyness of the human mind. rather than go and rub shoulders with Blake Lively. if it doesn’t. ot g N Pen If our films reach out to audiences abroad. it should happen @ organically. I don’t know that other space. a But I’m not challenged by it right now. I’ll be An Unsuitable Boy.indd 141 12/5/2016 11:21:52 AM . An Unsuitable Boy 141 Kabhie Kabhie meets Hum Aapke Hain Koun . But I won’t watch those cult films that are hidden away ou somewhere. I need to know about all the films. I love watching the Oscars and I watch every ul do n nominated film because when I’m watching that show early in the irc an rc R morning in Mumbai.’ is the way I’ll end it—but it’s not the be-all and end-all of my life. If you give me a great script. but I’m not sure if I’m really up for that. but I have no interest to be a part of that world. I’m happy meeting the Hindi film industry. and I would like to write it myself. it’s my love for Hindi cinema. If I’m crossing over. though I watch the art-house films that are revered and io H at m respected at the time. They won’t know me. fine. India. so I don’t have strong ou political beliefs. I feel @ like I should but I don’t. which requires me to shut up and ul do n not exercise my political point of view too much. I don’t want to leave it and go anywhere. Sometimes. An Unsuitable Boy. ‘Stalking doesn’t amount to wooing her. I realize how passionate they are py Co about these things. I detach cinema from reality completely. 142 Karan Johar one in a million. and she walked out of it. If I go there. and that perhaps leads to rape sometimes. I won’t see Mehboob Studios. yaar! And I’ve objectified more men than women in my movies. I a di In se I’m not an immensely politically motivated person. There are people out there who will take a page from this and stalk women. I don’t catch that layer sometimes. saying the hero was stalking the heroine. oh.’ But I think. I would think. That doesn’t make me disinterested in my country’s io H at m ethos. it doesn’t amount to love. Put me in a Beverly Hills mansion with eight bedrooms and three swimming pools.’ I was not used to looking at life like that. negativity. I love Hindi cinema and I love my industry with all its insanity and madness. How we project our men and women on screen can actually change the DNA of our society in a certain sense. arre usko toh beinteha mohabbat hai.indd 142 12/5/2016 11:21:52 AM . about how sexual projections on screen can ot g N Pen have deep social ramifications. delusion. My organic thinking process doesn’t veer towards a certain social consciousness. I’m very happy to be one in two here! I’m very excited about where I am. Every time I’ve had detailed rig discussions with Aamir and Kiran. Or people say. I feel I’m irc an rc R not on the same page vis-à-vis the beliefs some people have about how fo uin cinema is impressionable. and have the call sheet in front of me. and I will get bored very soon. I take some things frivolously which I later feel ht upset about in the larger scheme of things. all of that. I watched a film with Zoya. ‘These item songs should be thrown out of movies! It’s exploitation and objectification. She said. and I won’t walk in the dirt of Mumbai to go into some vanity van and sit there. I’ve even shown them in their chaddis! Actually. it just makes me unaware. It’s just the magic of what we do. she’s hot. Iska kya jawab ou denge aap?’ io H at m I thought for one second and said. ‘Main aapse di In sawal karna chahti hoon. ‘Main bas yehi kehna chahta hoon ul do n ki I’m very sorry. that fo uin I like beauty. You can judge me but this is the true me. lambe se baal ho gaye. ek hi baar pyar hota hai. he fell in love again. She’d seen a Kuch Kuch Hota Hai at some film festival and she said. Kill me. men pursuing women with flamboyance. So should I fake it? Maybe this makes me irresponsible. I’ve seen Helen do the best cabarets. sexy lagne lagi toh mohabbat ho gayi. When Kajol looked dumpy and wore sports py Co clothes. Shabana Azmi once called me from Birmingham. Ladkon ko khoobsurat irc an rc R ladkiyan achchi lagti hain. there was a lot of conflict and contradiction in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. Maybe. ‘Ek hi baar jeete hain. Shah Rukh says.indd 143 12/5/2016 11:21:52 AM . An Unsuitable Boy 143 Does that make me dumb? Does that make me frivolous? Sometimes. he fell for her. What to do? Since childhood. he wasn’t turned on. Toh main kya karoon? Maar dalo mujhe. It was the conviction of the film-maker that pulled it all off. Actually. it’s in my DNA as a film watcher.’ ot g N Pen She said.’ rig But that’s what it was. I don’t have a natural reaction to this emotion. Isn’t it stage one of love? You fall in lust. What did she write in the first three letters? Gagagoogoo? What would a child know? Ma ka pehla khat is to a child in a cot! What did Farida Jalal read out? What could possibly have been told? What did that toddler of two or three understand? Main yeh aath chittiyan An Unsuitable Boy. so why was he saying these things? It didn’t make sense. Rani is writing eight letters to her daughter. Chhote baal the toh pyar nahin hua. ‘Koi jawab nahin hai. then you fall in love. I can’t suddenly start being the moral police for the same things I grew up watching and loving. ‘Kya jawab doge?’ @ I said. When she became hot and sexy and evolved and beautiful.’ But he got married again. How can anyone dismiss the fact that there’s something called attraction? It’s a huge part of love. I’m just so stupid that I’m not catching this layer. I have no answer to give you. I’ve fought with my inner demon about it. However. Sorry it didn’t appeal to your ht sensibilities. but it’s not bothering me. audience kya kahegi. I love the film because of that conviction. Pretty much. We have a peon called Vishnu who is like my shadow. I just come here on Sundays to think. Twitter kya kahega. Today. isme woh sab cheezein hain jo woh apni ma ke bare mein jaan payegi. I think in that sense I’m like my father. I don’t like to do nothing. I love the people. banao! Now I’m bothered about 35. . I love the vibe. it’s my strength. log kya kahenge.indd 144 12/5/2016 11:21:52 AM . Dharma is my life. oh my god. I feel the energy in my office is great for my headspace. then I may go home or visit a friend. moral police kya kahega. Shobhaa Dé kya kahegi. I don’t know ht what to do if I’m not in my office—this cabin. PIL kya kahega . fo uin it’s my day-to-day routine. And it’s the one thing ot g N Pen I created. . My favourite days in office are Sundays when I come to work. but it’s a maintenance of my father’s legacy. not from scratch. this chair. I like to sit in my office. Simple. critics kya kahenge. because today that conviction has got too logical. And I happily sit here and sometimes just stare at nothing. just di In make the picture. I don’t like to sit at home.000 people— censor kya kahega. not just the entity but the human being. it’s everything to me. I An Unsuitable Boy. there’s not a soul here. It’s my identity. Hindi picture hai. @ it’s what actually makes me feel emotional and strong. He could not handle holidays. 144 Karan Johar chhod ke ja rahi hoon. And how did she know Kajol was going to be free and available? It was just conviction. I’ll stare for three or four hours. this room. we were like. But we never cared about all these things then. Sometimes. Shabana Azmi kya kahegi. Sometimes. I love the fact py Co that the people who work for me work for me. rig sitting with my ADs. you think. That time a it was only distributors kya kahenge. I’m envious of the conviction I had in 1997 when I wrote it and in 1998 when I shot it. se ou io H I at m ul do n irc an rc R Yes. I’ve always realized that I will have wealth. I’ve had to make it in stages because I spend a lot on the movies I make. Reputation over income. I love spending on myself and my mother. I’m not penny wise. Always. it is luxury based. I feel I’ll never lose it all because I’m not a gambler. I love the best airlines. I love shopping. I’m putting money into the film. and buying presents for my friends. Even in Student of the Year where I had three newcomers. It was not about the money. So many of my decisions have se been profile decisions or prestige decisions. I’m ambitious about the prestige that my di In company creates for me. Like I ul do n backed Lunchbox. Itna hi hai? There’s a lot of reputation and py Co brand value. I love the best hotels. I don’t gamble to an extent even in work. I’m not stupid about money. It’s my simple theory. rig they would be surprised. I spent humongous amounts. Sometimes. I An Unsuitable Boy. People think I have much ht more money than I actually do. nobody spends this kind of money on a newcomers’ film. I had spent so much on the songs and sets and outdoors. I’m fine. But there’s not that kind of income. fo uin people curtail budgets and still charge a lot for music or satellite rights. But I don’t want a private jet or yacht or three homes in London. To me. ot g N Pen but I actually put in a lot of money. I’m that person. money comes. irc an rc R As for the films I make. it is not a necessity-based lifestyle. it did very io H at m well but I also did it because I wanted my brand to be stronger. I did recover the money because it did well. I feel money goes. not the money. If I can afford to live in the manner I do today for the rest of a my life—I’m absolutely fine. but I didn’t make pots of cash on that film.indd 145 12/5/2016 11:21:52 AM . pound foolish. An Unsuitable Boy 145 People think I’m rolling in money. Yes. into what you the audience will see on screen. I went mad. But there’s more money in perception than money in the bank. I love hotels. I’m not apologetic about it because I feel I’ve earned it. But when I believe in something. If they really saw my balance sheets. not money decisions. I believe in brand @ over wealth. money means having enough to afford my luxurious lifestyle. Birthdays for me are a big deal. I love giving people things. New York or Dubai. Somehow I think that conviction pays off. Like ou when I decided to release Baahubali in another market. As long as there’s money to pay my bills. I spend a lot of money on them. Yes. I may arrive. I love jackets. I don’t want io H at m the headache. You have se a yacht. every which ht way. I want that wealth. I love travelling. Because I believe I am. I don’t want to be public listed. people know who I am. You have a big home in the south of ou France. I feel I’m a larger entity without all of that. They may like me or hate me. but they can’t ignore me. it’s full of shoes and clothes. I don’t need the financial validation of a Financial Times or Economic Times. I don’t want to be on the Forbes list. I’m not much of a drinker. I have belief and confidence in myself. Even if I buy hair products. I danced on a reality show or I was roasted on AIB a or I’ve done a talk show or I’ve done a feature film. I don’t buy clothes for occasions. I don’t have the need to be on any list of millionaires. I’m @ not a drug consumer. call me. And I don’t believe it in an arrogant way. Because. offline. I’ll buy all kinds rig of jackets. I’m a big shopper—online. If you come and see my closet. I’ll py Co buy twenty of them. I love shopping— ot g N Pen it’s a big disorder. I’ll buy ten pairs of shoes on every trip I make. I don’t want any of them to tell me that I’m the most powerful or the richest. If I buy a jacket. ul do n There’s no place like a hotel. Invite me. I will be remembered for the things that I have done. But I don’t want to own any of it myself. take me on it. It’s my only vice. It’s such a great concept. di In If you have a private plane. I wear it. I An Unsuitable Boy. I’ll come. 146 Karan Johar go all out.indd 146 12/5/2016 11:21:52 AM . I don’t want all that. I love scarves. I believe it very strongly. all neatly organized. I want to irc an rc R have enough money that I can stay in the best of hotels for a month or fo uin two if I want to. If I want to buy a messenger bag. When I walk into a space. I’ll buy five. 147 An Unsuitable Boy.indd 147 12/5/2016 11:21:52 AM . This was before I started to assist Adi in Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge. on Carmichael Road). He was warm and chatty. “Jaati Hoon Main” [which went on to become quite popular]. I thought he was this young brat. @ Now when I look back.’ I had this preconceived notion about Shah Rukh. I had sat fo uin across him in Anand Mahendroo’s office. borderline arrogant. I knew py Co Kajol was going to be there. my opinion of him changed. ‘Yeah. He wanted to sign Shah Rukh for Duplicate. So I called Kajol and said. it was a really weird first meeting. Who ht knew what life had in store for both of us? rig My father had taken me along to the sets of Karan Arjun. I was a bit nervous because my father had started taking me around a little (he said I should go out there and meet people). He said he remembered being ot g N Pen there but didn’t remember seeing me. Will you be there?’ She said. 10 Shah Rukh Khan a di In se ou io H M at m y first proper meeting with Shah Rukh Khan was on the sets of ul do n irc an Karan Arjun with my dad. But within five minutes of that meeting in Film City. Then I met him on the sets of Dilwale rc R Dulhania Le Jayenge where I told him that many years ago. I’m doing a song sequence. she was somebody I had known as a child (she was one of the few people who lived in South Bombay. ‘I’m coming for the shooting of your film. 148 Karan Johar I remember my father got out of the red car we had and Shah Rukh came up to the car and opened the door for him. It was meant to be a ten-minute meeting, but they had broken for lunch or something and Shah Rukh spoke non-stop for two hours! He was so accessible, friendly and respectful of my father that he won me over in those two hours. I was very sensitive about how people treated my father because I knew what he had gone through. He said, ‘I’ve heard so much about you, sir, and such wonderful things about you as a human being.’ Then he talked at length about what we should make with Mahesh a Bhatt. My father had signed Mahesh Bhatt to direct the movie. Shah di In Rukh said he thought he should do a double role, something he was se excited about. Then he turned towards me and asked, ‘What do you ou do? You should be a part of this movie.’ io H at m I said, ‘No, no . . . I’m not interested.’ ul do n That was my first meeting with him. I remember coming back and irc an rc R telling my father what a nice guy Shah Rukh was. He was so different fo uin from what I thought movie people were like. I had seen my father ot g N Pen dejected and disappointed with so many of his fraternity people. I was @ not cynical but I was apprehensive about them. But Shah Rukh was an ht outsider and he was new. His syntax as a human being was very different rig from others in the film zone. I remember being completely enamoured py Co by how he connected as a human being. He was so charming. He was not my favourite actor; I was a big Aamir Khan fan. But somehow in that two-hour meeting, my entire perception of him changed. I felt he was magnetic, charming, funny and sensitive. All these qualities came jumping out at me. I There’s so much that’s been said about Shah Rukh and me. Yes, there was definitely a distance between us in recent years but that was because we were not working with each other. There’s no other reason. And An Unsuitable Boy.indd 148 12/5/2016 11:21:52 AM An Unsuitable Boy 149 there were a lot of people who broadened this gap. There were people who said things to him, and who said things to me. I sent him a message to come on Koffee with Karan in the last season, for the New Year episode, to which he didn’t reply. But he replied to every other message I sent him, about everything else. Maybe, he didn’t want to come for the show. I understood he didn’t want to come, and he expected me to understand. I didn’t ask him after that. It’s not that I called him and said, ‘Why are you not replying?’ But I called him when there was a problem or a situation I needed his advice on. Or I would go and have a drink with him in a his house. di In When two people are so close, when they’ve done six feature films se together and then haven’t worked together on the set for a while, there’s ou bound to be a gap. That’s the way the industry is. io H at m The fault is mine because I went on record to say I would never ul do n make a film without Shah Rukh Khan. I should not have said that irc an rc R because I put that seed in his and everybody else’s head. I don’t blame fo uin people for saying things because I went on record and then didn’t live ot g N Pen up to my promise. So it’s my fault. I don’t blame him. Also, you get @ attached to somebody, and Shah Rukh is a very possessive person. He’s ht a possessive friend. I think I may have hurt him when I made a film rig without him. And I think I got hurt because when I did, I felt he didn’t py Co give me that paternal or fraternal feeling that I had from him otherwise. I think we were two hurt friends for no reason. Shah Rukh and I have the most awesome chemistry at work. When we work together, it’s magic. And when the right film is to be made, it’ll be made. But it has to be something that we both love. Even when there was this minor or mild distance between us, on many levels, he was still my first go-to person in a situation of distress, or to seek help or advice. When I had a falling out with Kajol, the first call I made was to Shah Rukh. He came to meet me, spoke about it to me. Then I called Adi, and we discussed it. But my instinct was to call Shah Rukh first. He had nothing to do with the problem. But I still called him because An Unsuitable Boy.indd 149 12/5/2016 11:21:52 AM 150 Karan Johar somewhere Shah Rukh, Kajol and I have been so close. We’ve built a very solid part of each other’s careers together. I called him to discuss the situation, to know whether what I was saying was valid and right. And he was very helpful. He called me right through every day that week to check whether I was okay. When Gori Tere Pyaar Mein bombed—and I was not used to having that kind of a big failure—he called me to ask, ‘Are you okay?’ I said, ‘Yeah, things happen, shit happens. Once in a while you have to deal with a film that doesn’t work.’ So while admittedly there was a distance between us, it did not take a away from the largeness of our relationship. di In This industry is full of all kinds of people. The messengers are the se worst. The Chinese whispers really ruin relationships. Sometimes you ou say things in a certain tone. I could say, ‘Oh, he’s retarded,’ and I could io H at m mean it in a fun way. But if you quote me and say, ‘Oh, he said that ul do n X is retarded, and really stupid,’ it would be perceived in a completely irc an rc R different way. fo uin I find people are so happy to tear other people apart. I feel people ot g N Pen thrive on other people’s unhappiness. Bollywood has enough people @ who have nothing better to do than say things about people to other ht people. It’s all about riling you up. rig People would say things like, ‘Oh, Karan has become really friendly py Co with Aamir.’ Or ‘Karan is doing a film with Salman.’ Sensitivity and tact are not just token qualities; they should be a way of life. It’s like this: you’ve lost your spouse, and I keep talking about mine. It’s something one shouldn’t do. Or talking to someone about a friend you’ve been spending time with when that someone is no longer in touch with that friend. There are many ways in which people are insensitive. Sometimes, it’s the warped human mind that makes you so insensitive. I’m not that person. I’m exceptionally sensitive about what I say to people. I think the grey layers people operate within make them do things like this. What happens is when two people are not communicating with each other, your life becomes a bit of a playground An Unsuitable Boy.indd 150 12/5/2016 11:21:52 AM An Unsuitable Boy 151 for other people to play on. When you’re communicating, you can easily absorb all this and dissolve it. But when you’re not, people can take advantage of that fact. If someone tells me, ‘he said this’, I’m not going to call that person and ask, ‘Did you say this?’ But honestly, now this doesn’t bother me at all. Hearsay doesn’t affect me. I never base my opinions on hearsay. I think Shah Rukh and I are aware of the fact that people are envious of our relationship, which is why we’ve never had a blowout with each other. There was a simmering, silent, respectable distance a between us. But there’s also an equal amount of love and affection we di In have for each other. That’s never going to go. I have a huge amount of se respect for him. He can ask anything of me and I will do it. And I know ou that if I were in dire straits, and if he could do something to change io H at m that situation, if it was in his power, he would do everything to help ul do n me. There’s a big layer of love and respect still, and no one can come in irc an rc R the way of that. fo uin Shah Rukh might have been angry with me, but I can never be ot g N Pen angry with him. I respect him too much. I think he just went silent @ because he is not confrontational. I think when he hurts, he becomes ht quiet. I could have hurt him, he may have hurt me. rig We never had any ups and downs in our relationship before. py Co Never. It’s only been when we haven’t worked together. And I think that’s the way of the world, in this age and time, in this industry. Like Ayan and Ranbir are very close today. I always say I’m not cynical, but if you feel inseparable from someone today, there could be a time when you may not feel that way. When you don’t work together, you don’t meet each other regularly. It’s as simple as that. When you meet, you get involved in each other’s lives. When you don’t meet, there is a distance. Then you work with other people, he works with other people. That separation creates a distance—the geographic separation and the professional separation create an organic distance which then starts being perceived as a problem, though actually, Shah Rukh and I knew there was no problem. There was not one incident, fight or a An Unsuitable Boy.indd 151 12/5/2016 11:21:52 AM I a Success has many friends. As difficult as it might be for @ people on the outside to feel it. And you get irritated even though there’s no reason to get irritated. But then. If the media were quiet. fear. insecurity and jealousy get in the way. Those you have io H at m to eliminate. I feel two achievers are more capable of being friends ul do n with each other. I An Unsuitable Boy. There’s irc an rc R genuine love between them. there is a certain love that causes this ht hate. they all spoil things. But somewhere the written word. No matter what the dynamic around them is. py Co also always says this. I always feel that even though you know the truth. 152 Karan Johar ‘situation’. the people. there are those friends who don’t want to see ou you rise to that extent that you slip out of their hands. when you read it in black and white. There is a strong friendship. but ot g N Pen life and circumstances came in the way. who handles Salman. Gauri always says that Shah Rukh and Salman behave like they’re rig in love with each other. Shah Rukh and I can always maintain our friendship because both of us are doing really well in our individual capacities. Adi and I can still hold our ground as friends because we’re both successful. the industry talk. There is no insecurity between us.indd 152 12/5/2016 11:21:52 AM . maybe we wouldn’t be where we are today. they are your se competitors. I find the theory that two competitors can’t be friends is not true. Failure has distances. Reshma Shetty. bro love. We would be better off. they understand each other. it can irritate you. People who want di In you to fail when you’re successful are not your friends. But when you find a friend who’s working in your field and not doing as well as you. I feel Shah Rukh and Salman can be friends. Salman’s family was the first family that fo uin welcomed Shah Rukh in Mumbai. It took just that. It happened organically. Even through these five years. Because. I feel I let the past few years pass for no reason. I hugged him instinctively and said. Then you realize that the emotional separation was for no rig reason but emotion. I think Shah Rukh and fo uin I come from a very emotionally hypersensitive space. I was in touch with Gauri every day. ‘You’ve no idea how much I’ve missed you.’ And he said. there was no fight. And we backed off not because @ of venom or vindictiveness. di In I had missed him even then. he always knew he could count on me. An Unsuitable Boy 153 I’m kind of back in Shah Rukh’s life in a way. I think both of us ot g N Pen get hurt very easily and then we back off. a health issue with Gauri or something to do with the kids. It was just two people sulking. so I wasn’t feeling the disconnect. At one point when we were talking. Then it just grew. se ou Even through the low years in our friendship. It was like he thought ‘after everything I’ve done for Karan’ and I thought ‘after everything I’ve done for him’. ‘I’ve missed you. I was in touch with io H at m Gauri and his kids. we were connected. they were very much part of my day-to-day irc an rc R existence. Whenever there was any big issue. And that’s what I did.’ It was all happening but it was not happening with that same affection. It was not that ul do n they were out of my life. We’ve actually always been there for each other. I was hurt that with Student of the Year. We met at Deepika’s party celebrating Piku’s success. there was no acknowledgement from him. I’ve not allowed it to either. He was hurt that I didn’t work with him. I wish I had said it three years ago.indd 153 12/5/2016 11:21:52 AM . Even through the years when we were not entirely at our best. we looked at each other. When the origin of a friendship is so strong. I felt it was all back a to before. We both felt like we had contributed to each other’s lives so tremendously.’ We had this moment. it was just an emotional ht separation. I was the one he called. And that same emotion has to be expressed for you py Co to come right back on track. there was no love or support given to me. it just cannot die. ‘Gauri’s not well. An Unsuitable Boy. and neither has he. talk to her.’ Or ‘Aryan’s going to school and Gauri’s getting hyper. So when I told him I missed him. the py Co love was very much there. but who do you actually have? Me. Shah Rukh’s wife is my closest friend. but ul do n I had upset him even more by doing that. ‘I really need to meet Shah Rukh. We call each other ‘bhai’.’ He said. and when he said. We went through whatever we went through. You feel pain only when you love. ‘When did you start calling my manager?’ I said. or the circumstances we found ourselves in. ‘Achha?’ And he fell silent. 154 Karan Johar Suddenly. he opened the door a little bit. we had become formal with each other. And I was not cracking that odd joke like I would have. just last year. From being so close it transformed to: ‘Could you please call me when you have a minute?’ Once. the love was back—and how. Sometimes we don’t express the feelings in our heart. whatever happens.’ it meant An Unsuitable Boy.’ di In He called me and said. I’ll call you bhai and you call me bhai too. I was very rig hurt. But when we had that moment.indd 154 12/5/2016 11:21:52 AM . it was faster this way. He knows I will stand by his family through thick and thin. It began with me telling him. ‘I’ve @ missed you. I was trying to do the right thing.’ With that. ‘You have no idea how much I have missed you.’ It began as a joke and then it stuck. We were overly formal and that was the problem. so even in that phase. I talk to Aryan like I talk to a friend. But you get hurt only when you love. I am very close to his children. it had never gone away. His kids are my family. He was not backslapping me like I wanted him to. I wanted to say that if I had irc an rc R sent you a message. Because. ‘You should have macho studs walking around you like real gangsters have. I was upset he didn’t come on Koffee with Karan.’ se ou He said. And there’s a lot of love we have for each other and that love is beyond any kind of rift people might have tried to create. ht Yes. I didn’t want to disturb you. ot g N Pen I think that was the first effort he made which made me say. I call him ‘bhai’ all the time. he got so angry with me. io H at m Like that had hurt him more. he’s like my son. We were never uncivil towards each other. you might have replied the next day or two days fo uin later. a I called up his manager and said. ‘Okay. ‘Oh. He came ot g N Pen to the office the other day and the entire staff came out to see him. We are working together now. He was born right after di In the first schedule of Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. ‘When do you want me to shoot?’ That was it. and there’s another one we’re talking to him about. And he comes and spends time with my mum all the time.indd 155 12/5/2016 11:21:52 AM . in Ae Dil Hai Mushkil. There were no questions asked. I’m busy. I was asking Aryan some naughty questions about his personal life and he was getting very harassed. I have that maternal or paternal io H at m feeling—I feel it for Gauri’s and Shah Rukh’s kids. I go and sit irc an rc R with him. not on a film directed by me though. @ Everyone was behaving as if Brad Pitt had arrived. He got the scene when he arrived on the set and he just did it. And I ou thought. Even if Gauri is not there. He’s very busy. I felt that it required a big movie star of gravitas. He would call and tell me about a problem and I would tell him what to do or what not to. That’s how it is with Shah Rukh and me. It just took that one moment. He said. so I just went to him. And Suhana has become this se pretty young girl doing her hair. I said in my head—this is my family. fo uin My mum loves him. Suhana and Gauri—like we used to. Shah Rukh and I may go through our ups and downs when py Co he doesn’t work with me or I don’t work with him. Then I went and sat with him in his home—he. a and now he’s eighteen! He’s as old as my career. oh. And I felt like An Unsuitable Boy. but he was and will always be family for me. rig So yes. It just needed communication. But I did direct him recently. At one point. I go to Gauri’s house ul do n now just to play with AbRam. Directing him after seven years was both exciting and surreal. and then we started laughing because I used to hold Aryan by the hand and walk with him. He’s like a toy that you want to own. We’re back to doing what we were doing. talking about work. And it’s not that Shah Rukh is someone who calls you every day. Gauri Shinde is directing it for me. me. An Unsuitable Boy 155 everything to me. There was a part in the film of Aishwarya’s ex-husband. the character who voices the ethos of the film. this is as good as it gets for me. I do have parental skills. Aryan. the concept of the film. and I’m giving her fashion tips. He was delighted ht with all the attention. I knew exactly how he wanted to go about it. when people conjecture about a fallout. ‘It’s bizarre. you don’t know. we have been through our ups and fo uin downs. with him. came and told me. I feel ht like saying. you don’t have with anybody else. And from a ul do n space of family love. He knew exactly what I wanted. He irc an rc R may have been angry and upset. I wrote the scene keeping him in mind. but I felt that what you have with him [Shah Rukh].indd 156 12/5/2016 11:21:52 AM . but that love felt so strong on that day. dude. I felt a kind of ownership of that kind of portrayal.’ a I told him that that rapport comes with having worked for 500 di In days on sets together. When you see the performance you will see that that’s the synergy only he and I can bring to a film.’ io H at m That’s something that comes from love and respect. An Unsuitable Boy. When we rig were on the set. both he and I understood that what we have is special py Co and it’s always going to remain so. I’ve worked with you for about sixty-five to seventy days. 156 Karan Johar those seven years had just not passed. @ That’s why. ‘You both have such an easy understanding of each other ou as actor and director. When ot g N Pen I hugged him tight at the end of the shoot. who was in the scene. There’s a certain kind of romance and love and the display of that on celluloid that he has done for me and I have created for him—it’s a magic only we can create. se He said. there’s so much love there. we both know it. it felt like it all came back. Ranbir. I know he’s got my back no matter what. 11 Friends and Fallouts a di In se ou io H I at m  don’t have a relationship with Kajol any more. When she reacted to the whole situation and put out a tweet saying. I want to keep it at that. I can’t even say that I was hurt or pained by it. But I did feel that she needed to apologize for something she didn’t do. It’s been months we haven’t spoken to each other. After two and a half decades. something which only she knows about. ul do n irc an  Something happened that disturbed me deeply which I will not talk rc R about because it’s something that I like to protect and I feel it would fo uin not be fair to her or to me. I just wanted to blank it out. if she wants to support her husband. I felt that if she’s not going to acknowledge twenty-five years of friendship. Things were said. say ‘hello’ and walk past. I don’t py Co really want to say what transpired. At some outer level I understood it. We’ve had a fallout. But I just couldn’t see myself in her life any more. there’s a lot that happened. That tweet validated 157 An Unsuitable Boy. Prior to the release of Ae Dil Hai Mushkil. then that’s her prerogative. rig he knows about and I know about. @ The problem was actually never between her and me. crazy accusations were made against me. It was ht between her husband and me. Kajol and I ot g N Pen don’t talk at all. We just acknowledge each other. ‘Shocked!’ that’s when I knew it was completely over for me. that I had bribed someone to sabotage her husband’s film.indd 157 12/5/2016 11:21:52 AM . That broke me. irc an rc R Now no matter what happens. ul do n Once it broke me. Somehow I wish she wasn’t. He doesn’t @ matter to me. I told my mother that she could have a one-on-one relationship with Kajol if she wanted. I can’t be dishonest and say it doesn’t. it hurts me that she’s still close to people I’m really close to. I feel very strongly. I’ve been told a by my friends that it’s still my hurt talking but I’m so indifferent to the di In situation now. what with everything that’s transpired. It’s over.indd 158 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM . I never want to have anything to do with them as a unit. And she can never come back to my life. That’s my mother’s preference and if Kajol chooses to. it angered me and then I went into indifference. that she could believe I would bribe someone. but about this. rig But yes. I feel nothing for her any more. I don’t think she wants to either. Consistency is the problem. I’m not territorial normally. 158 Karan Johar the insanity. She was the one who mattered to me but now it’s over. I don’t even want to speak about ot g N Pen her husband because that’s inconsequential to my life now. I It’s very difficult to keep relationships going in the film industry. I felt that’s it. But I don’t want to be that person who asks his friends to take sides. I can’t help it. There was still se a bit of me that wished we would get back to what we had. I’m human. not creation—the creation of a relationship An Unsuitable Boy. py Co like Manish and Niranjan. When they talk about her. I wouldn’t like to give a piece of myself to her at all because she’s killed every bit of emotion I had for her for twenty-five years. he never did. it angers me. but that ou one-word tweet that she put out—that was the most humiliating thing io H at m she could have done for a person who loved her deeply. fo uin Maybe it doesn’t matter to her at all. I still don’t want to say anything about her ht husband because I want to respect the history she and I shared. but she’s out of my life. I’m never going to be there for her. I don’t think she deserves me. I know it’s not fair for me to impose my feelings on them but it bothers me. unattached. I can’t create relationships with all of them. I’ve had my solid bonds. I’ve had my share of relationships. Two of them are girls. it’s all superficial and upar-upar se. and we meet once every two months. Niranjan and I.indd 159 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM . Adi is somebody I don’t see very often. accountability and dependency is as much as it was. Kareena and I have deep-rooted love for each other. like how you meet people and say. if not more. it’s as simple as that. She has a terrific sense of humour. ever since I can remember. I’m io H at m close to Manish Malhotra. so the ones I don’t work with. You stop working with them. I have a few strong friendships. affection. I don’t want ou to. The cynic in me feels that. I always say ot g N Pen if things were different in my life. Niranjan and Adi are my closest friends. She is the @ only person who makes me laugh. The Bachchan family. In Bollywood. I have a couple of college friends I’m still in touch with. We live from one project to the next. My non-film friends are my college friends. I would say Manish. and I think I’m not interested any more because where is di In the time? There are too many people around. I’m close to Niranjan Iyengar. and An Unsuitable Boy. the relationship goes on hold. And you meet socially. Manish and Niranjan have been my friends for twenty-five years. And Aditya Chopra. Then I have a couple friend in Delhi that I’m close to. At some point. great. The consistency. ‘Hahaha. but there’s no depth there. I would have married her. I work as a producer with many people. I have Shah ul do n Rukh and Gauri. And now Manish. ht She’s really funny. I call her ‘Jagga Jasoos’ because she knows exactly rig what is happening in everyone’s life. you have a relationship. And I have stopped creating depth in any way. But more power to those who keep them afloat. The ones you work with. we talk about growing old together. I told her that she secretly writes py Co for Pinkvilla. I’ve done my bit of having in-depth a relationships. but our bond is thick. I don’t end up having a dynamic with. great’. The level of love. I’ve known Rani and Kareena irc an rc R very closely. maintaining it. they’ve all required my presence in their fo uin lives. We’re all single. is impossible sometimes. An Unsuitable Boy 159 is easy. there are so many young se actors now. All our investments are in the films that we make. I can actually imagine him at ninety attending everyone’s funerals. And that can make you happy. Why’s ht he so depressed. sitting together on a bench like two aunties. He’s almost fifty. ‘Go and work. we walk. yet he doesn’t look it. yeah. he’ll listen to you. I think Manish is perpetually young. you have so much work to do. Or the irc an rc R black. he’d say. He’s forty-eight now. he’s so rich. He’s got the spark and zest of a teenager. happy person that he doesn’t get the other side of life. I’ve realized he’s the most positive person I know. ‘How are these parameters or barometers of emotion?’ py Co But he’s a stress-buster. why am I getting so wound up about this? When my heart was broken and I would talk to him about it.’ He’ll give you the most simple remedy. he sees only the white. We’ve di In had a deep friendship for years. ot g N Pen I tell him. then he’ll give you the most ridiculous solution which actually makes the most sense. What’s all this rubbish?’ And suddenly I think. yeah. He doesn’t understand the concept of grey which is where we all fo uin operate from actually. heartbreak and hurt. He keeps saying. He’s the most loyal and loving person se I’ve known. Niranjan says that he’ll outlive both of us. a He’s different from me but we have a very strong connection. We have our coffee. you’re almost ditzy sometimes. ‘Manish. When you talk to him about a problem. she’s so pretty. and movies to make.indd 160 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM . ‘Why’s that person sad. He’ll make your problem sound so trivial to you that you think. He’s such a self-energizer. He’s io H at m such a positive. He’ll say. ul do n He doesn’t see the grey in a relationship. Sometimes he’s emotionally ou inexpressive. ‘What’s the problem? Go have sex with somebody. talk about life. And I’ve realized that An Unsuitable Boy. He’s really there for me. When we go on trips or holidays together. ‘That’s the biggest curse you can give me’—being alone.’ rig I say.’ @ He’ll say things like. walk in the park. 160 Karan Johar professionally focused. but he has the spirit of a twenty-two-year-old. he’s right! He’s so funny about problems. He doesn’t understand pain. what are you getting so wound up about all these small things? You’re powerful. I can see myself at rig eighty. I love hearing about his life because I feel I io H at m can absorb it like a sponge. perhaps even live vicariously through him. I owe everything in my career to him. He hasn’t changed. Adi is the big weakness of my life. We’ve had the closest friendship for twenty-five years. sharing our day. When he got married. An Unsuitable Boy 161 sometimes. ‘You’re a bore!’ And se I’m always telling him. He’ll tell me about his sex life and I’ll di In tell him about my lack of it. I’ve grown to have a soul connect with him. two tottering old people talking about our life. We’re around the same age irc an rc R (he’s five years older than me). you’re this. he’s ot g N Pen moved into the same office building. somebody else’s happiness is a sponge you can absorb from. but in the last five years I feel our friendship has really found feet. he bought his new bungalow ht on Pali Hill. like two old friends who’ve had a whole py Co life together. I was the best man and had to give a speech. He’s always telling me. I’m @ on the second. and I think. He’s the sunshine on a gloomy day. He’s been a discovery for me. sitting down with him. you’re that. There were eighteen of us and I made the speech and got very emotional. He got so teary.’ Let me say he’s a lot ou more colourful than me. He’s on the seventh floor. ‘You’re the opposite of me. He cannot bring himself to change his dynamic with me. His opinion matters to me. a I’ve understood his value now.indd 161 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM . He lives with his parents. I live with my fo uin mom. ul do n I also feel we’re in the same situation. he’ll say you’re such a big film-maker. Perhaps that is why I know he has power over me. and now oddly enough. so did his mum. people love your movies. Me going from my house to his Pali Hill bungalow. maybe I need to hear these things once in a while. The amount of love and affection I have for him is really deep. An Unsuitable Boy. I feel he’s a friend I can grow old with. He’ll praise me. He’s someone I may not speak to for two months because both of us are busy working. Sometimes you understand the value of a friend at a certain juncture of your life. Adi calls only to fire me. you’re famous. yeah. That used to happen before. He’s that sponge in my life. We’re both single and successful. and it happens now. I bought a new house. but my love for him is at another level. Rani. I wish he py Co would still treat me the same way because I like it when he fires me! He used to fire me earlier: ‘Why are you doing this event?’ ‘Why are you doing Koffee with Karan?’ ‘Why are you giving so many interviews?’ Now he says. And it’s been like that. Karan Johar. He’ll call me to tell me.’ I can’t do the same to him. ‘That’s because you’ve become Karan Johar now in what you’re doing. But it’s a one-way ul do n street. One of the two people has to have no ego in this dynamic. ‘You’ve made a fuck-all film’ or ‘You’ve made a really good film. When he’s angry with me. Also. @ I think it’s to do with our schedules. my other deepest friendship is with Shah Rukh. fo uin and that’s not going to change. You’ve become this monster!’ I love it when Adi gets angry with me because then I feel that the apnapan is still there. You used to be Karan. I was junior to both Adi and Shah Rukh.’ se ou If he feels very strongly about something I’m doing. Even today. They’re my left and right. don’t argue with me. I can’t do the same. ‘I’ve lost you. ‘See. I think he feels that today he ht doesn’t have the right to say things to me the way he used to. 162 Karan Johar everyone. And he’ll hear me out. because rig he feels I’ve grown wings. that we’ve lost touch in the last couple of years. and I miss it. I decided that that person was going to be me. now you’re Karan Johar. If I think he’s made a terrible film. Along with Adi. I decided An Unsuitable Boy. he addresses me by my full name. People think we’re competing companies—there’s Yash Raj and Dharma—but it’s never come in our way. he’s the one person I’ve known for twenty-five years of my life. Even if I’ve been hurt by them at certain junctures of my life and I’m sure I’ve hurt them too. He lectures me a lot less now. however.indd 162 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM .’ a Then I reply. And he’s been so much a part of my journey. I’m his assistant. I’ll not irc an rc R say it. he’ll call me. I felt. I wish he wouldn’t feel like that. Our entire life flashed by in front of me. my body language is of being Aditya Chopra’s assistant. my god. But I’m completely open to his criticism. ‘Why are you calling me Karan Johar?’ di In And he says. ot g N Pen I do feel. I never forget. He says. whether it’s io H at m right or wrong. Shah Rukh and Adi are two men I deeply love. People won’t say I have a problem with py Co you. they won’t call back. When I go through a deep level of failure in my life. it will explode in your face one day. People have gone and fed them things about me—because nobody enjoys age-old friendships. An Unsuitable Boy 163 to be the one to compensate. We are in an industry where ou everyone says things frivolously. and people around you make it worse. I could have allowed these relationships to dwindle into nothingness but I won’t. and that includes my own family. fo uin The emotion is not there in the message. He’s like a big teddy bear walking around with his An Unsuitable Boy. People feel this a is the norm. I’ve made some unlikely friends in the industry. If you continue to suppress the emotion. They’ll insinuate. Everybody enjoys and revels in the fact that there can’t be any friends in the film fraternity. but I’ve become confrontational because once too often I’ve been scarred by the lack of communication in a relationship. Say them. They are responsible for my career. Always confront. I always ot g N Pen believe—speak to people. se Hearsay is one of the biggest problems.’ Text messages are ul do n the biggest undoing of human relationships because they never come irc an rc R with the tone. Without tone. Don’t allow things to fester.indd 163 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM . I Over the years. I used to be non-confrontational. But it’s so important ht in any relationship. I love Anurag Kashyap. how di In many people will still be around? I don’t know. Confront. and they’ll sulk. ‘Please don’t ever text serious things. I choose not to because I want to hold on to the emotion I feel for these two people. @ Confrontation is such an underrated concept. things sound much worse than they are. for giving me the chance when I was totally new. I always io H at m say. It’s an Indian thing I think. of not sitting across rig and sorting a problem out. It’s such a stupid waste of time. they’ll back off. they are just words. It’s the tone that’s important. they won’t message. I don’t think I can give any third person that kind of credit. irrespective of anything. It’s not been easy. Sometimes. Bombay Velvet notwithstanding. and so we’re both silent. it will make sure a film-maker who’s not on the radar but has written a great film comes up to the surface. I don’t think anyone is quoted out of context. My regard for it is because it push smaller films. Sporadically. His production house. affection and largeness of heart. The problem is when you make a comment loosely which is then misinterpreted and highlighted. He’s made people from nowhere come to the forefront. How can life be so sterile? Sometimes. Anurag has pioneered the alternative movement a in film-making in this era. irc an rc R My fight with Ram Gopal Varma was all fun actually. With Sanjay Leela Bhansali. By the way. Both of us fo uin were playing to the gallery. He’s the pioneer of that belief. He’s really created a space for them. does that. Sometimes alleged stories and reports can cause a lot of damage. full of love.indd 164 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM . we don’t like the same films. we would say something about each other for @ other people’s entertainment. Anurag is a giver. he’s got a really clean heart. we have nothing in common barring the fact that we both io H at m like to push and promote talent selflessly. 164 Karan Johar satchel and his angst. I think he was being silly. you need to shake it up a little. They’re encouraging of talent. People get very conscious when the written word is out there. and I was being stupid. he’s given them a platform. his issues and his madness. I An Unsuitable Boy. I love the fact that he supports so many other film-makers. I think that’s our strongest ul do n binding factor. because they make people start thinking in that direction even if they are not true. It’s just that the perception has lasted so rig long. which I didn’t realize till I met him. We’re se totally different people. Phantom. It’s good fun to take on somebody or the other once in a while. you cannot di In dilute the impact he’s had with so many films and film-makers. He doesn’t care about me and I don’t care ot g N Pen about him. It’s py Co entertaining. we don’t like the ou same people. And he stands tall with them. But I love him. reportage can ruin relationships. but now he’s bored of me and I’m bored ht of him. she’s that one person for me. An Unsuitable Boy 165 Apart from Adi and Shah Rukh. We’re both fo uin without siblings. I can be amused but I can’t hold a conversation with them. He’s been like an elder sibling to me. and I look after the creative side of the business. and then there’s this di In one big explosion. Or I have one-on-twos. Simi and Sunaina. we have social distance. My dad and her dad were friends. and all exceptionally modern in their approach. I can’t talk to bimbos for long. the most important person in my life is Apoorva. irc an rc R My dad died of cancer. she kind of introduced me ul do n to people and became like a sibling. I have one-on-ones.’ We have differences of opinion. and our mothers discuss us! @ There’s a lot of commonality. he’s your brother. He takes total charge of the finances and the commercial aspects. It’s very strange. he’s my one point to call at any moment of emotional duress or professional anxiety. Someone who doesn’t have emotional intelligence bores me. there’s py Co that one person you call.indd 165 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM . we a hurt like siblings. I have these units of friends where we meet in twos. When there’s a medical crisis. When I’m taking my mother to the hospital for an MRI. I spoke to my psychologist about him and she said. And that is what Apoorva and I have become. she’ll be there. but actually. and when I was eighteen io H at m or nineteen (she’s four years older than me). her dad died of cancer a year later. Two college friends. We meet every one or two months. she’s that one person rig who will be there the whole day. we keep things from each other. your brother can’t be your friend. We’re running the show together. We discuss ot g N Pen our mothers with each other. Like Gauri and Putlu. We go through similar emotional traumas. I’ve known her as a kid. Sometimes. For me. she’ll come to New York with me. the way you talk about him. I have lots of women friends. ht If I am in hospital or my mother is in hospital. se Then there’s Kajal Anand who’s been my friend since I was ten. They all have one thing in common—they’re all intelligent. But I’m not the classic hanging-out- with-a-group-of-women guy. My mother has a back injury. We’re clearly siblings. I have a lot of these twos. EQ is much more important than IQ. ‘You know. We fight like siblings. An Unsuitable Boy. ou We’re family friends. 166 Karan Johar I have stronger connects with men. She’s my age and we’re both unmarried. I just meet her one-to-one for dinner. ‘You know. we have had a civil. she’s been a big support. She and Apoorva are the two people with whom I talk a lot about work. and one evening. cordial. She was at that time a model io H at m coordinator. Actually. I think we have a karmic connection. Shah Rukh. Wholesome. After that we were in touch and we always had this deep connect. she doesn’t go to parties. She doesn’t socialize. She’s been my fo uin most recent close friend and I consider her family now. and my three kids are with her. my other friend who lost her father and has a mother. We’ve had a strange di In connection that has strengthened over the years. solid. She handles Salman. @ I was sitting alone and she came (she had not been in town when my ht father passed away). friendly relationship but irc an rc R it’s only in the last six years that we’ve really connected. Katrina. Then I ended up playing the part of Shah Rukh’s friend. Manish.’ We’re both very driven by our work. grounded.indd 166 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM . your father rig passed away on the same date as my father and they died of the same py Co cancer. and I keep teasing her. I’ll grow old with you. we have single mothers who we’re very into. it’s also very much like with Putlu. long-term friendships. She’s a celebrity manager. She’s a very bright girl. She’s very close to my mum as well. Today she has emerged as one of my closest friends and someone with whom I chat about my work issues a lot. she just works. it ot g N Pen started eleven years ago when my father passed away. She’s the biggest celebrity manager and her company does strategy much a more than management. These are the two women I feel very connected to. Apoorva and many others.’ So it was strange how we had this freaky commonality of memory. ul do n Over the years. Reshma Shetty has been a big support to me and I feel deeply connected to her. she runs a company called Matrix. She’s very An Unsuitable Boy. I’ve known her for se twenty years. Niranjan. Kareena. I’d gone to her for Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge looking ou to cast Shah Rukh’s and Kajol’s friends. ‘If I don’t find anyone. Them I know one-to-one. From then on. She walked in and said. And then I requested her to represent my talent. As for Reshma. She doesn’t meet anyone. I don’t meet her socially at all. Priyanka works for Vogue. and on the chartered flight they ul do n were always so thoughtful. I’m very dependent on her take on work and people. I can just see the protective instinct they have for me. There’s also the comfort I get from Garima who handles my life. Then there’s another whole group—Ayan. That includes each director in Dharma. Sometimes when I’m working late night. my cousins Priyanka and Anushka. They will be in my will. whether it’s Tarun py Co and Puneet who came in earlier or Karan and Shashank and Shakun. They’re not very a connected to the industry. We have a An Unsuitable Boy. so nobody even knows that Reshma and I have this special connection. but not for films. One is thirty-two and the other is twenty-eight. I was the only older io H at m person in that group of youngsters. I always used to feel like the parent but they took ot g N Pen charge of me as if I was their child. I feel very attached to all of them. I see them huddling around when they know I’m in a bad mood. di In And that paternal feeling I have for my two cousins extends itself se to Sid.indd 167 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM . ht Then there’s my comfort group—Dharma and a group within rig Dharma. My Papoo maasi’s two daughters. Garima is still there because she knows I’ve had a stressful day. An Unsuitable Boy 167 close to Salman and his family. These two girls are like my daughters. Aarti and Pooja Shetty. Sid and Varun would make sure I got fo uin into the car first. are my only family. Recently we went on a Dream Team tour and ou I realized how protective they were about me. Varun and Alia. who joined a little later. Anushka styles and designs. But they’re my daughters. Abhishek Varman who’s a director in the company. Garima and Niloufer are these two strong women who look out for me. if I have two maternal figures in my life—though one is older and the other younger—it’s these two. Alia would come and give me a blanket if irc an rc R she thought I was feeling cold. Apart from my mom. I take her advice on professional decisions very seriously. She’s not in the social zone. It was all about me and I realized @ that actually we have an organic parental bond. though she has a husband and daughter waiting at home for her. I’ve built a bond with her over the years and it’s very solid. though technically they’re my second cousins. I know it! @ ht rig py Co An Unsuitable Boy.indd 168 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM . My friends love me unabashedly. se Zoya and Shweta are the other two girls from my childhood I’m ou very connected to even today. fo uin I feel lucky to have some good friendships which I’ve tried hard to ot g N Pen maintain over the years. I’m someone who brings people together. they get enveloped in my zone. say. you’re dancing on Jhalak!’ They’re my police. I decided to call it ‘AAAP’! I feel like they’re my monitors. kids who work here. and since Pooja is the only one whose name begins with P. I got a message saying. 168 Karan Johar WhatsApp group we call the ‘A List’. io H at m Shweta and Zoya are still very much part of my day-to-day life. When people from the outside a come in. Farhan and Abhishek were the brats. Every day I get messages like ‘Have you slept?’ ‘Have you eaten?’ ‘Karan. Like. People irc an rc R from my past have integrated with my present. Then I get messages like ‘Where are you?’ When I was at the Toronto International Film Festival. Gauri and Putlu are best friends. Shweta ul do n and Putlu are very close now. And there are so many other people. ‘Send us a picture of what you’re looking like right now!’ This policing makes me feel emotional. that’s ridiculous. but she will make an effort with the people I know. Reshma who is so di In antisocial. I feel like someone cares. ‘Yeah. yeah. ‘You take off all your clothes and put your fan on high speed. ht There was a kid in class who was pulling my leg and he told me. I told him about it and he said. It was in New York. it is true.’ He said. I remember. 12 Love and Sex a di In se ou io H I at m lost my virginity at twenty-six. what is it? I’ve heard about it though. ‘You had three blow jobs yesterday!’ I said.’ He said. Yes. What is the big deal in that?’ And at twelve. I removed my clothes and put my fan on full speed. ‘You did it!’ I said. Later.indd 169 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM . I didn’t know what the words ‘fuck’ and ‘masturbation’ meant. There was a big 169 An Unsuitable Boy. Even when I was a kid. I did it three times. I still @ remember the first time someone told me about blow jobs. I was sexually completely inexperienced. rig ‘You know what a blow job is?’ py Co I said. I didn’t know things. Up till that fo uin point. ot g N Pen I was very backward in this department. I had no sexual encounter before ul do n irc an that.’ I know it sounds hard to believe but for a very long time. Why would I say this on record if it were not? rc R It’s not something I am proud of. ‘Yeah. ‘I can do that. and that’s a blow job. ‘No.’ I said. I had three blow jobs. am I asexual? Why am I not feeling this? Why am I not doing anything? There was a lot of turbulence in my head. was a big no-no.indd 170 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM . what am I doing? It’s not giving me happiness and nobody else knows about it anyway. we were all very good girls and boys. ‘Oh. The first time I ran away. This time. I had a very square group of friends. It’s not that the sexual release was fun. Finally. then who cares what they think? py Co It was a very nerve-wracking experience for me. after the release of Kuch Kuch Hota Hai.’ It’s something An Unsuitable Boy. I had actually started working a little on my looks. But then I rig thought. Post Kuch Kuch Hota se Hai. I had lost some ou weight and had groomed myself a bit. talk about it. it seemed fake because obviously the person assigned to please you is going to please you artificially. The thought of sex made me awkward. I went to London. I thought. if you’re paying for it. At that time. We were the most uncool. But because I was still overweight at that time. While growing up. safe escort ot g N Pen service. out of the country. I was so stressed. I was very self- @ conscious about my body. I had developed a little io H at m spring in my step. I did it twice. I thought. unaware and innocent lot. We were the Gujarati bunch who would go to picnics. I was fo uin twenty-six then. so who am I really doing this for? It’s not something you tom-tom about. I was also very large and was grappling with di In my weight issues. 170 Karan Johar age gap between me and my father. irc an rc R Right after Kuch Kuch Hota Hai released. I felt miserable. In passing. I paid the money and then said I can’t do this. I paid for sex today. For me to address it. Why have I done this. When you’re younger. a little confidence. I felt physically undesirable. I thought. I was combating a hundred issues in my head. That’s when my first encounter ul do n happened. you can’t go around telling people. I mustered up my courage and went back again. discuss it. It seemed like I was in a film with cameras on. you’re a lot more ht nervous about removing your clothes in front of someone. I couldn’t do it. I brushed it under the carpet all through the making of Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge and Kuch Kuch a Hota Hai. I had heard about a high-end. I walked out with guilt. It’s a job and that’s what they’re paid to do. and no one else told me about these things. it almost rattled me. It just seemed a bit stupid. One week later. paying for sex was something I couldn’t understand. I believe in respect for elders. Some rig of these things are in my DNA. py Co I Today. It’s like Twitter. I believe in protocol. and treating women well. I have a bit of romanticism in me irc an rc R that I want to hold on to. I am people friendly but I am very awkward in that zone. it’s just that it didn’t make sense to me. open a car ot g N Pen door for her. ul do n I’m old-fashioned about love. how can I fake this part of my life? I can’t be paying for something that’s giving me pleasure. An Unsuitable Boy 171 you would want to hide which I did. I have to invest in it. I’ve seen him do ht it always. Some @ of these things are inbuilt in me because of my father. I still fo uin believe in chivalry. very personal and a very intimate feeling. should I be paying ou for it? It’s not the money that bothered me. it was just that it didn’t io H at m add up. To me. My entire body becomes tense if I feel someone is hitting on me.indd 171 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM . with just about anyone. I have to work towards it or create it for myself or not indulge in it at all. I become like the stern principal of a school. even in love. Even though I was young. And if I am not interested. An Unsuitable Boy. But that’s not who I am at all. I am very protective about that part of myself. why should I give my opinions to seven million people I don’t know? Why a am I doing this unless it’s for effect? Similarly here—do I have to say di In I’ve had sex with a certain number of people because everybody else se has? But if I’m not getting it of my own accord. I felt. I would let a woman go ahead of me. people think that I have all the possible avenues to have all the sex in the world. sex is a very. It’s not something that I can do casually. It didn’t do anything for me. Then I remember in my late thirties the thought occurred to me once more in New York. I would give a senior gentleman or lady my space. It’s not that I got moralistic about it or ethical. and I did make an appointment but I cancelled it an hour before. for years there were rumours about Shah Rukh and me. it’s that kind of a dynamic. and if a man does not have an extramarital affair. ‘Yeh anokha rishta hai aap ka. ‘Yeh kaisey bol sakte hain aap mujhse. For me to look at him in that way or be subjected to those ht rumours was just ridiculous. ‘What if you woke up as Karan Johar?’ He said. I said. He is the first person I would ot g N Pen talk to about anything. ‘Toh aap ne jo mujhse pucha woh kaisa sawal tha?’ ul do n For me. because he has replaced my father in my life @ in a way. would we choose such a public spot? But it didn’t bother him. and I was asked about Shah Rukh. how will you feel?’ So he said.’ the interviewer said. There has been so much conjecture about my sexuality.’ An Unsuitable Boy. ‘My chances of waking up as him are less but waking up with him are more. And I was traumatized by it. ‘What do you mean? How can you ask me this question?’ a I said. yeh kaisa sawal hai?’ io H at m I said. he’s always treated me like a younger brother. pats my head. no matter what ups and downs Shah Rukh and I have irc an rc R been through. I was on a show on a Hindi channel. ‘People talk nonsense. I moved from anger to indifference and finally to amusement. 172 Karan Johar I’ve always handled the rumours that came my way. di In agar main aap se puchoon ki kya aap ka koi sexual rishta aap ke bhai ke saath hain toh aap kya kahoge mujhse?’ se ou He said. in my head he has always been my father’s friend.indd 172 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM . And he hugs me. Shah Rukh made a joke about it on Koffee with Karan once. He said. He worded it in such a way that I got really angry. I asked him.’ Is that what the perception is? If you are not sleeping with a woman. he is supposed to be gay. For heaven’s sake. I used to get appalled at the stories. Even if we had to. an older brother to me. ‘If I asked you if you are sleeping with your brother. He is fo uin a father figure. ‘How could you ask me this question? It’s the same thing. I have rig heard stories that I was making out with him in the Concorde room py Co of the British Airways lounge in London. you are sleeping with a man? Here is a man who is committed to his work and he is close to me. indd 173 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM . there is some conjecture about. ‘Why. ‘You fucking homo. I refuse to talk about it. io H at m you’re polluting our nation. homosexual. Even if I was banging 100 men or 200 women. what what what!’ And I said. are you interested?’ And he said. ‘Is it true that you are a homo?’ rig He was with his wife and child. I’ll be asked. I have no di In problem with people saying what they want about me. I know I am the butt of many jokes. I have not been brought up to talk about my sex life. But honestly. I mean. se Twitter has the most number of abuse. ‘Oh. asexual. I have become like the a poster boy of homosexuality in this country. And we laughed about it. I would not talk about it. your sexuality. Which is why I An Unsuitable Boy. you’re dirtying society’ or ‘Shove [IPC ul do n Section] 377 up your arse. py Co I looked at him and said. I can say it in this book—everybody knows where I come from. and he asked me this. it is my concern. you know. I wake up to at least 200 ou hate posts saying. ‘Hey. Sometimes.’ Everybody knows what my sexual orientation is. I always come up with a retort. pun intended.’ And I walked out. ‘Don’t what what me. bisexual. I have always been surrounded by such rumours about my alleged affairs. I get scared of being spotted with any single man now because I think they are going to think that I am sleeping with him. I won’t only because I live in a country where I could possibly be jailed for saying this.’ I get this on a daily basis and I’ve learnt to irc an rc R laugh it off. leave our country’ or ‘Get out. firstly I have never ever talked about my orientation or sexuality because whether I am heterosexual. I am not bothered. I don’t need to scream it out. And if I need to spell it out. people are just rude and ask ot g N Pen me to my face at airports. I know how my sexuality is discussed. An Unsuitable Boy 173 It was on national television. @ Like one man came up to me once very cockily at Heathrow airport ht and said. I have developed an iron armour which fo uin protects me from all this shit. Some major sections of the English media are very sensitive in the way they approach this question. 174 Karan Johar will not say the three words that possibly everybody knows about me in any case. I’ve given hints. I’ve stood on a platform like AIB Roast, and I had half of the people supporting me and the other half dissing me for doing this. But at the end of the day, I did what I did, and I did it with my mother in the front row, and screw you if you have a problem with that. The only thing that bothered me was when people stood on the high moral ground and said, ‘Why was your mother in the front row?’ But she’s cool. Do you know the discussions I’ve had with her on this? Do you know that I tried to stop her from coming but she insisted on coming? a I said, ‘Okay, if you’re cool enough to endure what could be said di In about me on that stage in front of 5000 people, then hell, yeah, come! And be in the front row and laugh.’ se ou The other thing I told her was, ‘Mum, laugh. Do not squirm and io H at m do not be embarrassed for me because I’m not embarrassed for myself.’ ul do n If they’re going to make jokes about my sexual orientation, I’m okay irc an rc R about it. I’m not embarrassed about who I am. I’m not apologetic. I’m fo uin embarrassed about the country I live in vis-à-vis where I come from ot g N Pen in terms of my orientation. I’m sad, upset and disheartened with the @ trolling that happens on social media, when every morning people say, ht ‘Wake up, you want it in your ass.’ I read things like this on a daily rig basis, at least 3000 of them in a week. It saddens me how people just py Co don’t understand that you could be more messed up even if you’re a straight, completely heterosexual individual than a not-coming-in- your-way homosexual. At the end of the day, this whole homophobia is so disheartening and upsetting. And then they say, ‘Why don’t you speak about your sexuality? You could be iconic in this country.’ But I don’t want to be iconic anywhere. I want to live my life. The reason I don’t say it out aloud is simply that I don’t want to be dealing with the FIRs. I’m very sorry. I have a job, I have a commitment to my company, to my people who work for me; there are over a hundred people that I’m answerable to. I’m not going to sit in the high courts and the Supreme Court of this country because of ridiculous, completely bigoted individuals who An Unsuitable Boy.indd 174 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM An Unsuitable Boy 175 have no education, no intelligence, who go into some kind of rapture for publicity. I’m not doing this. I’ve reached a point in my life where I am not going to conform to what people think I should be saying or doing. I think I’ve gotten away with it because I have a level of decency and humanity that comes as a coating on top of who I am. I’ve never offended people, never hurt people, whether it’s my family or my relationships. I’ve always been there for my fraternity, been there for my company. I’ve always done the right thing. So if you have an opinion about my sexuality, then screw you. I don’t care. My life is my life and I have to think ahead a about what I have to do. di In se I ou io H at m ul do n My one major relationship was overseas, with someone who lived in irc an rc R Los Angeles and then finally moved to New York. It didn’t work out. It fo uin lasted for just over a year. And that was the only relationship I’ve ever ot g N Pen had in my life. @ Of course, I’ve fallen in love in the past. But I always end up falling ht in love with unavailable people. Whoever I’ve fallen in love with, rig they’ve always known, but I’ve always protected my broken heart. I’m py Co practical like that. Like they talk about Oscar winners, I’m a three- time heartbroken person. But I’ve always emerged from it, fought back and continued to live my life. There was not even a single element of physicality in any of these three times. I communicated my love to the people but nothing ever came out of it. It was just selfless love, almost sacrificial in some strange, romantic Hindi film way. But it was something that nurtured me. The best pieces of writing I’ve ever done were when I had a broken heart. I wrote Ae Dil Hai Mushkil post a broken heart. All that energy went into the script. The heartbreak was completely justifiable; it was nobody’s fault but mine and I completely take the onus of that emotion. But at the end of the day, I transfer a lot of that into my writing. And then I think, chalo, at least a film came An Unsuitable Boy.indd 175 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM 176 Karan Johar out of it, if not a relationship. And maybe, a film matters to me more at this stage of my life than a relationship. Strangely enough, heartbreaks can also be satisfying. There have been a series of unrequited love situations. There have been two instances that have been heartbreaking. One in college, and one after that. Both of these were largely about unrequited love which I will take to my grave because there are very few people who know about them. Only I know and the person involved, who I was silently and madly in love with. And it never worked out. But it nurtured me. I suffered the heartbreak just like in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai because a through my college years and after that for about seven or eight years, di In I was in love with someone unconditionally, completely and madly. se And it broke my heart and there were tears. But I understood why ou the love was not reciprocated. On both occasions, we were not on the io H at m same wavelength, emotionally, physically or sexually. That’s why it was ul do n unrequited. irc an rc R But where it was reciprocated, where I felt I was in love, I was with fo uin someone and we dated for over a year. But I remember breaking it off ot g N Pen because I felt like I was in it for the wrong reasons. I was more in it @ because it was the first time I had had a lover. For the first time, I could ht say—this is my relationship, I am dating somebody. So I felt I was rig doing it more for that tag, for that tick in the box than for the feeling py Co of it. Actually, it was a little boring. The idea was more exciting than the relationship itself. It was not something I enjoyed. I was not invested in it the way I should have been. My unrequited love has absorbed me much more than the one relationship I had. There’s a Faiz Ahmed Faiz line: Gar baazi ishq ki baazi hai jo chaho laga do dar kaisa Gar jeet gaye toh kya kehna haare bhi toh baazi maat nahin. It is actually the most beautiful thought—you can win even when you’ve lost in love, and I think everybody should go through it. Falling in love is the most beautiful thing ever. Sometimes, not getting that An Unsuitable Boy.indd 176 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM An Unsuitable Boy 177 love back can break your heart into tiny little pieces. But heartbreak has really strengthened my core. It has made me feel alive. When I was going through the deepest angst and was losing the zest for life, heartbreak woke me up. I felt in touch with a beating heart. It happened to me after very many years. It happened to me once in my twenties in college, once when I was in my late thirties. The reason I’m not going to expand on this is that it’s not fair to the other people involved. It’s like self-pity, which is a luxury. It can be beautiful. If you don’t live in it forever, sometimes self-pity is great. So a half relationship and three heartbreaks. Like four weddings and a funeral! So the longest a relationship in the forty-four years of my life lasted for just one year. di In People can choose to believe this or not, but it’s the truth and I can se swear on my life, career, family and everything that it’s true. ou Here I want to add that nobody has ever fallen in love with me first! io H at m I would be screaming from the rooftops if people were in love with me; ul do n everyone loves being loved. But I’ve not had one person who’s been irc an rc R madly in love with me, whose heart I’ve had to break. I’ve never had fo uin to reject somebody’s deep emotion for me. I feel terrible about it. Even ot g N Pen I want to be loved. I too would love to break someone’s heart, just to @ have that story to tell. At one point, I thought I was going to develop a ht low self-esteem about it. Maybe, I’m just not putting myself out there rig in that way and allowing somebody to fall in love with me. I’m so busy py Co protecting my core, and I’m so aware. Awareness is a disease. I There have been a series of sexual encounters, passing phases, but not as many as somebody in my situation would have had. But I didn’t enjoy them. They were very fleeting, very few, very far between. I am not a very sexual being. I am a lover. I am about love. If I don’t feel it’s a relationship or something intense, I am not aroused. I am aroused by emotions. I am not aroused by physicality. I am not aroused by a body; I am more about hug-and-cuddle affection and intimacy than I An Unsuitable Boy.indd 177 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM I probably moulded myself like that. And the ones who are di In from the industry. it’s just difficult. there’s nothing. I can’t leave my company and move to the mountains. But right now. But I really can’t be going to Tokyo to meet someone! I know ht about overseas relationships but Tokyo was taking it a bit too far. An Unsuitable Boy. But I have to go py Co through the beats before I realize whether I want a relationship or not. relationships. If I love someone and that person loves me back with equal intensity but cannot have sex with me. ‘Oh. But where do I go. It’s not that I don’t have the feeling or the ability. I want to have break-up sex and make-up sex. you don’t have a relationship. it’s a little toy that I’ve found that I want to play with for a while. what do I do? se ou I actually did join a high-end dating service last year. maybe. meet new people. I want to be traumatized. So. Everybody says. break- ups. I have to accept that. trauma.indd 178 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM . I am okay with it. I may rig not find any happiness through this dating service. Maybe. I hear from the whole world and their uncle about their love stories. ot g N Pen They called me and said there was someone interested in meeting me @ in Tokyo. They go irc an rc R through your profile. it’s wonderful to go through even the beat of a break- up or heartbreak. I’ve had nothing. I too want to be dramatic. You have to have a certain balance sheet to even fo uin be part of that dating service. I want to bang phones down. and trying to put myself out there. Sometimes. I am not a very sexual being. So in India I can’t date a random people who are not from the industry. whom do I meet? I am a famous person in India. you’re so in your own clique. I can do without sex if I get that love. It’s just not who I am. and then make up with the person I’m seeing. But I want to go through the experience of it. I think all my energies are channelized towards my work. They choose you. 178 Karan Johar am about sex. I was in io H at m London and I was told about this service which takes on a lot of well- ul do n to-do single people. People say you have to go out there.’ I’ve gone through that phase of feeling bad for myself. I was missing that excitement about somebody new. you don’t choose them. You could meet anywhere in the world. I’ll fall flat on my face and say I don’t want this. Meeting a new person in the capacity of a relationship is exciting. then I might be capable of becoming like a doormat. I fear that sometimes. I’m not putting py Co aside my personality. My fame has given me so much. I’m so needy that I might become like a completely subservient. The truth is that after so many years. It’s the excitement of that interaction. I hate it that people don’t know that about me. Meet someone and say. It’s a way of re-energizing my existence and di In I’m really waiting for it. ht Fame coming in the way of a relationship is such a self-involved kind rig of statement. ou I’m dying to go on a blind date. I will never diss it for anything. se The dating service is a great inroad into a potential new experience. The dichotomy is that in my An Unsuitable Boy. But I know me. etc. I want the accountability but I fear it at the same time. Just have a new conversation with a new person from perhaps irc an rc R a new culture. @ Sometimes. There’s nobody I’m dating over there. what do you ul do n do. Somebody tucked away there. People keep telling me knowingly. I’ve never been on one. ‘You keep going to New York. mad person. That’s my fear. There’s only main aur meri tanhayee or aksar woh dono baatein karte hain. huh? You keep going to London. and I’m very afraid of losing that. Even if my fame fo uin comes in the way of my love life. If I fall madly in love. no one is tucked or fucked away anywhere! I wish there was! But there isn’t. I’m so much a master of my day that I don’t know if I’ll be happy to be answerable to anyone else. An Unsuitable Boy 179 I’ve only heard of all this. It should be an asset most of the time. But I’m walking all over these cities on my own. They probably think I’m in some secluded relationship in London or New York. it can be a roadblock but it’s not such a big problem. No person is worth sacrificing who I am. This will be io H at m like a version of a blind date. I’m really used to my independence. the exposure to a new emotion and feeling is what a I’m really wondering about. But I want the feeling of it. my individuality and my identity for anyone.indd 179 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM . and it has come in the way in the ot g N Pen past. oh. I want a relationship but I don’t think I’ll be able to deal with it. The experience. eh?’ And I want to say. So I’m being a little on the fence about it only because I don’t know what the outcome will be. Maybe. I give instructions. a The only time I sleep is when I’m really exhausted. and this person asks me. I run this company entirely on my own. But in a relationship. I might become that red carpet I’ve walked on all my life. I run my life entirely on my own. I’m se so used to it that I can’t stop became I’m in a relationship. Now I have to eject the possibility of anything else. A fo uin blockbuster venture or a big film being made is the sex that I don’t have. irc an rc R My work is my biggest orgasm. I’ll be walked all over. and plan my meetings of the day when I want to. I feel I can’t be accountable to anyone but my mother. A hit film is a multi-orgasm.indd 180 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM . 180 Karan Johar workspace. ot g N Pen @ ht rig py Co An Unsuitable Boy. Now ‘pause’ doesn’t io H at m work for me. I might become like a subservient carpet. work when I want to. It’s ou like I’ve put myself on the ‘play’ button all my life. wake up when I want to. ‘When are we meeting?’. I’m a powerful entity. sleep when I want to. I travel when I want to. I can’t do it. I have ul do n to just continue running till my health allows me. I fill my days with work to such an extent that I don’t give myself time. I’m running di In away from something. Now I feel if I have a relationship. I can’t. ‘Where are you going?’ ‘What are you doing?’. But now that I have run for so many years. I delegate. I had the name ready too: Koffee with Karan. Casual. Koffee with Karan. It all began in 2004. the combination of two people has never been done anywhere.indd 181 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM . who may be part of the same fraternity so that the energy in that conversation doesn’t become specific to one life. That 181 An Unsuitable Boy. In most talk shows. But when it is watched by other people. The show rc R finally went on air in November 2004. It becomes more fun when you bring in another individual in the room. I wanted to call two people. one person comes or you talk about your film. irreverent. who had worked very closely ot g N Pen with the Bachchan family. It was always rig something that I wanted to do. it gives them a sense of voyeurism. of course. And I wanted to do it in twos—I py Co wanted to call two people at the same time. I wanted a freewheeling chat. I wanted to make it look like a drawing-room conversation. which wouldn’t be about just one person. just for fun. I thought I would call an actor and an actress or two different actors or two different actresses. He had worked ht with Star TV. Actually. You know. and I knew him. fun banter: that’s what the thought was. fo uin There was a man called Sunil Doshi. I told him I would like to @ do a talk show. 13 Koffee and a Roast a di In se ou io H T at m he other big thing that happened in my career along with my films ul do n irc an was. So he had an association with television. like a hobby. In my entire Koffee with Karan history. Sunil Doshi came back to me. and that was Sanjay Dutt. At that point of time. 182 Karan Johar was my idea. I was advised.indd 182 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM . there’s only one person I ever gave the Rapid Fire questions to. On top fo uin of that. He said. It took us six hours for a show ul do n that normally takes an hour and a half to shoot. It was with Saif and Preity. Then in the month of August. But I haven’t done that with anyone else. and he would just come across looking blank because he was really nervous. Saif had to be perky irc an rc R on television and talk about his wife as if things were kosher. In fact. a The first episode that I shot was not the first in the sequence of the di In telecast. and it was the very first season. I was told. not Shah Rukh and not Salman. ot g N Pen Koffee with Karan is a five-segment show and we shoot pretty much @ in real time. Once the stars have come and sat rig down.’ And my father said. you are doing everything!’ So the contract was made and it turned out to be four times that amount. He was going through a bit of turbulence because he ou was on the verge of splitting up with his wife. The Rapid Fire round is never shared with them because their instinctive answers when they’re put in a spot is what makes it exciting. we get started and wrap it up quickly. The stars are not briefed py Co about anything I’m going to ask them (contrary to what people may think). so he reached the studio. I actually ht don’t take very long to shoot it. and I can’t remember by whom. So I told Sunil Doshi and he came back with the money. But he had given me a io H at m commitment. ‘A crore is a lot of money to get. ‘We’ll do fifty episodes per crore [rupees]. that the money was too little and that I should ask for more because I was bringing in the stars. there was no conversation. It was cheating on my part. We shoot a little extra so that we can edit it later. we had lighting problems. no one has ever asked me to.’ Then my dad passed away in June. and I knew she would really bite his head off with her answers. And for three months. ‘It’s your concept. That’s how we launched Koffee with Karan. not Mr Bachchan. I gave him the questions in advance and he won the hamper. An Unsuitable Boy. We shot it on Saif ’s birthday on se 16 August 2004. It was a bit of a strange first episode. He was going to come in with Sushmita Sen. fo uin But I just enjoyed the episode so much. my breaks are designed. I’m not afraid of the camera or an audience. I remember laughing so much. Guests are repeated but everyone has a new lover. Nargis was really funny. like when Rakhi Sawant came. irc an rc R They were so funny but I knew there would be some repercussions. I would take a break. I have had the most py Co fun. Fazila and Kamna. Her fan base really increased after that episode. I used to se laugh a lot in Koffee with Karan. So I actually don’t know which is the better season because the last season always seemed like the one where the most noise was created. Give me a camera and put me on stage. and I knew that line about ht ‘I’m a virgin’ would work. I’m not shy like that. They were just wild. and I will make an impact in whatever way possible. And I ask everyone everything that’s out in the public domain. I never ever cross the line of friendship. I take four breaks. If I’ve been told something in complete privacy by the celebrity. a There were some odd episodes. mainstream media and social media awareness kept increasing. Salman was great fun. Rakhi said some really weird and wild things. io H at m I remember the Deepika–Sonam episode. But many of the standout moments on the show @ were unexpected. sometimes so much that I would be ou all tearful. People like to watch it. and when the red light comes on. An Unsuitable Boy 183 In Koffee with Karan. Those have been my favourite episodes. I would An Unsuitable Boy. Nobody knew she had such a wicked sense of humour. I’m confident about that. Shah Rukh and ot g N Pen Kajol were great. who are from a company called Sol. That’s the only way I know that the conversation needs to go towards a break. Koffee with Karan always does well. Unlike other shows where people just ramble. I have a system I devised with the producers. di In She left me hysterical. The only challenge was to make sure that we didn’t overshoot too much. Nargis rig and Freida Pinto. Somehow.indd 183 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM . In fact. and ul do n went off at a tangent. Then there was Kareena and Rani. new enemy. They took off like a train and just didn’t stop. So the green light is a warning. new controversy. Whenever there are two girls. I never even get into the ratings but with every season. Of course. ’ he or she will say.’ No journalist can say that. Suddenly. she’s bright. I can say. Sometimes. but I a say no. She made fun of herself. and she’ll think before a scene. If any news channel reporter says to a star. It’s all irc an rc R about brand building. so she’s living with a book of quotes. She’s just py Co not aware of who’s running this country. ‘No. sometimes there’s a phone. she’s not dumb at all. Sometimes. negativity can also be useful to fo uin build a brand. di In Alia not knowing the President’s name worked for her. She’s Mahesh Bhatt’s daughter. 184 Karan Johar never ask a question about it. which is ridiculous I know. you’re lying. everyone was talking about the fact that she ot g N Pen didn’t know who the President of the country was. so to get them in pairs was not a problem for the first lot of twenty episodes. tell me. I I had equations with all the actors. I can keep badgering them. Then she did that short film with All India Bakchod io H at m and that just cemented it. She agreed to do it and make a jackass of herself. It’s just the way I roll out the questions. It’s just that she’s politically unaware of certain names. Alia Bhatt became a household brand. but she’s street-smart. ‘How dare you!’ We do get requests from PR to feature some newer actors. Sometimes. the argument they supposedly had with some person. An Unsuitable Boy. But my guests will take it from me. I’ll ask about who they’re dating. I think it worked @ in her favour. the hamper has a computer. ht Actually. She reads books. se even something like that can endear a star to the audience in a ou strange way. which journalists don’t have the luxury of doing. But I’ll ask about whatever is in the public domain.indd 184 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM . I had always wanted elements like the Rapid Fire and the hamper. Everybody found ul do n her cute and sweet. ‘Aap jhhooth bol rahe hain. She’s one of the brightest bulbs there rig is. There’s a bit of prestige attached to being on Koffee with Karan. irreverent banter between me and the fraternity members would be of such global interest. Four seasons later. The opposite possibly. But I just don’t care any more. because I do it anyway. If you see the four seasons of Koffee with Karan. it shows me changing as a person. That is se how I kept it. I didn’t realize what it could do to my brand equity. I started becoming more and more wacky. What worked a is this exact sense that I had when I planned the show—the sense of di In voyeurism. Simply because I took it as the extension of a hobby. all kinds of fun things. It was not at all about doing a ou cerebral show. which is great. I was more careful in my first season. Far from it. no. While it has py Co become different in terms of the texture. the essence has remained the same. So if you really want to know of my An Unsuitable Boy. I was getting paid to talk. It also progressively became more sexual for some strange reason. So it was fun and gossipy. And I’m doing all this for fun. io H at m I remember some directors coming up to me and saying. it emerged as a huge brand. It’s gone from polite conversation and reverence to not giving a fuck. An Unsuitable Boy 185 then there are chocolates. it shows my own evolution. rig The show has mostly stuck to its original script. Every other celebrity @ began judging reality shows or hosting something or the other. With every passing season.’ fo uin And I said. ‘Are you ul do n sure you want to expose yourself so much? A film-maker has to have a irc an rc R sense of intrigue. It was as if I grew wings with every new season. It’s quite a happening hamper. But I had never imagined that Koffee with Karan would take off in such a big way. and I come across as a horny midlife victim in the fourth.indd 185 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM . I didn’t realize that this casual. ot g N Pen Interestingly. I am no nymphomaniac. I guess the show has become more ‘sexy’ now because I’m more ‘sexy’ now. I’ve made so many movies but it’s all about Koffee with Karan. I think ht I just got the ball rolling. Even today. You feel you are almost prying into a private banter. I was actually like a vulnerable. I mostly get asked about the show. it didn’t have to be that way. now everybody is on television. innocent child in season one. it’s not my fault. Now everyone comes more fo uin prepared because they have seen the impact of the show. ‘Oh god. you will see the difference. I made a lot of puns. In Koffee with Karan. ou They will meet at some event and patch up. There are no big wars. irc an rc R they forgot that the cameras were on.’ It didn’t happen so much in the first season. Even if they were saying no. Anyway. you have to go from the first to the fourth season. ‘Shut up.’ di In Then she understood. People said plenty of things because after a point. and a few fights happened. but with a touch more dignity. If you pick up just any one episode of season one to any episode of season four. I’m naughty. ‘They took off on you. it’s been a decade and I can feel the change. Many of the guests ask me. because in the ht Rapid Fire round. I traumatized her. ‘They have an opinion.indd 186 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM . Shobhaa De got upset with me because Sonam and Deepika took off on her. funny. you are lying. and she didn’t even know how to deny it any more. Suddenly @ the media had all the fodder in the world to play with. Because. they didn’t realize that there would be ramifications. ‘I’ll ask you and you deny it.’ I made Anushka Sharma’s life miserable by asking her about Virat Kohli. there were a lot of ul do n freewheeling chats. io H at m In the first season of Koffee with Karan. ‘Can py Co you cut this out? I’ve said something I shouldn’t have.’ But I would make the denial fun. I said she was like the first lady of cricket. I must say it’s quite rig a Narad Muni thing for me to do. can you not ask me about this?’ And I would say. But by the second season. 186 Karan Johar evolution. An Unsuitable Boy. At one point. It was because in the first season people just came and spoke. I had become like Stardust or Cine Blitz. a So I said. Some people ot g N Pen said some controversial things. The problem arises when the two people sitting across start talking about a third person. Some parents have even told me that they wouldn’t like their kids to watch this kind of rubbish. It started happening more from the second season onwards. But she was laughing by the end of it because I went on and on. se I said.’ But these things are temporary. cute. I would make people rate actors. I would say. people would say. we talk a lot of nonsense. indd 187 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM . Well. ‘You sort it out. came. So Rishi Kapoor went on record to say. Kiran. I did have a feeling he didn’t like me. He was quite candid about it. though the girls seemed to have come equipped with what they had to say.’ However. Internally. Ranbir was sitting ou there when the girls were recording the show. So it was all good. This was the only problem rig I got into with the show. otherwise I’ll be most upset. I worked with Rishi Kapoor in Agneepath and Student of ht the Year right after that. I know them well. I am sorry.’ So then he said. But it never affected any of my relationships. I said to Aamir. you’ll know that’s se the vibe. I have all these strong equations with people in the industry. ‘Look. Ranbir was cool but the parents— rightfully—got offended. He kind of knew what io H at m they had said. ‘I will never work with Dharma Productions again. ‘You have to do it for me. It’s a fun. there was something about me he didn’t approve of or didn’t like. Even if I have not worked with them. I have a great amount of respect for him though. He had great regard for my father but somehow. But he didn’t realize it would blow up like this. Ranbir told me. And no one means any harm. Karan ne kyu nahi roka. If you watch the show. ‘I can’t say no to you now. He and Neetuji got really upset about the comments made about Ranbir in the Deepika– Sonam episode in the third season.’ fo uin I also met Neetuji and sorted it out. he said it was because he didn’t like me.’ But he worked with us immediately after that a because I met him and said. When I asked Aamir in the interview why he hadn’t come earlier. They felt I had egged on the girls. They’re seniors. yes. And then he said he realized that he was wrong. The media also fuels the fire.’ Ironically.’ So he and his wife. I’m sure everyone must have had py Co some problem or the other with each other. He said he had an impression about An Unsuitable Boy. and that too right before we did the maximum work with him in the company. I didn’t mean to offend di In you. Rishi Kapoor got very offended. There’s ul do n always this madness that surrounds us in the industry—‘How can these irc an rc R girls say this? Karan ko kuch karna chahiye tha. despite all the @ controversy. An Unsuitable Boy 187 Koffee with Karan also became about who was coming for the show and who wasn’t. I have great respect ot g N Pen for them. By the fourth season. irreverent show. I still love the show. 188 Karan Johar me. I knew what I was doing. di In And now I’m doing the fifth season. I was sitting with cops. They were fighting about me on a roast! When I agreed to host the AIB Roast. my rig lawyers. After the controversy ot g N Pen broke. frivolous. Nevertheless. like a kitty party queen. I was appalled at what I had to put my company. I said they could make all the fun An Unsuitable Boy. in which we’ll reach 100 episodes! se ou io H I at m ul do n irc an rc R The truth is I did regret being part of the AIB Roast. I didn’t care. all four of them. campy. I’m impulsive. my legal team through when they should have been fighting py Co about contractual clauses in studio deals. They said things about me. But I told them I would be happy to do it. I’m not embarrassed about anything said about me. it has been to my own reputation. gossipy and chatty. flaky socialite film-maker who would go ha-ha-he-he at a party without showing any depth. They sat in my office. commissioners. I never made fun of anybody else other than the people on that stage.indd 188 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM . During the show. not for ht any other reason. sincerity or conviction. thinking I would throw them out. nervous. People enjoy watching Koffee with Karan because it’s got that tongue-in-cheek humour and irreverent vibe. The four boys of AIB—who I find very funny—came to me because they said they couldn’t think of a better ‘roast-master’. It’s put me out a there in the limelight. affluent. snooty air about the show. Not because of what fo uin I said but because of what happened afterwards. There’s a certain urbane. which was wrong—that I was a slightly frivolous. lawyers. And dealing @ with all that for six months and more—that’s why I regret it. But this talk show has given me the reputation of being slightly flighty. It has taken my depth away. I didn’t think too much about it either before or after. I am not that person. So the big damage has not been to my relationships with the people who appear on my show. Everybody knew what I was going to say. I curtail myself because sometimes my ul do n sense of humour can offend you. I want to be out there. I would a do it again today if someone told me that there would be no legal di In hassles. She’s proud that I carried forward the legacy of my dad quite well. ‘You’re a big film-maker. But if I’m talking ot g N Pen about myself. not because of what happened during the show. ‘You’ve danced on national television. So I don’t know what her thoughts were on it. I’m a good boss. It’s not fair to that person. My mum is very popular with my friends. @ My mom came for the Roast. Why did you need to do this?’ But why should I take myself seriously? Why am I supposed to be this big film-maker who is meant to maintain mystique and mystery? Maybe. but didn’t say ht anything. Maybe. Maybe. I should be allowed to. An Unsuitable Boy. We’re a family of funny people. I don’t know what I’m capable of doing. We didn’t rig talk about it. She knows that my heart is in the right place. she said. I don’t want to hurt anyone. So I make sure my joke is always irc an rc R about me. I don’t want to be Rekha. and she’s immensely proud of me. She’s very nasty about me in her own funny way. We came back home and we had dinner together. I will fo uin not say it in an interview. I regret AIB only because of the legal ramifications. what can be more humiliating than that?’ She has the same sense of humour like my father and me. it’s a maidan where I’m allowing all io H at m sorts of thoughts to creep in. because why should I do that? I was told. When I told her not to come for the Roast. An Unsuitable Boy 189 they wanted to about me but they shouldn’t make me mention any person who was not part of the Roast. I’ve never had my mother sit me down and say that I’ve done something wrong. she sat through it. she’s my friend and partner in life. evolved.indd 189 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM . I would never talk about anyone else. My mother has a very straight-faced kind of humour. My mind has ou become like an open space today. I’m a good friend to people. And people love her because she mainly bitches about me. se Frankly. I’m a pop culture boy. I’m not interested in being in the archives as this legend who was mystical. She laughs at me. and above all. If I haven’t liked a film. She’s modern. She hasn’t py Co spoken about it to anyone. I’m a good son. Now a lot of people talk openly about it. ul do n owing to social and parental pressures. It’s very sad but we need to have different ways of communication. If I tell her I got the Most Stylish Person award.indd 190 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM . I always feel that the biggest homophobic men and women in An Unsuitable Boy. I’m flirting with a man. I also made Bombay Talkies which dealt with io H at m gay married men who are actually hiding and repressing themselves. I’ve even @ flirted with the anchor Manish Paul on the dance show. ‘No. and that’ll shut me up. I’ve brought homosexuality to dining table discussions. You take a step back. they said. Jhalak Dikhhla ht Jaa. She’s probably more progressive than her husband who actually could be gay. Doesn’t the moral police of the country realize that the only way you can penetrate a thought in this country is with humour? When you lace it with seriousness and make it like fighting for a cause. I know she’s saying them purposely so that I don’t get carried away by anything. right? How come it’s become so believable rig and acceptable? Families say. now at least people ou know what the concept is. That was the backstory of the irc an rc R film. how great is that? She’s not offended by it. People say that I make fun of and stereotype homosexuals. she’ll tell me five greater things that five other people have achieved. I know she talks about me with great pride—but behind my back! Sometimes. I thought. it achieves nothing. why’re they giving you this award? You’re far from stylish! She says things like this. There’s a way of communicating sexuality in a country such as ours. But I a say. ‘Hamein aapki aur Manish ki nok-jhok py Co bahut pasand aati hai!’ I’ve had a very traditional lady come up to me at an airport and tell me how much she loves my banter with Manish. ot g N Pen but all for a reason. When that lady told me that she liked the banter between Manish and me.’ fo uin I’ve not made fun of homosexuality. 190 Karan Johar She disses most of my achievements. I’ve di In received over a thousand emails and letters from gay boys and girls se thanking me for making Dostana because. I think she does it to keep my feet firmly on the ground. she’ll say. I’ll say something mildly arrogant—mildly because I’m not arrogant by nature—and as if on cue. I’ve addressed it with humour. I don’t care. you’ll never see me going to the control room to see what I’m looking like. I’m a victim irc an rc R of my own image.indd 191 12/5/2016 11:21:53 AM . Everyone’s experimenting. I’m this bhaand who entertains. To go back to the AIB Roast. I never go back and watch myself on TV. The simple truth is that I do things that make me happy. I ht dilute the importance of being a serious entity. rig quietly in a corner like Raju Hirani does or project mad insanity like py Co Sanjay Leela Bhansali or have the seriousness and Sufism of Imtiaz Ali or the intellectual capacity of Zoya Akhtar. I remember Anurag Kashyap was totally shocked by this. that the enormity of it hit me. I’m done with the shot. I’ve a never sat and strategized my own brand value. Every single person has done so or wanted to. I don’t overthink these things. Now it’s for the world to see and judge. Maybe. I’ve danced on a reality show. I don’t know why. I’m not taken seriously by the industry nor by ul do n the audience beyond a point. I’ve danced spontaneously. Maybe. I’m not here to create a structured legacy. I’m @ just this person who is always assaulted because of the things I do. I don’t stand seriously. and that’s it. He had a An Unsuitable Boy. I know from personal experience that the lines are very blurred when it comes to sexuality. for instance. We’re a country full of divided sexuality. If in that moment I feel like I want to do something. If I feel like I want to dance in that reality show. Everyone has tried all kinds of things in their heads if not in their bed. The thought has crossed their minds. I’ll do it. I’ve never projected a di In certain kind of image which is the reason I think a lot of other directors se in this profession don’t take me seriously at all. An Unsuitable Boy 191 this country are definitely oppressed homosexuals. They are no longer just the usual thoughts that pass through the human mind. I’ll never be given the credit even if I create fo uin a piece of brilliance on celluloid. I’ve done a variety of ou things in my career. like Raju Hirani gets. I’m here to live in the moment. I’ve done a roast and io H at m I’ve hosted a talk show. I ot g N Pen think every other film-maker is far more easily forgiven than me. If I’m acting in a film or on a show. it was only when I was on that stage and I saw those 5000 people laughing loudly or going ‘Oh!’ in a shocked way. I will dance even though I may look crazy. even though as a director.indd 192 12/5/2016 11:21:54 AM . I’m insecure about my personal life. a di In se ou io H at m ul do n irc an rc R fo uin ot g N Pen @ ht rig py Co An Unsuitable Boy. 192 Karan Johar completely different impression of me. I’m very confident in my skin and I’m very happy that way. When he was directing me. If I’m at a photo shoot. Give me my credit as a director. till they forced me one day to come and see for myself. that is how I am. he thought I would come rushing to the monitor. it’s your job to contribute to everything. I don’t go and check the images. That’s why I don’t care where my name comes in the film credits. I’m not insecure about my professional life. I don’t feel the need to do that. I never went once. I notice how some film-makers put their name in every department. that’s all I want. the fear of rig emptiness. Call it work pressure. I fear losing the only family attachment I have. People don’t understand that there’s a difference between therapy and psychology. Sometimes. Then I realized I’m going through the quintessential midlife crisis a little earlier than others perhaps. But psychologists actually prescribe medication and I’ve been on medication for the last 193 An Unsuitable Boy. the stress of handling people. This last year has been actually the most turbulent for me emotionally and there’s no particular reason for it. I’ve started going to a psychologist. My sessions with my psychologist have meant a lot to me. just fuck off. I feel the need rc R to be the human being I’m designed to be and sometimes.indd 193 12/5/2016 11:21:54 AM . Therapy is when you go back to your childhood. She’s a lovely lady and is very sorted. I’m getting more vulnerable. and probably the feeling of growing old alone. I feel the pressure of delivery. Dropping my guard with someone who has no connection to my life. etc. I feel like saying. loneliness. I was wondering @ what I was going through and I was finally told that it was an anxiety ht attack. I could not fo uin care less about everything around me. 14 Midlife Angst a di In se ou io H I at m ’ve been through something in the last couple of years which I call ul do n irc an ‘urban angst’. py Co My mother has been going through health issues and every time she doesn’t answer her phone after three rings. As I’m growing older. ot g N Pen Since last year. I think the worst thoughts. you’re always on such an upper. I was not being able to focus. Once in my life. I’ll take a a sleeping tablet.indd 194 12/5/2016 11:21:54 AM . I flew with somebody—an affluent banker—on ot g N Pen a Mumbai–Delhi flight once. you always look so energized. I know I’m in an industry where people apparently do drugs. The one and only irc an rc R experience. but instead it made me sleepy. Pop a pill. Yeah. ‘Not at all. ‘Don’t be silly. So my psychologist prescribed medication for me. etc. ‘You and your industry. and why my lack of sleep was eating into my daily output level. but screw it. If I can’t sleep. and he said. That was what was happening to me. to understand why my heartbeat was racing the way it was. If I have a headache. It’s never done anything for me and I’m not doing it again. I pop two pills.’ I don’t know why I told him. It did nothing for me.’ ht And I asked. But I don’t do drugs (though I take Restyl se which is a sleeping pill). But I’ve done MDMA once. I took something when I was ou in Goa which is supposed to increase your serotonin level and make io H at m you happy. so you’re not doing coke?’ And I said. It ul do n was the most wasted drug experience of my life. ‘All of you means?’ rig He said. to calm myself down. ‘You don’t sniff charlie?’ I said. But you walk around in the industry and everyone thinks fo uin you’re sniffing charlie. but then the whole world does things. it’s wrong and it’ll eat into your system later. 194 Karan Johar year because I felt the need for it. What’s worked for me is the medication my psychologist An Unsuitable Boy. all of you must do a @ lot of drugs. I’m not one of those who believe in homoeopathy. You’re living for the moment. I could die tomorrow. I’m a strong believer in allopathy. I don’t do drugs. Why should I have this headache and go for herbal therapy and homoeopathic medicine? No. He said. decadent and doing everything that is incorrect and jail-worthy.’ py Co People think we’re a group of retarded aliens who are debauched. I’m a big pill popper. ‘Oh. I know it is not the most healthy thing and I don’t di In prescribe it for other people. ‘No!’ He said. I felt the need for him to believe me. You’re expected to be there for the people. I realized that there was a chemical imbalance that had been caused with all the anxiety. I completely empathized with it. You’re di In expected to be sociable. My ul do n mum didn’t know. When you’re in your bedroom. I can walk into meetings. She’s weaned me off it and now it’s a minimal dosage. My office didn’t know. She thought some lady was coming for corporate irc an rc R meetings. I’m at least 50 per cent better and that’s a big improvement. I don’t want to sound like a poor little rich boy. ‘Putlu. fo uin I called up Putlu and said that I needed help. I told her that I was going through @ something. When Deepika spoke about her depression. so much goes on in your head that is not going to be perceived by people unless you put yourself out there on a daily basis. I’m a Gemini. your creativity. The py Co very next day that lady came. I have a lot of love around me. I project a lot and there is a fatigue that creeps in a because of such projection levels. These expectations can drain you. be charming if I need An Unsuitable Boy. fears and insecurities. your commercial output. Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side and nobody sees what you’re going through. You’re expected to be happy. but nobody realizes that. and she’s been a ht friend to so many people. I need help. Actually your work. I can swing a different face as soon as I get out of my house. I can play the part of being me. I said. But the eight months that I took it. stress levels. I feel it’s such a misconception when people attribute personal happiness to wealth. My professional zone is intense. I was just going mad in my head. whatever. Now I’m sorted. se ou Last year has been a period of self-realization for me. the day or your thoughts about the next day flash in front of your eyes. Nobody knew io H at m I was visiting a psychologist once a week.indd 195 12/5/2016 11:21:54 AM .’ She said I needed rig to meet this lady. She got it because she’d been sensing it herself. though I’m trying to sieve and find out who really matters and who doesn’t. It was a vulnerable ot g N Pen moment the night I called her. She’s somebody who’s medically informed. is separate from what you go through within. I’m much better. It’s not that. those minutes before you go to sleep. An Unsuitable Boy 195 has prescribed. The West overreacts to it. I can do all of that. noisy breaths. . But sadness and depression are totally different things. and I feel in India we under-react to it. You feel like you’re in Ladakh. ht That’s anxiety. . which is something no one gets. I have io H at m a psychologist. shallow. you dream. those are blessed souls. show power if I have to. Some people have a balance and they’re blessed souls too. can you? You can’t show your marketing head that you’re lonely that day or that you feel sad or let down by a particular individual or that you’ve been hurt in love or that you’re heartbroken or alone. some to pandits. but depression or anxiety are medical conditions. Some people have it in abundance. you wake up. they tend to veer towards sadness. They’re not because you’re mad and losing your mind. you can’t be showing your vulnerable side to your accountant. 196 Karan Johar to. I felt I fo uin needed medical attention. You feel you need py Co acclimatization. But you cannot stop being your own person in this industry or any other place in the world. the chemical imbalance in you. How can I show that to the people in my organization? I can’t show it to my mum either because it will worry her. We don’t realize it. It could be your serotonin level. Sadness can be dealt with but depression needs medication. I didn’t go to a tarot reader. and she’s already combating medical issues. a So who do I show it to? You show it to your friends who then feel di In the need to check on you regularly and that annoys you as well because se you’re an independent person. Some go to psychics. You feel like the oxygen from your system has just rig been sucked out. that’s exactly what @ happened to me. ot g N Pen You know they say the heart is racing faster . show vulnerability if I have to.indd 196 12/5/2016 11:21:54 AM . That’s anxiety. You dream. I didn’t go to a mandir. I didn’t go to irc an rc R a babaji. An Unsuitable Boy. I went for medical help straight away. Your mind is running. your dreams are running. It’s the serotonin level that shifts in your body. Some people have low levels of serotonin. So where do you find solace? With a ou doctor. I feel mine is a modern-age way of dealing with inner ul do n stress and issues. I can play a part. We’re all born with a serotonin level. show overconfidence if so required. some to gurus. I run a company and I have people working under me. I found myself taking deep. you wake up. Failure can be a beautiful place because there’s a way up then. She said it was a late di In reaction to my father’s death. expectations increase and living up to them is so stressful. An Unsuitable Boy 197 I don’t feel I’m a depressed person. My friend Manish Malhotra—he’s one person whose serotonin @ level is very high—doesn’t understand why people get sad. Success is like An Unsuitable Boy. she could feel like the loneliest person perhaps. She and I have spoken about it on several occasions. Even success can. There was a section ul do n that thought. Beauty can be a curse as much as it can be an asset. ‘Why is Deepika going through depression? She’s so py Co pretty! So beautiful. He doesn’t ht understand the concept of sadness. It’s not that I was recovering from any kind of crisis. se ou So when I read about Deepika’s admission of depression. I totally get it. I had not realized what it was. Beauty has nothing to do with your inner self. My anxiety was coming of course from layers of fears and insecurities that were on a personal. I don’t know. I’ve been there. I had been through this about six years ago when I lost my father but I had not self-diagnosed myself at that point of time. And some were irc an rc R like. she has everything. away from her parents.’ I tried to tell him. ‘It means nothing. not professional. Nothing fails like success sometimes. I spoke to my psychologist and she asked whether I had been through this before and a I said I had felt this strongly about six years ago.’ When she sleeps at night or when she wakes up. And my anxiety level was eating into my day-to-day functioning and I needed to address it. rig He said to me. how brave of her to talk about it. She’s alone in a city. So at the end of the day. career. I’ve been there.indd 197 12/5/2016 11:21:54 AM . running her home. It can get to you. beauty. running her career. I know how to. oh. She said if I had addressed it then I would have probably not gone through it. I feel I’m an anxious person. success. The most beautiful people could be the most messed-up individuals on the face of this earth. But the anxiety about personal issues is not easy to deal with. level. Then there are those who don’t know ot g N Pen sadness. is she seeking attention? This latter type is the kind which believes fo uin that everyone has an agenda. I io H at m completely empathized with her. I can deal with professional failure. soul. body. every nerve in your body is tense. It’s not easy. There’s a certain comfort in it—oh. everything is tense. but when you hold something tight your entire body is tense. I’ll try again. it has slipped out of your hands. I get it. heart. Success is a huge. huge burden to live with. three days later I’ll rise again. That’s what success is. But when you’re a failure. I’m sad. I failed. So there’s an ease. But when you’re holding on. How do you keep holding on to something that can easily slip out of your hands? You’re holding it tight. a di In se ou io H at m ul do n irc an rc R fo uin ot g N Pen @ ht rig py Co An Unsuitable Boy. It tenses you to the extent that your mind.indd 198 12/5/2016 11:21:54 AM . 198 Karan Johar holding on. gripping. I get it on a subliminal and deep level. television. between multiplexes and single screens. The 1990 Agneepath had more footfalls than the 2011 Agneepath. There’s a dip in footfalls because the multiplex pricing is high. Television is becoming like that annoying mother-in-law. international studios are realizing that producing Hindi films is not bringing in the kind of profits they had thought it would. and I think film is going to be the troubled child who needs therapy. There is a divide. The quintessential fo uin movie. 199 An Unsuitable Boy. directors spend too much money. There is a mass–class @ divide. There is still a certain ht kind of business that’s garnered by mass films but we’re heading towards rig interesting times. Stars charge too much money. Also. It’s a new age of thought rc R that is slowly taking away a lot of the old nonsense. the typical masala potboiler is not really getting the kind of ot g N Pen warm welcome that it once did. so many other platforms of entertainment. cinema is tackling digital media. and the latter was a hit. Do the maths.indd 199 12/5/2016 11:21:54 AM . while digital might be the new patriarch of the family. new film-makers and new writers. Hollywood is combating all this as well. And it’s not just about Bollywood. py Co Bollywood is going through a kind of meltdown. In India. 15 Bollywood Today a di In se ou io H T at m here is a certain kind of newness in Bollywood today—a new ul do n irc an energy. it’s just the order of the day. But how can you run a movie economy with four a stars? And very few directors guarantee you that opening. there’s excitement because there’s a lot of new. piracy and television. there’s a different syntax that has suddenly evolved in the last decade. 200 Karan Johar footfalls are dropping. it’s an inclusion. Because. But all this is going to make our content better because eventually people are going to make better films. Tanu Weds Manu Returns got the character so brilliantly. sometimes we’ve spent se too much money on a film that did not warrant it. The satellite market has dipped only rig because they decided they were paying the film producers too much py Co money. including myself. and with bad films they don’t bring in anything. That’s not happening any more. and cost-to-profit is not making sense. There used to be an assurance that a star gave you a certain amount of money on the opening weekend. Cricket won’t have to fight kabaddi to emerge @ as the sport that drives the nation crazy. The country will always be ot g N Pen obsessed with cricket. there’s also a Piku that wins your heart. A new kind of content is being made and appreciated. there are very few stars who can bring in that kind of money. So. While there’s still the junk that does well. But we are combating the ht Internet. and Kangana was beyond believable. You can’t blame io H at m any one person. The whole texture of films like Tanu Weds Manu is new. young energy and talent in the industry. Film-makers are bringing in new cultures with their own style of film-making. So let’s just release Hollywood films. The whole North Indian invasion that’s happening in Hindi cinema is actually not an invasion. Some people di In have made Herculean errors. It’s not like cricket. But we’ve made ou fewer mistakes. But on the other hand. Akshay and the three Khans are the dependable stars. what do you do? You have to bring your budgets down. These big-set films with big stars that are made just to bring in the money—well.indd 200 12/5/2016 11:21:54 AM . only those will eventually make money. other studios have made many more. These are the films that have actually garnered a An Unsuitable Boy. ul do n But I feel this is an interim zone we’re going through for the larger irc an rc R good of cinema. like she was in Queen. There is no nepotism any longer. One will find the money to make films but we will fo uin have to cut costs. They’ve gone through their transition phase. Not even in the archives. you think. When a film like Lunchbox does such phenomenal business in Europe. ‘When will these guys stop?’ But does An Unsuitable Boy. That’s a lot of money. it’s not going to be remembered. What ht your value is comes from a value. All this has happened in the last five se years. I’m io H at m not talking about the Golden Globes or the Academy Awards. and integrations di In taking place in the future. Eventually. When a film like PK rakes in 20 million dollars in China. I Shah Rukh Khan. and have emerged hugely victorious. Salman Khan and Aamir Khan are not going anywhere. they are China followed by India. In this world. a You will see a lot of co-productions. Eventually when Lunchbox does business in France. Unfortunately. your only barometer is wealth and money. Indian cinema is going to be more relevant on the global map. It’s as simple as that. That’s why all the big studios are here. Tanu Weds Manu Returns has been a big success commercially as well. But it did that in another country. They are not leaving any time soon and they should not. An Unsuitable Boy 201 lot of interest. Germany and Spain.indd 201 12/5/2016 11:21:54 AM . Even the parallel films that have ot g N Pen made money are the ones you recall. There is a certain kind of excitement we are causing in the global arena. In fact. People often say. the only art irc an rc R that resonates is when it’s commercial. whether it’s a painting or a fo uin film. Already there is a noise about Indian cinema that wasn’t there earlier. It’s always valued in wealth. oh. Films don’t do so well even domestically. collaborations. it’s always like @ that. In the coming years. this film made a lot of money. it wakes up studios. Today what is archived is wealth. You could rig make the most amazing film but if no one saw it and no one gave it py Co money. I’m ul do n talking about pure commercial business. In world cinema if there are two countries that are making ou a noise besides Hollywood. it makes people sit up and notice. it may have been a global disaster. They’ve given flop after flop. Most stars are worried about failure. Only when you fail and learn. Longevity comes with failure and success. didn’t you? It’s a good thing. 202 Karan Johar anyone know why they’re still here? Because they didn’t overanalyse their careers. It may not have been liked. Do what Hollywood does. do a lot of work. Now when you ht give a hit. ul do n followed by another hit. not every film has to be opulent. then another hit. please go ahead and take a chance. You have to go through a graph to sustain yourself for a twenty-five years. they want to io H at m choose every film extremely carefully. that you ot g N Pen guys are being too careful. ‘It’s a good thing. You have to fail to succeed. you took a chance. You have to fail to learn. you took a chance on Rocket Singh—Salesman of the Year. @ I said to him. then flop after flop. but you took a chance. Of course. The audience has to go through your journey. But you can’t worry about failure if you want to be great. you have to fall to rise. You have to do five films and three could be crappy and two could be great. You didn’t play safe. So you have to py Co do brave things. people will give you more love. do a bad film. Not every film has to be a spectacle. Do many more movies. they want every film to be a hit. No. he’s re- rig energized his career. But this younger generation does not want to ou fail. they made mistakes and went through ups and downs. You’ve given your flop. That happens only in di In death. That’s their biggest problem. whether it’s Ranbir or Ranveer or Siddharth or Varun. You did a Bombay Velvet. You have to go through that ECG kind of fluctuation to have se a solid heart at the end. I say. but as an actor. An Unsuitable Boy. They are ultra-cautious. then hit after hit. and so on. make irc an rc R a flop film. If you want to be a big-ass motion picture star. They keep working. do you learn to sustain. You have to see that fall. You’re bound to fumble and fall. You can’t just keep going up. You played a slightly off-character in an off-mainstream film and the studio might bleed. you took a chance on Wake Up Sid.indd 202 12/5/2016 11:21:54 AM . it’ll be like he’s back. And these men have failed.’ I tell all of them. When Ranbir was upset after Bombay Velvet. they go from one film to the next. I tell all of fo uin them. Take a decision on an impulse. You took a chance on Barfi. It doesn’t come with success alone. They just know it. All three of them have what I call ‘practical ego’. whether it’s following the Being Human path. they know when to be accessible and io H at m amiable. You don’t know what they really are as people. Shah Rukh has talked about his angst as a result of the loss of his parents. I know them personally. An Unsuitable Boy 203 The three Khans have worked consistently and they have kept themselves relevant in the way they look. working in the biggest motion pictures. You get support because of the people. All of them were born in the same year. They know how to be movie stars and yet they know how irc an rc R to be endearing personalities in their own way. all turned fifty at different months of the same year. I don’t see stardom any longer having longevity. and ht the people are fickle. but they’re still around. fo uin Is there a superstar in the younger generation? To be honest. Their ego allows them to be relevant and it never makes di In them fall off the brink and self-destruct. Salman has made mistakes and py Co apologized for them. They don’t allow you to get to know them. These three men ul do n are unique. What is Ranveer really like? Do you know his vulnerabilities? Do you An Unsuitable Boy. which is as important if not more important than love. he’s spoken about his relationship with his kids. He has always put his personal feelings very naturally across. and they feel protective about him. The consumer @ is also so fickle nowadays. that’s what keeps a them going. Another way of looking at it is se that they have controlled megalomania. or how he is with his family. and when to be the star. Two of them get love and one gets respect. After that too. You react to them based on how you see them on screen. They have a magic. They shift like quicksand. but you as a consumer do not know them. Stardom has a lot to do rig with the aura that you create off-screen. And they’re going nowhere for the next five years as lead actors. They seem different but I think their minds are very similar. People see the bad boy being good.indd 203 12/5/2016 11:21:54 AM . He’s shown his emotional energy. so I know what they are like. He’s ‘redeemed’ himself. Aamir has broken down on television because he feels connected to issues. they will be doing films which will revolve around them. The younger generation don’t show themselves. I don’t ot g N Pen see one. It operates in the right way and ou they know when to let go of it. You think Ranbir is charming because he’s been so on screen or in reality shows. If you don’t know him. I like that she opened herself up. put yourself out there and talk about yourself. ‘Come on. and being cute about everything. he’s a depressive. You can feel and touch him. You can’t say Monday to Friday I’m shut. everyone’s ht tweeting. The irony is that we’re in an ou age of media and communication like never before. No. I wish they would allow people to know them. they think that stardom as it is perceived has to be like this: We should not talk because it’s our personal life. he’ll escort her out. talking nonsense. Today they are fo uin reaping the benefits of all the impressions that were created in the ot g N Pen past. It’s so stupid. You know that Ranveer Singh is crazy and energetic. I don’t know why they don’t do this. An Unsuitable Boy. But I say to them. embrace it. Nobody does those archival interviews any more. Shah Rukh. accept it. Open yourself up. For all a you know. Whenever someone spoke in those times. Or that Deepika talked about her depression. That’s the way they will se find a connect with the national audience. so everyone is so io H at m aware of the eyes on them that they clam up. Salman and ul do n Aamir broke through because they gave interviews and spoke during irc an rc R a time when the media’s presence was not this heavy. now you’re public property. how can you continue to love him? You know Shah Rukh somewhere. lying about their personal rig life. You chose this profession. instagramming. but for all you know. you’re now public figures. his energy is a release from his inner sadness. you’re only allowed to visit me on Saturday and Sunday. He’ll hold a woman’s hand nicely. But you don’t know this generation. Maybe. 204 Karan Johar know his weaknesses? His soft spots? His strengths.indd 204 12/5/2016 11:21:54 AM . You know there is a certain integrity about Aamir. You can’t allow your gates to open only on weekends. he’ll be chivalrous. yaar. py Co I like that Anushka talked about Virat. I wish she would talk about Ranveer. Acknowledge it. I wish Ranbir and Katrina would come out and talk openly about their relationship. I wish these things would happen. it was taken a lot more @ seriously. You think Varun is fun because he’s done fun films. his insecurities? You don’t. I wish these di In people would open themselves up a lot more. You know Salman as the bad boy with a big heart. envelop yourself in it. How else are they going to continue to love you?’ I don’t understand this anonymity. you feel you can go up to him and talk to him about something cool. you’re a star. I don’t know a single movie star here who wants to shun the attention. They’ll be upset if they’re at a public place and nobody takes their photo. Unless they genuinely feel that way—but they don’t. you’re out. They all di In desire it. and he brought along this British actress Kristin Scott Thomas (she was in English Patient and Four Weddings and a Funeral). the public must know you. she got into a cab and left. The only one person they have given love to py Co without knowing what is going on in his head is Amitabh Bachchan. An Unsuitable Boy 205 You’re not a monument. communicate and @ convey. and a fascinating mystique. After the dinner. He’s made an entire career out of silence and diplomacy. Amitabh Bachchan is a superstar beyond superstars because you really don’t know what goes on in there. it’s not going to work either. I was at dinner with Christian Louboutin who is a friend. An Unsuitable Boy. If you start protecting yourself too much. ot g N Pen I come from the school that says. se ou Kangana is a great actress but she’s decided to make this her io H at m thing—staying away from the limelight. and she really didn’t want the attention. People cannot love you merely because of your screen presence. It’s worked so well for her. I think he’s too big a man for me to know. ht Everybody loves Shah Rukh Khan because they have felt him and loved rig him as a human being. You see him at an event today. she has a fo uin magnificent absence. speak. But in this generation it will not work. But he’s relevant even today.indd 205 12/5/2016 11:21:54 AM . His mystique and mystery are paramount. But he just has this presence. She’s made a branding out of her absence. (She went only to irc an rc R the National Awards. That’s his calling card. He breaks that myth. If you clam up. Some of them a just treat it as a job. talk. And I feel it’s best no one knows what’s happening in the genius mind of Amitabh Bachchan. I’ve met some Hollywood stars in my life who genuinely hate the attention. But our movie stars want the attention. She walked in wearing a T-shirt and jeans. Amitabh Bachchan came from a different time. She will not go to an award ul do n function.) People have a magnificent presence. You’re a celebrity. don’t drink it. I was well reviewed. It didn’t affect me. If there’s a controversy. and people who saw the film seemed to have liked my performance. And I’ve lied many times. It’s not something that interests me. at least. if I have fo uin a thought for the day. . An Unsuitable Boy. you must support the film. Acting in Bombay Velvet was a tick in the box for me. though. and say nice things about it on se Twitter even if you’re lying about it.’ I don’t feel the rig need to write it. I have about seven million followers and I want those seven million to see the promos and posters of my films. In fact. ht ‘Oh. staring out at the sea . But I don’t feel the need to write my daily thoughts on it. There’s something attention-seeking about it which began making me feel awkward and uncomfortable. I was more disappointed for Anurag Kashyap. you put up photographs because you want to share them. But mostly I’m irc an rc R bored and find it pointless. Since you’ve seen a movie before di In its release. today is a lazy Sunday. a Today it’s become a done thing. when I don’t want to give a quote on something.indd 206 12/5/2016 11:21:54 AM . . and for Ranbir when the film flopped. and to get reactions from people I don’t know does not appeal to me. I did my bit. Why should I care about millions of strangers hearing about my thoughts? What am I gaining out of it? Yes. ranting. once in a while. Now ou there are people who are beginning to see through my tweets! Trolling io H at m can be fun. py Co Earlier. Once in about twenty tweets there ot g N Pen will be some stupid philosophical thought that I share. I will write it. In Instagram. 206 Karan Johar I use Twitter more as a professional tool. Sometimes I laugh at the hysterical things they say. I just put it out on Twitter. I was playing a cameo. So make it crisp so that it becomes a headline. In fact. Even now. I got a whole lot of people to get on it. Then I realized I was being stupid. and writing things about ul do n you.’ And you know it’s going to be quoted everywhere. I was one of the first people who joined Twitter. The idea of me expressing my opinion on something random. they’re venting. But I can’t bear @ the day-to-day engagement. Like. ‘Not your cup of tea. I had more tweets about my life. I was not considered to be an error of judgement. during the AIB Roast for instance. I just wrote. I realized when I faced the camera that I can act. I’m a director. I’ll make films.indd 207 12/5/2016 11:21:54 AM . He made a very rig expensive film that was not mainstream and got lambasted for it. That’s what life is full of. irc an rc R But this extent of negativity? I think Anurag invites it because he’s so out fo uin there. I felt terrible on that weekend when it was being slandered. I laugh and se say. That’s what happened with Anurag. I have to be paid for. I felt happy that I am capable of doing yet another thing in my life. If you make sadness your friend because it’s part of your life. I would love to do it again given a chance. and working with Anurag and Ranbir. Then it’s somebody else’s a belief. An Unsuitable Boy 207 I was very happy that the critics who mattered to me liked my work. I don’t know if I will get any acting offers after Bombay Velvet but I’m open to them. When I saw the film. subah chhaon dhalti hai jaati hai.’ ou Yes. dukh toh apna saathi hai . But everything else I do. I get it. . dukh toh apna saathi hai. I think people will celebrate that failure ht with abandon. it can’t be my own. their insecurities. . Life has more downs than ups really. Happiness is a very common emotion. And that belief has to be stronger than mine. py Co I would have liked Ranbir to open up after the failure of Bombay Velvet. I enjoyed the experience of being on the set as an actor. If I make a failure. But I can’t direct myself! I don’t have that level of megalomania. I wish these movie stars would open up about their failures. I understand why the film didn’t work ul do n commercially. It’s like this song in which I love the positivity in sadness: Rahi manwa dukh ki chinta kyun satati hai. I feel that I had drawn and leveraged from it in some manner. I knew it wouldn’t work. then you’ll be able to deal with it. I feel there’s a lot of parallel between him and me in certain ways. It’s how you deal with sadness or depression or angst or anxiety or failure that you learn from. I would have been assaulted the @ same way. but io H at m personally I was not surprised. I’m a practical person. ot g N Pen I feel if I had made a disaster like that. ‘I’m back to claiming Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge as my debut. di In Other directors tease me and say you were in a flop film. I don’t read a single interview of any of An Unsuitable Boy. yet they have nothing to say. You’ve asked a question and they’ve gone into a something else altogether. I find sometimes when you ask this generation a question. the rig marketing changes. They all sound like Paris Hilton. soon it’s going to become a little device that you put into your underwear! I’ve seen all the changes. All of us py Co film-makers in our forties have seen black-and-white turn into colour. television go into video. Soon I think it’s going to be some little things that you put into your ear to watch movies! It’s reached a point of technology that everything is becoming smaller. It reminds me of how my father used to go mad about make-up and hair. video go into LDs. They all talk so badly in interviews that I want to slap them. . I remember the days when the Walkman was so exciting and now it’s become a mini iPad. I flip through the entertainment pages because I find it all so boring. We were the cool kids in the late nineties and saw the advent of ht the new way of moviemaking. 208 Karan Johar these movie stars. I see an entourage with some stars—a manager. Today An Unsuitable Boy. thank god for men like him. And they laugh at their own jokes. he’s communicative and he’s coherent. Why is he a journalist’s delight? Only because he has things to say. They come across as cute caricatures of I-don’t-know-what. and wondered why men needed hairstylists (he would say. What’s happened to these women and men? Where has that depth gone? You turn to a Shah Rukh interview and you think. ‘Mard hai. apne baal kyon itna kanghi kar raha hai?’). Today when I’m on a set. the discipline that came into cinema. Some of them are supreme talents. It’s so sad. who have seen the transition in the past twenty @ years. ot g N Pen along with Aditya Chopra. there’s no coherence in the answer. I’m one of the few people.indd 208 12/5/2016 11:21:54 AM . . He’s intelligent. which are di In not funny. and LDs go into DVDs. single screens turning into multiplexes . a publicist. a fashion designer and a hairstylist. They have nothing clever to say. I feel no one has anything to say of any relevance any more.se ou io H at m I ul do n irc an rc R fo uin So much has changed in the film industry. they’re setting their hair. But if you ask me.’ ht and then give the camera to somebody else! That’s not a selfie. Aamir Khan. isn’t it? I get so annoyed when I see all this wannabe stardom. it’s annoying that I have to click selfies. managers and publicists. I’m with Matrix. Varun and Alia. only because they take di In care of the legalities and modalities. Siddharth. I don’t like a manager answering for ou me. People don’t even know what it @ means but they use it. Twenty people will stare at you. a and my three kids. I don’t like having my managers with me. yes. I’m happy se with no one being around me. I like to go into Starbucks on my own. you want to tie up and drive together? I like my independence too much. Yes. tedhe-medhe pictures of us come online. ‘selfie’ has replaced the word ‘photograph’. Katrina. I’ve had families who say. An Unsuitable Boy 209 men are blow-drying. Suddenly. Kareena. ‘We’ll take a selfie. these are the people I’ve dealt with and all of them have An Unsuitable Boy. Yash Chopra. Salman Khan. people will stare at you. there’s a loop of nine people you’re going through. That’s who I am. there are people who fo uin come up to you. which is Reshma Shetty’s and Vivek Kamath’s company that handles Salman. hey. that’s rig a photograph. But now. and I think. I walk into airports on my own. py Co And when they take selfies. So when I’m on io H at m the set of Jhalak Dikhhla Jaa or India’s Got Talent. grab my coffee and yes. But so what? I like walking into stores on my own. The greatest people in this industry are those who actually pick up their phone and speak to you. I go to this place called Neelam Foodlands where I pick up low-fat khakra and other such nonsense. probably wondering why Karan Johar is shopping in a grocery store. so this is wannabe Hollywood? Or is it about projecting ego? Is it insecure stardom? Or is it the order of the day? I don’t know. I don’t feel insecure going alone to a party. Everyone has stylists. I understand the ul do n need for that manager to be there but I actually don’t leverage that irc an rc R need at all.indd 209 12/5/2016 11:21:54 AM . oh. the big ot g N Pen bad new word of being a celebrity. I’m all about one-on-one equations with people. but what is the big deal? You’re in this profession for the adulation and attention. Shah Rukh Khan. I’m confused because I’m somebody who walks alone into a party even today. Amitabh Bachchan. but I like to do certain things on my own. I don’t say. Yash Chopra used to be up at seven in the morning. the younger generation get along more with each other. but it’s become completely soulless. fo uin the paparazzi has reached your bathroom literally. soulless and cut-throat industry ht today. se I’m not judging. An Unsuitable Boy. making his own calls even for costumes. Then there is the middle order of actors. a they’ll drink with each other. and they’ve probably di In slept with each other’s girlfriends and boyfriends at some point of time. but they’re also indifferent to each other. they’ll have fun. Yes.indd 210 12/5/2016 11:21:54 AM . 210 Karan Johar picked up the phone when I have called. more disciplined. They’ll party. So do you adapt? Or is it that if you can’t beat them. but io H at m only Bollywood is more spoken about because we’re more out there. ul do n Everyone’s on Pinkvilla and Miss Malini and a hundred other sites. irc an rc R Now who’s wearing what at each party has become a very big deal. I’ve seen where cinema was when I got into Bollywood and where it is today. It’s more structured. I tell the three kids I’ve launched that I would slap them if I found out that their manager was calling senior people and fixing appointments. do what you want to. It happens in every industry. I have no judgement on all of that but I just feel @ that it’s such an overtly ambitious. I think it’s the worst place to be in as the insecurity level is rather high. I believe in live and let live. It’s all out there for ot g N Pen public consumption. ou and sleep with who you want to. join them? rig Or do you just ignore it? Be a part of it and also maintain your own py Co individuality? There’s always a dilemma. Then I wonder—do I want a child just because of my needs? Then I realize the truth. I am drawn to these py visuals much more now than I ever was. Co and looked at a person in a wheelchair. I am in and out of hospitals ht rig because my mother sometimes keeps poor health. I never used to N Pen do that before. That’s the only way I am looking at it. I am always looking at men and women on wheelchairs @ and at the family that surrounds them. It is the se ou biggest emotional thought in my head right now. You know that you have lived half of your life at least. I am looking at literally getting a child as my old-age insurance. Epilogue a di In I have been thinking about having a child for a long time. Previously. I find I am always staring at old people. Now I think.indd 211 12/5/2016 11:21:54 AM . So at m ul do n you assess all the things you have done or not done. I am looking at it the way people look at it when they are hiring CEOs or domestic staff. when I was younger. All the things you irc an have done are great. because you are done with them. I might have stared a bit but then looked away because I had my own life to deal with. But what about rc R fo uin the things you haven’t? ot g These days. would I be on that wheelchair two or three decades later? And if so. I am not growing io H any younger. who’s going to be wheeling me in and out? These thoughts are scary. 211 An Unsuitable Boy. yes. it’s just for me—my big emotional investment that hopefully will pay rich emotional dividends when I need it. But it does manifest in your body. Out. If you don’t a like a script. but perceive something else altogether. Similarly. I’ve certainly reached that stage. I feel like you have to start easing out on everything. and I met Ayan. Don’t let it fester. It’s coming to terms with everything. Like fo uin things that come out of your mouth. But definitely say what is bothering you. When I told Shah Rukh ‘I miss you. Or two years ago. you can hear one rig thing and hear something else as well. di In My health has suffered. just say it. We were having a glass of wine and talking. ou My father had fourth-stage cancer. py Co what comes out of your mouth should be really what you’re feeling. Coming clean is my dynamic. Sometimes it’s important to tell people that you love them. It’s not living a lie any more. We should start saying what we feel. It’s acknowledging your issues and addressing them for yourself.indd 212 12/5/2016 11:21:54 AM . It’s not living a fake existence. I developed haemorrhoids which is a blockage. All sorts of fears. The human body has been made in a way where you can @ see two different things—you have two eyes. I came back recently from London. So. we see something else. We’ve been given two eyes and ot g N Pen two ears. What I’m trying to say is that we should communicate more freely. That’s what I mean by communication. 212 Epilogue I think it’s self-acknowledgement. Like when I spoke about Kajol. I’ve let go. I don’t want them around any longer. Then I didn’t know how he would react. First I used to end up saying things or doing things because I was trying to protect the other person. but actually I was harming them more. ul do n I’m a big believer in the fact that health has everything to do with irc an rc R your mind. There were some people absorbing my life. I’ve let go. I think that’s what I’ve done. An Unsuitable Boy. I had developed medical issues apart from se the psychological ones. I’m removing a lot of emotional clutter. But the mouth is only one. I’m not saying be a loose cannon and say what you want. and I think io H at m he kept a lot of things to himself. a tumour in his throat. You can see something ht and you can see something else as well. And sometimes. Now I’m just honest. I did miss him then but I didn’t say it. if not to anybody else.’ it was something I should perhaps have told him eight months ago. I love it because there I walk all the ul do n time. I’m not a a worrywart. My father had had many health issues. But I’m in a different zone right now. but my problem is the whole prep for it. My mother has had nine surgeries. When I’m abroad. I don’t know. I don’t like massages. My mind irc an rc R is active and I’m capable of running around and doing three things fo uin at one time. I’m focused on ou something else. Kyunki main io H at m pagal ho jaoonga. I don’t like facials. I feel now I can’t give that any attention. rig People have this impression that I am this diva. The only night I’ve spent in a hospital is when I was born! I’ve been around for everybody else in my family. I think it’s a Zen mode to be in. I love facing the camera. I’m very active like that.indd 213 12/5/2016 11:21:54 AM . @ I don’t like manicures and pedicures. When vanity and madness hit me. With my mother. And I hope it stays that way. In one year. These things were not usually said between us. Actually I can’t bear it. Epilogue 213 and I told him I felt so happy talking to him. I feel exercise ho hi rahi hai. I mean my mother and father. She’s alone and gets lonely. I have a long-standing relationship with the ICU. Sometimes I try and run away from the sadness of it. I don’t think about it a lot. though I’ve never been in it myself. I feel if I sit there I’ll get sad too. so then I avoid it. I never feel like I’m exhausted. I’m not giving her the kind of An Unsuitable Boy. I keep wondering about all the skin treatments— what are people shoving into their faces? Why Botox and collagen? I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to jinx this. I’m very self-assured and confident like that. I don’t like spas. I’ve never had a massage ot g N Pen in my life. When you do public py Co appearances. I don’t have any pressing issues. The only time I sit in a chair ht and get something done is when I colour my hair. Communication is Zen. maybe I will. Sometimes when I see my mother looking sad. Of course. I feel I’m not giving her the kind of time I should be. My relationship with se the gym is very sporadic. I know it may start worrying me when I reach a certain di In stage. It annoys me. That’s a big torture. you do hair make-up and reach the venue. I feel I’m combating it on a daily basis. but I’ve never spent even a single day in a hospital. I worry about my health. which is not right. and I don’t know what to do about it. I do three months. But right now. it’s quite a lot of guilt now. I’ve walked in many times when she’s in mid-conversation with him. I probably give her more time than any other son gives his mother in this industry. I think! But she also tells him how proud she is. Recently. but I a can’t allow my guard to drop in front of her because the moment she di In sees me vulnerable. she’s really stressed out. you’ve lost that zing and that zest which you used to have. She has a big photograph of his in her room and she talks to him. but it’s still not enough for her and it’s certainly not enough for me. She travels with her friends when we’re on ht film shoots. He would talk to her in a certain way which even now she recounts. travel. and watched the same shows on television. and becomes part of the crew. and they were so close to each other. I hate being sick. I’m forty-four but we live in the same house. she’ll call me five times a day. I live with her. Sometimes when you reach home your guard drops.’ I don’t blame her at all because all she now has to live for is me. because the three days I’m in bed io H at m with a viral or whatever. and stays with us. They both laughed at the same jokes. She doesn’t like to get out of the fo uin house much. Over time. such good friends and such soulmates and companions. So there are always the morning and evening chats. I’ve been trying to address it. @ her health issues restrict that. She still misses my dad a lot. so I feel very bad that she’s not able to enjoy the happiness ot g N Pen that my life can provide for her in terms of. So I can’t ou tell her anything. according to her. I’m the best son in the world. 214 Epilogue support she needs. but they had such a good. sad. She complains about me. We’re very close. say. She travels rarely. so I always act happy around her. low or fatigued. I don’t think there’s any reduction in that feeling.indd 214 12/5/2016 11:21:54 AM . If se I tell her I have a bad stomach. she will get very disturbed. you become habituated to living without your partner. and I feel that guilt makes it py Co worse. Yet. I keep complaining to her: ‘Mum. because I’m always there. strong marriage. irc an rc R My love for her is very emotional. And if I tell her about my stress she’ll get really stressed. it distances me even more and I feel very sad about it because I feel like I should be there for her much more. ul do n My relationship with my mother is exceptional. An Unsuitable Boy. She talks to his photograph almost every other day. rig But there’s a lot of guilt from my end. I don’t have a closet. email. maybe it’ll happen. and that’s it. We don’t have an extended family. And I wanted a huge bathroom. They come and sit with her. it’s the kind of space that’s conducive to entertainment. on WhatsApp. I wanted a humongous walk-in closet because I’m irc an rc R obsessed with shoes and clothes. I have two cousins and an aunt who I am really close to. she’s online all the time. and so on. and marriage is definitely not on the cards. I might be here for the rest of my life. she downloads and watches stuff. Twitter. We moved in on 9 April 2014. @ read the paper in the loo. so I’m very grateful to him. BBM. I don’t feel it’s a symbol of my success. I’m not py Co proud I bought the house or anything like that. she’s on the iPad. Epilogue 215 Actually. Actually. have a shower. rig But attachment to the house? No. I like the fact that friends can come. the energy hasn’t given me a memory which leads to attachment. the new house has brought a certain kind of renewed vigour. She knows who was wearing what at which event. Do I want to die alone? I do not really have any immediate family other than my mother. and all my friends love her. I don’t take it that seriously. So I An Unsuitable Boy. He put a lot of himself into it. he does it as a hobby. There’s no hallmark memory so far. he’s a trained architect and interior di In designer. There is no immediate memory that I have of this house. friends come. By the time I get up. I am not in a serious relationship. I haven’t yet created a life in this house. She’s on Facebook. It was designed a by my friend Riteish Deshmukh. I never grew up in it. so this house has ul do n one that’s sprawling. she’s very clued in. and is very connected in terms of technology. I like the fact that I have a beautiful new house. She’s seventy-three but she’s got quite a youthful vibe. Those are the kind of things I wanted. He doesn’t do it professionally. io H at m My mother always wanted a house with a terrace. and we entertain much more. It’s a fo uin room that houses my clothes. He se was amazing through the whole process and made this beautiful house ou for me. There is no attachment. I take ot g N Pen fifty-five minutes to get ready—I’ve timed myself. People come.indd 215 12/5/2016 11:21:54 AM . she has a comment on all of it. it takes me some ht time—I wanted a big bathroom. She’s also quite cool. She reads Internet jokes. But right now. where I am thinking about having a child. That is when the thought came. I hate the feeling. In my head. just like the way I did for my father. I am always in my twenties. I would like it to be taken forward. have to be a surrogate child. I would like to leave what I have created to someone. such as: Am I ready to be a father? Am I ready ot g N Pen to slow down and take care of another life? Obviously. And selfishly. I am that kind of person. or I will have to adopt. 216 Epilogue think. I have never sat and re-evaluated my life or my career. io H at m So this is the zone I’m in. a sense of parenting has crept into me. Am I ready for that? Am ht I emotionally ready?  Am I pragmatically ready? Am I professionally rig ready to slow down and make that space? More than anything else. I don’ like it. I have all kinds fo uin of decisions to make.indd 216 12/5/2016 11:21:54 AM . I don’t want to die without a sense of family around me. and in less than two decades. because I don’t feel it in my ou head or heart. his big dream was to take his company to a higher level. I always say. Work will slow down. Before he passed away. told me that I should make my will. being a parent @ comes with a huge amount of responsibility. I don’t like feeling like se I’m forty-four years old. of course. It was very scary when my CEO who is also my oldest school friend. irc an rc R These are the two options that I have in front of me. Death doesn’t scare me. I am building a company and this production house. oh. which I have tried to do to the best of my abilities. move ahead! When one job gets done. how py Co will I be as a parent? The only one thing I feel is that because I have nurtured so many young careers. but the reality is that I am going to have to accept it. you move on to the next one. It’s like how I am thinking now about what’s going to happen. I will be in my sixties. That’s my greatest fear. I am always di In combating the process of ageing. Apoorva. An Unsuitable Boy. life sometimes does. a I still feel like I have the energy level of a twenty-year-old. ul do n It will. I want to have a child who will take care of me because I am afraid of growing old alone. so I may be ready. You think you are invincible. and this studio. But what next? Who will take it forward for me? I will soon be old. So am I thinking of my life as my career? But I am not one of those who rests on his laurels. indd 217 Co py rig ht @ N Pen ot g fo uin rc R irc an ul do at m io H n ou se In di a 12/5/2016 11:21:54 AM .An Unsuitable Boy. indd 218 Co py rig ht @ N Pen ot g fo uin rc R irc an ul do at m io H n ou se In di a 12/5/2016 11:21:54 AM .An Unsuitable Boy.