200 Phenomena in the City of Calgary

200 Phenomena in the City of CalgaryThe Cyber Cafe (#1) In China Town there’s this cybercafe in the same building as The Kingfisher. It’s small and cheap and old. The walls are still decorated with Diablo 2 and Quake boxes. The computers are a bit behind too, but that’s not really what the patrons go there for. Go in, buy some time, and load up Heart of Wit. It’s an Asian MMO, the kind with graphics that look like Gaia online. Make a free account and wander into the City of Wit. The City of Wit will be inhabited by a half dozen players. All of whom will be talking in what looks like Asian script of some kind but is actually hyper stylized English. After your eyes adjust, you’ll realize that the player character names are the names of people you know in your everyday life. Most will ignore you, but occasionally they’ll give you quests or challenge you to a duel. The quests are simple. Kill five dragon hatchlings and we’ll give you a gold ingot. That kind of thing. Whatever you do, never accept a challenge to duel and always do the quests. Names aren’t the only thing that crosses over between the game and reality. Closing Mirrors (#2) Hey Sandy. We miss you down at the coven. Matt said you wanted me to write up the mirror thing. Ingredients: 1/2 Cup Flour About an ounce of milkweed The wings of a monarch butterfly Grind the ingredients together in a stone bowl until they form a fine powder. pour the powder on the mirror you want to close and light it with a wooden match. The mixture closes about half a square foot of mirror. You'll have to use more for larger surfaces. Matt said you wanted to know if it only works in Calgary. I don't know if it's the city itself, or just the elevation. Sorry. - Jess P. The Club House (#3) During the winter months, the river grows shallower in places. Between this and the ice, in the dead of winter, it’s possible to walk across it in places where the ice is particularly thick. During these months, when the weather is thirty below or colder, walk to the very end of The Street, to the cul-de-sac. Between a large, ill kept lot and a house from the early eighties you will find an ill-kept bike path. Though it was once paved, the roots of the trees that line it have rendered the pavement bumpy and impassable for cyclists. Walk to the end of the path and climb down the rain-water outflow at the bottom, then cross the ice to one of the island-like patches of scrub and small rock. Look for a damaged, dingy little shack made from water damaged wood and corrugated tin. If you fail to find it , move on to the next pile of rocks, and then the next, until eventually you find the small structure. When you do, hold your hand up to th door. It will either be very cold or very hot to the touch. Neither is truly fortuitious, but you’ll be dressed for the cold and so it will be easier to weather. When you step inside the shack, you will find that it is empty other than a small boy who hanged from the roof by a hastily tied noose. His clothing will not be contemporary, rather it will be aged and ragged to the point of anonymity, unlike the boy’s perfectly preserved body. After a time, his eyes will open, and the rotted out sockets will stare into your eyes. Do not blink, do not look away, do not even move. The room’s temperature will grow more extreme during the hours-long moment you spend looking into those holes. And then they will close. From that moment on, you will not feel the temperature anymore. Any temperature at all. Nor will you get burns, frostbite, heat stroke or hypothermia. The Funeral Parlour (#4) Most of the city’s funeral parlours belong to one company, but a handful of allegedly independent firms survive. In reality, all of the city’s funeral parlours are owned by big business in some way or other, including a small, somber brick building in the deep southeast. This particular funeral parlour has allegedly been closed for years, but lights can be seen in the windows at night, giving credence to the story that it’s haunted. It isn’t. What’s going on inside is far stranger. In order to gain admittance, you will have to wear traditional funeral attire: black and subdued rather than anything flashy or informal. Bringing flowers is said to help. When you’re admitted, whatever you do, do not sign the book or you will find that the exit is barred for you. Instead, offer your condolences to the mourners, who seem to be a collection of people of all ages and races, most of whom are wearing old, worn suits or patched dresses. The funeral repeats itself every night at eight. If you come at any other time, you will be required to wait in the main hall while the staff prepare. During the ceremony itself, never volunteer to speak and never view the body. Both would draw too much of the deceased’s attention. Instead listen with rapt attention to the eulogy, as it is a valued component of the secret history. Leave before the funeral is done, and just like in those old Greek stories: never eat anything anyone offers you. The Beach (#7) There is a beach within the city. To find it, step into any elevator and go to the top floor. Press every button in ascending order, including the close and open door buttons. Instead of opening onto the next highest floor, the elevator will open into a small cottage. The door of the vacant cottage will open onto the beach. The beach is warm and apparently temperate, shockingly beautiful at every hour, but blood and some sticky black substance will colour the white sand in long streaks. The beach is bordered on one side by an impossibly thick forest. Entering this will make your life forfeit. At sunset and sunrise, a group of men dressed in the traditional clothing of different religions (most prominently Ashkenazi Rabbis and Protestant Ministers) will emerge from this forest and search the beach in silence, sifting through the sand as penance for their lives of deception. These figures will be so taken with their work that they will refuse to talk to you, only muttering “searching... searching... must keep searching...” in their native tongue. Total darkness and proper sunlight burn these poor souls, so they must return to the forest. Otherwise, you will be alone on the beach. The water stretches impossibly far, as far as the eye can see and further still. Wider and higher than the ocean, and far stiller, this water will soothe you as you gaze upon it. But never let it lull you to sleep outside of the cottage. The men in the forest may find what they're searching for within you. The Antique Shop (#8) Somewhere in the Northeast, although there are conflicting reports of its location, there is a small antique shop called Edson’s Antiques and Importing. By the look of it, the store’s been closed for decades, and for good reasons. Not the least of which is that it opens onto an alley instead of onto the street. The merchandise inside can’t be seen through the murky glass, but you can usually make out the window display. The display, despite the fact that no one really knows how to get into the building since the door’s apparently rusted shut, changes from day to day. A stuffed bear’s head might show up on Monday and be gone on Friday, replaced with a large antique samovar. The floor beneath this merchandise is covered with newspapers written in a language that no human being has ever spoken or read, and the pictures... well, let’s just say you’d be amazed what you can fit in a samovar. The Yellow Room (#9) There is a wall in the basement of the restaurant called Teatro that is, despite all attempts to paint it another shade, a sickly shade of yellow. The owner conceals the wall by putting a mirror and a couch up against it. However, if you remove both the couch and the mirror, you'll discover the wall's pale yellow tone. This is of no consequence, however, if you have come unequipped. In order to make use of phenomena #9, you will need a small jar of hazelnut oil. Paint the outline of a door on the wall using the oil, and then push. The door you've drawn will open inward into a room with walls made from stucco that's been painted the same sickly yellow as the wall you passed through. The room appears to be a spartanly furnished study with furniture that puts you in mind of the South Sea Islands. On the desk you will find numerous papers written on the letterhead of the Dominion Bank, dated 1912. The papers predict every financial crash worldwide from 1912 until twenty years from now, when the predictions abruptly stop mid sentence. The Salon (#10) There is a salon in Inglewood that seems perpetually frozen in the late seventies. The decor, the clothing of the hairdressers, even the equipment and magazines seem to come to a stop around 1978. If you go there during the day, the able stylists will be able to provide you with a deftly executed (if extremely dated) haircut for a price that is equally as deflated and out of place. However, if you return during the night, the salon’s true area of expertise will become apparent. Entering the shop after sunset, even if you just exited it, will reveal a shocking transformation. As before, the store will be furnished and appointed as though it were the late seventies, but the decades between then and now will now be visible. Everything is aged and cracked, as if it had been left to the elements. Most shocking of all, the bottles of hair product and comb sanitizer have been replaced with row on row of murky jars containing vague, fleshy shapes. One of the stylists will remain, and she will offer you a shave and a haircut. Refuse the shave, lest you be left faceless. Instead, ask the stylist to pick something that suits you and sit in one of the chairs. She will cut off your face with a straight razor, but the process will be strangely bloodless and you will feel nothing. Your vision will fade to black for a time, and when it returns one of the faces from the jars will have been seamlessly transplanted. Your features will, in every respect, be identical to whoever the face belonged to before the stylist stole it, and over time your body will change to resemble theirs as well. If you must vanish, this is how you do it. But be warned that you can never get your face back, and the friends and enemies of the face’s owner will mistake you for them forever. The Church-House (#11) There is a house on Bow Crescent, near Bow Cycle, which was once a small church. A few years ago a man bought it and began extensive renovations that included an extension on the back, moving the door so that it sat in the center, and completely redoing the interior to remove any signs of its previous usage. During this process the owner discovered that the house has a set of sixteen plaques depicting the stations of the cross hidden behind the wall paper. This is a problem, as there are only fourteen stations. The owner removed them and placed them in the then-unfinished home’s basement. They remain there to this day, although the owner passed away earlier this year. If you wish to find them, arrange a viewing of the house with the real estate agent who the family of the previous owner has tasked with selling it. He will lie extensively about the house and its pedigree, and he will deny the existence of the stations in the basement. Wait until he has left you alone in the house’s main room and sneak into the basement. When you find the fourteen wooden plaques, you have until he comes down and finds you to place them in the correct order, substituting the two additional plaques into the story of the crucifixion. If you arrange them correctly, you will feel a wave of warmth cross over you and your death will be followed by an earthly resurrection as reward for your pilgrimage. The Green Room (#12) There is an apartment building on sixteenth street that is slightly wider on the outside than it is within. Go to this building in fall and ascend the staircase. You should find the door to the roof totally unlocked. If it is locked, leave at once. Someone is using the Green Room, and they likely don’t want company. If the door opens, however, walk along the roof and count skylights. Eventually you should find one that doesn’t look into an apartment or hallway. Instead it looks down into a dingy room with green metal walls. Break the skylight with a piece of debris and jump down. The room should be small and empty other than a metal desk and chair that have a distinctly institutional flavour. On the desk, you will find a folder full of papers. Take the folder rather than reading the papers on the spot. Breaking the skylight will have set off the alarm. Open the room’s only door and step out. You will find yourself in your old highschool, having just stepped out of the locker room. Leave. The folder contains documents and photos that describe, in great detail, your physical and mental health. They depict you as a patient in an institution, and they aren’t far off. The Water of Life (#13) Throughout the city there are little fenced off buildings with the logo of the city's Wastewater department on metal signs in front of them or on the door. The buildings are identified by the signs as being anything from water testing buildings to pumping substations, and by and large, this is what they are. However, about half a dozen of these buildings actually contain something else. If I were you. especially the Asian imports. Smell is really key for this kind of thing. What you have in that scenario is some factory worker who’s trying to pull a fast one by rubbing the thread with ginseng or something. it stinks. like it was written for someone in particular] So you’re getting married? Fuck. cancers or birth defects will vanish. The set is kept in the otherwise bare living room. mintcondition seventies hi-fi set. The room is so bare that it lacks even a bulb in the ceiling. and the carpet is a little mouldy around the edges. but they get all kinds of imported shit. There are always at least two acolytes in residence in the apartment. you’ll learn it soon. however. Matt says you should try this place on fourth southwest. I know you call it hand-fastening. God of Agriculture (which means prosperity) for the Canaanites and happiness for the Buddhists. . The selection is shit and the staff is snotty. but of the city's collective sin for its involvement in the oil industry.Four of these buildings are part of the city's actual water treatment system. and we all know that that’s more important than how you look in some photos you’re never going to look at again in your life. but I’ve smelled that vegan shit you people eat. Fish means Dagon. The Bridal Shop (#16) [The style of this entry is much more informal. but that’s just window dressing. The walls are yellowed with nicotine and age. even if you’re not wearing white. Smell tells you what kind of shit has been worked over on what you’re about to wear. One of these buildings is where the filters are installed when they're full. One sleeps while the other sits or stands along in the bar room. The Hi-fi (#17) There is an apartment in the southeast expressly rented to house a vintage. is not an option. right? The secret is smell. The filters clean the water not only of contaminants. is the only way to permanently purify the city's soul. but that’s bullshit. The water from the tap passes through all of the filters and emerges brackish and foul. mutations. I’d pick something that smells like fish. Sure. You have no room to complain. Real weird Asian ju-ju. The other two are shacks that contain taps. No real powerful stuff is unrefined like that. Cleaning the room. in a corner. listening to the city’s only numbers station. It’s a wedding. The other building contains a tap that dispenses water so pure that any scars. They contain pumps that push the city's water through thin grilles made from human bone. The calcium from these bone filters is why Calgary's water is so often hard. Avoid anything herbal. If you haven’t learned it already. however. Drinking it. I know you dykes are wild about herbs and poultices and spices and all that shit. If you are ever tapped to take over the onerous duty of listening. The room is safe and warm. coal-black eyes. he’ll consult your file and tell you his prognosis. Sometimes though. Where you get off doesn’t matter. You will find a rotary telephone with the receiver off the hook. but it can easily be spotted with patience. After the exam. but the largest group that verifiably exists is a cluster of six rooms. Unfortunately. You’ll be told that you can’t. which could be anywhere from less than a minute to six hours. never try to move in permanently and never ever fall asleep. It’s said that a great many of them are connected. When this happens. He’ll begin the examination without exchanging pleasantries or asking you what’s wrong. you will have to know what to listen for. which has been variously described as a small boy’s. . Every room. walk. wet blood. When you pass through the door you will find yourself in a Spartan. and the medical paraphernalia of a bygone day. with the same six chambers stumbled across by urbex enthusiasts and acolytes throughout the city. every wall seems to come from a different building or decade. a single number in a single repetition of the phrase is different. don’t run. you won’t be when you leave the clinic. Wait there until the physician shows up. he’ll be old: Leathery skin. in the mess of construction and demolition. and occasionally other signs of violence can be found. a haven that appears when you need it most. rooms are sometimes left behind or else formed piecemeal out of extra walls or ignorantly enclosed spaces. and it is the only station the hi-fi can pick up. this one can only be picked up by the hi-fi. reads the phrase ceaselessly without stopping for breath. It comes in crystal clear no matter what is going on. a baritone opera singer’s and a gravelly rasp. an old woman’s. The Vacant Apartment (#19) Downtown. Then walk to the nearest medical clinic and ask the receptionist if you can see the on-call doctor. A bleached wooden door with a broken lock will appear in appear from time to time in almost any basement or closet in any downtown building. If you’re healthy. the location of these rooms appears to be transitory. forming a secret in-between city. The Clinic (#20) Ride the 305 for exactly six stops. floor and ceiling are splattered with perpetually warm.Unlike other numbers stations. The station consists of a single voice repeating the following phrase: “nine nine nine (beat) nine nine nine nine” over and over again. Her face will go white as a sheet and she’ll tell you to go to exam room three. walk into the hall closet. in fact. unfurnished space. Lift it and repeat the phrase. The voice. When he does show up. The walls. although there is rarely anything to hear. Ask for the other on call doctor. Entering this vacant apartment proves difficult because of its movement. Never try to break into the unfurnished apartment. Then wake your partner and begin to pray. despite all appearances. The Thrift Store is a safe location to dispose of any refuse you collect over the course of your journey. or their original owners will return to collect them. Instead. objects of interest and historical significance (although no real power) will catch your eye. although they rarely find anything of interest.Ebola. no other doctor in the city will be willing to see you or even make eye contact. It will. but be warned that you can only dispose of small objects. They also rarely find the proprietor. he’ll pick something nasty for wasting his time. you’ll be damned to wander the earth spreading it. Many of them are belongings of other phenomena. he’ll tell you it will clear up on its own by the end of the week. simply browse for a time. closed. who never responds to the bell located on the counter. Rubella. The bell does arouse his attention. so it would be in your best interest NOT to ring it. From that day on. Instead. Do not take any of these. . including empty jars that used to house the tobacconist’s preparations and a headset identical to the one in Viscount Bennett. SARS. If you are as well versed in the secret history as you should be by now. and never anything truly dangerous to anything other than kayfabe. as will any chronic pain or other long-term conditions. It is not. Patrons occasionally enter through the side door and leave. If you’re ill. however. The Thrift Store (#21) There is a thrift store in the northwest with a shuttered door. You won’t die of whatever he gives you. The exterior walls are covered in mouldy wooden shingles and the window display is aged to the point of decomposition. however. a planned community in the southeast. Though he and his companion will seem to be aware that you are watching them. hotel rooms. second-hand electronics stores and the like. In order to discover more. although only by sheer luck. You will. The surreal and visceral imagery will burn itself into your brain indelibly. In the next hour. ashen-faced. They will never address you directly. scars. but you will find in the morning that with it has come a master’s knowledge of the fine art of mutilation and torture. to come into possession of a set of photographs that depict your future. Travel to any one hour photo developer in the city and give the clerk a blank roll of Kodak film to develop. The Television Channel (#23) If you steal cable in Cranston. working back from crystal clarity to sepia. about three inches by an . use an empty camera to take as many photographs of yourself or your home as possible. Records kept by Eddie Decae indicate that at least sixty of the hundred and forty three clips are sampled from various films and snuff tapes. Never watch this channel anywhere secure or safe. but in each shot the background will appear to be rendered with a slightly more antiquated photo process. This must be used sparingly. you will find that rather than being blank and vacant. both at the same time.The Photographs (#22) It is possible. including clothing. and wait for the test card to fade. When you return to the store. The cause of the clerk’s discomfort will soon become clear: At least half of the photographs will depict you as you will look after your death. The background will be wherever you shot the pictures with your empty camera. Watch the channel until the scene cuts away from the two men and into a series of grotesque clips no longer than three seconds in length. however. It is small. Once you strike the right balance. hand you a set of photographs. piercing and other artificial markings. always be able to recognize Their handiwork. the test card will be replaced by the image of a man sitting behind a desk. even if you will find yourself admiring it. The Remote (#24) There is a remote control that is sometimes found in pawn shops. These are not all original. for the knowledge has brought with it a great pleasure at its exercise. you must posses an old PAL television. as it offers another avenue of entry. Adjust the balances of colour and contrast on your set. The others will show how you age. channel one is given over to a foreign and unfamiliar test card and mumbled voices in a language that sounds Slavic but is utterly unrecognizable. the clerk will either chastise you for handing over the empty film and wasting his time or. decomposing in whatever pose you were in when you snapped the corresponding shot. inch. they will be utterly unrecognizable. Getting into the red room is easy. While the rest of Bowness is mostly made of old working class homes. The Red Room (#34) There’s a lingerie store in Kensington. A stone's throw from postwar subsidized housing you find a street from which little to none of the rest of the city is visible. The street is much rougher and bumpier than any other road in the city. and the buttons are made of metal. who are the ghosts of the soldiers who were given lots on the street by the government after the First World War. cheaper houses. the footage appears documentary in nature. The remote works on any television set regardless of age or brand. All of them are at least thirty years old. they might let you into the red room. old. almost like they don’t want any customers at all. The street itself is rural. They don’t. The street's potholes make driving treacherous. But don't let your guard down for a second. It's like something Norman Rockwell would have painted. The Street (#25) There's a street in the increasingly gentrified community Bowness that is completely unlike the rest of the district. By 1935. Despite this. While the city acknowledges the road exists. The staff is no help at all. They are also unmarked. occasionally the names or places will be wrong. Like old films. As you continue watching. Until the sacrifices were disrupted by the CVS they ensured the city's prosperity and the street's seclusion. and none of them are cookie-cutter McMansions. At least it seems so on the surface. You know the type: overpriced and understocked. If you can convince them you’re a discerning patron though. The door is always locked though and the red room won’t be there if you break in. this is what the programs it played would look like. The bodies were sacrifices to the men. the shows will gradually move forward in years. at any one time one of the houses would be uninhabited other than the dead body of a student from nearby Bowness High in the garage and a trio of silent. The footage ends in 1948. focusing on major events. depicting more events. these will start to become unfamiliar. this street is home to some of the largest. so park your car at the mouth of the street and walk. The key is to walk into the . they classify it as a country lane despite the fact that the rest of the district is zoned as inner city. Around 1920. but all the television shows are strange and dated. with a strange variation of the Nazi German flag blowing in the wind atop a pile of rubble in a desolate wasteland. with a few exceptions. At the end of the street you'll discover a cul de sac made up of slightly newer. At least. If they had television in 1901. There’s a door at the back of the shop with a bead curtain in front of it. nicest houses in the city. with old fashioned wooden power lines and lots of trees. not in the front of the store. they’re interspersed with cards transcribing dialogue and providing context. shell-shocked looking men. Until early last year. subsequent rotations will reveal nonsensical sentence fragments comprised of disconnected words. despite being of a kind not manufactured for decades. it's as desolate as downtown can be. There is no space in the building for the red room. which you should never do under any circumstances. But if you look inside the dumpster. Then place the spiral . For the most part. Unlike many downtown alleys. never any teenagers looking for somewhere quiet. this one is clear of parking and transients. Nothing but the vaguest suggestion of letters and the tattered scraps of album art will remain. The Record (#38) In any secondhand record store in the city. cut out a circle of paper the same size as the record and cut it into a spiral. The bread box will. so instead turn it slowly by hand. In fact. Vinyl nighties. you'll smell rotting meat coming from a dumpster and hear sounds emanating from it that sound like rats. a small yellowed envelope containing an aged record single can be found amongst other vintage materials. The record’s title will be faded with age. The Breadbox (#36) Down around fourteenth and ninth. The normal speed will be too fast. The first two rotations will yield nothing other than a cacophony of screams. with only a half dozen seats inside and the brightest. If you walk down this alley in the winter. The owner will never have seen it before and will allow you to walk off with it for a pittance. moving inward from the outermost edge. It’s what they’re covered in. Take the album home and place it on a turntable. If you open the box.store every day for a week and ask for an array out outlandish products. Your head will tell you two secrets and a lie. There's never a car cutting through to avoid traffic. the shows are very said and conventional. Despite the presence of loading docks and parking spaces. you'll find that it's empty other than a plain tin bread box. there's an alley between a parkade and a small office building. The place where it is should be taken up by the kitchen of the Italian restaurant next door. Write the words you heard down on the circle. you’ll find out the red room: The walls aren’t red. If you do. but be sure not to attend on any night which belongs to a martyred saint. the morning after it rains. Eventually you’ll hit upon the correct code word and the clerk will admit you to the red room. you will discover that it contains your own severed head. and then expire. cardboard stocking and high heeled shoes full of salt have all been amongst the list of code words. shiniest red paint. there never seems to be anyone in it at all. The red room is a small strip club. To decipher the statements. be in mint condition. However. and with good reason: The floppy disk drive is jammed and has been for years. and all in a vast and perfect resolution. pretend to type up a resume. travel and biography sections. Enter the resume center and pretend to be a client. With practice. . as it contains the history. built into the staircase. If you meet all these conditions.jpg. memetic traps like the parrot or smile. and the basement is where they keep the truth. these are books with complaints against them for explicit content or politically incorrect material. slide the paper clip into the small round hole beneath the drive and press. as a dumping ground for “problematic books”. you will find an envelope with a sentence of your obituary in it. At each of these locations and times. The eastern wall is the most important. it suffices for the purposes of the center: word processing and printing. Each date is the day after a rainfall in the year to come. After you’re seated at the computer. For the most part. unofficially. Take it home. the Public Library remains open and is used. Instead. you’ll be led through a trapdoor hidden beneath a small rug and down a staircase. At the bottom. Traps. Hooked into a geriatric printer. you’ll discover books that are problematic for different reasons. and is one of the least utilized in the city. The images can kill or impart madness with a look alone. Weapons. Take the diskette and leave. All the famous socks and screams. Everything you learned in school is a lie.atop the record. It will eject a diskette. the walls are fair game. and to come on Saturday evening when the librarian in charge of the basement is on duty. Read from the inside out. The librarian will not let you take any of the books in the floor out. you will realize that the entire room is packed so full of books that there is little room to stand. they will form the greatest part of your arsenal. When you arrive home. To get into the basement. The Library (#40) The Bowness Public Library is smaller than the Mac’s that’s at the end of the same strip mall. if you ask the librarian to see the basement and she complies. so never open them on your own. put the diskette into your computer. Regardless. However. use them as tools. The disk contains an impossible number of jpeg files. There are bookshelves on every wall. The machine is infamously faulty amongst the staff. Each column of words names a location and date. and on the way make eye contact with no one. you need a Public Library Card. The Diskette (#39) There’s a computer in a downtown resume center that is well over a decade old. When no one is looking. However. no overdue notices against you. and even into the floor. Bring with you a paper clip. . Buy four of them and leave the shop. cheese. with crystal clarity. it’s likely you’ll find a few faces you recognize. He will say “To the house on the hill. The last pie is for you. showing his filed teeth. The address will be an old house which contains the ark they rode to get here. The stairs lead into the basement. . The pies are not good. Across the hallway from this room is another. But if you remain in the store after hours. Upstairs. But despite this. claiming that he’s merely holding onto them for a friend. His skin is a pale olive. Relax. he’ll allow you to put one of the records on one of his players and listen with a headset. is the box. family bands that never caught on. there’s a record store specializing in old vinyl. The meat is too tough. where the owner keeps the more valuable albums and paraphernalia under lock and key. And they sell pies. After leafing through this box for a time. The homeless man was one of Them. On it will be printed an address.. Take a deep breath. frozen goods. with a selection of. the thoughts of whoever’s face is on the record at the moment while you’re listening. The gravy is thick and slimy.” Offer him the second pie and ask where is it they’re going. The owner won’t allow you to purchase any of these records. Instead. you will find what appears to be a homeless man. they can still be of use. Do not enter it. Offer him the third pie and ask him whose house it is.” Pause here. The Record Store (#45) At 16th and 14th. you will find a strip of paper. And then he will tell you. Do not eat it. on the floor. And in the corner of this room. and then descend the rickety steps at the back. Failed novelty albums. lesser works. You might even find your own. for you may never return. The album art for all of the albums is minimalist: just a human face on a black background. then walk around in back. He will smile.The Butcher’s Shop (#43) There’s a butcher’s shop up in stadium that is something of an institution in Calgary. The box is full to the brim with old LPs. Walk around the upper area of the store until five minutes before closing. Even pizzas and ice cream. You will hear. ask him where they came from. the store has a variety of vintage HIFI equipment on display and a handful of more popular records. and begin to eat. In amongst the gravy. Offer him one of the pies. The crust is too thick and greasy. The store sells all kinds of meat. curled and ratty. His reply will be “Across the sea of dreams. There. or he was once. After finishing the pie. His hair is long. He doesn’t look like Them. crack it open. His clothing is patchwork and piecemeal and he stinks like the grave. You’ll need the protein. They prize silence. Walk up and down the building’s staircases until the lights begin to dim and colour begins to drain from your field of view. and definitely of little interest to the scholar of the obscure. Climb inside. as a building on the borderline. near its replacement. although it’s received support from different charities and agencies (most recently it’s been attached to CUPS and The Mustard Seed). Regardless of the weather. MacKimmie Library (#47) MacKimmie Library at the University of Calgary is supposedly obsolete. exit the staircase. but the gates of heaven will forever be closed to you. The Hope Chest (#48) [This one is written in a different hand than most of the rest] . and all will contain secrets that have slipped in around the edges.The Soup Kitchen (#46) The Soup Kitchen downtown has been open for years. and they punish overdue books with a staggering ferocity. it teeters on the precipice between our Calgary and its shadows. Reality is soft here. After drinking the broth. After the colour has completely drained. Despite this. Beware the librarians. Drinking it will grant you youth until the end of your days. The soup they ladle out here is a broth made from the tears of a captive angel lashed to the wall in the building’s basement seventy years ago over the protestations of William Aberhart. almost down to the last detail. soft and pliable and easy to push through. you should locate a milk crate that should give you enough of a boost to reach the fire escape on the building that houses the soup kitchen. The books will be altered. But it’s always invariably dropped within six months. the door never closes and it never has any trouble holding onto volunteers or its location. Like other borderlands. but useful. The volunteers are jumpy. Go to the soup kitchen on a Tuesday afternoon and get a cup of soup. The most important differences will be that the volunteers behind the counter have their mouths stitched shut and that the patrons are noticeably better dressed than the homeless and impoverished on the ground floor. some subtly and others more overtly. but leave behind anything that might be construed as a weapon. but drink it anyways. You’ll find yourself in one of the other libraries. The top floor will be a recreation. Climb the ladder and then walk to the top of the fire escape. however. leave the soup kitchen and walk down the alley next to it. its last sighs echo throughout the structure. the top floor window will be open. The broth will be cheap with hard water and lumps of powdered stock. Nevertheless. As the Library prepares to give way to the new Taylor Family Library. After a moment’s searching. Dangerous. of the soup kitchen itself. in one of the other cities. it is dangerous for precisely this reason. . murder and mutilation of a local gang member. The order was for an art deco chest. crockery and pieces of household decor to take with them when they get married. everything inside is let out and. Mostly fifties and sixties stuff. well. before the house was even built. What makes this diner unique is that every single piece of kitsch inside was used.. you see. but I’m wandering. It’s a sort of a safety. It’s sort of a poor man’s dowry.. potent herbs and. However. Don’t want to be on the hook for another favour? That’s okay. What's more. like all diners of this type.A hope chest is a small box or trunk given to young girls. You want to know about the Hope Chest in the old house on the hill. if these objects are placed atop the DVD player hooked up to the TV near the entrance. Bottles of unguents. He requested that it be sewn into the cloth lining. I had no idea of knowing who They were at the time. Insofar as I know he never opened the hope chest. to kill someone. the picture on the changes to the murder through the eyes of the victim. The post cards were love letters left out to inflame the rage of a jealous spouse. this was the twenties you understand. I remember when my sister got hers. although there are some old Lohengrin post cards and the like. in some way. used for an act of violence. and I added to the chest all the objects that the customer ordered. well. boy. allspice. which I of course indulged. We thought they were just postwar immigrants. The second it opens. the kind that puts muesli in everything and has a DVD of old cartoons running on a wood paneled television.. The idea is that over the course of their lives. The walls. The hope chest measures about sixteen inches by twenty four inches by twelve inches and is made from cedar. There is not a single object in that room which has not been. You know. they collect linens... I like you. This has made the diner popular amongst local Satanists and snuff fetishists who view the murders after hours. antiquated flourish] Kitsch (#49) On Edmonton Trail there is a diner of the type that was trendy about ten years ago. baby things. the diner ran through its stock of deadly . [It’s signed “Edward Ramsay De Cae” With a bold. after this many decades of fermentation. Even the decorative infomercial knife set was once used in the torture. you know what they say about mutually assured destruction? I’m pretty sure that They could show them a thing or two about assured destruction. as was the custom at the time. up by the river. The order was furnished promptly. The broken clock above the counter was used to brain a sewage worker in the late seventies. but you’re too shy to ask me. are practically dripping with kitsch. in some way. with a sharp haircut and sophisticated demeanour. You will be allowed to spend the night and crash on his couch. It’s never even managed to cash in on any retro appeal since it was built ten years too late. and has since taken to commissioning new killings to decorate the walls. or was the last time i was there. you can see photos tacked up on a bulletin board that go back to when the drive-in was founded in the late seventies. Close your eyes and begin to walk. as if you have done it before. and he’ll nod with approval. is in them. into the kitchen.kitsch last summer. Your dreams in the trailer will be long and strange. The man. Tell him what he wants to know. shag carpet and offputting smell of age will lend the room a particular feeling of datedness and discomfort. Let it. Should you fail to answer his question. The worst fairy food will do is vanish when you leave. you will remember nothing. regardless of the weather. Enter the trailer. When you awaken. The language impenetrable. coiling around your thoughts. go there. The Drive-In (#56) The drive in hasn’t had many customers in years. If you look past the person who takes your order. After a time. Some minute detail that seems significant when you’re living it but in retrospect seems only the debris of other people’s lives. dusk. He will be watching the television. you will find yourself in front of a trailer. Let your mind wander. A man dressed in a black suit with blue piping will be sitting on the couch. The faux wood paneling. The Trailer (#53) There is a trailer park in Crowfoot. You will feel something sliding into your mind. regardless of what time it was when you arrived. but over the next week everything you must do will seem intuitive and easy. he will ask you a question about the secret history. Accept. The man will seem nonplussed by your presence and offer you something to drink. What it does have is a large denim-clad regular who always seems to be seated. The inside will be surprisingly dingy. if it ever did. it doesn’t have the cult appeal of that red bus. and it definitely doesn’t have good food. although he’s definitely not the owner and if asked the staff claim not to notice him in the photographs or outside the building. but the programs will be highly unfamiliar. Should it remain in whatever year you’re reading this. It will begin to guide your feet and. He will look entirely incongruous. If you ask him how he’s stayed the same so long he’ll tell you . Concentration is anathema. his expression will grow dire. before too long. at one of the concrete tables out front. At night. utterly unchanged by time. It will be. he actually goes inside the drive-in to sleep. and you will find yourself unable to speak for the remainder of your days. It doesn’t have the iconic appeal of Peter’s. it is possible to get in through a janitorial closet nearby. and whoever owns the pen at the moment will leave it in your hand at the slightest pretext. The pen itself is nondescript: a plain white bic that writes in either black or blue ink depending on whose account of its history you believe. you’ll have to ask him: “Why does the drive in run through so many staff?” But be careful. The only rule to observe when using the pen is to never engage in automatic writing. When the pen draws near. Your hand will be compelled to reveal things your mind ought to hide. In fact. no one has returned with a satisfactory answer. he’ll claim that he works there in some function and likely tell you to mind your own business. They complain about the sounds. If something untrue is written with it. and very hot. Locating the pen is difficult. Residents claim that nobody ever goes in and nobody ever goes out. The Pen (#63) There is a pen in circulation in the city. but you can easily locate it by sympathy. If you want a straight answer. sketching. The Colonel Belcher doesn’t deal with hoarders or undressers or any of the other worst-off cases. The pen is remarkable in that it is only capable of writing the truth. It’s always left on a desk at school or loaned and not returned. No one seems to be able to hold onto it for long. While the main door into the locked ward is secure and hasn’t opened since the facility did. but about a quarter of the top floor has been locked ever since it moved to its new location a handful of blocks away from the coroner’s office. all anyone ever agrees about is that the locked ward is very dark. or any other idle activity. Be warned though: the coveralls cannot be unzipped from the other side. as it moves almost of its own accord. The Locked Ward (#62) Most elder-care facilities have some kind of locked ward if they deal with dementia cases. To this day. . It’s never wise for the fly to harass the spider. If you unzip the coveralls.that it’s force of habit and refuse to talk about it any further. A set of coveralls hangs on the wall opposite the door. But few people tend to care about the elderly and their complaints. you’ll feel your skin begin to tingle. you will discover a hole behind them that leads into the locked ward. the pen will appear to be out of ink. The unfortunate side effect of this sympathy is that the pen’s honesty rubs off on you. Break open a pen of the same colour and rub the ink on your palms. They complain about the smell. If you ask him why they let him sleep inside. as these are the days that They are absent. The flowers are always warm to the touch and can only be found in late spring. I know you said you thought we should let it be. If you find a patch of them growing beneath a tree or in the shadow of a municipal building.The Flowers (#64) There is a species of flower that only grows on public land in Calgary. i want to at least get some use out of it. white flowers streaked with blue. However. I went to the Washroom like you said and I definitely saw signs that They were involved. the smell of allspice. If this washroom is good enough to be on the news and they are spending my tax dollars on it. Besides. Entering the claim is problematic. The wheels of bureaucracy will turn smoothly for you. they hold little hope that she’ll be found alive. Never carry them next to your skin. I thought it would make a good entry for my blog. You owe me for this. thin stems and no fragrance. and entering on a day when they are present would mean . robbing you of your own scent and your sense of smell. Reduce the flowers to a fine powder by first drying them and then grinding them down to nothing with a mortar and pestle or blender. two from plain white printer paper and one from a newspaper:] Sanford: I went to use that new washroom downtown. The one that they did a story about on the CBC. There was a new scar on my stomach that I do not recognize. Although police are making inquiries. more ID will never be required. wrap them in paper towel or cloth and carry them home. Instead. The Public Washroom (#68) [The following three entries were cut out and pasted on the page. Illusory concealment of blood. They have shot. the powder’s odorlessness will eventually permeate your body. pick them immediately. It is only accessible on Mondays. When I woke up It was six hours later and I was in a Public Restroom in Riley Park. Relatives of Jessica Pearson are reeling today after the nineteen year old art student vanished. and nothing will have to be filled out in triplicate. I sat down on the shitter and started to get light headed. Wednesdays and Fridays. Store the resulting violet coloured powder in a small leather bag (no other material is safe) and carry it on you. SJ. – Jess P. the signs are unmistakable. Any flowers transplanted anywhere else will die in seconds. The plants are plain. But I’m going to go back tonight and try to burn it down. Forms will never be lost. [The word OGDEN is scrawled beneath the last entry in red sharpie] The Baggage Claim (#70) There is a secret baggage claim beneath YYC where They keep objects of interest that passengers leave in their checked baggage. unwilling or unable to mingle amongst his unusual patrons. The kitchen. such as the still-whispering heads of saints or the monitors that show the state of your soul will have to be left behind. inhabited only by still figures made of plaster. Then leave. Look for a small. The Pub’s echoes remain a mystery despite its closeness to The Community. bring with you a solution dandelion and lemon grass. This s because if the vase is placed in a home. get on your flight and lay low for a time in another city. the most recent owner replaced all of the steak-knives with black-handled alternatives. Pilfer what you find valuable or notable from the baggage that is kept here. No one seems to hold onto the vase for long. The Vase (#73) There is a vase perpetually for sale in the city. no one is able to determine the cause of the echoes. They will soon find out what you’ve done. . In a show of deference. Water doesn’t seem to stay within the cool confines of the vase. but only take with you what fits in your carry-on bag and what will pass safely through airport security. but around closing practitioners and acolytes begin to filter in.certain death. which is shared by all the franchises in this corner of the terminal. The Pub is a meeting place and focal point of the local Community. and keep climbing when you reach the ceiling. On these days when it is safe. is dominated by a staircase that leads up into the blank roof. The vase itself is tall and thin. fluted in shape and often empty. about a half-litre’s worth (Thanks Jess!) the solution will repel any existential or psychic hazards. Climb it. dirty counter where Italian food and pizza is sold. boiling off of it if it is ever added. The Pub remains solidly uninteresting for most of the day. Despite decades of patronage. book a seat on a domestic flight and travel to the dingy section of the airport terminal’s food court. always returning it with fraudulent receipts or hocking it. The owner remains in the back room. although it never remains profitable for long. The Pub (#72) There is a faux-English “pub” that has operated for decades under various names and ownerships. Larger or more conspicuous objects. all the water within will begin to boil. The clerk will accept this pretext and let you into the kitchen. It moves from Urban Barn to Thrift Store to home decor shop to thrift store and then back again. as though you were in fact a recently laid off employee. The echoes are of no concern to those that know they exist and are prepared. Something about the place fills normal people with unease. Tell the clerk that you left your bag in the kitchen when you worked your last shift. To ensure your safety in the pub. You will emerge in a vast and empty copy of the baggage claims downstairs. and they’ll want their stolen property back. or why drowned bodies appear in the restrooms and kitchen after closing only to vanish in the morning. Whenever a ball has been removed from the cupboard. in the back room. The glass. should not be removed from the cupboard. Unlike all the other homes around it. the inside is totally empty other than an IKEA cupboard in what would presumably be the kitchen. The owner of the shop will accept this gift as a sign of good faith. ground in equal proportions into a thin powder. Each ball contains a small. Although they do good business with their usual stock. These suburban homes are mostly home to commuters. and your body will remain catatonic in the back of the shop. but one of them is home to something vastly different. tall larkspur and purple-stemmed aster. the vase has been used to assassinate sixteen prominent individuals. The Cupboard (#75) On the north end of the city. The cupboard is as old as the subdivision and was placed there by the developers. you must come equipped with a mixture of the following: many-flowered yarrow. this one is unfinished. and proof that you are a fellow traveler. and other more discrete forms of water will become agitated. After the vase has claimed a life. sweet substance that will . Jar three contains a light. fortune-cookie type strip of paper with the address of one of the houses in the subdivision written on it in green ink. you will find literally dozens of pieces of Depression glass. your heart and leave you totally hollow. smooth cherry tobacco that will burn out your lungs. including three members of parliament and five practitioners.If not removed promptly. Although the outside is complete. In order to sample this unusual product. prairie smoke. what makes the shop notable is the contents of three numbered jars located at the back of the building. the corresponding household has suffered a death or some other tragedy within a year. which mostly takes the form of small decorative balls. The Tobacconist (#76) Despite campaigns against it and a law against displaying tobacco products. the vase will make more water burn. Jar One contains a potent hallucinogen that will permanently transport you to the dream city below. al the water immediately condenses as if it had never evaporated. Ask the store owner for a sample of his private reserve and tell him which of the three jars interests you. water in the human body will begin to boil too. Inside. sweat on the skin will begin to heat. All the usual routes will be closed to you. To date. there are innumerable identical houses arranged into vast. killing whoever is in the home in short order as the water in their bodies boils off and their skin is seared. After around thirteen hours. homogenous neighbourhoods. Jar Two contains a thick. the tobacconist’s on Centre Street has remained open and apparently prosperous. Ice will melt. The Arcade Game (#80) A movie theatre arcade in the city contains a machine that has remained despite all attempts at modernization. from that day forward. Find it and start a new game. Eventually it will prove too much for your sleeping mind. For the most part. You will fall asleep immediately. will do your bidding. No matter what you do. the game will enter your dreams. and unlike most dreams. They will be astonishingly vivid. Next to the street fighter four machines and the realistic sniper game sits a simple shooter with vector graphics. what matters is your score. and you will suffer a seizure while asleep. As it continues to increase and the tiles continue to change colour. . which depict abstract two dimensional shapes. Never return to the shop. Berries. In fact. fruit stands without the familiar blue placards begin to appear in the places of more familiar ones. on the equinox or solstice. When one is shot. Rare citruses and exotic fruits like lychee and pomegranate. you’ll start to feel light headed. and the tiles grow in complexity and speed. Parking meters will lie for you. Shoot the strangely shaped tiles and watch as their colours flick from green to amber to green to amber. do not release the joystick until you feel a hand tapping at your shoulder. The game is goalless and aimless. One of these sells fruits that no local farmer could grow. There will be more colours. and your dreams will be of a pivotal event in the secret history. in fact. and close your eyes. these stands are found near the highway or in the suburbs. so it sits unplayed and unused in the corner.leave you unconscious. however. entitled to his smoke. No one is able to figure out the game’s goal. all the primaries and secondaries. and lightbulbs in your home will never burn out. When you recover. you will find yourself awake. executed in green and amber. details like text and light switches will behave as they do in real life. Cherries and Taber corn sold by the roadside. Turn to look at the person behind you. The Fruit Stand (#82) In spring and summer. The tobacconist will make enquiries and discover that you are not. when the arcade went over to tokens from change in the late nineties. That night. Machines. televisions and radios will always turn on to the channel you need to hear. it simply changes colour rather than disappearing. the fruit stands come out. You’ll find no one there. however. Buy a fair assortment and take them home. But sometimes. nobody bothered updating the machine at all. dusty and ill kept. places where the owners can find marks who will pay their often inflated prices for fruit that they could find repackaged in their supermarkets. and your dreams will be of wherever the fruit was imported from. Eat whichever one smells the best to you. playing with jacks or poke’mon cards. as if she sees you as just another one of the neighbourhood kids. The doors will be locked. and you’ve been keeping your diet haram like a good boy. The third group stands between the other two. The School Bus (#83) In the southwest of the city. and anyways. on the bed. The bus’s windows are covered with blankets that have been hung up inside like curtains. Shake your head though without speaking and instead gesture towards the makeshift bed she’s made in the aisle. Maria Goretti school. and her voice will be so soft that you cannot hear it. the children are occasionally seem playing an unusually intricate playground game. not in any sort of order beyond a vague suggestion of formation. you will encounter a woman of middle eastern descent. the name of the school or company on the side of the bus is written in a strange script that looks like Arabic but isn’t. Strangely. All grades participate and all the students take their roles in the game with unusual seriousness. if you keep your eyes open. half boys and half girls. The Game (#85) On the schoolyard of St. entering without asking is frowned upon. The first grade students ask “Whose was it?” then the second graders reply “She who was found” The third graders then ask “Who lost it?” and the fourth graders answer “The boy with the knife” The fifth graders then ask “Whose was it to take?” to which the oldest students answer “The Lord Above. the students arranging themselves into three groups. Any actions you took in your dream will play themselves out in whatever locale you dreamed of over the next twenty-four hours. if you turn out to be a bad boy and kiss and tell. If it isn’t. and every word you utter in the throes of lust will come true. but there will be no way to trace you to them. It begins with call and response that slowly moves up the grades. carrying out a mock funeral for a teddy bear or baby doll one of them brought from home. impotence will be your only reward. that’s probably all you are.” The game then grows more complex. She will be nude. Knock on the door and wait for it to be opened. then you’re not welcome. One. Relatively speaking. A handful of neighbourhood children will be seated at the back of the bus. One group stands at the center of the playground. There. you can sometimes spot a broken down school bus in an alley between two houses. however. good or bad. She’ll shoo the children away. If it does open. . However. in terms of age. you will experience unimaginable burning pleasure. menacing circle. other than a veil. go inside. She will gesture towards them. There.Upon awakening. you will feel tired as if you haven’t slept. and you should never return to the alley. circles the other two in a slow. full of ominous clouds. prolonged exposure to the card makes its effects permanent. The School ID (#88) Periodically. the card will be accepted as acceptable proof of age as though it were a driver’s license with a date of birth eighteen years to the day before the current date. there are innumerable ways for a poorly educated and sloppy acolyte to find themselves lost in the alleys of one of the other cities. The wallet is empty other than a school ID card dated for the 2003-2004 school year at Queen Elizabeth Jr. the school ID card makes you appear to others as you did when you were thirteen. It’s my theory that the poor souls trapped here are doing penance for us. The dead live here. the traffic the crime and the violence are as they would be in our nightmares. The six other Calgarys. and everyone smiles. Some say that our Calgary is just a shadow it casts. Right Calgary is our city as it would be if it were perfect.If any of the students are asked about the game. and a magnetic strip has been crudely pasted overtop of a barcode on the bottom of the card. including the one that you know. . the secret roads. Your clothing will resemble whatever you typically wore at the time without being too specific to any year. The people there have too many teeth. and they’re hungry for your warmth. but they’re wrong. it’s always sunny./Sr. all the buildings we have yet to build and all the people who have yet to be born in the city dwell here. Unfortunately. they will appear confused and not know what you are talking about. The Card is yellow. The sprawl. The Other Calgarys (#89) There are seven Calgarys. The sky is dark. Identical copies of the card and wallet are known to exist. Only the school logo and the words “Grade 08” are visible. High School. Our own is hazardous enough to those awakened and aware enough to walk in dark places. Left Calgary is our city as it would be if everything were wrong. are as follows: Old Calgary is the city of the past and is made of the buildings that have been demolished and is navigated by all the roads that have been closed.. the shadows and reflections of our city. Despite this. When carried in your pocket. The ambulances and cabs of yesterday. The photograph and name have all been scratched out. The ways between them are many. at bus stops throughout the city. but not enough to see the hazards.. The buses run on time. a small brown wallet turns up. Treat it as a canary for predicting our own end. a wrong turn in the +15 walkways. New Calgary is the city of the future. all in all it’s the picture of luxury. the kind that you step up into. When the elevator reaches the top of its admittedly short shaft. The marble will have faded. Go to a bus stop and dial the Calgary transit automated number. admitting you. solid. Within that window of time. The tub has clawed feet. This is the safest reflection. If not. The Bus (#90) Although they’re being phased out. If you find yourself here. sit near the front and watch as the landscape outside grows blurry and abstract. it will drop suddenly. The elevator will lurch to a stop and the doors will open. the spheres melt together and become a normal. you will be sitting on a bench at Brentwood Station. If They are. but it still isn’t safe. After the blood is spilled. No matter how fully the city replaces them with the newer shuttle-busses. The Black Room (#91) Beneath every train station in the city of Calgary there is a deep. Each contains indistinct shadows of furniture and residents that when they are combined yield a single. disembark immediately. at least one of the thirty year old busses will remain in service. eventually going silent entirely. you will always have perfect luck when it comes to catching a bus and no driver will expect you to pay your fare. Then punch the number seven repeatedly. . It comes intermittently and at odd hours. unharmed. becoming something more angular and familiar: a somewhat antiquated washroom. the city still has a number of the old GMC busses. Anything is possible here. Before long. to the Black Room. The voice will eventually croak “Next Bus in three minutes” and disconnect you. The system’s pre-recorded voice will grow more degraded and heavy with static with each keystroke. populated room that coexists beneath every station at once. but nothing is true or persistent. albeit difficult to get to room. an attendant stands next to the lift door to offer you towels and the like. no matter where you are. but it is possible to bring it to yourself using a simple albeit highly modern rite. run as hard and fast as you can back to the proper city. Those that dwell here forever are a sorry lot. including door open and close buttons. Mirror Calgary is where your reflection lives. The easiest way in is through the elevator in Brentwood station. unless They are using it. This only occurs whenever there is an accident on the tracks that results in a death. the bus will arrive. perfectly round chamber made of black marble. The driver never asks for fare. Smear the blood of the sacrifice on the buttons and punch them in ascending order. From now on.Dream Calgary is where the city’s denizens go when they sleep. Hit one and then punch in the number of the stop you’re waiting at. you will feel tired. The Bus will be empty other than a dozen or so plaster statues posed on the seats. although it is wise to pay regardless. Allow yourself to fall asleep. When you awaken. leaving you perfectly relaxed. So we drive to Dalhousie station and get onboard. Vanilla with imbue your skin with a youthful glow for a week. I bet that little faggot was a trap. But I pretend for his sake. leaving you utterly and totally forgiven. The water will be scented: Mint. I like to fuck practitioners. if I could. I’d like. At least not until last weekend. after which your body will begin to deform with the weight of your sins. Y’know my type. Anyways. They’ve been catching a lot of kiddies in their webs lately. Dunno how useful it is. Place STUNK of allspice. Smart move. I met a guy at Back Lot. the only guy in the room who knows what year it is is this little old man who recognizes me and runs my ass out. The washroom is part of the lease of the business which . you’ll see an office building. Eddie and Matt said you were working on a little guidebook. The mint will totally refresh you. Victorian I think. but I wouldn’t recommend going back. You ever hear of the orange room? Me neither. Anyways. playing it like I’m some rube. The orange room is like this old place. but it’s locked. HE says we should go back to his place. and we need all the help we’ve got. he presses the help button and holds it until we leave the free fare zone. So I say “Ok”. all giddy like he’s showing me the kind of thing I’ve never seen before. I bring greetz from the spheres. Keep safe. which I THINK is world war one. Sand-Man. cut out and pasted in the book] Hey Sand-Man. The Allspice will grind away all of your sins and cruelties. Across the street from the station. Kinda chubby. Which isn’t true. and it keeps going after it reaches the last station.. and when he gets to a hundred. When we hit the free fare zone.Step into the room and turn the water on in the tub. and it stops in this underground station that’s all orange and British. as though they were a great burden hooked into your skin. He leads me upstairs. geeky technogoth. Walk in and head up the stairs on the right to the mezzanine. to contribute. There’s a door on the balcony that goes to a women’s washroom. Everyone has an accent and talks about how “The War” is going. nevermind that I’ve practically moved into Dream and that anyone who knows anything knows it.. The train keeps going. Nick Maharis. The Orange Room (#93) [This one is probably an email. Allspice or Vanilla. The Terminal (#94) Take the C-train to the furthest north station in the free fare zone. Anyways. he begins to count to a hundred. punch in 4511. it’s supposed to house basements and sub-basements and a huge parkade for the building that is being built on top. But if you have brought with you human blood that is not your own. radios and conversations come to a stop. you will discover the real reason for the pit: A pillar suspended in the mud. you will find a blue tent. In the center of the pit. . If the lights within the tent are white or yellow. as you must leave the tent before the blood on your eyelids dries. Unless you have come prepared. if you’re feeling adventurous. every piece of electronic equipment you try to use will just work out o the box with no difficulty. all you can do is gaze at the strange stone and then leave. Answer them. Don’t enter this code into the metal lock. Inside. the door will open onto a small closet with no furnishings other than a cheap office chair. The Pit (#95) Downtown they’re working on some serious construction and probably will be as long as the boom goes on. Enter the tent. but you’ll feel nauseous if you get too far from a wireless signal. At this time. and a terminal from the late seventies. follow it. For the rest of your life. Instead of opening onto a washroom. Deeper than deep. If the light. Never read the full history. If you are downtown when this happens. The veins will resolve themselves into words which will describe in great detail the history of the land. but soon more words will appear. seven feet of it jutting upwards. climb over the metal rented fencing and climb down into the pit. The Song (#96) Some nights.rents the right side of the mezzanine. then it’s safe. with glowing red veins. all of them questions. ceiling fans. leave as it is most likely occupied. The glow of the pillar will penetrate your eyelids and you will see the tent through them. usually. the city is seized by a preternatural silence as all the televisions. The terminal’s screen will be blank other than the phrase “What is your name?” Type your real name or. it will turn itself off. When the terminal’s owner is satisfied. a folding card table. however. If you wander the area down around The Palliser you’ll eventually find the pit. and they access it with the code 9620. which can be acquired through a number of means. but it also means digging down. Sometime after midnight on any given day. a song can be heard lilting through the streets and alleys. cars. when the moon is dark and a black-out kills all the lights downtown. Construction means building up. is a dull red glow. careful to avoid notice by anyone or anything that might be there after hours. There will be a lot of lag between the terminal and wherever it’s connected to. etched on your retina in red. you may smear it on your eyelids and close your eyes. your online nickname. Instead. under any circumstances. you’ll hear a dial tone. between the hours of ten o’clock PM and two o’clock AM. you will be left with a profound sense of melancholy that will never leave you until after you die. and then you’ll hear whatever occurred in the room the phone is currently in on the day and at the time you’re using the phone in the year the quarter was minted. Never. Instead. decaying room on the second floor of a building that normally seems to be in better repair. The Payphone Trick (#98) In Ogden. a locked door in the back of a 24/7 convenience store will be opened. despite the great volume it must have had to be heard blocks away. but if you lift it to your ear. you will be granted catharsis. It is the most profoundly sad song you will ever have heard. The music they play is haunting and lilting and rarely corresponds to their instruments. and all your sorrows and rage will be burned away. They will be in a large. Don’t open it under any circumstances. But if you do. suspended by nothing in particular. each about six inches above the ground. walk through the door and close it behind you. The musicians are fellow travellers who passed away in the last year or two and their song is meant for the ones they left behind. as though the store itself is a part of the city’s geography that their . There are no workers. it remains completely and totally devoid of life. The route is chosen carefully for both existential and physical safety. in which case you hear whatever happens in that room during the moment of your death. The phone will ring twice. then dial. as they haven’t cut the bodies down since 1995. no customers. When you finally find the source of the song. The Supermarket (#99) There’s an independent supermarket in the far northwest. During these four hours. call a cell phone. leaving spills and other problems to sort themselves out until the door closes of its own accord. Put a quarter into the phone. it will be a small group of glowing musicians. The door leads into a small room made of bare concrete. The handset has been separated from the phone itself. the third shift clerk will remain behind his counter if he can. turn right and look at the payphone. If you don’t recognize any of the faces. The only exception to this is if the quarter was minted in the year you were born. Although it’s just as big and well-stocked as any of the city’s chains. If you arrive during this hour. no one. It will be sweet and quiet once you actually find it. To your immediate left is a disused washroom.You needn’t worry about where it takes you. Their clothing is always reported as being inoffensive earth tones and about ten years out of style. It’s old enough that it still has metal keys and an AGT sticker. No one seems to question this. as have names from antiquity. The blind spot is a defense mechanism. even though the lock you’ll need to use it on is the wrong shape. Once you’re online. weather. person. However. Do not look back and do not take more than one. When you return to the store proper. He forgot to bring an offering. half-gnawed. except for one. The account’s name MUST be a western first name like “John” or “Sarah”. which mounts performances twenty-four hours a day and seven days a week. do not enter without a lemon and an egg. To access it. However. search for a wireless signal anywhere in the city and connect to an un-secured network. or Peigan will know who you are. of a failed seeker will be laying behind the meat counter. The building is home to a fourth theatre. friendly text. The carcass. The market is still and silent as a tomb. The Theatre (#101) Theatre Calgary. this place is like a venus flytrap.minds simply smooth over. institution or object you ask it about. some more esoteric or foreign names have been found to work. you must first acquire a key. ATP and One Yellow Rabbit are all housed in the Epcor Centre for the Performing Arts. the names of saints seem to have the most success. For uncommon names. Peigan will angry and will rudely insult whatever you ask it about. theatre or any of the city’s attractions in with cheery. After about five hours. It’s vitally important not to use your real name for the AIM account. When your account is made. . then leave the room. Exotics and inedible herbs and spices of all kinds. The shelves will be empty. Say “An egg for protein and a lemon for zest” aloud. are all sitting in the rack in clearly labelled flasks. log in and add “Peigan” as a friend. whose troupe and location remain a mystery to most. all of them useful in the craft and many of them extinct. the more you talk with Peigan. The Key works. After three hours. Take one and leave. The Aim Bot (#100) There is an AIM bot that only exists within the city of Calgary. restaurants. To find the theatre. The last thing you asked Peigan about will be in some way destroyed within a month. save for empty boxes and bones. and will answer any questions about traffic. There is plenty of room in the freezer aisle. Peigan will sign off. If you should find it despite the blind spot we all seem to have for it. start a new AIM account with no contacts. the second layer of illusion will be lifted and you will see it as it truly is: empty and desolate. Peigan will begin to threaten whatever location. Peigan will claim to be a bot maintained by the city to help tourists. This is currently almost impossible since most common names have been taken. Proceed immediately to the back of the store and enter the employee break room. The herb rack is the best stocked in the city. the less cheery and friendly it will become. After about two hours of conversation. Put the egg and lemon in the refrigerator and close it. and go to work. You will walk into the surgery. At midnight. The bird will begin to thrash around. In fact.. The Free Weekly (#103) Near the end of the week. The doors will open on every floor. throwing itself against the walls and front of the box. From the moment you sign your name to the walk in sheet. Your feet and hands will move of their own accord. they recite their lines twenty four hours a day. and is made up of two masked performers. What they let in depends on whether they’re performing a comedy or a tragedy. but the rooms beyond will be subtly wrong. and all inhabited by figures in strange papier mache masks that do nothing but render their features blank. Place it inside the empty box and wait. The words are almost meaningless. was often misunderstood by hippies who accidentally killed themselves looking for a permanent high. Especially for those who become proper acolytes. Finally. the elevation of consciousness that results makes narcotic satisfaction. the FFWD boxes start to get empty. third eyes won’t grow themselves. both of whom face the audience. This surgery. When the one nearest your home is empty.Enter the elevator that leads into the Max Bell Theatre and insert your key into the elevator’s maintenance key-hole. It’s likely that you will black out during the procedure. This is a mercy. Try not to mind the gaps in your memory or the disappearance of one of the local children that will occur the same night as your operation. The surgery’s results are nothing like a high. with no breaks or rest. The Surgery (#102) There is a procedure they do. Enter through the gym. lock the door behind you. and until stem-cell research is opened to more fringe physicians. the elevator will drop you off in the lobby of the theatre. The performance is ongoing. to awaken the part of your brain that knows how to listen. Turn your key and punch all of the buttons in descending order. as through translated from Russian by someone with a loose grip on English. but they open a door in your mind. but from that day on you’ll see the masks in crowds and never quite belong in this world. Soon the little window will be covered in . and you will find an improvised waiting room in the hallway. akin to trepanation and lobotomy.. rhetorical English. There is such a thing as a necessary evil. there is no turning back. Elements of this surgery have been practiced throughout history. seven days a week. try this. There is one surgery that does this kind of work in Calgary. bring a live bird with you to the box. instead of reaching the parkade. It is located in the furnace room at Dalhousie Elementary and can only be found during the half moon as it relies on shaky borderlines. problematic. In clear. The language of the play is convoluted and wrong. He’ll call you a man after his own heart and over to share something special with you. it is usually closed. he will get up and open the door and invite you in. However. frequented. The only differences will be that the black ink has been replaced with red and the words with rambling. Should you defeat him when he comes using this insight. By night. You have no choice but to accept. still half-alive organ. Perhaps it is because of what you will discover if you go to his shop after hours. lest you wind up in the red coulis. Inside instead of the bird you will find a copy of the latest issue. choked with cherry juice and custard and surrounded in a flakey crust. The owner’s a real epicure. Ever since I moved here. and Monsieur Boyer is a friend of mine. nonsensical stream of consciousness writings.blood and feathers to the point where you cannot see through it. Wait until the box is silent and there is no longer any sound. one of those hardcore French gourmet. picked up an orangina and a croque monsieur. choking down the still warm. Eat this grisly treat. If he notices you. for good or for bad. Sandy. The baker’s shop does most of its business in the morning. But if you look in through the window. I know you wouldn’t have asked unless you were interested. they will also provide you with insight into the mind of the man who is now destined to kill you. you will be forever ignored unless you set out to deliberately draw attention to yourself. Open the box. haunting beauty. They will be vulgar. This is your last chance to avoid the trial ahead. and you will be rewarded with an unearthly. you will see the baker sitting alone in a corner. but your damnation will be complete and thorough. and that you prefer something sweet. No one will notice you unless you talk to or touch them directly. The baker will bring out a human heart. but this isn’t really in your usual line. glazed with maple sugar. The baker will ask if you have eaten and snort derisively before asking if you know the Epicerie next door. . drinking coffee and eating something small and sweet and drizzled with red coulis. selling lattes and pastries to commuters driving into downtown from the south. No one knows why the baker is filled with such disdain for the world despite his great talents and the success that they have wrought. having cheated destiny. The Bakery (#105) There is a Belgian baker in Calgary who is renowned for his great skill and his even greater bitterness. Don’t go telling anyone this shit. I don’t think I’ll be back there again. violent and often disjointed. I’ve gone there for lunch. Listen. and ate it at the counter. The Epicure (#106) There’s an epicerie downtown I frequent. Well. Say you don’t. but the three old men will turn on you once they recognize the scent as They are no friends of the downtrodden. a couple weeks ago he smiles at me when I come in and tells me he’s got something special and he wants to share it with me. and chew. The broth will cure all injuries but leave your skin tough and leathery. He says he’s got a couple ortolan smuggled in from a farm up north that raises the damn things in secret. Impossibly weathered. Monsieur Boyer put my head under the tablecloth before he served me. Jesus Sandy. rich with the flavours of time. To find the three. The three guard their broth jealously and refuse to allow any others to eat it unless they bring something of power and value to trade. An ortolan is like a finch or a bunting. Tell them you have brought the ingredient to complete their labour and offer them either a jar of allspice or a jar of air. Do not enter any of them. and the buildings will go dark and empty. so you can hide from god. Eventually. they will give you a cup of soup spiced with it. the trio have added more water. It adds this salty. fill it at least a quarter full. You will gain all the boons that They can give. If you offer them the empty jar. What the fuck did I eat? The Soup (#107) There is a trio of blind homeless men in downtown Calgary who have been tending the same pot of soup for the last fifty years. Once they’re fucking huge. they drown them in column-still brandy and leave them there until they cook them whole. more half-rotten vegetables and more scraps to the pot for decades. But what the French do to them is just sick. Monsieur Boyer was gone and nobody has seen him since. I coughed up what looks like a human eye. I couldn’t see anything. They reside in a splinter. coppery taste. the blind old men will attempt to poor it into the soup and. . but that’s part of it. He says it’s how you do it. taste it. The three are almost impossible to find by choice. the soup has become thick and brown and heavy. As you move. all of it. They keep them in the dark and force feed them oats and millet. The bones splinter and slash your gums and tongue. If you offer the jar of allspice. i the process. Leave the splinter and never return. organs. more bones. Eventually you will find the three at the center of an intersection. the cars on the roads will give way to foot traffic and shantytowns. Eyes. all I could do what feel him push it into my mouth. the buildings higher and the people dirtier and older. as the office workers inside have been replaced by toothful predators. Over the years. You put it in your mouth until only the beak is out and then you bite down and eat it whole. the city will seem to grow denser and tighter. stand at tenth and fifth and slowly begin to walk south. The next morning.Anyways. Decae sells these sheafs for a dollar a page. alone.. steep. is more straightforward and more immediately of value. He’ll laugh. vital statistics jotted down in a genial handwriting that belies the exacting and invasive detail of the records. Decae will let you have one of these. Every Halloween. kept under lock and key in the pantry. and then it simply won’t be anymore. The words will swim before your eyes and sort themselves into paragraphs of the filthiest invective. There’s more than sugar spun in its strands. the man who owns the house doles out cotton candy in the garage while his wife remains inside. When he asks what department. At the bottom you’ll find a small. The shop specializes in the works of the homeless insane. and it’s worth it if you have the time to eke what meaning can be distilled from them. All have been prepared by acolytes and seekers and all describe the roadside horrors and urban attractions that we who favour the night enjoy. In Calgary. Tell the owner that you’re from the health department. diaries. Still others are benign. In the old man’s kitchen there are a half dozen boxes of index cards. Behind the counter. If any of the cards has a red dot in the upper right corner. even to the most advanced acolyte. you will certainly find your name there. strange shop and a man named Eddie Decae. Decae keeps a bookshelf with over a hundred notebooks. The cards were purchased from Eddie Decae when the couple first arrived on our shores. They have been adding to the collection ever since. or the name crossed out with ink from a fountain pen. Chicago’s gangster computer gods. The Book Store (#110) There is a hidden book store that can be found in every city on the continent. Never eat the old man’s cotton candy. The house is notable for its large back yard and long driveway. They were so much older then. your body will turn to sugar and air. but for a price: You must prepare one of your own. clipboards. little boxes of index cards and the like. the person or place or thing it describes will be visited by the old man. you will find yourself unable to read anything. and Calgary’s They are described in intimate detail in the unreadable ramblings. If you have had any success as a seeker or acolyte.. with sheafs of scrawled mythologies from across North America: The blue lady of Florida. rickety staircase that descends deeper into the ground than should be possible. But one set of index cards. it can be found in the basement of a pizza shop in Brentwood. Others document formulas and complicated patterns that signify nothing. If you don’t. there is a shortcut to knowledge. and if you cross the precipice of his home without his consent after eating it. However. but he’ll also unlock a door at the back of the kitchen which leads to a long. Some document people. say mental health.The Index Cards (#109) In a large residential home in Breton Close which was assembled piecemeal over the last forty years. . The foolish think that this is a list of who is dying. but ask for a sour cherry popsicle. distorted bell fill everyone who hears it with a sense of unshakeable anxiety. no matter how tempted you feel. Its comings seem to coincide with the New Moon. holding on all the while to perfect confidence that you will land unharmed. The screen doesn’t display an operating system. The computer is on and its battery is perpetually at full. Large and long and old fashioned unlike the small one-person trucks that drive the route by day. and people will glow with the warmth of however many days of life remain for them. The list is indeed of deaths. you will notice that the perfectly circular hole has no means of descent. Once you land. this truck and its sonorous. but it’s about five minutes behind. If you steel yourself and manage to overcome the anxiety you will feel about sighting it. The man who drives it has dead eyes and will only accept money minted before 1980. The truck’s menu will be illegible with age. From that day forward. Although the hole is open and unmarked. when you find it you will have to strain your eyes to see it. No one knows what happens if you flag the man down again or accept his offer. In fact. The only way down is to jump. The locals are so shaken by it that they refuse to talk about it or deny its existence outright.The Laptop (#111) Beneath a nameless overpass is a dry concrete hole that descends into the city’s foundations. but swallow every last mouthful without complaining about the taste. The walls are too smooth to brace yourself against. get up and walk straight ahead through the dusty gloom. Never accept his offer. to your eyes the night will seem as bright as the day. wave the truck down. If your confidence vanishes so will the mattress beneath you to break your fall. although it isn’t plugged into anything. So jump. If you try to remove the computer. instead showing a list of names that updates with a new name about once every eight seconds. The popsicle the man gives you will taste coppery and salty. When you do. your name will appear and you will realize that they’re wrong. Eventually you will find a laptop computer sitting on top of a milk crate. The Ice Cream Truck (#112) Edgemont is haunted every summer by an Ice Cream truck that only comes out after dark. with each name representing another death. The man will smile and ask you if you want to ride along. no one seems to fall into it or even come close. . The scene depicts the murder of a man named Nick Maharis. and you will pass out quickly. The camera is dropped after he hits the ground. Do not even breathe. but no strong protestations. will prove surprisingly easy. It will be empty at this hour other than a leather jacket too large to belong to the children. But the dead here are slow and calm. the person on the other end of the line will tell you everything you need to know to solve whatever problem you’re currently faced with. Explaining your presence in the school at night. For as long as you can remain silent. is inside a blank case that inevitably seems t get lost between shelves or reshelved in the wrong section. but from then on you will owe him a great and grievous favour. gutted like a fish on the platform at Sunnyside Station. and after a moment’s effort you will find it in the jacket’s pocket. she will stop mid-sentence and scream. and the killers leave. The scream will be deafening. the action already unfolding by the time the camera comes on. The disk inside the case is unmarked as well. Put the disc into your player at one in the morning and press play exactly ten second later. but say nothing. The school has collected a handful of ghosts like all buildings. You will hear the sound of a cellular phone’s ring from the moment you walk in the room. Claim you came back to reminisce. Take the disc home and do not watch it until after dark. in the cloakroom. Do not use The Key to get in. as the school no longer stands in the desiccated world it opens onto. The principal will ask if you were a student there once. He’ll recognize you as an acolyte and allow you to leave. which nobody seems to borrow. One of these. . The screen will crackle to life in media res. Open it and hold it to your ear. Climb to the top of the building and enter the cloakroom at the top of the staircase. his intestines spilling out onto the concrete. Tell him you like to think you are always a student. Then climb the stairs. The DVD (#114) In the new Crowfoot Public Library. But once you breathe or speak. The phone is an old nokia. Attempting to borrow the disc will earn you a strange look. Instead pick the lock through a more conventional means or secure the key through some legitimate method. there is an extensive collection of DVDs that can be borrowed provided you have a card. echoes of sound and heartbeat reverberate through the air. although it isn’t a DVD-R.The Cellular Phone (#113) Enter Hillhurst Elementary after hours through the Girls’ Door. is there? If you walk inside of the building. wear it. Strangely. you will discover that it is in fact made of all the paper that was on the lot. the pattern formed by his entrails differs every time you watch. you’ll be permitted by the aged Japanese man who seems to own the warehouse to take it with you. The Paper Warehouse (#119) There’s a vacant lot in the Southwest that’s literally covered in paper: Old newspapers. which has been folded elegantly to resemble brick and sheet metal and concrete. decaying books. the rest are made of paper. If you are. as every last object in the building is made from paper. Anything paper and mass produced. One of them is real. Never wear the ring. you can see reflected in his innards the current future of the war. It will bring you good luck and success at the office. old photographs. For the rest of their life. fast food wrappers. but instead give it to someone you love. The disc is of no use to you unless you are skilled in haruspicy. Don’t put your weight on anything.The camera remains focused n Maharis as he bleeds out. Nobody notices because there’s no way that a warehouse could go up that fast. There will be a display case against one of the warehouse’s walls containing the only wares it has ever housed: a dozen rings. If you get one of the paper rings. If you pick up the real one on your first try. they’ll never fall ill. however. watching the slow progress of his abdomen emptying onto the ground. On Labour Day. . The building will be furnished like an old importer’s. He will make eye contact with you at the moment he expires. the lot vanishes and is replaced by a small warehouse. you will find it highly educational. typically young students or other idiots. However. The espresso will be oxidized. chopped to bits. The window always seems to have its share of admirers. you will never be able to get the key. Instead. which even lacks a lightbulb in the ceiling’s sole socket. but the whispers are so dense and so thick that with enough patience you can begin to piece together the truth. The Encasement (#122) In the basement of New City Hall. the key will turn to dust in your hands. If you enter the room by day. other than the cube there is nothing of any note and no apparent reason to remain. so the coffee will be the most bitter thing you’ve ever drank. and will consist of four shots of espresso poured into a cup of the house’s darkest roast. Everything it whispers is a lie. there is a cube of concrete measuring about six square feet. if you do remain. the room will be bloodstained and decayed. that is almost entirely empty save for a handful of pop art prints. When the cube is too hot to touch. The Window (#125) There is a small downtown gallery housed in an aging sandstone building. Be warned though: if the door closes behind you. depicting a scene of suburban carnage. Go in and order a large black eye and specify that it needs to be made with the Prince of Darkness Roast. Executed in perfect photorealism: A man with an axe standing on a bloodied lawn. Despite this. Take it and leave. and The Window. Heat spreads across its surface.The Key (#121) There’s a coffee shop in Bowness called “Cadence”. the neighbourhood children behind him. its details weathered to nothing with age. and a look out the window reveals a desolate apocalyptic landscape. Your coffee will be served in short order. the door will not open into the room it normally does. The first is of no interest. The window appears to be painted on the other side. The man is . should you let yourself get lost in the lies. After City Hall closes. If you do down the entire drink. you’ll find a small key blank at the bottom of the mug. However. The blank will fit any lock in the city as if it were the appropriate key. However. it will begin to whisper to you. If you fail to drink the whole cup. the third is part of a triptych which must never be completed. as if something burning hot were within. some of these desolate rooms contain secrets and artefacts of the years to come. However. the cube begins to warm up. a lost de Chirico. the room is lit at all hours as if a sickly fluorescent bulb were installed in the ceiling. in an unlocked room. the whispering will never go away and it will slowly drive you mad. The cube is the only object in the room. and the third is a simple window hung like a painting on the back wall. lithograph or vintage advertisement. the children have appeared. The elderly woman will stare at you as if she knows something you don’t. The tea would only dull your senses. Be warned. The +15 Walkways (#131) Downtown Calgary is home to a small network of enclosed walkways (a "skywalk") called the +15 System. so has the man. a handful of the pictures on the walls are truly antiques. however. however. Many of them will have inky black shapes that occlude what is behind the glass. The last photo. . The western and eastern edges of the system are locked at 9 PM. Take it from the wall and leave without stopping. get up and seize the framed picture. If you are able to sneak into the closed systems at midnight. but she’ll bring you the cup. depicts the man approaching the window. mid-stride. the more apparent it will become to that the blackness is moving from frame to frame. dated the first of this year. The more you look. the painting depicts an empty lawn. When it all seems particularly focused on a particular photograph. Never open the window. you will see photographs pinned to it of the window. The +15's are designed to encourage pedestrian traffic during the day. and never ever break it. that if the skywalk you enter from it isn't in a city where the time is between midnight and six AM. In the first. although he’s still further away than he is now. Go to the Tea Room and order nothing but a cup of hot water. enter the gallery’s back room. Although all the furniture is recent. decomposed and dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound. Instead. The Minneapolis Skyway connects every skywalk system in the world. If you walk down these pathways. you'll eventually emerge in the Minneapolis Skyway. There. but are closed at night. While the core of the system is open from 7 AM until Midnight. On the wall behind him. you will discover the body of the owner. allowing yourself to get caught in its brush strokes is a death sentence. However. The city claims that this is for the sake of the security of the buildings connected by the walkways and to prevent transients from living in them. Examine the photographs and lithographs on the walls while you sip your water. approaching the window with a white picket fence behind him that is stained with gore. you'll discover new walkways that don't exist during the daylight hours. Do not gaze at the painting too long. you may find that walkways you rely upon no longer exist. Within a year. Within six months of that.standing on the lawn. the actual reason is much more interesting. The Tea Room (#133) There is a small Tea Room that dresses itself in faux Victorian style. It’s dated 10/5/01. beneath the bloodstain. Tell him that the good guys lost. . For the remainder of the week. Second. the building has a small skylight which has been broken since 2002. there’s nobody inside and a sign that reads “ON VACATION” is posted on the door. An aged Asian woman and her mute husband will emerge from the back of the building. or you may see their face on one of the sliced-open bodies that the room’s small. you will be dead within an hour. It will be bloodstained.. when the stars are lined up correctly. Upon entering. the lights are out. The Dry-Cleaners (#139) There’s a one-hour dry-cleaners on 14th. even if you passed through the back of the building while entering through the rear door and found no signs of life. However. someplace far away from the city. you will find a room full of meat hooks and full of. size eight” The couple will leave. and they will helpfully direct you to another cleaner who can remove any stain. The woman and her husband will stare at you in silence. or you will be mistaken for meat. Instead. Ignore the screaming.Burry the frame deep. that appears closed at all hours. Return home and make yourself a cup of tea to steady your nerves. if you complain to the couple about the loss of an article of clothing. From the outside. meat. Much larger than the city. wind or snow seems to enter through the broken skylight. Third. none of the corners in the city will be quite as dark or foreboding. the store gives way to a cement killing floor that is stained rust-red with blood. Never enter this room shortly after a friend or relative dies.. If you leave. during the daytime it is possible to gain entrance to the drycleaners in three ways: First. You should not venture further than this. Your complaint must he highly specific. His face will break into a smile and he will allow himself to die. No rain. entering through the front door is possible unless the current day is a weekend or holiday. however. but you can. ring the bell on the counter. Slavic inhabitants busy themselves with slicing. try to find the once face in the room whose lips are still moving. The Abattoir (#140) There is an abattoir in the city that is disguised as something else. A few rooms from the entrance. The open sign is dimmed. it looks like a print shop about a block from a mountain equipment co-op. you will be spared. will ask you for news from the front. The interior of the building will be larger than is possible. The man. Remain in the building for an hour. rooms stretching on into eternity. next to a 24 hour film developer. on weekends and holidays the rear door is unlocked. This is where the city’s dead truly go. and it is always a man. and they will return with whatever clothing you complained about. But inside. The familiar bodies in coffins are made of wax in another room still deeper in the abattoir. However. such as “A pair of black jeans from nom de guerre’s winter collection. until the darkness makes its way back. With his last breath. nor is he mentioned in any records kept by the university. The walls have a vaguely yellow patina to them. good fortune will follow you so long as you keep to a strict vegetarian diet. She will not accept money. The narrative tells the story of a German victory in the Second World War and what happened after. furnished with thirty year old chairs and bookcases in the style of the time. but it will be numb to any sensation. PhD in history. Doctor Wiser was an expert on the Second World War. mostly crosses. You will notice that this typewriter is unique for two reasons: it has German character keys. Tantalum is known today for its usage in consumer electronics. If you take a closer look at the books on the shelves. but which will always be cold to the touch. ask the Asian woman who is always found behind the counter for something more special. . However. he will bless you and yours. after your body is fully converted. you must offer her a cross instead. The inside of the office is like a time capsule. The only thing in the room that will appear to be touched by time is the 1930’s typewriter on the desk. you’ll find that the office is actually surprisingly well preserved considering how long it has remained shut. From the moment you put the ring on it will. including fillings. begin to turn your body into a pure white ivory-like material whose unearthly beauty will captivate anyone who looks at it. The jewellery store does carry a few small objects still. one of excellent and bloody pedigree. However. No sign of Doctor Wiser remains. in recent years. you will discover that the office belonged to Earl Wiser. If you look at the degrees hanging on the walls or the books on the shelves. and it is typing the same narrative over and over again without any human interference. if you move the bookcase and open the door. The woman will bring out a selection of rings made from the material and offer to sell you one. The store has. a Greek God who killed his own son. but this is of no significance. fallen on hard times and has began buying any and all gold. For the remainder of your life. where it’s popularly used as a capacitor. but when it is found it will pave the way to something much greater. you’ll notice that the axis won in them too. Instead. You will still be able to move it as though it were your own flesh. The door to the office is painted shut and covered over with a broken bookcase that has been placed there for “storage”. The crosses are of no interest. which were once its specialty. Finding such a cross is a challenge in of itself. Judging by the books on his shelves. bit by bit. The Typewriter (#142) There is a disused office in the basement of the Administration building at the University of Calgary. death will hold no terror for you. The Jewellery Store (#143) There is a small jewellery story on the ground floor of a sandstone building near the Palliser Hotel. Ask her to show you her collection of Tantalum. Tantalum belongs to Tantalus. . and you know all that racist bullshit that disappeared because the companies changed their names? He mentions gassing American partisans in a “coon chicken”. The sewer tunnels will eventually lead you to an aged wooden gate. The cards are a lot of old junk. I need your help with something: post cards. isn’t it? Maybe I’ll read some of them to you later. folded up and glued to the page. This is best done at night to avoid being seen. To get into the village. a small mound that was given over to food preparation. There are whispers amongst the acolytes that the hills of the park itself were erected as a burial mound for the city after some unwritten cataclysm.. I dunno what though. Regardless. and only about forty years off. Pretty usual stuff. only the postcards are dated in the seventies after all that shit disappeared. Matt thinks someone’s “trying to send a message” about something. but in case you’re not there. kitschy pictures of German villages or Hugo Boss army men. except everything’s a little bit wrong. It’s this guy. When he’s not talking about killing.Jess P. a tall. and has degenerated into something quite cruel. that’s basically what They’re all about. The header’s cut off] Hey Sandy. If we can’t figure out what’s up.. . He’s writing home to this girl. The food has been mating and cannibalizing itself for generations. Ever since the equinox I’ve been getting these picture postcards from another place. You know where. All the brands are stuff I’ve never heard of. I’m gonna head over to your place after class. peaked mound where their shaman lived. Avoid the last one. Once down the manhole. I tried to send some scans but it all comes out garbled. begin to walk towards the park. open a nearby manhole and climb down. the mound builders and their secrets are always of great value. The back’s written in English though. . The remains of the village are made of a some crushed mounds and a handful of intact buildings: A long. belonging instead to the mound builders who are so often mistaken for First Nations. Gregg gets pretty spicy. named Gregg. The Village (#149) There is a small village buried beneath Nosehill Park that predates even the first nations. a soldier I think. we can at least have a good time.The Postcards (#145) [This one’s an email.. low mound where the villagers communally slept. Simply push it open and walk through. Sex and Death. And you will have to kill subtly and quietly. although most often they lead to the city made from all the buildings we’ve demolished. Steal something from the park. Perhaps this is why people report ghosts and odd feelings. mostly dingy little places. their innards taxidermied and displayed. Within. Heritage Park (#151) Heritage Park screams wrong to the psyche. There’s a pile of yellow roadmaps next to the cash register. For the most part there’s nothing exceptional about them beyond that the decor hasn’t been upgraded since the early eighties. they will be dead of old age and be drawn into a reflection. a piece of antique crockery from one of the houses. you must reply “I’m lost. It is a town that is not a town. forever. and wait until the day you need it. The place cries out to the mind. you will find a rich history of pictograms carved in the earth and coloured with chalk. anything of sufficient age will do. Store this powder someplace warm and dry. grind it down until it becomes a fine powder or dust. However. . If you try to purchase one. to the word. Never touch this with your bare hands. built from the remains of others. If you want to own one of the maps. If you track one of these side-streets down and drive down it. no doubt due to the mound’s seclusion. you’ll find yourself in one of the other Calgarys. whatever it is. But one station right on the highway that is a little different. you don’t want those. dissolve the powder into water and ensure that they drink or bathe in the resulting gritty mixture. and no great burden for your soul. the world’s immune system floods it. something that’s actually as old as the place. your days are numbered. The colours are remarkably well preserved.” Verbatim. The Gas Station Maps (#150) There’s a chain of gas stations in Calgary. the clerk will say “Oh. Instead. A bit of brick from the wall of the Wainwright. called Fast Gas. When you have the need to kill someone quietly and subtly. Read the pictograms at your pleasure and leave. The streets don’t seem bound to any one of our city’s reflections in particular. if you know the secret of the place. If you cannot smile and murder while you smile. They don’t have the new construction. you can turn this wrong to your advantage. There are no horrible secrets here. I’ll take anything right now. Like an open sore. stuffed. Buildings that should have passed into the city’s reflections remain here. with one major exception: it shows about a half dozen roads that you’ll never have heard of.” He’ll nod and ring one of them up.Instead make for the shaman’s mound. The roadmaps depict Calgary as it was in 1978. Within a week. and if you start to see any stirring or movement in the dark. trapping you for eternity within canvas or clay. If you listen on your birthday. Under no circumstances should you ever use the ink to draw an image that includes yourself. leave the other two for other seekers. ten minutes after every hour. come by night and come alone. the art projects displayed in the room will come to life and pull you back into them. and the voice sounds different to whoever listens. Acquiring a bottle of the ink is difficult. The DJ’s name is never mentioned. the news will change. the events will be from the year to come. The frequency is 104.6. and search for the ink. and the picture will show you his journey to reach you which will end in your death. It sits near the back. Should the ink feel threatened. The White Room (#160) [The note at the top of the page describes this as a transcript of a botched induction tape] . The station identification message mentions the station’s address. but for the most part these three bottles have remained untouched since the late seventies. Satellite radio will not work.The India Ink (#152) There are three bottles of unmarked India ink amongst the other art supplies at Sir John A. hide in a closet or classroom until everyone has left. Instead of being the past day’s headlines. Only take one jar. Macdonald High School. Before midnight. To retrieve the ink. and in the dark you can tell the jars apart from the others because they will feel very. The ink is thicker and darker than normal ink and has a special quality: Whatever is drawn in it will prove prophetic. leave. Approach the cabinet where the supplies are kept slowly. Instead of breaking into the school. the news segment will be made up of events that have happened or will happen to you. Then enter the art room. even if it gets local stations. and only once has it ever been accomplished. very cold to the touch. The Radio Station (#153) Phenomena #153 requires a digital car radio. A line drawing of a person will always depict their current location and situation. Students occasionally use this ink for projects. but the address belongs to a defunct arcade whose only remaining machine is a fortune telling scale. even after death. When driving along the river at night. the events will be those of the past year. a normally unused FM radio frequency will crackle to life. Doing so will create your nemesis. dedicates five minutes to news. Open the cabinet slowly using either The Key or more conventional means of lockpicking. The station plays swing music and. After midnight. and tell you to leave. but if you endure it you’ll never die. The office looks like any other dental practice. The more you walk. When she calls your name. Your teeth will crumble to dust within a week. proceed to exam room one and lock the door behind you. The receptionist is quiet to the point where you may first mistake her for a corpse.. If you tell him you need a cleaning. A long. Four. slow root canal. It’s so warm here. One. he’ll smile and start pulling. shuttering . Lastly. Zero. ED: Ten. and when I get to zero. slowly. The chairs are real leather. so in order to get into the office. You’ll be subjected to the most torturous pain imaginable. Do you understand? NM: I understand.. If you tell him you need a tooth pulled. the door never opens to anyone who took the elevator. and you are walking slowly. then right. Would you like to go there too? The Dentist’s (#161) There is a defunct dental practice on the top floor of the Northland Professional Building near Northland Mall. Now. The building is locked before this. The province continued to undermine public healthcare for over a decade. you get a wish. the province ordered the closure of Calgary General amidst recession and the fear of an unbalanced budget. For every tooth you let him pull from your mouth. you can tell him you need a root canal. Two. Six. nowhere in particular. and the more you close them. Sandy. Nine. Eight. the more certain you are that you’re walking through the walkways. The further and further away the place you want to go becomes and the more aimless you feel. frown. Seven. The Ghost Hospital (#162) In 1994. although noticeably more upscale and dated. Five. you’ll have to hide at the bottom of the basement stairwell until the coast is clear and then sneak up to the top floor.ED: Close your eyes and let your mind wander. You are standing in the +15’s. Your eyes feel heavy. and there’s nothing but the walkway in front of you and the sound of my voice. Use the stairs. you’ll see a door in front of you. it’s opened between the hours of 10 PM and 3 AM Tuesdays through Fridays. SA: The Fuck? Where the fuck did he go? ED: He’s in the white room. Slowly relax to the sound of my voice and follow my words through the city. Three. he’ll investigate your teeth. then left again. Let your body wander too. All the fixtures are ornate and beautifully decorated. Calgary General’s closure was fought tooth and nail as it was the city’s only hospital equipped with an emergency room. Turn left. I’m going to count backwards from ten. The Dentist will ask what you’re in for. Although the door is supposed to be locked. There you’ll meet the Night Dentist. the heavier your body feels. the walls are paneled with mahogany outside of the patient rooms. all of which are painted a garish purple colour. Like people. Certain rituals and preparations outlined elsewhere in my notes can offer preternatural senses and awareness. never eat anything you are offered at the Stampede. mini doughnuts. The magic is old enough it’s no longer religion. although it’s impossible to get to the hospital from there now. Phenomena 163 is not so much a ritual or a landmark. antiquated looking ambulances will start circulating in the city. However. as the rituals that find their homes in other cities sustain them. but unfortunately it remains outside of the superintendant’s power to fix. Calgary General will be as it was in its height: one of the leading medical centres in the country. and tell them you need to get to the hospital. The one stand out is the food. More of one if it’s etched in blood. Fried bread. you must wait until the lock up. he’ll drop you off at Calgary General. these hospitals aren’t truly gone. Unlike the Ambulance. Matt Good was the last good act to hit the Coke Stage and the rest of it is just dull. everything will be about fifteen years out of date. They need the practice. Some acolytes more talented than I have reported being able to see what the men saw before the axe came down. But eating the meat makes you complicit. The rides are shit. Around that time. Instead. However. The Purple Stones (#165) There is an elevator shaft in a downtown apartment building that has been out of order since the late sixties. Should you have taken advantage of these. fall from the top of the shaft once a day with enough force to kill. but a warning. just mechanical. the kind of county-fair fare that everyone remembers eating at the Stampede when they were kids. The rituals performed after hours sustain the city. The ability to read objects and understand. Leaving is. and the taste that what they do to it leaves behind carries with it all the cruelty of fresh blood on the snow. The reason for this is no mechanical problem. but an inexplicable phenomena: fist-sized rocks. Flag one down and board it. Of course. The driver won’t be able to care for your injuries. try this: The old hospital site was in Bridgeland. . The Stampede traces its roots to the pagan rites that farmers new to this country brought with them from their homelands. places can sometimes leave an impression behind. not a paramedic. If you’re ever downtown and you find yourself in need of medical attention. and at least one claims that when the meat touches his tongue. He’s a driver. The Stampede sets up.hospitals across the province and laying off doctors and nurses who are now in short supply. The tenants complain about the sound. They get so few patients. unfortunately. more difficult. he can see what the men saw after. The Meat (#163) Every year. For example. Take the animal to the portion of the warfare exhibit that depicts a knight in a chapel and kill it with a black-handled knife. The figurative meanings of the cards are totally unimportant.By now. a seeker whose reading contained the tower unfortunately met the end of his journey while consulting with the Hassidic Wizards of New York a week after his September Fourth reading yielded only one card: The Tower. Close the mirror (Although it will be awkward granted its position). At night. the rocks have piled high enough that you will have to enter the shaft midway up. entering the blue room is easy: You simply knock. The stones are easy to avoid. avoiding the rocks in the process. probably at around the fourth floor or higher. . The room itself is similarly nondescript: cracking blue paint and furniture that looks like it was purchased a year or two at ikea. Instead. you will see the apparent source of the rocks: A mirror attached to the ceiling with thick roofing nails. Ascend the walls. one of the room’s inhabitants will give you a tarot card reading. These depict a trial you will face over the course of your journey. When you reach the top of the shaft. enter the building that houses the museum and break into the museum itself. no larger than a chicken or a small dog. If you ask politely. or the far left corner when looking into the shaft. The reading uses only the major arcana. The Room is home to three people whose appearances are totally impossible to recall. particularly that of Western European and North American warfare. The Blue Room (#169) There is a room in Hillhurst that only appears during the rain. and acolytes have reported that their readings have often involved cards which they don’t recognize from any modern tarot. The exception is an antique table in the center of the room which appears to date back to the early Victorian era. Bring with you a small animal. focus on the images. using whatever climbing equipment you deem necessary. The room replaces a studio apartment above a local grocery store that boasts “The best Sharma (sic) in town” and shares the apartment’s dimensions. including the one that They will unleash upon you for stalling the stones. The rocks will cease for a time. They tend to the room. Leave the corpse on the ground in the exhibit. and until they resume the building’s residents will reward you for ending the noise with a safe haven from any storm. The Museum (#170) The Glenbow Museum’s permanent exhibits include a small hall that details in very rough terms the history and evolution of warfare. cleaning its furniture and playing host for any new arrivals. as they always fall in the shaft’s northwest corner. Unlike all the other locked rooms. The store has a small deli counter. and the exhibits depict unfamiliar events and places. . The Sidewalk Chalk (#177) Every summer. But once in a while one of the buckets will be white with a black lid. The sole exception is a bucket of some kind of imported fish that’s packed in ice. Smear the blood of your kill on your eyes and look again. or anything else like that. Rarely do dead places persist. Use the clear chalk for hobo signs. Then it will begin to rotate. although most of what is behind it is inevitably a week past due. but strangely carries no oil. When you regain consciousness. Storefronts where nothing lasts. If you see such a bucket. or get demolished to make way for something new. magic circles. Purchase one and leave the store. A moment after the fish has passed your lips. revealing strange. Canadian Tire rolls out these big black buckets of sidewalk chalk with transparent lids. tenements full of dead-eyed people. as it lacks the strength to hold up to the existential onslaught that is to come. most usually described as a Greek. half-dead tone that it’s herring. The Dead Shop (#174) Places are in many ways like people. His store sells fetos and olives and all manner of other imported goods. Although the plaques have long since become illegible. although its location varies from account to account. The store’s source of funds is unknown. Inside there’s an assortment of all the usual colours. The most prominent theory is that it exists for the sake of storage. and so nothing ever grows or changes. you will feel your head getting light. Rarely. these are dead buildings. they can leave ghosts. The work will blur and become iridescent and beautiful. The owner insists in his languid. you will find yourself someplace dusky and dark: an Iberian city choked with seaweed and politics and death. Undead. The whole city is dead. And like people. With each full rotation. they can die. Like people. The decor is markedly less modern. but herring doesn’t have that many teeth. as the building’s existential weight should crush any business out of existence. Do not eat it in the shop itself.Move out to the stairway and look at the piece of tacky installation art in the center. the stairway will expand upwards a floor. they render all attempts to foster any kind of life or vitality or commerce within them moot. There is a dead shop in the city. extra thick. Eat it raw. Inside you’ll find the usual assortment and six clear pieces. Mostly they shrivel up and blow away like leaves on the wind. The facts that are universally agreed upon are simple: It is a small grocery owned by a man of southern European extraction. they have personalities. Like people. nor are they so sharp. these buildings persist in some form or another. So it’s safe. hidden exhibits. each diorama depicts a different event in the secret history. purchase it immediately and bring it home. however. He cannot drink unless it is purchased for him. and most who have tried have perished. waiting to ferry you back to the city after you’ve finished your business. The car moves slowly like a prowling predator until it draws near potential victims. The car will accelerate and seemingly pass through any obstacle unharmed. Never do this in public. Cleverness and whisky are no match for a Smith & Wesson with more than a century of practice behind it. His stock. like most. The Liquor Store (#178) The Liquor Store is nothing special. What he will do is nudge. To see them. break one of the other pieces of chalk. the car will arrive in a different land of the dead and remain. the car will be pacified and its unique properties at the driver’s disposal. The car is responsible for a string of hit-and-run incidents over the past year and a half. he’ll tell you nothing you couldn’t figure out on your own. beyond that the owner is one of us. Every night. There is no agreed-upon method for taking control of the car. you’ll be able to see anything you’ve drawn with it by memory. buy a bottle of Wiser’s Very Old and ask the owner to share it after the store closes. Help you think aloud. as the density of mystic patterns and glyphs in most of Calgary is prone to causing migraines. and he cannot forget unless he drinks. Depending on which direction you turned it. Like most of the dead. at two o’clock. It will stick to the invisible chalk. you won’t make it out the door. before which it was utterly unheard of. The old man who owns the liquor store is fond of cleverness. If you. if he realises what you are trying to do. However. he will owe you a favour. aren’t clever then you will have to ply him with his passion: liquor. it emerges from the parking lot outside Basil’s Pub and begins to drive in a slow circuit around the district. tends towards the sort of drink the awakened favour: strong and cheap.The clear chalk leaves invisible markings. However. consequently. The Mustang (#180) Marda Loop is haunted by night by a Shelby Mustang without a driver. but things other people have drawn will be much better hidden. . or perhaps something more mundane. if you find yourself in the driver’s seat turn the car to face any of the principal compass directions and hit the gas. Forgiveness of a trespass against another practitioner such as those described elsewhere in my notes. Imply. However. If you help him. Insinuate. if one can enter the car and take the wheel. Though he was initiated in the days before days and knows more secrets than God. he may smooth the city’s rough edges for you. whereupon it suddenly accelerates and attempts to strike them. and if you surprise him with your acumen. It will crumble to dust in your grip and the wind will cast it around you. he’s constrained by rules and by customs. If you wish to learn more of the secret history. If you can dance with her until sunrise. She’ll ask you to dance. Her movements will have cast her blood. killing you instantly. Drawer twelve should also never be opened. look for a small red button built into his desk. red blood. or else a patch of his clothing. near the back. Drawer six should never be opened. Although no one else will be able to see it. To get inside. However you enter the building. The applications of this should be obvious. press it and dart through the panel that opens. The Morgue (#186) There is a morgue hidden beneath the coroner’s office by the Colonel Belcher. all over your body and clothing. The wood was originally part of a dance floor. The blood is perpetually fresh regardless of how old the stain is. Carry it with you always. and the autopsy wounds the body bears will soon spread. To get to the stained wood. Decae moves the square every few months to hide it from would-be plunderers. but it was ruined by a splatter of blood that struck it during a violent murder. she’ll vanish with the rays of the sun. Eventually you will find the room with nothing but the square of wood inside. If you find it. White tile that is yellowed with age covers the walls and floor and the drawers are fused shut. Descend the stairs and try not to be bothered by the growing cold. Break from his dried body a small piece of flesh or bone or tooth. Take it outside of the building and set it on the ground. for the rest of your life you will appear bloodstained whenever you look at yourself. . Drawer thirteen contains the body of an illegitimate saint who was martyred when the RCMP raided his home. Eventually you will find yourself in a morgue furnished and fashioned in a turn of the century style. If you break into the corner’s office. It contains the body of whoever opens it. The Key will not do. and nothing dark can touch you. entering the morgue itself is far harder. It contains nothing but burning blood that will fill the room with unquenchable fire. Eddie Decae rents a small space for the storage of a single object too disquieting even for his shop: A small square of wood taken from a downtown ballroom during the twenties. you need some means of picking the building’s locks. keeping up with her dated but vigorous movements. right across from the Point MacKay complex. You have only a short time before you are noticed. break into the storage facility after hours and break open the rooms one by one. it will warp and twist until it forms the image of a flapper with a long and ragged gash on her neck that drools sticky-wet blood over her breasts.The Bloodstain (#181) In a storage building near the highway. as while the morgue survives amongst the ashes. When the moonlight hits the stain. All except three. After excusing his relatives. The elevator will open directly onto a parlour furnished in Edwardian finery. and the contents of the Church’s basement utterly entombed. which has a single row of aging computers. The Purple Room (#188) Enter any of Canada’s railway hotels and check in. Using a special key. Leave the room and check out of the hotel without speaking to anyone else. the porter will open the elevator panel and press a concealed. Refuse. no one will notice the headset unless it is pointed out. he will answer any three questions you ask. Everything in the room: the marble. The young man will leave after extending an invitation to spend the night. What she wil tell you is the story of Earth but not of man. The story of creation and destruction. as will his elder son. Accept and turn in early. The one exception to this is midnight on Saints’ Days that coincide with the full moon. after which she will leave you. the porter will acquiesce and lead you into the elevator. the lot has healed. but no student ever seems to use it. leaving no evidence of the fire behind.The Headset (#187) The Viscount Bennett Center on Richmond Road is home to Chinook Learning and Westmount Charter School. The story of the world itself from the beginning to the end. Her father’s slightest gesture could seal your fate. Instead. The headset will begin to scream. the doors. Bring no luggage and ask specifically for The Purple Room. The telling will take all night. After a few moments of insistence. In the years since. if you put on the headset you will be immediately seized by a sense of nausea and foreboding. The headset plays no sound other than a vague static hiss until you try to type a document on the computer it’s attached to. but his youngest son will come out to meet you. if you start to type the right word it will pause until you’re done typing the word. Though no one has ever tried. rugged headset with a microphone connected to it at all times. Around midnight. it’s assumed that with enough patience one could reconstruct the finished document. The Master of the House will be indisposed. ask her to tell you about herself. However. The headset is never disconnected from the computer. unmarked button. On . and even then the most it will evoke is a shrug and “One of the morning students must have left it”. One of these computers has a large. the Master’s daughter will come into your bed and try to seduce you. Ask to see the master of the House. Unfortunately his answers will only make sense in retrospect. one of the city’s historic churches burned down and left only a vacant lot behind. even the maid who greets you will be some different shade of purple. The two schools share a library. the chairs. However. The Church Basement (#190) Some years ago. The only problem is that the words are in an extinct dialect of French. In fact. this is utterly tangible. Located in this basement room is The Christ. so a daylight or evening break-in is your best chance. The Church will be as it was on the night of the fire. many of which are of more than slight interest. no matter how careful you’ve been. in the vicinity of the lot. It will take a few minutes for your eyes to fully register the interior as you will only be able to perceive the vaguest outline of the room and its furnishings. The break-in will have triggered the owner’s alarms. One drop of his blood is enough to grant the strength to work miracles. None of them are in the correct case. you can escape unharmed in the morning. still bleeding. it could be Margaret Trudeau’s Rolling Stones sex tape. Climb the stairs and enter the church. The Video Store (#192) The video store is old and dingy. approach the altar and cut your hand with a black handled knife. you can lock yourself overnight in one of the booths as he’s long since lost his keys. until you reach the basement. it gave up the ghost last August. it could be any number of different trip recordings from acolyte excursions. The hole into which it sinks has rough walls and should prove easy to climb. Unlike other ghosts. you will find yourself sinking through the earth. Moonlight refracts through naked air and the ghostly image of the church can be seen. and whatever system he uses to decide which cassette goes in which case is incomprehensible. . time slows down and the night grows darker than dark. but the store is never open. Or else. rarities and bootlegs. Bleed atop the altar. As you descend. allowing you to escape. so you only have time to grab a video at random and run. The altar will descend two full storeys. complete with discarded merchandise and sordid video booths at the back. The store’s latter days have left their mark on it. and some years back it transitioned from legitimate rentals to bootlegs and porn in the face of competition with the blockbuster down the street. armed with the video you grabbed. However.these nights. still on his Cross. The basement contains the bones and ashes of a handful of practitioners and priests who have come seeking what you are about to find. He’ll leave at dawn. The owner never enters except late at night. The owner retains his lease. Descend slowly and carefully. If your stomach is strong enough to endure whatever sadistic footage he’s playing. It could be lost footage of the kennedy assassination. Once your eyes have fully adapted. but two will burn you to a cinder. Seeing will become impossible for a time. Instead. with ghostly flames burning the northwest corner. he’ll turn the booth /on/. Finally. should you be courageous. which will slowly recess into the floor. he uses it to store his incredible collection of snuff. Probably a car part of some kind. The Children’s Hospital (#193) [Another email cut out and pasted in the book] The new Children’s Hospital. All those big plate glass windows were opaque. the one that looks like it’s all made of lego blocks and shit? Have you ever gone in there at night. as that is the owner’s specialty. And I swear to god (Well. let’s go this Friday. fuck. Break into the trunk and grab the first thing you can lay your hands on. take a look at whatever you’ve managed to pilfer. and then it will all be over. it will fit into any machine. Then run. but the owner comes in frequently to fool around with the engine on her car. I’m not going to stick around in a place like that when everything starts getting creepy. Sand-Man? I’ll take you next time I go. But it will feel warm and supple to the touch. the one Eddie gave me when he was hitting on me in that cute turn of the century way? It started burning. They rarely do any business. sweat and metal. more like glass slides with blood caught between them than windows.Or it could be a home-made snuff tape of the last acolyte to be caught. but the place was a goddamn maze. Sand-Man) but the halls were all foggy. So I started to try to walk through the fog because. although mostly she sits in the front seat and reads. If you can sneak past her into the ratty lot where she keeps a handful of mouldering cars for parts. of course. When you get home. maybe not to GOD) that I was being followed. find you. The ring I keep in the pocket. but I couldn’t get the damn thing off. With enough effort. It will be mechanical. When you make your way into the lot. Disguise yourself in the scents of the autobody shop: motor oil. Like most acolytes. you will be rewarded for your efforts. I was going there the other day to try and break into the pharmacy (save the lecture. Don’t bother with sneaking. I’ll meet you at Sunnyside Station and we’ll catch the train up there together. At least. her sense of smell is highly honed. not without a shitload of backup. and confer upon it a blessing potent enough to explain why she hordes them so jealously. She will hear you. But by something. so I was trying to get out. We’ll break in the same way I got in. It has to be seen to be believed. This is harder than it sounds. Look. Peace and Chicken Grease Nick Maharis The Autobody Shop (#197) There is an Autobody shop in Montgomery that specialises in outdated and obsolete models. Anyways. By what? I dunno. look for a tireless convertible. . the stores stock things that never made it. The lights never seem to go on. Unfortunately. there’s something wrong with one of the booths. The Other Mall (#199) Some of the stores in Northland Mall are open at two ends. Carelessly. The building never advertises any vacancies. Instead. who will offer you something that isn’t printed on human skin. Product ideas that died on the table. Instead. except the stores are all wrong.The Apartment Tower (#198) There is an apartment tower near the C-train line that is always dark at night. and offer you his hospitality. The staircase itself is tall and long and steep. one of the clothing stores that’s like this closed up the path by installing a set of changing booths and mirrored cheap plywood wall covered in mirrors so that the other half of the store could be lent to another tenant. but for the most part. as though it were still alive. Instead of stocking normal goods. You’ll find yourself in the Other mall. Some of the sheets have faces. Don’t touch it. or if they do. or even normal goods that have gone out of style. or it will release its spores. It’s entirely possible you’ll be left with nothing but a wrinkled John Grisham. The products are even weirder. The building’s front door is always locked. The Other Mall looks just the same as a regular mall. letting customers pass through them while cutting from one side of the mall to the other. you will find a man on a throne made of men holding awkward poses and contortions. Never Ever leave the staircase until you reach the top floor. showing three rows of teeth. and a steady stream of blood flows down it from the top. and in fact almost never gives any outward signs of being inhabited at all. . the room on the other side is shin-deep in blood. Do not let it close behind you. he’ll throw whatever he’s currently reading at you. it feels warm and moist. He will smile at you. and leave the booth. but the side door that opens onto a nearby alley opens with ease. The walls of the top floor have been broken out and have been replaced with screens made of dried skin. However. every defunct company from the last twenty years. Bring whatever book he gives you to Eddie Decae. You do not want to stay in the tower like the rest of these poor souls. his reading material is far more interesting and esoteric.. go through the door into the main hallway of the top floor. If you touch it. Recently. A&A Records. bleeding tumour five feet across that has been nailed to the wall. Eaton’s. At the center of this hall. tell him you want to borrow a book. Woolworth’s. they never do on the north face. Do not accept. Once you reach the top of the stairs. you will see its source: A pulsating. no matter what you hear or see. Close the door behind you and begin to ascend the stairs. Turn around thrice anti-clockwise. Enter the third booth from the left and be sure to bring a sack lunch. . The only problem is getting anything back with you. Appliances that never break down. Home Cold Fusion. The cure for Cancer. you can sometimes find a product that should have made it but didn’t.Amidst piles of anatomically correct dolls and surprisingly sharp-edged jewellery. You don’t want to know what they do to shoplifters on the other side. amidst sweaters with three sleeves and all the other defective garbage. Anything that THEY’RE using the other mall to hide.